September 3, 2023 • 22 mins
Are you ready to embark on a transformative journey of faith, resilience, and self-discovery? Join us on an engaging conversation with Kyle Golden, a Southern Illinois man whose life has been a whirlwind of life-altering events this year. From undergoing baptism with his wife to becoming expectant parents and experiencing spiritual growth, Kyle's narrative is truly inspirational. He'll share his process of internal self-improvement, which he dubs as "Doing the Work," and how it has molded his life.
Kyle will also open up about his personal journey towards better mental health, drawing light to the significance of "Doing the Work." Hear his empowering story of working with Tina Porter, a counselor from his church, who played a pivotal role in navigating him towards a healthier mindset. Furthermore, he'll touch on the cultivation of a brotherhood relationship, early morning prayers, and how these spiritual discourses provide a sanctuary for men to relate to their personal stories and paths. Don't miss out on this compelling episode that's sure to inspire and uplift you!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You got a special guest here that I want to
introduce to everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Hey, listen, listen, listen.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
We got the one, the only my man who can bench press
your dreams, my man who lovesGod more than he loves Oreo
cookies.
My man, listen, we got.
We got the guy on here, man heis.
He's done more this year than Iknow in a lot of people.
I mean from getting married tothe Lord, just doing great work
(00:31):
in his life.
This man has been doing thework.
He's a.
He's a wonder in SouthernIllinois, and I am.
I am forever grateful to knowthis man, and I'm talking about
none other than my brother, kyleman.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Let's get it, let's get it.
I don't even know how torespond to an introduction like
that.
Listen, I.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I, um I listen to my favorite rappers, kb, and I
listened to his podcastSouthside Rabbi.
Oh, don't be hitting Southside.
Hey, y'all check out SouthsideRabbi on YouTube or.
Spotify wherever I tune, buthis podcast, him and his friend,
I mean, and uh, they introducedeach other and they try to get
(01:14):
like, they try to go over thetop and whatever.
Because the Lord says letothers esteem you higher than
you esteem yourself.
So I want to make that acustomary practice on my podcast
, where I esteem my brothershigher than anyone else, because
that's what they mean to me.
Get it.
So look, if y'all don't know,this podcast is definitely for
(01:39):
men from our brothers.
But we all know when you putstuff up on the internet,
anybody can watch it, anybodycan benefit from it.
And we're not going to say thatwomen can't benefit from the
truths that we share and thethings that we um uh develop,
but we're speaking directly toour brothers because we want God
to work in their lives likenever before, and women look, we
(02:00):
want God to work in you guys'lives too.
But we're here for the fellasand man.
So the fellas for the fellas.
Look so, kyle.
Kyle, introduce yourself to theaudience.
Man, just let us know a littlebit about yourself and a little
bit about how we connected, howwe connect.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Show about yourself and how you were introduced.
So, uh, like Carol said, kyleGolden, um, from around this
area.
Uh, salon O'Noye, born and bornand raised.
Um, yes, uh, a lot has happenedin this last, just these past.
First couple of eight months umbaptism, marriage, son on the
(02:42):
way got a son come to November.
God bless that.
Um, my wife got baptized, mystepson got baptized.
Yeah, the Holy Spirit reallymoving through my household,
come on, but uh, in that, likeI'm not going to say it's all
sunshine and rainbows, yeah, Umit's not, it's not um.
(03:04):
there were definitely somestruggles there, uh yeah.
Some, uh, some, some true uh,soul searching.
I guess you could say yes, umand uh.
I guess how my journey came isuh moved down to uh Texas and uh
, big state, the big state,texas.
That barbecue down there Behidden.
(03:25):
Hey, I'm here to tell you.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
I think Texas should be the show me state and not
Missouri.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Thanks, oh, I didn't know, missouri was a show me
state.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
That's what I mean.
It's a show me state, butthat's beside the point.
That's besides the point.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Anyways.
Um so we just wait a minute.
We're just going to getcompletely real raw with this.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Yes, man go ahead, so so.
So this podcast is called doingthe work, yeah, and before you
get started, so you should havea little bit about yourself.
My man's, he's, he's, he'snewly married, uh, expecting uh
to be a father, and um wasrecently baptized and your walk
with the Lord has just kind oftaken off, oh, yeah, it's just
(04:04):
kind of taken off.
So, and um, and doing the wordpodcast.
What I want people tounderstand is that the idea
behind this podcast, right, wasa combination of things.
One it was.
My spiritual mother was like yo,you and your wife need to do a
podcast.
And I was like, all right, atsome point we'll do one.
(04:26):
But then, man, just from theconversations that my brothers
and I have in our morningprayers, it'd be so live y'all
Morning like y'all gonna meet myother brother, stan, who, like
it, started with Stan, then Kylejoined and I got a couple of
(04:46):
other brothers that I conversewith in the morning for prayer
and for other things.
But our conversation, Stan, waslike you look, man, we need to
record this stuff.
This stuff is helping people,like this stuff will help some
people and I was like man youknow he's like you writing this
down.
I'm like no man, I'm notwriting this down.
We're praying because I'm notwriting this down.
(05:09):
And he was like, man, you needto really write this down
because this is some good stuff.
You say, matter of fact, youneed to be record-ness.
And I was like I don't knowabout all that man, I'm just
talking.
I gotta agree with him, man.
And my brother, kyle, wassaying the same thing.
And so the Lord was dealing withme and was like, look, man, men
want a safe place where theycan see men being men, but they
(05:32):
can also see themselves in theirstories and they can see
themselves in their journey, andthe Lord wants to use that to
help others.
And so I was like, all right.
So the foundation, the premiseof this podcast is conversations
that we've had in prayer, andwe're basically just gonna bring
(05:56):
those conversations on air.
So, yes, we're gonna be real,we're gonna be authentic and
we're gonna be vulnerable andwe're gonna talk through some
things to let people really knowwhat we're talking about and so
that they can relate to it too.
So, with that being said, doingthe work.
So I've been reading a lot ofbooks about mental health
(06:17):
because I'm finishing up mymental health certification.
Hey, yeah, yeah, had that toogood.
Yes, so I'm gonna be officiallya certified mental health coach
Gossman really dealt with mewith mental health and
especially in the realm of menand children, and so doing the
(06:42):
work is kind of like slang formental health.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
I didn't know that.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
To me, doing the work is like getting that money.
I've been believed, I'm alreadyknowing, but doing the work is
basically not running from whatGod is highlighting and leaning
into what's uncomfortable anddifficult, regardless of what
he's highlighting is good or ifit's bad.
If it's good or if it's bad,lean into it, because we gotta
(07:08):
give it all to it.
There's a reason for it.
So, doing the work is basicallydoing the things that is
necessary to put yourself andthose around you in a better
mental state, emotional stateand just an overall state of
wellness and wholeness.
And so my question for you, bro, is what does doing the work
(07:30):
mean to you in the context ofyour mental and spiritual health
, and how has this approachhelped you reshape your life?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
I'd say to me doing the work.
It all started when I stoppedtrying to stop trying to do work
on things externally andstarted working on things
internally.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
There it is, man.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
And where that, when that?
Truly, because I'm not gonnalie, when I moved back from
Texas, I was in a very, very badmental state.
Yes, very bad mental state.
Spiritually, physically,mentally, it just that was bad.
Yes, it was all bad, and praisethe Lord that we have a special
lady at our church, yes, and bythe name of.
(08:20):
Can I?
Speaker 1 (08:20):
use her name on here.
Yeah, we're gonna be refer,we're gonna be refer and I'm
pretty sure her husband gonna beon here at some point too.
Oh, yes, we're gonna have bothof them on here.
Okay, all right, she workedwith me.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Okay, then I can use her name.
Her name is Tina Porter.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Yes, and yes, miss, look, look, if y'all, if y'all
want to, if y'all in theSouthern Illinois area and y'all
want to do that, work like on aFerrell.
Ferrell like when I'm gonnacertify, I'm gonna help y'all
out.
But Ferrell like Miss Tina,tina Porter, yo, she's, she's.
(08:52):
Look, when it comes to mentalhealth, I'm gonna just say it,
yo, she, she on ghost status,man Like that's, that's straight
up, miss.
Tina look, shout out, shout outto Inspire Hope, counseling
ministries, man.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
AP3, baby AP3.
Go them threes up, yes.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
So yeah, man, so you did the work.
One of your first steps indoing the work, man, was
actually having the courage togo and get help in a
professional capacity.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Because you know, as men you're taught to be strong
do it yourself, don't handle it,this, this and that.
And I was trying to handle itand let me tell you it wasn't,
it wasn't working out, it wasn'thappening.
And my wife said because sheactually grew up with Tina's
children, nice, and just sohappens, we all go to the same
(09:41):
church.
And so I'm thinking, all right,well, let's go to it, let's try
it out.
And it was the first time Itruly put my feelings out there
and what I went through.
And in doing that and gettingvulnerable, I got free listen.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Listen, I got free.
I know I told you this, but I'mgonna tell this for the, for
the, for the viewers and for thelisteners.
When you willing to do thatwork, you go through the levels
of freedom and it starts withtransparency.
Transparency is what I let yousee, mm-hmm, I'm letting you see
me in real life, what they say,what the kids say.
(10:20):
I'm letting you see me at 4k.
I Let you see me in 4k.
That's transparency.
Vulnerability is what I let youknow.
So when I'm being transparent,I'm letting you see everything,
or as much as I'm willing to betransparent.
When I'm being vulnerable, I'msharing with you why you see
(10:43):
what you see.
Yeah, so when I'm beingtransparent and you see me
yelling, you're like man, thisdude is just a mean little no.
But when I'm being vulnerable,I'm letting you know why.
I'm giving you information toput the transparency in context.
But then you go even furtherand you get to accountability.
Yes, sir, accountability is now.
(11:04):
I'm being transparent, I'mbeing vulnerable.
And then I handed to you foryou to hold yes, and that's when
you say hold me accountable.
Whatever I give you is what I'mgiving you permission to hold
me accountable for.
So if I say look, man, this iswhat I'm struggling with and
this is what it looks like whenI'm struggling.
Then I'm giving this to you andsaying man, when you see this,
(11:26):
call me out on it, keep meaccountable, make sure that I'm
you know I'm saying, I'm doingwhat I need to be doing.
That's accountability.
But freedom, freedom is when Ihave nothing to hide.
That's right.
When I have nothing to hide, Imean you could keep me
accountable all you want to,because I'm letting it all out
anyway.
I'm already know.
(11:48):
You can put it out there and I'mjust like, look, man, I'm free.
Yeah, I'm like like you couldbe free and still in a process.
But the fact that when you,when you go through those steps
of being transparent, beingvulnerable, being accountable,
there's true freedom therebecause you don't have anything
to hide and we have nothing tohide, that's true freedom.
(12:08):
Yeah, I agree.
Ah, so, man, look, that's it,that's that, come on, that is
the first step to doing the work.
And that's what you said, man.
You got vulnerable, you gottransparent, you share what you
need to share.
And that freedom and I'm notsaying don't get me wrong like,
like, if y'all listen to say oh,yeah, easy, or said and done
I'm not saying it's gonna beeasy, no, there's a process.
(12:30):
It's yeah, there's a processfor freedom, mm-hmm.
But when there's no longeranything to hide, that process
goes a little faster, it's alittle simpler.
Yeah, yeah, my back go ahead.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
But, um, now you're good.
In that process, though Eachsession I started letting her Be
a little bit more vulnerableletting her hold a little bit
more, a little bit more, alittle bit more.
And in that I found that I wassuffering from trauma, mm-hmm
from Texas and the legalsituation.
(13:04):
I had my big mama down thereand everything, and In that
trauma it was affecting myengagement, my relationship of
my stepson.
Yeah, I just completely shutoff.
Yeah, and then shutting thatoff, I almost I even shut shut
it off to the Lord as well,mm-hmm.
I Really went to a dark place,but in that I found freedom, and
(13:26):
one of the things I spoke withher about is she's like well,
what do you want out of this?
I was like I just want to befree from this.
Mm-hmm, I don't want to livelike this, no more.
I want to have a good goodrelationship with my son, my
fiance at the time.
Yeah Lord behold, I was gonnabe convicted and I was gonna get
married real quick real quick.
We'll get to that, real we'llget to that.
We'll get to that later.
(13:48):
But, um, in that I Just I trulygot that sense of giving that
weight of somebody else to holdfor the first time and it truly
(14:08):
I'm not gonna lie because in thepast you know, you say you got
your friends this and that andyou ask them to hold something
for you hold a little bit ofaccounting, but they don't hold
you accountable for it.
That's right they don't, butthis woman held me accountable,
listen.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
I'm telling you she's not the dude, but she's the
dude.
She is the go-to counselor man.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Yes, she's been in the game for a minute, a minute,
and she has dealt with traumaof her own.
Yes, so she.
I don't know if it's out yet,but I know she had a book coming
out about that.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
No, it's not out, but she's finished.
She hasn't really said anythingabout it yet.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Okay, okay, okay, I know she said something about it
, but no.
One of the things we spokeabout in my last sessions is I
was like I want men of God tocome into my life.
I was like I'm sick of thesefake friends who just want me
for a season or reason like Iwant a true man of God in my
(15:08):
life.
This was on a Monday.
Week goes by that Sunday Ihaven't done an altar call, and
I don't know how long.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
A minute.
A minute, good, long minute.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Pastor Jason, shout out.
Pastor Jason, yeah, yeah, I'mgoing to speak on him later.
That man convicted me.
He says he didn't, but I swearhe convicted me.
We'll get to that.
But altar call, and I feel thistug to come forward.
Just filled me tugging and Ilook at Livio.
I was like here I go.
Livio is my fiance.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Well, wife she's right now, fiance at the time,
wife now.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
I just felt that pull and when I went forward, I just
fell to my knees and startedcrying.
And as I was on my hands andknees crying, I started feeling
hands touching me, Hands on myshoulders hands on my back,
hands on my chest.
And I just heard men speakingin a heavily language.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
And it just I felt uplifted.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I stand up, I turn around.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Who do I see?
One of the brothers is righthere.
Let's go See this brother here.
Another brother by the name ofStan Jackson.
He'll be here later.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Another brother, Aaron.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Porter Tina.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Porter's husband, michael DePriese.
Yeah, another brother, elwinSmith.
Another brother, my de-slapshipgroup.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Taylor Morris yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
And you know, the funny thing about it is, I talk
to these dudes on the daily.
They hold me accountable, Ihold them accountable and it's a
true, it's a true brotherhood,kingdom, kingdom brotherhood,
and that's something that Iprayed for and I longed for and
the Lord and the Lord gave it tome.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Dude, that's awesome.
I remember.
I remember when I first saw you, man, and I, just before y'all
was sitting in the middle, y'allwas sitting on the side, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Yeah, yeah, we straight moved from.
Like we first moved in the backand the back and then we moved
to the side.
The next thing I know I'm tworows behind Pastor Jason,
everybody.
I'm like I don't know whathappened.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Yes, so I remember when I first saw y'all sitting
on the side over there in theback and the Lord was like go,
go tell them that they're likego and give them a word about
their relationship.
I was like man.
I was like man.
I'm trying to get home.
(17:37):
I don't even know these catsLike and because of the word
that the Lord gave me, I justassumed that you guys were
married.
I didn't know that you wasn'tmarried at the time and I was
just like I'll make this quick,I'm going to get this chicken.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Oh, you're talking about.
We went to.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
No, this before.
Okay, okay and so I was justlike I went up to you guys, I
was like, hey, man, my name'sHarold and I just want to pray
and give y'all this word.
And the Lord said this, thisand that.
And yeah, man, see y'all around.
And I didn't know.
Honestly, I thought that wasthe extent of, like, my
assignment.
And then, when you went on tothe altar, was that the day that
(18:21):
I that I told you aboutconnected with?
Speaker 2 (18:23):
you.
Yeah, we shared information.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
You said man let's connect so for y'all who don't
know, man I'm, I'm real low keyat church.
Well, I won't say low key.
I'm loud before service andafter service because I'm like I
like meeting people and talkingto people and everything like
that.
But when it comes to likeservice, like the actual service
(18:45):
, I'd be chilling and I don't betrying to like do a lot.
Because, I just I'll be justtrying to be like, look, man,
I'm just trying to get, get whatI can to get, and just and just
bounce.
But the Lord was dealing withme, man, and I'm like man, I
ain't trying to be in people'slives because I don't want to be
, I don't want to be trying todo stuff.
(19:07):
But the Lord was like yo, youneed to connect with him and not
only connect, but like build areal brotherhood relationship.
And I was like yo, I don't knowif he, if he, won't that type
of love, because I'm differentwhen it comes to like you know,
like I'm.
I'm different when it comes tolike real brotherhood
(19:28):
relationships.
I'm like either you in it oryou're not.
And so I was just like I'm just,I'm just feeling that I'm just
like.
I'm just like I'm just if I,you and your girl, to come eat
with me, you and your girl andyour, your son, to come eat with
me and my kids and my wife, andwe're just going to fill this
(19:49):
thing out, man.
And then, before you know it,man, we were prayer partners,
we're sharing, we're sharingtestimonies, we're we're growing
, we getting vulnerable andletting each other know what
we're dealing with and how theLord is dealing with us and it's
becoming, and it has became,something that I actually look
(20:11):
forward to For sure.
Like and for you either, don'tknow.
Like me and my bro, we're earlybirds, early Like my alarm go
off at 3am Three.
My alarm go off at 3am too.
This man usually texts me 15minutes later, 315 to 330's that
window.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I'musually getting, that initial
(20:34):
text message, and if I replybefore like four, then he like
all right, he's up, he's up.
If I don't, he's like all right, this guy's slacking yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
This man let me down.
This morning, man, I was mad.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Man, I had every intention on getting up, man, it
was just you know, I just needsome rest.
But man yeah, so that's so.
I'm encouraged, man.
I'm encouraged by how you, howyou've done the work, man, how
you take, how you took thatinitial step to to get
counseling, to get assistance,to navigate the area that you
(21:06):
were in and that trauma came upand that the things that the,
that the enemy was using to kindof really keep you isolated and
and enclosed.
You got a special guest here that I want to
introduce to everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Hey, listen, listen, listen.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
We got the one, the only my man who can bench press
your dreams, my man who lovesGod more than he loves Oreo
cookies.
My man, listen, we got.
We got the guy on here, man heis.
He's done more this year than Iknow in a lot of people.
I mean from getting married tothe Lord, just doing great work
(00:31):
in his life.
This man has been doing thework.
He's a.
He's a wonder in SouthernIllinois, and I am.
I am forever grateful to knowthis man, and I'm talking about
none other than my brother, kyleman.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Let's get it, let's get it.
I don't even know how torespond to an introduction like
that.
Listen, I.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I, um I listen to my favorite rappers, kb, and I
listened to his podcastSouthside Rabbi.
Oh, don't be hitting Southside.
Hey, y'all check out SouthsideRabbi on YouTube or.
Spotify wherever I tune, buthis podcast, him and his friend,
I mean, and uh, they introducedeach other and they try to get
(01:14):
like, they try to go over thetop and whatever.
Because the Lord says letothers esteem you higher than
you esteem yourself.
So I want to make that acustomary practice on my podcast
, where I esteem my brothershigher than anyone else, because
that's what they mean to me.
Get it.
So look, if y'all don't know,this podcast is definitely for
(01:39):
men from our brothers.
But we all know when you putstuff up on the internet,
anybody can watch it, anybodycan benefit from it.
And we're not going to say thatwomen can't benefit from the
truths that we share and thethings that we um uh develop,
but we're speaking directly toour brothers because we want God
to work in their lives likenever before, and women look, we
(02:00):
want God to work in you guys'lives too.
But we're here for the fellasand man.
So the fellas for the fellas.
Look so, kyle.
Kyle, introduce yourself to theaudience.
Man, just let us know a littlebit about yourself and a little
bit about how we connected, howwe connect.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Show about yourself and how you were introduced.
So, uh, like Carol said, kyleGolden, um, from around this
area.
Uh, salon O'Noye, born and bornand raised.
Um, yes, uh, a lot has happenedin this last, just these past.
First couple of eight months umbaptism, marriage, son on the
(02:42):
way got a son come to November.
God bless that.
Um, my wife got baptized, mystepson got baptized.
Yeah, the Holy Spirit reallymoving through my household,
come on, but uh, in that, likeI'm not going to say it's all
sunshine and rainbows, yeah, Umit's not, it's not um.
(03:04):
there were definitely somestruggles there, uh yeah.
Some, uh, some, some true uh,soul searching.
I guess you could say yes, umand uh.
I guess how my journey came isuh moved down to uh Texas and uh
, big state, the big state,texas.
That barbecue down there Behidden.
(03:25):
Hey, I'm here to tell you.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
I think Texas should be the show me state and not
Missouri.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Thanks, oh, I didn't know, missouri was a show me
state.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
That's what I mean.
It's a show me state, butthat's beside the point.
That's besides the point.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Anyways.
Um so we just wait a minute.
We're just going to getcompletely real raw with this.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Yes, man go ahead, so so.
So this podcast is called doingthe work, yeah, and before you
get started, so you should havea little bit about yourself.
My man's, he's, he's, he'snewly married, uh, expecting uh
to be a father, and um wasrecently baptized and your walk
with the Lord has just kind oftaken off, oh, yeah, it's just
(04:04):
kind of taken off.
So, and um, and doing the wordpodcast.
What I want people tounderstand is that the idea
behind this podcast, right, wasa combination of things.
One it was.
My spiritual mother was like yo,you and your wife need to do a
podcast.
And I was like, all right, atsome point we'll do one.
(04:26):
But then, man, just from theconversations that my brothers
and I have in our morningprayers, it'd be so live y'all
Morning like y'all gonna meet myother brother, stan, who, like
it, started with Stan, then Kylejoined and I got a couple of
(04:46):
other brothers that I conversewith in the morning for prayer
and for other things.
But our conversation, Stan, waslike you look, man, we need to
record this stuff.
This stuff is helping people,like this stuff will help some
people and I was like man youknow he's like you writing this
down.
I'm like no man, I'm notwriting this down.
We're praying because I'm notwriting this down.
(05:09):
And he was like, man, you needto really write this down
because this is some good stuff.
You say, matter of fact, youneed to be record-ness.
And I was like I don't knowabout all that man, I'm just
talking.
I gotta agree with him, man.
And my brother, kyle, wassaying the same thing.
And so the Lord was dealing withme and was like, look, man, men
want a safe place where theycan see men being men, but they
(05:32):
can also see themselves in theirstories and they can see
themselves in their journey, andthe Lord wants to use that to
help others.
And so I was like, all right.
So the foundation, the premiseof this podcast is conversations
that we've had in prayer, andwe're basically just gonna bring
(05:56):
those conversations on air.
So, yes, we're gonna be real,we're gonna be authentic and
we're gonna be vulnerable andwe're gonna talk through some
things to let people really knowwhat we're talking about and so
that they can relate to it too.
So, with that being said, doingthe work.
So I've been reading a lot ofbooks about mental health
(06:17):
because I'm finishing up mymental health certification.
Hey, yeah, yeah, had that toogood.
Yes, so I'm gonna be officiallya certified mental health coach
Gossman really dealt with mewith mental health and
especially in the realm of menand children, and so doing the
(06:42):
work is kind of like slang formental health.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
I didn't know that.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
To me, doing the work is like getting that money.
I've been believed, I'm alreadyknowing, but doing the work is
basically not running from whatGod is highlighting and leaning
into what's uncomfortable anddifficult, regardless of what
he's highlighting is good or ifit's bad.
If it's good or if it's bad,lean into it, because we gotta
(07:08):
give it all to it.
There's a reason for it.
So, doing the work is basicallydoing the things that is
necessary to put yourself andthose around you in a better
mental state, emotional stateand just an overall state of
wellness and wholeness.
And so my question for you, bro, is what does doing the work
(07:30):
mean to you in the context ofyour mental and spiritual health
, and how has this approachhelped you reshape your life?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
I'd say to me doing the work.
It all started when I stoppedtrying to stop trying to do work
on things externally andstarted working on things
internally.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
There it is, man.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
And where that, when that?
Truly, because I'm not gonnalie, when I moved back from
Texas, I was in a very, very badmental state.
Yes, very bad mental state.
Spiritually, physically,mentally, it just that was bad.
Yes, it was all bad, and praisethe Lord that we have a special
lady at our church, yes, and bythe name of.
(08:20):
Can I?
Speaker 1 (08:20):
use her name on here.
Yeah, we're gonna be refer,we're gonna be refer and I'm
pretty sure her husband gonna beon here at some point too.
Oh, yes, we're gonna have bothof them on here.
Okay, all right, she workedwith me.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Okay, then I can use her name.
Her name is Tina Porter.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Yes, and yes, miss, look, look, if y'all, if y'all
want to, if y'all in theSouthern Illinois area and y'all
want to do that, work like on aFerrell.
Ferrell like when I'm gonnacertify, I'm gonna help y'all
out.
But Ferrell like Miss Tina,tina Porter, yo, she's, she's.
(08:52):
Look, when it comes to mentalhealth, I'm gonna just say it,
yo, she, she on ghost status,man Like that's, that's straight
up, miss.
Tina look, shout out, shout outto Inspire Hope, counseling
ministries, man.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
AP3, baby AP3.
Go them threes up, yes.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
So yeah, man, so you did the work.
One of your first steps indoing the work, man, was
actually having the courage togo and get help in a
professional capacity.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Because you know, as men you're taught to be strong
do it yourself, don't handle it,this, this and that.
And I was trying to handle itand let me tell you it wasn't,
it wasn't working out, it wasn'thappening.
And my wife said because sheactually grew up with Tina's
children, nice, and just sohappens, we all go to the same
(09:41):
church.
And so I'm thinking, all right,well, let's go to it, let's try
it out.
And it was the first time Itruly put my feelings out there
and what I went through.
And in doing that and gettingvulnerable, I got free listen.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Listen, I got free.
I know I told you this, but I'mgonna tell this for the, for
the, for the viewers and for thelisteners.
When you willing to do thatwork, you go through the levels
of freedom and it starts withtransparency.
Transparency is what I let yousee, mm-hmm, I'm letting you see
me in real life, what they say,what the kids say.
(10:20):
I'm letting you see me at 4k.
I Let you see me in 4k.
That's transparency.
Vulnerability is what I let youknow.
So when I'm being transparent,I'm letting you see everything,
or as much as I'm willing to betransparent.
When I'm being vulnerable, I'msharing with you why you see
(10:43):
what you see.
Yeah, so when I'm beingtransparent and you see me
yelling, you're like man, thisdude is just a mean little no.
But when I'm being vulnerable,I'm letting you know why.
I'm giving you information toput the transparency in context.
But then you go even furtherand you get to accountability.
Yes, sir, accountability is now.
(11:04):
I'm being transparent, I'mbeing vulnerable.
And then I handed to you foryou to hold yes, and that's when
you say hold me accountable.
Whatever I give you is what I'mgiving you permission to hold
me accountable for.
So if I say look, man, this iswhat I'm struggling with and
this is what it looks like whenI'm struggling.
Then I'm giving this to you andsaying man, when you see this,
(11:26):
call me out on it, keep meaccountable, make sure that I'm
you know I'm saying, I'm doingwhat I need to be doing.
That's accountability.
But freedom, freedom is when Ihave nothing to hide.
That's right.
When I have nothing to hide, Imean you could keep me
accountable all you want to,because I'm letting it all out
anyway.
I'm already know.
(11:48):
You can put it out there and I'mjust like, look, man, I'm free.
Yeah, I'm like like you couldbe free and still in a process.
But the fact that when you,when you go through those steps
of being transparent, beingvulnerable, being accountable,
there's true freedom therebecause you don't have anything
to hide and we have nothing tohide, that's true freedom.
(12:08):
Yeah, I agree.
Ah, so, man, look, that's it,that's that, come on, that is
the first step to doing the work.
And that's what you said, man.
You got vulnerable, you gottransparent, you share what you
need to share.
And that freedom and I'm notsaying don't get me wrong like,
like, if y'all listen to say oh,yeah, easy, or said and done
I'm not saying it's gonna beeasy, no, there's a process.
(12:30):
It's yeah, there's a processfor freedom, mm-hmm.
But when there's no longeranything to hide, that process
goes a little faster, it's alittle simpler.
Yeah, yeah, my back go ahead.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
But, um, now you're good.
In that process, though Eachsession I started letting her Be
a little bit more vulnerableletting her hold a little bit
more, a little bit more, alittle bit more.
And in that I found that I wassuffering from trauma, mm-hmm
from Texas and the legalsituation.
(13:04):
I had my big mama down thereand everything, and In that
trauma it was affecting myengagement, my relationship of
my stepson.
Yeah, I just completely shutoff.
Yeah, and then shutting thatoff, I almost I even shut shut
it off to the Lord as well,mm-hmm.
I Really went to a dark place,but in that I found freedom, and
(13:26):
one of the things I spoke withher about is she's like well,
what do you want out of this?
I was like I just want to befree from this.
Mm-hmm, I don't want to livelike this, no more.
I want to have a good goodrelationship with my son, my
fiance at the time.
Yeah Lord behold, I was gonnabe convicted and I was gonna get
married real quick real quick.
We'll get to that, real we'llget to that.
We'll get to that later.
(13:48):
But, um, in that I Just I trulygot that sense of giving that
weight of somebody else to holdfor the first time and it truly
(14:08):
I'm not gonna lie because in thepast you know, you say you got
your friends this and that andyou ask them to hold something
for you hold a little bit ofaccounting, but they don't hold
you accountable for it.
That's right they don't, butthis woman held me accountable,
listen.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
I'm telling you she's not the dude, but she's the
dude.
She is the go-to counselor man.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Yes, she's been in the game for a minute, a minute,
and she has dealt with traumaof her own.
Yes, so she.
I don't know if it's out yet,but I know she had a book coming
out about that.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
No, it's not out, but she's finished.
She hasn't really said anythingabout it yet.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Okay, okay, okay, I know she said something about it
, but no.
One of the things we spokeabout in my last sessions is I
was like I want men of God tocome into my life.
I was like I'm sick of thesefake friends who just want me
for a season or reason like Iwant a true man of God in my
(15:08):
life.
This was on a Monday.
Week goes by that Sunday Ihaven't done an altar call, and
I don't know how long.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
A minute.
A minute, good, long minute.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Pastor Jason, shout out.
Pastor Jason, yeah, yeah, I'mgoing to speak on him later.
That man convicted me.
He says he didn't, but I swearhe convicted me.
We'll get to that.
But altar call, and I feel thistug to come forward.
Just filled me tugging and Ilook at Livio.
I was like here I go.
Livio is my fiance.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Well, wife she's right now, fiance at the time,
wife now.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
I just felt that pull and when I went forward, I just
fell to my knees and startedcrying.
And as I was on my hands andknees crying, I started feeling
hands touching me, Hands on myshoulders hands on my back,
hands on my chest.
And I just heard men speakingin a heavily language.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
And it just I felt uplifted.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I stand up, I turn around.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Who do I see?
One of the brothers is righthere.
Let's go See this brother here.
Another brother by the name ofStan Jackson.
He'll be here later.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Another brother, Aaron.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Porter Tina.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Porter's husband, michael DePriese.
Yeah, another brother, elwinSmith.
Another brother, my de-slapshipgroup.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Taylor Morris yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
And you know, the funny thing about it is, I talk
to these dudes on the daily.
They hold me accountable, Ihold them accountable and it's a
true, it's a true brotherhood,kingdom, kingdom brotherhood,
and that's something that Iprayed for and I longed for and
the Lord and the Lord gave it tome.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Dude, that's awesome.
I remember.
I remember when I first saw you, man, and I, just before y'all
was sitting in the middle, y'allwas sitting on the side, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Yeah, yeah, we straight moved from.
Like we first moved in the backand the back and then we moved
to the side.
The next thing I know I'm tworows behind Pastor Jason,
everybody.
I'm like I don't know whathappened.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Yes, so I remember when I first saw y'all sitting
on the side over there in theback and the Lord was like go,
go tell them that they're likego and give them a word about
their relationship.
I was like man.
I was like man.
I'm trying to get home.
(17:37):
I don't even know these catsLike and because of the word
that the Lord gave me, I justassumed that you guys were
married.
I didn't know that you wasn'tmarried at the time and I was
just like I'll make this quick,I'm going to get this chicken.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Oh, you're talking about.
We went to.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
No, this before.
Okay, okay and so I was justlike I went up to you guys, I
was like, hey, man, my name'sHarold and I just want to pray
and give y'all this word.
And the Lord said this, thisand that.
And yeah, man, see y'all around.
And I didn't know.
Honestly, I thought that wasthe extent of, like, my
assignment.
And then, when you went on tothe altar, was that the day that
(18:21):
I that I told you aboutconnected with?
Speaker 2 (18:23):
you.
Yeah, we shared information.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
You said man let's connect so for y'all who don't
know, man I'm, I'm real low keyat church.
Well, I won't say low key.
I'm loud before service andafter service because I'm like I
like meeting people and talkingto people and everything like
that.
But when it comes to likeservice, like the actual service
(18:45):
, I'd be chilling and I don't betrying to like do a lot.
Because, I just I'll be justtrying to be like, look, man,
I'm just trying to get, get whatI can to get, and just and just
bounce.
But the Lord was dealing withme, man, and I'm like man, I
ain't trying to be in people'slives because I don't want to be
, I don't want to be trying todo stuff.
(19:07):
But the Lord was like yo, youneed to connect with him and not
only connect, but like build areal brotherhood relationship.
And I was like yo, I don't knowif he, if he, won't that type
of love, because I'm differentwhen it comes to like you know,
like I'm.
I'm different when it comes tolike real brotherhood
(19:28):
relationships.
I'm like either you in it oryou're not.
And so I was just like I'm just,I'm just feeling that I'm just
like.
I'm just like I'm just if I,you and your girl, to come eat
with me, you and your girl andyour, your son, to come eat with
me and my kids and my wife, andwe're just going to fill this
(19:49):
thing out, man.
And then, before you know it,man, we were prayer partners,
we're sharing, we're sharingtestimonies, we're we're growing
, we getting vulnerable andletting each other know what
we're dealing with and how theLord is dealing with us and it's
becoming, and it has became,something that I actually look
(20:11):
forward to For sure.
Like and for you either, don'tknow.
Like me and my bro, we're earlybirds, early Like my alarm go
off at 3am Three.
My alarm go off at 3am too.
This man usually texts me 15minutes later, 315 to 330's that
window.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I'musually getting, that initial
(20:34):
text message, and if I replybefore like four, then he like
all right, he's up, he's up.
If I don't, he's like all right, this guy's slacking yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
This man let me down.
This morning, man, I was mad.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Man, I had every intention on getting up, man, it
was just you know, I just needsome rest.
But man yeah, so that's so.
I'm encouraged, man.
I'm encouraged by how you, howyou've done the work, man, how
you take, how you took thatinitial step to to get
counseling, to get assistance,to navigate the area that you
(21:06):
were in and that trauma came upand that the things that the,
that the enemy was using to kindof really keep you isolated and
and enclosed.
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