November 21, 2023 • 18 mins
Ever felt like you're living several lives at once and just can't seem to find stability? Well, you're not alone! On this insightful journey, we're tackling cognitive dissonance, a beast that can wreak havoc on our mental health if left unchecked. We're unmasking the truth about the strain of portraying different personas to different people and how that can lead to confusion and mental breakdowns. More than that, we're arming you with a toolkit to combat triggers and navigate tough times.
But we're not stopping there! As we shift gears into exploring personal growth, we underline the importance of self-development and the role of a solid support system. Growth is a journey, and it's one we shouldn't walk alone! We're here to show you why investing in yourself is not just beneficial but essential for your mental well-being, and how the right companions on this journey can be game-changers. Whether you're looking for spiritual guidance or practical tools, we're offering insightful advice on overcoming personal challenges and owning your growth process. Get ready for a transformative journey towards a more stable, fulfilled you!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
And so the first point in my message was doing
the work in your own life, andthe thing that the main point
that I touched on was wascognitive dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance and withcognitive dissonance, uh, you
think one thing and believe itand hold other people
(00:24):
accountable to it, but you don'tdo it yourself, like I know.
This is true, I believe it forthem, but I won't live it out in
my own life.
That's cognitive dissonance,and the Bible is called
hypocrisy and double-mindedness.
Like we will call that ahypocrite or we will call that a
double-minded person, uh, butin in the word of uh, I won't
(00:46):
say the word of God, but in thehealth space is called um,
cognitive dissonance.
And so, um, when I, when I wasgoing through that, that, when I
was talking about that in mymessage, it, um, I was
specifically sharing um Jamesone, six, two, eight, that says
(01:08):
but let him acts in faith withno doubting, for he who doubts
is like a wave of the sea,driven and tossed by the wind,
for let not that man supposethat he will receive anything
from the Lord.
Verse eight says he is adouble-minded man, unstable in
all his ways.
And so, like what I was sharingis when you have prolonged
(01:29):
cognitive dissonance in yourlife, you are actually creating
brain damage in your mind, likeyour mind was not created to
manage multiple mature lives.
It was not set up that way.
And so, um, people have five,six, seven, eight, nine, 10
(01:52):
mature selves, are trying tohave mature selves that they
can't maintain because your,your mind, is in conflict with
itself, because you one way withthis people, another way with
these people, another way withthese people and another way
with these people.
And so when you're trying to bethat mature, you in this
(02:13):
setting, or in that setting, orin this setting, but you got to
keep shifting and shifting andand being in different people,
it creates damage in your mindand those, the lines and those
you're trying tocompartmentalize, and sometimes
those lines get crossed andpeople like what are you talking
about?
You never told me that.
And you will say, oh, rememberthis.
And they're like no man, wedon't do that.
(02:35):
Like what are you?
And so you start getting rose,confused, you start like
blending in details and factsabout stuff and you and you
actually are mentally crazy,like to the point where you like
you're not making any sense,like you can cause yourself a
mental breakdown and a mentalmeltdown because of the multiple
(02:56):
lives that you're trying to tryto lead, and that's called
cognitive dissonance.
And so when things get toovulnerable another thing that I
talked about is you're not longterm in anything, because when
(03:16):
you deal with that cognitivedissonance, when you deal with
that multiple phases orpersonalities or alter egos,
whenever something gets hard,gets tough, you run and you try
to reinvent yourself.
Oh, this church, I'm not likethis church, it's too much.
I'm going to go to anotherchurch.
(03:37):
I'm going to try to reinventmyself at this other church and
be a different type of person,because the person I was being
at this church didn't work, orI'm going to go to this job and
the person I was being at thisjob was treated like this.
So I'm going to learn from thisjob.
I'm not going to be that wayand I'm going to set up some
boundaries and laws or whateverto protect self.
(03:59):
So I'm going to be even more ofa jerk at this job.
And then you wonder why you'regetting treated like you're
getting treated, why you keepgetting fired, why you keep not
being able to stay long term,why you have no stick to a
thickness.
I probably made that a word up,but it's because of the
(04:19):
cognitive dissonance in yourlife.
You're double-minded, there'sspiritual schizophrenia going on
because you have mental breaksthat happen and you're going
crazy in your mind, and so thathappens more than we would like
to think it does with a lot ofpeople.
We call it different things, wecall it mood swings, we call it
(04:45):
bipolar, we call itschizophrenia, we call it a lot
of stuff when it's undiagnosed,but the most common thing we
call it when it's undiagnosed isjust crazy.
This person is crazy.
This person is crazy.
You've got an ex or you've gota current girl or boyfriend or
whatever, and they are crazy.
It's because this is not theperson that I met or know or
(05:11):
knew or whatever.
And so I wanted to start off mymessage with my story that
would lead into the doing thework in your personal life.
And doing the work in yourpersonal life takes time.
It takes time and it only takestime, but it takes certain
(05:38):
skills.
You have to acquire certainskills and things to deal with
the triggers, the triggers thatcome up.
A major part of dealing with, amajor part of doing the work in
your personal life is dealingwith the triggers in a healthy
way that allows you toacknowledge the trigger for what
(06:01):
it is and to deal with it in ahealthy way so that when you see
it again, it's an automaticresponse that's gonna keep you
on track and not deter you andcause you to fall into some
habits that you've not been inin a while.
You're no longer identified bythese habits and so when those
(06:22):
triggers come up, when thatbecause I'm telling you anything
can trigger you a smell cantrigger you, a show can trigger
a sound, a song, a restaurant, aneighborhood you can man.
I done been places, I done seena car and been like yo.
I remember who I was with inthat same exact type of car and
(06:43):
what happened, and Lord wash mymind.
But you have to build a toolkit,a tool set of skills that help
you navigate those tough seasonsthat you have.
October was a tough season forme for a number of reasons.
(07:05):
My mom and dad passed.
They're both for theirbirthdays and anniversaries in
October, and so I'm thinkingabout them.
I'm feeling certain ways aboutlosing them and seeing how much
my children are missing out onwithout having grandparents on
both sides, like both sides ofmy kids' grandparents are gone,
(07:29):
so they have no naturalgrandparents, so there's no body
that we can just be like hey,can you watch our kids, hey, can
we drop them off to you withoutplanning weeks and weeks ahead
of time.
And so I still get in myfeelings sometimes in that
season when their birthdays comearound, when they're
anniversary or when stuff likethat.
(07:51):
But I have things in place thathelps me stay accountable people
that I'm talking to, prayingwith and community with.
That keeps me grounded.
My wife she knows those cycles,those seasons, and she's
attentive in those times andvice versa, I am with her same
way.
You know what I mean.
You gotta be, and so doing thework in your personal life is
(08:18):
important.
And if you would like help indoing the work in your personal
life and you want someone tohelp you through that, first of
all, my number onerecommendation is the Holy
Spirit.
The Holy Spirit will lead youand guide you into that truth
and that transformation thatyou're looking for.
Number two man, I love to walkalongside people and see the
(08:45):
amazing growth that happens intheir lives because they took
the time, effort and dedicationto do the work in their life.
I'm not here to do it for you,but I would love to come
alongside you and help you as acoach and as a counselor, and so
if that's something you'reinterested in, let me know.
(09:08):
We can put something in thebooks and get something set up.
If not, look man, the HolySpirit won't steal your own, he
won't steal your own.
But you gotta know and getfamiliar with how he talks, how
he communicates and when he'scommunicating, because you can
think you're hearing the HolySpirit and you could be being
deceived by another spirit andwe won't even get to that.
(09:29):
But I say that to say, look man,you gotta deal with the things
in your own life.
There's oppression andsuppression from demonic spirits
that happen.
That needs to be dealt with.
There's things that's in yourhistory or in your bloodline, in
your generations, that need tobe dealt with.
And then there's things that'sdone to you that you had no
(09:53):
control over.
That you need healing from sothat you can live a more
productive, successful life.
And then there's things thatyou've cost yourself.
You've just made poor decisions.
The first half of my testimonywas just things done to me that
had nothing to do with me.
But that second half, bro, thatwas all me.
That was all me yes, that wasall me.
(10:17):
And so there's both.
There's both, and by God'sgrace, I've been able to
navigate and walk through bothaspects of that successfully
thus far, and I want to help asmany men do that as I possibly
(10:37):
can like for real.
For real, I pray.
I got people that I pray withevery day in the morning and we
keep each other accountable.
I got people that I'mconstantly communicating with on
a regular basis, maybe once ortwice a month, just building
relationship and creating a safespace for us to just share what
(10:57):
we're going through.
And so look, man, if you justneed a safe space to just get
some stuff off your chest, Iwould love to be there for you,
and if you need some help toreally navigate through some
things that you're going throughin life, I want to be there for
you too.
Man, there was a.
I had a soldier I tell thestory and I wrap up this episode
but I had a soldier who gotdivorced.
(11:25):
I knew him after his divorce.
I didn't know him, why he wasmarried to his wife and then he
got a girlfriend and then thingswas just not going good for it.
The girl was crazy and she hadkids, and he had kids and he
called me before he broke upwith her.
He said, sir, I'm about tobreak up with my girl and I'm
(11:47):
like, all right, the way youbeen talking, man, all right,
and, mind you, this guy isprobably old enough to be my
father, but he respects me, ashe knows me, he's worked with me
, he know what I'm about, heknow he's seen how I counsel
other soldiers and he's like,dude, you, that, you the truth.
And I'm like, okay, like ifthat's where you think this
(12:10):
should go, then go ahead.
And he's like I'm gonna do it.
And then he calls me back andthen he says look, man, my kids
said I need counseling and Icouldn't the game one.
But you, I need to navigate myprevious marriage, I need to
navigate stuff that I haven'tdealt with from years ago and I
(12:32):
need to navigate that.
And once I've navigated that,then I need to navigate the
stuff that I was dealing with inthis current relationship,
before I even get even thinkabout getting into another
relationship.
I need to navigate some thingsand I want you to help me
(12:52):
navigate those things.
I'm like all right.
And so I've been blessed.
I've been blessed to havepeople from all walks of life in
my life and I've been blessedto have people from all walks of
life, all ages, all colors andcreeds, who trust me enough to
(13:17):
walk alongside them and to askthe right questions and to lead
them to what I would believe tobe and what they would agree to
be the right solutions.
And a lot of the times I'm justpraying.
(13:37):
I'm just praying especially.
If they're not okay with mepraying with them, then I will
pray for them even more.
But I've seen God do someamazing things and people who
are not saved, who just needvictory in some areas, but
ultimately they need Christ, inmy opinion.
But I don't wanna be like no, Ican't help you because you
(13:58):
don't know Jesus.
Like, no, come on, man, we'regonna navigate this man.
Let's see what we can do, asmuch as we can do, until you see
that you need Jesus.
But I've seen some amazingthings in some people lives who
are not quote unquote Christians.
But I've also seen even moreamazing things in lives of
believers who are alsonavigating situations and things
(14:20):
.
I had a guy from Texas called mewho I knew from college and he
was married and going throughsome stuff with his wife and
children.
And he was just like man, Ijust need someone who I can
trust, who I can just talkthrough this with.
(14:42):
He said I don't think I needlike formal counseling or
coaching or whatever he was like, but I need to talk it through.
And we talked for like twohours and by the end of the
conversation he was like yo, Iknow what I need to do.
And just by talking it out theanswer kind of arose and
(15:08):
everything kind of settled downand he saw okay, this is the
main thing and this is the rootthing.
If I fix this, all this otherstuff that's going on will be
none essential.
You know what I mean.
And so I say that to say like,don't be afraid to do the work
(15:33):
in your own life.
Find someone who you can bereal and vulnerable and
transparent with, whether youknow them or you don't know them
.
Find someone who you can trustor at least build relationship
to the level of trusting, andnot only just trust, but who
(15:54):
have the skill set to reallypour into you the resources and
the tools that you need and todevelop in you the tools and the
resources that you need.
And so it doesn't have to be me, but I would encourage you,
find someone and do the work inyour own personal life.
(16:18):
All right, that's it for thisepisode, man.
Until next time, peace.
And so the first point in my message was doing
the work in your own life, andthe thing that the main point
that I touched on was wascognitive dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance and withcognitive dissonance, uh, you
think one thing and believe itand hold other people
(00:24):
accountable to it, but you don'tdo it yourself, like I know.
This is true, I believe it forthem, but I won't live it out in
my own life.
That's cognitive dissonance,and the Bible is called
hypocrisy and double-mindedness.
Like we will call that ahypocrite or we will call that a
double-minded person, uh, butin in the word of uh, I won't
(00:46):
say the word of God, but in thehealth space is called um,
cognitive dissonance.
And so, um, when I, when I wasgoing through that, that, when I
was talking about that in mymessage, it, um, I was
specifically sharing um Jamesone, six, two, eight, that says
(01:08):
but let him acts in faith withno doubting, for he who doubts
is like a wave of the sea,driven and tossed by the wind,
for let not that man supposethat he will receive anything
from the Lord.
Verse eight says he is adouble-minded man, unstable in
all his ways.
And so, like what I was sharingis when you have prolonged
(01:29):
cognitive dissonance in yourlife, you are actually creating
brain damage in your mind, likeyour mind was not created to
manage multiple mature lives.
It was not set up that way.
And so, um, people have five,six, seven, eight, nine, 10
(01:52):
mature selves, are trying tohave mature selves that they
can't maintain because your,your mind, is in conflict with
itself, because you one way withthis people, another way with
these people, another way withthese people and another way
with these people.
And so when you're trying to bethat mature, you in this
(02:13):
setting, or in that setting, orin this setting, but you got to
keep shifting and shifting andand being in different people,
it creates damage in your mindand those, the lines and those
you're trying tocompartmentalize, and sometimes
those lines get crossed andpeople like what are you talking
about?
You never told me that.
And you will say, oh, rememberthis.
And they're like no man, wedon't do that.
(02:35):
Like what are you?
And so you start getting rose,confused, you start like
blending in details and factsabout stuff and you and you
actually are mentally crazy,like to the point where you like
you're not making any sense,like you can cause yourself a
mental breakdown and a mentalmeltdown because of the multiple
(02:56):
lives that you're trying to tryto lead, and that's called
cognitive dissonance.
And so when things get toovulnerable another thing that I
talked about is you're not longterm in anything, because when
(03:16):
you deal with that cognitivedissonance, when you deal with
that multiple phases orpersonalities or alter egos,
whenever something gets hard,gets tough, you run and you try
to reinvent yourself.
Oh, this church, I'm not likethis church, it's too much.
I'm going to go to anotherchurch.
(03:37):
I'm going to try to reinventmyself at this other church and
be a different type of person,because the person I was being
at this church didn't work, orI'm going to go to this job and
the person I was being at thisjob was treated like this.
So I'm going to learn from thisjob.
I'm not going to be that wayand I'm going to set up some
boundaries and laws or whateverto protect self.
(03:59):
So I'm going to be even more ofa jerk at this job.
And then you wonder why you'regetting treated like you're
getting treated, why you keepgetting fired, why you keep not
being able to stay long term,why you have no stick to a
thickness.
I probably made that a word up,but it's because of the
(04:19):
cognitive dissonance in yourlife.
You're double-minded, there'sspiritual schizophrenia going on
because you have mental breaksthat happen and you're going
crazy in your mind, and so thathappens more than we would like
to think it does with a lot ofpeople.
We call it different things, wecall it mood swings, we call it
(04:45):
bipolar, we call itschizophrenia, we call it a lot
of stuff when it's undiagnosed,but the most common thing we
call it when it's undiagnosed isjust crazy.
This person is crazy.
This person is crazy.
You've got an ex or you've gota current girl or boyfriend or
whatever, and they are crazy.
It's because this is not theperson that I met or know or
(05:11):
knew or whatever.
And so I wanted to start off mymessage with my story that
would lead into the doing thework in your personal life.
And doing the work in yourpersonal life takes time.
It takes time and it only takestime, but it takes certain
(05:38):
skills.
You have to acquire certainskills and things to deal with
the triggers, the triggers thatcome up.
A major part of dealing with, amajor part of doing the work in
your personal life is dealingwith the triggers in a healthy
way that allows you toacknowledge the trigger for what
(06:01):
it is and to deal with it in ahealthy way so that when you see
it again, it's an automaticresponse that's gonna keep you
on track and not deter you andcause you to fall into some
habits that you've not been inin a while.
You're no longer identified bythese habits and so when those
(06:22):
triggers come up, when thatbecause I'm telling you anything
can trigger you a smell cantrigger you, a show can trigger
a sound, a song, a restaurant, aneighborhood you can man.
I done been places, I done seena car and been like yo.
I remember who I was with inthat same exact type of car and
(06:43):
what happened, and Lord wash mymind.
But you have to build a toolkit,a tool set of skills that help
you navigate those tough seasonsthat you have.
October was a tough season forme for a number of reasons.
(07:05):
My mom and dad passed.
They're both for theirbirthdays and anniversaries in
October, and so I'm thinkingabout them.
I'm feeling certain ways aboutlosing them and seeing how much
my children are missing out onwithout having grandparents on
both sides, like both sides ofmy kids' grandparents are gone,
(07:29):
so they have no naturalgrandparents, so there's no body
that we can just be like hey,can you watch our kids, hey, can
we drop them off to you withoutplanning weeks and weeks ahead
of time.
And so I still get in myfeelings sometimes in that
season when their birthdays comearound, when they're
anniversary or when stuff likethat.
(07:51):
But I have things in place thathelps me stay accountable people
that I'm talking to, prayingwith and community with.
That keeps me grounded.
My wife she knows those cycles,those seasons, and she's
attentive in those times andvice versa, I am with her same
way.
You know what I mean.
You gotta be, and so doing thework in your personal life is
(08:18):
important.
And if you would like help indoing the work in your personal
life and you want someone tohelp you through that, first of
all, my number onerecommendation is the Holy
Spirit.
The Holy Spirit will lead youand guide you into that truth
and that transformation thatyou're looking for.
Number two man, I love to walkalongside people and see the
(08:45):
amazing growth that happens intheir lives because they took
the time, effort and dedicationto do the work in their life.
I'm not here to do it for you,but I would love to come
alongside you and help you as acoach and as a counselor, and so
if that's something you'reinterested in, let me know.
(09:08):
We can put something in thebooks and get something set up.
If not, look man, the HolySpirit won't steal your own, he
won't steal your own.
But you gotta know and getfamiliar with how he talks, how
he communicates and when he'scommunicating, because you can
think you're hearing the HolySpirit and you could be being
deceived by another spirit andwe won't even get to that.
(09:29):
But I say that to say, look man,you gotta deal with the things
in your own life.
There's oppression andsuppression from demonic spirits
that happen.
That needs to be dealt with.
There's things that's in yourhistory or in your bloodline, in
your generations, that need tobe dealt with.
And then there's things that'sdone to you that you had no
(09:53):
control over.
That you need healing from sothat you can live a more
productive, successful life.
And then there's things thatyou've cost yourself.
You've just made poor decisions.
The first half of my testimonywas just things done to me that
had nothing to do with me.
But that second half, bro, thatwas all me.
That was all me yes, that wasall me.
(10:17):
And so there's both.
There's both, and by God'sgrace, I've been able to
navigate and walk through bothaspects of that successfully
thus far, and I want to help asmany men do that as I possibly
(10:37):
can like for real.
For real, I pray.
I got people that I pray withevery day in the morning and we
keep each other accountable.
I got people that I'mconstantly communicating with on
a regular basis, maybe once ortwice a month, just building
relationship and creating a safespace for us to just share what
(10:57):
we're going through.
And so look, man, if you justneed a safe space to just get
some stuff off your chest, Iwould love to be there for you,
and if you need some help toreally navigate through some
things that you're going throughin life, I want to be there for
you too.
Man, there was a.
I had a soldier I tell thestory and I wrap up this episode
but I had a soldier who gotdivorced.
(11:25):
I knew him after his divorce.
I didn't know him, why he wasmarried to his wife and then he
got a girlfriend and then thingswas just not going good for it.
The girl was crazy and she hadkids, and he had kids and he
called me before he broke upwith her.
He said, sir, I'm about tobreak up with my girl and I'm
(11:47):
like, all right, the way youbeen talking, man, all right,
and, mind you, this guy isprobably old enough to be my
father, but he respects me, ashe knows me, he's worked with me
, he know what I'm about, heknow he's seen how I counsel
other soldiers and he's like,dude, you, that, you the truth.
And I'm like, okay, like ifthat's where you think this
(12:10):
should go, then go ahead.
And he's like I'm gonna do it.
And then he calls me back andthen he says look, man, my kids
said I need counseling and Icouldn't the game one.
But you, I need to navigate myprevious marriage, I need to
navigate stuff that I haven'tdealt with from years ago and I
(12:32):
need to navigate that.
And once I've navigated that,then I need to navigate the
stuff that I was dealing with inthis current relationship,
before I even get even thinkabout getting into another
relationship.
I need to navigate some thingsand I want you to help me
(12:52):
navigate those things.
I'm like all right.
And so I've been blessed.
I've been blessed to havepeople from all walks of life in
my life and I've been blessedto have people from all walks of
life, all ages, all colors andcreeds, who trust me enough to
(13:17):
walk alongside them and to askthe right questions and to lead
them to what I would believe tobe and what they would agree to
be the right solutions.
And a lot of the times I'm justpraying.
(13:37):
I'm just praying especially.
If they're not okay with mepraying with them, then I will
pray for them even more.
But I've seen God do someamazing things and people who
are not saved, who just needvictory in some areas, but
ultimately they need Christ, inmy opinion.
But I don't wanna be like no, Ican't help you because you
(13:58):
don't know Jesus.
Like, no, come on, man, we'regonna navigate this man.
Let's see what we can do, asmuch as we can do, until you see
that you need Jesus.
But I've seen some amazingthings in some people lives who
are not quote unquote Christians.
But I've also seen even moreamazing things in lives of
believers who are alsonavigating situations and things
(14:20):
.
I had a guy from Texas called mewho I knew from college and he
was married and going throughsome stuff with his wife and
children.
And he was just like man, Ijust need someone who I can
trust, who I can just talkthrough this with.
(14:42):
He said I don't think I needlike formal counseling or
coaching or whatever he was like, but I need to talk it through.
And we talked for like twohours and by the end of the
conversation he was like yo, Iknow what I need to do.
And just by talking it out theanswer kind of arose and
(15:08):
everything kind of settled downand he saw okay, this is the
main thing and this is the rootthing.
If I fix this, all this otherstuff that's going on will be
none essential.
You know what I mean.
And so I say that to say like,don't be afraid to do the work
(15:33):
in your own life.
Find someone who you can bereal and vulnerable and
transparent with, whether youknow them or you don't know them
.
Find someone who you can trustor at least build relationship
to the level of trusting, andnot only just trust, but who
(15:54):
have the skill set to reallypour into you the resources and
the tools that you need and todevelop in you the tools and the
resources that you need.
And so it doesn't have to be me, but I would encourage you,
find someone and do the work inyour own personal life.
(16:18):
All right, that's it for thisepisode, man.
Until next time, peace.
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com