November 23, 2023 • 22 mins
Ready for a transformative journey? This episode is a commitment to growth, not just in your relationships, but also within yourself. Today, we're peeling back layers as we discuss the concept of 'arrested development' and how unresolved personal traumas can lead to it, stunting our growth and causing immature behaviors within our relationships. We'll also be unveiling a surprise in this episode that could be the game-changer you and your spouse are looking for!
Then we switch gears to explore love in its most challenging, yet rewarding form, the kind that pushes us towards maturity even when faced with our partner's immature behaviors. We discuss the importance of healthy confrontations and how leaning into discomfort can actually be the catalyst for personal and relational growth. We're not just talking about the challenges, but also celebrating the victories along the way. By the end of this discussion, you'll be equipped with insights and strategies to help you navigate your way to a more fulfilling and mature relationship. This is your chance to redefine growth and commitment within your marriage. Let's get started!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, what's good, what's good, what's good.
Welcome back to another episodeof Do the Work podcast.
Man, I'm so excited I got thisvideo finally on here so I can
see my face.
I can't see you guys face, I'msorry, I was going to say so.
I can see your face, but Ican't see your face.
You can see my face.
(00:21):
You can see what I'm doing, man.
I'm in the studio at home.
We finally got the studio done.
I mean, the studio's been donefor a minute, but the camera
situation was not working.
We tried it and it didn't work.
Then I had to regroup,re-stratigize research and I
(00:43):
found a solution.
Here we are today, baby, we'regoing to video you getting in
the studio.
I've been doing a lot of work, alot of reading and a lot of
soul care.
One situation I didn't share Ilove the testimonies of people
(01:04):
who are transformed by the loveand skill of God.
I really love that.
After a couple of podcasts, menhave been reaching out to me,
to you know, like, amen, amen,I'm really feeling the podcast.
(01:27):
You want to get some coffee,you want to get some lunch, you
just want to talk to you.
I'm like, oh, these guys aretrying to get a free counseling
session.
But I'm here for it, man.
I'm here for it because God hasanointing me for it.
But, like I said, I've beenmeeting with some pretty amazing
guys who's been telling me,who's been sharing, who's
(01:49):
trusted me enough to share theirstories with me.
But something even more amazing, man, is that our youth group
has been like bowman since thatmessage as well, because one of
the things that I talked aboutis doing the work in the next
generation and for the nextgeneration, and so one of the
(02:14):
great like I have a couple ofthe stories.
I'm not going to share detailsbecause of confidentiality
purposes, but man, like some ofthe parents who hit me up and
shared the transformation thattheir kids are experiencing
because of how the Lord is usingme and their lives is humbling.
(02:36):
It's humbling, and so I sharethat to say you never know the
impact that you're having acrossgenerations, like literally
across generations.
You never know the impactyou're having, man, and yeah,
(02:57):
it's just been good, it's beengood.
And man, I'm just, I'm geeked,I'm geeked, I'm ready, I'm
loving it, but let's get startedwith this episode, all right.
And so I told you I'm gonna bebreaking down the different
elements that I was discussingin my message on to the work
(03:24):
Building content while I'm doinginterviews with people for
future content and episodes.
But we talked about mytestimony, we talked about doing
the work in your own life andnow this episode.
I want to talk about doing thework and your marriage.
Now I'm gonna briefly touch onthis, so this won't be a long
(03:45):
episode, because the bulk ofthis information will be
discussed on life, unscripted,with my wife, like, yeah, we're
gonna really we're gonna getinto weeds with this one on that
podcast.
But on this podcast, you know,I'm gonna direct this primarily
towards my fellas and I'm goingto try to just share with you my
(04:08):
heart and the benefits of doingthe work in your marriage after
doing the work in your own life, because one of the best things
you can do when doing the workin your marriage is to do the
(04:28):
work in your life, like be theperson that your spouse needs
and desires and then, like youwon't have to do as much work in
the actual marriage.
You know what I'm saying, andso I'm trying not to give too
much.
I keep stopping because I'mtrying not to give too much away
(04:50):
, but we have something in theworks that we're gonna do.
That's gonna really help somecouples.
And so when we do the episodeon doing the work for your
marriage, tune in.
We got some surprises for y'alland we got some things that
we're gonna announce.
That's coming up in thatepisode as well.
(05:10):
But for my fellas, that'swatching.
I know women watch too.
You know what I'm saying.
I'm here for it.
I love you.
Make sure you hit like andsubscribe, both on the YouTube
channel and on the podcast.
Thank you and yes, thank you.
But doing the work in yourmarriage one of the things in my
(05:31):
message that I really shared,that I really believe that the
Lord was highlighting, wasarrested development, arrested
development and what is arresteddevelopment.
I briefly went over it in mymessage, but arrested
development is basically whenyou stop growing because of
(05:54):
trauma, and so what I wassharing is that a lot of
marriages.
We think we're mature enoughfor marriage, we think we're
mature enough for relationships.
We think we have finally got tothat point where we wanna tie
the knot and start a family anddo all these things and we
haven't done the work in ourlife to get through that
(06:15):
arrested development.
And arrested development isthat you stop growing
emotionally and spiritually atthe place of your greatest pain
or trauma.
And so you have people who'vegone through tremendous pain
early in life and they haven'tdealt with it.
They just survived it and gotthrough it, but they've never
(06:37):
really dealt with it.
And now they're inrelationships and they're acting
like the same age that theywere hurt at.
So you got 35, 45, 55 year oldpeople acting like they 12 and
13, because something reallytraumatic happened that froze
(06:57):
them, that arrested them in thatstate emotionally and mentally.
And so in marriage, somethingthat's really worked for my wife
and I is loving each other tomaturity, and sometimes that
hurts man.
Sometimes love is painful andsometimes it's confrontational.
(07:20):
And what I mean by loving tomaturity is when we rub up
against the immature version ofour spouses, the rough sides
that haven't been reallysmoothed out because of arrested
development.
They've been hurt in a majorway at a young age and something
(07:41):
we've done have triggered themto that same response when they
were 12, 13 years old.
And so in our minds we'rethinking this is very immature
of you to be acting like this,but in their mind this is
perfectly, makes perfect sense,because this is familiar.
The way you're making me feelis familiar, and the way that
(08:03):
I'm acting is how I act whenthat happens, you know.
And so when that do happen.
So, for instance, in my message,I give an example of how, when
I become very defensive andargumentative, my wife shuts
down because it reminds her ofher father and how he was.
(08:25):
And I had to learn that thatwas a trigger for her and that
brought the little girl out whoneeded healing there.
And so I had to pray through,push through and persevere to
(08:47):
love her unconditionally, tomature from that place.
And she had to do the same withme, like I'm not exempt from
this either.
And so what that looked likewas a lot of patience, a lot of
understanding, a lot of talking.
I know, man, we don't like totalk.
Man don't like not about allthat talking, you know.
(09:11):
And I had to really articulatewhat I was feeling, had to
really articulate while I wasfrustrated or upset or
disappointed.
And it wasn't like I'm saying,baby, you're a failure.
It wasn't that you suck or youare not, it was like no, the
(09:32):
situation, and it made me feel acertain way, which caused me to
respond a certain way.
But I want you to take itpersonal.
So let's just talk it throughin a calm voice, not loud, not
boisterous, not you know, butwilling to be honest and
transparent with how I feel, sothat she can open up to why she
(09:56):
responded the way she did andhow she feels, and that we can
talk it through.
And another thing that reallyhelped us was we don't believe
in compromising.
Like that's how you love eachother to maturity.
It's by not compromising andwhat we mean by that and I said,
(10:16):
my wife and I we're going indetail with this but what we
mean by not compromising is thatif I'm doing something in a
certain way, she's not justgoing to accept.
That's how Harold is.
Like that's compromise, that'sjust how he is.
I don't expect him to change.
I don't want him to change.
That's just his quirk.
Nah, bro.
(10:38):
Like we're not compromising.
This is unacceptable, you needto know it.
And so, like, if I'm beingimmature, she's not like, oh,
harold's just an immature person.
She's like, no, like you needto work through this and we're
going to do it together.
We're going to work throughthis together and I'm the same
(11:01):
way with her, like look, you arehaving a fit.
Let's talk this out, let's getthrough it, because I am not
accepting this as a norm.
I was talking to my brother,david, and he was like, look, we
have to not take somethingtemporal and adapt our whole
(11:28):
life around it.
We can adjust and Get throughit, but we shouldn't adapt to it
and it become the norm.
That's compromising.
We don't want to compromise,because when you compromise, you
Be, you are just being.
But when you're notcompromising, you're becoming.
(11:52):
You're becoming better, you'rebecoming a threat to the enemy,
you're becoming the spouse thatyour Wife once, our husband once
, like.
That's what it means to become,and so we can't become by
compromising.
We can only become by havinghealthy confrontations and
(12:15):
conversations.
That's what it takes to become.
So I've heard it this way it'slike we are are blocks of wood
and we're trying to fit througha door frame that we have to get
(12:35):
through in order to become thepeople that we're supposed to
become.
But when you go through thatdoor frame, you still have some
bruises, some knots on you, andso it rubs up against that door
frame and it kind of hurts, youknow, because it's rubbing up
against you, and so we have tobe sanded in those rough spots,
(12:58):
sand it down to get those thingsoff of us so that we can fit
through and become.
But if we don't want to becomebecause it's too painful, it's
too much work, then we just be.
You're gonna have to accept mefor me, because I am not into,
I'm not about to endure the painTo be sanded in that area, that
(13:21):
rough area, to sand it down, tosmooth it out so that I can fit
and become.
I'm supposed to become so,instead of becoming, you're
gonna have to accept me.
I'm gonna be.
I'm gonna be.
Nah, don't compromise andsettle for being no.
(13:41):
Lean into the confrontation,lean into the conversation.
Have the difficult conversationso that you can be sanded in
that area and Become who you'resupposed to become.
Another example of that man Iheard this from a really cool
comedian, michael Michael Jr,and he was saying how he was
(14:07):
letting someone stay with themand the person was like you
always try to prove that you'reright or something along those
lines.
And he was like no, I'm not.
And they got into it and he wasmad and he felt some type of
way and he goes to talk to hiswife and his wife says it's kind
of some truth to that, like youreally do be on that sometimes
and he was like no, no, no, no.
And then the whole experiencehas to be like yeah, yeah,
(14:28):
everyone's right, you're wrong.
And he had to see he had tolean into the confrontation, he
had to lean into the difficultconversation and be honest and
vulnerable.
And when he was willing to dothat and smooth out that rough
Area in his life and went backto that family member like you
(14:51):
know what, I apologize, you'reright, you know I'm, so I can do
better in this area and Allowthat person To respond and love
and love him to maturity, likethat's what it's all about.
It's all about loving each otherto maturity, because when you
can love each other to maturity,we can all celebrate together,
because we all Winning.
(15:11):
It takes maturity to win on thenext level.
Like you, like the, the placethat you're are now can only
take you so far.
You're gonna have to level upin your maturity and that is
uncomfortable, that is difficultand that is painful, but once
you go through it, you cancelebrate on a higher level in
dimension that you've nevercelebrated before.
(15:31):
And so look, whether that's ina relationship, whether that's
in a job, whether that's inbusiness, whether that's in your
spiritual walk, whatever domainthat is in, you have to become
and and that's gonna be painfulin order to see the victory and
the success that you desire tosee.
That's it.
(15:52):
And so, specifically referringto marriage, hey, that's what
it's all about.
It's all about leaning into theuncomfortability when your wife
is going off on you and pointingout all your flaws because
she's trying to hurt you and Cutyou real deep, like there's
some truth to it, but she's kindof a snob about it, but there's
some truth to it, and so youtake that and you allow that too
(16:16):
, cause you to reflect and tolean in and to be smooth out in
that area and be loved.
Because when you let's behonest when your spouse, when
she points out something in youand you do the work and lean
into the confrontation, leaninto the discomfort, lean into
(16:38):
that and be like, okay, ifthat's the case, and that's what
we're really seeing right now,let's say that now, when she see
you doing the work, sendingthat out ops, oh yeah, you just,
you just went up, you just wentup a notch and you're attracted
to her like for real, for real,and that creates a chemistry
(16:59):
that creates a bond, thatcreates a love that cannot be
easily broken.
It's like look, this person notonly loves me, but this person
is willing to put in the work,to do the work, to lean into the
confrontation, to lean into thepain of their blind spots and
to deal with it and to worktowards it so that we can live
(17:22):
in harmony together.
And when you see that in her,oh boy, talk about matrimony,
holy matrimony.
It's a lovely thing, man,because now you're feeling just
as love from her as she is fromyou, because now you're both
doing the work in your marriagebut also on each other.
(17:46):
And so that's, man, that's whatit's all about.
And one thing that I mentionedin my message, man, was that
marriage is not about beinghappy.
It's not about being happy,it's about addressing the things
and the issues and the baggagethat you refuse to address.
(18:10):
But you have to now, becauseyou've married this person, you
live with this person, you dolife with this person, and they
see you, all of you, and theylike look, that part is ugly and
you need to do something aboutit.
And so it's.
And happiness and joy is abyproduct of becoming more like
(18:36):
Christ and becoming more of one.
Join together Like that.
That, becoming that, addressingthat, leaning in to the
difficult things and loving eachother to maturity, to get past
that arrested development thatwe all have at some level.
(18:59):
You know some people arresteddevelopment as, like a teenager,
but some people arresteddevelopment maybe in their 20s
and 30s and now they're in their40s and it's like, hey, you
don't have to go as far back,but you're still stuck in the
past, like you need to work onthat.
And you know you, you're,you're arrested development,
maybe church hurt from the lastchurch that you were at and you
can't fully engage and be usedin the in this new church
(19:22):
because you have arresteddevelopment from the last church
.
And I've seen it happen withchurches, I've seen it happen
with people on jobs.
Like you you've, you're stuckat the last job that did you
wrong so that you can't see andgive people a benefit of the
doubt and be progressive in thenew job.
That's been a blessing to you,because you stuck emotionally
(19:45):
and mentally and the old jobthat did you wrong and you still
seeking revenge and restitutionfor that.
You don't, you can't fullycomprehend and receive what's
right in front of you with thisnew job.
And so I've seen it on jobs.
I've seen it in the military,where people get different
positions.
I've seen it with churches,when people go to different
churches.
I've seen it in marriages, whenpeople leave one wife, go to
(20:07):
another wife, or leave onerelationship, go to another
relationship, like I've seen iton so many different levels.
Man and we have to learn tolove each other to maturity so
that we can become what we needto become, to be who we've been
called and destined to be.
And so that's my, that's myspiel for this episode, man.
I hope you enjoyed it.
(20:28):
I love you, thank you, and I'mgoing to wrap this series up
next time with doing the workfor the next generation.
All right, let's go.
All right, what's good, what's good, what's good.
Welcome back to another episodeof Do the Work podcast.
Man, I'm so excited I got thisvideo finally on here so I can
see my face.
I can't see you guys face, I'msorry, I was going to say so.
I can see your face, but Ican't see your face.
You can see my face.
(00:21):
You can see what I'm doing, man.
I'm in the studio at home.
We finally got the studio done.
I mean, the studio's been donefor a minute, but the camera
situation was not working.
We tried it and it didn't work.
Then I had to regroup,re-stratigize research and I
(00:43):
found a solution.
Here we are today, baby, we'regoing to video you getting in
the studio.
I've been doing a lot of work, alot of reading and a lot of
soul care.
One situation I didn't share Ilove the testimonies of people
(01:04):
who are transformed by the loveand skill of God.
I really love that.
After a couple of podcasts, menhave been reaching out to me,
to you know, like, amen, amen,I'm really feeling the podcast.
(01:27):
You want to get some coffee,you want to get some lunch, you
just want to talk to you.
I'm like, oh, these guys aretrying to get a free counseling
session.
But I'm here for it, man.
I'm here for it because God hasanointing me for it.
But, like I said, I've beenmeeting with some pretty amazing
guys who's been telling me,who's been sharing, who's
(01:49):
trusted me enough to share theirstories with me.
But something even more amazing, man, is that our youth group
has been like bowman since thatmessage as well, because one of
the things that I talked aboutis doing the work in the next
generation and for the nextgeneration, and so one of the
(02:14):
great like I have a couple ofthe stories.
I'm not going to share detailsbecause of confidentiality
purposes, but man, like some ofthe parents who hit me up and
shared the transformation thattheir kids are experiencing
because of how the Lord is usingme and their lives is humbling.
(02:36):
It's humbling, and so I sharethat to say you never know the
impact that you're having acrossgenerations, like literally
across generations.
You never know the impactyou're having, man, and yeah,
(02:57):
it's just been good, it's beengood.
And man, I'm just, I'm geeked,I'm geeked, I'm ready, I'm
loving it, but let's get startedwith this episode, all right.
And so I told you I'm gonna bebreaking down the different
elements that I was discussingin my message on to the work
(03:24):
Building content while I'm doinginterviews with people for
future content and episodes.
But we talked about mytestimony, we talked about doing
the work in your own life andnow this episode.
I want to talk about doing thework and your marriage.
Now I'm gonna briefly touch onthis, so this won't be a long
(03:45):
episode, because the bulk ofthis information will be
discussed on life, unscripted,with my wife, like, yeah, we're
gonna really we're gonna getinto weeds with this one on that
podcast.
But on this podcast, you know,I'm gonna direct this primarily
towards my fellas and I'm goingto try to just share with you my
(04:08):
heart and the benefits of doingthe work in your marriage after
doing the work in your own life, because one of the best things
you can do when doing the workin your marriage is to do the
(04:28):
work in your life, like be theperson that your spouse needs
and desires and then, like youwon't have to do as much work in
the actual marriage.
You know what I'm saying, andso I'm trying not to give too
much.
I keep stopping because I'mtrying not to give too much away
(04:50):
, but we have something in theworks that we're gonna do.
That's gonna really help somecouples.
And so when we do the episodeon doing the work for your
marriage, tune in.
We got some surprises for y'alland we got some things that
we're gonna announce.
That's coming up in thatepisode as well.
(05:10):
But for my fellas, that'swatching.
I know women watch too.
You know what I'm saying.
I'm here for it.
I love you.
Make sure you hit like andsubscribe, both on the YouTube
channel and on the podcast.
Thank you and yes, thank you.
But doing the work in yourmarriage one of the things in my
(05:31):
message that I really shared,that I really believe that the
Lord was highlighting, wasarrested development, arrested
development and what is arresteddevelopment.
I briefly went over it in mymessage, but arrested
development is basically whenyou stop growing because of
(05:54):
trauma, and so what I wassharing is that a lot of
marriages.
We think we're mature enoughfor marriage, we think we're
mature enough for relationships.
We think we have finally got tothat point where we wanna tie
the knot and start a family anddo all these things and we
haven't done the work in ourlife to get through that
(06:15):
arrested development.
And arrested development isthat you stop growing
emotionally and spiritually atthe place of your greatest pain
or trauma.
And so you have people who'vegone through tremendous pain
early in life and they haven'tdealt with it.
They just survived it and gotthrough it, but they've never
(06:37):
really dealt with it.
And now they're inrelationships and they're acting
like the same age that theywere hurt at.
So you got 35, 45, 55 year oldpeople acting like they 12 and
13, because something reallytraumatic happened that froze
(06:57):
them, that arrested them in thatstate emotionally and mentally.
And so in marriage, somethingthat's really worked for my wife
and I is loving each other tomaturity, and sometimes that
hurts man.
Sometimes love is painful andsometimes it's confrontational.
(07:20):
And what I mean by loving tomaturity is when we rub up
against the immature version ofour spouses, the rough sides
that haven't been reallysmoothed out because of arrested
development.
They've been hurt in a majorway at a young age and something
(07:41):
we've done have triggered themto that same response when they
were 12, 13 years old.
And so in our minds we'rethinking this is very immature
of you to be acting like this,but in their mind this is
perfectly, makes perfect sense,because this is familiar.
The way you're making me feelis familiar, and the way that
(08:03):
I'm acting is how I act whenthat happens, you know.
And so when that do happen.
So, for instance, in my message,I give an example of how, when
I become very defensive andargumentative, my wife shuts
down because it reminds her ofher father and how he was.
(08:25):
And I had to learn that thatwas a trigger for her and that
brought the little girl out whoneeded healing there.
And so I had to pray through,push through and persevere to
(08:47):
love her unconditionally, tomature from that place.
And she had to do the same withme, like I'm not exempt from
this either.
And so what that looked likewas a lot of patience, a lot of
understanding, a lot of talking.
I know, man, we don't like totalk.
Man don't like not about allthat talking, you know.
(09:11):
And I had to really articulatewhat I was feeling, had to
really articulate while I wasfrustrated or upset or
disappointed.
And it wasn't like I'm saying,baby, you're a failure.
It wasn't that you suck or youare not, it was like no, the
(09:32):
situation, and it made me feel acertain way, which caused me to
respond a certain way.
But I want you to take itpersonal.
So let's just talk it throughin a calm voice, not loud, not
boisterous, not you know, butwilling to be honest and
transparent with how I feel, sothat she can open up to why she
(09:56):
responded the way she did andhow she feels, and that we can
talk it through.
And another thing that reallyhelped us was we don't believe
in compromising.
Like that's how you love eachother to maturity.
It's by not compromising andwhat we mean by that and I said,
(10:16):
my wife and I we're going indetail with this but what we
mean by not compromising is thatif I'm doing something in a
certain way, she's not justgoing to accept.
That's how Harold is.
Like that's compromise, that'sjust how he is.
I don't expect him to change.
I don't want him to change.
That's just his quirk.
Nah, bro.
(10:38):
Like we're not compromising.
This is unacceptable, you needto know it.
And so, like, if I'm beingimmature, she's not like, oh,
harold's just an immature person.
She's like, no, like you needto work through this and we're
going to do it together.
We're going to work throughthis together and I'm the same
(11:01):
way with her, like look, you arehaving a fit.
Let's talk this out, let's getthrough it, because I am not
accepting this as a norm.
I was talking to my brother,david, and he was like, look, we
have to not take somethingtemporal and adapt our whole
(11:28):
life around it.
We can adjust and Get throughit, but we shouldn't adapt to it
and it become the norm.
That's compromising.
We don't want to compromise,because when you compromise, you
Be, you are just being.
But when you're notcompromising, you're becoming.
(11:52):
You're becoming better, you'rebecoming a threat to the enemy,
you're becoming the spouse thatyour Wife once, our husband once
, like.
That's what it means to become,and so we can't become by
compromising.
We can only become by havinghealthy confrontations and
(12:15):
conversations.
That's what it takes to become.
So I've heard it this way it'slike we are are blocks of wood
and we're trying to fit througha door frame that we have to get
(12:35):
through in order to become thepeople that we're supposed to
become.
But when you go through thatdoor frame, you still have some
bruises, some knots on you, andso it rubs up against that door
frame and it kind of hurts, youknow, because it's rubbing up
against you, and so we have tobe sanded in those rough spots,
(12:58):
sand it down to get those thingsoff of us so that we can fit
through and become.
But if we don't want to becomebecause it's too painful, it's
too much work, then we just be.
You're gonna have to accept mefor me, because I am not into,
I'm not about to endure the painTo be sanded in that area, that
(13:21):
rough area, to sand it down, tosmooth it out so that I can fit
and become.
I'm supposed to become so,instead of becoming, you're
gonna have to accept me.
I'm gonna be.
I'm gonna be.
Nah, don't compromise andsettle for being no.
(13:41):
Lean into the confrontation,lean into the conversation.
Have the difficult conversationso that you can be sanded in
that area and Become who you'resupposed to become.
Another example of that man Iheard this from a really cool
comedian, michael Michael Jr,and he was saying how he was
(14:07):
letting someone stay with themand the person was like you
always try to prove that you'reright or something along those
lines.
And he was like no, I'm not.
And they got into it and he wasmad and he felt some type of
way and he goes to talk to hiswife and his wife says it's kind
of some truth to that, like youreally do be on that sometimes
and he was like no, no, no, no.
And then the whole experiencehas to be like yeah, yeah,
(14:28):
everyone's right, you're wrong.
And he had to see he had tolean into the confrontation, he
had to lean into the difficultconversation and be honest and
vulnerable.
And when he was willing to dothat and smooth out that rough
Area in his life and went backto that family member like you
(14:51):
know what, I apologize, you'reright, you know I'm, so I can do
better in this area and Allowthat person To respond and love
and love him to maturity, likethat's what it's all about.
It's all about loving each otherto maturity, because when you
can love each other to maturity,we can all celebrate together,
because we all Winning.
(15:11):
It takes maturity to win on thenext level.
Like you, like the, the placethat you're are now can only
take you so far.
You're gonna have to level upin your maturity and that is
uncomfortable, that is difficultand that is painful, but once
you go through it, you cancelebrate on a higher level in
dimension that you've nevercelebrated before.
(15:31):
And so look, whether that's ina relationship, whether that's
in a job, whether that's inbusiness, whether that's in your
spiritual walk, whatever domainthat is in, you have to become
and and that's gonna be painfulin order to see the victory and
the success that you desire tosee.
That's it.
(15:52):
And so, specifically referringto marriage, hey, that's what
it's all about.
It's all about leaning into theuncomfortability when your wife
is going off on you and pointingout all your flaws because
she's trying to hurt you and Cutyou real deep, like there's
some truth to it, but she's kindof a snob about it, but there's
some truth to it, and so youtake that and you allow that too
(16:16):
, cause you to reflect and tolean in and to be smooth out in
that area and be loved.
Because when you let's behonest when your spouse, when
she points out something in youand you do the work and lean
into the confrontation, leaninto the discomfort, lean into
(16:38):
that and be like, okay, ifthat's the case, and that's what
we're really seeing right now,let's say that now, when she see
you doing the work, sendingthat out ops, oh yeah, you just,
you just went up, you just wentup a notch and you're attracted
to her like for real, for real,and that creates a chemistry
(16:59):
that creates a bond, thatcreates a love that cannot be
easily broken.
It's like look, this person notonly loves me, but this person
is willing to put in the work,to do the work, to lean into the
confrontation, to lean into thepain of their blind spots and
to deal with it and to worktowards it so that we can live
(17:22):
in harmony together.
And when you see that in her,oh boy, talk about matrimony,
holy matrimony.
It's a lovely thing, man,because now you're feeling just
as love from her as she is fromyou, because now you're both
doing the work in your marriagebut also on each other.
(17:46):
And so that's, man, that's whatit's all about.
And one thing that I mentionedin my message, man, was that
marriage is not about beinghappy.
It's not about being happy,it's about addressing the things
and the issues and the baggagethat you refuse to address.
(18:10):
But you have to now, becauseyou've married this person, you
live with this person, you dolife with this person, and they
see you, all of you, and theylike look, that part is ugly and
you need to do something aboutit.
And so it's.
And happiness and joy is abyproduct of becoming more like
(18:36):
Christ and becoming more of one.
Join together Like that.
That, becoming that, addressingthat, leaning in to the
difficult things and loving eachother to maturity, to get past
that arrested development thatwe all have at some level.
(18:59):
You know some people arresteddevelopment as, like a teenager,
but some people arresteddevelopment maybe in their 20s
and 30s and now they're in their40s and it's like, hey, you
don't have to go as far back,but you're still stuck in the
past, like you need to work onthat.
And you know you, you're,you're arrested development,
maybe church hurt from the lastchurch that you were at and you
can't fully engage and be usedin the in this new church
(19:22):
because you have arresteddevelopment from the last church
.
And I've seen it happen withchurches, I've seen it happen
with people on jobs.
Like you you've, you're stuckat the last job that did you
wrong so that you can't see andgive people a benefit of the
doubt and be progressive in thenew job.
That's been a blessing to you,because you stuck emotionally
(19:45):
and mentally and the old jobthat did you wrong and you still
seeking revenge and restitutionfor that.
You don't, you can't fullycomprehend and receive what's
right in front of you with thisnew job.
And so I've seen it on jobs.
I've seen it in the military,where people get different
positions.
I've seen it with churches,when people go to different
churches.
I've seen it in marriages, whenpeople leave one wife, go to
(20:07):
another wife, or leave onerelationship, go to another
relationship, like I've seen iton so many different levels.
Man and we have to learn tolove each other to maturity so
that we can become what we needto become, to be who we've been
called and destined to be.
And so that's my, that's myspiel for this episode, man.
I hope you enjoyed it.
(20:28):
I love you, thank you, and I'mgoing to wrap this series up
next time with doing the workfor the next generation.
All right, let's go.
Popular Podcasts
United States of Kennedy
United States of Kennedy is a podcast about our cultural fascination with the Kennedy dynasty. Every week, hosts Lyra Smith and George Civeris go into one aspect of the Kennedy story.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com