December 27, 2023 • 29 mins
Ever wondered why some men behave differently at home than in the workplace? We bring you an enlightening discussion that traverses this intriguing terrain, and more. We decode the complexities of maintaining different façades in various spheres and stress the significance of consistency and authenticity, especially for our children. We also dive into the importance of self-care and the struggles men face in expressing their emotions safely, sharing personal anecdotes that will make you reflect and rethink.
Taking you along on our journey of personal growth, we explore the undeniable value of vacationing for mental health. We recount our early experiences with travel, the hurdles we faced, and the unexpected bonds we forged by including our church in our vacations. With insights into various stress and pressure relief activities, we underline the necessity of breaks from relentless work. As we reflect on a surprise birthday surprise, you'll see how these seemingly simple acts can be a significant reminder. In our concluding segment, we recognize the value of non-traditional church platforms. We discuss how these extend beyond physical boundaries, providing spaces for critical and often sidelined conversations. Join us in this engaging and thought-provoking discussion that promises to inspire and challenge you in ways you might not expect!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Let's ship gears one more time.
Let's shift gears one more time.
I'm interested to hear yourfeedback on a conversation that
I was privy to and listened toon the podcast about men and how
(00:24):
they treat their home versushow they treat their workspace,
and the respect level and thelove level how the person you're
married to, the kids that youwill give your life for, that
you will talk to in a way thatyou will never talk to a boss or
an employer and you could caretwo cents about them Jokers but
(00:49):
you would traumatize the peoplethat means the most to you and
walk on eggshells for the peoplethat's treating you like crap.
You go to the workplace ain'tno holes punched in the wall,
ain't no doors broken?
But at home the kids and thewife they see a whole other
(01:10):
version and I think that goesback to an earlier conversation
where we have people trapped astoddlers.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and Ithink that's an epidemic in men
(01:32):
who can't self-regulate.
Yeah, yeah, Because of thetrauma in their lives, because
of the addictions in their lives, because of the stress that
comes with it.
I think every man we have aguest in the room that the
viewers can't see, but there'ssomeone else here and me and my
(01:53):
brother, we pray every day earlyin the morning, between five,
30 and six, and we arevulnerable, transparent, about
the things that we're goingthrough.
There's some times he's like,Harold, you sound like you've
done.
He said you sound like you'reready to just be done with
(02:16):
everybody and I'm like I'm notgonna lie.
I'm like look, look, man, youmight need to come get these
jokers.
Yeah, but something that Istruggle with myself, that I
think a lot of other menstruggle with, is taking care of
(02:38):
ourselves.
Yeah, Like, how do we expressall of who we are in a safe way
the anger, the sadness, thefrustration, all of the emotions
and have a self care, havethings that we can do?
That contributes to our selfcare?
(02:59):
Cause I don't think a lot ofmen really do good taking care
of ourselves mentally andemotionally.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
We don't.
We don't that first question.
I'm gonna look at it from thispoint of view.
We live a double life.
Yes, you have one life at work,then you have this other life
at home.
At work, you just, they look atyou like man, this dude's done
it, you the best thing sincesliced brain gets it done, gets
(03:29):
it done right.
They said it's like this doublestandard man.
Yeah, I feel like.
And you know, a house isunstable, it's gonna fall.
Yep, you know in a lot of timeswhat goes on home it's gonna
trickle over to the workplace.
Come on, eventually.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Eventually, eventually.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
It will trickle over eventually.
So we've gotta be careful thatwe don't live this double life.
You know, man, how can we betwo people?
Speaker 1 (03:56):
It's hard, dude.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
It's hard to be two people.
I put it this way it's hard.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
You have people who live all these lives.
They got one life at work, onelife on social media, one life
in Vegas and another life athome and you trying to maintain
all these versions of you andnot let anyone see the real you.
(04:27):
But God created us to be oneperson.
One dude, one dude we one dudeand you can't compete.
Man, I have enough time beingme Bruh.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Can you imagine?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
trying to be three of me, bruh, three of you.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
You know what I'm saying, man.
I'll be confused, I'll be.
You know cause they be likewhich, Aaron, we got today you
know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Come on.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
But I'm gonna tell you who knows the real you
Besides God is our kids.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Come on, dude.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I'm gonna tell y'all those who have kids at home yes,
and you in ministry.
Yes, man, your kids know youbetter than yourself.
I guarantee you, yes, I'mtelling you, they know you
better that because they see youat home, they see you at church
and they sit back and they belike this at the house.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
They see they know us , dude, they know us.
I saw this TikTok, this lady.
She was like how we cold switch, how we cold switch at work and
at home.
And she walked into theworkplace and she saw one of her
friends that was Latina and shewas speaking in Spanish.
Hey girl, hey girl.
And then she saw a brother whoshe liked.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
She was like hey you how you doing, like yes.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
And then she saw one of the sisters.
She was like girl, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah.
And then she saw one of herbosses at the Mocha machine.
Hey, friend, like how you doing.
And every I was reading thecomments and she and people was
like I cold switch so much, Iget lost in who.
(06:04):
I am Like I cold switch all andI'm like, and I was, I was like
you know how much safety andcomfort that it is to be the
same person everywhere you go.
It's easy, very easy, andeverybody know same way Aaron is
at work, same way Aaron is athome, same way Aaron is on the
(06:28):
pulpit.
That dude, he talked the sameway, he act the same way.
You know, he joke the same way.
It's like it's and people, Ididn't know that was rare
Because you know, when youaround a lot of real people like
y'all, just y'all, the sameeverywhere you go.
(06:50):
And so somebody, somebody fromthe church, was visiting and she
was sitting in the living roomand me and my wife was cutting
up.
She was like here, what aremote.
Oh, I don't know.
You, the prophet, let the Lordtell you.
And that's just us, yeah and andthe lady was like y'all really
(07:13):
like this.
All the time we were like, yeah, like what do you think?
We were like y'all don't becussing in the lake.
No, like, we like how you seeus on Sunday is literally how we
are in the living room Like,and people and people are
surprised by that, and I didn'tknow that that wasn't normal
(07:38):
until you start getting involvedwith people.
Okay, all right, I guess younot the same person.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Well, I'm gonna tell you what that's a mental health
disorder.
Honestly, thank you.
Schizophrenia, thank you.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
The Bible says if you a Double-minded man is unstable
is Unstable and then it's inand all your ways, all your way.
That means, if you unstable athome and you trying to hold it
together at work, eventually,like you said, it's gonna catch
up, because the Bible is not aliar.
(08:16):
No, you are unstable in all ofyour way.
You may be able to, you may beable to keep up the facade for a
little bit, but what I've seenis people who are unstable in
all their ways.
Instead of exploding and peoplefind out who they really are,
they'll just quit and go toanother job.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've seen that happen severaltimes.
This is the thing, especiallywhen you start holding my
accountable.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Oh, don't nobody like that accountability word.
Oh you judging me now?
Speaker 2 (08:51):
I'm like no, you asked me to be your
accountability part the firstone so why are you trying to?
You know?
Come on.
But I feel like you know, wehave to understand that you, a
double-minded man or woman, isunstable.
Unstable and when you said theBible says in all your ways,
that's in your money, yourfinances, yep, yo, yo yo.
Spiritual life at home.
(09:12):
Yeah, you're reading your word,yeah, but you get the church
and you act like you can quote.
There's scripture Come on.
Yeah, I already, but you knowso we cannot do that.
But then you asked the questionabout how do we take care of
ourselves?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Yeah, man yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I must.
I'm gonna come at that anglefrom a, from a husband.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
You know one of you.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Yeah, I'm gonna look at it from a husband, one of you
, because you know us men asespecially as as the spouse, the
husband of our house.
There's times where we have tobreak away.
Yes, we got to break away.
Yes, and when I say break away,I'm not talking about you do is
doing this men conference andyou, I mean, that's great for
(09:56):
some.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
I'm talking to me.
Actually, I'm talking about dowhat you love to do.
Hmm, see, I've got things Ilove to do.
I love I love seafood.
I love, I love eating in areally, really nice seafood
restaurant.
I love to travel and so I, if Ilove to do that and Tina knows
that, you know, so she respectswhat I love.
As long as it's not you know,discrediting my family,
(10:21):
discredited our business, ourchurch.
Yeah, she's about that, yeah,she wants to be like go babe,
you need, you need some you time.
Yeah, you know.
So we got to make sure that usmen we get that me time.
Mmm and I'm not talking aboutthe me time hitting up the strip
club.
Yeah, yeah, you're back in aday.
You know I'm saying that ain't,gonna, that ain't gonna help
(10:42):
you.
You know what I'm saying.
But some good, healthy me time.
You know whether or not it'sgoing to get your hair cut.
It could be a simple brother,you just going to get your hair
cut at the different environment, yeah.
I need to get him around somefellas.
Yeah, you know yeah, done thata time or two, you know, but a
lot of times getting withsomebody, you know some of
brothers, I enjoy being around.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I can't be around, everybody Come cuz.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
it's not that you don't like people, it's just
can't be around everybody.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
My personality might clash, mm-hmm you know, and it's
not on purpose.
Yeah, it's cause I feel like ifwe have different personality
types and they clashin all thetime, it's not gonna be healthy,
mm-hmm, because it's just notgonna be healthy and it's easier
to get hurt.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
And won't roll unintentionally row and you hold
it against that person whenthey just trying to be
themselves.
Yeah, yeah, yeah and you got tounderstand that about somebody.
Before you be like man, I wantto hang out with you.
I'm like McNaughton.
Yeah, yeah, Bien.
Anything more on Diesege?
Let me let you know what you'regetting into.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
No, like for real.
Even when you travel withsomebody yes, patsy, when you
travel with somebody, I want toknow the couple I'm traveling
with.
Come what y'all like to do.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Come on, I'm telling you cuz I ain't trying to get
cut off guy trying to wait whereyou like and then you think we
acting funny because we Likeyeah, we don't really roll like
that.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
So it's got to be some cohesiveness.
Yes, I'm like man.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I'll tell you.
You know, my brother Kyle tellyou too man, like you like, if
you want to be One of my prayerpartners, you gotta be a morning
person.
Yeah, like you can't just belike amen, I want to pray with
you on a consistent basis andyou waking up, 9, 10, doing that
, have my day gone.
Yeah and I'm not staying up to10.
(12:27):
Wait for you to pray with melike and and and.
Then you feel some type of waybecause Harold's not making time
for me and I really want topeel relationship with her.
But Harold a morning person andyou think I'm being funny when
I'm like a I gotta cut thisshort is getting close to that
time for me to go to bed.
It's like he ain't alwaysleaving early, yeah well, again
(12:53):
it's goes to that cohesive names.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
We've got to be co-ed .
You know the personality types,but you got to get away.
You got to break away.
Yeah, get some you time.
Yeah, I tell my wife all thetime baby go, go, go somewhere,
do something that's that youneed.
Yeah you know she get her nailsdone.
Yeah, all that you know, andI'm cool with that.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Yeah.
I'm cool going baby Do, do you?
Uh-huh, do you?
Yeah, and this needed and bro,I, I, I have found ways to to
decompress.
Yeah, you know, I honestly wantthis podcast is one of the ways
.
You know, because I loveconversation, I love deep
(13:32):
conversations.
I know, like some people like,and this is so exhausting, I'm
like, yeah, I love to have mymind Engaged in stuff and so
even like, even when friendscome over, man, we in deep
conversation, yeah, and, andit's not like we trying to one
up each other, it's just like wefeed, not for one another.
You ever be around somebody andy'all just feed enough.
(13:52):
You know, you just going backand forth, back and forth back
and that's, and that feeds me,that refuses me.
But I Told my wife I want toget to the place where I can
take a sabbatical, because I'veheard so much about how healthy
sabbaticals are.
Yeah, especially for men.
Yeah, I was into this guy whoWrote the book a start late,
(14:18):
live rich are, start late andrich and the latte effect he's
talking about, you know.
You know financial stability.
But he had this tangent where hewent on he said I took a year
off.
He said I was meeting with atherapist.
He's I was working, working,working, working, working, you
know, stacking it up, you know.
(14:38):
And then he said the therapistwas like how much you got?
Say you know, you know, I canlive for this many years, not
even work, no more.
Yeah, and she said so why areyou beating yourself up working
60, 70, 80 hours a week?
And you, good, yeah, and shewas like.
He said my therapist was likeyou need to take a year off,
(14:59):
don't do nothing, just do whatyou like doing.
Yep, and get away.
He said the first two months itfelt like his batteries was
being recharged, he said, butthat third and fourth month, he
said man, I feel like mybatteries got replaced and I was
a different like my energylevels my perspective, like
(15:21):
everything was different.
He said I never knew howimportant it was to get away as
a man to just get away fromeverything and just enjoy what I
love doing, and I was likethat's it.
It don't have to be a year, itdon't have to be a month, two
weeks, Just a day, couple ofdays.
(15:42):
You need to get in the habit ofgetting away.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Man, that's deep.
Tina and I we love vacationing.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yes, see a lot of folks, you know that's what I
love about you guys, Dude I loveto travel, I will roll, I'm
like let's go, baby, let's go.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
But it was a time in our marriage, hell, that earlier
on we couldn't afford to travel.
We couldn't afford it.
You know, we were livingpaycheck to paycheck.
You know, we were barely thekids were young.
You know we man, we werestruggling, you know,
financially, until our careersstart taking off and the lawyer
start, you know.
Okay, now you you getting tothat point where you can travel.
(16:21):
So now it's all open door, it'slike boom, let's go.
So but I say that to say this,because a lot of men you made a
point there where they wereworking, working, working,
working, and then, okay, well,why are you working?
Right, come on, let's go and dosomething.
So, but we love to travel andyou know we love to Bahamas, you
(16:44):
know Jamaica, we love more inplaces like that, and usually
when we go we're not going tochurch.
Yeah, we ain't going, we ain'tgoing to nobody's church.
I remember we do church.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
I ain't going to nobody's church.
Kevon stage.
He made a joke.
He was like all my life I hadto church.
He said my parents will go onvacation based off what churches
they wanted to go to where wewas going.
And he said so when I got oldenough and it was in a put in a
financial position.
He said I would intentionallygo on vacation and be like babe,
(17:19):
when we go we ain't settingfoot in a church.
And he said, man, I got soclose, as much closer to God.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Well, it's because it was.
It was you know.
Look, we do church all the timeand and I say do churches,
that's probably not the properword, is it?
We go every week, you know,that's what we supposed to do.
So when it's time to vacation,we vacation, but this is the
thing.
We take the church with us,come on.
So when we own them, cruiseships, and you know everybody,
(17:48):
they kicking back dragon doing athing, tina, we be sitting back
like, okay, lord, we know youbuy, this is a set up, but but
we don't go looking for that,yeah but we just go we A lot of
times.
The Lord, just bring people inyour path, yep, and it's
something different about you.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
You know all the time .
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Yeah, I love a.
My wife.
I tell you Get in the elevatorto be people like man, something
different about your work.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Where are you from?
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Yeah, yeah, and but we enjoy getting away.
It's important.
Yeah, it's important to getaway because it's good for your
mental space.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
It really is it really, is it really?
Is good for your mental space.
You know, I got, I got.
I got friends that have areligious like it's religious
Pickup game with some of theirboys.
Yeah every week and and theywise know they're like y'all go
blow some steam off, like andit's in this, healthy.
You know, I got some friends.
(18:43):
They love going to the shootingrange and it's just, you know,
that's just what they do andit's and it's an outlet for them
, you know and.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Talk about that for me.
You said an outlet, man, yougot me, so I'll start what you
said an outlet for them.
What?
What you mean by that bra?
Speaker 1 (18:56):
So like we as men, I feel like we take on so much and
we don't and we don't releaseit in a healthy way.
So it comes out on the kids, itcomes out on the wife Sometime,
it come out on the past,sometimes come out on the
(19:19):
therapist to when the counselor,come on and it's like.
It's like.
It's exactly what you said whenyou, when you Suppressing so
much and you pushing it down,and you pushing it down.
I used analogy of a volcanoMm-hmm volcano eruptions.
It's nothing but pressure.
Yeah being released, yeah, andwhen you went, the boss acted
(19:40):
funny.
Yeah, pushing it down, the wise, you know, I think you know you
pushing it, the kids crazy.
You pushing it down, you know,saying you you dealing with some
emotional and some mental stuffand you push and then at some
point you go.
You go, yeah, you're gonnaexplode, you're gonna erupt and
whoever is in your way Is gonnafeel it, yep, and they gonna be
(20:02):
offended and they go.
Some of them Gonna cut, cutrelationship with you because,
like you didn't went too far andand and and like I, like I,
like I said, like Me and mybrother, kyle, was talking about
this and he was just like manSometimes, I just got go to the
gym and that's his outlet.
He got go to the gym, guy, youknow, get it out.
You know, and, and me, being acreative person, sometimes I
(20:24):
like to, you know, just createsome stuff, you know, put some
stuff together or read, or youknow, whatever I do, I have,
like I'm weird in a sense thatmy outlet is like learning yeah,
yeah so my outlet is likeFinding out how, like finding
(20:47):
some new skill or some new thingand getting into it.
And my wife and she'd be like,okay, you, you lost in some
stuff.
I'm gonna let you be for a fewhours, yeah, and that kind of
recharges me because it feeds mycreativity.
You know, or I'm editing avideo or something, I'm just
getting into it.
But we need outlets, you know.
And perfect example my birthday, I Thank God for my wife.
(21:12):
My wife surprised me, was justa few fellas.
And and she said babe, you'vebeen going nonstop since the
summer, nonstop and she's likeyou need to release with your
(21:34):
boys.
And she was like I'm gonna makeyou hang out with some fellas
and just be, just be.
And she's like, don't worryabout the school word, don't
worry about work, don't worryabout what you gotta do around
the house, you just gonna kickit.
And, dude, I'll tell youafterwards.
(21:56):
Me and my wife talked aboutthis.
I said, babe, I am sorejuvenated, just cutting up
with the boys.
And I've been so on the go thatI haven't had time to be like,
hey man, let's kick it, or heyman, let's catch something to
eat or go talk.
And I feel like in my mind as aman, as a provider, I'm feeling
(22:20):
like I can't do that because Igot to chase this bag Cause I
got stuff to do, bills to pay,and so I always put myself on
the back burner and my wife waslike I noticed that she's, like
I noticed that you was puttingyour mental health on the back
burner and, at some degree, yourphysical health on the back
(22:42):
burner, because you moving,moving, moving, moving and you
giving and you giving, and youand she was like I was like I
ain't buying you nothing, butI'm gonna make you take a break,
I'm gonna make you rest, I'mgonna make you have an outlet.
And I was so grateful, dude, Iwoke up on Monday a new person.
I was good, that's good.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
I was good.
I'm gonna tell you that's abeautiful thing that your wife
noticed that.
That's beautiful, because somewives don't and they let you
keep going until you just burnout mode.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Dude, I was so convicted because, like you said
, I took that for granted.
Like, not everybody has that ina wife who can realize you
pushing it, bro, come on, comeon.
And just like you said, tina,she's like babe, you need to go
do you for a little bit, andwe've been blessed with women
(23:38):
who do that.
And so we don't know what it'slike not to have that.
Yeah, we don't know what it'slike not to have that.
And so we see men who arerunning themselves into the
ground and it's like, bro, whenthe last time you took a break
(23:59):
you know, I even think aboutwith you, like we real brothers
and friends, and even was itlast night you was like look,
harrell, if you need to pushthis back, you know, take some
rest, bro, he said I've seen howyou've been looking the past
few days and we need people inour lives that can do that,
(24:20):
Instead of always taking, alwaystaking, always taking.
And I think it's men.
One of the for me, one of thegreatest self care things that I
have is dudes that can be realand that care.
I mean I know self care is likeself you do for yourself, but
(24:44):
like being intentional aboutsurrounding yourself with some
brothers that love you enough tosay, bro, take a break, slow
down, or that love you enough tobe like I got this, let me help
you, you know, let me, youain't gotta do this, you know,
(25:06):
or you know just can see somethings and to pray some things,
and that's been really helpfulfor me.
It's some dudes that can belike look, Harrell, I really
need you to help me with this,but I'm gonna find somebody else
, Cause you tapped out, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Well, I look at it like this man, you know you want
guys around you that value you.
You know I'm telling you, man,if they value you as a person,
then everything else.
When you come around, theysense something is off or they
like look, okay, I value mybrother enough to not to let him
(25:44):
keep going in burnout mode.
Yeah, I had.
I had brothers like that in mylife, yourself included.
You know you, just you know.
You know when something's off,people come up to you man, are
you good Uh?
huh, I enjoy that.
Yeah, because sometimes wedon't see it as men Blind spots.
We, we don't see it, you know,because we carry so much the low
(26:05):
so much over we I mean, we gotbroad shoulders and we just
carry it.
Yeah, because that's all we'vedone.
Yeah, and so I'm thankful thatwe put people, that people are
in our lives that value you and,like last night, I value your
time, I value your gift, I valueyour family.
I mean I because that's I know,I know how I know how things
are, yeah, and I, and like Itold you last night, we be
(26:27):
pushing off, bro, you know I'mgood you know my phone number.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
You know where I live , right?
Speaker 2 (26:33):
So I'm, I'm thankful for the gift that God has put in
you.
Amen, you know the gift thatGod has put in Cassie, your
family, you are, you guys are agym.
I'm telling you, man, you're agym to the body of Christ.
What we're doing now is isanother platform.
(26:53):
Yes, you know church, just notas a.
It's not the building.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Yeah, this is this is church that we're doing.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Whether they, you know, your followers see it or
not.
You know, because this, thisthings we talk about on a
platform like this.
You can't really talk about itover the platform at the church
house, you know.
And so it's important that thatwe understand that this is a
space and and and I value yourtime, you know, for for
(27:23):
everything, your effort, yourgift, your call, all the hatch
that you wear, bro man, you wearmore hatch, man.
I'm going to tell you, if y'alldon't know a hair, this man
wear more hats.
I'm telling you he wears a lotof hats, but every hat is needed
, come on, every hat is neededand I'm thankful for you, bro.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
I appreciate that.
I really do.
I'm thankful for you, man um.
Let's ship gears one more time.
Let's shift gears one more time.
I'm interested to hear yourfeedback on a conversation that
I was privy to and listened toon the podcast about men and how
(00:24):
they treat their home versushow they treat their workspace,
and the respect level and thelove level how the person you're
married to, the kids that youwill give your life for, that
you will talk to in a way thatyou will never talk to a boss or
an employer and you could caretwo cents about them Jokers but
(00:49):
you would traumatize the peoplethat means the most to you and
walk on eggshells for the peoplethat's treating you like crap.
You go to the workplace ain'tno holes punched in the wall,
ain't no doors broken?
But at home the kids and thewife they see a whole other
(01:10):
version and I think that goesback to an earlier conversation
where we have people trapped astoddlers.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and Ithink that's an epidemic in men
(01:32):
who can't self-regulate.
Yeah, yeah, Because of thetrauma in their lives, because
of the addictions in their lives, because of the stress that
comes with it.
I think every man we have aguest in the room that the
viewers can't see, but there'ssomeone else here and me and my
(01:53):
brother, we pray every day earlyin the morning, between five,
30 and six, and we arevulnerable, transparent, about
the things that we're goingthrough.
There's some times he's like,Harold, you sound like you've
done.
He said you sound like you'reready to just be done with
(02:16):
everybody and I'm like I'm notgonna lie.
I'm like look, look, man, youmight need to come get these
jokers.
Yeah, but something that Istruggle with myself, that I
think a lot of other menstruggle with, is taking care of
(02:38):
ourselves.
Yeah, Like, how do we expressall of who we are in a safe way
the anger, the sadness, thefrustration, all of the emotions
and have a self care, havethings that we can do?
That contributes to our selfcare?
(02:59):
Cause I don't think a lot ofmen really do good taking care
of ourselves mentally andemotionally.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
We don't.
We don't that first question.
I'm gonna look at it from thispoint of view.
We live a double life.
Yes, you have one life at work,then you have this other life
at home.
At work, you just, they look atyou like man, this dude's done
it, you the best thing sincesliced brain gets it done, gets
(03:29):
it done right.
They said it's like this doublestandard man.
Yeah, I feel like.
And you know, a house isunstable, it's gonna fall.
Yep, you know in a lot of timeswhat goes on home it's gonna
trickle over to the workplace.
Come on, eventually.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Eventually, eventually.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
It will trickle over eventually.
So we've gotta be careful thatwe don't live this double life.
You know, man, how can we betwo people?
Speaker 1 (03:56):
It's hard, dude.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
It's hard to be two people.
I put it this way it's hard.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
You have people who live all these lives.
They got one life at work, onelife on social media, one life
in Vegas and another life athome and you trying to maintain
all these versions of you andnot let anyone see the real you.
(04:27):
But God created us to be oneperson.
One dude, one dude we one dudeand you can't compete.
Man, I have enough time beingme Bruh.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Can you imagine?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
trying to be three of me, bruh, three of you.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
You know what I'm saying, man.
I'll be confused, I'll be.
You know cause they be likewhich, Aaron, we got today you
know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Come on.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
But I'm gonna tell you who knows the real you
Besides God is our kids.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Come on, dude.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I'm gonna tell y'all those who have kids at home yes,
and you in ministry.
Yes, man, your kids know youbetter than yourself.
I guarantee you, yes, I'mtelling you, they know you
better that because they see youat home, they see you at church
and they sit back and they belike this at the house.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
They see they know us , dude, they know us.
I saw this TikTok, this lady.
She was like how we cold switch, how we cold switch at work and
at home.
And she walked into theworkplace and she saw one of her
friends that was Latina and shewas speaking in Spanish.
Hey girl, hey girl.
And then she saw a brother whoshe liked.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
She was like hey you how you doing, like yes.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
And then she saw one of the sisters.
She was like girl, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah.
And then she saw one of herbosses at the Mocha machine.
Hey, friend, like how you doing.
And every I was reading thecomments and she and people was
like I cold switch so much, Iget lost in who.
(06:04):
I am Like I cold switch all andI'm like, and I was, I was like
you know how much safety andcomfort that it is to be the
same person everywhere you go.
It's easy, very easy, andeverybody know same way Aaron is
at work, same way Aaron is athome, same way Aaron is on the
(06:28):
pulpit.
That dude, he talked the sameway, he act the same way.
You know, he joke the same way.
It's like it's and people, Ididn't know that was rare
Because you know, when youaround a lot of real people like
y'all, just y'all, the sameeverywhere you go.
(06:50):
And so somebody, somebody fromthe church, was visiting and she
was sitting in the living roomand me and my wife was cutting
up.
She was like here, what aremote.
Oh, I don't know.
You, the prophet, let the Lordtell you.
And that's just us, yeah and andthe lady was like y'all really
(07:13):
like this.
All the time we were like, yeah, like what do you think?
We were like y'all don't becussing in the lake.
No, like, we like how you seeus on Sunday is literally how we
are in the living room Like,and people and people are
surprised by that, and I didn'tknow that that wasn't normal
(07:38):
until you start getting involvedwith people.
Okay, all right, I guess younot the same person.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Well, I'm gonna tell you what that's a mental health
disorder.
Honestly, thank you.
Schizophrenia, thank you.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
The Bible says if you a Double-minded man is unstable
is Unstable and then it's inand all your ways, all your way.
That means, if you unstable athome and you trying to hold it
together at work, eventually,like you said, it's gonna catch
up, because the Bible is not aliar.
(08:16):
No, you are unstable in all ofyour way.
You may be able to, you may beable to keep up the facade for a
little bit, but what I've seenis people who are unstable in
all their ways.
Instead of exploding and peoplefind out who they really are,
they'll just quit and go toanother job.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've seen that happen severaltimes.
This is the thing, especiallywhen you start holding my
accountable.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Oh, don't nobody like that accountability word.
Oh you judging me now?
Speaker 2 (08:51):
I'm like no, you asked me to be your
accountability part the firstone so why are you trying to?
You know?
Come on.
But I feel like you know, wehave to understand that you, a
double-minded man or woman, isunstable.
Unstable and when you said theBible says in all your ways,
that's in your money, yourfinances, yep, yo, yo yo.
Spiritual life at home.
(09:12):
Yeah, you're reading your word,yeah, but you get the church
and you act like you can quote.
There's scripture Come on.
Yeah, I already, but you knowso we cannot do that.
But then you asked the questionabout how do we take care of
ourselves?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Yeah, man yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I must.
I'm gonna come at that anglefrom a, from a husband.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
You know one of you.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Yeah, I'm gonna look at it from a husband, one of you
, because you know us men asespecially as as the spouse, the
husband of our house.
There's times where we have tobreak away.
Yes, we got to break away.
Yes, and when I say break away,I'm not talking about you do is
doing this men conference andyou, I mean, that's great for
(09:56):
some.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
I'm talking to me.
Actually, I'm talking about dowhat you love to do.
Hmm, see, I've got things Ilove to do.
I love I love seafood.
I love, I love eating in areally, really nice seafood
restaurant.
I love to travel and so I, if Ilove to do that and Tina knows
that, you know, so she respectswhat I love.
As long as it's not you know,discrediting my family,
(10:21):
discredited our business, ourchurch.
Yeah, she's about that, yeah,she wants to be like go babe,
you need, you need some you time.
Yeah, you know.
So we got to make sure that usmen we get that me time.
Mmm and I'm not talking aboutthe me time hitting up the strip
club.
Yeah, yeah, you're back in aday.
You know I'm saying that ain't,gonna, that ain't gonna help
(10:42):
you.
You know what I'm saying.
But some good, healthy me time.
You know whether or not it'sgoing to get your hair cut.
It could be a simple brother,you just going to get your hair
cut at the different environment, yeah.
I need to get him around somefellas.
Yeah, you know yeah, done thata time or two, you know, but a
lot of times getting withsomebody, you know some of
brothers, I enjoy being around.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I can't be around, everybody Come cuz.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
it's not that you don't like people, it's just
can't be around everybody.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
My personality might clash, mm-hmm you know, and it's
not on purpose.
Yeah, it's cause I feel like ifwe have different personality
types and they clashin all thetime, it's not gonna be healthy,
mm-hmm, because it's just notgonna be healthy and it's easier
to get hurt.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
And won't roll unintentionally row and you hold
it against that person whenthey just trying to be
themselves.
Yeah, yeah, yeah and you got tounderstand that about somebody.
Before you be like man, I wantto hang out with you.
I'm like McNaughton.
Yeah, yeah, Bien.
Anything more on Diesege?
Let me let you know what you'regetting into.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
No, like for real.
Even when you travel withsomebody yes, patsy, when you
travel with somebody, I want toknow the couple I'm traveling
with.
Come what y'all like to do.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Come on, I'm telling you cuz I ain't trying to get
cut off guy trying to wait whereyou like and then you think we
acting funny because we Likeyeah, we don't really roll like
that.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
So it's got to be some cohesiveness.
Yes, I'm like man.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I'll tell you.
You know, my brother Kyle tellyou too man, like you like, if
you want to be One of my prayerpartners, you gotta be a morning
person.
Yeah, like you can't just belike amen, I want to pray with
you on a consistent basis andyou waking up, 9, 10, doing that
, have my day gone.
Yeah and I'm not staying up to10.
(12:27):
Wait for you to pray with melike and and and.
Then you feel some type of waybecause Harold's not making time
for me and I really want topeel relationship with her.
But Harold a morning person andyou think I'm being funny when
I'm like a I gotta cut thisshort is getting close to that
time for me to go to bed.
It's like he ain't alwaysleaving early, yeah well, again
(12:53):
it's goes to that cohesive names.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
We've got to be co-ed .
You know the personality types,but you got to get away.
You got to break away.
Yeah, get some you time.
Yeah, I tell my wife all thetime baby go, go, go somewhere,
do something that's that youneed.
Yeah you know she get her nailsdone.
Yeah, all that you know, andI'm cool with that.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Yeah.
I'm cool going baby Do, do you?
Uh-huh, do you?
Yeah, and this needed and bro,I, I, I have found ways to to
decompress.
Yeah, you know, I honestly wantthis podcast is one of the ways
.
You know, because I loveconversation, I love deep
(13:32):
conversations.
I know, like some people like,and this is so exhausting, I'm
like, yeah, I love to have mymind Engaged in stuff and so
even like, even when friendscome over, man, we in deep
conversation, yeah, and, andit's not like we trying to one
up each other, it's just like wefeed, not for one another.
You ever be around somebody andy'all just feed enough.
(13:52):
You know, you just going backand forth, back and forth back
and that's, and that feeds me,that refuses me.
But I Told my wife I want toget to the place where I can
take a sabbatical, because I'veheard so much about how healthy
sabbaticals are.
Yeah, especially for men.
Yeah, I was into this guy whoWrote the book a start late,
(14:18):
live rich are, start late andrich and the latte effect he's
talking about, you know.
You know financial stability.
But he had this tangent where hewent on he said I took a year
off.
He said I was meeting with atherapist.
He's I was working, working,working, working, working, you
know, stacking it up, you know.
(14:38):
And then he said the therapistwas like how much you got?
Say you know, you know, I canlive for this many years, not
even work, no more.
Yeah, and she said so why areyou beating yourself up working
60, 70, 80 hours a week?
And you, good, yeah, and shewas like.
He said my therapist was likeyou need to take a year off,
(14:59):
don't do nothing, just do whatyou like doing.
Yep, and get away.
He said the first two months itfelt like his batteries was
being recharged, he said, butthat third and fourth month, he
said man, I feel like mybatteries got replaced and I was
a different like my energylevels my perspective, like
(15:21):
everything was different.
He said I never knew howimportant it was to get away as
a man to just get away fromeverything and just enjoy what I
love doing, and I was likethat's it.
It don't have to be a year, itdon't have to be a month, two
weeks, Just a day, couple ofdays.
(15:42):
You need to get in the habit ofgetting away.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Man, that's deep.
Tina and I we love vacationing.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yes, see a lot of folks, you know that's what I
love about you guys, Dude I loveto travel, I will roll, I'm
like let's go, baby, let's go.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
But it was a time in our marriage, hell, that earlier
on we couldn't afford to travel.
We couldn't afford it.
You know, we were livingpaycheck to paycheck.
You know, we were barely thekids were young.
You know we man, we werestruggling, you know,
financially, until our careersstart taking off and the lawyer
start, you know.
Okay, now you you getting tothat point where you can travel.
(16:21):
So now it's all open door, it'slike boom, let's go.
So but I say that to say this,because a lot of men you made a
point there where they wereworking, working, working,
working, and then, okay, well,why are you working?
Right, come on, let's go and dosomething.
So, but we love to travel andyou know we love to Bahamas, you
(16:44):
know Jamaica, we love more inplaces like that, and usually
when we go we're not going tochurch.
Yeah, we ain't going, we ain'tgoing to nobody's church.
I remember we do church.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
I ain't going to nobody's church.
Kevon stage.
He made a joke.
He was like all my life I hadto church.
He said my parents will go onvacation based off what churches
they wanted to go to where wewas going.
And he said so when I got oldenough and it was in a put in a
financial position.
He said I would intentionallygo on vacation and be like babe,
(17:19):
when we go we ain't settingfoot in a church.
And he said, man, I got soclose, as much closer to God.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Well, it's because it was.
It was you know.
Look, we do church all the timeand and I say do churches,
that's probably not the properword, is it?
We go every week, you know,that's what we supposed to do.
So when it's time to vacation,we vacation, but this is the
thing.
We take the church with us,come on.
So when we own them, cruiseships, and you know everybody,
(17:48):
they kicking back dragon doing athing, tina, we be sitting back
like, okay, lord, we know youbuy, this is a set up, but but
we don't go looking for that,yeah but we just go we A lot of
times.
The Lord, just bring people inyour path, yep, and it's
something different about you.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
You know all the time .
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Yeah, I love a.
My wife.
I tell you Get in the elevatorto be people like man, something
different about your work.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Where are you from?
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Yeah, yeah, and but we enjoy getting away.
It's important.
Yeah, it's important to getaway because it's good for your
mental space.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
It really is it really, is it really?
Is good for your mental space.
You know, I got, I got.
I got friends that have areligious like it's religious
Pickup game with some of theirboys.
Yeah every week and and theywise know they're like y'all go
blow some steam off, like andit's in this, healthy.
You know, I got some friends.
(18:43):
They love going to the shootingrange and it's just, you know,
that's just what they do andit's and it's an outlet for them
, you know and.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Talk about that for me.
You said an outlet, man, yougot me, so I'll start what you
said an outlet for them.
What?
What you mean by that bra?
Speaker 1 (18:56):
So like we as men, I feel like we take on so much and
we don't and we don't releaseit in a healthy way.
So it comes out on the kids, itcomes out on the wife Sometime,
it come out on the past,sometimes come out on the
(19:19):
therapist to when the counselor,come on and it's like.
It's like.
It's exactly what you said whenyou, when you Suppressing so
much and you pushing it down,and you pushing it down.
I used analogy of a volcanoMm-hmm volcano eruptions.
It's nothing but pressure.
Yeah being released, yeah, andwhen you went, the boss acted
(19:40):
funny.
Yeah, pushing it down, the wise, you know, I think you know you
pushing it, the kids crazy.
You pushing it down, you know,saying you you dealing with some
emotional and some mental stuffand you push and then at some
point you go.
You go, yeah, you're gonnaexplode, you're gonna erupt and
whoever is in your way Is gonnafeel it, yep, and they gonna be
(20:02):
offended and they go.
Some of them Gonna cut, cutrelationship with you because,
like you didn't went too far andand and and like I, like I,
like I said, like Me and mybrother, kyle, was talking about
this and he was just like manSometimes, I just got go to the
gym and that's his outlet.
He got go to the gym, guy, youknow, get it out.
You know, and, and me, being acreative person, sometimes I
(20:24):
like to, you know, just createsome stuff, you know, put some
stuff together or read, or youknow, whatever I do, I have,
like I'm weird in a sense thatmy outlet is like learning yeah,
yeah so my outlet is likeFinding out how, like finding
(20:47):
some new skill or some new thingand getting into it.
And my wife and she'd be like,okay, you, you lost in some
stuff.
I'm gonna let you be for a fewhours, yeah, and that kind of
recharges me because it feeds mycreativity.
You know, or I'm editing avideo or something, I'm just
getting into it.
But we need outlets, you know.
And perfect example my birthday, I Thank God for my wife.
(21:12):
My wife surprised me, was justa few fellas.
And and she said babe, you'vebeen going nonstop since the
summer, nonstop and she's likeyou need to release with your
(21:34):
boys.
And she was like I'm gonna makeyou hang out with some fellas
and just be, just be.
And she's like, don't worryabout the school word, don't
worry about work, don't worryabout what you gotta do around
the house, you just gonna kickit.
And, dude, I'll tell youafterwards.
(21:56):
Me and my wife talked aboutthis.
I said, babe, I am sorejuvenated, just cutting up
with the boys.
And I've been so on the go thatI haven't had time to be like,
hey man, let's kick it, or heyman, let's catch something to
eat or go talk.
And I feel like in my mind as aman, as a provider, I'm feeling
(22:20):
like I can't do that because Igot to chase this bag Cause I
got stuff to do, bills to pay,and so I always put myself on
the back burner and my wife waslike I noticed that she's, like
I noticed that you was puttingyour mental health on the back
burner and, at some degree, yourphysical health on the back
(22:42):
burner, because you moving,moving, moving, moving and you
giving and you giving, and youand she was like I was like I
ain't buying you nothing, butI'm gonna make you take a break,
I'm gonna make you rest, I'mgonna make you have an outlet.
And I was so grateful, dude, Iwoke up on Monday a new person.
I was good, that's good.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
I was good.
I'm gonna tell you that's abeautiful thing that your wife
noticed that.
That's beautiful, because somewives don't and they let you
keep going until you just burnout mode.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Dude, I was so convicted because, like you said
, I took that for granted.
Like, not everybody has that ina wife who can realize you
pushing it, bro, come on, comeon.
And just like you said, tina,she's like babe, you need to go
do you for a little bit, andwe've been blessed with women
(23:38):
who do that.
And so we don't know what it'slike not to have that.
Yeah, we don't know what it'slike not to have that.
And so we see men who arerunning themselves into the
ground and it's like, bro, whenthe last time you took a break
(23:59):
you know, I even think aboutwith you, like we real brothers
and friends, and even was itlast night you was like look,
harrell, if you need to pushthis back, you know, take some
rest, bro, he said I've seen howyou've been looking the past
few days and we need people inour lives that can do that,
(24:20):
Instead of always taking, alwaystaking, always taking.
And I think it's men.
One of the for me, one of thegreatest self care things that I
have is dudes that can be realand that care.
I mean I know self care is likeself you do for yourself, but
(24:44):
like being intentional aboutsurrounding yourself with some
brothers that love you enough tosay, bro, take a break, slow
down, or that love you enough tobe like I got this, let me help
you, you know, let me, youain't gotta do this, you know,
(25:06):
or you know just can see somethings and to pray some things,
and that's been really helpfulfor me.
It's some dudes that can belike look, Harrell, I really
need you to help me with this,but I'm gonna find somebody else
, Cause you tapped out, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Well, I look at it like this man, you know you want
guys around you that value you.
You know I'm telling you, man,if they value you as a person,
then everything else.
When you come around, theysense something is off or they
like look, okay, I value mybrother enough to not to let him
(25:44):
keep going in burnout mode.
Yeah, I had.
I had brothers like that in mylife, yourself included.
You know you, just you know.
You know when something's off,people come up to you man, are
you good Uh?
huh, I enjoy that.
Yeah, because sometimes wedon't see it as men Blind spots.
We, we don't see it, you know,because we carry so much the low
(26:05):
so much over we I mean, we gotbroad shoulders and we just
carry it.
Yeah, because that's all we'vedone.
Yeah, and so I'm thankful thatwe put people, that people are
in our lives that value you and,like last night, I value your
time, I value your gift, I valueyour family.
I mean I because that's I know,I know how I know how things
are, yeah, and I, and like Itold you last night, we be
(26:27):
pushing off, bro, you know I'mgood you know my phone number.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
You know where I live , right?
Speaker 2 (26:33):
So I'm, I'm thankful for the gift that God has put in
you.
Amen, you know the gift thatGod has put in Cassie, your
family, you are, you guys are agym.
I'm telling you, man, you're agym to the body of Christ.
What we're doing now is isanother platform.
(26:53):
Yes, you know church, just notas a.
It's not the building.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Yeah, this is this is church that we're doing.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Whether they, you know, your followers see it or
not.
You know, because this, thisthings we talk about on a
platform like this.
You can't really talk about itover the platform at the church
house, you know.
And so it's important that thatwe understand that this is a
space and and and I value yourtime, you know, for for
(27:23):
everything, your effort, yourgift, your call, all the hatch
that you wear, bro man, you wearmore hatch, man.
I'm going to tell you, if y'alldon't know a hair, this man
wear more hats.
I'm telling you he wears a lotof hats, but every hat is needed
, come on, every hat is neededand I'm thankful for you, bro.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
I appreciate that.
I really do.
I'm thankful for you, man um.
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