April 15, 2025 • 35 mins
What if your greatest pain is actually preparation for your greatest purpose? That profound question anchors this special Resurrection Sunday episode where we explore how our deepest struggles often become our most powerful ministry qualifications.
Drawing inspiration from Jesus' experience of the cross, we discover something remarkable about suffering. In Gethsemane, Jesus demonstrated what modern psychology would call acute stress response—even sweating drops of blood, a condition known as hematidrosis that occurs only under extreme distress. Yet this ultimate stressor led to resurrection and the declaration that "all authority in heaven and earth" had been given to Him.
This pattern of stress transforming into strength isn't just spiritual theory. Modern research on post-traumatic growth shows that 50-60% of trauma survivors report profound positive transformations: deeper relationships, greater compassion, discovered personal strength, new life possibilities, and enhanced spiritual connection. Through compelling biblical examples like Joseph and David, alongside contemporary stories, we see how suffering becomes specialized knowledge that equips us with unique authority.
The seven-step "sacred pathway" offers a practical framework for transforming your pain into purpose: honestly acknowledging your pain, processing it in community, finding redemptive meaning, developing specialized knowledge, sharing your healed wounds as testimony, accepting your new authority, and creating resurrection structures that build lasting legacy from your redeemed suffering.
Your crucible moment—that stress that feels like it might break you—could be exactly what God uses to make you a healer of others. But only if you trust the process from garden to grave to glory, just as Jesus did. This resurrection principle transforms our greatest stress into our greatest strength and purpose.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
All right, we are recording.
All right.
All right, so what's good,family?
Welcome back to the podcast.
I am so excited, so let me movethis back some.
All right, what's good, family,welcome back to the podcast.
I am glad.
I am so glad that you're heretoday because we're diving into
(00:25):
something special and we'regoing to be doing an episode in
honor of Resurrection Sunday.
So at the time of me recordingthis, easter is the next coming
Sunday, and so this episode isinspired by none other than the
work, the finished work, ofJesus on the cross right, and I
believe that what we'rediscussing today has the
(00:48):
potential to completelytransform how you view your
struggles, your pain and thosemoments when life feels like
it's about to crush you right.
So, before we skedaddle rightinto the heart of this topic,
let me just say how this messagecame to be Right.
So I had just finished writingtwo episodes for for Stress
(01:11):
Awareness Month in April.
So I just finished writingthose two episodes One, they're
still going to be dropping, oneis on marital stress and one is
on parenting stress.
Parenting stress, okay.
And I was at church and mypastor was talking about being
willing to die for the gospel,like Jesus did, like the
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disciples did, like many peopledid, and that sparked an idea of
stress, of the cross for Jesusand the idea that our greatest
stressors often become ourgreatest ministry areas and
qualifiers for that next levelof influence and authority in
(01:54):
our lives.
And so think about that for asecond.
Think about it the very thingthat causes you the most pain,
the most stress, that's oftenthe exact place that God is
preparing you to have the mostimpact and authority.
And don't take it from me I'veseen this play out in my own
(02:14):
life repeatedly.
My childhood trauma became apathway to help others heal.
My struggles with ADHD became aplatform to help others
maximize their unique brainwiring.
Even through my teaching, I'mseeing how that has been a
blessing.
My marriage and my maritalchallenges have become the very
(02:36):
crucible that forged my identityand my ability to guide other
couples through theirdifficulties to guide other
couples through theirdifficulties.
Okay, so those things in mylife that causes that caused me
the greatest stress were oftenwhat God was using.
But I'm but I'm not the examplethat I want to focus on today.
(02:57):
Right, I want us to look atJesus Christ himself and the
finished work he accomplishedthat we celebrate on Easter
Sunday.
All right, this is my EasterSunday, our Resurrection Sunday
podcast special right.
And so have you ever reallythought about the cross from
Jesus's perspective?
I know we've seen the moviesabout the cross, we saw the
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plays about the cross, we readthe scriptures about the cross,
but have you thought about itfrom his perspective, not just
theologically, but emotionallyand psychologically?
Because the garden ofGethsemane gives us a rare
glimpse into the crisis orJesus's humanity?
Like the dude was sweatingdrops of blood, asking if the
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cup could pass from him from God, asking if the cup could pass
from him from God, experiencingwhat modern psychology would
identify as acute stressresponse.
Like that's what he was goingthrough getting ready for the
cross.
And so Luke, who was aphysician, he documents that
Jesus sweat drops of blood,sweat drops of blood, which is a
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condition that we now know asas uh hermitidosis and which
occurs under extreme uh stress.
And uh, it's when yourcapillaries and the sweat glands
rupture, like they explode, youknow, and that's a uh
physiological stress response.
That happens only in the mostextreme circumstances.
And the cross wasn't just theplan of salvation, right, it was
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also the greatest stressorJesus faced as a human, as a
human being.
That was the greatest stressorof the cross, and what happened
after he endured that stress wasthe resurrection, which didn't
just overcome the grave butestablished his ultimate
authority in heaven and on earth.
So this pattern that I'mtalking about when it goes
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stress, suffering, then strengthand authority this isn't just a
spiritual principle, becausemodern neuroscience and trauma
research are now confirming whatscripture has been teaching us
all along.
And so today, inspired by theresurrection power we celebrate
on Easter Sunday, we're going tounpack this connection between
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our stress and our strength, oursuffering and our service, our
trauma and our testimony.
Come on, somebody, all right.
And so there's what I call theparadox of redemptive suffering.
Here's where most of us get itwrong.
We view stress and suffering aspurely negative experiences to
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be avoided at all costs.
Right.
And our culture, the world welive in, is constantly selling
us on comfort, convenience andthe elimination of all
discomfort.
Right, that's literally themarketing plan for our culture,
the westernized world.
It's like how can I eliminatediscomfort and get what I want
at a convenient and comfortableplace, location, price, whatever
(06:06):
?
But what if the greatest, yourgreatest pain is actually your
preparation?
Can you think about that?
What if the greatest stressthat you're going through is
actually your greatestpreparation.
Think about Joseph in the Bible.
His brothers sold him intoslavery.
He was falsely accused.
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He was in prison for years.
Talk about trauma.
But later he tells his brothers.
He says you meant it for evil,but God meant it for good, for
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good.
So his suffering wasn't justrandom pain, it was preparation
for his ultimate purpose.
Or consider David, who spentyears running for his life from
Saul the dude was legit chasinghim to kill him and that was his
father-in-law, that was hisking, that was his dude.
And Saul.
And he was doing this before hebecame Israel's greatest king.
Because his suffering shapedhis leadership and gave us many
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of the Psalms that we still relyon and comforts many people
thousands of years later.
Because the research onpost-traumatic growth is
fascinating here.
Because when I look at thelives of Joseph, when I look at
the lives of David, when I lookat the different people in the
Bible that has gone throughthese crazy things, the life of
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Jesus, the research, modern dayresearch, tells us.
For instance, let me give youDr Richard Tedeschi and Dr
Lawrence Calhoun they coined theterm in the 90s, in the 1990s
the post-traumatic growth.
That's the term that theycoined to describe how people
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often experience profoundchallenges and changes after
enduring severe stress andtrauma.
Their research shows us thatabout 50 to 60% of trauma
survivors report some form ofpositive transformation, and
that positive transformation wasin the form of either deeper,
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more meaningful relationships, agreater compassion for others
because of what they've gonethrough, discovery of personal
strength that they didn't knowthat they even had that's
something that I experienced Newpossibilities and purpose in
life that opens up because theymade it to the other side of
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that trauma and that stress, oreven enhanced spiritual
connection and meaning yourpurpose in life.
Right, so does that soundfamiliar?
Because these are the veryqualities that we need for
effective ministry.
And when I say effectiveministry, that could be anything
your life's work, your life'spurpose, because this isn't just
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psychology, catching up toscripture.
No, it's neurological, it's aneurological reality, and when
we experience stress, our brainshave the capacity for
neuroplasticity.
And neuroplasticity thatliterally means the rewiring and
creating new neural pathways inyour brain, and this is why
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therapists or therapies likeEMDR can help transform
traumatic memories into sourcesof strength is because they're
just using what the Biblealready told us was possible and
that's taken, that stress, thatpain, that trauma, and
transforming it to somethingvery, very powerful.
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Because the fact of the matteris, I used to be embarrassed
about my past, the addiction,the broken relationships, the
struggles.
But I've come to understandthat these weren't just
obstacles to overcome, they werequalifications that God was
building in me.
Overcome they werequalifications that God was
building in me because Paulwrites in second Corinthians, um
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one, three and four.
He says praise be to the Godand father of our Lord, jesus
Christ, the father of compassion, the God of all comfort, who
comforts us in all our troubles,so that we can comfort those in
any trouble with the comfortthat we ourselves receive from
God.
I know that was a mouthful, butnotice the sequence here.
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Notice that first we receivecomfort in our troubles and then
we're equipped, we're qualified, we're prepared, we're apt to
comfort others.
So our ministry authority, ourlife's purpose authority, our
life's work authority, literallycomes from our pain points and
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our greatest stressors.
This is important, the stressand suffering itself.
It isn't automaticallyredemptive, because Jesus didn't
just suffer, he suffered withtrust in the Father's purpose.
He says, not my will but yoursbe done.
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So he was trusting God in theprocess.
This is what I call redemptivesuffering.
And that's redemptive sufferingis when the pain that's
processed through trust,surrender and, ultimately,
resurrection.
It's not about just enduringhardship, it's following or
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allowing that hardship to betransformed into healing.
Let me give you a modern example.
So my friend Jeremy grew upwith a father who struggled with
alcoholism.
Right, and for years this wasJeremy's greatest source of pain
and shame.
But after his own journey ofhealing, jeremy now runs one of
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the most effective addictionrecovery ministries that I've
ever seen yo.
And his authority doesn't comefrom a textbook, it comes from
the trenches of his ownexperience.
Right, because let's face it,when people in recovery speak to
Jeremy, they don't just hearwords of encouragement, they
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encounter someone who has walkedthrough the valley and found a
way out.
And that's an authority thatcan't be taught in seminary, it
can't be gained through acertification program.
Now, I'm not saying God causesall of our suffering.
Don't put that on me, that'snot what I'm saying.
But what I'm saying is Don'tput that on me, that's not what
I'm saying.
But what I'm saying is much.
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Because the fact is, much ofour pain comes from living in a
broken world.
When people ask me, harold, whydid this happen to me?
Why did this happen to myfamily member?
Why did this happen to my lovedone?
We live in a fallen and brokenworld, and a lot of times our
suffering comes from our ownchoices or from the harmful
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actions that other people aredoing towards us, people that
get caught up in trafficking.
You can't blame them for beinga victim of trafficking, but
what I am saying is that Goddoesn't waste our pain.
He's in the redemption business, taking what was meant to
destroy us and transforming itinto what propels us, into our
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purpose.
All right.
So, just like the cross, whatappeared to be a defeat to Jesus
became the very mechanism ofvictory.
And I don't think it's acoincidence that we celebrate
Easter or Resurrection Sunday inApril, and April has been
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identified as the stressawareness month.
Okay, Because the cross wasJesus's ultimate stressor, right
and so how do we actually dothis?
How do we take our greateststressors and transform them
into our greatest sources ofministry, influence and
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authority?
Right and so, if you've beenlistening to me, you know that I
love to give practical advice.
I love to back up my biblicalworldview with research and
academia and science, but I alsowant to give you practical
things that you can use, becauseif God is God, he's not going
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to be disproved, he's only goingto be confirmed right.
And so I want to share with youwhat I call the sacred pathway
right, and it's a process thatI've observed both in scripture
and in the lives of people whohave successfully turned their
pain into purpose.
And before I outline thesesteps, let me remind you of
something very profound yet, andalso very important, especially
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as we consider the finishedwork of Jesus that we celebrate
on Easter Sunday.
As we consider the finishedwork of Jesus that we celebrate
on Easter Sunday, when Jesusrose from the dead, he didn't
just overcome the stress of thecross, it wasn't just like a
byproduct of dying.
He was given all power andauthority over the grave.
And precisely because hetrusted the process, jesus
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trusted the process and wasgiven all power and authority.
Matthew 28, 18 tells us thatafter the resurrection, jesus
declared all authority in heavenand on earth has been given to
me.
So his suffering led tounprecedented authority.
His suffering led to levelingup, or a glow up, as we would
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say.
The same principle applies tous when we follow the sacred
pathway.
This sacred pathway is modeledafter the path that Jesus took
on the cross.
And so step number one is toacknowledge the reality of your
pain.
John 11, 35.
Most of us heard descriptionfor the first time on barbershop
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Jesus wept.
That's the first part of thefirst step is acknowledging the
reality of your pain.
And Jesus did that he wept.
And so the first step is simplebut profound.
The first step is simple butprofound.
Stop pretending, stop Stopminimizing.
Name your pain for what it isand Gethsemane.
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Jesus didn't spiritualize hisstress or pretend it wasn't
happening.
No, he he says in his own words, he was overwhelmed with sorrow
to the point of death.
He named his reality, he namedhis pain.
He named his reality, he namedhis pain, and research from Dr
Brene Brown has consistentlyshown that we can't selectively
numb our emotions.
When we try to numb pain, weend up numbing joy.
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Source of stress or pain rightnow, or trauma, whatever it is.
Trauma, pain, stress is, it'sall.
It's all a stressor is allstemmed from a stressor, and so
don't spiritualize it away.
Name it honestly before God,just like David did in many of
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his Psalms and just like Jesusdid in the garden.
Okay.
So name your pain, because whenwe acknowledge our pain.
We're not showing a lack offaith.
No, we're following the exampleof Christ, who was honest about
his suffering.
So that's what we got to do wegot to be honest about our
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suffering, acknowledge thatthere's pain.
Step number two process yourpain in community.
I am working on a do the workstarter kit that's geared around
my ICU framework and the ICUframework is it's like ICU.
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The letter I, the letter C, theletter U, but it's also a play
on words where I see you like incommunity.
And the I is for identity.
You have to identify, you haveto know yourself before you can
help someone else.
You have to be able to identifywhat's going on in your own
life before you can startidentifying what's going on is
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for connection Okay.
And then the the U is for unity, which is finding support
outside of yourself and unifyingtogether.
So, and I say all that to say,step two is the process your
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pain and community.
Mark 14, 33 says then he tookPeter, james and John along with
him, and he was going to thegarden to pray because he was
going to be taken so that hecould die on the cross, and he
took his friends with him.
So even Jesus didn't processhis greatest stress alone.
In the darkest hour, he broughthis closest friends with him to
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the garden to pray.
And so the neurological conceptof co-regulation is powerful
here, and when we process painin the presence of safe people,
our nervous system can regulatein ways that it simply cannot
when we're alone and isolated,and so that's basically a
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scientific way of saying look,you need you a safe community to
process the pain that you'regoing through.
Because Kirk Thompson, who's apsychiatrist and an author of
the Soul of Shame, he explainsthat our brains are literally
wired for connection, which iswhy, in ICU, the C is for
connection, and shame and traumadrive us toward isolation, but
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healing happens in community,and so a practical way that you
can can apply.
Step two is to identify two orthree safe people with whom you
can share your struggle with andbe honest about it.
You know, this might be acounselor, this might be a
pastor, this might be a friendor support group, but whoever
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you find, share not just whathappened to you but how it
affected you emotionally andspiritually, because the reason
I want you to do this is theenemy wants your pain to isolate
you, but God wants your pain toconnect you, first to himself
and then to others, becausehealing happens in community.
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Step number three find theredemptive meaning.
What do you mean by that,harold?
In Romans 8, 28, it says and Ilove this scripture.
It says and we know that allthings work, all things, god,
I'm sorry, let me get this right.
Uh, romans 8, 28 says and weknow that in all things, god
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works for the good of those wholove him and who have been
called according to his purpose.
God works all things together,uh, for our good, for those who
love him and have been calledaccording to his purpose.
And this step is not aboutslapping a slimp up and this
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step is not about slapping asimplistic.
Everything happens for a reason.
Man, on your pain.
That's not what it's about.
It's about actively partneringwith God to discover how
suffering might be redeemed, andnot just suffering in general,
but this specific suffering thatyou're going through, principle
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in psychology, is calledmeaning making.
It's very important because DrFranco, who wasa Holocaust
survivor and psychiatrist, heobserved that those who survive
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the concentration camps theywasn't physically the strongest,
but it was those who foundmeaning in their suffering.
Those are the ones who survivedthe concentration camps, not
the strong in might, but thestrong in meaning.
And so Jesus found meaning inhis suffering by focusing on, in
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his own words, the joy setbefore him.
He says he focused on the joyset before him, the redemptive
purpose of the cross.
And so, practically speaking,just ask yourself what has this
painful experience taught methat I wouldn't have learned
otherwise?
I've asked myself that before.
Or you could ask yourself howhas it made me more
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compassionate, more aware ofGod's presence, more equipped to
help others?
And then just write it down.
Write down at least three waysthat your perspective has
deepened throughout thisstruggle or this pain that
you're going through.
Right, which brings us to stepnumber four develop specialized
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knowledge.
Now, this is something that Imight have added because I'm
entrepreneurially minded, but inIsaiah 53, it says he was
despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering and
familiar with pain.
So your stress has given youspecialized knowledge that
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others don't have.
Your suffering has made you anexpert in areas that people with
comfortable lives know nothingabout.
Think about it Jesus doesn'tjust theoretically understand
our suffering.
No, doesn't just theoreticallyunderstand our suffering.
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No, hebrews tells us that hewas tempted in every way, just
as we are.
His suffering gave himexperiential knowledge of human
pain.
He wasn't just saying look, man, I feel for you, I
theologically know what you'regoing through, buddy.
No, he experienced it throughhis suffering.
And in the mental health field,we're increasingly recognizing
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the value of lived experiencealongside clinical expertise,
and so many of the mosteffective mental health
advocates are those who havenavigated their own mental
health challenges.
That's why I incorporate somany of my own stories into what
I do is because experience,along with expertise, is like a
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game changer.
So, on a practical standpoint,just list out the specific
insights that you've gainedthrough your suffering that
someone who hasn't experiencedwhat you have might not
understand.
What do you know about divorce?
What do you know aboutaddiction or loss or illness or
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whatever your struggle or stresshas been?
That gives you a uniqueperspective.
Okay, because one thing that Iknow for sure is every time you
go through something, yourperspective on life is changed,
because this specializedknowledge is part of your
qualification for ministry inthat area.
Okay, step number secondCorinthians 12, nine says I will
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boast all the more gladly aboutmy weaknesses so that crisis
power may rest on me.
So step number five is thisthis step requires tremendous
courage.
It's the willingness to let yourhealed wound become visible to
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others as a testimony and notice.
I said healed wound.
Don't be out here trying toshow people your bleeding wound
that you haven't even healedfrom yet.
You still.
You just got shot and youtrying to show them your wound
and it's gushing blood.
No, I don't do that, let itheal.
There's a timing element here,because Jesus didn't minister
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from the cross.
He wasn't hanging up theretalking about look, y'all, y'all
.
No, he ministered from theresurrection but the wounds were
still visible.
Because Thomas, when he walkedthrough the door and Thomas was
like, look bro, you might be aghost Thomas could touch the
wound on his side and he waslike, all right, you him, you
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are him.
And so research on vulnerabilityfrom Dr Brown vulnerability
from Dr Brown, uh, bernay Brownshows that um, appropriate
vulnerability, not oversharing,um, but authentic openness about
our struggles.
It creates a connection andinfluence.
That's why I'm not ashamed toshare things that God has
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brought me victory over, becauseit gives me connection with
those who are in that.
But it also gives me influencebecause it's hope.
It's like look, he's been there, he's done it and he's come out
on the other side you can dothe same thing, and so my
practical encouragement for stepfive is start small.
Share your story with oneperson who might benefit from
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hearing how you navigated yourpain, and then pay attention to
what resonates with them.
Notice how your story createsan immediate connection, and
then build from there, and themore you share it and the more
selective you are about how youshare it, the more influence and
connection you'll have when youshare it.
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That was good, all right.
Step number six man, I'm almostdone.
Um, accept your new authority.
This is very, very important.
Matthew 28, 18, as we readearlier, says um, all authority
in heaven and on earth has beengiven to me.
So God, or Jesus, accepted hisnew authority.
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After resurrection comesauthority.
This is the principle that wesee with Jesus, and it applies
to us as well.
There's a humility here, though, but also a confidence, and
that confidence is not inyourself, but it's in what God
has done through your suffering.
It's not in yourself, but it'sin what God has done through
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your suffering.
You've been through the first,the first.
You've been through the fireand emerged with gold.
You've been crucified withChrist, and now you live with a
resurrection authority in thatarea that you've overcome
Because Dan Allender, who's atrauma specialist and theologian
, calls this leading with a limp, or, as my brother, jonathan
(29:15):
McReynolds, would call his songLimp Because your wound becomes
part of your credibility.
And so I want you to identifyone area where your suffering
has given you authority to speak, lead and minister, or serve
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and make, and then make acommitment to step into that
authority, not with arrogance orpride, but with the quiet
confidence of someone who hasbeen tested and transformed.
All right.
And then the last step, stepnumber seven, is create
resurrection structures.
Okay, harold, what is aresurrection structure?
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Jeremiah 30, 19 says from themwill come songs of thanksgiving
and the sound of rejoicing.
And the final step is to createstructures that allow your
redeemed pain to become ongoingministry, ongoing service,
ongoing, whatever this might bea support group, a book, a
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nonprofit organization, apodcast like this one that
you're listening to now, orsimply an intentional mentoring
relationship with someone whoneeds to know how you got
through what you got through.
All right.
And so the point is to createsomething that outlasts your
immediate testimony it's allabout legacy, baby Something
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that creates ongoing impact fromyour redeeming suffering.
I tell people all the time theysay Harold, what'd you do,
what's your about, what's yourbrand?
I help couples and familieslove, hard, work smarter and
build a legacy that lasts, andresurrection structures help you
build that legacy.
From the redeemed suffering.
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Okay, because, look at it,jesus didn't just rise and then
skedaddle off to heaven.
No, he established the church,and the church is a resurrection
structure that will continuethe Lord's ministry long after
he ascended.
That's resurrection structureat its finest.
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Like that is the blueprint,that's the cheat code.
And so, practically what is oneconcrete way that you can
structure ministry from yourhealed wound?
It doesn't have to be big andformal.
It might be as simple as amonthly coffee meeting with
someone walking through whatyou've experienced in life.
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In life, that's all.
Don't overcomplicate it, but dosomething.
Have a resurrection structurethat you're leaving okay.
And so here's what I want youto understand as we wrap up this
episode inspired by thefinished work of Jesus that we
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celebrate on Easter SundayResurrection Sunday.
That we celebrate on EasterSunday Resurrection Sunday.
When Jesus endured the stress ofthe cross, he wasn't just
suffering through it, he wasbeing qualified by it.
After resurrection, he declaredall authority has been given to
me.
The cross wasn't just somethingthat he survived.
No, it was the very pathway tohis elevated authority.
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And so I want to remind youyour greatest stress isn't just
something to endure and forget.
It's potentially the veryqualification that God is
building in you for yourgreatest kingdom impact, because
neuroscience confirms thatpost-traumatic growth is real.
(32:51):
It's real and the psychologyvalidates it.
Meaning-making, transformssuffering, and scripture
proclaims that our presentsufferings are not worth
comparing to the glory that willbe revealed in us.
There it is.
That's the resurrectionstructures, that's the purpose
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and the pain, your cruciblemoment, that stress that has
felt like it might break you,could it be the very thing that
God uses to make you a healer ofothers, but only If you'll
trust the process, just likeJesus did.
Trust the process From thegarden to the grave, to the
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glory of the resurrection.
This is the sacred pathway,this is what transforms our
greatest stress into ourgreatest strength.
All right until next time.
Remember your pain isn't justpain, because in the hands of
God is preparation for purpose.
And one last thing y'all don'tskedaddle away from this podcast
(34:00):
without subscribing, so thatyou don't miss the upcoming
episodes.
I promise you're going to lovethem.
All right.
All right, we are recording.
All right.
All right, so what's good,family?
Welcome back to the podcast.
I am so excited, so let me movethis back some.
All right, what's good, family,welcome back to the podcast.
I am glad.
I am so glad that you're heretoday because we're diving into
(00:25):
something special and we'regoing to be doing an episode in
honor of Resurrection Sunday.
So at the time of me recordingthis, easter is the next coming
Sunday, and so this episode isinspired by none other than the
work, the finished work, ofJesus on the cross right, and I
believe that what we'rediscussing today has the
(00:48):
potential to completelytransform how you view your
struggles, your pain and thosemoments when life feels like
it's about to crush you right.
So, before we skedaddle rightinto the heart of this topic,
let me just say how this messagecame to be Right.
So I had just finished writingtwo episodes for for Stress
(01:11):
Awareness Month in April.
So I just finished writingthose two episodes One, they're
still going to be dropping, oneis on marital stress and one is
on parenting stress.
Parenting stress, okay.
And I was at church and mypastor was talking about being
willing to die for the gospel,like Jesus did, like the
(01:31):
disciples did, like many peopledid, and that sparked an idea of
stress, of the cross for Jesusand the idea that our greatest
stressors often become ourgreatest ministry areas and
qualifiers for that next levelof influence and authority in
(01:54):
our lives.
And so think about that for asecond.
Think about it the very thingthat causes you the most pain,
the most stress, that's oftenthe exact place that God is
preparing you to have the mostimpact and authority.
And don't take it from me I'veseen this play out in my own
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life repeatedly.
My childhood trauma became apathway to help others heal.
My struggles with ADHD became aplatform to help others
maximize their unique brainwiring.
Even through my teaching, I'mseeing how that has been a
blessing.
My marriage and my maritalchallenges have become the very
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crucible that forged my identityand my ability to guide other
couples through theirdifficulties to guide other
couples through theirdifficulties.
Okay, so those things in mylife that causes that caused me
the greatest stress were oftenwhat God was using.
But I'm but I'm not the examplethat I want to focus on today.
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Right, I want us to look atJesus Christ himself and the
finished work he accomplishedthat we celebrate on Easter
Sunday.
All right, this is my EasterSunday, our Resurrection Sunday
podcast special right.
And so have you ever reallythought about the cross from
Jesus's perspective?
I know we've seen the moviesabout the cross, we saw the
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plays about the cross, we readthe scriptures about the cross,
but have you thought about itfrom his perspective, not just
theologically, but emotionallyand psychologically?
Because the garden ofGethsemane gives us a rare
glimpse into the crisis orJesus's humanity?
Like the dude was sweatingdrops of blood, asking if the
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cup could pass from him from God, asking if the cup could pass
from him from God, experiencingwhat modern psychology would
identify as acute stressresponse.
Like that's what he was goingthrough getting ready for the
cross.
And so Luke, who was aphysician, he documents that
Jesus sweat drops of blood,sweat drops of blood, which is a
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condition that we now know asas uh hermitidosis and which
occurs under extreme uh stress.
And uh, it's when yourcapillaries and the sweat glands
rupture, like they explode, youknow, and that's a uh
physiological stress response.
That happens only in the mostextreme circumstances.
And the cross wasn't just theplan of salvation, right, it was
(04:31):
also the greatest stressorJesus faced as a human, as a
human being.
That was the greatest stressorof the cross, and what happened
after he endured that stress wasthe resurrection, which didn't
just overcome the grave butestablished his ultimate
authority in heaven and on earth.
So this pattern that I'mtalking about when it goes
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stress, suffering, then strengthand authority this isn't just a
spiritual principle, becausemodern neuroscience and trauma
research are now confirming whatscripture has been teaching us
all along.
And so today, inspired by theresurrection power we celebrate
on Easter Sunday, we're going tounpack this connection between
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our stress and our strength, oursuffering and our service, our
trauma and our testimony.
Come on, somebody, all right.
And so there's what I call theparadox of redemptive suffering.
Here's where most of us get itwrong.
We view stress and suffering aspurely negative experiences to
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be avoided at all costs.
Right.
And our culture, the world welive in, is constantly selling
us on comfort, convenience andthe elimination of all
discomfort.
Right, that's literally themarketing plan for our culture,
the westernized world.
It's like how can I eliminatediscomfort and get what I want
at a convenient and comfortableplace, location, price, whatever
(06:06):
?
But what if the greatest, yourgreatest pain is actually your
preparation?
Can you think about that?
What if the greatest stressthat you're going through is
actually your greatestpreparation.
Think about Joseph in the Bible.
His brothers sold him intoslavery.
He was falsely accused.
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He was in prison for years.
Talk about trauma.
But later he tells his brothers.
He says you meant it for evil,but God meant it for good, for
(06:48):
good.
So his suffering wasn't justrandom pain, it was preparation
for his ultimate purpose.
Or consider David, who spentyears running for his life from
Saul the dude was legit chasinghim to kill him and that was his
father-in-law, that was hisking, that was his dude.
And Saul.
And he was doing this before hebecame Israel's greatest king.
Because his suffering shapedhis leadership and gave us many
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of the Psalms that we still relyon and comforts many people
thousands of years later.
Because the research onpost-traumatic growth is
fascinating here.
Because when I look at thelives of Joseph, when I look at
the lives of David, when I lookat the different people in the
Bible that has gone throughthese crazy things, the life of
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Jesus, the research, modern dayresearch, tells us.
For instance, let me give youDr Richard Tedeschi and Dr
Lawrence Calhoun they coined theterm in the 90s, in the 1990s
the post-traumatic growth.
That's the term that theycoined to describe how people
(07:58):
often experience profoundchallenges and changes after
enduring severe stress andtrauma.
Their research shows us thatabout 50 to 60% of trauma
survivors report some form ofpositive transformation, and
that positive transformation wasin the form of either deeper,
(08:20):
more meaningful relationships, agreater compassion for others
because of what they've gonethrough, discovery of personal
strength that they didn't knowthat they even had that's
something that I experienced Newpossibilities and purpose in
life that opens up because theymade it to the other side of
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that trauma and that stress, oreven enhanced spiritual
connection and meaning yourpurpose in life.
Right, so does that soundfamiliar?
Because these are the veryqualities that we need for
effective ministry.
And when I say effectiveministry, that could be anything
your life's work, your life'spurpose, because this isn't just
(09:02):
psychology, catching up toscripture.
No, it's neurological, it's aneurological reality, and when
we experience stress, our brainshave the capacity for
neuroplasticity.
And neuroplasticity thatliterally means the rewiring and
creating new neural pathways inyour brain, and this is why
(09:24):
therapists or therapies likeEMDR can help transform
traumatic memories into sourcesof strength is because they're
just using what the Biblealready told us was possible and
that's taken, that stress, thatpain, that trauma, and
transforming it to somethingvery, very powerful.
(09:47):
Because the fact of the matteris, I used to be embarrassed
about my past, the addiction,the broken relationships, the
struggles.
But I've come to understandthat these weren't just
obstacles to overcome, they werequalifications that God was
building in me.
Overcome they werequalifications that God was
building in me because Paulwrites in second Corinthians, um
(10:08):
one, three and four.
He says praise be to the Godand father of our Lord, jesus
Christ, the father of compassion, the God of all comfort, who
comforts us in all our troubles,so that we can comfort those in
any trouble with the comfortthat we ourselves receive from
God.
I know that was a mouthful, butnotice the sequence here.
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Notice that first we receivecomfort in our troubles and then
we're equipped, we're qualified, we're prepared, we're apt to
comfort others.
So our ministry authority, ourlife's purpose authority, our
life's work authority, literallycomes from our pain points and
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our greatest stressors.
This is important, the stressand suffering itself.
It isn't automaticallyredemptive, because Jesus didn't
just suffer, he suffered withtrust in the Father's purpose.
He says, not my will but yoursbe done.
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So he was trusting God in theprocess.
This is what I call redemptivesuffering.
And that's redemptive sufferingis when the pain that's
processed through trust,surrender and, ultimately,
resurrection.
It's not about just enduringhardship, it's following or
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allowing that hardship to betransformed into healing.
Let me give you a modern example.
So my friend Jeremy grew upwith a father who struggled with
alcoholism.
Right, and for years this wasJeremy's greatest source of pain
and shame.
But after his own journey ofhealing, jeremy now runs one of
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the most effective addictionrecovery ministries that I've
ever seen yo.
And his authority doesn't comefrom a textbook, it comes from
the trenches of his ownexperience.
Right, because let's face it,when people in recovery speak to
Jeremy, they don't just hearwords of encouragement, they
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encounter someone who has walkedthrough the valley and found a
way out.
And that's an authority thatcan't be taught in seminary, it
can't be gained through acertification program.
Now, I'm not saying God causesall of our suffering.
Don't put that on me, that'snot what I'm saying.
But what I'm saying is Don'tput that on me, that's not what
I'm saying.
But what I'm saying is much.
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Because the fact is, much ofour pain comes from living in a
broken world.
When people ask me, harold, whydid this happen to me?
Why did this happen to myfamily member?
Why did this happen to my lovedone?
We live in a fallen and brokenworld, and a lot of times our
suffering comes from our ownchoices or from the harmful
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actions that other people aredoing towards us, people that
get caught up in trafficking.
You can't blame them for beinga victim of trafficking, but
what I am saying is that Goddoesn't waste our pain.
He's in the redemption business, taking what was meant to
destroy us and transforming itinto what propels us, into our
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purpose.
All right.
So, just like the cross, whatappeared to be a defeat to Jesus
became the very mechanism ofvictory.
And I don't think it's acoincidence that we celebrate
Easter or Resurrection Sunday inApril, and April has been
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identified as the stressawareness month.
Okay, Because the cross wasJesus's ultimate stressor, right
and so how do we actually dothis?
How do we take our greateststressors and transform them
into our greatest sources ofministry, influence and
(14:17):
authority?
Right and so, if you've beenlistening to me, you know that I
love to give practical advice.
I love to back up my biblicalworldview with research and
academia and science, but I alsowant to give you practical
things that you can use, becauseif God is God, he's not going
(14:38):
to be disproved, he's only goingto be confirmed right.
And so I want to share with youwhat I call the sacred pathway
right, and it's a process thatI've observed both in scripture
and in the lives of people whohave successfully turned their
pain into purpose.
And before I outline thesesteps, let me remind you of
something very profound yet, andalso very important, especially
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as we consider the finishedwork of Jesus that we celebrate
on Easter Sunday.
As we consider the finishedwork of Jesus that we celebrate
on Easter Sunday, when Jesusrose from the dead, he didn't
just overcome the stress of thecross, it wasn't just like a
byproduct of dying.
He was given all power andauthority over the grave.
And precisely because hetrusted the process, jesus
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trusted the process and wasgiven all power and authority.
Matthew 28, 18 tells us thatafter the resurrection, jesus
declared all authority in heavenand on earth has been given to
me.
So his suffering led tounprecedented authority.
His suffering led to levelingup, or a glow up, as we would
(15:48):
say.
The same principle applies tous when we follow the sacred
pathway.
This sacred pathway is modeledafter the path that Jesus took
on the cross.
And so step number one is toacknowledge the reality of your
pain.
John 11, 35.
Most of us heard descriptionfor the first time on barbershop
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Jesus wept.
That's the first part of thefirst step is acknowledging the
reality of your pain.
And Jesus did that he wept.
And so the first step is simplebut profound.
The first step is simple butprofound.
Stop pretending, stop Stopminimizing.
Name your pain for what it isand Gethsemane.
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Jesus didn't spiritualize hisstress or pretend it wasn't
happening.
No, he he says in his own words, he was overwhelmed with sorrow
to the point of death.
He named his reality, he namedhis pain.
He named his reality, he namedhis pain, and research from Dr
Brene Brown has consistentlyshown that we can't selectively
numb our emotions.
When we try to numb pain, weend up numbing joy.
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Source of stress or pain rightnow, or trauma, whatever it is.
Trauma, pain, stress is, it'sall.
It's all a stressor is allstemmed from a stressor, and so
don't spiritualize it away.
Name it honestly before God,just like David did in many of
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his Psalms and just like Jesusdid in the garden.
Okay.
So name your pain, because whenwe acknowledge our pain.
We're not showing a lack offaith.
No, we're following the exampleof Christ, who was honest about
his suffering.
So that's what we got to do wegot to be honest about our
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suffering, acknowledge thatthere's pain.
Step number two process yourpain in community.
I am working on a do the workstarter kit that's geared around
my ICU framework and the ICUframework is it's like ICU.
(18:12):
The letter I, the letter C, theletter U, but it's also a play
on words where I see you like incommunity.
And the I is for identity.
You have to identify, you haveto know yourself before you can
help someone else.
You have to be able to identifywhat's going on in your own
life before you can startidentifying what's going on is
(18:33):
for connection Okay.
And then the the U is for unity, which is finding support
outside of yourself and unifyingtogether.
So, and I say all that to say,step two is the process your
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pain and community.
Mark 14, 33 says then he tookPeter, james and John along with
him, and he was going to thegarden to pray because he was
going to be taken so that hecould die on the cross, and he
took his friends with him.
So even Jesus didn't processhis greatest stress alone.
In the darkest hour, he broughthis closest friends with him to
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the garden to pray.
And so the neurological conceptof co-regulation is powerful
here, and when we process painin the presence of safe people,
our nervous system can regulatein ways that it simply cannot
when we're alone and isolated,and so that's basically a
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scientific way of saying look,you need you a safe community to
process the pain that you'regoing through.
Because Kirk Thompson, who's apsychiatrist and an author of
the Soul of Shame, he explainsthat our brains are literally
wired for connection, which iswhy, in ICU, the C is for
connection, and shame and traumadrive us toward isolation, but
(20:06):
healing happens in community,and so a practical way that you
can can apply.
Step two is to identify two orthree safe people with whom you
can share your struggle with andbe honest about it.
You know, this might be acounselor, this might be a
pastor, this might be a friendor support group, but whoever
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you find, share not just whathappened to you but how it
affected you emotionally andspiritually, because the reason
I want you to do this is theenemy wants your pain to isolate
you, but God wants your pain toconnect you, first to himself
and then to others, becausehealing happens in community.
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Step number three find theredemptive meaning.
What do you mean by that,harold?
In Romans 8, 28, it says and Ilove this scripture.
It says and we know that allthings work, all things, god,
I'm sorry, let me get this right.
Uh, romans 8, 28 says and weknow that in all things, god
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works for the good of those wholove him and who have been
called according to his purpose.
God works all things together,uh, for our good, for those who
love him and have been calledaccording to his purpose.
And this step is not aboutslapping a slimp up and this
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step is not about slapping asimplistic.
Everything happens for a reason.
Man, on your pain.
That's not what it's about.
It's about actively partneringwith God to discover how
suffering might be redeemed, andnot just suffering in general,
but this specific suffering thatyou're going through, principle
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in psychology, is calledmeaning making.
It's very important because DrFranco, who wasa Holocaust
survivor and psychiatrist, heobserved that those who survive
(22:17):
the concentration camps theywasn't physically the strongest,
but it was those who foundmeaning in their suffering.
Those are the ones who survivedthe concentration camps, not
the strong in might, but thestrong in meaning.
And so Jesus found meaning inhis suffering by focusing on, in
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his own words, the joy setbefore him.
He says he focused on the joyset before him, the redemptive
purpose of the cross.
And so, practically speaking,just ask yourself what has this
painful experience taught methat I wouldn't have learned
otherwise?
I've asked myself that before.
Or you could ask yourself howhas it made me more
(23:04):
compassionate, more aware ofGod's presence, more equipped to
help others?
And then just write it down.
Write down at least three waysthat your perspective has
deepened throughout thisstruggle or this pain that
you're going through.
Right, which brings us to stepnumber four develop specialized
(23:27):
knowledge.
Now, this is something that Imight have added because I'm
entrepreneurially minded, but inIsaiah 53, it says he was
despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering and
familiar with pain.
So your stress has given youspecialized knowledge that
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others don't have.
Your suffering has made you anexpert in areas that people with
comfortable lives know nothingabout.
Think about it Jesus doesn'tjust theoretically understand
our suffering.
No, doesn't just theoreticallyunderstand our suffering.
(24:13):
No, hebrews tells us that hewas tempted in every way, just
as we are.
His suffering gave himexperiential knowledge of human
pain.
He wasn't just saying look, man, I feel for you, I
theologically know what you'regoing through, buddy.
No, he experienced it throughhis suffering.
And in the mental health field,we're increasingly recognizing
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the value of lived experiencealongside clinical expertise,
and so many of the mosteffective mental health
advocates are those who havenavigated their own mental
health challenges.
That's why I incorporate somany of my own stories into what
I do is because experience,along with expertise, is like a
(24:59):
game changer.
So, on a practical standpoint,just list out the specific
insights that you've gainedthrough your suffering that
someone who hasn't experiencedwhat you have might not
understand.
What do you know about divorce?
What do you know aboutaddiction or loss or illness or
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whatever your struggle or stresshas been?
That gives you a uniqueperspective.
Okay, because one thing that Iknow for sure is every time you
go through something, yourperspective on life is changed,
because this specializedknowledge is part of your
qualification for ministry inthat area.
Okay, step number secondCorinthians 12, nine says I will
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boast all the more gladly aboutmy weaknesses so that crisis
power may rest on me.
So step number five is thisthis step requires tremendous
courage.
It's the willingness to let yourhealed wound become visible to
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others as a testimony and notice.
I said healed wound.
Don't be out here trying toshow people your bleeding wound
that you haven't even healedfrom yet.
You still.
You just got shot and youtrying to show them your wound
and it's gushing blood.
No, I don't do that, let itheal.
There's a timing element here,because Jesus didn't minister
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from the cross.
He wasn't hanging up theretalking about look, y'all, y'all
.
No, he ministered from theresurrection but the wounds were
still visible.
Because Thomas, when he walkedthrough the door and Thomas was
like, look bro, you might be aghost Thomas could touch the
wound on his side and he waslike, all right, you him, you
(27:01):
are him.
And so research on vulnerabilityfrom Dr Brown vulnerability
from Dr Brown, uh, bernay Brownshows that um, appropriate
vulnerability, not oversharing,um, but authentic openness about
our struggles.
It creates a connection andinfluence.
That's why I'm not ashamed toshare things that God has
(27:24):
brought me victory over, becauseit gives me connection with
those who are in that.
But it also gives me influencebecause it's hope.
It's like look, he's been there, he's done it and he's come out
on the other side you can dothe same thing, and so my
practical encouragement for stepfive is start small.
Share your story with oneperson who might benefit from
(27:47):
hearing how you navigated yourpain, and then pay attention to
what resonates with them.
Notice how your story createsan immediate connection, and
then build from there, and themore you share it and the more
selective you are about how youshare it, the more influence and
connection you'll have when youshare it.
(28:09):
That was good, all right.
Step number six man, I'm almostdone.
Um, accept your new authority.
This is very, very important.
Matthew 28, 18, as we readearlier, says um, all authority
in heaven and on earth has beengiven to me.
So God, or Jesus, accepted hisnew authority.
(28:32):
After resurrection comesauthority.
This is the principle that wesee with Jesus, and it applies
to us as well.
There's a humility here, though, but also a confidence, and
that confidence is not inyourself, but it's in what God
has done through your suffering.
It's not in yourself, but it'sin what God has done through
(28:53):
your suffering.
You've been through the first,the first.
You've been through the fireand emerged with gold.
You've been crucified withChrist, and now you live with a
resurrection authority in thatarea that you've overcome
Because Dan Allender, who's atrauma specialist and theologian
, calls this leading with a limp, or, as my brother, jonathan
(29:15):
McReynolds, would call his songLimp Because your wound becomes
part of your credibility.
And so I want you to identifyone area where your suffering
has given you authority to speak, lead and minister, or serve
(29:35):
and make, and then make acommitment to step into that
authority, not with arrogance orpride, but with the quiet
confidence of someone who hasbeen tested and transformed.
All right.
And then the last step, stepnumber seven, is create
resurrection structures.
Okay, harold, what is aresurrection structure?
(29:57):
Jeremiah 30, 19 says from themwill come songs of thanksgiving
and the sound of rejoicing.
And the final step is to createstructures that allow your
redeemed pain to become ongoingministry, ongoing service,
ongoing, whatever this might bea support group, a book, a
(30:20):
nonprofit organization, apodcast like this one that
you're listening to now, orsimply an intentional mentoring
relationship with someone whoneeds to know how you got
through what you got through.
All right.
And so the point is to createsomething that outlasts your
immediate testimony it's allabout legacy, baby Something
(30:41):
that creates ongoing impact fromyour redeeming suffering.
I tell people all the time theysay Harold, what'd you do,
what's your about, what's yourbrand?
I help couples and familieslove, hard, work smarter and
build a legacy that lasts, andresurrection structures help you
build that legacy.
From the redeemed suffering.
(31:03):
Okay, because, look at it,jesus didn't just rise and then
skedaddle off to heaven.
No, he established the church,and the church is a resurrection
structure that will continuethe Lord's ministry long after
he ascended.
That's resurrection structureat its finest.
(31:25):
Like that is the blueprint,that's the cheat code.
And so, practically what is oneconcrete way that you can
structure ministry from yourhealed wound?
It doesn't have to be big andformal.
It might be as simple as amonthly coffee meeting with
someone walking through whatyou've experienced in life.
(31:46):
In life, that's all.
Don't overcomplicate it, but dosomething.
Have a resurrection structurethat you're leaving okay.
And so here's what I want youto understand as we wrap up this
episode inspired by thefinished work of Jesus that we
(32:07):
celebrate on Easter SundayResurrection Sunday.
That we celebrate on EasterSunday Resurrection Sunday.
When Jesus endured the stress ofthe cross, he wasn't just
suffering through it, he wasbeing qualified by it.
After resurrection, he declaredall authority has been given to
me.
The cross wasn't just somethingthat he survived.
No, it was the very pathway tohis elevated authority.
(32:29):
And so I want to remind youyour greatest stress isn't just
something to endure and forget.
It's potentially the veryqualification that God is
building in you for yourgreatest kingdom impact, because
neuroscience confirms thatpost-traumatic growth is real.
(32:51):
It's real and the psychologyvalidates it.
Meaning-making, transformssuffering, and scripture
proclaims that our presentsufferings are not worth
comparing to the glory that willbe revealed in us.
There it is.
That's the resurrectionstructures, that's the purpose
(33:14):
and the pain, your cruciblemoment, that stress that has
felt like it might break you,could it be the very thing that
God uses to make you a healer ofothers, but only If you'll
trust the process, just likeJesus did.
Trust the process From thegarden to the grave, to the
(33:39):
glory of the resurrection.
This is the sacred pathway,this is what transforms our
greatest stress into ourgreatest strength.
All right until next time.
Remember your pain isn't justpain, because in the hands of
God is preparation for purpose.
And one last thing y'all don'tskedaddle away from this podcast
(34:00):
without subscribing, so thatyou don't miss the upcoming
episodes.
I promise you're going to lovethem.
All right.
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