September 24, 2023 • 26 mins
Brace yourself for an unfiltered tale of resilience and redemption, as we bare our souls with our good friend, David Simmons. David, in an extraordinarily brave act, lays bare his lifelong battle with mental health, a struggle sparked by a traumatic experience when he was only seven. He takes us on a rollercoaster journey of his life, an intimate portrayal of how he grappled with depression, anxiety, isolation, and rejection, yet managed to rise above it all.
In this deeply personal conversation, David underlines the critical role of seeking professional help and putting in the work to conquer these mental health challenges. He highlights the essence of trusting the right people, nurturing healthy relationships, and embracing the support of specialists. David offers invaluable insights on adjusting to life's twists and turns, drawing from biblical narratives to emphasize the importance of purpose and hard work. This episode serves as a beacon of hope and encouragement for those struggling with their mental health, illuminating the path to healing and recovery. Listen in and be inspired by David's compelling narrative of triumph over adversity.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Listen y'all.
I have the absolute pleasure ofspending some time with one of
my favorite people, and so Iwant to introduce him in a very
Harold McGee way so that all ofthe listeners and viewers for Do
the Work can know who thiswonderful metal god is.
So listen, this man that I amsitting next to is a mantle
(00:27):
carrion momentum creating,preaching, heaven down preacher,
protein shake, drinking, bodyweight losing picture man and
tech junkie.
Apostle mandate carrion, myfriend, my bro, my covenant
(00:49):
prayer partner.
Apostle, pastor, photographer,digital graphic designer, father
, teacher, david Simmons, comeon, give it up, give it up, give
it up.
Oh, I hope I didn't embarrassyou.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Yep, all the way to here it's fine, I think I should
be trying to use to it rightnow.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Hey, man, we are here , man, we've celebrated your
birthday, which was amazing, bythe way.
It was fun.
It was definitely fun.
Your church went all out.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
It did, it was so great.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
It was really great.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
It was cool, thoroughly enjoyedit, and we're like the adopted
families of Revive Church.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
River's Church.
River's Church, river's Church.
We were reviving, we werereviving, we were reviving, we
were reviving, we were revivingRiver's Church.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
That was the let's just jump right into it, man,
let's do it.
I know personally that you havea great testimony of overcoming
some great mental healthstruggles, yeah, and so I just
want to jump right into it.
Okay, and what did?
You could share a little bitabout what you could pick, what
(02:02):
mental health struggle that youwant to talk about, but what did
doing the work?
This is the Doing the Workpodcast, and so what did doing
the work look like for you andthat mental health?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I remember when I so at the age of seven my
grandmother died Wow, and atthat point I had to grow up to
do stuff.
So I was in the house when shedied, so my grandfather was in
denial of her dying, so he kepttrying to wake her up and like
she's not getting up, and atthat point I had to gather like
(02:36):
her insurance stuff and contactthe family, call the ambulance
and all these things.
And from that you know thefunny thing.
I was thinking about this nottoo long ago.
We always say like oh, they'rejust so grown up for their age.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
And we pride ourselves in that.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
But that really is a trauma response.
Yes, it's a trauma response,and so it's like you know, you
can be grown for your age andway beyond your years.
But that is a trauma response,it really is.
I didn't realize that until,you know, in my 20s I was like,
wow, this is not okay, this isnot normal and this is not known
for, like you know.
So I never had a childhood andso she was my best friend, like
she was my ride of die, mygrandma, like she was everything
(03:15):
to me, and I remember going upto her casket and I was the only
one, I think no, everybody'stypically going up in tubes yeah
, yeah, yeah, and I was the onlyone.
I was like this is so horrible.
But after that I began tocoddle depression.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
And I didn't know it.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
I didn't know what it was Back then when I was, I saw
I come so old.
When we were, we were young andnot a kid.
We were, we were at todepression and mental health was
not a primary thing.
It wasn't.
So, it was there, but no onereally focused on it.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
We just called you crazy Literally.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
And so all through school I'm going through trying
to be accepted by people, tryingto be loved by people.
My mom is trying to battle herstuff as well when I'm losing
her mom.
And then, shortly after that,we have a sister, her sister in
my eye, like it's just so manythings and mixed with that,
school challenges and familychallenges, financial challenges
, so many things I just Ilearned how to adapt, and then
(04:13):
that was at seven.
By the time I got to 16, I waslike something's wrong with me.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Oh, man Like something, something is not
right Like trying to like.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I wanted to buy blackout curtains.
I wanted to stay in my room.
I was always.
I didn't want to eat, I was inbed, or and then I all have
bouts where I over ate tocompensate.
You know those feelings andstuff like that with rejection
and abandonment, and it wastough, it was really tough to.
And so at 16, I came to tell mymom and she hugged me, we
(04:46):
embraced.
My father Is not in my life andnever he was.
He was present little bits oftime, but not prominent, and so
she called him to come over andtalk to me and he was like
what's wrong with you?
Speaker 1 (05:00):
You just need to eat.
Like what's wrong?
I can take me to get some food,like just get happy.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Don't be sad, Just be happy.
That's like, that's not how you, that's not how you do it, and
I was like you don't understandme.
It's like man, what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Like he's cussing me out and I was like all right,
I'm just going to get out thecar.
I'm going to fix it the fastest.
I know how.
Yeah like come on.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
So.
So after that, I rememberenrolling into a, an outpatient
like youth group, oh nice.
So I said, okay, cool, I'll tryit, see if it helps.
And I remember also like goingto church and after a choir,
rehearsal at the church.
How was that?
Cause, even even though here'sthe thing, through all of what I
(05:39):
was going through mentally, Istill was going to school.
Come on, I still was leading achoir and musicians I mean all
kinds of.
I was still a minister of music.
I became a minister of music atthe age of 13, over five choirs
.
So I'm doing all this stuffjuggling school, juggling club,
juggling all this kind of stuffand still mentally going insane.
And so I remember I told I cameto church and said, hey, I'll
(06:02):
need you all to pray for mebecause I'm really battling
depression and suicide, andsuicide and ideation and I need
help.
And they somebody came into me.
I never forget this.
She said do you think that youshould?
You know you shouldn't reallysay those things at church.
You know you should keep thosethings you know to yourself.
Those are private things andit's not for the church to know
(06:23):
and they're not for the churchto help.
Oh, this is the church.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
We're supposed to be there and helping, so I was
shunned away, but every time Isaid something I was always
shunned like don't say that,it's not really that big of a
deal, you'll be fine, and Iwasn't.
So I went to the support group.
The doctor at the time puteverybody on well-buttering.
That was the number one drug.
It's just well-butering and itmade you a mummy, yeah.
(06:51):
And I was like I'm not takingthis, no more.
So I told him you got this, I'mnot taking this anymore.
So I ended up helping everybodyelse out of the program.
Wow.
Because the doctor was like.
He was like well, you know.
I said, can I say something?
He's like sure.
So he sat back and I literally,not unknowingly, counseled
these people.
So there are cutters, therewere all kinds of stuff there.
(07:15):
So everybody, they stoppedcutting, they graduated out of
the program.
They've been there forever.
Wow, when I came in and Istarted giving advice through
wisdom of Holy Spirit, which Ididn't know at the time, they
got out.
And so after a few months itwas only me and him sitting
there and I was like, well, I'mnot coming back anymore.
So I'm good, I'm done too,brother.
So yeah, literally.
(07:35):
So I said I threw themedication back at him.
I was like I'm not doing this.
So at that point I left, andsuicide was still there, and so
I tried to kill myself multipletimes.
Wow, and so that's when I wasintroduced to the supernatural,
unknowingly.
So I got a car I was 16.
I was so happy to get a car.
(07:56):
I was like I run off the road.
Kind of 16-year-old does that,I'm really sure.
So I do that.
I tried to steer my car off theroad.
The angel an angel came andsteered it back the other way.
Come on Multiple times.
I remember taking pills.
None of that worked.
Hanging my I tried to hangmyself.
None of that worked.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Like can I please get out of here Like that's what I
want.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
I'm ready to leave.
Yes, and at that point, I hadto realize that there was
something better for me.
And so doing the work to answeryour question was like I really
had to.
I believe in Jesus and I alsobelieve in therapy.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
I believe in Jesus, but I also believe in mental
health specialists, and so I hadto lean into that part of like
really leaning into what do Ineed Help?
Speaker 2 (08:36):
And so my doing the work for me looked like I had to
confess I had to say something,I had to speak up to the right
people Because I was thinkingabout the other day which is
funny, you asked that question,but I was thinking the other day
like there, if we break ourfoot, we're going to go to a
foot doctor.
If we break you know, if wesomething with our score, we're
going to go to a brain startwhatever it may be we go to the
right thing, but when it comesto mental health, we want just a
(08:58):
friend, and you can't alwaysrely just on a friend to help
you, like you have to go tosomeone who specializes in that.
Like there's one central personthat can do everything.
That's God, but a side of that,he puts people in our lives
that can help us, which meanswe've got to invest into that
which means he's going to costyou some money.
We always look for a cheap wayout because the cheap way out
(09:18):
could be the crippling way out,so you can't always just rely on
like oh, I can talk to somebodyfor a little cheap, nah you
need to invest in your mentalhealth.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
That may, if you want it, all it's fine.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
But so doing the work , I had to confess I had to get
around people who actually couldsay, hey, we're noticing you're
retreating, come on, what'sgoing on?
Like doing that work lookedlike just that.
Like I had to completely exposemy life, my heart, my mind.
I had to learn how to bevulnerable, and that's when so
(09:50):
when you decide that, that'swhen God can put healthy
relationships in your life tohelp you navigate through those
points.
And that's what he did.
He staffed my life with peoplewho actually cared, who actually
could see me and not just mesmiling all the time.
Because I mastered a smile.
Let's say I was perfect, thatwas good.
I was like, hey, how you doing.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
And in my head.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I'm like how can I kill myself today?
Yeah, Sitting in church.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
How can I kill myself today Sitting at school?
So many people like that?
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Dude all the time, and so that was my thing, and so
when he staffed my life, I wasable to move forward from there
and that's what doing the workfor me, and it was through a
supernatural encounter.
I was delivered from that, butthat's not everybody's story.
Yeah, that was a radical night,but that was a night like God
if you do not do something, I'mgoing to find a way to end it
(10:37):
all.
I'll run into the wall, whateverI need to do.
And it happened just like thatfor me.
And it's like people will hearthis and be like man why can my
story be that easy?
My story still was not easy.
Yes, I have what's radicallydelivered and radically pulled
out of it, but for some peopleit's going to take you a few
years and that's OK.
But doing the work means stayconsistent, stay, stick in there
(10:58):
until it happens.
Celebrate the small wins, likethose little tiny things, like
that's what helped me.
And I used to be like no, ifit's not something big, I'm not
celebrating, but like, ok, david, you went today without suicide
ideation, that's a big.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Thing.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
That's good.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
That's a big thing.
Or instead of like fourthoughts.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I had two.
That's a celebrate.
Like it's still a Mr.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Progress, this progress, you know it's progress
.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
And so it's those little things that help, and so
that's what doing the work lookslike.
It looks like really stickingin there, taking it day by day,
not week by week, not month byday by day, sometimes second by
second, because you never knowwhat can happen.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Yeah, and it sounds like what you're saying is, when
you do the work you madeyourself trust people yes, like,
and being vulnerable, you gavepeople permission to see you for
(11:56):
what you were going through.
Absolutely Like.
This is the facade.
Now let me let you in on what'sbehind the facade.
Absolutely, when you see theseactions, when you see these, you
know little things that I'mdoing.
I need you to call me out on it, I need you to check on me, I
need you to say, hey, what's?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
going on.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Like you, given people permission to keep you
accountable, because somethingthat I don't like.
I don't like unsolicitedaccountability, man, oh man.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Unsolicited accountability.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Like who told you you could tell me when I'm out of
line and you have no ability andI'm like come on and there's.
So I believe, just likeunsolicited advice, unsolicited
accountability is, I think, just, if not more, detrimental,
because you have to be in aplace of vulnerability and trust
(12:54):
for someone to pour into you atthat capacity.
And if you haven't givensomeone that permission to pour
into you in that capacity tokeep you accountable, then
you're really not gaining fromtheir accountability.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Which means you really have to lean into that,
like getting rid of that pride.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I never realized here , like how pride manifests in so
many things, like not evenwanting, like for someone to
speak well of you, like, and youhate that, that's right.
It's like even in hisintroduction I'm like, oh, I'm
still working on that piece, Ihate it, but, oh my God, but
like it's even that.
And then, like, like youmentioned about having people,
(13:34):
which means you got to know yourtriggers, yes, and know what
sets you off, and so I rememberduring that time I was
struggling really bad withanxiety, so I would always
anxiety, meaning like you'realways living in the next.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
You're always there.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
And so that trust piece, which is, I think, what
probably a lot of listeners dealwith, is like, okay, but if I
trust them, what happens?
So?
Like, are they going to talkabout me?
Are they going to say somethingbad about me?
We're going to go black mystuff?
Like no, like all that anxiousfuel that's running through and
the reason why that happens?
Like, yes, you've, you may havehad some negative experiences
(14:08):
with people, but that does notmean that you take those
negative experiences and expectit from every person that you
ever encounter.
And I know, please don'tlisteners, don't log off now.
I know that just it's hard totrust people.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Yes, it really is.
It's like you don't go to TacoBell and they mess up your order
, and so you go to KFC expectingthe service that you got at
Taco.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Bell yeah, expecting a taco.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
It's the chicken.
It's the chicken, like I'msorry about the service you got
there, but we're going to dothings different here.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Like, give us a chance.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
But no, I said this on a previous episode.
But there's levels to freedomAbsolutely, and the first level
is transparency.
Transparency is just lettingpeople see you for who you are
Absolutely.
Then there's vulnerability.
Vulnerability is puttingtransparency in context.
(15:08):
So I'm letting you see the realme, but now I'm going to be
vulnerable and give you contextfor why I act and do the things
that I do.
And then, once you get pasttransparency and vulnerability,
then there's accountability.
I'm taking what I have, I'mtaking my transparency, I'm
taking my vulnerability and I'msaying hold it, if you see these
(15:30):
triggers, if you see these.
Accountability is saying here'show far I can go.
I want you to know that so thatwhen you see the flags, you
like, look, let's get back overhere.
And so that's accountability.
That's given someone permissionto keep you accountable.
But then freedom.
(15:52):
Freedom is when you havenothing to hide.
Freedom is saying I'm beingtransparent, I'm being
vulnerable, I'm beingaccountable and if you tell my
stuff to someone else, I'm gonnatrust you enough to think, to
expect that you had a goodreason to say it.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
And if you did it, I'm gonna trust God enough to
convict you so that you don't doit again after that, and that's
why the Bible says in Jameslike confess your faults one to
another, and we love to say that, but the rest of it says that
you may be healed, Healed, comeon.
And I think some of thegreatest healing that we miss
out on is because we refuse togive into community and let
(16:31):
people in, and I think then likethat.
Confess your faults, which meansfaults issues.
Confess your things and youcannot ask God for friends and
community and stuff and then notwelcome those things in,
because if he's sending them,that means you can be open and
be honest with them.
Yes, yes and that's why youshould not invest into any
(16:52):
friendship if you have nothealed from your previous ones.
And if you don't, then you'llalways project that.
Yes, all that stuff thathappened before on someone else
who actually holds the keys toyour freedom, and you'll miss
out because all you want is likeyou're gonna be just like them
and you're triggered and don'tsay anything.
So I used to have words andphrases that would, by the way,
(17:12):
I remember, like old friends Iwould have.
They would say things like man,you're just so stupid, I don't
want to be around anymore.
And then the next day it wouldcome back around.
I'm like okay, I accept youback, it's right.
And like what kind of insanityis.
And you know, and the thing is,there often comes I would put
blame somebody else for thosethings.
Yes, but in reality, if I keepletting them back around, that's
(17:36):
actually something wrong withme.
That's right.
My value, I don't see enough oflike I can't have another
friend.
So I got to just deal with this, yes, and it's okay.
But those trigger words someonesay and I'm like why am I
acting?
Why am I jittery?
Why do I want to retreat?
Why am I?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
ready to go home.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Like oh, I'm triggered.
Yes, there's something aboutthat phrase that took me back to
a moment that I'm not healedfrom.
Yes, and we got to learn ourtriggers and know what ticks us
and know what bothers us and beopen and say hey, I'm feeling
something and let's talk aboutit and in that moment, while
you're already there, go aheadand knock it out.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Yeah, because.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
I'm telling you, this thing is a whirlwind and if you
don't grab it, it will grab youand those thoughts.
I would sit there and just likeall night I would never go to
sleep.
I remember going days and weekswith like 15 minutes of sleep
and learned to function afterthat, that's before energy
drinks were like even aprominent thing.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
You said something so rich there.
We learned to function in ourdysfunction Absolutely, because
our dysfunction becomes comfort,yep, and we're used to not
resting, not sleeping, nottrusting, so that when the Lord
puts us in situations andcircumstances and community,
(18:50):
where that is possible, we fightit because it's uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
And we praise people that can function off of you
hours of sleep.
Yes, and that's like oh, youcan do that and you only serve
30 minutes.
Wow, you are so great, yes, no,you are dysfunctional, yes.
And so we got to learn how tostart respectfully calling
things out calling them for whatit is.
And if it's there like, hey,you may need to go seek some
help.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
If you're not like, I can fuck you up.
No, you probably need to go get, and there's nothing wrong with
that.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
There's a book that I read called the Bible.
The Bible.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
I read that one too.
I read that one too.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
But the Body Keeps Score Absolutely.
It's up there.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
It's the books up behind the hand.
That's right there.
It's my favorite, the.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Body Keeps Score, and it does.
I remember when I was in highschool I was working three jobs
in high school Me too that'scrazy Insane High school and I
was delivering papers in themorning.
I've always been an early bird.
I was delivering papers beforeschool, dang, I would go to
school and then I was in a workprogram where I left half the
(20:00):
day to go work at a law officedowntown and then, from 6 to 6,
6 pm to 6 am, I worked in awarehouse.
Jesus Christ, yes.
And so I was functioningbecause at a young age I had to
support my parents and my littlebrother.
(20:24):
And so I did that.
One day I was at the law firmand I passed out in the records
room Wow, and they thought I wasunconscious.
I was asleep.
Wow, my body said you are goingto sleep sometime.
I was gone, wow, and theychecked my pulse, they checked
(20:48):
me and they was like he'ssnoring.
They left me there.
I woke up.
I slept for like six hours.
Wow, way past my shift.
Wow, I was late for my otherjob, oh God.
And they were just like youwere asleep and we were like we
(21:11):
just felt like we needed to letyou rest and I was just like,
nah, y'all, they made me late.
I better not lose my other job.
We mad now, but the body keepsgoing.
Man, I was running, running,running.
I was only like 16, 17 yearsold and thinking I got all my
life to go to sleep.
Yeah, I'm good, I got the restof my life Passed out.
My body was like nah, bro, nah.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
That's so hard, dude, and I think something you
mentioned was really cool aboutthe revolving of the world and I
wanted to make mention of that,like how we put like all our
dysfunction and make that ourworld.
Come on, and we learned how torevolve around it.
And just because something hasbeen there for a long time, does
that mean we create realitiesaround that thing?
And I think that is a struggle.
(21:53):
We learn how to adapt versuslearning how we can adjust to
like okay, I don't have to adaptto this, but I can adjust to
this.
Okay, maybe it's right now, butI'm not going to adapt my
entire life around that onething.
So, yes, I may be going throughdepression, but I refuse to say
I'm going to be depressed forthe rest of my life, that means
I have adapted to where I'm at,or if I deal with anxiety.
(22:17):
Okay, I may be dealing withanxiety now, but I'm not for the
rest of my life, and we talkabout like how work, curses and
things that we were given to orwere covenants, agreements, and
if a doctor says you're going todeal with this for the rest of
your life, I was like no.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
I'm not.
I don't see that.
No, I don't.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
So I think I'm telling what y'all need to know,
what's going on right now, butdoing the work is.
I keep mentioning about thehealth stuff and I used to be
353 pounds and now I'm a good203 body weight urchin.
But my doctor said hey, if youdon't get this under control,
you're going to die.
And so I can say all right,cool, you know what.
(22:54):
Might as well go out eatingwhat I want to anyway.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
I'm fine.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Or I can say I don't want my 10 year old baby girl to
bury me, and so I could chooseto live for a reason and live on
purpose.
Or I could choose to live justin my contentment, because I
love my food.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
No.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
So doing the work is.
I got to put in work and I gotto tell myself, no, I got to
stop doing that.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
I got to say hey you want to go?
Speaker 2 (23:15):
No, I can't go there today.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
I got to eat this when I really want to eat this I
got to go to the gym, eventhough I don't want to go to the
gym, but those things is doing.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
doing the work looks like putting yourself first and
not your cravings first, not?
Speaker 1 (23:29):
your desires.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
So I have to put myself first what means I have
to value my future and not valuejust what I want right now.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Man To me.
What I heard was I could eitherbe David the king or I could be
Hezekiah.
Absolutely, absolutely.
David says.
I've seen Nathan came to him,said bro, it's you, yep.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
You need to get this together.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Absolutely.
And David says Lord, you cantake everything away except your
Holy Spirit, because I'm goingto get this right, absolutely,
absolutely.
And he got it right.
And what David didn't realizewas that the lineage of Jesus
was coming through himAbsolutely, and he had to do the
work.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
So that the Messiah could be born through him.
Yes, sir.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Whereas Hezekiah, this man, said at least there be
peace in my day.
Forget the kids, Forget all ofit.
Yeah, man, he says.
Look, he says the prophet toldHezekiah man, you didn't show
the enemies all that you have,and now your kingdom will be
(24:42):
destroyed for the nextgeneration.
And this man was like look, atleast there be peace in my day.
Yep, and it's so bad Kids gotto deal with this.
I do, man, that's right.
So, man, that's amazing.
That's amazing man.
Listen y'all.
I have the absolute pleasure ofspending some time with one of
my favorite people, and so Iwant to introduce him in a very
Harold McGee way so that all ofthe listeners and viewers for Do
the Work can know who thiswonderful metal god is.
So listen, this man that I amsitting next to is a mantle
(00:27):
carrion momentum creating,preaching, heaven down preacher,
protein shake, drinking, bodyweight losing picture man and
tech junkie.
Apostle mandate carrion, myfriend, my bro, my covenant
(00:49):
prayer partner.
Apostle, pastor, photographer,digital graphic designer, father
, teacher, david Simmons, comeon, give it up, give it up, give
it up.
Oh, I hope I didn't embarrassyou.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Yep, all the way to here it's fine, I think I should
be trying to use to it rightnow.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Hey, man, we are here , man, we've celebrated your
birthday, which was amazing, bythe way.
It was fun.
It was definitely fun.
Your church went all out.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
It did, it was so great.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
It was really great.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
It was cool, thoroughly enjoyedit, and we're like the adopted
families of Revive Church.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
River's Church.
River's Church, river's Church.
We were reviving, we werereviving, we were reviving, we
were reviving, we were revivingRiver's Church.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
That was the let's just jump right into it, man,
let's do it.
I know personally that you havea great testimony of overcoming
some great mental healthstruggles, yeah, and so I just
want to jump right into it.
Okay, and what did?
You could share a little bitabout what you could pick, what
(02:02):
mental health struggle that youwant to talk about, but what did
doing the work?
This is the Doing the Workpodcast, and so what did doing
the work look like for you andthat mental health?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I remember when I so at the age of seven my
grandmother died Wow, and atthat point I had to grow up to
do stuff.
So I was in the house when shedied, so my grandfather was in
denial of her dying, so he kepttrying to wake her up and like
she's not getting up, and atthat point I had to gather like
(02:36):
her insurance stuff and contactthe family, call the ambulance
and all these things.
And from that you know thefunny thing.
I was thinking about this nottoo long ago.
We always say like oh, they'rejust so grown up for their age.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
And we pride ourselves in that.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
But that really is a trauma response.
Yes, it's a trauma response,and so it's like you know, you
can be grown for your age andway beyond your years.
But that is a trauma response,it really is.
I didn't realize that until,you know, in my 20s I was like,
wow, this is not okay, this isnot normal and this is not known
for, like you know.
So I never had a childhood andso she was my best friend, like
she was my ride of die, mygrandma, like she was everything
(03:15):
to me, and I remember going upto her casket and I was the only
one, I think no, everybody'stypically going up in tubes yeah
, yeah, yeah, and I was the onlyone.
I was like this is so horrible.
But after that I began tocoddle depression.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
And I didn't know it.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
I didn't know what it was Back then when I was, I saw
I come so old.
When we were, we were young andnot a kid.
We were, we were at todepression and mental health was
not a primary thing.
It wasn't.
So, it was there, but no onereally focused on it.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
We just called you crazy Literally.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
And so all through school I'm going through trying
to be accepted by people, tryingto be loved by people.
My mom is trying to battle herstuff as well when I'm losing
her mom.
And then, shortly after that,we have a sister, her sister in
my eye, like it's just so manythings and mixed with that,
school challenges and familychallenges, financial challenges
, so many things I just Ilearned how to adapt, and then
(04:13):
that was at seven.
By the time I got to 16, I waslike something's wrong with me.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Oh, man Like something, something is not
right Like trying to like.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I wanted to buy blackout curtains.
I wanted to stay in my room.
I was always.
I didn't want to eat, I was inbed, or and then I all have
bouts where I over ate tocompensate.
You know those feelings andstuff like that with rejection
and abandonment, and it wastough, it was really tough to.
And so at 16, I came to tell mymom and she hugged me, we
(04:46):
embraced.
My father Is not in my life andnever he was.
He was present little bits oftime, but not prominent, and so
she called him to come over andtalk to me and he was like
what's wrong with you?
Speaker 1 (05:00):
You just need to eat.
Like what's wrong?
I can take me to get some food,like just get happy.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Don't be sad, Just be happy.
That's like, that's not how you, that's not how you do it, and
I was like you don't understandme.
It's like man, what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Like he's cussing me out and I was like all right,
I'm just going to get out thecar.
I'm going to fix it the fastest.
I know how.
Yeah like come on.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
So.
So after that, I rememberenrolling into a, an outpatient
like youth group, oh nice.
So I said, okay, cool, I'll tryit, see if it helps.
And I remember also like goingto church and after a choir,
rehearsal at the church.
How was that?
Cause, even even though here'sthe thing, through all of what I
(05:39):
was going through mentally, Istill was going to school.
Come on, I still was leading achoir and musicians I mean all
kinds of.
I was still a minister of music.
I became a minister of music atthe age of 13, over five choirs
.
So I'm doing all this stuffjuggling school, juggling club,
juggling all this kind of stuffand still mentally going insane.
And so I remember I told I cameto church and said, hey, I'll
(06:02):
need you all to pray for mebecause I'm really battling
depression and suicide, andsuicide and ideation and I need
help.
And they somebody came into me.
I never forget this.
She said do you think that youshould?
You know you shouldn't reallysay those things at church.
You know you should keep thosethings you know to yourself.
Those are private things andit's not for the church to know
(06:23):
and they're not for the churchto help.
Oh, this is the church.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
We're supposed to be there and helping, so I was
shunned away, but every time Isaid something I was always
shunned like don't say that,it's not really that big of a
deal, you'll be fine, and Iwasn't.
So I went to the support group.
The doctor at the time puteverybody on well-buttering.
That was the number one drug.
It's just well-butering and itmade you a mummy, yeah.
(06:51):
And I was like I'm not takingthis, no more.
So I told him you got this, I'mnot taking this anymore.
So I ended up helping everybodyelse out of the program.
Wow.
Because the doctor was like.
He was like well, you know.
I said, can I say something?
He's like sure.
So he sat back and I literally,not unknowingly, counseled
these people.
So there are cutters, therewere all kinds of stuff there.
(07:15):
So everybody, they stoppedcutting, they graduated out of
the program.
They've been there forever.
Wow, when I came in and Istarted giving advice through
wisdom of Holy Spirit, which Ididn't know at the time, they
got out.
And so after a few months itwas only me and him sitting
there and I was like, well, I'mnot coming back anymore.
So I'm good, I'm done too,brother.
So yeah, literally.
(07:35):
So I said I threw themedication back at him.
I was like I'm not doing this.
So at that point I left, andsuicide was still there, and so
I tried to kill myself multipletimes.
Wow, and so that's when I wasintroduced to the supernatural,
unknowingly.
So I got a car I was 16.
I was so happy to get a car.
(07:56):
I was like I run off the road.
Kind of 16-year-old does that,I'm really sure.
So I do that.
I tried to steer my car off theroad.
The angel an angel came andsteered it back the other way.
Come on Multiple times.
I remember taking pills.
None of that worked.
Hanging my I tried to hangmyself.
None of that worked.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Like can I please get out of here Like that's what I
want.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
I'm ready to leave.
Yes, and at that point, I hadto realize that there was
something better for me.
And so doing the work to answeryour question was like I really
had to.
I believe in Jesus and I alsobelieve in therapy.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
I believe in Jesus, but I also believe in mental
health specialists, and so I hadto lean into that part of like
really leaning into what do Ineed Help?
Speaker 2 (08:36):
And so my doing the work for me looked like I had to
confess I had to say something,I had to speak up to the right
people Because I was thinkingabout the other day which is
funny, you asked that question,but I was thinking the other day
like there, if we break ourfoot, we're going to go to a
foot doctor.
If we break you know, if wesomething with our score, we're
going to go to a brain startwhatever it may be we go to the
right thing, but when it comesto mental health, we want just a
(08:58):
friend, and you can't alwaysrely just on a friend to help
you, like you have to go tosomeone who specializes in that.
Like there's one central personthat can do everything.
That's God, but a side of that,he puts people in our lives
that can help us, which meanswe've got to invest into that
which means he's going to costyou some money.
We always look for a cheap wayout because the cheap way out
(09:18):
could be the crippling way out,so you can't always just rely on
like oh, I can talk to somebodyfor a little cheap, nah you
need to invest in your mentalhealth.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
That may, if you want it, all it's fine.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
But so doing the work , I had to confess I had to get
around people who actually couldsay, hey, we're noticing you're
retreating, come on, what'sgoing on?
Like doing that work lookedlike just that.
Like I had to completely exposemy life, my heart, my mind.
I had to learn how to bevulnerable, and that's when so
(09:50):
when you decide that, that'swhen God can put healthy
relationships in your life tohelp you navigate through those
points.
And that's what he did.
He staffed my life with peoplewho actually cared, who actually
could see me and not just mesmiling all the time.
Because I mastered a smile.
Let's say I was perfect, thatwas good.
I was like, hey, how you doing.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
And in my head.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I'm like how can I kill myself today?
Yeah, Sitting in church.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
How can I kill myself today Sitting at school?
So many people like that?
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Dude all the time, and so that was my thing, and so
when he staffed my life, I wasable to move forward from there
and that's what doing the workfor me, and it was through a
supernatural encounter.
I was delivered from that, butthat's not everybody's story.
Yeah, that was a radical night,but that was a night like God
if you do not do something, I'mgoing to find a way to end it
(10:37):
all.
I'll run into the wall, whateverI need to do.
And it happened just like thatfor me.
And it's like people will hearthis and be like man why can my
story be that easy?
My story still was not easy.
Yes, I have what's radicallydelivered and radically pulled
out of it, but for some peopleit's going to take you a few
years and that's OK.
But doing the work means stayconsistent, stay, stick in there
(10:58):
until it happens.
Celebrate the small wins, likethose little tiny things, like
that's what helped me.
And I used to be like no, ifit's not something big, I'm not
celebrating, but like, ok, david, you went today without suicide
ideation, that's a big.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Thing.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
That's good.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
That's a big thing.
Or instead of like fourthoughts.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I had two.
That's a celebrate.
Like it's still a Mr.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Progress, this progress, you know it's progress
.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
And so it's those little things that help, and so
that's what doing the work lookslike.
It looks like really stickingin there, taking it day by day,
not week by week, not month byday by day, sometimes second by
second, because you never knowwhat can happen.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Yeah, and it sounds like what you're saying is, when
you do the work you madeyourself trust people yes, like,
and being vulnerable, you gavepeople permission to see you for
(11:56):
what you were going through.
Absolutely Like.
This is the facade.
Now let me let you in on what'sbehind the facade.
Absolutely, when you see theseactions, when you see these, you
know little things that I'mdoing.
I need you to call me out on it, I need you to check on me, I
need you to say, hey, what's?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
going on.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Like you, given people permission to keep you
accountable, because somethingthat I don't like.
I don't like unsolicitedaccountability, man, oh man.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Unsolicited accountability.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Like who told you you could tell me when I'm out of
line and you have no ability andI'm like come on and there's.
So I believe, just likeunsolicited advice, unsolicited
accountability is, I think, just, if not more, detrimental,
because you have to be in aplace of vulnerability and trust
(12:54):
for someone to pour into you atthat capacity.
And if you haven't givensomeone that permission to pour
into you in that capacity tokeep you accountable, then
you're really not gaining fromtheir accountability.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Which means you really have to lean into that,
like getting rid of that pride.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I never realized here , like how pride manifests in so
many things, like not evenwanting, like for someone to
speak well of you, like, and youhate that, that's right.
It's like even in hisintroduction I'm like, oh, I'm
still working on that piece, Ihate it, but, oh my God, but
like it's even that.
And then, like, like youmentioned about having people,
(13:34):
which means you got to know yourtriggers, yes, and know what
sets you off, and so I rememberduring that time I was
struggling really bad withanxiety, so I would always
anxiety, meaning like you'realways living in the next.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
You're always there.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
And so that trust piece, which is, I think, what
probably a lot of listeners dealwith, is like, okay, but if I
trust them, what happens?
So?
Like, are they going to talkabout me?
Are they going to say somethingbad about me?
We're going to go black mystuff?
Like no, like all that anxiousfuel that's running through and
the reason why that happens?
Like, yes, you've, you may havehad some negative experiences
(14:08):
with people, but that does notmean that you take those
negative experiences and expectit from every person that you
ever encounter.
And I know, please don'tlisteners, don't log off now.
I know that just it's hard totrust people.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Yes, it really is.
It's like you don't go to TacoBell and they mess up your order
, and so you go to KFC expectingthe service that you got at
Taco.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Bell yeah, expecting a taco.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
It's the chicken.
It's the chicken, like I'msorry about the service you got
there, but we're going to dothings different here.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Like, give us a chance.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
But no, I said this on a previous episode.
But there's levels to freedomAbsolutely, and the first level
is transparency.
Transparency is just lettingpeople see you for who you are
Absolutely.
Then there's vulnerability.
Vulnerability is puttingtransparency in context.
(15:08):
So I'm letting you see the realme, but now I'm going to be
vulnerable and give you contextfor why I act and do the things
that I do.
And then, once you get pasttransparency and vulnerability,
then there's accountability.
I'm taking what I have, I'mtaking my transparency, I'm
taking my vulnerability and I'msaying hold it, if you see these
(15:30):
triggers, if you see these.
Accountability is saying here'show far I can go.
I want you to know that so thatwhen you see the flags, you
like, look, let's get back overhere.
And so that's accountability.
That's given someone permissionto keep you accountable.
But then freedom.
(15:52):
Freedom is when you havenothing to hide.
Freedom is saying I'm beingtransparent, I'm being
vulnerable, I'm beingaccountable and if you tell my
stuff to someone else, I'm gonnatrust you enough to think, to
expect that you had a goodreason to say it.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
And if you did it, I'm gonna trust God enough to
convict you so that you don't doit again after that, and that's
why the Bible says in Jameslike confess your faults one to
another, and we love to say that, but the rest of it says that
you may be healed, Healed, comeon.
And I think some of thegreatest healing that we miss
out on is because we refuse togive into community and let
(16:31):
people in, and I think then likethat.
Confess your faults, which meansfaults issues.
Confess your things and youcannot ask God for friends and
community and stuff and then notwelcome those things in,
because if he's sending them,that means you can be open and
be honest with them.
Yes, yes and that's why youshould not invest into any
(16:52):
friendship if you have nothealed from your previous ones.
And if you don't, then you'llalways project that.
Yes, all that stuff thathappened before on someone else
who actually holds the keys toyour freedom, and you'll miss
out because all you want is likeyou're gonna be just like them
and you're triggered and don'tsay anything.
So I used to have words andphrases that would, by the way,
(17:12):
I remember, like old friends Iwould have.
They would say things like man,you're just so stupid, I don't
want to be around anymore.
And then the next day it wouldcome back around.
I'm like okay, I accept youback, it's right.
And like what kind of insanityis.
And you know, and the thing is,there often comes I would put
blame somebody else for thosethings.
Yes, but in reality, if I keepletting them back around, that's
(17:36):
actually something wrong withme.
That's right.
My value, I don't see enough oflike I can't have another
friend.
So I got to just deal with this, yes, and it's okay.
But those trigger words someonesay and I'm like why am I
acting?
Why am I jittery?
Why do I want to retreat?
Why am I?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
ready to go home.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Like oh, I'm triggered.
Yes, there's something aboutthat phrase that took me back to
a moment that I'm not healedfrom.
Yes, and we got to learn ourtriggers and know what ticks us
and know what bothers us and beopen and say hey, I'm feeling
something and let's talk aboutit and in that moment, while
you're already there, go aheadand knock it out.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Yeah, because.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
I'm telling you, this thing is a whirlwind and if you
don't grab it, it will grab youand those thoughts.
I would sit there and just likeall night I would never go to
sleep.
I remember going days and weekswith like 15 minutes of sleep
and learned to function afterthat, that's before energy
drinks were like even aprominent thing.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
You said something so rich there.
We learned to function in ourdysfunction Absolutely, because
our dysfunction becomes comfort,yep, and we're used to not
resting, not sleeping, nottrusting, so that when the Lord
puts us in situations andcircumstances and community,
(18:50):
where that is possible, we fightit because it's uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
And we praise people that can function off of you
hours of sleep.
Yes, and that's like oh, youcan do that and you only serve
30 minutes.
Wow, you are so great, yes, no,you are dysfunctional, yes.
And so we got to learn how tostart respectfully calling
things out calling them for whatit is.
And if it's there like, hey,you may need to go seek some
help.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
If you're not like, I can fuck you up.
No, you probably need to go get, and there's nothing wrong with
that.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
There's a book that I read called the Bible.
The Bible.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
I read that one too.
I read that one too.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
But the Body Keeps Score Absolutely.
It's up there.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
It's the books up behind the hand.
That's right there.
It's my favorite, the.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Body Keeps Score, and it does.
I remember when I was in highschool I was working three jobs
in high school Me too that'scrazy Insane High school and I
was delivering papers in themorning.
I've always been an early bird.
I was delivering papers beforeschool, dang, I would go to
school and then I was in a workprogram where I left half the
(20:00):
day to go work at a law officedowntown and then, from 6 to 6,
6 pm to 6 am, I worked in awarehouse.
Jesus Christ, yes.
And so I was functioningbecause at a young age I had to
support my parents and my littlebrother.
(20:24):
And so I did that.
One day I was at the law firmand I passed out in the records
room Wow, and they thought I wasunconscious.
I was asleep.
Wow, my body said you are goingto sleep sometime.
I was gone, wow, and theychecked my pulse, they checked
(20:48):
me and they was like he'ssnoring.
They left me there.
I woke up.
I slept for like six hours.
Wow, way past my shift.
Wow, I was late for my otherjob, oh God.
And they were just like youwere asleep and we were like we
(21:11):
just felt like we needed to letyou rest and I was just like,
nah, y'all, they made me late.
I better not lose my other job.
We mad now, but the body keepsgoing.
Man, I was running, running,running.
I was only like 16, 17 yearsold and thinking I got all my
life to go to sleep.
Yeah, I'm good, I got the restof my life Passed out.
My body was like nah, bro, nah.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
That's so hard, dude, and I think something you
mentioned was really cool aboutthe revolving of the world and I
wanted to make mention of that,like how we put like all our
dysfunction and make that ourworld.
Come on, and we learned how torevolve around it.
And just because something hasbeen there for a long time, does
that mean we create realitiesaround that thing?
And I think that is a struggle.
(21:53):
We learn how to adapt versuslearning how we can adjust to
like okay, I don't have to adaptto this, but I can adjust to
this.
Okay, maybe it's right now, butI'm not going to adapt my
entire life around that onething.
So, yes, I may be going throughdepression, but I refuse to say
I'm going to be depressed forthe rest of my life, that means
I have adapted to where I'm at,or if I deal with anxiety.
(22:17):
Okay, I may be dealing withanxiety now, but I'm not for the
rest of my life, and we talkabout like how work, curses and
things that we were given to orwere covenants, agreements, and
if a doctor says you're going todeal with this for the rest of
your life, I was like no.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
I'm not.
I don't see that.
No, I don't.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
So I think I'm telling what y'all need to know,
what's going on right now, butdoing the work is.
I keep mentioning about thehealth stuff and I used to be
353 pounds and now I'm a good203 body weight urchin.
But my doctor said hey, if youdon't get this under control,
you're going to die.
And so I can say all right,cool, you know what.
(22:54):
Might as well go out eatingwhat I want to anyway.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
I'm fine.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Or I can say I don't want my 10 year old baby girl to
bury me, and so I could chooseto live for a reason and live on
purpose.
Or I could choose to live justin my contentment, because I
love my food.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
No.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
So doing the work is.
I got to put in work and I gotto tell myself, no, I got to
stop doing that.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
I got to say hey you want to go?
Speaker 2 (23:15):
No, I can't go there today.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
I got to eat this when I really want to eat this I
got to go to the gym, eventhough I don't want to go to the
gym, but those things is doing.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
doing the work looks like putting yourself first and
not your cravings first, not?
Speaker 1 (23:29):
your desires.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
So I have to put myself first what means I have
to value my future and not valuejust what I want right now.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Man To me.
What I heard was I could eitherbe David the king or I could be
Hezekiah.
Absolutely, absolutely.
David says.
I've seen Nathan came to him,said bro, it's you, yep.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
You need to get this together.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Absolutely.
And David says Lord, you cantake everything away except your
Holy Spirit, because I'm goingto get this right, absolutely,
absolutely.
And he got it right.
And what David didn't realizewas that the lineage of Jesus
was coming through himAbsolutely, and he had to do the
work.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
So that the Messiah could be born through him.
Yes, sir.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Whereas Hezekiah, this man, said at least there be
peace in my day.
Forget the kids, Forget all ofit.
Yeah, man, he says.
Look, he says the prophet toldHezekiah man, you didn't show
the enemies all that you have,and now your kingdom will be
(24:42):
destroyed for the nextgeneration.
And this man was like look, atleast there be peace in my day.
Yep, and it's so bad Kids gotto deal with this.
I do, man, that's right.
So, man, that's amazing.
That's amazing man.
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