September 28, 2023 • 21 mins
Do you ever feel like you're wearing a mask, pretending to hold it all together, while you're secretly struggling under the weight of hidden emotions? You're not alone. As men, our mental health can often take a backseat due to societal expectations of remaining 'strong'. This captivating conversation unravels the significance of community, vulnerability, and prioritizing mental health, especially for us men. We dig into the challenges of overcoming personal hurdles and the substantial role a community can play in reaching our full potential.
Imagine having a safe space to bare your soul, a place to defy the taboo of vulnerability among men, and a tribe that encourages your growth. Sounds too good to be true? Well, it isn't. This episode echoes the compelling journey of a guest who discovered the importance of mental health, and vulnerability and found his tribe. He shares, with admirable courage, his deep-seated issues, the confrontations that triggered growth, and the divine guidance that led him to his tribe. His journey is a testament to the transformative power of a supportive community. So, gear up and get ready to be inspired to construct your own space of healing and self-discovery.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I appreciate you telling your story, I appreciate
you sharing some of the waysthat doing the work looked like
for you.
But for someone who's listeningwho may think, okay, I've done
the work, or I'm doing the work,but how do I maintain it?
What does what does?
Or I haven't reached the levelthat you've reached in your
(00:25):
mental health battle, but I canfeel that something's not right,
and so I want to be proactive,and I don't want to have to get
to that low, low point.
I want to do things now thatcan keep me mentally healthy.
So what would your advice befor men that are listening who
want to maintain or be proactivein their mental health?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Man.
I think we trust on it and Ithink the biggest thing is
community.
You got to find them, people,but people always say, why can't
find nobody?
And it could be the fact thatyou're just not looking for them
.
You have to find community.
That would be intentional, yes,and that means you have to.
And the biggest thing is bevulnerable, and that's a cuss
word, especially to men.
That is a cuss word.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Men are, and I might get in trouble for this, but I
think sometimes men are moremoody than women.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Absolutely, oh absolutely, when it comes to
finding their people.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
It's like you try to put yourself out there.
It don't go right.
I'm done, I'm mad, I'm upset,but it's like, come on, and then
we mask that through vices.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
I don't need nobody.
I'm a self medicate myself withwhatever I want and that could
be like the biggest thing ofBitcoin.
It's like sex people just goand they'll prod themselves in
the award and we have differentparts in our brain.
One of them is the reward area,and that area says, okay, you
(02:01):
felt this one time, it was verygreat, we love that, seek that
out, seek that out, seek thatout.
And that's why you have peoplethat go on these binges of like
just different women ordifferent weird drinks or club
life, people seeking or tryingto celebrity status and a lot of
it's sad a lot of great people,millionaires, billionaires,
(02:23):
famous celebrities deal withthat and they won't, because
they won't be vulnerable andfind someone to help them.
They'll seek the applause,they'll seek the fanfare, the
lights, the praise, and it's sodamaging.
And whenever someone wants more.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
they run.
Or they cut it off or they.
You trying to change me?
Speaker 2 (02:43):
You're not good at me .
Anyway, I never should have gotwith you in the front.
I should have left you when Irun out.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Yeah, yeah.
I remember when I was datingCassandra in high school and she
broke up with me and because Igrew up in the church, we both
grew up in this church, indenomination, where it was like
fire and brimstone all the time,Like if I do anything wrong I'm
(03:07):
going to hell, and so I didn'thold her hand.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I didn't kiss her I didn't do.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I was like look, I ain't going to hell For no Bible
sayings.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Paper Bible sayings you were King James.
Bible sayings King James only.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Bible sayings.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Well, you read another translation you were in
a vomination, you were in hell.
You don't do that.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Yeah man.
So she broke up with me and shewas like I just feel like
you're not as affectionate andyou don't really like me or love
me or whatever.
And so in that moment I waslike, fine, if that's what women
want, I'm going to go to theextreme and I'm going to treat
(03:48):
them like some straight dogs.
And I was going from college tocollege, from party to party,
intentionally doing what Iwanted to do in the area of
women and not caring, yeah man.
And it all went back to how Ifelt, not saying it was
Cassandra's fault, but how Ifelt in my role, in her
(04:15):
dissatisfaction.
In my mind I'm saying I'm doingeverything right and that's not
enough.
Then why even try?
Why I'm just going to do whateveryone else is doing and you
deal with the drama and theoutcome, because I'm going to
move on and that's thatsuppression.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
I'm going to suppress how I feel, suppress all that
stuff, and I'm going to do whatI want to do.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
And I learned to maintain my mental health and
our marriage that I could notcompromise.
And I know this is not verypopular If people say, man,
marriage is all about compromise.
In my house we don't compromisebecause we said I don't want a
doctor who compromises, I don'twant to live in a house with a
(04:58):
compromise foundation.
If I go to a bank I don't wantmy bank to say you know what?
We really ain't got enoughmoney.
But hey, let's just compromise,let's give you this, you just
take this, we'll give you therest later.
I know you want this much, butwe can't give you that much,
let's just compromise.
(05:19):
So we have a thing where, forour mental health, my wife and
myself, we don't compromise.
So if I want to do somethingthat she doesn't want to do or
she want to do something that Idon't want to do, we have to
talk it out.
We have to say, okay, let's getto the root of this.
Why don't you want to do this?
(05:39):
There's really no good reason.
And you know what?
Sometimes it goes back to a pastexperience that we don't want
to experience again, and so weavoid doing something that could
potentially trigger us to thatresponse, and we have to
confront it and say you knowwhat?
That's not of God.
(06:00):
We're going to push forward,we're going to be aware that
this is a possibility, and ifsomething starts to trigger, I'm
aware of it, you're aware of it, and we can attack ahead on.
But we're not going tocompromise and say we're not
going to go that way or we'renot going to do that.
You know what I'm saying.
And so we have to deal withsome things in that way and our
(06:21):
lives.
Confrontation has become aninvitation to do deep work,
absolutely, absolutely, and sowe love it.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
And I think one thing you said and I think that
everyone should take note ofthat is like learn to ask why.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Like, learn to ask why.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
That's another thing like how to do the work, how to
build that community.
Give people to ask you why.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
And that can ask you like really probing questions.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I feel like that's probably why I don't have a lot
of friends now, because I'mlooking at you.
I'm like you know what I'mhearing is, so why do you do
that?
And it's like man, can you justnot be deep for my name?
I'm like it's in my nature.
I don't know if this is who I am, and I think, but you need
people like that and you'reabsolutely that will be willing
(07:09):
just to ask you some hardquestions and even when it
bothers the stew out of you ifit boils your cabbage, you just
got to do it.
I hate cabbage, you just got todo it.
And it's necessary and that'show we get to that place when we
need to get you Learn how toask why and be okay with people
asking you why, and if you don'thave an answer, right then and
there say that.
(07:30):
Let me think about it, but I'mgoing to give you six hours
Tomorrow.
I'm going to ask you that, sowe need to figure out what's
going on.
But I'm thinking if we wouldget around people, healthy men,
healthy community, that would belike you know what I need to
talk this out.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
No, I appreciate it, because that's so true.
I remember, by a year and ahalf, maybe two years ago, I was
contemplating making atransition and I had called you
and I was just telling you myfrustrations about the position
that I was in.
And the first question was likeso, herald, why are you still
(08:13):
there?
And I was like but is thatreally the reason?
I'm like, here we go again.
And I was just like, bro, justtell me what to do.
He's like no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not going to tell you whatto do, but I just really want
you to like why?
Why do you accept that?
(08:34):
Why do you think this is whatGod wants for you?
Why, like?
What is it that is keeping youloyal to a situation or a
circumstance that is not servingyou in the way that it needs to
?
And he's like and if you feellike this is where God wants you
(08:55):
, you just got to empowerthrough it.
He's like more power to you.
He's like but, and this is notGod's will and it's yours, why
can't you let?
Speaker 2 (09:08):
it go.
Yeah, man, I'm telling you whyis a weapon.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
And why?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
is a weapon and it helps tremendously.
Choose trying to navigatethrough anything, you have to be
willing to talk through why.
That's why, even in moviesthey're like why, why, why.
And I'm like come on, let'sfinally blow up, cause like they
just push that thing out of you, but like sometimes he just
needs it, it's my kids, man.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
No, why Dad, why Cause?
I said why do you say so?
Shut up, just go to your room,like God.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
It's just something else.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
But yes, yes.
So maintaining that mentalhealth is surrounding yourself,
around a healthy community,especially for men, men is hard
because men, we are satisfiedwith doing nothing and saying
nothing and just being presentwith one another and listen, and
(10:03):
this might be a risk.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Don't cut it off after I say this, so like
surrounding yourself and I don'thave anybody.
Hey, search local supportgroups.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Yes search them.
Listen, I don't know if youknow this, but I recently got
certified as a mental healthcoach.
Oh, welcome to the family.
So I got my certification as amental health coach and with
specializations and addictionand recovery, and marriage and
(10:35):
family, yes, cause that's justmy life and so, and I'm also
getting my master's in divinitywith pastoral counseling.
So I just been on a mentalhealth care and the Lord just
been sending random people tojust counsel and minister and
pour into.
And so I'm noticing, when youget into that mental health vein
(10:59):
, you start noticing things thatyou didn't notice before,
especially around the peoplethat you surround yourself with.
And so I'm noticing a lot ofthe people that a lot of the men
in my life are content withjust being not pushing, not
becoming not stretching.
(11:21):
Just I just want to be aroundsome people that just let me be.
But what if letting you be iswrong?
Like the being that you'rebeing, it's not who God wants
you to be.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
And I think, something that I would
oftentimes say when people saythat it's like man the devil's
job is to get you to be, that'sall.
And the reason why is becauseif you become, you become a
threat.
But if you can just be, you canbe anything he wants you to be.
But if you become, you become athreat.
And then our assignment on theearth is to become, become,
(11:59):
become, and I think it's anotherword that the Bible says behold
, like.
So you must fully embrace, likeeverything you were called to
be, and if you do that, you'llbe one of the greatest weapons.
Men were put here to be,weapons To be.
But anytime we try to shapeourselves into something
completely different, we missout on our kingdom assignment.
(12:20):
We are to become, and that'swhy we I mean the world is where
it's at now, cause men refuseto step up to where they're
supposed to be, so like.
That's why, if you're nottaking care of your children, if
you're not pouring into them,loving on them, you are aiding
to the enemy.
What the enemy's plan is causeyou're allowing them to be
because you're just being.
But if you become, your kidswatch you.
They have no choice but tobecome.
(12:41):
Your family is like I'm theonly one.
Of my family so become that oneyou don't have to be like Uncle
Joe and you know your third cutlike.
You don't have to be that way.
Yes, just because it's theredoesn't mean you have to always
again that word, adapt to it.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
You don't have to Dude.
That reminds me, become thesaddest.
I think the saddest moment inmy life with my father was the
day that the Lord revealed to methat he has stopped becoming
and had become, and because ofthat, the enemy had bound him up
(13:20):
.
And the context of this storyis we invited my parents to our
house.
We had our oldest son and mywife was pregnant with our
middle son and we were I thinkit was Thanksgiving or Christmas
, no, thanksgiving, I think itwas.
So our parents came to ourhouse and we were just hanging
(13:43):
out in the living room and, nolie, my mom start manifesting
demonically, wow, demonically.
And this is how I know Peopleare like, okay, here, are you
stretching?
Like no, no, no, real talk.
I've been dealing with thedemonic my whole life, not even
knowing it.
Yeah, that's why we bruh.
(14:04):
And so the reason I knew it wasdemonic is because I asked my
mom.
I said are you okay?
And in a deep, masculine voice,she's like what do you think?
And I was like, oh, at thispoint I was like I was like Cass
, get the son, get our son, takehim in the bat.
(14:26):
This not going to go down in myhouse, I'm wrapping up.
I'm gonna have to think about itI was like mm-mm and so, and so
the Holy Spirit said stop.
I was like, oh, this is myhouse.
No, there's no stopping.
The Holy Spirit says stop andin my mind I'm like why this is
(14:51):
unacceptable.
According to the Bible, this isunacceptable.
Holy Spirit said look at yourdad.
The whole time this washappening my dad was watching
the game on TV.
Wow, not even bothered by it.
She's full out, manifesting.
He's watching TV.
(15:12):
I'm looking at him, I'm lookingat her.
Now look back at him and theHoly Spirit says he has given in
to the enemies.
I don't know if I can say rain,but he's given in to the
enemy's authority.
He's given the enemy'sauthority in the name of peace.
(15:36):
Wow, if I don't confront this,I don't have to keep fighting, I
can just let this be Wow.
And the only reason and theHoly Spirit showed me, the only
reason that that thing showed upis because it was in a
different environment.
And then in that environment itwas challenged.
(15:56):
Wow.
And because it was challenged,it came out to challenge.
And I was just like I startcrying, dude.
I start crying because the Lordhad showed me that the enemy
had bound my father.
And the Bible says if you bindthe strong man, you can plunder.
The enemy plunders through thehouse and do whatever he wants.
(16:16):
And the Lord was showing methat you can't cast this out
because it has legal right to bethere.
Your father, who is the head,has granted permission for this
to go on.
And I looked at him.
He was chilling on a reclinerwatching the game and I was just
weeping hey boy, what's wrongwith you?
(16:38):
I'm like, what's wrong with me,dude?
Do you see this?
He's completely unaware,Completely unaware.
And so I went back to my wifeand she was like devastated.
She was like what's wrong withyou?
Why are you crying?
What happened?
What happened?
And I was just like.
I feel like there's no hopebecause of what I just witnessed
(17:01):
and the Lord was just like.
I agonized over that for quitea bit and the Lord had to show
me that had you went through anddid that, it probably would
have left, but it would havecame back Absolutely, and the
mother would have been worsebecause your dad wouldn't have
did nothing about it.
He just so me stopping you wasactually preventing further
(17:25):
damage in her.
Absolutely.
And eventually.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
I believe I mean that's biblical, yes, that is
biblical.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Some people they were like what do you mean?
It would have got where.
I'm like look man, some thingsare good, but if you exercise
them outside of your authorityyou make it worse, absolutely.
And so that's why we don't justgo around casting those out of
random people on the street,absolutely.
(17:52):
But.
But putting yourself aroundpeople who would challenge you
is important, because my fatherhad no men in his life who would
say dude, what's going on withyour wife?
isn't right, it's biblical.
I remember days when I would gohome and visit and there's no
(18:16):
shy to my parents.
I would visit my parents and mydad would pick me up from the
train station and stop by aliquor store pick up a 12 pack
from my mom and I would just belike you know what?
I just got a prayer orderbecause I can't, even if I
(18:38):
confront it, it's not my lane.
And so listen, be encouraged,get to your community.
The Bible says that he placesthe orphan in families and
that's what God did with me,that's what he did with you and
that's what he can do foreveryone who's listening is that
he can put you in a family, andsometimes you got to try them
(19:01):
out, you got to put yourself outthere and if it doesn't work,
you learn from it and you moveon and you try again.
And you try again.
When the disciples went fromtown to town, he says, hey, they
don't receive you.
Dust off your shoes and go tothe next town.
He didn't say dust off yourshoes and come back home,
retreat.
He says no, dust off your shoesand go to the next town.
(19:23):
So if you're trying to findyourself a family, find yourself
a tribe of people and itdoesn't work out, dust it off,
go to the next group.
Keep trying, because eventuallythe Lord is going to show you
who it is.
Man, I appreciate this.
This is fun.
We're going to have another one.
We're going to have so much moreto say.
(19:43):
I appreciate you for your time.
It's a wrap for today.
We're going to have one againand again and again.
This is really my brother.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
All right, man, that's it.
I appreciate you telling your story, I appreciate
you sharing some of the waysthat doing the work looked like
for you.
But for someone who's listeningwho may think, okay, I've done
the work, or I'm doing the work,but how do I maintain it?
What does what does?
Or I haven't reached the levelthat you've reached in your
(00:25):
mental health battle, but I canfeel that something's not right,
and so I want to be proactive,and I don't want to have to get
to that low, low point.
I want to do things now thatcan keep me mentally healthy.
So what would your advice befor men that are listening who
want to maintain or be proactivein their mental health?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Man.
I think we trust on it and Ithink the biggest thing is
community.
You got to find them, people,but people always say, why can't
find nobody?
And it could be the fact thatyou're just not looking for them
.
You have to find community.
That would be intentional, yes,and that means you have to.
And the biggest thing is bevulnerable, and that's a cuss
word, especially to men.
That is a cuss word.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Men are, and I might get in trouble for this, but I
think sometimes men are moremoody than women.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Absolutely, oh absolutely, when it comes to
finding their people.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
It's like you try to put yourself out there.
It don't go right.
I'm done, I'm mad, I'm upset,but it's like, come on, and then
we mask that through vices.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
I don't need nobody.
I'm a self medicate myself withwhatever I want and that could
be like the biggest thing ofBitcoin.
It's like sex people just goand they'll prod themselves in
the award and we have differentparts in our brain.
One of them is the reward area,and that area says, okay, you
(02:01):
felt this one time, it was verygreat, we love that, seek that
out, seek that out, seek thatout.
And that's why you have peoplethat go on these binges of like
just different women ordifferent weird drinks or club
life, people seeking or tryingto celebrity status and a lot of
it's sad a lot of great people,millionaires, billionaires,
(02:23):
famous celebrities deal withthat and they won't, because
they won't be vulnerable andfind someone to help them.
They'll seek the applause,they'll seek the fanfare, the
lights, the praise, and it's sodamaging.
And whenever someone wants more.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
they run.
Or they cut it off or they.
You trying to change me?
Speaker 2 (02:43):
You're not good at me .
Anyway, I never should have gotwith you in the front.
I should have left you when Irun out.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Yeah, yeah.
I remember when I was datingCassandra in high school and she
broke up with me and because Igrew up in the church, we both
grew up in this church, indenomination, where it was like
fire and brimstone all the time,Like if I do anything wrong I'm
(03:07):
going to hell, and so I didn'thold her hand.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I didn't kiss her I didn't do.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I was like look, I ain't going to hell For no Bible
sayings.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Paper Bible sayings you were King James.
Bible sayings King James only.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Bible sayings.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Well, you read another translation you were in
a vomination, you were in hell.
You don't do that.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Yeah man.
So she broke up with me and shewas like I just feel like
you're not as affectionate andyou don't really like me or love
me or whatever.
And so in that moment I waslike, fine, if that's what women
want, I'm going to go to theextreme and I'm going to treat
(03:48):
them like some straight dogs.
And I was going from college tocollege, from party to party,
intentionally doing what Iwanted to do in the area of
women and not caring, yeah man.
And it all went back to how Ifelt, not saying it was
Cassandra's fault, but how Ifelt in my role, in her
(04:15):
dissatisfaction.
In my mind I'm saying I'm doingeverything right and that's not
enough.
Then why even try?
Why I'm just going to do whateveryone else is doing and you
deal with the drama and theoutcome, because I'm going to
move on and that's thatsuppression.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
I'm going to suppress how I feel, suppress all that
stuff, and I'm going to do whatI want to do.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
And I learned to maintain my mental health and
our marriage that I could notcompromise.
And I know this is not verypopular If people say, man,
marriage is all about compromise.
In my house we don't compromisebecause we said I don't want a
doctor who compromises, I don'twant to live in a house with a
(04:58):
compromise foundation.
If I go to a bank I don't wantmy bank to say you know what?
We really ain't got enoughmoney.
But hey, let's just compromise,let's give you this, you just
take this, we'll give you therest later.
I know you want this much, butwe can't give you that much,
let's just compromise.
(05:19):
So we have a thing where, forour mental health, my wife and
myself, we don't compromise.
So if I want to do somethingthat she doesn't want to do or
she want to do something that Idon't want to do, we have to
talk it out.
We have to say, okay, let's getto the root of this.
Why don't you want to do this?
(05:39):
There's really no good reason.
And you know what?
Sometimes it goes back to a pastexperience that we don't want
to experience again, and so weavoid doing something that could
potentially trigger us to thatresponse, and we have to
confront it and say you knowwhat?
That's not of God.
(06:00):
We're going to push forward,we're going to be aware that
this is a possibility, and ifsomething starts to trigger, I'm
aware of it, you're aware of it, and we can attack ahead on.
But we're not going tocompromise and say we're not
going to go that way or we'renot going to do that.
You know what I'm saying.
And so we have to deal withsome things in that way and our
(06:21):
lives.
Confrontation has become aninvitation to do deep work,
absolutely, absolutely, and sowe love it.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
And I think one thing you said and I think that
everyone should take note ofthat is like learn to ask why.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Like, learn to ask why.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
That's another thing like how to do the work, how to
build that community.
Give people to ask you why.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
And that can ask you like really probing questions.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I feel like that's probably why I don't have a lot
of friends now, because I'mlooking at you.
I'm like you know what I'mhearing is, so why do you do
that?
And it's like man, can you justnot be deep for my name?
I'm like it's in my nature.
I don't know if this is who I am, and I think, but you need
people like that and you'reabsolutely that will be willing
(07:09):
just to ask you some hardquestions and even when it
bothers the stew out of you ifit boils your cabbage, you just
got to do it.
I hate cabbage, you just got todo it.
And it's necessary and that'show we get to that place when we
need to get you Learn how toask why and be okay with people
asking you why, and if you don'thave an answer, right then and
there say that.
(07:30):
Let me think about it, but I'mgoing to give you six hours
Tomorrow.
I'm going to ask you that, sowe need to figure out what's
going on.
But I'm thinking if we wouldget around people, healthy men,
healthy community, that would belike you know what I need to
talk this out.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
No, I appreciate it, because that's so true.
I remember, by a year and ahalf, maybe two years ago, I was
contemplating making atransition and I had called you
and I was just telling you myfrustrations about the position
that I was in.
And the first question was likeso, herald, why are you still
(08:13):
there?
And I was like but is thatreally the reason?
I'm like, here we go again.
And I was just like, bro, justtell me what to do.
He's like no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not going to tell you whatto do, but I just really want
you to like why?
Why do you accept that?
(08:34):
Why do you think this is whatGod wants for you?
Why, like?
What is it that is keeping youloyal to a situation or a
circumstance that is not servingyou in the way that it needs to
?
And he's like and if you feellike this is where God wants you
(08:55):
, you just got to empowerthrough it.
He's like more power to you.
He's like but, and this is notGod's will and it's yours, why
can't you let?
Speaker 2 (09:08):
it go.
Yeah, man, I'm telling you whyis a weapon.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
And why?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
is a weapon and it helps tremendously.
Choose trying to navigatethrough anything, you have to be
willing to talk through why.
That's why, even in moviesthey're like why, why, why.
And I'm like come on, let'sfinally blow up, cause like they
just push that thing out of you, but like sometimes he just
needs it, it's my kids, man.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
No, why Dad, why Cause?
I said why do you say so?
Shut up, just go to your room,like God.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
It's just something else.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
But yes, yes.
So maintaining that mentalhealth is surrounding yourself,
around a healthy community,especially for men, men is hard
because men, we are satisfiedwith doing nothing and saying
nothing and just being presentwith one another and listen, and
(10:03):
this might be a risk.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Don't cut it off after I say this, so like
surrounding yourself and I don'thave anybody.
Hey, search local supportgroups.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Yes search them.
Listen, I don't know if youknow this, but I recently got
certified as a mental healthcoach.
Oh, welcome to the family.
So I got my certification as amental health coach and with
specializations and addictionand recovery, and marriage and
(10:35):
family, yes, cause that's justmy life and so, and I'm also
getting my master's in divinitywith pastoral counseling.
So I just been on a mentalhealth care and the Lord just
been sending random people tojust counsel and minister and
pour into.
And so I'm noticing, when youget into that mental health vein
(10:59):
, you start noticing things thatyou didn't notice before,
especially around the peoplethat you surround yourself with.
And so I'm noticing a lot ofthe people that a lot of the men
in my life are content withjust being not pushing, not
becoming not stretching.
(11:21):
Just I just want to be aroundsome people that just let me be.
But what if letting you be iswrong?
Like the being that you'rebeing, it's not who God wants
you to be.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
And I think, something that I would
oftentimes say when people saythat it's like man the devil's
job is to get you to be, that'sall.
And the reason why is becauseif you become, you become a
threat.
But if you can just be, you canbe anything he wants you to be.
But if you become, you become athreat.
And then our assignment on theearth is to become, become,
(11:59):
become, and I think it's anotherword that the Bible says behold
, like.
So you must fully embrace, likeeverything you were called to
be, and if you do that, you'llbe one of the greatest weapons.
Men were put here to be,weapons To be.
But anytime we try to shapeourselves into something
completely different, we missout on our kingdom assignment.
(12:20):
We are to become, and that'swhy we I mean the world is where
it's at now, cause men refuseto step up to where they're
supposed to be, so like.
That's why, if you're nottaking care of your children, if
you're not pouring into them,loving on them, you are aiding
to the enemy.
What the enemy's plan is causeyou're allowing them to be
because you're just being.
But if you become, your kidswatch you.
They have no choice but tobecome.
(12:41):
Your family is like I'm theonly one.
Of my family so become that oneyou don't have to be like Uncle
Joe and you know your third cutlike.
You don't have to be that way.
Yes, just because it's theredoesn't mean you have to always
again that word, adapt to it.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
You don't have to Dude.
That reminds me, become thesaddest.
I think the saddest moment inmy life with my father was the
day that the Lord revealed to methat he has stopped becoming
and had become, and because ofthat, the enemy had bound him up
(13:20):
.
And the context of this storyis we invited my parents to our
house.
We had our oldest son and mywife was pregnant with our
middle son and we were I thinkit was Thanksgiving or Christmas
, no, thanksgiving, I think itwas.
So our parents came to ourhouse and we were just hanging
(13:43):
out in the living room and, nolie, my mom start manifesting
demonically, wow, demonically.
And this is how I know Peopleare like, okay, here, are you
stretching?
Like no, no, no, real talk.
I've been dealing with thedemonic my whole life, not even
knowing it.
Yeah, that's why we bruh.
(14:04):
And so the reason I knew it wasdemonic is because I asked my
mom.
I said are you okay?
And in a deep, masculine voice,she's like what do you think?
And I was like, oh, at thispoint I was like I was like Cass
, get the son, get our son, takehim in the bat.
(14:26):
This not going to go down in myhouse, I'm wrapping up.
I'm gonna have to think about itI was like mm-mm and so, and so
the Holy Spirit said stop.
I was like, oh, this is myhouse.
No, there's no stopping.
The Holy Spirit says stop andin my mind I'm like why this is
(14:51):
unacceptable.
According to the Bible, this isunacceptable.
Holy Spirit said look at yourdad.
The whole time this washappening my dad was watching
the game on TV.
Wow, not even bothered by it.
She's full out, manifesting.
He's watching TV.
(15:12):
I'm looking at him, I'm lookingat her.
Now look back at him and theHoly Spirit says he has given in
to the enemies.
I don't know if I can say rain,but he's given in to the
enemy's authority.
He's given the enemy'sauthority in the name of peace.
(15:36):
Wow, if I don't confront this,I don't have to keep fighting, I
can just let this be Wow.
And the only reason and theHoly Spirit showed me, the only
reason that that thing showed upis because it was in a
different environment.
And then in that environment itwas challenged.
(15:56):
Wow.
And because it was challenged,it came out to challenge.
And I was just like I startcrying, dude.
I start crying because the Lordhad showed me that the enemy
had bound my father.
And the Bible says if you bindthe strong man, you can plunder.
The enemy plunders through thehouse and do whatever he wants.
(16:16):
And the Lord was showing methat you can't cast this out
because it has legal right to bethere.
Your father, who is the head,has granted permission for this
to go on.
And I looked at him.
He was chilling on a reclinerwatching the game and I was just
weeping hey boy, what's wrongwith you?
(16:38):
I'm like, what's wrong with me,dude?
Do you see this?
He's completely unaware,Completely unaware.
And so I went back to my wifeand she was like devastated.
She was like what's wrong withyou?
Why are you crying?
What happened?
What happened?
And I was just like.
I feel like there's no hopebecause of what I just witnessed
(17:01):
and the Lord was just like.
I agonized over that for quitea bit and the Lord had to show
me that had you went through anddid that, it probably would
have left, but it would havecame back Absolutely, and the
mother would have been worsebecause your dad wouldn't have
did nothing about it.
He just so me stopping you wasactually preventing further
(17:25):
damage in her.
Absolutely.
And eventually.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
I believe I mean that's biblical, yes, that is
biblical.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Some people they were like what do you mean?
It would have got where.
I'm like look man, some thingsare good, but if you exercise
them outside of your authorityyou make it worse, absolutely.
And so that's why we don't justgo around casting those out of
random people on the street,absolutely.
(17:52):
But.
But putting yourself aroundpeople who would challenge you
is important, because my fatherhad no men in his life who would
say dude, what's going on withyour wife?
isn't right, it's biblical.
I remember days when I would gohome and visit and there's no
(18:16):
shy to my parents.
I would visit my parents and mydad would pick me up from the
train station and stop by aliquor store pick up a 12 pack
from my mom and I would just belike you know what?
I just got a prayer orderbecause I can't, even if I
(18:38):
confront it, it's not my lane.
And so listen, be encouraged,get to your community.
The Bible says that he placesthe orphan in families and
that's what God did with me,that's what he did with you and
that's what he can do foreveryone who's listening is that
he can put you in a family, andsometimes you got to try them
(19:01):
out, you got to put yourself outthere and if it doesn't work,
you learn from it and you moveon and you try again.
And you try again.
When the disciples went fromtown to town, he says, hey, they
don't receive you.
Dust off your shoes and go tothe next town.
He didn't say dust off yourshoes and come back home,
retreat.
He says no, dust off your shoesand go to the next town.
(19:23):
So if you're trying to findyourself a family, find yourself
a tribe of people and itdoesn't work out, dust it off,
go to the next group.
Keep trying, because eventuallythe Lord is going to show you
who it is.
Man, I appreciate this.
This is fun.
We're going to have another one.
We're going to have so much moreto say.
(19:43):
I appreciate you for your time.
It's a wrap for today.
We're going to have one againand again and again.
This is really my brother.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
All right, man, that's it.
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