Change Your Perspective, Change Your Addiction

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Something as simple as working on your perspective can alter your recovery that maybe has stalled out or you are struggling to start. 

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
It's time again for Doc Jock, your addiction
lifeguard podcast.
I am Dr.
Jock DeBerker, a psychologist,licensed professional counselor,
and addiction specialist.
If you are suffering fromaddiction, misery, trauma,
whatever it is, I'm here tohelp.
If you're in search of help totry to get your life back
together, join me here at DocJock, your addiction lifeguard,

(00:22):
the addiction recovery podcast.
I wanted to be real clear aboutwhat this podcast is intended
for.
It is intended for entertainmentand informational purposes but

(00:45):
not considered help.
If you actually need real helpand you're in need of help,
Please seek that out.
If you're in dire need of help,you can go to your nearest
emergency room or you can checkinto a rehab center or call a
counselor like me and talk aboutyour problems and work through
them.
But don't rely on a podcast tobe that form of help.

(01:06):
It's not.
It's just a podcast.
It's for entertainment andinformation only.
So let's keep it in that light.
All right.
Have a good time.
Learn something and then get thereal help that you need from a
professional.

UNKNOWN (01:19):
Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 (01:47):
Hey, I know it's been a few weeks since we got
together in these littlepodcasts here, and I apologize
for that length of time thatit's been, but I would like to
say that many things havehappened in the time that I've
been working on some stuff, andI hope you have too.

(02:09):
But one of the things that Iwanted to, that has been coming
up again and again with...
the work that I've been doing inmy practice is the idea of
perspective.
And it's interesting howperspective can change things.

(02:30):
Some of my clients havestruggled with various things,
depression, anxiety, in additionto the general issues that they
have with addiction.
And it's interesting howsomebody's perspective on what's
going on with their addictioncan change the way that they
feel about what they're doing intheir lives and the work towards

(02:55):
recovery or the perception ofrecovery or how they're
encountering recovery and itsperspective.
And so there's a story that Itell people, uh, when I'm
talking about perspective and,you know, in I spent years as a
lifeguard and a swimminginstructor and around kids and
teaching kids lessons.

(03:16):
And, you know, when you're a kidand you're young and you're
coming to the pool, a pool seemshuge to you.
You know, we see it as adultsand we think, oh, it's a pool.
Even if it's an Olympic sizedpool, we think, oh, yeah, it's a
big pool to them.
It's an ocean.
It might as well be an ocean.
It was for me when I was a kid.
I was scared to death of waterwhen I was a kid because I had

(03:36):
an occurrence when I wasprobably about, I don't know,
five years old.
years old four years old fiveyears old where some kids were
bullying me in a pool and theywere splashing water in my face
and it scared me and so I was alate late when it comes to
learning how to swim and Iremember my mom would take me to
the YMCA in in I think it was inPortland, Oregon, when my mom

(04:02):
first tried to do this.
They would take me in there, andI wouldn't come out of the
locker room.
I was just screaming and crying,and I didn't want to come out.
My mom, of course, could not gointo the men's locker room.
So invariably, it would be timefor the lesson to start, and my
mom would have to send somebodyinto the locker room to get me.
And I just was fighting them.
I wouldn't go out to the pool.
I just wouldn't do it.

(04:23):
I was hysterical.
Because it was, you know, it'scrazy place when you're scared
to death as a kid.
And that went on until I wasprobably, I think, in fourth
grade.
So I was like nine because I wasI was my birthday is late in the
year.
So I was always younger thaneverybody in school in my class.

(04:44):
So I was in fourth grade.
I remember fourth or fifthgrade.
And my mom, after multipleattempts at trying to get me to
learn how to swim throughtypical swimming lessons,
finally got me hooked up with aprivate lesson with a lifeguard
who was wonderful girl.
It was in California at thatpoint.

(05:04):
And, um, my mom would take me toher house and I'd learn, uh,
she'd teach me swimming lessonsand I finally learned how to
swim.
And so I always had thisappreciation for, um, children
who are learning how to swim,who were scared of the water.
And so I like to take those kidson the ones who would just were
screaming and yelling, scared todeath.
And because I would justexercise so much, you know,

(05:26):
patience because I knew whatthat felt like as a as a kid who
didn't know how to swim.
And I turned out that I lovedthe water.
But which is why I became alifeguard.
But in any case, so the story Itell.
And I told you that story togive you some background on me.
But the story I tell is when Iwould take these kids who did

(05:49):
not know how to swim and they'rescared to death of the water.
And I would teach them how toswim, going through the
progression of like blowingbubbles and then putting their
head on the water.
And then finally being able toswim and, you know, the
different strokes.
And we'd get to the point wherethey could swim in the pool
across the width of the pool,not the length, but the width.
And it was in water that wasover their head.

(06:11):
So, you know, I could stand inthe water.
So it was, you know, five feet.
But for them, they were, youknow, they're too young.
to, uh, to stand in the watertoo short.
And so they're, they're able toswim in the water in, uh, water
that's deeper than they couldstand and have their head out of
the water, but they weresuccessful at it.
And they felt very comfortabletowards the end.
And that usually these, theselessons were in two week blocks.

(06:34):
So I would get the same kids,um, So I would teach them, you
know, level one and level three,the old Red Cross method, and
level four, swimming, whatever.
And we'd progress that way.
So once you get to a pointwithin the lessons, you have to
move from just the swimming partto diving.

(06:56):
And that was one of the skillsthat I would teach.
And these are kids who they...
And remember, they did notreally feel comfortable in the
water when I got them.
So...
I teach them how to dive and wewould start on the side of the
pool and I'd have them jump infeet first because I wanted to
make sure they could feelcomfortable jumping into water
and knowing that they could doit and come up to the top and

(07:17):
they weren't going to drown.
You know, that's their fear.
So we'd start with jumping infeet first and then eventually
you get to where we're sittingon the side and you're putting
your hands over your head withyour...
I'm doing it as I'm saying thisas if you could see it, but
putting your hands together andthen you put your head between
your arms and And you learn to,I'm trying to teach them to

(07:38):
convert from feet first to handsfirst and head first, which is a
very unnatural thing for a childto do is to go in head first.
You know, they always want to gofeet first.
So we're moving that way andthen you get to where you're
putting your knee on the sideand you got one foot, you know,
you're like you're kneeling onone knee and you're doing the
hand thing with your headbetween your arms.

(07:58):
And we, you know, move that wayand then I'd start tipping them
in so they get used to going inhead first.
So we eventually get to wherethey're not doing feet first or
feet and hands first, but Handsfirst.
Into the water.
So they're doing like a...
If you're doing like ahandstand.
And they're doing it from theside of the pool.
And they get to a point wherethey're comfortable with that.
And it would take, you know,sometimes multiple days to get

(08:21):
there.
So they eventually get there.
And then the fateful day comeswhen they have to jump off the
diving board.
And it's the low dive.
So it's about, I don't know,three feet off the water.
And...
They would...
be able to comfortably swim thewidth of the pool they could
swim to the ladder and get outand they could be in the deep

(08:43):
end to 12 or 15 feet deep waterand they were fine with that but
getting on the board suddenlythey just would be filled with
fear and panic again and it wasat a level that was
disproportionate to what theyhad experienced when I was
teaching them how to jump offthe side of the pool.
It didn't make much sensebecause they were successful at
that, but yet they're terrifiedwith trying to jump off the

(09:06):
diving board.
And it took me a while, but Ifigured out what's happened is
they've stood on the divingboard and they're looking
straight down.
And what they see is the drainat the bottom of the deep end
because that's where the drainalways is.
It's the deepest part of thepool.
So they're looking down And whatthey're seeing is the bottom of

(09:27):
the pool.
And that's an unusual positionfor them to be in because
normally when they're standingon the side, they're not seeing
the bottom of the pool becausewhat are they doing?
They're only standing a few feetoff the deck of the side of the
pool.
So what they're seeing is themotion of the water and they're
seeing the water, the lightreflecting off the water.

(09:48):
They're seeing the surface ofthe pool.
They're not seeing the bottom ofthe pool.
They're seeing the surface ofthe water.
And so when they get up on thediving board, they're not seeing
that anymore.
All they're seeing is the bottomof the pool.
And that's terrifying becausethey're seeing it 15 feet down.
And they also know that's thedeep end.
And that's where the big kids gowhen they dive off the diving

(10:09):
board.
And they go way down under thewater.
So their perspective is one thatis now distorted because they
think, even though they haveproven they can swim, that
they're going to just...
go to the bottom and drown.
So what I would do is I wouldstart splashing where they're
going to jump into the water.
Sometimes I would take a hoseand I would thumb the end of the

(10:31):
hose and spray water onto thesurface of the water.
So now what they're seeing isthe surface of the water, which
is only three feet.
And it changes theirperspective.
And now they jump in and I wouldhave them jump in feet first,
you know, for the first fewtimes they jump off the board.
And then they would try thehands thing and it would be
difficult for them.
And sometimes you'd have toassist them off the board, um,

(10:54):
as they're learning to, uh, youknow, do the headfirst part of
the dive.
And eventually they get to wherethey can do it and they've
overcome their fear, but theyreally, it's because of a change
of perspective, the perspectiveof what the water is and where
they're going to hit the water.
Once they've changed theirperspective, they now can do the

(11:15):
dive.
And again, And it's interestingbecause then after that, because
I was also lifeguarding at thatsame pool, you couldn't get them
to not jump off the board afterthat because now there's this
freedom.
of this exhilarating experienceof jumping off the board, which
is what the big kids can do.
And man, I can do that.

(11:36):
And it's all based on a changeof perspective.
It's not a skill that's changed.
They could swim.
They could go to the surface.
They can swim to the side.
They can get out of the ladder.
But the look on their face thefirst time they jump off the
board and realize that they onlywent about three feet and that's
it.
And they hit the water.
They're so surprised.

(11:57):
And sometimes they get up on thesurface of the water and I'm in
the water with them, but I'm nottouching them.
I need them to prove tothemselves they can do it.
And the look on their face ofterror and joy at the same time,
the first one or two timesthey've done it.
is just really something to seeand these kids who when they

(12:17):
came to me could not swim at alland then later on they actually
can and they've proven that theycan and they're enjoying it is
just the greatest thing ever youknow you've unlocked you've
unlocked an ability in thatchild to do something that they
thought they could never do andthey were afraid of and I
remember what that felt like andthe day that I could show my mom

(12:41):
when I jumped off the divingboard I'm like look at this and
my mom was both excited andhappy and and angry at the same
time because i'd spent so manyyears not wanting to get
anywhere near a pool or waterand it was just a holy terror
when it came to that and thennow i'm diving off the diving
board and i was so excited to beable to show her that um that i

(13:04):
could finally do it and i wasn'tafraid of the water anymore and
when you when you overcome yourfears and you're able to do
things that are so challengingand difficult to you that you
think perhaps you can't do.
You've moved them into the realmof impossible.
That's your perspective, right?
So you have the perspective of,I can't do this.

(13:25):
There's no way I can do this.
And then you've proven that youactually can.
It's a wonderful thing.
And so how I relate that toaddiction is I, you know, people
are addicts because they'recoping.
And they're coping with thingsthat they feel they can't
handle.
Their perspective is, I'm brokenor I'm unable to cope with this.

(13:47):
There's no way for me to copewith this any other way than to
just get out of my mind using somuch weed that I'm almost
psychotic.
The normal high of oxy or heroindoesn't do it.
So I'm going to move to fentanylbecause it's quicker and it's
better and it's stronger.
alcohol you know you go fromdrinking wine and beer to where

(14:08):
you're guzzling vodka becausethat's what alcoholics drink and
it's just quicker and it's moreit's more of a sedative because
you can't handle things and youknow it's kind of like it's the
surface of the water you can'tsee that there's a possibility
of change so the idea ofperspective is one that drives

(14:28):
what you think you can do andwhat you can't do when somebody
says to me I can't do thatwhenever it comes to anything.
Treatment, going to residentialtreatment, or living in a sober
living house, or living withoutthe drug of choice.
That's a big one.

(14:50):
Whatever it is, I can't do that.
I can't do that.
You have taken on theperspective that you're
incapable of something, whichreally is not about I can't.
It means I won't.
And won't is very different thancan't.
Won't is I'm not going to try.
Won't is it's not possible.
I've already deemed itimpossible.

(15:11):
So even if I do try it, it's notgoing to happen.
And that's what little kids dowhen they make that transition
to the diving board.
They say, I can't do this.
They get to the end of the boardand they're shaking.
So the board is going up anddown shaking.
And I say, you can do this.
And they go, no, I can't.
I can't.
You know, that's what I wouldhear.
I can't.

(15:31):
I'm like, yes, you can.
And they're like, no.
And I say, okay, well, what areyou afraid of?
And they would always point tothe bottom of the pool.
I can't, you know, cause thatright there.
And I'm like, okay, let mechange your perspective.
You know what?
Getting healthy...
really is many, many times amatter of perspective.
If there's things that you feellike you can't overcome, you are

(15:54):
not going to be able to acceptabout yourself.
Let's say that you were engagedin prostitution or you had maybe
committed a crime and you gotconvicted of a felony because
you held a store up at gunpointor you've had your fourth DUI.
Now you've got to go to jail fortwo years and you get out and
you're like, I can't do anythingnow.

(16:15):
I have felonies.
Yeah, you know what?
You're limited.
But it's not impossible.
There's a change that canhappen.
It's are you going to be willingto accept a change in
perspective?
Because now you see yourself assomething that's damaged.
My addiction has gotten to thepoint where I am damaged.

(16:35):
I can no longer...
function in society because ihave done things that are
unacceptable they'reunforgivable they're um they're
certainly not changeable likehistory is that it's not
changing it's it's alreadywritten but you the perspective
you have is one of failure of nono nothing can ever happen that

(16:59):
will make this okay that i willbe okay and it's really sad
because you know um it's thatit's that scriptural statement
about you know god doesn't giveyou things that you can't
overcome i will overcome thisbut i have to change my
perspective in order to overcomethis I am not, or I cannot, or I

(17:21):
will not, or I will never, arethe phrases of a permanent
perspective of self.
And so until you change thatperspective, nothing else will
happen.
So if you can eliminate thelanguage of permanency within
the perspective, this is what Iam forever.

(17:44):
Sometimes, some of us, meincluded, I was told this.
This is what you should think ofyourself.
Our parents are programmers ofthat.
My parents certainly were.
My father was just really awfulwith that.
He would constantly tell me Iwas stupid or I was not
articulate.
I would never amount toanything.
So by the time I entered intoearly adulthood, I was just

(18:06):
destined for that, which isinteresting because the story I
told you about being a swimminginstructor was interesting.
at the peak of I can't beanything.
I'm not gonna amount toanything.
And yet I'm striving to teachchildren to overcome their
fears.
And I was successful at it.
I've taught thousands of kidshow to swim, not just a few.

(18:29):
Like I spent years teachingswimming lessons and running
lesson programs in aquaticenvironments and pools and
municipalities for cities andYMCAs and Jewish community
centers.
So I've taught thousands of kidshow to swim.
But my own perspective is thatI'm never going to amount to
anything.
I have nothing positive tooffer.

(18:49):
I'm basically a worthlessperson.
Which, you know, until I changedmy perspective on myself, it
didn't change.
Like, that was my perspective.
I will not amount to anything.
And it wasn't until I changed myperspective.
And you can do this too.
What is it that you want to be?

(19:10):
What is the image you have inyour head of what you want to
be?
What can you be?
Changes from I want to be this.
Can I be this?
And it doesn't matter if it's aneighbor that exhibits these
traits and things that you wouldlike to be.
Or if it's somebody that youread about.

(19:33):
I reference books all the timethat I've read with people who
have overcome addiction, andthey're very inspiring in each
one of them, actually.
I feel like there's thisbrotherhood or kinship or
camaraderie that you have withpeople who are in recovery.
We all have these stories ofrecovery that are our own

(19:55):
personal tragedies or our hellthat we went through.
And the things that we did, andwe look at a person who's rock
solid in their recovery, who'sgot 20 years, 30 years, 15
years, or whatever, and wethink, oh, that would be a nice
thing to have, but I can't getthere, right?
So you heard that word, can't,right?

(20:16):
So I can't get there.
That means you won't, becauseyou're not even going to try.
See, trying starts with, inrecovery, starts with a change
of perspective, right?
whether it's something simpleand basic or if it's something
more complex, but can't andwon't translate to the same

(20:36):
meaning, which means it's notgonna happen.
So change your perspective isthe first step in moving towards
rock solid recovery and findinga way to alter self-concept,
self-identity.
When you self-identify,constantly as someone who is

(20:58):
unable incapacitated because oftheir own faults and flaws that
they you think that's all youare you will be limiting
yourself there is no way to umto go anywhere when you start
with that perspective.
And sometimes it takes peoplearound us to help us.

(21:22):
So like me putting my thumb onthe end of the hose and
squirting water onto the surfaceof the pool allows that child to
see a different perspective.
I'm not on the diving boarddoing it.
I'm not diving for them.
There's no amount of me doing itthat's gonna convince them that
they can do it.

(21:43):
All I'm doing is I'm changingtheir perspective.
It's up to them to then take thestep, do the thing to experience
that you're actually able toovercome.
And so it's kind of like...
the prodigal son the prodigalfather experience of you know

(22:05):
the father just waited for theson to go experience those
things but knew you know waitedfor his prodigal son to come
back and he didn't judge hedidn't criticize he didn't say
anything negative he just saidI'm I was here for you the whole
time just what you know I waitedfor you I knew that you could
right so the the prodigal songoes out he's destructive he's

(22:26):
sleeping with women he'sdrinking wine and getting drunk
all the time and he's spendingall his money and he's It
changed his perspective ofhimself when he realized that he
was just, you know, living in apigsty and covered in mud and
dirt and not able to supporthimself and was eating garbage.
And is, you know, so the fatherwas there waiting.

(22:48):
And that's the, you know, whenwhen you don't have anything
else, but you just have it, youlose everything.
Change your perspective.
What can I do?
What can I be?
What gain can I have that's asmall gain that moves me towards
recovery?
That's the other thing aboutrecovery I wanted to mention in

(23:10):
this.
The perspective of immediacy.
Addicts, we love immediatereturns on our effort.
And sometimes the effort islong.
And it doesn't go well for usbecause we want it right now.
We want all of it.
We want everybody to recognizehow wonderful we are, great we

(23:31):
are, how successful we are withour recovery within a matter of
days or weeks.
So that's like the three-monthsyndrome and the six-month pink
cloud experience of, you know, Igot this.
See, I'm all good now.
And you're not.
You're still, you know, 12months to 18 months away from
good recovery.
So the perspective of, I want itnow, I can only accept

(23:53):
everything that's immediate,that's a problem.
So changing your perspective, Ibelieve, is the very first thing
that will help you It's kind oflike when you get to the point
where you get knocked down toyour knees.
And you don't want to change,but you need to.
And that's based on theperspective change of, I can't

(24:15):
do this anymore.
I've failed so bad, I just can'tlive like this anymore.
Something's got to change.
So I need to change.
That is a change in perspective.
So sometimes you needassistance.
And sometimes you end up doingit on your own.
But whatever it is you're doing,that's what happens.

(24:35):
You change your perspective.
Your perspective of what you areand what you're capable of.
Failure, addiction, constantrelapse, maybe near death, maybe
overdosing multiple times, maybesitting in a jail cell or a
hospital.
Something.
Something you...
you didn't want, that's a changein your perspective of self.

(24:57):
And that will move you towardsrecovery.
So let's work on changingperspective.
That will be a help.
Well, that's it for this episodeof Doc Shack, your addiction
lifeguard.
A little bit of aquaticexperience going there for you.
If you've enjoyed this podcast,please subscribe, like, add some

(25:18):
comments, reach out to me if youneed to.
And if you'd like some help inyour recovery, certainly can do
that by reaching out to methrough my website,
wellspringmindbody.com.
Contact me by phone or email andI will respond.
And sorry about the long pausebetween episodes here, but I

(25:38):
needed some new material, soyou've got to give me a break on
that one.
Hey, listen, it's not worthending your life to save your
addiction, so please get somehelp.
Go to rehab, go to a counselor,do something to help your
self-care.
Sane, stable, and sober.
So until next time, this is DocShock saying see you, and I'll
see you much sooner than before.