October 28, 2024 • 26 mins
The latest tragedy that just happened to me, is this finally rock bottom?
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SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
It's time again for Doc Jock, your addiction
lifeguard podcast.
I am Dr.
Jock DeBerker, a psychologist,licensed professional counselor,
and addiction specialist.
If you are suffering fromaddiction, misery, trauma,
whatever it is, I'm here tohelp.
If you're in search of help totry to get your life back
together, join me here at DocJock, your addiction lifeguard,
(00:22):
the addiction recovery podcast.
I wanted to be real clear aboutwhat this podcast is intended
for.
It is intended for entertainmentand informational purposes but
(00:45):
not considered help.
If you actually need real helpand you're in need of help,
Please seek that out.
If you're in dire need of help,you can go to your nearest
emergency room or you can checkinto a rehab center or call a
counselor like me and talk aboutyour problems and work through
them.
But don't rely on a podcast tobe that form of help.
(01:06):
It's not.
It's just a podcast.
It's for entertainment andinformation only.
So let's keep it in that light.
All right.
Have a good time.
Learn something and then get thereal help that you need from a
professional.
You have to quit your drug ofchoice when you're about to lose
(01:33):
the thing or you have lost thething, the one thing that you
didn't want to lose.
That's really what it comes downto.
And that idea of loss, like whatdid I have to lose?
sometimes people will go totheir grave you know I mean we
see it in the news all the timepeople who they overdose who
(01:56):
knows I was just watching a clipon a reel of Robin Williams is
talking on a it was a guest on atalk show and he was talking
about the use of propofol and hehad had to use propofol for a
surgery that he'd had.
And the person brought uppropofol and said, well, you
know, that was Michael Jackson'sdrug of choice.
(02:18):
And Robin Williams said, that'slike the worst thing you could
possibly do.
It's like using propofol is likeusing, I forget what he said.
But anyway, he was just alludingto the fact that Michael Jackson
had hit bottom with the use ofpropofol at home.
(02:39):
It's like using a sledgehammerto kill ants, I suppose.
But the idea of, like, I'mhitting bottom.
Some people hit bottom, and thenthere's another bottom, and then
they're bouncing from that oneto the lower bottom to the next
lower level and the next lowerlevel.
So the bottom has a basement,and the basement has a subfloor,
and the subfloor has a crawlspace, and the crawl space has
(03:00):
an interior...
room that's also a basement youknow and and other people just
hit the bottom once they bouncethey hit boom that's it and
they're done but it's usuallyalways around the one thing that
they didn't want to lose and theconcept of the hitting your
bottom is something that is kindof foreign to people who don't
(03:23):
have addiction because they tothem it makes no sense that this
person is doing these thesedrugs of choice and destroying
their lives.
And they're watching addictionattack them and dismantle this
person and their life and thepeople around them.
So why do I have to hit bottom?
And where is that bottom?
(03:43):
And does it stop then?
And what if I go back to usage?
Does that mean that I didn't hitbottom?
Well, yes and no.
So I wanted to explore that withyou on this journey of recovery
in the DocShock multiverse ofpodcast arena of recovery
(04:08):
podcasting that goes oneverywhere.
So let's talk about your bottomand what does that feel like and
what does it look like?
And for people who don't haveaddiction that may be listening
to this, and I know some of youdon't, you just have a loved one
who has addiction, the idea of abottom is...
Like I said, it's the thing thatyou're going to lose or you have
(04:31):
lost that is one thing too many.
It could be financial.
It could be legal.
It could be your health.
It could be relational.
It's hard to say.
I have all kinds of extremesthat I deal with in that.
And the extremes range fromdestruction of a marriage,
(04:51):
destruction of a relationshipbetween parents or siblings.
Sometimes it's freedom.
By freedom, I meanincarceration.
So they're either thrown in jailor they're incarcerated in a
prison.
I have an acquaintance.
I want to call him a friend.
I think he's a friend.
(05:13):
Stephen Snook.
He's a great pastor.
He does pastoring on livestreams on Facebook.
He's a really great guy.
Stephen Snook is an ex-con.
He served, I think, 20 years, Ithink.
His bottom was that,incarceration and solitary
(05:36):
confinement for a large part ofthat time, apparently.
That was his bottom, and he hada turning over of himself and
found God and became a pastor.
I call him a street pastor, buthe's like a prison pastor, and
he pastors from his pulpit.
(05:57):
Other people have lost theirhealth.
I have a horrible incident of ayoung lady who was 24, and she
got a hold of a cocktail ofdrugs that ended up taking her
out and put her in a coma forweeks.
She had multiple strokes, andshe has...
Very, very little short-termmemory and not much long-term
(06:19):
memory for the rest of her life.
That's a handicap.
I can't even imagine that kindof loss.
And so, you know, you divorced.
You lost your freedom.
You lost your health.
Maybe you ended up as analcoholic and you've had an
amputation of a foot or a legbecause of the diabetic
(06:41):
condition that you've createdthrough that.
Or cirrhosis of the liver andyou're constantly on the verge
of destruction of your liver.
Or maybe you did destroy yourliver and now you've got to be
on the liver transplant list.
That's terrible.
Or how about the loss of job,which has a cascading effect
(07:02):
financially on you and youbecome homeless.
You lose everything.
You become dependent.
You become a dependent ofsomebody else because of that
loss of job.
Respect in the workplace.
Maybe you're not employableanymore.
I have clients in the pastwho've been medical doctors and
lawyers who could no longerpractice because they lost
everything.
(07:23):
Pilots have that problem.
They might lose their ability tofly for the rest of their life,
and that's their profession.
So loss of career.
or respect within that career.
You have to rebuild your lifethat way.
Then there's just loss of money.
You know, if you're gambling ormaybe you, again, because you've
(07:46):
lost employment, now you losemoney, right?
So that's a double hit.
But maybe you had to spendthousands and thousands of
dollars for something.
your own freedom for courtcosts, attorneys.
A DUI today is like$10,000 to$20,000 typically.
Or maybe you ended up harmingsomebody else and you got
(08:06):
personally sued in a civil suitfor injuring somebody because of
your drunkenness.
You hit somebody with your carand you injured them.
And now you have to pay them$500,000 in restitution for
pain, suffering, and injuriesthat you caused them.
Or maybe you killed a child thatyou ran over.
(08:27):
These are just horrible thingsthat you get to.
And what is your bottom?
Well, maybe that is your bottom.
For some people, that's not thebottom.
They've got to go through aseries of those things before
they get there.
Some people just go to theirgrave, suffering loss after loss
after loss, and they justcontinue.
(08:48):
And that's when addiction hasgot a stranglehold on your soul.
That's a spiritual warfare thatthe enemy is waging against you
and your soul.
Sometimes it's respectability.
There are unfortunately numerousexamples now of people who have
high respectability typepositions in our society.
(09:13):
They're pastors, they'relawyers, they're lawmakers,
they're celebrities, people whohave tremendous amount of
stature within our society andtheir addiction it takes that
away like they lose those thingsbecause of their addiction some
(09:34):
people recover from that somepeople don't and you know I can
give you many examples RobertDowney jr.
is probably the best one thatcomes to mind immediately is
Robert Downey Jr., the actor,and terrible drugs and alcohol.
It was eight times he ended upin court for being picked up and
charged with various thingsrelated to his addiction.
(10:00):
And he's gotten his life back.
He's clean and sober.
And he was able to rebuild hiscareer.
There are people that don't, andwe all know them.
We all have friends who are likethat.
It's sad.
I have quite a few friends,actually, who are no longer
alive because they succumbed totheir addiction.
(10:22):
Their bottom didn't seem to havean end.
And it's frustrating when you'reobserving it.
But if you're living it, thething that the enemy does,
addiction, attacks you It takeseverything away first, then
kills you.
That's the progression of it.
It may take a year.
(10:43):
It may take 20 years.
But it will happen.
It takes everything away fromyou.
All the things that I'm talkingabout, slowly over time.
And it's quite frustrating tojust stand by and idly and watch
it happen.
I am, as a profession, in aposition where I help people
(11:03):
tackle problems those problems,right?
I'm with them in their fightwith the enemy.
And I've devoted my professionalcareer to that and helping them.
And it's sad when they get tothe point where they are losing
everything.
But if you're suffering fromaddiction and you're facing one
(11:25):
of these losses, how do you knowthat this is the bottom?
When people come into my officeand they sit down and they tell
me their stories, they'reusually very bad.
There's all kinds of things thathave happened to them.
Molestation, physical attacks,suicide attempts, murder
(11:46):
attempts, things that havehappened to them.
That's not their bottom, right?
Because that's what got them thetoehold of addiction, the
foothold.
Addiction got in there becauseof these problems that went
untreated or unaddressed.
by professional help, likeseeing somebody who's a
counselor.
And so that foothold gets inthere.
(12:08):
But the idea that this happenedto me, and I don't understand
why.
I'll tell you, addiction is anisolation game.
Addiction isolates you from theherd.
It identifies you and thenisolates you.
And so usage usually is withnobody or maybe one other person
(12:29):
who is also in the grip ofaddiction.
So like heroin addicts, a lot oftimes they have to have a
network because you've got toget your supply.
But I've noticed in the yearsI've been doing this that heroin
and opiate drug addicts,fentanyl, heroin, they tend to
at least pair off.
So they always have to havesomebody that can help them.
(12:50):
them get into the addiction andmaintain it.
So in my area, driving fromNorthern Virginia to Baltimore
is a local pastime for peoplewho have opiate drug addiction.
And so they have to havesomebody drive while they're
shooting up in the car drivinghome.
So they'll travel in pairs, butmany times it's individual.
(13:13):
With alcohol, it's veryindividual.
With food, gambling,pornography...
shopping it's individual that'sone person doing it in isolation
so when you hit your bottomnobody's there to see it unless
you overdose in which caseyou're going to wake up in a
hospital if you're lucky sonobody's there to see it so you
(13:35):
don't get any real immediatefeedback on hey man this is this
is this this is bad so you justkind of muscle through it i mean
that's what i did i hit multiplebottoms on my journey and um
Each one seems like it wouldhave– as I think about it or as
I've told my story in themeeting rooms, the look on
(14:00):
people's faces when I tell themsome of the things that had
happened to me that I did, it'skind of disturbing and shocking.
And I'm thinking, well, that'snot even the worst.
So it's kind of like– Whenyou're experiencing it, people
who suffer from addiction arereally good at being able to
just kind of experience thesuffering and not really shrug
(14:22):
it off, but just kind of musclethrough it.
I don't know how else todescribe it.
And if you're an addict, youknow what I'm talking about.
Stuff happens and we tend toignore it.
We just kind of keep movingforward.
The enemy wants us in that gripof addiction.
And so it you know, we convinceourselves that it's not that
bad.
There's a wonderful book calledMoments of Clarity written by
(14:45):
Christopher Kennedy Lawford.
And Chris Lawford was the son ofPeter Lawford, the Rat Pack fame
guy, and Carolyn Kennedy.
And He wrote this book and it'sfull of, I don't know, like 20,
30, 35 little short multiplepage chapters.
(15:10):
of people's stories of clarity,the clarity that comes through
the suffering of hitting bottom.
And they're quite interesting.
It's an older book.
It was published in 2009.
I'm not even sure it's still inpublication.
But it's really interesting whenyou read the book and you read
about people's suffering, themoments of clarity through these
(15:35):
stories of complete hittingbottom.
and Katie Segal and RichardDreyfuss.
There are actors in there.
There are also some businesspeople.
Some people who are, I think,politicians, he tends to move
towards people who havenotoriety for one reason or
another.
They have their notoriety.
And so it makes it reallyinteresting because you think,
(15:56):
oh, these people are privileged.
They have money.
They have power.
They have influence.
They have fame.
So perhaps they can be betterserved with care.
They have access to it.
Well, they really don't, right?
Because they're just us.
Everybody who suffers fromaddiction is just a person,
(16:17):
first and foremost, and theysuffer.
And some people suffer well andcan handle it, and others of us
can't.
And so it's the ones who can't.
They hit that bottom.
I don't know what your bottomis.
You may not know what yourbottom is.
I don't know that anybody cantell you what it's going to be.
(16:38):
But it will hit you, and it willbe the thing that's like a
bridge too far.
And whether you're waking up ina hospital and you're looking
around and you've got a tubedown your throat and you can't
talk and somebody's standingthere crying, or you wake up in
jail and you're laying on thefloor in a drunk tank lockup,
(17:00):
getting dragged out into courtwearing an orange, or in the
case here, orange and whitestriped jumpsuit, where you're
shackled because you're in courtand you're shackled at the legs
and the hands and you'rebeing...
brought out and it'shumiliating.
Um, some of my clients havethese experiences that are just
awful.
They're life changing,hopefully.
(17:20):
Um, but the bottom is painful.
Okay.
And so this, in this book,moments of clarity, and I highly
recommend it to anybody who'sworking on recovery because it's
very enlightening.
Um, the idea that my sufferingis, um, as bad as I can tolerate
now, and I can't tolerateanymore, and I'm done, is one
(17:43):
that is echoed in every one ofthese stories in this book, but
for different situations,different time periods, and
different drugs of choice.
But the universality of themessaging is that I just
realized I can't do thisanymore.
I just can't.
I also was...
(18:04):
reading the book Scar Tissue andAnthony Kiedis, this lead singer
for Red Hot Chili Peppers, thatbook, oh my gosh, it's like 400
pages long.
And I, you know, he, I don'tknow who wrote it.
It's, it's somebody else wroteit, but it was him basically
just, just long, tell my story,uh, kind of thing from a, like a
(18:27):
speaker meeting that went onforever as he's telling these
continuous bouncing around onthe bottom from the age of like
16 until he finally got cleanand, and his partner in crime
flee the bass player from redhot chili peppers and the same
thing.
And the, the, the exploits of,you know, sex, drugs, and rock
(18:49):
and roll at its extreme.
And they survived.
That's what's so amazing is thatthe numbers of people that hit
their bottom and survived, I'mso proud of them.
And if you have hit your bottomand you realize you've hit your
bottom and you survived, I'mproud of you for surviving,
okay?
But you can't put your guarddown.
(19:09):
The enemy's waiting for that.
And he's waiting, as we say inthe AA rooms, he's waiting in
the parking lot doing push-ups.
staying in shape, waiting foryou in your moment of weakness
to come back and attack and takeyou out.
And so if you've hit yourbottom, honesty is the first
(19:31):
step.
Like, honesty, I've actually hitbottom.
Man, that's not where I wantedto be.
I didn't want to be in thisplace.
I didn't want to be homeless.
I didn't want to be...
in this accident.
I didn't want to be in this jailcell.
I didn't want to be in thishospital bed.
I didn't want to be in thismental institution.
(19:51):
I don't want to be in thiscourtroom.
I don't want to know thatattorney's name that I'm paying
thousands of dollars to.
I didn't want to know him.
I didn't want this.
What do I do?
Well, you know what?
Surrender to your recovery.
Stop being so arrogant.
Stop being prideful.
(20:12):
Stop lying.
to yourself I can handle this noyou can't I can get through this
no you won't I don't it's not aproblem yes it is you know these
are the lies and and as quicklyas I'm answering those lies that
I'm you know fictitiouslystating as if you'd said it is
as quick as they can come theanswers of no that's not true
(20:35):
and so reality is what it isit's not something else you're
not living some other life It'snot, you know, and we all play
pretend in addiction.
We all pretend like everything'sfine.
It's not really a problem.
I'm not really bothered by this.
It's all pretend.
You are terribly bothered by itand horribly afflicted with a
(21:01):
condition.
So judgment and self-loathingand criticism is something you
probably live with every day asan addict or have if you're in
recovery.
But You live with it every dayand that's part of the lie.
So it's time to stop that partof it.
Stop the lie and be honest foronce in your life.
(21:23):
Be honest, be truthful withyourself so that you can raise
your hand in that meeting andsay, I need help.
Like I need help.
Or you can pick up the phone andcall that therapist who
specializes in addiction andrecovery and say, Can I see you?
(21:44):
And don't go in and do what manyof my clients do, which is try
to just create a fun housemirror of reality.
Like everything's fine.
It's like, well, then why areyou here?
Stop lying.
Be honest.
You're hurting.
You're in pain.
It's okay.
It's okay.
You can help that, but you can'thelp somebody who won't admit
(22:07):
that they have pain because Anddo it in a place in a way that
is safe to do it.
And that's why I'm suggesting,really, that you go to rehab or
you find a counselor thatspecializes in this.
The thing that I hear in mypractice is, and I'm not saying
this as a self-aggrandizingstatement, you don't judge me.
(22:31):
You don't criticize me.
You're not attacking me.
I'm not.
I'm a truth teller.
And the truth hurts, but it'snot critical.
And it's like, hey, you'refailing, but let's change that.
And you've got to find a personthat can do that with you.
And it's not going to be afriend.
(22:51):
It's not going to be aco-worker.
Those people have subjectivityin their relationship with you.
It's got to be objective.
So you've got to find somebodythat's a third party that is
not, you know, you're tellingyour history to the very first
time.
But But the honesty is where youget there.
So is this my bottom?
(23:11):
Man, I just can't do thisanymore.
And I'll tell you, you knowwhat?
From a Christian perspective,when you hit bottom, that's when
you call out for help.
Like, please help me.
And when you make thatstatement, when you say that,
when that incantation occurs,like, please help me, I
surrender, I give up.
What you're doing is you'resurrendering to the correct
(23:34):
force, right?
God doesn't really want peopleto die and suffer contrary to
fictitious popular belief thathow can God let that happen?
Man lets that happen because manhas free will.
But when you say, please helpme, I surrender.
What you're doing is you'resurrendering not to the enemy.
(23:55):
You're asking for help.
And that clarity in that momentwill get you to where you need
to go.
It's not gonna happen untilthen.
So the honesty part of it is I'mdone.
Like I'm finished with this.
And I don't know what rebuildinglooks like.
(24:15):
I don't know what recovery lookslike, but I certainly know what
destruction and addiction lookslike.
And when you move away fromaddiction and you start moving
towards recovery, it's aprocess, man.
It's a year and a half to twoyears.
I keep saying that over and overon these podcasts.
It takes a long time.
For some people, it takeslonger.
I've had people I've worked withfor five years before they get
(24:37):
there.
Other people get it a littlequicker.
There's no timeline for it, butthere is an absolute in the
completeness of the recovery,right?
So if you hit bottom, that'swhere you start.
That's where recovery starts.
If you think that, you know,losing this or losing that
(25:00):
didn't, you know, you still kindof feel like, I could still,
okay, all right.
That's fine.
There are people like me thatwill just be there and still be
waiting for you, but we'rethere.
You just have to reach out, butyou have to be honest to get
there.
So you'll know when you hitbottom because you've had that
moment of clarity as, as, uh,Christopher Lawford said.
(25:25):
So that's it for this episode ofDoc Shock, your Dixon Lifeguard.
I hope you got something fromthis podcast.
If you did, please subscribe andhit the like button on your
listening platform.
If you'd like to reach out to meand want to show some love and
give me some cash to helpsupport this podcast, please,
I'll take any help I can get.
I love doing this and it's areal passion.
(25:47):
That's why I do it.
But all the help matters.
And please, if you subscribe,that means something to me too.
And I appreciate you listening.
But if you're in need of help,please go get it.
Don't suffer addiction all thetime.
Go to rehab.
Go to a counselor.
Get some help.
So that's it for this edition ofDoc Jock, Your Addiction
(26:08):
Lifeguard.
And until next time, this is DocJock saying, see ya.
It's time again for Doc Jock, your addiction
lifeguard podcast.
I am Dr.
Jock DeBerker, a psychologist,licensed professional counselor,
and addiction specialist.
If you are suffering fromaddiction, misery, trauma,
whatever it is, I'm here tohelp.
If you're in search of help totry to get your life back
together, join me here at DocJock, your addiction lifeguard,
(00:22):
the addiction recovery podcast.
I wanted to be real clear aboutwhat this podcast is intended
for.
It is intended for entertainmentand informational purposes but
(00:45):
not considered help.
If you actually need real helpand you're in need of help,
Please seek that out.
If you're in dire need of help,you can go to your nearest
emergency room or you can checkinto a rehab center or call a
counselor like me and talk aboutyour problems and work through
them.
But don't rely on a podcast tobe that form of help.
(01:06):
It's not.
It's just a podcast.
It's for entertainment andinformation only.
So let's keep it in that light.
All right.
Have a good time.
Learn something and then get thereal help that you need from a
professional.
You have to quit your drug ofchoice when you're about to lose
(01:33):
the thing or you have lost thething, the one thing that you
didn't want to lose.
That's really what it comes downto.
And that idea of loss, like whatdid I have to lose?
sometimes people will go totheir grave you know I mean we
see it in the news all the timepeople who they overdose who
(01:56):
knows I was just watching a clipon a reel of Robin Williams is
talking on a it was a guest on atalk show and he was talking
about the use of propofol and hehad had to use propofol for a
surgery that he'd had.
And the person brought uppropofol and said, well, you
know, that was Michael Jackson'sdrug of choice.
(02:18):
And Robin Williams said, that'slike the worst thing you could
possibly do.
It's like using propofol is likeusing, I forget what he said.
But anyway, he was just alludingto the fact that Michael Jackson
had hit bottom with the use ofpropofol at home.
(02:39):
It's like using a sledgehammerto kill ants, I suppose.
But the idea of, like, I'mhitting bottom.
Some people hit bottom, and thenthere's another bottom, and then
they're bouncing from that oneto the lower bottom to the next
lower level and the next lowerlevel.
So the bottom has a basement,and the basement has a subfloor,
and the subfloor has a crawlspace, and the crawl space has
(03:00):
an interior...
room that's also a basement youknow and and other people just
hit the bottom once they bouncethey hit boom that's it and
they're done but it's usuallyalways around the one thing that
they didn't want to lose and theconcept of the hitting your
bottom is something that is kindof foreign to people who don't
(03:23):
have addiction because they tothem it makes no sense that this
person is doing these thesedrugs of choice and destroying
their lives.
And they're watching addictionattack them and dismantle this
person and their life and thepeople around them.
So why do I have to hit bottom?
And where is that bottom?
(03:43):
And does it stop then?
And what if I go back to usage?
Does that mean that I didn't hitbottom?
Well, yes and no.
So I wanted to explore that withyou on this journey of recovery
in the DocShock multiverse ofpodcast arena of recovery
(04:08):
podcasting that goes oneverywhere.
So let's talk about your bottomand what does that feel like and
what does it look like?
And for people who don't haveaddiction that may be listening
to this, and I know some of youdon't, you just have a loved one
who has addiction, the idea of abottom is...
Like I said, it's the thing thatyou're going to lose or you have
(04:31):
lost that is one thing too many.
It could be financial.
It could be legal.
It could be your health.
It could be relational.
It's hard to say.
I have all kinds of extremesthat I deal with in that.
And the extremes range fromdestruction of a marriage,
(04:51):
destruction of a relationshipbetween parents or siblings.
Sometimes it's freedom.
By freedom, I meanincarceration.
So they're either thrown in jailor they're incarcerated in a
prison.
I have an acquaintance.
I want to call him a friend.
I think he's a friend.
(05:13):
Stephen Snook.
He's a great pastor.
He does pastoring on livestreams on Facebook.
He's a really great guy.
Stephen Snook is an ex-con.
He served, I think, 20 years, Ithink.
His bottom was that,incarceration and solitary
(05:36):
confinement for a large part ofthat time, apparently.
That was his bottom, and he hada turning over of himself and
found God and became a pastor.
I call him a street pastor, buthe's like a prison pastor, and
he pastors from his pulpit.
(05:57):
Other people have lost theirhealth.
I have a horrible incident of ayoung lady who was 24, and she
got a hold of a cocktail ofdrugs that ended up taking her
out and put her in a coma forweeks.
She had multiple strokes, andshe has...
Very, very little short-termmemory and not much long-term
(06:19):
memory for the rest of her life.
That's a handicap.
I can't even imagine that kindof loss.
And so, you know, you divorced.
You lost your freedom.
You lost your health.
Maybe you ended up as analcoholic and you've had an
amputation of a foot or a legbecause of the diabetic
(06:41):
condition that you've createdthrough that.
Or cirrhosis of the liver andyou're constantly on the verge
of destruction of your liver.
Or maybe you did destroy yourliver and now you've got to be
on the liver transplant list.
That's terrible.
Or how about the loss of job,which has a cascading effect
(07:02):
financially on you and youbecome homeless.
You lose everything.
You become dependent.
You become a dependent ofsomebody else because of that
loss of job.
Respect in the workplace.
Maybe you're not employableanymore.
I have clients in the pastwho've been medical doctors and
lawyers who could no longerpractice because they lost
everything.
(07:23):
Pilots have that problem.
They might lose their ability tofly for the rest of their life,
and that's their profession.
So loss of career.
or respect within that career.
You have to rebuild your lifethat way.
Then there's just loss of money.
You know, if you're gambling ormaybe you, again, because you've
(07:46):
lost employment, now you losemoney, right?
So that's a double hit.
But maybe you had to spendthousands and thousands of
dollars for something.
your own freedom for courtcosts, attorneys.
A DUI today is like$10,000 to$20,000 typically.
Or maybe you ended up harmingsomebody else and you got
(08:06):
personally sued in a civil suitfor injuring somebody because of
your drunkenness.
You hit somebody with your carand you injured them.
And now you have to pay them$500,000 in restitution for
pain, suffering, and injuriesthat you caused them.
Or maybe you killed a child thatyou ran over.
(08:27):
These are just horrible thingsthat you get to.
And what is your bottom?
Well, maybe that is your bottom.
For some people, that's not thebottom.
They've got to go through aseries of those things before
they get there.
Some people just go to theirgrave, suffering loss after loss
after loss, and they justcontinue.
(08:48):
And that's when addiction hasgot a stranglehold on your soul.
That's a spiritual warfare thatthe enemy is waging against you
and your soul.
Sometimes it's respectability.
There are unfortunately numerousexamples now of people who have
high respectability typepositions in our society.
(09:13):
They're pastors, they'relawyers, they're lawmakers,
they're celebrities, people whohave tremendous amount of
stature within our society andtheir addiction it takes that
away like they lose those thingsbecause of their addiction some
(09:34):
people recover from that somepeople don't and you know I can
give you many examples RobertDowney jr.
is probably the best one thatcomes to mind immediately is
Robert Downey Jr., the actor,and terrible drugs and alcohol.
It was eight times he ended upin court for being picked up and
charged with various thingsrelated to his addiction.
(10:00):
And he's gotten his life back.
He's clean and sober.
And he was able to rebuild hiscareer.
There are people that don't, andwe all know them.
We all have friends who are likethat.
It's sad.
I have quite a few friends,actually, who are no longer
alive because they succumbed totheir addiction.
(10:22):
Their bottom didn't seem to havean end.
And it's frustrating when you'reobserving it.
But if you're living it, thething that the enemy does,
addiction, attacks you It takeseverything away first, then
kills you.
That's the progression of it.
It may take a year.
(10:43):
It may take 20 years.
But it will happen.
It takes everything away fromyou.
All the things that I'm talkingabout, slowly over time.
And it's quite frustrating tojust stand by and idly and watch
it happen.
I am, as a profession, in aposition where I help people
(11:03):
tackle problems those problems,right?
I'm with them in their fightwith the enemy.
And I've devoted my professionalcareer to that and helping them.
And it's sad when they get tothe point where they are losing
everything.
But if you're suffering fromaddiction and you're facing one
(11:25):
of these losses, how do you knowthat this is the bottom?
When people come into my officeand they sit down and they tell
me their stories, they'reusually very bad.
There's all kinds of things thathave happened to them.
Molestation, physical attacks,suicide attempts, murder
(11:46):
attempts, things that havehappened to them.
That's not their bottom, right?
Because that's what got them thetoehold of addiction, the
foothold.
Addiction got in there becauseof these problems that went
untreated or unaddressed.
by professional help, likeseeing somebody who's a
counselor.
And so that foothold gets inthere.
(12:08):
But the idea that this happenedto me, and I don't understand
why.
I'll tell you, addiction is anisolation game.
Addiction isolates you from theherd.
It identifies you and thenisolates you.
And so usage usually is withnobody or maybe one other person
(12:29):
who is also in the grip ofaddiction.
So like heroin addicts, a lot oftimes they have to have a
network because you've got toget your supply.
But I've noticed in the yearsI've been doing this that heroin
and opiate drug addicts,fentanyl, heroin, they tend to
at least pair off.
So they always have to havesomebody that can help them.
(12:50):
them get into the addiction andmaintain it.
So in my area, driving fromNorthern Virginia to Baltimore
is a local pastime for peoplewho have opiate drug addiction.
And so they have to havesomebody drive while they're
shooting up in the car drivinghome.
So they'll travel in pairs, butmany times it's individual.
(13:13):
With alcohol, it's veryindividual.
With food, gambling,pornography...
shopping it's individual that'sone person doing it in isolation
so when you hit your bottomnobody's there to see it unless
you overdose in which caseyou're going to wake up in a
hospital if you're lucky sonobody's there to see it so you
(13:35):
don't get any real immediatefeedback on hey man this is this
is this this is bad so you justkind of muscle through it i mean
that's what i did i hit multiplebottoms on my journey and um
Each one seems like it wouldhave– as I think about it or as
I've told my story in themeeting rooms, the look on
(14:00):
people's faces when I tell themsome of the things that had
happened to me that I did, it'skind of disturbing and shocking.
And I'm thinking, well, that'snot even the worst.
So it's kind of like– Whenyou're experiencing it, people
who suffer from addiction arereally good at being able to
just kind of experience thesuffering and not really shrug
(14:22):
it off, but just kind of musclethrough it.
I don't know how else todescribe it.
And if you're an addict, youknow what I'm talking about.
Stuff happens and we tend toignore it.
We just kind of keep movingforward.
The enemy wants us in that gripof addiction.
And so it you know, we convinceourselves that it's not that
bad.
There's a wonderful book calledMoments of Clarity written by
(14:45):
Christopher Kennedy Lawford.
And Chris Lawford was the son ofPeter Lawford, the Rat Pack fame
guy, and Carolyn Kennedy.
And He wrote this book and it'sfull of, I don't know, like 20,
30, 35 little short multiplepage chapters.
(15:10):
of people's stories of clarity,the clarity that comes through
the suffering of hitting bottom.
And they're quite interesting.
It's an older book.
It was published in 2009.
I'm not even sure it's still inpublication.
But it's really interesting whenyou read the book and you read
about people's suffering, themoments of clarity through these
(15:35):
stories of complete hittingbottom.
and Katie Segal and RichardDreyfuss.
There are actors in there.
There are also some businesspeople.
Some people who are, I think,politicians, he tends to move
towards people who havenotoriety for one reason or
another.
They have their notoriety.
And so it makes it reallyinteresting because you think,
(15:56):
oh, these people are privileged.
They have money.
They have power.
They have influence.
They have fame.
So perhaps they can be betterserved with care.
They have access to it.
Well, they really don't, right?
Because they're just us.
Everybody who suffers fromaddiction is just a person,
(16:17):
first and foremost, and theysuffer.
And some people suffer well andcan handle it, and others of us
can't.
And so it's the ones who can't.
They hit that bottom.
I don't know what your bottomis.
You may not know what yourbottom is.
I don't know that anybody cantell you what it's going to be.
(16:38):
But it will hit you, and it willbe the thing that's like a
bridge too far.
And whether you're waking up ina hospital and you're looking
around and you've got a tubedown your throat and you can't
talk and somebody's standingthere crying, or you wake up in
jail and you're laying on thefloor in a drunk tank lockup,
(17:00):
getting dragged out into courtwearing an orange, or in the
case here, orange and whitestriped jumpsuit, where you're
shackled because you're in courtand you're shackled at the legs
and the hands and you'rebeing...
brought out and it'shumiliating.
Um, some of my clients havethese experiences that are just
awful.
They're life changing,hopefully.
(17:20):
Um, but the bottom is painful.
Okay.
And so this, in this book,moments of clarity, and I highly
recommend it to anybody who'sworking on recovery because it's
very enlightening.
Um, the idea that my sufferingis, um, as bad as I can tolerate
now, and I can't tolerateanymore, and I'm done, is one
(17:43):
that is echoed in every one ofthese stories in this book, but
for different situations,different time periods, and
different drugs of choice.
But the universality of themessaging is that I just
realized I can't do thisanymore.
I just can't.
I also was...
(18:04):
reading the book Scar Tissue andAnthony Kiedis, this lead singer
for Red Hot Chili Peppers, thatbook, oh my gosh, it's like 400
pages long.
And I, you know, he, I don'tknow who wrote it.
It's, it's somebody else wroteit, but it was him basically
just, just long, tell my story,uh, kind of thing from a, like a
(18:27):
speaker meeting that went onforever as he's telling these
continuous bouncing around onthe bottom from the age of like
16 until he finally got cleanand, and his partner in crime
flee the bass player from redhot chili peppers and the same
thing.
And the, the, the exploits of,you know, sex, drugs, and rock
(18:49):
and roll at its extreme.
And they survived.
That's what's so amazing is thatthe numbers of people that hit
their bottom and survived, I'mso proud of them.
And if you have hit your bottomand you realize you've hit your
bottom and you survived, I'mproud of you for surviving,
okay?
But you can't put your guarddown.
(19:09):
The enemy's waiting for that.
And he's waiting, as we say inthe AA rooms, he's waiting in
the parking lot doing push-ups.
staying in shape, waiting foryou in your moment of weakness
to come back and attack and takeyou out.
And so if you've hit yourbottom, honesty is the first
(19:31):
step.
Like, honesty, I've actually hitbottom.
Man, that's not where I wantedto be.
I didn't want to be in thisplace.
I didn't want to be homeless.
I didn't want to be...
in this accident.
I didn't want to be in this jailcell.
I didn't want to be in thishospital bed.
I didn't want to be in thismental institution.
(19:51):
I don't want to be in thiscourtroom.
I don't want to know thatattorney's name that I'm paying
thousands of dollars to.
I didn't want to know him.
I didn't want this.
What do I do?
Well, you know what?
Surrender to your recovery.
Stop being so arrogant.
Stop being prideful.
(20:12):
Stop lying.
to yourself I can handle this noyou can't I can get through this
no you won't I don't it's not aproblem yes it is you know these
are the lies and and as quicklyas I'm answering those lies that
I'm you know fictitiouslystating as if you'd said it is
as quick as they can come theanswers of no that's not true
(20:35):
and so reality is what it isit's not something else you're
not living some other life It'snot, you know, and we all play
pretend in addiction.
We all pretend like everything'sfine.
It's not really a problem.
I'm not really bothered by this.
It's all pretend.
You are terribly bothered by itand horribly afflicted with a
(21:01):
condition.
So judgment and self-loathingand criticism is something you
probably live with every day asan addict or have if you're in
recovery.
But You live with it every dayand that's part of the lie.
So it's time to stop that partof it.
Stop the lie and be honest foronce in your life.
(21:23):
Be honest, be truthful withyourself so that you can raise
your hand in that meeting andsay, I need help.
Like I need help.
Or you can pick up the phone andcall that therapist who
specializes in addiction andrecovery and say, Can I see you?
(21:44):
And don't go in and do what manyof my clients do, which is try
to just create a fun housemirror of reality.
Like everything's fine.
It's like, well, then why areyou here?
Stop lying.
Be honest.
You're hurting.
You're in pain.
It's okay.
It's okay.
You can help that, but you can'thelp somebody who won't admit
(22:07):
that they have pain because Anddo it in a place in a way that
is safe to do it.
And that's why I'm suggesting,really, that you go to rehab or
you find a counselor thatspecializes in this.
The thing that I hear in mypractice is, and I'm not saying
this as a self-aggrandizingstatement, you don't judge me.
(22:31):
You don't criticize me.
You're not attacking me.
I'm not.
I'm a truth teller.
And the truth hurts, but it'snot critical.
And it's like, hey, you'refailing, but let's change that.
And you've got to find a personthat can do that with you.
And it's not going to be afriend.
(22:51):
It's not going to be aco-worker.
Those people have subjectivityin their relationship with you.
It's got to be objective.
So you've got to find somebodythat's a third party that is
not, you know, you're tellingyour history to the very first
time.
But But the honesty is where youget there.
So is this my bottom?
(23:11):
Man, I just can't do thisanymore.
And I'll tell you, you knowwhat?
From a Christian perspective,when you hit bottom, that's when
you call out for help.
Like, please help me.
And when you make thatstatement, when you say that,
when that incantation occurs,like, please help me, I
surrender, I give up.
What you're doing is you'resurrendering to the correct
(23:34):
force, right?
God doesn't really want peopleto die and suffer contrary to
fictitious popular belief thathow can God let that happen?
Man lets that happen because manhas free will.
But when you say, please helpme, I surrender.
What you're doing is you'resurrendering not to the enemy.
(23:55):
You're asking for help.
And that clarity in that momentwill get you to where you need
to go.
It's not gonna happen untilthen.
So the honesty part of it is I'mdone.
Like I'm finished with this.
And I don't know what rebuildinglooks like.
(24:15):
I don't know what recovery lookslike, but I certainly know what
destruction and addiction lookslike.
And when you move away fromaddiction and you start moving
towards recovery, it's aprocess, man.
It's a year and a half to twoyears.
I keep saying that over and overon these podcasts.
It takes a long time.
For some people, it takeslonger.
I've had people I've worked withfor five years before they get
(24:37):
there.
Other people get it a littlequicker.
There's no timeline for it, butthere is an absolute in the
completeness of the recovery,right?
So if you hit bottom, that'swhere you start.
That's where recovery starts.
If you think that, you know,losing this or losing that
(25:00):
didn't, you know, you still kindof feel like, I could still,
okay, all right.
That's fine.
There are people like me thatwill just be there and still be
waiting for you, but we'rethere.
You just have to reach out, butyou have to be honest to get
there.
So you'll know when you hitbottom because you've had that
moment of clarity as, as, uh,Christopher Lawford said.
(25:25):
So that's it for this episode ofDoc Shock, your Dixon Lifeguard.
I hope you got something fromthis podcast.
If you did, please subscribe andhit the like button on your
listening platform.
If you'd like to reach out to meand want to show some love and
give me some cash to helpsupport this podcast, please,
I'll take any help I can get.
I love doing this and it's areal passion.
(25:47):
That's why I do it.
But all the help matters.
And please, if you subscribe,that means something to me too.
And I appreciate you listening.
But if you're in need of help,please go get it.
Don't suffer addiction all thetime.
Go to rehab.
Go to a counselor.
Get some help.
So that's it for this edition ofDoc Jock, Your Addiction
(26:08):
Lifeguard.
And until next time, this is DocJock saying, see ya.
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