December 18, 2024 • 14 mins
Find out what it's really like going to rehab for the first time. What did you expect it to be like?
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SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
It's time again for Doc Jock, your addiction
lifeguard podcast.
I am Dr.
Jock DeBerker, a psychologist,licensed professional counselor,
and addiction specialist.
If you are suffering fromaddiction, misery, trauma,
whatever it is, I'm here tohelp.
If you're in search of help totry to get your life back
together, join me here at DocJock, your addiction lifeguard,
(00:22):
the addiction recovery podcast.
I wanted to be real clear aboutwhat this podcast is intended
for.
It is intended for entertainmentand informational purposes but
(00:45):
not considered help.
If you actually need real helpand you're in need of help,
Please seek that out.
If you're in dire need of help,you can go to your nearest
emergency room or you can checkinto a rehab center or call a
counselor like me and talk aboutyour problems and work through
them.
But don't rely on a podcast tobe that form of help.
(01:06):
It's not.
It's just a podcast.
It's for entertainment andinformation only.
So let's keep it in that light.
All right.
Have a good time.
Learn something and then get thereal help that you need from a
professional.
what is the purpose of going torehab i mean why would you go
(01:32):
someplace voluntarily walk inand surrender your time 30 days
60 days 90 days 120 dayswhatever it is to a group of
people that you don't know tocure you of something that you
don't agree with having, thatyou don't agree that you have
it, and then follow theirinstructions after you leave the
(01:54):
place that you were at.
where perhaps you didn't thinkyou should have been in the
first place.
So why?
And so the first time anybodygoes to rehab, it's a very
confusing, troubling, upsettingtime in their lives.
And I've had a lot ofconversations with people over
the years as I've tried to helpthem understand what the purpose
(02:15):
of that is.
And it becomes particularly moredifficult when I'm doing
interventions and I'm confrontedwith somebody that I've never
seen before and I'm letting...
Their family members, theirloved ones love them into
voluntarily going into afacility where they're basically
not going to be able to leave.
I mean, they can, but not reallyfor 30, 60, 90 days or 120 days.
(02:39):
And so the very first time yougo, you may not actually
understand why you would bethere.
And so these words are the onesthat I got from one of my
friends who he's been to rehab afew times.
And he currently he's been cleanand sober for a long time.
And he actually works in thefield of recovery.
(03:02):
And he just recently died.
Got through his master's degreein social work and is continuing
his work in the field.
And so the conversation I hadwith him was one that was based
on an understanding of why yougo or what you're thinking as an
addict the very first time yougo.
So the conversation wentsomething like this.
(03:26):
Hi, I'm Scott.
Hey, Scott.
So you decided you were going togo to rehab.
at some point in your life,right?
Well, I mean, it was actuallythree times in my life, yes,
but...
Well, I'd like to talk to youabout that very first time.
Well, the very first time.
Yeah, yeah, the very first timeyou went.
And, like, what did you thinkthe purpose of it was, that
first time you went?
SPEAKER_00 (03:46):
Okay, so...
It was right after I graduatedhigh school, and my drug use
wasn't that bad, really, but Iwas on antidepressants, and I
was really depressed, and I wassmoking weed and drinking, so
they weren't working, and myparents thought it'd be good to
put me inpatient in a psych wardfor a month, so I went to PIMC.
It's a psychiatric institute inMontgomery County, and it was
either a rehab with a psych wardcomponent or a psych ward with a
(04:09):
rehab component because, well,it was psych work, so I couldn't
leave.
It was a locked-door facility,but they had meetings and stuff
like that, so I considered thatmy first rehab thing, and they
heavily covered it.
concentrated on, on a lot of,uh, it was actually, I'm not
sure what the model would be.
SPEAKER_01 (04:22):
Wait, wait, wait, hold on.
Hold on.
You're going down a rabbit hole.
Yeah.
Let me repeat the question.
All right.
Let's start.
Let's start again.
All right.
So that, so that very first timethat you went to rehab before
you got there, what did youthink the purpose of it
SPEAKER_00 (04:38):
was?
To get my head straight beforegoing to college.
That's what, that's what youthought.
That's what I thought it was toget my head straight before
going to college.
And it just, it didn't work.
It really backfired.
Did you want to go?
No, no.
Well, I was, but I was, I justturned 18 and, you know, you
know, the shrink and parentswere pushing me to go and I
wasn't feeling really well.
(04:58):
I mean, I was probably severelydepressed.
Yeah.
I was 18 years old, so I don'treally remember too much because
I'm 52 now, but
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
yeah.
So you thought it was to getyour head straight.
You didn't think it was to notuse, to get a...
No, no, I didn't think it was tonot use.
I thought
SPEAKER_00 (05:14):
it was to get my head straight for rehab.
So you'd get out and then youcould just pick back up again.
That was the plan.
I mean...
You actually thought that.
I'm in this place where Icouldn't leave and all of a
sudden they're...
throwing this 12-step stuff atme, and I'm like, what is this?
I'm in there with antisocialpersonality disorder people, all
kinds of stuff, and it was,
SPEAKER_01 (05:34):
yeah.
Drama?
You had drama?
SPEAKER_00 (05:36):
Definitely drama.
I mean, I learned that you couldshoot Jack Daniels at 18 years
old from a guy in there, andhe's probably dead anyway, but
SPEAKER_01 (05:45):
yeah.
So your expectation was not thatyou were going to be working on
recovery necessarily.
It was just a place for you tokind of think differently?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (05:54):
I think that it was more of the psych ward with just
the rehab component to it.
It wasn't actually like, it wasweird.
They had 12-step meetings, theyhad community groups and all
that neat stuff.
It was like everything in thepsych ward, but they threw a lot
of 12-step at you.
SPEAKER_01 (06:05):
As part of the recovery.
Yeah,
SPEAKER_00 (06:09):
yeah.
I mean,
SPEAKER_01 (06:09):
I wasn't buying it, but you know.
And when you went in, did youknow how long you were going to
be there?
It was a month.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
Did you know how long you weregoing to be there?
SPEAKER_00 (06:18):
Did they tell you?
I don't think they did, but Iknew that I was supposed to be
at college in like a month and ahalf.
So I knew I had to get outbefore then or, you know, I
don't think they told me no.
So you had no idea.
Yeah.
And there was no visitors.
Parents didn't come see me.
Now that I think about it.
SPEAKER_01 (06:32):
It was a lockdown facility.
SPEAKER_00 (06:34):
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (06:35):
Yeah.
So it's not, it wasn't yournormal kind of rehab.
No, you couldn't leave.
Okay.
So when you got out, did youthink you were cured?
I
SPEAKER_00 (06:44):
didn't even really know.
I don't think I really evenrealized why I went.
SPEAKER_01 (06:49):
So when you got out, you didn't have like an
aftercare or anything.
You were just going
SPEAKER_00 (06:52):
to go.
No, my aftercare was packing meup and shipping me off to
Salisbury state on the Easternshore.
And that was a horrible,horrible idea.
SPEAKER_01 (06:59):
Because you weren't ready to do that because you
weren't, you weren't, you
SPEAKER_00 (07:04):
weren't
SPEAKER_01 (07:04):
clean.
SPEAKER_00 (07:05):
It was too much freedom.
Back then, I had just missed thegrandfather clause from being 18
to 21 to drink.
I missed about a year or two.
They were still selling topeople who were 18 anyway.
They weren't checking IDs.
I looked older and I just wentoff to the races with the really
cheap beer.
SPEAKER_01 (07:25):
Going to rehab was not the answer.
It was part of an answer.
SPEAKER_00 (07:29):
At that time, no.
SPEAKER_01 (07:31):
You didn't take it seriously.
Oh no, please.
No.
UNKNOWN (07:36):
Yeah.
No.
SPEAKER_00 (07:36):
And I was pissed off and I was locked up and I was
pissed off and I was, why am Ihere?
And you know, the girls arecute.
Okay, fine.
But they're bananas.
And, and there, there was no,there was no cognizance of what
I was supposed to be doingthere, what it was for.
I was 18 years old and I was, Iwas just, yeah, no, I, you know,
there was no real, I had noawareness of why I was there,
(08:00):
why I was supposed to be there.
And I got out and I went tocollege and then things got
really bad for a couple ofdecades.
Let me
SPEAKER_01 (08:05):
ask you another question then.
The people that you saw when youwere there, do you think they
had any idea about what it wasfor or why they were there?
No,
SPEAKER_00 (08:14):
because some of them were actively psychotic.
SPEAKER_01 (08:17):
Take out the psychotic ones.
Take out the psychotic ones.
Leave just the...
SPEAKER_00 (08:21):
Okay, well then you had the borderlines.
SPEAKER_01 (08:25):
So it's just a room full of crazy people.
SPEAKER_00 (08:27):
It was.
And I was the least crazy onethere, I think.
And I'm looking around going, Iain't ever going to rehab again.
It was really bad.
It wasn't good, man.
No, no, no, no.
But that was the first of threerehab experiences.
So,
SPEAKER_01 (08:44):
yeah.
But after that, you had an ideaof what it was going to be
because you'd already been tosomething like it sort of.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, thanks.
Do you want the secondexperience or do you want the
third experience?
Nope, I don't want any of those.
This one is just about thatfirst one.
Because what I'm trying to do isI'm trying to build on this idea
(09:06):
that rehab is something otherthan what most people think it
is.
It's a physical barrier betweenyou and your drug of choice and
that's it.
And it's a chance for you tokind of get your mind around the
idea that you got to really dosome work to get into recovery.
You can't just go park your buttin a chair for 30 days and then
walk out and think you're
SPEAKER_00 (09:25):
cured.
Oh, no, no, no.
Yeah, I agree with thatcompletely.
Now, I mean, what I look back onmy last stint was it was a good
jump off point.
SPEAKER_01 (09:34):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (09:35):
Because I was ready.
I mean, I couldn't kill myself,right?
What am I going to do?
But it took you three times toget there.
Yeah, 88, 1997-ish.
I was at Avery Road up there inMontgomery County in 2013.
And there was many psych wars inbetween, which was just because
of...
Psychosis, not rehab.
SPEAKER_01 (09:57):
Yeah.
So your understanding of rehabreally, and the real purpose of
it really started to formulateafter that, that second time and
you entering into the third timeand during your stay there, you
SPEAKER_00 (10:10):
got to really realize.
Yeah.
And the length of time betweenthe second and third was 1997 to
2013.
So, and I think when I got intothe last time, I was pretty much
just open to do anything.
I was just done.
I was just surrender.
I can't do this anymore, man.
Well, actually, I mean, thestory that I'll tell when you
ask me about the third time isthat I went, I was in Montgomery
(10:30):
general psych ward.
Imagine that.
Yeah.
Cause I, you know, I was honestabout the suicide attempt and I
heard they put me in a lockerroom and they do.
And, uh, I said, I want somehelp.
And they go, okay, you're goingto Virginia.
I'm like, all right, let's go.
And then I brought a carton ofcigarettes just in case I didn't
know if you could smoke or not.
I asked them, they said, wedon't know.
(10:50):
And I brought a carton ofcigarettes just in case, but
that shows a willingness of mebeing like, I'm going, even
though I may not be able
SPEAKER_01 (11:03):
to smoke, I'll
SPEAKER_00 (11:07):
bring this just in case.
Yeah.
Rehab's a necessary tool, but itcan be confusing.
like a lot of these counselorsnow are definitely all about the
about the oh positiveaffirmations in the mirror and
on which is fine and then allworks good and all that but
(11:28):
they're really not gettingsponsors they're really not
actually participating they'rereally not seeing their part in
it because there's everybodyelse is a problem you know and
that kind of thing so yeah we'retalking about really like
getting back to basics typestuff with with directing people
to get sponsors and and like youknow in our the detox facility
and also an independence houseis actually a requirement what
(11:49):
they do is they come to me andthey sign an roi and i call the
person that i usually know andsay hey do you know that you
sponsor x and the answer i'llget is oh yeah they call me
every day or they'll go x who
SPEAKER_01 (12:01):
and right because it is about the aftercare that's
really where the recovery is
SPEAKER_00 (12:05):
oh yeah because it shouldn't like we talked about
it doesn't doesn't crack openfor years man
SPEAKER_01 (12:10):
yeah year and a half two years before you really
SPEAKER_00 (12:13):
are there my emotional breakdown was at three
and a half
SPEAKER_01 (12:17):
And
SPEAKER_00 (12:17):
like my landlord and my roommate were worried.
My roommate's like, I think he'sgoing to lose his mind in
recovery.
I'm yelling at myself.
SPEAKER_01 (12:25):
It's hard.
SPEAKER_00 (12:25):
Three and a half years.
You know, people
SPEAKER_01 (12:26):
think they're fixed at three and a half years.
Yeah.
You're fixed when you're fixed,but it's not less than a year
and a half.
Really?
SPEAKER_00 (12:32):
No.
Like I said before, five years.
SPEAKER_01 (12:36):
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, it's wise words, man.
Thanks.
Cool.
So there it is.
If you're trying to figure outwhat is the purpose of going to
rehab the first time, what's itlike and what are the
expectations?
And that's exactly what it'slike.
And Scott's an interestingcharacter because he's actually
(12:57):
been to rehab a number of timesand he also is now a clinician.
So if you're wondering what it'slike or what to expect when you
go to rehab the very first time,That's pretty much what you're
going to see.
It's confusing and you're notreally sure.
And many times people will goand they end up not really
(13:19):
getting anything out of itbecause they, I don't know, they
might have some strangeexpectations about what it's all
about.
So as we enter into this holidayseason, And I know you're
probably holding it togetherbecause your family's there.
Your friends are around.
You don't want to be seen assome crazy out of control
(13:39):
addict.
Hey man, that first of the year,that's the time to get sane,
stable, and sober.
So why don't you go out thereand do that?
Start working on yourself.
Stop trying to destroy yourself,deconstruct yourself instead,
right?
Take yourself apart to putyourself back together.
It's a much better way to live.
(14:02):
it's a little short today I knowthis podcast was a little bit
short but hey it's the holidaysso maybe I'll do another one
another day this week and putout two but if you like this
episode please like andsubscribe and give me some
feedback you can send me anemail or a message through your
(14:25):
provider to this podcast andlisten man if you're looking for
recovery you gotta get in torecovery.
Don't be afraid.
Go get some help.
Check into a hospital.
Go to a rehab.
Seek out a counselor.
Go to some meetings.
Do something.
But don't end your life tryingto protect your addiction.
That's insane.
(14:47):
So until next time, this is DocJacques, your addiction
lifeguard, saying see ya.
It's time again for Doc Jock, your addiction
lifeguard podcast.
I am Dr.
Jock DeBerker, a psychologist,licensed professional counselor,
and addiction specialist.
If you are suffering fromaddiction, misery, trauma,
whatever it is, I'm here tohelp.
If you're in search of help totry to get your life back
together, join me here at DocJock, your addiction lifeguard,
(00:22):
the addiction recovery podcast.
I wanted to be real clear aboutwhat this podcast is intended
for.
It is intended for entertainmentand informational purposes but
(00:45):
not considered help.
If you actually need real helpand you're in need of help,
Please seek that out.
If you're in dire need of help,you can go to your nearest
emergency room or you can checkinto a rehab center or call a
counselor like me and talk aboutyour problems and work through
them.
But don't rely on a podcast tobe that form of help.
(01:06):
It's not.
It's just a podcast.
It's for entertainment andinformation only.
So let's keep it in that light.
All right.
Have a good time.
Learn something and then get thereal help that you need from a
professional.
what is the purpose of going torehab i mean why would you go
(01:32):
someplace voluntarily walk inand surrender your time 30 days
60 days 90 days 120 dayswhatever it is to a group of
people that you don't know tocure you of something that you
don't agree with having, thatyou don't agree that you have
it, and then follow theirinstructions after you leave the
(01:54):
place that you were at.
where perhaps you didn't thinkyou should have been in the
first place.
So why?
And so the first time anybodygoes to rehab, it's a very
confusing, troubling, upsettingtime in their lives.
And I've had a lot ofconversations with people over
the years as I've tried to helpthem understand what the purpose
(02:15):
of that is.
And it becomes particularly moredifficult when I'm doing
interventions and I'm confrontedwith somebody that I've never
seen before and I'm letting...
Their family members, theirloved ones love them into
voluntarily going into afacility where they're basically
not going to be able to leave.
I mean, they can, but not reallyfor 30, 60, 90 days or 120 days.
(02:39):
And so the very first time yougo, you may not actually
understand why you would bethere.
And so these words are the onesthat I got from one of my
friends who he's been to rehab afew times.
And he currently he's been cleanand sober for a long time.
And he actually works in thefield of recovery.
(03:02):
And he just recently died.
Got through his master's degreein social work and is continuing
his work in the field.
And so the conversation I hadwith him was one that was based
on an understanding of why yougo or what you're thinking as an
addict the very first time yougo.
So the conversation wentsomething like this.
(03:26):
Hi, I'm Scott.
Hey, Scott.
So you decided you were going togo to rehab.
at some point in your life,right?
Well, I mean, it was actuallythree times in my life, yes,
but...
Well, I'd like to talk to youabout that very first time.
Well, the very first time.
Yeah, yeah, the very first timeyou went.
And, like, what did you thinkthe purpose of it was, that
first time you went?
SPEAKER_00 (03:46):
Okay, so...
It was right after I graduatedhigh school, and my drug use
wasn't that bad, really, but Iwas on antidepressants, and I
was really depressed, and I wassmoking weed and drinking, so
they weren't working, and myparents thought it'd be good to
put me inpatient in a psych wardfor a month, so I went to PIMC.
It's a psychiatric institute inMontgomery County, and it was
either a rehab with a psych wardcomponent or a psych ward with a
(04:09):
rehab component because, well,it was psych work, so I couldn't
leave.
It was a locked-door facility,but they had meetings and stuff
like that, so I considered thatmy first rehab thing, and they
heavily covered it.
concentrated on, on a lot of,uh, it was actually, I'm not
sure what the model would be.
SPEAKER_01 (04:22):
Wait, wait, wait, hold on.
Hold on.
You're going down a rabbit hole.
Yeah.
Let me repeat the question.
All right.
Let's start.
Let's start again.
All right.
So that, so that very first timethat you went to rehab before
you got there, what did youthink the purpose of it
SPEAKER_00 (04:38):
was?
To get my head straight beforegoing to college.
That's what, that's what youthought.
That's what I thought it was toget my head straight before
going to college.
And it just, it didn't work.
It really backfired.
Did you want to go?
No, no.
Well, I was, but I was, I justturned 18 and, you know, you
know, the shrink and parentswere pushing me to go and I
wasn't feeling really well.
(04:58):
I mean, I was probably severelydepressed.
Yeah.
I was 18 years old, so I don'treally remember too much because
I'm 52 now, but
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
yeah.
So you thought it was to getyour head straight.
You didn't think it was to notuse, to get a...
No, no, I didn't think it was tonot use.
I thought
SPEAKER_00 (05:14):
it was to get my head straight for rehab.
So you'd get out and then youcould just pick back up again.
That was the plan.
I mean...
You actually thought that.
I'm in this place where Icouldn't leave and all of a
sudden they're...
throwing this 12-step stuff atme, and I'm like, what is this?
I'm in there with antisocialpersonality disorder people, all
kinds of stuff, and it was,
SPEAKER_01 (05:34):
yeah.
Drama?
You had drama?
SPEAKER_00 (05:36):
Definitely drama.
I mean, I learned that you couldshoot Jack Daniels at 18 years
old from a guy in there, andhe's probably dead anyway, but
SPEAKER_01 (05:45):
yeah.
So your expectation was not thatyou were going to be working on
recovery necessarily.
It was just a place for you tokind of think differently?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (05:54):
I think that it was more of the psych ward with just
the rehab component to it.
It wasn't actually like, it wasweird.
They had 12-step meetings, theyhad community groups and all
that neat stuff.
It was like everything in thepsych ward, but they threw a lot
of 12-step at you.
SPEAKER_01 (06:05):
As part of the recovery.
Yeah,
SPEAKER_00 (06:09):
yeah.
I mean,
SPEAKER_01 (06:09):
I wasn't buying it, but you know.
And when you went in, did youknow how long you were going to
be there?
It was a month.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
Did you know how long you weregoing to be there?
SPEAKER_00 (06:18):
Did they tell you?
I don't think they did, but Iknew that I was supposed to be
at college in like a month and ahalf.
So I knew I had to get outbefore then or, you know, I
don't think they told me no.
So you had no idea.
Yeah.
And there was no visitors.
Parents didn't come see me.
Now that I think about it.
SPEAKER_01 (06:32):
It was a lockdown facility.
SPEAKER_00 (06:34):
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (06:35):
Yeah.
So it's not, it wasn't yournormal kind of rehab.
No, you couldn't leave.
Okay.
So when you got out, did youthink you were cured?
I
SPEAKER_00 (06:44):
didn't even really know.
I don't think I really evenrealized why I went.
SPEAKER_01 (06:49):
So when you got out, you didn't have like an
aftercare or anything.
You were just going
SPEAKER_00 (06:52):
to go.
No, my aftercare was packing meup and shipping me off to
Salisbury state on the Easternshore.
And that was a horrible,horrible idea.
SPEAKER_01 (06:59):
Because you weren't ready to do that because you
weren't, you weren't, you
SPEAKER_00 (07:04):
weren't
SPEAKER_01 (07:04):
clean.
SPEAKER_00 (07:05):
It was too much freedom.
Back then, I had just missed thegrandfather clause from being 18
to 21 to drink.
I missed about a year or two.
They were still selling topeople who were 18 anyway.
They weren't checking IDs.
I looked older and I just wentoff to the races with the really
cheap beer.
SPEAKER_01 (07:25):
Going to rehab was not the answer.
It was part of an answer.
SPEAKER_00 (07:29):
At that time, no.
SPEAKER_01 (07:31):
You didn't take it seriously.
Oh no, please.
No.
UNKNOWN (07:36):
Yeah.
No.
SPEAKER_00 (07:36):
And I was pissed off and I was locked up and I was
pissed off and I was, why am Ihere?
And you know, the girls arecute.
Okay, fine.
But they're bananas.
And, and there, there was no,there was no cognizance of what
I was supposed to be doingthere, what it was for.
I was 18 years old and I was, Iwas just, yeah, no, I, you know,
there was no real, I had noawareness of why I was there,
(08:00):
why I was supposed to be there.
And I got out and I went tocollege and then things got
really bad for a couple ofdecades.
Let me
SPEAKER_01 (08:05):
ask you another question then.
The people that you saw when youwere there, do you think they
had any idea about what it wasfor or why they were there?
No,
SPEAKER_00 (08:14):
because some of them were actively psychotic.
SPEAKER_01 (08:17):
Take out the psychotic ones.
Take out the psychotic ones.
Leave just the...
SPEAKER_00 (08:21):
Okay, well then you had the borderlines.
SPEAKER_01 (08:25):
So it's just a room full of crazy people.
SPEAKER_00 (08:27):
It was.
And I was the least crazy onethere, I think.
And I'm looking around going, Iain't ever going to rehab again.
It was really bad.
It wasn't good, man.
No, no, no, no.
But that was the first of threerehab experiences.
So,
SPEAKER_01 (08:44):
yeah.
But after that, you had an ideaof what it was going to be
because you'd already been tosomething like it sort of.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, thanks.
Do you want the secondexperience or do you want the
third experience?
Nope, I don't want any of those.
This one is just about thatfirst one.
Because what I'm trying to do isI'm trying to build on this idea
(09:06):
that rehab is something otherthan what most people think it
is.
It's a physical barrier betweenyou and your drug of choice and
that's it.
And it's a chance for you tokind of get your mind around the
idea that you got to really dosome work to get into recovery.
You can't just go park your buttin a chair for 30 days and then
walk out and think you're
SPEAKER_00 (09:25):
cured.
Oh, no, no, no.
Yeah, I agree with thatcompletely.
Now, I mean, what I look back onmy last stint was it was a good
jump off point.
SPEAKER_01 (09:34):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (09:35):
Because I was ready.
I mean, I couldn't kill myself,right?
What am I going to do?
But it took you three times toget there.
Yeah, 88, 1997-ish.
I was at Avery Road up there inMontgomery County in 2013.
And there was many psych wars inbetween, which was just because
of...
Psychosis, not rehab.
SPEAKER_01 (09:57):
Yeah.
So your understanding of rehabreally, and the real purpose of
it really started to formulateafter that, that second time and
you entering into the third timeand during your stay there, you
SPEAKER_00 (10:10):
got to really realize.
Yeah.
And the length of time betweenthe second and third was 1997 to
2013.
So, and I think when I got intothe last time, I was pretty much
just open to do anything.
I was just done.
I was just surrender.
I can't do this anymore, man.
Well, actually, I mean, thestory that I'll tell when you
ask me about the third time isthat I went, I was in Montgomery
(10:30):
general psych ward.
Imagine that.
Yeah.
Cause I, you know, I was honestabout the suicide attempt and I
heard they put me in a lockerroom and they do.
And, uh, I said, I want somehelp.
And they go, okay, you're goingto Virginia.
I'm like, all right, let's go.
And then I brought a carton ofcigarettes just in case I didn't
know if you could smoke or not.
I asked them, they said, wedon't know.
(10:50):
And I brought a carton ofcigarettes just in case, but
that shows a willingness of mebeing like, I'm going, even
though I may not be able
SPEAKER_01 (11:03):
to smoke, I'll
SPEAKER_00 (11:07):
bring this just in case.
Yeah.
Rehab's a necessary tool, but itcan be confusing.
like a lot of these counselorsnow are definitely all about the
about the oh positiveaffirmations in the mirror and
on which is fine and then allworks good and all that but
(11:28):
they're really not gettingsponsors they're really not
actually participating they'rereally not seeing their part in
it because there's everybodyelse is a problem you know and
that kind of thing so yeah we'retalking about really like
getting back to basics typestuff with with directing people
to get sponsors and and like youknow in our the detox facility
and also an independence houseis actually a requirement what
(11:49):
they do is they come to me andthey sign an roi and i call the
person that i usually know andsay hey do you know that you
sponsor x and the answer i'llget is oh yeah they call me
every day or they'll go x who
SPEAKER_01 (12:01):
and right because it is about the aftercare that's
really where the recovery is
SPEAKER_00 (12:05):
oh yeah because it shouldn't like we talked about
it doesn't doesn't crack openfor years man
SPEAKER_01 (12:10):
yeah year and a half two years before you really
SPEAKER_00 (12:13):
are there my emotional breakdown was at three
and a half
SPEAKER_01 (12:17):
And
SPEAKER_00 (12:17):
like my landlord and my roommate were worried.
My roommate's like, I think he'sgoing to lose his mind in
recovery.
I'm yelling at myself.
SPEAKER_01 (12:25):
It's hard.
SPEAKER_00 (12:25):
Three and a half years.
You know, people
SPEAKER_01 (12:26):
think they're fixed at three and a half years.
Yeah.
You're fixed when you're fixed,but it's not less than a year
and a half.
Really?
SPEAKER_00 (12:32):
No.
Like I said before, five years.
SPEAKER_01 (12:36):
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, it's wise words, man.
Thanks.
Cool.
So there it is.
If you're trying to figure outwhat is the purpose of going to
rehab the first time, what's itlike and what are the
expectations?
And that's exactly what it'slike.
And Scott's an interestingcharacter because he's actually
(12:57):
been to rehab a number of timesand he also is now a clinician.
So if you're wondering what it'slike or what to expect when you
go to rehab the very first time,That's pretty much what you're
going to see.
It's confusing and you're notreally sure.
And many times people will goand they end up not really
(13:19):
getting anything out of itbecause they, I don't know, they
might have some strangeexpectations about what it's all
about.
So as we enter into this holidayseason, And I know you're
probably holding it togetherbecause your family's there.
Your friends are around.
You don't want to be seen assome crazy out of control
(13:39):
addict.
Hey man, that first of the year,that's the time to get sane,
stable, and sober.
So why don't you go out thereand do that?
Start working on yourself.
Stop trying to destroy yourself,deconstruct yourself instead,
right?
Take yourself apart to putyourself back together.
It's a much better way to live.
(14:02):
it's a little short today I knowthis podcast was a little bit
short but hey it's the holidaysso maybe I'll do another one
another day this week and putout two but if you like this
episode please like andsubscribe and give me some
feedback you can send me anemail or a message through your
(14:25):
provider to this podcast andlisten man if you're looking for
recovery you gotta get in torecovery.
Don't be afraid.
Go get some help.
Check into a hospital.
Go to a rehab.
Seek out a counselor.
Go to some meetings.
Do something.
But don't end your life tryingto protect your addiction.
That's insane.
(14:47):
So until next time, this is DocJacques, your addiction
lifeguard, saying see ya.
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