June 24, 2025 • 21 mins
SEND US A TEXT MESSAGE!!! Let Drs. Nii & Renee know what you think about the show!
Our listener, David, wrote back with an update on their job search near Boston which then led us to a deeper conversation about making major life moves when you're dating but haven't formally committed to through engagement or marriage. We talked about both practical considerations and personal reflections from our own relationship journey.
FREE DOWNLOAD - 7 Considerations Before Starting Locum Tenens - https://darkos.lpages.co/7-considerations-before-locums
LINKS MENTIONED
Q&A and Suggestions Form - https://forms.clickup.com/9010110533/f/8cgpr25-4614/PEBFZN5LA6FKEIXTWF
Send us a Voice Message - https://www.speakpipe.com/docsoutsidethebox
WATCH THIS EPISODE ON YOUTUBE!
Have a question for the podcast?
Text us at 833-230-2860
Twitter: @drniidarko
Instagram: @docsoutsidethebox
Email: team@drniidarko.com
Merch: https://docs-outside-the-box.creator-spring.com
This episode is sponsored by
Set For Life Insurance. What the Darkos use for great disability insurance at a low cost!! Check them out at www.setforlifeinsurance.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right guys.
Last segment was about aresident whose attending was
under the influence of melatoninand Lunesta and we gave a
little bit of advice about whatto do about that.
But, upcoming, in this segmentwe're going to be talking about
Dr Ne.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Well, we're going to be talking about what we're
going to be talking about me,well, we're going to be talking
about.
So last episode or two episodesago we talked, we answered a
question from a family medicineresident who is dating someone
who's in the Boston area, andthey were trying to figure out
well, as I'm finishing residencyand I'm dating someone in
Boston, I need to find like alocums gig for like three or
(00:43):
four months and then I'm good,Right?
So we answered their questionand they wrote back to us and
they say like, why the hell areyou roasting me?
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Dr Nee, that's probably what it said, cause,
like you kind of insulted theperson when you answered the
question, like they didn't knowwhat a plane was and they didn't
know what a train was, likethat's really not the way to go
about answering questions fromthe audience, because you know
(01:13):
you will get canceled thanks,doctor you need, you need, you
need to apologize that won'thappen, but thanks, let me.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
let me read to you what they say, what they had
said.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Can I read this question, please Go?
Thank you for taking my longand complicated questions on
your most recent episode.
I wanted to send an update onhow the job search worked out.
I was a third year familymedicine resident.
An update on how the job searchworked out.
I was a third-year familymedicine resident.
Dr Nee, since your response onthe podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
my girlfriend and Locum's wife have left me.
It doesn't say that, Nee, Doyou want?
Speaker 2 (01:56):
me to share this with you.
Is that bad?
I'm going to keep going.
I took a job Monday throughFriday in the Arctic Circle, but
at least I get to fly back eachweekend to see my family for
one hour before flying back towork.
Just joking?
So I think they're just.
I don't know what they'rejoking, but I'm assuming they're
just joking about the wholething.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
But yeah, I see how you is.
Yes, because you were talkingabout locums, wives and blah,
blah, blah.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Then this person says Dr Renee, thank you, as always,
for being the guiding voice ofreason and wisdom.
And that's where I got aproblem with this dude, because
I think this person is trying tobe smart, he's trying to be
smart, he is trying to be smart.
You basically predicted afuture, as I was already working
on opportunities in thesurrounding area.
In the end I got four differentoffers for places one to two
(02:44):
hours from the Boston area.
It all worked out great.
I took a position at an FQHCone to two hours away for a
three-month contract workingfour days a week.
Some additional context Sadly,the majority of family medicine
options are not shift work andthey want three to six-month
contracts for four to five daysa week.
(03:04):
I know what he's talking about.
He makes a good point.
This makes it difficult tobalance multiple assignments at
the same time and slightlyharder to travel mid-assignment.
He makes a good point.
I considered some postings infarther locations as my hopeful
start date came near, butultimately I got a few good
opportunities at the last minute.
Sorry for not including enoughcontext to completely explain
(03:26):
the situation and thank you bothfor the great advice, as always
.
I often cite Docs Outside theBox as one of the best resources
to others who have beenintrigued by the idea of
non-traditional jobs out ofresidency.
I appreciate the VIP StackConsole mid-podcast as well.
Thanks for the advice andhopefully tolerating some
sarcasm, so listen.
(03:47):
The one thing I got an issuewith my thing is this why he
dissed me and then he says thankyou always for being a guiding
voice for wisdom, for reason andwisdom yeah, because I mean you
.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
That means he's talking about.
He's talking about.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I'm the guiding voice and you a big dummy, okay I
like to look at it as there's ayin and a yang.
That's the way I like to lookat it.
You have a certain type ofenergy and I have another type
of energy.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
So I got the positive energy and you got the negative
energy.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
So anyway, I understand what he's saying.
So I actually have a questionbefore we even respond to what
he's saying.
So my question is what are yourthoughts on making major moves
right In your life, choosingwhat residency you're going to
go to, where you're going tofind a job at, getting a house?
Thoughts on making major moveswith somebody else when you're
(04:34):
not even engaged?
I said boom, dr Renee.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Oh easy, that was you and me.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
You go Hold on what you talking about.
That was you and me what youtalking about.
That was you and me what youtalking about.
Don't put my business out therelike that.
Don't put my business that wasyou and me Outside of talking
about my business, our business.
Thoughts on making major moveswhen you are.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
I'll talk about my business, and if you happen to
be part of the business, thenit's your business and I'll be
talking about it too.
Okay, but that was you and me.
We started we startedinterviewing.
Remember, we startedinterviewing.
(05:21):
I had finished my residency andI was like almost two years out
, and you were almost one yearout from finishing your
fellowship and we startedinterviewing.
You started looking veryspecifically in Pennsylvania and
you were like, hey, I got thisinterview here and they would
like to talk with you, as yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
And I was like, uh, okay, so I went but you got the
gist that you knew I was aboutto start, I was going to, I
didn't know Correct.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yes, you did.
No, I didn't know nothing.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Guys, ladies, listen to this show.
Do you think that Dr Reneewould take an interview to go to
the same place as me?
Right, move from Atlanta toPennsylvania, right?
If she didn't know, stop.
If she didn't know, can youstop please?
I'm going to mute you If shedidn't know that something more
(06:19):
definitive was coming in ourrelationship.
Definitive was coming in ourrelationship Because that's
where I call cap.
That's where I call cap on you,because I think a lot of times
you be trying to act like thingsare black and white.
It's like, nah, you knewsomething was coming up the
pipeline, but anyway, go ahead,keep telling the story.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Anywho.
So you had not proposed Nothingand it was a free trip.
Excuse me, it was a free trip,excuse me, it was a free trip,
okay, and I was living inAtlanta at a time, and so I went
on the trip with you.
We came back, if you remember,we came back to Atlanta and you
(07:01):
and I had this huge argument andI was like, dude, why am I even
going to these interviews withyou?
We're not even engaged.
That's what I said to you.
I was like we're not evenengaged, like I don't even have
to go on these interviews withyou.
Like, stop playing.
You don't remember thatargument?
Say you don't remember theargument.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Nii, I don't remember that argument.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Okay, you only remember things that.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I do have a problem with that last comment.
I don't think that that's afair comment, but go ahead and
finish your story, yourprolonged story.
So do you believe that youshould make major moves without
being engaged?
Because you're avoiding theanswer?
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Me personally.
No, Me personally I would not.
I think that it can get alittle dice dicey, because if
things don't work out right, ifthings don't work out, you don't
end up getting engaged ormarried, especially married,
because engaged still isn't likean actual like status, it's
(08:07):
just a planning of a status.
It's just a planning of astatus.
If things don't work out, thenpotentially how the law looks at
it is that you guys are justroommates and so now what's ours
is not necessarily ours.
(08:29):
Well, it depends on which state.
No, uh-uh no.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Because in California can't you live with someone for
like several years and all of asudden becomes common law well,
but you're well that I don'tknow about.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
I don't know what constitutes a common law, a
domestic partnership or whatever, but knowing that you don't
have anything specificallydocumented to say that, hey, I
am in this very lawfullyrecognized relationship with
(09:01):
this person can cause you a lotof strife if it doesn't work out
.
Now, most people, when they buyproperty together, are not
looking to see well, they buyproperty together are not
looking to see well, what stateare we going to live in and what
would it look like in thatstate if we don't end up
together?
No, most people I don't.
(09:22):
I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Stop playing Now you pot in me, so you think you
think most people look at thestate in which they live?
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Yes, I do, okay, okay , you think, think you think,
people look, look to see to seethe state that they are going to
either move into or alreadylive in, to see what constitutes
a common law marriage orwhatever like, because they want
to.
They want to move in withsomebody?
Yeah, I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Yes, I do.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
You're lying.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
You're lying Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
You're lying.
You don't think that.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
You can call cap.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
I think most I call cap on that I'm calling BS on
that, so hold on a second.
When we went to go get married,we went to go get married.
You look to see what the lawswere in Pennsylvania.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
I didn't, but I think you did.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
No, I didn't.
No, I didn't.
I didn't look to see what thelaws were before we got married,
absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
I checked your Google searches.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Anyway, first of all, everybody know you gotta wipe
that cachet.
So what about getting a house?
No, but I mean all of that isrelated.
(10:46):
All of that is related, right.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
If it doesn't work out, then the so would you ever
move in with someone who youlet's say, you were dating a guy
for like three years.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
No, I would never.
No, no, I would never move inwith somebody.
No, not like that.
But that's just me.
I'm not saying it's wrong.
It works out for some peopleand for some people it doesn't
work out.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
But I think it's important.
I think it's I think for peoplewho don't follow your rule,
because I do kind of agree withyour rule, which everybody
Renee's rule is in order to havea successful relationship and a
successful relationship is arelationship that can go through
the good and the bad, right,Like kind of ride the waves and
so forth you got to be withsomeone for at least like five
years and stuff.
But if you decide not to followfive years, do you think you
(11:39):
can accelerate that point byliving with someone?
Do you see what I'm saying?
Like, do you think, okay, likeif I lived with someone for two
years, could I figure out what Iwould have learned for the
other three years if I didn'tlive with that person?
I say yes, Because when you livewith someone like that, that's
like you know, that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
I say maybe.
And the reason that I say maybeis because people can live in
blissful situations for a longtime before it starts to go
downhill, before they start torealize, eh, it's not really
what I wanted.
Right?
And I would say honestly, ifyou're with somebody more than
(12:18):
five years and your relationshipdoes end, look back five years,
because that's probably whenthe strife started, right,
that's true, that's probablywhen the strife actually started
, right?
Wasn't full-blown, full-fledged, maybe, until like the last you
know year, a few months beforeyou actually broke up.
(12:39):
But if you look even five yearsback, you'll see little.
You know what do they say?
those seeds, little apple seeds,crumbs, whatever if you look
back, you'll see those crumbs ofoh yeah, this started to kind
of go downhill even then, butyou know, I didn't think
anything of it because I didn'tactually think I should give a
(13:01):
breakup was on the horizon youthink I should give advice?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I think I should stop giving it.
I'm not going to give adviceanymore why not?
To like to younger people,because I think, if I based it
off of-.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Oh, so you're going to give advice to older people?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
I just my advice.
So my relationship advice,based off of what I did in my
20s, is something that I thinkmost people should not listen to
.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Okay, but is that advice that you're giving, or is
that don't A?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
precautionary, tale Kind of yes, a precautionary
tale.
Yeah, I think you're right.
I think it's a precautionarytale.
I mean, I think a precautionarytale is fine because where I
work at, like, it's verytraditional out here and people
like be getting married, like intheir 20s, right out of school.
And I'm like, yeah, I'd be likeyo, you're doing what, yeah,
(14:01):
you're doing what, yeah, I, Ijust like I'm like there's no, I
was too selfish, right, I wastoo selfish up until 45, right.
Like I was like 45 46.
No, I'm just saying like I justI gotta give props to folks who
are able to like run out ofcollege or run out of
professional school, likeimmediately out of professional
school.
Be like, yeah, I'm ready tosettle down.
(14:22):
Like I just do, you think meand you right out of medical
school.
You think me and you would havewhat he called it no, no,
absolutely not.
But you wanted to get married,I could tell no, I didn't.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
No, I didn't absolutely not renee, absolutely
listen.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Nope, I just graduated, I had a volkswagen
jetta okay, you know what?
Speaker 1 (14:43):
yeah everybody knows what I'm gonna say after you say
, say, volkswagen Jetta.
What do I usually say With theshocks of a tricycle?
Neen.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Which lets me know.
So, guys, guys listen.
And the driver's side mirror,or passenger's side mirror
hanging off Like stop playing.
So the fact that you're lookingat the material values of what
I had makes me think that youwent even further to figure out
what state was the common lawstuff.
You see, guys, I could put itall together, no, all together
(15:13):
what you can put.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
The full circle moment, the fact that I was
riding in that car feeling everysingle nook and cranny of the
asphalt like renee, renee,before you even move on.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
So what year was my car?
I?
Don't even know what year wasmy car renee?
It was a 99 volkswagen jetta.
What year was your car at thatsame time renee?
91 what car was the?
Speaker 1 (15:38):
nissan stanza.
That's right okay okay.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
So there's no way that your shocks were better
than mine.
Like I don't you could.
You had to pop your clutchevery day to go to work.
No, I didn't.
What are you talking about?
No, I didn't what are youtalking about?
Speaker 1 (15:52):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (15:53):
I had a six CD changer.
I had nice and smooth CD one.
I had everything in one throughsix.
What did you have, yo?
You had your cell phone.
You put your music in your cell, like driving to work, like get
out of here, come on first ofall, ain't nobody want you for
your bum ass, jetta, okay, yeahsunroof, sunroof yeah, that got
(16:17):
stuck cause you got a freakingpen stuck in it what are you?
Talking about when did I get?
never got a pen stuck in it yeah, yes, you did anyway, listen
guys, um, I ain't making nomajor moves unless I'm getting
engaged with someone that'sbuying a house, because I think
things can go wrong.
You know, like I've seen peoplelike get a house, they buy a
house, and they buy a housetogether even though they're not
(16:39):
like married yet, like theyplan on getting married, but
that planning is actually basedoff of one person finally
deciding that they're going toengage with the other person and
go back and forth Like I don'tbelieve in that I don't know
what that means.
Nobody knows what that means,what does that mean Based on one
?
Speaker 1 (16:58):
person going to engage.
What does that mean?
I don't get that.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Well, in order to, in order for two people to come
together into marriage, oneperson has to decide and ask hey
, do you want to get married?
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Right, Right, that's usually how it occurs.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
That's what I'm saying.
So you, you're wait, so you'reyou know, let's say, for example
, me and you decided to get ahouse and we put a deed on it
and you're like, well, we'regoing to get married and it's
like, but you're actuallytechnically dependent on me to
be like, yeah, like let's getmarried.
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
But you would be also dependent on me to say yes.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Of course you're going to say yes.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Why would I say yes?
Why?
Why is that such a guarantee?
Really Because of your face andyour Jetta.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
You think this takes work, this takes time.
Man, you know what this comes,yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
It takes a lot of work.
It looks like it takes a lot ofwork.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Hmm, you know you walked into a lot, renee.
You walked into a lot, a wholelot.
But anyway, listen um ourfamily medicine resident.
Thank you so much for writingback to us.
That is actually dope.
He's got four different offersto work, yeah that's awesome, no
that's awesome.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
That's great news.
That's great news, and it'sfour days a week.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
That is one thing to consider, guys, is with family
medicine.
Family medicine sometimes canbe a little bit.
You just have to make it workMore rigid.
Right, it's not as shiftwork-ish like er, anesthesia,
trauma, ob, um, hospitalists, um, but this person is obviously
making it work.
He making it work, so, um, andhe's probably gonna stay low,
(18:37):
comes for a lot longer than heprobably thinks maybe.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Well, it's good that it's four days a week, so you
know there's some time off ifthere needs to be.
You know some back and forthvisiting or staying with, or you
know there's some time off ifthere needs to be.
You know some back and forthvisiting or staying with, or you
know so there's time to betogether.
So that's good.
I'm glad.
I'm glad you found the solution.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Yeah, that's hella important.
Save that relationship.
I hope you guys make it work.
We made it work at work and, um, I tell you, like my once me
and renee decided like okay, I'mgonna be doing my locums and
then I'll come down to atlantato visit you.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
like our relationship got way better, way better yeah
, because you're finally payingattention to a sister.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
You know what I'm saying I think part of it was
you were starting to see themoney that I was bringing in too
, and once you money what money?
Locums what?
Speaker 1 (19:30):
no, where was this money going?
What like?
I don't understand.
I didn't see any of this money.
I had my own job, I paid my ownbills.
Where was the money going?
Speaker 2 (19:42):
oh, you could tell, I see you could tell like I had
different clothes, like I just Ismell.
My swag went up.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
My swag went up you could tell different clothes,
Like I, just I smell my swagwent up.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
My swag went up.
You can tell Different clothes.
Nii, I stopped using the Jetta.
I gave the Jetta to my popsGuys.
Sometimes I be potting.
It's all good now.
We have fun here and listen.
Renee, why don't you tellpeople how they can write in so
that we can answer theirquestions?
Speaker 1 (20:09):
So you can write in to us any which way that I'm
going to mention, and that is IGDM Docs Outside the Box or in
the comments section of a reelor some other posts that we
might have doxxed outside thebox on ig.
(20:31):
Um tiktok is also doxxedoutside the box.
You can also text us below.
I think there are two textoptions down there one is the
burner text.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
One is the real cell phone number and the other is
the burner text if you text,please put your name.
It's for your locums wives.
Yeah, that's the.
This is the number I get to mylocums wives.
Text me on this number so itfeels like it's a listener.
Hey, I listened to your show.
I listened to your show lastnight.
(21:04):
It was amazing.
It's like, oh shit, Keep going.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
I'm going to be in trouble so much.
Meanwhile, it's my locum'shusband.
Oh man, the other way that youcan reach us is
DucksOutsideTheBoxcom.
Why your face go like that?
Nii, that's peace.
Ducks Outside.
Yeah, ducksoutsidetheboxcom,that's peace and you can send us
a message.
And yeah, if you want to beanonymous, you can always tell
(21:34):
us that you want us, that youwant to be anonymous.
We don't have to put your nameout there, but if you don't want
to be anonymous, then give us aname, all right, y'all.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
we'll catch you guys on the next episode.
Me and Renee got a lot to talkabout, so we'll talk to y'all
soon.
Peace, bye.
All right guys.
Last segment was about aresident whose attending was
under the influence of melatoninand Lunesta and we gave a
little bit of advice about whatto do about that.
But, upcoming, in this segmentwe're going to be talking about
Dr Ne.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Well, we're going to be talking about what we're
going to be talking about me,well, we're going to be talking
about.
So last episode or two episodesago we talked, we answered a
question from a family medicineresident who is dating someone
who's in the Boston area, andthey were trying to figure out
well, as I'm finishing residencyand I'm dating someone in
Boston, I need to find like alocums gig for like three or
(00:43):
four months and then I'm good,Right?
So we answered their questionand they wrote back to us and
they say like, why the hell areyou roasting me?
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Dr Nee, that's probably what it said, cause,
like you kind of insulted theperson when you answered the
question, like they didn't knowwhat a plane was and they didn't
know what a train was, likethat's really not the way to go
about answering questions fromthe audience, because you know
(01:13):
you will get canceled thanks,doctor you need, you need, you
need to apologize that won'thappen, but thanks, let me.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
let me read to you what they say, what they had
said.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Can I read this question, please Go?
Thank you for taking my longand complicated questions on
your most recent episode.
I wanted to send an update onhow the job search worked out.
I was a third year familymedicine resident.
An update on how the job searchworked out.
I was a third-year familymedicine resident.
Dr Nee, since your response onthe podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
my girlfriend and Locum's wife have left me.
It doesn't say that, Nee, Doyou want?
Speaker 2 (01:56):
me to share this with you.
Is that bad?
I'm going to keep going.
I took a job Monday throughFriday in the Arctic Circle, but
at least I get to fly back eachweekend to see my family for
one hour before flying back towork.
Just joking?
So I think they're just.
I don't know what they'rejoking, but I'm assuming they're
just joking about the wholething.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
But yeah, I see how you is.
Yes, because you were talkingabout locums, wives and blah,
blah, blah.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Then this person says Dr Renee, thank you, as always,
for being the guiding voice ofreason and wisdom.
And that's where I got aproblem with this dude, because
I think this person is trying tobe smart, he's trying to be
smart, he is trying to be smart.
You basically predicted afuture, as I was already working
on opportunities in thesurrounding area.
In the end I got four differentoffers for places one to two
(02:44):
hours from the Boston area.
It all worked out great.
I took a position at an FQHCone to two hours away for a
three-month contract workingfour days a week.
Some additional context Sadly,the majority of family medicine
options are not shift work andthey want three to six-month
contracts for four to five daysa week.
(03:04):
I know what he's talking about.
He makes a good point.
This makes it difficult tobalance multiple assignments at
the same time and slightlyharder to travel mid-assignment.
He makes a good point.
I considered some postings infarther locations as my hopeful
start date came near, butultimately I got a few good
opportunities at the last minute.
Sorry for not including enoughcontext to completely explain
(03:26):
the situation and thank you bothfor the great advice, as always
.
I often cite Docs Outside theBox as one of the best resources
to others who have beenintrigued by the idea of
non-traditional jobs out ofresidency.
I appreciate the VIP StackConsole mid-podcast as well.
Thanks for the advice andhopefully tolerating some
sarcasm, so listen.
(03:47):
The one thing I got an issuewith my thing is this why he
dissed me and then he says thankyou always for being a guiding
voice for wisdom, for reason andwisdom yeah, because I mean you
.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
That means he's talking about.
He's talking about.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I'm the guiding voice and you a big dummy, okay I
like to look at it as there's ayin and a yang.
That's the way I like to lookat it.
You have a certain type ofenergy and I have another type
of energy.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
So I got the positive energy and you got the negative
energy.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
So anyway, I understand what he's saying.
So I actually have a questionbefore we even respond to what
he's saying.
So my question is what are yourthoughts on making major moves
right In your life, choosingwhat residency you're going to
go to, where you're going tofind a job at, getting a house?
Thoughts on making major moveswith somebody else when you're
(04:34):
not even engaged?
I said boom, dr Renee.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Oh easy, that was you and me.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
You go Hold on what you talking about.
That was you and me what youtalking about.
That was you and me what youtalking about.
Don't put my business out therelike that.
Don't put my business that wasyou and me Outside of talking
about my business, our business.
Thoughts on making major moveswhen you are.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
I'll talk about my business, and if you happen to
be part of the business, thenit's your business and I'll be
talking about it too.
Okay, but that was you and me.
We started we startedinterviewing.
Remember, we startedinterviewing.
(05:21):
I had finished my residency andI was like almost two years out
, and you were almost one yearout from finishing your
fellowship and we startedinterviewing.
You started looking veryspecifically in Pennsylvania and
you were like, hey, I got thisinterview here and they would
like to talk with you, as yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
And I was like, uh, okay, so I went but you got the
gist that you knew I was aboutto start, I was going to, I
didn't know Correct.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yes, you did.
No, I didn't know nothing.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Guys, ladies, listen to this show.
Do you think that Dr Reneewould take an interview to go to
the same place as me?
Right, move from Atlanta toPennsylvania, right?
If she didn't know, stop.
If she didn't know, can youstop please?
I'm going to mute you If shedidn't know that something more
(06:19):
definitive was coming in ourrelationship.
Definitive was coming in ourrelationship Because that's
where I call cap.
That's where I call cap on you,because I think a lot of times
you be trying to act like thingsare black and white.
It's like, nah, you knewsomething was coming up the
pipeline, but anyway, go ahead,keep telling the story.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Anywho.
So you had not proposed Nothingand it was a free trip.
Excuse me, it was a free trip,excuse me, it was a free trip,
okay, and I was living inAtlanta at a time, and so I went
on the trip with you.
We came back, if you remember,we came back to Atlanta and you
(07:01):
and I had this huge argument andI was like, dude, why am I even
going to these interviews withyou?
We're not even engaged.
That's what I said to you.
I was like we're not evenengaged, like I don't even have
to go on these interviews withyou.
Like, stop playing.
You don't remember thatargument?
Say you don't remember theargument.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Nii, I don't remember that argument.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Okay, you only remember things that.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I do have a problem with that last comment.
I don't think that that's afair comment, but go ahead and
finish your story, yourprolonged story.
So do you believe that youshould make major moves without
being engaged?
Because you're avoiding theanswer?
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Me personally.
No, Me personally I would not.
I think that it can get alittle dice dicey, because if
things don't work out right, ifthings don't work out, you don't
end up getting engaged ormarried, especially married,
because engaged still isn't likean actual like status, it's
(08:07):
just a planning of a status.
It's just a planning of astatus.
If things don't work out, thenpotentially how the law looks at
it is that you guys are justroommates and so now what's ours
is not necessarily ours.
(08:29):
Well, it depends on which state.
No, uh-uh no.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Because in California can't you live with someone for
like several years and all of asudden becomes common law well,
but you're well that I don'tknow about.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
I don't know what constitutes a common law, a
domestic partnership or whatever, but knowing that you don't
have anything specificallydocumented to say that, hey, I
am in this very lawfullyrecognized relationship with
(09:01):
this person can cause you a lotof strife if it doesn't work out
.
Now, most people, when they buyproperty together, are not
looking to see well, they buyproperty together are not
looking to see well, what stateare we going to live in and what
would it look like in thatstate if we don't end up
together?
No, most people I don't.
(09:22):
I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Stop playing Now you pot in me, so you think you
think most people look at thestate in which they live?
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Yes, I do, okay, okay , you think, think you think,
people look, look to see to seethe state that they are going to
either move into or alreadylive in, to see what constitutes
a common law marriage orwhatever like, because they want
to.
They want to move in withsomebody?
Yeah, I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Yes, I do.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
You're lying.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
You're lying Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
You're lying.
You don't think that.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
You can call cap.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
I think most I call cap on that I'm calling BS on
that, so hold on a second.
When we went to go get married,we went to go get married.
You look to see what the lawswere in Pennsylvania.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
I didn't, but I think you did.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
No, I didn't.
No, I didn't.
I didn't look to see what thelaws were before we got married,
absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
I checked your Google searches.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Anyway, first of all, everybody know you gotta wipe
that cachet.
So what about getting a house?
No, but I mean all of that isrelated.
(10:46):
All of that is related, right.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
If it doesn't work out, then the so would you ever
move in with someone who youlet's say, you were dating a guy
for like three years.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
No, I would never.
No, no, I would never move inwith somebody.
No, not like that.
But that's just me.
I'm not saying it's wrong.
It works out for some peopleand for some people it doesn't
work out.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
But I think it's important.
I think it's I think for peoplewho don't follow your rule,
because I do kind of agree withyour rule, which everybody
Renee's rule is in order to havea successful relationship and a
successful relationship is arelationship that can go through
the good and the bad, right,Like kind of ride the waves and
so forth you got to be withsomeone for at least like five
years and stuff.
But if you decide not to followfive years, do you think you
(11:39):
can accelerate that point byliving with someone?
Do you see what I'm saying?
Like, do you think, okay, likeif I lived with someone for two
years, could I figure out what Iwould have learned for the
other three years if I didn'tlive with that person?
I say yes, Because when you livewith someone like that, that's
like you know, that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
I say maybe.
And the reason that I say maybeis because people can live in
blissful situations for a longtime before it starts to go
downhill, before they start torealize, eh, it's not really
what I wanted.
Right?
And I would say honestly, ifyou're with somebody more than
(12:18):
five years and your relationshipdoes end, look back five years,
because that's probably whenthe strife started, right,
that's true, that's probablywhen the strife actually started
, right?
Wasn't full-blown, full-fledged, maybe, until like the last you
know year, a few months beforeyou actually broke up.
(12:39):
But if you look even five yearsback, you'll see little.
You know what do they say?
those seeds, little apple seeds,crumbs, whatever if you look
back, you'll see those crumbs ofoh yeah, this started to kind
of go downhill even then, butyou know, I didn't think
anything of it because I didn'tactually think I should give a
(13:01):
breakup was on the horizon youthink I should give advice?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I think I should stop giving it.
I'm not going to give adviceanymore why not?
To like to younger people,because I think, if I based it
off of-.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Oh, so you're going to give advice to older people?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
I just my advice.
So my relationship advice,based off of what I did in my
20s, is something that I thinkmost people should not listen to
.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Okay, but is that advice that you're giving, or is
that don't A?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
precautionary, tale Kind of yes, a precautionary
tale.
Yeah, I think you're right.
I think it's a precautionarytale.
I mean, I think a precautionarytale is fine because where I
work at, like, it's verytraditional out here and people
like be getting married, like intheir 20s, right out of school.
And I'm like, yeah, I'd be likeyo, you're doing what, yeah,
(14:01):
you're doing what, yeah, I, Ijust like I'm like there's no, I
was too selfish, right, I wastoo selfish up until 45, right.
Like I was like 45 46.
No, I'm just saying like I justI gotta give props to folks who
are able to like run out ofcollege or run out of
professional school, likeimmediately out of professional
school.
Be like, yeah, I'm ready tosettle down.
(14:22):
Like I just do, you think meand you right out of medical
school.
You think me and you would havewhat he called it no, no,
absolutely not.
But you wanted to get married,I could tell no, I didn't.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
No, I didn't absolutely not renee, absolutely
listen.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Nope, I just graduated, I had a volkswagen
jetta okay, you know what?
Speaker 1 (14:43):
yeah everybody knows what I'm gonna say after you say
, say, volkswagen Jetta.
What do I usually say With theshocks of a tricycle?
Neen.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Which lets me know.
So, guys, guys listen.
And the driver's side mirror,or passenger's side mirror
hanging off Like stop playing.
So the fact that you're lookingat the material values of what
I had makes me think that youwent even further to figure out
what state was the common lawstuff.
You see, guys, I could put itall together, no, all together
(15:13):
what you can put.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
The full circle moment, the fact that I was
riding in that car feeling everysingle nook and cranny of the
asphalt like renee, renee,before you even move on.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
So what year was my car?
I?
Don't even know what year wasmy car renee?
It was a 99 volkswagen jetta.
What year was your car at thatsame time renee?
91 what car was the?
Speaker 1 (15:38):
nissan stanza.
That's right okay okay.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
So there's no way that your shocks were better
than mine.
Like I don't you could.
You had to pop your clutchevery day to go to work.
No, I didn't.
What are you talking about?
No, I didn't what are youtalking about?
Speaker 1 (15:52):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (15:53):
I had a six CD changer.
I had nice and smooth CD one.
I had everything in one throughsix.
What did you have, yo?
You had your cell phone.
You put your music in your cell, like driving to work, like get
out of here, come on first ofall, ain't nobody want you for
your bum ass, jetta, okay, yeahsunroof, sunroof yeah, that got
(16:17):
stuck cause you got a freakingpen stuck in it what are you?
Talking about when did I get?
never got a pen stuck in it yeah, yes, you did anyway, listen
guys, um, I ain't making nomajor moves unless I'm getting
engaged with someone that'sbuying a house, because I think
things can go wrong.
You know, like I've seen peoplelike get a house, they buy a
house, and they buy a housetogether even though they're not
(16:39):
like married yet, like theyplan on getting married, but
that planning is actually basedoff of one person finally
deciding that they're going toengage with the other person and
go back and forth Like I don'tbelieve in that I don't know
what that means.
Nobody knows what that means,what does that mean Based on one
?
Speaker 1 (16:58):
person going to engage.
What does that mean?
I don't get that.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Well, in order to, in order for two people to come
together into marriage, oneperson has to decide and ask hey
, do you want to get married?
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Right, Right, that's usually how it occurs.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
That's what I'm saying.
So you, you're wait, so you'reyou know, let's say, for example
, me and you decided to get ahouse and we put a deed on it
and you're like, well, we'regoing to get married and it's
like, but you're actuallytechnically dependent on me to
be like, yeah, like let's getmarried.
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
But you would be also dependent on me to say yes.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Of course you're going to say yes.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Why would I say yes?
Why?
Why is that such a guarantee?
Really Because of your face andyour Jetta.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
You think this takes work, this takes time.
Man, you know what this comes,yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
It takes a lot of work.
It looks like it takes a lot ofwork.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Hmm, you know you walked into a lot, renee.
You walked into a lot, a wholelot.
But anyway, listen um ourfamily medicine resident.
Thank you so much for writingback to us.
That is actually dope.
He's got four different offersto work, yeah that's awesome, no
that's awesome.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
That's great news.
That's great news, and it'sfour days a week.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
That is one thing to consider, guys, is with family
medicine.
Family medicine sometimes canbe a little bit.
You just have to make it workMore rigid.
Right, it's not as shiftwork-ish like er, anesthesia,
trauma, ob, um, hospitalists, um, but this person is obviously
making it work.
He making it work, so, um, andhe's probably gonna stay low,
(18:37):
comes for a lot longer than heprobably thinks maybe.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Well, it's good that it's four days a week, so you
know there's some time off ifthere needs to be.
You know some back and forthvisiting or staying with, or you
know there's some time off ifthere needs to be.
You know some back and forthvisiting or staying with, or you
know so there's time to betogether.
So that's good.
I'm glad.
I'm glad you found the solution.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Yeah, that's hella important.
Save that relationship.
I hope you guys make it work.
We made it work at work and, um, I tell you, like my once me
and renee decided like okay, I'mgonna be doing my locums and
then I'll come down to atlantato visit you.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
like our relationship got way better, way better yeah
, because you're finally payingattention to a sister.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
You know what I'm saying I think part of it was
you were starting to see themoney that I was bringing in too
, and once you money what money?
Locums what?
Speaker 1 (19:30):
no, where was this money going?
What like?
I don't understand.
I didn't see any of this money.
I had my own job, I paid my ownbills.
Where was the money going?
Speaker 2 (19:42):
oh, you could tell, I see you could tell like I had
different clothes, like I just Ismell.
My swag went up.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
My swag went up you could tell different clothes,
Like I, just I smell my swagwent up.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
My swag went up.
You can tell Different clothes.
Nii, I stopped using the Jetta.
I gave the Jetta to my popsGuys.
Sometimes I be potting.
It's all good now.
We have fun here and listen.
Renee, why don't you tellpeople how they can write in so
that we can answer theirquestions?
Speaker 1 (20:09):
So you can write in to us any which way that I'm
going to mention, and that is IGDM Docs Outside the Box or in
the comments section of a reelor some other posts that we
might have doxxed outside thebox on ig.
(20:31):
Um tiktok is also doxxedoutside the box.
You can also text us below.
I think there are two textoptions down there one is the
burner text.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
One is the real cell phone number and the other is
the burner text if you text,please put your name.
It's for your locums wives.
Yeah, that's the.
This is the number I get to mylocums wives.
Text me on this number so itfeels like it's a listener.
Hey, I listened to your show.
I listened to your show lastnight.
(21:04):
It was amazing.
It's like, oh shit, Keep going.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
I'm going to be in trouble so much.
Meanwhile, it's my locum'shusband.
Oh man, the other way that youcan reach us is
DucksOutsideTheBoxcom.
Why your face go like that?
Nii, that's peace.
Ducks Outside.
Yeah, ducksoutsidetheboxcom,that's peace and you can send us
a message.
And yeah, if you want to beanonymous, you can always tell
(21:34):
us that you want us, that youwant to be anonymous.
We don't have to put your nameout there, but if you don't want
to be anonymous, then give us aname, all right, y'all.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
we'll catch you guys on the next episode.
Me and Renee got a lot to talkabout, so we'll talk to y'all
soon.
Peace, bye.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.