October 21, 2025 • 45 mins
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- 0:01 Should Married Couples Combine Finances?
- 8:50 Financial Planning in Relationships
- 16:32 Financial Transparency in Marriage
- 20:54 Financial Involvement in Relationships
- 28:29 The Benefits of Combining Finances
- 32:27 Navigating Financial Disparities in Marriage
https://www.doximity.com/articles/736a778f-eba2-41e8-a6e6-c6a3f082d19b
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
What's good everyone?
This is Dr.
Ni.
Yo, this is the second part ofepisode 428.
In this episode, we're gonna betalking about finances and chip
professionals, specificallydoctors.
Should we be putting our moneytogether for whatever reason it
may be?
So, real quick story, me andRenee, when we got married, I
was gung-ho, separate finances.
(00:20):
Renee was gung ho, put our moneytogether and see what we can do.
Straight to the point, I waswrong, she was right, as always.
Helped us with so many things,not only making our relationship
stronger, but also helped us payoff almost$700,000 in student
loan debt much quicker.
In this episode, we're gonnadive into why we made that
(00:41):
decision, kind of some of theebbs and flow of how we finally
decided to make that decision,and then we're gonna get into
specifically why you all shouldcombine your finances and then
some reasons why people justdon't want to do it.
This is all based off of anop-ed article put out by the
prudent, let me make sure I getthis right.
(01:01):
The prudent plastic surgeon, Dr.
Jordan Frey, and the name of hisarticle was Do Physician Couples
Need to Share Finances?
Right?
And he gets into why and allthis stuff, but you're gonna
hear our take on it.
So without further ado, let'sjump right into it.
Um there was an article thatcame out by the prudent
physician, I forget his name.
(01:22):
I I think this the pro I thinkit's the plastic surgeon, I
can't remember, but it was in myDoximity thing, and it said, Do
physician couples need to sharefinances?
Right?
It's an article here.
Alfred, I'll give you the linkso you can put it up and stuff.
But once again, it's dophysician couples need to share
finances?
Um, a very interesting take onum, you know, people in
(01:45):
long-term relationships, shouldthey share finances?
And um, he initially talks abouthow he and his wife combined
their finances and it made a lotof sense to them, right?
Um, but he's saying that thethree areas that he thinks would
be beneficial in yourrelationship with someone else
if you decide to merge money isyour relationship, your
(02:07):
finances, taxes.
I'm not gonna read the wholething here and stuff, but those
are the three areas that hetalks about.
We'll put the link in the shownotes.
Um, but basically, um combiningfinances can simplify managing
household expenses.
Um, physician couples may facechallenges such as differing
spending habits, and it allowsyou to communicate better when
(02:30):
you put your money together,right?
So effective communication andfinancial planning are crucial
to address the issue.
Um, and um, you know, it'simportant to have a really
tailored financial plan.
So without getting into too muchspecifics and reviewing this
article because people can readit for themselves, let's jump
into what we do, right?
Let's talk about what we do onthe show, right?
So basically, what we do is it'smy money, right?
SPEAKER_02 (02:53):
And and I need it now.
877 cash, no.
SPEAKER_01 (02:59):
Who's the who's the Viking?
Who's the Viking in that?
SPEAKER_02 (03:03):
I don't know.
SPEAKER_01 (03:05):
What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine, not
necessarily, but we put a lot ofmoney together, yeah.
Whatever Renee makes is ourmoney, whatever I make is our
money, we put our moneytogether.
Um, we basically have um there'snothing separate in terms of our
finances at all.
There's nothing.
(03:26):
Um I was raised in a householdwhere I initially thought that
my parents were the same waywhere they had like everything
together, but I think actually Ifound out my parents have
separate accounts for like smallpersonal things.
Um, but the major they had ajoint account for major things
and stuff like that.
(03:47):
Um I don't know about yourparents and so forth.
Everything's together,everything's together,
everything's together.
Oh, it's always been like that,always been like that.
SPEAKER_02 (03:57):
Everything's together, there's no separate
accounts.
SPEAKER_01 (04:01):
So I tried to get a I tried to get a prenup from
you, but you weren't trying togo from that.
SPEAKER_02 (04:05):
And then since then you've been have anything, me.
That doesn't mean that I havenothing.
SPEAKER_01 (04:11):
You had nothing just because I didn't have anything
doesn't mean I can't try tostill get a prenup.
You do know that, right?
SPEAKER_02 (04:18):
Like what were you protecting me?
SPEAKER_01 (04:20):
It doesn't mean that I still could not get a prenup.
I don't understand where you'regoing with this.
I acknowledge that point.
I acknowledge that I didn't havethat much money.
I'm just saying that I still wasasking for a prenup.
SPEAKER_02 (04:32):
You were in the negative hundreds of thousands.
And so were you thousands ofdollars.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_01 (04:36):
I was a G less than you.
I was a G in the negative lessthan you were.
SPEAKER_02 (04:41):
Oh my god.
So you didn't want to jack youfor that G.
SPEAKER_01 (04:43):
Guys, before we get it, listen.
Hey, so we put all our moneytogether.
Initially, I was kind of Iwasn't all the way into it.
How about you?
You wanted to put all the moneytogether in the beginning?
SPEAKER_02 (04:56):
Yeah.
Always.
SPEAKER_01 (04:58):
Because my mommy and daddy did it.
SPEAKER_02 (05:00):
No, I wanted to jack you for your paper.
No.
SPEAKER_01 (05:02):
Because my mommy and daddy did it.
Why?
SPEAKER_02 (05:04):
No, that's not why.
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
Um There's a lot of things you do because your mom
and dad does.
SPEAKER_02 (05:08):
I mean, but a lot of people do that.
So um I don't.
Anyway.
I don't.
Um so I think part the mainreason that I wanted to put our
money together is because theway that I view, you know, the
way that I view family whenyou're, you know, two people who
are building a family, is thatyou've got to be moving in the
(05:30):
same direction.
Right?
And if you don't know what isgoing on with one another, how
can you ever be sure that you'reever moving in the same
direction, right?
So I used to say this a lot, youknow, especially when we started
doing like the keeping up withthe darkos and stuff like that.
Um, especially talking aboutretirement.
You know, if your finances arevery, very separate and you
(05:53):
don't know exactly what's goingon with each other's finances
because they're just thatseparate.
You do you, I do me.
When you go to retire, how doyou plan on retirement?
Because if you're not planningto be together, then you're
planning to be apart.
Like that's the only way that Ican see it.
(06:14):
Right?
SPEAKER_01 (06:14):
So should you so should you should you marry
someone that or can you be inlove with someone and have a
fruitful relationship withsomeone who you don't agree with
financially?
SPEAKER_02 (06:25):
Yes, you can.
SPEAKER_01 (06:27):
Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_02 (06:28):
But I don't I don't necessarily know that a marriage
with that person will work.
So I actually, so one of mymentors, I have many mentors,
but one of my mentors has beenin a relationship with someone
for I want to say at least 20years.
At least 20 years.
(06:49):
And I'm always like, when areyou gonna marry this woman?
When are you gonna marry thiswoman?
SPEAKER_01 (06:54):
I know who you're talking about.
SPEAKER_02 (06:56):
I know you know who I'm talking about.
So one day I asked him thatquestion again.
I was like, I counted up theyears.
I'm like, like, so you guys justdon't want to get married.
SPEAKER_01 (07:06):
See, if we wanted, but if we want a salacious show,
we need to start saying whothese people are.
SPEAKER_02 (07:10):
No, you don't need to do that.
Anyway.
SPEAKER_01 (07:15):
You was about to in the beginning of the show, you
was about to share all this shitabout us and stuff, but no.
SPEAKER_02 (07:18):
No, I wasn't.
SPEAKER_01 (07:19):
Anyway.
SPEAKER_02 (07:21):
Um, so I asked him the question, and finally, he
said, I would like to getmarried.
He said, I absolutely would haveliked to have gotten married.
He said, The problem is thatwe're not financially
compatible.
And he's like, I just don't wantto have to deal with our
(07:42):
relationship going downhillbecause our finances, the way
that we view money, is notcompatible.
And I was like, you know what?
They I mean they have ameaningful relationship, but
what's going to happen is thatin a marriage, right, if you if
(08:03):
you combine forces in a marriagewith somebody, right?
And not you combine forces, butyou don't combine finances or
you both see finances a littlebit differently, then that
person's life, how they live,can seriously impact your life,
whether negatively orpositively.
All right, so what about thepeople married to them?
SPEAKER_01 (08:25):
All right, I got you.
I mean, you I just I don't likehow mature you're getting about
this stuff.
That drives me nuts.
SPEAKER_02 (08:30):
So, what do you want me to say?
But like, oh, you should let'sdo the half and half.
Let's do the half and halfdiscussion that's going on on
social media, right?
SPEAKER_01 (08:37):
Hold on, hold on, slow your roll, because there's
a lot of married couples,including some people who listen
to this show, who do half andhalf, and they've been married
for a long period of time.
I know they should.
So all I'm saying is this whatabout those people?
Like, let's say, for example,you have a woman in a
relationship, you're dating awoman, she's amazing, she's
great.
She's like, listen, like, I'vealways like I I grew up in a
situation where my mom gotscrewed by my dad, right?
(09:00):
And my mom had to take likethree or four jobs, and the
number one thing that I learnedis that I gotta have my money no
matter what, because a man canup and leave you no matter what.
So if you love me, um, listen,we're gonna build this family
together, we can have kidstogether, I'll cook clean, I'll
be a doctor and do all thisstuff, I'll be superwoman, all
those things that are.
SPEAKER_02 (09:17):
Why should you gotta cook clean?
SPEAKER_01 (09:18):
She'll cook clean cut, right?
Cook clean cut, right?
She'll do all the things, right?
Yeah, she'll do all the thingsthat you know that you would
expect traditionally for um apartner to do.
I said traditionally, what youexpect a partner to do.
That's all I said.
Right?
You could re-see.
Look at you, you think he'ssmarter than me.
(09:40):
Everybody think they're smarterthan me.
Traditionally, what you expect apartner, right?
Because, you know, the way howwe look at marriage, right?
Marriage is a very traditionalthing, right?
And there's some people who wantto pick and choose what is
traditional versus what's nottraditional, right?
SPEAKER_02 (09:53):
Like anyway, that's not the point.
SPEAKER_01 (09:54):
What's the point?
Because you know I got you onthat one, right?
Because some people are like, Iwant to take a last name.
It's like, but but I gotta giveyou a ring traditionally,
though, right?
Right?
But I can't do anything, I gottabe in a single relationship,
right?
But you could decide which lastname you like, come on.
So anyway, let's move on.
Um so so yeah, so what whathappens in a situation where you
have two people who want tocreate a life together, but
(10:15):
because of their previousexperience, or just in general,
they just are like, look, like Ineed something to protect myself
to make sure that, like, yo, Igot this stash on the side so
that if you decide to do yourthing, the curarum, you know
what I'm saying?
I can be out.
I can leave and I can landsafely because you know.
For example, here's an example,right?
(10:36):
There were several years whereyou were working significantly
less because you were takingcare of the kids, right?
And during that time, when I wasworking primarily the majority
of the time, I would make surethat they take my the amount of
money that I was bringing intoour business, I made sure that
they split it in half so thatyou would continue to get an
income.
Henceforth, you would continueto get a retirement, like you
(10:59):
would be able to be eligible toput a significant amount in your
retirement so that it wouldn'tjust stop, right, for several
years.
Because that's the biggest thingthat women, particularly women
who are working, that's wherethey they really fall back, is
once they have children andthey're no longer in the working
field, like then their 401ks,their 401ks stay stagnant,
right?
And then if it's then trying toget back in the job market can
(11:22):
be difficult, but then trying toget back into a jog market that
could also help them elevatetheir 401ks is another difficult
thing, right?
But I was really adamant.
SPEAKER_02 (11:30):
I think even uh what's the name?
Even their Medicare, right?
Because their contributionsMedicare even or sorry to Social
Security even stop.
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (11:41):
So it's like, yeah, so I was really adamant that
like like you like for everylike for the dollar that I make,
you only get 20, right?
20 cents, right?
So, but that's important to me.
I wanted to make sure that youwere getting equal because you
never know what would happen,right?
Like you like if something wereto happen and I don't plan on
it, like you're gonna be takingcare of my kids.
(12:02):
I don't feel like paying younothing.
I gotta make sure that you havestuff saved up.
I ain't paying you no money,right?
So you do your own savings,right?
So I'm joking, but you know whatI'm getting with this, right?
So what do you say about that?
What do you say about that?
SPEAKER_02 (12:16):
Women who do that, but so I don't even know what
what your question is anymore.
So my question is around andaround.
SPEAKER_01 (12:25):
My question is, let's be in a relationship.
I want to have children withyou.
I want to have a I want to bemarried, but I just gotta have
my separate we have to have ouraccount separate.
SPEAKER_02 (12:35):
So, okay, so what you so that question of you do
your thing, I do my thing, andwhat you described about what we
do and how we did it when Iprimarily, you know, when you
primarily were the one working.
Like what you did or what wedid, right, in splitting that
(12:59):
you know, that uh money so thatmy salary continued to go is not
something that would happen in ayou do your thing and I do my
thing.
Right?
SPEAKER_01 (13:09):
So that's for the record you didn't ask me to do
that.
You didn't even know I was doingthat.
SPEAKER_02 (13:13):
I didn't ask I didn't ask you to do that,
right?
SPEAKER_01 (13:15):
You didn't even know I was doing that.
SPEAKER_02 (13:17):
I didn't know that you were doing that.
Can I get props or not?
No, you can't get props becausethat's what you're supposed to
do.
So no, like doing your thing anddoing the uh the other person
doing their thing, honestly, ifsomething does happen and your
spouse is out of work, thenyeah, I mean your spouse is now
kind of asked out, and you know,it's like, well, you know, you
(13:40):
doing your thing, I'm doing mything, you ain't got no job.
How does that help your family?
SPEAKER_01 (13:47):
But what if they do joint?
Some people some people dojoint, right?
Where they have a joint whereyou pay half, I pay half the
bills and all those differentthings.
I put in half or I put in athird and what have you.
SPEAKER_02 (13:57):
So you are technically building, you are
contributing together for futureYou might be like not
necessarily, not necessarily,because right.
SPEAKER_01 (14:08):
But when you have an for example, if you're at a job,
right?
If you're at a job, you're at ajob and I'm at my job, right?
Like what you decide to put intoyour 401k, technically I don't
need to know how much you putinto your 401k.
SPEAKER_02 (14:18):
Correct.
SPEAKER_01 (14:19):
Right?
Like you could decide you wantto put 10% of your salary in
there.
I could say I'm putting likezero or zero, and I'm putting in
40, right?
That's can happen for a couplethat puts their money together,
they just don't talk about it.
SPEAKER_02 (14:34):
Where couples, you know, you do your thing, I do my
thing.
I'm putting, you know, I'm I'mmaxing out my 401k every single
year.
The other person's not maxingout, it doesn't even have a
401k, doesn't have an IRA,doesn't have anything.
I'm like, that person whodoesn't have anything is
planning to work until the daythat they die.
(14:55):
The person who is planning forretirement is not planning to
work until the day that theydie.
So now when retirement age comesand you say, Hey honey, I'd like
to take a trip, you know, for somany weeks around the world or
whatever, who's going on thistrip?
Because somebody gotta go towork.
(15:15):
Somebody gotta go to work.
So if you're not planningtogether, then what you're doing
is planning to be apart.
Because if this person isplanning on retiring and you are
not planning on retiring, or youplan it on retiring, but you
just don't really know how it'sgonna happen because you didn't
you know, y'all never reallytalked about finances outside of
what bills need to be paid, thenwhat you have is a financial
(15:38):
roommate.
You do not have a financialpartner.
SPEAKER_01 (15:41):
So should we be more mature?
Should we be more more matureand put a disclaimer on this is
if you have two matureconsenting adults in this?
Well, hold on.
Because you could be married tosomeone and they could be
completely um horrible withmoney, right?
And you have to keep money onthe sides and stuff.
So you're saying you should geta divorce?
SPEAKER_02 (16:02):
No, I'm not saying you should get a divorce.
I'm not saying you divorce thisperson because what I'm saying
is that look at her now, youthink she's Dr.
SPEAKER_00 (16:10):
Love.
SPEAKER_02 (16:11):
Anyway, is going to pose a problem at some point in
your relationship when eitheryou have some sort of financial
strife, one one or both of youhas financial strife, or when it
comes to the point of retirementand you can't do that.
Like you know, if if your spousegets sick for any reason and
(16:35):
loses their job, and now youhave to be the one to take care
of them, and you don't actuallyknow what's going on with them
financially, then how are youhandling this?
Because, you know, you didn'tknow honey over here got six
credit cards that they justmaxing out all the time.
Honey over here got a loan thatthey just, you know, not paying
(16:55):
on.
And next you know, oh, let's goget a house.
We can't get a house becauseobviously this person's credit
is messed up.
SPEAKER_01 (17:03):
But okay, so I'm paying, I'm playing devil's
advocate.
I agree with you, right?
Because um, so I was talking tosome of the PAs at my job,
they're younger and they'regetting married, and or they're
thinking about getting married,and we're talking about
finances, and I just found itodd that the majority of them
want to get married so early,right?
They don't have kids yet, theywant to get married so early,
(17:23):
but that they yet they stillwant to hold on to things of
yeah, my money is my money,their money, this person's money
is their money.
So, how do you gonna pay thebills?
Well, what we'll do is we'll dothis calculation where every
month they have to cash app me.
Seriously, one person was doingthis.
The person has to cash at melike a third of this to pay for
the bills in the house, and iflike, you know, so we want to
(17:45):
put this furniture and you know,so technically I really want
like you know, crown molding, soI'm gonna put in like
two-thirds, and I'm like, whoa,this is crazy.
This is crazy.
I I recently just found out thatthey listened to the show.
I love you guys, but um, yeah,we're talking about shuffle.
And you know, but they they theyall changed it now.
(18:07):
They all said that so when wegot into the nitty-gritty of
things, I was like saying, like,so you go have like a side stash
so that like like you can likelike you have like a couple of
stacks in there, and they'relike, no.
I mean, like, I want to be ableto like, if I want to go like to
the salon, or if I want to beable to buy like a nice, you
know, pair of I was like, oh, soyou're talking about like a what
(18:28):
do you call it?
You talking about like a um alittle slush fund and stuff,
right?
Like if you want to go toWendy's, or if you want to buy
Jordans, or if you want to umbuy something nice for your
spouse, or if you um want tospoil yourself or something like
that, just little things hereand there.
So once we clarify that, I thinkwe got I think they understand
that concept that you can have aseparate little slush account
(18:49):
that the other person is awareof.
SPEAKER_02 (18:51):
I'm not a I'm not against having a little because
I do anyway.
No, you know you don't.
Yes, I do.
SPEAKER_01 (18:58):
You just don't know the password.
SPEAKER_02 (19:00):
Okay, whatever.
So I'm not against having alittle slush account or
whatever.
My thing is I am against notknowing that this account
exists.
I'm against not knowing what'sthe you know what is in this
account.
Like, why, like, what are youhiding that you don't want your
(19:21):
spouse to know about this thing?
They're not hiding.
They're not hiding anything.
A lot of people do hide.
A lot of women especially dohide.
No, no, no, no.
There you go, Renee.
Telling yourself, tellingyourself, telling yourself.
SPEAKER_01 (19:33):
Go ahead.
SPEAKER_02 (19:33):
We know that a lot of women do hide, right?
Because certain women have grownup, you know, in some vulnerable
positions, unfortunately, kindof like what you just mentioned,
right?
Where it's like, well, my dadscrewed my mom over, you know,
she didn't have a dime to hername, he took everything and X,
Y, and Z.
So I I understand where thatsentiment comes from.
(19:55):
I understand where thatsentiment comes from.
I guess because I've neverexperienced that, right?
Like I didn't see that with myparents.
For me, it doesn't make sensethat you would ever marry
somebody who you are afraidwould actually take that level
of advantage of you such thatyou didn't know, you know, you
(20:20):
didn't know where any of yourmoney was.
And the fact that you would beso little involved in your own
family's finances that youdidn't know that this was
happening, right?
So, and that's not to say thatthat doesn't happen.
It does, it does, and forseveral different reasons.
It can be education, it could beauthoritative issues, it could
(20:42):
be a lot of different reasonsthat it happens.
I'm just saying, I just don'tnecessarily think that that's
the healthiest way to go aboutbeing in a marriage financially.
SPEAKER_01 (20:54):
So for the record, for us guys, so for the record,
Renee, like you don't know everydecision that I make financially
for us, though.
Right?
Like, you don't know the holdon, hold on, let me finish.
You don't know the decisionsthat I make um with the CPA,
right?
SPEAKER_00 (21:09):
No, no, you don't know not every single one.
SPEAKER_01 (21:12):
You don't know, right?
You don't see the receipts, youdon't see the statements, you
don't see what's redacted,right?
You see what I see what I showyou, right?
SPEAKER_00 (21:20):
Redacted.
Redacted, really.
SPEAKER_01 (21:22):
Right, redacted, yes.
But the point of the matter isyou don't know you don't know
the you don't know you have a30,000 foot view of how our tax
situation is, 30,000 foot viewof how our retirement and our
benefit situation is.
SPEAKER_02 (21:35):
Um I have more than a 30,000 foot view of that.
SPEAKER_01 (21:41):
Okay, I think you podding.
You don't know, right?
SPEAKER_02 (21:43):
I do know.
I do know.
SPEAKER_01 (21:47):
How do you know?
You know what?
Let's pod.
How do you know?
Let's how do you know, guys?
Guys, I'm bringing you, I'mbringing y'all, we letting y'all
in.
Nah, how do you know?
Tell me how you know.
So, first of all, you bechecking my emails?
SPEAKER_02 (22:01):
First of all, every email that the financial advisor
sends to you, she sends to me.
And if you think I'm not lookingat them emails, you are wrong.
Okay.
That's number one.
SPEAKER_01 (22:16):
But you see, when I reply to her, I don't hit reply
all.
SPEAKER_02 (22:18):
Anyway, number one.
SPEAKER_01 (22:20):
If I don't, I don't hit reply all.
Number two.
Some things get lost intranslation translation system,
alright?
SPEAKER_02 (22:26):
Anyway, number two.
When we have when we have phonecalls, I'm usually on the phone
calls.
I don't make every single phonecall.
SPEAKER_01 (22:35):
Yo, man, for real.
I'll I'll finish televisor, butshe'd be sharing too much.
Like, yeah, why you gotta tellmy wife this?
You can keep that conversationbetween me and you.
Damn, shut up.
So, this is how much you guysare gonna put in as a couple.
Like, I was trying to skim off10% off the top and shit.
Anyway, keep going.
SPEAKER_02 (22:51):
Anyway, so that's how that's how I know, and
that's how I'm involved.
But I think that if you, youknow, if you're in a
relationship where you areafraid to talk about money, or
you're a person who kind ofavoids, you know, finances and
financial talks.
Wait, hold on.
SPEAKER_01 (23:09):
Don't don't let's not let's let's let's stay on
that topic though.
For real, hold on.
unknown (23:13):
Hold on.
SPEAKER_02 (23:13):
What what?
SPEAKER_01 (23:14):
What topic?
You do read the emails, right?
You do read the emails, butthere's a lot, even before we
even get to the emails, there'sstill decisions that are made
before you even get to thatpoint.
A lot of times those emails areresults, excuse me, those emails
are summaries of what havealready happened during the year
and stuff, right?
So just so people understand,like we like we have to keep it
a buck with people, right?
(23:34):
Like, it's not like everydecision that I make, I'm
telling you like we're makingthis decision, unless it's
major, major, right?
Like, hey, I'm buying like twoTeslas and stuff like that,
which I would never do, right?
But like what I'm just saying islike there's a lot of decisions
that are made financially thatyou're not privy to until the
end.
SPEAKER_02 (23:51):
Correct.
But there's also before we getbefore we get to that point,
right?
There's always a strategy,right?
So there's a strategy and thenthere's a decision that's made
based on the strategy, right?
So the for example, the strategywould be we're gonna max out our
401k.
Yes, yes, right?
(24:11):
Like so that's the strategy.
So now the actual money has tothen be moved, right?
Or when you come to me and yousay, you know, I think I think
we need to give ourselves araise, right?
And I say, okay, yeah, let's goahead and give ourselves a
raise, right?
So I may not necessarily knowthe dollar amount until the end,
right?
(24:31):
Because you work out thosedetails with our financial
advisor, but the overallstrategy, yeah, I know.
I know that, yes, we're going toget a raise and we're going to
get more money into oursalaries.
Or would there be would there bea amount that you disagree with?
SPEAKER_01 (24:49):
Would there be a month that you disagree with?
Like, for example, would you belike, oh, hold up, how come you
give yourself a 50% increase andyou only gave me like a dollar?
SPEAKER_02 (24:56):
First of all, you would not do that because you
know that would be your neck.
SPEAKER_01 (25:00):
Oh, just so you know, just so you know, there
was a discussion to what do youcall it, to not give you a
salary because financially andit made sense.
SPEAKER_02 (25:10):
So I was that was a discussion.
I was privy to that discussion,though.
Right?
I was privy to that discussion.
And part of part of the reasonthat that discussion that that
discussion didn't necessarily goin that direction to not give me
a salary at all, was because weknew that it was going to imp it
was gonna impact quite a numberof other things, right?
(25:32):
Like what?
So even my b disabilityinsurance, even my like so it
was going to impact quite anumber of things.
Right.
So I was privy to thatdiscussion.
That's the thing.
Like, I don't necessarily needto sit down and nickel and dime
every single, you know, I don'thave to look at every single
number, but I do need to knowthe overall and I need to know
(25:54):
some of the details.
But I don't need to be like, oh,well, you didn't carry the one
over here, so you know, X, Y,and Z.
SPEAKER_01 (26:01):
Alright, so tell them how we handle our finances.
Tell them how we handle ourfinances.
Because I think we can, beforewe get too academic or
everybody, how do we handle ourfinances on a monthly basis?
SPEAKER_02 (26:09):
So on a monthly basis, we make a budget, right?
You have taken over doing thebudget.
We did the budget together forquite a number of years, right?
And then I was like, I got this.
Right.
So after, you know, after we didthe budget together for quite a
number of years, now you go andyou take care of the budget.
I still have access to thebudget, so if I want to go in
(26:30):
and I want to see X, Y, and Z, Ican go in and look at the budget
and be like, eh, you know, Ithink we should move this here,
I think I should we should movethis there, we can have that
discussion.
Right.
Oftentimes, if you are going tochange something in the budget,
then you come to me and you go,you know what?
I think we should, you know, nixthis for a certain amount of
(26:51):
time, right?
So we did make that decision atone point to nix something that
we thought we would alwayscontribute to, but we said, you
know what, for a certain amountof time, we're not going to
contribute to this particularfund because we have other
priorities, and then we'll comeback and we'll start
contributing to this fund in afew months.
Right.
(27:12):
So before that decision wasmade, though, right?
Before that decision was made,that was a discussion that we
had.
So now I know that if I see thisfund and the the the funds have
you know have not beencontributed to over a certain
amount of time, I don't have tobe like, oh, what happened?
I know we're gonna have to dothat.
Do we have a password for everyaccount?
(27:33):
Yes, I do.
SPEAKER_01 (27:34):
No, you don't.
SPEAKER_02 (27:35):
Yes, I do.
SPEAKER_01 (27:36):
No, you don't, right?
You don't have the password forevery financial account that we
have.
All I'm just saying is that yoube trying to front like this is
like this is everything isperfect.
SPEAKER_02 (27:46):
Yeah, we got I didn't say everything was
perfect.
I that's not what I said.
I didn't say everything wasperfect.
What I'm saying is that you haveto you have to be involved,
right?
You've got to be involvedenough.
If I don't have the passwords toevery single thing, what I do
have is access right to ourfinancial advisors uh with the
(28:08):
the platform.
SPEAKER_00 (28:11):
You ain't got access to that.
SPEAKER_02 (28:12):
Okay.
Anyway, so yeah, I do.
SPEAKER_01 (28:16):
Okay.
She must have sent you apassword on the side, and I need
to talk to her about that.
SPEAKER_02 (28:21):
Um so anyway.
Anywho.
SPEAKER_01 (28:28):
Well, I think go ahead.
But I I I'll be honest with you,I'll tell you guys straight up.
I think that it's better to putthe money together because I
think two incomes are betterthan one.
I think that two heads arebetter than one when you're
trying to tackle when you wantto tackle when you want to
tackle certain things.
So we had a whole bunch ofstudent loan debt.
I think that we would have beenin a way different position if
(28:50):
we took the the mantra of Renee,you handle your debt and then
I'll handle my debt, and thenwe'll meet in the middle
somewhere.
I think like we would not beable to accomplish half of the
things that we've been able toaccomplish, i.e.
becoming locums by ourselves,i.e.
going on as many mission tripsas we want to, um, i.e., you
know, being able to not createany more debt while doing IVF,
(29:12):
starting the podcast, all ofthese different things would
look completely different if wedidn't combine our money and
then be able to attack circumcertain problems together.
Um, I'll be straight up honestwith y'all, right?
So I think that's the number onegoal or the number one like
benefit of putting two incomes,putting, you know, sharing an
(29:32):
account together is that abilityto literally put two heads and
and and tackle the solution.
I think that's number one.
I think the second thing also isthere's just certain things that
you're really good at, andthere's things that I'm really
good at, right?
And although, and although um Ithink like money is a very
(29:54):
what's the best way I candescribe it?
Money is something that is verypersonal.
Um, it's something that.
Um, like, look, like you alwayssay, like, if you can have
children with someone, but youcan't share your account.
Well, what are we talking abouthere?
This doesn't make sense.
I'm saying I'm sharing half myDNA with you, but I wait, what
(30:14):
but I do think that in essence,you trust the decisions.
You may not know everything, butyou trust the decisions that I
make will be in favor of me andyou first, and then overall of
the family and stuff.
And vice versa.
There's certain things that youdo that I'm like, all right,
well, I don't need to knoweverything, but like I just know
(30:34):
that she got my back and stufflike that.
You know, you're not gonna putpoison in the food, right?
So I might put some cat and dogin there, but no, but guys,
Renee makes financial decisionsthat I just don't know privy
about, right?
Like, we got something, a majorthing going on right now that
I'm just like, look, Renee, youjust gonna have to handle that.
I ain't got time for it.
Right.
We'll talk about that later.
SPEAKER_02 (30:55):
But yeah, we will talk about that later.
SPEAKER_01 (30:56):
In the business.
She runs the b she runs ducksoutside the box, guys.
SPEAKER_02 (31:00):
Even even in even in those major decisions, though,
right?
Like this thing that we havegoing on right now, um, even in
that, right, like nothinghappens until we both are on the
same page, right?
So I might be leading thediscussions, I might be, you
know, getting the ball rolling,and I might be making the
(31:23):
concessions and provisions andstuff like that.
But nothing happens until we'reboth on the same page.
So it's important to have thosediscussions, you know.
And that's that that's that'skind of what I'm trying to say.
I'm not trying to say like yougotta sit down and you gotta,
you know, maybe in thebeginning, like we did, right?
You sit down and you nickel anddime and you try to figure out
(31:46):
what's going on.
And I think that's helped us tobe on the same page so that we
get to the point where we canmake certain, you know, we can
kind of distribute um some ofthe responsibilities.
Um, but I think never puttingyour resources together.
I'm just like, for me, I feellike that would be living with a
(32:07):
roommate.
All right, gotcha.
SPEAKER_01 (32:08):
But we gotta, we can't be, we can't lie, like we
kind of walked into an idealsituation, right?
Like you ain't got no money, Iain't had no money.
SPEAKER_02 (32:16):
Like, no, but people do that, people do that all the
time, they ain't got no money.
SPEAKER_01 (32:20):
But there wasn't there's not a major, there's not
a major difference in oursalaries, right?
Like, maybe just a little bit.
But what about can you entertainmy thought for a quick second?
Let's what happens when oneperson makes way more than the
other person, right?
Let's say somebody's like inlike the triple, someone is like
(32:44):
in the six-digit realm or closeto the seven seven-digit realm,
and they're dating someone who'sstill in the five-digit realm,
right?
Like, how do you budget then?
Whose money is who?
When there's a clear disdifference, right?
There's a clear difference.
What happens then, sis?
Talk to me about that.
What do you gotta say aboutthat?
Let me see you act all maturethen when you BSing, when you
(33:07):
potding, right?
SPEAKER_02 (33:08):
So, but that for me, that's kind of the same
situation that you justmentioned about well, what if
like a neurosurgeon is dating,is dating a pediatrician.
SPEAKER_01 (33:17):
What do you do then?
SPEAKER_02 (33:19):
Why you gotta Damn?
Why can you gotta say it likethat, yo?
Pediatricians, we gotta loveyou.
SPEAKER_00 (33:33):
Stop playing.
SPEAKER_01 (33:35):
Yeah, some of our good friends are pediatricians,
but you know, come on, stop,y'all know.
Y'all know that Medicaid, thatchip money.
unknown (33:45):
Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01 (33:48):
Go ahead, yo.
Go ahead, go ahead.
Uh anyway, but I think we knowER docs and pediatricians that
are married.
What happens there?
Go ahead, move on.
SPEAKER_02 (33:55):
So I think it's kind of like what you said about what
happens, for example, when youhave, let's say, it in a
traditional role, let's say thewife decides to stay home with
the kids until the kids are ineighth grade or finish high
school and they're not makingany income at all.
(34:15):
Right?
Even somebody who makes afive-figure salary now is
compared to a person who'smaking zero.
It's the for me, it's the samething.
It's like, what are you doing toadvance your family?
You decided to marry this personnot because of, you know, I
wanted to have financial strife.
That's not why you you youdidn't marry a person so that
you could figure out how youcould fight financially.
(34:38):
That's not why you got married.
You got married because you lovethe person, you want to build
together with the person, I'massuming, and you want your
family to be on proper footing,right?
You want to advance your familyname.
You stay in the middle of theway.
SPEAKER_01 (34:51):
So for me, I disagree with you on that point.
I disagree on your point.
But that's not necessarilyobvious to a lot of people.
I disagree with you.
I'll tell you why I disagreewith you.
But I think usually when someonedecides to take time off, that
is a two people to make thatdecision.
Like, yo, you're gonna take timeoff so you can focus on the
kids, I'll just keep working.
SPEAKER_02 (35:12):
Nope.
You being nice.
That's not how it goes?
That's not true.
That's not true.
That's not always, no, that isnot a good thing.
SPEAKER_01 (35:19):
But when you compare that looking at someone who's
but when you look at it comparedto someone saying, hey, like I'm
bringing in 50,000, I'm bringingin 50 stacks, and I'm gonna be
marrying a woman who's bringingin seven stacks or seven seven
figures.
So, like, does this even makesense to split?
Like this person says, Hey, Iwant to get like this$500,000
(35:42):
house.
We can afford it.
But who's gonna be paying formost of it though?
SPEAKER_02 (35:49):
But that's what I'm saying.
If you do, you do your thing,and you do my thing, that's the
discussion you're gonna have.
Who's gonna be who's gonna bepaying it?
Because if you say, um, you doyour thing, I do my thing, we
can't afford it.
I can afford it.
SPEAKER_01 (36:06):
But we can't afford it.
I can't, I can't afford it.
You can afford it.
We total can afford it, but youmajority are gonna be putting
money in.
So now you have a power dynamic,now you have a power dynamic
that you haven't really thoughtabout because in essence, this
person is putting in moretowards this house that maybe
you could not get on your own,but now that you're with this
(36:26):
person, you can get it.
You see what I'm saying?
So now it's like, how do you howdo you right?
There's power dynamics that youjust don't come on, Renee.
Stop doing that.
SPEAKER_02 (36:34):
I I listen, I understand that.
SPEAKER_01 (36:36):
I'm telling you from my You see the chair that you're
sitting on.
I pay for that chair that you'resitting in, the orange one.
You got the you got the grayone.
SPEAKER_02 (36:43):
And who picked the chairs?
SPEAKER_01 (36:45):
I did.
SPEAKER_02 (36:46):
No, you didn't.
I found this I found this chairfor you.
Stop playing.
Stop playing.
I found the chairs.
Make your point.
I thought you were gonna go getit.
SPEAKER_01 (36:54):
Make your point.
SPEAKER_02 (36:55):
Um, anyway, my point is that when you decide to get
married, in my point of view,you work as a unit.
You work as a unit.
SPEAKER_01 (37:05):
So take you through this conversation.
SPEAKER_02 (37:07):
You work as a unit.
SPEAKER_01 (37:08):
It's kind of like I'm gonna pin you to this one
point.
I'm gonna make you pod.
No.
No, no.
We're sticking on it, we'resticking on the example of the
house.
Stick on the example of a house.
Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02 (37:22):
But if you would just zip it.
SPEAKER_01 (37:26):
I can't, I'm the host.
SPEAKER_02 (37:28):
Throw it away.
SPEAKER_01 (37:29):
I'm the host, I can't.
SPEAKER_02 (37:36):
So, for example, right?
It's like if you have adepartment and everybody in the
department is, you know, yoursurgery department.
We are talking about houses, me.
If everybody in the surgerydepartment is working, right?
(37:58):
And you're all contributing towhatever, you can't be like,
well, you know, my my portionof, you know, of the of the
patients that I see, that moneyshould go towards this.
And this should you're workingas a department.
This is the same thing.
If you marry somebody, you areworking as a unit, you combine
(38:18):
as one, as a unit.
And so for me, it's like itdoesn't matter who's
contributing what.
What matters is are you movingas a unit?
Now, if you want to, you know,compete as you know, as a
surgery department with theOBGYN department, then you can
certainly be competitors.
But you should not be competing.
(38:38):
You should not be oh my lord,you should not be competing with
your spouse.
Your spouse is not on adifferent team.
SPEAKER_01 (38:46):
You are making Renee.
You see a couple.
One couple makes 55 grand, theother couple, the other person
makes three million dollars.
Now they have to decide whatkind of house they are going to
get.
What kind of house are theygoing to get?
Right?
One person says, hey, I think weshould move into this
neighborhood where the housesare on average$800,000.
(39:08):
Together, their combined incomecan afford that.
The other person is like, Well,I want to live in, you know, I
want to like what's the otherperson gonna say?
I I want to live in this placewhere the the average uh house
costs$100,000, right?
SPEAKER_02 (39:26):
Like it's but that's you're talking about a situation
in which one person does onething and the other person does
their own thing.
That's the discussion.
SPEAKER_01 (39:37):
No, what I'm saying, no, what I'm saying is together
they can afford a more expensivehouse, right?
And let's say they decide we'reworking as a unit.
There's always going to be thatthing of listen, bro, like I'm
putting in 75% towards thishouse.
I want this, this, this, this,this, this, this, this, this,
(39:58):
this.
We're still moving as a unit,but just know that, I mean,
based off of what how much I'mputting into this this mortgage
and what you're putting intothis mortgage, just based off
the percentages.
You don't think that there'salways that little underlying
thing?
You don't like?
SPEAKER_02 (40:11):
If that was if if that were if that were the case,
right, then there's always goingto be this separation of you
basically are making this andyou are making that.
It's never that that means thatthat couple doesn't see it as we
are making this much.
That that's what I'm saying toyou.
(40:32):
But when but the reason I gaveyou a be a part of the
discussion.
SPEAKER_01 (40:35):
But that's why I made it such a big that's why I
made it such a big disparity sothat it's outright in front of
you.
When you're both making ahundred grand, it's like that's
not that big of a difference.
Like, they're not gonna havethat conversation, right?
But when you're making, like,what do you do in that
situation?
What's your advice there, Dr.
Love?
SPEAKER_02 (40:51):
Anyway, this is not about love, this is about
finances.
I think still I think, I thinkstill in that case, it should be
a we.
Because if somebody with threemillion dollars, you know, three
million dollars a year decidesto marry somebody with who's
making fifty thousand dollars ayear, I don't know what that
(41:13):
person was expecting.
I really don't.
Because if you really want to betalking about, oh, this is how
much money I put towards this,and this is how much money I put
towards that, then maybe youshouldn't be marrying somebody
who makes fifty thousand dollarsa year.
Maybe that's not the per thereis such thing as not being
financially compatible.
There is such thing so much ofnot being financially compatible
(41:37):
that yes, it would justify notmarrying that person.
SPEAKER_01 (41:42):
So could you not be financially compatible just
based on the fact that someonemakes more than you?
You save amount, you save thesame amount, you don't spend a
lot of money, it's just that youjust make stacks on stacks on
stacks on stacks compared to theother person.
SPEAKER_02 (41:55):
Could that be just the So it's not just And we
gotta we gotta wrap this up?
SPEAKER_01 (41:59):
We gotta wrap this up because we don't have to
split this episode in two, girl.
SPEAKER_02 (42:02):
It's not just based on your your financial behaviors
that would make you financiallycompatible, it's also your
outlook on finances, right?
If you are like what's mine ismine and what's yours is yours,
even though you two might havethe same types of behaviors,
right?
You might have the same types ofbehaviors, but you still see it
(42:24):
as you do your thing in and I'lldo my thing, you still may not
be financially compatible.
You still might not be.
Because how are you ever movingas a you for me?
I just somebody write in andexplain to me if y'all are doing
you do your thing, I do mything, and you know, you cash
app me, you know, to be able topay the bills.
(42:45):
Somebody explain to me how that,you know, how that resembles in
any way, shape, or form amarriage in comparison to a
roommate situation, except thaty'all are sleeping together.
You might as well just stayboyfriend, girlfriend.
SPEAKER_01 (43:02):
Alright, y'all.
I want y'all to click on the fanmail or text us and let us know
who was really telling the truthversus who was podding.
We already know Renee waspodding.
She was BS and she's not tellingy'all the real or real.
I tell you guys the real.
I tell you, well, they're gonnahave to tune in for another
episode for that, because wedone.
Y'all, I appreciate y'all tuningin to another episode of I
appreciate y'all tuning in toanother episode of Docks Outside
(43:24):
the Box.
This is a great episode,actually, Renee.
This is a really good episodebecause people get to really see
how you roll.
You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_02 (43:31):
And you know, what does that even mean?
SPEAKER_01 (43:32):
It may it may change their view of you, actually.
SPEAKER_02 (43:35):
Yeah, it might, but you know how I think.
You know how I feel about whatpeople care, what people think
about me.
SPEAKER_01 (43:43):
All right, y'all.
We love y'all.
We'll catch you guys on anotherepisode of Docs Outside the Box,
y'all.
Peace.
SPEAKER_02 (43:49):
Do you say put your money together?
What's good everyone?
This is Dr.
Ni.
Yo, this is the second part ofepisode 428.
In this episode, we're gonna betalking about finances and chip
professionals, specificallydoctors.
Should we be putting our moneytogether for whatever reason it
may be?
So, real quick story, me andRenee, when we got married, I
was gung-ho, separate finances.
(00:20):
Renee was gung ho, put our moneytogether and see what we can do.
Straight to the point, I waswrong, she was right, as always.
Helped us with so many things,not only making our relationship
stronger, but also helped us payoff almost$700,000 in student
loan debt much quicker.
In this episode, we're gonnadive into why we made that
(00:41):
decision, kind of some of theebbs and flow of how we finally
decided to make that decision,and then we're gonna get into
specifically why you all shouldcombine your finances and then
some reasons why people justdon't want to do it.
This is all based off of anop-ed article put out by the
prudent, let me make sure I getthis right.
(01:01):
The prudent plastic surgeon, Dr.
Jordan Frey, and the name of hisarticle was Do Physician Couples
Need to Share Finances?
Right?
And he gets into why and allthis stuff, but you're gonna
hear our take on it.
So without further ado, let'sjump right into it.
Um there was an article thatcame out by the prudent
physician, I forget his name.
(01:22):
I I think this the pro I thinkit's the plastic surgeon, I
can't remember, but it was in myDoximity thing, and it said, Do
physician couples need to sharefinances?
Right?
It's an article here.
Alfred, I'll give you the linkso you can put it up and stuff.
But once again, it's dophysician couples need to share
finances?
Um, a very interesting take onum, you know, people in
(01:45):
long-term relationships, shouldthey share finances?
And um, he initially talks abouthow he and his wife combined
their finances and it made a lotof sense to them, right?
Um, but he's saying that thethree areas that he thinks would
be beneficial in yourrelationship with someone else
if you decide to merge money isyour relationship, your
(02:07):
finances, taxes.
I'm not gonna read the wholething here and stuff, but those
are the three areas that hetalks about.
We'll put the link in the shownotes.
Um, but basically, um combiningfinances can simplify managing
household expenses.
Um, physician couples may facechallenges such as differing
spending habits, and it allowsyou to communicate better when
(02:30):
you put your money together,right?
So effective communication andfinancial planning are crucial
to address the issue.
Um, and um, you know, it'simportant to have a really
tailored financial plan.
So without getting into too muchspecifics and reviewing this
article because people can readit for themselves, let's jump
into what we do, right?
Let's talk about what we do onthe show, right?
So basically, what we do is it'smy money, right?
SPEAKER_02 (02:53):
And and I need it now.
877 cash, no.
SPEAKER_01 (02:59):
Who's the who's the Viking?
Who's the Viking in that?
SPEAKER_02 (03:03):
I don't know.
SPEAKER_01 (03:05):
What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine, not
necessarily, but we put a lot ofmoney together, yeah.
Whatever Renee makes is ourmoney, whatever I make is our
money, we put our moneytogether.
Um, we basically have um there'snothing separate in terms of our
finances at all.
There's nothing.
(03:26):
Um I was raised in a householdwhere I initially thought that
my parents were the same waywhere they had like everything
together, but I think actually Ifound out my parents have
separate accounts for like smallpersonal things.
Um, but the major they had ajoint account for major things
and stuff like that.
(03:47):
Um I don't know about yourparents and so forth.
Everything's together,everything's together,
everything's together.
Oh, it's always been like that,always been like that.
SPEAKER_02 (03:57):
Everything's together, there's no separate
accounts.
SPEAKER_01 (04:01):
So I tried to get a I tried to get a prenup from
you, but you weren't trying togo from that.
SPEAKER_02 (04:05):
And then since then you've been have anything, me.
That doesn't mean that I havenothing.
SPEAKER_01 (04:11):
You had nothing just because I didn't have anything
doesn't mean I can't try tostill get a prenup.
You do know that, right?
SPEAKER_02 (04:18):
Like what were you protecting me?
SPEAKER_01 (04:20):
It doesn't mean that I still could not get a prenup.
I don't understand where you'regoing with this.
I acknowledge that point.
I acknowledge that I didn't havethat much money.
I'm just saying that I still wasasking for a prenup.
SPEAKER_02 (04:32):
You were in the negative hundreds of thousands.
And so were you thousands ofdollars.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_01 (04:36):
I was a G less than you.
I was a G in the negative lessthan you were.
SPEAKER_02 (04:41):
Oh my god.
So you didn't want to jack youfor that G.
SPEAKER_01 (04:43):
Guys, before we get it, listen.
Hey, so we put all our moneytogether.
Initially, I was kind of Iwasn't all the way into it.
How about you?
You wanted to put all the moneytogether in the beginning?
SPEAKER_02 (04:56):
Yeah.
Always.
SPEAKER_01 (04:58):
Because my mommy and daddy did it.
SPEAKER_02 (05:00):
No, I wanted to jack you for your paper.
No.
SPEAKER_01 (05:02):
Because my mommy and daddy did it.
Why?
SPEAKER_02 (05:04):
No, that's not why.
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
Um There's a lot of things you do because your mom
and dad does.
SPEAKER_02 (05:08):
I mean, but a lot of people do that.
So um I don't.
Anyway.
I don't.
Um so I think part the mainreason that I wanted to put our
money together is because theway that I view, you know, the
way that I view family whenyou're, you know, two people who
are building a family, is thatyou've got to be moving in the
(05:30):
same direction.
Right?
And if you don't know what isgoing on with one another, how
can you ever be sure that you'reever moving in the same
direction, right?
So I used to say this a lot, youknow, especially when we started
doing like the keeping up withthe darkos and stuff like that.
Um, especially talking aboutretirement.
You know, if your finances arevery, very separate and you
(05:53):
don't know exactly what's goingon with each other's finances
because they're just thatseparate.
You do you, I do me.
When you go to retire, how doyou plan on retirement?
Because if you're not planningto be together, then you're
planning to be apart.
Like that's the only way that Ican see it.
(06:14):
Right?
SPEAKER_01 (06:14):
So should you so should you should you marry
someone that or can you be inlove with someone and have a
fruitful relationship withsomeone who you don't agree with
financially?
SPEAKER_02 (06:25):
Yes, you can.
SPEAKER_01 (06:27):
Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_02 (06:28):
But I don't I don't necessarily know that a marriage
with that person will work.
So I actually, so one of mymentors, I have many mentors,
but one of my mentors has beenin a relationship with someone
for I want to say at least 20years.
At least 20 years.
(06:49):
And I'm always like, when areyou gonna marry this woman?
When are you gonna marry thiswoman?
SPEAKER_01 (06:54):
I know who you're talking about.
SPEAKER_02 (06:56):
I know you know who I'm talking about.
So one day I asked him thatquestion again.
I was like, I counted up theyears.
I'm like, like, so you guys justdon't want to get married.
SPEAKER_01 (07:06):
See, if we wanted, but if we want a salacious show,
we need to start saying whothese people are.
SPEAKER_02 (07:10):
No, you don't need to do that.
Anyway.
SPEAKER_01 (07:15):
You was about to in the beginning of the show, you
was about to share all this shitabout us and stuff, but no.
SPEAKER_02 (07:18):
No, I wasn't.
SPEAKER_01 (07:19):
Anyway.
SPEAKER_02 (07:21):
Um, so I asked him the question, and finally, he
said, I would like to getmarried.
He said, I absolutely would haveliked to have gotten married.
He said, The problem is thatwe're not financially
compatible.
And he's like, I just don't wantto have to deal with our
(07:42):
relationship going downhillbecause our finances, the way
that we view money, is notcompatible.
And I was like, you know what?
They I mean they have ameaningful relationship, but
what's going to happen is thatin a marriage, right, if you if
(08:03):
you combine forces in a marriagewith somebody, right?
And not you combine forces, butyou don't combine finances or
you both see finances a littlebit differently, then that
person's life, how they live,can seriously impact your life,
whether negatively orpositively.
All right, so what about thepeople married to them?
SPEAKER_01 (08:25):
All right, I got you.
I mean, you I just I don't likehow mature you're getting about
this stuff.
That drives me nuts.
SPEAKER_02 (08:30):
So, what do you want me to say?
But like, oh, you should let'sdo the half and half.
Let's do the half and halfdiscussion that's going on on
social media, right?
SPEAKER_01 (08:37):
Hold on, hold on, slow your roll, because there's
a lot of married couples,including some people who listen
to this show, who do half andhalf, and they've been married
for a long period of time.
I know they should.
So all I'm saying is this whatabout those people?
Like, let's say, for example,you have a woman in a
relationship, you're dating awoman, she's amazing, she's
great.
She's like, listen, like, I'vealways like I I grew up in a
situation where my mom gotscrewed by my dad, right?
(09:00):
And my mom had to take likethree or four jobs, and the
number one thing that I learnedis that I gotta have my money no
matter what, because a man canup and leave you no matter what.
So if you love me, um, listen,we're gonna build this family
together, we can have kidstogether, I'll cook clean, I'll
be a doctor and do all thisstuff, I'll be superwoman, all
those things that are.
SPEAKER_02 (09:17):
Why should you gotta cook clean?
SPEAKER_01 (09:18):
She'll cook clean cut, right?
Cook clean cut, right?
She'll do all the things, right?
Yeah, she'll do all the thingsthat you know that you would
expect traditionally for um apartner to do.
I said traditionally, what youexpect a partner to do.
That's all I said.
Right?
You could re-see.
Look at you, you think he'ssmarter than me.
(09:40):
Everybody think they're smarterthan me.
Traditionally, what you expect apartner, right?
Because, you know, the way howwe look at marriage, right?
Marriage is a very traditionalthing, right?
And there's some people who wantto pick and choose what is
traditional versus what's nottraditional, right?
SPEAKER_02 (09:53):
Like anyway, that's not the point.
SPEAKER_01 (09:54):
What's the point?
Because you know I got you onthat one, right?
Because some people are like, Iwant to take a last name.
It's like, but but I gotta giveyou a ring traditionally,
though, right?
Right?
But I can't do anything, I gottabe in a single relationship,
right?
But you could decide which lastname you like, come on.
So anyway, let's move on.
Um so so yeah, so what whathappens in a situation where you
have two people who want tocreate a life together, but
(10:15):
because of their previousexperience, or just in general,
they just are like, look, like Ineed something to protect myself
to make sure that, like, yo, Igot this stash on the side so
that if you decide to do yourthing, the curarum, you know
what I'm saying?
I can be out.
I can leave and I can landsafely because you know.
For example, here's an example,right?
(10:36):
There were several years whereyou were working significantly
less because you were takingcare of the kids, right?
And during that time, when I wasworking primarily the majority
of the time, I would make surethat they take my the amount of
money that I was bringing intoour business, I made sure that
they split it in half so thatyou would continue to get an
income.
Henceforth, you would continueto get a retirement, like you
(10:59):
would be able to be eligible toput a significant amount in your
retirement so that it wouldn'tjust stop, right, for several
years.
Because that's the biggest thingthat women, particularly women
who are working, that's wherethey they really fall back, is
once they have children andthey're no longer in the working
field, like then their 401ks,their 401ks stay stagnant,
right?
And then if it's then trying toget back in the job market can
(11:22):
be difficult, but then trying toget back into a jog market that
could also help them elevatetheir 401ks is another difficult
thing, right?
But I was really adamant.
SPEAKER_02 (11:30):
I think even uh what's the name?
Even their Medicare, right?
Because their contributionsMedicare even or sorry to Social
Security even stop.
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (11:41):
So it's like, yeah, so I was really adamant that
like like you like for everylike for the dollar that I make,
you only get 20, right?
20 cents, right?
So, but that's important to me.
I wanted to make sure that youwere getting equal because you
never know what would happen,right?
Like you like if something wereto happen and I don't plan on
it, like you're gonna be takingcare of my kids.
(12:02):
I don't feel like paying younothing.
I gotta make sure that you havestuff saved up.
I ain't paying you no money,right?
So you do your own savings,right?
So I'm joking, but you know whatI'm getting with this, right?
So what do you say about that?
What do you say about that?
SPEAKER_02 (12:16):
Women who do that, but so I don't even know what
what your question is anymore.
So my question is around andaround.
SPEAKER_01 (12:25):
My question is, let's be in a relationship.
I want to have children withyou.
I want to have a I want to bemarried, but I just gotta have
my separate we have to have ouraccount separate.
SPEAKER_02 (12:35):
So, okay, so what you so that question of you do
your thing, I do my thing, andwhat you described about what we
do and how we did it when Iprimarily, you know, when you
primarily were the one working.
Like what you did or what wedid, right, in splitting that
(12:59):
you know, that uh money so thatmy salary continued to go is not
something that would happen in ayou do your thing and I do my
thing.
Right?
SPEAKER_01 (13:09):
So that's for the record you didn't ask me to do
that.
You didn't even know I was doingthat.
SPEAKER_02 (13:13):
I didn't ask I didn't ask you to do that,
right?
SPEAKER_01 (13:15):
You didn't even know I was doing that.
SPEAKER_02 (13:17):
I didn't know that you were doing that.
Can I get props or not?
No, you can't get props becausethat's what you're supposed to
do.
So no, like doing your thing anddoing the uh the other person
doing their thing, honestly, ifsomething does happen and your
spouse is out of work, thenyeah, I mean your spouse is now
kind of asked out, and you know,it's like, well, you know, you
(13:40):
doing your thing, I'm doing mything, you ain't got no job.
How does that help your family?
SPEAKER_01 (13:47):
But what if they do joint?
Some people some people dojoint, right?
Where they have a joint whereyou pay half, I pay half the
bills and all those differentthings.
I put in half or I put in athird and what have you.
SPEAKER_02 (13:57):
So you are technically building, you are
contributing together for futureYou might be like not
necessarily, not necessarily,because right.
SPEAKER_01 (14:08):
But when you have an for example, if you're at a job,
right?
If you're at a job, you're at ajob and I'm at my job, right?
Like what you decide to put intoyour 401k, technically I don't
need to know how much you putinto your 401k.
SPEAKER_02 (14:18):
Correct.
SPEAKER_01 (14:19):
Right?
Like you could decide you wantto put 10% of your salary in
there.
I could say I'm putting likezero or zero, and I'm putting in
40, right?
That's can happen for a couplethat puts their money together,
they just don't talk about it.
SPEAKER_02 (14:34):
Where couples, you know, you do your thing, I do my
thing.
I'm putting, you know, I'm I'mmaxing out my 401k every single
year.
The other person's not maxingout, it doesn't even have a
401k, doesn't have an IRA,doesn't have anything.
I'm like, that person whodoesn't have anything is
planning to work until the daythat they die.
(14:55):
The person who is planning forretirement is not planning to
work until the day that theydie.
So now when retirement age comesand you say, Hey honey, I'd like
to take a trip, you know, for somany weeks around the world or
whatever, who's going on thistrip?
Because somebody gotta go towork.
(15:15):
Somebody gotta go to work.
So if you're not planningtogether, then what you're doing
is planning to be apart.
Because if this person isplanning on retiring and you are
not planning on retiring, or youplan it on retiring, but you
just don't really know how it'sgonna happen because you didn't
you know, y'all never reallytalked about finances outside of
what bills need to be paid, thenwhat you have is a financial
(15:38):
roommate.
You do not have a financialpartner.
SPEAKER_01 (15:41):
So should we be more mature?
Should we be more more matureand put a disclaimer on this is
if you have two matureconsenting adults in this?
Well, hold on.
Because you could be married tosomeone and they could be
completely um horrible withmoney, right?
And you have to keep money onthe sides and stuff.
So you're saying you should geta divorce?
SPEAKER_02 (16:02):
No, I'm not saying you should get a divorce.
I'm not saying you divorce thisperson because what I'm saying
is that look at her now, youthink she's Dr.
SPEAKER_00 (16:10):
Love.
SPEAKER_02 (16:11):
Anyway, is going to pose a problem at some point in
your relationship when eitheryou have some sort of financial
strife, one one or both of youhas financial strife, or when it
comes to the point of retirementand you can't do that.
Like you know, if if your spousegets sick for any reason and
(16:35):
loses their job, and now youhave to be the one to take care
of them, and you don't actuallyknow what's going on with them
financially, then how are youhandling this?
Because, you know, you didn'tknow honey over here got six
credit cards that they justmaxing out all the time.
Honey over here got a loan thatthey just, you know, not paying
(16:55):
on.
And next you know, oh, let's goget a house.
We can't get a house becauseobviously this person's credit
is messed up.
SPEAKER_01 (17:03):
But okay, so I'm paying, I'm playing devil's
advocate.
I agree with you, right?
Because um, so I was talking tosome of the PAs at my job,
they're younger and they'regetting married, and or they're
thinking about getting married,and we're talking about
finances, and I just found itodd that the majority of them
want to get married so early,right?
They don't have kids yet, theywant to get married so early,
(17:23):
but that they yet they stillwant to hold on to things of
yeah, my money is my money,their money, this person's money
is their money.
So, how do you gonna pay thebills?
Well, what we'll do is we'll dothis calculation where every
month they have to cash app me.
Seriously, one person was doingthis.
The person has to cash at melike a third of this to pay for
the bills in the house, and iflike, you know, so we want to
(17:45):
put this furniture and you know,so technically I really want
like you know, crown molding, soI'm gonna put in like
two-thirds, and I'm like, whoa,this is crazy.
This is crazy.
I I recently just found out thatthey listened to the show.
I love you guys, but um, yeah,we're talking about shuffle.
And you know, but they they theyall changed it now.
(18:07):
They all said that so when wegot into the nitty-gritty of
things, I was like saying, like,so you go have like a side stash
so that like like you can likelike you have like a couple of
stacks in there, and they'relike, no.
I mean, like, I want to be ableto like, if I want to go like to
the salon, or if I want to beable to buy like a nice, you
know, pair of I was like, oh, soyou're talking about like a what
(18:28):
do you call it?
You talking about like a um alittle slush fund and stuff,
right?
Like if you want to go toWendy's, or if you want to buy
Jordans, or if you want to umbuy something nice for your
spouse, or if you um want tospoil yourself or something like
that, just little things hereand there.
So once we clarify that, I thinkwe got I think they understand
that concept that you can have aseparate little slush account
(18:49):
that the other person is awareof.
SPEAKER_02 (18:51):
I'm not a I'm not against having a little because
I do anyway.
No, you know you don't.
Yes, I do.
SPEAKER_01 (18:58):
You just don't know the password.
SPEAKER_02 (19:00):
Okay, whatever.
So I'm not against having alittle slush account or
whatever.
My thing is I am against notknowing that this account
exists.
I'm against not knowing what'sthe you know what is in this
account.
Like, why, like, what are youhiding that you don't want your
(19:21):
spouse to know about this thing?
They're not hiding.
They're not hiding anything.
A lot of people do hide.
A lot of women especially dohide.
No, no, no, no.
There you go, Renee.
Telling yourself, tellingyourself, telling yourself.
SPEAKER_01 (19:33):
Go ahead.
SPEAKER_02 (19:33):
We know that a lot of women do hide, right?
Because certain women have grownup, you know, in some vulnerable
positions, unfortunately, kindof like what you just mentioned,
right?
Where it's like, well, my dadscrewed my mom over, you know,
she didn't have a dime to hername, he took everything and X,
Y, and Z.
So I I understand where thatsentiment comes from.
(19:55):
I understand where thatsentiment comes from.
I guess because I've neverexperienced that, right?
Like I didn't see that with myparents.
For me, it doesn't make sensethat you would ever marry
somebody who you are afraidwould actually take that level
of advantage of you such thatyou didn't know, you know, you
(20:20):
didn't know where any of yourmoney was.
And the fact that you would beso little involved in your own
family's finances that youdidn't know that this was
happening, right?
So, and that's not to say thatthat doesn't happen.
It does, it does, and forseveral different reasons.
It can be education, it could beauthoritative issues, it could
(20:42):
be a lot of different reasonsthat it happens.
I'm just saying, I just don'tnecessarily think that that's
the healthiest way to go aboutbeing in a marriage financially.
SPEAKER_01 (20:54):
So for the record, for us guys, so for the record,
Renee, like you don't know everydecision that I make financially
for us, though.
Right?
Like, you don't know the holdon, hold on, let me finish.
You don't know the decisionsthat I make um with the CPA,
right?
SPEAKER_00 (21:09):
No, no, you don't know not every single one.
SPEAKER_01 (21:12):
You don't know, right?
You don't see the receipts, youdon't see the statements, you
don't see what's redacted,right?
You see what I see what I showyou, right?
SPEAKER_00 (21:20):
Redacted.
Redacted, really.
SPEAKER_01 (21:22):
Right, redacted, yes.
But the point of the matter isyou don't know you don't know
the you don't know you have a30,000 foot view of how our tax
situation is, 30,000 foot viewof how our retirement and our
benefit situation is.
SPEAKER_02 (21:35):
Um I have more than a 30,000 foot view of that.
SPEAKER_01 (21:41):
Okay, I think you podding.
You don't know, right?
SPEAKER_02 (21:43):
I do know.
I do know.
SPEAKER_01 (21:47):
How do you know?
You know what?
Let's pod.
How do you know?
Let's how do you know, guys?
Guys, I'm bringing you, I'mbringing y'all, we letting y'all
in.
Nah, how do you know?
Tell me how you know.
So, first of all, you bechecking my emails?
SPEAKER_02 (22:01):
First of all, every email that the financial advisor
sends to you, she sends to me.
And if you think I'm not lookingat them emails, you are wrong.
Okay.
That's number one.
SPEAKER_01 (22:16):
But you see, when I reply to her, I don't hit reply
all.
SPEAKER_02 (22:18):
Anyway, number one.
SPEAKER_01 (22:20):
If I don't, I don't hit reply all.
Number two.
Some things get lost intranslation translation system,
alright?
SPEAKER_02 (22:26):
Anyway, number two.
When we have when we have phonecalls, I'm usually on the phone
calls.
I don't make every single phonecall.
SPEAKER_01 (22:35):
Yo, man, for real.
I'll I'll finish televisor, butshe'd be sharing too much.
Like, yeah, why you gotta tellmy wife this?
You can keep that conversationbetween me and you.
Damn, shut up.
So, this is how much you guysare gonna put in as a couple.
Like, I was trying to skim off10% off the top and shit.
Anyway, keep going.
SPEAKER_02 (22:51):
Anyway, so that's how that's how I know, and
that's how I'm involved.
But I think that if you, youknow, if you're in a
relationship where you areafraid to talk about money, or
you're a person who kind ofavoids, you know, finances and
financial talks.
Wait, hold on.
SPEAKER_01 (23:09):
Don't don't let's not let's let's let's stay on
that topic though.
For real, hold on.
unknown (23:13):
Hold on.
SPEAKER_02 (23:13):
What what?
SPEAKER_01 (23:14):
What topic?
You do read the emails, right?
You do read the emails, butthere's a lot, even before we
even get to the emails, there'sstill decisions that are made
before you even get to thatpoint.
A lot of times those emails areresults, excuse me, those emails
are summaries of what havealready happened during the year
and stuff, right?
So just so people understand,like we like we have to keep it
a buck with people, right?
(23:34):
Like, it's not like everydecision that I make, I'm
telling you like we're makingthis decision, unless it's
major, major, right?
Like, hey, I'm buying like twoTeslas and stuff like that,
which I would never do, right?
But like what I'm just saying islike there's a lot of decisions
that are made financially thatyou're not privy to until the
end.
SPEAKER_02 (23:51):
Correct.
But there's also before we getbefore we get to that point,
right?
There's always a strategy,right?
So there's a strategy and thenthere's a decision that's made
based on the strategy, right?
So the for example, the strategywould be we're gonna max out our
401k.
Yes, yes, right?
(24:11):
Like so that's the strategy.
So now the actual money has tothen be moved, right?
Or when you come to me and yousay, you know, I think I think
we need to give ourselves araise, right?
And I say, okay, yeah, let's goahead and give ourselves a
raise, right?
So I may not necessarily knowthe dollar amount until the end,
right?
(24:31):
Because you work out thosedetails with our financial
advisor, but the overallstrategy, yeah, I know.
I know that, yes, we're going toget a raise and we're going to
get more money into oursalaries.
Or would there be would there bea amount that you disagree with?
SPEAKER_01 (24:49):
Would there be a month that you disagree with?
Like, for example, would you belike, oh, hold up, how come you
give yourself a 50% increase andyou only gave me like a dollar?
SPEAKER_02 (24:56):
First of all, you would not do that because you
know that would be your neck.
SPEAKER_01 (25:00):
Oh, just so you know, just so you know, there
was a discussion to what do youcall it, to not give you a
salary because financially andit made sense.
SPEAKER_02 (25:10):
So I was that was a discussion.
I was privy to that discussion,though.
Right?
I was privy to that discussion.
And part of part of the reasonthat that discussion that that
discussion didn't necessarily goin that direction to not give me
a salary at all, was because weknew that it was going to imp it
was gonna impact quite a numberof other things, right?
(25:32):
Like what?
So even my b disabilityinsurance, even my like so it
was going to impact quite anumber of things.
Right.
So I was privy to thatdiscussion.
That's the thing.
Like, I don't necessarily needto sit down and nickel and dime
every single, you know, I don'thave to look at every single
number, but I do need to knowthe overall and I need to know
(25:54):
some of the details.
But I don't need to be like, oh,well, you didn't carry the one
over here, so you know, X, Y,and Z.
SPEAKER_01 (26:01):
Alright, so tell them how we handle our finances.
Tell them how we handle ourfinances.
Because I think we can, beforewe get too academic or
everybody, how do we handle ourfinances on a monthly basis?
SPEAKER_02 (26:09):
So on a monthly basis, we make a budget, right?
You have taken over doing thebudget.
We did the budget together forquite a number of years, right?
And then I was like, I got this.
Right.
So after, you know, after we didthe budget together for quite a
number of years, now you go andyou take care of the budget.
I still have access to thebudget, so if I want to go in
(26:30):
and I want to see X, Y, and Z, Ican go in and look at the budget
and be like, eh, you know, Ithink we should move this here,
I think I should we should movethis there, we can have that
discussion.
Right.
Oftentimes, if you are going tochange something in the budget,
then you come to me and you go,you know what?
I think we should, you know, nixthis for a certain amount of
(26:51):
time, right?
So we did make that decision atone point to nix something that
we thought we would alwayscontribute to, but we said, you
know what, for a certain amountof time, we're not going to
contribute to this particularfund because we have other
priorities, and then we'll comeback and we'll start
contributing to this fund in afew months.
Right.
(27:12):
So before that decision wasmade, though, right?
Before that decision was made,that was a discussion that we
had.
So now I know that if I see thisfund and the the the funds have
you know have not beencontributed to over a certain
amount of time, I don't have tobe like, oh, what happened?
I know we're gonna have to dothat.
Do we have a password for everyaccount?
(27:33):
Yes, I do.
SPEAKER_01 (27:34):
No, you don't.
SPEAKER_02 (27:35):
Yes, I do.
SPEAKER_01 (27:36):
No, you don't, right?
You don't have the password forevery financial account that we
have.
All I'm just saying is that yoube trying to front like this is
like this is everything isperfect.
SPEAKER_02 (27:46):
Yeah, we got I didn't say everything was
perfect.
I that's not what I said.
I didn't say everything wasperfect.
What I'm saying is that you haveto you have to be involved,
right?
You've got to be involvedenough.
If I don't have the passwords toevery single thing, what I do
have is access right to ourfinancial advisors uh with the
(28:08):
the platform.
SPEAKER_00 (28:11):
You ain't got access to that.
SPEAKER_02 (28:12):
Okay.
Anyway, so yeah, I do.
SPEAKER_01 (28:16):
Okay.
She must have sent you apassword on the side, and I need
to talk to her about that.
SPEAKER_02 (28:21):
Um so anyway.
Anywho.
SPEAKER_01 (28:28):
Well, I think go ahead.
But I I I'll be honest with you,I'll tell you guys straight up.
I think that it's better to putthe money together because I
think two incomes are betterthan one.
I think that two heads arebetter than one when you're
trying to tackle when you wantto tackle when you want to
tackle certain things.
So we had a whole bunch ofstudent loan debt.
I think that we would have beenin a way different position if
(28:50):
we took the the mantra of Renee,you handle your debt and then
I'll handle my debt, and thenwe'll meet in the middle
somewhere.
I think like we would not beable to accomplish half of the
things that we've been able toaccomplish, i.e.
becoming locums by ourselves,i.e.
going on as many mission tripsas we want to, um, i.e., you
know, being able to not createany more debt while doing IVF,
(29:12):
starting the podcast, all ofthese different things would
look completely different if wedidn't combine our money and
then be able to attack circumcertain problems together.
Um, I'll be straight up honestwith y'all, right?
So I think that's the number onegoal or the number one like
benefit of putting two incomes,putting, you know, sharing an
(29:32):
account together is that abilityto literally put two heads and
and and tackle the solution.
I think that's number one.
I think the second thing also isthere's just certain things that
you're really good at, andthere's things that I'm really
good at, right?
And although, and although um Ithink like money is a very
(29:54):
what's the best way I candescribe it?
Money is something that is verypersonal.
Um, it's something that.
Um, like, look, like you alwayssay, like, if you can have
children with someone, but youcan't share your account.
Well, what are we talking abouthere?
This doesn't make sense.
I'm saying I'm sharing half myDNA with you, but I wait, what
(30:14):
but I do think that in essence,you trust the decisions.
You may not know everything, butyou trust the decisions that I
make will be in favor of me andyou first, and then overall of
the family and stuff.
And vice versa.
There's certain things that youdo that I'm like, all right,
well, I don't need to knoweverything, but like I just know
(30:34):
that she got my back and stufflike that.
You know, you're not gonna putpoison in the food, right?
So I might put some cat and dogin there, but no, but guys,
Renee makes financial decisionsthat I just don't know privy
about, right?
Like, we got something, a majorthing going on right now that
I'm just like, look, Renee, youjust gonna have to handle that.
I ain't got time for it.
Right.
We'll talk about that later.
SPEAKER_02 (30:55):
But yeah, we will talk about that later.
SPEAKER_01 (30:56):
In the business.
She runs the b she runs ducksoutside the box, guys.
SPEAKER_02 (31:00):
Even even in even in those major decisions, though,
right?
Like this thing that we havegoing on right now, um, even in
that, right, like nothinghappens until we both are on the
same page, right?
So I might be leading thediscussions, I might be, you
know, getting the ball rolling,and I might be making the
(31:23):
concessions and provisions andstuff like that.
But nothing happens until we'reboth on the same page.
So it's important to have thosediscussions, you know.
And that's that that's that'skind of what I'm trying to say.
I'm not trying to say like yougotta sit down and you gotta,
you know, maybe in thebeginning, like we did, right?
You sit down and you nickel anddime and you try to figure out
(31:46):
what's going on.
And I think that's helped us tobe on the same page so that we
get to the point where we canmake certain, you know, we can
kind of distribute um some ofthe responsibilities.
Um, but I think never puttingyour resources together.
I'm just like, for me, I feellike that would be living with a
(32:07):
roommate.
All right, gotcha.
SPEAKER_01 (32:08):
But we gotta, we can't be, we can't lie, like we
kind of walked into an idealsituation, right?
Like you ain't got no money, Iain't had no money.
SPEAKER_02 (32:16):
Like, no, but people do that, people do that all the
time, they ain't got no money.
SPEAKER_01 (32:20):
But there wasn't there's not a major, there's not
a major difference in oursalaries, right?
Like, maybe just a little bit.
But what about can you entertainmy thought for a quick second?
Let's what happens when oneperson makes way more than the
other person, right?
Let's say somebody's like inlike the triple, someone is like
(32:44):
in the six-digit realm or closeto the seven seven-digit realm,
and they're dating someone who'sstill in the five-digit realm,
right?
Like, how do you budget then?
Whose money is who?
When there's a clear disdifference, right?
There's a clear difference.
What happens then, sis?
Talk to me about that.
What do you gotta say aboutthat?
Let me see you act all maturethen when you BSing, when you
(33:07):
potding, right?
SPEAKER_02 (33:08):
So, but that for me, that's kind of the same
situation that you justmentioned about well, what if
like a neurosurgeon is dating,is dating a pediatrician.
SPEAKER_01 (33:17):
What do you do then?
SPEAKER_02 (33:19):
Why you gotta Damn?
Why can you gotta say it likethat, yo?
Pediatricians, we gotta loveyou.
SPEAKER_00 (33:33):
Stop playing.
SPEAKER_01 (33:35):
Yeah, some of our good friends are pediatricians,
but you know, come on, stop,y'all know.
Y'all know that Medicaid, thatchip money.
unknown (33:45):
Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01 (33:48):
Go ahead, yo.
Go ahead, go ahead.
Uh anyway, but I think we knowER docs and pediatricians that
are married.
What happens there?
Go ahead, move on.
SPEAKER_02 (33:55):
So I think it's kind of like what you said about what
happens, for example, when youhave, let's say, it in a
traditional role, let's say thewife decides to stay home with
the kids until the kids are ineighth grade or finish high
school and they're not makingany income at all.
(34:15):
Right?
Even somebody who makes afive-figure salary now is
compared to a person who'smaking zero.
It's the for me, it's the samething.
It's like, what are you doing toadvance your family?
You decided to marry this personnot because of, you know, I
wanted to have financial strife.
That's not why you you youdidn't marry a person so that
you could figure out how youcould fight financially.
(34:38):
That's not why you got married.
You got married because you lovethe person, you want to build
together with the person, I'massuming, and you want your
family to be on proper footing,right?
You want to advance your familyname.
You stay in the middle of theway.
SPEAKER_01 (34:51):
So for me, I disagree with you on that point.
I disagree on your point.
But that's not necessarilyobvious to a lot of people.
I disagree with you.
I'll tell you why I disagreewith you.
But I think usually when someonedecides to take time off, that
is a two people to make thatdecision.
Like, yo, you're gonna take timeoff so you can focus on the
kids, I'll just keep working.
SPEAKER_02 (35:12):
Nope.
You being nice.
That's not how it goes?
That's not true.
That's not true.
That's not always, no, that isnot a good thing.
SPEAKER_01 (35:19):
But when you compare that looking at someone who's
but when you look at it comparedto someone saying, hey, like I'm
bringing in 50,000, I'm bringingin 50 stacks, and I'm gonna be
marrying a woman who's bringingin seven stacks or seven seven
figures.
So, like, does this even makesense to split?
Like this person says, Hey, Iwant to get like this$500,000
(35:42):
house.
We can afford it.
But who's gonna be paying formost of it though?
SPEAKER_02 (35:49):
But that's what I'm saying.
If you do, you do your thing,and you do my thing, that's the
discussion you're gonna have.
Who's gonna be who's gonna bepaying it?
Because if you say, um, you doyour thing, I do my thing, we
can't afford it.
I can afford it.
SPEAKER_01 (36:06):
But we can't afford it.
I can't, I can't afford it.
You can afford it.
We total can afford it, but youmajority are gonna be putting
money in.
So now you have a power dynamic,now you have a power dynamic
that you haven't really thoughtabout because in essence, this
person is putting in moretowards this house that maybe
you could not get on your own,but now that you're with this
(36:26):
person, you can get it.
You see what I'm saying?
So now it's like, how do you howdo you right?
There's power dynamics that youjust don't come on, Renee.
Stop doing that.
SPEAKER_02 (36:34):
I I listen, I understand that.
SPEAKER_01 (36:36):
I'm telling you from my You see the chair that you're
sitting on.
I pay for that chair that you'resitting in, the orange one.
You got the you got the grayone.
SPEAKER_02 (36:43):
And who picked the chairs?
SPEAKER_01 (36:45):
I did.
SPEAKER_02 (36:46):
No, you didn't.
I found this I found this chairfor you.
Stop playing.
Stop playing.
I found the chairs.
Make your point.
I thought you were gonna go getit.
SPEAKER_01 (36:54):
Make your point.
SPEAKER_02 (36:55):
Um, anyway, my point is that when you decide to get
married, in my point of view,you work as a unit.
You work as a unit.
SPEAKER_01 (37:05):
So take you through this conversation.
SPEAKER_02 (37:07):
You work as a unit.
SPEAKER_01 (37:08):
It's kind of like I'm gonna pin you to this one
point.
I'm gonna make you pod.
No.
No, no.
We're sticking on it, we'resticking on the example of the
house.
Stick on the example of a house.
Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02 (37:22):
But if you would just zip it.
SPEAKER_01 (37:26):
I can't, I'm the host.
SPEAKER_02 (37:28):
Throw it away.
SPEAKER_01 (37:29):
I'm the host, I can't.
SPEAKER_02 (37:36):
So, for example, right?
It's like if you have adepartment and everybody in the
department is, you know, yoursurgery department.
We are talking about houses, me.
If everybody in the surgerydepartment is working, right?
(37:58):
And you're all contributing towhatever, you can't be like,
well, you know, my my portionof, you know, of the of the
patients that I see, that moneyshould go towards this.
And this should you're workingas a department.
This is the same thing.
If you marry somebody, you areworking as a unit, you combine
(38:18):
as one, as a unit.
And so for me, it's like itdoesn't matter who's
contributing what.
What matters is are you movingas a unit?
Now, if you want to, you know,compete as you know, as a
surgery department with theOBGYN department, then you can
certainly be competitors.
But you should not be competing.
(38:38):
You should not be oh my lord,you should not be competing with
your spouse.
Your spouse is not on adifferent team.
SPEAKER_01 (38:46):
You are making Renee.
You see a couple.
One couple makes 55 grand, theother couple, the other person
makes three million dollars.
Now they have to decide whatkind of house they are going to
get.
What kind of house are theygoing to get?
Right?
One person says, hey, I think weshould move into this
neighborhood where the housesare on average$800,000.
(39:08):
Together, their combined incomecan afford that.
The other person is like, Well,I want to live in, you know, I
want to like what's the otherperson gonna say?
I I want to live in this placewhere the the average uh house
costs$100,000, right?
SPEAKER_02 (39:26):
Like it's but that's you're talking about a situation
in which one person does onething and the other person does
their own thing.
That's the discussion.
SPEAKER_01 (39:37):
No, what I'm saying, no, what I'm saying is together
they can afford a more expensivehouse, right?
And let's say they decide we'reworking as a unit.
There's always going to be thatthing of listen, bro, like I'm
putting in 75% towards thishouse.
I want this, this, this, this,this, this, this, this, this,
(39:58):
this.
We're still moving as a unit,but just know that, I mean,
based off of what how much I'mputting into this this mortgage
and what you're putting intothis mortgage, just based off
the percentages.
You don't think that there'salways that little underlying
thing?
You don't like?
SPEAKER_02 (40:11):
If that was if if that were if that were the case,
right, then there's always goingto be this separation of you
basically are making this andyou are making that.
It's never that that means thatthat couple doesn't see it as we
are making this much.
That that's what I'm saying toyou.
(40:32):
But when but the reason I gaveyou a be a part of the
discussion.
SPEAKER_01 (40:35):
But that's why I made it such a big that's why I
made it such a big disparity sothat it's outright in front of
you.
When you're both making ahundred grand, it's like that's
not that big of a difference.
Like, they're not gonna havethat conversation, right?
But when you're making, like,what do you do in that
situation?
What's your advice there, Dr.
Love?
SPEAKER_02 (40:51):
Anyway, this is not about love, this is about
finances.
I think still I think, I thinkstill in that case, it should be
a we.
Because if somebody with threemillion dollars, you know, three
million dollars a year decidesto marry somebody with who's
making fifty thousand dollars ayear, I don't know what that
(41:13):
person was expecting.
I really don't.
Because if you really want to betalking about, oh, this is how
much money I put towards this,and this is how much money I put
towards that, then maybe youshouldn't be marrying somebody
who makes fifty thousand dollarsa year.
Maybe that's not the per thereis such thing as not being
financially compatible.
There is such thing so much ofnot being financially compatible
(41:37):
that yes, it would justify notmarrying that person.
SPEAKER_01 (41:42):
So could you not be financially compatible just
based on the fact that someonemakes more than you?
You save amount, you save thesame amount, you don't spend a
lot of money, it's just that youjust make stacks on stacks on
stacks on stacks compared to theother person.
SPEAKER_02 (41:55):
Could that be just the So it's not just And we
gotta we gotta wrap this up?
SPEAKER_01 (41:59):
We gotta wrap this up because we don't have to
split this episode in two, girl.
SPEAKER_02 (42:02):
It's not just based on your your financial behaviors
that would make you financiallycompatible, it's also your
outlook on finances, right?
If you are like what's mine ismine and what's yours is yours,
even though you two might havethe same types of behaviors,
right?
You might have the same types ofbehaviors, but you still see it
(42:24):
as you do your thing in and I'lldo my thing, you still may not
be financially compatible.
You still might not be.
Because how are you ever movingas a you for me?
I just somebody write in andexplain to me if y'all are doing
you do your thing, I do mything, and you know, you cash
app me, you know, to be able topay the bills.
(42:45):
Somebody explain to me how that,you know, how that resembles in
any way, shape, or form amarriage in comparison to a
roommate situation, except thaty'all are sleeping together.
You might as well just stayboyfriend, girlfriend.
SPEAKER_01 (43:02):
Alright, y'all.
I want y'all to click on the fanmail or text us and let us know
who was really telling the truthversus who was podding.
We already know Renee waspodding.
She was BS and she's not tellingy'all the real or real.
I tell you guys the real.
I tell you, well, they're gonnahave to tune in for another
episode for that, because wedone.
Y'all, I appreciate y'all tuningin to another episode of I
appreciate y'all tuning in toanother episode of Docks Outside
(43:24):
the Box.
This is a great episode,actually, Renee.
This is a really good episodebecause people get to really see
how you roll.
You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_02 (43:31):
And you know, what does that even mean?
SPEAKER_01 (43:32):
It may it may change their view of you, actually.
SPEAKER_02 (43:35):
Yeah, it might, but you know how I think.
You know how I feel about whatpeople care, what people think
about me.
SPEAKER_01 (43:43):
All right, y'all.
We love y'all.
We'll catch you guys on anotherepisode of Docs Outside the Box,
y'all.
Peace.
SPEAKER_02 (43:49):
Do you say put your money together?
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