January 21, 2025 • 49 mins
DODOBORNE @ GEN CON INDY 2025
Your GM, your best friend, and your storyteller Isaac Allen Burns will be running some Daggerheart tables at Gen Con Indy 2025 and everyone is welcome to come by and play! The four available games are each a standalone adventure. The other Dodos will be there so we all hope to see you there!
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Our gang just took down a dangerous monster threatening Pistachio's family, and following it is an aftermath that NO ONE saw coming. Shocking secrets are revealed as family tensions reach a boiling point that will have EVERYONE talking. Meanwhile, Kapi turns up the charm on a Real Housewife of Brackenroad that will leave jaws on the floor. You DON'T want to miss this.
Crank learns about farming. Kapi flirts with Pistachio's mom. Pistachio has some hard conversations.
DodoBorne is a comedy storytelling actual play podcast where four friends dive into the world of Daggerheart, a brand-new tabletop roleplaying game by Darrington Press.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Isaac Allen Burns (00:32):
Good morning, everybody. It's me, your host,
Isaac Allen Burns, with anotherepisode of DodoBorne! With me
today is Rowan Collins playingPistachio.
Rowan Collins (00:44):
Oh, hi.
Isaac Allen Burns (00:45):
And to Rowan's right, I've got Annie
Hawthorne playing Crank.
Annie Hawthorne (00:51):
Hello.
Isaac Allen Burns (00:51):
And sitting across from Annie Hawthorne,
I've got Joe Diametti playingKapi. Hello. There we go. Nice.
Now that everyone's here, whydon't we delve in?
(02:10):
Let's start with a bit of arecap. So our heroes were
informed of an attack at theDroop family farm, also known as
Pistachios family's farm, andquickly leapt into action.
Arriving at the scene, theydiscovered an acid burrower,
this large insectoid monstercurrently attacking the farm
with Wally, Pistachio's brother,fending it off as best as he
(02:34):
possibly could. But Chaboy wasnot a fighter and went down
really quick after a splurge ofacid to the face. That being
said, our heroes were able todefeat the beasts using
fisticuffs, a bit of magic, andclever use of a soft of rope.
We find them now in theaftermath of the battle.
Pistachio, your dad is laying onthe ground in a lot of pain.
Joe Diametti (02:57):
Okay.
Rowan Collins (02:57):
Okay. Okay. Hey, dad. Hey. It's me, Pistachio.
I'm just gonna be my friend,Kapi, here. This is Kapi. Kapi
is my boss. We're gonna bandageyou. Why are you yelling at me?
I'm not yelling at
Isaac Allen Burns (03:11):
you. Yelling at me, kid.
Rowan Collins (03:12):
I'm not I'm not I'm trying to explain what's
gonna happen. Alright. Start.
Joe Diametti (03:16):
I'm gonna run back. Fix them.
Rowan Collins (03:18):
Work it on it. Okay. I don't have I don't feel
like I have the magic to dothis. I just we're gonna bandage
your arm. Okay?
Alright. And I got alcohol. Youhave alcohol. Right?
Joe Diametti (03:28):
I don't have
Rowan Collins (03:29):
Why do you don't have alcohol? Would I have
alcohol?
Pistachio goes to their bag, and they definitely
have alcohol in the bag thatthey probably bought. And they,
like, push it to their father'slips to just be like, drink
this. And then we're gonna setthe arm.
Isaac Allen Burns (03:43):
Oh, okay. Let's see how terrible this is.
Go ahead and roll. What role doyou think this would be?
Knowledge or finesse?
I think it would be Rowan. Whatdo you think? Pistachio is
Rowan Collins (03:54):
going on? Pistachio is definitely doing it
out of knowledge because theyhave not actually set a bone.
Neither one of these is good.That's actually worse for me.
But
Isaac Allen Burns (04:05):
Awesome. Hey. I don't know. I love that. I
love that.
That's really great. But Cathyis helping you right now.
Joe Diametti (04:10):
So
Rowan Collins (04:11):
true. I would like to use my experience, spend
a hope to spend my experience,which is no longer sheltered
because at this point, this isthe first time that, Pistachio
is setting a bone. So I'm gonnause that to add to to my thing.
Isaac Allen Burns (04:25):
Okay.
Rowan Collins (04:27):
That was a 22 with hope.
Isaac Allen Burns (04:29):
Wow. Cathy, you leaned down to try and help.
And before you could even getthere, you see Pistachio has
already set this thing intoplace. You instead kinda hold
the man's shoulders as hescreams in pain. Oh, what are
you doing?
There's a resounding pop as it'sput into place.
Joe Diametti (04:50):
You're good for it. I have a hole in me, and
I'll slap his arm like a like a
Rowan Collins (04:55):
I must I must ask you not to touch the patient in
a harmful way. That is myfather. Please don't hurt him
anymore.
Joe Diametti (05:03):
Has anyone ever told you you'd make a good
doctor?
Rowan Collins (05:06):
Yes. That's yes. Yes. I would. Dad, you're being
very dramatic right now.
I need you to kinda chill out.
Joe Diametti (05:13):
My arm.
Rowan Collins (05:14):
I know your arm hurts. You literally do the same
thing when you stubbed your toe.Do you want mom to come and kiss
it better?
Isaac Allen Burns (05:22):
I don't like your tone.
Annie Hawthorne (05:23):
I don't like your tone.
Rowan Collins (05:24):
You're so I right. You're right. You're
right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Joe Diametti (05:27):
It's just very stupid. Tone?
Isaac Allen Burns (05:29):
He tries to stand up, and then he kinda
stumbles back at the groundagain.
Rowan Collins (05:34):
Okay. What else is hurting? I, like, try and
check him over.
Isaac Allen Burns (05:38):
You see, he's got, a thorn in his big toe. But
he's a hoof. He's got hooves.See, there's a thorn in his
hoof.
Rowan Collins (05:45):
Okay. Alright.
Isaac Allen Burns (05:46):
I can't walk.
Rowan Collins (05:47):
Alright. Dad, I got you. Hold on one second.
Alright. Kevin, do you have any,like, pliers or anything, like,
that could take you see the oran elf's hoof?
Joe Diametti (05:57):
I have my jacket.
Isaac Allen Burns (05:59):
I have a I have a jacket.
Rowan Collins (06:00):
You don't have
Joe Diametti (06:00):
Let me check my pockets.
Rowan Collins (06:01):
Okay.
Isaac Allen Burns (06:02):
You check your pocket.
Joe Diametti (06:02):
I checked nothing.
Rowan Collins (06:04):
Okay. Great. Well
Joe Diametti (06:05):
I have a I have an envelope, and then I you see it
for a second, I quickly stuff itback in.
Rowan Collins (06:09):
Okay. Alright.
Joe Diametti (06:10):
It's just it's it's it's one hoof.
Rowan Collins (06:12):
Right.
Joe Diametti (06:13):
It's his only hoof.
Rowan Collins (06:14):
Yep. Alright. Hold on. Are you alright, dad? I
think
Annie Hawthorne (06:19):
he has 2 hooves Yeah.
Joe Diametti (06:20):
Kathy. But it was in one hoof.
Rowan Collins (06:23):
Nothing. I I pull off, the statue.
Isaac Allen Burns (06:27):
One hoof right now.
Rowan Collins (06:28):
I what
Isaac Allen Burns (06:29):
days are over.
Rowan Collins (06:30):
Just pull
Isaac Allen Burns (06:31):
it up.
Rowan Collins (06:31):
I'm I'm working on it. Kapi does Kapi wear
shoes?
Annie Hawthorne (06:35):
I wanna go find a stick that looks like it could
be used as a cane.
Isaac Allen Burns (06:40):
Oh, yeah. You go off to the edge where the
fence is where you see some,like, trees are there, and you
find what kind of stick do youfind?
Annie Hawthorne (06:47):
You tell me.
Rowan Collins (06:47):
I think
Annie Hawthorne (06:47):
I find a massive tree branch that's,
like, 6 feet long, and I, like,bring it back. And I'm like,
hey, guys. I found this. Andthen I, like, break it in half
over my knee and hand them halfof the stick.
Rowan Collins (06:59):
Oh, perfect. Thank you. Thank you.
Alright. Great. Gee, here's a quick question.
Don't hit
Isaac Allen Burns (07:04):
me with the stick. Don't knock me out with
the stick. I can't
Rowan Collins (07:07):
tell you how. Wear shoes?
Joe Diametti (07:09):
Yeah.
Rowan Collins (07:10):
Alright. Kathy, I'm gonna need your sock real
quick.
Joe Diametti (07:13):
My sock?
Rowan Collins (07:14):
Your sock. 1? You could give me both if you
prefer.
Joe Diametti (07:18):
This is getting weird. Pistachio.
Rowan Collins (07:20):
I'm he's gotta bite down on something.
Joe Diametti (07:23):
My sock?
Rowan Collins (07:24):
Do you have anything else? The thorn
out. Okay.
Joe Diametti (07:27):
I'll hold it.
Rowan Collins (07:27):
You're gonna regret this, and they're gonna
pull the thorn out of theirdad's foot.
Isaac Allen Burns (07:32):
He howls in pain. I say Ah.
Joe Diametti (07:37):
I pet I pet I pet I pet his head. Everything's
okay.
Rowan Collins (07:42):
Can you
Isaac Allen Burns (07:43):
press this roll for me?
Joe Diametti (07:44):
Me? Yeah. Make a press release. Alright. My press
is a plus one.
That's a 13 with hope.
Isaac Allen Burns (07:51):
Okay. He he kinda leads it to it. He's like,
Joe Diametti (07:53):
he feels confident. Yeah. He he rests his
head into his shoulders. Yourshoulder. It's okay.
Annie Hawthorne (07:57):
I'm just gonna lean over to Pistachio and say,
is Kapi hitting on your dad now?
Rowan Collins (08:04):
Pistachio is just like, I really can't deal with
everything going on right now,so I'm just gonna table that for
later.
Joe Diametti (08:14):
And then I just drop him. Like Awesome. Alright.
Who's this? Who are you?
And I point at the what is whatis he?
Isaac Allen Burns (08:22):
You see yeah. It's this blue Inferni. He's,
you see he's currently, like,kneeled down next to Wall E.
Mhmm. He's got a blanket on topof Wall E.
He's got, like, a cold compresson his, like, head where you can
see a layer of gauze. You alsosee what looks like one of those
mortar and pestles Mhmm. And yousee he's got a poultice on it,
and he looks up at you and says,yes. Sorry. I, I'm visiting for
(08:45):
the festival, and a young fawnwoman was running by.
I believe she was going to getthe priest, but she said there
was a creature attacking thisfarm, so I came to see how I
could help. I have experiencewith being a combat medic. So,
he looks down at your brotherand looks up at you, pistachio,
and says, are you the one whotreated his wounds?
Rowan Collins (09:05):
Yes. That was me. Hub. Yes. It was.
It was not the best job, but itwas kind of under duress because
this is my house too. And
Isaac Allen Burns (09:13):
No. No. Quite the opposite. Considering the
circumstances, you did a verygood job of treating this. Due
to the nature of this acid thatcomes from this creature, there
will unfortunately be somescarring, but it won't be as
horrific as it could have beenhad you not acted so quickly.
So that was that was very welldone.
Rowan Collins (09:32):
Oh, thank goodness. Wally would be really
angry with me if anybody hurthis mug. Thank you for treating
Kim. We're gonna actually,Craig, can you help me take my
dad to the house? We'll be backfrom my brother very shortly.
Isaac Allen Burns (09:49):
Or do you have any, like, medical
facilities that you can take himto?
Rowan Collins (09:53):
We don't have, like, advanced medicine here.
It's, like, kind of where, like,you know, a bar said that, like,
it does, like, sees us incheckups and, like, marks our
height and, like, tells us toeat more apples so we don't have
to see him.
Isaac Allen Burns (10:07):
I see. Like, family doctor.
Rowan Collins (10:09):
Yeah. A fair family doctor.
Isaac Allen Burns (10:12):
Well, it's good I got here when I did, I
guess.
Rowan Collins (10:14):
Are you a are you a doctor?
Isaac Allen Burns (10:17):
Kinda wryly smiles and says, no. Not quite a
doctor, but, I was I did act asa medic in the war
Annie Hawthorne (10:25):
a couple years
Isaac Allen Burns (10:26):
ago. So I'm familiar with wounds such as
these.
Rowan Collins (10:29):
Oh, wow. That's really that's really cool.
Isaac Allen Burns (10:32):
He will need a little much rest in the next
few days as he recovers, but youdid very good work here.
Rowan Collins (10:38):
Well, thank you. I was I tried.
Isaac Allen Burns (10:42):
I saw the tail end of that fight. I mean,
all of you fought very wellagainst it, especially points at
you crank, and so especiallyyou, those fists are big.
Annie Hawthorne (10:51):
Does this guy remind me of anyone I would have
known?
Isaac Allen Burns (10:54):
Make a knowledge check for me.
Annie Hawthorne (10:59):
What's your role? I rolled an 8 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns (11:02):
8 with fear. As you look at this thing, you
feel like a twinge in your head.And due to the nature of what
just occurred to you, it's nottoo uncommon after going red. So
you're not quite sure if it'sanything, but you sort of look
at this thing. He looks at youand is just sort of, you know,
has a small smile on, and hestands up and sort of dusts off
(11:23):
his pants and says, well, I'mAsh, by the way.
He holds out a hand to shakeyour hand.
Rowan Collins (11:30):
Ash? Sure. Nice to meet you, and pistachio
offers their hand out.
Isaac Allen Burns (11:36):
You will shake it.
Rowan Collins (11:38):
Cool.
How does this guy shake hands?
Isaac Allen Burns (11:40):
Very professionally. Oh. Very
professionally. One good shake,one strong shake. Not too hard
to squeeze your hand, but, firmenough to know that he's there.
Joe Diametti (11:48):
Maybe we get both your brother and your dad
inside.
Rowan Collins (11:50):
Well, I figured, like, if Craig, can you carry
both of them at the same time?
Annie Hawthorne (11:55):
I'll scoop one up in one arm and the other up
in another arm, and I'll carrythem like whole potato sacks.
Rowan Collins (12:00):
Oh, okay.
Isaac Allen Burns (12:01):
Wow. Nastacio's dad complains the
whole time. My arm. Ugh,
Rowan Collins (12:07):
dad. It's this is why I asked for the sock.
Joe Diametti (12:12):
I'm glad I didn't have to take off my sock.
Rowan Collins (12:15):
Yeah. You know? Happy, maybe you stay outside
and hang out with Ash.
Isaac Allen Burns (12:21):
Oh, I was actually going to take my leave
and leave you all to it. Theyseem in good conditions.
Rowan Collins (12:26):
Oh, are you sure you don't wanna talk with Kathy
more? I feel like that would bevery knowledgeable. He's like
the, like, head of the adventureguild. Like, we're from the
adventure guild. He's our boss.
Isaac Allen Burns (12:37):
Oh.
Rowan Collins (12:37):
That I feel like y'all would get to know each
other very well. I feel likethat would be very good, please.
And then Pistachio, like, looksat Ash in a way trying to say
something that I thought thatAsh could pick up on, but I
don't know if Ash is veryperceptive.
Isaac Allen Burns (12:53):
Ash looks at you and reads your face and
gives a big smile and says, no.I really have to go.
Rowan Collins (13:01):
No. I'm sorry. It's Oh, don't.
Isaac Allen Burns (13:03):
Starts walking away.
Rowan Collins (13:04):
Hap. Yeah.
Joe Diametti (13:07):
God. No. No. No. It's it's pistachio.
It's fine. Go inside with yourfamily. I'll stay out here, and
I'll I'll see Ash off. Ash hashelped us a lot. I'm just gonna
shake his hand.
Rowan Collins (13:16):
Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Thank you, Kathy.
Yes. Very good. Thanks. Yes. Yes.
Alright. Thank you, Kathy.
Joe Diametti (13:24):
Thank you, Pistachio.
Isaac Allen Burns (13:26):
Hey. Ash is currently starting to walk away.
Joe Diametti (13:28):
Yeah. Ash, I just you know, I didn't I didn't
introduce myself. Kathy, I Ireach out my hand. You know,
just wanna say thank you foreverything.
Isaac Allen Burns (13:36):
He reaches out, takes your hand.
Joe Diametti (13:37):
Yeah. I shake it and then I go and I so and I and
I kinda pull it closer so hecan't quite leave. And so you're
here for the Apple Festival.
Isaac Allen Burns (13:45):
Yes. I am. Perfect.
Joe Diametti (13:47):
I would like to use my slyborn community trait,
which is scoundrel. Oh, okay.And it says I have advantage on
any roles where I'm negotiatingwith criminals, which I'm not,
detecting lies, which I am, orfinding a safe place to hide. I
wanna see if I can detect a lie.
Isaac Allen Burns (14:02):
Go for it. Do it. What do I What is a role?
I'm gonna say in this casebecause you are trying to detect
a roll, this sounds most like aninstinct roll.
Joe Diametti (14:11):
Okay. Instinct, yeah, perceive sense. Man, why
did I give myself nothing forthis? 13 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns (14:24):
13 with fear. Okay. On 13th, I'm gonna
actually, this is great. Kathy,you look at this guy and you see
his smile is very easy. He walkslike someone without a care in
the world.
And he talks about being in thewar. Thing is, as far as you
(14:45):
know, Cyrus was in the war, andthere are plenty of older
individuals in town who foughtin the war. It was only 10 years
ago. Fawns live a long time.Mhmm.
Whenever they talk about it,they get a look in their eyes.
One of deep seated horror atwhat occurred. That there's
something inside of them thatthey'll never get back because
(15:05):
the war stole it from them.
Rowan Collins (15:06):
Mhmm.
Isaac Allen Burns (15:07):
This guy talks about the war. He's not
lying. You definitely fought inthe war, but you don't see that
look in his eyes.
Joe Diametti (15:18):
I hope to see you around.
Isaac Allen Burns (15:20):
Well, unfortunately, I can only stay
for the 1st day, but I hear it'sreally great.
Joe Diametti (15:24):
Yeah. Sure is. Hey. Enjoy the town. Enjoy the
festival, and then I let go.
Isaac Allen Burns (15:29):
I plan to. And he smiles and starts walking
away. And Kapi, with that fear,I think the move here is that,
once again, there's somethingthere. There's another piece.
Joe Diametti (15:42):
Mhmm.
Isaac Allen Burns (15:42):
But you just can't put it together. You can't
put there is
Joe Diametti (15:46):
Even as Joe, I can't. That's actually what's
like, you you're saying it as ifit's like a Kapi thing, but Joe
also can't piece of I knowthere's something there.
Isaac Allen Burns (15:56):
Yeah. He walks away, with an easy stride.
K. Crank, we'll go back in timea little bit. Crank, you step
into the house, and immediately,this older fond woman, like,
brundles up to you and is like,oh, by the gods.
By the night. Are they okay? Areyou okay? What happened? I saw I
saw shadows and torches, and Iheard my husband complaining and
(16:18):
yelling.
So I know he's fine, but it'snot my side. It's my side. It's
okay.
Annie Hawthorne (16:21):
Everyone's okay. It's alright. We're all
fine. Okay. Yeah.
Everyone's fine. I'll plop themdown as gingerly as I can.
Isaac Allen Burns (16:28):
Yeah. There's, like, a big couch. One
of those, like, almost likestyle couches.
Annie Hawthorne (16:31):
Them on the couch.
Rowan Collins (16:33):
And, this is Craig. Craig is my coworker and
best friend. Oh,
Isaac Allen Burns (16:38):
well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Craig. I
see.
Annie Hawthorne (16:40):
Hello. Yes. It's a pleasure to meet you.
I've heard so many good thingsabout you.
Rowan Collins (16:44):
Oh, oh,
Isaac Allen Burns (16:45):
good. You see she's, like, on the verge of
tears. She's, oh, that'swonderful. I'm so glad.
Pistachio said a lot a lot ofnice things about you too.
Rowan Collins (16:55):
Are
Isaac Allen Burns (16:55):
they okay?
Rowan Collins (16:56):
Well, they're fine. They're fine. Wally is
gonna have a little bit of ascar, but this is
Isaac Allen Burns (17:01):
his face covered?
Rowan Collins (17:02):
What do you
Isaac Allen Burns (17:02):
mean a scar? Why is his face covered?
Rowan Collins (17:04):
So, there was an acid burrower, and we, Kapi and
Craig fought them off. And I wasable to, let perform some quick
stuff to make sure that hedoesn't lose much more of his
face. It's just going to have alittle tiny scar. It's going to
be a clay. He's, you know, he'svery good with the ladies.
(17:25):
He's going to it's just going toup his points. He's going to get
married off, you know, all ofthat good stuff that you worry
about. And then dad is fine.Dad's great. His arm is was
broken.
Isaac Allen Burns (17:36):
Has Wally been getting around, Pistachio?
Has Wally been does is Wallydating someone, and he hasn't
told me?
Rowan Collins (17:42):
I don't think he's dating someone. What?
Pistachio. I don't think he'sdating someone. He did have a
thing for Scarlet for a littlebit, and they were kind of,
like, talking.
Oh, Scarlet's
Isaac Allen Burns (17:52):
a darling. Kapi walks in at this point.
What?
Rowan Collins (17:55):
Oh, hi, Kapi.
Joe Diametti (17:57):
What? Oh, hi.
Rowan Collins (17:59):
This is,
Joe Diametti (18:00):
What about Scarlet?
Rowan Collins (18:02):
Hi. Have you met my that pistachio. You see
there's a moment in their brainand on their face where they're
like, I don't wanna break this,Kathy's heart about Scarlet, but
they really don't want Kathy toflirt with her mom. And the 2
wolves inside them are or Iguess in this case, the 2 dodos
(18:23):
inside of them are, like,fighting. And then they're like,
I think the greater good is tolet him flirt with my mom.
And they go, oh, hi. Cathy, haveyou met my mom?
Joe Diametti (18:39):
Oh, yeah. What's your describe your mom? I just
need to know what Kathy needs toknow what what he's working
with.
Rowan Collins (18:46):
Alright. So, Almond is a, a very nice looking
older fawn with, like, a wavy,hair that kinda comes down to,
like, her chin and then, like,it's kind of short in the back
with, like, little tiny, like,deer antlers coming out. She's
got, like, a very she looks likeyou know, again, she's an older
(19:07):
lufan, but she's, like, verywhite, nicely shaped. She's kept
in good, health. She's got thosemom hips.
Yeah. And she, you know, hasbeen married a long time and has
taken a lot of good care ofherself. She's like the face of
the farm, so she, like, really
Joe Diametti (19:21):
Yeah.
Rowan Collins (19:22):
Puts a lot of
Joe Diametti (19:22):
Pilates?
Rowan Collins (19:23):
Yeah. Pilates, like, tiny little, like,
glasses, but that, like, reallysuit her face because
Annie Hawthorne (19:29):
she's got
Rowan Collins (19:29):
a very nice, face. Like, what I'm trying to
say is Pistachio's mom is aMILF. Okay? Nice.
Joe Diametti (19:35):
So Kathy walks in, and he thinks he's here at
Scarlet, and then he sees her.He's like, oh, hello. I wandered
in because I was worried I mightneed some treatment, and he,
like, lifts kinda like his shirtup where the the wound is, but I
think there's probably there'sprobably a 6 pack. I think he
like, he's it's the skinny 6pack.
Isaac Allen Burns (19:57):
Oh, I see.
Joe Diametti (19:58):
And he's too skinny to not. Kapi is exactly
what about
Isaac Allen Burns (20:00):
that vicious V? Does Kapi have a vicious V?
Joe Diametti (20:02):
Yeah. For sure. Yeah. He's got the V. And he's
like, I just thought and hekinda lifts his shirt up
strategically to you know, justbe like, I was I was just
wondering if maybe someone couldtake a look at this.
Rowan Collins (20:13):
Wow.
Joe Diametti (20:13):
And I'm just, like, keeping eye contact with
what Almond Almond? What a rollfor Almond right now. Should I?
Isaac Allen Burns (20:19):
Find out. Actually, you know what? We
could both roll. Rowan, I dowanna know. Would you say a high
roll or a low roll is whatpistachio would want your mom to
roll.
Like, in the sense of not beingcharmed by Kapi, would it need
to be a high roll or a low roll?
Rowan Collins (20:38):
Oh, I think a higher roll. It would be in my
thoughts. I think a low role,because I I would feel like
Almond does a lot of, like,like, the selling of the nuts,
if you will. So I feel like sheis a businesswoman, if you will.
Annie Hawthorne (20:57):
Girl boss.
Isaac Allen Burns (20:58):
She's a bit of a girl boss. Yeah.
Rowan Collins (21:00):
She's a little she's a very much girl boss.
She's an almond mom. You know?She's a she's a yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:04):
So, like, you can kinda think of it as, you
know, she will take what shewants. Right?
Rowan Collins (21:09):
Yeah. Mhmm.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:11):
You know, we should both roll. We're both
gonna roll, and then we're gonnafind out what we
Joe Diametti (21:16):
should do. Presence for charm?
Isaac Allen Burns (21:17):
We're gonna say this is presence.
Absolutely. Alright, man. Youknow what, Kathy? You can have
advantage.
Joe Diametti (21:22):
Alright. Advantage?
Isaac Allen Burns (21:23):
You get advantage.
Joe Diametti (21:23):
I already have plus 1. Alright. Cool. Hang on.
You don't tell me twice.
Annie Hawthorne (21:28):
Oh my god.
Joe Diametti (21:30):
Well, that's a crit before my Oh
Rowan Collins (21:31):
my god.
God. No.
Annie Hawthorne (21:35):
Wow. Kathy is your new dad.
Joe Diametti (21:36):
I know. And then I had a 2. Not that it matters
really.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:41):
But So she looks at, Kathy, and she says,
oh, dear. Are you hurt? Andshe'll go up and, like, put a
hand to wear your Yeah.
Joe Diametti (21:51):
And as she does that, I say, I am.
Rowan Collins (21:54):
I've become a
Joe Diametti (21:55):
little better now.
Rowan Collins (21:56):
Oh my god.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:57):
Oh, I'm so
Rowan Collins (21:58):
I'm so
Isaac Allen Burns (21:59):
glad that you're okay.
Rowan Collins (22:00):
Of course. Yeah.
Joe Diametti (22:00):
You your hands, they
Rowan Collins (22:04):
My father is right here.
Annie Hawthorne (22:06):
Oh, my arm hurts. I got a splinter in my
hoof.
Joe Diametti (22:10):
She says, I would I would expect your hands to be
rougher with the farm.
Isaac Allen Burns (22:19):
My husband typically works the farm. He's
so tired all the time.
Joe Diametti (22:23):
Yeah. Well, who's how do you get your energy off?
Isaac Allen Burns (22:28):
I find my ways. She's
Rowan Collins (22:30):
Bob, Kapi's, Kapi's jacket needs a sewing. Do
you can you Wait.
Joe Diametti (22:36):
Is there something wrong with my jacket? Wait.
Well, here.
Isaac Allen Burns (22:38):
Why don't you take your jacket off real fast
and I'll have
Joe Diametti (22:40):
a look at it? Okay. Yeah. And he, like, slowly
and does, you know he hebroadens his chest as he does
it.
Rowan Collins (22:48):
Oh my god. Oh my god.
Isaac Allen Burns (22:50):
She takes, she takes your jacket and looks
at the back of it, and I'll letyou decide, Joe. Is this jacket
armed?
Joe Diametti (23:05):
Yeah. Let's say there's a hole in it.
Isaac Allen Burns (23:07):
There's a small hole in it. She looks and
says, oh, no.
Joe Diametti (23:11):
No. No. No. No. No.
No. No. No.
Annie Hawthorne (23:13):
Don't worry, Kapi. Scars add character.
Joe Diametti (23:15):
No. No. No. Can we can we fix, can we fix the can
we fix the jacket?
Isaac Allen Burns (23:22):
Of course. I can I have I can sew? Yeah.
It'll probably take me allnight. You might have to come
back tomorrow for it.
Rowan Collins (23:28):
Oh, yeah. Would you like a sweater to to take
its place for now? I could I canI can spare you a sweater or 2?
Do you have
Joe Diametti (23:38):
a sweater that would fit me?
Rowan Collins (23:40):
Yes. Up in my father's room. I will grab you a
sweater cap. Yes. I will dothat.
Joe Diametti (23:45):
Yeah. I I did you need me to stay, Almond, for any
help with the repair?
Isaac Allen Burns (23:51):
You see that she's about to say something?
No.
Rowan Collins (23:54):
We do not need your help. She is a very skilled
woman, and she
Joe Diametti (23:59):
Oh, she's good with her hands, but he's making
eye contact with Almond waxes.
Rowan Collins (24:02):
Kathy, I do not need another father. Thank you.
Joe Diametti (24:08):
Pistachios.
Isaac Allen Burns (24:09):
Pistachio, she says.
Rowan Collins (24:11):
Okay. I can literally cut the sexual tension
in the room with
a butter knife
Joe Diametti (24:17):
for a
Rowan Collins (24:18):
little bit
Isaac Allen Burns (24:18):
of time. You that way.
Joe Diametti (24:19):
Don't you just love pistachio's imagination? I
find it brings me great joy
Rowan Collins (24:22):
every day. God. Stop.
Isaac Allen Burns (24:24):
At them.
Rowan Collins (24:25):
I can't believe that they're just gonna get so
enraged. They, like, pop into adodo, and they just scream, you
know, like, what? Which, again,as previously established, they
do have not used magic in theirhouse before.
Isaac Allen Burns (24:43):
Your mother screams, and you see your
father, his eyes, like, go wide.He says, where where's my child?
The sashio, where are you?
Annie Hawthorne (24:53):
Don't worry. It's just magic.
Isaac Allen Burns (24:55):
What? Don't
Annie Hawthorne (24:56):
worry. It's just magic. They do this all the
time.
Isaac Allen Burns (24:58):
Child. Where's the satio?
Joe Diametti (24:59):
Yeah. They do this once
Rowan Collins (25:00):
per episode.
Annie Hawthorne (25:04):
Don't worry. The satio is still the same
person inside.
Rowan Collins (25:08):
See, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock,
knock, and they're just, like,madly, like, like, pecking at
Kapi. Like, get out of my house.Oh my god.
Joe Diametti (25:16):
You were gonna give me a sweater little, didn't
you?
Rowan Collins (25:18):
Then follow Bee, squawk,
and they say and they are, like, march off
towards their parents' house,and they, like, meemag you,
like, follow Bee.
Isaac Allen Burns (25:30):
As you 2 leave, you see that the father
looks at Crank and says, well,Crankles, was it? What's your
what what are you called? Crank.Cranky?
Annie Hawthorne (25:43):
Just crank.
Isaac Allen Burns (25:44):
Well, just crank. Seems there's a lot about
my child. I don't know. Are youtelling me that my child can do
magic?
Annie Hawthorne (25:52):
Yes. They're very skilled at magic. I'm
trying to learn from them. Ihaven't had any luck so far. I I
try to turn into a dodo everynight after everyone goes to
sleep.
Isaac Allen Burns (26:03):
You do?
Annie Hawthorne (26:03):
But but it never works. I I try so hard.
Isaac Allen Burns (26:06):
What are you trying to do?
Annie Hawthorne (26:08):
I just try to imagine that I am a dodo. I
that's that's what Pistachioalways says that they do. So I
just I sit there and I thinkreally, really hard. And and one
time, like, I popped a bolt outof my jaw.
Rowan Collins (26:23):
Oh. But
Annie Hawthorne (26:25):
I still haven't been able to do it. And, you
know, sometimes I also try totalk to vegetables.
Isaac Allen Burns (26:33):
Just talk to vegetable. Is that another
Annie Hawthorne (26:34):
thing to tell you? Can talk to vegetables. And
so I have this I open up mylittle chest cavity, and I pull
out a half eaten turnip.
Isaac Allen Burns (26:41):
Oh my god.
Rowan Collins (26:43):
And I'm
Annie Hawthorne (26:43):
just like, yeah. And this turnip I'm I'm
trying to, like, communicatewith this turnip, but I haven't
I haven't had any luck so far.But
Isaac Allen Burns (26:49):
Just crank, I hate to tell you, that's an old
turnip. It's getting brown atthe edges.
Annie Hawthorne (26:53):
Oh, I can't really smell.
Isaac Allen Burns (26:55):
It smells bad. You should probably get rid
of that.
Annie Hawthorne (26:58):
Oh, maybe I should find a new turnip then
again. Do you think that thisturnip's dead, and that's why I
can't talk to it?
Isaac Allen Burns (27:06):
You know, I'm a nut farmer. I I had my job is
to nut, and I don't eat
Rowan Collins (27:12):
my dog.
Isaac Allen Burns (27:15):
Craig, I've been nutting for years. My
father nutted. His fathernutted, and my children will nut
for the rest of their lives. Youunderstand? He puts a hand on
your shoulder, Craig.
It says, I don't know anythingabout magic.
Rowan Collins (27:32):
I don't
Isaac Allen Burns (27:32):
know anything about turnips. I know one thing.
That's none. Very good. As the 2of you have this conversation,
Rowan and Joe, you headsomewhere else in the house.
Rowan, where are we going inthis house?
Rowan Collins (27:49):
You have, like, the the kitchen and you have,
like, the dining room and youhave the living room and then
you have the den. And then,like, right past that, there's,
like, a coat closet wherethey're pulling out, like,
different sweaters as they are,well, they're trying to hop up
and get the sweaters, andthey're just, like, pecking at
the door and then just, like
Joe Diametti (28:07):
You really need to be a dodo still.
Rowan Collins (28:10):
I'm very upset with you for flirting with my
bob.
Joe Diametti (28:15):
I flirting with your I I I don't like this tone.
Rowan Collins (28:20):
Are you trying to pop up me right now? Pistachio.
Kapi? You can be my boss, andyou can be my friend, but I
would really prefer if you wereto my dad.
Joe Diametti (28:34):
I Pistachio, I can never I can never be your dad,
but maybe I could be there. Andhe puts his little pats to the
your head.
Rowan Collins (28:43):
And then pistachio just turns back to the
door and
bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Open the stupid
closet door.
Joe Diametti (28:52):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I opened the door.
Rowan Collins (28:54):
And then they hop up and they grab a similar,
like, sweater to what you werewearing, which was, like, green
with, like, the cream sleevessimilar, and then that they had
stitched to, like, a little a onit. It seemed like it's been,
like, a new sweater.
Joe Diametti (29:08):
Did you make this for me, pistachio?
Rowan Collins (29:11):
Yeah. This is wow. This one was supposed to be
a surprise for your birthdaywhenever I figured out when your
birthday was, which I and,
Joe Diametti (29:21):
Yeah. Don't worry about it. And I don't know when
my birthday is.
Rowan Collins (29:23):
You You don't know when your birthday is?
Joe Diametti (29:24):
But this is great. Hey. Look at the material.
Rowan Collins (29:27):
They, It's
Joe Diametti (29:27):
gonna show my arms off really well.
Rowan Collins (29:29):
They it's definitely a cable knit sweater.
Joe Diametti (29:32):
Yeah.
Rowan Collins (29:32):
They pop out of beast form just for this. And
they, like, look at you and theygo, you don't know what your
birthday is?
Joe Diametti (29:39):
Yeah. I don't I don't know. I didn't do no. This
this is great. Thank you,pistachio.
Rowan Collins (29:44):
Well, you're you're welcome. But,
Joe Diametti (29:47):
Kathy And he and he remembers something and runs
back to the jacket. He's gottaget that letter out real quick.
Isaac Allen Burns (29:55):
As Kathy runs out of the room, seemingly away
from the conversation, and,Crank, you're standing there
with the dad, you hear a doorburst open, and it's Kathy, and
he's running in. And then asecond door bursts open. You see
in the front, you see 2individuals. One of them looks
very similar to pistachio,except they have big glasses and
(30:17):
it's hazel. Behind them is adwarven man wearing, these kind
of nice white robes with thesymbol of the ennead, which is,
of course, as we all know, thesort of, major religion in
Altea.
Hey, it's me, your GM, IsaacAllan Burns. And just to be
clear, the ennead is called thatbecause there are 9 gods in the
(30:38):
pantheon. Everybody here knowswhat they are, so I don't have
to say. Back to it. Frank, yousee father Graham behind Hazel.
This is the priest, local priestof Bracken Road. You see that he
has a bag of sort of, like,small medical supplies. He often
acts as the family doctor. Yousee that he runs in. Hazel also
(31:00):
runs in and, like, kneels nextto Wally and looks at you,
Crank, and says, what happened?
Where is everyone? Whathappened?
Annie Hawthorne (31:07):
I'm honestly not sure. What? I punched an
acid burrower, like, 4 times andthen it died. You punched it and
it died? Well, it was wrapped invines when it died.
I'm not really sure how the vine
Joe Diametti (31:18):
Kathy says a little bit happened in between
that and that as he's, like,putting on his sweater.
Isaac Allen Burns (31:23):
Who are you people, actually?
Annie Hawthorne (31:24):
Oh, I'm Crank. Hi. It's nice to meet you. I've
heard a lot about you.
Joe Diametti (31:28):
Oh, you're Crank. Yes. Okay. And I'm Kathy.
Isaac Allen Burns (31:32):
Okay. Okay. You've heard a lot? Oh, you're
Kathy?
Joe Diametti (31:36):
Yes. I'm Kathy. Oh. Oh. Anyways Wait.
Isaac Allen Burns (31:39):
What what happened to my brother? Why is
his face covered?
Rowan Collins (31:41):
That would be b Hazel. That's b, pistachio says
having chased be back in andhearing Hazel's voice. He got
spit on by an acid burrower, soI fixed his face.
Joe Diametti (31:53):
Hey. Let's rip this band aid off real quick. Do
you know that pistachio doesmagic? And then he goes to his
jacket and pulls the letter outand puts it in the fuck.
Isaac Allen Burns (32:00):
Pistachio, what the fuck is he talking
about?
Rowan Collins (32:03):
He's a it's not
Isaac Allen Burns (32:05):
You could do magic now?
Rowan Collins (32:06):
Yes. I could do magic.
Annie Hawthorne (32:09):
Why do you sound angry? Magic is wonderful.
Joe Diametti (32:11):
Wait. Are you the only one that can do magic in
your family?
Rowan Collins (32:14):
Yes. I'm the only one who could do magic in my
family. Okay? Yes. I could domagic, Hazel.
Sorry. I didn't tell you. You'vebeen avoiding me since, you
know, I've been trying to becomea doctor. Just haven't talked to
me. So like, whatever, I guessyou didn't know.
Now you know. Surprise.
Isaac Allen Burns (32:34):
She looks at you, what seems like an
eternity. And she just standsand says, I'm glad everyone's
okay. And she brushes past youand goes up to her room.
Joe Diametti (32:48):
You're gonna be a doctor?
Rowan Collins (32:50):
It's, yeah. That's when I was coming. Sorry.
I I need to go talk to her andStacio will turn on and go back
upstairs.
Isaac Allen Burns (33:00):
Stacio, you run upstairs as the rest of you,
you're putting on your jacket.Craig, you're standing there.
You see that father Graham hasimmediately begun tending to
Wally, is kinda looking, and hekinda turns to the 2 of you and
says, Oh, wow. Who treated him?Was it one of you 2?
Mhmm. This poultice, thismixture.
Joe Diametti (33:23):
I don't remember. I was bleeding pretty bad.
Isaac Allen Burns (33:26):
This stuff is what you find a lot of
mercenaries will use on thefield. It's very fast acting.
It's also very rare.
Annie Hawthorne (33:33):
Can I recall anything about these
mercenaries?
Isaac Allen Burns (33:36):
Make a knowledge check for me.
Rowan Collins (33:37):
I don't have a knowledge.
Annie Hawthorne (33:41):
15 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns (33:42):
You have a fear. What you all would know
about mercenaries is they'resort of the opposite side of the
coin of the adventuring guild.Kind of similar to adventuring
guilds, they'll take ondifferent jobs, but the
difference is they do so formoney, and there is no limit to
what they will do. Right? So asyou're thinking back, right,
(34:04):
flashing in your mind, in yourcircuits, are these disparate
images of war.
You see people on the groundbleeding out, limbs missing,
gashes all across their body.You see and feel magic being
thrown across the field, andsure enough, you see a mercenary
(34:25):
in red armor laying on theground. You see a bag next to
him full of these ingredients.One of them is this vial with
this golden hair suffusedthrough it. It almost glows, and
you flash back for a moment.
Where'd you go, big guy?
Annie Hawthorne (34:41):
I have seen this before. Where? In battle.
Joe Diametti (34:44):
In battle?
Annie Hawthorne (34:45):
Yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns (34:46):
You 2 are kinda having this conversation
on the side. You see that fatherGraham has pulled, both the
parents over and seemed to betalking to a hush tone.
Joe Diametti (34:53):
I I like I lean over to Crank. What's your read
here on all of this?
Annie Hawthorne (34:58):
I don't know. I feel weird about that blue guy,
Ash.
Joe Diametti (35:03):
You too? Yeah. Or usually it's just me.
Annie Hawthorne (35:06):
No. I feel weird about this whole
situation. Frankly. Like, thatasset borrower shouldn't have
been here. Like, this almostfeels like another distraction.
Isaac Allen Burns (35:16):
Yeah. As you ponder this, we go upstairs. In
the room, you step in,pistachio, and you see your
sister is on her side of theroom. You see that she's putting
on her work boots.
Rowan Collins (35:30):
Hazel Hazel, we've gotta talk.
Isaac Allen Burns (35:35):
What do we have to talk about?
Rowan Collins (35:37):
Well, you're clearly upset, and you haven't
talked to me in weeks. And Ifeel like we live at the same
room, and we used to be really,really close. So, like, you
gotta talk to me. Okay?
Isaac Allen Burns (35:52):
She, like, laces up her boots and stands up
and turns and looks at Jill witha very kinda, like, blank
expression and says, what isthere to talk about, pistachio?
Rowan Collins (36:10):
Well, you're bad at me for 1. And I'm sorry to
tell you about the magic. Itreally happened all so quickly
when they sent me away for,grandpappy's farm. And then you
just haven't talked to me sincemom and dad said that you're
(36:30):
gonna send me to the adventuringguild and then to school, and I
I feel like you're bad at me.And I I don't want to you to be
mad at me.
We're we're literally we'reliterally twins. Okay? Like,
you've always been my, like, mybackup, my my my sister. You
(36:51):
know? Like, it's weird nothaving you here.
Isaac Allen Burns (36:56):
Satchel, I'm always here. If I'm not here in
this room, she points to thefields, I'm out there working so
incredibly hard because somebodyhas to around here. And now,
Pistachio, both our brother andour father are out for the
count. The Apple Festival, whenwe're supposed to be done with
all this, is only days away. Sonow it's me.
(37:19):
Now I have to go out there anddo all of that work. Mom can't
do it.
Joe Diametti (37:24):
Can you do it?
Rowan Collins (37:26):
No. I can't. I'm allergic. No. I can't.
Isaac Allen Burns (37:33):
This is what I have to do. I'm so happy for
you, pistachio. You get to goout and be something. I'm just
here. Not until the day I die.
Rowan Collins (37:49):
He's sorry.
Isaac Allen Burns (37:53):
For what? What are you sorry for,
pistachio? You want me to say,oh, it's all good. It's okay.
Will that make me feel better?
No. Says you didn't do anything.
Rowan Collins (38:08):
But the beta doctor was your dream.
Isaac Allen Burns (38:14):
I would love to get out of this town. I would
love to help people, but you andI both know that mom and dad
need help on this farm andwouldn't dream of letting me go.
The only reason any of us get togo is because you are physically
incapable of doing it.
Rowan Collins (38:31):
Maybe I maybe I could go with some otherwise or,
you know, maybe, like, when weget enough money, then I can
maybe maybe they won't have toand you can get out of here or
something. I just I feel bad. Itshouldn't have been me.
Isaac Allen Burns (38:51):
You see that she walks over to you, just
stands really close to you, andjust holds her arms out and
gives you a big hug.
Rowan Collins (39:00):
They hug back, and they squeeze really, really
hard, and they're just, like,crying.
Isaac Allen Burns (39:06):
I know it's not your fault, Pistachio. And
I'm sorry that I am mad at youbecause you didn't do anything.
But I still I don't know. Shejust sorta like squeezes you one
time and then steps back andsays, I gotta go to the fields.
(39:33):
Okay.
Someone has to harvest thesethings. We'll talk later. Okay.
She she grabs her bag and hernut and gear, and she steps out
of the room.
Rowan Collins (39:48):
I really wish I knew how to do it. And they like
take a pause and they like godownstairs.
Isaac Allen Burns (39:57):
You go downstairs, Crank and Kathy, as
you're having this conversation,you see Hazel kinda walks
quickly out of the house. Youcan tell that she's like, she
kind of gives a sniffle. You cansee that she's barely holding
back tears. And she steps out ofthe house as the 3 older
individuals in the room kind ofwatch her leave. And then father
(40:17):
Graham turns, to all of you andsays, okay, well, Wally is going
to need some rest.
So, if one of you can help mecarry him upstairs to his room,
does anyone know where his roomis?
Rowan Collins (40:32):
Yeah. Just, Wally's room's this way.
Annie Hawthorne (40:35):
I'll just pick Wally up and I'll follow
pistachio.
Isaac Allen Burns (40:39):
Yeah. You carry him up, and the 3 of you
are sort of in pistachio's room.You put Wally down. He's
breathing easily. He's breathingpeacefully.
And the 3 of you have thismoment together. Father's gone?
Father's gone. Yeah.
Joe Diametti (40:51):
Yeah. He Kapi watches father leave and close
the door and he's, like, sideeyeing. Pistachio.
Rowan Collins (40:59):
Hey. Hey, happy to lose out. I like your
sweater?
Joe Diametti (41:03):
Yeah. I love my sweater, kid. You okay? Rough
day?
Annie Hawthorne (41:09):
Yeah. Why does your sister hate magic?
Rowan Collins (41:12):
She doesn't hate magic. She kinda just hates me
right now. But it's okay. It's acomplicated story. You know?
We're born into nothing, and allof us will die nothing except
for me just because I can't nutyou know, up allergic. Right?
Oh, gotcha. So, anyway, she'sthe only one right now who can
(41:37):
she's the only one right now whocan farm, and I can't help her.
And it was her dream to get outof here, and she doesn't get to
go.
Wally's gonna rest real good.
Joe Diametti (41:51):
How did you make that?
Rowan Collins (41:53):
No. We did, I didn't make the poultice. We
were helping my dad. Remember? II think Ash made it while we
were fixing my dad's arm.
Joe Diametti (42:05):
Yeah. I shoot. Crank a look.
Rowan Collins (42:09):
Why? Yeah. I made it. It was a pit poultice.
Joe Diametti (42:13):
I'm gonna can I can I be honest with you too?
Sure. Great. I'm starting tohave trouble trusting a lot of
people in this town. Can I listoff my list of suspects so far?
Rowan Collins (42:24):
Sure. Sure.
Joe Diametti (42:25):
Great. So far, we have
Annie Hawthorne (42:27):
Is there a crime that we're trying to
solve?
Joe Diametti (42:30):
No. But something clearly is happening here.
Right?
Rowan Collins (42:34):
I mean
Annie Hawthorne (42:35):
We had a Sebastian You you said suspects
like you are suspectingsomething.
Joe Diametti (42:42):
Yes. I I'm expecting things bad things to
happen, and I have suspects thatare conspiring conspiring.
Conspiring. That's the word.
Rowan Collins (42:54):
We see. I
Isaac Allen Burns (42:55):
keep getting words wrong.
Joe Diametti (42:57):
I think that's my new favorite thing. Because it's
almost all of them. Sometimesit's on purpose, and sometimes
it's not. I had suspects who areconspiring
Annie Hawthorne (43:08):
I'm gonna open my chest cavity and pull out a
dictionary and say, you needthis.
Joe Diametti (43:12):
Babe. Conspiring. Something bad's happening.
Something bad is happening.Right?
We have Sebastian. Uh-huh. Thatwas all a distraction. We have
this acid borrower. When's thelast time there was an acid
burrower here?
Never. There's never been anacid burrower here.
Annie Hawthorne (43:30):
I would know. I've only been here for 3 weeks.
Joe Diametti (43:32):
Well, I'm telling you, there's never
Rowan Collins (43:34):
been an acid burrower here while here. And he
had that knife that was reallythat almost, like, really messed
me up.
Annie Hawthorne (43:41):
Yeah. Yeah. The spy knife.
Joe Diametti (43:43):
Yeah. Like, there's something going on. So
people I'm suspicious of. I'mno. I'm suspicious of the
librarian, your mother.
Rowan Collins (43:53):
No. Go
Joe Diametti (43:54):
ahead. I'm suspicious of Carol at the
bakery. I'm suspicious of
Rowan Collins (43:59):
Carol? She's the little doodie thing.
Joe Diametti (44:02):
I'm suspicious of Graham. Suspicious of all the
wrong people. Father Graham. I'msuspicious of Ash that we met?
Annie Hawthorne (44:10):
That's
Joe Diametti (44:11):
Ash. Ash.
Rowan Collins (44:12):
Ash. Suspicious.
Annie Hawthorne (44:12):
That's the first of a suspicious person
you've
Joe Diametti (44:14):
named. Your sister?
Rowan Collins (44:16):
Why my sister?
Joe Diametti (44:18):
I'm suspicious.
Rowan Collins (44:19):
Wait. Wait. Why Hazel?
Annie Hawthorne (44:21):
Kapi, I think you have trust issues.
Rowan Collins (44:24):
I might Wait. Her. Why are
Joe Diametti (44:27):
you suspicious? Stay with me. This is clearly a
conspiracy that goes all the wayto the top.
Rowan Collins (44:33):
Hazel is nowhere near the top.
Joe Diametti (44:34):
But, Hazel's, we're all pieces in this game.
Don't you see?
Annie Hawthorne (44:37):
Are you suspicious of yourself?
Joe Diametti (44:39):
Am I no. I I'm the only one making sense here,
gang. You gotta stay with me.Okay?
Rowan Collins (44:44):
Okay.
Joe Diametti (44:44):
Listen. The Apple Festival is in just a few days.
Clearly, they are trying to takedown the festival.
Annie Hawthorne (44:54):
Yeah. I think you're having paranoid
delusions. I've read about thisin a book.
Rowan Collins (44:58):
Is there anybody that we know that is coming to
the festival that is, like,really important? Because it
brings a lot of people in.
Isaac Allen Burns (45:06):
It does. It brings a lot of people local to
the province, the Vy County ofAljena Bai. Yeah. Really. This
is a this is small potatoes.
Like, no one from the king, noone from the capital of Regulus
will be there. It's just mostlylocal people. Viscount Edgar
Balthazar will be in attendance.A lot of people from across
(45:28):
Volvane do come to this, kind ofin the same way that, like, one
of your coworkers goes to abluegrass festival in the middle
of nowhere every year whereyou're just like, oh, yeah. I
guess that has happened.
That's kind of the vibe itgives. This is a very niche
thing.
Rowan Collins (45:41):
I don't know why they would choose us.
Joe Diametti (45:43):
I'm suspicious of Stithaniel?
Rowan Collins (45:45):
Oh, yes. Stathaniel.
Joe Diametti (45:46):
I'm suspicious.
Annie Hawthorne (45:47):
Suspicious of people. Okay.
Rowan Collins (45:49):
Okay. I think maybe what we should do is, why
don't we find Ash right now?
Annie Hawthorne (45:55):
That's a good idea.
Joe Diametti (45:57):
Yes. This sounds good. And I will go check on
Rowan Collins (46:01):
Scarlet.
Joe Diametti (46:02):
I was gonna say Nefene. Oh. But, yeah, I have
Scarlet too.
Rowan Collins (46:06):
Well, I mean, the Apple Festival's biggest draw is
the apples. Mhmm. And she's thedaughter. What do you what?
Yeah.
Maybe it's Scarlet.
Joe Diametti (46:13):
What are you so big. Both of you?
Rowan Collins (46:16):
I'm saying that she's really important. I do
think she has suspicions. Well,I was thinking
Annie Hawthorne (46:22):
Maybe she's seen some stuff happening around
the apple orchard.
Rowan Collins (46:25):
Yeah. We need to, see if she's got any ideas, and
that would just give us anotherreason for us to go see her.
Joe Diametti (46:32):
Okay. Alright. You know what? You're right. I'll
Isaac Allen Burns (46:34):
go check
Joe Diametti (46:35):
on her.
Rowan Collins (46:35):
Wearing a nice cable knit sweater.
Annie Hawthorne (46:37):
That's Yes. It does look very nice on you.
Makes your arms look nice.
Rowan Collins (46:41):
Thank you. As I've mentioned before, the
sexiest of all sweaters. Soyou've got immense appeal right
now.
Annie Hawthorne (46:50):
Yeah. Yeah. Now she gets to see what's under
that jacket. The jacket's prettybaggy.
Joe Diametti (46:55):
She's seen what's okay. Alright. Yeah. I'll go
check on Scarlet.
Rowan Collins (46:58):
Okay. Well, we should probably come with you
because we're currently justchatting in front of Wally's
room.
Isaac Allen Burns (47:04):
As you say that, as you start making plans
to go do things, a wave ofexhaustion hits the 3 of you as
midnight strikes. Any chance togo do anything might be best for
the next morning.
Annie Hawthorne (47:17):
Yeah. Yeah. It's probably time to get some
rest.
Rowan Collins (47:20):
Would you guys it's kind of been a lot. Do you
guys buy actually staying?
Joe Diametti (47:29):
I yeah. My jacket's here anyways. I gotta
wait till the morning for it tobe thick.
Rowan Collins (47:33):
We can have a sleepover in my room.
Joe Diametti (47:35):
Oh, yeah. We could have a sleep.
Annie Hawthorne (47:37):
In your room? I'm I take up a lot of space.
Rowan Collins (47:39):
You should.
Joe Diametti (47:41):
Yeah. I could sleep on the couch.
Rowan Collins (47:43):
No. My father is still on the couch.
Joe Diametti (47:47):
He's not going to bed?
Annie Hawthorne (47:49):
Oh my god.
Rowan Collins (47:51):
Kathy, you're not leaving my sight. Okay? Alright.
Plus, Hazel's gonna be workingall night to try and get
everything back together. So
Joe Diametti (48:02):
Okay. Yeah. I can do that.
Rowan Collins (48:04):
Don't hit on my sister either.
Isaac Allen Burns (48:06):
Okay.
Rowan Collins (48:06):
Alright. Look. I happy I really like and respect
you as a person. Please don'tmake this weird.
Joe Diametti (48:15):
Frank, do you have, like, waves that you can
play? Like, do you have, like, asound machine in there?
Rowan Collins (48:21):
We're going to my room, please. Let's leave let's
leave Wally alone to sleep.
Isaac Allen Burns (48:27):
You all head to pistachio slash Hazel's room
and finding your own comfortablespots on the floor or on
Pistachio's bed, you all go tosleep.
Joe Diametti (48:39):
Yeah.
Annie Hawthorne (48:39):
I'll, I end up recording that I'm made of some
rain or something and play that.I'll put it on a sleep timer for
like 59 minutes.
Isaac Allen Burns (48:48):
Incredible. Oh my goodness. All of you drift
off to sleep unless there'sanything anyone wants to do
before they go to bed.
Annie Hawthorne (48:57):
I'm gonna, at the very end of my little sleep
timer, if I think that they'reboth asleep, I'm going to pull
out that rotten turnip that Ihave and I'm going to like hold
it up to my ear antenna thing.I'll be like,
Rowan Collins (49:13):
hello. Can you hear me? Are you there?
Isaac Allen Burns (49:21):
You swear you hear the faintest? And that's
where we'll end this episode ofDodoBorne. Tune in next time
with a brand new day and a brandnew set of challenges for our 3
favorite heroes. Hey. Squawk on3.
123. Squawk. Hey. It's apodcast.
Good morning, everybody. It's me, your host,
Isaac Allen Burns, with anotherepisode of DodoBorne! With me
today is Rowan Collins playingPistachio.
Rowan Collins (00:44):
Oh, hi.
Isaac Allen Burns (00:45):
And to Rowan's right, I've got Annie
Hawthorne playing Crank.
Annie Hawthorne (00:51):
Hello.
Isaac Allen Burns (00:51):
And sitting across from Annie Hawthorne,
I've got Joe Diametti playingKapi. Hello. There we go. Nice.
Now that everyone's here, whydon't we delve in?
(02:10):
Let's start with a bit of arecap. So our heroes were
informed of an attack at theDroop family farm, also known as
Pistachios family's farm, andquickly leapt into action.
Arriving at the scene, theydiscovered an acid burrower,
this large insectoid monstercurrently attacking the farm
with Wally, Pistachio's brother,fending it off as best as he
(02:34):
possibly could. But Chaboy wasnot a fighter and went down
really quick after a splurge ofacid to the face. That being
said, our heroes were able todefeat the beasts using
fisticuffs, a bit of magic, andclever use of a soft of rope.
We find them now in theaftermath of the battle.
Pistachio, your dad is laying onthe ground in a lot of pain.
Joe Diametti (02:57):
Okay.
Rowan Collins (02:57):
Okay. Okay. Hey, dad. Hey. It's me, Pistachio.
I'm just gonna be my friend,Kapi, here. This is Kapi. Kapi
is my boss. We're gonna bandageyou. Why are you yelling at me?
I'm not yelling at
Isaac Allen Burns (03:11):
you. Yelling at me, kid.
Rowan Collins (03:12):
I'm not I'm not I'm trying to explain what's
gonna happen. Alright. Start.
Joe Diametti (03:16):
I'm gonna run back. Fix them.
Rowan Collins (03:18):
Work it on it. Okay. I don't have I don't feel
like I have the magic to dothis. I just we're gonna bandage
your arm. Okay?
Alright. And I got alcohol. Youhave alcohol. Right?
Joe Diametti (03:28):
I don't have
Rowan Collins (03:29):
Why do you don't have alcohol? Would I have
alcohol?
Pistachio goes to their bag, and they definitely
have alcohol in the bag thatthey probably bought. And they,
like, push it to their father'slips to just be like, drink
this. And then we're gonna setthe arm.
Isaac Allen Burns (03:43):
Oh, okay. Let's see how terrible this is.
Go ahead and roll. What role doyou think this would be?
Knowledge or finesse?
I think it would be Rowan. Whatdo you think? Pistachio is
Rowan Collins (03:54):
going on? Pistachio is definitely doing it
out of knowledge because theyhave not actually set a bone.
Neither one of these is good.That's actually worse for me.
But
Isaac Allen Burns (04:05):
Awesome. Hey. I don't know. I love that. I
love that.
That's really great. But Cathyis helping you right now.
Joe Diametti (04:10):
So
Rowan Collins (04:11):
true. I would like to use my experience, spend
a hope to spend my experience,which is no longer sheltered
because at this point, this isthe first time that, Pistachio
is setting a bone. So I'm gonnause that to add to to my thing.
Isaac Allen Burns (04:25):
Okay.
Rowan Collins (04:27):
That was a 22 with hope.
Isaac Allen Burns (04:29):
Wow. Cathy, you leaned down to try and help.
And before you could even getthere, you see Pistachio has
already set this thing intoplace. You instead kinda hold
the man's shoulders as hescreams in pain. Oh, what are
you doing?
There's a resounding pop as it'sput into place.
Joe Diametti (04:50):
You're good for it. I have a hole in me, and
I'll slap his arm like a like a
Rowan Collins (04:55):
I must I must ask you not to touch the patient in
a harmful way. That is myfather. Please don't hurt him
anymore.
Joe Diametti (05:03):
Has anyone ever told you you'd make a good
doctor?
Rowan Collins (05:06):
Yes. That's yes. Yes. I would. Dad, you're being
very dramatic right now.
I need you to kinda chill out.
Joe Diametti (05:13):
My arm.
Rowan Collins (05:14):
I know your arm hurts. You literally do the same
thing when you stubbed your toe.Do you want mom to come and kiss
it better?
Isaac Allen Burns (05:22):
I don't like your tone.
Annie Hawthorne (05:23):
I don't like your tone.
Rowan Collins (05:24):
You're so I right. You're right. You're
right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Joe Diametti (05:27):
It's just very stupid. Tone?
Isaac Allen Burns (05:29):
He tries to stand up, and then he kinda
stumbles back at the groundagain.
Rowan Collins (05:34):
Okay. What else is hurting? I, like, try and
check him over.
Isaac Allen Burns (05:38):
You see, he's got, a thorn in his big toe. But
he's a hoof. He's got hooves.See, there's a thorn in his
hoof.
Rowan Collins (05:45):
Okay. Alright.
Isaac Allen Burns (05:46):
I can't walk.
Rowan Collins (05:47):
Alright. Dad, I got you. Hold on one second.
Alright. Kevin, do you have any,like, pliers or anything, like,
that could take you see the oran elf's hoof?
Joe Diametti (05:57):
I have my jacket.
Isaac Allen Burns (05:59):
I have a I have a jacket.
Rowan Collins (06:00):
You don't have
Joe Diametti (06:00):
Let me check my pockets.
Rowan Collins (06:01):
Okay.
Isaac Allen Burns (06:02):
You check your pocket.
Joe Diametti (06:02):
I checked nothing.
Rowan Collins (06:04):
Okay. Great. Well
Joe Diametti (06:05):
I have a I have an envelope, and then I you see it
for a second, I quickly stuff itback in.
Rowan Collins (06:09):
Okay. Alright.
Joe Diametti (06:10):
It's just it's it's it's one hoof.
Rowan Collins (06:12):
Right.
Joe Diametti (06:13):
It's his only hoof.
Rowan Collins (06:14):
Yep. Alright. Hold on. Are you alright, dad? I
think
Annie Hawthorne (06:19):
he has 2 hooves Yeah.
Joe Diametti (06:20):
Kathy. But it was in one hoof.
Rowan Collins (06:23):
Nothing. I I pull off, the statue.
Isaac Allen Burns (06:27):
One hoof right now.
Rowan Collins (06:28):
I what
Isaac Allen Burns (06:29):
days are over.
Rowan Collins (06:30):
Just pull
Isaac Allen Burns (06:31):
it up.
Rowan Collins (06:31):
I'm I'm working on it. Kapi does Kapi wear
shoes?
Annie Hawthorne (06:35):
I wanna go find a stick that looks like it could
be used as a cane.
Isaac Allen Burns (06:40):
Oh, yeah. You go off to the edge where the
fence is where you see some,like, trees are there, and you
find what kind of stick do youfind?
Annie Hawthorne (06:47):
You tell me.
Rowan Collins (06:47):
I think
Annie Hawthorne (06:47):
I find a massive tree branch that's,
like, 6 feet long, and I, like,bring it back. And I'm like,
hey, guys. I found this. Andthen I, like, break it in half
over my knee and hand them halfof the stick.
Rowan Collins (06:59):
Oh, perfect. Thank you. Thank you.
Alright. Great. Gee, here's a quick question.
Don't hit
Isaac Allen Burns (07:04):
me with the stick. Don't knock me out with
the stick. I can't
Rowan Collins (07:07):
tell you how. Wear shoes?
Joe Diametti (07:09):
Yeah.
Rowan Collins (07:10):
Alright. Kathy, I'm gonna need your sock real
quick.
Joe Diametti (07:13):
My sock?
Rowan Collins (07:14):
Your sock. 1? You could give me both if you
prefer.
Joe Diametti (07:18):
This is getting weird. Pistachio.
Rowan Collins (07:20):
I'm he's gotta bite down on something.
Joe Diametti (07:23):
My sock?
Rowan Collins (07:24):
Do you have anything else? The thorn
out. Okay.
Joe Diametti (07:27):
I'll hold it.
Rowan Collins (07:27):
You're gonna regret this, and they're gonna
pull the thorn out of theirdad's foot.
Isaac Allen Burns (07:32):
He howls in pain. I say Ah.
Joe Diametti (07:37):
I pet I pet I pet I pet his head. Everything's
okay.
Rowan Collins (07:42):
Can you
Isaac Allen Burns (07:43):
press this roll for me?
Joe Diametti (07:44):
Me? Yeah. Make a press release. Alright. My press
is a plus one.
That's a 13 with hope.
Isaac Allen Burns (07:51):
Okay. He he kinda leads it to it. He's like,
Joe Diametti (07:53):
he feels confident. Yeah. He he rests his
head into his shoulders. Yourshoulder. It's okay.
Annie Hawthorne (07:57):
I'm just gonna lean over to Pistachio and say,
is Kapi hitting on your dad now?
Rowan Collins (08:04):
Pistachio is just like, I really can't deal with
everything going on right now,so I'm just gonna table that for
later.
Joe Diametti (08:14):
And then I just drop him. Like Awesome. Alright.
Who's this? Who are you?
And I point at the what is whatis he?
Isaac Allen Burns (08:22):
You see yeah. It's this blue Inferni. He's,
you see he's currently, like,kneeled down next to Wall E.
Mhmm. He's got a blanket on topof Wall E.
He's got, like, a cold compresson his, like, head where you can
see a layer of gauze. You alsosee what looks like one of those
mortar and pestles Mhmm. And yousee he's got a poultice on it,
and he looks up at you and says,yes. Sorry. I, I'm visiting for
(08:45):
the festival, and a young fawnwoman was running by.
I believe she was going to getthe priest, but she said there
was a creature attacking thisfarm, so I came to see how I
could help. I have experiencewith being a combat medic. So,
he looks down at your brotherand looks up at you, pistachio,
and says, are you the one whotreated his wounds?
Rowan Collins (09:05):
Yes. That was me. Hub. Yes. It was.
It was not the best job, but itwas kind of under duress because
this is my house too. And
Isaac Allen Burns (09:13):
No. No. Quite the opposite. Considering the
circumstances, you did a verygood job of treating this. Due
to the nature of this acid thatcomes from this creature, there
will unfortunately be somescarring, but it won't be as
horrific as it could have beenhad you not acted so quickly.
So that was that was very welldone.
Rowan Collins (09:32):
Oh, thank goodness. Wally would be really
angry with me if anybody hurthis mug. Thank you for treating
Kim. We're gonna actually,Craig, can you help me take my
dad to the house? We'll be backfrom my brother very shortly.
Isaac Allen Burns (09:49):
Or do you have any, like, medical
facilities that you can take himto?
Rowan Collins (09:53):
We don't have, like, advanced medicine here.
It's, like, kind of where, like,you know, a bar said that, like,
it does, like, sees us incheckups and, like, marks our
height and, like, tells us toeat more apples so we don't have
to see him.
Isaac Allen Burns (10:07):
I see. Like, family doctor.
Rowan Collins (10:09):
Yeah. A fair family doctor.
Isaac Allen Burns (10:12):
Well, it's good I got here when I did, I
guess.
Rowan Collins (10:14):
Are you a are you a doctor?
Isaac Allen Burns (10:17):
Kinda wryly smiles and says, no. Not quite a
doctor, but, I was I did act asa medic in the war
Annie Hawthorne (10:25):
a couple years
Isaac Allen Burns (10:26):
ago. So I'm familiar with wounds such as
these.
Rowan Collins (10:29):
Oh, wow. That's really that's really cool.
Isaac Allen Burns (10:32):
He will need a little much rest in the next
few days as he recovers, but youdid very good work here.
Rowan Collins (10:38):
Well, thank you. I was I tried.
Isaac Allen Burns (10:42):
I saw the tail end of that fight. I mean,
all of you fought very wellagainst it, especially points at
you crank, and so especiallyyou, those fists are big.
Annie Hawthorne (10:51):
Does this guy remind me of anyone I would have
known?
Isaac Allen Burns (10:54):
Make a knowledge check for me.
Annie Hawthorne (10:59):
What's your role? I rolled an 8 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns (11:02):
8 with fear. As you look at this thing, you
feel like a twinge in your head.And due to the nature of what
just occurred to you, it's nottoo uncommon after going red. So
you're not quite sure if it'sanything, but you sort of look
at this thing. He looks at youand is just sort of, you know,
has a small smile on, and hestands up and sort of dusts off
(11:23):
his pants and says, well, I'mAsh, by the way.
He holds out a hand to shakeyour hand.
Rowan Collins (11:30):
Ash? Sure. Nice to meet you, and pistachio
offers their hand out.
Isaac Allen Burns (11:36):
You will shake it.
Rowan Collins (11:38):
Cool.
How does this guy shake hands?
Isaac Allen Burns (11:40):
Very professionally. Oh. Very
professionally. One good shake,one strong shake. Not too hard
to squeeze your hand, but, firmenough to know that he's there.
Joe Diametti (11:48):
Maybe we get both your brother and your dad
inside.
Rowan Collins (11:50):
Well, I figured, like, if Craig, can you carry
both of them at the same time?
Annie Hawthorne (11:55):
I'll scoop one up in one arm and the other up
in another arm, and I'll carrythem like whole potato sacks.
Rowan Collins (12:00):
Oh, okay.
Isaac Allen Burns (12:01):
Wow. Nastacio's dad complains the
whole time. My arm. Ugh,
Rowan Collins (12:07):
dad. It's this is why I asked for the sock.
Joe Diametti (12:12):
I'm glad I didn't have to take off my sock.
Rowan Collins (12:15):
Yeah. You know? Happy, maybe you stay outside
and hang out with Ash.
Isaac Allen Burns (12:21):
Oh, I was actually going to take my leave
and leave you all to it. Theyseem in good conditions.
Rowan Collins (12:26):
Oh, are you sure you don't wanna talk with Kathy
more? I feel like that would bevery knowledgeable. He's like
the, like, head of the adventureguild. Like, we're from the
adventure guild. He's our boss.
Isaac Allen Burns (12:37):
Oh.
Rowan Collins (12:37):
That I feel like y'all would get to know each
other very well. I feel likethat would be very good, please.
And then Pistachio, like, looksat Ash in a way trying to say
something that I thought thatAsh could pick up on, but I
don't know if Ash is veryperceptive.
Isaac Allen Burns (12:53):
Ash looks at you and reads your face and
gives a big smile and says, no.I really have to go.
Rowan Collins (13:01):
No. I'm sorry. It's Oh, don't.
Isaac Allen Burns (13:03):
Starts walking away.
Rowan Collins (13:04):
Hap. Yeah.
Joe Diametti (13:07):
God. No. No. No. It's it's pistachio.
It's fine. Go inside with yourfamily. I'll stay out here, and
I'll I'll see Ash off. Ash hashelped us a lot. I'm just gonna
shake his hand.
Rowan Collins (13:16):
Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Thank you, Kathy.
Yes. Very good. Thanks. Yes. Yes.
Alright. Thank you, Kathy.
Joe Diametti (13:24):
Thank you, Pistachio.
Isaac Allen Burns (13:26):
Hey. Ash is currently starting to walk away.
Joe Diametti (13:28):
Yeah. Ash, I just you know, I didn't I didn't
introduce myself. Kathy, I Ireach out my hand. You know,
just wanna say thank you foreverything.
Isaac Allen Burns (13:36):
He reaches out, takes your hand.
Joe Diametti (13:37):
Yeah. I shake it and then I go and I so and I and
I kinda pull it closer so hecan't quite leave. And so you're
here for the Apple Festival.
Isaac Allen Burns (13:45):
Yes. I am. Perfect.
Joe Diametti (13:47):
I would like to use my slyborn community trait,
which is scoundrel. Oh, okay.And it says I have advantage on
any roles where I'm negotiatingwith criminals, which I'm not,
detecting lies, which I am, orfinding a safe place to hide. I
wanna see if I can detect a lie.
Isaac Allen Burns (14:02):
Go for it. Do it. What do I What is a role?
I'm gonna say in this casebecause you are trying to detect
a roll, this sounds most like aninstinct roll.
Joe Diametti (14:11):
Okay. Instinct, yeah, perceive sense. Man, why
did I give myself nothing forthis? 13 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns (14:24):
13 with fear. Okay. On 13th, I'm gonna
actually, this is great. Kathy,you look at this guy and you see
his smile is very easy. He walkslike someone without a care in
the world.
And he talks about being in thewar. Thing is, as far as you
(14:45):
know, Cyrus was in the war, andthere are plenty of older
individuals in town who foughtin the war. It was only 10 years
ago. Fawns live a long time.Mhmm.
Whenever they talk about it,they get a look in their eyes.
One of deep seated horror atwhat occurred. That there's
something inside of them thatthey'll never get back because
(15:05):
the war stole it from them.
Rowan Collins (15:06):
Mhmm.
Isaac Allen Burns (15:07):
This guy talks about the war. He's not
lying. You definitely fought inthe war, but you don't see that
look in his eyes.
Joe Diametti (15:18):
I hope to see you around.
Isaac Allen Burns (15:20):
Well, unfortunately, I can only stay
for the 1st day, but I hear it'sreally great.
Joe Diametti (15:24):
Yeah. Sure is. Hey. Enjoy the town. Enjoy the
festival, and then I let go.
Isaac Allen Burns (15:29):
I plan to. And he smiles and starts walking
away. And Kapi, with that fear,I think the move here is that,
once again, there's somethingthere. There's another piece.
Joe Diametti (15:42):
Mhmm.
Isaac Allen Burns (15:42):
But you just can't put it together. You can't
put there is
Joe Diametti (15:46):
Even as Joe, I can't. That's actually what's
like, you you're saying it as ifit's like a Kapi thing, but Joe
also can't piece of I knowthere's something there.
Isaac Allen Burns (15:56):
Yeah. He walks away, with an easy stride.
K. Crank, we'll go back in timea little bit. Crank, you step
into the house, and immediately,this older fond woman, like,
brundles up to you and is like,oh, by the gods.
By the night. Are they okay? Areyou okay? What happened? I saw I
saw shadows and torches, and Iheard my husband complaining and
(16:18):
yelling.
So I know he's fine, but it'snot my side. It's my side. It's
okay.
Annie Hawthorne (16:21):
Everyone's okay. It's alright. We're all
fine. Okay. Yeah.
Everyone's fine. I'll plop themdown as gingerly as I can.
Isaac Allen Burns (16:28):
Yeah. There's, like, a big couch. One
of those, like, almost likestyle couches.
Annie Hawthorne (16:31):
Them on the couch.
Rowan Collins (16:33):
And, this is Craig. Craig is my coworker and
best friend. Oh,
Isaac Allen Burns (16:38):
well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Craig. I
see.
Annie Hawthorne (16:40):
Hello. Yes. It's a pleasure to meet you.
I've heard so many good thingsabout you.
Rowan Collins (16:44):
Oh, oh,
Isaac Allen Burns (16:45):
good. You see she's, like, on the verge of
tears. She's, oh, that'swonderful. I'm so glad.
Pistachio said a lot a lot ofnice things about you too.
Rowan Collins (16:55):
Are
Isaac Allen Burns (16:55):
they okay?
Rowan Collins (16:56):
Well, they're fine. They're fine. Wally is
gonna have a little bit of ascar, but this is
Isaac Allen Burns (17:01):
his face covered?
Rowan Collins (17:02):
What do you
Isaac Allen Burns (17:02):
mean a scar? Why is his face covered?
Rowan Collins (17:04):
So, there was an acid burrower, and we, Kapi and
Craig fought them off. And I wasable to, let perform some quick
stuff to make sure that hedoesn't lose much more of his
face. It's just going to have alittle tiny scar. It's going to
be a clay. He's, you know, he'svery good with the ladies.
(17:25):
He's going to it's just going toup his points. He's going to get
married off, you know, all ofthat good stuff that you worry
about. And then dad is fine.Dad's great. His arm is was
broken.
Isaac Allen Burns (17:36):
Has Wally been getting around, Pistachio?
Has Wally been does is Wallydating someone, and he hasn't
told me?
Rowan Collins (17:42):
I don't think he's dating someone. What?
Pistachio. I don't think he'sdating someone. He did have a
thing for Scarlet for a littlebit, and they were kind of,
like, talking.
Oh, Scarlet's
Isaac Allen Burns (17:52):
a darling. Kapi walks in at this point.
What?
Rowan Collins (17:55):
Oh, hi, Kapi.
Joe Diametti (17:57):
What? Oh, hi.
Rowan Collins (17:59):
This is,
Joe Diametti (18:00):
What about Scarlet?
Rowan Collins (18:02):
Hi. Have you met my that pistachio. You see
there's a moment in their brainand on their face where they're
like, I don't wanna break this,Kathy's heart about Scarlet, but
they really don't want Kathy toflirt with her mom. And the 2
wolves inside them are or Iguess in this case, the 2 dodos
(18:23):
inside of them are, like,fighting. And then they're like,
I think the greater good is tolet him flirt with my mom.
And they go, oh, hi. Cathy, haveyou met my mom?
Joe Diametti (18:39):
Oh, yeah. What's your describe your mom? I just
need to know what Kathy needs toknow what what he's working
with.
Rowan Collins (18:46):
Alright. So, Almond is a, a very nice looking
older fawn with, like, a wavy,hair that kinda comes down to,
like, her chin and then, like,it's kind of short in the back
with, like, little tiny, like,deer antlers coming out. She's
got, like, a very she looks likeyou know, again, she's an older
(19:07):
lufan, but she's, like, verywhite, nicely shaped. She's kept
in good, health. She's got thosemom hips.
Yeah. And she, you know, hasbeen married a long time and has
taken a lot of good care ofherself. She's like the face of
the farm, so she, like, really
Joe Diametti (19:21):
Yeah.
Rowan Collins (19:22):
Puts a lot of
Joe Diametti (19:22):
Pilates?
Rowan Collins (19:23):
Yeah. Pilates, like, tiny little, like,
glasses, but that, like, reallysuit her face because
Annie Hawthorne (19:29):
she's got
Rowan Collins (19:29):
a very nice, face. Like, what I'm trying to
say is Pistachio's mom is aMILF. Okay? Nice.
Joe Diametti (19:35):
So Kathy walks in, and he thinks he's here at
Scarlet, and then he sees her.He's like, oh, hello. I wandered
in because I was worried I mightneed some treatment, and he,
like, lifts kinda like his shirtup where the the wound is, but I
think there's probably there'sprobably a 6 pack. I think he
like, he's it's the skinny 6pack.
Isaac Allen Burns (19:57):
Oh, I see.
Joe Diametti (19:58):
And he's too skinny to not. Kapi is exactly
what about
Isaac Allen Burns (20:00):
that vicious V? Does Kapi have a vicious V?
Joe Diametti (20:02):
Yeah. For sure. Yeah. He's got the V. And he's
like, I just thought and hekinda lifts his shirt up
strategically to you know, justbe like, I was I was just
wondering if maybe someone couldtake a look at this.
Rowan Collins (20:13):
Wow.
Joe Diametti (20:13):
And I'm just, like, keeping eye contact with
what Almond Almond? What a rollfor Almond right now. Should I?
Isaac Allen Burns (20:19):
Find out. Actually, you know what? We
could both roll. Rowan, I dowanna know. Would you say a high
roll or a low roll is whatpistachio would want your mom to
roll.
Like, in the sense of not beingcharmed by Kapi, would it need
to be a high roll or a low roll?
Rowan Collins (20:38):
Oh, I think a higher roll. It would be in my
thoughts. I think a low role,because I I would feel like
Almond does a lot of, like,like, the selling of the nuts,
if you will. So I feel like sheis a businesswoman, if you will.
Annie Hawthorne (20:57):
Girl boss.
Isaac Allen Burns (20:58):
She's a bit of a girl boss. Yeah.
Rowan Collins (21:00):
She's a little she's a very much girl boss.
She's an almond mom. You know?She's a she's a yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:04):
So, like, you can kinda think of it as, you
know, she will take what shewants. Right?
Rowan Collins (21:09):
Yeah. Mhmm.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:11):
You know, we should both roll. We're both
gonna roll, and then we're gonnafind out what we
Joe Diametti (21:16):
should do. Presence for charm?
Isaac Allen Burns (21:17):
We're gonna say this is presence.
Absolutely. Alright, man. Youknow what, Kathy? You can have
advantage.
Joe Diametti (21:22):
Alright. Advantage?
Isaac Allen Burns (21:23):
You get advantage.
Joe Diametti (21:23):
I already have plus 1. Alright. Cool. Hang on.
You don't tell me twice.
Annie Hawthorne (21:28):
Oh my god.
Joe Diametti (21:30):
Well, that's a crit before my Oh
Rowan Collins (21:31):
my god.
God. No.
Annie Hawthorne (21:35):
Wow. Kathy is your new dad.
Joe Diametti (21:36):
I know. And then I had a 2. Not that it matters
really.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:41):
But So she looks at, Kathy, and she says,
oh, dear. Are you hurt? Andshe'll go up and, like, put a
hand to wear your Yeah.
Joe Diametti (21:51):
And as she does that, I say, I am.
Rowan Collins (21:54):
I've become a
Joe Diametti (21:55):
little better now.
Rowan Collins (21:56):
Oh my god.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:57):
Oh, I'm so
Rowan Collins (21:58):
I'm so
Isaac Allen Burns (21:59):
glad that you're okay.
Rowan Collins (22:00):
Of course. Yeah.
Joe Diametti (22:00):
You your hands, they
Rowan Collins (22:04):
My father is right here.
Annie Hawthorne (22:06):
Oh, my arm hurts. I got a splinter in my
hoof.
Joe Diametti (22:10):
She says, I would I would expect your hands to be
rougher with the farm.
Isaac Allen Burns (22:19):
My husband typically works the farm. He's
so tired all the time.
Joe Diametti (22:23):
Yeah. Well, who's how do you get your energy off?
Isaac Allen Burns (22:28):
I find my ways. She's
Rowan Collins (22:30):
Bob, Kapi's, Kapi's jacket needs a sewing. Do
you can you Wait.
Joe Diametti (22:36):
Is there something wrong with my jacket? Wait.
Well, here.
Isaac Allen Burns (22:38):
Why don't you take your jacket off real fast
and I'll have
Joe Diametti (22:40):
a look at it? Okay. Yeah. And he, like, slowly
and does, you know he hebroadens his chest as he does
it.
Rowan Collins (22:48):
Oh my god. Oh my god.
Isaac Allen Burns (22:50):
She takes, she takes your jacket and looks
at the back of it, and I'll letyou decide, Joe. Is this jacket
armed?
Joe Diametti (23:05):
Yeah. Let's say there's a hole in it.
Isaac Allen Burns (23:07):
There's a small hole in it. She looks and
says, oh, no.
Joe Diametti (23:11):
No. No. No. No. No.
No. No. No.
Annie Hawthorne (23:13):
Don't worry, Kapi. Scars add character.
Joe Diametti (23:15):
No. No. No. Can we can we fix, can we fix the can
we fix the jacket?
Isaac Allen Burns (23:22):
Of course. I can I have I can sew? Yeah.
It'll probably take me allnight. You might have to come
back tomorrow for it.
Rowan Collins (23:28):
Oh, yeah. Would you like a sweater to to take
its place for now? I could I canI can spare you a sweater or 2?
Do you have
Joe Diametti (23:38):
a sweater that would fit me?
Rowan Collins (23:40):
Yes. Up in my father's room. I will grab you a
sweater cap. Yes. I will dothat.
Joe Diametti (23:45):
Yeah. I I did you need me to stay, Almond, for any
help with the repair?
Isaac Allen Burns (23:51):
You see that she's about to say something?
No.
Rowan Collins (23:54):
We do not need your help. She is a very skilled
woman, and she
Joe Diametti (23:59):
Oh, she's good with her hands, but he's making
eye contact with Almond waxes.
Rowan Collins (24:02):
Kathy, I do not need another father. Thank you.
Joe Diametti (24:08):
Pistachios.
Isaac Allen Burns (24:09):
Pistachio, she says.
Rowan Collins (24:11):
Okay. I can literally cut the sexual tension
in the room with
a butter knife
Joe Diametti (24:17):
for a
Rowan Collins (24:18):
little bit
Isaac Allen Burns (24:18):
of time. You that way.
Joe Diametti (24:19):
Don't you just love pistachio's imagination? I
find it brings me great joy
Rowan Collins (24:22):
every day. God. Stop.
Isaac Allen Burns (24:24):
At them.
Rowan Collins (24:25):
I can't believe that they're just gonna get so
enraged. They, like, pop into adodo, and they just scream, you
know, like, what? Which, again,as previously established, they
do have not used magic in theirhouse before.
Isaac Allen Burns (24:43):
Your mother screams, and you see your
father, his eyes, like, go wide.He says, where where's my child?
The sashio, where are you?
Annie Hawthorne (24:53):
Don't worry. It's just magic.
Isaac Allen Burns (24:55):
What? Don't
Annie Hawthorne (24:56):
worry. It's just magic. They do this all the
time.
Isaac Allen Burns (24:58):
Child. Where's the satio?
Joe Diametti (24:59):
Yeah. They do this once
Rowan Collins (25:00):
per episode.
Annie Hawthorne (25:04):
Don't worry. The satio is still the same
person inside.
Rowan Collins (25:08):
See, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock,
knock, and they're just, like,madly, like, like, pecking at
Kapi. Like, get out of my house.Oh my god.
Joe Diametti (25:16):
You were gonna give me a sweater little, didn't
you?
Rowan Collins (25:18):
Then follow Bee, squawk,
and they say and they are, like, march off
towards their parents' house,and they, like, meemag you,
like, follow Bee.
Isaac Allen Burns (25:30):
As you 2 leave, you see that the father
looks at Crank and says, well,Crankles, was it? What's your
what what are you called? Crank.Cranky?
Annie Hawthorne (25:43):
Just crank.
Isaac Allen Burns (25:44):
Well, just crank. Seems there's a lot about
my child. I don't know. Are youtelling me that my child can do
magic?
Annie Hawthorne (25:52):
Yes. They're very skilled at magic. I'm
trying to learn from them. Ihaven't had any luck so far. I I
try to turn into a dodo everynight after everyone goes to
sleep.
Isaac Allen Burns (26:03):
You do?
Annie Hawthorne (26:03):
But but it never works. I I try so hard.
Isaac Allen Burns (26:06):
What are you trying to do?
Annie Hawthorne (26:08):
I just try to imagine that I am a dodo. I
that's that's what Pistachioalways says that they do. So I
just I sit there and I thinkreally, really hard. And and one
time, like, I popped a bolt outof my jaw.
Rowan Collins (26:23):
Oh. But
Annie Hawthorne (26:25):
I still haven't been able to do it. And, you
know, sometimes I also try totalk to vegetables.
Isaac Allen Burns (26:33):
Just talk to vegetable. Is that another
Annie Hawthorne (26:34):
thing to tell you? Can talk to vegetables. And
so I have this I open up mylittle chest cavity, and I pull
out a half eaten turnip.
Isaac Allen Burns (26:41):
Oh my god.
Rowan Collins (26:43):
And I'm
Annie Hawthorne (26:43):
just like, yeah. And this turnip I'm I'm
trying to, like, communicatewith this turnip, but I haven't
I haven't had any luck so far.But
Isaac Allen Burns (26:49):
Just crank, I hate to tell you, that's an old
turnip. It's getting brown atthe edges.
Annie Hawthorne (26:53):
Oh, I can't really smell.
Isaac Allen Burns (26:55):
It smells bad. You should probably get rid
of that.
Annie Hawthorne (26:58):
Oh, maybe I should find a new turnip then
again. Do you think that thisturnip's dead, and that's why I
can't talk to it?
Isaac Allen Burns (27:06):
You know, I'm a nut farmer. I I had my job is
to nut, and I don't eat
Rowan Collins (27:12):
my dog.
Isaac Allen Burns (27:15):
Craig, I've been nutting for years. My
father nutted. His fathernutted, and my children will nut
for the rest of their lives. Youunderstand? He puts a hand on
your shoulder, Craig.
It says, I don't know anythingabout magic.
Rowan Collins (27:32):
I don't
Isaac Allen Burns (27:32):
know anything about turnips. I know one thing.
That's none. Very good. As the 2of you have this conversation,
Rowan and Joe, you headsomewhere else in the house.
Rowan, where are we going inthis house?
Rowan Collins (27:49):
You have, like, the the kitchen and you have,
like, the dining room and youhave the living room and then
you have the den. And then,like, right past that, there's,
like, a coat closet wherethey're pulling out, like,
different sweaters as they are,well, they're trying to hop up
and get the sweaters, andthey're just, like, pecking at
the door and then just, like
Joe Diametti (28:07):
You really need to be a dodo still.
Rowan Collins (28:10):
I'm very upset with you for flirting with my
bob.
Joe Diametti (28:15):
I flirting with your I I I don't like this tone.
Rowan Collins (28:20):
Are you trying to pop up me right now? Pistachio.
Kapi? You can be my boss, andyou can be my friend, but I
would really prefer if you wereto my dad.
Joe Diametti (28:34):
I Pistachio, I can never I can never be your dad,
but maybe I could be there. Andhe puts his little pats to the
your head.
Rowan Collins (28:43):
And then pistachio just turns back to the
door and
bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Open the stupid
closet door.
Joe Diametti (28:52):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I opened the door.
Rowan Collins (28:54):
And then they hop up and they grab a similar,
like, sweater to what you werewearing, which was, like, green
with, like, the cream sleevessimilar, and then that they had
stitched to, like, a little a onit. It seemed like it's been,
like, a new sweater.
Joe Diametti (29:08):
Did you make this for me, pistachio?
Rowan Collins (29:11):
Yeah. This is wow. This one was supposed to be
a surprise for your birthdaywhenever I figured out when your
birthday was, which I and,
Joe Diametti (29:21):
Yeah. Don't worry about it. And I don't know when
my birthday is.
Rowan Collins (29:23):
You You don't know when your birthday is?
Joe Diametti (29:24):
But this is great. Hey. Look at the material.
Rowan Collins (29:27):
They, It's
Joe Diametti (29:27):
gonna show my arms off really well.
Rowan Collins (29:29):
They it's definitely a cable knit sweater.
Joe Diametti (29:32):
Yeah.
Rowan Collins (29:32):
They pop out of beast form just for this. And
they, like, look at you and theygo, you don't know what your
birthday is?
Joe Diametti (29:39):
Yeah. I don't I don't know. I didn't do no. This
this is great. Thank you,pistachio.
Rowan Collins (29:44):
Well, you're you're welcome. But,
Joe Diametti (29:47):
Kathy And he and he remembers something and runs
back to the jacket. He's gottaget that letter out real quick.
Isaac Allen Burns (29:55):
As Kathy runs out of the room, seemingly away
from the conversation, and,Crank, you're standing there
with the dad, you hear a doorburst open, and it's Kathy, and
he's running in. And then asecond door bursts open. You see
in the front, you see 2individuals. One of them looks
very similar to pistachio,except they have big glasses and
(30:17):
it's hazel. Behind them is adwarven man wearing, these kind
of nice white robes with thesymbol of the ennead, which is,
of course, as we all know, thesort of, major religion in
Altea.
Hey, it's me, your GM, IsaacAllan Burns. And just to be
clear, the ennead is called thatbecause there are 9 gods in the
(30:38):
pantheon. Everybody here knowswhat they are, so I don't have
to say. Back to it. Frank, yousee father Graham behind Hazel.
This is the priest, local priestof Bracken Road. You see that he
has a bag of sort of, like,small medical supplies. He often
acts as the family doctor. Yousee that he runs in. Hazel also
(31:00):
runs in and, like, kneels nextto Wally and looks at you,
Crank, and says, what happened?
Where is everyone? Whathappened?
Annie Hawthorne (31:07):
I'm honestly not sure. What? I punched an
acid burrower, like, 4 times andthen it died. You punched it and
it died? Well, it was wrapped invines when it died.
I'm not really sure how the vine
Joe Diametti (31:18):
Kathy says a little bit happened in between
that and that as he's, like,putting on his sweater.
Isaac Allen Burns (31:23):
Who are you people, actually?
Annie Hawthorne (31:24):
Oh, I'm Crank. Hi. It's nice to meet you. I've
heard a lot about you.
Joe Diametti (31:28):
Oh, you're Crank. Yes. Okay. And I'm Kathy.
Isaac Allen Burns (31:32):
Okay. Okay. You've heard a lot? Oh, you're
Kathy?
Joe Diametti (31:36):
Yes. I'm Kathy. Oh. Oh. Anyways Wait.
Isaac Allen Burns (31:39):
What what happened to my brother? Why is
his face covered?
Rowan Collins (31:41):
That would be b Hazel. That's b, pistachio says
having chased be back in andhearing Hazel's voice. He got
spit on by an acid burrower, soI fixed his face.
Joe Diametti (31:53):
Hey. Let's rip this band aid off real quick. Do
you know that pistachio doesmagic? And then he goes to his
jacket and pulls the letter outand puts it in the fuck.
Isaac Allen Burns (32:00):
Pistachio, what the fuck is he talking
about?
Rowan Collins (32:03):
He's a it's not
Isaac Allen Burns (32:05):
You could do magic now?
Rowan Collins (32:06):
Yes. I could do magic.
Annie Hawthorne (32:09):
Why do you sound angry? Magic is wonderful.
Joe Diametti (32:11):
Wait. Are you the only one that can do magic in
your family?
Rowan Collins (32:14):
Yes. I'm the only one who could do magic in my
family. Okay? Yes. I could domagic, Hazel.
Sorry. I didn't tell you. You'vebeen avoiding me since, you
know, I've been trying to becomea doctor. Just haven't talked to
me. So like, whatever, I guessyou didn't know.
Now you know. Surprise.
Isaac Allen Burns (32:34):
She looks at you, what seems like an
eternity. And she just standsand says, I'm glad everyone's
okay. And she brushes past youand goes up to her room.
Joe Diametti (32:48):
You're gonna be a doctor?
Rowan Collins (32:50):
It's, yeah. That's when I was coming. Sorry.
I I need to go talk to her andStacio will turn on and go back
upstairs.
Isaac Allen Burns (33:00):
Stacio, you run upstairs as the rest of you,
you're putting on your jacket.Craig, you're standing there.
You see that father Graham hasimmediately begun tending to
Wally, is kinda looking, and hekinda turns to the 2 of you and
says, Oh, wow. Who treated him?Was it one of you 2?
Mhmm. This poultice, thismixture.
Joe Diametti (33:23):
I don't remember. I was bleeding pretty bad.
Isaac Allen Burns (33:26):
This stuff is what you find a lot of
mercenaries will use on thefield. It's very fast acting.
It's also very rare.
Annie Hawthorne (33:33):
Can I recall anything about these
mercenaries?
Isaac Allen Burns (33:36):
Make a knowledge check for me.
Rowan Collins (33:37):
I don't have a knowledge.
Annie Hawthorne (33:41):
15 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns (33:42):
You have a fear. What you all would know
about mercenaries is they'resort of the opposite side of the
coin of the adventuring guild.Kind of similar to adventuring
guilds, they'll take ondifferent jobs, but the
difference is they do so formoney, and there is no limit to
what they will do. Right? So asyou're thinking back, right,
(34:04):
flashing in your mind, in yourcircuits, are these disparate
images of war.
You see people on the groundbleeding out, limbs missing,
gashes all across their body.You see and feel magic being
thrown across the field, andsure enough, you see a mercenary
(34:25):
in red armor laying on theground. You see a bag next to
him full of these ingredients.One of them is this vial with
this golden hair suffusedthrough it. It almost glows, and
you flash back for a moment.
Where'd you go, big guy?
Annie Hawthorne (34:41):
I have seen this before. Where? In battle.
Joe Diametti (34:44):
In battle?
Annie Hawthorne (34:45):
Yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns (34:46):
You 2 are kinda having this conversation
on the side. You see that fatherGraham has pulled, both the
parents over and seemed to betalking to a hush tone.
Joe Diametti (34:53):
I I like I lean over to Crank. What's your read
here on all of this?
Annie Hawthorne (34:58):
I don't know. I feel weird about that blue guy,
Ash.
Joe Diametti (35:03):
You too? Yeah. Or usually it's just me.
Annie Hawthorne (35:06):
No. I feel weird about this whole
situation. Frankly. Like, thatasset borrower shouldn't have
been here. Like, this almostfeels like another distraction.
Isaac Allen Burns (35:16):
Yeah. As you ponder this, we go upstairs. In
the room, you step in,pistachio, and you see your
sister is on her side of theroom. You see that she's putting
on her work boots.
Rowan Collins (35:30):
Hazel Hazel, we've gotta talk.
Isaac Allen Burns (35:35):
What do we have to talk about?
Rowan Collins (35:37):
Well, you're clearly upset, and you haven't
talked to me in weeks. And Ifeel like we live at the same
room, and we used to be really,really close. So, like, you
gotta talk to me. Okay?
Isaac Allen Burns (35:52):
She, like, laces up her boots and stands up
and turns and looks at Jill witha very kinda, like, blank
expression and says, what isthere to talk about, pistachio?
Rowan Collins (36:10):
Well, you're bad at me for 1. And I'm sorry to
tell you about the magic. Itreally happened all so quickly
when they sent me away for,grandpappy's farm. And then you
just haven't talked to me sincemom and dad said that you're
(36:30):
gonna send me to the adventuringguild and then to school, and I
I feel like you're bad at me.And I I don't want to you to be
mad at me.
We're we're literally we'reliterally twins. Okay? Like,
you've always been my, like, mybackup, my my my sister. You
(36:51):
know? Like, it's weird nothaving you here.
Isaac Allen Burns (36:56):
Satchel, I'm always here. If I'm not here in
this room, she points to thefields, I'm out there working so
incredibly hard because somebodyhas to around here. And now,
Pistachio, both our brother andour father are out for the
count. The Apple Festival, whenwe're supposed to be done with
all this, is only days away. Sonow it's me.
(37:19):
Now I have to go out there anddo all of that work. Mom can't
do it.
Joe Diametti (37:24):
Can you do it?
Rowan Collins (37:26):
No. I can't. I'm allergic. No. I can't.
Isaac Allen Burns (37:33):
This is what I have to do. I'm so happy for
you, pistachio. You get to goout and be something. I'm just
here. Not until the day I die.
Rowan Collins (37:49):
He's sorry.
Isaac Allen Burns (37:53):
For what? What are you sorry for,
pistachio? You want me to say,oh, it's all good. It's okay.
Will that make me feel better?
No. Says you didn't do anything.
Rowan Collins (38:08):
But the beta doctor was your dream.
Isaac Allen Burns (38:14):
I would love to get out of this town. I would
love to help people, but you andI both know that mom and dad
need help on this farm andwouldn't dream of letting me go.
The only reason any of us get togo is because you are physically
incapable of doing it.
Rowan Collins (38:31):
Maybe I maybe I could go with some otherwise or,
you know, maybe, like, when weget enough money, then I can
maybe maybe they won't have toand you can get out of here or
something. I just I feel bad. Itshouldn't have been me.
Isaac Allen Burns (38:51):
You see that she walks over to you, just
stands really close to you, andjust holds her arms out and
gives you a big hug.
Rowan Collins (39:00):
They hug back, and they squeeze really, really
hard, and they're just, like,crying.
Isaac Allen Burns (39:06):
I know it's not your fault, Pistachio. And
I'm sorry that I am mad at youbecause you didn't do anything.
But I still I don't know. Shejust sorta like squeezes you one
time and then steps back andsays, I gotta go to the fields.
(39:33):
Okay.
Someone has to harvest thesethings. We'll talk later. Okay.
She she grabs her bag and hernut and gear, and she steps out
of the room.
Rowan Collins (39:48):
I really wish I knew how to do it. And they like
take a pause and they like godownstairs.
Isaac Allen Burns (39:57):
You go downstairs, Crank and Kathy, as
you're having this conversation,you see Hazel kinda walks
quickly out of the house. Youcan tell that she's like, she
kind of gives a sniffle. You cansee that she's barely holding
back tears. And she steps out ofthe house as the 3 older
individuals in the room kind ofwatch her leave. And then father
(40:17):
Graham turns, to all of you andsays, okay, well, Wally is going
to need some rest.
So, if one of you can help mecarry him upstairs to his room,
does anyone know where his roomis?
Rowan Collins (40:32):
Yeah. Just, Wally's room's this way.
Annie Hawthorne (40:35):
I'll just pick Wally up and I'll follow
pistachio.
Isaac Allen Burns (40:39):
Yeah. You carry him up, and the 3 of you
are sort of in pistachio's room.You put Wally down. He's
breathing easily. He's breathingpeacefully.
And the 3 of you have thismoment together. Father's gone?
Father's gone. Yeah.
Joe Diametti (40:51):
Yeah. He Kapi watches father leave and close
the door and he's, like, sideeyeing. Pistachio.
Rowan Collins (40:59):
Hey. Hey, happy to lose out. I like your
sweater?
Joe Diametti (41:03):
Yeah. I love my sweater, kid. You okay? Rough
day?
Annie Hawthorne (41:09):
Yeah. Why does your sister hate magic?
Rowan Collins (41:12):
She doesn't hate magic. She kinda just hates me
right now. But it's okay. It's acomplicated story. You know?
We're born into nothing, and allof us will die nothing except
for me just because I can't nutyou know, up allergic. Right?
Oh, gotcha. So, anyway, she'sthe only one right now who can
(41:37):
she's the only one right now whocan farm, and I can't help her.
And it was her dream to get outof here, and she doesn't get to
go.
Wally's gonna rest real good.
Joe Diametti (41:51):
How did you make that?
Rowan Collins (41:53):
No. We did, I didn't make the poultice. We
were helping my dad. Remember? II think Ash made it while we
were fixing my dad's arm.
Joe Diametti (42:05):
Yeah. I shoot. Crank a look.
Rowan Collins (42:09):
Why? Yeah. I made it. It was a pit poultice.
Joe Diametti (42:13):
I'm gonna can I can I be honest with you too?
Sure. Great. I'm starting tohave trouble trusting a lot of
people in this town. Can I listoff my list of suspects so far?
Rowan Collins (42:24):
Sure. Sure.
Joe Diametti (42:25):
Great. So far, we have
Annie Hawthorne (42:27):
Is there a crime that we're trying to
solve?
Joe Diametti (42:30):
No. But something clearly is happening here.
Right?
Rowan Collins (42:34):
I mean
Annie Hawthorne (42:35):
We had a Sebastian You you said suspects
like you are suspectingsomething.
Joe Diametti (42:42):
Yes. I I'm expecting things bad things to
happen, and I have suspects thatare conspiring conspiring.
Conspiring. That's the word.
Rowan Collins (42:54):
We see. I
Isaac Allen Burns (42:55):
keep getting words wrong.
Joe Diametti (42:57):
I think that's my new favorite thing. Because it's
almost all of them. Sometimesit's on purpose, and sometimes
it's not. I had suspects who areconspiring
Annie Hawthorne (43:08):
I'm gonna open my chest cavity and pull out a
dictionary and say, you needthis.
Joe Diametti (43:12):
Babe. Conspiring. Something bad's happening.
Something bad is happening.Right?
We have Sebastian. Uh-huh. Thatwas all a distraction. We have
this acid borrower. When's thelast time there was an acid
burrower here?
Never. There's never been anacid burrower here.
Annie Hawthorne (43:30):
I would know. I've only been here for 3 weeks.
Joe Diametti (43:32):
Well, I'm telling you, there's never
Rowan Collins (43:34):
been an acid burrower here while here. And he
had that knife that was reallythat almost, like, really messed
me up.
Annie Hawthorne (43:41):
Yeah. Yeah. The spy knife.
Joe Diametti (43:43):
Yeah. Like, there's something going on. So
people I'm suspicious of. I'mno. I'm suspicious of the
librarian, your mother.
Rowan Collins (43:53):
No. Go
Joe Diametti (43:54):
ahead. I'm suspicious of Carol at the
bakery. I'm suspicious of
Rowan Collins (43:59):
Carol? She's the little doodie thing.
Joe Diametti (44:02):
I'm suspicious of Graham. Suspicious of all the
wrong people. Father Graham. I'msuspicious of Ash that we met?
Annie Hawthorne (44:10):
That's
Joe Diametti (44:11):
Ash. Ash.
Rowan Collins (44:12):
Ash. Suspicious.
Annie Hawthorne (44:12):
That's the first of a suspicious person
you've
Joe Diametti (44:14):
named. Your sister?
Rowan Collins (44:16):
Why my sister?
Joe Diametti (44:18):
I'm suspicious.
Rowan Collins (44:19):
Wait. Wait. Why Hazel?
Annie Hawthorne (44:21):
Kapi, I think you have trust issues.
Rowan Collins (44:24):
I might Wait. Her. Why are
Joe Diametti (44:27):
you suspicious? Stay with me. This is clearly a
conspiracy that goes all the wayto the top.
Rowan Collins (44:33):
Hazel is nowhere near the top.
Joe Diametti (44:34):
But, Hazel's, we're all pieces in this game.
Don't you see?
Annie Hawthorne (44:37):
Are you suspicious of yourself?
Joe Diametti (44:39):
Am I no. I I'm the only one making sense here,
gang. You gotta stay with me.Okay?
Rowan Collins (44:44):
Okay.
Joe Diametti (44:44):
Listen. The Apple Festival is in just a few days.
Clearly, they are trying to takedown the festival.
Annie Hawthorne (44:54):
Yeah. I think you're having paranoid
delusions. I've read about thisin a book.
Rowan Collins (44:58):
Is there anybody that we know that is coming to
the festival that is, like,really important? Because it
brings a lot of people in.
Isaac Allen Burns (45:06):
It does. It brings a lot of people local to
the province, the Vy County ofAljena Bai. Yeah. Really. This
is a this is small potatoes.
Like, no one from the king, noone from the capital of Regulus
will be there. It's just mostlylocal people. Viscount Edgar
Balthazar will be in attendance.A lot of people from across
(45:28):
Volvane do come to this, kind ofin the same way that, like, one
of your coworkers goes to abluegrass festival in the middle
of nowhere every year whereyou're just like, oh, yeah. I
guess that has happened.
That's kind of the vibe itgives. This is a very niche
thing.
Rowan Collins (45:41):
I don't know why they would choose us.
Joe Diametti (45:43):
I'm suspicious of Stithaniel?
Rowan Collins (45:45):
Oh, yes. Stathaniel.
Joe Diametti (45:46):
I'm suspicious.
Annie Hawthorne (45:47):
Suspicious of people. Okay.
Rowan Collins (45:49):
Okay. I think maybe what we should do is, why
don't we find Ash right now?
Annie Hawthorne (45:55):
That's a good idea.
Joe Diametti (45:57):
Yes. This sounds good. And I will go check on
Rowan Collins (46:01):
Scarlet.
Joe Diametti (46:02):
I was gonna say Nefene. Oh. But, yeah, I have
Scarlet too.
Rowan Collins (46:06):
Well, I mean, the Apple Festival's biggest draw is
the apples. Mhmm. And she's thedaughter. What do you what?
Yeah.
Maybe it's Scarlet.
Joe Diametti (46:13):
What are you so big. Both of you?
Rowan Collins (46:16):
I'm saying that she's really important. I do
think she has suspicions. Well,I was thinking
Annie Hawthorne (46:22):
Maybe she's seen some stuff happening around
the apple orchard.
Rowan Collins (46:25):
Yeah. We need to, see if she's got any ideas, and
that would just give us anotherreason for us to go see her.
Joe Diametti (46:32):
Okay. Alright. You know what? You're right. I'll
Isaac Allen Burns (46:34):
go check
Joe Diametti (46:35):
on her.
Rowan Collins (46:35):
Wearing a nice cable knit sweater.
Annie Hawthorne (46:37):
That's Yes. It does look very nice on you.
Makes your arms look nice.
Rowan Collins (46:41):
Thank you. As I've mentioned before, the
sexiest of all sweaters. Soyou've got immense appeal right
now.
Annie Hawthorne (46:50):
Yeah. Yeah. Now she gets to see what's under
that jacket. The jacket's prettybaggy.
Joe Diametti (46:55):
She's seen what's okay. Alright. Yeah. I'll go
check on Scarlet.
Rowan Collins (46:58):
Okay. Well, we should probably come with you
because we're currently justchatting in front of Wally's
room.
Isaac Allen Burns (47:04):
As you say that, as you start making plans
to go do things, a wave ofexhaustion hits the 3 of you as
midnight strikes. Any chance togo do anything might be best for
the next morning.
Annie Hawthorne (47:17):
Yeah. Yeah. It's probably time to get some
rest.
Rowan Collins (47:20):
Would you guys it's kind of been a lot. Do you
guys buy actually staying?
Joe Diametti (47:29):
I yeah. My jacket's here anyways. I gotta
wait till the morning for it tobe thick.
Rowan Collins (47:33):
We can have a sleepover in my room.
Joe Diametti (47:35):
Oh, yeah. We could have a sleep.
Annie Hawthorne (47:37):
In your room? I'm I take up a lot of space.
Rowan Collins (47:39):
You should.
Joe Diametti (47:41):
Yeah. I could sleep on the couch.
Rowan Collins (47:43):
No. My father is still on the couch.
Joe Diametti (47:47):
He's not going to bed?
Annie Hawthorne (47:49):
Oh my god.
Rowan Collins (47:51):
Kathy, you're not leaving my sight. Okay? Alright.
Plus, Hazel's gonna be workingall night to try and get
everything back together. So
Joe Diametti (48:02):
Okay. Yeah. I can do that.
Rowan Collins (48:04):
Don't hit on my sister either.
Isaac Allen Burns (48:06):
Okay.
Rowan Collins (48:06):
Alright. Look. I happy I really like and respect
you as a person. Please don'tmake this weird.
Joe Diametti (48:15):
Frank, do you have, like, waves that you can
play? Like, do you have, like, asound machine in there?
Rowan Collins (48:21):
We're going to my room, please. Let's leave let's
leave Wally alone to sleep.
Isaac Allen Burns (48:27):
You all head to pistachio slash Hazel's room
and finding your own comfortablespots on the floor or on
Pistachio's bed, you all go tosleep.
Joe Diametti (48:39):
Yeah.
Annie Hawthorne (48:39):
I'll, I end up recording that I'm made of some
rain or something and play that.I'll put it on a sleep timer for
like 59 minutes.
Isaac Allen Burns (48:48):
Incredible. Oh my goodness. All of you drift
off to sleep unless there'sanything anyone wants to do
before they go to bed.
Annie Hawthorne (48:57):
I'm gonna, at the very end of my little sleep
timer, if I think that they'reboth asleep, I'm going to pull
out that rotten turnip that Ihave and I'm going to like hold
it up to my ear antenna thing.I'll be like,
Rowan Collins (49:13):
hello. Can you hear me? Are you there?
Isaac Allen Burns (49:21):
You swear you hear the faintest? And that's
where we'll end this episode ofDodoBorne. Tune in next time
with a brand new day and a brandnew set of challenges for our 3
favorite heroes. Hey. Squawk on3.
123. Squawk. Hey. It's apodcast.
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