Embracing Conscious Uncoupling in Divorce with Coach Dympna McAloon

Can you truly find peace and empowerment amid the chaos of divorce? Discover the transformative power of conscious uncoupling with Dympna McAloon, a coach who turned a personal crisis into a guiding light for others. During this heartfelt conversation, Dympna shares her journey through the emotional labyrinth of separation and the peace she found in Katherine Woodward Thomas’s conscious uncoupling process, famously embraced by Gwyneth Paltrow. Learn how stepping away from the blame game and focusing on personal responsibility can lead to profound growth and healing.

Through a structured five-step roadmap, Dympna explains how individuals can move from pain and chaos to calm and empowerment. This process not only helps settle emotions but also enables individuals to reclaim their power and break free from negative patterns that hinder future relationships. Tune in as we discuss the steps that can transform a painful experience into an opportunity for personal growth and emotional freedom, offering practical advice for handling the challenges of separation with grace and mindfulness.

Thanks for listening and I hope you'll continue to learn more about how you can peacefully divorce.

As a divorce mediation attorney in California, Scott Levin helps couples figure out the settlement terms and draft enforceable settlement agreements so they can divorce fairly without needing to go to court. Obtain closure peacefully through an amicable divorce. process that protects families and kids.

Visit San Diego Divorce Mediation for more information and to learn more about our mission to help divorcing couples make informed decisions and fair agreements through mediation or book a free virtual consultation.

Scott Levin, attorney, mediator, CDFA®
Chief PeaceKeeper
[e-mail]
858-255-1321
San Diego Divorce Mediation & Family Law
www.SanDiegoFamilyLawyer.net

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi everyone, this is Scott Levin, chief Peacekeeper,
and I'm here today with DipnaMakkolin.
Hi, dipna.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Hi Scott, thanks for taking this time to speak to me.

Speaker 1 (00:16):
I know, when we talk, I don't ever say your name.
Am I saying it?

Speaker 2 (00:19):
okay, it's perfect, it's perfect.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
I don't want to be offensive.
It's perfect, that's perfect.
I don't want to be offensive,um.
So, uh, dipna and I know eachother from the the I'm.
I'm a divorce lawyer andmediator.
Uh, dipna is a coach that workswith people, uh, through
conscious up uncoupling um, andit's actually a formal process.
Conscious of uncoupling um,obviously, uh, it was made I

(00:46):
don't know if it was made famous.
Tell, when did you become, whendid you start working as an
unconscious uncoupling coach?

Speaker 2 (00:53):
okay.
Well, when I came across, thisis katherine woodwork thomas.
That is a new york timebestseller and family therapist
and psychotherapist that createdthis process and it became
well-known by Gwyneth Paltrowand Steve Martin, in fact, that

(01:15):
she coached through theirdivorce, and so she did.

Speaker 1 (01:17):
I mean, that's when I think most people became
familiar with it and I thinkthat some people think she
coined the, the phrase, butobviously she was taking those
coaching courses?

Speaker 2 (01:29):
yes, yes, absolutely.
But that's the beauty of ofGwyneth Paltrow she can bring it
out into into the world foreverybody yeah, and so is is.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
Were you involved in the, in the in, in that um, in
that practice, before thathappened or after?
Tell us how you tell us aboutit.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
Yeah, I came across this actually during the
pandemic and I did the coursemyself on Mindvalley and then
when I did it, I just found itsuch a personal experience, such
, and that it brought me so muchpeace and calmness and liberty

(02:11):
and at the end of it that Ithought, well, this is such
powerful piece of work that Ireally want to become a coach in
this and bring it to otherpeople, be able to help people
find their way through this whatcan be an extremely difficult
emotional time.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
So that's my story with it and I know when we've
spoken in the past, one of thethings I really not enjoyed, I
guess, but I like remember fromour conversations, is that you
know you've mentioned to me thatlike part of this is to come to
the reckoning or realizationthat you know, playing the blame

(02:51):
game isn't necessarily aproductive path and it's
oftentimes something I hear it'sher fault, it's his fault, it's
their fault, whatever you'recalling it.
But when we spoke last, Iremember you saying that, like
you know, one of the outcomes ofthis is to get you know, kind
of put those sort of feelingsaside and kind of focus more on

(03:12):
the on really what's going on.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
Talk to us about that yeah, absolutely conscious, and
coupling is really aboutavoiding shame and blame,
because there is no growth inthat.
We can't go forward from thatperspective.
So it's accepting that we we'retwo of us in the relationship
and that we each have ourresponsibility in it.

(03:36):
And when we look at ourresponsibility from a place of
of different understanding,that's where the key is to be
able to find solutions.
Because when we're in blame andshame, we're not hearing
anything.
We're not.
Then we're completely closed toany possible pathway of going

(03:58):
to the future and findingsolutions.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
So talk to us about.
It's a five step.
I think there's a couplevariations, right, but what?
The core or the main plan, or Idon't know what you would call
it is it a five-step process?

Speaker 2 (04:13):
Yeah, it's a five-step process.
It's actually.
It's a roadmap to take us, avery well thought out roadmap to
take the person from a place ofchaos and pain and, yeah,
extreme pain to getting to aplace of finding calmness.
We start being able to settlethe emotions and get the freedom

(04:36):
from the emotions and then topractice to reclaim our power
and our life and become to breakthe patterns that we've
established in the relationship,and those are patterns of where
we're centered on ourselves.
Where we're centered onourselves, then we're.
That's how we react with lifeand with others.

(04:57):
So that's how we create thesituation and that's really
where the key is to being ableto change things.
And then sorry, please go aheadand then that we we move on to
being able to create a happyeven after life yeah, that's
actually what I was going to askyou is that is this a uh?

Speaker 1 (05:21):
do you find that this helps people you know that
aren't necessarily looking foranother relationship right away,
or so they're happy living lifewithout another for a time
period and or does it impact,like their next relationships,
in some way?

Speaker 2 (05:46):
and impact, like their next relationships in some
way.
It's really important that umthat people at first find that
peace with themselves and learnto love themselves first,
because if we haven't gonethrough that process we can
repeat the same patterns.
Because we see that now firstmarriages, 50% of them end in
divorce.
A second marriage is 63 and athird marriage is 74.

(06:08):
So it shows, if we haven'ttaken that time to understand,
to heal and to be more aware, wecould repeat the same patterns.
And it can be a wise thing fora person to spend some time
really finding themselves firstand be very sure about the type

(06:29):
of relationship that they wantto create after.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
So is it a combination, or is it more about
where someone is in the present?
Are we looking backwards, arewe looking forwards, or is it a
combination of all those things?

Speaker 2 (06:49):
It really is a combination of those things With
Conscious Encoupling.
It's very much about looking towhat we've created, to learn
from that, not to wallow in it,not to remain a victim in that

(07:13):
situation, to learn the lessonsfrom it and then move forward.
We work very much withintentions of the life that we
want to create, even the type ofrelationship that we want with
our former partner, especiallyif there are children involved
that we have to continueco-parenting.
So it's a combination of both.
It's really harvesting the goodof the relationship, that

(07:34):
because we've all had good partsin the relationship, even if
it's been difficult, and it'sbeen difficult at the end, but
it's taking the best from thesituation and even if it's just
learning the life lessons, thatwe pay that forward.
But it's very much intocreating a new, happier life

(07:59):
it's more.

Speaker 1 (07:59):
The process is a bit like kind of you kind of have to
be a little bit of aself-starter is that correct?
Or do you, because you have todo the work outside of the talks
with you, is that?
Is that correct or am I wrong?

Speaker 2 (08:13):
well, there is the part of it where you work with
the, the book, catherine's book,which I have here in fact.
And we use that as a basis thatthe client will come work
through the book, prepare eachchapter, that it's a time for

(08:36):
reflection and introspection.
So there is that aspect of thisis a serious business.
You want to get this done, youwant to do this right, and
Catherine has spent a lot oftime on this and there's a lot
of wisdom in the book.
It gives you time forreflection and then in the
sessions with me, we dive deeperinto that and explore it.

(08:59):
I help pull it out a little.
It's like matatare that westart to undo the matatare.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
So this does.
It's something that what youjust said was really interesting
to me.
You think it has a verypositive impact on the
co-parenting relationship.

Speaker 2 (09:16):
Absolutely, absolutely, because this is
keeping in mind and that isreally using that as northern
star, that and that helps peoplekeep.
Keep away from blaming eachother, because there's something
more.
This is the future of ourchildren that is at stake.

(09:37):
Their happiness is at stake,and when we people can realize
that that is really importantand we calm everything, then
they can they can start tonegotiate and communicate more
freely, with the love of theirchildren as the most important
thing yeah also the incentive inthat is to give an example to

(10:03):
children, to make them feelsecure and happy and loved.
And we want to leave an examplethat even if a relationship
doesn't continue, it doesn'tmean it was a failure, it
doesn't mean that was theirfault and there's a way through
it I mean I love everythingyou're saying, because I I'm not

(10:25):
really I'm, as I'm, focused onkind of the legal process and
getting that behind people,because I look you can't start
feeling more like yourself, oror you know living your best,
until you get the legal processbehind you.

Speaker 1 (10:40):
I think it's so important that people really I
would reach out to Dipna learnmore about the conscious
uncoupling process that sheoffers.
She does it virtually and worksall over the world right.

Speaker 2 (10:56):
Yeah, that's correct.
I'm based in France, but I cando this.
I love meeting people fromdifferent countries.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
You sound very French , so that's great.
We're going to keep this videojust kind of introduction.
I'm going to put all of yourinformation.
Do you want to list out yourwebsite real quick so people can
hear it?

Speaker 2 (11:18):
Yeah, it's Dimpna Makalung.
No, yeah, it's uh dimnamacalung.
Um no, it's not, I've got it,it's gone.
It is dimna macalung,coachingcom.

Speaker 1 (11:37):
I was like no, I think you're missing something.
I like my browser over.

Speaker 2 (11:42):
I'm like.

Speaker 1 (11:43):
I think there's one more.
Yes, there we go.
Yes, well, we're going to keepthis kind of just an
introduction.
Learn more about what Dibna does.
I really encourage you.
You got to feel better.
You got to.
You know we can all feel morelike our true selves, living our
best lives.
This is something that can helpyou do that more like our true
selves living our best lives.

(12:03):
This is something that can helpyou do that, and it's something
that a lawyer shouldn't haveanything to do with, so you
really need to get aprofessional um and reach out to
her.
Okay, guys, it's a pleasurehaving you it's a pleasure
speaking to you.

Speaker 2 (12:16):
Thank you very much.