Friends Don't Let Friends Fight Dirty Divorces

In this short but powerful episode, I share a real-life moment I overheard while standing in line at a youth sporting event. A woman was confiding in her friend about her impending divorce, venting frustration after frustration about her husband. What struck me most wasn’t just her pain, but her friend’s response—she didn’t offer comfort or perspective, she simply fueled the fire by adding more negativity. To me, that’s not friendship.

I believe true friends, neighbors, and loved ones should do better. If we really care about the people in our lives, we should encourage them to explore mediation before ever stepping foot in a courtroom. Divorce is already life-altering, and court battles only make it worse. In just four minutes, I share why guiding someone toward mediation is one of the most supportive, loving things we can do.

Thanks for listening and I hope you'll continue to learn more about how you can peacefully divorce.

As a divorce mediation attorney in California, Scott Levin helps couples figure out the settlement terms and draft enforceable settlement agreements so they can divorce fairly without needing to go to court. Obtain closure peacefully through an amicable divorce. process that protects families and kids.

Visit San Diego Divorce Mediation for more information and to learn more about our mission to help divorcing couples make informed decisions and fair agreements through mediation or book a free virtual consultation.

Scott Levin, attorney, mediator, CDFA®
Chief PeaceKeeper
[e-mail]
858-255-1321
San Diego Divorce Mediation & Family Law
www.SanDiegoFamilyLawyer.net

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey guys, this is Scott Levin.
I'm at the halftime of one ofmy kids' Pop Warner football
game and I was just getting ahot dog for one of the other
kids and I was in line at the.
Uh, I was in line and these twoyoung ladies were talking and
apparently I just can't get awayfrom divorce.

(00:21):
So one of them was talking tothe other about how they're just
about to start the divorceprocess and she's really nervous
and et cetera, et cetera.
It is a very scary time,obviously, but, um, where the
conversation went in the twominutes I was behind them was
how evil her husband is and howhe had a, you know, emotionally

(00:44):
abuser and and monetarily anddone X, y and Z, and you have no
idea.
And blah, blah, blah, blah,blah.
And you know what those thingscould be totally accurate.
I have no idea.
What I'm wanting to point outtoday is that her friend did her
no favors.
Her friend not only affirmedeverything that she had to say,

(01:07):
she was giving her lawyers names, she was texting friends.
Hey, who did you use?
She was encouraging a fight.
And you know what, if you're aneighbor, if you're a friend, if
you're a cousin, if you havesomeone that you care about come
to you at a critical stage intheir life and you encourage

(01:29):
them to fight before they'vetried something else, you are a
bad friend.
We have to be honest withpeople.
You know guys like we can't.
Just you know this is.
These are real life decisions.
Just you know, these are reallife decisions.
So let's assume that all thethings that she said about him

(01:51):
are true.
They'll be in a three year courtbattle.
Who wants to be in a three yearcourt battle with a jerk and an
asshole?
You know I take on cases thatsometimes turn into fiascos and
I have a couple of them rightnow and I'm trying my darndest
to settle them and to get a fairand equitable agreement for

(02:11):
everyone.
But I'm trying my hardest.
You don't know why.
In part is because I want themout of my life.
I don't want a jerk and a schmoin my life.
You should not want your friendto be in a three-year court
battle with someone.
That is awful.
It will be horrible.
She will hate her life.
It will be miserable.
You know, if you're going todivorce, you're trying to get to

(02:34):
a point in your life eventuallywhere you're healed and you're
recovered and you feel goodabout yourself and you are doing
things that you want to do andnone of that's going to happen
if you are fighting in court forthree, two, two, three years
None of it.
So you know, guys, if we'refriends to each other, if we

(02:54):
care about each other, we haveto encourage peace.
Tell them, hey, go see amediator twice Shit, I'll pay
for it.
Okay, 500 bucks, what is it?
Go see a mediator twice Shit,I'll pay for it.
Okay, 500 bucks, what is it?
Go see a mediator on Monday andthen Friday.
And then, if you guys, ifnothing happens, I guarantee you
, if that would have happened,they would have, you know, 50%

(03:15):
of their divorce figured out.
You know, like there's so muchpeople agree on before they
don't agree you have no idea howoften I see it 50% of her life
could be figured out.
Next week, instead, she's goingto be living with the unknown
for the next two years andspending $175,000 maybe on legal

(03:39):
fees each.
It's just the same.
I was really disappointed in thelady Inspired me to kind of
come in here for a second, goingto get back out there.
We're losing 21-3.
But the other team is prettydarn good.
But yeah, lee's out there.
I never played football, sohe's braver than me.

(04:00):
All right, guys, take care.
Bye-bye.