January 21, 2025 • 16 mins
In my discussion with divorce coach Lara Brunstrom, our discussion sheds light on amicable divorce strategies and mindset needed to navigate a separation process with clear objectives. This discussion focuses on a peaceful path forward to end your marriage with no regret or remorse.
With a compassionate approach and a wealth of expertise, Lara and I share the same guidance we provide clients to help them make informed decisions that prioritize what matters most to their futures. From understanding the legal landscape to managing emotional challenges and safeguarding financial stability, our insights will hopefully empower listeners and motivate them to choose an affordable future focused divorce mediation approach.
Discover how to divorce coach Lara Brunstrom helps clients navigate divorce with focus on growth and transformation with her thoughtful guidance.
Thanks for listening and I hope you'll continue to learn more about how you can peacefully divorce.
As a divorce mediation attorney in California, Scott Levin helps couples figure out the settlement terms and draft enforceable settlement agreements so they can divorce fairly without needing to go to court. Obtain closure peacefully through an amicable divorce. process that protects families and kids.
Visit San Diego Divorce Mediation for more information and to learn more about our mission to help divorcing couples make informed decisions and fair agreements through mediation or book a free virtual consultation.
Scott Levin, attorney, mediator, CDFA®
Chief PeaceKeeper
scottlevinmediation@gmail.com
858-255-1321
San Diego Divorce Mediation & Family Law
www.SanDiegoFamilyLawyer.net
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey everyone, this is Scott Levin, Chief Peacekeeper,
and I am here for a talk withmy good friend and colleague,
Laura Brunström.
Hi, Laura, Hello.
Well, thank you for being here.
Laura is an exceptional divorcecoach who?
Well, Laura, why don't youintroduce yourself and tell us a
(00:22):
little bit about what you dobefore we hop on the topic?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
All right, I am a life coach who specializes in
divorce, so I'm also a certifieddivorce coach.
I love working with people inall phases of divorce,
especially at the beginning, andthat's where we're going to tap
into today in our discussion onjust kind of setting the tone
for your divorce how tointerview people, how to find
your team, and I work withpeople all the way through,
(00:49):
whether they're lawyer on lawyeror working with a mediator like
you, or trying to decide.
Right now I have an influx ofpeople which is typical
post-January deciding.
You know, is this another yearof being miserable?
Are we going to make somechanges?
So the decision process if youactually want to get a divorce.
So for me, the sooner peoplefind me the better, because then
(01:13):
I can help them through findinga mediator or deciding if they
actually want to get divorced orwhat's the best path for them.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
And that's the approach in place.
You think from the beginninglets you like that coach can
help you plot the next steps.
So that's like someone that'sin going from the beginning.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yeah, and that's where I think we have shared a
lot of clients is clients cometo you and they're a little bit
confused or need a little bit ofguidance and you refer them to
me.
And clients come to me andthey're like I don't know that
we really need to go like lawyeron lawyer.
We're pretty amicable, we'relooking, you know, for some
options and that's where youcome majorly into my practice,
(01:58):
which is helping people find you.
And that's where this topicreally sparked from is how, like
how do we interview a mediator?
What do we look for?
And that's a massive step inthe right direction, as knowing
and I do this when I haveclients and they don't have a
mediator all help them interviewsomebody.
(02:20):
And really today I think weshould just cover you know what,
what your process looks like,and how do people interview you,
like what, what questions?
If you were looking for you,what would you ask?
You know, what do you want toknow?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Yeah, so I appreciate that.
So how to enter or how to hirea meter, who do you should be
looking for and how do youexplore those options?
To start, I do.
I offer a free consultation forboth parties together.
So everyone does thisdifferently.
I'm an attorney mediator inCalifornia, so I only mediate
(02:59):
divorces.
I don't litigate divorces,although I've been a family law
attorney since so far.
So when people call me, usuallyit's one person initiating the
call or the email and the firstthing that I say is that I offer
a free consultation if both ofyou can come together, which can
be done by phone, zoom or inperson, but you have to kind of.
(03:22):
In my opinion, it's best toexplore your divorce options
together from the beginning.
You jumped into the marriagetogether.
You need to jump out togetherif mediation is gonna be an
option.
So if yeah, go on.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
I was just gonna interject there and say I find
it from my angle, reallyimportant that people do
approach you like even if it'sone email like I know you did
this what specifically one ofthe clients that I sent you
where one person approached youand you got the other spouse in
really fast.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
And from the angle that I see, there's a huge trust
thing there that goes on.
So the faster you loop bothpeople into talking to you,
because then you're not somebodyelse's idea.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Yeah, it's a commitment to neutrality.
I mean, in Mediator, the numberone thing that someone that's
practicing this as aprofessional has to be committed
to is neutrality, and bringing,from the very beginning, both
parties into that explorationprocess is absolutely mandatory
in my opinion.
So, the Mediator, the longerthat someone speaking to just
(04:32):
one side without the other inthat initial call or set up, the
more you should kind of run forthe hills.
So that's the first thing, isthat commitment to neutrality.
And then, when you'reinterviewing someone, in my
opinion I would want someonethat is a family law attorney,
(04:56):
someone that has litigationexperience in their background,
someone that is 100% committedto the mediation process, though
so they're not a litigatingattorney who quote unquote also
mediates.
They're fully committed tobeing an attorney, mediator, not
someone that litigates divorcesand mediates on the side.
(05:16):
So you're a family law attorney,you have a background in
litigation, you're a full-timepeacekeeper and then finally,
ideally, that person's acertified divorce financial
analyst, which just means thatthey pass tests that prove that
they know about the finances ofdivorce and they have to have
commitment to taking certaincontinuing education classes to
(05:40):
keep that designation, et cetera.
So they have the financial side, they have the legal side,
they're fully committed to thepeacekeeping side.
Now you're dealing with someone, you're in the right ballpark.
Now how do you decide betweentwo people that might have those
same qualifications?
It becomes a personality fit.
So do you jive with the person?
(06:02):
Can you see yourself talkingabout personal things with them
present?
I mean, this can get certainlytouching on personal topics and
you just wanna kind of have ageneral sense of that person
being a good person and someonethat you feel comfortable with.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
I completely agree with that.
I know I had a client I wascoaching the wife and she had
told her husband she was usingme as a coach and just to kind
of give her support through theprocess, make sure she was
showing up in the right waythrough it, and they were
(06:43):
struggling.
They both had attorneys andthey were referred to a mediator
from one of their attorneys andshe's like I don't like the
mediator and I was like okay,well, and she's like I just I
don't know how to approach theconversation with my husband and
I said let me help you with theconversation.
And then, kind of midway, shesaid would you do a zoom with
(07:07):
both of us and just have aconversation with both of us?
Because he would, he reallywants to meet you.
And I really don't know how tohave this without somebody who's
going to act kind of neutraland just facilitate the
conversation.
Well, much to my surprise, oneof his first sentences out of
his mouth was I hate ourmediator.
That's interesting and I waslike, oh so I didn't, I didn't
(07:32):
let on anything, and I'm like,okay, well, other person, how do
you feel about the mediator?
And she said I can't stand themediator.
And that is one of the clientsthat I ended up sending to you
and they, of course, adored youand were successful in their
completion of their divorce.
And we're very happy.
And it just shows you thatcommunication is huge.
(07:56):
Vibe check.
Like, if you trust your gut, ifit doesn't feel like the right
person for you and you don'tknow how to have that
conversation with your spouse,reach out to me.
I can help you have thatconversation with your spouse.
Ultimately, both of you want tolike the process and where
you're going and just groovewith the person who's leading
(08:19):
you.
Like you got to trust yourleader and you have to like them
, like in a way that you knowthey're comfortable.
They met you, they adored you,it was successful.
Like, without that zoom call,that mediation could have gone
south, it could have been backto like lawyer versus lawyer.
And they were really amicable.
(08:40):
They had written a missionstatement with me on what they
wanted their divorce to be, whatthey wanted to honor each other
, what they wanted to come outwith and what looking like, and
they were successful.
That's because they committedto the process, they committed
to you, you did your job welland everybody got along, which
isn't always the case.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
I mean.
Yet we've all had teachers.
You know, my 12 year oldfavorite teacher is his math
teacher Last year he found mathtotally off-putting.
I'm sure they were both.
Both three chairs were tryingto give the information they
need to give, but one inspiredone did.
(09:23):
One made him feel comfortable,the other made for whatever
reason didn't.
It wasn't that that person is abad person or wasn't trying.
But now he's an inspired, hewants to get to that class, he's
passionate about it.
He comes home and thinks aboutit.
These are all things that youneed someone to.
You need to engage in thedivorce process actively, be
(09:48):
responsible for it for yourself.
Can't just pass it over tosomeone else and say, here, do
this for me.
I know we've talked about thata lot over the years.
You need to be in control andto do that you have to have
someone that makes you feel likeyou want to, that makes you
want to be in control and wantto take ownership over it.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Absolutely, and I find a lot of times where I come
into play with people,especially in mediation, is the
power dynamic that happens inrelationships.
There's sometimes somebodywho's wielding a little more
power financially, so the otherperson needs a little bit of
support to stand up forthemselves and show up in a way
that they feel like they'rebeing fair to themselves.
(10:28):
Really, One thing I want to askyou that I would say is an
important question for people toask when they interview is what
can you do in the process, Likecan you take me to the finish
line?
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Yeah, so how it works in my practice is that we, if
the case is not open, weinitiate a court case.
We help our clients resolve thedispute by coming up with the
terms, and then we draft themarital settlement agreement,
which is the legal document thatspells out their settlement
(11:03):
terms, and then we prepare thecourt forms to finish the
process and do all that filing.
We walk our clients from thevery beginning to the end of the
process and, you know, handholdthem through that so that
they're not going to court,they're not filling out a lot of
forums, are not talking to thejudge, or missing work and
paying $50 to park downtown orwherever it is.
(11:25):
You know they're savingthemselves on that process and
having to worry about thosethings.
What they have to do, though,is understand that they're
unlikely to get 100% of whatthey want, so you have to come
to voluntary agreements, youhave to come to the meetings.
You know prepared to discussthings, and to, you know, being
(11:50):
empowered to make decisions youdon't have to decide at all and,
meeting one or two, you need tobe willing to make decisions to
move things along, and sothat's again where Laura can be
really helpful to people is tostrategize, to understand what
their options are and to come tohelp those people arrive at
feeling like they can make thoseagreements at some point during
(12:12):
the divorce process.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
but yeah, we could.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
I help people from beginning to end, but I need
them to help themselves by bewilling to listen to the other
side.
Consider the make decisions.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
I think also like another question I would ask if
I were interviewing would bewhat is your process?
And one of the things I thinkis really effective about your
process that I enjoy from myside is you meet with people.
I think it's five.
You have kind of a five sessionpacket.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
You meet like weekly or every other week for minutes.
So what?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
happens when, when they have you as their mediator
they go in they have thediscussion and then, if they're
working with me, the client willcome over and they kind of
marinate.
There's a process where it'slike it's not this 14 hour go
until 2 am, like push it throughthe finish line.
This is a very paced processand it allows people to make no
(13:10):
regret decisions, marinate whatthe proposal is, come back to
you with questions.
All of that is where they meetwith you and then whoever's
working with me will come backand they'll say, okay, well,
here's how it went.
Here's kind of my gut, but Idon't really know.
And so then we come out with alist of questions and sometimes
they email them to you,sometimes they bring them up in
(13:33):
the next session.
But that paced process that youwork with really offers like
space to breathe.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
I love it.
I think I love hearing that,but that's what I meant, because
that's why I developed thatsystem.
Everyone does it differently.
I go to these conferences wherethe mediation conferences,
where you're hearing about otherpeople's practices, but I think
it's important.
These are very importantdecisions, and I come to those
decisions but also give you roomto let them breathe.
(14:04):
And how do I feel about thosethings?
That we talk Absolutely, and ifyou're not feeling great about
it, then let's continue theconversation.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Yeah and come in with it's kind of a, it's like a
whole body check, like when theyhave your meeting with you and
come back to me and they're likeI really just want to spend all
this money on a house or I wantto keep the family house, even
though I'm gonna be house poorand not have any money for food.
But I really like my house.
That gives me time to work withthem on processing that out and
(14:37):
be like, okay, well, what is itabout the house and what do you
really need about that and whatdo you really want about that
and are there other options andwhat are those options?
And then live with thoseoptions for some amount of time
before you go back in and decidethat, yeah, I can pump up my
50% job to 75% because my kidsare getting older, or I can go
(14:59):
in 100% and I can't afford thehouse.
Or, holy God, I just realizedthat we need a new roof and
that's gonna cost money.
And oh my gosh, no.
And like there's just a lot ofyour heart kind of tells you you
want something and then yourbrain's gonna fight with it.
So part of what I do duringthat breathing period that they
have away from you is workingthrough that, and I think that's
(15:21):
why people who settle and gettheir divorce finished with you
come out with the least amountof regret possible, because they
do have that pace and they dohave that time to talk to
somebody.
And I don't necessarily thinkthat it's always like your
girlfriends are a bro fest likeover beers or wine, where you're
like getting everybody'sopinions.
(15:42):
These really need to bedecisions that come from inside
of yourself not from publicopinion.
So we don't want you spendinglike a week on public opinion.
We want you spending that timedeciding for yourself and then
come back with questions withlike how does this work, or
let's play this out, or whatdoes that look like from the
(16:04):
other side?
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I love everything you said, laura, and Laura and I
are gonna come out with somemore videos.
We have some other topics thatwe're gonna record on this week
or next, so check out those.
But for now you can contact us.
We'll write the descriptionsand the contact information in
the bios, but we've made quite agood pair here to helping
(16:29):
people at all points of thedivorce process, try to get to
the end in a way that let's sumit up with the least regret
possible.
That's something that Laurajust said that I think really
hit home with me.
So I appreciate you and thankyou for being here and we'll
record another one in the comingdays.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Sounds good.
Hey everyone, this is Scott Levin, Chief Peacekeeper,
and I am here for a talk withmy good friend and colleague,
Laura Brunström.
Hi, Laura, Hello.
Well, thank you for being here.
Laura is an exceptional divorcecoach who?
Well, Laura, why don't youintroduce yourself and tell us a
(00:22):
little bit about what you dobefore we hop on the topic?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
All right, I am a life coach who specializes in
divorce, so I'm also a certifieddivorce coach.
I love working with people inall phases of divorce,
especially at the beginning, andthat's where we're going to tap
into today in our discussion onjust kind of setting the tone
for your divorce how tointerview people, how to find
your team, and I work withpeople all the way through,
(00:49):
whether they're lawyer on lawyeror working with a mediator like
you, or trying to decide.
Right now I have an influx ofpeople which is typical
post-January deciding.
You know, is this another yearof being miserable?
Are we going to make somechanges?
So the decision process if youactually want to get a divorce.
So for me, the sooner peoplefind me the better, because then
(01:13):
I can help them through findinga mediator or deciding if they
actually want to get divorced orwhat's the best path for them.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
And that's the approach in place.
You think from the beginninglets you like that coach can
help you plot the next steps.
So that's like someone that'sin going from the beginning.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yeah, and that's where I think we have shared a
lot of clients is clients cometo you and they're a little bit
confused or need a little bit ofguidance and you refer them to
me.
And clients come to me andthey're like I don't know that
we really need to go like lawyeron lawyer.
We're pretty amicable, we'relooking, you know, for some
options and that's where youcome majorly into my practice,
(01:58):
which is helping people find you.
And that's where this topicreally sparked from is how, like
how do we interview a mediator?
What do we look for?
And that's a massive step inthe right direction, as knowing
and I do this when I haveclients and they don't have a
mediator all help them interviewsomebody.
(02:20):
And really today I think weshould just cover you know what,
what your process looks like,and how do people interview you,
like what, what questions?
If you were looking for you,what would you ask?
You know, what do you want toknow?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Yeah, so I appreciate that.
So how to enter or how to hirea meter, who do you should be
looking for and how do youexplore those options?
To start, I do.
I offer a free consultation forboth parties together.
So everyone does thisdifferently.
I'm an attorney mediator inCalifornia, so I only mediate
(02:59):
divorces.
I don't litigate divorces,although I've been a family law
attorney since so far.
So when people call me, usuallyit's one person initiating the
call or the email and the firstthing that I say is that I offer
a free consultation if both ofyou can come together, which can
be done by phone, zoom or inperson, but you have to kind of.
(03:22):
In my opinion, it's best toexplore your divorce options
together from the beginning.
You jumped into the marriagetogether.
You need to jump out togetherif mediation is gonna be an
option.
So if yeah, go on.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
I was just gonna interject there and say I find
it from my angle, reallyimportant that people do
approach you like even if it'sone email like I know you did
this what specifically one ofthe clients that I sent you
where one person approached youand you got the other spouse in
really fast.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
And from the angle that I see, there's a huge trust
thing there that goes on.
So the faster you loop bothpeople into talking to you,
because then you're not somebodyelse's idea.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Yeah, it's a commitment to neutrality.
I mean, in Mediator, the numberone thing that someone that's
practicing this as aprofessional has to be committed
to is neutrality, and bringing,from the very beginning, both
parties into that explorationprocess is absolutely mandatory
in my opinion.
So, the Mediator, the longerthat someone speaking to just
(04:32):
one side without the other inthat initial call or set up, the
more you should kind of run forthe hills.
So that's the first thing, isthat commitment to neutrality.
And then, when you'reinterviewing someone, in my
opinion I would want someonethat is a family law attorney,
(04:56):
someone that has litigationexperience in their background,
someone that is 100% committedto the mediation process, though
so they're not a litigatingattorney who quote unquote also
mediates.
They're fully committed tobeing an attorney, mediator, not
someone that litigates divorcesand mediates on the side.
(05:16):
So you're a family law attorney,you have a background in
litigation, you're a full-timepeacekeeper and then finally,
ideally, that person's acertified divorce financial
analyst, which just means thatthey pass tests that prove that
they know about the finances ofdivorce and they have to have
commitment to taking certaincontinuing education classes to
(05:40):
keep that designation, et cetera.
So they have the financial side, they have the legal side,
they're fully committed to thepeacekeeping side.
Now you're dealing with someone, you're in the right ballpark.
Now how do you decide betweentwo people that might have those
same qualifications?
It becomes a personality fit.
So do you jive with the person?
(06:02):
Can you see yourself talkingabout personal things with them
present?
I mean, this can get certainlytouching on personal topics and
you just wanna kind of have ageneral sense of that person
being a good person and someonethat you feel comfortable with.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
I completely agree with that.
I know I had a client I wascoaching the wife and she had
told her husband she was usingme as a coach and just to kind
of give her support through theprocess, make sure she was
showing up in the right waythrough it, and they were
(06:43):
struggling.
They both had attorneys andthey were referred to a mediator
from one of their attorneys andshe's like I don't like the
mediator and I was like okay,well, and she's like I just I
don't know how to approach theconversation with my husband and
I said let me help you with theconversation.
And then, kind of midway, shesaid would you do a zoom with
(07:07):
both of us and just have aconversation with both of us?
Because he would, he reallywants to meet you.
And I really don't know how tohave this without somebody who's
going to act kind of neutraland just facilitate the
conversation.
Well, much to my surprise, oneof his first sentences out of
his mouth was I hate ourmediator.
That's interesting and I waslike, oh so I didn't, I didn't
(07:32):
let on anything, and I'm like,okay, well, other person, how do
you feel about the mediator?
And she said I can't stand themediator.
And that is one of the clientsthat I ended up sending to you
and they, of course, adored youand were successful in their
completion of their divorce.
And we're very happy.
And it just shows you thatcommunication is huge.
(07:56):
Vibe check.
Like, if you trust your gut, ifit doesn't feel like the right
person for you and you don'tknow how to have that
conversation with your spouse,reach out to me.
I can help you have thatconversation with your spouse.
Ultimately, both of you want tolike the process and where
you're going and just groovewith the person who's leading
(08:19):
you.
Like you got to trust yourleader and you have to like them
, like in a way that you knowthey're comfortable.
They met you, they adored you,it was successful.
Like, without that zoom call,that mediation could have gone
south, it could have been backto like lawyer versus lawyer.
And they were really amicable.
(08:40):
They had written a missionstatement with me on what they
wanted their divorce to be, whatthey wanted to honor each other
, what they wanted to come outwith and what looking like, and
they were successful.
That's because they committedto the process, they committed
to you, you did your job welland everybody got along, which
isn't always the case.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
I mean.
Yet we've all had teachers.
You know, my 12 year oldfavorite teacher is his math
teacher Last year he found mathtotally off-putting.
I'm sure they were both.
Both three chairs were tryingto give the information they
need to give, but one inspiredone did.
(09:23):
One made him feel comfortable,the other made for whatever
reason didn't.
It wasn't that that person is abad person or wasn't trying.
But now he's an inspired, hewants to get to that class, he's
passionate about it.
He comes home and thinks aboutit.
These are all things that youneed someone to.
You need to engage in thedivorce process actively, be
(09:48):
responsible for it for yourself.
Can't just pass it over tosomeone else and say, here, do
this for me.
I know we've talked about thata lot over the years.
You need to be in control andto do that you have to have
someone that makes you feel likeyou want to, that makes you
want to be in control and wantto take ownership over it.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Absolutely, and I find a lot of times where I come
into play with people,especially in mediation, is the
power dynamic that happens inrelationships.
There's sometimes somebodywho's wielding a little more
power financially, so the otherperson needs a little bit of
support to stand up forthemselves and show up in a way
that they feel like they'rebeing fair to themselves.
(10:28):
Really, One thing I want to askyou that I would say is an
important question for people toask when they interview is what
can you do in the process, Likecan you take me to the finish
line?
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Yeah, so how it works in my practice is that we, if
the case is not open, weinitiate a court case.
We help our clients resolve thedispute by coming up with the
terms, and then we draft themarital settlement agreement,
which is the legal document thatspells out their settlement
(11:03):
terms, and then we prepare thecourt forms to finish the
process and do all that filing.
We walk our clients from thevery beginning to the end of the
process and, you know, handholdthem through that so that
they're not going to court,they're not filling out a lot of
forums, are not talking to thejudge, or missing work and
paying $50 to park downtown orwherever it is.
(11:25):
You know they're savingthemselves on that process and
having to worry about thosethings.
What they have to do, though,is understand that they're
unlikely to get 100% of whatthey want, so you have to come
to voluntary agreements, youhave to come to the meetings.
You know prepared to discussthings, and to, you know, being
(11:50):
empowered to make decisions youdon't have to decide at all and,
meeting one or two, you need tobe willing to make decisions to
move things along, and sothat's again where Laura can be
really helpful to people is tostrategize, to understand what
their options are and to come tohelp those people arrive at
feeling like they can make thoseagreements at some point during
(12:12):
the divorce process.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
but yeah, we could.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
I help people from beginning to end, but I need
them to help themselves by bewilling to listen to the other
side.
Consider the make decisions.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
I think also like another question I would ask if
I were interviewing would bewhat is your process?
And one of the things I thinkis really effective about your
process that I enjoy from myside is you meet with people.
I think it's five.
You have kind of a five sessionpacket.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
You meet like weekly or every other week for minutes.
So what?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
happens when, when they have you as their mediator
they go in they have thediscussion and then, if they're
working with me, the client willcome over and they kind of
marinate.
There's a process where it'slike it's not this 14 hour go
until 2 am, like push it throughthe finish line.
This is a very paced processand it allows people to make no
(13:10):
regret decisions, marinate whatthe proposal is, come back to
you with questions.
All of that is where they meetwith you and then whoever's
working with me will come backand they'll say, okay, well,
here's how it went.
Here's kind of my gut, but Idon't really know.
And so then we come out with alist of questions and sometimes
they email them to you,sometimes they bring them up in
(13:33):
the next session.
But that paced process that youwork with really offers like
space to breathe.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
I love it.
I think I love hearing that,but that's what I meant, because
that's why I developed thatsystem.
Everyone does it differently.
I go to these conferences wherethe mediation conferences,
where you're hearing about otherpeople's practices, but I think
it's important.
These are very importantdecisions, and I come to those
decisions but also give you roomto let them breathe.
(14:04):
And how do I feel about thosethings?
That we talk Absolutely, and ifyou're not feeling great about
it, then let's continue theconversation.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Yeah and come in with it's kind of a, it's like a
whole body check, like when theyhave your meeting with you and
come back to me and they're likeI really just want to spend all
this money on a house or I wantto keep the family house, even
though I'm gonna be house poorand not have any money for food.
But I really like my house.
That gives me time to work withthem on processing that out and
(14:37):
be like, okay, well, what is itabout the house and what do you
really need about that and whatdo you really want about that
and are there other options andwhat are those options?
And then live with thoseoptions for some amount of time
before you go back in and decidethat, yeah, I can pump up my
50% job to 75% because my kidsare getting older, or I can go
(14:59):
in 100% and I can't afford thehouse.
Or, holy God, I just realizedthat we need a new roof and
that's gonna cost money.
And oh my gosh, no.
And like there's just a lot ofyour heart kind of tells you you
want something and then yourbrain's gonna fight with it.
So part of what I do duringthat breathing period that they
have away from you is workingthrough that, and I think that's
(15:21):
why people who settle and gettheir divorce finished with you
come out with the least amountof regret possible, because they
do have that pace and they dohave that time to talk to
somebody.
And I don't necessarily thinkthat it's always like your
girlfriends are a bro fest likeover beers or wine, where you're
like getting everybody'sopinions.
(15:42):
These really need to bedecisions that come from inside
of yourself not from publicopinion.
So we don't want you spendinglike a week on public opinion.
We want you spending that timedeciding for yourself and then
come back with questions withlike how does this work, or
let's play this out, or whatdoes that look like from the
(16:04):
other side?
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I love everything you said, laura, and Laura and I
are gonna come out with somemore videos.
We have some other topics thatwe're gonna record on this week
or next, so check out those.
But for now you can contact us.
We'll write the descriptionsand the contact information in
the bios, but we've made quite agood pair here to helping
(16:29):
people at all points of thedivorce process, try to get to
the end in a way that let's sumit up with the least regret
possible.
That's something that Laurajust said that I think really
hit home with me.
So I appreciate you and thankyou for being here and we'll
record another one in the comingdays.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Sounds good.
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