The Transformative Power of Divorce Coaching with India Kern

Ever wish you had a guide to navigate the tumultuous journey of divorce? My guest today, India Kern - a certified divorce coach, is just that guide. Drawing from her personal experience with divorce, India not only provides emotional support but also empowers individuals with education about the process. We cover everything from the power of mediation, her upcoming in-person coaching event, to the convenience of her virtual sessions - all aimed at making this daunting process a little more manageable.

As India candidly shares, the transformative power of coaching is a beacon of hope amidst such challenging times. She enlightens us on how to take the reins of our emotions rather than succumbing to the irresistible pull of blame. With a myriad of coaching methods including one-on-one and group sessions, India fosters a sense of resilience and positivity - guiding individuals towards a peaceful resolution. Oh, and one more thing, if you're looking to explore more about India's work, head over to indiakern.com. Don't miss out on an enlightening conversation that is as much about healing as it is about divorce.

Thanks for listening and I hope you'll continue to learn more about how you can peacefully divorce.

As a divorce mediation attorney in California, Scott Levin helps couples figure out the settlement terms and draft enforceable settlement agreements so they can divorce fairly without needing to go to court. Obtain closure peacefully through an amicable divorce. process that protects families and kids.

Visit San Diego Divorce Mediation for more information and to learn more about our mission to help divorcing couples make informed decisions and fair agreements through mediation or book a free virtual consultation.

Scott Levin, attorney, mediator, CDFA®
Chief PeaceKeeper
[e-mail]
858-255-1321
San Diego Divorce Mediation & Family Law
www.SanDiegoFamilyLawyer.net

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everybody, this is Scott Levin, Chief
Peacekeeper, and I am so stokedto be joined today by India Kern
.
How are you, India?

Speaker 2 (00:09):
I'm fine, Scott.
Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1 (00:11):
Thank you.
So, for those of you that don'tknow, india is one of the
leading certified divorcecoaches, I think, throughout
California.
She has an incredible onlineplatform, social media.
She's just growing up and ishuge.
And India, before we get intothe topic of the day, could you
tell us about the in-personcoaching event that you were

(00:33):
just talking about?

Speaker 2 (00:34):
Yeah, yeah, thanks, scott.
So I do one-on-one coaching,but I have something that I'm
super excited about.
It's happening in August.
It's the second and fourthMondays of each month August,
september and October and it'sgoing to be in-person coaching
because we're all zoomed out,right.
We're tired of being on Zoomright, but if you can't make it

(00:55):
in-person, I will have an onlineoption.
So it's the best of both worldsand, if you wanted to, there'll
be six sessions, but you couldtechnically hit all 12 if you
wanted.
So I will give you all theinformation and you can put it
in the details and the notes,and so, if anyone's interested,
I'd love to talk to you about it.

Speaker 1 (01:14):
And otherwise, if people want to, you know talk to
you throughout the country orjust, you know, pick your brain.
They can also, you know, engageyou virtually as well, just not
for that, but for anything elsein general.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
Absolutely, and I have a discovery call.
So that's a free call and wecan talk and see if coaching's a
fit for you.
So you can find that onindiacurncom, just India, like
the country Kern, K-E-R-N dotcom.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
Awesome.
Well, so Enya and I were talkingjust before this and I think a
great topic for conversationwith an elite, you know, divorce
coach like Enya is basically asa mediator.
I'm a full-time mediator, I'm anattorney, but I just help
people resolve disputes and inthe divorce world, unfortunately
, you know a decent amount ofpeople that come to me are

(02:03):
dealing with the kickback ofdiscovering that you know there
was a cheating situation in themarriage and they've decided
then, to you know, move forwardwith a separation and in those
cases the emotions can just beso raw, the feelings, you know,

(02:24):
extremely sensitive.
So I guess my question to Indiais we want people to go into
mediation because we believe Ithink most of us believe that in
the long run that's what's bestfor people, that's the best
place, if a divorce is going tohappen, for it to happen.
But when there's a cheatingsituation and the emotions are

(02:45):
just extremely raw, how do youcoach your clients to do what's
in their best interest, whenthey might not even want to look
at the other person or be inthe same room with them?

Speaker 2 (02:56):
Right?
That's a great question.
Actually, scott, that was me in2011.
So I first went to a mediatorwith my soon-to-be ex and I
didn't know what.
I didn't know, right.
So I get in there and I'mthinking, oh, I'm going to be
railroaded and I have all these.
I can't even speak, you know,because I'm so emotionally raw,

(03:18):
like you said, and I had no ideathat I could have a consulting
attorney and I could have anadvocate.
So my decisions were made basedoff of little information,
right?
So if I had had a divorce coachor someone educating me, I
would have definitely taken thatroute, because the alternative

(03:38):
was litigation and we fought alot and the money I mean, you
can imagine it was we spent somuch money and it was
unnecessary.
And so when I coached my clientsof course, I share that story,
but what I love about mediationis the intention behind it.
You're both coming to the tablewith really a mission statement

(03:59):
to do what's best for thechildren to get through this
with the least amount ofcollateral damage that is
possible, right?
And if you go with and you setan intention which I do with my
clients before mediation youjust tend to follow through and
I see people that go throughmediation come out so much
happier.

(04:20):
And it's a it tends to be ashorter process, whereas
litigation, you know again goingback to my story started in
2011.
It was the fastest divorcepossible, but then there was
other things that came alongtill 2017.
So we were in and out of courtthat long.

(04:40):
So if I had to do it over again, I would definitely say I would
definitely go to mediation, butagain, I just wish I'd had the
knowledge.
Like I said, you don't knowwhat you don't know.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
And is that how you empower your clients to prove
that knowledge and understandthem Exactly?

Speaker 2 (04:56):
Exactly Because usually you don't know about
divorce unless you're in theprofession or you've been
through it yourself.
Why would you know anythingabout it?
So I shared with you earlier.
I went to therapy and therapyis great, but it was really
helping me understand why Imarried the person I did.
It was not helping me make agame plan Like how are we going

(05:20):
to get through this?
Should I do litigation?
Should I do mediation?
How do I decide on a mediator?
All these different?
One thing I could have reallyused is someone to help me get
emotionally and mentallyprepared for the business of
divorce, whether that bemediation or litigation.
Litigation was scary enough.

(05:40):
The depositions were superscary, so that was hard in
itself.
So education equals confidence,and that's what I didn't have.
I was lacking confidencebecause I didn't have a guide,
and I always say I became theguide I didn't have and so,
anyway, that's how I got here.
But yeah, education is huge.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
And so when you wrapped up or at some point
during your divorce, you werethinking I need to help people
that are going through I canhelp people.
How do you take that desire todo it and then actually become
someone in your position that'snot just a coach, but that has a

(06:26):
business that has clients,that's thriving?
How do you go from that firststep to where you are now?

Speaker 2 (06:32):
Well, it definitely took time because I had to heal.
That is definitely.
You cannot do it when you'reraw.
So it took a lot of time.
I wrote a book called Survivingthe Unwanted Divorce, and then I
looked into life coaching andthen I had the same client
essentially come to me all thetime, and it was usually someone
that was going through thedivorce process, struggling,
stuck in their pain, and so Ithought to myself maybe I should

(06:56):
do this divorce coaching thing.
I didn't even know it existed.
So then I started researching.
I found that you can getcertified and that's how I got
into it.
And then it really gave mepurpose, because before I was a
stay at home mom and I, ofcourse, I had my children.
But this really gave me purposeto help others so they didn't

(07:18):
have to suffer.
I like to say I made everymistake in the book, so you
don't have to, and I really did.
I just I flew by the seat of mypants Like I said if I could do
things over, I would, but now Iuse that knowledge and I help
others so they don't fall inthose traps as mistakes that I
made.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
In the last couple of minutes.
Can you share, maybe an example, of course not giving any
specific detail of the person,but can you share an example of
how working with someone maybecreated a whole new path that
this person would not have hadwithout your help?

Speaker 2 (07:58):
Sure, let's see.
So you know, what I find is acommon pitfall I guess you could
say, with a lot of people goingthrough divorce, like the one
you set up, that maybe was foundout about a cheating spouse,
what I see is that the blame,everything is put on the other
person.
And yes, I get it, I get it,the other person had, there was

(08:21):
an infraction, and they, youknow that's not good, but what
coaching does is turns theperspective on you, right,
because all you can control isyour side of the street, so to
speak.
Right, so the greatest thingabout that is that you have
control of your feelings.

(08:41):
And I think what we forget iswhen we're launching these, like
you know, daggers and the otherperson goes we're so hurt we
forget that they are.
That is controlling ouremotions, whereas if we change
the thought, we can control ourfeelings and then get different
results.
So that's basically the nutlike coaching in a nutshell

(09:03):
Change your thoughts, changeyour life, and so that's where I
would say everything startswith you and staying on your
side of the street.

Speaker 1 (09:14):
I love that I think that's unbelievable advice.
India Kern, can you repeat howpeople confine you again?

Speaker 2 (09:23):
Yeah, definitely so.
Go to indiacerncom that's Indialike the country, and Kern is
K-E-R-Ncom and be on the lookoutfor the new in-person group
coaching and the online groupcoaching and of course, I always
do one-on-one.
But thank you, scott, forhaving me.

Speaker 1 (09:41):
Yeah, I love that advice and everyone.
India is just incredible, socheck her out, educate, learn
and if you're in this process,this is a great place to be, so
appreciate it.