Turning Panic into Planning: Divorce Decisions That Protect the Next Decade

Panic screams for quick wins like “just keep the house,” but long-term stability depends on what the numbers say five and ten years from now. We sit down with Certified Financial Planner and CDFA Tatiana Sunik to turn fear into strategy—using clear projections to test settlements against time, taxes, liquidity, and real-life constraints. Together, we break down the most costly divorce mistakes and show you how to make one wise decision now that protects the next decade.

We start by reframing the house obsession. A primary residence can drain cash while investment assets quietly fund freedom. When you compare carrying costs, tax friction, and opportunity cost, that “dream home” can sabotage retirement. Tatiana shares practical ways to keep more money in the family—timing property sales before separation when it helps, avoiding unnecessary refinances at punishing rates, and structuring agreements that stabilize kids without sacrificing your future.

Then we stress-test lump-sum alimony: Why is it offered? What’s a fair discount rate? How do taxes hit? When does a buyout actually improve co-parenting by removing monthly money friction?

Career and custody realities matter too. High-earning executives often overestimate income durability past their mid-50s—tenure risk and industry churn make straight-line assumptions dangerous. We model volatile bonuses, negotiate support around actual caregiving hours, and avoid trading all liquidity for illiquid assets that force a fire sale later.

The theme is simple: let the math speak, then let emotions cool. Mediation and collaboration work best when both sides agree on shared facts and use creativity to preserve cash flow, reduce fees, and align with the life you want after the decree.

If you’re standing at the start of divorce and feel the urge to rush, pause. Gather the numbers. Run the scenarios. Choose with a clear head. Subscribe for more practical guidance, share this with someone who needs a calmer plan, and leave a review with the toughest tradeoff you’re facing—we’ll tackle it in a future episode.

Thanks for listening and I hope you'll continue to learn more about how you can peacefully divorce.

As a divorce mediation attorney in California, Scott Levin helps couples figure out the settlement terms and draft enforceable settlement agreements so they can divorce fairly without needing to go to court. Obtain closure peacefully through an amicable divorce. process that protects families and kids.

Visit San Diego Divorce Mediation for more information and to learn more about our mission to help divorcing couples make informed decisions and fair agreements through mediation or book a free virtual consultation.

Scott Levin, attorney, mediator, CDFA®
Chief PeaceKeeper
[e-mail]
858-255-1321
San Diego Divorce Mediation & Family Law
www.SanDiegoFamilyLawyer.net

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:02):
Hey everyone, this is Scott Levin, Chief
Peacekeeper.
I'm a mediator and attorney in Sin uh California.
I'm here with Tatiana Sunik.
Hi, Tatiana.
How are you?

SPEAKER_00 (00:12):
Hello there.
How are you?
Nice to see you.

SPEAKER_01 (00:14):
Yes, nice to see you.
Tatiana had a really, reallygood idea for a topic to talk
about.
So that's what we're going totalk about.
And it is basically theshort-term panic that people
feel when they first arestarting the divorce process and
versus like the long-termpossibility that comes from
careful planning during thedivorce process when you're

(00:35):
negotiating a settlement.
So a lot of clients that I workwith, you know, at the very
beginning, they're like one,they might be really focused on
the home.
I just need the home.
If I get the home, that will bereally important.
That's all I want.
And they're really likehyper-focused, and they're not
taking the time necessarily totake a breath and to look at how
that decision or whateverdecisions they're making would

(00:58):
affect them and their childrenlong term, not just you know,
month one, but at year five.
And Tatiana, that's kind of aniche that Tatiana has in in
helping people.
And Tatiana, like how do you howdo you see that um that that
place verse where people are arehave those short-term goals, but

(01:19):
you encourage and they they needto focus on the long term.
What are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_00 (01:23):
Right.
So I think that short-term panicis very natural in divorce,
right?
But it's dangerous.
So on mediation certainly comesa conflict and you know lets you
think clearly.
So, like, kind of that's whereyou step in.
We took a pause and we go intonegotiate this, right?
And the financial guidance givesyou like ability to step in and
create a roadmap and turningthis unknown into more of

(01:47):
informed confident decisions.
And what are we contemplatinghere?
How is this going to serve youlong term?
So we are doing this one time,we want to make sure we have a
good aim and to take our shot.
And I think, and a lot of timespeople just so focus on that
immediate, you know,gratification, and they tend to
not put the patience into reallyseeing through what is this

(02:12):
gonna look like.
And I think a lot of it isscary, also to if you think
about it, like um, what's thefuture gonna look like?
A lot of times it looks lookedupon negative, like, oh, I'm
gonna not be, you know, set forlife or whatever, I'm not gonna
have enough to even startsomewhere because I'm not
earning as much.
But but I encourage people tolook at it from the fear, really

(02:33):
set like the perspective to thestrategy, all right.
The fear is is fear, how much ofit is real and how much of it is
not.
And let's create a strategy, howare we going to rebuild?
And I think taking that positiveview really does help to really
bring the strategies, right?
For example, like home, is homea good asset to kids?
Is this the liquidity issue forus?

(02:56):
Or um how is the alimony gonnalook over time?
And for some individuals whohave young kids and they have
sort of these long marriages andthey still gonna be in the house
somehow, right?
To get these kids out in theschool districts.
So, okay, child support that'sgiven, but what about like
maintaining that house uh andthe caretaker comfortable so she

(03:20):
can do her duty for the kids?
And sometimes, you know, I Iwork with high number
individuals and they work a lotand they want 50-50 custody.
Well, let's get real.
Like you are gonna have it, butyou are understanding that the
hours that you work and the thetime you're putting in the
career is gonna really um sortof the the caretaking part is

(03:41):
gonna fall more on the styles,right?
So, yes, let's negotiate likethat, but we also wanna be
realistic and fair.
And I think also I know thefinancial world, I've been in
this industry for 23 years, youknow, expectation that somebody
who's high net worth executivesor that sort is gonna be working
and earning the amount of moneythey're earning until 65 is

(04:03):
really unrealistic.
And having someone like anexpert to really testify that
during divorce is very importantbecause um, you know, there's
infidelity, you sort of don'tbelieve anything they say.
But like I know that the tenurefor executives, for example,
mid-50s, after that they getpushed out.
So like don't expect yourhusband to be this couple
million dollar earner, you know,for the 65 age.

(04:25):
Like this is just the reality ofit.
And when you have again aprofessional really testify in
the way where you really knowthe space, I think puts a little
bit of a pause in theperspective and and that sort of
renegotiation angle where, like,well, now I got that uh, you
know, spoonful of honesty.
Let's let me go home and likethink on it and sit on it, and

(04:47):
like and actually let's liketake the back the emotions and
let's really, you know, do thisright.

SPEAKER_01 (04:52):
Yeah, I mean, taking back emotions is really
important, especially whenthere's no there's not a lot of
trust between spouses inmediating.
Uh that that's quite thathappens all the time.
So there's not trust, but theywant to get through the process
in an amicable, you know, fairway, and then not to spend, you

(05:12):
know, exorbitant amount ofmoney.

SPEAKER_00 (05:15):
Um you probably do something more of a
collaboration, right?
Instead of like winning todayapproach, I would think.

SPEAKER_01 (05:22):
Yeah, no, absolutely.
It's it's it's all about likegive and take.
And I have a client right nowthat's really interesting what
you said is that there's also amath answer to a lot of these
questions.
And if you take a breath and youallow that math to be written
out, so I have a client rightnow where the the higher earning
spouse, the one that's thatexecutive type that you just

(05:43):
mentioned, in their early 50s,they want to do a buyout of
spousal support.
So they want to give all themoney, you know, up front.
And um and and the other spousedoesn't trust anything that they
have to offer.
So they immediately reject it.
Um, but if you do the math onwhat was actually offered, if
they would allow the, if theywould allow, like they won't

(06:06):
take it, they they won't allowthat math to like enter their
brain.
It's just an emotional response.
But that math shows that this iswhy this would be better for you
long term, based on the based onum, you know, what the reality
is of their situation.
And emotions come into this, butyou also, you know, so working

(06:26):
with someone like you that notonly can help them understand
like you've been there, you'vedone that, you have this
experience, um, and you're andyou're on their side, but in a
mediation, really it's adelicate balance.
It's really helping them letlike you run the numbers, you
show them long term what'shappening, and um, and avoid

(06:46):
those short-term decisions.
Like, I hate I hate withstructuring settlements where
one person gives up all the cashthat they could possibly give up
in exchange for the home.
And it just always makes me sonervous.
Definitely quite for that, youknow, long term.
It just is not a it's doesn'tusually work out financially.
What are your thoughts aboutthat?

(07:07):
Just that one issue.

SPEAKER_00 (07:09):
Well, I think that whole survival mode is very
real, and you know, I try toshift it to a strategic
planning.
And actually, some people feellike they are strategically
planning, but they're not,they're shooting just like an
arrows in the dark, and theysay, Well, I don't think it's
enough, I don't think it's fair,but like, have you compared it
to have you done a financialplan?
And a lot of times I hear likehe's gonna take care of me.

(07:31):
He said, like, what is thenumber to take care of you?
Have you run a financialplanning projection to
understand what money do youneed to endow your portfolio?
I work with some clients who'suh who have some real estate and
they say, Well, I want to keepthe house, he can have another
property.
Like, well, that propertiesproduces an income.
It's an income-producingproperty.
And you take in a propertythat's you're gonna have to

(07:54):
feed, right?
You have to, you know, livethere, you have to take care of
the house, you have to pay thetaxes.
So you're having like that, youknow, cash cow and he he's
having an income asset.
So like that has to make sense.
Then then let's just structureit a little bit differently.
If you feel like you need thehouse, then this is the
consequences, uh, maybe forimmediate term for five years.

(08:14):
But remember, if you sell thehouse before marriage, you could
actually share a lot of costsand all the um uh the
percentages that you have to do,the fees, right?
Before that.
And and it could be splitbetween two parties.
If you if you sell it after,then you are responsible for all
it.
And they're like, oh.
And you know, in in New Jersey,for example, uh estate, they

(08:36):
have the sales tax right now,which is 17%, which is the
seller's thing.
That's a quite a heftypercentage for it, just you
know, just to give up.
So make sure you really thinkabout the strategy.
If you want to keep the house,is it is the house going to get
you bankrupt?
Can you afford to keep thehouse?

SPEAKER_01 (08:52):
If you're not if you're if you if you keep the
house in that sort of situation,and then four years later you
have to sell it, that's a huge,huge financial loss.

SPEAKER_00 (09:00):
Yeah.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (09:02):
No matter how much the house goes up, if it does,
just because just because thosecosts of the sale and the tax
liability.

SPEAKER_00 (09:08):
Yeah.
Plus, like you could have donewith that money and put it
somewhere else, and maybe itwill make you a better return
than that house.
So yeah, it's it's certainlyinteresting, but you can't look
on the style just in the house.
You really do want to seeeverything else.
So it's like retirement, right?
If if there is not much room towork with, you have like a house
and retirement assets, likethat's something creates per

(09:31):
creative solutions or alummoney.
Is uptron better than in 10years?
Well, I've seen some peoplelike, oh, I want to give her
uptron to everything.
So that pauses me a little bit.
Why do they want to give theAllen money all at once?
Is there something's happeningin the business down the line
that they don't negotiate?
Which is fine, but we want tomake sure then if we do and
there's a discount on the tableto negotiate, you know, for her

(09:54):
to take bump sum, what is thenumber we're using for discount?
And is this fair?
And you need to know the fullstory too.

SPEAKER_01 (10:02):
And sometimes there's lots of nuances, yeah.
Lots of nuances.
You know, um, I'm also uh whensomeone's proposing a buyout and
pushing for it, you know, thethe question is like the why.
It's always important to know.
And if the why is um that um,and if they're being genuine,
hopefully, but if they have toexchange funds on a monthly

(10:24):
basis, they think that it willruin their the relationship that
they have and their co-parentingversus if they could just get
that off the table up front.
I mean, I hear that sometimes,and that's a legitimate reason.
Uh, but yeah, no, you have toyou have to definitely be on uh
you know your toes when you'redoing any major decision.

(10:45):
And one thing you said, Tatiana,is this is like a one-time
decision.
Like asset division is like yougot one shot at this, unless
it's a very rare case.
So you have one chance.
So don't rush through, don't letyour emotions take you through.
Let your brain work and get helpfrom a professional that can
project forward and and give youthat um, you know, that that

(11:07):
long-term expectation that laand that understanding.
I think it's just hugely, hugelyimportant and beneficial.

SPEAKER_00 (11:14):
Yeah, yeah.
And I lost the old say the realestate market definitely is
interesting and calls forcreative solution, like
refinancing mortgages, itbecomes a whole new mortgage.
It's expensive.
And in some cases, you have fouror five years left in a
mortgage.
You can work something out,right?
Then this money can go to kids,then given it to a big
institution in the black hole.
So, like mindful of this, right?

(11:35):
If you don't trust her to paythe mortgage, but want her to
keep her, can you still get thesecond mortgage?
When you say no, hold on, haveyou done the homework?
Have you even tried?
Like, it's worth a try becausethen her her alimone that you're
paying, covered a quarter willgo to that mortgage that she's
gonna reassume, right?
But why not have her do that forthe kids, right?
Something like that, becauseit's all the money they've

(11:57):
created over the long term inthe family to family.

SPEAKER_01 (12:01):
I love that exactly.

SPEAKER_00 (12:02):
In the family, don't like let it out to left and
right mortgage companies.

SPEAKER_01 (12:06):
And it's not just burning it on attorneys or
professionals.
I mean, look, that's that that'sa those are you valuable uses of
money.
I believe in mediation, but soprofessionals during the divorce
process, that's not burningmoney in my mind.
What's burning money is notdoing the planning.
And like you said, why giveChase Bank, you know, over the

(12:27):
course of 10 years an additional200 grand when you could keep it
in the family?
Exactly.
Uh so getting that expertise andthat consultation, that that
someone on your side that canhelp you uh through that.
And then, of course, they haveto make you know mutual
decisions to stay on a loan orto keep a loan intact and things
like that.
That's uh those are alwaysdecisions that they have to come

(12:48):
to together.
So hopefully they have someonethat's helping them work
together, keep the familytogether, uh, just in a
different way.

SPEAKER_00 (12:55):
Yeah, yeah.
And I think you're doing a greatjob of that.

SPEAKER_01 (12:58):
So yeah, this was great though.
Um, can you tell uh folks uhwhere you are, how you work,
where you can work, all thosedetails?

SPEAKER_00 (13:06):
Yes.
So I am in Metro Arab, New York.
I am a CFP certified financialplanner, and I'm also CDFA
certified divorced financialanalyst.
I've been in wealth managementspace for 23 years, divorced
myself for 11.
I've helped numerous individualsand families through this
process.
This is not the only um businesssort of in my value proposition.

(13:28):
I also work with normal intactfamilies as well.
I'm for keeping the family, butif there's an alternative of not
to, you know, I tend to help aswell.
And I I work with many states.
It's not particularly bonded toNew Jersey or New York or
Connecticut because I am not anattorney.
So I'm not licensed uh with mydivorce consulting work just to

(13:50):
one state.
So I'm open to many states.

SPEAKER_01 (13:52):
So someone in California could call you,
someone in Florida.

SPEAKER_00 (13:56):
I have some time.

SPEAKER_01 (13:57):
Okay, great.
Yeah, I mean, I know Tatianawell.
Um, just really, really avaluable resource, someone
that's very genuine, very smart.
So I can't say enough goodthings about you.
And I love the topic, and Ireally hope that people, you
know, really take the time toproject forward.
That's the that's the key to asuccessful outcome.
And then if you get that adviceand you get those um uh that

(14:19):
guidance and you make thosedecisions, then hopefully, you
know, 11 years later, nine yearslater, whatever it is, when you
take that breath and you don'thave that regret that you didn't
what could have been or whatshould have been, that you've
done your planning now and andand you'll be able to live
forward because you know thatregret, that feeling is really

(14:40):
can eat away at people.
So um, you know, get theguidance while things are going
on because it's a one time shotat that asset division.
But uh thank you so much,Tatiana.

SPEAKER_00 (14:51):
Thank you, Scott, for having me and great to be
partnering with them.