March 27, 2025 • 29 mins
Charles and Tesa explore the concept that happiness is a personal choice rather than something your spouse or partner can provide for you. We delve into how finding joy in small moments can transform your relationship more than grand gestures or expensive experiences.
• Small moments matter more than elaborate dates or vacations
• Learning to play and laugh together instead of being petty during disagreements
• Don't wait for special occasions to connect meaningfully with your partner
• Laughter is a choice you must make every day, especially during difficult times
• You are responsible for your own happiness and emotional wellbeing
• Finding joy in ordinary activities like walks, shopping, or just being together
• The biblical principle that "the joy of the Lord is our strength" applies to marriage
Share this episode with someone who could benefit from choosing happiness in their relationship, and don't forget to like, comment, subscribe, and check out our next episode of Doing It With The Daniels.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
you're responsible for your own happiness.
So it's not about you knowbeing married.
It's not about you making mehappy.
I have to choose to be happy.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Welcome to Doing it With the Dales, the podcast
where we navigate life, marriageand ministry.
I'm Charles.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
And I'm Tisa.
Join us as we share insights,wisdom and practical advice to
strengthen your marriage,empower your life and enrich
your ministry.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Let's dive in together and discover the joys
of doing it with the Daniels.
Yo, welcome to Doing it Withthe Daniels, where we help
couples get it on in lifemarriage and ministry man we
having fun today.
Rocking out yeah we having fun,having fun, you feeling good.
I'm feeling good today well,look, we're back at it again.
We rocking and rolling, havinga great time with the podcast.
(00:49):
You've been enjoying doing thisand sharing our life and our
story and the wisdom that godhas given us through the course
of our journey with other peopleI would say yes, because of all
the feedback that we get thatpeople are enjoying it and they
listen and they, they um everyThursday.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
You know they can't wait to get on and see what we
have to say and and it's beenhelping them and so I think
that's why I enjoy it, because II realize it's helping others
absolutely.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I enjoy just being with you oh, that's so sweet.
I enjoy being with our team.
Yeah, you know, they behind thescenes?
Can anybody see them?
Hey, they there, they helpingus make it work.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
And.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I just appreciate them.
You know, it takes big peoplewith big hearts and love for you
, to sacrifice their time.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
And give their service, their gifts, their
talents to help you accomplishthings that you want to
accomplish, and so I reallyappreciate them, and so,
although people may never seethem on camera, we got to have
them on camera.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
We gotta have them on one day, so they can do like
some bloopers or you know theycan kind of talk about.
You know what it's like beingin here with us yeah, we had to
show them behind the scenes ofhair and makeup and all of that
stuff getting done one day yeah,editing and all of that.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
They just don't realize.
There's a lot that goes intothis, where it's all put
together, put out, but there'sso much that's added to it that
makes it work yeah and uh, andthat's not our doing.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
You know, it's these wonderful people that we have
yeah, so we appreciate them yeahabsolutely so here we go, here
we go what we dive into what arewe talking about today?
We're talking about.
Happiness is a choice happinessis a choice.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah, I thought we got married, that you were
supposed to make me happy youknow, that's what I, that's what
I thought about with this topic, like I mean, it's so many
people who feel like, hey, youare married now make me happy.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yeah to get married, thinking that marriage is gonna
fix everything, everything, andit's going to be so wonderful
which it is, you know but theydon't think about the other
times the trying times and youknow the things that you have to
go through in a marriage yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
So I mean I can put all of this weight on you.
That says, when life gets hardand I'm sad, it's your job to
cheer me up, it's your job tomake me feel better, it's your
job to make me feel good, it'syour job to make me like myself.
You know, but but the realityis that that's not fair no to
put that weight on you, andthat's not even your job, I
think, as couples.
(03:15):
Well, let's, let's pull back oncouples, because although we're
a couple, we are alsoindividuals yes and there are
times when I can be happy andyou're not, or you're happy and
I'm not, and I think that'swhere we all have to find our
own happiness in life andnavigate through that.
So so the joy of this is thatwe learn to navigate through
(03:35):
life and do it together andenjoy it.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Right, yeah.
So I agree, marriage isn't justabout pushing through hard
times, it's just, it's a.
It's about you know the, thesmall things the good times, and
I think for me, I had to findmy own happiness and not just
look to you to make me happy,yeah, so yeah, I think we both
(03:58):
did.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Um, I don't know, I don't know to what extent you
kind of navigated that part ofour marriage, our relationship,
our life together.
Because, like you said earlier,I think we come into marriage
with this grandiose idea thatI'm married now and it's going
to be wonderful, it's going tobe great, I'm going to be happy
with this person every day.
But you forget that sometimesyou're not happy with that
(04:20):
person, sometimes you're nothappy with life, sometimes
you're not happy with your ownlife and the way your life is
going.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
It's a lot that can go into just life, just living
life, and so kind of, like yousaid what we were talking about,
our title of the day um, yourhappiness has to be a choice yes
it has to be a decision thatyou make where you're choosing
happiness every day yeah, Ithink, um, you're responsible
for your own happiness, so it'snot about, you know, being
(04:50):
married, it's not about youmaking me happy.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
I have to choose to be happy, and so, with that said
, I think it's small momentsmatter yeah, yeah, I think
that's the first thing peoplehave to grasp that small things
are big deals in a relationshipand and when you grasp the small
things, you you don't look forall of these big and great and
(05:13):
wonderful things that we cankind of idolize before getting
married yeah, I used to thinkthat, um, being happy meant
having these vacations and goingout to dinner and planning all
these you know big events andyou know I.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
You know how I used to look.
Yeah, it was money, and you knowback then we didn't have any
money so we couldn't do a lot,and so I would go to work and
everybody was talking about whatvacations they were going to
and everybody's going to thebeach and they were doing all
these things and and it seemedlike it was so much fun and we
couldn't do that, and so I wouldget I don't know if I would get
(05:50):
depressed, but it was just asad thing.
Like you know, I want to takemy family on a vacation.
I want to take, and so I wouldfeel some kind of way because we
couldn't do those things and Iforgot to appreciate the small
moments that we had together.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I remember that and you would try to act like you
were okay.
You would say, stuff, I'm okay,like I want to go to the beach,
I want to go to Florida, I wantto go here, I want to travel.
I'm like man, look, we gotchild in daycare.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Not daycare.
What was it?
Was it daycare?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I mean care, yeah, yeah, I mean you paying hundred
dollar, hundred, so dollars aweek, even before trey like we
first got married you know allof that, and so big expenses
coming out, uh, just to takecare of our family and in that
time, you know, not making awhole lot of money.
It it wasn't something that wecould do or we had to.
Really, I think what we learnedto do is we learned to plan and
budget in vacations or doingthings which we didn't do before
(06:46):
.
Right, you know, before we justkind of well, we get around to,
we get around to it.
But you have to be intentionalabout those big elaborate things
that you want to do.
Those luxury vacations though,that travel you plan for that
it's not really spontaneousdepending on you know how much
money you have Exactly.
But I think the point you weremaking is focus on the small
(07:10):
things and learn to findhappiness in the small matters,
not just the big things.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yeah, the small things, like when we're together
and you know we're just havingfun and you crack a joke and you
know we're laughing and youknow, know, or maybe even being
silly or something like that.
Those are the small momentsthat you know I felt like meant
more than doing all these bigthings.
That I thought.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
I thought because you know everybody at work come
home talk about yeah, we didthis, we did that, and I would
minimize the little smallmoments that we had together and
I didn't think that theymattered because it wasn't big
we weren't traveling, we weren'tdoing this, we weren't
experiencing different placesand all of that, and so I I
minimized those moments you knowwhat I've learned, and I think
(07:55):
we both may have learned this,but I I have to speak for me,
because I've learned that thosethings are great.
The big stuff, you know, the,the travel, all that's wonderful
.
But when you come to a placewhere you love somebody and it's
like you become you I'm talkingas my wife you become the major
(08:16):
contributor or factor to myhappiness.
So I could go on a wonderfulvacation.
But it's not the same withoutyou, right?
And when I begin to see that Irealize I got you every day.
I got you at home.
So I'm going to enjoy whatreally brings me the joy that I
have.
It wasn't the flights, itwasn't the hotels or the luxury
(08:40):
living arrangement, it wasn'tbeing on the beach, it wasn't
what some things we wrote thejet skis you know, it wasn't you
know, it wasn't that stuff thatthat I'm like oh, this was
amazing.
As a matter of fact, I wasready to get off the jet ski all
the water getting you like thisis cool, but yeah, I don't want
to fall in the ocean.
Get me off here yeah, so it wasfun in the time, but the the
(09:03):
part that I remember is you holdbeing on there with me, holding
on to me.
Yeah, it was fun in the time,but the part that I remember is
you being?
on there with me holding on tome.
It was us and I learned how tovalue us.
So then, once you do that, youtake the vacations and the
travel and the big stuff, luxurydinners and all.
You take all that out.
You know, we love Ruth Chris,we enjoy some Ruth Chris, but I
don't have to eat Ruth Chris tohave a good time.
(09:24):
You know we can eat Five Guys,mm-hmm, you know.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
You like, five Guys we can eat a burger and enjoy
ourselves.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
We can go to Applebee's and get a.
What is it?
A two for 20, something I don'tknow, but it's just being with
you.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
So it's about spending that time together and
actually connecting.
So it doesn't matter what youdo.
You know, you just make sureyou connect when you're doing
what you do.
Make sure you're talking to oneanother listening laughing,
yeah, yeah.
You're doing all of that and Ifeel like I enjoy those moments
more than I enjoy all these bigdates or vacations and things
(10:04):
Like.
I enjoy the vacations, don'tget me wrong.
You know, experiencing newplaces, going out of town, all
of that is great, but you got tolearn how to not minimize the
small things and just maximizethe.
You think those things mattermore and it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Yeah even going for a walk, yeah, when we go for a
walk and just talk while we'rewalking.
I mean, you like to walk a lotlonger than I do.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I'm like let's get it in, get it done you like to
walk a little faster than I do?
Yeah, I do.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
I like to get it over with come on, let's hit this
mile, mile and a half.
Let's get it over with you bewalking like crazy person I'll
be like slow down what you doing.
No, I'm power walking.
You casual walking, I'm powerwalking I'll be telling your
legs longer than mine but it'sthat time just walking us,
laughing, talking, talking aboutthe kids, just talking about
ministry, talking about life,it's just, it's.
(10:53):
That's that small stuff, it'slike really big, it doesn't cost
us anything, right, it doesn'tcost us money.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
It's time that we're investing in one another I love
it because it's like you beingyou and me, being me and you
accepting all my quirkiness andmy silliness.
And you know, and I don't feellike I have to try to be
something that I'm not it's justus being together in those
moments, just having fun witheach other.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Yeah, yeah, that's a big deal, so.
So I think that's good.
Here's another thing I thinkyou also have to choose.
Play over pettiness, right,it's easy to be petty, you know
it's, it's easy, it's easy.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
So who is the petty?
Who petty?
I think you.
You're more petty I don't know.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
You think so, I don't know I don't know, we may be
tip attack maybe, maybe, maybeme yeah, maybe me a little bit
more.
Yeah, maybe it's better if Idon't get my way maybe
definitely.
If you don't get your way,maybe I can be a little more
petty than you, so yeah, but youhave to learn.
(12:01):
Let's stay focused, I'll try,but definitely choosing
playfulness, because pettinesscan get real serious and that's
why a lot of couples they're tooserious, serious all the time.
Everything's serious,everything is, you know, needs
(12:21):
the utmost attention and careand you never relax.
You're always uptight and tense.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
And no is gonna survive like that.
Yeah, that used to be me.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
I mean, I think that was both of us.
Yeah, I think you were moreuptight, I think I was just
serious.
Yeah, I think I was uptight Idon't know why, I don't know.
I think I used to be like justcalm down, calm down, it's all
right I was uptight abouteverything yeah I was like, oh,
just any any little thing like atrigger.
Yeah, yeah, I'm better now yeah,definitely, and so we, we had
(12:52):
to navigate through that.
But that's how we grow and wehave to learn and start laughing
.
And I will say this about usearly in our marriage, I don't
think we laughed enough.
I don't think we played enough.
I think I'm very playful.
You don't call it playfulness,you call it picking.
You say you say I pick on you,I pick on the kids, but I'm
playing with y'all you know,okay, I don't think we like it
(13:18):
all the time.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
No, y'all don't like it all the time but but I feel
like if we didn't have it, wewould miss it absolutely, and
that's why I keep providing itfor you, so you don't have to
miss it right.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Right, but let's just say, in a relationship, how do
you approach being playful overbeing petty?
So take a small matter thatcould turn into an argument.
Like you may ask me to help youwith cleaning something.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Hey, help me clean up the house.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
And I mean I want to do it.
I mean I feel like cleaning up,I'm like it don't look that
dirty to me you know how we asmen are like yeah, it don't look
.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
That's what you mean dirty like you know, clean up.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
What you mean, the, the throw blanket is not folded,
the pillows are out of place onthe couch.
Is that that's what you mean?
Like that's simple stuff, but,and you know, for me it's
something like that.
I would just like all right andmaybe grab a pillow and throw
it at you.
You know, and while you'retrying to fold a blanket, or I
may knock the blanket down andmess up your fold and it becomes
(14:19):
a playful thing where you couldeasily get mad and be like stop
.
I'm trying to do what I'm tryingto do, but you know, it can be
something we can laugh about.
I throw a pillow, you throw apillow, you throw a pillow back,
yeah, and before you know, wethrowing pillows at each other
and laughing and dodging pillowsand all that kind of stuff.
But but then we had to clean up.
Yeah, yeah, for real, cleanthis up, but we laugh about it.
We've had, we've enjoyed thattime.
(14:40):
It turned into somethingplayful right you know what I
mean.
It turned something playful,something for us to laugh about,
where it used to be.
It would be something that youwould get mad and then you hit
me with you.
You don't do anything aroundhere well, I think it would.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
It would lead into an argument because I had
something that I had to do.
So in my mind I'm thinking,okay, I gotta do this because I
gotta be here and I gotta havethis, or somebody was coming
over or something like that, andin that moment you playing and
I'm like this ain't time to play, this time to work.
So I'll probably get frustratedbecause I'm like, okay, I felt
(15:18):
like that could have been thepetty side.
Because, sometimes I feel likeyou may know what I got going on
, or you just trying to.
Now you want to play.
I'm like mm-mm, and so thoselittle moments can turn into an
argument.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Yeah, and that's just what we have to be careful
about you know and communicatethrough those, but still laugh.
And I think that's the thingwith couples.
A lot of couples don't?
They don't laugh enough no,they don't, they don't play.
You know, they don't enjoy eachother enough.
Thinking about when couplesfirst get married or first, I'm
sorry, first start dating yeahyou're playing all the time.
You're laughing all the time.
That's one of the strategies ofa man getting a woman's
(15:53):
attention keep her laughing.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Yeah, exactly, but sometimes you feel like, oh, I
got her, so now I got to do allthis stuff that I did in the in
the beginning, that's true butwhat I learned when you're
laughing, marriage is better.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Yeah, life is better if you, if you laugh and
hopefully you liking me, mm-hmm,you know, it's almost like
flirting to an extent.
Yeah, it is, and you know Itell people all the time you
don't stop flirting because yougot married.
Yes, lord, like, keep flirting,like I'm going to keep flirting
with you, you know, hey, I wantyou to look at me and smile.
I want you to laugh at me.
I want that, when I leave outof your presence, I want you
(16:29):
thinking about me.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
I want you thinking about something I said I did and
bust out laughing.
I want to be on your mind,which is all the time, because
you're always doing something.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I want to be on your mind.
That's a real man.
Understand that you got to keepyourself on her mind.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Keep up good thoughts not bad thoughts, not good
stuff.
That's good.
I love that.
Yeah so the good stuff.
That's good.
I love that, yeah.
So the third thing is don'twait for a special occasion I
think we did that early on.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Yeah, we look for we.
We thought birthdays,anniversaries, valentine's day
mother's day, father's day,christmas, that's it right, and
it's an unfair advantage forwomen too.
Why birthday?
Valentine's day, mother's day,you got father's day.
(17:16):
That's one for men, we gotthree for women so men don't get
none of that just because daychristmas, it's all about women
well, they got some okay men andy'all got like five just and I
probably probably more out thereWomen them five right there.
You need to show up for her.
We got two.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
And guess what?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Birthday Christmas.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
That's it.
We deserve them.
Five and more.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Oh, we don't deserve.
There's men out here workinghard, we deserve.
We need to add in some random,just because days to even this
out.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Y'all get just because days we need some we
cooking dinner that ain't youeating too, what you mean you
gotta eat that's not for us butbut y'all get just because days
we thinking about you, we outshopping and we buy you
something.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
You get just because days but what if that's not what
a man want?
A man don't get excited becauseyou come home with a bag from
Macy's.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
That's y'all, but it was something for you, so I
thought about you.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
You got me a shirt, thank you.
What do you want?
Men want what they want, whatthey want.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Many things.
Well, you got to communicatethat.
Tell me what you want.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Sometimes men want a day just about them.
Okay, it's.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Father's.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Day Y'all get pamper days.
That's six.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
You just constantly thinking of stuff.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
I'm saying this day, y'all, I want to go to the spa
we need that.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
We need that and some more.
Me and these relaxing days weleave y'all alone so y'all can
watch y'all sports.
That's a day.
Play your game, that's a dayCome on.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
We need to go fishing , we need to go to the gun range
.
I'm saying, but we need to gowithout Tompkins strengths, we
don't need y'all when you atwhen you gonna be back.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
I don't say nothing.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I'm just saying, I ain't saying you.
I'm just saying I'm thinkingabout other men.
I'm advocating for other menthat need more days throughout
their year.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Ladies, don't say nothing.
Let them go, let them havetheir day.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Yeah, they need their day, they need their time.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
They bro.
What is it the bro time?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah, you need your bro time.
We just need a day.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
That's about us More days about us.
Y'all right there with us.
I just care all day and thenbuy him what he want.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Like don't just buy him a shirt, like buy him what
he want, like what he beensaying he want.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
If you gonna try to bring, if you gonna bring him a
gift.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
No, I'm not talking about me.
I'm a little different.
I go buy what I want.
I've always been like that.
I don't really care for peopleto buy items for me like that.
You know, I think she was hotat me.
No, she didn't say anything.
She was hot, but my sister toldme about it.
She never said anything.
My mother bought me some jeansfor Christmas one year and I
(19:58):
didn't like the jeans.
I'm sorry, mama, why you didn'tlike them.
I didn't like the jeans.
They weren't some jeans that Iwanted to wear at the time.
They weren't the kind of jeansI wanted to wear.
They weren't the kind of jeansI wanted to wear.
You want some Levi's?
You know, they were the kind ofjeans if you wore them to
school, you you get shit.
Yeah, you might get shit.
So I was like I'm not wearingthose right, so I left them in
(20:20):
the box.
She gave them to me forChristmas.
I left them in the Christmasbox and I slid them under my bed
.
It wasn't till years later whenI left home I was in college,
away.
I think I was away in college,that my grandmother went to live
with my mother and they startedcleaning out the room so my
grandmother could move into whatwas my bedroom in the home.
(20:40):
And when they were moving thebed they found those jeans Tags
and all Tags and all my mama.
She called my sister.
She didn't tell me.
She called my sister.
She didn't tell me.
She called my sister.
My sister called me and told me.
She said mama found them jeansthat she bought you years ago
under your bed, brand new, stillin the box.
(21:00):
I said, yeah, I wasn't going towear them jeans.
She was like that's terrible,that's terrible.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
You could have told her, so she could have got her
money back.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
No that's terrible, but you could have told her so
she would.
She could have got her moneyback.
She no, she was gonna be like.
You know, I went through to getthem sacrifices I make for you,
you know, my mom so I just leftit alone.
Anyway, you got me all the wayoff track, talking about g's and
all of that, but but thereality is that don't wait for a
special occasion.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Yeah, yeah, y'all.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Hey, we got y'all yeah, ladies, get in they time.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
We need a special day y'all got a lot of special days
okay, all right, um, I'm notgonna debate this with you.
We'll talk about this offcamera, okay y'all got just as
many as we got that's not trueyeah, you just said, y'all got
your bro time the fishing y'allcan watch y'all sports.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
We have to make those days up.
Y'all got national holidays wecan make y'all some get them on
the counter, okay, okay, we'regonna see, but but anyway,
seriously, seriously, you don'twait for special times like
anniversaries, birthdays, allthis stuff is good, yeah, but
you need date nights yeah youneed regular times when you all
(22:11):
just get together and connectand I say date night it can be.
Date day it can be datewhenever it can be brunch.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
It can be whatever you want.
Yeah, whatever you want it tobe.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Just connect, make time for y'all and laugh.
Don't make it serious.
This is not a time to talkabout bills.
Talk about the kids and what'sgoing on with them and all you
got to do and work.
Leave that stuff at home andjust have fun.
Just have fun, right.
Go do something that you enjoy.
You know, sometimes it's crazyhow I've grown to enjoy if we're
(22:40):
out somewhere, if we go to amall, especially, we're out of
town, not so much at home whenwe're out of town if we go to a
mall or something, but we can doit at home.
I've learned to just sit andlet you roam throughout the mall
.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Yeah, you didn't.
That wasn't always the case.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
No, that wasn't.
But I enjoy it now because,although we're not together,
while you're moving, I'm justsitting there waiting on you
come back around, tell me whatyou saw, what you like, what
you're thinking about.
I don't know.
I've developed a liking forlike.
Okay, I look forward to whenshe come back and tell me what
she saw what she liked, what shedidn't like, what she won't,
what she thinking about getting.
(23:14):
It's just, it's our time yeahyou know, and although I don't
want to search every rack,because you're gonna look at
every item on every rack, you'regonna look at the sale rack,
you're gonna look at the regularprice, right, I'm like you want
.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
You ain't got time for all that.
No, no, it's too much.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
it's too much, it's too overwhelming.
And so, because you know, asmen, the way we shop, we already
know what we're going to getmost of us Like we're not men
are big, why you don't see me?
And just strolling around themall, searching all the every
rack?
Some men do Some like to shop.
Some do like to shop, but it'srare.
Most of the time men know whatthey're going to get.
(23:48):
They go get it and then theycheck out.
That's cute, is that what we do?
And y'all put it back.
No, I don't like that.
Oh, I mean, look, y'all gotthis in my size oh she gonna
check.
Hold that, hold that she gonnacheck that for me.
(24:09):
Then, before she get back, Ireally don't want that put that
back oh, we buy it and bring itback.
It's just crazy, it's just alot that goes into a woman's
shopping, so for me and it'sdifferent, but you learn to love
it.
I learn to enjoy just seeing youroam and do your thing.
It becomes especially I'msaying that to say something
(24:30):
that doesn't seem like a specialtime yeah can become a special
time yeah it's all in how youvalue your time with that person
.
You know just like I used toenjoy when I would cut the grass
and you would just stand outthere and just kind of watch me
cut the grass.
I don't know what it was, itwas just like, yeah, she likes
seeing me cut the grass.
You know, there was somethingthat was enjoyable about it.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
I was like why you take so long?
Because I wanted to look good.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
I wanted to look.
You can't go fast and have itlook good.
You didn't want your yardlooking crazy did you?
Speaker 1 (25:04):
No, I did not.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Because every time it looked crazy and you'd be cut,
you'd be like you didn't go cutthat grass.
So we had to make it look nice.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Yes.
So the next thing is laughteris a choice.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Laughter is a choice.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
You got to.
Laughter is a choice.
Laughter is a choice, you gottachoose to laugh, you gotta make
the decision yes every day,every day, laugh, enjoy life
yeah, don't be so serious allthe time I think I was very
uptight and serious, although Iwas a, I think I was I'm fun you
know, but I can't be fun yeah,but I think when it came to you,
um, when we first got married,I was very uptight.
I think, because I was tryingto present myself as my best
(25:43):
self and.
I was just having, wantingeverything to be well, your fun
was selective.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
I think your fun and enjoying yourself was about,
like, I think, around familytime, when you get around your
family.
A birthday, oh, let's have fun.
But when it came to everydaylife, there wasn't the
intentionality on fun andlaughing and enjoying yourself.
And I think that's what we hadto grow into.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Yeah, I really had to grow into that.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Because you get in the mode of working every day,
taking care of children.
I mean, life cannot be so fun,yeah, if you only focus on life.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
If I focus on wanting life to be so perfect, you know
, then I wasn't like embracingand enjoying life because I was
wanting it to be a certain kindof way, yeah and, and I think
once I I've dealt with thatthat's not perfect, I'm not
perfect then I was able to relaxyeah, and be like hey, this is,
(26:42):
this is me, I am who I am andI'm just enjoying my life
enjoying my life and enjoy mymarriage and enjoy my kids and
enjoy, you know, just life.
Yeah, and I chose, and now Ihave fun.
I really think I have fun now Ithink we all learn that.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
We learn to enjoy life.
We learn to have fun in spiteof the difficult times and it's.
It's laughing and enjoyingyourself or finding the ability
to laugh in the hard seasonsthat make life easier to manage.
Yeah, because life is hard,everybody's living life for real
, especially in today's economyand the climate, the political
(27:20):
climate.
There's a lot going on in ourworld today, yeah, and it's a
lot to be sad, depressed aboutor whatever.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
But you gotta choose to enjoy yourself.
Yeah, when we're struggling,it's tempting to just shut down,
and we don't want to do thatyeah, you don't want to shut
down just because you'restruggling.
You got to know life's going tothrow you every all kind of
things and you just kind of gotto be able to roll with the
punches but still enjoy yourlife.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Yeah, and that's what the Bible talks about how the
joy of the Lord is our strength.
You got to maintain joy to staystrong and endure some of the
hard challenges of life.
You got to learn how to.
The Bible says rejoice in theLord, always and again I hard
challenges of life.
You gotta learn how to.
The bible says rejoice in thelord, always and again I say
rejoice.
that means in good times, in badtimes find joy yeah, find a
(28:04):
place of joy in your life, joyin the lord, joy with your
spouse, joy with your children,your family.
You gotta, you gotta beintentional about finding that.
I believe it's like this youhave to wake up and say I'm
gonna have a great day todayyeah, it doesn't matter what you
have to do or what comes at you.
Right, life is going to be life.
But you make up your mind.
I'm still going to have a goodday, I'm still going to enjoy
(28:26):
myself, and here's the key whenboth couples do that, it makes
marriage better.
Yeah, it mad about everything.
Who wants to live like that?
Nobody.
I know I don't Me either, soI'm glad we found joy.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Yes, we did All right .
Speaker 2 (28:47):
So listen, thank y'all for joining us.
You got anything else, babe?
I see, come on, that's so good.
Anything else that we can sharewith you guys?
We hope that that wasbeneficial to you and helpful as
you navigate your life, yourmarriage and everything else
that encompasses that.
So find a place to laugh.
Find your place of enjoyment.
Don't be so serious.
Be intentional.
(29:07):
You don't need anything big andelaborate.
Learn how to enjoy the smallmatters of life that God has
given you, with the one he'sgiven you to enjoy.
Life goes fast, life movesquick, so don't lose moments to
misery when you can live in aplace of joy and peace.
All right, we love you.
Thank you for joining us again.
I hope this blessed you andencouraged you.
If it did share with somebody,don't forget to like and
(29:29):
subscribe.
We thank y'all so much and welook forward to seeing you on
the next episode of Doing itWith the Daniels.
See you later.
Hey, thank you for joining usfor doing it with the Daniels.
If you want to keep up witheverything going on on our
channel, don't forget to like,comment, subscribe and share
this podcast.
Absolutely.
We'll see you next time.
you're responsible for your own happiness.
So it's not about you knowbeing married.
It's not about you making mehappy.
I have to choose to be happy.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Welcome to Doing it With the Dales, the podcast
where we navigate life, marriageand ministry.
I'm Charles.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
And I'm Tisa.
Join us as we share insights,wisdom and practical advice to
strengthen your marriage,empower your life and enrich
your ministry.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Let's dive in together and discover the joys
of doing it with the Daniels.
Yo, welcome to Doing it Withthe Daniels, where we help
couples get it on in lifemarriage and ministry man we
having fun today.
Rocking out yeah we having fun,having fun, you feeling good.
I'm feeling good today well,look, we're back at it again.
We rocking and rolling, havinga great time with the podcast.
(00:49):
You've been enjoying doing thisand sharing our life and our
story and the wisdom that godhas given us through the course
of our journey with other peopleI would say yes, because of all
the feedback that we get thatpeople are enjoying it and they
listen and they, they um everyThursday.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
You know they can't wait to get on and see what we
have to say and and it's beenhelping them and so I think
that's why I enjoy it, because II realize it's helping others
absolutely.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I enjoy just being with you oh, that's so sweet.
I enjoy being with our team.
Yeah, you know, they behind thescenes?
Can anybody see them?
Hey, they there, they helpingus make it work.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
And.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I just appreciate them.
You know, it takes big peoplewith big hearts and love for you
, to sacrifice their time.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
And give their service, their gifts, their
talents to help you accomplishthings that you want to
accomplish, and so I reallyappreciate them, and so,
although people may never seethem on camera, we got to have
them on camera.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
We gotta have them on one day, so they can do like
some bloopers or you know theycan kind of talk about.
You know what it's like beingin here with us yeah, we had to
show them behind the scenes ofhair and makeup and all of that
stuff getting done one day yeah,editing and all of that.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
They just don't realize.
There's a lot that goes intothis, where it's all put
together, put out, but there'sso much that's added to it that
makes it work yeah and uh, andthat's not our doing.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
You know, it's these wonderful people that we have
yeah, so we appreciate them yeahabsolutely so here we go, here
we go what we dive into what arewe talking about today?
We're talking about.
Happiness is a choice happinessis a choice.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah, I thought we got married, that you were
supposed to make me happy youknow, that's what I, that's what
I thought about with this topic, like I mean, it's so many
people who feel like, hey, youare married now make me happy.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yeah to get married, thinking that marriage is gonna
fix everything, everything, andit's going to be so wonderful
which it is, you know but theydon't think about the other
times the trying times and youknow the things that you have to
go through in a marriage yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
So I mean I can put all of this weight on you.
That says, when life gets hardand I'm sad, it's your job to
cheer me up, it's your job tomake me feel better, it's your
job to make me feel good, it'syour job to make me like myself.
You know, but but the realityis that that's not fair no to
put that weight on you, andthat's not even your job, I
think, as couples.
(03:15):
Well, let's, let's pull back oncouples, because although we're
a couple, we are alsoindividuals yes and there are
times when I can be happy andyou're not, or you're happy and
I'm not, and I think that'swhere we all have to find our
own happiness in life andnavigate through that.
So so the joy of this is thatwe learn to navigate through
(03:35):
life and do it together andenjoy it.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Right, yeah.
So I agree, marriage isn't justabout pushing through hard
times, it's just, it's a.
It's about you know the, thesmall things the good times, and
I think for me, I had to findmy own happiness and not just
look to you to make me happy,yeah, so yeah, I think we both
(03:58):
did.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Um, I don't know, I don't know to what extent you
kind of navigated that part ofour marriage, our relationship,
our life together.
Because, like you said earlier,I think we come into marriage
with this grandiose idea thatI'm married now and it's going
to be wonderful, it's going tobe great, I'm going to be happy
with this person every day.
But you forget that sometimesyou're not happy with that
(04:20):
person, sometimes you're nothappy with life, sometimes
you're not happy with your ownlife and the way your life is
going.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
It's a lot that can go into just life, just living
life, and so kind of, like yousaid what we were talking about,
our title of the day um, yourhappiness has to be a choice yes
it has to be a decision thatyou make where you're choosing
happiness every day yeah, Ithink, um, you're responsible
for your own happiness, so it'snot about, you know, being
(04:50):
married, it's not about youmaking me happy.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
I have to choose to be happy, and so, with that said
, I think it's small momentsmatter yeah, yeah, I think
that's the first thing peoplehave to grasp that small things
are big deals in a relationshipand and when you grasp the small
things, you you don't look forall of these big and great and
(05:13):
wonderful things that we cankind of idolize before getting
married yeah, I used to thinkthat, um, being happy meant
having these vacations and goingout to dinner and planning all
these you know big events andyou know I.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
You know how I used to look.
Yeah, it was money, and you knowback then we didn't have any
money so we couldn't do a lot,and so I would go to work and
everybody was talking about whatvacations they were going to
and everybody's going to thebeach and they were doing all
these things and and it seemedlike it was so much fun and we
couldn't do that, and so I wouldget I don't know if I would get
(05:50):
depressed, but it was just asad thing.
Like you know, I want to takemy family on a vacation.
I want to take, and so I wouldfeel some kind of way because we
couldn't do those things and Iforgot to appreciate the small
moments that we had together.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I remember that and you would try to act like you
were okay.
You would say, stuff, I'm okay,like I want to go to the beach,
I want to go to Florida, I wantto go here, I want to travel.
I'm like man, look, we gotchild in daycare.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Not daycare.
What was it?
Was it daycare?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I mean care, yeah, yeah, I mean you paying hundred
dollar, hundred, so dollars aweek, even before trey like we
first got married you know allof that, and so big expenses
coming out, uh, just to takecare of our family and in that
time, you know, not making awhole lot of money.
It it wasn't something that wecould do or we had to.
Really, I think what we learnedto do is we learned to plan and
budget in vacations or doingthings which we didn't do before
(06:46):
.
Right, you know, before we justkind of well, we get around to,
we get around to it.
But you have to be intentionalabout those big elaborate things
that you want to do.
Those luxury vacations though,that travel you plan for that
it's not really spontaneousdepending on you know how much
money you have Exactly.
But I think the point you weremaking is focus on the small
(07:10):
things and learn to findhappiness in the small matters,
not just the big things.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yeah, the small things, like when we're together
and you know we're just havingfun and you crack a joke and you
know we're laughing and youknow, know, or maybe even being
silly or something like that.
Those are the small momentsthat you know I felt like meant
more than doing all these bigthings.
That I thought.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
I thought because you know everybody at work come
home talk about yeah, we didthis, we did that, and I would
minimize the little smallmoments that we had together and
I didn't think that theymattered because it wasn't big
we weren't traveling, we weren'tdoing this, we weren't
experiencing different placesand all of that, and so I I
minimized those moments you knowwhat I've learned, and I think
(07:55):
we both may have learned this,but I I have to speak for me,
because I've learned that thosethings are great.
The big stuff, you know, the,the travel, all that's wonderful
.
But when you come to a placewhere you love somebody and it's
like you become you I'm talkingas my wife you become the major
(08:16):
contributor or factor to myhappiness.
So I could go on a wonderfulvacation.
But it's not the same withoutyou, right?
And when I begin to see that Irealize I got you every day.
I got you at home.
So I'm going to enjoy whatreally brings me the joy that I
have.
It wasn't the flights, itwasn't the hotels or the luxury
(08:40):
living arrangement, it wasn'tbeing on the beach, it wasn't
what some things we wrote thejet skis you know, it wasn't you
know, it wasn't that stuff thatthat I'm like oh, this was
amazing.
As a matter of fact, I wasready to get off the jet ski all
the water getting you like thisis cool, but yeah, I don't want
to fall in the ocean.
Get me off here yeah, so it wasfun in the time, but the the
(09:03):
part that I remember is you holdbeing on there with me, holding
on to me.
Yeah, it was fun in the time,but the part that I remember is
you being?
on there with me holding on tome.
It was us and I learned how tovalue us.
So then, once you do that, youtake the vacations and the
travel and the big stuff, luxurydinners and all.
You take all that out.
You know, we love Ruth Chris,we enjoy some Ruth Chris, but I
don't have to eat Ruth Chris tohave a good time.
(09:24):
You know we can eat Five Guys,mm-hmm, you know.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
You like, five Guys we can eat a burger and enjoy
ourselves.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
We can go to Applebee's and get a.
What is it?
A two for 20, something I don'tknow, but it's just being with
you.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
So it's about spending that time together and
actually connecting.
So it doesn't matter what youdo.
You know, you just make sureyou connect when you're doing
what you do.
Make sure you're talking to oneanother listening laughing,
yeah, yeah.
You're doing all of that and Ifeel like I enjoy those moments
more than I enjoy all these bigdates or vacations and things
(10:04):
Like.
I enjoy the vacations, don'tget me wrong.
You know, experiencing newplaces, going out of town, all
of that is great, but you got tolearn how to not minimize the
small things and just maximizethe.
You think those things mattermore and it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Yeah even going for a walk, yeah, when we go for a
walk and just talk while we'rewalking.
I mean, you like to walk a lotlonger than I do.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I'm like let's get it in, get it done you like to
walk a little faster than I do?
Yeah, I do.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
I like to get it over with come on, let's hit this
mile, mile and a half.
Let's get it over with you bewalking like crazy person I'll
be like slow down what you doing.
No, I'm power walking.
You casual walking, I'm powerwalking I'll be telling your
legs longer than mine but it'sthat time just walking us,
laughing, talking, talking aboutthe kids, just talking about
ministry, talking about life,it's just, it's.
(10:53):
That's that small stuff, it'slike really big, it doesn't cost
us anything, right, it doesn'tcost us money.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
It's time that we're investing in one another I love
it because it's like you beingyou and me, being me and you
accepting all my quirkiness andmy silliness.
And you know, and I don't feellike I have to try to be
something that I'm not it's justus being together in those
moments, just having fun witheach other.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Yeah, yeah, that's a big deal, so.
So I think that's good.
Here's another thing I thinkyou also have to choose.
Play over pettiness, right,it's easy to be petty, you know
it's, it's easy, it's easy.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
So who is the petty?
Who petty?
I think you.
You're more petty I don't know.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
You think so, I don't know I don't know, we may be
tip attack maybe, maybe, maybeme yeah, maybe me a little bit
more.
Yeah, maybe it's better if Idon't get my way maybe
definitely.
If you don't get your way,maybe I can be a little more
petty than you, so yeah, but youhave to learn.
(12:01):
Let's stay focused, I'll try,but definitely choosing
playfulness, because pettinesscan get real serious and that's
why a lot of couples they're tooserious, serious all the time.
Everything's serious,everything is, you know, needs
(12:21):
the utmost attention and careand you never relax.
You're always uptight and tense.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
And no is gonna survive like that.
Yeah, that used to be me.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
I mean, I think that was both of us.
Yeah, I think you were moreuptight, I think I was just
serious.
Yeah, I think I was uptight Idon't know why, I don't know.
I think I used to be like justcalm down, calm down, it's all
right I was uptight abouteverything yeah I was like, oh,
just any any little thing like atrigger.
Yeah, yeah, I'm better now yeah,definitely, and so we, we had
(12:52):
to navigate through that.
But that's how we grow and wehave to learn and start laughing
.
And I will say this about usearly in our marriage, I don't
think we laughed enough.
I don't think we played enough.
I think I'm very playful.
You don't call it playfulness,you call it picking.
You say you say I pick on you,I pick on the kids, but I'm
playing with y'all you know,okay, I don't think we like it
(13:18):
all the time.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
No, y'all don't like it all the time but but I feel
like if we didn't have it, wewould miss it absolutely, and
that's why I keep providing itfor you, so you don't have to
miss it right.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Right, but let's just say, in a relationship, how do
you approach being playful overbeing petty?
So take a small matter thatcould turn into an argument.
Like you may ask me to help youwith cleaning something.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Hey, help me clean up the house.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
And I mean I want to do it.
I mean I feel like cleaning up,I'm like it don't look that
dirty to me you know how we asmen are like yeah, it don't look
.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
That's what you mean dirty like you know, clean up.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
What you mean, the, the throw blanket is not folded,
the pillows are out of place onthe couch.
Is that that's what you mean?
Like that's simple stuff, but,and you know, for me it's
something like that.
I would just like all right andmaybe grab a pillow and throw
it at you.
You know, and while you'retrying to fold a blanket, or I
may knock the blanket down andmess up your fold and it becomes
(14:19):
a playful thing where you couldeasily get mad and be like stop
.
I'm trying to do what I'm tryingto do, but you know, it can be
something we can laugh about.
I throw a pillow, you throw apillow, you throw a pillow back,
yeah, and before you know, wethrowing pillows at each other
and laughing and dodging pillowsand all that kind of stuff.
But but then we had to clean up.
Yeah, yeah, for real, cleanthis up, but we laugh about it.
We've had, we've enjoyed thattime.
(14:40):
It turned into somethingplayful right you know what I
mean.
It turned something playful,something for us to laugh about,
where it used to be.
It would be something that youwould get mad and then you hit
me with you.
You don't do anything aroundhere well, I think it would.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
It would lead into an argument because I had
something that I had to do.
So in my mind I'm thinking,okay, I gotta do this because I
gotta be here and I gotta havethis, or somebody was coming
over or something like that, andin that moment you playing and
I'm like this ain't time to play, this time to work.
So I'll probably get frustratedbecause I'm like, okay, I felt
(15:18):
like that could have been thepetty side.
Because, sometimes I feel likeyou may know what I got going on
, or you just trying to.
Now you want to play.
I'm like mm-mm, and so thoselittle moments can turn into an
argument.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Yeah, and that's just what we have to be careful
about you know and communicatethrough those, but still laugh.
And I think that's the thingwith couples.
A lot of couples don't?
They don't laugh enough no,they don't, they don't play.
You know, they don't enjoy eachother enough.
Thinking about when couplesfirst get married or first, I'm
sorry, first start dating yeahyou're playing all the time.
You're laughing all the time.
That's one of the strategies ofa man getting a woman's
(15:53):
attention keep her laughing.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Yeah, exactly, but sometimes you feel like, oh, I
got her, so now I got to do allthis stuff that I did in the in
the beginning, that's true butwhat I learned when you're
laughing, marriage is better.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Yeah, life is better if you, if you laugh and
hopefully you liking me, mm-hmm,you know, it's almost like
flirting to an extent.
Yeah, it is, and you know Itell people all the time you
don't stop flirting because yougot married.
Yes, lord, like, keep flirting,like I'm going to keep flirting
with you, you know, hey, I wantyou to look at me and smile.
I want you to laugh at me.
I want that, when I leave outof your presence, I want you
(16:29):
thinking about me.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
I want you thinking about something I said I did and
bust out laughing.
I want to be on your mind,which is all the time, because
you're always doing something.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I want to be on your mind.
That's a real man.
Understand that you got to keepyourself on her mind.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Keep up good thoughts not bad thoughts, not good
stuff.
That's good.
I love that.
Yeah so the good stuff.
That's good.
I love that, yeah.
So the third thing is don'twait for a special occasion I
think we did that early on.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Yeah, we look for we.
We thought birthdays,anniversaries, valentine's day
mother's day, father's day,christmas, that's it right, and
it's an unfair advantage forwomen too.
Why birthday?
Valentine's day, mother's day,you got father's day.
(17:16):
That's one for men, we gotthree for women so men don't get
none of that just because daychristmas, it's all about women
well, they got some okay men andy'all got like five just and I
probably probably more out thereWomen them five right there.
You need to show up for her.
We got two.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
And guess what?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Birthday Christmas.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
That's it.
We deserve them.
Five and more.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Oh, we don't deserve.
There's men out here workinghard, we deserve.
We need to add in some random,just because days to even this
out.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Y'all get just because days we need some we
cooking dinner that ain't youeating too, what you mean you
gotta eat that's not for us butbut y'all get just because days
we thinking about you, we outshopping and we buy you
something.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
You get just because days but what if that's not what
a man want?
A man don't get excited becauseyou come home with a bag from
Macy's.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
That's y'all, but it was something for you, so I
thought about you.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
You got me a shirt, thank you.
What do you want?
Men want what they want, whatthey want.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Many things.
Well, you got to communicatethat.
Tell me what you want.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Sometimes men want a day just about them.
Okay, it's.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Father's.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Day Y'all get pamper days.
That's six.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
You just constantly thinking of stuff.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
I'm saying this day, y'all, I want to go to the spa
we need that.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
We need that and some more.
Me and these relaxing days weleave y'all alone so y'all can
watch y'all sports.
That's a day.
Play your game, that's a dayCome on.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
We need to go fishing , we need to go to the gun range
.
I'm saying, but we need to gowithout Tompkins strengths, we
don't need y'all when you atwhen you gonna be back.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
I don't say nothing.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I'm just saying, I ain't saying you.
I'm just saying I'm thinkingabout other men.
I'm advocating for other menthat need more days throughout
their year.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Ladies, don't say nothing.
Let them go, let them havetheir day.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Yeah, they need their day, they need their time.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
They bro.
What is it the bro time?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah, you need your bro time.
We just need a day.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
That's about us More days about us.
Y'all right there with us.
I just care all day and thenbuy him what he want.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Like don't just buy him a shirt, like buy him what
he want, like what he beensaying he want.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
If you gonna try to bring, if you gonna bring him a
gift.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
No, I'm not talking about me.
I'm a little different.
I go buy what I want.
I've always been like that.
I don't really care for peopleto buy items for me like that.
You know, I think she was hotat me.
No, she didn't say anything.
She was hot, but my sister toldme about it.
She never said anything.
My mother bought me some jeansfor Christmas one year and I
(19:58):
didn't like the jeans.
I'm sorry, mama, why you didn'tlike them.
I didn't like the jeans.
They weren't some jeans that Iwanted to wear at the time.
They weren't the kind of jeansI wanted to wear.
They weren't the kind of jeansI wanted to wear.
You want some Levi's?
You know, they were the kind ofjeans if you wore them to
school, you you get shit.
Yeah, you might get shit.
So I was like I'm not wearingthose right, so I left them in
(20:20):
the box.
She gave them to me forChristmas.
I left them in the Christmasbox and I slid them under my bed
.
It wasn't till years later whenI left home I was in college,
away.
I think I was away in college,that my grandmother went to live
with my mother and they startedcleaning out the room so my
grandmother could move into whatwas my bedroom in the home.
(20:40):
And when they were moving thebed they found those jeans Tags
and all Tags and all my mama.
She called my sister.
She didn't tell me.
She called my sister.
She didn't tell me.
She called my sister.
My sister called me and told me.
She said mama found them jeansthat she bought you years ago
under your bed, brand new, stillin the box.
(21:00):
I said, yeah, I wasn't going towear them jeans.
She was like that's terrible,that's terrible.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
You could have told her, so she could have got her
money back.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
No that's terrible, but you could have told her so
she would.
She could have got her moneyback.
She no, she was gonna be like.
You know, I went through to getthem sacrifices I make for you,
you know, my mom so I just leftit alone.
Anyway, you got me all the wayoff track, talking about g's and
all of that, but but thereality is that don't wait for a
special occasion.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Yeah, yeah, y'all.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Hey, we got y'all yeah, ladies, get in they time.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
We need a special day y'all got a lot of special days
okay, all right, um, I'm notgonna debate this with you.
We'll talk about this offcamera, okay y'all got just as
many as we got that's not trueyeah, you just said, y'all got
your bro time the fishing y'allcan watch y'all sports.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
We have to make those days up.
Y'all got national holidays wecan make y'all some get them on
the counter, okay, okay, we'regonna see, but but anyway,
seriously, seriously, you don'twait for special times like
anniversaries, birthdays, allthis stuff is good, yeah, but
you need date nights yeah youneed regular times when you all
(22:11):
just get together and connectand I say date night it can be.
Date day it can be datewhenever it can be brunch.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
It can be whatever you want.
Yeah, whatever you want it tobe.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Just connect, make time for y'all and laugh.
Don't make it serious.
This is not a time to talkabout bills.
Talk about the kids and what'sgoing on with them and all you
got to do and work.
Leave that stuff at home andjust have fun.
Just have fun, right.
Go do something that you enjoy.
You know, sometimes it's crazyhow I've grown to enjoy if we're
(22:40):
out somewhere, if we go to amall, especially, we're out of
town, not so much at home whenwe're out of town if we go to a
mall or something, but we can doit at home.
I've learned to just sit andlet you roam throughout the mall
.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Yeah, you didn't.
That wasn't always the case.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
No, that wasn't.
But I enjoy it now because,although we're not together,
while you're moving, I'm justsitting there waiting on you
come back around, tell me whatyou saw, what you like, what
you're thinking about.
I don't know.
I've developed a liking forlike.
Okay, I look forward to whenshe come back and tell me what
she saw what she liked, what shedidn't like, what she won't,
what she thinking about getting.
(23:14):
It's just, it's our time yeahyou know, and although I don't
want to search every rack,because you're gonna look at
every item on every rack, you'regonna look at the sale rack,
you're gonna look at the regularprice, right, I'm like you want
.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
You ain't got time for all that.
No, no, it's too much.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
it's too much, it's too overwhelming.
And so, because you know, asmen, the way we shop, we already
know what we're going to getmost of us Like we're not men
are big, why you don't see me?
And just strolling around themall, searching all the every
rack?
Some men do Some like to shop.
Some do like to shop, but it'srare.
Most of the time men know whatthey're going to get.
(23:48):
They go get it and then theycheck out.
That's cute, is that what we do?
And y'all put it back.
No, I don't like that.
Oh, I mean, look, y'all gotthis in my size oh she gonna
check.
Hold that, hold that she gonnacheck that for me.
(24:09):
Then, before she get back, Ireally don't want that put that
back oh, we buy it and bring itback.
It's just crazy, it's just alot that goes into a woman's
shopping, so for me and it'sdifferent, but you learn to love
it.
I learn to enjoy just seeing youroam and do your thing.
It becomes especially I'msaying that to say something
(24:30):
that doesn't seem like a specialtime yeah can become a special
time yeah it's all in how youvalue your time with that person
.
You know just like I used toenjoy when I would cut the grass
and you would just stand outthere and just kind of watch me
cut the grass.
I don't know what it was, itwas just like, yeah, she likes
seeing me cut the grass.
You know, there was somethingthat was enjoyable about it.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
I was like why you take so long?
Because I wanted to look good.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
I wanted to look.
You can't go fast and have itlook good.
You didn't want your yardlooking crazy did you?
Speaker 1 (25:04):
No, I did not.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Because every time it looked crazy and you'd be cut,
you'd be like you didn't go cutthat grass.
So we had to make it look nice.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Yes.
So the next thing is laughteris a choice.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Laughter is a choice.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
You got to.
Laughter is a choice.
Laughter is a choice, you gottachoose to laugh, you gotta make
the decision yes every day,every day, laugh, enjoy life
yeah, don't be so serious allthe time I think I was very
uptight and serious, although Iwas a, I think I was I'm fun you
know, but I can't be fun yeah,but I think when it came to you,
um, when we first got married,I was very uptight.
I think, because I was tryingto present myself as my best
(25:43):
self and.
I was just having, wantingeverything to be well, your fun
was selective.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
I think your fun and enjoying yourself was about,
like, I think, around familytime, when you get around your
family.
A birthday, oh, let's have fun.
But when it came to everydaylife, there wasn't the
intentionality on fun andlaughing and enjoying yourself.
And I think that's what we hadto grow into.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Yeah, I really had to grow into that.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Because you get in the mode of working every day,
taking care of children.
I mean, life cannot be so fun,yeah, if you only focus on life.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
If I focus on wanting life to be so perfect, you know
, then I wasn't like embracingand enjoying life because I was
wanting it to be a certain kindof way, yeah and, and I think
once I I've dealt with thatthat's not perfect, I'm not
perfect then I was able to relaxyeah, and be like hey, this is,
(26:42):
this is me, I am who I am andI'm just enjoying my life
enjoying my life and enjoy mymarriage and enjoy my kids and
enjoy, you know, just life.
Yeah, and I chose, and now Ihave fun.
I really think I have fun now Ithink we all learn that.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
We learn to enjoy life.
We learn to have fun in spiteof the difficult times and it's.
It's laughing and enjoyingyourself or finding the ability
to laugh in the hard seasonsthat make life easier to manage.
Yeah, because life is hard,everybody's living life for real
, especially in today's economyand the climate, the political
(27:20):
climate.
There's a lot going on in ourworld today, yeah, and it's a
lot to be sad, depressed aboutor whatever.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
But you gotta choose to enjoy yourself.
Yeah, when we're struggling,it's tempting to just shut down,
and we don't want to do thatyeah, you don't want to shut
down just because you'restruggling.
You got to know life's going tothrow you every all kind of
things and you just kind of gotto be able to roll with the
punches but still enjoy yourlife.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Yeah, and that's what the Bible talks about how the
joy of the Lord is our strength.
You got to maintain joy to staystrong and endure some of the
hard challenges of life.
You got to learn how to.
The Bible says rejoice in theLord, always and again I hard
challenges of life.
You gotta learn how to.
The bible says rejoice in thelord, always and again I say
rejoice.
that means in good times, in badtimes find joy yeah, find a
(28:04):
place of joy in your life, joyin the lord, joy with your
spouse, joy with your children,your family.
You gotta, you gotta beintentional about finding that.
I believe it's like this youhave to wake up and say I'm
gonna have a great day todayyeah, it doesn't matter what you
have to do or what comes at you.
Right, life is going to be life.
But you make up your mind.
I'm still going to have a goodday, I'm still going to enjoy
(28:26):
myself, and here's the key whenboth couples do that, it makes
marriage better.
Yeah, it mad about everything.
Who wants to live like that?
Nobody.
I know I don't Me either, soI'm glad we found joy.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Yes, we did All right .
Speaker 2 (28:47):
So listen, thank y'all for joining us.
You got anything else, babe?
I see, come on, that's so good.
Anything else that we can sharewith you guys?
We hope that that wasbeneficial to you and helpful as
you navigate your life, yourmarriage and everything else
that encompasses that.
So find a place to laugh.
Find your place of enjoyment.
Don't be so serious.
Be intentional.
(29:07):
You don't need anything big andelaborate.
Learn how to enjoy the smallmatters of life that God has
given you, with the one he'sgiven you to enjoy.
Life goes fast, life movesquick, so don't lose moments to
misery when you can live in aplace of joy and peace.
All right, we love you.
Thank you for joining us again.
I hope this blessed you andencouraged you.
If it did share with somebody,don't forget to like and
(29:29):
subscribe.
We thank y'all so much and welook forward to seeing you on
the next episode of Doing itWith the Daniels.
See you later.
Hey, thank you for joining usfor doing it with the Daniels.
If you want to keep up witheverything going on on our
channel, don't forget to like,comment, subscribe and share
this podcast.
Absolutely.
We'll see you next time.
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