January 23, 2025 • 33 mins
Unlock the secrets to a thriving partnership as we, Charles and Tisa Daniels, guide you through setting meaningful relationship resolutions. Discover how transforming traditional individual resolutions into shared couple goals can enrich your bond, whether you’re reflecting on past victories and challenges or charting a new path forward. Explore practical strategies for keeping resolutions alive and making them a powerful tool for relationship empowerment and growth.
Ever wondered how to keep the spark alive amid life’s myriad responsibilities? We delve into the art of maintaining romance in marriage, offering insights into understanding and honoring each other's love languages. Prioritizing acts of service, quality time, and open communication can keep love vibrant and prevent your relationship from drifting into routine. We also address the often daunting topic of financial planning, sharing personal stories that highlight the importance of joint decision-making for a harmonious and united front.
Lastly, embark on a journey toward a healthier lifestyle that strengthens not only your body but also your connection as a couple. From introducing new habits to balancing differing preferences, we emphasize the significance of teamwork, compromise, and mutual support. Join us in cultivating a community where you can share ideas and seek advice, as we commit to supporting your relationship growth throughout the new year. Don’t miss the chance to bolster your marriage and life together with these actionable insights.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So, whatever the deficits are, whatever our goals
are, whatever the challengesare, they're ours together, not
yours.
Yeah, it's mine Right, welcometo Doing it With the Dales, the
podcast where we navigate life,marriage and ministry.
I'm Charles.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
And I'm Tisa.
Join us as we share insights,wisdom and practical advice to
strengthen your marriage,empower your life and enrich
your ministry.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Let's dive in together and discover the joys
of doing it with the Daniels.
Hey, welcome to Doing it Withthe Daniels, where we help
couples get it on in lifemarriage and ministry how you
guys doing today.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
We are back.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
We're back.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
Yes, it's a new year, new day,new time.
And we're back.
We want to share with you.
We've been MIA for a minute.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
For a minute, for a lot.
Yeah, we had a lot going on,had a lot, we had to take a
break.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Different changes and transitions have taken place
that we will be sharing with youthroughout this podcast, so
definitely stay tuned week toweek as we share information
with you about what's going onwith us, what's been going on
and where we're headed.
But we're back today for a newepisode.
I'm excited.
I have missed sharing with thepeople.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yeah, me too.
Me too, I have really misseddoing this podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Yeah, so it's a great time for us to jump back in and
have a good time, yes, so.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
So it's a great time for us to jump back in and have
a good time.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Yes, so you ready?
Yeah, what are we talking abouttoday?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Okay, we're talking about just starting your new
year off with your in arelationship, in a marriage,
starting your relationship offin the new year.
You know, usually everybodydoes New Year's resolutions and
what they want to see in theupcoming year, so that's what
we're going to be talking abouttoday.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah, I think the new year is a great time to reflect
on the past year the successes,the wins, the losses, the good,
the bad and just try to regroupand put things in perspective,
even in a relationship.
Many people think about it asfar as their career is concerned
or their family, but how manytimes do people take the time to
sit down and talk about what dowe, as a couple, want to
(02:07):
accomplish as we go into thisnew year?
You know we talk about a lot ofweight loss goals, a lot of
exercise goals, dieting habits,a lot of things, but how many
times do you sit down and talkabout I want to get closer to my
spouse this year Right?
Speaker 2 (02:21):
No, I don't think we do.
We don't take the time out todo that in a relationship, so I
think it's good so you could sitdown, talk about individual
goals, goals as a couple, whatyou want to see, and you'll find
out some new things about yourspouse.
When you get to talking aboutyou know what you want to see in
the upcoming year.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Yeah, and I don't think couples usually do.
I think people tend to thinkthat it's an individual time.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Right, exactly.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I'm going to do for me what I need to do for me.
Do for you what you need to dofor you.
And we never really look attogether and we're a team.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yeah.
If we're one and we're unified,then we need to work those,
those goals as one unit yeah,and figure out what you want to
do together, what you want toaccomplish together as a couple
100%.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
So what thing?
I mean, we can't tackleeverything.
No, there's so many things thatpeople deal with.
What are we going to tackle?
What do we need to share withthem?
Because I think for us, wedidn't wait until the new year.
We're in the new year.
Some people may feel like, well, I'm behind it, hun, it's
already.
You know I'm in the new year.
When do I?
When should I start this?
(03:27):
Really, we should start this inthe previous year, yeah,
towards the previous year, whileall of the hustle and bustle of
the holidays because you knowyou hit people celebrate
halloween?
Obviously, we don't, but theylove halloween, thanksgiving,
christmas, new year I mean, it'son you before you know it and
you can get wrapped up in theholiday season.
Yeah and forget, wait a minute,I need to plan for this new
year, so, but if you didn't,it's okay.
(03:47):
Start now, put things in placeand go from there.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Exactly.
And so what we started doing.
We started in December talkingabout what we want to see in
2025 and what we didn't likethat happened in 2024.
And so what we want toaccomplish and do better.
So we've already started allthat.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Yeah.
So we got a few things we'll gothrough, just maybe things that
you guys can highlight in yourlife and begin to work on.
So what are we looking?
Speaker 2 (04:13):
at.
So number one is settingrelationship resolutions
together.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Yeah yeah, relationship resolutions that's
really good.
I like that because I thinkpeople have the whole personal
resolution yeah but arelationship resolution like
what are you going to do thisyear as a couple?
What are you going to work onthis year as a couple, what?
What's the thing you want toput in place?
And I know some people say, oh,I hate resolution.
Well, I don't see it as a badthing.
(04:38):
No, I think it's.
Instead of using the wordresolution, we can use the word
go but why do hate it?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Do you think they hate it because they make this
resolution and they don't stickto it?
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Yeah, I think they feel like I said something, but
I always fail at it.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Right.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I don't stick to it.
I don't follow through.
A lot of other people around usdo resolutions.
They don't stick to them, yeah,so people think it's pointless,
it's a waste of time.
I think they only areineffective when you set them,
but you don't set action steps.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Objectives along the way to get you there.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Exactly Because I've set plenty of resolutions and I
probably went so far with themand didn't, you know, follow
through the entire year.
But you just got to.
You got to realize that thereare times when you know you may
go so long with it and you did.
You did that, you did good inin that amount of time.
But it's not going to be likeyou set this resolution for the
(05:30):
entire year.
Maybe it was for that time set.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
And so at least you did it.
So you celebrate that, and thenyou just keep going.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Yeah, well, let's jump in.
Okay.
So with the relationship, whatkind of things are good when
we're talking about settingrelationship resolutions or
goals in a relationship?
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Go ahead, go ahead, no, you go ahead, no, you go
ahead.
So it's just brainstorming.
It's like what you want to seeas a couple together is when you
are setting your resolution.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I think some of those things can include things like
better communication.
Like, if we think back over theyear, well, how much did we
argue?
And hopefully nobody's keepingcount of all the arguments, but
when you think about it, did weargue last year?
What did we argue about?
How can we communicate betterto avoid those?
I know for us one of the bigthings we did years ago, when I
came home, we began to talkabout our communication and how
(06:21):
we want to improve that and westart implementing some things
around empathy, active listening, better listening skills, and
we put those things in practiceand it started to minimize the
number of disagreements or it.
I'll say this it minimized theseverity of the disagreements,
which means we're going todisagree, it's going to happen,
(06:42):
but it doesn't have to go to abad place.
Right, disagreement in marriage, in your relationship, doesn't
have to be like an argument, abig blow-up.
It can be something that, yeah,we have those, but we also know
how to work through them in ahealthy way.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Right, that's good.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
So I think communication is a big key.
I think romance we're inromance, something I've been
thinking- about for mepersonally, but it affects our
relationship together.
How romantic am I right don'tanswer that on camera and but I
think about you saw.
You saw my mouth.
I was getting ready.
That's a rhetorical question,but I was thinking about how can
(07:17):
I be more romantic in thisrelationship.
What kind of romance does mywife like?
Yeah, you know what's my wife'slove language?
Well, obviously, I know yourlove language is.
You know gifts and acts ofservice.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Probably more acts of service than gifts.
Um, so I had to think aboutthat, like, what kind of stuff
does she want me to do?
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
That which I know most of is more cleaning and
vacuuming and all the stuff thatdoes not fit into my love
language.
But if it's romantic to you,then it should be considered
even date night.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
You know, I mean, we talked about last night and you
know we did get to a certainplace.
You really have to followthrough.
I was like let's go on a date,let's go out, let's go out,
let's go somewhere.
And then, after we got aroundto it, he was like well, come on
, we're going to do it.
I was like don't worry about it, let's just relax.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
I.
That is good.
I think that's a wholedifferent podcast within itself.
Talk about romance and datenight, because I feel like, as
married couples, we go throughthe mundane as far as just doing
life and we don't take the timeto really talk to our spouse,
because we've changed throughoutthe years.
Talk to them about what theylike, what they don't like.
How's things going in amarriage?
Do you need more romance?
You know what am I doing right,what am I doing wrong?
(08:32):
Am I not giving you somethingthat you want?
Is there something?
You know what I'm saying?
So I feel like that that'ssomething that really needs to
be talked about within themarriage, because I feel like a
lot of people are not gettingfrom their spouse what they
desire.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Yeah, and, like you said, it needs to be talked
about, it needs to beintentional.
Yeah.
If people just keep living like, oh, we're married, let's have
a great life because we'remarried, marriage doesn't work
like that.
You don't wake up to a greatmarriage.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Sometimes you just kind of feel like you're
roommates and you're just doinglife together, especially when
you got little kids and kidscome into play.
So it can really just be likemundane.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
It can get really boring really quick I think you
kind of fit in the two.
You can fit in the twocategories parenting when
children come along and payingbills yeah and that's what a lot
of people do.
They parent and they go to workto pay bills, but they forget
about the relationship.
Yeah and then they look up.
You know we've seen manycouples I think we mentioned it
before how couples get older,their children grow up and then
(09:35):
they look at each other likewhat are we doing?
You know, you, what we do.
And we decided remember when wehad that conversation like we
don't want that.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
We don't want to put so much time into our children,
so much time in the ministry, somuch time into building a life
together, that we forget to betogether yeah, exactly yeah so,
even with this time that you'rereflecting on what happened last
year, I feel like that is agood conversation that you need
to have with your spouse, umit's a reset, yeah yeah, exactly
(10:05):
it's what it is yeah, I thinkit's a good reset to go back and
look at what are we doing.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Are we still focused on why we got married, why we
fell in love, like I'm gratefulthat you and I, even at this
stage in our life, we still likehave a very strong Love life,
romantic life, liking for one,like it's a, it's still very
good within our relationship andit's because I think we're
(10:35):
intentional and we we focus onthat.
I think if we start to feelthat that fire getting low, we
give attention to like hey, we,we need to do something, yeah,
yeah it's.
It's important to do that.
So I think this is a good timefor couples to reevaluate.
Well, how romantic were we inin the last year?
How much time did we spend justloving on one another and
maintaining our bond andconnection?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
how much time did we spend just together?
Yeah um doing things.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Just me and you um all of that yeah and then they
started looking and say whatwe're talking about, what can we
do to strengthen that?
So, yeah, I think that's a goodthing.
So they need you needrelationship goals.
You, you need to talk to yourpartner, your spouse, and you
guys figure out how to continueto build on that relationship,
because it doesn't just happen.
You're not just going to gothrough another 12 months and
(11:21):
then you'll be back here nextyear and you'll say, oh, we had
a great year, we got close.
No, it won't happen like that.
You're going to be a fatherpart or you're going to stay the
same.
And you're going to be a fatherpart, or you're going to stay
the same and you're going to bewondering, well, why is our
relationship going somewhere youdidn't plan for, you didn't set
goals, you didn't put things inplace to take it where you're
trying to take it to yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
So number two what about um financial goals for
couples?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
oh, that's a big one I think that's huge.
Yes, and that's a serious one.
I will say this when financialgoals are important, are
important because you thinkabout what you want to do with
your money.
But before you come to thetable because it can be a
sensitive thing Both partieshave to agree to come without
judgment, embarrassment orblaming, like you really got to
(12:04):
come and say this because we'reone, yeah.
So, whatever the deficits are,whatever our goals are, whatever
the challenges are, they'reours together, not yours.
It's mine, right, right, it'snot a.
Yeah, well, your credit scorenot as good as mine.
No, when we go to buy a house,if we buy it together, both of
them credit scores are going tobe on there.
(12:25):
You see what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Or if I make less money thanyou, it's not like, oh, you got
money and I don't know If.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
I make less money than you.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
It's not like oh you got money and I don't know my
money, his money.
Right no it's our money.
Yeah, we need to work together,right, and so it doesn't need
to be.
You got a problem?
Yeah, oh, we got a problem.
So let's talk about it as aunit, as a couple, and let's see
how we can improve on whateverthose challenges are.
Yeah, because if I want to buya house, I don't need you
(12:54):
thinking about buying a new car.
Right, we both need to be foeson the house.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
If that's what we're going to do, so that's that one
accord that we need to be on.
Yes, we need to definitely beon one accord.
And I can remember in ourmarriage where some things kind
of went down and you were like,ok, I'm putting us on the strict
budget.
And you came in and you waslike we're not spending no money
on nothing because we got topay these bills off.
And I was like I'm thinking, ok, so how does this affect me?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
And so it was really not thinking about me.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
It affected me because I couldn't go to the
nail shop anymore, I couldn't goto the beauty shop.
I mean, we were like on a realstrict budget and I think it was
.
It was tough to for you to haveto just come in and just kind
of just all of a sudden do that,and we didn't talk about you
know anything.
It's like okay, I'm the head,this is what we need to do, and
(13:46):
I understood why we needed to dothat, because we were just in a
place where we needed we weretrying to pay off some debt.
Pay off some debt uh-huh, and sowe had so much to go to the
grocery store, so much to dothis.
So I mean, everything was likebudgeted.
I think you came in with like aspreadsheet yeah, every dollar
was like whoa what is this?
And so it kind of took me offguard.
(14:08):
I was taken back a little bit,but I complied.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
I didn't like it, but how long did it last?
It didn't last long.
It didn't last long.
And the reason it didn't lastlong is exactly what we're
talking about.
It wasn't a shared goal, it wasa shared.
We both wanted the same thing,but the route to get there, we
didn't do that together.
No, I wasn't including.
It wasn't including I did.
(14:33):
I'll just I was.
I think I was at work one dayat my desk and I'm just yeah, we
can pay bills.
I just gotta go do it.
And okay, we, just all we.
These are the essentials oflife and I I didn't think about
I'm married to a woman you didnot think I didn't think about
hair and nails and anything youneed.
I wasn't thinking about any ofthat.
I was like, okay, well, here'swhat I need, I don't need.
(14:55):
Okay, I get a haircut every twoweeks.
Okay, ain't worry about that,we'll figure that out.
We need food, we need gas.
We ain't going shopping Clothesgoing to have to last.
The children of Israel had thesame clothes for 40 years.
God let the clothes it was justcrazy.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
It was crazy.
But you remember even, uh, Iwas washing my own hair and then
you were like rolling my hair.
Uh, you know we got pictures,uh, back in the day.
I mean, you were like you'reliterally trying to roll my hair
, yeah, um, because we were juston this strict budget and I was
trying to go with it, I waslike this is yeah, but it didn't
last long because it and it, itcame to an end once you came
like this is yeah, but it didn'tlast long because it and it.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
It came to an end once.
You came to me and said becauseyou tried it first you did not,
you didn't argue, complainabout it, but after it was like
man, you didn't consider me atall in this and you came, you
shared that with me.
It was like I can't get my hairdone, I can't go get my nails
done, I there are things I wantto do.
I sit back back and I was likeyou're right, I think.
At first I was saying I wasjust fine.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I couldn't do without that, but my, that was a
struggle.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
And I think after that we kind of loosened up.
I was like you know what We'llget there, but it doesn't have
to be this tight.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
So we made some adjustments.
That's why you have to do ittogether.
I think that when you did it itwas kind of one-sided.
It was very one-sided.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
It was very one-sided .
I was just thinking about thegoal, but not thinking about
life.
Right that we got to keepliving life, and there are
things that are necessary as wemarch towards that goal.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
And we eventually got there.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Yeah, we got there and we did it together.
Yeah, and that was the thing.
We did it together so we couldcelebrate together and nobody
was put in a bad place ingetting here.
Actually, I think when you wereincluded in it and we did it
together, it made it even betterfor me and less stressful for
me in trying to get the goal,because you had strategies that
helped us manage the money andspend the money better, and even
(16:56):
what I was trying to do, I'mjust like a really focused
person.
I'm like, no, let's hurry upand get to take this, put it all
here and we'll figure out therest of this.
And you're like, no, if weadjust the budget, do the
finances this way.
Just those strategies helped usget to the same goal.
But it wasn't stressful, itwasn't, it wasn't arduous on us
as a family or a couple.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
And that's what I was going to say If you work
together, both of you guys havestrengths that you can kind of
build from or use in situationslike this, and so you had yours
and I had mine.
Put them together, it workedwell.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
But when you just did yours by yourself it didn't
really work well.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Trying to do it for everybody.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah, you were trying to figure it out for all of us.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
And, yeah, that wasn't good.
So I think, when it comes tofinances, couples need to sit
down, look at your money, lookat how you spent your money last
year, what you want to dodifferent.
What are your goals for thisyear?
Do you want to buy a home?
Make that a goal.
Then develop a plan.
Like you cannot.
If your resolution or your goalis, yeah, we're gonna buy a home
(17:55):
this year and that's all you do, you're probably not gonna buy
a home this year, right, that's,you made a declaration, but you
don't have action steps, right,follow, like we talk about,
faith without works is dead.
So faith is we go.
We want to buy a home, but whataction steps are following?
Buying the home, what home doyou want?
How much does it cost?
How much down payment do youneed?
Uh, is there any type ofassistance that you can get with
(18:16):
that down payment assistance orany other assistance?
Those are things you need tostrategically start to map out
and look at.
Here's what we want to do.
Here's where we want to live.
Here's what it's going to cost.
Here's what we're going to need.
Here's how we're going to saveto get it if we don't have it
yeah, you said both parties beinvested in that process.
Yes, together if we need to pullback, here's what we're going
to pull back on, withoutstressing the family, so that we
(18:39):
can accomplish this goal.
Do we need to sell something?
Sell a vehicle, sell generalitems around the house that you
don't use?
Clear out your attic, sellstuff in the attic that you
don't need, don't want, hadn,hadn't touched in a year?
You got to think about all ofthat.
It's just a goal.
Whatever goal you choose toapply, you set that goal in
motion, yeah, and you keepworking towards and trust God in
(19:00):
the process, and you may notknow if your goal is going to
work, if it's going to get youall the way to the plan, but
that's where God comes in.
You pray and you ask God tohelp you with that goal and
he'll step in and intervene and,and you know, do miraculous
things along the way, and we'veseen him do that plenty of times
.
When we just started, yeah, andGod showed up and helped us as
we went forward.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah, that's good.
All right, so you ready fornumber three.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
I'm ready.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Number three is health and wellness as a team.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Yes, I think in the age we live in now, health is a
big deal Right, how we, how wetake care of ourselves, and as
you get older, it becomes evenmore important.
If you want to be around alittle bit longer and you want
to live longer, you have tothink about exercise and dieting
.
I think those are two mainthings.
So what type of things do youthink are important as far as
(19:48):
goals when it comes to healthand wellness?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
So I was getting ready to say I'm going to use
this as an example.
So, health and wellness, I feellike for me, when I started to
learn about certain things aboutfoods and different things that
were bad and different thingsthat were good I really couldn't
come to you and tell you aboutwhat I learned because you'd be
like oh, you know, I don't wantthat.
You know, it's kind of settingyour ways, and a lot of men are
(20:13):
when they like something, theylike something.
They don't want you to changewhat they're eating.
And so what I had to do was Ijust had to just buy it, use it
and then afterwards you ate itand they'll tell you, oh, this
is such and such, such and such.
And you was like what you know?
And he was like oh, okay,wasn't that bad?
And so I had to use those typeof tools to get you to get on
(20:37):
this health journey that I wason, even when I started changing
our milk, you remember that atfirst.
So I was trying to tell themhey, I need y'all to start
drinking this milk.
Y'all was like I don't want todrink, I'm not drinking it.
So I was buying two differentmilks at one time and then I was
like okay, one time we ran outof the regular milk, the milk
(20:58):
that you guys were drinking.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
The whole milk or 2%.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
I think it was 2%, it was 2%, and it was just my milk
in there and I was like, well,y'all just got to use it.
And so y was like, ok, sothat's how y'all transition from
that.
But I just realized that I finddifferent things and I just
implement them and I tell youlater and then you're OK with it
.
And so sometimes, as a couple,you can't just try to put it on
(21:24):
them and tell them yeah, I foundthis new healthy.
You just kind of got to give itto them.
Just give it to them, let themeat it, and then tell them
afterwards, well, just ate this,this, this, this and this.
And they'd be like, for real,oh, what is that?
So that's the way I had to dofor you, because if I come in
you telling you stuff, you justbe like I don't want that yeah,
(21:47):
I kind of like what I like, andchanging it up is kind of what
you changing it for?
Speaker 1 (21:53):
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
But we need to make some goodchanges and as we have embraced
those changes, it's been for ourgood and I'm glad we did.
We should have done it soonerbut hey, I had to get on board
with it.
But I'm glad we made thosechanges and I think that's a
good thing for couples and we'restill making changes.
Absolutely.
I think couples should talkabout that.
What changes need to be made tobe healthy, live longer,
(22:17):
healthier lives when you'reyoung is not as important to a
lot of people.
Is not as important to a lot ofpeople, but I do think this
generation, this youngergeneration, is starting to focus
more on the health than we mayhave when we were a lot younger.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
I will say that it is better now that you're on board
.
It was hard when I was tryingto do it by myself.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
That togetherness of you.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
It's a big deal.
Togetherness is a big dealbecause I was buying certain
things in the house and I wasstill trying to buy certain
things for you, and it was likea difference and I'm like, oh,
if he would just get on boardwith this, I wouldn't have to do
all this.
And so now that you're on board, I hope you're like really on
board, semi on board, all tryingto come all the way on board.
Uh, but you're doing better.
(22:59):
Um, now it's easier.
Yeah, so no, I'm on board.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
I mean just, I'm not gonna like, I'm on board.
I mean I'm not going to likeeverything, I'm not going to
like it, but I'm on board with alot of what we do because I
mean it's healthier.
I want to be healthier andthat's our goal as a family.
And I think if that's the goal,then those couples have to work
on putting those things inplace, building that routine in
their life of being healthy.
(23:23):
I mean, as you get older, thisis where the older cry as you
get older, if you wanteverything to keep working and
you want to be able to enjoy allthe activities you would like
to enjoy.
You need to take care ofyourself, because if you don't,
you're going to be lookingaround like life ain't as fun as
(23:47):
it used to be, but it's becauseyou eating bad, you're not
exercising and all that.
So I think it's important tolook at exercise goals, look at
eating habits and makeadjustments as a couple, because
it'll be beneficial to both ofyou.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Even as exercise goes .
You know, I was going to the Yand I was doing my exercise and
I would try to pull you in.
Then I found another place togo do exercise with.
I will say, you were a teamplayer when you would come with
me to exercise and I reallyenjoyed that.
But I guess you couldn't hang,so you had to kind of find your
(24:20):
old thing.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
You know what you like to do and I like to do two
different things, so, but youdid it.
I think when you did it youenjoyed it.
Well, I'll tell you what Ienjoy.
I enjoy doing it with you andthat's one of the things I was
going to suggest maybe doingexercise goals together, kind of
like we talked about.
Maybe we'll exercise togetheronce a week and it won't be
(24:43):
necessary for the exercise,it'll be for the bonding and the
time together.
So that's what I was thinkingabout like how can I spend that
time wherever?
Because she really enjoys whatshe does?
I don't, but if I endure it forone day, it's fun, it's, it's
well.
I like to see you in them, yogapants or whatever kind of pit
that I'm like.
Go girl.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
You're coming in with the wrong thing.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Hey, it's working.
So I mean it's togetherness.
It is togetherness.
It's me and you, nobody else.
We're doing our workout.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
But you did go to a couple classes with me.
I did yeah, but did you enjoyit?
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Yeah, I mean, I don't remember it.
It like I was there for you, soI enjoyed being there with you,
but it wasn't that bad.
No, it wasn't bad okay it wasbad, but I think if we plan that
out and we have anunderstanding like that's what
we're gonna do, we're gonna doit together.
I think it'll be a lot of funso should couples work out
together if they want.
If they want I don't think it'sa should they or should they not
is if they want to.
For me, I want to do it justfor that time with you, because
(25:46):
usually when you're exercising,you're in another room
exercising, I'm in another roomdoing whatever I'm doing right,
and so I think it would be a lotbetter if we get to do it
together yeah, it is fun.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
It can be fun absolutely doing it together.
I tried your little workoutplan and I was like this ain't
for me yeah, yeah, absolutely Idon't know.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Maybe, maybe something is good.
God want us to do it, so we'llkeep doing it.
I mean, I don't know.
You hear all this thunder.
It's raining today.
It's interesting.
We was talking about workingout together.
You hear the thunder Boom.
I guess it was God.
Like I want y'all to do it,like, do more of that OK, cool,
ok.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
So number four was we are how do we create a fun
bucket list for 2025?
Yes, because I think everythingelse is so serious when you're
talking to couples about eatingright, exercise and budgeting
and your resolution, soeverything is so serious.
But what?
What are you going to do as acouple for 2025 or the upcoming
(26:42):
year to have fun?
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Yeah, I think couples definitely to plan fun.
We don't plan fun enough.
A lot of couples plan like afamily vacation, one vacation
out the year.
But you really need more thanthat.
With the economy being the wayit is, life is tough for a lot
of people right now.
You know, we just don't call itwhat it is.
It's crazy.
We just came out of an electionyear, there's different turmoil
(27:07):
going on around, even the newpresidency and all of that and
people need something to relax.
You know I've often joked aboutI just want to go to Disney
World, just take me somewheremagical just to relax, and, you
know, get away from it all.
But couples need that regularly.
When you can't go someplace asexpensive as a Disney World or a
vacation to the Bahamas orwhatever the case may be, you
(27:28):
need something set aside.
If it's a staycation, couplescan set quarterly staycations.
Stay in your city, get a hotel,relax and enjoy each other.
Go sightseeing in your citywhere you know the cost is
minimum, or whatever works foryou a time out, date night, date
time, whatever it is.
(27:48):
Plan something fun regularly,not just oh, we're going to do
this during our vacation timefrom our job.
You need more than that.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Couples really need to be intentional about playing
date nights.
And that's number one, I feellike for for 2025, when you're
doing your calendars, you reallyneed to kind of put that on
your calendar.
And vacations.
I think something for us we'vealways planned like fun
vacations because we have achild, but we never plan like a
(28:18):
someone, we're just going to gorelax, yeah.
So every time we go somewhere,it's like you know we're going
to universal or we're doingstuff for with this, with the,
with with Trey.
It's like you know we're goingto Universal or we're doing
stuff with Trey, and it's alwayswhere we're just going, going,
going and it's not nothing wherewe can just kind of relax and
just me and you.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
And.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
I think initially we talk about doing stuff as a
family, but we'll do the familything, but we won't do just the
me and you thing, and so I feellike a lot of couples need to
plan that.
And then you got to figure outwhat are you, what does your
spouse want to go, what do you?
What do you want to go?
What do you like?
Cause a lot of people don'treally.
sometimes, I know you will sayit's whatever you want to do but
(28:58):
I really want to know, likewhere do you want to go?
Is there somewhere on your listthat this place is just like?
I just really want to go there?
Yeah, and you never say You'rejust like whatever y'all want to
do, but I just want to know.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Keep in mind, some people like myself can be a
little boring and my fun is.
I know I said it, but I'msaying my fun is based on your
fun.
So if you're having fun, I'msaying my fun is based on your
fun.
Oh, okay, so if you're havingfun.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
I'm good Okay.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
If you're good, that's what does it for me Okay,
but if you're not good, I don'tcare where we at, I'm not going
to be good.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
So basically, you want to go somewhere where I'm
not going to be complaining andsaying I don't like it.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
I want to go somewhere where you're going to
pop up in the morning like whatwe doing today.
Let's go and lay down and I'mlike, I'm exhausted, but I had a
great time.
I don't want to go somewherewhere you wake up like got me in
this place, I don't even knowwhat we doing.
I want you to act like we inChili's Island.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Hey, we've been there before.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
No, I want you to wake up like this is great.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
You know, if you wake up saying it's great, I'm good
I will be good Anywhere we go,as long as it's not cold as long
as it's not cold.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
Yeah, I know you hate the cold.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
But couples need to do that.
They need to plan family timeIf you have kids.
If you don't have kids, youjust need to plan, like just
times where you and your spousecan get away, yeah, and I think
that'll be really good.
And then regular date nights.
Couples do not date enough,they get caught up in the
routine of life and you justdon't spend that intimate time
to just get to know one another.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Yeah, it's like what you did when you were dating
before you got married.
I don't know what it is.
People flip this switch whenthey get married.
It's like, yeah, you stopmacking, you stop having fun,
you just go to work, go home.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
You know, it may be because we together, all the
time we live together, I see youall the time.
It's just like it just kind ofgoes, gets this mundane normal
thing like we're just doing lifetogether.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Right.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
But it's just boring boring become boring.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
But seeing it was crazy.
You notice how the devil's allin it, because then somebody
else give you a little attentionoutside of your spouse and you
be like, oh, that felt nice theylike talking to me.
Well, your spouse likes talkingto you.
Y'all just forgot tocommunicate right exactly you
know you used to enjoy when yourspouse would do things.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Now it's just like you take them for granted, you
get comfortable with them.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Or you think, well, that's not necessary.
No, it's necessary.
We'll celebrate 20 years ofmarriage this year and it's
still necessary for us to dothings with each other, to have
fun, to laugh.
I think that's the best time,because life for us is so
serious around children,responsibilities, ministry.
We need time where we can justgo sit down and talk, where we
(31:52):
can go sit down and chill withone another and relax with one
another.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
It's a necessity.
I think that's really good,that you can just be yourself
around your spouse and you don'thave to be so serious.
You can relax and just laughand just enjoy each other and I
think that's the biggest thingis just you being you with your
spouse and there's them seeing.
You know the side of you thatothers don't see and you have
(32:17):
that intimate time together.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Right, I love it.
Well, I'm excited about it.
Listen, if you enjoy thispodcast, hopefully it helps you
reset your year.
Think about some things thatmaybe you didn't think about yet
.
Get with your spouse, get withyour partner.
You guys come up with thosethings that you want to
accomplish this year.
We would love for you tocomment in the comment section.
Tell us what your resolutionsare.
Tell us what your couple'sgoals are, even if you haven't
(32:39):
talked to your spouse about it.
What are you thinking abouttalking to them about?
And if you say somethinginteresting, we may talk about
it on our next podcast.
We'll reply to you and, uh,give you some ideas, some
suggestions, some advice on howto go about it.
But we want to see you win thisyear.
We want to see you guysaccomplish great things and we
want to see you do it together.
All right.
So listen, we love you.
We appreciate y'all joining ustoday all right, see you next
(33:01):
time see you next time.
Take care, hey.
Thank you for joining us, forDoing it With the Daniels.
If you want to keep up witheverything going on on our
channel don't forget to Like,comment, subscribe and share
this podcast.
Absolutely.
We'll see you next time.
So, whatever the deficits are, whatever our goals
are, whatever the challengesare, they're ours together, not
yours.
Yeah, it's mine Right, welcometo Doing it With the Dales, the
podcast where we navigate life,marriage and ministry.
I'm Charles.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
And I'm Tisa.
Join us as we share insights,wisdom and practical advice to
strengthen your marriage,empower your life and enrich
your ministry.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Let's dive in together and discover the joys
of doing it with the Daniels.
Hey, welcome to Doing it Withthe Daniels, where we help
couples get it on in lifemarriage and ministry how you
guys doing today.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
We are back.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
We're back.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
Yes, it's a new year, new day,new time.
And we're back.
We want to share with you.
We've been MIA for a minute.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
For a minute, for a lot.
Yeah, we had a lot going on,had a lot, we had to take a
break.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Different changes and transitions have taken place
that we will be sharing with youthroughout this podcast, so
definitely stay tuned week toweek as we share information
with you about what's going onwith us, what's been going on
and where we're headed.
But we're back today for a newepisode.
I'm excited.
I have missed sharing with thepeople.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yeah, me too.
Me too, I have really misseddoing this podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Yeah, so it's a great time for us to jump back in and
have a good time, yes, so.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
So it's a great time for us to jump back in and have
a good time.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Yes, so you ready?
Yeah, what are we talking abouttoday?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Okay, we're talking about just starting your new
year off with your in arelationship, in a marriage,
starting your relationship offin the new year.
You know, usually everybodydoes New Year's resolutions and
what they want to see in theupcoming year, so that's what
we're going to be talking abouttoday.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah, I think the new year is a great time to reflect
on the past year the successes,the wins, the losses, the good,
the bad and just try to regroupand put things in perspective,
even in a relationship.
Many people think about it asfar as their career is concerned
or their family, but how manytimes do people take the time to
sit down and talk about what dowe, as a couple, want to
(02:07):
accomplish as we go into thisnew year?
You know we talk about a lot ofweight loss goals, a lot of
exercise goals, dieting habits,a lot of things, but how many
times do you sit down and talkabout I want to get closer to my
spouse this year Right?
Speaker 2 (02:21):
No, I don't think we do.
We don't take the time out todo that in a relationship, so I
think it's good so you could sitdown, talk about individual
goals, goals as a couple, whatyou want to see, and you'll find
out some new things about yourspouse.
When you get to talking aboutyou know what you want to see in
the upcoming year.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Yeah, and I don't think couples usually do.
I think people tend to thinkthat it's an individual time.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Right, exactly.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I'm going to do for me what I need to do for me.
Do for you what you need to dofor you.
And we never really look attogether and we're a team.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yeah.
If we're one and we're unified,then we need to work those,
those goals as one unit yeah,and figure out what you want to
do together, what you want toaccomplish together as a couple
100%.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
So what thing?
I mean, we can't tackleeverything.
No, there's so many things thatpeople deal with.
What are we going to tackle?
What do we need to share withthem?
Because I think for us, wedidn't wait until the new year.
We're in the new year.
Some people may feel like, well, I'm behind it, hun, it's
already.
You know I'm in the new year.
When do I?
When should I start this?
(03:27):
Really, we should start this inthe previous year, yeah,
towards the previous year, whileall of the hustle and bustle of
the holidays because you knowyou hit people celebrate
halloween?
Obviously, we don't, but theylove halloween, thanksgiving,
christmas, new year I mean, it'son you before you know it and
you can get wrapped up in theholiday season.
Yeah and forget, wait a minute,I need to plan for this new
year, so, but if you didn't,it's okay.
(03:47):
Start now, put things in placeand go from there.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Exactly.
And so what we started doing.
We started in December talkingabout what we want to see in
2025 and what we didn't likethat happened in 2024.
And so what we want toaccomplish and do better.
So we've already started allthat.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Yeah.
So we got a few things we'll gothrough, just maybe things that
you guys can highlight in yourlife and begin to work on.
So what are we looking?
Speaker 2 (04:13):
at.
So number one is settingrelationship resolutions
together.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Yeah yeah, relationship resolutions that's
really good.
I like that because I thinkpeople have the whole personal
resolution yeah but arelationship resolution like
what are you going to do thisyear as a couple?
What are you going to work onthis year as a couple, what?
What's the thing you want toput in place?
And I know some people say, oh,I hate resolution.
Well, I don't see it as a badthing.
(04:38):
No, I think it's.
Instead of using the wordresolution, we can use the word
go but why do hate it?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Do you think they hate it because they make this
resolution and they don't stickto it?
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Yeah, I think they feel like I said something, but
I always fail at it.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Right.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I don't stick to it.
I don't follow through.
A lot of other people around usdo resolutions.
They don't stick to them, yeah,so people think it's pointless,
it's a waste of time.
I think they only areineffective when you set them,
but you don't set action steps.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Objectives along the way to get you there.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Exactly Because I've set plenty of resolutions and I
probably went so far with themand didn't, you know, follow
through the entire year.
But you just got to.
You got to realize that thereare times when you know you may
go so long with it and you did.
You did that, you did good inin that amount of time.
But it's not going to be likeyou set this resolution for the
(05:30):
entire year.
Maybe it was for that time set.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
And so at least you did it.
So you celebrate that, and thenyou just keep going.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Yeah, well, let's jump in.
Okay.
So with the relationship, whatkind of things are good when
we're talking about settingrelationship resolutions or
goals in a relationship?
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Go ahead, go ahead, no, you go ahead, no, you go
ahead.
So it's just brainstorming.
It's like what you want to seeas a couple together is when you
are setting your resolution.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I think some of those things can include things like
better communication.
Like, if we think back over theyear, well, how much did we
argue?
And hopefully nobody's keepingcount of all the arguments, but
when you think about it, did weargue last year?
What did we argue about?
How can we communicate betterto avoid those?
I know for us one of the bigthings we did years ago, when I
came home, we began to talkabout our communication and how
(06:21):
we want to improve that and westart implementing some things
around empathy, active listening, better listening skills, and
we put those things in practiceand it started to minimize the
number of disagreements or it.
I'll say this it minimized theseverity of the disagreements,
which means we're going todisagree, it's going to happen,
(06:42):
but it doesn't have to go to abad place.
Right, disagreement in marriage, in your relationship, doesn't
have to be like an argument, abig blow-up.
It can be something that, yeah,we have those, but we also know
how to work through them in ahealthy way.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Right, that's good.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
So I think communication is a big key.
I think romance we're inromance, something I've been
thinking- about for mepersonally, but it affects our
relationship together.
How romantic am I right don'tanswer that on camera and but I
think about you saw.
You saw my mouth.
I was getting ready.
That's a rhetorical question,but I was thinking about how can
(07:17):
I be more romantic in thisrelationship.
What kind of romance does mywife like?
Yeah, you know what's my wife'slove language?
Well, obviously, I know yourlove language is.
You know gifts and acts ofservice.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Probably more acts of service than gifts.
Um, so I had to think aboutthat, like, what kind of stuff
does she want me to do?
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
That which I know most of is more cleaning and
vacuuming and all the stuff thatdoes not fit into my love
language.
But if it's romantic to you,then it should be considered
even date night.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
You know, I mean, we talked about last night and you
know we did get to a certainplace.
You really have to followthrough.
I was like let's go on a date,let's go out, let's go out,
let's go somewhere.
And then, after we got aroundto it, he was like well, come on
, we're going to do it.
I was like don't worry about it, let's just relax.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
I.
That is good.
I think that's a wholedifferent podcast within itself.
Talk about romance and datenight, because I feel like, as
married couples, we go throughthe mundane as far as just doing
life and we don't take the timeto really talk to our spouse,
because we've changed throughoutthe years.
Talk to them about what theylike, what they don't like.
How's things going in amarriage?
Do you need more romance?
You know what am I doing right,what am I doing wrong?
(08:32):
Am I not giving you somethingthat you want?
Is there something?
You know what I'm saying?
So I feel like that that'ssomething that really needs to
be talked about within themarriage, because I feel like a
lot of people are not gettingfrom their spouse what they
desire.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Yeah, and, like you said, it needs to be talked
about, it needs to beintentional.
Yeah.
If people just keep living like, oh, we're married, let's have
a great life because we'remarried, marriage doesn't work
like that.
You don't wake up to a greatmarriage.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Sometimes you just kind of feel like you're
roommates and you're just doinglife together, especially when
you got little kids and kidscome into play.
So it can really just be likemundane.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
It can get really boring really quick I think you
kind of fit in the two.
You can fit in the twocategories parenting when
children come along and payingbills yeah and that's what a lot
of people do.
They parent and they go to workto pay bills, but they forget
about the relationship.
Yeah and then they look up.
You know we've seen manycouples I think we mentioned it
before how couples get older,their children grow up and then
(09:35):
they look at each other likewhat are we doing?
You know, you, what we do.
And we decided remember when wehad that conversation like we
don't want that.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
We don't want to put so much time into our children,
so much time in the ministry, somuch time into building a life
together, that we forget to betogether yeah, exactly yeah so,
even with this time that you'rereflecting on what happened last
year, I feel like that is agood conversation that you need
to have with your spouse, umit's a reset, yeah yeah, exactly
(10:05):
it's what it is yeah, I thinkit's a good reset to go back and
look at what are we doing.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Are we still focused on why we got married, why we
fell in love, like I'm gratefulthat you and I, even at this
stage in our life, we still likehave a very strong Love life,
romantic life, liking for one,like it's a, it's still very
good within our relationship andit's because I think we're
(10:35):
intentional and we we focus onthat.
I think if we start to feelthat that fire getting low, we
give attention to like hey, we,we need to do something, yeah,
yeah it's.
It's important to do that.
So I think this is a good timefor couples to reevaluate.
Well, how romantic were we inin the last year?
How much time did we spend justloving on one another and
maintaining our bond andconnection?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
how much time did we spend just together?
Yeah um doing things.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Just me and you um all of that yeah and then they
started looking and say whatwe're talking about, what can we
do to strengthen that?
So, yeah, I think that's a goodthing.
So they need you needrelationship goals.
You, you need to talk to yourpartner, your spouse, and you
guys figure out how to continueto build on that relationship,
because it doesn't just happen.
You're not just going to gothrough another 12 months and
(11:21):
then you'll be back here nextyear and you'll say, oh, we had
a great year, we got close.
No, it won't happen like that.
You're going to be a fatherpart or you're going to stay the
same.
And you're going to be a fatherpart, or you're going to stay
the same and you're going to bewondering, well, why is our
relationship going somewhere youdidn't plan for, you didn't set
goals, you didn't put things inplace to take it where you're
trying to take it to yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
So number two what about um financial goals for
couples?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
oh, that's a big one I think that's huge.
Yes, and that's a serious one.
I will say this when financialgoals are important, are
important because you thinkabout what you want to do with
your money.
But before you come to thetable because it can be a
sensitive thing Both partieshave to agree to come without
judgment, embarrassment orblaming, like you really got to
(12:04):
come and say this because we'reone, yeah.
So, whatever the deficits are,whatever our goals are, whatever
the challenges are, they'reours together, not yours.
It's mine, right, right, it'snot a.
Yeah, well, your credit scorenot as good as mine.
No, when we go to buy a house,if we buy it together, both of
them credit scores are going tobe on there.
(12:25):
You see what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Or if I make less money thanyou, it's not like, oh, you got
money and I don't know If.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
I make less money than you.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
It's not like oh you got money and I don't know my
money, his money.
Right no it's our money.
Yeah, we need to work together,right, and so it doesn't need
to be.
You got a problem?
Yeah, oh, we got a problem.
So let's talk about it as aunit, as a couple, and let's see
how we can improve on whateverthose challenges are.
Yeah, because if I want to buya house, I don't need you
(12:54):
thinking about buying a new car.
Right, we both need to be foeson the house.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
If that's what we're going to do, so that's that one
accord that we need to be on.
Yes, we need to definitely beon one accord.
And I can remember in ourmarriage where some things kind
of went down and you were like,ok, I'm putting us on the strict
budget.
And you came in and you waslike we're not spending no money
on nothing because we got topay these bills off.
And I was like I'm thinking, ok, so how does this affect me?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
And so it was really not thinking about me.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
It affected me because I couldn't go to the
nail shop anymore, I couldn't goto the beauty shop.
I mean, we were like on a realstrict budget and I think it was
.
It was tough to for you to haveto just come in and just kind
of just all of a sudden do that,and we didn't talk about you
know anything.
It's like okay, I'm the head,this is what we need to do, and
(13:46):
I understood why we needed to dothat, because we were just in a
place where we needed we weretrying to pay off some debt.
Pay off some debt uh-huh, and sowe had so much to go to the
grocery store, so much to dothis.
So I mean, everything was likebudgeted.
I think you came in with like aspreadsheet yeah, every dollar
was like whoa what is this?
And so it kind of took me offguard.
(14:08):
I was taken back a little bit,but I complied.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
I didn't like it, but how long did it last?
It didn't last long.
It didn't last long.
And the reason it didn't lastlong is exactly what we're
talking about.
It wasn't a shared goal, it wasa shared.
We both wanted the same thing,but the route to get there, we
didn't do that together.
No, I wasn't including.
It wasn't including I did.
(14:33):
I'll just I was.
I think I was at work one dayat my desk and I'm just yeah, we
can pay bills.
I just gotta go do it.
And okay, we, just all we.
These are the essentials oflife and I I didn't think about
I'm married to a woman you didnot think I didn't think about
hair and nails and anything youneed.
I wasn't thinking about any ofthat.
I was like, okay, well, here'swhat I need, I don't need.
(14:55):
Okay, I get a haircut every twoweeks.
Okay, ain't worry about that,we'll figure that out.
We need food, we need gas.
We ain't going shopping Clothesgoing to have to last.
The children of Israel had thesame clothes for 40 years.
God let the clothes it was justcrazy.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
It was crazy.
But you remember even, uh, Iwas washing my own hair and then
you were like rolling my hair.
Uh, you know we got pictures,uh, back in the day.
I mean, you were like you'reliterally trying to roll my hair
, yeah, um, because we were juston this strict budget and I was
trying to go with it, I waslike this is yeah, but it didn't
last long because it and it, itcame to an end once you came
like this is yeah, but it didn'tlast long because it and it.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
It came to an end once.
You came to me and said becauseyou tried it first you did not,
you didn't argue, complainabout it, but after it was like
man, you didn't consider me atall in this and you came, you
shared that with me.
It was like I can't get my hairdone, I can't go get my nails
done, I there are things I wantto do.
I sit back back and I was likeyou're right, I think.
At first I was saying I wasjust fine.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I couldn't do without that, but my, that was a
struggle.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
And I think after that we kind of loosened up.
I was like you know what We'llget there, but it doesn't have
to be this tight.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
So we made some adjustments.
That's why you have to do ittogether.
I think that when you did it itwas kind of one-sided.
It was very one-sided.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
It was very one-sided .
I was just thinking about thegoal, but not thinking about
life.
Right that we got to keepliving life, and there are
things that are necessary as wemarch towards that goal.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
And we eventually got there.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Yeah, we got there and we did it together.
Yeah, and that was the thing.
We did it together so we couldcelebrate together and nobody
was put in a bad place ingetting here.
Actually, I think when you wereincluded in it and we did it
together, it made it even betterfor me and less stressful for
me in trying to get the goal,because you had strategies that
helped us manage the money andspend the money better, and even
(16:56):
what I was trying to do, I'mjust like a really focused
person.
I'm like, no, let's hurry upand get to take this, put it all
here and we'll figure out therest of this.
And you're like, no, if weadjust the budget, do the
finances this way.
Just those strategies helped usget to the same goal.
But it wasn't stressful, itwasn't, it wasn't arduous on us
as a family or a couple.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
And that's what I was going to say If you work
together, both of you guys havestrengths that you can kind of
build from or use in situationslike this, and so you had yours
and I had mine.
Put them together, it workedwell.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
But when you just did yours by yourself it didn't
really work well.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Trying to do it for everybody.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah, you were trying to figure it out for all of us.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
And, yeah, that wasn't good.
So I think, when it comes tofinances, couples need to sit
down, look at your money, lookat how you spent your money last
year, what you want to dodifferent.
What are your goals for thisyear?
Do you want to buy a home?
Make that a goal.
Then develop a plan.
Like you cannot.
If your resolution or your goalis, yeah, we're gonna buy a home
(17:55):
this year and that's all you do, you're probably not gonna buy
a home this year, right, that's,you made a declaration, but you
don't have action steps, right,follow, like we talk about,
faith without works is dead.
So faith is we go.
We want to buy a home, but whataction steps are following?
Buying the home, what home doyou want?
How much does it cost?
How much down payment do youneed?
Uh, is there any type ofassistance that you can get with
(18:16):
that down payment assistance orany other assistance?
Those are things you need tostrategically start to map out
and look at.
Here's what we want to do.
Here's where we want to live.
Here's what it's going to cost.
Here's what we're going to need.
Here's how we're going to saveto get it if we don't have it
yeah, you said both parties beinvested in that process.
Yes, together if we need to pullback, here's what we're going
to pull back on, withoutstressing the family, so that we
(18:39):
can accomplish this goal.
Do we need to sell something?
Sell a vehicle, sell generalitems around the house that you
don't use?
Clear out your attic, sellstuff in the attic that you
don't need, don't want, hadn,hadn't touched in a year?
You got to think about all ofthat.
It's just a goal.
Whatever goal you choose toapply, you set that goal in
motion, yeah, and you keepworking towards and trust God in
(19:00):
the process, and you may notknow if your goal is going to
work, if it's going to get youall the way to the plan, but
that's where God comes in.
You pray and you ask God tohelp you with that goal and
he'll step in and intervene and,and you know, do miraculous
things along the way, and we'veseen him do that plenty of times
.
When we just started, yeah, andGod showed up and helped us as
we went forward.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah, that's good.
All right, so you ready fornumber three.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
I'm ready.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Number three is health and wellness as a team.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Yes, I think in the age we live in now, health is a
big deal Right, how we, how wetake care of ourselves, and as
you get older, it becomes evenmore important.
If you want to be around alittle bit longer and you want
to live longer, you have tothink about exercise and dieting
.
I think those are two mainthings.
So what type of things do youthink are important as far as
(19:48):
goals when it comes to healthand wellness?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
So I was getting ready to say I'm going to use
this as an example.
So, health and wellness, I feellike for me, when I started to
learn about certain things aboutfoods and different things that
were bad and different thingsthat were good I really couldn't
come to you and tell you aboutwhat I learned because you'd be
like oh, you know, I don't wantthat.
You know, it's kind of settingyour ways, and a lot of men are
(20:13):
when they like something, theylike something.
They don't want you to changewhat they're eating.
And so what I had to do was Ijust had to just buy it, use it
and then afterwards you ate itand they'll tell you, oh, this
is such and such, such and such.
And you was like what you know?
And he was like oh, okay,wasn't that bad?
And so I had to use those typeof tools to get you to get on
(20:37):
this health journey that I wason, even when I started changing
our milk, you remember that atfirst.
So I was trying to tell themhey, I need y'all to start
drinking this milk.
Y'all was like I don't want todrink, I'm not drinking it.
So I was buying two differentmilks at one time and then I was
like okay, one time we ran outof the regular milk, the milk
(20:58):
that you guys were drinking.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
The whole milk or 2%.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
I think it was 2%, it was 2%, and it was just my milk
in there and I was like, well,y'all just got to use it.
And so y was like, ok, sothat's how y'all transition from
that.
But I just realized that I finddifferent things and I just
implement them and I tell youlater and then you're OK with it
.
And so sometimes, as a couple,you can't just try to put it on
(21:24):
them and tell them yeah, I foundthis new healthy.
You just kind of got to give itto them.
Just give it to them, let themeat it, and then tell them
afterwards, well, just ate this,this, this, this and this.
And they'd be like, for real,oh, what is that?
So that's the way I had to dofor you, because if I come in
you telling you stuff, you justbe like I don't want that yeah,
(21:47):
I kind of like what I like, andchanging it up is kind of what
you changing it for?
Speaker 1 (21:53):
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
But we need to make some goodchanges and as we have embraced
those changes, it's been for ourgood and I'm glad we did.
We should have done it soonerbut hey, I had to get on board
with it.
But I'm glad we made thosechanges and I think that's a
good thing for couples and we'restill making changes.
Absolutely.
I think couples should talkabout that.
What changes need to be made tobe healthy, live longer,
(22:17):
healthier lives when you'reyoung is not as important to a
lot of people.
Is not as important to a lot ofpeople, but I do think this
generation, this youngergeneration, is starting to focus
more on the health than we mayhave when we were a lot younger.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
I will say that it is better now that you're on board
.
It was hard when I was tryingto do it by myself.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
That togetherness of you.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
It's a big deal.
Togetherness is a big dealbecause I was buying certain
things in the house and I wasstill trying to buy certain
things for you, and it was likea difference and I'm like, oh,
if he would just get on boardwith this, I wouldn't have to do
all this.
And so now that you're on board, I hope you're like really on
board, semi on board, all tryingto come all the way on board.
Uh, but you're doing better.
(22:59):
Um, now it's easier.
Yeah, so no, I'm on board.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
I mean just, I'm not gonna like, I'm on board.
I mean I'm not going to likeeverything, I'm not going to
like it, but I'm on board with alot of what we do because I
mean it's healthier.
I want to be healthier andthat's our goal as a family.
And I think if that's the goal,then those couples have to work
on putting those things inplace, building that routine in
their life of being healthy.
(23:23):
I mean, as you get older, thisis where the older cry as you
get older, if you wanteverything to keep working and
you want to be able to enjoy allthe activities you would like
to enjoy.
You need to take care ofyourself, because if you don't,
you're going to be lookingaround like life ain't as fun as
(23:47):
it used to be, but it's becauseyou eating bad, you're not
exercising and all that.
So I think it's important tolook at exercise goals, look at
eating habits and makeadjustments as a couple, because
it'll be beneficial to both ofyou.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Even as exercise goes .
You know, I was going to the Yand I was doing my exercise and
I would try to pull you in.
Then I found another place togo do exercise with.
I will say, you were a teamplayer when you would come with
me to exercise and I reallyenjoyed that.
But I guess you couldn't hang,so you had to kind of find your
(24:20):
old thing.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
You know what you like to do and I like to do two
different things, so, but youdid it.
I think when you did it youenjoyed it.
Well, I'll tell you what Ienjoy.
I enjoy doing it with you andthat's one of the things I was
going to suggest maybe doingexercise goals together, kind of
like we talked about.
Maybe we'll exercise togetheronce a week and it won't be
(24:43):
necessary for the exercise,it'll be for the bonding and the
time together.
So that's what I was thinkingabout like how can I spend that
time wherever?
Because she really enjoys whatshe does?
I don't, but if I endure it forone day, it's fun, it's, it's
well.
I like to see you in them, yogapants or whatever kind of pit
that I'm like.
Go girl.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
You're coming in with the wrong thing.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Hey, it's working.
So I mean it's togetherness.
It is togetherness.
It's me and you, nobody else.
We're doing our workout.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
But you did go to a couple classes with me.
I did yeah, but did you enjoyit?
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Yeah, I mean, I don't remember it.
It like I was there for you, soI enjoyed being there with you,
but it wasn't that bad.
No, it wasn't bad okay it wasbad, but I think if we plan that
out and we have anunderstanding like that's what
we're gonna do, we're gonna doit together.
I think it'll be a lot of funso should couples work out
together if they want.
If they want I don't think it'sa should they or should they not
is if they want to.
For me, I want to do it justfor that time with you, because
(25:46):
usually when you're exercising,you're in another room
exercising, I'm in another roomdoing whatever I'm doing right,
and so I think it would be a lotbetter if we get to do it
together yeah, it is fun.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
It can be fun absolutely doing it together.
I tried your little workoutplan and I was like this ain't
for me yeah, yeah, absolutely Idon't know.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Maybe, maybe something is good.
God want us to do it, so we'llkeep doing it.
I mean, I don't know.
You hear all this thunder.
It's raining today.
It's interesting.
We was talking about workingout together.
You hear the thunder Boom.
I guess it was God.
Like I want y'all to do it,like, do more of that OK, cool,
ok.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
So number four was we are how do we create a fun
bucket list for 2025?
Yes, because I think everythingelse is so serious when you're
talking to couples about eatingright, exercise and budgeting
and your resolution, soeverything is so serious.
But what?
What are you going to do as acouple for 2025 or the upcoming
(26:42):
year to have fun?
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Yeah, I think couples definitely to plan fun.
We don't plan fun enough.
A lot of couples plan like afamily vacation, one vacation
out the year.
But you really need more thanthat.
With the economy being the wayit is, life is tough for a lot
of people right now.
You know, we just don't call itwhat it is.
It's crazy.
We just came out of an electionyear, there's different turmoil
(27:07):
going on around, even the newpresidency and all of that and
people need something to relax.
You know I've often joked aboutI just want to go to Disney
World, just take me somewheremagical just to relax, and, you
know, get away from it all.
But couples need that regularly.
When you can't go someplace asexpensive as a Disney World or a
vacation to the Bahamas orwhatever the case may be, you
(27:28):
need something set aside.
If it's a staycation, couplescan set quarterly staycations.
Stay in your city, get a hotel,relax and enjoy each other.
Go sightseeing in your citywhere you know the cost is
minimum, or whatever works foryou a time out, date night, date
time, whatever it is.
(27:48):
Plan something fun regularly,not just oh, we're going to do
this during our vacation timefrom our job.
You need more than that.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Couples really need to be intentional about playing
date nights.
And that's number one, I feellike for for 2025, when you're
doing your calendars, you reallyneed to kind of put that on
your calendar.
And vacations.
I think something for us we'vealways planned like fun
vacations because we have achild, but we never plan like a
(28:18):
someone, we're just going to gorelax, yeah.
So every time we go somewhere,it's like you know we're going
to universal or we're doingstuff for with this, with the,
with with Trey.
It's like you know we're goingto Universal or we're doing
stuff with Trey, and it's alwayswhere we're just going, going,
going and it's not nothing wherewe can just kind of relax and
just me and you.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
And.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
I think initially we talk about doing stuff as a
family, but we'll do the familything, but we won't do just the
me and you thing, and so I feellike a lot of couples need to
plan that.
And then you got to figure outwhat are you, what does your
spouse want to go, what do you?
What do you want to go?
What do you like?
Cause a lot of people don'treally.
sometimes, I know you will sayit's whatever you want to do but
(28:58):
I really want to know, likewhere do you want to go?
Is there somewhere on your listthat this place is just like?
I just really want to go there?
Yeah, and you never say You'rejust like whatever y'all want to
do, but I just want to know.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Keep in mind, some people like myself can be a
little boring and my fun is.
I know I said it, but I'msaying my fun is based on your
fun.
So if you're having fun, I'msaying my fun is based on your
fun.
Oh, okay, so if you're havingfun.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
I'm good Okay.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
If you're good, that's what does it for me Okay,
but if you're not good, I don'tcare where we at, I'm not going
to be good.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
So basically, you want to go somewhere where I'm
not going to be complaining andsaying I don't like it.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
I want to go somewhere where you're going to
pop up in the morning like whatwe doing today.
Let's go and lay down and I'mlike, I'm exhausted, but I had a
great time.
I don't want to go somewherewhere you wake up like got me in
this place, I don't even knowwhat we doing.
I want you to act like we inChili's Island.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Hey, we've been there before.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
No, I want you to wake up like this is great.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
You know, if you wake up saying it's great, I'm good
I will be good Anywhere we go,as long as it's not cold as long
as it's not cold.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
Yeah, I know you hate the cold.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
But couples need to do that.
They need to plan family timeIf you have kids.
If you don't have kids, youjust need to plan, like just
times where you and your spousecan get away, yeah, and I think
that'll be really good.
And then regular date nights.
Couples do not date enough,they get caught up in the
routine of life and you justdon't spend that intimate time
to just get to know one another.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Yeah, it's like what you did when you were dating
before you got married.
I don't know what it is.
People flip this switch whenthey get married.
It's like, yeah, you stopmacking, you stop having fun,
you just go to work, go home.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
You know, it may be because we together, all the
time we live together, I see youall the time.
It's just like it just kind ofgoes, gets this mundane normal
thing like we're just doing lifetogether.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Right.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
But it's just boring boring become boring.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
But seeing it was crazy.
You notice how the devil's allin it, because then somebody
else give you a little attentionoutside of your spouse and you
be like, oh, that felt nice theylike talking to me.
Well, your spouse likes talkingto you.
Y'all just forgot tocommunicate right exactly you
know you used to enjoy when yourspouse would do things.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Now it's just like you take them for granted, you
get comfortable with them.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Or you think, well, that's not necessary.
No, it's necessary.
We'll celebrate 20 years ofmarriage this year and it's
still necessary for us to dothings with each other, to have
fun, to laugh.
I think that's the best time,because life for us is so
serious around children,responsibilities, ministry.
We need time where we can justgo sit down and talk, where we
(31:52):
can go sit down and chill withone another and relax with one
another.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
It's a necessity.
I think that's really good,that you can just be yourself
around your spouse and you don'thave to be so serious.
You can relax and just laughand just enjoy each other and I
think that's the biggest thingis just you being you with your
spouse and there's them seeing.
You know the side of you thatothers don't see and you have
(32:17):
that intimate time together.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Right, I love it.
Well, I'm excited about it.
Listen, if you enjoy thispodcast, hopefully it helps you
reset your year.
Think about some things thatmaybe you didn't think about yet
.
Get with your spouse, get withyour partner.
You guys come up with thosethings that you want to
accomplish this year.
We would love for you tocomment in the comment section.
Tell us what your resolutionsare.
Tell us what your couple'sgoals are, even if you haven't
(32:39):
talked to your spouse about it.
What are you thinking abouttalking to them about?
And if you say somethinginteresting, we may talk about
it on our next podcast.
We'll reply to you and, uh,give you some ideas, some
suggestions, some advice on howto go about it.
But we want to see you win thisyear.
We want to see you guysaccomplish great things and we
want to see you do it together.
All right.
So listen, we love you.
We appreciate y'all joining ustoday all right, see you next
(33:01):
time see you next time.
Take care, hey.
Thank you for joining us, forDoing it With the Daniels.
If you want to keep up witheverything going on on our
channel don't forget to Like,comment, subscribe and share
this podcast.
Absolutely.
We'll see you next time.
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The Burden
The Burden is a documentary series that takes listeners into the hidden places where justice is done (and undone). It dives deep into the lives of heroes and villains. And it focuses a spotlight on those who triumph even when the odds are against them. Season 5 - The Burden: Death & Deceit in Alliance On April Fools Day 1999, 26-year-old Yvonne Layne was found murdered in her Alliance, Ohio home. David Thorne, her ex-boyfriend and father of one of her children, was instantly a suspect. Another young man admitted to the murder, and David breathed a sigh of relief, until the confessed murderer fingered David; “He paid me to do it.” David was sentenced to life without parole. Two decades later, Pulitzer winner and podcast host, Maggie Freleng (Bone Valley Season 3: Graves County, Wrongful Conviction, Suave) launched a “live” investigation into David's conviction alongside Jason Baldwin (himself wrongfully convicted as a member of the West Memphis Three). Maggie had come to believe that the entire investigation of David was botched by the tiny local police department, or worse, covered up the real killer. Was Maggie correct? Was David’s claim of innocence credible? In Death and Deceit in Alliance, Maggie recounts the case that launched her career, and ultimately, “broke” her.” The results will shock the listener and reduce Maggie to tears and self-doubt. This is not your typical wrongful conviction story. In fact, it turns the genre on its head. It asks the question: What if our champions are foolish? Season 4 - The Burden: Get the Money and Run “Trying to murder my father, this was the thing that put me on the path.” That’s Joe Loya and that path was bank robbery. Bank, bank, bank, bank, bank. In season 4 of The Burden: Get the Money and Run, we hear from Joe who was once the most prolific bank robber in Southern California, and beyond. He used disguises, body doubles, proxies. He leaped over counters, grabbed the money and ran. Even as the FBI was closing in. It was a showdown between a daring bank robber, and a patient FBI agent. Joe was no ordinary bank robber. He was bright, articulate, charismatic, and driven by a dark rage that he summoned up at will. In seven episodes, Joe tells all: the what, the how… and the why. Including why he tried to murder his father. Season 3 - The Burden: Avenger Miriam Lewin is one of Argentina’s leading journalists today. At 19 years old, she was kidnapped off the streets of Buenos Aires for her political activism and thrown into a concentration camp. Thousands of her fellow inmates were executed, tossed alive from a cargo plane into the ocean. Miriam, along with a handful of others, will survive the camp. Then as a journalist, she will wage a decades long campaign to bring her tormentors to justice. Avenger is about one woman’s triumphant battle against unbelievable odds to survive torture, claim justice for the crimes done against her and others like her, and change the future of her country. Season 2 - The Burden: Empire on Blood Empire on Blood is set in the Bronx, NY, in the early 90s, when two young drug dealers ruled an intersection known as “The Corner on Blood.” The boss, Calvin Buari, lived large. He and a protege swore they would build an empire on blood. Then the relationship frayed and the protege accused Calvin of a double homicide which he claimed he didn’t do. But did he? Award-winning journalist Steve Fishman spent seven years to answer that question. This is the story of one man’s last chance to overturn his life sentence. He may prevail, but someone’s gotta pay. The Burden: Empire on Blood is the director’s cut of the true crime classic which reached #1 on the charts when it was first released half a dozen years ago. Season 1 - The Burden In the 1990s, Detective Louis N. Scarcella was legendary. In a city overrun by violent crime, he cracked the toughest cases and put away the worst criminals. “The Hulk” was his nickname. Then the story changed. Scarcella ran into a group of convicted murderers who all say they are innocent. They turned themselves into jailhouse-lawyers and in prison founded a lway firm. When they realized Scarcella helped put many of them away, they set their sights on taking him down. And with the help of a NY Times reporter they have a chance. For years, Scarcella insisted he did nothing wrong. But that’s all he’d say. Until we tracked Scarcella to a sauna in a Russian bathhouse, where he started to talk..and talk and talk. “The guilty have gone free,” he whispered. And then agreed to take us into the belly of the beast. Welcome to The Burden.