September 12, 2024 • 24 mins
Ever wondered how to transform your marriage from a battleground of selfish desires to a sanctuary of mutual sacrifice? Join us on "Doing it With the Daniels" as we uncover the secrets of turning self-centered expectations into a flourishing, loving partnership. Through engaging stories and light-hearted anecdotes, like the quirky expectation of washing your spouse's car, we demonstrate how compromise isn't just a necessary evil but the first step toward a deeply connected and fulfilling relationship.
Discover the profound impact of consistent, loving sacrifices on family dynamics and the harmony of household roles. We delve into practical examples such as rising early to prepare meals and explore how men stepping into traditionally female roles can reduce stress and bolster family unity. By celebrating small acts of sacrifice, we highlight how these gestures of love and care can strengthen the marital bond and create a cohesive, loving family environment. Tune in and learn how to make sacrifices that speak louder than any words, transforming your relationship into a lifelong partnership of shared love and mutual support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I think in any relationship, when you go from
selfishness to sacrifice youhave to walk through the door of
compromise.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Welcome to Doing it With the Daniels, the podcast
where we navigate life, marriageand ministry.
I'm Charles.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
And I'm Tisa.
Join us as we share insights,wisdom and practical advice to
strengthen your marriage,empower your life and enrich
your ministry.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Let's dive in together and discover the joys
of doing it with the Daniels.
Hey, welcome to Doing it Withthe Daniels, where we help
couples get it on in life,marriage and ministry.
We are so glad to have you onceagain for this next episode of
Doing it With the Daniels.
It's going to be great today.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
It's going to be really good.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
It'll be interesting.
Yeah, how you doing?
I'm doing good, you look good.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Well, thank you, you do too, thank you girl.
Don't get nothing started.
Don't get nothing started inhere now.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Well, I guess we need to talk about something today.
What are we talking?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
about.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
We're going to talk about sacrifice today.
Sacrifice, my goodness, okay.
Well, I think sacrifice is hugein the boundaries of marriage,
or you know, the confines of amarriage relationship.
Sometimes I don't think couplesrealize how much sacrifice is
involved in getting marriedthat's right, and so a lot of
people approach marriage fromthe position of selfishness.
What do you think about that?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
I think you could talk.
I think you could talk aboutthat one.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Well, I think most people can talk about it.
I was not selfish well, I mean,yeah, you were you, just, it
just looked different.
I think everybody shows up tobe selfish, I think everybody
shows up with their own intent.
Sometimes it's just a selfishview of marriage.
Where, uh, the way you want togo?
(01:54):
yeah, I'll even speak to thiswhen we talk about, when we talk
about who we're going to marry.
Like your, a lot of people havethese lists make out, a list of
who you want to marry and whoyou want to be with and what,
how you want them to be and howmuch money you want them to make
and what you want them to looklike.
They make out these lists andthese are nothing but a bunch of
selfish lists most of the time.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
If you look at the list a lot of times, that list
is all about the other person,all about you.
Yes, it has nothing to do withthat other person, whoever they
may be.
It's all about you, what youwant, how you think, the way you
want things to be is selfish.
Yeah, yeah, it's my list it'swhat I want is why?
Okay, what did you think aboutwhat the other person might need
(02:37):
out of the relationship?
Nope, you only thinking aboutwhat you want, what you desire,
what's going to make you happywhat's going to make you happy,
what's going to make you feellike this is a great
relationship.
But what if that other partycomes with their own list and it
conflicts with what you want?
Now you got a problem.
Now you get to the door ofcompromise.
(02:57):
Yes, where are we going tocompromise?
And I think that's the bigthing, I think in any
relationship, when you go fromselfishness to sacrifice you
have to walk through the door ofcompromise yeah, that's good.
Yeah, I think that's a that'simportant for people to
understand.
And if you're going to marrysomebody, if you're going to
hook your life up with somebody,you got to be prepared to go
(03:20):
through the door of compromise.
If you're going to keep themarriage moving forward, that's
right.
So I think sacrifice is is ahuge deal once you get over the
hump of selfishness.
And I think that's where a lotof us start out in the
relationship, and I'll be honestand admit I think more so men
(03:41):
than women, because we're notnatural nurturers right, that's
what I'm trying to think.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I'm like, I'm just thinking, like I'm trying to get
something, but you, you'regoing to tell me what you, what
you, what you what you'rethinking about I'm trying to
think in the in, in, at the outof the duration of our marriage.
When have I been selfish?
Well or, or.
You said coming into themarriage, coming into the
(04:08):
marriage or during the marriage.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
I mean when you, when you came to the marriage and
you approached it from thestandpoint of I'm gonna wash
your car every week, okay, youdidn't think about me being in
the sun, you didn't think aboutme being tired working all week.
All you thought about wasgetting my car washed by Friday.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
But is that an expectation?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah, it's an expectation that you had.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Okay.
Right, but there's nothingwrong with that.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
But you're the only one that benefits from it.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
You don't benefit from it.
No, you drive the car too.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
No no.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
I'm putting in the work care it was.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
You didn't think anything about me.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
It was for your benefit only why you say think
nothing about you we could doall these rhetorical questions
you.
You had nothing to do with mewell, I'm just saying like,
don't you drive the car too?
Speaker 1 (05:00):
yeah, but what does that mean?
Okay?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
but it doesn't matter to you.
If the car is dirty, you don'tcare it is still dry okay, all
right, so it's preference now,yeah, I mean we'll get it clean.
Okay, but you came in with theexpectation of my husband gonna
wash my car, yeah so I'll haveto do it yeah, see you benefit
(05:22):
and and I think you know,sometimes we grow up thinking,
oh, this is a man job, this iswhat women do, you know, kind of
like the women cook.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Oh, that's what y'all think, right, I came in
thinking you can do all thecooking.
Oh, was I surprised.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
I did in the beginning.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Yeah, in the beginning.
But that thing turned you likeI ain't the only one that can
cook, and you used to cook whenyou was dating me.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Exactly.
And what happened?
What do you mean?
What happened After we gotmarried?
All the cooking just stopped.
You forgot how to cook.
I don't know how to cook, nomore, I'm like, but you did all
this cooking in your apartment.
I was letting you take care ofit.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
See there, like you said, that's a woman's job,
right.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
No, I'm saying we go into, we come into marriage,
just thinking.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Oh, come on, You're talking good now.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
It's what men do, it's what women do, so I'm just
saying that's how we go into it.
Yeah, but it doesn't have tostay that way.
Yeah, because we sacrifice forone another.
That is true.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
That is true Even when it comes to intimacy.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
People have these inflated views of what their sex
life is going to be like whenthey get married, and it's
pretty selfish.
It's all about them gettingwhat they want and not even
thinking about the other party.
It's just okay, this is whatI'm going to do, this is what I
want to do.
It this many times.
What I'm going to do is what Iwant to do it this many times,
like, like.
Do you have you even consideredhow the other person feels about
(06:49):
all of your day dreaming right,and your ventures are what you
want to do?
Like.
It's totally selfish, yeah, butwhen you get to that place of
sacrifice in the relationship,it's when you stop thinking
about self and you startthinking about the other party,
what they desire, what they needand how you can serve them, and
(07:11):
I think that's the power ofsacrifice.
I think when you really startto see sacrifice in a
relationship, it's when youstart to know that this person
really loves you and reallycares about you, when you start
to recognize they're doing foryou something that they don't
have to do right they're goingbeyond the norm or beyond the
expectation and they're paying aprice right.
(07:33):
They're giving up something thatthey could do or may want to do
, in order to give you what youwant.
It's just like in anyrelationship, I think, where you
begin to see people, uh, giveup.
You've heard many stories aboutpeople giving up their dream
yeah like some people, don'trealize that some people
sacrifice their dreams for theirspouse, for their spouse.
I think a lot of women do that,especially those when they
(07:56):
start having children yeah andthe husband wants them to stay
at home.
yeah, they sacrifice corporateAmerica, they sacrifice being an
entrepreneur yeah.
They sacrifice those things soto give their family or to give
their husband what they want,that's a huge sacrifice because
you can give yourself for 20, 30, 40 years to your children, to
(08:20):
your husband and then stillwithin, say I wish I had the
opportunity.
Yeah, not that you grieve overit or you regret it, it's just
you wish.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
There's some things that you wanted to do.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Yeah, you've seen things you wanted to do, but you
feel like it was worth it.
The sacrifice was worth itbecause you raised your family,
you provided for your family.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
You was there for them.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
And so that changes the whole dynamics of things, it
changes the whole outlook ofthings, where you say, yes, I
sacrificed some things that Iwanted so that I could give my
family some things that theywant.
Right, you know something thatwe talked about when our
youngest child was born and youwanted to stay home.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
From your job, you know, and looking back now, we
wish I would have stayed home.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
We wish we would have made that sacrifice.
Yeah, you know, it could havebeen done.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
It could have been done yeah, I mean, things would
look different, but it couldhave been done yeah but we
didn't do it at the time becauseof the way we thought about our
life and what we wanted to doand how we thought we had to go
about it.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Yeah, but but that's back wish we would have done it
yeah yeah, because things wouldbeen different.
It would have been a bettersituation, probably for our
whole household.
Yeah, you know it would haveput a little strain, but I think
it would have been overallwould have been better.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
I think it would have been a strain until we adjusted
to it.
You know what I'm saying yeah,that's.
The key is those adjustments.
Any sacrifice requiresadjustments and I think that's
what couples have to realize.
I think about.
The Bible says what's thatverse in Ephesians where he
starts talking about Ephesians 5and 25.
Yeah.
(09:54):
Husbands, love your wives, evenas Christ also loved the church
and gave himself for it, whenyou think about Jesus and we
talked about this before and youmade the statement Jesus is the
ultimate sacrifice the ultimatesacrifice and he's like a
husband man.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
To his church and he modeled sacrifice.
I mean, when you look at hissacrifice, he gave himself
literally, literally.
He gave his life for the church.
And he says to husbands loveyour wives.
And he says to husbands loveyour wives.
The writer of Ephesians loveyour wives as Christ has loved
(10:33):
the church.
So he's telling husbands whenyou decide to make a woman your
wife, you should go into it withthe mindset that you're going
to give yourself for her.
You're going to take theresponsibility to do whatever
you got it you have to do toprotect her, to provide for her,
to support her, to nurture her,to care for her, and it's going
(10:59):
to require you to give up someof the things that you may want
yeah so that you can be what youneed to be for her, for her and
to her, yeah that's a that's adifferent mindset yeah, it is.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
That's good, though I like that it's a different
mindset going into arelationship and and being
sacrificial, yeah, and I thinkmost of us we're not sacrificial
, we're selfish, yeah one thingI think about what we talked
about was Proverbs 31, woman,where she, she sacrificed for
her family, for her household,for others, and it's like you
(11:34):
know that's hard.
When you read her you feel like, oh my God, you know, I can't
even like measure up.
But I mean, she was just anawesome woman and I just think
about that.
You know, know what she did andthe things that you know, they,
you know, said about her inscripture, so yeah I mean even
rising up early to feed herfamily, to prepare a meal.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
You know you sacrificing sleep so that you
can feed your children and feedyour husband.
Yeah, you know it's, it's acause it is and you know, I
think we have to go back to that.
We live in a day now wherepeople don't want to sacrifice.
You know, and and I hate to saythis it's not a bad thing, but
it's the world we live in yeahand the what the world has
(12:18):
become.
And everybody's not like this,but some are um, it's the whole
cereal, it's the cerealhousehold where mothers don't
cook, or fathers I'm not puttingall the cooking on women, men
can cook too, you know, if theyhave the time.
I mean traditional families,typically the woman.
But because no one makes asacrifice and we're so money
(12:42):
driven and we have to do what wehave to do, our business is our
job.
We feed our children I mean, weknow it now junk food.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
You know the cereals most cereals, not even healthy.
Pop tarts, egg waffles you knowstuff that's quick, fast.
Instant oatmeal.
Yeah, you know all that faststuff.
Let me hurry up and get it donefast because to do something
healthier requires a sacrifice,yeah, financially, because it's
cost more money and time.
(13:11):
It takes time to cut up fruit.
It takes time to, you know,make a meal from scratch instead
of like doing instant oatmeal.
Well, now you got to go get therolled oats, you got to put it
on the stove and book.
So it's just, it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
It takes a lot, but it's a sacrifice.
But what's the outcome?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
it's healthier it's better for you.
Yeah, you live a healthier life, but what's the outcome?
Speaker 1 (13:27):
It's healthier, it's better for you.
Yeah, you live a healthier life.
You have the potential ofliving longer, avoiding diseases
.
Yeah, you see, so sacrifice hasa big benefit.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yeah, it does.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
It's just sometimes we don't like the cost and in
marriage sometimes couples don'tlike the cost of sacrifice,
even financially.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Sometimes you have to make a financial sacrifice in
order to have a better familyunit or better marriage.
All that comes with theterritory, that comes with the
process, and so you have to bewilling to look at what
sacrifices do we need to make?
I think it starts off to it.
What sacrifices do I personallyneed to make for the sake of my
spouse?
Speaker 2 (14:06):
yeah, so don't tell me about that.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
I don't know.
You tell me, what do you think?
What sacrifice you think a manshould make for his wife or for
his family?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
I'm just trying.
I'm thinking about you in thebeginning, because when you said
you know, men are normally veryselfish, yeah, so, um, you know
, like washing of the car, thatwas one thing for us.
Cleaning the house, or helpingwith laundry, or you know, those
things that we kind of labelthat this is what the man does,
this is what a woman does.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (14:31):
yeah, the role differences and I think
sometimes we can get caught upin that and we don't help each
other out um, and so sometimesyou have to sacrifice what you
feel like is a role difference,like I don't, I don't cook, men
don't cook.
You know, you got some men thatthey're just like that.
They just don't cook, but theycan you know, and so you have to
(14:52):
sacrifice.
Well, babe, I'm not going to.
You know, don't worry aboutdinner today.
I got it.
That's a sacrifice.
You know what I'm saying?
Or, after she cooks, don'tworry about cleaning up, I'll
take care of that.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Yeah, that, yeah, I think about even you know, we
talked about this before in aprevious episode when you be at
home cooking and I didn't wantto go to the store because you,
you called me and said can youstop and get this?
Or whatever.
And it was a sacrifice for meto go because I'm tired.
I didn't really want to go, uh,but had I gone, it was a worthy
sacrifice, yeah, and and by notgoing, it put more stress on
you, it created more frustrationin you and it slowed down a
(15:33):
process that didn't have to beslowed down.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
So I think, just learning those necessary
sacrifices even now.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Taking your car to put gas in it when you bring it
home.
I need gas.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
It's usually in the wintertime.
Yeah, I mean you the wintertime, yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
I mean, you don't like the cold.
But at one time it was like youdidn't get gas.
But as a man, as you grow andmature, you realize no, I don't
want you out getting gas,especially at nighttime.
No, I got it, so you bring it onhome and I don't say anything
(16:10):
now, but when you, oh, I needsome gas it's like okay, yeah,
either I'm gonna go get it thatnight or I'm gonna get up early
in the morning, go put gas in itbefore you have to leave and be
where you have to be yeah, yousee what I'm saying it's a
sacrifice.
But here's the thing aboutsacrifices as you begin to do
them and you make it your norm,and you do it out of love, not
out of obligation, it doesn'tfeel so much like a sacrifice,
(16:31):
like the things that I do foryou now don't feel like a
sacrifice anymore.
If I think about it.
It is a sacrifice.
I have to sacrifice sleep orsomething but it doesn't feel
like a sacrifice.
It feels like, oh, I want to dothis for her.
It's better if I do it, it'sbetter for me to be at the gas
station at night than for her tobe at the gas station.
So it just makes sense you seewhat I'm saying it's better for
(16:52):
me to go out to the store if weneed something and it's
nighttime, then for her to go.
It makes it's not a sacrificeanymore now.
It's because I'm called toprotect and to love and to
provide for and to nurture, andby doing that I'm keeping her
safe right, yeah.
You see what I'm saying.
So it shifts and I think that'sthe thing people have to
realize what feels like asacrifice initially, or what is
(17:15):
a sacrifice initially, as you doit with the right heart it
changes.
It changes, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Because even now, when I tell you certain things,
it's like you don't.
You never respond in any kindof way.
But you're like, ok, I got it,and if you don't do it that
night, you'll do it.
You know, first thing in themorning before I had to leave to
go, you know where I need to goand I'll be like okay, but you
know and I know it's a sacrificeto get up early before I had to
leave to get that done whatdoes?
Speaker 1 (17:43):
there's a question I have for you that we didn't
discuss, but what does mesacrificing for you?
What does that do for you?
How does that make you?
What does that do for you?
How does that make you feel?
How does that impact your viewof me as your husband?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
It does a couple things.
It makes me feel loved, itmakes me feel like you care, it
makes me feel like you'reconcerned about what I got going
on, and it makes me feelprotected, depending on what it
is.
So there's a couple differentthings that it makes me feel and
it makes me feel protected,depending on what it is, um, so
there's a couple of differentthings that it makes me feel and
it makes me feel good Like youjust really really love me.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
I do Well, and I think.
I think that's the point we'retrying to make about the power
of sacrifice in a relationship.
Yeah, as you give of yourself.
It also creates a reassuring inthe other person that I'm
important to you, you love me,you care about me.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
This relationship matters to you and it's the
little things.
I hear a lot of women say thatit's not the big things, it's
not the big elaborate gifts,it's just the little bitty
things that you do to make mefeel like you care, you're
thinking of me, you're concernedabout what I got going on, and
all of that.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
So it can be small things doesn't have to be
anything big yeah, absolutely, Ithink it's important yeah that
we keep that in mind when wewhen we navigate a relationship,
because if you're not careful,it's easy to revert back yeah to
being selfish, and thatselfishness I mean.
I think we both agreeselfishness deteriorates a
(19:18):
relationship, yeah, it destroysa relationship and it you know
all feeling love, feeling value,feeling accepted, feeling
important, feeling like I careand I'm being considerate of you
all.
That goes out the window whenselfishness is in play yeah, it
does.
How do you feel when you feellike think back to when I was
(19:40):
selfish, or you felt like I wasselfish.
How did that make you feel?
oh, not good, like you didn'tcare, wasn't concerned um
questioning, and the reason I'masking is I'm sorry to interrupt
you, but the reason I'm askingyou this is because I'm thinking
about women who are, who may bedealing with this.
Yeah, and you're expressingwhat maybe they can't express,
(20:05):
but maybe they can play this fortheir spouse say, hey, we're
gonna watch doing with thedaniels, and while you're
talking, yeah they can say yeah,that's how I feel.
Yeah, yeah, so concerned umreally questioning if he really
loves me um just and see for aman, that never crosses our mind
(20:25):
that if I don't do for youcertain things beyond the norm,
yeah, that it makes you feelunloved and sometimes that's the
hardest thing where, when, um,when sex is not flowing as
naturally as it should be isusually because the woman
doesn't feel loved.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
She doesn't feel like you're concerned, she doesn't
feel like you care, she justfeels like okay, you know I
gotta go do this, but there's noother concern for me throughout
the week.
You know, what I got going on,and so that's what I felt um
when you were in your littleselfish mode.
I just feel like you just reallydidn't care, like it was all
(21:08):
about you yeah and making sureeverything for you was taken
care of, but no concern for meand what I had going on or
anything like that.
It just doesn't make you feelgood.
It doesn't make you feel likeyou're just so excited to be in
this relationship.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Yeah, I think, I think that's huge.
You don't feel?
You don't feel like you're thatman in the relationship when
that woman does not do for youyeah, and make those sacrifices
almost like man.
Do you even care anything aboutme?
Speaker 2 (21:43):
you see what I'm saying yeah, like you don't feel
valued and I think appreciationis big yeah that's one of the
last points I want to make.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
If a man is sacrificing, I can only speak
for a man, and you've spokenkind of how it makes women feel
when a man does or if he doesn'tsacrifice.
But when a man is sacrificingfor his wife and she fails to
show appreciation, that doesn'tfeel good to a man, that that
makes him question should I bedoing this, doing all this for
(22:15):
you, because you?
You there's no gratitude.
But if you will show thatappreciation, if you will show
that gratitude, if youacknowledge that he's going
above and beyond to to be what,to be what needs to.
He needs to be to you and dowhat needs to be done for you,
yeah, he will continue, he willlook for new ways yeah exactly
(22:39):
to sacrifice for you because heknows it's value.
Yeah, it's appreciated.
That's right.
And you recognize that youdon't see him as some do boy
exactly.
You see him as a good husband.
Some people in this do boymentality that's stupid.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Yeah, now we don't want to do that.
Yeah, we're not trying to dothat.
We're not trying to bemanipulative and, you know, make
somebody do everything you wantthem to do.
That's not.
That's not what we're talkingabout.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
It's totally different yeah, but the real
power of sacrifice goes back towhat you said earlier.
It really shows love.
It expresses love and concern,yeah, and that this person is
important to you.
And I think that's what if morecouples would make the
necessary sacrifices for theirpartner to provide what they
(23:23):
need from them and from manydifferent aspects and it fits
different couples differentlybut if they would do that, I
believe that a lot of coupleswill see greater success,
happiness and enjoyment in theirrelationship I agree, all right
.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Well, look, I think that was good.
I like that.
I did gotta make more sacrifice.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Yes, thank y'all for joining us.
Listen, like, comment, share.
Let us know you were here.
Let us know what you thinkabout this.
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(24:04):
the daniels.
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this podcast absolutely, we'llsee you next time.
I think in any relationship, when you go from
selfishness to sacrifice youhave to walk through the door of
compromise.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Welcome to Doing it With the Daniels, the podcast
where we navigate life, marriageand ministry.
I'm Charles.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
And I'm Tisa.
Join us as we share insights,wisdom and practical advice to
strengthen your marriage,empower your life and enrich
your ministry.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Let's dive in together and discover the joys
of doing it with the Daniels.
Hey, welcome to Doing it Withthe Daniels, where we help
couples get it on in life,marriage and ministry.
We are so glad to have you onceagain for this next episode of
Doing it With the Daniels.
It's going to be great today.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
It's going to be really good.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
It'll be interesting.
Yeah, how you doing?
I'm doing good, you look good.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Well, thank you, you do too, thank you girl.
Don't get nothing started.
Don't get nothing started inhere now.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Well, I guess we need to talk about something today.
What are we talking?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
about.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
We're going to talk about sacrifice today.
Sacrifice, my goodness, okay.
Well, I think sacrifice is hugein the boundaries of marriage,
or you know, the confines of amarriage relationship.
Sometimes I don't think couplesrealize how much sacrifice is
involved in getting marriedthat's right, and so a lot of
people approach marriage fromthe position of selfishness.
What do you think about that?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
I think you could talk.
I think you could talk aboutthat one.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Well, I think most people can talk about it.
I was not selfish well, I mean,yeah, you were you, just, it
just looked different.
I think everybody shows up tobe selfish, I think everybody
shows up with their own intent.
Sometimes it's just a selfishview of marriage.
Where, uh, the way you want togo?
(01:54):
yeah, I'll even speak to thiswhen we talk about, when we talk
about who we're going to marry.
Like your, a lot of people havethese lists make out, a list of
who you want to marry and whoyou want to be with and what,
how you want them to be and howmuch money you want them to make
and what you want them to looklike.
They make out these lists andthese are nothing but a bunch of
selfish lists most of the time.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
If you look at the list a lot of times, that list
is all about the other person,all about you.
Yes, it has nothing to do withthat other person, whoever they
may be.
It's all about you, what youwant, how you think, the way you
want things to be is selfish.
Yeah, yeah, it's my list it'swhat I want is why?
Okay, what did you think aboutwhat the other person might need
(02:37):
out of the relationship?
Nope, you only thinking aboutwhat you want, what you desire,
what's going to make you happywhat's going to make you happy,
what's going to make you feellike this is a great
relationship.
But what if that other partycomes with their own list and it
conflicts with what you want?
Now you got a problem.
Now you get to the door ofcompromise.
(02:57):
Yes, where are we going tocompromise?
And I think that's the bigthing, I think in any
relationship, when you go fromselfishness to sacrifice you
have to walk through the door ofcompromise yeah, that's good.
Yeah, I think that's a that'simportant for people to
understand.
And if you're going to marrysomebody, if you're going to
hook your life up with somebody,you got to be prepared to go
(03:20):
through the door of compromise.
If you're going to keep themarriage moving forward, that's
right.
So I think sacrifice is is ahuge deal once you get over the
hump of selfishness.
And I think that's where a lotof us start out in the
relationship, and I'll be honestand admit I think more so men
(03:41):
than women, because we're notnatural nurturers right, that's
what I'm trying to think.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I'm like, I'm just thinking, like I'm trying to get
something, but you, you'regoing to tell me what you, what
you, what you what you'rethinking about I'm trying to
think in the in, in, at the outof the duration of our marriage.
When have I been selfish?
Well or, or.
You said coming into themarriage, coming into the
(04:08):
marriage or during the marriage.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
I mean when you, when you came to the marriage and
you approached it from thestandpoint of I'm gonna wash
your car every week, okay, youdidn't think about me being in
the sun, you didn't think aboutme being tired working all week.
All you thought about wasgetting my car washed by Friday.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
But is that an expectation?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah, it's an expectation that you had.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Okay.
Right, but there's nothingwrong with that.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
But you're the only one that benefits from it.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
You don't benefit from it.
No, you drive the car too.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
No no.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
I'm putting in the work care it was.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
You didn't think anything about me.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
It was for your benefit only why you say think
nothing about you we could doall these rhetorical questions
you.
You had nothing to do with mewell, I'm just saying like,
don't you drive the car too?
Speaker 1 (05:00):
yeah, but what does that mean?
Okay?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
but it doesn't matter to you.
If the car is dirty, you don'tcare it is still dry okay, all
right, so it's preference now,yeah, I mean we'll get it clean.
Okay, but you came in with theexpectation of my husband gonna
wash my car, yeah so I'll haveto do it yeah, see you benefit
(05:22):
and and I think you know,sometimes we grow up thinking,
oh, this is a man job, this iswhat women do, you know, kind of
like the women cook.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Oh, that's what y'all think, right, I came in
thinking you can do all thecooking.
Oh, was I surprised.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
I did in the beginning.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Yeah, in the beginning.
But that thing turned you likeI ain't the only one that can
cook, and you used to cook whenyou was dating me.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Exactly.
And what happened?
What do you mean?
What happened After we gotmarried?
All the cooking just stopped.
You forgot how to cook.
I don't know how to cook, nomore, I'm like, but you did all
this cooking in your apartment.
I was letting you take care ofit.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
See there, like you said, that's a woman's job,
right.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
No, I'm saying we go into, we come into marriage,
just thinking.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Oh, come on, You're talking good now.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
It's what men do, it's what women do, so I'm just
saying that's how we go into it.
Yeah, but it doesn't have tostay that way.
Yeah, because we sacrifice forone another.
That is true.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
That is true Even when it comes to intimacy.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
People have these inflated views of what their sex
life is going to be like whenthey get married, and it's
pretty selfish.
It's all about them gettingwhat they want and not even
thinking about the other party.
It's just okay, this is whatI'm going to do, this is what I
want to do.
It this many times.
What I'm going to do is what Iwant to do it this many times,
like, like.
Do you have you even consideredhow the other person feels about
(06:49):
all of your day dreaming right,and your ventures are what you
want to do?
Like.
It's totally selfish, yeah, butwhen you get to that place of
sacrifice in the relationship,it's when you stop thinking
about self and you startthinking about the other party,
what they desire, what they needand how you can serve them, and
(07:11):
I think that's the power ofsacrifice.
I think when you really startto see sacrifice in a
relationship, it's when youstart to know that this person
really loves you and reallycares about you, when you start
to recognize they're doing foryou something that they don't
have to do right they're goingbeyond the norm or beyond the
expectation and they're paying aprice right.
(07:33):
They're giving up something thatthey could do or may want to do
, in order to give you what youwant.
It's just like in anyrelationship, I think, where you
begin to see people, uh, giveup.
You've heard many stories aboutpeople giving up their dream
yeah like some people, don'trealize that some people
sacrifice their dreams for theirspouse, for their spouse.
I think a lot of women do that,especially those when they
(07:56):
start having children yeah andthe husband wants them to stay
at home.
yeah, they sacrifice corporateAmerica, they sacrifice being an
entrepreneur yeah.
They sacrifice those things soto give their family or to give
their husband what they want,that's a huge sacrifice because
you can give yourself for 20, 30, 40 years to your children, to
(08:20):
your husband and then stillwithin, say I wish I had the
opportunity.
Yeah, not that you grieve overit or you regret it, it's just
you wish.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
There's some things that you wanted to do.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Yeah, you've seen things you wanted to do, but you
feel like it was worth it.
The sacrifice was worth itbecause you raised your family,
you provided for your family.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
You was there for them.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
And so that changes the whole dynamics of things, it
changes the whole outlook ofthings, where you say, yes, I
sacrificed some things that Iwanted so that I could give my
family some things that theywant.
Right, you know something thatwe talked about when our
youngest child was born and youwanted to stay home.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
From your job, you know, and looking back now, we
wish I would have stayed home.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
We wish we would have made that sacrifice.
Yeah, you know, it could havebeen done.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
It could have been done yeah, I mean, things would
look different, but it couldhave been done yeah but we
didn't do it at the time becauseof the way we thought about our
life and what we wanted to doand how we thought we had to go
about it.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Yeah, but but that's back wish we would have done it
yeah yeah, because things wouldbeen different.
It would have been a bettersituation, probably for our
whole household.
Yeah, you know it would haveput a little strain, but I think
it would have been overallwould have been better.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
I think it would have been a strain until we adjusted
to it.
You know what I'm saying yeah,that's.
The key is those adjustments.
Any sacrifice requiresadjustments and I think that's
what couples have to realize.
I think about.
The Bible says what's thatverse in Ephesians where he
starts talking about Ephesians 5and 25.
Yeah.
(09:54):
Husbands, love your wives, evenas Christ also loved the church
and gave himself for it, whenyou think about Jesus and we
talked about this before and youmade the statement Jesus is the
ultimate sacrifice the ultimatesacrifice and he's like a
husband man.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
To his church and he modeled sacrifice.
I mean, when you look at hissacrifice, he gave himself
literally, literally.
He gave his life for the church.
And he says to husbands loveyour wives.
And he says to husbands loveyour wives.
The writer of Ephesians loveyour wives as Christ has loved
(10:33):
the church.
So he's telling husbands whenyou decide to make a woman your
wife, you should go into it withthe mindset that you're going
to give yourself for her.
You're going to take theresponsibility to do whatever
you got it you have to do toprotect her, to provide for her,
to support her, to nurture her,to care for her, and it's going
(10:59):
to require you to give up someof the things that you may want
yeah so that you can be what youneed to be for her, for her and
to her, yeah that's a that's adifferent mindset yeah, it is.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
That's good, though I like that it's a different
mindset going into arelationship and and being
sacrificial, yeah, and I thinkmost of us we're not sacrificial
, we're selfish, yeah one thingI think about what we talked
about was Proverbs 31, woman,where she, she sacrificed for
her family, for her household,for others, and it's like you
(11:34):
know that's hard.
When you read her you feel like, oh my God, you know, I can't
even like measure up.
But I mean, she was just anawesome woman and I just think
about that.
You know, know what she did andthe things that you know, they,
you know, said about her inscripture, so yeah I mean even
rising up early to feed herfamily, to prepare a meal.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
You know you sacrificing sleep so that you
can feed your children and feedyour husband.
Yeah, you know it's, it's acause it is and you know, I
think we have to go back to that.
We live in a day now wherepeople don't want to sacrifice.
You know, and and I hate to saythis it's not a bad thing, but
it's the world we live in yeahand the what the world has
(12:18):
become.
And everybody's not like this,but some are um, it's the whole
cereal, it's the cerealhousehold where mothers don't
cook, or fathers I'm not puttingall the cooking on women, men
can cook too, you know, if theyhave the time.
I mean traditional families,typically the woman.
But because no one makes asacrifice and we're so money
(12:42):
driven and we have to do what wehave to do, our business is our
job.
We feed our children I mean, weknow it now junk food.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
You know the cereals most cereals, not even healthy.
Pop tarts, egg waffles you knowstuff that's quick, fast.
Instant oatmeal.
Yeah, you know all that faststuff.
Let me hurry up and get it donefast because to do something
healthier requires a sacrifice,yeah, financially, because it's
cost more money and time.
(13:11):
It takes time to cut up fruit.
It takes time to, you know,make a meal from scratch instead
of like doing instant oatmeal.
Well, now you got to go get therolled oats, you got to put it
on the stove and book.
So it's just, it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
It takes a lot, but it's a sacrifice.
But what's the outcome?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
it's healthier it's better for you.
Yeah, you live a healthier life, but what's the outcome?
Speaker 1 (13:27):
It's healthier, it's better for you.
Yeah, you live a healthier life.
You have the potential ofliving longer, avoiding diseases
.
Yeah, you see, so sacrifice hasa big benefit.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yeah, it does.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
It's just sometimes we don't like the cost and in
marriage sometimes couples don'tlike the cost of sacrifice,
even financially.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Sometimes you have to make a financial sacrifice in
order to have a better familyunit or better marriage.
All that comes with theterritory, that comes with the
process, and so you have to bewilling to look at what
sacrifices do we need to make?
I think it starts off to it.
What sacrifices do I personallyneed to make for the sake of my
spouse?
Speaker 2 (14:06):
yeah, so don't tell me about that.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
I don't know.
You tell me, what do you think?
What sacrifice you think a manshould make for his wife or for
his family?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
I'm just trying.
I'm thinking about you in thebeginning, because when you said
you know, men are normally veryselfish, yeah, so, um, you know
, like washing of the car, thatwas one thing for us.
Cleaning the house, or helpingwith laundry, or you know, those
things that we kind of labelthat this is what the man does,
this is what a woman does.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (14:31):
yeah, the role differences and I think
sometimes we can get caught upin that and we don't help each
other out um, and so sometimesyou have to sacrifice what you
feel like is a role difference,like I don't, I don't cook, men
don't cook.
You know, you got some men thatthey're just like that.
They just don't cook, but theycan you know, and so you have to
(14:52):
sacrifice.
Well, babe, I'm not going to.
You know, don't worry aboutdinner today.
I got it.
That's a sacrifice.
You know what I'm saying?
Or, after she cooks, don'tworry about cleaning up, I'll
take care of that.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Yeah, that, yeah, I think about even you know, we
talked about this before in aprevious episode when you be at
home cooking and I didn't wantto go to the store because you,
you called me and said can youstop and get this?
Or whatever.
And it was a sacrifice for meto go because I'm tired.
I didn't really want to go, uh,but had I gone, it was a worthy
sacrifice, yeah, and and by notgoing, it put more stress on
you, it created more frustrationin you and it slowed down a
(15:33):
process that didn't have to beslowed down.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
So I think, just learning those necessary
sacrifices even now.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Taking your car to put gas in it when you bring it
home.
I need gas.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
It's usually in the wintertime.
Yeah, I mean you the wintertime, yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
I mean, you don't like the cold.
But at one time it was like youdidn't get gas.
But as a man, as you grow andmature, you realize no, I don't
want you out getting gas,especially at nighttime.
No, I got it, so you bring it onhome and I don't say anything
(16:10):
now, but when you, oh, I needsome gas it's like okay, yeah,
either I'm gonna go get it thatnight or I'm gonna get up early
in the morning, go put gas in itbefore you have to leave and be
where you have to be yeah, yousee what I'm saying it's a
sacrifice.
But here's the thing aboutsacrifices as you begin to do
them and you make it your norm,and you do it out of love, not
out of obligation, it doesn'tfeel so much like a sacrifice,
(16:31):
like the things that I do foryou now don't feel like a
sacrifice anymore.
If I think about it.
It is a sacrifice.
I have to sacrifice sleep orsomething but it doesn't feel
like a sacrifice.
It feels like, oh, I want to dothis for her.
It's better if I do it, it'sbetter for me to be at the gas
station at night than for her tobe at the gas station.
So it just makes sense you seewhat I'm saying it's better for
(16:52):
me to go out to the store if weneed something and it's
nighttime, then for her to go.
It makes it's not a sacrificeanymore now.
It's because I'm called toprotect and to love and to
provide for and to nurture, andby doing that I'm keeping her
safe right, yeah.
You see what I'm saying.
So it shifts and I think that'sthe thing people have to
realize what feels like asacrifice initially, or what is
(17:15):
a sacrifice initially, as you doit with the right heart it
changes.
It changes, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Because even now, when I tell you certain things,
it's like you don't.
You never respond in any kindof way.
But you're like, ok, I got it,and if you don't do it that
night, you'll do it.
You know, first thing in themorning before I had to leave to
go, you know where I need to goand I'll be like okay, but you
know and I know it's a sacrificeto get up early before I had to
leave to get that done whatdoes?
Speaker 1 (17:43):
there's a question I have for you that we didn't
discuss, but what does mesacrificing for you?
What does that do for you?
How does that make you?
What does that do for you?
How does that make you feel?
How does that impact your viewof me as your husband?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
It does a couple things.
It makes me feel loved, itmakes me feel like you care, it
makes me feel like you'reconcerned about what I got going
on, and it makes me feelprotected, depending on what it
is.
So there's a couple differentthings that it makes me feel and
it makes me feel protected,depending on what it is, um, so
there's a couple of differentthings that it makes me feel and
it makes me feel good Like youjust really really love me.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
I do Well, and I think.
I think that's the point we'retrying to make about the power
of sacrifice in a relationship.
Yeah, as you give of yourself.
It also creates a reassuring inthe other person that I'm
important to you, you love me,you care about me.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
This relationship matters to you and it's the
little things.
I hear a lot of women say thatit's not the big things, it's
not the big elaborate gifts,it's just the little bitty
things that you do to make mefeel like you care, you're
thinking of me, you're concernedabout what I got going on, and
all of that.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
So it can be small things doesn't have to be
anything big yeah, absolutely, Ithink it's important yeah that
we keep that in mind when wewhen we navigate a relationship,
because if you're not careful,it's easy to revert back yeah to
being selfish, and thatselfishness I mean.
I think we both agreeselfishness deteriorates a
(19:18):
relationship, yeah, it destroysa relationship and it you know
all feeling love, feeling value,feeling accepted, feeling
important, feeling like I careand I'm being considerate of you
all.
That goes out the window whenselfishness is in play yeah, it
does.
How do you feel when you feellike think back to when I was
(19:40):
selfish, or you felt like I wasselfish.
How did that make you feel?
oh, not good, like you didn'tcare, wasn't concerned um
questioning, and the reason I'masking is I'm sorry to interrupt
you, but the reason I'm askingyou this is because I'm thinking
about women who are, who may bedealing with this.
Yeah, and you're expressingwhat maybe they can't express,
(20:05):
but maybe they can play this fortheir spouse say, hey, we're
gonna watch doing with thedaniels, and while you're
talking, yeah they can say yeah,that's how I feel.
Yeah, yeah, so concerned umreally questioning if he really
loves me um just and see for aman, that never crosses our mind
(20:25):
that if I don't do for youcertain things beyond the norm,
yeah, that it makes you feelunloved and sometimes that's the
hardest thing where, when, um,when sex is not flowing as
naturally as it should be isusually because the woman
doesn't feel loved.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
She doesn't feel like you're concerned, she doesn't
feel like you care, she justfeels like okay, you know I
gotta go do this, but there's noother concern for me throughout
the week.
You know, what I got going on,and so that's what I felt um
when you were in your littleselfish mode.
I just feel like you just reallydidn't care, like it was all
(21:08):
about you yeah and making sureeverything for you was taken
care of, but no concern for meand what I had going on or
anything like that.
It just doesn't make you feelgood.
It doesn't make you feel likeyou're just so excited to be in
this relationship.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Yeah, I think, I think that's huge.
You don't feel?
You don't feel like you're thatman in the relationship when
that woman does not do for youyeah, and make those sacrifices
almost like man.
Do you even care anything aboutme?
Speaker 2 (21:43):
you see what I'm saying yeah, like you don't feel
valued and I think appreciationis big yeah that's one of the
last points I want to make.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
If a man is sacrificing, I can only speak
for a man, and you've spokenkind of how it makes women feel
when a man does or if he doesn'tsacrifice.
But when a man is sacrificingfor his wife and she fails to
show appreciation, that doesn'tfeel good to a man, that that
makes him question should I bedoing this, doing all this for
(22:15):
you, because you?
You there's no gratitude.
But if you will show thatappreciation, if you will show
that gratitude, if youacknowledge that he's going
above and beyond to to be what,to be what needs to.
He needs to be to you and dowhat needs to be done for you,
yeah, he will continue, he willlook for new ways yeah exactly
(22:39):
to sacrifice for you because heknows it's value.
Yeah, it's appreciated.
That's right.
And you recognize that youdon't see him as some do boy
exactly.
You see him as a good husband.
Some people in this do boymentality that's stupid.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Yeah, now we don't want to do that.
Yeah, we're not trying to dothat.
We're not trying to bemanipulative and, you know, make
somebody do everything you wantthem to do.
That's not.
That's not what we're talkingabout.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
It's totally different yeah, but the real
power of sacrifice goes back towhat you said earlier.
It really shows love.
It expresses love and concern,yeah, and that this person is
important to you.
And I think that's what if morecouples would make the
necessary sacrifices for theirpartner to provide what they
(23:23):
need from them and from manydifferent aspects and it fits
different couples differentlybut if they would do that, I
believe that a lot of coupleswill see greater success,
happiness and enjoyment in theirrelationship I agree, all right
.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Well, look, I think that was good.
I like that.
I did gotta make more sacrifice.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Yes, thank y'all for joining us.
Listen, like, comment, share.
Let us know you were here.
Let us know what you thinkabout this.
We would love to hear yourfeedback and your input, or if
that's something you want us totalk about, let us know.
We'll be happy to discuss it.
If it's going to help you andbenefit your marriage or your
relationship, all right.
God bless you.
We'll see you soon.
Take care, hey, thank you forjoining us, for doing it with
(24:04):
the daniels.
If you want to keep up witheverything going on on our
channel, don't forget to like,comment, subscribe and share
this podcast absolutely, we'llsee you next time.
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