Ever wondered how to truly keep God at the center of your marriage? Join Charles and Tesa in this heartfelt episode of "Doing it with the Daniels" as they share the "secret sauce" that has fortified their relationship over the years. They recount their commitment to allowing God's word to be the ultimate guide in their union, helping them resolve conflicts and stay united even through the challenges of starting their ministry. You'll gain insights into how a God-centered marriage can not only strengthen your bond but also empower your ministry.
Pastors, their spouses, and couples alike will find value in our discussion on the importance of recognizing and addressing minor conflicts early on. Charles and Tesa talk about their experience with issues arising on Saturdays before church and how preemptively resolving these can prevent disruptions in worship and spiritual connection. Discover how adhering to biblical principles and being aware of the enemy's strategies can help maintain harmony and unity, enhancing your ability to serve together in ministry.
In the final segment, we emphasize the profound impact of a shared love for God within a marriage. Charles and Tesa explore how mutual reverence for God fosters respect and prevents harmful behaviors, guiding couples back to right actions through divine conviction. They stress the importance of making God the center of our lives and the transformative power of repentance and starting fresh. As we wrap up, we reflect on the valuable insights shared and express our gratitude for your continued support. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and comment to stay connected and catch future episodes of "Doing it with the Daniels.
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Episode Transcript
usually when a man don't want to come home after
work, that means there'ssomething going on in the house
where he is not at peace, orvice versa.
Some women don't want to comehome right, yeah, they are
shopping every day.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Welcome to doing it with the day is the podcast
where we navigate life, marriageand ministry.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I'm charles and I'm Tisa.
Join us as we share insights,wisdom and practical advice to
strengthen your marriage,empower your life and enrich
your ministry let's dive intogether and discover the joys
of doing it with the Daniel.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Hey, welcome to doing it with the Dan is the podcast
where we help couples get it onin life, marriage and ministry.
I'm Charles, I'm Tisa and weare here for another episode.
How's it going?
It's going good, good, good.
Well, what's up?
What's on your mind?
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Nothing much.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Awesome, we're going to talk about keeping God first.
Keeping God first.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
You know, I really like to call this our secret
sauce, secret sauce, secretsauce to our relationship.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Okay, we talk to different people and they often
talk to us about ourrelationship.
Or they see our relationshipand you know we hear, oh y'all
such a cute couple, or y'allhave such a good marriage, or oh
, y'all look like the perfectcouple.
You know, we've heard that manytimes, we know that that's not
the case, but at the end of theday, there is a secret sauce to
this relationship.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
It's keeping God at the center.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Keeping God at the center.
Keeping God at the center, Ilike that.
Jesus, you're the center of myjoy.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Hold on, hold on.
You got to put some note inthere.
Oh, oh, can't help yourself,can you?
I had to throw some runs inthere.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I said note I ain't say runs, you gotta keep it
simple.
All that's good and perfect,but I'm hating because I can't
sing see, don't hate, no hate,don't hate on me now, no hate.
But seriously, that is kind ofthat's been our secret sauce
yeah is keeping God at thecenter, and that, and that's
something we agreed upon Eventhough we've had our different
(02:06):
challenges.
Before we got married, weagreed that God would be the
center of our relationship.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Do you remember that?
Yeah, I remember that.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Yeah, and I think we even said whatever disagreement
we had, because we knew it wouldhappen two people coming
together, there's going to bechallenges.
Whatever happened, we saidwhatever the word says, that's
what we're going to do.
Whatever God tells us to do,that's what we're going to do.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
And that has worked out really well for us, taking
everything back to the word ofGod, to the Bible.
Regardless of our upbringingsand what we saw our parents do
and our grandparents do, it'salways like, okay, we're going
to go back to the word of Godand see what God has to say.
And he was the deciding factorof which way we will go.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yes, and I think that's been, that's been
excellent for us.
When you had your opinion, Ihad my opinion.
We went to the word and we saidGod, what do you say about this
?
And that's what we'll do.
We will both drop our opinions,we will drop our views, and,
and we're going to be God, and Ithink that's what we'll do.
Yeah, we will both drop ouropinions, we will drop our views
, yeah, and, and we're going tobe God?
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Yeah, exactly, and.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I think that's been the deciding factor.
So that's why we haven't hadany like stalemates.
Yeah, in our relationship, yeahthere haven't been any times of
well, I'm on this side, you'reon this side and we don't know
where to yeah, when we hit thatplace is like let's find out
what God is saying.
Right, let's get in the word,let's pray and whatever God
(03:28):
leads us to do.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Yeah, that's what we're going to do.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
I think that's a part of not just us individually
being submitted to God, butmaking sure our marriage is
submitted to God Exactly.
Yeah, that's been a big keyfactor, it was.
So so how do you think that hashelped us over the years?
Speaker 1 (03:44):
I think it helped us over the years, like just in in
all.
Well, I'll say this I think theone big thing that was kind of
interfering with that was onSaturdays, when we would, um,
well, when we started theministry, that's when we started
getting attacked and we didn'trealize what was going on.
We started getting attacked andwe didn't realize what was
(04:05):
going on, and so we would alwaysget into it on Saturday,
saturday morning, saturdaynights, right before service,
and it's just like what is this?
But it took us a minute beforewe recognize, you know, what was
happening.
And so and I think that's whenall of this whole, let's put God
in the center.
Let's go back to the word.
What does the word say?
Because we were getting hitlike weekly, yeah, and we just
(04:28):
couldn't understand what isgoing on.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah, you definitely jumped to some things that when
it comes to us starting theministry, yeah, you know, we
haven't even talked about thaton the podcast yet I mean they
know we're pastors of the TruthChurch in Memphis.
But when we first started, Imean when we initially launched
the church, we were in asituation where we were still
doing ministry and preaching andministering to people on
(04:51):
Sundays.
But Saturday we hit a placewhere Saturday nights typically
Saturday afternoons you and Iwould just be at odds with each
other.
Little stuff, yeah, littleminor stuff that did not matter,
and I mean we will be at oddsto the point that it lasted all
night into the next morning.
(05:13):
And I remember, I remember usbeing at odds and us going to
church and me preaching and Iwas like man, there's just no
anointing on my preaching.
The presence of God is just notflowing in here.
I'm like what is going on?
What is this?
And God had to help us begin todiscern what was going on, that
the enemy was throwing sneakattacks at us on Saturdays to
(05:37):
get us out of agreement, to getus at odds with one another, and
then we try to go worshiptogether.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
So I'm like you're trying to preach through all of
that.
So here I am trying to worship.
Can you imagine that?
You know you got your handslifted, your eye closed.
You're looking side-eyed like Ican't stand him, yeah, or
you're like he get on my nerves.
How you going to sit up hereand worship and you just, you
know talking to me crazy.
All of that is going throughyour mind while you're trying to
worship it and praise God andit's just like, but it was an
(06:06):
attack of the enemy.
It's like you can't reallyworship through all of that.
It's like we had to have someconversations, we had to really
deal with the issues before youknow we go to church and deal
with all that Because you knowyou can preach.
You're probably looking at mecrazy, Like I'm looking at you
crazy, you looking at me crazy,we looking at you both crazy.
(06:26):
So I'm just like this is notgood.
No, but it went on for a while.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
It did.
I was, I was trying to preachand you'd be over there lifting
your hands.
And I'm like child she's sofake Lifting your hands, but you
just talking crazy to me.
Last night man put your handsdown.
But many people don't realizethat pastors and wives deal with
that and if they don't getwisdom?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
and.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
God, open their eyes and show them.
They will stay at odds witheach other, thinking you the
problem?
Yeah, or you the problem or youain't really.
You just going through the mostof this church stuff.
You more focused on God.
Yeah, but you ain't taking careof your home relationship.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
You see what I'm saying.
But that's not even pastors andwives, that's people.
Yeah, we've seen it?
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, In our church, where people couples will be at
odds with each other and come tochurch to serve and be like
what's wrong with y'all?
Yeah, we talk to him, yeah,yeah, and if you're not aware of
that cycle, you will think it'snormal.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Yeah, this is normal and it's not normal.
It's not normal.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
It's the enemy putting division in the
relationship so that yourserving becomes ineffective.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Right, exactly.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Because God doesn't bless division.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
No, he does not.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
And so we had to learn the way I mean the enemy's
trying to divide us, to keep usfrom having impact where the
spirit of God won't flow andmove and God can do what he
wants to do with us?
Exactly, yeah that was huge.
That was huge and that took usback to, as you said earlier,
making sure that we kept him atthe center, and so we had to put
a strategy in place.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
We made a, we talked about it yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
And then we made a decision.
Well, we recognized what wasgoing on.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah, we did, and so we was like man.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
you ever notice like we good through the week, but on
Saturdays it's like littlebitty stuff.
Yeah, like, okay, we got toreally figure out what we need
to do to keep this fromhappening.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, it could be something as simple as wanting
the boys to wear polo.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
And.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
I would say no, I want them to wear a button-down,
and we had odds over a polo anda button-down Something that
really didn't matter.
And what was crazy is thatright after church we was good,
like both of us was like.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Like we both let it go.
Yeah, it's crazy, crazy.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
I'm just saying it was, it was crazy.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Crazy.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Crazy.
I'm just saying it was.
It was crazy.
But as we started to go back tothat, we began to look at it
and say wait a minute, Us goingat each other on Saturdays.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
And then being at odds through the night and it
coming into our worship, settingin church that didn't honor God
and that was not keeping God atthe center.
And when we started makingthose adjustments we came up
with a strategy here where wesaid we said on Saturday night,
because we had to be on watchfor it, we had to be on guard
for it.
We don't deal with it now, butwe put some parameters in place.
(09:09):
If anything happens on Saturday, either we deal with it and we
make sure we're good, or werecognize it and we stop right
there and we put it aside andwe'll pick it up after church on
sunday, you remember?
that yeah and it worked.
What happened, though?
Whatever it was on saturdayafter sunday?
(09:29):
What happened?
We forgot about it we?
We couldn't even remember whatit was like.
What was we about?
Because we come at church withhim.
We'd be like now what what weneed to talk about because we've
had something yesterday.
We'd be like I don't evenremember, I don't know.
I don't know either.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Because it was minor.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
It was minor, it was demonically motivated as a tool
to interrupt the plan andpurpose of God.
And so this is where that wholekeeping God at the center
becomes a big part of therelationship and, to be honest
with you, you know, for ourviewers and those watching,
that's the secret salt.
Yeah, that's been the thingthat has kept us from going way
(10:06):
off the deep end of ourrelationship doing all type of
crazy stuff.
it's been our honor and ourrespect for god yeah and I'll
tell you why that's so powerfuland his word.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
You know where it says don't let the sun down go,
don't let the sun go down onyour wrath.
And.
And so you know we had to getin the Word.
And you know how we would be atodds, like Saturday, saturday
night, and then to Sundaymorning, like we weren't
supposed to be doing that, youknow.
So we had to correct all ofthat, but that's by getting in
His Word and finding out whatHis Word says.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Yes, yes, and I mean it made a big difference in our
relationship.
It made a big difference in ourrelationship and a big
difference in who we were aspeople, and we learned that.
Wait a minute, God, you want usto do this a little bit
different.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Right and we started to navigate it differently and
it changed our marriage andchanged the scope of our
marriage and the way weinteracted with each other.
It also made us more aware ofthe strategies of the enemy that
would come after us.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
But I think that's been powerful.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
It has been after us, yeah, um, but, but I think
that's been powerful.
It has been, yeah, it's reallyhelped me out.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Yeah, with both of us , yeah, as as a couple.
Um, I think to uh just justrecognizing, um, the value of it
, the importance of it, of notbeing easily distracted.
Yes, has been a key, and thatway we keep our focus on god and
not on one another.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
And what we were doing, because here's the thing
I think that a lot of couplesmiss, and it really helped us
and I think it'll help a lot ofcouples when I don't have the
respect for you or you don'thave the respect for me, which
means I'll do some stuff to youthat I wouldn't do to God, and
so it's God, my relationshipwith God, that kept me in check,
(11:44):
not necessarily my relationshipwith you at the moment.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Yeah, that's good.
You see what I'm saying.
That's good yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
How did that affect you?
Because I know for me it's likeokay, maybe I'm mad at her and
I could say some things or go aplace, but because of my love
for God I don't want to dishonorhim.
I'm not going to do that to her.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Same for me.
I've always wanted to pleaseGod in whatever I do, especially
when I started to get my lifeback right with God, and that
was the main focus.
So for me, I wanted to makesure that I was lining up with
his word as much as possible andto do things according to what
he wants me to do, especially asa wife respecting my husband
you know all of that stuff.
So I had to really get in hisword and ask him to help me, you
(12:29):
know, with that.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
You know, that reminds me of when we first got
together and I told you you know, I'm always love God more than
I love you.
And he was like I love God morethan I love you too.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
You stay coming for me.
You know that Stay.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
But it was real, yeah , and I'm glad we both took that
position, because our love forGod helped us to love one
another right, exactly.
We didn't want to violate him,so there were things we didn't
do to one another.
And even when we did, he wasable to correct us.
See, when you have no regardfor God, who's going to violate
him?
So there were things we didn'tdo to one another, and even when
we did we, he was able tocorrect us.
(13:06):
See, when you have no regardfor God, who's going to correct
you?
When you won't even listen toyour spouse?
Exactly you know who's going toreign you back in.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
That's what I love about the Holy Spirit.
He is the one that's supposedto reign you back in If you
would listen to him.
It's that conviction piece andI always pray and I always tell
God I don't ever want to lose myconviction, you know, because
it's those little soft nudges,you know, to kind of get you
back in check when he's sayinghey, I don't like when you do
that, I don't like when you talkto your husband like that, I
(13:32):
don't like the way you talk tohim.
And so you had to be able tolisten in order to hear what
he's saying.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Yeah, Because I think we as human beings and as
couples, married couples we canget really wrong with one
another, you know, especially ifwe think nobody else is
listening.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Especially when we think we got a right to yes.
Sometimes we feel like I got aright and I am justified in the
way I feel and you did me wrongand it's that whole.
You did me wrong.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
So I'm going to do you wrong.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Yeah, you're going to pay?
Yeah, exactly, render evil forevil.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
It's crazy when your spouse is looking at you like,
yeah, you're going to pay forthat.
How do you live?
Speaker 1 (14:11):
like that.
I don't know.
It's like you've got a mentalnote in the back of your mind,
got you?
Speaker 2 (14:22):
No.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
I I'm thinking about how does a person sleep next to
somebody knowing that they gotpayback on their mind and you
got to sleep with one eye open.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
That's scary, yeah, and that's one reason I'm glad
I'm married to somebody wholoves God.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Because I know you ain't going to do nothing to me.
Praise the Lord.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
I fear God.
I fear God.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
So yeah, I ain't trying to, and I think that's a
point of attention for singles.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Who want to be married.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Marry you somebody who.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Fear the Lord.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Yes, they need to love God more than they love you
.
Yes, because if they don't loveGod more than they love you,
they'll violate you, they'll dosome bad things to you.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
They'll violate you, they'll do some bad things to
you, they'll hurt you real bad.
I'm not saying you don't gethurt.
Even in a loving relationshipit can happen.
But for somebody who has noboundaries, no moral standard in
God, they can really go placeswith this.
So, I think it's vital that wereally have a love for God that
exceeds our love for one another, so that we learn how to
respect one another the waywe're supposed to, that we learn
(15:24):
how to value one another theway God wants us to value one
another.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Right, I agree.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
I think that's important.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
It is very important.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Yeah, I don't care which way you turn it, You've
got to number one, keep himfirst.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
At the center.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Some people say God is first in everything.
I don't know that I'd subscribeto that view.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
I think we did at one point, but then we learned,
putting him in the center wasbetter.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Everything revolves around him exactly everything
needs to revolve around God,because some people put God
first and it's like well, I getup praying in the morning first
part of the day, and then youdon't think about God the rest
of the day yeah but I put himfirst because I prayed, I did my
devotion, read my word and nowyou're going with your life,
right, you?
You have no other thought forhim throughout the remainder of
(16:16):
the day.
And that can be a problem, butwhen he's at the center, like
you said, everything in your dayrevolves around him.
So you consider God when you goto work.
You consider God in theinteraction with your spouse.
You consider God in theengagement with your children.
You consider God even with yourcoworkers.
(16:38):
He's the center, soeverything's around him, instead
of oh, I gave him his firstpart.
Yeah, I gave him the beginningand now the rest.
I can do what I want to do, andso I think that's important,
that even in a marriage, wedidn't start out oh, we honor
God, we honor God.
And we got married.
Start out, oh, we honor God, wehonor God.
We got married.
We did it God's way.
Yeah, but have you continued tokeep it God's way Exactly?
(17:02):
Is God still pleased in themarriage, right?
Is God still honored in the wayyou engage with one another,
talk to one another, treat oneanother?
All of that becomes a big partof it.
It does, yeah, because I thinkeven for us, and like you said
earlier, him reigning us back inhas been the saving grace.
The saving grace for me, yes, Ithink, for both of us him,
(17:26):
reigning us back in and makingsure that we didn't get in our
own heads and I think for us andI'm grateful for it.
He gave us the heart to want tohonor him.
Yeah, he gave us the heart.
Yeah, to want to honor him.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
You know, because it can get bad and I think for
anybody they can start over.
If you've done something wrong,maybe you haven't honored God
in your relationship, here's thekey Repent, ask God for
forgiveness and then start fresh.
Today, yeah, make him thecenter, make him the one that
everything in the marriage,everything in your life, even
(18:00):
children, revolve around him,and I promise you you'll see a
dramatic shift in the way you dolife and the way you honor and
recognize God in the marriage.
So I think that's our secretsauce.
That's been the secret sauce.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
That works for us.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
It's not deep, it ain't this crazy thing out there
that makes you feel like, oh,do this and do that and you'll
have a great marriage.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
What is it?
Five steps to a great marriage,or ten steps?
You know you ain't got to doall that.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
No, no, it's one.
Keep Jesus at the center.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Keep Jesus and his word.
Yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
And I mean it'll change your life.
You'll really grow and havepeace.
Yes, because I think that'swhat most people want in their
marriage.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
I know for me when I think about coming home to my
wife and doing life with you.
I want peace.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
You want peace.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I want joy.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
You want it to be fun ?
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
I think we have fun.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
We have a lot of fun, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
And we have a lot of fun.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
And we have a lot of peace.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Yes, oh, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Our home is not chaotic.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Yeah, exactly, it's not a place of disturbance.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
It's not a place I avoid.
No, you don't.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Yeah, thank God.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
You're right.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
I don't avoid it because of craziness.
Yeah, my God.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
So that's huge, that's huge, that is huge.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Or vice versa.
Some women don't want to comehome.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Right, yeah, they out shopping.
Every day, uh-huh.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Or at the friend's house, you know, or something
like that.
But I just I really am gratefulthat we always want to be at
home, or want to be around eachother.
Yes, yeah, it's a wonder thatwe don't get tired of each other
, right?
We haven't in all these years?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Maybe because we keep God at the center.
Hey, I'm always advocate forthat.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
With every couple I talk to and engage with.
Keep God at the center.
Amen, it's going to bless yourmarriage.
Yeah, your relationship, allright.
Yeah, in relationships, mm-hmm,all right, that's what I got,
you got anything else that's it.
That was good, that was good.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
I enjoyed it.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
We gave my secret sauce.
Right, that's the recipe.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
That's the recipe.
One ingredient, just use itSimple, try it.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
You know it's organic .
No, it's organic, right, youknow stuff and the food items
that have the least amount ofingredients are supposed to be
the most healthy.
You know it's like uh, what'sthat's peanut butter?
Right, what are you?
What's the ingredients supposedto be in there?
Speaker 1 (20:25):
peanut butter, peanuts, that's it.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Right, that's it now, when you start getting a whole
bunch of stuff you can't nameoil, all them different oils and
stuff.
You're trying to make up stuffand that's what a lot of people
do in their relationships.
You got all this extra stuff.
You're trying to make it workbecause you don't want to deal
with just the organic, justwhat's really true, and that's
God.
Right.
God is what really makes thisthing work, not all that other
stuff.
Yeah, that we try to blend inthere, keep it organic.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Keep it organic, simple.
I love it All right, listeny'all.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
That's all we got for you today.
We hope this has been ablessing to you.
We can't wait to share morewith you on the next episode of
doing it with the Daniels.
Make sure you like andsubscribe, don't miss it.
All right, take care, hey.
Thank you for joining us fordoing it with the Daniels.
If you want to keep up witheverything going on on our
channel, don't forget to likecomment.
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