March 6, 2025 • 28 mins
Tesa and Charles share insights on navigating the complexities of spiritual growth within marriage. They explore the importance of understanding and supporting each other's spiritual journeys while managing expectations. The conversation emphasizes patience, love, and the potential for unity even when partners are on different spiritual paths.
• Understanding individual spiritual growth rates
• The risks of comparing marriages to social media portrayals
• The importance of small invitations in spiritual engagement
• Breaking the idealized mold of couple spirituality
• Navigating pushback and pressure in faith discussions
• Trusting God's timing for your partner's growth
If this message resonates with you, share it with your spouse or other couples who might benefit from this podcast!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Just like we tell couples council couples, we tell
them to kill their mold orbreak their image, their dream
marriage or whatever theythought marriage would look like
and how their spouse would beand what their life would be.
We're like you got to breakthat.
You got to take a sledgehammerand smash that thing to pieces.
Welcome to Doing it With theDales, the podcast where we
(00:24):
navigate life, marriage andministry.
I'm Charles.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
And I'm Tisa.
Join us as we share insights,wisdom and practical advice to
strengthen your marriage,empower your life and enrich
your ministry.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Let's dive in together and discover the joys
of Doing it With the Daniels.
Hey, welcome to Doing it Withthe Daniels, where we help
couples get it on in life,marriage and ministry.
Thank you for joining us todayfor the podcast.
Dear, how are you today?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
I'm good.
How are you?
Speaker 1 (00:52):
I'm good.
I'm good, how are you?
It's all good, it's all good,what up man?
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I don't say that I ain't never said that what you
say what you say?
Speaker 1 (01:03):
I don't know.
You say something, what it do.
I don't say that you said.
I said that I ain't never saidthat.
What'd you say?
What'd you say?
I don't know.
You say something, what'd it doI?
Speaker 2 (01:08):
don't say that either .
What?
Speaker 1 (01:10):
are you saying you said something?
I don't say that.
What is wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
you had.
You said that before, not onthe podcast, so wrong with you.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
I'm just messing with you.
So what are we talking about?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
today?
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I don't know what are we talking about?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
so when your spouse isn't as spiritually strong as
you, interesting, it's veryinteresting.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
So so basically, what we're talking about is when
couples are not at the sameplace in their walk with god yes
but you're still, and how doyou go forward progressively and
productively in the marriagewhen you're kind of moving at a
different pace, a different rateof speed in your growth?
Right, maybe, given moreintentionality, more effort
(01:58):
seemingly, is coming from onespouse than the other?
What does that look like?
Especially, both of you arebelievers you believes, you know
.
We talk about believers, peoplewho really love God, but the
truth is that couples don'talways grow at the same rate
yeah, the same pace, yeah, sodoesn't mean you don't love God,
right, you know.
And it doesn't mean they don'tlove each other, right.
(02:19):
They're just not as focused onthe things of God as a unit
Right as maybe they would liketo be.
And it may just be a process, adevelopment process that they
have to go through to get there.
But it's not a reason fordivorce, it's not a reason for
division, right?
It's not a reason to be at odds.
(02:41):
It's something that they haveto learn to balance and work
through as a couple.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Right, and I think it's.
It's important for couples toremember that you can't force
your spouse to be anything, soyou have to be willing to grow.
So if couples are there today,if you're there today or you
know somebody um man, alwayslike and share this podcast,
it'll be a blessing to them, uhthem, especially if you know
somebody who's struggling withthat and trying to figure out
how to navigate that dilemma,because some people cause it to
(03:11):
to allow them to be frustratedyeah, with their partner
friction in the marriageabsolutely.
It can cause friction in themarriage and it doesn't have to.
No, and I would probably say itshouldn't.
You shouldn't allow it, but youhave to know how to manage your
expectations of your partner.
You can't have this big idealof what your marriage should be
(03:34):
like as a couple when it comesto your walk with God.
Because, just like we tellcouples, we counsel couples, we
tell them to kill their mold orbreak their, their image, right,
their dream marriage orwhatever they thought marriage
would look like, and how theirspouse would be and what their
life would be like, you got tobreak that.
You got to take a sledgehammerand smash that into pieces
(03:57):
otherwise it can be.
It can be an idol that will comein and torment your marriage
because, more than likely, yourspouse is not going to be what
you dreamed of when you was 14and 16 and 18 and all these big
expectations and selfish goalsthat you had.
No, I call them selfish goalsbecause we make goals.
It's all about right, this iswhat I want I want to be this
(04:20):
way.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
I want to act like that I want my husband to do
this, I want him to act likethis, I want to talk to me like
this, I want to treat me likethis, all of that and most men
feel the way.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I want her to look this way, not knowing this way
right right, you know she'sgonna have all this nice hair,
but then at home she's wearing abonnet.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
You know, you know she don't look like nice hair
and wear weave she wear weave,right.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
You just don't know.
Hey, it's different, and thentoo you might be fine at 25, but
what happens when you get 45?
hopefully you still 55 thingsmay change is all I'm saying so
if you still have this dreamthat you're trying to live out
at a certain place in your life,but that's not what you have
(05:02):
yeah it can ruin something greatyeah so you got to kill that.
So saying that, to say somepeople have this idea of their
spiritual walk with their couplewe're gonna pray together every
day.
We're gonna read the bibleevery day, we're gonna, we're
gonna worship together we'regonna sit in church and hold
hands, and it may not be thatyou don't know how it's going to
(05:23):
work out.
It doesn't mean you all don'tlove God, which you said earlier
, but your whole view of it mayhave to change.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Yeah, it's going to be different.
So what's one of the commonstruggles?
Speaker 1 (05:33):
What is?
What is one of the commonstruggles?
I think that is the commonstruggle of wanting your spouse
to kind of be there with you.
What do you say?
What do you say?
Speaker 2 (05:41):
one of those common struggles is I say one of the
common struggles is just yourmindset, kind of what we've been
talking about.
It's kind of like I'm trying tothink about what we did as a
couple was one of the struggles,because you were, you were
further along than I was, notthat I didn't love God or
(06:02):
anything, but I was just like Ihave to do all that.
You know, as far as in ministry, preaching, all of that, you
know, I think I sung in a choirand stuff like that.
but that was pretty much it.
But just having that passion, Idon't think I had that for the
things of God.
Back then I was just like Ilove God, I want to do what he
say.
Do I want to be obedient, and Ifelt like I was fine.
(06:22):
And I think, sometimes we lackunderstanding yeah when it comes
to that, not that I'm just likeI don't want to do things, I'm
just probably didn't even knowor I didn't even realize that
God called me to do you knowanything.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
So it's like, okay, I'm just here to be, you know,
good little Christian yeah, Imean, I think that's the that's,
that's the idea behind it, like, well, I feel good about my
relationship with God.
All that extra stuff I don'treally need until we grow into
it.
You see, I'm saying we, as webegin to grow and we want to see
growth, then it kind of changes.
(06:57):
Yeah, I definitely had to growinto it, yeah yeah it, it
changes, and so sometimes yourpartner is just not in a place
where they feel like they needto go as hard as you may feel.
You want to go after god.
Their, their passion, their,their fire, their desire may not
be there and you should alwayspray for them to have that, but
(07:18):
you got to also understand it'sup to them right when they get
it.
So that goes into focus on yourown growth mm-hmm, I think, I
think that's one of the mainkeys that they should look at.
So when you realize you andyour spouse have a different
approach to your walk with God,mm-hmm, don't try to make them
walk at your pace right becauseit's going to feel like you're
(07:41):
dragging them along right, and Ithink at times that's how it
kind of felt with us, like I wastrying to pull you along, like
come on, you're like no, I'mfine.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, encouraging me in your in your way, you're
encouraging me, but you're alsopushing me, and it's making me
feel uncomfortable, becauseyou're pushing me to do things
I'm not ready to do yet, and soI think that's when it kind of
backfires yes on us.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Yeah, it definitely.
It definitely backfires becauseyou start to get that pushback
and then your, your spouse,starts to feel some kind of way
about pushing back, because it'slike you can feel like, well,
maybe I don't want God yeah, andit's not that I'm pushing back
against God, I'm pushing backagainst your pushing me into.
(08:25):
So it's the spouse that I'mpushing back against, like I'm
not ready for what you're tryingto push me into.
Because if me and God are okay,if I feel okay with my
relationship with God, withwhere I am you pushing me is
because you're not comfortablewith my relationship, not
because I'm not comfortable yeahwith my relationship, not
because I'm not comfortableexactly you want me.
You want more for me before Iwant more of god for myself yeah
(08:47):
, that's good, and I thinkthat's what couples have to
realize.
Your spouse has to want more ofgod for themselves, otherwise
now you start to create thispush-pull effect in your
relationship and that's that'snot what god wants for, uh,
married couples right right.
He wants them to be anencouragement and a strength to
one another so help them when wesay uh, focus on your own
(09:10):
growth which what are some ofthe things that they they can do
?
that is, if you're in the wordyou stay in the word right right
, but you don't have to takeevery scripture that that god
lights up to you or you getexcited about, don't?
Hey, let me tell you what Iread today, because they're
gonna be like, okay, and you'renot gonna get the response you
want, then you're gonna get that.
You can get discouraged.
(09:30):
You're gonna feel like they'renot involved or we're not in
this together yeah and you'remaking it something that it
doesn't have to be exactly so,so you focus on your growth with
god.
you stay in the word.
You do your your daily devotion.
If you do a daily devotion,whatever your discipleship walk
is with god, you keep doing whatyou've been doing, whatever
(09:52):
feeds your spirit and causes youto grow.
You do that for you.
But don't try to push that onthem.
Don't try to get them to be asexcited about God as you are.
They might not be there, right,right?
So, yeah, you pray, you like tospend your time praying, but if
you get up at 5 am to pray,Don't try to wake them up and
(10:16):
get them up and say, hey, comeon, we got to go pray at 5.
And then if they say, no, don'tlook crazy and try to say, well,
you're just rejecting God.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
No, they're not rejecting God.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
They're rejecting you .
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
So and you don't want to feel rejected and what
that's telling you is back off.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Pray for them.
But, you got to let them walkthis thing out Exactly
Themselves.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
You take care of you and let them walk through what
God has given them to walkthrough at the pace they're
ready to receive it.
So I guess you know we'reliving in an age where you know
social media.
You see all couples.
They they do their littledevotions together, they pray
together.
You see all that.
So what would you say tosomebody whose spouse is not
necessarily there or ready forthat is that's?
Is that something that theyneed to try to push on them as
well, or no?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
I would say get off social media, stop copying the
the 90 second reel of somebodythat you don't know right
because some people are stagingtheir relationship.
They're staging this stuff forsocial media right and then you
think that that's their life andit's not.
They probably don't even praytogether.
(11:23):
They probably don't even readthe scriptures together.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Yeah, but they stage it for a reel in front of a
camera and post it and tell youthese are couple goals, yeah I
would say this, I would say andone thing, you got to do what
works best for you, because justbecause we got friends that may
pray together, read or worshipand study the Bible together,
that might not work for us.
(11:47):
And so we have to do what worksfor us.
And so, you know, we tried thatat one time who are we going to
pray together?
Well, after we did it, werealized that don't work for us,
we don't like that, and if wehave to come together for an
agreement, we will, you know inthat.
But back then, when we weretrying to do that, I was in a
different place, you were in adifferent place, so it was
(12:08):
uncomfortable for both of us, Ithink.
And so we had to realize okay,we'll revisit this later, yeah,
and I mean right now we beingtransparent?
Speaker 1 (12:17):
we still don't.
We don't pray togetherregularly.
We have our own prayer life.
I have my relationship with god.
You have your relationship withgod right.
You spend your time with god.
I spend my time with god.
It's not a all right, baby,let's go pray.
All right, let's go read thebible together.
That's not how it works.
Yeah, sometimes I'm praying andreading the bible and you're
(12:41):
taking care of the kids.
Sometimes you're spending timewith god, you're away with god
and I'm doing other things, orwhatever the case may be, yeah,
it's.
We have our own, our ownrelationship and we don't try to
force that on one another nowwhen we need to come together
and pray the prayer of agreementyeah we come together, we pray
the prayer of agreement over ourchildren, over our ministry,
(13:02):
over those within our ministry.
Whatever we need to do, we maycome together to multiply the
power and the grace yeah that ison us, through that, through
their prayer of agreement yeah,but we had to keep.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
We had to pray for tyler, yeah, but that's not.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
That's not a everyday thing like oh, let's grab hands
and let's pray together everyday.
Oh, let's sit down with a cupof coffee and do our daily
devotional every day.
That's not what we're doing now.
If that works for you, great,and some couples who want that
yeah where you have one couplewho's weaker but they're going
to the stronger spouse saying,hey, do this with me.
(13:38):
Now you got that open door tosay, okay, come sit with me and
I'll show you what I'm doing.
Right, or we can read thistogether.
But they have to be open todoing either um, either through
them opening the door or throughan invitation that they are
willing to accept yeah so Iwould say this I think when,
(13:58):
when your faith produces peace,when your faith produces peace
instead of pressure, right,that's when it will draw your
spouse in.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yes, and.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
I think that's the key.
Your walk with God has toproduce peace in the home, not
pressure on your partner.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Yeah, not pressure on your partner?
Speaker 1 (14:25):
yeah, and when it does that then you.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
You create a space for god.
Yeah, to pull at the heart ofyour spouse.
So that means it's justorganically happening, yes, and
you're not pressuring them.
You're not making somethinghappen you're being an example
that they can see, yeah, butyou're not creating pressure for
them right saying you got to belike me and sometimes that's
the turnoff because, sometimes,as believers, we can do too much
(14:47):
, and it can also come off asbeing religious you know we come
in, we feel like you know we'retalking, all this talk and it
can make the spouse feel likethey're in one level and then
you're way up here and so howcan I expire to that?
and so it can do, it canbackfire.
Actually, what it does is itbackfires and it pushes that
(15:07):
spouse further away.
When you're trying to andyou're you're you're trying to
do in your mind, you're thinkingyou're doing the right thing,
but it pushes them away and itdoes the total opposite because,
your spouse looking at you likeyou're doing too much it's
almost like that back in the daywhen we used to have that
person that came around us andthey were.
(15:30):
They were just, you know, kindof like everybody was so bad and
they were just so good, and allthat so it just kind of puts
you in the mind of that.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
You know back then so they can kind of look at you
like, oh you're.
You know you're doing the rightthing and I want to do it, but
the way you're going about it isit's just all wrong, absolutely
.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Now I would say this the next step is use small
invitation.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
To, as I just just mentioned, to encourage them.
It can be hey, I've got a gooddevotion today um.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Would you like to read it with me?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
and you have to give them space to say yes or no.
Or sometimes they may say well,you read it and I'll just
listen yeah till you read it outloud.
Well, whatever it is, that's a,that's an open channel, that's
an open door.
It's small, right, they're notjumping all in, and I think you
have to minimize yourexpectations, like you should
have.
Small in small invitations,right.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Yeah, without the big expectations like don't, don't
push them too fast, yeah yeah,don't expect them to jump on
like yeah give me one of thosedevotions, buy me one of those
bibles I'm about to go all inwith god.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
no, don't expect that .
Don't expect them to jump onlike, yeah, give me one of those
devotions, buy me one of thoseBibles I'm about to go all in
with God.
No, don't expect that.
Don't expect them to wake upexcited like, yes, this is going
to be amazing.
Let's do all things, jesus.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
They're not there yet , yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Right.
So be patient with them andlower your expectations of them,
because if you can give a smallinvitation and they say well,
you read it and I'll listen,that's progress.
Right, exactly Right, or if yousay well, how about we pray
together?
And they say OK, let's, let'spray together.
And they say you lead.
Don't try to make them leadprayer.
If they say you pray, you lead,but I'm here, we can pray, but
(17:14):
you lead.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Lead the house.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Why don't you leave to pray?
He don't know how to pray.
And it's okay and it's okay,but maybe if you do it, you
model it, he can learn.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
In a safe place where he doesn't feel judged.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
And then one day.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
And don't be talking to the portals of heaven and all
of that yeah, keep it simplebecause they're they are
learning from you, even thoughthey may not say they're
learning right from your exampleexactly.
And then one day, if you do itthat way, one day, they may say
(17:56):
okay, I think I can do this, andthey'll say you know what?
I'm?
A leap predator.
I'm gonna give this a try.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
And when they do it, you encourage them.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
That's why you hadn't set the bar so high that they
feel like they can't.
They can't get there.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Yeah, don't go up into tongues, no, just pray,
just pray.
Some people just they just dotoo much.
If I had to do all that, lookyou just do it and whatever,
yeah, but they will get there.
(18:28):
No, I'm not saying that theyshouldn't strive for those
things.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
But God has to put a hunger and a desire in them for
those things Exactly, and sothat's where you pray in your
private time for them, to God.
Give them that hunger, givethem that desire.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
That encounter with him.
Yeah, give them that encounterwith god where they're not just
trying to do something and bereligious.
Yeah, but they really have itfor real in them, because that's
that's good, because if goddoes it it's gonna be for real.
Yeah, if you do it, it canalways go.
You know they can have it oneday and the next day they going
on off to something else so youwant to make sure that god does
(19:04):
it, and so that's why you got totrust in God's timing.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
And I tell people all the time let God do it and
don't you try to do it.
You got to make sure that it'sa God thing.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Yeah, and when you do it that way, when you have the
small invitations and the small,or you do it without big
expectations, it allows you tocreate a dynamic where a door is
open, a door is presented, it'sopen, they can accept it or
(19:36):
they can reject it, and youdon't take it personally if they
reject it you can be okay withthat and you can continue to
move forward with them.
You don't have to feel guilty.
Or they didn't receive it andthey don't have to feel guilty
for saying no, right, so don'tflip out because they don't go
along with it.
And when you do this, do itthis way.
(19:57):
It prevents that dynamic of therelationship from becoming a
battleground yeah and itmaintains the connection in the
marriage and that's the goal.
You want to keep the connection.
You don't want to turn yourwalk with god as a couple into a
place of tension yeah, that'sgood because, remember what we
(20:19):
said before, it's the peacethat's going to draw them.
Yeah right, not, not thetension, you're not the pressure
yeah it's the peace, so youwant to maintain that peace,
even when they're not asreceptive to your invitations.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yeah, one thing I do want to say I want to go back is
some spouses they don't, um, docertain things in front of
their other spouse, um, becauseof you know, the other spouse
may be doing too much, so youmay not see them doing all these
things reading, praying,worshiping but when they're
alone or when they're driving intheir car, they may have that
(20:56):
time with God.
They're just not doing itaround you, I think.
I think I used to do that whenit came to us.
I would, I would go offsomewhere and have my own time
where you probably didn't seeyou know a lot of that but I was
doing it outside or the houseor whatever.
I was alone.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
I know for me I had a space in the house.
I was usually going to adifferent room and you knew I
was in there praying andworshiping, reading or whatever.
I think for you you probablydid a lot of that in the car.
You would go somewhere, youwould drive or go somewhere and,
you know, have your music andyou would do that in the car,
maybe pull over somewhere go tothe park read lunch break, yeah,
so it's different it'sdifferent and you just gotta
(21:36):
trust God.
You know me, I'm all forexpressive, expressing your
relationship with God.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
I'm all for it being evident that you are in love
with Jesus yeah but people haveto grow to that expression yeah,
and then they have to becomfortable around you sometimes
yeah, you know, they just,they're just not comfortable yet
.
They're not there yet.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
I think they grow to it.
And then too, I will say this,the next phase of it I think
they have to be on fire yeah,for God when you get on fire.
I think that's when it doesn'tmatter, it doesn't matter like
you go beyond the, I'm growinginto it to that fire pushes you
yeah and that's what.
That's what we want our spousessometime to catch that fire.
(22:18):
But if they haven't caught thatfire, in god, that passion that
fervency yeah, you've got to letthem move their own pace and
pray that the fire of god willget on.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
And that begins to shift things.
Where, yeah, your tears areflowing, they'll lift their
hands and they'll cry out to Godbecause the fire of God is now
engaged in their life.
So I think that's what we wantto see Want them to jump
straight to the fire.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
And some people.
Just they got to be ready toreceive that fire.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Right, that's good.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
So what's our next one?
Speaker 2 (22:49):
So call to action.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Well, I think we have to trust God with timing.
I think that's a big thing.
We have to trust God with thetiming and not push them before
they're ready, right, which iskind of what we kind of get into
.
Remember that your a as aspouse is not to turn yourself
into a spiritual coach, right?
(23:13):
You're not their spiritualcoach, you're not.
Let me give you some books toread.
Let me give you some prayermanuals.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Let me let me show you how it's done.
Let me show you how to do this.
Let me show you what thisscripture says.
Let me you know.
Then you, you turn into, likeyou said, their coach and
they're like I don't want tolisten to you.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
And it's because, as we're growing, we want to share
that growth.
We want to share that growthand, in sharing that growth, the
first person we're going toshare with typically is going to
be our spouse.
We want to share that growthwith our spouse and we want them
to be just excited as we are,as excited as we are, and that
may not be the case.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
So so you have to be careful that you don't take them
.
Take your spouse on as aproject.
It's my job to coach you intothe things of God, is that what
you feel like?
Oh no, I didn't feel like that.
Well, I'll say this I didn'tthink of it in those terms.
I took the position as ahusband that it was my
(24:10):
responsibility to help you growinto the things of god, so I
think it still showed up thesame way yeah where I was trying
to put come on come on, let'sgo do this, let's do spend time
praying.
Come on, get in the word, let'sdo, and really I need to just
let you kind of go at your ownpace go at your own pace and
navigate through it and, as youmove at your own pace, be there
(24:33):
to support that.
Yeah, and that's what ended uphappening.
And when I started to step backand stop worrying about you
moving at a certain pace, youstarted moving at your own pace
and it just gave me space tosupport you as you grew.
And then here's when it becamegood, when you started asking me
.
You started asking me aboutthings in the Bible scriptures
(24:55):
that you were reading, thingsthat you felt God was pulling at
your heart, and as you begin todo that, then it opened the
door for us to have thoseengaging conversations without
me trying to pull you into thoseconversations, it just
organically happened yeah, andeven with that I had to.
I couldn't go too far yeah likebecause I can get excited, and
just dig in here and you're like, okay, that's enough it's too
(25:18):
much like come on, you want totalk about this.
You're like no, I just want toknow about this yeah but all
this extra stuff, okay, that's.
That's too much.
Let's just stick right here.
When I get to that, we'll talkabout that.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Yeah, yeah, so that was good.
I remember when all thathappened and um, so when it kind
of opened up for me and and forus.
So what?
Speaker 1 (25:38):
what I learned is forcing it never speeds up the
process slows it down right,it's, it's only.
It only happens by love yeahforcing it slows it down, like
you said, but love helps toaccelerate.
Yeah.
So I had to learn to show love.
And love wasn't based on yourperformance and how much you
(26:01):
were doing to show me your walkwith God.
Yeah, it was just me loving you.
Yeah, and then you loving Godand feeling like you could
pursue God without the pressure.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
You could pursue Him at your own pace, because I love
you know.
That doesn't mean your spousedoesn't love God.
Because, you know, they loveGod.
They just don't have, like yousaid earlier, that fire yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
And I had to trust you and I had to trust god in
the process.
Yeah, knowing that it'll cometogether, yeah, it'll get there
and it did.
But but that's where I had torealize it wasn't about me
getting you there, it was aboutgod getting you there, and I'm
just here to love and supportyou.
So that's the whole thing aboutthat.
Don't become their coach, don'tbecome their spiritual coach or
whatever you want to call itwell their mentor right, I got a
(26:46):
lot of on Because most of thetime, your spouse don't want you
as their mentor.
Mm-mm Right, it just doesn'twork.
They don't want you to be theirmentor Now, until they get to a
place until they're ready toreceive that from you.
Yeah, but until they're readyyou can't just make yourself
that in their life in that lane.
(27:08):
Yeah, love them, accept themwhere they are and let god work
on the rest of that and whenthey're ready to receive more
from you.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
That's right.
So if that's where you're attoday, we will say keep praying,
stay steady, breathe and andtrust god, things will get
better yes, 100, so listen.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
If this message hits home for you, this podcast hits
a place.
Uh, definitely, share with yourspouse, maybe encourage them to
listen.
This is a good one.
I don't think they'll feel likeyou're trying to push something
on them.
I think it will encourage them.
It'll encourage you.
Share with other couples.
Just put it out there you don'tknow who it may help on your
platforms.
Like and subscribe so you don'tmiss the next podcast.
(27:42):
It's going to be good, allright, so we'll see you Bye.
Hey, thank you for joining us,for doing it with the Daniels,
if you want to keep up witheverything going on on our
channel don't forget to like,comment, subscribe and share
this podcast.
Absolutely.
We'll see you next time.
Just like we tell couples council couples, we tell
them to kill their mold orbreak their image, their dream
marriage or whatever theythought marriage would look like
and how their spouse would beand what their life would be.
We're like you got to breakthat.
You got to take a sledgehammerand smash that thing to pieces.
Welcome to Doing it With theDales, the podcast where we
(00:24):
navigate life, marriage andministry.
I'm Charles.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
And I'm Tisa.
Join us as we share insights,wisdom and practical advice to
strengthen your marriage,empower your life and enrich
your ministry.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Let's dive in together and discover the joys
of Doing it With the Daniels.
Hey, welcome to Doing it Withthe Daniels, where we help
couples get it on in life,marriage and ministry.
Thank you for joining us todayfor the podcast.
Dear, how are you today?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
I'm good.
How are you?
Speaker 1 (00:52):
I'm good.
I'm good, how are you?
It's all good, it's all good,what up man?
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I don't say that I ain't never said that what you
say what you say?
Speaker 1 (01:03):
I don't know.
You say something, what it do.
I don't say that you said.
I said that I ain't never saidthat.
What'd you say?
What'd you say?
I don't know.
You say something, what'd it doI?
Speaker 2 (01:08):
don't say that either .
What?
Speaker 1 (01:10):
are you saying you said something?
I don't say that.
What is wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
you had.
You said that before, not onthe podcast, so wrong with you.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
I'm just messing with you.
So what are we talking about?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
today?
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I don't know what are we talking about?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
so when your spouse isn't as spiritually strong as
you, interesting, it's veryinteresting.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
So so basically, what we're talking about is when
couples are not at the sameplace in their walk with god yes
but you're still, and how doyou go forward progressively and
productively in the marriagewhen you're kind of moving at a
different pace, a different rateof speed in your growth?
Right, maybe, given moreintentionality, more effort
(01:58):
seemingly, is coming from onespouse than the other?
What does that look like?
Especially, both of you arebelievers you believes, you know
.
We talk about believers, peoplewho really love God, but the
truth is that couples don'talways grow at the same rate
yeah, the same pace, yeah, sodoesn't mean you don't love God,
right, you know.
And it doesn't mean they don'tlove each other, right.
(02:19):
They're just not as focused onthe things of God as a unit
Right as maybe they would liketo be.
And it may just be a process, adevelopment process that they
have to go through to get there.
But it's not a reason fordivorce, it's not a reason for
division, right?
It's not a reason to be at odds.
(02:41):
It's something that they haveto learn to balance and work
through as a couple.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Right, and I think it's.
It's important for couples toremember that you can't force
your spouse to be anything, soyou have to be willing to grow.
So if couples are there today,if you're there today or you
know somebody um man, alwayslike and share this podcast,
it'll be a blessing to them, uhthem, especially if you know
somebody who's struggling withthat and trying to figure out
how to navigate that dilemma,because some people cause it to
(03:11):
to allow them to be frustratedyeah, with their partner
friction in the marriageabsolutely.
It can cause friction in themarriage and it doesn't have to.
No, and I would probably say itshouldn't.
You shouldn't allow it, but youhave to know how to manage your
expectations of your partner.
You can't have this big idealof what your marriage should be
(03:34):
like as a couple when it comesto your walk with God.
Because, just like we tellcouples, we counsel couples, we
tell them to kill their mold orbreak their, their image, right,
their dream marriage orwhatever they thought marriage
would look like, and how theirspouse would be and what their
life would be like, you got tobreak that.
You got to take a sledgehammerand smash that into pieces
(03:57):
otherwise it can be.
It can be an idol that will comein and torment your marriage
because, more than likely, yourspouse is not going to be what
you dreamed of when you was 14and 16 and 18 and all these big
expectations and selfish goalsthat you had.
No, I call them selfish goalsbecause we make goals.
It's all about right, this iswhat I want I want to be this
(04:20):
way.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
I want to act like that I want my husband to do
this, I want him to act likethis, I want to talk to me like
this, I want to treat me likethis, all of that and most men
feel the way.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I want her to look this way, not knowing this way
right right, you know she'sgonna have all this nice hair,
but then at home she's wearing abonnet.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
You know, you know she don't look like nice hair
and wear weave she wear weave,right.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
You just don't know.
Hey, it's different, and thentoo you might be fine at 25, but
what happens when you get 45?
hopefully you still 55 thingsmay change is all I'm saying so
if you still have this dreamthat you're trying to live out
at a certain place in your life,but that's not what you have
(05:02):
yeah it can ruin something greatyeah so you got to kill that.
So saying that, to say somepeople have this idea of their
spiritual walk with their couplewe're gonna pray together every
day.
We're gonna read the bibleevery day, we're gonna, we're
gonna worship together we'regonna sit in church and hold
hands, and it may not be thatyou don't know how it's going to
(05:23):
work out.
It doesn't mean you all don'tlove God, which you said earlier
, but your whole view of it mayhave to change.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Yeah, it's going to be different.
So what's one of the commonstruggles?
Speaker 1 (05:33):
What is?
What is one of the commonstruggles?
I think that is the commonstruggle of wanting your spouse
to kind of be there with you.
What do you say?
What do you say?
Speaker 2 (05:41):
one of those common struggles is I say one of the
common struggles is just yourmindset, kind of what we've been
talking about.
It's kind of like I'm trying tothink about what we did as a
couple was one of the struggles,because you were, you were
further along than I was, notthat I didn't love God or
(06:02):
anything, but I was just like Ihave to do all that.
You know, as far as in ministry, preaching, all of that, you
know, I think I sung in a choirand stuff like that.
but that was pretty much it.
But just having that passion, Idon't think I had that for the
things of God.
Back then I was just like Ilove God, I want to do what he
say.
Do I want to be obedient, and Ifelt like I was fine.
(06:22):
And I think, sometimes we lackunderstanding yeah when it comes
to that, not that I'm just likeI don't want to do things, I'm
just probably didn't even knowor I didn't even realize that
God called me to do you knowanything.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
So it's like, okay, I'm just here to be, you know,
good little Christian yeah, Imean, I think that's the that's,
that's the idea behind it, like, well, I feel good about my
relationship with God.
All that extra stuff I don'treally need until we grow into
it.
You see, I'm saying we, as webegin to grow and we want to see
growth, then it kind of changes.
(06:57):
Yeah, I definitely had to growinto it, yeah yeah it, it
changes, and so sometimes yourpartner is just not in a place
where they feel like they needto go as hard as you may feel.
You want to go after god.
Their, their passion, their,their fire, their desire may not
be there and you should alwayspray for them to have that, but
(07:18):
you got to also understand it'sup to them right when they get
it.
So that goes into focus on yourown growth mm-hmm, I think, I
think that's one of the mainkeys that they should look at.
So when you realize you andyour spouse have a different
approach to your walk with God,mm-hmm, don't try to make them
walk at your pace right becauseit's going to feel like you're
(07:41):
dragging them along right, and Ithink at times that's how it
kind of felt with us, like I wastrying to pull you along, like
come on, you're like no, I'mfine.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, encouraging me in your in your way, you're
encouraging me, but you're alsopushing me, and it's making me
feel uncomfortable, becauseyou're pushing me to do things
I'm not ready to do yet, and soI think that's when it kind of
backfires yes on us.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Yeah, it definitely.
It definitely backfires becauseyou start to get that pushback
and then your, your spouse,starts to feel some kind of way
about pushing back, because it'slike you can feel like, well,
maybe I don't want God yeah, andit's not that I'm pushing back
against God, I'm pushing backagainst your pushing me into.
(08:25):
So it's the spouse that I'mpushing back against, like I'm
not ready for what you're tryingto push me into.
Because if me and God are okay,if I feel okay with my
relationship with God, withwhere I am you pushing me is
because you're not comfortablewith my relationship, not
because I'm not comfortable yeahwith my relationship, not
because I'm not comfortableexactly you want me.
You want more for me before Iwant more of god for myself yeah
(08:47):
, that's good, and I thinkthat's what couples have to
realize.
Your spouse has to want more ofgod for themselves, otherwise
now you start to create thispush-pull effect in your
relationship and that's that'snot what god wants for, uh,
married couples right right.
He wants them to be anencouragement and a strength to
one another so help them when wesay uh, focus on your own
(09:10):
growth which what are some ofthe things that they they can do
?
that is, if you're in the wordyou stay in the word right right
, but you don't have to takeevery scripture that that god
lights up to you or you getexcited about, don't?
Hey, let me tell you what Iread today, because they're
gonna be like, okay, and you'renot gonna get the response you
want, then you're gonna get that.
You can get discouraged.
(09:30):
You're gonna feel like they'renot involved or we're not in
this together yeah and you'remaking it something that it
doesn't have to be exactly so,so you focus on your growth with
god.
you stay in the word.
You do your your daily devotion.
If you do a daily devotion,whatever your discipleship walk
is with god, you keep doing whatyou've been doing, whatever
(09:52):
feeds your spirit and causes youto grow.
You do that for you.
But don't try to push that onthem.
Don't try to get them to be asexcited about God as you are.
They might not be there, right,right?
So, yeah, you pray, you like tospend your time praying, but if
you get up at 5 am to pray,Don't try to wake them up and
(10:16):
get them up and say, hey, comeon, we got to go pray at 5.
And then if they say, no, don'tlook crazy and try to say, well,
you're just rejecting God.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
No, they're not rejecting God.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
They're rejecting you .
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
So and you don't want to feel rejected and what
that's telling you is back off.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Pray for them.
But, you got to let them walkthis thing out Exactly
Themselves.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
You take care of you and let them walk through what
God has given them to walkthrough at the pace they're
ready to receive it.
So I guess you know we'reliving in an age where you know
social media.
You see all couples.
They they do their littledevotions together, they pray
together.
You see all that.
So what would you say tosomebody whose spouse is not
necessarily there or ready forthat is that's?
Is that something that theyneed to try to push on them as
well, or no?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
I would say get off social media, stop copying the
the 90 second reel of somebodythat you don't know right
because some people are stagingtheir relationship.
They're staging this stuff forsocial media right and then you
think that that's their life andit's not.
They probably don't even praytogether.
(11:23):
They probably don't even readthe scriptures together.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Yeah, but they stage it for a reel in front of a
camera and post it and tell youthese are couple goals, yeah I
would say this, I would say andone thing, you got to do what
works best for you, because justbecause we got friends that may
pray together, read or worshipand study the Bible together,
that might not work for us.
(11:47):
And so we have to do what worksfor us.
And so, you know, we tried thatat one time who are we going to
pray together?
Well, after we did it, werealized that don't work for us,
we don't like that, and if wehave to come together for an
agreement, we will, you know inthat.
But back then, when we weretrying to do that, I was in a
different place, you were in adifferent place, so it was
(12:08):
uncomfortable for both of us, Ithink.
And so we had to realize okay,we'll revisit this later, yeah,
and I mean right now we beingtransparent?
Speaker 1 (12:17):
we still don't.
We don't pray togetherregularly.
We have our own prayer life.
I have my relationship with god.
You have your relationship withgod right.
You spend your time with god.
I spend my time with god.
It's not a all right, baby,let's go pray.
All right, let's go read thebible together.
That's not how it works.
Yeah, sometimes I'm praying andreading the bible and you're
(12:41):
taking care of the kids.
Sometimes you're spending timewith god, you're away with god
and I'm doing other things, orwhatever the case may be, yeah,
it's.
We have our own, our ownrelationship and we don't try to
force that on one another nowwhen we need to come together
and pray the prayer of agreementyeah we come together, we pray
the prayer of agreement over ourchildren, over our ministry,
(13:02):
over those within our ministry.
Whatever we need to do, we maycome together to multiply the
power and the grace yeah that ison us, through that, through
their prayer of agreement yeah,but we had to keep.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
We had to pray for tyler, yeah, but that's not.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
That's not a everyday thing like oh, let's grab hands
and let's pray together everyday.
Oh, let's sit down with a cupof coffee and do our daily
devotional every day.
That's not what we're doing now.
If that works for you, great,and some couples who want that
yeah where you have one couplewho's weaker but they're going
to the stronger spouse saying,hey, do this with me.
(13:38):
Now you got that open door tosay, okay, come sit with me and
I'll show you what I'm doing.
Right, or we can read thistogether.
But they have to be open todoing either um, either through
them opening the door or throughan invitation that they are
willing to accept yeah so Iwould say this I think when,
(13:58):
when your faith produces peace,when your faith produces peace
instead of pressure, right,that's when it will draw your
spouse in.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yes, and.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
I think that's the key.
Your walk with God has toproduce peace in the home, not
pressure on your partner.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Yeah, not pressure on your partner?
Speaker 1 (14:25):
yeah, and when it does that then you.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
You create a space for god.
Yeah, to pull at the heart ofyour spouse.
So that means it's justorganically happening, yes, and
you're not pressuring them.
You're not making somethinghappen you're being an example
that they can see, yeah, butyou're not creating pressure for
them right saying you got to belike me and sometimes that's
the turnoff because, sometimes,as believers, we can do too much
(14:47):
, and it can also come off asbeing religious you know we come
in, we feel like you know we'retalking, all this talk and it
can make the spouse feel likethey're in one level and then
you're way up here and so howcan I expire to that?
and so it can do, it canbackfire.
Actually, what it does is itbackfires and it pushes that
(15:07):
spouse further away.
When you're trying to andyou're you're you're trying to
do in your mind, you're thinkingyou're doing the right thing,
but it pushes them away and itdoes the total opposite because,
your spouse looking at you likeyou're doing too much it's
almost like that back in the daywhen we used to have that
person that came around us andthey were.
(15:30):
They were just, you know, kindof like everybody was so bad and
they were just so good, and allthat so it just kind of puts
you in the mind of that.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
You know back then so they can kind of look at you
like, oh you're.
You know you're doing the rightthing and I want to do it, but
the way you're going about it isit's just all wrong, absolutely
.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Now I would say this the next step is use small
invitation.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
To, as I just just mentioned, to encourage them.
It can be hey, I've got a gooddevotion today um.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Would you like to read it with me?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
and you have to give them space to say yes or no.
Or sometimes they may say well,you read it and I'll just
listen yeah till you read it outloud.
Well, whatever it is, that's a,that's an open channel, that's
an open door.
It's small, right, they're notjumping all in, and I think you
have to minimize yourexpectations, like you should
have.
Small in small invitations,right.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Yeah, without the big expectations like don't, don't
push them too fast, yeah yeah,don't expect them to jump on
like yeah give me one of thosedevotions, buy me one of those
bibles I'm about to go all inwith god.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
no, don't expect that .
Don't expect them to jump onlike, yeah, give me one of those
devotions, buy me one of thoseBibles I'm about to go all in
with God.
No, don't expect that.
Don't expect them to wake upexcited like, yes, this is going
to be amazing.
Let's do all things, jesus.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
They're not there yet , yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Right.
So be patient with them andlower your expectations of them,
because if you can give a smallinvitation and they say well,
you read it and I'll listen,that's progress.
Right, exactly Right, or if yousay well, how about we pray
together?
And they say OK, let's, let'spray together.
And they say you lead.
Don't try to make them leadprayer.
If they say you pray, you lead,but I'm here, we can pray, but
(17:14):
you lead.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Lead the house.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Why don't you leave to pray?
He don't know how to pray.
And it's okay and it's okay,but maybe if you do it, you
model it, he can learn.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
In a safe place where he doesn't feel judged.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
And then one day.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
And don't be talking to the portals of heaven and all
of that yeah, keep it simplebecause they're they are
learning from you, even thoughthey may not say they're
learning right from your exampleexactly.
And then one day, if you do itthat way, one day, they may say
(17:56):
okay, I think I can do this, andthey'll say you know what?
I'm?
A leap predator.
I'm gonna give this a try.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
And when they do it, you encourage them.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
That's why you hadn't set the bar so high that they
feel like they can't.
They can't get there.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Yeah, don't go up into tongues, no, just pray,
just pray.
Some people just they just dotoo much.
If I had to do all that, lookyou just do it and whatever,
yeah, but they will get there.
(18:28):
No, I'm not saying that theyshouldn't strive for those
things.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
But God has to put a hunger and a desire in them for
those things Exactly, and sothat's where you pray in your
private time for them, to God.
Give them that hunger, givethem that desire.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
That encounter with him.
Yeah, give them that encounterwith god where they're not just
trying to do something and bereligious.
Yeah, but they really have itfor real in them, because that's
that's good, because if goddoes it it's gonna be for real.
Yeah, if you do it, it canalways go.
You know they can have it oneday and the next day they going
on off to something else so youwant to make sure that god does
(19:04):
it, and so that's why you got totrust in God's timing.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
And I tell people all the time let God do it and
don't you try to do it.
You got to make sure that it'sa God thing.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Yeah, and when you do it that way, when you have the
small invitations and the small,or you do it without big
expectations, it allows you tocreate a dynamic where a door is
open, a door is presented, it'sopen, they can accept it or
(19:36):
they can reject it, and youdon't take it personally if they
reject it you can be okay withthat and you can continue to
move forward with them.
You don't have to feel guilty.
Or they didn't receive it andthey don't have to feel guilty
for saying no, right, so don'tflip out because they don't go
along with it.
And when you do this, do itthis way.
(19:57):
It prevents that dynamic of therelationship from becoming a
battleground yeah and itmaintains the connection in the
marriage and that's the goal.
You want to keep the connection.
You don't want to turn yourwalk with god as a couple into a
place of tension yeah, that'sgood because, remember what we
(20:19):
said before, it's the peacethat's going to draw them.
Yeah right, not, not thetension, you're not the pressure
yeah it's the peace, so youwant to maintain that peace,
even when they're not asreceptive to your invitations.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yeah, one thing I do want to say I want to go back is
some spouses they don't, um, docertain things in front of
their other spouse, um, becauseof you know, the other spouse
may be doing too much, so youmay not see them doing all these
things reading, praying,worshiping but when they're
alone or when they're driving intheir car, they may have that
(20:56):
time with God.
They're just not doing itaround you, I think.
I think I used to do that whenit came to us.
I would, I would go offsomewhere and have my own time
where you probably didn't seeyou know a lot of that but I was
doing it outside or the houseor whatever.
I was alone.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
I know for me I had a space in the house.
I was usually going to adifferent room and you knew I
was in there praying andworshiping, reading or whatever.
I think for you you probablydid a lot of that in the car.
You would go somewhere, youwould drive or go somewhere and,
you know, have your music andyou would do that in the car,
maybe pull over somewhere go tothe park read lunch break, yeah,
so it's different it'sdifferent and you just gotta
(21:36):
trust God.
You know me, I'm all forexpressive, expressing your
relationship with God.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
I'm all for it being evident that you are in love
with Jesus yeah but people haveto grow to that expression yeah,
and then they have to becomfortable around you sometimes
yeah, you know, they just,they're just not comfortable yet
.
They're not there yet.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
I think they grow to it.
And then too, I will say this,the next phase of it I think
they have to be on fire yeah,for God when you get on fire.
I think that's when it doesn'tmatter, it doesn't matter like
you go beyond the, I'm growinginto it to that fire pushes you
yeah and that's what.
That's what we want our spousessometime to catch that fire.
(22:18):
But if they haven't caught thatfire, in god, that passion that
fervency yeah, you've got to letthem move their own pace and
pray that the fire of god willget on.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
And that begins to shift things.
Where, yeah, your tears areflowing, they'll lift their
hands and they'll cry out to Godbecause the fire of God is now
engaged in their life.
So I think that's what we wantto see Want them to jump
straight to the fire.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
And some people.
Just they got to be ready toreceive that fire.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Right, that's good.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
So what's our next one?
Speaker 2 (22:49):
So call to action.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Well, I think we have to trust God with timing.
I think that's a big thing.
We have to trust God with thetiming and not push them before
they're ready, right, which iskind of what we kind of get into
.
Remember that your a as aspouse is not to turn yourself
into a spiritual coach, right?
(23:13):
You're not their spiritualcoach, you're not.
Let me give you some books toread.
Let me give you some prayermanuals.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Let me let me show you how it's done.
Let me show you how to do this.
Let me show you what thisscripture says.
Let me you know.
Then you, you turn into, likeyou said, their coach and
they're like I don't want tolisten to you.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
And it's because, as we're growing, we want to share
that growth.
We want to share that growthand, in sharing that growth, the
first person we're going toshare with typically is going to
be our spouse.
We want to share that growthwith our spouse and we want them
to be just excited as we are,as excited as we are, and that
may not be the case.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
So so you have to be careful that you don't take them
.
Take your spouse on as aproject.
It's my job to coach you intothe things of God, is that what
you feel like?
Oh no, I didn't feel like that.
Well, I'll say this I didn'tthink of it in those terms.
I took the position as ahusband that it was my
(24:10):
responsibility to help you growinto the things of god, so I
think it still showed up thesame way yeah where I was trying
to put come on come on, let'sgo do this, let's do spend time
praying.
Come on, get in the word, let'sdo, and really I need to just
let you kind of go at your ownpace go at your own pace and
navigate through it and, as youmove at your own pace, be there
(24:33):
to support that.
Yeah, and that's what ended uphappening.
And when I started to step backand stop worrying about you
moving at a certain pace, youstarted moving at your own pace
and it just gave me space tosupport you as you grew.
And then here's when it becamegood, when you started asking me
.
You started asking me aboutthings in the Bible scriptures
(24:55):
that you were reading, thingsthat you felt God was pulling at
your heart, and as you begin todo that, then it opened the
door for us to have thoseengaging conversations without
me trying to pull you into thoseconversations, it just
organically happened yeah, andeven with that I had to.
I couldn't go too far yeah likebecause I can get excited, and
just dig in here and you're like, okay, that's enough it's too
(25:18):
much like come on, you want totalk about this.
You're like no, I just want toknow about this yeah but all
this extra stuff, okay, that's.
That's too much.
Let's just stick right here.
When I get to that, we'll talkabout that.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Yeah, yeah, so that was good.
I remember when all thathappened and um, so when it kind
of opened up for me and and forus.
So what?
Speaker 1 (25:38):
what I learned is forcing it never speeds up the
process slows it down right,it's, it's only.
It only happens by love yeahforcing it slows it down, like
you said, but love helps toaccelerate.
Yeah.
So I had to learn to show love.
And love wasn't based on yourperformance and how much you
(26:01):
were doing to show me your walkwith God.
Yeah, it was just me loving you.
Yeah, and then you loving Godand feeling like you could
pursue God without the pressure.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
You could pursue Him at your own pace, because I love
you know.
That doesn't mean your spousedoesn't love God.
Because, you know, they loveGod.
They just don't have, like yousaid earlier, that fire yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
And I had to trust you and I had to trust god in
the process.
Yeah, knowing that it'll cometogether, yeah, it'll get there
and it did.
But but that's where I had torealize it wasn't about me
getting you there, it was aboutgod getting you there, and I'm
just here to love and supportyou.
So that's the whole thing aboutthat.
Don't become their coach, don'tbecome their spiritual coach or
whatever you want to call itwell their mentor right, I got a
(26:46):
lot of on Because most of thetime, your spouse don't want you
as their mentor.
Mm-mm Right, it just doesn'twork.
They don't want you to be theirmentor Now, until they get to a
place until they're ready toreceive that from you.
Yeah, but until they're readyyou can't just make yourself
that in their life in that lane.
(27:08):
Yeah, love them, accept themwhere they are and let god work
on the rest of that and whenthey're ready to receive more
from you.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
That's right.
So if that's where you're attoday, we will say keep praying,
stay steady, breathe and andtrust god, things will get
better yes, 100, so listen.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
If this message hits home for you, this podcast hits
a place.
Uh, definitely, share with yourspouse, maybe encourage them to
listen.
This is a good one.
I don't think they'll feel likeyou're trying to push something
on them.
I think it will encourage them.
It'll encourage you.
Share with other couples.
Just put it out there you don'tknow who it may help on your
platforms.
Like and subscribe so you don'tmiss the next podcast.
(27:42):
It's going to be good, allright, so we'll see you Bye.
Hey, thank you for joining us,for doing it with the Daniels,
if you want to keep up witheverything going on on our
channel don't forget to like,comment, subscribe and share
this podcast.
Absolutely.
We'll see you next time.
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