February 20, 2025 • 24 mins
Understanding gender roles in marriage is essential for a harmonious partnership. This episode examines biblical insights, practical communication strategies, and introduces a gender roles worksheet to help couples navigate their responsibilities effectively.
• Defining gender roles in marriage
• The importance of premarital conversations
• Biblical perspectives and their relevance today
• Analyzing personal experiences and family influences
• Balancing work and home life as a team
• Continuous communication for ongoing understanding
• Introducing gender roles worksheets for clarity
Gender Roles Worksheet----- https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xTED1chweAHwuJ3tx7RqEDV1Paf2IwZC/view?usp=drive_link
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
But so what happens when we lay those roles out and
we say we're going to do it, butthe other party doesn't uphold
their end of the bargain?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Welcome to Doing it With the Daniels, the podcast
where we navigate life, marriageand ministry.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
I'm Charles and I'm Tisa.
Join us as we share insights,wisdom and practical advice to
strengthen your marriage,empower your life and enrich
your ministry.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Let's dive in together and discover the joys
of doing it with the Daniels.
Hey, welcome to doing it withthe Daniels, where we help
couples get it on at Life,Marriage and Ministry.
So glad to have you today andwe are ready to jump right in
what's up baby, what's up?
Speaker 1 (00:41):
We're excited today.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
We are excited and we get the opportunity to share
with our listeners today andthose who view this broadcast.
I call it broadcast.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
I'm thinking about TV right now.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Podcast.
I don't know.
Is it a podcast or is it a vlog, all these different things.
There's a video log, they callit.
Call it a vlog.
You got the podcast, which isusually audio.
We do the video and the audioright so I guess it all ties in
together.
It doesn't really matterwhatever way people like to
listen to it, we're gonna keeppumping it out right and keep
(01:16):
trying to help people that'sgood.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Well, what's up?
How you been?
That's good.
I've been doing good today.
How about you?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I'm doing good, that's good, I've been with you
all day, so I should know howyou're doing.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
But I like to ask people want to know how you're
doing yeah, I'm doing good, good, I'm doing really good I'm
excited about today, though,really yes, what are we talking?
Because we're going to betalking about gender roles in
marriage, gender roles andresponsibilities.
I want to call it.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I like to say it like that I think that's really good
for us to discuss because, oneof the aspects of, I think, for
us, marriage counseling,marriage advising, marriage
coaching.
Yes, when you initially do thepremarital process, I don't
recall us going through genderroles and I haven't seen many
(02:05):
people who've gone through goingthrough a type of counseling
program when we ask them aboutit.
Have you gone through genderroles?
They're like no we didn'tdiscuss that we didn't look at
that, you know.
We talk about loving each other,being faithful to one another,
building a godly home together.
Uh, budgeting and finance, butnever really talking about the
day-to-day task that comes in toliving and having a successful
(02:29):
marriage.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
and so when I, when you just said that, what, what
came to my mind was the peoplethat get married that don't have
, don't go to counseling at all,and or they're not even like in
the church, and so when theycome into the church, it's like
we have to go back and, okay,now we need to talk about these
things, because it's usuallykind of an off balance there,
(02:50):
and so that, just that, justcame to my mind when you was
talking about that.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Isn't that crazy how, when people get married and
they're not believers, and thenthey, they get in church or have
this experience with God andthey begin to change their lives
and they want to find out howto do marriage God's way?
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
And it's almost like we have to take them through a
whole nother process forunderstanding marriage God's way
, because they only understoodit from a worldly perspective
Exactly.
And so now we have to show themwhat God's intent was for
marriage, what God'sexpectations are of the husband
of the wife, how you approach it, and many of them are like wow.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
I never knew this.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
I never knew that that was a part of how God
wanted me to function within mymarriage exactly, but I love to
see it because it's like an ahamoment for them it's like it's
just a beautiful thing when theycatch it, so I like to tell
people that, uh, marriage it wasgod's idea.
So if it was god's idea, if itwas implemented and instituted
by god, then we have to do itgod's way.
(03:53):
Yes, exactly but many timespeople do it the world's way and
you have all these crazy issuesand that shows up in the
marriage.
And then they come to us withall these problems, like why are
we having all these problems?
Because you're not doing itgod's way.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
It's a god thing you gotta do it his way.
Yeah, we tend to do what we seegrowing up yeah so what we,
what we saw mama do, grandmamado, granddaddy do, and how, how
they lived, and we just kind offlow with that.
Well, this is what I saw, sothis is what I'm gonna do, and
we bring that into our marriageabsolutely.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Oh, I've seen people who uh on.
In addition to that, theydevelop their own beliefs around
how it should be yeah, and theystart making up their own stuff
.
But if it, if it's supposed to,god, and this is where we could
talk this is where you get intosome elements of polygamy yeah
and all of these additionalthings that people try to add to
(04:46):
marriage, but I like this.
I heard this saying.
It's not my saying, but I heardsomebody said I just can't
remember who said it that, uh,when we think about marriage,
that the intent that god had forman is one man for one woman
for one lifetime exactly andthat really sticks and resonates
with me.
I like that because it's aclear-cut view on one man one
(05:07):
woman, you only get one lifetime, so y'all gotta do it right and
make the best of it.
Yes together, girl, and I love,I love even just thinking about
us.
I love um how we have had theprivilege of enjoying one
another in our youthfulness, notteenagers but you know very
(05:28):
young yeah, yeah, pretty youngin our youthfulness we were
young yeah, when we got marriedand, having you know, spent the
years that we've spent togethernow and then seeing, uh, seeing,
the changes as we, as we changea little bit as time goes by,
you know, but it's, it's, it's.
It's been so wonderful yeah uhworking and I think this gets
(05:49):
back to what we talk aboutgender roles.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
We working together has been a pleasure and learning
that process it hasn't alwaysbeen pleasurable right but it
has been a pleasure to work withbecause we had to learn how to
work as a team yeah yeah, so andthat was good.
You know, like you said in thebeginning it was hard.
It was difficult.
It was, it was challenging, butwe got through those hurdles
(06:11):
and we got.
We got to a better place.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Because I think you brought in what you seen growing
up and I brought what I sawgrowing up and we like trying to
put this together and it's likethis don't work for us so we
had to figure out what workedfor us, and that's what I like
to tell couples is do what worksfor you, don't try to do what
works for somebody else, becauseeverybody's different.
So what work?
(06:34):
What might work for you, mightnot work for somebody else's um
spouse, and so I always tellthem don't look at us as you can
.
You can glean from us, butdon't try to do exactly what we
do now.
If it works, it just works yeahbut if it doesn't it, it
doesn't work right, I canremember.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Remember that before we jump into the rest of our
discussion.
Do you remember years ago whenyou would make reference to
somebody else's husband and youwould say, well, he don't, he
don't, he do this and he helpher with this and that, and I
was like well that, like wellthat's their business.
That's their marriage.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
He was like that ain't me.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
I wish, I wish you would do that.
Well, that ain't me.
So, hey, thank God for whatthey got going on, but I ain't
trying to do that.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
But you changed, I did change.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Everything comes with growth and maturity.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
We change.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
And you don't have proper perspective.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
And that's why.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I love the fact that we get to do this For those that
it touches, those that itimpacts, those that listen to
our voice.
We're able to help them movepast some of the hurdles that we
had to grow past.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
So they can go faster than we can go.
They can go faster and they cango further in their marriage.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
They don't have to struggle through the pitfalls
and learn their way through thestuff that really is not that
important right exactly uh, andit just requires you getting
over yourself yeah, and some ofyou are getting past some things
and just realizing the bigpicture of making the man yeah
because we made all the mistakesso just listen to us.
We made all of them, but wemade a lot of them, so we're
(08:10):
gonna help you out yeah, um, solet's go into this discussion.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
So, uh, what does the bible say about the role of a
husband and wife?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
yeah, I think, without getting too preachy.
Uh, when we talk about that, Ithink we can see a clear place
of that, or clear starting placeI'm not gonna say an ending
place.
A clear starting place isprobably going to be ephesians 5
, verses 22 to 23.
I'm sorry, 22 to 33 in there,where it talks about wives being
(08:39):
submitted to their husbands andit talks about husbands loving
their wives as christ loved thechurch.
There's a it gives a goodbreakdown on kind of how to
approach or how to enter in tomarriage, which means if, if as
a wife you're not willing tosubmit to a man that you marry
and love and trust to lead youand your family, you might not
(09:00):
be ready for marriage right as aman.
If you're not willing to loveyour wife as Christ loved the
church, you can't love her howyou want to love, yeah, exactly
that's the key.
It's not how you want to loveher, it's understanding how
Christ loved the church and youlove your wife that way, because
he gave himself for the church.
So when you marry a woman,you're you're making the bigger,
(09:22):
you expect to make the biggersacrifice than she does you are
to give all of you.
Your life goes into buildingthis marriage and building and
supporting her and making sureshe accomplishes all and is all
that God desires for her to be.
And likewise the Bible talksabout wives.
Respect your husband, so wiveshave to be willing to respect.
(09:44):
If you full of disrespect andyou don't know how to talk,
maybe you should work on thatbefore you say I do exactly,
because that little piece rightthere can destroy a home no
respect.
No love can destroy marriageyeah so I think we see the bible
, I think even colossians 3,verse 18 and 19.
There's some discussion there,as well as um when you see, for
(10:07):
women specifically and I thinkI'm not going to say women
there's some things that can beinferred from proverbs 31, even
for men.
So so, although proverbs 31 mayreally talk about a woman, who
is a wife.
Yes, the proverbs 31 woman yeah, but she's a wife.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
She was many things she did.
She did it all.
I was just like when I wasreading it I was like hold up,
hold up, hold up, wait a minute.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
But yeah, she was a wife, a mother, um, she was, she
had her own business, she getsup early, she takes care of her
family, she goes out in themarket in the day.
She buys, she sells, she doesbusiness.
She's respected because she'srespected her husband is
respected by those who, kids,speak well of her.
(10:53):
I mean, it's just when she's anall-around yeah type of woman
or wife yeah and what I loveabout when I think about it.
The husband that can be marriedto a poverty 31 woman or wife
can't be insecure right he hasto be supportive of a woman
that's grace to do more thancook, clean and make babies
exactly that's good, that's goodso so he can understand.
(11:16):
Wait a minute.
This woman is multifaceted andI can support every aspect of
grace that god has placed in herlife that's good, I like that
so.
So the wife can be amazing andthe husband knows how to support
that without trying to outshineher.
And I've seen that too, wheresome husbands don't understand
the role of their wife when godhas graced them to do things
(11:38):
other than just be a homemaker,and they struggle with seeing
their wives excel yeah in thingsand be respected that way, but
it's a good thing yeah it's notunbiblical.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
She doesn't just have to sit in the corner and be
silent exactly, so that's goodthat's a whole nother podcast
right there, because I'm sureyou can help a lot of people
with that just that thing,because a lot of women pull back
uh-huh because their husbandstheir insecurities show up.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
They begin to feel inferior if their wife can excel
in business and they can't,yeah, or she can, but they're
but they are one so if sheexcels, I mean you exhale the
whole house, the whole houseexcels, so it's a.
It's a win-win yes, yeah, butthey don't see it like that, no
no, but I.
That's why I say I think peoplereading that and really praying
(12:25):
over to asking god to give thema revelation of of kind of that
appearance of marriage.
Like I said, that's just astarting point of that, but we
can talk about um abraham's wifesarah, you know how she um uh
called him lord you know, howshe submitted.
We can talk about all of that,how she carried herself yeah and
gentleness and all of that is Imean husbands being provided.
(12:49):
All of that.
It goes into what that lookslike in your role in a in a
marriage.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Yeah, that's good.
So the next one is how do webalance biblical teaching with
modern realities and personalcircumstances?
Speaker 2 (13:03):
I think you just have to.
You have to gain understanding.
You have to gain understandingand I think kind of what we just
talked about biblicallystarting, that kind of feeds
into that as well.
It's just a matter ofunderstanding how these things
fit in 2025 yeah you know it's,it's a.
It's a different time and yesera, but the the approach is
(13:25):
still the same, it's still.
I always say make it simple boymeets girl.
You know it's still boy meetsgirl.
They get married, they, theynow have to live out these roles
as husband and wife.
And, uh, and it's still thesame, a husband still expected
to love his wife a wife is stillexpected to respect her husband
.
They're still expected to raisea godly family and to care for
(13:47):
one another.
Husband is still expected toprovide in this era and a wife
to support her husband.
The only difference is, you maysee, and it's not really
different you may see moreemphasis on the working woman
yeah then, is often portrayed inscripture or in people's
traditional view, but women havebeen working for a long time
exactly, it's not new and theycan work if they want to some
(14:09):
women are great, whether it'sbusiness or they work a job it's
just finding that balance of itin the home yeah, and in the
marriage.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
So how do we find that balance in the home?
Because you got women working,you got men working, and so this
is without even having kids.
Yeah, so, but when you throwkids in the mix, that's a total.
That's another story.
But how do they find thebalance when we're both working?
How do you define how wefunction?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
that's what on day-to-day they gotta, they
gotta explore gender roles, theyhave to communicate, they have
to look at different things,they have to figure out how does
our life run and what matters,what's important, and so even in
this podcast, you know, we'regoing to provide people with a
worksheet, a gender roles typeworksheet, that they can go
(14:56):
through together and discuss,because they may have never done
this before.
Right, so they can look atthose things and say, hey, we
never talked about this beforewe got married.
We just jumped in and with ourown expectations yeah, exactly
because I have expectations andthen you don't.
You don't step up to the platefor the realization of those
expectations.
Now I'm disappointed in youexactly, and it's like no.
(15:18):
You can save yourself thatdisappointment if we sit down
and we discuss gender.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
I think that is great .
I think they need to sit downand talk about who's gonna wash
the dishes who's?
gonna cook, who's gonna clean,who's gonna do take out the
trash, who's gonna going to?
You know all of that and youknow in a day to day task it's
like you can really the littlethings right can become big
things.
And so if you don't define whatyou're going to do and who's
(15:46):
responsible for, like the, thebills, who's going to pay?
You know the bills.
Are you going to do 50 50, oris the husband going to pay most
of the bills, or all the bills?
And you know.
So all of that needs to betalked about yeah it needs to be
discussed and you need to be onthe same page with all of that
because when I grew up growingup little um just seeing my mom
(16:06):
my mom never said anything aboutcleaning she never complained
she cooked.
She never complained aboutdoing the cooking, and that's
just how I grew up.
I just saw her doing this.
I don't think I ever reallyseen my dad do nothing, uh, but
that's just how my family takecare of his family nothing but
take care of the family.
Yeah, as far as like householdstuff, like he do none of that
(16:29):
and there's nothing wrong withthat, but that's just not how I
grew up.
Where you grew up, I thinkpretty much the same way yeah,
pretty much I don't.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
I have little pieces of my dad cleaning cooking.
That wasn't.
If he did it, it was maybe youknow my mom fussed at him about
hey, help out.
You know, and he helped out.
But other than that, no, justto to have the initiative.
Hey, we're gonna clean thehouse oh I'm gonna go in and
(16:58):
cook.
No, I mean, and you got to berealistic a lot of men can't
cook but some men like to cook,some men can cook yep, so you
know.
So y'all women y'all blessed.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Y'all got these men that be cooking in the kitchen,
so that's a blessing.
But yeah, so it's different now, like as far as my granddaddy
like he ain't getting in thekitchen, so that's a blessing,
but yeah, so it's different now,like as far as my granddaddy
like he ain't getting in thekitchen doing nothing.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
You know, he just is not his thing that was a time
that was that was theexpectation of those gender
roles during that time exactly,and with the changing of time.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Hey, people change in in what they do within the
roles of the marriage yeah, andso it just needs to be discussed
and laid out but so whathappens when we lay those roles
out and we say we're going to doit, but the other party doesn't
uphold their end of the bargain?
Speaker 2 (17:45):
you gotta revisit it.
I mean, it's gonna be a lot ofthat in your marriage, like you
just gotta you have to talk tothe ladies, right, because for
the men you gotta revisit it,you gotta keep to revisit it,
you got to keep saying it.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
You got to.
You just got to keep saying itin the right way.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
It just has to be respectful.
Respectful somewhat like areminder.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Not fussing yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
You know, I keep asking you to do this.
Why don't you do it?
Well, you're going to get tiredof hearing uh-huh you know, but
disgusting, and saying like, Ithink, what helped me the most
with things that you wanted meto do or needed me to do, that
maybe I didn't do, as uh, what'swhat's a good word?
As readily uh that I didn'ttake the initiative on.
I think you coming to me andsaying when you do this, it
(18:33):
helps me right or I need yourhelp with this.
This goes back to women talkingcold.
I ain't taking that back.
It is women often speaking cold, and so we, as men, have to
learn to decode what do y'allsay to us, however, the code,
when y'all get frustrated, oftencomes off as frustration, it
(18:54):
comes off to us as nagging andit repels us, it makes us go
into the shutdown mode.
We don't want to hear it, so wemiss the value of what you're
trying to say exactly to us inin all of that.
But when you shifted thedynamics of the way you
communicate?
With me and you came.
You said I need your help withthis now, I think by that time I
(19:15):
kind of started to decode themessaging yeah of it, like I
often tell people when you say,uh, you don't do anything, uh,
and I took, you don't doanything as, oh, you're trying
to take a shot at me so you fireone at me, I'm gonna fire back
at you yeah, so you don't doanything.
I'm gonna show you I don't doanything, right I'm gonna show
(19:35):
you not doing anything becauseyou think I don't do anything,
so I'm really not gonna doanything, but I came to realize
you saying to me that I didn'tdo anything, wasn't you really
taking a shot?
It was you venting yourfrustration and really crying
for help, saying I want you tohelp me take care of the
household and take care ofthings we take care of, right.
(19:56):
And so once I learned that, Irealized okay, yeah, all right.
So when you say you, you justdon't do anything, I realized
okay, she needs some help.
And I don't respond with but youmean I don't do it I.
With what do you need me tohelp you?
And then everything changes.
But that comes with time.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
It does come with time.
It comes with learning todecode.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
That's husband experience.
But to help the husband becausesome men don't get it that fast
, Some never get it Because theydon't really care to get it.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Because that's a lot, to really have to study your
wife and understand her.
If the wife would just come tothe man and say, but I need your
help, but I had to change andso I had to come, sit down and
say hey, we need to talk, I needyour help with this, this and
this.
And I probably went into whyyou know I needed your help and
and and it's like the bible says, a soft answer turns away wrath
.
So it's like I was coming toyou not with the hostility, with
anger or anything like that.
It was just like hey, come on,let's talk.
(20:51):
I got some concerns.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
And then I will voice my concerns and then we would
try to work it out the best waywe could, right?
Speaker 2 (20:59):
And we did and it got .
We continue to get better andbetter with that, yeah, but it
comes to communication yeah, andI feel like sometimes, um, the
wives can get overwhelmed with,like, housework.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
If you have a child, you get overwhelmed with, you
know, taking care of thechildren, and then, if you work
outside the home, and then thefinances, so it's like you can
be overwhelmed and so you don'treally have to be overwhelmed if
you just go to your spouse andtalk to them and y'all lay out
some things what he'sresponsible for and what you're
responsible for and worktogether as a team I think that
(21:32):
discussion is is it's ongoing?
yeah, it is a one-time thing,kind of like we mentioned before
previously in another podcastepisode.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
That's an ongoing conversation yeah it's a
reminder, it's a revisiting it'salways evaluating and those
roles may change over time asyour life and your marriage
changes.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Yeah, you have to adjust with yeah, one thing for
women I feel like I need to say.
This is sometimes we can feellike I've said it.
You know what I'm saying.
I already told him that.
Okay.
Well, something I try to tellthem was say it again.
And if they say it well, I saidit five times keep saying it,
because they don't, they don'talways get it.
Like the fifth time, the tenthtime.
(22:10):
You might say it until you knowy'all in, y'all 70s, and he
might get it then, but you gotto keep saying it and then say
it the right way, oh yeah ahundred percent.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
So I I think that's that's a really powerful thing
for people to work through thosegender roles and, like I said,
we can't list everything out.
Oh no, it's a really powerfulthing for people to work through
those gender roles and, like Isaid, we can't list everything
out.
Oh no, it's a lot Cooking,cleaning, raising children,
disciplined children, finances,finances who's going to pay the
bills?
Who's going to go to thegrocery store?
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Who's going to?
Speaker 2 (22:38):
put the groceries up.
All of that needs to bediscussed.
It does that way.
When you get in the marriageit's like, hey, ok, here's what
we plan to do, or if you'realready married, discuss it
anyway.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Yeah.
And get an understanding onwhat needs to happen.
What's my responsibility?
Speaker 2 (22:52):
to function.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Well, that's good, good, good, you got anything
else.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
That's it.
Well, listen, thank you all forjoining us.
Share, because we do want tohear from you.
Read the description and you'llfind a link there for a gender
roles worksheet.
You can download that worksheet, print it out.
I advise you.
Here's my suggestion Make twocopies of it.
You do one, let your spouse dothe other separately, and then
(23:19):
you'll come together and discussit, look at your differences
and see how you all thinkdifferent.
Then put it together and worktogether on building a cohesive
unit as a family and build thatteam so that your family, your
household, can run well together.
I promise you, this right herewill help eliminate a lot of
disagreements, a lot ofdisappointments from
(23:41):
expectations that you allhaven't discussed.
Discuss those things.
Get an understanding man.
It'll help you.
Also, there's some links to ourbooks that we recommend as well
.
That'll help you as well.
So look into that.
If you think that'll benefit,you.
Download it, get it, apply itto your life and I know it's
going to change your life.
We get testimonies all the timeyes, of people who read those
books and implemented the toolsnow.
(24:02):
You can't just read the bookand think it's going to work
right, you, you gotta read itand implement exactly and it'll
help you.
These are things, pastor teaseand I have learned, we've grown
and we've implemented, and nowwe just want to help others.
All right, so thank y'all againfor joining us.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
You got anything, thank you, no, that's it all
right.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Love y'all, y'all be blessed and we will see y'all
next.
Till next time.
Till next time, take care, hey,thank you for joining us, for
Doing it With the Daniels, ifyou want to keep up with
everything going on on ourchannel.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
don't forget to Like, comment, subscribe and share
this podcast.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Absolutely.
We'll see you next time.
But so what happens when we lay those roles out and
we say we're going to do it, butthe other party doesn't uphold
their end of the bargain?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Welcome to Doing it With the Daniels, the podcast
where we navigate life, marriageand ministry.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
I'm Charles and I'm Tisa.
Join us as we share insights,wisdom and practical advice to
strengthen your marriage,empower your life and enrich
your ministry.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Let's dive in together and discover the joys
of doing it with the Daniels.
Hey, welcome to doing it withthe Daniels, where we help
couples get it on at Life,Marriage and Ministry.
So glad to have you today andwe are ready to jump right in
what's up baby, what's up?
Speaker 1 (00:41):
We're excited today.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
We are excited and we get the opportunity to share
with our listeners today andthose who view this broadcast.
I call it broadcast.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
I'm thinking about TV right now.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Podcast.
I don't know.
Is it a podcast or is it a vlog, all these different things.
There's a video log, they callit.
Call it a vlog.
You got the podcast, which isusually audio.
We do the video and the audioright so I guess it all ties in
together.
It doesn't really matterwhatever way people like to
listen to it, we're gonna keeppumping it out right and keep
(01:16):
trying to help people that'sgood.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Well, what's up?
How you been?
That's good.
I've been doing good today.
How about you?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I'm doing good, that's good, I've been with you
all day, so I should know howyou're doing.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
But I like to ask people want to know how you're
doing yeah, I'm doing good, good, I'm doing really good I'm
excited about today, though,really yes, what are we talking?
Because we're going to betalking about gender roles in
marriage, gender roles andresponsibilities.
I want to call it.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I like to say it like that I think that's really good
for us to discuss because, oneof the aspects of, I think, for
us, marriage counseling,marriage advising, marriage
coaching.
Yes, when you initially do thepremarital process, I don't
recall us going through genderroles and I haven't seen many
(02:05):
people who've gone through goingthrough a type of counseling
program when we ask them aboutit.
Have you gone through genderroles?
They're like no we didn'tdiscuss that we didn't look at
that, you know.
We talk about loving each other,being faithful to one another,
building a godly home together.
Uh, budgeting and finance, butnever really talking about the
day-to-day task that comes in toliving and having a successful
(02:29):
marriage.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
and so when I, when you just said that, what, what
came to my mind was the peoplethat get married that don't have
, don't go to counseling at all,and or they're not even like in
the church, and so when theycome into the church, it's like
we have to go back and, okay,now we need to talk about these
things, because it's usuallykind of an off balance there,
(02:50):
and so that, just that, justcame to my mind when you was
talking about that.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Isn't that crazy how, when people get married and
they're not believers, and thenthey, they get in church or have
this experience with God andthey begin to change their lives
and they want to find out howto do marriage God's way?
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
And it's almost like we have to take them through a
whole nother process forunderstanding marriage God's way
, because they only understoodit from a worldly perspective
Exactly.
And so now we have to show themwhat God's intent was for
marriage, what God'sexpectations are of the husband
of the wife, how you approach it, and many of them are like wow.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
I never knew this.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
I never knew that that was a part of how God
wanted me to function within mymarriage exactly, but I love to
see it because it's like an ahamoment for them it's like it's
just a beautiful thing when theycatch it, so I like to tell
people that, uh, marriage it wasgod's idea.
So if it was god's idea, if itwas implemented and instituted
by god, then we have to do itgod's way.
(03:53):
Yes, exactly but many timespeople do it the world's way and
you have all these crazy issuesand that shows up in the
marriage.
And then they come to us withall these problems, like why are
we having all these problems?
Because you're not doing itgod's way.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
It's a god thing you gotta do it his way.
Yeah, we tend to do what we seegrowing up yeah so what we,
what we saw mama do, grandmamado, granddaddy do, and how, how
they lived, and we just kind offlow with that.
Well, this is what I saw, sothis is what I'm gonna do, and
we bring that into our marriageabsolutely.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Oh, I've seen people who uh on.
In addition to that, theydevelop their own beliefs around
how it should be yeah, and theystart making up their own stuff
.
But if it, if it's supposed to,god, and this is where we could
talk this is where you get intosome elements of polygamy yeah
and all of these additionalthings that people try to add to
(04:46):
marriage, but I like this.
I heard this saying.
It's not my saying, but I heardsomebody said I just can't
remember who said it that, uh,when we think about marriage,
that the intent that god had forman is one man for one woman
for one lifetime exactly andthat really sticks and resonates
with me.
I like that because it's aclear-cut view on one man one
(05:07):
woman, you only get one lifetime, so y'all gotta do it right and
make the best of it.
Yes together, girl, and I love,I love even just thinking about
us.
I love um how we have had theprivilege of enjoying one
another in our youthfulness, notteenagers but you know very
(05:28):
young yeah, yeah, pretty youngin our youthfulness we were
young yeah, when we got marriedand, having you know, spent the
years that we've spent togethernow and then seeing, uh, seeing,
the changes as we, as we changea little bit as time goes by,
you know, but it's, it's, it's.
It's been so wonderful yeah uhworking and I think this gets
(05:49):
back to what we talk aboutgender roles.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
We working together has been a pleasure and learning
that process it hasn't alwaysbeen pleasurable right but it
has been a pleasure to work withbecause we had to learn how to
work as a team yeah yeah, so andthat was good.
You know, like you said in thebeginning it was hard.
It was difficult.
It was, it was challenging, butwe got through those hurdles
(06:11):
and we got.
We got to a better place.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Because I think you brought in what you seen growing
up and I brought what I sawgrowing up and we like trying to
put this together and it's likethis don't work for us so we
had to figure out what workedfor us, and that's what I like
to tell couples is do what worksfor you, don't try to do what
works for somebody else, becauseeverybody's different.
So what work?
(06:34):
What might work for you, mightnot work for somebody else's um
spouse, and so I always tellthem don't look at us as you can
.
You can glean from us, butdon't try to do exactly what we
do now.
If it works, it just works yeahbut if it doesn't it, it
doesn't work right, I canremember.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Remember that before we jump into the rest of our
discussion.
Do you remember years ago whenyou would make reference to
somebody else's husband and youwould say, well, he don't, he
don't, he do this and he helpher with this and that, and I
was like well that, like wellthat's their business.
That's their marriage.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
He was like that ain't me.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
I wish, I wish you would do that.
Well, that ain't me.
So, hey, thank God for whatthey got going on, but I ain't
trying to do that.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
But you changed, I did change.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Everything comes with growth and maturity.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
We change.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
And you don't have proper perspective.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
And that's why.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I love the fact that we get to do this For those that
it touches, those that itimpacts, those that listen to
our voice.
We're able to help them movepast some of the hurdles that we
had to grow past.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
So they can go faster than we can go.
They can go faster and they cango further in their marriage.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
They don't have to struggle through the pitfalls
and learn their way through thestuff that really is not that
important right exactly uh, andit just requires you getting
over yourself yeah, and some ofyou are getting past some things
and just realizing the bigpicture of making the man yeah
because we made all the mistakesso just listen to us.
We made all of them, but wemade a lot of them, so we're
(08:10):
gonna help you out yeah, um, solet's go into this discussion.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
So, uh, what does the bible say about the role of a
husband and wife?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
yeah, I think, without getting too preachy.
Uh, when we talk about that, Ithink we can see a clear place
of that, or clear starting placeI'm not gonna say an ending
place.
A clear starting place isprobably going to be ephesians 5
, verses 22 to 23.
I'm sorry, 22 to 33 in there,where it talks about wives being
(08:39):
submitted to their husbands andit talks about husbands loving
their wives as christ loved thechurch.
There's a it gives a goodbreakdown on kind of how to
approach or how to enter in tomarriage, which means if, if as
a wife you're not willing tosubmit to a man that you marry
and love and trust to lead youand your family, you might not
(09:00):
be ready for marriage right as aman.
If you're not willing to loveyour wife as Christ loved the
church, you can't love her howyou want to love, yeah, exactly
that's the key.
It's not how you want to loveher, it's understanding how
Christ loved the church and youlove your wife that way, because
he gave himself for the church.
So when you marry a woman,you're you're making the bigger,
(09:22):
you expect to make the biggersacrifice than she does you are
to give all of you.
Your life goes into buildingthis marriage and building and
supporting her and making sureshe accomplishes all and is all
that God desires for her to be.
And likewise the Bible talksabout wives.
Respect your husband, so wiveshave to be willing to respect.
(09:44):
If you full of disrespect andyou don't know how to talk,
maybe you should work on thatbefore you say I do exactly,
because that little piece rightthere can destroy a home no
respect.
No love can destroy marriageyeah so I think we see the bible
, I think even colossians 3,verse 18 and 19.
There's some discussion there,as well as um when you see, for
(10:07):
women specifically and I thinkI'm not going to say women
there's some things that can beinferred from proverbs 31, even
for men.
So so, although proverbs 31 mayreally talk about a woman, who
is a wife.
Yes, the proverbs 31 woman yeah, but she's a wife.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
She was many things she did.
She did it all.
I was just like when I wasreading it I was like hold up,
hold up, hold up, wait a minute.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
But yeah, she was a wife, a mother, um, she was, she
had her own business, she getsup early, she takes care of her
family, she goes out in themarket in the day.
She buys, she sells, she doesbusiness.
She's respected because she'srespected her husband is
respected by those who, kids,speak well of her.
(10:53):
I mean, it's just when she's anall-around yeah type of woman
or wife yeah and what I loveabout when I think about it.
The husband that can be marriedto a poverty 31 woman or wife
can't be insecure right he hasto be supportive of a woman
that's grace to do more thancook, clean and make babies
exactly that's good, that's goodso so he can understand.
(11:16):
Wait a minute.
This woman is multifaceted andI can support every aspect of
grace that god has placed in herlife that's good, I like that
so.
So the wife can be amazing andthe husband knows how to support
that without trying to outshineher.
And I've seen that too, wheresome husbands don't understand
the role of their wife when godhas graced them to do things
(11:38):
other than just be a homemaker,and they struggle with seeing
their wives excel yeah in thingsand be respected that way, but
it's a good thing yeah it's notunbiblical.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
She doesn't just have to sit in the corner and be
silent exactly, so that's goodthat's a whole nother podcast
right there, because I'm sureyou can help a lot of people
with that just that thing,because a lot of women pull back
uh-huh because their husbandstheir insecurities show up.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
They begin to feel inferior if their wife can excel
in business and they can't,yeah, or she can, but they're
but they are one so if sheexcels, I mean you exhale the
whole house, the whole houseexcels, so it's a.
It's a win-win yes, yeah, butthey don't see it like that, no
no, but I.
That's why I say I think peoplereading that and really praying
(12:25):
over to asking god to give thema revelation of of kind of that
appearance of marriage.
Like I said, that's just astarting point of that, but we
can talk about um abraham's wifesarah, you know how she um uh
called him lord you know, howshe submitted.
We can talk about all of that,how she carried herself yeah and
gentleness and all of that is Imean husbands being provided.
(12:49):
All of that.
It goes into what that lookslike in your role in a in a
marriage.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Yeah, that's good.
So the next one is how do webalance biblical teaching with
modern realities and personalcircumstances?
Speaker 2 (13:03):
I think you just have to.
You have to gain understanding.
You have to gain understandingand I think kind of what we just
talked about biblicallystarting, that kind of feeds
into that as well.
It's just a matter ofunderstanding how these things
fit in 2025 yeah you know it's,it's a.
It's a different time and yesera, but the the approach is
(13:25):
still the same, it's still.
I always say make it simple boymeets girl.
You know it's still boy meetsgirl.
They get married, they, theynow have to live out these roles
as husband and wife.
And, uh, and it's still thesame, a husband still expected
to love his wife a wife is stillexpected to respect her husband
.
They're still expected to raisea godly family and to care for
(13:47):
one another.
Husband is still expected toprovide in this era and a wife
to support her husband.
The only difference is, you maysee, and it's not really
different you may see moreemphasis on the working woman
yeah then, is often portrayed inscripture or in people's
traditional view, but women havebeen working for a long time
exactly, it's not new and theycan work if they want to some
(14:09):
women are great, whether it'sbusiness or they work a job it's
just finding that balance of itin the home yeah, and in the
marriage.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
So how do we find that balance in the home?
Because you got women working,you got men working, and so this
is without even having kids.
Yeah, so, but when you throwkids in the mix, that's a total.
That's another story.
But how do they find thebalance when we're both working?
How do you define how wefunction?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
that's what on day-to-day they gotta, they
gotta explore gender roles, theyhave to communicate, they have
to look at different things,they have to figure out how does
our life run and what matters,what's important, and so even in
this podcast, you know, we'regoing to provide people with a
worksheet, a gender roles typeworksheet, that they can go
(14:56):
through together and discuss,because they may have never done
this before.
Right, so they can look atthose things and say, hey, we
never talked about this beforewe got married.
We just jumped in and with ourown expectations yeah, exactly
because I have expectations andthen you don't.
You don't step up to the platefor the realization of those
expectations.
Now I'm disappointed in youexactly, and it's like no.
(15:18):
You can save yourself thatdisappointment if we sit down
and we discuss gender.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
I think that is great .
I think they need to sit downand talk about who's gonna wash
the dishes who's?
gonna cook, who's gonna clean,who's gonna do take out the
trash, who's gonna going to?
You know all of that and youknow in a day to day task it's
like you can really the littlethings right can become big
things.
And so if you don't define whatyou're going to do and who's
(15:46):
responsible for, like the, thebills, who's going to pay?
You know the bills.
Are you going to do 50 50, oris the husband going to pay most
of the bills, or all the bills?
And you know.
So all of that needs to betalked about yeah it needs to be
discussed and you need to be onthe same page with all of that
because when I grew up growingup little um just seeing my mom
(16:06):
my mom never said anything aboutcleaning she never complained
she cooked.
She never complained aboutdoing the cooking, and that's
just how I grew up.
I just saw her doing this.
I don't think I ever reallyseen my dad do nothing, uh, but
that's just how my family takecare of his family nothing but
take care of the family.
Yeah, as far as like householdstuff, like he do none of that
(16:29):
and there's nothing wrong withthat, but that's just not how I
grew up.
Where you grew up, I thinkpretty much the same way yeah,
pretty much I don't.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
I have little pieces of my dad cleaning cooking.
That wasn't.
If he did it, it was maybe youknow my mom fussed at him about
hey, help out.
You know, and he helped out.
But other than that, no, justto to have the initiative.
Hey, we're gonna clean thehouse oh I'm gonna go in and
(16:58):
cook.
No, I mean, and you got to berealistic a lot of men can't
cook but some men like to cook,some men can cook yep, so you
know.
So y'all women y'all blessed.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Y'all got these men that be cooking in the kitchen,
so that's a blessing.
But yeah, so it's different now, like as far as my granddaddy
like he ain't getting in thekitchen, so that's a blessing,
but yeah, so it's different now,like as far as my granddaddy
like he ain't getting in thekitchen doing nothing.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
You know, he just is not his thing that was a time
that was that was theexpectation of those gender
roles during that time exactly,and with the changing of time.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Hey, people change in in what they do within the
roles of the marriage yeah, andso it just needs to be discussed
and laid out but so whathappens when we lay those roles
out and we say we're going to doit, but the other party doesn't
uphold their end of the bargain?
Speaker 2 (17:45):
you gotta revisit it.
I mean, it's gonna be a lot ofthat in your marriage, like you
just gotta you have to talk tothe ladies, right, because for
the men you gotta revisit it,you gotta keep to revisit it,
you got to keep saying it.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
You got to.
You just got to keep saying itin the right way.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
It just has to be respectful.
Respectful somewhat like areminder.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Not fussing yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
You know, I keep asking you to do this.
Why don't you do it?
Well, you're going to get tiredof hearing uh-huh you know, but
disgusting, and saying like, Ithink, what helped me the most
with things that you wanted meto do or needed me to do, that
maybe I didn't do, as uh, what'swhat's a good word?
As readily uh that I didn'ttake the initiative on.
I think you coming to me andsaying when you do this, it
(18:33):
helps me right or I need yourhelp with this.
This goes back to women talkingcold.
I ain't taking that back.
It is women often speaking cold, and so we, as men, have to
learn to decode what do y'allsay to us, however, the code,
when y'all get frustrated, oftencomes off as frustration, it
(18:54):
comes off to us as nagging andit repels us, it makes us go
into the shutdown mode.
We don't want to hear it, so wemiss the value of what you're
trying to say exactly to us inin all of that.
But when you shifted thedynamics of the way you
communicate?
With me and you came.
You said I need your help withthis now, I think by that time I
(19:15):
kind of started to decode themessaging yeah of it, like I
often tell people when you say,uh, you don't do anything, uh,
and I took, you don't doanything as, oh, you're trying
to take a shot at me so you fireone at me, I'm gonna fire back
at you yeah, so you don't doanything.
I'm gonna show you I don't doanything, right I'm gonna show
(19:35):
you not doing anything becauseyou think I don't do anything,
so I'm really not gonna doanything, but I came to realize
you saying to me that I didn'tdo anything, wasn't you really
taking a shot?
It was you venting yourfrustration and really crying
for help, saying I want you tohelp me take care of the
household and take care ofthings we take care of, right.
(19:56):
And so once I learned that, Irealized okay, yeah, all right.
So when you say you, you justdon't do anything, I realized
okay, she needs some help.
And I don't respond with but youmean I don't do it I.
With what do you need me tohelp you?
And then everything changes.
But that comes with time.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
It does come with time.
It comes with learning todecode.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
That's husband experience.
But to help the husband becausesome men don't get it that fast
, Some never get it Because theydon't really care to get it.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Because that's a lot, to really have to study your
wife and understand her.
If the wife would just come tothe man and say, but I need your
help, but I had to change andso I had to come, sit down and
say hey, we need to talk, I needyour help with this, this and
this.
And I probably went into whyyou know I needed your help and
and and it's like the bible says, a soft answer turns away wrath
.
So it's like I was coming toyou not with the hostility, with
anger or anything like that.
It was just like hey, come on,let's talk.
(20:51):
I got some concerns.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
And then I will voice my concerns and then we would
try to work it out the best waywe could, right?
Speaker 2 (20:59):
And we did and it got .
We continue to get better andbetter with that, yeah, but it
comes to communication yeah, andI feel like sometimes, um, the
wives can get overwhelmed with,like, housework.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
If you have a child, you get overwhelmed with, you
know, taking care of thechildren, and then, if you work
outside the home, and then thefinances, so it's like you can
be overwhelmed and so you don'treally have to be overwhelmed if
you just go to your spouse andtalk to them and y'all lay out
some things what he'sresponsible for and what you're
responsible for and worktogether as a team I think that
(21:32):
discussion is is it's ongoing?
yeah, it is a one-time thing,kind of like we mentioned before
previously in another podcastepisode.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
That's an ongoing conversation yeah it's a
reminder, it's a revisiting it'salways evaluating and those
roles may change over time asyour life and your marriage
changes.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Yeah, you have to adjust with yeah, one thing for
women I feel like I need to say.
This is sometimes we can feellike I've said it.
You know what I'm saying.
I already told him that.
Okay.
Well, something I try to tellthem was say it again.
And if they say it well, I saidit five times keep saying it,
because they don't, they don'talways get it.
Like the fifth time, the tenthtime.
(22:10):
You might say it until you knowy'all in, y'all 70s, and he
might get it then, but you gotto keep saying it and then say
it the right way, oh yeah ahundred percent.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
So I I think that's that's a really powerful thing
for people to work through thosegender roles and, like I said,
we can't list everything out.
Oh no, it's a really powerfulthing for people to work through
those gender roles and, like Isaid, we can't list everything
out.
Oh no, it's a lot Cooking,cleaning, raising children,
disciplined children, finances,finances who's going to pay the
bills?
Who's going to go to thegrocery store?
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Who's going to?
Speaker 2 (22:38):
put the groceries up.
All of that needs to bediscussed.
It does that way.
When you get in the marriageit's like, hey, ok, here's what
we plan to do, or if you'realready married, discuss it
anyway.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Yeah.
And get an understanding onwhat needs to happen.
What's my responsibility?
Speaker 2 (22:52):
to function.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Well, that's good, good, good, you got anything
else.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
That's it.
Well, listen, thank you all forjoining us.
Share, because we do want tohear from you.
Read the description and you'llfind a link there for a gender
roles worksheet.
You can download that worksheet, print it out.
I advise you.
Here's my suggestion Make twocopies of it.
You do one, let your spouse dothe other separately, and then
(23:19):
you'll come together and discussit, look at your differences
and see how you all thinkdifferent.
Then put it together and worktogether on building a cohesive
unit as a family and build thatteam so that your family, your
household, can run well together.
I promise you, this right herewill help eliminate a lot of
disagreements, a lot ofdisappointments from
(23:41):
expectations that you allhaven't discussed.
Discuss those things.
Get an understanding man.
It'll help you.
Also, there's some links to ourbooks that we recommend as well
.
That'll help you as well.
So look into that.
If you think that'll benefit,you.
Download it, get it, apply itto your life and I know it's
going to change your life.
We get testimonies all the timeyes, of people who read those
books and implemented the toolsnow.
(24:02):
You can't just read the bookand think it's going to work
right, you, you gotta read itand implement exactly and it'll
help you.
These are things, pastor teaseand I have learned, we've grown
and we've implemented, and nowwe just want to help others.
All right, so thank y'all againfor joining us.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
You got anything, thank you, no, that's it all
right.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Love y'all, y'all be blessed and we will see y'all
next.
Till next time.
Till next time, take care, hey,thank you for joining us, for
Doing it With the Daniels, ifyou want to keep up with
everything going on on ourchannel.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
don't forget to Like, comment, subscribe and share
this podcast.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Absolutely.
We'll see you next time.
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