June 20, 2024 • 38 mins
What happens when a busy mom decides to take on the mental health stigma? Julie Polmonari, co-founder of Mom2Mom, joins us to share her inspiring journey from overwhelmed mom to mental health advocate. In this episode, she opens up about her deeply personal experience as a suicide loss survivor and how it motivated her to start Mom2Mom - a peer support group breaking down stigmas around mental health for mothers. Julie's story highlights the critical importance of prioritizing mental well-being for moms juggling immense pressures, providing an uplifting example of resilience through open conversations.
In this episode, we discuss:
1. Challenges of getting people to open up and talk about mental health struggles.
2. Importance of normalizing conversations around mental health.
3. The need for more mental health professionals and wellness resources.
You can connect with Julie on:
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/juliepolmonari/
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/jlpolmonari/
Join the Midlife Squad:
Want to stay up to date on the Don't Call Me Midlife podcast and community? Click below so we can keep you in the know!
www.itstradish.myflodesk.com/dontcallmemidlife
Hang Out on Social:
Follow Alix on Instagram @everydaywithalix
Follow Nicole on Instagram @touch_of_stass
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Help us expand our mom-tourage! Share our podcast with your fellow mom friends and let's conquer midlife together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the Don't Call Me Midlife podcast.
I'm Nicole and I'm Alex.
We're your coffee-addicted,wine-loving, amazon-obsessed mom
squad.
Think of us as your new besties, but with a podcast.
And, just like you, we'renavigating the Google-defined
chaos of midlife while wranglinga pack of boys.
But here's the twist we're morethan just moms and wives.
We're on a mission to reclaimour identities beyond motherhood
(00:24):
, and we're bringing you alongfor the wild ride.
Now, we don't pretend to haveall the answers to life's
mysteries, but we're so good atlearning and laughing our way
through them.
So whether you're sipping fromyour trusty Stanley, indulging
in an oat milk latte fromStarbucks or raising a glass of
Whispering Angel, get ready tohang with us.
Together.
We'll keep it real, have somelaughs and remind you that this
(00:44):
crazy journey called life is oneadventure worth sharing.
Good morning, how are you?
I am so excited about thisModern Mom Day.
We have Julie, who is a busy momof two.
She is in the Boston area, sheis the co-founder of an
(01:05):
organization called Mom to Mom,where her and a co-founder are
trying to break the stigmaagainst mental health, and she
is also I just have to say oneof my very dear besties.
I met her when I was actuallypregnant with Baker.
So she is bringing to lightsome really important topics
that are serious, but somethingthat needs to be talked about
(01:28):
100%.
I am very much a pro-mentalhealth advocate and Julie has
started this mom-to-mom and itis just so important and I'm
just, you know, ready to diveinto this and maybe this will
touch someone and help them in away that they didn't know they
(01:50):
needed.
Yeah, so keep listening If you,you know, even if you feel like
you are feeling overwhelmed asa mom, or you know someone that
is feeling overwhelmed, or evenif you're not, this is just a
really good discussion aboutmental health and holistic
health and also helping ourteens.
So listen and we hope that youenjoy it.
(02:17):
We have a really special ModernMom date.
We have Julie on here, and it'sspecial because she is one of
my oldest mom besties.
I literally met her when I waspregnant and she had just had
her first son, aiden.
So she is one of my dearest,bestest friends.
So thank you, jules, for takingthe time to come on today.
(02:38):
Nicole and I are so excited totalk to you.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
I'm so excited to be here.
This is not the way I usuallystart my mornings and, believe
me, it's a treat.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
And I just want to tell the ladies who are
listening that both of theseladies have so much in common.
When I was thinking about themlast night, when I first met
both of them, they were just andI've said this again about,
I've said this a lot aboutNicole they were both very cool
people, like they just have this, like vibe, where you're, like
I want to be friends with them.
They also are both unbelievablybeautiful on the inside out and
(03:12):
they both always know how todress.
It is amazing.
I mean, they're textingpictures of shirts today and I'm
like I'm lucky I took a shower,so they both.
I'm just excited about thisconversation.
It's a serious but needed topicand so just bringing to light
let's just start out, nicolewhat is in your cup?
Well, I have some matcha thismorning, so I'm trying to shake
(03:36):
things up a bit.
Yeah, matcha with some almondmilk.
So I'm being adventurous,stepping out of my coffee.
You always have fancy drinks,you know.
I just have a cup of coffee inmy to-go mug because it's
summertime and I am in the car alot and it's probably maybe you
guys have guessed it's like mythird cup of coffee.
So I'm good, I can't.
(04:01):
What's?
Speaker 2 (04:03):
in your cup, julie?
Well, I have my Stanley,because Alex loves Stanley's and
my cup today is filled with agrapefruit element.
You guys know those elementssalty, electrolyte water, Less.
You think I'm some crazy likehydration person.
No, I've already had twomassive cups of coffee.
There could be a third of myfuture, but for now I'm going to
(04:24):
hydrate.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
We do love our coffee .
We do love Element Tea, exceptfor Nicole.
Well, I think I'm going to haveto try it again.
My sister-in-law told me thatit needs to sit a little bit
longer, so I'm going to try itagain.
You're like high-maintenanceElement Tea, Nicole.
It's like a non-alcoholicmargarita.
I put it in margaritas, youguys, I put the lime.
(04:47):
It's so good.
Interesting, I do have to sayokay, I'm a big fan of the
Stanley I love.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Stanley.
However, I've noticed that thestraw is giving me like deep
lines around my head.
So I've heard this is this is areal thing to my, my husband,
and he literally said.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
So I've heard, because I was drinking the other
day and I never smoked, so Idon't have.
I never had, like you know butall of a sudden.
I'm like, oh my God, what isgoing on?
And um, they're like well, mom,just take out the straw.
I'm like, oh, yeah, anyway, Ijust thought I'd put that out
there into the world, in case.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
OK, well, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that
ladies.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
OK, because I have, like Stanley's, all my time.
So let's, let's, let's, let'sask Julie, before we get into
this topic of what do you think,julie, about midlife?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
You know, I'm rolling with the punches.
I think it's fine.
Do I think it's amazing?
I'm rolling with the punches, Ithink it's fine.
Do I think it's amazing?
I'm not sure.
I think it's fine.
It's fine, okay, what's?
Speaker 1 (05:52):
my alternative.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Let's start there.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
You're like I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
I'm a big believer in like all the things, anything
that's going to help you getthrough it with greater ease or
more confidence.
So trust me, I do all thatstuff.
I'm cool with it.
I'm cool Midlife and.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
I are friends.
Yeah, you're friends.
Okay, well, we're not going tobe here forever guys.
No, I like that, we're going tolong for this some days.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Ladies, let me just be the bearer of the bad news
here.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yes, yes, yes, yeah.
I like when I told.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Alex, this lasts for 20 years.
He's like are you serious rightnow?
I mean there are some there aresome things happening that,
trust me, are less than ideal.
But again, like, what am Igonna do?
I'm just trying to embrace,trying to embrace.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
So it's fine, okay, I think I think we're all on the
same page here.
So we.
Julie is a busy mom, um, shelives in the Boston area as well
, and she started anorganization that I would love
for you to tell us about.
It is called mom to mom.
It's in the South shore ofMassachusetts and she did this.
(06:57):
Um, she also has a full-timejob and so this organization
sorry is very personal to her.
So I'm proud of her for doingthis and I want, I want, from
your story, tell us about theorganization and why you started
it.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Yeah, well, I mean a couple of super, super quick
disclaimers.
First, I'm not the only founder.
There is somebody else whofounded it with me.
I'll tell you a little bitabout how that came to be in a
sec.
And the other thing is, youknow, mom2mom, it is a
peer-to-peer resource group thatcame together to break the
stigma around mental health.
People don't want to talk aboutmental health, so we put
(07:35):
together this like consortium ofwomen who do want to talk about
it.
But I just want to leteverybody here know we are not
therapists, we are not offeringlife-saving advice.
We are just trying to normalizea conversation around mental
health because we feel it needsto become super duper normal.
So I know why Alex is crying.
Alex is one of my best friendsand we're super close and she
(07:58):
knows my backstory.
My backstory is this you know,I used to feel that being a
suicide, loss, survivor, wassomething for them.
It was something for I don'tknow anybody, but not me.
It's like whoa, when I, when Iheard about, you know, suicide,
that felt like it was on like anisland, and I was on a
different island and I wouldjust never be part of that
(08:20):
island until one day and I'mreally open about my stuff.
But just for your audience, Iam going to try to speak in
generalities about the personI've lost from suicide, out of
respect for those in theperson's life who aren't as open
.
So, 2018, I mean, I felt like Iwas shot by a gun.
(08:40):
I truly fell when I found outthat a loved one had taken their
life and I was shot by a gun.
I truly fell when I found outthat a loved one had taken their
life and I was thrown into aworld of hurt that I didn't even
know existed.
Like to quote our girl, I wasdown bad, like I was down so bad
, it was so hard and, um, youknow, I got really lucky.
I mean, number one I ran to atherapist, did not walk, ran.
(09:03):
I wouldn't say that personsaved my life because my life
was never in danger, but I hadher help and she was amazing.
And then I had these friends,like coming out of the woodwork.
So one of my friends, emily,she came to me and we were
sitting on my porch and she wasasking me how my loved one died
(09:24):
and I told her straight up andhonestly my loved one took their
life and she and I were talkingand we were just talking about
mental health and I shared withher that this person I don't
think had ever really beencomfortable with the concept of
seeking medical help, mentalhealth they just that wasn't
their thing.
And Emily shared well, you know, I've struggled, my family
(09:48):
members have struggled withmental health and we have gotten
help and and here are all thethings like we've done.
And you know, people, peopleseek treatment just like they
would if there was cancer orulcer or whatever right, some
common theme.
And it was kind of this momentof like you and I are different
sides of the same coin.
Like you are the side of I didsomething and I'm the side of
(10:11):
what happens when you don't.
And we in 2018 said, oh my gosh, like should we just come
together and start talking aboutthis shit, because nobody else
is and if we don't talk about it, nothing's going to change.
So we didn't do anything for aminute.
You know, kind of went ourseparate ways a bit and
(10:31):
unfortunately, you know, in mylittle cute town I live in this
beautiful, quaint seaside townand we have had our share of
suicides and there was a womanin town who passed and Emily and
I were just like this is enough, like this is enough, right,
we're just gonna, we're justgonna get moving on this project
(10:54):
that we thought about fouryears ago at the time, and we
put together mom to mom, hangthem.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
So when did that start, Jules?
What year did you start it?
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Yeah, well, the concept was kind of like
conceived in 2018.
Dang, it was a long pregnancy.
We were like pregnant with theidea until November 22, I think
it was.
And then in early 2023, we juststarted saying, okay, well, who
has a different perspectiveLike I'm a suicide loss,
survivor Emily's.
Somebody who has a differentperspective Like I'm a suicide
law survivor Emily.
(11:26):
Somebody who has personalreflections and experiences with
mental health, what could we do?
Like, who else could we bring?
So our group was like a socialworker, maybe two, a licensed
psychologist, a nurse reallyinteresting, a select person in
our town and there were likeschool counselors oh my gosh,
(11:47):
guys, the things happening withthe teens and it's just.
It's a consortium of peoplewith backgrounds who all just
wanted to say, hey, we strugglewith mental health, it's all
good as long as you make it so.
And we put togetherpeer-to-peer support groups and
just started Was it popular?
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Not popular, but were people flocking to your groups
right away, or was it like aslow trickle?
How did that come?
Speaker 2 (12:19):
about.
Well, it's interesting and I'mhappy you asked because you know
we're trying to do somethingpretty bold, pretty intrepid.
We want to break the stigma ofmental health.
It's so funny Like you listento podcasts and people will talk
about their sex lives, orthey'll talk about their health,
with menopause right For ouraudience, or they'll talk about
you know a multitude of things,but you really don't hear people
(12:40):
talking about, like you know,I'm going through a hard time,
I'm not okay, I'm prettyvulnerable right now.
You just, you just like, don'thear that.
So we know what we're doing ishard and therefore, nicole, I
wish we could say people werelike flocking to our groups.
What we lacked, however, inquantity, we have had in quality
(13:02):
, because I can't tell you howmany people have said to us your
group helped me so much.
And we have always said if weeven help one person, mission
accomplished.
But we're rejiggering things,right, we're rejiggering things
based on a ton of things thathave happened locally in Hingham
, based on research, based onneed.
So we're rejiggering things toget better ways for more people
(13:27):
to come, whether they saynothing, whether they say
something, just playing withformats a bit.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Is it people that are struggling themselves or people
that may have loved ones, or isit just?
Is it both?
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Yeah, well, I mean, I think it's kind of both, and
like, one of the things aboutmom to mom is we really play by
Vegas rules, so we want peopleto know look, if you come and
you have something on your mind,share it.
And I've not.
I mean, alex, you know nothingabout what we discuss in there.
In your Road to my ClosestFriends, like I can't share.
(14:01):
But sometimes it's somebody'sgot something.
Other times we'll do a topic,Like I spoke about grief.
I hate to say it, but I thinkat our age, guys so many of us
are struggling with grief somany of us, yeah and with
parents, oh my gosh, it'shorrible.
But we'll kind of go in a waythat the conversation
(14:24):
organically takes us.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
So what have you found with this stigma, right,
is it?
I know us growing, we all grew,we're all the same age, so we
grew up.
You know, we didn't talk aboutany sort of learning challenges.
We didn't talk about feelings,we didn't, you know?
Um, what have you found indoing this organization?
Are people feeling like, oh, ifI admit, as a mom or a person,
that I am not doing, okay, I'msort of weak, right, or it's
(14:51):
like you know that, that, that,that feeling of and I know cause
my mom would say this to mejust cause the way we grew up,
it's like fight through it, likeyou can do, you know and then
go be the Pinterest mom on topof it.
That's what's stressing us out.
So what have you found in doingyour group and talking to
(15:11):
people like the hesitation,maybe, julie, of people talking
or coming to the group, or thestigma, or you know, what
education have you done aroundthat sort of breaking that
stigma?
Have you found that's mosthelpful?
Speaker 2 (15:21):
I mean, I think you nailed it.
I think that is a very, veryaccurate description of where
most people are.
I think what is happening,though, is like, maybe because
we were told, don't talk aboutyour problems, grin and bear it,
we didn't like it.
Maybe we're like the changeagents is what I hope whereby
we're going to be the ones whosay to our kids well, a problem
(15:44):
shared is a problem halved, orthis is health is top to toe
proposition.
If your arm were injured, you'dgo to the doctor.
If your feelings are injured oryour brain feels maybe not
right, maybe a little injured,you're going to go to the doctor
.
So I would love to think that wecan be those people, but I feel
like we see the friction oflike, I want to talk about
(16:04):
things, but talking about thingsis taboo.
And then we also see and itsucks, but we also see and I bet
you guys feel this way.
Sometimes.
It's like you're on the brinkof everything you were saying oh
, I've got to go throw aPinterest party, but then I've
got to present to a C-levelexecutive and oh, then I have to
put, like, some dinner on thetable.
(16:24):
Thank God we have Alex to helpus with that.
It's like all this stuff comingat you and you just feel like
you're you're kind of tipped.
So I think that we, by virtueof seeing the way our parents
raised us, the way our what ourkids need us to be, and feeling
like what we actually want to betruthful and open about, like I
(16:44):
think we can push through thestigma.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Yeah, sometimes it's that first step or it's.
I have talked to friends.
They're like, well, it's justone more thing that I have to do
.
And it's just like, well, thisis something that you need to do
, but it is.
It is hard and then dealingwith that grief, like you think
you're alone until you reallystart listening.
And that's why I feel like thisconversation is so important to
(17:09):
be had.
I mean, I, I am also a survivorof I'm sorry, I forgot how you
said it Uh, like a suicidesurvivor loss yes so.
I lost my brother in 2013, Ibelieve, or 12.
And it did.
(17:33):
It rocked my world and I hadtwo little ones and I was just
like you know what I wentthrough therapy and discovering
so much and like learning justhow to you know, be in, know
what I'm feeling, because I haveto teach this to my, to my
children, and you know, and andthese are teens today, like I I
(17:59):
I feel sad for what is happeninglike between you know, sad for
what is happening like betweenyou know, social media and just
the state of the world thatwe're in.
It's just so confusing and Ifeel like I'm at the point with
my kids where I can talk aboutthings and they're like mom, do
we have to talk about ourfeelings again?
(18:19):
And I'm like, yes, you know, Ijust like yes, and you say, yes,
yeah, I do.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
And I'm like, yes, come back here sit down.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
But you know I'm trying to change that landscape
and I love what you're doing andI think it's so, so important
and I think more conversationsneed to be had.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Yeah, and you know what we're finding too is okay.
So maybe it's a little tooradical to just like get people
in a room and expect, within asmall community, that people are
comfortable sharing, thatpeople feel good about the
confidence we try to ensure inour group, the confidentiality
that is.
We've been feeling like, okay,well, if that's too radical,
(19:05):
what more can we do?
The other thing, guys, that hasbecome crazy, crazy, crazy
apparent due to several thingsagain here in my small town that
I do think is representative ofrest of world, by the way, but
we've had a lot of men, a lot ofmen struggling and oh yeah, I'm
not surprised to hear that.
(19:25):
No, because at least we, whilewe're supposed to be the glue
that holds everything together,at least we, I think, are
expected to emote Right, wrongor indifferent, like, don't tell
me I'm an emotional woman atwork, don't do it, because
people have done it.
(19:47):
That's a topic for another day,but I think men are expected to
just really grin and bear it.
So we put this together for allthe reasons I shared.
Where women, it's apeer-to-peer support group of
moms for moms.
What about the dads, though?
So we are trying to broadenstay mom to mom, but broaden the
aperture to include thecommunity more.
(20:09):
So things that are happeninghere in my small town we're
doing the suicide walk inSeptember that I'm so excited
about.
I know some really awesomewomen who are putting it
together but certainly it is forthe community are putting it
together, but certainly it isfor the community.
I've also met another woman whois bringing the most amazing
(20:31):
curriculum to the high school.
She took a Yale course on howto be happy and she got them
well.
They adapted it for teens, andshe is spearheading this trial
of it at the school, at ourlocal high school.
And, like, can I just brag fora second?
I'm totally going to get grieffor this, but permission, that's
(20:52):
a head.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Yes, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Wait, guys get this.
So I asked my kids about theirdays, like every single day.
And they're like stop asking meabout my day, oh my God.
I asked them all the time, Likewe're at Nicole I day.
Oh my God, I asked them all thetime Like we're at Nicole, I'm
with you.
I'm over-indexing on thetalking which they let me know.
And then I was in the car withmy son on a Saturday.
(21:15):
He's like, oh, talking aboutsomething totally unrelated.
He's like, by the way, I gotasked to join the Breathe Out
Club.
I said what's the Breathe OutClub?
Well, really, long story short,at our high school in Hingham
they're putting together like apeer-to-peer teen support group.
And I guess you have to bepicked to lead it, and I was so
thrilled.
And my son's like it's kind oflike mom's mom, but for like
teens.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
That's amazing.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Yeah, that was like a top 10 mom moment, I think.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Yes, oh, I love that.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
So things are shifting and happening is long
story made short.
Things are shifting andhappening.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Do you in your groups do you also talk about teens?
Cause I was.
I was listening to the book theanxious generation.
I don't know, it's like a hotbook right now, um sort of just
about mental health and all thesocial media and this digital
generation.
Um, do you guys talk about alsothe teens and the like in your
group too, and what, what peoplesee with their kiddos or you
know?
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Oh, for sure, For sure.
Yes, because it's not just.
First of all, you can come andsay nothing, you can participate
and say nothing.
You can, you know, talk aboutyou.
You can talk about somebody inyour world, you can talk about a
teen, it's just, it's likewhatever goes.
So, certainly, moms aredefinitely trying to help their
(22:30):
families too.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Yeah, and it's never too late, no, and I love what
you're saying also I thinkNicole said it about sort of
that holistic health, or, julieyou did from your top down right
, this, this movement of you,know you can feel, uh,
physically healthy but alsomentally healthy, and I think us
talking to our kids cause thatis definitely a gap I know in my
parenting, like my mom wasnever asking are you okay
(22:55):
mentally, right, um, love my momto death.
But it's almost like also thisthinking about the holistic
health you're saying and thentaking a step back before it
gets too far, a little bit withmoms.
Right, you're talking, you bothare talking about the feeling
of overwhelm, right, it startsthere and that's where it
snowballs, right, and these theexpectations right now on us and
(23:16):
it's maybe thinking aboutchanging those expectations of
yourself, right, like you throwa birthday party, just for
example, it doesn't have to bePinterest worthy, right, you
don't have to go to every eventyou're invited to.
You.
You know, all of these things,take a walk, all of these things
, starting with sort of thathealth from a really
foundational point, could be themovement to help people too, I
(23:39):
mean.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Totally and, just being honest, like one of the
things that we did in our groupis, we decided to make it very
casual.
First of all, we're so luckySmall plug for my friend, amanda
Krigsman.
She has founded Krigsman Yoga,which there's one in here in
Hingham Mass, there's one inScituate, and she offers this
like really cool accepting space, and so we have it there.
(24:05):
Then it was you know, bring achair or like a beanbag or
whatever.
I don't know about a beanbag,but like some bolster to sit on.
So it was certainly come as youare.
It was like stripped down, likeminimal makeup wear your sweats
, yoga clothes, whether you didit or or not, and we wanted to
do that really intentionally.
(24:26):
Like most days, I don't put onmakeup.
I did today because I found outthis wasn't just a podcast, it
was also like it's a video.
So I was 10 minutes late, ofcourse too, because I'm always
skidding in sideways, but it wasvery much like we want people
to know we're all skidding insideways in some capacity and
(24:47):
just like bring you, we don'tcare about the rest.
So I think that's reallyimportant, just to own it, like
I don't have it all together andand so what?
Right?
Speaker 1 (24:59):
And do you feel like that's also one of these
benefits of midlife, right?
Nicole and I have talked a lotabout this on the podcast, julie
that you know, in our twentiesand thirties, it was almost like
we were trying to be thatPinterest worthy mom Maybe I
speak for myself, right, I wouldhave never probably said to you
, jules, when I met you, I'mfeeling this way, right, the
only thing people discussed waslike postpartum.
That was, that was normalized.
(25:20):
I feel like that was normalized, you know, 20 years ago when we
had our kiddos.
But it's, you know, it is justalso leaning on each other and
knowing that, like reaching outto your friends and I love doing
this Tell them that you'rethere, tell them that you love
them, Like we can't do thatenough and being honest with
ourselves in midlife if we'rehaving a problem, because I
(25:41):
think if someone is feeling acertain way to normalize it and
to tell someone about it, right,I think that's okay.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
I feel like that's why I'm fine with midlife.
Alex, like I'm like.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
I know who I am.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
I'm comfortable with who I am.
I like learning.
I'm still learning.
I've come a long way.
I'm proud of the shoes that Iwalk in and feel, I'm proud of
the footsteps I'm leaving andI'm proud of the path ahead,
like or I'm excited rather, ofthe path ahead, like, I'm kind
of fine with it.
I mean, have I looked better?
Yes, have I fit into like acrop top better?
(26:19):
Yes, have I, you know X, y, zwhen I was younger?
Like, obviously yes, but I amin a fortunate position.
Knock on wood, I have my health, I take care of my mental
health, I have a great family, Ihave wonderful friends, like,
what's not to like?
(26:39):
I mean, yeah, I have nicesweats.
I don't know.
I'll take that, I guess, is mypoint.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Right, so it's, it's in this, in this stage of life,
being honest with yourself.
But being honest, maybe, if youneed help with with something
with someone else, Right Cause Iknow for our girls dinners and
it dawned on me most recently,and it was honestly from
starting this podcast when I'mat girls dinners and I'm like,
wow, someone's saying somethingthat they're like struggling
with, I'm like, oh my God, metoo.
Right, it's that like awakeningthat if you're going through
(27:10):
something, someone else that youknow well is probably going
through the same exact thing,whether it's a thing with
yourself, maybe it's your spouse, maybe it's your parents, maybe
it's your darn teens, becausethese teens I mean Julie, you
just sent us our group chat, areel about our teenagers and I
was like it is so right on, likeliterally they get mad about
mad at us.
If I breathe, I'm like oh geez,what did I do wrong?
(27:31):
I chew.
My kids are always like whenyou choose salads, you're so
annoying, they either.
Yeah.
I do is wrong, yeah everylittle thing I could make like
chocolate croissants everymorning and they'd be like why
did you make chocolatecroissants Like?
Speaker 2 (27:46):
you're so extra.
Oh my God, oh my God.
It's not that deep Right.
Why are we talking too much?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, or it'dbe like when you make those
croissants.
You do this weird thing withyour left hand.
It's cringy.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Thank God we still have our littles.
I mean, john Mackey is not likethat yet, but he is like
teetering, you guys, and I'mlike, oh no, put those eyes away
, do not roll those eyes at me.
Not yet, john.
Not yet, John, please.
No, we're not ready for youbaby.
Well, julie, thank you so muchfor being here.
This was really really helpfuland bringing this topic to life,
(28:28):
which is really important, andI hope our listeners, ladies,
talk about it with their friends, talk about it with your kiddos
, and I think that's reallyimportant.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Absolutely.
Thank you for having me, guys.
This was fun.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
So, nicole, what time is it?
It's my favorite time, it isunsolicited advice time, okay,
so now we're going to dounsolicited advice, nicole, what
is yours?
My unsolicited advice is to,after talking about this, and I
(29:06):
really think it's important tostart with the teens and to
really connect.
But if you have teens, it'sgoing to be hard just to start
this.
But if you are able to startbefore their teens and just talk
about, like, how you're feeling, or even like, how are your
friends feeling, cause now, my,my kids will talk to me about,
(29:29):
um, some of their friends issuesand how they can be a good
friend to them.
Um, my, my oldest had a, afriend in school that recently
was um cutting himself and he'slike, mom, I just want to be
there for him.
So it is, it is happening,whether we want to admit it or
(29:50):
not, or look at it or we don'tknow what to do.
But we can just start by havingconversations with our kids, um
, about how they're feeling andwhen they can connect to what's
going on with them, then theycan, in turn, be compassionate
and empathetic and leave those,those like open lines of
communication to you and you canhelp them in any way possible.
(30:16):
And if you don't know how tohelp them, there are resources
out there.
Yeah, yeah, nicole, do you feellike it's almost?
And Julie, normalizing I waslistening to another podcast
normalizing feelings in general.
Right, like, we always want ourkids to be happy, happy, happy.
I want my friends to be happy,I want everyone to be happy.
But guess what the reality is?
Sometimes you're not happy,right, it's not an extreme of
(30:37):
being sad.
But normalizing our kids arewho are going through puberty, I
mean us going throughperimenopause.
We go through a lot of emotionsand knowing that that doesn't
have to last forever, right.
When it continues to last,that's a bigger problem.
But if you're feeling sad oneday, it's okay, right.
Exploring all those emotionsand having those and
experiencing those will make, Ithink, our kids better adults.
(31:00):
It makes us better adults too.
So you're so sweet, nicole.
I love that you do that.
Your boys are so good.
They're lucky to have you.
Thank you.
I mean, fundamentally, I feellike as long as they feel loved
and attached, like that's wherehappiness truly blossoms.
But if you think about it, howmany emotions do you have in a
day?
I mean this podcast.
(31:21):
I mean we've had tears, we'velaughed.
I mean, I don't think thataffects um my mood, it's just
emotions are fleeting and soyeah you just yeah you just have
to know, like you have to teachyour kids, that this is this
emotion, is not the end all beall.
And if you, if you don't talkabout things that are bothering
(31:44):
you, then it can snowball.
But that's not to say like ifyou don't have a mental health
issue on a physiological level,like a serotonin issue, where
you actually need medication,which is a whole other issue.
But as long as they have thatone person to talk to and I'm
just talking about teens havethat one person to talk to and
(32:04):
I'm just talking about teams, Imean, I think in general, if
everybody has that one person totalk to.
Um, life would just be a littlebit easier for some.
It'd be good.
Jules, I know you gave us lotsof advice, but what would you
say would be your one bit ofadvice?
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Um, okay, I'll give you like a serious and then
something more fun.
So for the serious one, one ofthe things we get a lot of is
how do I get help, be it for you, someone else, your child?
There are not enough healthcareproviders.
So, college or college or highschool age grads, it's grad
season.
Think about a career inpsychology.
(32:41):
We need you, we need you, weneed, and not only that, but
there's more than justpsychology, because talk therapy
is amazing.
There are other things too.
What can you do to respect,like, overall general wellness?
Could you go to acupunctureschool?
I don't know, that's an amazingthing to do.
There's so many things.
Could you run a kid's camp,like?
There's so many things outthere that I think we as a
(33:03):
society need and we're startingto get that.
If you don't know where tostart, think about your
pediatrician or your schoolcounselor.
Those have both been greatresources around here, because
sometimes it's hard to get tothe help you need right now.
So that would be like myserious advice in terms of my
(33:24):
fun advice.
Guys, I am not a paid endorserof this product, but I'm also
not a gatekeeper.
I don't gatekeep.
I like to share my good shit.
I am taking this sleeping aidthat is melatonin, chamomile and
vitamins.
It's called Friska F-R-I-S-K-AFriska Friska.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Are we going to trust this?
Speaker 2 (33:49):
product Frisky Friska , not frisky.
I was at a cheer competitionwith my daughter and this woman
was like I don't know, maybe Ilooked exhausted or something.
She's like try Friska and.
I'm like oh, my God whoeverthat person was, she like flew
in on angel wings and gave methis amazing tip Don't take it
(34:09):
nightly, but like when I do, ohmy God, my sleep scores are
bananas.
So, knowing you all maybestruggle with the sleep thing.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
I know our listeners will love it.
Friska, friska.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
We'll put it in the show notes.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
It's great, we'll put it in the show notes.
We'll put it in the show notes,julian, I swear by.
Our aura rings Like, literally.
That determines my mood.
What is my readiness?
Speaker 2 (34:29):
score what is?
My sleep score my sleep scorewas so bad in Vegas.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Oh, I have my sleep score in Vegas was so bad it
like ruined my whole day.
I was like Alex, this is notokay.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
You shouldn't take it on vacation, You're not going
to Vegas for a sleep score.
It was the same when we went toLondon.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
I remember that.
It's really interesting, thoughyou know you guys gave such
good advice, but so I don't havea lot more.
But I would say I think I goback to reach out to a friend
today.
I think that's my big thing iswe?
You know, if you have a friendthat's getting a little bit
quiet that you normally hearfrom, I mean, how many times
Nicole and I will text, like ifwe don't hear from her in a day
(35:09):
or she doesn't hear from me,it's like, are you okay?
Are you okay?
Like, literally, that is onlythe text.
And, um, so if you were bigcommunicators as midlife ladies
and just simply sending someonean emoji, right, like, just
reach out, make sure someone'sokay.
I'm a big card writer, um, soit doesn't take a lot to write
cards.
That's actually how I start myday is I typically will write
(35:31):
cards.
I save all my cards or thingsthat I'm going to do in the
morning, because keeping thepostal system you know I go
there all the time Um, so justjust reach out.
I am friends with that when.
I moved from Boston.
I gave the, I gave the UPSpeople a present, but anyways,
(35:52):
so just think of the way thatfits you, whether it's, you know
, it could be a real funny reelor it could be something like
just let someone know peoplelove to be loved, right, and
just let them know that they'reloved and tell them.
You can't tell people enoughthat.
So so, julie, I have one morequestion.
What if you were talking about?
If someone needs help, how cansomeone find mom to mom reach
out to you?
Where can?
Where can someone if they wantto know more about your
organization or if they want tostart one in their own town, how
(36:14):
, how can they find you?
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Yeah, we would love for this to be like an unpaid
franchise there's no fee, youguys just stand it up and do
your thing locally.
You guys just stand it up anddo your thing locally.
We've kind of made a concertedeffort to be a little low
profile.
I think we're talking around itnow.
Is it too low profile?
But a couple of things that wedo have.
Number one we have an Instagrampage.
(36:40):
It's M2M underscore Hingham,that's it.
You can ask to follow us.
We are also getting moreaffiliated with the Hingham
Anchor, so that's like ahyperlocal website.
That's our town news and we'veput some content there.
We're talking to them aboutputting more content out, but
(37:01):
that's really it.
We do try to keep you know alittle bit discreet, just given
the topics.
We do try to keep you know alittle bit discreet, just given
the topics.
But if anybody has questions,you can contact us through um,
through Instagram, for sure.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
Okay, perfect, and if someone can't find it, reach
out to Nicole or I and we willpoint you in that right
direction, for sure.
But um all right.
Thanks, jules, thanks Nicole,love you guys.
Bye, jules, thanks Nicole, loveyou guys.
And that's a wrap for today'sepisode of don't call me midlife
.
We hope you had as much fun aswe did.
(37:33):
Absolutely, your support meansthe world to us.
If you're just waiting in thecarpool line, don't forget to
follow the show, and if you'refeeling extra spicy today, leave
us a rating and review Beforewe part ways.
We've got a special invitationfor you Join our newsletter to
stay in the loop with all thingsmidlife, magic, bonus content
and more.
Head on over to the show notesfor how to sign up.
(37:54):
We can't wait to keep theconversation going.
And, of course, remember, inthe whirlwind of life and
motherhood, don't forget to fillup your own cup first.
You're extraordinary and yourjourney is worth every moment.
Until next time, cheers.
Welcome to the Don't Call Me Midlife podcast.
I'm Nicole and I'm Alex.
We're your coffee-addicted,wine-loving, amazon-obsessed mom
squad.
Think of us as your new besties, but with a podcast.
And, just like you, we'renavigating the Google-defined
chaos of midlife while wranglinga pack of boys.
But here's the twist we're morethan just moms and wives.
We're on a mission to reclaimour identities beyond motherhood
(00:24):
, and we're bringing you alongfor the wild ride.
Now, we don't pretend to haveall the answers to life's
mysteries, but we're so good atlearning and laughing our way
through them.
So whether you're sipping fromyour trusty Stanley, indulging
in an oat milk latte fromStarbucks or raising a glass of
Whispering Angel, get ready tohang with us.
Together.
We'll keep it real, have somelaughs and remind you that this
(00:44):
crazy journey called life is oneadventure worth sharing.
Good morning, how are you?
I am so excited about thisModern Mom Day.
We have Julie, who is a busy momof two.
She is in the Boston area, sheis the co-founder of an
(01:05):
organization called Mom to Mom,where her and a co-founder are
trying to break the stigmaagainst mental health, and she
is also I just have to say oneof my very dear besties.
I met her when I was actuallypregnant with Baker.
So she is bringing to lightsome really important topics
that are serious, but somethingthat needs to be talked about
(01:28):
100%.
I am very much a pro-mentalhealth advocate and Julie has
started this mom-to-mom and itis just so important and I'm
just, you know, ready to diveinto this and maybe this will
touch someone and help them in away that they didn't know they
(01:50):
needed.
Yeah, so keep listening If you,you know, even if you feel like
you are feeling overwhelmed asa mom, or you know someone that
is feeling overwhelmed, or evenif you're not, this is just a
really good discussion aboutmental health and holistic
health and also helping ourteens.
So listen and we hope that youenjoy it.
(02:17):
We have a really special ModernMom date.
We have Julie on here, and it'sspecial because she is one of
my oldest mom besties.
I literally met her when I waspregnant and she had just had
her first son, aiden.
So she is one of my dearest,bestest friends.
So thank you, jules, for takingthe time to come on today.
(02:38):
Nicole and I are so excited totalk to you.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
I'm so excited to be here.
This is not the way I usuallystart my mornings and, believe
me, it's a treat.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
And I just want to tell the ladies who are
listening that both of theseladies have so much in common.
When I was thinking about themlast night, when I first met
both of them, they were just andI've said this again about,
I've said this a lot aboutNicole they were both very cool
people, like they just have this, like vibe, where you're, like
I want to be friends with them.
They also are both unbelievablybeautiful on the inside out and
(03:12):
they both always know how todress.
It is amazing.
I mean, they're textingpictures of shirts today and I'm
like I'm lucky I took a shower,so they both.
I'm just excited about thisconversation.
It's a serious but needed topicand so just bringing to light
let's just start out, nicolewhat is in your cup?
Well, I have some matcha thismorning, so I'm trying to shake
(03:36):
things up a bit.
Yeah, matcha with some almondmilk.
So I'm being adventurous,stepping out of my coffee.
You always have fancy drinks,you know.
I just have a cup of coffee inmy to-go mug because it's
summertime and I am in the car alot and it's probably maybe you
guys have guessed it's like mythird cup of coffee.
So I'm good, I can't.
(04:01):
What's?
Speaker 2 (04:03):
in your cup, julie?
Well, I have my Stanley,because Alex loves Stanley's and
my cup today is filled with agrapefruit element.
You guys know those elementssalty, electrolyte water, Less.
You think I'm some crazy likehydration person.
No, I've already had twomassive cups of coffee.
There could be a third of myfuture, but for now I'm going to
(04:24):
hydrate.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
We do love our coffee .
We do love Element Tea, exceptfor Nicole.
Well, I think I'm going to haveto try it again.
My sister-in-law told me thatit needs to sit a little bit
longer, so I'm going to try itagain.
You're like high-maintenanceElement Tea, Nicole.
It's like a non-alcoholicmargarita.
I put it in margaritas, youguys, I put the lime.
(04:47):
It's so good.
Interesting, I do have to sayokay, I'm a big fan of the
Stanley I love.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Stanley.
However, I've noticed that thestraw is giving me like deep
lines around my head.
So I've heard this is this is areal thing to my, my husband,
and he literally said.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
So I've heard, because I was drinking the other
day and I never smoked, so Idon't have.
I never had, like you know butall of a sudden.
I'm like, oh my God, what isgoing on?
And um, they're like well, mom,just take out the straw.
I'm like, oh, yeah, anyway, Ijust thought I'd put that out
there into the world, in case.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
OK, well, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that
ladies.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
OK, because I have, like Stanley's, all my time.
So let's, let's, let's, let'sask Julie, before we get into
this topic of what do you think,julie, about midlife?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
You know, I'm rolling with the punches.
I think it's fine.
Do I think it's amazing?
I'm rolling with the punches, Ithink it's fine.
Do I think it's amazing?
I'm not sure.
I think it's fine.
It's fine, okay, what's?
Speaker 1 (05:52):
my alternative.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Let's start there.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
You're like I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
I'm a big believer in like all the things, anything
that's going to help you getthrough it with greater ease or
more confidence.
So trust me, I do all thatstuff.
I'm cool with it.
I'm cool Midlife and.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
I are friends.
Yeah, you're friends.
Okay, well, we're not going tobe here forever guys.
No, I like that, we're going tolong for this some days.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Ladies, let me just be the bearer of the bad news
here.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yes, yes, yes, yeah.
I like when I told.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Alex, this lasts for 20 years.
He's like are you serious rightnow?
I mean there are some there aresome things happening that,
trust me, are less than ideal.
But again, like, what am Igonna do?
I'm just trying to embrace,trying to embrace.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
So it's fine, okay, I think I think we're all on the
same page here.
So we.
Julie is a busy mom, um, shelives in the Boston area as well
, and she started anorganization that I would love
for you to tell us about.
It is called mom to mom.
It's in the South shore ofMassachusetts and she did this.
(06:57):
Um, she also has a full-timejob and so this organization
sorry is very personal to her.
So I'm proud of her for doingthis and I want, I want, from
your story, tell us about theorganization and why you started
it.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Yeah, well, I mean a couple of super, super quick
disclaimers.
First, I'm not the only founder.
There is somebody else whofounded it with me.
I'll tell you a little bitabout how that came to be in a
sec.
And the other thing is, youknow, mom2mom, it is a
peer-to-peer resource group thatcame together to break the
stigma around mental health.
People don't want to talk aboutmental health, so we put
(07:35):
together this like consortium ofwomen who do want to talk about
it.
But I just want to leteverybody here know we are not
therapists, we are not offeringlife-saving advice.
We are just trying to normalizea conversation around mental
health because we feel it needsto become super duper normal.
So I know why Alex is crying.
Alex is one of my best friendsand we're super close and she
(07:58):
knows my backstory.
My backstory is this you know,I used to feel that being a
suicide, loss, survivor, wassomething for them.
It was something for I don'tknow anybody, but not me.
It's like whoa, when I, when Iheard about, you know, suicide,
that felt like it was on like anisland, and I was on a
different island and I wouldjust never be part of that
(08:20):
island until one day and I'mreally open about my stuff.
But just for your audience, Iam going to try to speak in
generalities about the personI've lost from suicide, out of
respect for those in theperson's life who aren't as open
.
So, 2018, I mean, I felt like Iwas shot by a gun.
(08:40):
I truly fell when I found outthat a loved one had taken their
life and I was shot by a gun.
I truly fell when I found outthat a loved one had taken their
life and I was thrown into aworld of hurt that I didn't even
know existed.
Like to quote our girl, I wasdown bad, like I was down so bad
, it was so hard and, um, youknow, I got really lucky.
I mean, number one I ran to atherapist, did not walk, ran.
(09:03):
I wouldn't say that personsaved my life because my life
was never in danger, but I hadher help and she was amazing.
And then I had these friends,like coming out of the woodwork.
So one of my friends, emily,she came to me and we were
sitting on my porch and she wasasking me how my loved one died
(09:24):
and I told her straight up andhonestly my loved one took their
life and she and I were talkingand we were just talking about
mental health and I shared withher that this person I don't
think had ever really beencomfortable with the concept of
seeking medical help, mentalhealth they just that wasn't
their thing.
And Emily shared well, you know, I've struggled, my family
(09:48):
members have struggled withmental health and we have gotten
help and and here are all thethings like we've done.
And you know, people, peopleseek treatment just like they
would if there was cancer orulcer or whatever right, some
common theme.
And it was kind of this momentof like you and I are different
sides of the same coin.
Like you are the side of I didsomething and I'm the side of
(10:11):
what happens when you don't.
And we in 2018 said, oh my gosh, like should we just come
together and start talking aboutthis shit, because nobody else
is and if we don't talk about it, nothing's going to change.
So we didn't do anything for aminute.
You know, kind of went ourseparate ways a bit and
(10:31):
unfortunately, you know, in mylittle cute town I live in this
beautiful, quaint seaside townand we have had our share of
suicides and there was a womanin town who passed and Emily and
I were just like this is enough, like this is enough, right,
we're just gonna, we're justgonna get moving on this project
(10:54):
that we thought about fouryears ago at the time, and we
put together mom to mom, hangthem.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
So when did that start, Jules?
What year did you start it?
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Yeah, well, the concept was kind of like
conceived in 2018.
Dang, it was a long pregnancy.
We were like pregnant with theidea until November 22, I think
it was.
And then in early 2023, we juststarted saying, okay, well, who
has a different perspectiveLike I'm a suicide loss,
survivor Emily's.
Somebody who has a differentperspective Like I'm a suicide
law survivor Emily.
(11:26):
Somebody who has personalreflections and experiences with
mental health, what could we do?
Like, who else could we bring?
So our group was like a socialworker, maybe two, a licensed
psychologist, a nurse reallyinteresting, a select person in
our town and there were likeschool counselors oh my gosh,
(11:47):
guys, the things happening withthe teens and it's just.
It's a consortium of peoplewith backgrounds who all just
wanted to say, hey, we strugglewith mental health, it's all
good as long as you make it so.
And we put togetherpeer-to-peer support groups and
just started Was it popular?
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Not popular, but were people flocking to your groups
right away, or was it like aslow trickle?
How did that come?
Speaker 2 (12:19):
about.
Well, it's interesting and I'mhappy you asked because you know
we're trying to do somethingpretty bold, pretty intrepid.
We want to break the stigma ofmental health.
It's so funny Like you listento podcasts and people will talk
about their sex lives, orthey'll talk about their health,
with menopause right For ouraudience, or they'll talk about
you know a multitude of things,but you really don't hear people
(12:40):
talking about, like you know,I'm going through a hard time,
I'm not okay, I'm prettyvulnerable right now.
You just, you just like, don'thear that.
So we know what we're doing ishard and therefore, nicole, I
wish we could say people werelike flocking to our groups.
What we lacked, however, inquantity, we have had in quality
(13:02):
, because I can't tell you howmany people have said to us your
group helped me so much.
And we have always said if weeven help one person, mission
accomplished.
But we're rejiggering things,right, we're rejiggering things
based on a ton of things thathave happened locally in Hingham
, based on research, based onneed.
So we're rejiggering things toget better ways for more people
(13:27):
to come, whether they saynothing, whether they say
something, just playing withformats a bit.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Is it people that are struggling themselves or people
that may have loved ones, or isit just?
Is it both?
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Yeah, well, I mean, I think it's kind of both, and
like, one of the things aboutmom to mom is we really play by
Vegas rules, so we want peopleto know look, if you come and
you have something on your mind,share it.
And I've not.
I mean, alex, you know nothingabout what we discuss in there.
In your Road to my ClosestFriends, like I can't share.
(14:01):
But sometimes it's somebody'sgot something.
Other times we'll do a topic,Like I spoke about grief.
I hate to say it, but I thinkat our age, guys so many of us
are struggling with grief somany of us, yeah and with
parents, oh my gosh, it'shorrible.
But we'll kind of go in a waythat the conversation
(14:24):
organically takes us.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
So what have you found with this stigma, right,
is it?
I know us growing, we all grew,we're all the same age, so we
grew up.
You know, we didn't talk aboutany sort of learning challenges.
We didn't talk about feelings,we didn't, you know?
Um, what have you found indoing this organization?
Are people feeling like, oh, ifI admit, as a mom or a person,
that I am not doing, okay, I'msort of weak, right, or it's
(14:51):
like you know that, that, that,that feeling of and I know cause
my mom would say this to mejust cause the way we grew up,
it's like fight through it, likeyou can do, you know and then
go be the Pinterest mom on topof it.
That's what's stressing us out.
So what have you found in doingyour group and talking to
(15:11):
people like the hesitation,maybe, julie, of people talking
or coming to the group, or thestigma, or you know, what
education have you done aroundthat sort of breaking that
stigma?
Have you found that's mosthelpful?
Speaker 2 (15:21):
I mean, I think you nailed it.
I think that is a very, veryaccurate description of where
most people are.
I think what is happening,though, is like, maybe because
we were told, don't talk aboutyour problems, grin and bear it,
we didn't like it.
Maybe we're like the changeagents is what I hope whereby
we're going to be the ones whosay to our kids well, a problem
(15:44):
shared is a problem halved, orthis is health is top to toe
proposition.
If your arm were injured, you'dgo to the doctor.
If your feelings are injured oryour brain feels maybe not
right, maybe a little injured,you're going to go to the doctor
.
So I would love to think that wecan be those people, but I feel
like we see the friction oflike, I want to talk about
(16:04):
things, but talking about thingsis taboo.
And then we also see and itsucks, but we also see and I bet
you guys feel this way.
Sometimes.
It's like you're on the brinkof everything you were saying oh
, I've got to go throw aPinterest party, but then I've
got to present to a C-levelexecutive and oh, then I have to
put, like, some dinner on thetable.
(16:24):
Thank God we have Alex to helpus with that.
It's like all this stuff comingat you and you just feel like
you're you're kind of tipped.
So I think that we, by virtueof seeing the way our parents
raised us, the way our what ourkids need us to be, and feeling
like what we actually want to betruthful and open about, like I
(16:44):
think we can push through thestigma.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Yeah, sometimes it's that first step or it's.
I have talked to friends.
They're like, well, it's justone more thing that I have to do
.
And it's just like, well, thisis something that you need to do
, but it is.
It is hard and then dealingwith that grief, like you think
you're alone until you reallystart listening.
And that's why I feel like thisconversation is so important to
(17:09):
be had.
I mean, I, I am also a survivorof I'm sorry, I forgot how you
said it Uh, like a suicidesurvivor loss yes so.
I lost my brother in 2013, Ibelieve, or 12.
And it did.
(17:33):
It rocked my world and I hadtwo little ones and I was just
like you know what I wentthrough therapy and discovering
so much and like learning justhow to you know, be in, know
what I'm feeling, because I haveto teach this to my, to my
children, and you know, and andthese are teens today, like I I
(17:59):
I feel sad for what is happeninglike between you know, sad for
what is happening like betweenyou know, social media and just
the state of the world thatwe're in.
It's just so confusing and Ifeel like I'm at the point with
my kids where I can talk aboutthings and they're like mom, do
we have to talk about ourfeelings again?
(18:19):
And I'm like, yes, you know, Ijust like yes, and you say, yes,
yeah, I do.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
And I'm like, yes, come back here sit down.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
But you know I'm trying to change that landscape
and I love what you're doing andI think it's so, so important
and I think more conversationsneed to be had.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Yeah, and you know what we're finding too is okay.
So maybe it's a little tooradical to just like get people
in a room and expect, within asmall community, that people are
comfortable sharing, thatpeople feel good about the
confidence we try to ensure inour group, the confidentiality
that is.
We've been feeling like, okay,well, if that's too radical,
(19:05):
what more can we do?
The other thing, guys, that hasbecome crazy, crazy, crazy
apparent due to several thingsagain here in my small town that
I do think is representative ofrest of world, by the way, but
we've had a lot of men, a lot ofmen struggling and oh yeah, I'm
not surprised to hear that.
(19:25):
No, because at least we, whilewe're supposed to be the glue
that holds everything together,at least we, I think, are
expected to emote Right, wrongor indifferent, like, don't tell
me I'm an emotional woman atwork, don't do it, because
people have done it.
(19:47):
That's a topic for another day,but I think men are expected to
just really grin and bear it.
So we put this together for allthe reasons I shared.
Where women, it's apeer-to-peer support group of
moms for moms.
What about the dads, though?
So we are trying to broadenstay mom to mom, but broaden the
aperture to include thecommunity more.
(20:09):
So things that are happeninghere in my small town we're
doing the suicide walk inSeptember that I'm so excited
about.
I know some really awesomewomen who are putting it
together but certainly it is forthe community are putting it
together, but certainly it isfor the community.
I've also met another woman whois bringing the most amazing
(20:31):
curriculum to the high school.
She took a Yale course on howto be happy and she got them
well.
They adapted it for teens, andshe is spearheading this trial
of it at the school, at ourlocal high school.
And, like, can I just brag fora second?
I'm totally going to get grieffor this, but permission, that's
(20:52):
a head.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Yes, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Wait, guys get this.
So I asked my kids about theirdays, like every single day.
And they're like stop asking meabout my day, oh my God.
I asked them all the time, Likewe're at Nicole I day.
Oh my God, I asked them all thetime Like we're at Nicole, I'm
with you.
I'm over-indexing on thetalking which they let me know.
And then I was in the car withmy son on a Saturday.
(21:15):
He's like, oh, talking aboutsomething totally unrelated.
He's like, by the way, I gotasked to join the Breathe Out
Club.
I said what's the Breathe OutClub?
Well, really, long story short,at our high school in Hingham
they're putting together like apeer-to-peer teen support group.
And I guess you have to bepicked to lead it, and I was so
thrilled.
And my son's like it's kind oflike mom's mom, but for like
teens.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
That's amazing.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Yeah, that was like a top 10 mom moment, I think.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Yes, oh, I love that.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
So things are shifting and happening is long
story made short.
Things are shifting andhappening.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Do you in your groups do you also talk about teens?
Cause I was.
I was listening to the book theanxious generation.
I don't know, it's like a hotbook right now, um sort of just
about mental health and all thesocial media and this digital
generation.
Um, do you guys talk about alsothe teens and the like in your
group too, and what, what peoplesee with their kiddos or you
know?
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Oh, for sure, For sure.
Yes, because it's not just.
First of all, you can come andsay nothing, you can participate
and say nothing.
You can, you know, talk aboutyou.
You can talk about somebody inyour world, you can talk about a
teen, it's just, it's likewhatever goes.
So, certainly, moms aredefinitely trying to help their
(22:30):
families too.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Yeah, and it's never too late, no, and I love what
you're saying also I thinkNicole said it about sort of
that holistic health, or, julieyou did from your top down right
, this, this movement of you,know you can feel, uh,
physically healthy but alsomentally healthy, and I think us
talking to our kids cause thatis definitely a gap I know in my
parenting, like my mom wasnever asking are you okay
(22:55):
mentally, right, um, love my momto death.
But it's almost like also thisthinking about the holistic
health you're saying and thentaking a step back before it
gets too far, a little bit withmoms.
Right, you're talking, you bothare talking about the feeling
of overwhelm, right, it startsthere and that's where it
snowballs, right, and these theexpectations right now on us and
(23:16):
it's maybe thinking aboutchanging those expectations of
yourself, right, like you throwa birthday party, just for
example, it doesn't have to bePinterest worthy, right, you
don't have to go to every eventyou're invited to.
You.
You know, all of these things,take a walk, all of these things
, starting with sort of thathealth from a really
foundational point, could be themovement to help people too, I
(23:39):
mean.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Totally and, just being honest, like one of the
things that we did in our groupis, we decided to make it very
casual.
First of all, we're so luckySmall plug for my friend, amanda
Krigsman.
She has founded Krigsman Yoga,which there's one in here in
Hingham Mass, there's one inScituate, and she offers this
like really cool accepting space, and so we have it there.
(24:05):
Then it was you know, bring achair or like a beanbag or
whatever.
I don't know about a beanbag,but like some bolster to sit on.
So it was certainly come as youare.
It was like stripped down, likeminimal makeup wear your sweats
, yoga clothes, whether you didit or or not, and we wanted to
do that really intentionally.
(24:26):
Like most days, I don't put onmakeup.
I did today because I found outthis wasn't just a podcast, it
was also like it's a video.
So I was 10 minutes late, ofcourse too, because I'm always
skidding in sideways, but it wasvery much like we want people
to know we're all skidding insideways in some capacity and
(24:47):
just like bring you, we don'tcare about the rest.
So I think that's reallyimportant, just to own it, like
I don't have it all together andand so what?
Right?
Speaker 1 (24:59):
And do you feel like that's also one of these
benefits of midlife, right?
Nicole and I have talked a lotabout this on the podcast, julie
that you know, in our twentiesand thirties, it was almost like
we were trying to be thatPinterest worthy mom Maybe I
speak for myself, right, I wouldhave never probably said to you
, jules, when I met you, I'mfeeling this way, right, the
only thing people discussed waslike postpartum.
That was, that was normalized.
(25:20):
I feel like that was normalized, you know, 20 years ago when we
had our kiddos.
But it's, you know, it is justalso leaning on each other and
knowing that, like reaching outto your friends and I love doing
this Tell them that you'rethere, tell them that you love
them, Like we can't do thatenough and being honest with
ourselves in midlife if we'rehaving a problem, because I
(25:41):
think if someone is feeling acertain way to normalize it and
to tell someone about it, right,I think that's okay.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
I feel like that's why I'm fine with midlife.
Alex, like I'm like.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
I know who I am.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
I'm comfortable with who I am.
I like learning.
I'm still learning.
I've come a long way.
I'm proud of the shoes that Iwalk in and feel, I'm proud of
the footsteps I'm leaving andI'm proud of the path ahead,
like or I'm excited rather, ofthe path ahead, like, I'm kind
of fine with it.
I mean, have I looked better?
Yes, have I fit into like acrop top better?
(26:19):
Yes, have I, you know X, y, zwhen I was younger?
Like, obviously yes, but I amin a fortunate position.
Knock on wood, I have my health, I take care of my mental
health, I have a great family, Ihave wonderful friends, like,
what's not to like?
(26:39):
I mean, yeah, I have nicesweats.
I don't know.
I'll take that, I guess, is mypoint.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Right, so it's, it's in this, in this stage of life,
being honest with yourself.
But being honest, maybe, if youneed help with with something
with someone else, Right Cause Iknow for our girls dinners and
it dawned on me most recently,and it was honestly from
starting this podcast when I'mat girls dinners and I'm like,
wow, someone's saying somethingthat they're like struggling
with, I'm like, oh my God, metoo.
Right, it's that like awakeningthat if you're going through
(27:10):
something, someone else that youknow well is probably going
through the same exact thing,whether it's a thing with
yourself, maybe it's your spouse, maybe it's your parents, maybe
it's your darn teens, becausethese teens I mean Julie, you
just sent us our group chat, areel about our teenagers and I
was like it is so right on, likeliterally they get mad about
mad at us.
If I breathe, I'm like oh geez,what did I do wrong?
(27:31):
I chew.
My kids are always like whenyou choose salads, you're so
annoying, they either.
Yeah.
I do is wrong, yeah everylittle thing I could make like
chocolate croissants everymorning and they'd be like why
did you make chocolatecroissants Like?
Speaker 2 (27:46):
you're so extra.
Oh my God, oh my God.
It's not that deep Right.
Why are we talking too much?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, or it'dbe like when you make those
croissants.
You do this weird thing withyour left hand.
It's cringy.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Thank God we still have our littles.
I mean, john Mackey is not likethat yet, but he is like
teetering, you guys, and I'mlike, oh no, put those eyes away
, do not roll those eyes at me.
Not yet, john.
Not yet, John, please.
No, we're not ready for youbaby.
Well, julie, thank you so muchfor being here.
This was really really helpfuland bringing this topic to life,
(28:28):
which is really important, andI hope our listeners, ladies,
talk about it with their friends, talk about it with your kiddos
, and I think that's reallyimportant.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Absolutely.
Thank you for having me, guys.
This was fun.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
So, nicole, what time is it?
It's my favorite time, it isunsolicited advice time, okay,
so now we're going to dounsolicited advice, nicole, what
is yours?
My unsolicited advice is to,after talking about this, and I
(29:06):
really think it's important tostart with the teens and to
really connect.
But if you have teens, it'sgoing to be hard just to start
this.
But if you are able to startbefore their teens and just talk
about, like, how you're feeling, or even like, how are your
friends feeling, cause now, my,my kids will talk to me about,
(29:29):
um, some of their friends issuesand how they can be a good
friend to them.
Um, my, my oldest had a, afriend in school that recently
was um cutting himself and he'slike, mom, I just want to be
there for him.
So it is, it is happening,whether we want to admit it or
(29:50):
not, or look at it or we don'tknow what to do.
But we can just start by havingconversations with our kids, um
, about how they're feeling andwhen they can connect to what's
going on with them, then theycan, in turn, be compassionate
and empathetic and leave those,those like open lines of
communication to you and you canhelp them in any way possible.
(30:16):
And if you don't know how tohelp them, there are resources
out there.
Yeah, yeah, nicole, do you feellike it's almost?
And Julie, normalizing I waslistening to another podcast
normalizing feelings in general.
Right, like, we always want ourkids to be happy, happy, happy.
I want my friends to be happy,I want everyone to be happy.
But guess what the reality is?
Sometimes you're not happy,right, it's not an extreme of
(30:37):
being sad.
But normalizing our kids arewho are going through puberty, I
mean us going throughperimenopause.
We go through a lot of emotionsand knowing that that doesn't
have to last forever, right.
When it continues to last,that's a bigger problem.
But if you're feeling sad oneday, it's okay, right.
Exploring all those emotionsand having those and
experiencing those will make, Ithink, our kids better adults.
(31:00):
It makes us better adults too.
So you're so sweet, nicole.
I love that you do that.
Your boys are so good.
They're lucky to have you.
Thank you.
I mean, fundamentally, I feellike as long as they feel loved
and attached, like that's wherehappiness truly blossoms.
But if you think about it, howmany emotions do you have in a
day?
I mean this podcast.
(31:21):
I mean we've had tears, we'velaughed.
I mean, I don't think thataffects um my mood, it's just
emotions are fleeting and soyeah you just yeah you just have
to know, like you have to teachyour kids, that this is this
emotion, is not the end all beall.
And if you, if you don't talkabout things that are bothering
(31:44):
you, then it can snowball.
But that's not to say like ifyou don't have a mental health
issue on a physiological level,like a serotonin issue, where
you actually need medication,which is a whole other issue.
But as long as they have thatone person to talk to and I'm
just talking about teens havethat one person to talk to and
(32:04):
I'm just talking about teams, Imean, I think in general, if
everybody has that one person totalk to.
Um, life would just be a littlebit easier for some.
It'd be good.
Jules, I know you gave us lotsof advice, but what would you
say would be your one bit ofadvice?
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Um, okay, I'll give you like a serious and then
something more fun.
So for the serious one, one ofthe things we get a lot of is
how do I get help, be it for you, someone else, your child?
There are not enough healthcareproviders.
So, college or college or highschool age grads, it's grad
season.
Think about a career inpsychology.
(32:41):
We need you, we need you, weneed, and not only that, but
there's more than justpsychology, because talk therapy
is amazing.
There are other things too.
What can you do to respect,like, overall general wellness?
Could you go to acupunctureschool?
I don't know, that's an amazingthing to do.
There's so many things.
Could you run a kid's camp,like?
There's so many things outthere that I think we as a
(33:03):
society need and we're startingto get that.
If you don't know where tostart, think about your
pediatrician or your schoolcounselor.
Those have both been greatresources around here, because
sometimes it's hard to get tothe help you need right now.
So that would be like myserious advice in terms of my
(33:24):
fun advice.
Guys, I am not a paid endorserof this product, but I'm also
not a gatekeeper.
I don't gatekeep.
I like to share my good shit.
I am taking this sleeping aidthat is melatonin, chamomile and
vitamins.
It's called Friska F-R-I-S-K-AFriska Friska.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Are we going to trust this?
Speaker 2 (33:49):
product Frisky Friska , not frisky.
I was at a cheer competitionwith my daughter and this woman
was like I don't know, maybe Ilooked exhausted or something.
She's like try Friska and.
I'm like oh, my God whoeverthat person was, she like flew
in on angel wings and gave methis amazing tip Don't take it
(34:09):
nightly, but like when I do, ohmy God, my sleep scores are
bananas.
So, knowing you all maybestruggle with the sleep thing.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
I know our listeners will love it.
Friska, friska.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
We'll put it in the show notes.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
It's great, we'll put it in the show notes.
We'll put it in the show notes,julian, I swear by.
Our aura rings Like, literally.
That determines my mood.
What is my readiness?
Speaker 2 (34:29):
score what is?
My sleep score my sleep scorewas so bad in Vegas.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Oh, I have my sleep score in Vegas was so bad it
like ruined my whole day.
I was like Alex, this is notokay.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
You shouldn't take it on vacation, You're not going
to Vegas for a sleep score.
It was the same when we went toLondon.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
I remember that.
It's really interesting, thoughyou know you guys gave such
good advice, but so I don't havea lot more.
But I would say I think I goback to reach out to a friend
today.
I think that's my big thing iswe?
You know, if you have a friendthat's getting a little bit
quiet that you normally hearfrom, I mean, how many times
Nicole and I will text, like ifwe don't hear from her in a day
(35:09):
or she doesn't hear from me,it's like, are you okay?
Are you okay?
Like, literally, that is onlythe text.
And, um, so if you were bigcommunicators as midlife ladies
and just simply sending someonean emoji, right, like, just
reach out, make sure someone'sokay.
I'm a big card writer, um, soit doesn't take a lot to write
cards.
That's actually how I start myday is I typically will write
(35:31):
cards.
I save all my cards or thingsthat I'm going to do in the
morning, because keeping thepostal system you know I go
there all the time Um, so justjust reach out.
I am friends with that when.
I moved from Boston.
I gave the, I gave the UPSpeople a present, but anyways,
(35:52):
so just think of the way thatfits you, whether it's, you know
, it could be a real funny reelor it could be something like
just let someone know peoplelove to be loved, right, and
just let them know that they'reloved and tell them.
You can't tell people enoughthat.
So so, julie, I have one morequestion.
What if you were talking about?
If someone needs help, how cansomeone find mom to mom reach
out to you?
Where can?
Where can someone if they wantto know more about your
organization or if they want tostart one in their own town, how
(36:14):
, how can they find you?
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Yeah, we would love for this to be like an unpaid
franchise there's no fee, youguys just stand it up and do
your thing locally.
You guys just stand it up anddo your thing locally.
We've kind of made a concertedeffort to be a little low
profile.
I think we're talking around itnow.
Is it too low profile?
But a couple of things that wedo have.
Number one we have an Instagrampage.
(36:40):
It's M2M underscore Hingham,that's it.
You can ask to follow us.
We are also getting moreaffiliated with the Hingham
Anchor, so that's like ahyperlocal website.
That's our town news and we'veput some content there.
We're talking to them aboutputting more content out, but
(37:01):
that's really it.
We do try to keep you know alittle bit discreet, just given
the topics.
We do try to keep you know alittle bit discreet, just given
the topics.
But if anybody has questions,you can contact us through um,
through Instagram, for sure.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
Okay, perfect, and if someone can't find it, reach
out to Nicole or I and we willpoint you in that right
direction, for sure.
But um all right.
Thanks, jules, thanks Nicole,love you guys.
Bye, jules, thanks Nicole, loveyou guys.
And that's a wrap for today'sepisode of don't call me midlife
.
We hope you had as much fun aswe did.
(37:33):
Absolutely, your support meansthe world to us.
If you're just waiting in thecarpool line, don't forget to
follow the show, and if you'refeeling extra spicy today, leave
us a rating and review Beforewe part ways.
We've got a special invitationfor you Join our newsletter to
stay in the loop with all thingsmidlife, magic, bonus content
and more.
Head on over to the show notesfor how to sign up.
(37:54):
We can't wait to keep theconversation going.
And, of course, remember, inthe whirlwind of life and
motherhood, don't forget to fillup your own cup first.
You're extraordinary and yourjourney is worth every moment.
Until next time, cheers.
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