May 23, 2024 • 41 mins
When time slips away, what moments stay with us forever? In this episode, Alix and Nicole are joined by sisters Amy and Anita to talk about Your Last Love Letter, a project born from their personal loss and desire to keep the memory of loved ones alive. They discuss the importance of honoring final wishes and preserving legacies, sharing their own stories with laughter and tears. Together, they explore the emotions of saying goodbye and the comfort that comes from knowing those we love will never be forgotten.
In this episode, we talk about the following:
1. Handling loss and grief and the creation of 'Your Last Love Letter'.
2. Importance of sharing and documenting family stories and memories.
3. The emotional and practical aspects of handling our parents' aging.
You can connect with Anita and Amy on:
Website www.yourlastloveletter.com
Instagram @yourlastloveletter
Facebook Your Last Love Letter
Your Last Love Letter: A Comprehensive End-of-Life Planning Guide:
www.yourlastloveletter.com/yourlastloveletterguide
5 Questions to Ask Your Loved Ones
https://yourlastloveletter.myflodesk.com/5questionstoaskyourlovedones
Join the Midlife Squad:
Want to stay up to date on the Don't Call Me Midlife podcast and community? Click below so we can keep you in the know!
www.itstradish.myflodesk.com/dontcallmemidlife
Hang Out on Social:
Follow Alix on Instagram @everydaywithalix
Follow Nicole on Instagram @touch_of_stass
______________________________________________________________
Help us expand our mom-tourage! Share our podcast with your fellow mom friends and let's conquer midlife together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the Don't Call Me Midlife podcast.
I'm Nicole and I'm Alex.
We're your coffee-addicted,wine-loving, amazon-obsessed mom
squad.
Think of us as your new besties, but with a podcast.
And, just like you, we'renavigating the Google-defined
chaos of midlife while wranglinga pack of boys.
But here's the twist we're morethan just moms and wives.
We're on a mission to reclaimour identities beyond motherhood
(00:24):
, and we're bringing you alongfor the wild ride.
Now, we don't pretend to haveall the answers to life's
mysteries, but we're so good atlearning and laughing our way
through them.
So whether you're sipping fromyour trusty Stanley, indulging
in an oat milk latte fromStarbucks or raising a glass of
Whispering Angel, get ready tohang with us.
Together.
We'll keep it real, have somelaughs and remind you that this
(00:44):
crazy journey called life is oneadventure worth sharing.
In this episode, we are talkingto sisters, amy and Anita and
their new business called yourLast Love Letter, and this is a
reality that we are facing moreand more in midlife, with losing
(01:09):
loved ones, whether it is aparent, a spouse, a friend and
they have put together a guideto help preserve memories and
honor legacies of our loved ones.
This is a beautiful, heartfeltepisode where we talk to them
about their story and how thiscame about.
It's not something that is wewant to say we're excited about
(01:29):
talking about, but I think it issomething that I appreciate
that they are bringing this up.
So I think there's a lot oftips and a lot of beautiful
things that we can do with ourloved ones, so I would
definitely think this is worth alisten.
Hey Alex, how are you?
(01:49):
I'm good.
Hey Anita and Amy, how are you?
Hi, alex and Nicole, we're good.
Well, we're excited for everyModern Mom Date, but especially
excited for this one.
We're not going to tell you yetwhat we're talking about,
because we're going to talkabout what's in our cup first.
So, nicole, what is in your cup.
I have some water, so I've beentrying to get my steps in every
(02:11):
morning with my dog and I'mworking out, so I'm just
hydrating.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
And so I got my.
Like I don't know, we have thesame color.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
That's so funny.
What's in your Stanley Mine?
Is water with LMNT.
I'm very boring today.
I'm trying to cut back oncoffee, but drink more
electrolytes, and it's gettingwarmer in Boston, so so I feel
like I just want that more.
So, yeah, amazing, amazingAnita what's in your cup.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Mine is my favorite that I drink almost every day it
(03:07):
is um.
Dietosling is the best gingerbeer, totally so okay, that's
what we have that's like ashirley temple, it's like a.
I love that, yeah with the zingand I've dubbed it the carolina
girl.
Yeah, that's what we call ithere in the Schwer house.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I love that.
Amy, what's in your cup?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Well, mine's not as fun as Anita's, but my cup
actually is.
One of the things about midlifethat I'm learning is that I
just don't care sometimes, andmy son made this for me for
Christmas a couple of years ago.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Oh, that's amazing, I have leftover Starbucks in here
y'all.
Y'all do that.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Do you drink like half of your coffee?
Okay, and then, I don't know, Ihave a hydro glass, yes, so
yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
I do my water too.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
I never not finish my coffee.
I do Really If I get like alatte like a fun drink, I'll
drink all the black coffee, butif I get like a fun drink, I
just find I don't drink itbecause I'll usually get in the
afternoon, and then I'll put itin the fridge.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
I do that.
I do that Every time.
That's so funny, yeah, and youreheat your coffee about a
million times in the morning.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
That is a true statement.
Yeah, do you think that's amidlife?
Speaker 1 (04:29):
thing, or is that just a woman thing?
Speaker 2 (04:32):
I think that is a probably just a woman thing.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Cause I've been doing that for years years and years
long before midlife yes, well,speaking of midlife, amy, let's
get your take on midlife.
How do you feel about midlife?
Speaker 2 (04:47):
That was a great question and I had to ponder it
for a moment.
And then I remembered before.
So I'm 52.
And when I was 49, like it, Ikind of was having one of those
moments where I was like lookingat my whole entire life and
like, you know, you kind of go,what have I done and what do I
(05:07):
want to do?
How about am I doing good withthe kids?
And oh my gosh, I can't believeI've been married this long and
anyway.
And so one of the things that,um, I was just reminded of
because I am a woman of faith,and one of the things that I
felt like God told me was youare not done yet.
Because I think I was like, ohmy gosh, my kids are gone and
(05:32):
even though I have a 14-year-olddaughter who still has four
more years at home, I just waslike what am I going to do?
I don't know what to do now.
And that was one of the thingsthat he just graciously said was
well, you're not done yet.
And so I think that that's kindof defining for midlife for me
(05:53):
is that I'm not done yet and Idon't have to be perfect in what
I am doing, but I am trying toremember to be adventurous and
risky.
And the other thing is don'tplay small.
I think I've probably playedsmall sometimes in my life and I
don't want to keep doing thatas I get older and wiser.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Love that and that's a great thing for your daughter
to see.
Don't play small yeah.
Yeah, awesome.
How about you, anita, oh?
Speaker 3 (06:25):
my gosh Following up that.
I don't know if we can followthat I'm like I really am like
okay guys like drop some DittoDitto.
Yeah Well, I am 49 now, so I'mkind of in that you kind of do
hit that where you're like ohwow, 50 is kind of crazy that
(06:48):
I'm going to be 50.
But I think in midlife what Ihave learned now is a little bit
going back to what Amy's Cup isLike.
I just have gotten to the pointin my life where I really don't
care what people think, likeyou know what I'm saying.
Like sometimes I feel like inyour 20s and 30s you can really
(07:11):
sit in that and kind of keep upwith the Joneses kind of
lifestyle, and I just feel likewhen you get a little bit older
you're like, okay, like thisdoesn't make sense, like why do
I care?
Why do I care?
And I feel like that's veryfreeing.
Now there's still sometimes I'mnot going to say it never
(07:31):
happens, but there's definitelysometimes where I still have to
check myself.
But for the most part I feellike I'm very grateful for
everything that God's given meand opportunities he's given me
and being able to justexperience life in the stage I'm
at now.
(07:51):
You know yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Yeah, alex and I love to be intentional.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
That's our midlife yeah, that's my word for the
year.
Oh, it is.
Yeah, we love it.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Yeah, that's like our favorite word with everything
that we do.
We love it.
Yeah, yeah, that's like ourfavorite word with everything
that we do.
Well, these two wonderfulladies are sisters and they are
co-founders of your Last LoveLetter and I can't wait to hear
(08:29):
about their story.
I think you are talking aboutsomething with this generation
of seeing our parents get olderand bring it to light, cause I
don't, this was one of thethings I think in my midlife
that I didn't anticipate.
Right, we, nicole and I, talkabout we're dealing with like
teenagers in puberty, and I'mdealing with my mom and taking
her to the doctor, or you know,I mean, a lot of our moms are
also dads, are also very healthy, but just this change of when
your parents get that, you knowthat moment when you notice that
(08:50):
they're like a little bit olderand it's like wait, what did
you just repeat yourself, likewhat mom you know, and I think
cherishing those moments I thinkis something that you're going
to talk about.
And then also sort of theprocess of grief, and you know
when, unfortunately, you do haveto, when people pass away, and
(09:11):
I think Nicole and I both havepersonal experience.
I know all four of us do so.
Can you tell us a little bitabout your story and sort of how
you started your company?
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I'll, I'll start and then, and then I'll pass it to
you.
So our mom start and then.
Um, okay, and then I'll pass itto you.
So our mom, um in 2023,february, the 12th of 2023, um,
at 11 16 am on a sunday, umunexpectedly passed away.
She had been sick for six orseven years.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Six years, yeah, probably six years she started
in 2016.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Yeah, and we noticed it.
I think we both noticed itanita, at christmas that year,
when she was, uh, sweeping thekitchen and we looked at her and
she was, if you can see, shewas hunched and at that point
she was in like her earlier 60s,like closer, and we were like,
(10:09):
what are you doing?
Why are you holding yourshoulders like that mom?
Because our mother is veryproper, like to the point of we
had the what's that I can'tremember that lady's name yes,
oh my gosh.
So, oh my gosh.
So we had Emily Post.
Like she was incredibly justvery proper and and so for her
(10:31):
to be hunching with a crowdaround was just not typical, and
little did we know that thatwas the beginning of a lot of
just really never figuring outexactly what she had.
The diagnosis was myopathy,which is a degenerative muscle
disease.
(10:51):
However, if you think about it,you have muscles all through
your body, so our heart is amuscle, our throat is a muscle.
I mean, obviously we havemuscles that help us to move our
appendages and things.
But over time, when yourmuscles are degenerating, then
that affects everything.
So the last couple of years shehad heart issues and had a
(11:14):
really really hard timeswallowing and was really slow,
still really sassy.
She never lost that at all, norlost her properness.
But so she went in the hospitalon February the 11th and
honestly we all thought it wasjust a hiccup, like it was just
(11:35):
a bump in the road and she wouldbe coming home probably within
24 or 48 hours.
And we like to say that she,she we all believe now, looking
back, that our mom 100% knewthat it was.
It was time for her um to to goto her eternal home.
(11:55):
We just didn't know that untilshe passed away on February the
12th, at 11, 16 and, and so whenwe went to their house that
afternoon after mom had passedaway and they'd all let you pick
it up from there.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
So we were all obviously shocked and just kind
of grief stricken and there islike a real fog.
That happens when grief hits in, I think any way, but
definitely in our experiencewith the unexpectedness of it.
And so we were all, just thewhole family came back to the
(12:33):
house and I told Amy and westarted kind of talking and we
were because, of course, likeyou go to the funeral home the
next morning, like we'd alreadyfound out, we had to be at the
funeral home at 10 am and I toldAmy, I said there's a funeral
file.
Like she told us about afuneral file, that she did and
(12:54):
um, so we went to the filecabinet, which is a good place
to put a file, and um, there itwas.
It was her funeral file and weopened it up and it had
everything in it that we neededto know for her, all her wishes
that she wanted for herself asfar as, like, she even put the,
(13:18):
let me say, least expensiveprettiest metal casket, um, and
just the songs that she wanted,the people that she wanted to be
a part of.
She had a?
Um, she was a nurse, so she hada cut out of the.
Is it the nurse's honor Guard,amy, I think so they kind of do
like a final call.
(13:39):
It's an organization that doesthe final call for nurses and
it's a beautiful thing.
They come to the funeral and doit all volunteer.
She had a program because shehad told us in the past that she
wanted her grandkids to writesomething about her and her
(13:59):
program and so she had saved theprogram where she had seen that
done and it was just abeautiful, beautiful gift in a
really incredibly difficultmoment.
So when we went to the funeralhome we took that file and
literally were able to make thislike.
(14:20):
We literally told the funeraldirector like because you go in
this room and there's all thesecaskets, yeah, and you know,
because we love her so much, wewould have, I mean, amy, and I
would have picked out, becausedaddy was like you guys just do
whatever.
He was just he was just hedidn't know what to do, and that
(14:42):
makes total sense.
But so I mean we would havepicked out the most expensive
casket because we wanted tohonor her and we love her.
But we were like where's yourprettiest, least expensive metal
?
casket and he like points overto the corner where we probably
would have never looked andthat's what we got.
And so after we went throughthat and then we went through
(15:05):
probate and that file helped uswalk through things with probate
and it was just the mostamazing gift that she gave us.
And that's who she was.
She was very organized and verythoughtful and it was her last
love letter to us.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
She was very intentional.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
And so out of that, out of that gift, amy and I were
like nobody really knows howincredibly beneficial this type
of information is until you walkthrough it, and we were like we
need to give this to otherpeople, like we need to let come
(15:49):
up with something that issimilar to mama's little funeral
file.
And that's how we started yourlast love letter, out of the
legacy that mama left us, tohelp other people be able to,
you know, have a bit of peaceand order in a really hard time
and leave a legacy for their ownfamily and loved ones that is a
(16:13):
beautiful gift and send off,and maybe she didn't realize how
beautiful it actually is.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Maybe she just thought she was being organized,
because my mother-in-law welost her a couple of years ago
and she was very detail orientedand she had a lot of things
organized already.
But, um, excuse me, but evengoing to the funeral home so
there are five in my husband'sfamily and for five people to
(16:42):
agree on one casket it was itwas a little um, there was no
fighting, but it was what do youthink?
What do you think?
What do you think?
And then, um, so it was just,some things were more ongoing
than they needed to be, but Ithink, having it takes that out
(17:04):
of.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
You know, we literally were like, well, this
is what she wrote, this is whatshe said, like this is exactly
the music, everything we wereable as a family to actually do,
her service, which was abeautiful thing for all of us to
be a part of, it was, it was,it was a precious gift and that
(17:25):
time right after someone'spassing is so precious, because
you just want to connect withyour loved ones and revisit
stories and memories and lookthrough photo albums and the
last thing anyone wants to do ispick out a casket or what
flower arrangement or what song.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
So that is.
It is such a beautiful ideathat came out of such a great
loss and, yeah, I think what youtwo are doing is is just
amazing and I think everybodyneeds to know about it, midlife
or not, whether it's our parentsor a friend that is sick or a
(18:05):
spouse, you know anybody.
Everybody should just have itavailable, you know, to.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
It really is a very.
It's one of those things thatyou don't want to think about.
But then you're like becausewhat you said earlier, alex,
we're kind of in that we havekids and then we have parents
and we're kind of in the middleand it's just something that all
of us really need it's not evenour own children.
(18:34):
We're like this is somethingyou need to do because you don't
know I mean, we never know whenour you know our time is up,
and it's just a precious gift.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Well, there's no, how-to.
So you're making the how-to andit sounds so practical but
actually at that time to havesomething like you had so
practical.
I mean, I know Nicole and Iboth had a loss my dad died
suddenly so I did not have afile but there are things that
you need to do when someonepasses that you don't, you don't
(19:06):
even know Right, and I thinkjust having you know, having
something so that you caneveryone grieves differently is
what I've found too, and I knowwith my siblings and I it was my
mom.
Some people were like I'm out.
Some people were jumping in,trying to do everything because
that made them feel better.
Some people are going throughpictures and to have those roles
(19:27):
of people in the family thateveryone does care and love this
person and eliminate the stressof what flowers would make this
person happy or what song.
And so did your mom know thatshe was going to pass away?
I know you mentioned that atthe beginning, but so did you
guys know that she was going topass away, or how did that
(19:49):
happen?
Speaker 3 (19:50):
She it'd been funny Cause.
So our mom and dad, they'vebeen married.
It'll be 56 years in June, soit was 54 years before, and she
had been telling daddy, like youneed to start learning how to
do your own laundry and learninghow to cook.
And we she'd even y'all this init.
(20:10):
Like it.
It bit Amy and I to the corebecause she like removed herself
from our family text group andwe just thought she was being
cranky oh, you know but I feellike in hindsight we can see
very real things that she did.
That I really feel like she waslike okay, I know, my time is
(20:33):
coming there she had stoppeddoing her laundry.
She hadn't done her own laundryfor I don't know how long, but
it was it was several days likea while, yeah, she knew
something was coming I thinkit's one of those weird like,
(20:54):
and maybe guy was just like allright, jane, this is like you're
gonna to be healed Because shewas so ready to go home.
I mean, you think about it whenyou can't swallow, you can't eat
.
She was not enjoying eating,she was not enjoying the things
that brought her joy.
She still loved her family, buteverything was so hard for her
(21:18):
but she had just and we thinkshe probably was a lot sicker
than she, let us know, untilthat Saturday when my dad called
and was like hey, my husband'sa nurse, and so he was like I
feel like you guys should comedown.
And then we Amy and us camedown and realized you know, she
needs to go to the hospital.
But in hindsight, like Amy'soldest son had a grandson the
(21:49):
next month and she wrote him aletter and just letting Gabe and
Ellie know how much she lovedthem, and it was just from her,
it wasn't from our dad and ourmom.
It was just her.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
I truly believe people have more.
I don't know if the word ispower, but control near the end.
And then we, then we realized Ijust I have a lot of family and
healthcare and they, they justthere's this pattern to it.
I mean obviously not everyoneyou know, but I think when
(22:23):
you're sick, I think, and thatthat moment where you let go
because my mother-in-law, shewas at home in hospice and she
was surrounded there wereprobably 25 family members there
and the minute she was alone iswhen she let go, like everybody
was by her side, like nobody,but it was like just a moment in
(22:45):
time where somebody had toanswer the door and somebody
stepped away to grab somethingand she just let go.
And I think you know that wasintentional on her part, just
knowing her personality and andthings like that.
And then I've heard a lot ofstories where people in the
(23:05):
hospital they it's like, it'salmost like they choose.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
She was she was so round, it was a very.
I wouldn't change the way thateveryone was there because we
were all able, even Anita's son,who had moved there, they were.
They were visiting where theywere going in Connecticut and so
he wasn't physically in theroom with mom, but he was.
(23:32):
We were able to call him andshe got to talk to her and we've
talked about that.
Even Anita and I've talkedabout how we feel.
Like that.
She felt the peace, like yousaid, to be able to let go and
to know that we were all goingto be OK.
We were going to miss her,obviously, but we were going to
(23:53):
be OK and we were going to takecare of our dad which since then
we have been like oh mom, weshould have listened.
We're so sorry, because yes,he's, he's quite an interesting,
uh, an interesting guy at timesthat's a whole nother kid.
(24:20):
It's not a kid.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Yeah, you learn things about the other person
when my my I'm very close withmy mom, but there were certain
things because they've alwaysbeen with that person, so the
way they like grow and change ina different way, or you realize
things about them that it'slike you can't describe it
unless you've been through it.
It's like it still boggles mymind.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
I'm like I didn't know that about you, mom, or I
didn't know, you know it's likeit's really.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
That is that's.
I think there's benefits andchallenges to it.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
I'll just say yes, that's a good way to say it, and
that's another.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
That's another, like kind of arm that we've made with
your last love letter is caringfor aging parents, because
we've learned so much in thelast 14 months, because we want
to do everything we can to honorand respect Daddy, but at the
same time he does haveParkinson's, and so we're
(25:19):
learning along with him, um, andevery day is something new.
So it's just it's, it's a partof something that we're sharing
as well, because it's you know,people are going to go through
it, whether now or later yes, sowith your last love letter, do
you work with people one-on-one?
Speaker 1 (25:40):
are you offering consultations?
Is it um like a guide right now?
Speaker 3 (25:49):
so right now it's a um guide that you can purchase
like a digital download, so youcan purchase it and print it off
, or you can um, you know, do itdigitally if you want to just
fill in the blank with, like,pulling it into notes or
something with Apple.
But it's we're talking and it'sone of the things that we've
(26:10):
been asked again and I shouldlet you talk about this, amy,
because I feel like I'mcommandeering the conversation,
but you can.
The question that most peopleask us about your last love
letter.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
So the question that we've been asked is is it a will
?
And the answer is no, it is nota will.
We are not attorneys, we arenot legal, we don't know
anything about law.
It is an accompaniment to awill or it is in addition to a
will.
It does not replace a will, noris it a will.
(26:54):
I think there are some of thesame questions that maybe a
couple that you may find as faras listing property.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
It can stand alone.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
But it can also stand alone, yeah, so definitely not
a will it's not legally binding,it's just somebody's wish it's
not legally binding.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
I wish to have you know, I don't know, mums, I
can't even think of a flower.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Yes, exactly Call Watts.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Mums, jerry, write that down, we're going to give
you guys one, so there willExactly.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Nicole Watts.
Mums, jerry, write that down.
We're going to give you guysone, so there will be a place
for you to get that.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Yeah, so they're guiding questions for what they
would like after they die iswhat you're saying.
Yes, what I also love, what youguys do and I got your freebie
from your website guys do, and Igot your freebie from your
website are it's not onlyplanning for your funeral, you
(27:58):
know per se, but I love that youare embracing your loved ones,
you know, and encouraging peopleto talk to them.
So they have a freebie.
That's five questions to ask,and one of them is you know what
are your childhood memories?
Can you share a family favoritestory from the past?
And I do something similar,similarly to this on my
Instagram.
I call it table talk, becauseI'm all about family dinners and
really encouraging people atthe table.
So I was like I'm going to usesome of these questions.
(28:21):
It's storytelling your lovedone's story, right, and you can
do it now, it doesn't meanpeople have to be sick, right?
It's just thinking about it, Iknow there's lots of apps out
there.
There's like you can record abook or you know whatever you
can do to get to write it down.
You know to record and to learnabout your family member even
(28:46):
more, because these are everydayconversations about their past
that you necessarily know, right?
Speaker 3 (28:52):
Yes, so how did?
Speaker 2 (28:52):
you come up with this .
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Did your mom leave you an actual note or was this
like an accompaniment that youcame up with?
Speaker 3 (28:59):
I think this came out of the we didn't have mama
anymore, and those werequestions that we were like do
you remember such and such?
Or did you think about like doyou know this or something?
And we were like this issomething that is important,
that people, again, until youhave a really a loss you don't
(29:21):
think about oh, I should ask myparents how they found out my
last or how they figured out myname or you know things like
that.
That are beautiful stories, butit's and it's just taking the
time to do it as well.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Yeah, Right, and it could be fun with grandkids I
was talking to when I printedthis out.
I was talking to my 11 year oldand saying, oh, we should do
this with my mom and I justthink it's you just, you just
learn more.
I know my family was big intolike family trees A lot of
people don't do that anymore butthis is it's like your legacy,
right, it's like what you wantto be remembered for.
(29:58):
And now we're in a day and agewhere we can take videos or do
the voice notes or you know,when my dad passed away 11 years
ago, videos wasn't a real bigthing.
Then you know people, we had acamcorder, I think, and I don't
have a lot of videos of my dad,and that makes me really, really
sad because my kids were youngwhen he passed away.
So I think, asking thequestions and doing, you know
(30:21):
doing that I also think ourparents would really like it,
right, they like to, you know,talk about themselves it jogs
their memory, because we didthat just recently.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
We were, we did it with our dad because he had
cataract surgery, and so we juststarted reading the questions
that we had and he was like, oheverything you know, and got all
excited and and we learnedthings that we had never heard
before.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
And then, yeah, incredibly precious stuff that
we're like, oh my gosh, that'sjust so sweet, yeah, so yeah,
like you said, having it, havingit on video, um, is so much
better than just pictures oreven writing it down, because
it's really something that Ithink they're more apt to do
(31:14):
because of the interactivenessof it.
Because we have tried a coupleof other things where we would
send them questions weekly andstuff like that, and one of the
things that our dad had had adifficult time with was just
using the keyboard, because hehas Parkinson's, and so he just
got to the point where he wasn'table to use a keyboard the way
(31:36):
that he used to.
He also wasn't able to read aswell, and so, although we were
sending things, trying to findthat out, when Anita actually
was able to sit down with himand just ask him those questions
it was it was so much better tome than than a book not
diminishing the beautifulness ofthe work that other companies
(31:58):
are doing to gather thosememories too.
But I don't know.
It's like you said, there'sjust something about video.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Right To do it in a way that works for your family,
right?
Maybe you're not close or youknow I have this one book of my
dad's voice that I it's what youmade it for the little
grandkids.
You know those types of thingsand I'm like no one's allowed to
touch it or it's like I have avery special spot in my house,
but I think this work you'redoing is incredible, and this
isn't something that we want totalk about, you know and this
(32:28):
isn't also something you know.
Unfortunately, we deal I havefriends with cancer and friends
you know there are there.
There are other people besidesaging parents that this, this,
could be a really good tool for,unfortunately, but a way to
honor that person in the waythat they want to be honored, I
think is really, really specialand would have been, I know,
(32:50):
helpful.
So much for me when my dadpassed away, because you're just
clueless and you're just in afog.
So thank you for doing thishard work, for being vulnerable
with your story of your mom.
I mean 12 months that's not along time ago that she passed
away, so, or 14 months, I'msorry, but you are definitely
making an impact.
So we, nicole and I, love thework that you do, so thank you
(33:13):
for doing that, thank you.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
Thank y'all for having us.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Where can people find you?
Glad to be here.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
We are.
It's easy to find us.
Everything is your last loveletter, so that's where we are
on Instagram and Facebook, andthen also our website is just
yourlastlovelettercom.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
That's easy.
Yeah, that is easy.
Okay, we will put all that inthe show notes and then a link
to your guide, so if anyone'slistening, you can just go to
the show notes and download itright away.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Yes, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
So, nicole, what time is it?
It's my favorite time.
It is unsolicited advice time.
This is the part where we giveour unsolicited advice.
It could be related to thistopic, or it could be anything
midlife, woman life, whateveryou want, just unsolicited
(34:18):
advice, because no one has timefor it, because we're older and
we can Just give our adviceright now.
That's right, because we areolder and we can.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Yes, Well, I will say I will share another little
nugget that I learned in 2017.
So I don't even know how manyyears ago that was seven, but it
is this.
I am a small business owner.
I actually own a boutiquemarketing company here in the
area.
I am a small business owner,actually on a boutique marketing
company here in the area, and Iwent through a program and just
(34:51):
it was like a localentrepreneurship program and
what I learned from that programwas this that failure is
inevitable, but it is notdefining and we get to choose.
So it's going to happen, but weget to decide how I love it.
It's going to happen, but weget to decide how we let it
affect us.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Amy, you've got all the good nuggets.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
She's the oldest.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
I'm the oldest, the oldest and the wisest.
Speaker 3 (35:24):
I don't know about that, but I'll take the oldest
for sure.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
I don't know about that, but I'll take the oldest
for sure.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
It's going to be my new tagline too.
I think often you learn welearn more at this age from like
our failures than our successes, right Like?
when we're challenged, when weget outside of our box, because
when I was younger I didn't gooutside my box that much.
Now I am more willing to it.
Right, because it's more ofthat risk of either way, right,
but you're going to learn fromboth things that you do.
(35:53):
I try to.
I try to talk to my kids aboutthat, but they're too young.
That's so true though that isso true yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yeah, all right, is it my turn?
Speaker 3 (36:27):
I had two things pop up.
So the first one I will sayrelates to your last love letter
, one of the things that I didright away.
And I would say, alex, you knowyou these voicemails and I just
for some reason, didn't deletethem.
And when Mama passed away, Ilike sent all these voicemails
to a note that I have Mama, andthen I also sent them to my
Google Drive just so that Ialways have her voice available,
and I actually have.
I had just had a procedure likea surgical procedure, just a few
(36:47):
days before she passed away,and she had sent me a voicemail
that and I just didn't answer itand I just think that was God
giving me this voicemail.
But it's like I just wanted tocall and check on you.
I love you so much, have agreat night Sleep and so like.
There are many nights where Iwould just be like play and it's
(37:10):
mama and it's precious and yeah.
So I would definitely encouragepeople to save those voicemails
, even the ones that might belike amy has one that mom and
daddy are arguing it's so funny,it's so funny, beautiful now,
(37:30):
um.
So save your voicemails,because you do you miss.
I never want to forget mymama's voice.
I never want to forget my dad'svoice and, um, we still have
daddy, obviously, but I, I stillsave his too, because it's just
, it's their treasures.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
Yeah, those are special.
I have voicemails of my kidswhen they were really little too
, and now you're reminding me,and my grandmother too, when she
was she, you know she wouldcall me on the phone and when
she had a cell phone.
So you're reminding me to sortof say I don't, I didn't know
you could download those.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
Yeah, you can download.
Okay, I love tech too.
Yeah, I, prior to this, I hadlike my own tech um instagram
thing, but I will, I'll show youhow you can do it okay.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Okay, it's a super simple way because I love, I
love that I actually neveranswer my phone a lot, so I have
a lot of voice.
I'll take one from Nicole.
You can practice on my voice,I'll, practice, I'll tell my mom
to leave a message actually.
So yeah, I love that.
(38:37):
Nicole, do you have any advice?
I really don't, I don't.
I've been trying to think ofsomething amazing to say, but
maybe I'll give some advice tomyself and if it resonates with
you out there, I have actuallybought those little books myself
.
Like, um, uh, there's likelittle itty bitty books and it's
(38:59):
like 10 pages, like, mom,what's your favorite color?
So I have bought those formyself, to fill out for my kids
and I just need to sit down andfill them out in addition to
your last love letter.
But, um, it's just somethinglike on my to-do list.
I'm like, oh, I need to do it,I need to do it.
So I guess, if you havesomething, start, just start,
(39:20):
just use it, just use it.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
I like that I will.
Yeah, we were at mom anddaddy's, with daddy's surgery in
the call, and we found ourgrandmothers from 1996, one of
those that she had filled outfor us we didn't even know
existed.
So sweet and it was incredible,so definitely fill those out,
okay.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Yeah, alex oh, um, mine would just be, I think,
just have those table talks,have those.
I love these questions that youask.
I think.
Use just the opportunity to aska question, because I think
we're always in the hustle andbustle of you know, even like
you're saying, nicole, I lovethe idea of just us answering
them with our kids, right, um,using that time that you can
(40:03):
have together, whether it's fiveminutes or an hour, and just
appreciating that time together,because you just really never
know when it's you're not goingto have it.
Yeah, yeah, right.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
Yeah, yeah, that's so good, all right.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
Well, thank you, ladies, so much.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
Thank y'all, it was fun.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
And that's a wrap for today's episode of Don't Call
Me Midlife.
We hope you had as much fun aswe did.
Absolutely.
Your support means the world tous.
If you're just waiting in thecarpool line, don't forget to
follow the show, and if you'refeeling extra spicy today, leave
us a rating and review Beforewe part ways.
We've got a special invitationfor you.
Join our newsletter to stay inthe loop with all things midlife
(40:46):
, magic, bonus content and more.
Head on over to the show notesfor how to sign up.
We can't wait to keep theconversation going.
And, of course, remember, inthe whirlwind of life and
motherhood, don't forget to fillup your own cup first.
You're extraordinary and yourjourney is worth every moment.
Until next time, cheers.
Welcome to the Don't Call Me Midlife podcast.
I'm Nicole and I'm Alex.
We're your coffee-addicted,wine-loving, amazon-obsessed mom
squad.
Think of us as your new besties, but with a podcast.
And, just like you, we'renavigating the Google-defined
chaos of midlife while wranglinga pack of boys.
But here's the twist we're morethan just moms and wives.
We're on a mission to reclaimour identities beyond motherhood
(00:24):
, and we're bringing you alongfor the wild ride.
Now, we don't pretend to haveall the answers to life's
mysteries, but we're so good atlearning and laughing our way
through them.
So whether you're sipping fromyour trusty Stanley, indulging
in an oat milk latte fromStarbucks or raising a glass of
Whispering Angel, get ready tohang with us.
Together.
We'll keep it real, have somelaughs and remind you that this
(00:44):
crazy journey called life is oneadventure worth sharing.
In this episode, we are talkingto sisters, amy and Anita and
their new business called yourLast Love Letter, and this is a
reality that we are facing moreand more in midlife, with losing
(01:09):
loved ones, whether it is aparent, a spouse, a friend and
they have put together a guideto help preserve memories and
honor legacies of our loved ones.
This is a beautiful, heartfeltepisode where we talk to them
about their story and how thiscame about.
It's not something that is wewant to say we're excited about
(01:29):
talking about, but I think it issomething that I appreciate
that they are bringing this up.
So I think there's a lot oftips and a lot of beautiful
things that we can do with ourloved ones, so I would
definitely think this is worth alisten.
Hey Alex, how are you?
(01:49):
I'm good.
Hey Anita and Amy, how are you?
Hi, alex and Nicole, we're good.
Well, we're excited for everyModern Mom Date, but especially
excited for this one.
We're not going to tell you yetwhat we're talking about,
because we're going to talkabout what's in our cup first.
So, nicole, what is in your cup.
I have some water, so I've beentrying to get my steps in every
(02:11):
morning with my dog and I'mworking out, so I'm just
hydrating.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
And so I got my.
Like I don't know, we have thesame color.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
That's so funny.
What's in your Stanley Mine?
Is water with LMNT.
I'm very boring today.
I'm trying to cut back oncoffee, but drink more
electrolytes, and it's gettingwarmer in Boston, so so I feel
like I just want that more.
So, yeah, amazing, amazingAnita what's in your cup.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Mine is my favorite that I drink almost every day it
(03:07):
is um.
Dietosling is the best gingerbeer, totally so okay, that's
what we have that's like ashirley temple, it's like a.
I love that, yeah with the zingand I've dubbed it the carolina
girl.
Yeah, that's what we call ithere in the Schwer house.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I love that.
Amy, what's in your cup?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Well, mine's not as fun as Anita's, but my cup
actually is.
One of the things about midlifethat I'm learning is that I
just don't care sometimes, andmy son made this for me for
Christmas a couple of years ago.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Oh, that's amazing, I have leftover Starbucks in here
y'all.
Y'all do that.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Do you drink like half of your coffee?
Okay, and then, I don't know, Ihave a hydro glass, yes, so
yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
I do my water too.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
I never not finish my coffee.
I do Really If I get like alatte like a fun drink, I'll
drink all the black coffee, butif I get like a fun drink, I
just find I don't drink itbecause I'll usually get in the
afternoon, and then I'll put itin the fridge.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
I do that.
I do that Every time.
That's so funny, yeah, and youreheat your coffee about a
million times in the morning.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
That is a true statement.
Yeah, do you think that's amidlife?
Speaker 1 (04:29):
thing, or is that just a woman thing?
Speaker 2 (04:32):
I think that is a probably just a woman thing.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Cause I've been doing that for years years and years
long before midlife yes, well,speaking of midlife, amy, let's
get your take on midlife.
How do you feel about midlife?
Speaker 2 (04:47):
That was a great question and I had to ponder it
for a moment.
And then I remembered before.
So I'm 52.
And when I was 49, like it, Ikind of was having one of those
moments where I was like lookingat my whole entire life and
like, you know, you kind of go,what have I done and what do I
(05:07):
want to do?
How about am I doing good withthe kids?
And oh my gosh, I can't believeI've been married this long and
anyway.
And so one of the things that,um, I was just reminded of
because I am a woman of faith,and one of the things that I
felt like God told me was youare not done yet.
Because I think I was like, ohmy gosh, my kids are gone and
(05:32):
even though I have a 14-year-olddaughter who still has four
more years at home, I just waslike what am I going to do?
I don't know what to do now.
And that was one of the thingsthat he just graciously said was
well, you're not done yet.
And so I think that that's kindof defining for midlife for me
(05:53):
is that I'm not done yet and Idon't have to be perfect in what
I am doing, but I am trying toremember to be adventurous and
risky.
And the other thing is don'tplay small.
I think I've probably playedsmall sometimes in my life and I
don't want to keep doing thatas I get older and wiser.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Love that and that's a great thing for your daughter
to see.
Don't play small yeah.
Yeah, awesome.
How about you, anita, oh?
Speaker 3 (06:25):
my gosh Following up that.
I don't know if we can followthat I'm like I really am like
okay guys like drop some DittoDitto.
Yeah Well, I am 49 now, so I'mkind of in that you kind of do
hit that where you're like ohwow, 50 is kind of crazy that
(06:48):
I'm going to be 50.
But I think in midlife what Ihave learned now is a little bit
going back to what Amy's Cup isLike.
I just have gotten to the pointin my life where I really don't
care what people think, likeyou know what I'm saying.
Like sometimes I feel like inyour 20s and 30s you can really
(07:11):
sit in that and kind of keep upwith the Joneses kind of
lifestyle, and I just feel likewhen you get a little bit older
you're like, okay, like thisdoesn't make sense, like why do
I care?
Why do I care?
And I feel like that's veryfreeing.
Now there's still sometimes I'mnot going to say it never
(07:31):
happens, but there's definitelysometimes where I still have to
check myself.
But for the most part I feellike I'm very grateful for
everything that God's given meand opportunities he's given me
and being able to justexperience life in the stage I'm
at now.
(07:51):
You know yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Yeah, alex and I love to be intentional.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
That's our midlife yeah, that's my word for the
year.
Oh, it is.
Yeah, we love it.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Yeah, that's like our favorite word with everything
that we do.
We love it.
Yeah, yeah, that's like ourfavorite word with everything
that we do.
Well, these two wonderfulladies are sisters and they are
co-founders of your Last LoveLetter and I can't wait to hear
(08:29):
about their story.
I think you are talking aboutsomething with this generation
of seeing our parents get olderand bring it to light, cause I
don't, this was one of thethings I think in my midlife
that I didn't anticipate.
Right, we, nicole and I, talkabout we're dealing with like
teenagers in puberty, and I'mdealing with my mom and taking
her to the doctor, or you know,I mean, a lot of our moms are
also dads, are also very healthy, but just this change of when
your parents get that, you knowthat moment when you notice that
(08:50):
they're like a little bit olderand it's like wait, what did
you just repeat yourself, likewhat mom you know, and I think
cherishing those moments I thinkis something that you're going
to talk about.
And then also sort of theprocess of grief, and you know
when, unfortunately, you do haveto, when people pass away, and
(09:11):
I think Nicole and I both havepersonal experience.
I know all four of us do so.
Can you tell us a little bitabout your story and sort of how
you started your company?
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I'll, I'll start and then, and then I'll pass it to
you.
So our mom start and then.
Um, okay, and then I'll pass itto you.
So our mom, um in 2023,february, the 12th of 2023, um,
at 11 16 am on a sunday, umunexpectedly passed away.
She had been sick for six orseven years.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Six years, yeah, probably six years she started
in 2016.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Yeah, and we noticed it.
I think we both noticed itanita, at christmas that year,
when she was, uh, sweeping thekitchen and we looked at her and
she was, if you can see, shewas hunched and at that point
she was in like her earlier 60s,like closer, and we were like,
(10:09):
what are you doing?
Why are you holding yourshoulders like that mom?
Because our mother is veryproper, like to the point of we
had the what's that I can'tremember that lady's name yes,
oh my gosh.
So, oh my gosh.
So we had Emily Post.
Like she was incredibly justvery proper and and so for her
(10:31):
to be hunching with a crowdaround was just not typical, and
little did we know that thatwas the beginning of a lot of
just really never figuring outexactly what she had.
The diagnosis was myopathy,which is a degenerative muscle
disease.
(10:51):
However, if you think about it,you have muscles all through
your body, so our heart is amuscle, our throat is a muscle.
I mean, obviously we havemuscles that help us to move our
appendages and things.
But over time, when yourmuscles are degenerating, then
that affects everything.
So the last couple of years shehad heart issues and had a
(11:14):
really really hard timeswallowing and was really slow,
still really sassy.
She never lost that at all, norlost her properness.
But so she went in the hospitalon February the 11th and
honestly we all thought it wasjust a hiccup, like it was just
(11:35):
a bump in the road and she wouldbe coming home probably within
24 or 48 hours.
And we like to say that she,she we all believe now, looking
back, that our mom 100% knewthat it was.
It was time for her um to to goto her eternal home.
(11:55):
We just didn't know that untilshe passed away on February the
12th, at 11, 16 and, and so whenwe went to their house that
afternoon after mom had passedaway and they'd all let you pick
it up from there.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
So we were all obviously shocked and just kind
of grief stricken and there islike a real fog.
That happens when grief hits in, I think any way, but
definitely in our experiencewith the unexpectedness of it.
And so we were all, just thewhole family came back to the
(12:33):
house and I told Amy and westarted kind of talking and we
were because, of course, likeyou go to the funeral home the
next morning, like we'd alreadyfound out, we had to be at the
funeral home at 10 am and I toldAmy, I said there's a funeral
file.
Like she told us about afuneral file, that she did and
(12:54):
um, so we went to the filecabinet, which is a good place
to put a file, and um, there itwas.
It was her funeral file and weopened it up and it had
everything in it that we neededto know for her, all her wishes
that she wanted for herself asfar as, like, she even put the,
(13:18):
let me say, least expensiveprettiest metal casket, um, and
just the songs that she wanted,the people that she wanted to be
a part of.
She had a?
Um, she was a nurse, so she hada cut out of the.
Is it the nurse's honor Guard,amy, I think so they kind of do
like a final call.
(13:39):
It's an organization that doesthe final call for nurses and
it's a beautiful thing.
They come to the funeral and doit all volunteer.
She had a program because shehad told us in the past that she
wanted her grandkids to writesomething about her and her
(13:59):
program and so she had saved theprogram where she had seen that
done and it was just abeautiful, beautiful gift in a
really incredibly difficultmoment.
So when we went to the funeralhome we took that file and
literally were able to make thislike.
(14:20):
We literally told the funeraldirector like because you go in
this room and there's all thesecaskets, yeah, and you know,
because we love her so much, wewould have, I mean, amy, and I
would have picked out, becausedaddy was like you guys just do
whatever.
He was just he was just hedidn't know what to do, and that
(14:42):
makes total sense.
But so I mean we would havepicked out the most expensive
casket because we wanted tohonor her and we love her.
But we were like where's yourprettiest, least expensive metal
?
casket and he like points overto the corner where we probably
would have never looked andthat's what we got.
And so after we went throughthat and then we went through
(15:05):
probate and that file helped uswalk through things with probate
and it was just the mostamazing gift that she gave us.
And that's who she was.
She was very organized and verythoughtful and it was her last
love letter to us.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
She was very intentional.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
And so out of that, out of that gift, amy and I were
like nobody really knows howincredibly beneficial this type
of information is until you walkthrough it, and we were like we
need to give this to otherpeople, like we need to let come
(15:49):
up with something that issimilar to mama's little funeral
file.
And that's how we started yourlast love letter, out of the
legacy that mama left us, tohelp other people be able to,
you know, have a bit of peaceand order in a really hard time
and leave a legacy for their ownfamily and loved ones that is a
(16:13):
beautiful gift and send off,and maybe she didn't realize how
beautiful it actually is.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Maybe she just thought she was being organized,
because my mother-in-law welost her a couple of years ago
and she was very detail orientedand she had a lot of things
organized already.
But, um, excuse me, but evengoing to the funeral home so
there are five in my husband'sfamily and for five people to
(16:42):
agree on one casket it was itwas a little um, there was no
fighting, but it was what do youthink?
What do you think?
What do you think?
And then, um, so it was just,some things were more ongoing
than they needed to be, but Ithink, having it takes that out
(17:04):
of.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
You know, we literally were like, well, this
is what she wrote, this is whatshe said, like this is exactly
the music, everything we wereable as a family to actually do,
her service, which was abeautiful thing for all of us to
be a part of, it was, it was,it was a precious gift and that
(17:25):
time right after someone'spassing is so precious, because
you just want to connect withyour loved ones and revisit
stories and memories and lookthrough photo albums and the
last thing anyone wants to do ispick out a casket or what
flower arrangement or what song.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
So that is.
It is such a beautiful ideathat came out of such a great
loss and, yeah, I think what youtwo are doing is is just
amazing and I think everybodyneeds to know about it, midlife
or not, whether it's our parentsor a friend that is sick or a
(18:05):
spouse, you know anybody.
Everybody should just have itavailable, you know, to.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
It really is a very.
It's one of those things thatyou don't want to think about.
But then you're like becausewhat you said earlier, alex,
we're kind of in that we havekids and then we have parents
and we're kind of in the middleand it's just something that all
of us really need it's not evenour own children.
(18:34):
We're like this is somethingyou need to do because you don't
know I mean, we never know whenour you know our time is up,
and it's just a precious gift.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Well, there's no, how-to.
So you're making the how-to andit sounds so practical but
actually at that time to havesomething like you had so
practical.
I mean, I know Nicole and Iboth had a loss my dad died
suddenly so I did not have afile but there are things that
you need to do when someonepasses that you don't, you don't
(19:06):
even know Right, and I thinkjust having you know, having
something so that you caneveryone grieves differently is
what I've found too, and I knowwith my siblings and I it was my
mom.
Some people were like I'm out.
Some people were jumping in,trying to do everything because
that made them feel better.
Some people are going throughpictures and to have those roles
(19:27):
of people in the family thateveryone does care and love this
person and eliminate the stressof what flowers would make this
person happy or what song.
And so did your mom know thatshe was going to pass away?
I know you mentioned that atthe beginning, but so did you
guys know that she was going topass away, or how did that
(19:49):
happen?
Speaker 3 (19:50):
She it'd been funny Cause.
So our mom and dad, they'vebeen married.
It'll be 56 years in June, soit was 54 years before, and she
had been telling daddy, like youneed to start learning how to
do your own laundry and learninghow to cook.
And we she'd even y'all this init.
(20:10):
Like it.
It bit Amy and I to the corebecause she like removed herself
from our family text group andwe just thought she was being
cranky oh, you know but I feellike in hindsight we can see
very real things that she did.
That I really feel like she waslike okay, I know, my time is
(20:33):
coming there she had stoppeddoing her laundry.
She hadn't done her own laundryfor I don't know how long, but
it was it was several days likea while, yeah, she knew
something was coming I thinkit's one of those weird like,
(20:54):
and maybe guy was just like allright, jane, this is like you're
gonna to be healed Because shewas so ready to go home.
I mean, you think about it whenyou can't swallow, you can't eat
.
She was not enjoying eating,she was not enjoying the things
that brought her joy.
She still loved her family, buteverything was so hard for her
(21:18):
but she had just and we thinkshe probably was a lot sicker
than she, let us know, untilthat Saturday when my dad called
and was like hey, my husband'sa nurse, and so he was like I
feel like you guys should comedown.
And then we Amy and us camedown and realized you know, she
needs to go to the hospital.
But in hindsight, like Amy'soldest son had a grandson the
(21:49):
next month and she wrote him aletter and just letting Gabe and
Ellie know how much she lovedthem, and it was just from her,
it wasn't from our dad and ourmom.
It was just her.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
I truly believe people have more.
I don't know if the word ispower, but control near the end.
And then we, then we realized Ijust I have a lot of family and
healthcare and they, they justthere's this pattern to it.
I mean obviously not everyoneyou know, but I think when
(22:23):
you're sick, I think, and thatthat moment where you let go
because my mother-in-law, shewas at home in hospice and she
was surrounded there wereprobably 25 family members there
and the minute she was alone iswhen she let go, like everybody
was by her side, like nobody,but it was like just a moment in
(22:45):
time where somebody had toanswer the door and somebody
stepped away to grab somethingand she just let go.
And I think you know that wasintentional on her part, just
knowing her personality and andthings like that.
And then I've heard a lot ofstories where people in the
(23:05):
hospital they it's like, it'salmost like they choose.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
She was she was so round, it was a very.
I wouldn't change the way thateveryone was there because we
were all able, even Anita's son,who had moved there, they were.
They were visiting where theywere going in Connecticut and so
he wasn't physically in theroom with mom, but he was.
(23:32):
We were able to call him andshe got to talk to her and we've
talked about that.
Even Anita and I've talkedabout how we feel.
Like that.
She felt the peace, like yousaid, to be able to let go and
to know that we were all goingto be OK.
We were going to miss her,obviously, but we were going to
(23:53):
be OK and we were going to takecare of our dad which since then
we have been like oh mom, weshould have listened.
We're so sorry, because yes,he's, he's quite an interesting,
uh, an interesting guy at timesthat's a whole nother kid.
(24:20):
It's not a kid.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Yeah, you learn things about the other person
when my my I'm very close withmy mom, but there were certain
things because they've alwaysbeen with that person, so the
way they like grow and change ina different way, or you realize
things about them that it'slike you can't describe it
unless you've been through it.
It's like it still boggles mymind.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
I'm like I didn't know that about you, mom, or I
didn't know, you know it's likeit's really.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
That is that's.
I think there's benefits andchallenges to it.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
I'll just say yes, that's a good way to say it, and
that's another.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
That's another, like kind of arm that we've made with
your last love letter is caringfor aging parents, because
we've learned so much in thelast 14 months, because we want
to do everything we can to honorand respect Daddy, but at the
same time he does haveParkinson's, and so we're
(25:19):
learning along with him, um, andevery day is something new.
So it's just it's, it's a partof something that we're sharing
as well, because it's you know,people are going to go through
it, whether now or later yes, sowith your last love letter, do
you work with people one-on-one?
Speaker 1 (25:40):
are you offering consultations?
Is it um like a guide right now?
Speaker 3 (25:49):
so right now it's a um guide that you can purchase
like a digital download, so youcan purchase it and print it off
, or you can um, you know, do itdigitally if you want to just
fill in the blank with, like,pulling it into notes or
something with Apple.
But it's we're talking and it'sone of the things that we've
(26:10):
been asked again and I shouldlet you talk about this, amy,
because I feel like I'mcommandeering the conversation,
but you can.
The question that most peopleask us about your last love
letter.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
So the question that we've been asked is is it a will
?
And the answer is no, it is nota will.
We are not attorneys, we arenot legal, we don't know
anything about law.
It is an accompaniment to awill or it is in addition to a
will.
It does not replace a will, noris it a will.
(26:54):
I think there are some of thesame questions that maybe a
couple that you may find as faras listing property.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
It can stand alone.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
But it can also stand alone, yeah, so definitely not
a will it's not legally binding,it's just somebody's wish it's
not legally binding.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
I wish to have you know, I don't know, mums, I
can't even think of a flower.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Yes, exactly Call Watts.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Mums, jerry, write that down, we're going to give
you guys one, so there willExactly.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Nicole Watts.
Mums, jerry, write that down.
We're going to give you guysone, so there will be a place
for you to get that.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Yeah, so they're guiding questions for what they
would like after they die iswhat you're saying.
Yes, what I also love, what youguys do and I got your freebie
from your website guys do, and Igot your freebie from your
website are it's not onlyplanning for your funeral, you
(27:58):
know per se, but I love that youare embracing your loved ones,
you know, and encouraging peopleto talk to them.
So they have a freebie.
That's five questions to ask,and one of them is you know what
are your childhood memories?
Can you share a family favoritestory from the past?
And I do something similar,similarly to this on my
Instagram.
I call it table talk, becauseI'm all about family dinners and
really encouraging people atthe table.
So I was like I'm going to usesome of these questions.
(28:21):
It's storytelling your lovedone's story, right, and you can
do it now, it doesn't meanpeople have to be sick, right?
It's just thinking about it, Iknow there's lots of apps out
there.
There's like you can record abook or you know whatever you
can do to get to write it down.
You know to record and to learnabout your family member even
(28:46):
more, because these are everydayconversations about their past
that you necessarily know, right?
Speaker 3 (28:52):
Yes, so how did?
Speaker 2 (28:52):
you come up with this .
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Did your mom leave you an actual note or was this
like an accompaniment that youcame up with?
Speaker 3 (28:59):
I think this came out of the we didn't have mama
anymore, and those werequestions that we were like do
you remember such and such?
Or did you think about like doyou know this or something?
And we were like this issomething that is important,
that people, again, until youhave a really a loss you don't
(29:21):
think about oh, I should ask myparents how they found out my
last or how they figured out myname or you know things like
that.
That are beautiful stories, butit's and it's just taking the
time to do it as well.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Yeah, Right, and it could be fun with grandkids I
was talking to when I printedthis out.
I was talking to my 11 year oldand saying, oh, we should do
this with my mom and I justthink it's you just, you just
learn more.
I know my family was big intolike family trees A lot of
people don't do that anymore butthis is it's like your legacy,
right, it's like what you wantto be remembered for.
(29:58):
And now we're in a day and agewhere we can take videos or do
the voice notes or you know,when my dad passed away 11 years
ago, videos wasn't a real bigthing.
Then you know people, we had acamcorder, I think, and I don't
have a lot of videos of my dad,and that makes me really, really
sad because my kids were youngwhen he passed away.
So I think, asking thequestions and doing, you know
(30:21):
doing that I also think ourparents would really like it,
right, they like to, you know,talk about themselves it jogs
their memory, because we didthat just recently.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
We were, we did it with our dad because he had
cataract surgery, and so we juststarted reading the questions
that we had and he was like, oheverything you know, and got all
excited and and we learnedthings that we had never heard
before.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
And then, yeah, incredibly precious stuff that
we're like, oh my gosh, that'sjust so sweet, yeah, so yeah,
like you said, having it, havingit on video, um, is so much
better than just pictures oreven writing it down, because
it's really something that Ithink they're more apt to do
(31:14):
because of the interactivenessof it.
Because we have tried a coupleof other things where we would
send them questions weekly andstuff like that, and one of the
things that our dad had had adifficult time with was just
using the keyboard, because hehas Parkinson's, and so he just
got to the point where he wasn'table to use a keyboard the way
(31:36):
that he used to.
He also wasn't able to read aswell, and so, although we were
sending things, trying to findthat out, when Anita actually
was able to sit down with himand just ask him those questions
it was it was so much better tome than than a book not
diminishing the beautifulness ofthe work that other companies
(31:58):
are doing to gather thosememories too.
But I don't know.
It's like you said, there'sjust something about video.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Right To do it in a way that works for your family,
right?
Maybe you're not close or youknow I have this one book of my
dad's voice that I it's what youmade it for the little
grandkids.
You know those types of thingsand I'm like no one's allowed to
touch it or it's like I have avery special spot in my house,
but I think this work you'redoing is incredible, and this
isn't something that we want totalk about, you know and this
(32:28):
isn't also something you know.
Unfortunately, we deal I havefriends with cancer and friends
you know there are there.
There are other people besidesaging parents that this, this,
could be a really good tool for,unfortunately, but a way to
honor that person in the waythat they want to be honored, I
think is really, really specialand would have been, I know,
(32:50):
helpful.
So much for me when my dadpassed away, because you're just
clueless and you're just in afog.
So thank you for doing thishard work, for being vulnerable
with your story of your mom.
I mean 12 months that's not along time ago that she passed
away, so, or 14 months, I'msorry, but you are definitely
making an impact.
So we, nicole and I, love thework that you do, so thank you
(33:13):
for doing that, thank you.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
Thank y'all for having us.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Where can people find you?
Glad to be here.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
We are.
It's easy to find us.
Everything is your last loveletter, so that's where we are
on Instagram and Facebook, andthen also our website is just
yourlastlovelettercom.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
That's easy.
Yeah, that is easy.
Okay, we will put all that inthe show notes and then a link
to your guide, so if anyone'slistening, you can just go to
the show notes and download itright away.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Yes, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
So, nicole, what time is it?
It's my favorite time.
It is unsolicited advice time.
This is the part where we giveour unsolicited advice.
It could be related to thistopic, or it could be anything
midlife, woman life, whateveryou want, just unsolicited
(34:18):
advice, because no one has timefor it, because we're older and
we can Just give our adviceright now.
That's right, because we areolder and we can.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Yes, Well, I will say I will share another little
nugget that I learned in 2017.
So I don't even know how manyyears ago that was seven, but it
is this.
I am a small business owner.
I actually own a boutiquemarketing company here in the
area.
I am a small business owner,actually on a boutique marketing
company here in the area, and Iwent through a program and just
(34:51):
it was like a localentrepreneurship program and
what I learned from that programwas this that failure is
inevitable, but it is notdefining and we get to choose.
So it's going to happen, but weget to decide how I love it.
It's going to happen, but weget to decide how we let it
affect us.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Amy, you've got all the good nuggets.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
She's the oldest.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
I'm the oldest, the oldest and the wisest.
Speaker 3 (35:24):
I don't know about that, but I'll take the oldest
for sure.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
I don't know about that, but I'll take the oldest
for sure.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
It's going to be my new tagline too.
I think often you learn welearn more at this age from like
our failures than our successes, right Like?
when we're challenged, when weget outside of our box, because
when I was younger I didn't gooutside my box that much.
Now I am more willing to it.
Right, because it's more ofthat risk of either way, right,
but you're going to learn fromboth things that you do.
(35:53):
I try to.
I try to talk to my kids aboutthat, but they're too young.
That's so true though that isso true yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yeah, all right, is it my turn?
Speaker 3 (36:27):
I had two things pop up.
So the first one I will sayrelates to your last love letter
, one of the things that I didright away.
And I would say, alex, you knowyou these voicemails and I just
for some reason, didn't deletethem.
And when Mama passed away, Ilike sent all these voicemails
to a note that I have Mama, andthen I also sent them to my
Google Drive just so that Ialways have her voice available,
and I actually have.
I had just had a procedure likea surgical procedure, just a few
(36:47):
days before she passed away,and she had sent me a voicemail
that and I just didn't answer itand I just think that was God
giving me this voicemail.
But it's like I just wanted tocall and check on you.
I love you so much, have agreat night Sleep and so like.
There are many nights where Iwould just be like play and it's
(37:10):
mama and it's precious and yeah.
So I would definitely encouragepeople to save those voicemails
, even the ones that might belike amy has one that mom and
daddy are arguing it's so funny,it's so funny, beautiful now,
(37:30):
um.
So save your voicemails,because you do you miss.
I never want to forget mymama's voice.
I never want to forget my dad'svoice and, um, we still have
daddy, obviously, but I, I stillsave his too, because it's just
, it's their treasures.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
Yeah, those are special.
I have voicemails of my kidswhen they were really little too
, and now you're reminding me,and my grandmother too, when she
was she, you know she wouldcall me on the phone and when
she had a cell phone.
So you're reminding me to sortof say I don't, I didn't know
you could download those.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
Yeah, you can download.
Okay, I love tech too.
Yeah, I, prior to this, I hadlike my own tech um instagram
thing, but I will, I'll show youhow you can do it okay.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Okay, it's a super simple way because I love, I
love that I actually neveranswer my phone a lot, so I have
a lot of voice.
I'll take one from Nicole.
You can practice on my voice,I'll, practice, I'll tell my mom
to leave a message actually.
So yeah, I love that.
(38:37):
Nicole, do you have any advice?
I really don't, I don't.
I've been trying to think ofsomething amazing to say, but
maybe I'll give some advice tomyself and if it resonates with
you out there, I have actuallybought those little books myself
.
Like, um, uh, there's likelittle itty bitty books and it's
(38:59):
like 10 pages, like, mom,what's your favorite color?
So I have bought those formyself, to fill out for my kids
and I just need to sit down andfill them out in addition to
your last love letter.
But, um, it's just somethinglike on my to-do list.
I'm like, oh, I need to do it,I need to do it.
So I guess, if you havesomething, start, just start,
(39:20):
just use it, just use it.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
I like that I will.
Yeah, we were at mom anddaddy's, with daddy's surgery in
the call, and we found ourgrandmothers from 1996, one of
those that she had filled outfor us we didn't even know
existed.
So sweet and it was incredible,so definitely fill those out,
okay.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Yeah, alex oh, um, mine would just be, I think,
just have those table talks,have those.
I love these questions that youask.
I think.
Use just the opportunity to aska question, because I think
we're always in the hustle andbustle of you know, even like
you're saying, nicole, I lovethe idea of just us answering
them with our kids, right, um,using that time that you can
(40:03):
have together, whether it's fiveminutes or an hour, and just
appreciating that time together,because you just really never
know when it's you're not goingto have it.
Yeah, yeah, right.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
Yeah, yeah, that's so good, all right.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
Well, thank you, ladies, so much.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
Thank y'all, it was fun.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
And that's a wrap for today's episode of Don't Call
Me Midlife.
We hope you had as much fun aswe did.
Absolutely.
Your support means the world tous.
If you're just waiting in thecarpool line, don't forget to
follow the show, and if you'refeeling extra spicy today, leave
us a rating and review Beforewe part ways.
We've got a special invitationfor you.
Join our newsletter to stay inthe loop with all things midlife
(40:46):
, magic, bonus content and more.
Head on over to the show notesfor how to sign up.
We can't wait to keep theconversation going.
And, of course, remember, inthe whirlwind of life and
motherhood, don't forget to fillup your own cup first.
You're extraordinary and yourjourney is worth every moment.
Until next time, cheers.
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