June 17, 2025 • 34 mins
This episode is the third in a series of recent discussions about Food Allergies and Intimacy. I encourage you to listen to Parts 1 and 2 to provide the medical background and social/emotional context for this episode.
In this deeply touching conversation, I sit down with Portia Barton, whose tween daughter Charlotte tragically died in 2022 from a mysterious allergic reaction. While she shared part of the story at the time, understandably some details remained unclear as the family processed and mourned their child's death, and gathered information trying to understand the events that led to her passing. Portia now feels ready to share the full story in order to inform and protect the food allergy community.
This episode is a quiet conversation with powerful resonance. Portia's courage in sharing her story invites empathy and fosters awareness that intimacy with food allergies can have life-and-death consequences.
Trigger Warning:
This episode contains detailed discussion of the events leading to the tragic death of a child due to an allergic reaction triggered by a kiss. This description may be distressing—please listen with care and consider skipping if you're experiencing the loss of a loved one or have young children present. This episode may be best processed with supportive company.
Please know that we did not share this conversation in order to shock or ignite fear in the food allergy community. Instead, we feel this is important information for young people and parents to understand in order to grasp the reality of the potential risks of kissing with food allergies.
Portia has generously made herself available to any questions/discussions that the audience may have. Please be respectful and considerate of the family's loss in any comments shared with her directly or on social media.
You can follow Charlotte's legacy here:
About | Live Like Charlotte
@livelikechar
You can follow Portia's grief journey on social media @iamportiabarton
Thank you again to Portia for sharing this important story. 💙
Special thanks to Kyle Dine for permission to use his song The Doghouse for the podcast theme!
www.kyledine.com
Find Dr. Whitehouse:
-thefoodallergypsychologist.com
-Instagram: @thefoodallergypsychologist
-Facebook: Dr. Amanda Whitehouse, Food Allergy Anxiety Psychologist
-welcome@dramandawhitehouse.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker (00:01):
Welcome to the Don't Feed the Fear podcast, where we
dive into the complex world offood allergy anxiety.
I'm your host, Dr.
Amanda Whitehouse, food allergyanxiety psychologist and food
allergy mom.
Whether you're dealing withallergies yourself or supporting
someone who is, join us for anempathetic and informative
journey toward food allergy calmand confidence..
(00:26):
Many of us in the food allergycommunity know the story of a
little girl in Texas namedCharlotte, with severe eczema,
food allergies, asthma, and eoe.
Unfortunately, in 2022 when shewas 12 years old, Charlotte
passed away from a severe foodallergy reaction,
understandably, Charlotte'sfamily has been grieving and
(00:48):
processing their loss.
They shared some of the detailsaround Charlotte's death at that
time, but Charlotte's mom,Portia Barton, reached out to me
and wanted to share more detailsabout the full story and the
events that led up toCharlotte's passing in order to
protect and benefit others inthe food allergy community as
much as possible.
I do wanna give a triggerwarning that Portia discusses
the details about the day thatCharlotte died, which obviously
(01:10):
might be distressing for manypeople to listen to, so please
don't listen with young childrenaround and please use your own
judgment if you feel that's ahelpful thing for you to listen
to at this point in time or not.
I have so much appreciation forPortia for being here to share
this story.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (01:24):
Portia, it's been wonderful to meet you.
Thank you so much for reachingout to me.
I know you have a lot of yourstory about your beautiful
daughter, Charlotte, that youwanted to share with the food
allergy community, Would youmind saying, how we got in
contact with each other anddecided to do this episode?
Portia Barton (01:39):
Yeah, Yeah, sure.
So, um, thank you so much forhaving me.
I'm on Instagram and, um, acouple different social media
platforms and I came across yourcontent, about kissing with food
allergies it really just hithome with me.
I haven't seen a whole lot ofcontent around this and I feel
(02:01):
like it's such an importanttopic to to discuss.
especially.
For, people with food allergies,parents and caregivers of those
with food allergies, and howpeople just don't always know
the seriousness of what it canlead to.
And so, yeah, I just felt likein my heart to connect and yeah.
(02:26):
Here we are.
So
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (02:27):
Yeah, well.
Portia Barton (02:28):
shining a light on this important topic.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (02:31):
Yes, thank you.
It resonated so much was so manypeople.
And that's where Charlotte wasright on the cusp of these
teenage years where everythingis changing and there's so much
new.
Stuff and independence.
Portia Barton (02:43):
Yeah.
yeah, Charlotte, was 12 yearsold, and she was in seventh
grade.
Charlotte is my, fifth child, mybaby girl.
And she was born, on New Year'sday of 2010.
she was.
About five weeks old and I wasnursing her and, she was not
(03:07):
really gaining weight like sheshould have been.
and of course I'm trying to makeall the milk and I'm eating all
the things, peanut butter, eggs,I mean all this protein rich
allergic type foods.
and Charlotte's broke out intoeczema all over her body.
and it became infected withstaph.
(03:28):
so here is my five week oldnewborn baby with horrible
rashes of eczema, infected withstaph and like she was just not
gaining weight.
she ended up at the ER and theyadmitted her right away.
And she was kind of a mystery tothe doctors because they had to
run, numerous tests and she sawnumerous doctors to try to, see
(03:53):
what was going on.
And through a process ofelimination of a bunch of
serious diseases, they're like,your daughter has food
allergies?
And I'm like, what?
I mean, it was such aneye-opening time.
I will say food allergies runsin our family on both my husband
and my side of the family.
and so, okay, we have a babythat has food allergies and so
(04:18):
this is new, but she was in thehospital for about, um, seven or
eight days.
put her on a special elementalformula
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (04:26):
Mm-hmm.
Portia Barton (04:27):
her gain weight.
Um, and I was, while I was, shewas in the hospital, like I,
they put me on a strict diettoo, because I was nursing, but
I, I could not keep up.
I stopped nursing.
Um, she was doing so good on theformula, like you could just see
that it was really helping herand giving her that nourishment
that I just couldn't makewithout eating the things that
(04:50):
she was allergic to.
And so, we became a food allergyfamily with this tiny, tiny
baby.
She did get better.
And we slowly, very, very slowlyintroduced foods to her.
Um, she had a blood test whenshe was about nine months old,
and, you know, it, it showed uslike what all she was allergic
to So we knew from early on.
(05:11):
I guess the reaction was kind ofa blessing in disguise, like
what not to feed her.
very early on.
So she was on the Elecare forlike a while.
introducing foods was, a verydifficult and.
Different process for me, uh,compared to my other children,
but we had the help of doctors,telling us what to do and what
not to do and things.
(05:32):
She was allergic to.
Eggs, um, dairy, and shecouldn't have baked eggs or.
scrambled eggs, dairy, um,peanuts, all nuts.
Fish, shellfish.
Um, she, she could eat wheat andsoy, which.
I'll take it.
my daughter has, um, celiac, myolder daughter, so I, I know
(05:55):
wheat can be an issue, but I wasthankful that she could have soy
and wheat with no complications.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (06:01):
You know, work with what you've got
and feed your baby.
Portia Barton (06:04):
yeah, exactly.
she did really good.
when she was four, I had takenher to see her allergy doctor,
and she was like, well, has shedone a baked egg challenge and
I'm like, well, no.
I mean, we just, we avoid, likewe, we strictly avoid all, you
know, the things that she can'thave.
And she's like, well, I wouldtry to make a baked item give
(06:26):
her a little piece of it athome.
And I was like, okay.
She's like, just have your EPIsclose by.
And I was like, okay.
Um, so I did that, andimmediately.
she started to struggle.
And so she was epi'd then.
Yeah.
And then, and when I lookingdown the road, that should have
(06:47):
been done in a doctor setting.
Um, but you do what you, you dowhat?
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (06:53):
Did what the doctor told you.
be doing?
Yes.
Yes.
So yes.
So, um, so yes.
And then, so Charlotte startedkindergarten.
Um, we were in a very great nutfree school district.
Um, she sat at the allergyfriendly table, sometimes by
herself, um, in her youngergrades, but she always took her
(07:13):
lunch.
She never bought lunch.
Um, she, you know, she veryearly on, like, knew what she
could and she couldn't have, andyou know, if somebody came
around her with their snack attheir table and, and she was
like, you need, I'm allergic tothat and you need to take that
somewhere else.
she was not scared to tellanybody to back up.
Portia Barton (07:33):
I mean, all through school there were never
any.
accidents or anything like that.
And there were some times whereshe would smell certain things
and they would, make her feellike she was, had, that she was
wheezing sometimes with certainthings, but throughout school,
up until seventh grade, she wassafe.
(07:55):
Um, and everything was reallygreat.
So, so, yeah.
And then, um.
Just a little bit of abackstory.
My family moved in 2020, likeRight.
during COVID, um, from like our,our family home where we grew
our family, and we, wedownsized.
We, we went to another schooldistrict over in Charlotte,
(08:17):
started fifth grade in a, in anew school district.
Um, she finished one year offifth grade and elementary, and
then the following year she wentto, um, a middle school.
So she started middle school forsixth grade.
and.
I wanna say from after thatfifth grade year, kind of into
middle school she really,Started to blossom a, a
(08:38):
personality of what she would beas a teenager.
I mean, and, and it was kind ofearly on, I think, a little bit,
but she has adults, oldersiblings that she saw them just
living their best life as.
You know, teens.
Um, and she wanted to do thattoo.
Like, she would try to wearmakeup and she would, you know,
(08:59):
take pictures and, and do thingsthat, that her older siblings
were doing.
And so sometimes she, she did,you know, she seemed more
mature, I would say, um, thanmaybe another, um, 11 or
12-year-old.
so.
So Charlotte was a super smartkiddo.
Um, she was in the spelling beefinals in fourth grade.
(09:21):
She was a girl scout, in heryounger years she loved music
and she loved her family and herfriends of course too.
And, um, she just was theoverall.
Pretty great kiddo.
she didn't get in trouble awhole lot and she was a great
big sister to her youngerbrothers.
(09:42):
Um, she was like little mommy tothem, especially, um, Brandon
who came, she was born in 2010and he was born in 2013.
And so they were like two peasin a pod.
I mean, she helped potty trainhim.
We found out Brandon had foodallergies, she just kind of like
took him under her, her littlebig sister wing and you know,
(10:03):
she was making herself food.
She was making him food, she wasreading him books, and then she
was just a really good bigsister to her little brothers.
but you know, going into sixthgrade she would.
would be like, y'all are gettingon my nerves.
Get outta here.
She was just.
know, taking chances in herwords and like saying new things
(10:23):
and just,
Amanda Whitehous (10:24):
Experimenting.
Portia Barton (10:25):
Yeah, just feeling out like, what am I
gonna do today?
Like, what can I do differenttoday?
And that was Charlotte.
she was always evolving and everchanging and stuff.
So.
September, uh, well she startedseventh grade in August of 2022.
My husband and I are working athome and um, Charlotte calls me.
(10:47):
On my phone and sometimes, likeI, I didn't answer the phone.
Um, sometimes she would justlike, call me from school, burp
in my ear, laugh and hang up.
Okay.
Like, and
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (10:57):
A.
Portia Barton (10:58):
Yes.
And I just thought, oh my gosh.
I, you know, and I, I was justin the middle of doing something
and so she, she texted me, 9 11, I need you to pick up.
And so she called me right backand she was hysterical.
She was crying.
She was like, mom, Iaccidentally ate a piece of
candy.
I wasn't supposed to.
(11:19):
And I'm like.
Okay.
Where are you?
She's like, I'm at the nurse.
Um, and so she gives me the, shegives her phone to the nurse and
I, and I start carrying on aconversation with the nurse.
Meanwhile, my husband and I aregetting in the car to go to the
school'cause it's super close.
And, um, the nurse is like, soshe, she's okay.
She's not in respiratorydistress right now.
(11:42):
She, she said her throat feelstight.
I had her brush her teeth.
I gave her some Benadryl.
Do you want me to call anambulance or do you want us to
wait for you here?
And I'm like, we'll be rightthere.
We're on our way.
And so we get to the school andCharlotte was hesitant about
taking her EpiPen'cause she hada fear of having an EpiPen.
So super quick chat.
(12:04):
Her dad gave her her EpiPen andshe was like, oh my gosh.
Like that was nothing that wasnot as bad as I thought it was
gonna be.
And so what had happened is somefriends like had a bag of candy
that had things in it that shecouldn't have, but there was
also Skittles in the bag.
And, so she accidentally grabbeda sweet tart, which has egg
(12:26):
whites in it, Charlotte wasallergic to eggs.
So that's what caused that firstreaction was accidentally eating
a sweet tart and not a skittle.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (12:35):
Okay.
Portia Barton (12:36):
So right there, Charlotte had her EpiPen.
we waited there, and we satthere for a little while with
her.
she was great.
She like, she recoveredbeautifully and she was so proud
of herself and she's like, Ijust wanna go home and go to
bed.
And, and so we took her home.
the nearest hospital from us islike four minutes away.
(12:59):
So.
I didn't hesitate taking herhome because the hospital was
super close so she came home,she put Fuller house on, on the
couch.
She watched some fuller houseand she fell asleep for hours.
Um, I had slept out on the couchout there with her that night so
I could keep an eye on her andstuff.
And she was just pretty, she waspretty drowsy.
(13:19):
She didn't really want to eatdinner or she was just like, she
just slept.
And so the next morning,September 27th um.
Charlotte was like hemming andhawing about not wanting to go
to school, and I'm like, youneed to go to school.
Like I'll, I'll email your PEteacher so you don't have to do
any strenuous activity orwhatever.
(13:40):
And so we did that.
went to school texting me,wanting to make plans do things
after school and she did fine.
She did fine.
Throughout the day at school.
Um, she got home and she had alittle boyfriend who was a grade
above her.
he was gonna come over and hangout I knew this boy, I knew his
(14:03):
parents and his mother, hismother graciously Thoughtfully
contacted me and called mesaying, I'm going to Sam's.
What can I get Charlotte to eat?
I'm gonna make dinner.
What can she have?
What, what can I make for herthat's safe?
So conversations were had.
(14:24):
Everybody knew about Charlotte'sfood allergies.
Um.
Awkward conversations were hadtoo about kissing and what to do
and what not to do, andtoothbrushing and mouthwash and
those conversations were had.
Um, and so, so fast forward tothe evening, he comes over.
(14:47):
all hanging out.
messing with the dogs.
The, the, the boys, my, theiryounger brother were bothering
them.
And so, I mean, it was just anormal evening.
it was just like any othernight, you know?
And so I start making dinner.
And I go in there and I'm like,you guys want some dinner?
I'm cooking dinner.
And um, and Charlotte's like,just save me A.
(15:08):
plate.
I'll eat later or whatever.
And so I did.
And then, um, this boy's like,no ma'am, I already ate before I
came.
You know, my mom took me to getsome food on the before I came.
And I'm like, Okay.
so a little bit of time goes by.
it's time for him to go home.
and his mom is on his way topick him up.
My husband and I are like justsitting down from the day, um,
(15:32):
and we hear the nebulizer comeon in the living room we both go
out there and, Charlotte'sgetting on the nebulizer she's
like, I can't breathe.
And that was the last words thatshe ever said to me, to us was,
(15:52):
I can't breathe.
So what quickly happened was alittle bit of panic, bit of
chaos.
Charlotte was nervous becausehe, this boy was here witnessing
this, and we quickly put him inthe back, in a, in a room.
(16:17):
and I grabbed Charlotte's EpiPenand we left for the er.
She walked to the car.
I.
When we got in the car, she gaveherself the EpiPen in her leg
and it did absolutely nothing.
She was, could not speak.
She could not talk.
(16:40):
She was just gasping for air,gasping for air, and I am
driving like a mad woman.
I am running lights.
It felt like it took forever,even though we got there in
minutes.
Charlotte was blue.
At this point, I, I picked herup and took her in there and
(17:02):
they immediately whisked herback.
I, I left my car running, I leftthe doors open.
went and parked my car for me.
Um, because, because it was justnuts.
And so while I'm talking totriage in the, the er, um, she
(17:22):
goes into cardiac arrest in theback.
And so they, they, they startCPR.
Now, I'm not back there.
They start CPR.
she goes into shock from beingresuscitated.
And when I got back there, um,it was, it was bad.
(17:49):
She, she had not yet beenintubated, but was bad.
we're at the hospital close by.
It's not a kid's hospital, Andthey're saying they need to
transfer her to cooks indowntown Fort Worth.
And so we were there for alittle while.
Um, but I, I mean, I, I knew,that things were bad, but I
(18:18):
didn't know that she wasn't evergonna wake up again.
Then begins this Grueling 6 daysof just watching her basically
deteriorate.
we talked to Charlotte's sisterand she said, um, mom.
They kissed, they, they had tohave kissed.
(18:39):
And, um, and it clicked he hadtold me where he had eaten and I
did get confirmation his motherthat, that, that they had kissed
as well.
That's when it clicked that theyhad kissed and caused her to go
(19:02):
into anaphylactic shock.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (19:06):
All while you're sitting with her in
the hospital, that's when youput these pieces together.
I just can't imagine howoverwhelming that must have been
to process on top of what wasalready going on.
Portia Barton (19:18):
Yeah.
his mom we were friends.
we were in communication a lotbecause our kids were hanging
out, you know?
I had gone and had lunch withher and had coffee and stuff
with her, and we, we just wouldtalk about things and, there was
an understanding that they hadkissed,
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (19:36):
Mm-hmm.
Portia Barton (19:36):
I had made a post and I had brought up kissing,
like dying.
Dying from kissing.
And she reached out to me.
she didn't put it, she, shedidn't put it together till
later but on, on Charlotte'sdeath certificate, it says
anaphylactic shock from peanuts.
(19:59):
Um, and sh Charlotte didn't eatpeanuts.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (20:02):
Right.
Portia Barton (20:03):
She hadn't eaten anything.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (20:05):
Right.
She was just hanging out athome.
Right.
Not having had any dinner yetyou said.
Portia Barton (20:09):
Mm-hmm.
People have come to me throughsharing Charlotte's story
confused about.
How everything went down andwhat happened from one reaction
to the next.
And and that's been going on fora couple years because, I mean,
it is just been a two and a halfyears, a little over that since
(20:31):
all this happened.
And I just didn't know how tosay that.
I didn't know how to say mydaughter's death was an accident
from.
Just taking a risk and notthinking in the moment.
um, you know, my, my10-year-old, 11-year-old
(20:53):
Charlotte would not have donewhat my, what my 12-year-old
Charlotte did.
I don't think Um, I've hadparents allergy kiddo parents
reach out to me and just belike.
What, I'm confused whathappened, like, but also thank
you for like letting us know andshedd a light on the seriousness
(21:15):
food allergies
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (21:16):
it happens too often where someone,
young person, adults too, diefrom their food allergies, and
we all panic all these questionsthat you're getting, everybody
wants to know exactly whathappened because we feel frantic
to protect our own children orourselves.
But you had every right to notanswer every question, and I'm
sorry that you were bombardedwith, you know, I'm sure people
(21:36):
were well-meaning, but I.
Portia Barton (21:38):
Yeah.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (21:38):
You were grieving, you were figuring it
out yourselves, and you, you arenot obligated.
To answer all of the questionsthat we have out of fear as a
community when you're goingthrough a tragedy like this.
So I'm sorry that that was ontop of everything you were
already dealing with.
Um, I think that happens oftenwhen there's a story like this.
It must be tough.
Portia Barton (21:58):
Yeah.
And, to protect my heart I knewthat I would say it when I, when
I was ready and it was
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (22:06):
Yeah.
Portia Barton (22:06):
time.
And, and, and I, and I feel likeespecially with more and more
stories that are coming outabout kiddos, um, dying from
their food allergies, I wannahelp.
Any way I can to prevent thisfrom happening to anyone ever
again.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (22:22):
Yeah.
Portia Barton (22:23):
Um, like I was telling you earlier, like I have
another child that has the samelife-threatening allergies, food
allergies that Charlotte did.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (22:32):
Mm-hmm.
Portia Barton (22:34):
um, we are entering the phase of where
Charlotte was with him.
And so there's a lot of fear,there's a lot of anxiety I am
very overprotective and, andthings like that.
Um, when it comes to choices andthings that he does and I will
allow him to do and things likethat.
I don't wanna instill fear, butI just want everybody to
(22:59):
realize.
seriousness.
I mean, that's all I want.
Like it's, you know, no, no eyerolling.
No, like, don't overreact like.
Just take a Benadryl, you'll befine.
None of that, like it's, andeverybody's story's unique and
different and you know, there'sdifferent levels of severe and
(23:20):
mild and all that and you know,but it's still serious and it
still can happen and it stilldid.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (23:27):
Mm-hmm.
Portia Barton (23:28):
with prevention keeping those lines of
communication open with your,your teens and your pre-teens,
especially when they're, they'reat that risk taking age.
It's so important.
I miss her so much and I wonder.
How she would be and what shewould be doing.
(23:48):
she'd be 15.
Um, and she wanted to be anepidemiologist, like diseases,
like she thought they were thecoolest things.
she was curious and she had likeher own notebook of epidemiology
stuff that she had beganstudying.
My dad, my parents gave her abook, an epidemiology book one
time for like Christmas, acouple years back, and she
(24:09):
studied it and wrote notes.
About diseases and stuff.
she was, I mean, she would've,she would've changed the world
and, but she is changing theworld just in a different way.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (24:23):
thank you for sharing it with us.
You touched on something that Iknow is important for both of us
that we're not doing this toscare people, right?
We don't want to just instillfear.
We want to take Charlotte'smessage and like you said, what
change can, can she bring intothe world through her life and.
It shines a light on thatbecause this was not a case of
we didn't know that information.
(24:43):
We didn't realize that could bedangerous.
I never talked to my child aboutit.
You did everything right.
But the reality is 12-year-oldkids do not make.
Decisions based on those thingsat every moment of every, day of
their lives.
you said it so powerfully, like10-year-old Charlotte never
would've done this.
11-year-old Charlotte.
(25:04):
Probably not.
And then these developmentalstages hit and things change.
So it's, it's a hard reality tosee, but it goes beyond just
like, well, I told her not to doit right.
Portia Barton (25:15):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And like the instance too, withthe candy, like, she would've
never done that.
Like,
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (25:22):
Right.
Portia Barton (25:23):
mean, and she always had like goodies and
snacks and stuff with her.
I mean, she always carried a bagor a purse or something
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (25:29):
Mm-hmm.
Portia Barton (25:30):
stuff in it.
And so I do have periods of timewhere I would've coulda, shoulda
have.
And I, know that that's that Ihave to work through and it's
not helpful to do that to myselfon a consistent basis.
And I try not to.
Um, but it's always there.
And so, you know, if I can bringchange and just.
(25:54):
Help my son, Brandon, andanybody else, and any scared mom
or dad out there, or caregiverwho's worried about their food
allergy kiddo, I just felt likeit was the time to just.
Share as much as I could ofCharlotte's story to just help
anybody out and answer anyquestions and clear up any
(26:17):
confusion.
That's her legacy and I, I amher legacy keeper at this point
from now on.
And I guess that's, that's whatI'm here for now.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (26:26):
Yeah.
and I just wanna reiterate, you,you did everything the doctors
told you to do.
You followed instructions, youdid all the things, so it's a
normal process that you're goingthrough in terms of working
through, Regrets and what couldI have done differently?
Are there things you want themto know based on your
experience?
Portia Barton (26:42):
Yeah.
I mean, I, I want them to knowthat when it comes to their
health and their safety, that.
there may come a time and therewill come a time where you are
intimate with someone you haveto ask them what they ate.
(27:03):
it's kind of strange because ifyou're getting intimate with
someone, you're at that levelwith them, but.
awkward is it to say, yeah, didyou have any peanut butter
today?
Because I wanna smooch, but I'ma little, I'm a little scared,
you know?
But you literally have to dothat.
And so advocate for yourselfbefore anything.
(27:23):
And conversations might beawkward, know what?
But I would rather it be awkwardthan deadly.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (27:31):
Right.
Right.
And to be fair, it's easy to sayas adults and it's so hard to
experience as a young person,but it's all awkward.
First kisses are awkward.
Dates are awkward.
Whether it's someone you'realready intimate with or
spontaneous, you know, kids at aparty or something like that,
it.
It's all awkward.
We all have our awkward stuffaround it.
(27:51):
So I know that doesn't take itaway from kids to say that, but
I think it helps to remind themto put it in that bigger picture
perspective.
Like it's all gonna feel weird.
You are a teenager, it'suncomfortable.
Be uncomfortable safely.
'cause you're gonna beuncomfortable.
Right.
Portia Barton (28:07):
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
I, I like that to just beuncomfortable safely.
Um,'cause you know, it is just amoment.
It is just a moment and lifegoes on and things progress and
everything.
But don't
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (28:20):
Okay.
Portia Barton (28:21):
embarrassed.
To advocate for yourself,because sometimes you are
embarrassed or you feel like aburden, you know?
And I know sometimes, Charlotte,felt like her food allergies
were a burden.
And I don't want anybody to feelthat way.
Talk to somebody, reach out to afriend, or if you've got a
(28:42):
therapist or somebody that canhelp you work through some of
these triggers and phobias andthings that bring this fear
around food allergies.
Um, it really does help having acommunity and talking it out and
talking with people.
Who relate and who get it, youknow?
A community is such a powerfulthing.
(29:02):
I'm learning that in this spaceand I'm learning it in the grief
space.
I, I'm learning it in all ways,t he importance of connecting
with people, um, even whenthings are hard, you know?
'cause sometimes that's whathelps get us through, is just
having that relation withsomebody who gets it.
Amanda Whitehouse, (29:21):
Absolutely.
And the people who get it, whodon't find your needs to be a
burden are your people.
They are your community.
If.
They find it to be burdensome orproblematic or irritating, or
whatever the fear is.
They're not your people.
And again, that's easy to sayand hard to feel when you're a
young person, especially.
The feeling of rejection in youradolescence is just so huge.
(29:42):
But, um, it's a lesson like manyother things that our kids have
to learn younger, unfortunately,right?
Portia Barton (29:49):
right, right.
And, and, and it is true becauselike you said, they're like,
they're right on that cusp ofwhere they're feeling, all the
feels and, Feelings are all thatmatter in, in moments.
And so, it takes those awkward,tough conversations with your
kiddos, when they're gettinginto middle school, like I know,
like for my son Brandon, he'sabout to go into seventh grade
(30:11):
and been, we have likequadrupled up on conversations,
especially with what's happenedin our family.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (30:17):
Hm,
Portia Barton (30:18):
but middle school is, is a good starting point I
think for that, for those talks.
And so going forward, I'llcontinue to, talk about
Charlotte and, and her life sheleft an iPhone with.
over 8,000 images and videos andmany blurry pictures.
(30:39):
I guess that's a thing kids arejust, the pictures are blurry
and I'm like, what is, what am Iwhat am I looking at here?
Um, but I'm so thankful forthat, that I have that.
I have all these sweet imagesand little things that um, I'm
so thankful for.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (30:56):
I love your photos of her.
Thank you so much for sharingher with all of us.
I mean, she just looks like thegreatest, most beautiful little
vibrant.
Soul of a little person.
So I appreciate that you'resharing that with all of us and
giving us a glimpse, you know,to remember and to to help other
people.
thank you for protecting all ofour children.
(31:16):
Thank you for taking your painand using it in a way that will
make the rest of us safer.
Portia Barton (31:23):
Well, it's all I know to do.
I gotta put it somewhere, Ican't leave it inside.
Like it's not, it's not gonnastay.
I've, I mean, I, there's momentswhere I, I feel like I, I can't
do this and like, it's just toopainful and, but, I would rather
people have to know her, likethrough the photos and through
(31:44):
the posts and the videos, andthrough me, um, than to have not
have known her at all.
So she was my sunshine and asoul.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (31:52):
What a beautiful girl.
Portia Barton (31:53):
thank you.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (31:54):
Thank you so much for coming here to
talk to, to all of us about itand for sharing your story.
you sound like you're open topeople reaching out.
I know you said you're on socialmedia.
Do you wanna share where theycan find you?
Portia Barton (32:04):
Yeah, for sure.
I have two Instagrams.
Um, Charlotte's is,@livelikechar, then I have like
a, a grieving, I.
um,@iamportiabarton, a placewhere I kind of put my grief.
Um, and so, and then I'm onFacebook, um, Portia Barton on
Facebook.
Um, I'm on TikTok, but not somuch.
(32:24):
It's hard to keep up with allthese social media platforms.
I'm gonna, I'm just, it's, it's.
It's a lot.
Um, but I've also got someYouTube stuff going on that's,
um, in the works and, and stufflike that.
So, but probably Instagram wouldprobably be a good place to
connect
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (32:40):
I'll encourage everybody to follow
and, and listen along andcelebrate her life with you and
just show our appreciation toyou for sharing with all of us.
Portia Barton (32:48):
I appreciate it so much and thank you for all
you do as well.
thank you.
Thank you again so much forjoining me, Portia, and sharing
this important story and tellingus about your girl, Charlotte.
as Portia said, she's verygenerously.
Open to your questions toconversation about this
important topic so you can reachher through the links she shared
(33:10):
the links are also provided inthe notes.
You can share your comments andquestions with me with either of
our Instagram posts directly,and we'll be monitoring those to
respond to any questions or todiscuss this in any way that
would be helpful for you.
As you do that, please bemindful that this is a grieving
mother and a grieving family.
All of our love goes out toPortia, to the whole family, to
(33:32):
the young man and his family whowere involved in this incident.
It's heartbreaking and weappreciate you having the
bravery and the strength toshare this to protect other
people.
And after listening, if youstill have questions about this
topic or you wanna hear more, ifyou've missed it, there was a
part one and a part two to thisseries on food allergies and
intimacy.
Part one is with Dr.
(33:52):
Scott Sicherer speaking aboutthe medical aspects of this.
Part two was with Sloan MillerAllergic Girl, and we talked
about the social emotionalaspects of this.
Those are episodes 25 and 26 ofthe podcast, and I encourage you
to go back and listen if youhaven't already.
I also created a free handout onthe topic to help you think
through and remember theinformation that's been shared
(34:12):
in the series.
So feel free to reach out to methrough the contact page on my
website, through Instagram orthrough my email.
You can find the links to all ofthose in the notes here on the
show and request that freebieand I'll be happy to share it
with you.
Thank you for listening.
the content of this podcast isfor informational and
educational purposes only, andis not a substitute for
(34:35):
professional medical or mentalhealth advice, diagnosis, or
treatment.
If you have any questions aboutyour own medical experience or
mental health needs, pleaseconsult a professional.
I'm Dr.
Amanda White house.
Thanks for joining me.
And until we chat again,remember don't feed the fear.
Welcome to the Don't Feed the Fear podcast, where we
dive into the complex world offood allergy anxiety.
I'm your host, Dr.
Amanda Whitehouse, food allergyanxiety psychologist and food
allergy mom.
Whether you're dealing withallergies yourself or supporting
someone who is, join us for anempathetic and informative
journey toward food allergy calmand confidence..
(00:26):
Many of us in the food allergycommunity know the story of a
little girl in Texas namedCharlotte, with severe eczema,
food allergies, asthma, and eoe.
Unfortunately, in 2022 when shewas 12 years old, Charlotte
passed away from a severe foodallergy reaction,
understandably, Charlotte'sfamily has been grieving and
(00:48):
processing their loss.
They shared some of the detailsaround Charlotte's death at that
time, but Charlotte's mom,Portia Barton, reached out to me
and wanted to share more detailsabout the full story and the
events that led up toCharlotte's passing in order to
protect and benefit others inthe food allergy community as
much as possible.
I do wanna give a triggerwarning that Portia discusses
the details about the day thatCharlotte died, which obviously
(01:10):
might be distressing for manypeople to listen to, so please
don't listen with young childrenaround and please use your own
judgment if you feel that's ahelpful thing for you to listen
to at this point in time or not.
I have so much appreciation forPortia for being here to share
this story.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (01:24):
Portia, it's been wonderful to meet you.
Thank you so much for reachingout to me.
I know you have a lot of yourstory about your beautiful
daughter, Charlotte, that youwanted to share with the food
allergy community, Would youmind saying, how we got in
contact with each other anddecided to do this episode?
Portia Barton (01:39):
Yeah, Yeah, sure.
So, um, thank you so much forhaving me.
I'm on Instagram and, um, acouple different social media
platforms and I came across yourcontent, about kissing with food
allergies it really just hithome with me.
I haven't seen a whole lot ofcontent around this and I feel
(02:01):
like it's such an importanttopic to to discuss.
especially.
For, people with food allergies,parents and caregivers of those
with food allergies, and howpeople just don't always know
the seriousness of what it canlead to.
And so, yeah, I just felt likein my heart to connect and yeah.
(02:26):
Here we are.
So
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (02:27):
Yeah, well.
Portia Barton (02:28):
shining a light on this important topic.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (02:31):
Yes, thank you.
It resonated so much was so manypeople.
And that's where Charlotte wasright on the cusp of these
teenage years where everythingis changing and there's so much
new.
Stuff and independence.
Portia Barton (02:43):
Yeah.
yeah, Charlotte, was 12 yearsold, and she was in seventh
grade.
Charlotte is my, fifth child, mybaby girl.
And she was born, on New Year'sday of 2010.
she was.
About five weeks old and I wasnursing her and, she was not
(03:07):
really gaining weight like sheshould have been.
and of course I'm trying to makeall the milk and I'm eating all
the things, peanut butter, eggs,I mean all this protein rich
allergic type foods.
and Charlotte's broke out intoeczema all over her body.
and it became infected withstaph.
(03:28):
so here is my five week oldnewborn baby with horrible
rashes of eczema, infected withstaph and like she was just not
gaining weight.
she ended up at the ER and theyadmitted her right away.
And she was kind of a mystery tothe doctors because they had to
run, numerous tests and she sawnumerous doctors to try to, see
(03:53):
what was going on.
And through a process ofelimination of a bunch of
serious diseases, they're like,your daughter has food
allergies?
And I'm like, what?
I mean, it was such aneye-opening time.
I will say food allergies runsin our family on both my husband
and my side of the family.
and so, okay, we have a babythat has food allergies and so
(04:18):
this is new, but she was in thehospital for about, um, seven or
eight days.
put her on a special elementalformula
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (04:26):
Mm-hmm.
Portia Barton (04:27):
her gain weight.
Um, and I was, while I was, shewas in the hospital, like I,
they put me on a strict diettoo, because I was nursing, but
I, I could not keep up.
I stopped nursing.
Um, she was doing so good on theformula, like you could just see
that it was really helping herand giving her that nourishment
that I just couldn't makewithout eating the things that
(04:50):
she was allergic to.
And so, we became a food allergyfamily with this tiny, tiny
baby.
She did get better.
And we slowly, very, very slowlyintroduced foods to her.
Um, she had a blood test whenshe was about nine months old,
and, you know, it, it showed uslike what all she was allergic
to So we knew from early on.
(05:11):
I guess the reaction was kind ofa blessing in disguise, like
what not to feed her.
very early on.
So she was on the Elecare forlike a while.
introducing foods was, a verydifficult and.
Different process for me, uh,compared to my other children,
but we had the help of doctors,telling us what to do and what
not to do and things.
(05:32):
She was allergic to.
Eggs, um, dairy, and shecouldn't have baked eggs or.
scrambled eggs, dairy, um,peanuts, all nuts.
Fish, shellfish.
Um, she, she could eat wheat andsoy, which.
I'll take it.
my daughter has, um, celiac, myolder daughter, so I, I know
(05:55):
wheat can be an issue, but I wasthankful that she could have soy
and wheat with no complications.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (06:01):
You know, work with what you've got
and feed your baby.
Portia Barton (06:04):
yeah, exactly.
she did really good.
when she was four, I had takenher to see her allergy doctor,
and she was like, well, has shedone a baked egg challenge and
I'm like, well, no.
I mean, we just, we avoid, likewe, we strictly avoid all, you
know, the things that she can'thave.
And she's like, well, I wouldtry to make a baked item give
(06:26):
her a little piece of it athome.
And I was like, okay.
She's like, just have your EPIsclose by.
And I was like, okay.
Um, so I did that, andimmediately.
she started to struggle.
And so she was epi'd then.
Yeah.
And then, and when I lookingdown the road, that should have
(06:47):
been done in a doctor setting.
Um, but you do what you, you dowhat?
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (06:53):
Did what the doctor told you.
be doing?
Yes.
Yes.
So yes.
So, um, so yes.
And then, so Charlotte startedkindergarten.
Um, we were in a very great nutfree school district.
Um, she sat at the allergyfriendly table, sometimes by
herself, um, in her youngergrades, but she always took her
(07:13):
lunch.
She never bought lunch.
Um, she, you know, she veryearly on, like, knew what she
could and she couldn't have, andyou know, if somebody came
around her with their snack attheir table and, and she was
like, you need, I'm allergic tothat and you need to take that
somewhere else.
she was not scared to tellanybody to back up.
Portia Barton (07:33):
I mean, all through school there were never
any.
accidents or anything like that.
And there were some times whereshe would smell certain things
and they would, make her feellike she was, had, that she was
wheezing sometimes with certainthings, but throughout school,
up until seventh grade, she wassafe.
(07:55):
Um, and everything was reallygreat.
So, so, yeah.
And then, um.
Just a little bit of abackstory.
My family moved in 2020, likeRight.
during COVID, um, from like our,our family home where we grew
our family, and we, wedownsized.
We, we went to another schooldistrict over in Charlotte,
(08:17):
started fifth grade in a, in anew school district.
Um, she finished one year offifth grade and elementary, and
then the following year she wentto, um, a middle school.
So she started middle school forsixth grade.
and.
I wanna say from after thatfifth grade year, kind of into
middle school she really,Started to blossom a, a
(08:38):
personality of what she would beas a teenager.
I mean, and, and it was kind ofearly on, I think, a little bit,
but she has adults, oldersiblings that she saw them just
living their best life as.
You know, teens.
Um, and she wanted to do thattoo.
Like, she would try to wearmakeup and she would, you know,
(08:59):
take pictures and, and do thingsthat, that her older siblings
were doing.
And so sometimes she, she did,you know, she seemed more
mature, I would say, um, thanmaybe another, um, 11 or
12-year-old.
so.
So Charlotte was a super smartkiddo.
Um, she was in the spelling beefinals in fourth grade.
(09:21):
She was a girl scout, in heryounger years she loved music
and she loved her family and herfriends of course too.
And, um, she just was theoverall.
Pretty great kiddo.
she didn't get in trouble awhole lot and she was a great
big sister to her youngerbrothers.
(09:42):
Um, she was like little mommy tothem, especially, um, Brandon
who came, she was born in 2010and he was born in 2013.
And so they were like two peasin a pod.
I mean, she helped potty trainhim.
We found out Brandon had foodallergies, she just kind of like
took him under her, her littlebig sister wing and you know,
(10:03):
she was making herself food.
She was making him food, she wasreading him books, and then she
was just a really good bigsister to her little brothers.
but you know, going into sixthgrade she would.
would be like, y'all are gettingon my nerves.
Get outta here.
She was just.
know, taking chances in herwords and like saying new things
(10:23):
and just,
Amanda Whitehous (10:24):
Experimenting.
Portia Barton (10:25):
Yeah, just feeling out like, what am I
gonna do today?
Like, what can I do differenttoday?
And that was Charlotte.
she was always evolving and everchanging and stuff.
So.
September, uh, well she startedseventh grade in August of 2022.
My husband and I are working athome and um, Charlotte calls me.
(10:47):
On my phone and sometimes, likeI, I didn't answer the phone.
Um, sometimes she would justlike, call me from school, burp
in my ear, laugh and hang up.
Okay.
Like, and
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (10:57):
A.
Portia Barton (10:58):
Yes.
And I just thought, oh my gosh.
I, you know, and I, I was justin the middle of doing something
and so she, she texted me, 9 11, I need you to pick up.
And so she called me right backand she was hysterical.
She was crying.
She was like, mom, Iaccidentally ate a piece of
candy.
I wasn't supposed to.
(11:19):
And I'm like.
Okay.
Where are you?
She's like, I'm at the nurse.
Um, and so she gives me the, shegives her phone to the nurse and
I, and I start carrying on aconversation with the nurse.
Meanwhile, my husband and I aregetting in the car to go to the
school'cause it's super close.
And, um, the nurse is like, soshe, she's okay.
She's not in respiratorydistress right now.
(11:42):
She, she said her throat feelstight.
I had her brush her teeth.
I gave her some Benadryl.
Do you want me to call anambulance or do you want us to
wait for you here?
And I'm like, we'll be rightthere.
We're on our way.
And so we get to the school andCharlotte was hesitant about
taking her EpiPen'cause she hada fear of having an EpiPen.
So super quick chat.
(12:04):
Her dad gave her her EpiPen andshe was like, oh my gosh.
Like that was nothing that wasnot as bad as I thought it was
gonna be.
And so what had happened is somefriends like had a bag of candy
that had things in it that shecouldn't have, but there was
also Skittles in the bag.
And, so she accidentally grabbeda sweet tart, which has egg
(12:26):
whites in it, Charlotte wasallergic to eggs.
So that's what caused that firstreaction was accidentally eating
a sweet tart and not a skittle.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (12:35):
Okay.
Portia Barton (12:36):
So right there, Charlotte had her EpiPen.
we waited there, and we satthere for a little while with
her.
she was great.
She like, she recoveredbeautifully and she was so proud
of herself and she's like, Ijust wanna go home and go to
bed.
And, and so we took her home.
the nearest hospital from us islike four minutes away.
(12:59):
So.
I didn't hesitate taking herhome because the hospital was
super close so she came home,she put Fuller house on, on the
couch.
She watched some fuller houseand she fell asleep for hours.
Um, I had slept out on the couchout there with her that night so
I could keep an eye on her andstuff.
And she was just pretty, she waspretty drowsy.
(13:19):
She didn't really want to eatdinner or she was just like, she
just slept.
And so the next morning,September 27th um.
Charlotte was like hemming andhawing about not wanting to go
to school, and I'm like, youneed to go to school.
Like I'll, I'll email your PEteacher so you don't have to do
any strenuous activity orwhatever.
(13:40):
And so we did that.
went to school texting me,wanting to make plans do things
after school and she did fine.
She did fine.
Throughout the day at school.
Um, she got home and she had alittle boyfriend who was a grade
above her.
he was gonna come over and hangout I knew this boy, I knew his
(14:03):
parents and his mother, hismother graciously Thoughtfully
contacted me and called mesaying, I'm going to Sam's.
What can I get Charlotte to eat?
I'm gonna make dinner.
What can she have?
What, what can I make for herthat's safe?
So conversations were had.
(14:24):
Everybody knew about Charlotte'sfood allergies.
Um.
Awkward conversations were hadtoo about kissing and what to do
and what not to do, andtoothbrushing and mouthwash and
those conversations were had.
Um, and so, so fast forward tothe evening, he comes over.
(14:47):
all hanging out.
messing with the dogs.
The, the, the boys, my, theiryounger brother were bothering
them.
And so, I mean, it was just anormal evening.
it was just like any othernight, you know?
And so I start making dinner.
And I go in there and I'm like,you guys want some dinner?
I'm cooking dinner.
And um, and Charlotte's like,just save me A.
(15:08):
plate.
I'll eat later or whatever.
And so I did.
And then, um, this boy's like,no ma'am, I already ate before I
came.
You know, my mom took me to getsome food on the before I came.
And I'm like, Okay.
so a little bit of time goes by.
it's time for him to go home.
and his mom is on his way topick him up.
My husband and I are like justsitting down from the day, um,
(15:32):
and we hear the nebulizer comeon in the living room we both go
out there and, Charlotte'sgetting on the nebulizer she's
like, I can't breathe.
And that was the last words thatshe ever said to me, to us was,
(15:52):
I can't breathe.
So what quickly happened was alittle bit of panic, bit of
chaos.
Charlotte was nervous becausehe, this boy was here witnessing
this, and we quickly put him inthe back, in a, in a room.
(16:17):
and I grabbed Charlotte's EpiPenand we left for the er.
She walked to the car.
I.
When we got in the car, she gaveherself the EpiPen in her leg
and it did absolutely nothing.
She was, could not speak.
She could not talk.
(16:40):
She was just gasping for air,gasping for air, and I am
driving like a mad woman.
I am running lights.
It felt like it took forever,even though we got there in
minutes.
Charlotte was blue.
At this point, I, I picked herup and took her in there and
(17:02):
they immediately whisked herback.
I, I left my car running, I leftthe doors open.
went and parked my car for me.
Um, because, because it was justnuts.
And so while I'm talking totriage in the, the er, um, she
(17:22):
goes into cardiac arrest in theback.
And so they, they, they startCPR.
Now, I'm not back there.
They start CPR.
she goes into shock from beingresuscitated.
And when I got back there, um,it was, it was bad.
(17:49):
She, she had not yet beenintubated, but was bad.
we're at the hospital close by.
It's not a kid's hospital, Andthey're saying they need to
transfer her to cooks indowntown Fort Worth.
And so we were there for alittle while.
Um, but I, I mean, I, I knew,that things were bad, but I
(18:18):
didn't know that she wasn't evergonna wake up again.
Then begins this Grueling 6 daysof just watching her basically
deteriorate.
we talked to Charlotte's sisterand she said, um, mom.
They kissed, they, they had tohave kissed.
(18:39):
And, um, and it clicked he hadtold me where he had eaten and I
did get confirmation his motherthat, that, that they had kissed
as well.
That's when it clicked that theyhad kissed and caused her to go
(19:02):
into anaphylactic shock.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (19:06):
All while you're sitting with her in
the hospital, that's when youput these pieces together.
I just can't imagine howoverwhelming that must have been
to process on top of what wasalready going on.
Portia Barton (19:18):
Yeah.
his mom we were friends.
we were in communication a lotbecause our kids were hanging
out, you know?
I had gone and had lunch withher and had coffee and stuff
with her, and we, we just wouldtalk about things and, there was
an understanding that they hadkissed,
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (19:36):
Mm-hmm.
Portia Barton (19:36):
I had made a post and I had brought up kissing,
like dying.
Dying from kissing.
And she reached out to me.
she didn't put it, she, shedidn't put it together till
later but on, on Charlotte'sdeath certificate, it says
anaphylactic shock from peanuts.
(19:59):
Um, and sh Charlotte didn't eatpeanuts.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (20:02):
Right.
Portia Barton (20:03):
She hadn't eaten anything.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (20:05):
Right.
She was just hanging out athome.
Right.
Not having had any dinner yetyou said.
Portia Barton (20:09):
Mm-hmm.
People have come to me throughsharing Charlotte's story
confused about.
How everything went down andwhat happened from one reaction
to the next.
And and that's been going on fora couple years because, I mean,
it is just been a two and a halfyears, a little over that since
(20:31):
all this happened.
And I just didn't know how tosay that.
I didn't know how to say mydaughter's death was an accident
from.
Just taking a risk and notthinking in the moment.
um, you know, my, my10-year-old, 11-year-old
(20:53):
Charlotte would not have donewhat my, what my 12-year-old
Charlotte did.
I don't think Um, I've hadparents allergy kiddo parents
reach out to me and just belike.
What, I'm confused whathappened, like, but also thank
you for like letting us know andshedd a light on the seriousness
(21:15):
food allergies
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (21:16):
it happens too often where someone,
young person, adults too, diefrom their food allergies, and
we all panic all these questionsthat you're getting, everybody
wants to know exactly whathappened because we feel frantic
to protect our own children orourselves.
But you had every right to notanswer every question, and I'm
sorry that you were bombardedwith, you know, I'm sure people
(21:36):
were well-meaning, but I.
Portia Barton (21:38):
Yeah.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (21:38):
You were grieving, you were figuring it
out yourselves, and you, you arenot obligated.
To answer all of the questionsthat we have out of fear as a
community when you're goingthrough a tragedy like this.
So I'm sorry that that was ontop of everything you were
already dealing with.
Um, I think that happens oftenwhen there's a story like this.
It must be tough.
Portia Barton (21:58):
Yeah.
And, to protect my heart I knewthat I would say it when I, when
I was ready and it was
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (22:06):
Yeah.
Portia Barton (22:06):
time.
And, and, and I, and I feel likeespecially with more and more
stories that are coming outabout kiddos, um, dying from
their food allergies, I wannahelp.
Any way I can to prevent thisfrom happening to anyone ever
again.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (22:22):
Yeah.
Portia Barton (22:23):
Um, like I was telling you earlier, like I have
another child that has the samelife-threatening allergies, food
allergies that Charlotte did.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (22:32):
Mm-hmm.
Portia Barton (22:34):
um, we are entering the phase of where
Charlotte was with him.
And so there's a lot of fear,there's a lot of anxiety I am
very overprotective and, andthings like that.
Um, when it comes to choices andthings that he does and I will
allow him to do and things likethat.
I don't wanna instill fear, butI just want everybody to
(22:59):
realize.
seriousness.
I mean, that's all I want.
Like it's, you know, no, no eyerolling.
No, like, don't overreact like.
Just take a Benadryl, you'll befine.
None of that, like it's, andeverybody's story's unique and
different and you know, there'sdifferent levels of severe and
(23:20):
mild and all that and you know,but it's still serious and it
still can happen and it stilldid.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (23:27):
Mm-hmm.
Portia Barton (23:28):
with prevention keeping those lines of
communication open with your,your teens and your pre-teens,
especially when they're, they'reat that risk taking age.
It's so important.
I miss her so much and I wonder.
How she would be and what shewould be doing.
(23:48):
she'd be 15.
Um, and she wanted to be anepidemiologist, like diseases,
like she thought they were thecoolest things.
she was curious and she had likeher own notebook of epidemiology
stuff that she had beganstudying.
My dad, my parents gave her abook, an epidemiology book one
time for like Christmas, acouple years back, and she
(24:09):
studied it and wrote notes.
About diseases and stuff.
she was, I mean, she would've,she would've changed the world
and, but she is changing theworld just in a different way.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (24:23):
thank you for sharing it with us.
You touched on something that Iknow is important for both of us
that we're not doing this toscare people, right?
We don't want to just instillfear.
We want to take Charlotte'smessage and like you said, what
change can, can she bring intothe world through her life and.
It shines a light on thatbecause this was not a case of
we didn't know that information.
(24:43):
We didn't realize that could bedangerous.
I never talked to my child aboutit.
You did everything right.
But the reality is 12-year-oldkids do not make.
Decisions based on those thingsat every moment of every, day of
their lives.
you said it so powerfully, like10-year-old Charlotte never
would've done this.
11-year-old Charlotte.
(25:04):
Probably not.
And then these developmentalstages hit and things change.
So it's, it's a hard reality tosee, but it goes beyond just
like, well, I told her not to doit right.
Portia Barton (25:15):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And like the instance too, withthe candy, like, she would've
never done that.
Like,
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (25:22):
Right.
Portia Barton (25:23):
mean, and she always had like goodies and
snacks and stuff with her.
I mean, she always carried a bagor a purse or something
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (25:29):
Mm-hmm.
Portia Barton (25:30):
stuff in it.
And so I do have periods of timewhere I would've coulda, shoulda
have.
And I, know that that's that Ihave to work through and it's
not helpful to do that to myselfon a consistent basis.
And I try not to.
Um, but it's always there.
And so, you know, if I can bringchange and just.
(25:54):
Help my son, Brandon, andanybody else, and any scared mom
or dad out there, or caregiverwho's worried about their food
allergy kiddo, I just felt likeit was the time to just.
Share as much as I could ofCharlotte's story to just help
anybody out and answer anyquestions and clear up any
(26:17):
confusion.
That's her legacy and I, I amher legacy keeper at this point
from now on.
And I guess that's, that's whatI'm here for now.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (26:26):
Yeah.
and I just wanna reiterate, you,you did everything the doctors
told you to do.
You followed instructions, youdid all the things, so it's a
normal process that you're goingthrough in terms of working
through, Regrets and what couldI have done differently?
Are there things you want themto know based on your
experience?
Portia Barton (26:42):
Yeah.
I mean, I, I want them to knowthat when it comes to their
health and their safety, that.
there may come a time and therewill come a time where you are
intimate with someone you haveto ask them what they ate.
(27:03):
it's kind of strange because ifyou're getting intimate with
someone, you're at that levelwith them, but.
awkward is it to say, yeah, didyou have any peanut butter
today?
Because I wanna smooch, but I'ma little, I'm a little scared,
you know?
But you literally have to dothat.
And so advocate for yourselfbefore anything.
(27:23):
And conversations might beawkward, know what?
But I would rather it be awkwardthan deadly.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (27:31):
Right.
Right.
And to be fair, it's easy to sayas adults and it's so hard to
experience as a young person,but it's all awkward.
First kisses are awkward.
Dates are awkward.
Whether it's someone you'realready intimate with or
spontaneous, you know, kids at aparty or something like that,
it.
It's all awkward.
We all have our awkward stuffaround it.
(27:51):
So I know that doesn't take itaway from kids to say that, but
I think it helps to remind themto put it in that bigger picture
perspective.
Like it's all gonna feel weird.
You are a teenager, it'suncomfortable.
Be uncomfortable safely.
'cause you're gonna beuncomfortable.
Right.
Portia Barton (28:07):
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
I, I like that to just beuncomfortable safely.
Um,'cause you know, it is just amoment.
It is just a moment and lifegoes on and things progress and
everything.
But don't
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (28:20):
Okay.
Portia Barton (28:21):
embarrassed.
To advocate for yourself,because sometimes you are
embarrassed or you feel like aburden, you know?
And I know sometimes, Charlotte,felt like her food allergies
were a burden.
And I don't want anybody to feelthat way.
Talk to somebody, reach out to afriend, or if you've got a
(28:42):
therapist or somebody that canhelp you work through some of
these triggers and phobias andthings that bring this fear
around food allergies.
Um, it really does help having acommunity and talking it out and
talking with people.
Who relate and who get it, youknow?
A community is such a powerfulthing.
(29:02):
I'm learning that in this spaceand I'm learning it in the grief
space.
I, I'm learning it in all ways,t he importance of connecting
with people, um, even whenthings are hard, you know?
'cause sometimes that's whathelps get us through, is just
having that relation withsomebody who gets it.
Amanda Whitehouse, (29:21):
Absolutely.
And the people who get it, whodon't find your needs to be a
burden are your people.
They are your community.
If.
They find it to be burdensome orproblematic or irritating, or
whatever the fear is.
They're not your people.
And again, that's easy to sayand hard to feel when you're a
young person, especially.
The feeling of rejection in youradolescence is just so huge.
(29:42):
But, um, it's a lesson like manyother things that our kids have
to learn younger, unfortunately,right?
Portia Barton (29:49):
right, right.
And, and, and it is true becauselike you said, they're like,
they're right on that cusp ofwhere they're feeling, all the
feels and, Feelings are all thatmatter in, in moments.
And so, it takes those awkward,tough conversations with your
kiddos, when they're gettinginto middle school, like I know,
like for my son Brandon, he'sabout to go into seventh grade
(30:11):
and been, we have likequadrupled up on conversations,
especially with what's happenedin our family.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (30:17):
Hm,
Portia Barton (30:18):
but middle school is, is a good starting point I
think for that, for those talks.
And so going forward, I'llcontinue to, talk about
Charlotte and, and her life sheleft an iPhone with.
over 8,000 images and videos andmany blurry pictures.
(30:39):
I guess that's a thing kids arejust, the pictures are blurry
and I'm like, what is, what am Iwhat am I looking at here?
Um, but I'm so thankful forthat, that I have that.
I have all these sweet imagesand little things that um, I'm
so thankful for.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (30:56):
I love your photos of her.
Thank you so much for sharingher with all of us.
I mean, she just looks like thegreatest, most beautiful little
vibrant.
Soul of a little person.
So I appreciate that you'resharing that with all of us and
giving us a glimpse, you know,to remember and to to help other
people.
thank you for protecting all ofour children.
(31:16):
Thank you for taking your painand using it in a way that will
make the rest of us safer.
Portia Barton (31:23):
Well, it's all I know to do.
I gotta put it somewhere, Ican't leave it inside.
Like it's not, it's not gonnastay.
I've, I mean, I, there's momentswhere I, I feel like I, I can't
do this and like, it's just toopainful and, but, I would rather
people have to know her, likethrough the photos and through
(31:44):
the posts and the videos, andthrough me, um, than to have not
have known her at all.
So she was my sunshine and asoul.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (31:52):
What a beautiful girl.
Portia Barton (31:53):
thank you.
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (31:54):
Thank you so much for coming here to
talk to, to all of us about itand for sharing your story.
you sound like you're open topeople reaching out.
I know you said you're on socialmedia.
Do you wanna share where theycan find you?
Portia Barton (32:04):
Yeah, for sure.
I have two Instagrams.
Um, Charlotte's is,@livelikechar, then I have like
a, a grieving, I.
um,@iamportiabarton, a placewhere I kind of put my grief.
Um, and so, and then I'm onFacebook, um, Portia Barton on
Facebook.
Um, I'm on TikTok, but not somuch.
(32:24):
It's hard to keep up with allthese social media platforms.
I'm gonna, I'm just, it's, it's.
It's a lot.
Um, but I've also got someYouTube stuff going on that's,
um, in the works and, and stufflike that.
So, but probably Instagram wouldprobably be a good place to
connect
Amanda Whitehouse, PhD (32:40):
I'll encourage everybody to follow
and, and listen along andcelebrate her life with you and
just show our appreciation toyou for sharing with all of us.
Portia Barton (32:48):
I appreciate it so much and thank you for all
you do as well.
thank you.
Thank you again so much forjoining me, Portia, and sharing
this important story and tellingus about your girl, Charlotte.
as Portia said, she's verygenerously.
Open to your questions toconversation about this
important topic so you can reachher through the links she shared
(33:10):
the links are also provided inthe notes.
You can share your comments andquestions with me with either of
our Instagram posts directly,and we'll be monitoring those to
respond to any questions or todiscuss this in any way that
would be helpful for you.
As you do that, please bemindful that this is a grieving
mother and a grieving family.
All of our love goes out toPortia, to the whole family, to
(33:32):
the young man and his family whowere involved in this incident.
It's heartbreaking and weappreciate you having the
bravery and the strength toshare this to protect other
people.
And after listening, if youstill have questions about this
topic or you wanna hear more, ifyou've missed it, there was a
part one and a part two to thisseries on food allergies and
intimacy.
Part one is with Dr.
(33:52):
Scott Sicherer speaking aboutthe medical aspects of this.
Part two was with Sloan MillerAllergic Girl, and we talked
about the social emotionalaspects of this.
Those are episodes 25 and 26 ofthe podcast, and I encourage you
to go back and listen if youhaven't already.
I also created a free handout onthe topic to help you think
through and remember theinformation that's been shared
(34:12):
in the series.
So feel free to reach out to methrough the contact page on my
website, through Instagram orthrough my email.
You can find the links to all ofthose in the notes here on the
show and request that freebieand I'll be happy to share it
with you.
Thank you for listening.
the content of this podcast isfor informational and
educational purposes only, andis not a substitute for
(34:35):
professional medical or mentalhealth advice, diagnosis, or
treatment.
If you have any questions aboutyour own medical experience or
mental health needs, pleaseconsult a professional.
I'm Dr.
Amanda White house.
Thanks for joining me.
And until we chat again,remember don't feed the fear.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.