March 3, 2025 • 62 mins
This week, Mike punches a man over Kohl's cash, Jason makes home safety suggestions, Doug ponders a spider, and Matt gets upset about apostrophes.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
Don't look under the internet to our comedy show
internet podcast where we diveinto horror, but it's never
really scary because I'm here,mike, and I'm an idiot and I'm
followed up with Matt.
Speaker 5 (00:48):
I'm an idiot, but I answered it.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
And there's Doug, yeah, and there's Jason hello
everybody, you know.
I'm on the topic, I've beenthinking for a while.
Maybe I should just get off thefucking podcast.
I'll punch you if I see you inreal life.
You ever come up to me in thecoals, Anyway.
So Deluty housekeeping.
The only housekeeping I got ispunching that guy in the dick.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
You do have one, I do yes, we just talked about you
looking it up and then sayingright, we did forget that.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
Oh right, right, we did forget that.
Oh right, right, we did forgetthat.
So we don't have anyone new perse, but I do have some shout
outs that I want to make.
So we got a couple donationsthat I want to shout out here.
First and foremost, we have onefrom stein kroll that says
that's it, hi, from denmark.
We try to give it an accent yes, what would be a denmark accent
?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I don't know, but I would go swedish hi from denmark
I'm a single mom.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
This makes it better.
I'm a single mom and I use yourpodcast to unwind after a long
day with my wonderful son, fiveyears old, whoa.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
No love y'all and hail satan.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
I will sub to your patreon when I can afford it.
Hashtag single mom life.
Here's the thing.
I know life's hard out there inwhat I assume is a fishing port
in Denmark, because I don'treally know what Denmark does.
I assume it's just a giantisland full of fish.
No, the fish are not on theisland.
That's the whole point.
So, boys, on this topic that Ihave today, I know I mentioned
(02:22):
comments before on YouTube, butwe're going to go into a
different social media.
For once, we're not talkingabout YouTube stuff.
I know we talk about YouTube alot, but this time we're going
to take a little journey intothe nether realms of places like
Instagram and, uh, reddit,because I figured we'd cover a
couple of Instagrams and thenwe're going to sprinkle in some
uh, uh subreddits that the boysfound as well, that are just
(02:44):
fucking weird.
I enjoy these episodes because,again, it's just crawling, it's
just finding the obscurity inthe internet.
You know what?
Speaker 2 (02:52):
I mean, I like seeing what piques everybody's
interest.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Yes, we all enjoy these creepy weird internet
topics and shit, but every weekwe all come to the table with
something kind of wildly fuckingdifferent.
Speaker 4 (03:05):
Yeah, there's more than just horror on the internet
.
There's also just what the fuck?
The macabre, yes, so I guesswho wants to start?
Who wants to go first?
Macabre, jason, yours are upfirst in the list.
Do you want to go?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Yeah, so I actually I was going to ask, since we're
doing these red school, um, I do, I have two volunteers.
I'm gonna start calling onpeople oh shit, technically I,
technically I have three that Icould Do.
(03:42):
You guys want to hear aboutPost-its or burglars?
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Let's talk about burglars.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
You want to hear about burglars.
Let me go to that one.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
If it's not about the Hamburglar, I'm out.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
It's not about the Hamburglar.
I don't know if his name is Ham, but he is a burglar.
Doug has left the chat.
Okay, cue aim blog off noise.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
I, doug has left the chat.
Okay, cue aim log off noise.
Speaker 5 (04:08):
I'm enthralled by all three pixels of Mike and Jason
right now oh god they look okayon my end maybe you
Speaker 4 (04:15):
gotta get a better computer, mister, it turns off
when we play a golf gametogether um, okay you're one to
talk.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
You're one to talk you're one to talk guy who uses
computer that I build out offree shit that I dug out of my
closet hey, you know what?
Speaker 4 (04:37):
I'm never gonna turn up or pass down any free thing,
even if it means a computer thatfunctions.
So thank you, it doeseverything I need it to do.
I love you.
Please don't ever take thisaway from me.
You jug your fucking thermos ofsprite what you got for us,
(04:58):
homie?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
um, weird.
The one the story that came upwas was about a guy who, uh, got
his car stolen and then someonewhoever was driving it died,
and so his entire family thoughtthat that guy died, but then he
showed up.
His own funeral is not what Iam trying to infuse this podcast
with right now this is goinggreat.
Well somebody else like to justtake the reins.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Well, I fucking find I'll go you figure your shit out
because you need the time.
I was prepared for what we weresupposed to be doing.
Yeah, I know I goofed.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I apologize.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
I'll go then.
So I found two Instagramattacks.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Just so everyone's clear.
Mike gave us a like he's beengiving us topics, right.
And then he gave us a topic andthen, within like a day or two
of today, he said you know what,never mind, we're going to do
something else.
And now everyone is probablyjust as confused as you
listening are.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Okay, first off, I told you on Friday.
Secondly, y'all didn't lookshit up anyway, so I don't want
to hear it.
So I'm going to talk about twoInstagram accounts today.
I'm going to talk about onecalled Unknown Signal, catal.
I'm going to talk about onecalled unknown signal catalog,
and it's not just an Instagramaccount.
You can find it on Spotify, youcan find it on.
Basically, it's kind of like alittle podcast series of its own
(06:15):
, but you can find it anywhereelse.
But you can.
Basically how it starts offthere's a lot going on.
They have about roughly threeseasons.
It ends up being about 50 ishuh little videos.
They're all about two minuteslong.
I didn't go through all of thembecause, a I didn't have the
time and B you get the prettygeneral gist of what's going on.
Um, especially when you go tothe Instagram, uh, they
(06:37):
literally tell you.
If you just look at the pinneduh videos that they have on
there, you get the gist ofwhat's going on.
You can catch up pretty quick.
But basically what this guy isis it starts off with this
signal that is foundtransmitting from outer space.
Where from we don't know, butit's a very weird Outer Spocci.
(07:00):
Outer Spocci Dr.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Spocci-man.
There's Outer Spocci.
There's Ga Spotsy, there'sGaspotsy yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Two hours from.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Dito All the.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Spotsys are there.
Yeah, I like.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Outer Spots better.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
It's a signal that's like a bunch of it's like you
know that stereotypical spacesound.
Yeah, I do yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Every time I go to space.
Speaker 4 (07:24):
Yeah, and so it starts off with that and then,
slowly, over the course of time,uh, the voice starts coming
through on these signals.
And all these signals are beingbasically found and recorded by
a college.
They don't specifically saywhat college, um, but that is
who is basically posting theserecordings.
After a while, you start to getmore and more little chunks of
(07:44):
voices until finally you hearcollege, but that is who is
basically posting theserecordings.
After a while, you start to getmore and more little chunks of
voices until finally you hearhello, people of the universe.
And you hear about this mannamed Icarus who basically woke
up on a space station far intothe cosmos, has no memory of
what's going on and is justtrying to get in contact with
anybody.
(08:04):
That's fucking cool yeah, so asit goes on, it acres?
Speaker 5 (08:09):
was the the guy who flew too close to the sun, right
?
Speaker 4 (08:14):
wax wings wowie.
Look at that, wow zowie so, asyou go on throughout this,
icarus gives you updates as towhat's going on with him, um
some things that are going on inspace around him.
He mentions at one point thathe has a full-blown breakdown at
one point, because he's likeI'm not sure if anyone's
listening to these.
It's kind of maddening beingout here in space, oh, isolation
(08:35):
.
Yeah, he's like it sucks beingout here.
Eventually he gets in contactwith another person whose name I
forgot, but they're not reallyintegral to the story, and they
kind of send like um messagesback and forth to each other.
Yeah, this person sends musicto icarus and icarus sends music
(08:56):
back.
And then, slowly but surely,music kind of becomes a big part
of this.
And as you progress throughthis instagram page, you kind of
find out it isn't a, it is anadvertisement for a band named
icarus the cosmonaut.
Um band is pretty.
Yeah, it's pretty fun.
You kind of get a hold of thatpretty early on, yeah,
(09:18):
especially because during someof the transmissions in the
descriptions on instagramthey're like transmission from
icarus, song title by icarus thecosmonaut, and I'm like all
right, yeah, so it does.
It is kind of a in theadvertisement for the band, but
it's still very fun.
Um, it is just this, this spacestory.
Now, unfortunately, theyhaven't uploaded in a couple
(09:38):
months.
The last uh upload was novemberof 2024.
Um is icarus okay, yeah, it'sstill icarus and the other
person.
They're still in contact witheach other, talking to each
other.
Icarus is learning.
He still doesn't know what'sgoing on in his life.
He has vague memories of othercrewmates, but he doesn't really
have any recollection of whothey were, what they were doing.
Oh nice, yeah, he just knows.
(10:00):
Basically, um, he's on spacefor a purpose and he doesn't
know what that purpose is yet.
Speaker 5 (10:05):
Um, he makes a fun joke at one point at the sun and
see what happens yeah, that'dbe kind of fun.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
He makes a fun joke at one point where he's like um
oh, I, I got in contact withsome college on earth, so that's
fun, but I hear whisperings ofwho's really in control of earth
.
They mentioned something of apresident and this all-knowing
entity they call the fcc.
So if you're listening, fcc,please, for the love of god,
(10:33):
save me.
I will do anything for you.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
He's like I'll become an advocate for whatever.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
Yeah he's like I'll become an advocate for whatever
you want.
I'm in no position to sayotherwise.
Please just save me from space.
Get me the fuck out of here.
It's just kind of fun.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Ever since I watched Gravity being alone in space,
slowly floating away fromanything whatsoever has got to
be the most dreadful, sinking,terrifying feeling ever.
Speaker 5 (11:05):
I always wondered how far you would really get into
that before some radiation justzaps you.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Just killed you.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
That's a known signal catalog.
It's a fun little thing.
Again, everything's two minuteslong.
There's like 50 episodes.
I just thought it was kind ofinteresting, especially because
when you're on Instagram turnsout there's not a whole lot of
like mysterious and funinstagram accounts that are like
(11:33):
like how you just stumbleacross a weird website or like a
weird subreddit.
There's not really much of that.
It's when you get into theweird instagram, it's more or
less this guy's pretending to bea kid and it's like oh, I feel
like instagram is so vastlyunmoderated that you can just
like find some weird shit Ithink there's just too much
content to moderate.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
That's yeah, right, yeah I, I don't know like tiktok
, I guess that's like one of thebig reasons I don't like watch
reels on instagram is becauseI'll get on there for like two
seconds and then it'll be likeyou want to watch this guy get
shot in the head and I'm likenot really but, I guess we're
going to Not again.
No, thank you.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
So my next Instagram account is Archive In Between.
You can find it on Instagram,you can find it on Facebook all
that kind of shit.
They got a website as well thatyou can go to if you want.
But the interesting about thearchive in between is it is
basically a website slashInstagram page dedicated to
archiving stories and liketraditions and like mythology
(12:35):
from across different universesstory on this entire Instagram
page and there are a lot of um alot of like stories or reels on
this Instagram page and none ofthem are really curious.
So if you can click on anyrandom one and it'll pull up
just a random story, they're allseparate Um a couple that I
(12:58):
found that I found interesting Ithink it's like the fourth or
fifth one, but it has to do witha spaceship that comes in to
this planet that's similar toearth and it's shaped like kind
of like a dodecahedron and itcomes on earth.
The minute it does, the specimenthat's inside just dies.
It just dies almost immediatelyand great um, they're doing
(13:20):
like experience to see what itis and the specimen that was
inside this ship controlling itwas just this like cube of meat.
They're like there's no likesign of like organs or like
higher brain function.
It's just a fucking cube ofmeat, but it shares similar
attributes to humans, like it'sgot dna, it's got rna, things
like that.
Um, but they're like we don'tknow how this thing, being as
(13:42):
basic as it is, basically, yeah,it's a companion cube, yeah,
portal, yeah, um, they're likewe don't know how, this thing
being as basic as it isbasically yeah, it's a companion
cube.
Yeah, they're like.
We don't know how this thing,this just cube of meat that
essentially has the same brainfunction as a jellyfish, was
able to fly this spaceshipacross universes.
It doesn't make any sense, andthis whole mini story is about
(14:03):
these scientists doing theseexperiments on this flesh cube
to see what the fuck is going onwith it.
There's other stories on here,one that is how do you kill a
god?
Gods have a lot to do withthese multiple universes.
Again, each of these representa different universe.
None of them are entangled, soyou can click on any random one.
But a common theme between abunch of universes are gods, and
(14:25):
in one of these stories it sayshow do you kill a god?
Literally says find a god thatyou want to kill, you find its
enemy and you bargain with theenemy, saying hey, if you kill
this god, I'll make it worthyour wild.
And they go kill the god andthen you just do whatever that
guy needs foolproof, yeah and uh, you just rinse.
Repeat, right, um.
There's other ones where itgoes through, like the different
(14:47):
types of gods, how there's,like um, false gods, which are
like, um, things that acquiregodlike power but aren't like
naturally born gods.
They're like humans that havekilled a god and like consumed
part of their flesh to gain somepower.
So they go into some reallyinteresting concepts, which I
like.
(15:07):
The only little thing I do notlike about this site is it is
very heavy.
Everything on it is some formof AI, like the audio that's
used is AI, the visuals is AI,so I kind of don't really
appreciate that.
But I'm willing to give it asmall pass because it doesn't
(15:27):
look like they're a big, bigcreator.
It doesn't look like theygenerate that much revenue off
of these.
So I'm okay with that a littlebit.
Sometimes you got to.
You know you got to do what yougot to do to make your, your
story.
If that means using AI whenyou're a small creator and you
don't have the funds to makeshit, yeah.
Or the artistic talent yeah,you got to do what you got to do
(15:48):
sometimes.
I'm not advocating AI usage,like if fucking Kim Kardashian
was like I'm an artist, now I'mmaking AI art.
I hope someone just bankruptsher somehow.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
I'm shocked that more people aren't like high fucking
profile celebrities aren't justusing AI, because there are so
many people who aren'tcelebrities.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
What was it?
Nfts yeah, that was a big thingfor a while.
Paris hilton's like look at myape.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Oh, it's fucking the ape, but there's so many people
out there that just claim thatthey're making art and sell it
for like 50 bucks.
I feel like if kim kardashianclaimed to be an artist, she
could probably sell ai art for alot of money.
I'm not saying for her to startdoing that.
I think that'd be terrible, butthat's like a way.
Speaker 5 (16:28):
That's where people will like run websites where
they claim to be like a designfirm and oh yeah them like 200
bucks and they just like makesome ai bullshit.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
It takes them 10 seconds it's really bad, but
that's archive in between.
Like I said, it's it's the.
I like the stories.
The stories are veryinteresting.
I would love if it was a bitmore cohesive because, again,
every real is its own thing,it's its own story from a
different universe.
None of them really haveanything to do with each other,
so you can just click on anyrandom one and it's it's
(17:01):
something new, which is verycool.
I like that.
It's kind of like an anthology,but I would like a bit more of
like a give me like a 10 part orjust cohesive story of
something that's going on inthat world Cause they explore.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Can we get a cohesive counter going for how many
times?
Speaker 4 (17:17):
they explore dozens of universes but do nothing with
them.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Show me something, it's just like a glimpse into it
, which again fan-fucking-tastic.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
Yeah, yeah, you can only show so many fingers.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Put a toe up there, Matt.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
Show feet live.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
He's going on wiki feet right after this episode.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
Twitch is gonna ban us, son.
What are you doing?
I?
Speaker 1 (17:44):
don't think peter and the tos no, just I fucking love
archive in between it's.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
It's super interesting.
I wanted to talk about the uh,the machine that bleeds.
Yeah, if you like somethingthat's like half from the
warhammer universe and half fromthe fucking hellraiser universe
, go check that story out.
It's super cool.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
Um, the feet that bleed the feet that bleed, the
feet that bleed, matt, the feetthat bleed.
Anyway, that's all I reallyhave.
Consider you two boys haveReddits and Matt, I saw, had an
Instagram post.
I'm going to let Matt go nextto keep the coercion.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
I got a gram gram Cohesion, cohesion.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
That's an important distinction my gram gram is.
Speaker 5 (18:31):
you know, honestly, there's not a whole lot to it,
but um, I don't know if I canget have is called Breadface and
Breadface is it's fetishcontent.
100%, this is fetish content.
(18:52):
What you're gonna find onBreadface is an Asian woman just
slamming her face into varioustypes of bread.
We got donuts.
We got pita bread we got loavesof bread, just full-on loaves
of bread.
There's other weird shit inhere, like her just turning on
(19:19):
this fashion show rotating thing.
Yeah, in this bodysuit.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Cash for Palestine.
Speaker 5 (19:27):
Here's a cake that she smashes her face into, a
cake that's shaped like a shoecake bread is cake with bread
yeah sure, I don't see why not.
It's just bread with a bunch ofsugar in it, right?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
and I guess bread already has sugar in it just
bread with more sugar in it.
Cake and butter are the samething um.
Speaker 5 (19:49):
I'm not gonna show any more of this because some of
this edges on not safe for work, but the reason that I know
that it's fetish content and Idon't I know that it's fetish
content and I don't just it'sbecause I personally jacked off
to it is because this unawakenedsomething in me no, it's
because if you go to the link,tree at the top of the instagram
(20:11):
page there is a link to theonly fans and you can watch this
woman shove her face into breadin the nude you think she?
Puts bread in herself, abaguette.
Oh, we should pay the 15 bucksand find out.
I strongly considered payingthe 15 bucks to look at it and I
got so far as getting halfwaythrough the checkout process and
I don't remember, some minorinconvenience happened and I was
(20:35):
like, alright, it's not worthit.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
No more bread no more bread, no more bread breadish
oh breadish, um so bread, yeah.
Speaker 5 (20:45):
If your particular fetish happens to be skinny
Asian women planning their faceinto leavened uh bait goods,
then this is the answer for you.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
That just pisses me off, man.
See, this is the Instagram.
See that just for you.
That just pisses me off, man.
How come I was born so unluckywhere I can't just make
thousands of dollars a monthslamming my face in some fucking
bread.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
You know how you might be able to have you tried.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
You gotta stop, Mike.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
I just want an easy life.
I just want to easy life.
I just want to shove my face inbread and some pervert online
be like her $15.
Have you tried it?
Speaker 5 (21:28):
Yeah, have you tried it?
Speaker 2 (21:30):
You got a twink bod.
Speaker 5 (21:32):
You got something somebody's looking for.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
I'm sure of it?
Someone out there is lookingfor a ginger smashing his face
into bread.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
It might just be you taking individual corn kernels
and putting them in your toes.
Speaker 5 (21:45):
I bet if you wore a skirt and did it.
There's something there there'ssomebody out there, that would
pay for that.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
All you got to do is just I don't know shave your
legs and feet, paint yourtoenails and just pass it off.
You know?
No, no, no, no, no, no shoveyour feet into the bread.
Speaker 5 (21:59):
There you go this girl's shoes on bread face.
You need to corner the marketon bread feet, oh you can just
fuck bread Mike, yeah just stickyour whole dick in there
Speaker 4 (22:11):
there's no losing with that proposition even if
nobody buys it or pays for it,you still fuck you still fuck
bread it started off so detailed, like it started off so
detailed.
It started off so detailed.
You gotta shave your legs, weara skirt, paint your nails and
just delve to, or just fuck, thebread.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Just fuck the bread.
Just fuck it, dude, you wouldmake money.
You want an easy life.
What do you do for a living?
I'm the rye guy.
I fuck bread for 28 minutes aday.
I'm the rye guy.
I fuck bread for 28 minutes aday.
I'm the rye guy.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
That's it.
Yeah, the rye guy, I'm Breichel.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Breichel, what the fuck.
Speaker 5 (22:48):
Is that?
Speaker 2 (22:48):
everything for bread face.
Speaker 5 (22:50):
Yeah, that's all the bread face I got.
Here's one where she's likeshoving her face into like some
sort of pastry here, thenunderneath that she's just
washing celery.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
It's healthy.
Speaker 5 (23:04):
There's something for the vegans.
Oh, never mind.
She's got the feet covered too.
Sorry, Mike.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Oh shit, that was your access to an easy life, and
it was just ripped away fromyou, mike.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Well, it's a low market, so you can kind of, I
can still fuck the bread.
Speaker 4 (23:19):
I'm not out yet you don't need to film it.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
You can still do that , if that's something you're
interested in.
Speaker 5 (23:24):
You can just go have a good time.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Yeah, that's true.
You may get asked to leaveJewel, but that wouldn't be the
first time.
Speaker 5 (23:36):
Do you want me to go into my Reddits?
Speaker 4 (23:39):
or do we want to pass it back to somebody?
No, go your reddits, you'rehere talking I'm here, I'm
talking.
Speaker 5 (23:43):
I don't want to be um , so my first reddit is called
our girls aren't real.
Now, maybe you've heard ofbirds aren't real, but this um
is just that, but it's womeninstead.
So the entire premise of thissubreddit is that women don't
actually exist and that anythingthat looks like a woman is
(24:06):
actually just a robot sent tospy on people.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Yeah, if I learned anything from Andrew Tate, it's
that if you like women, womenlike men, and if you like women,
that means you like men, thatmeans you're gay dude.
I just need to.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
More timing, but perfect timing.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
It was the quickest I could get it done.
Speaker 5 (24:40):
My favorite thing about this subreddit is all the
trans people asking what thismeans for them.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
Like one person was like I'm gender fluid.
Speaker 5 (24:49):
Does that mean that I'm constantly phasing in and
out of existence?
Someone's having an existentialcrisis.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
What's supposed to?
Speaker 5 (24:56):
be here Continental crisis Am.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
I supposed to be here , the one person asked.
Speaker 5 (25:01):
I can't find it now, but one person asked the
question that everybody'sactually wondering, which is
like oh, here it is.
Is this actually legitimately asubreddit?
And they got some pretty goodanswers, which are the top one
is well, it all comes down topersonal beliefs.
Is Santa real?
Some say yes, down to personalbeliefs.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Is Santa real?
Some say yes, some say no.
Is Mexico real?
Speaker 5 (25:22):
Some think the amigos you see on the streets are just
paid Hollywood actors.
Are aliens real.
Some say they built thepyramids.
Are girls real?
Some say they are and othershave never seen nor touched one.
Choose between the blue wheeland the red pill, bro.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
The sub can only help you this far.
Um, at least they're honest, atleast they allow you the
freedom to think for yourselfafter a certain point it's.
Speaker 5 (25:45):
This is a remarkably active subreddit, so you know if
you have questions.
This goes back to actually whenI was a kid.
I recently found out that I wasnot alone in this experience,
but when I was a very youngchild, I thought that women had
special abilities, like Ithought that women could just
(26:08):
like read my mind oh yeah maybeI've mentioned this before on
like a bonus or something, but Istraight up thought that, just
like every woman had the abilityto read my mind and it was part
of it was just because like Iwas.
It was probably some sort oflike mental illness, but it was
also like my mom knew thingsthat I was trying to hide
(26:28):
somehow yeah, and obviously.
Now I just realized that it'sbecause I was an idiot kid and
terrible at hiding things, um,but, and I guess that's probably
why this is a shared experience, because I ran across somebody
on reddit who said the samething.
They were like I used to thinkthat my mom could read my mind I
was like holy shit yeah andthen I found this subreddit can
(26:50):
we meet for coffee?
This is all in the last coupledays and then I ended up on
girls Aren't Real so it goesdeeper.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
See, I think moms are just that intelligent where
they're not reading your mind.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
A, moms are that intelligent and B like you said,
pick up on the obvious fuckingclues you're dropping.
Speaker 4 (27:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Because when you're like 10 years old, you can't lie
to save your life.
Speaker 4 (27:13):
No, I remember.
I know I didn't get away withit, but I don't know how both.
Either I didn't get away withit but I don't know how both.
Either I don't know if my momfound out or the teacher never
said anything.
And mom, you're listening,You're about to find out
something about what the fifthgrade was doing.
Shock, no, this is like thirdor fourth grade.
I failed like a testno-transcript, and so I brought
(27:43):
it home and I signed my mother'sname as best as a like nine
year old could sign his mother'sname, and I didn't sign my
mother's whole name like my momdoes?
Speaker 3 (27:55):
I just wrote J and I tried.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
I just learned curs wrote J and I tried.
I just learned cursive thatyear, so I tried my best cursive
and it definitely looked like anine-year-old who just learned
cursive that year.
So when I gave it to the teacher, I was like she's never going
to buy that this is my mother'ssignature.
So I got to think of a plan andso I went up to her and I was
like, hey, my mother works thenight shift.
(28:19):
She was very tired when shesigned this.
That's why the signature looksbad.
And the teacher looked at meand went like, okay, and as a
nine-year-old I'm like ha ha.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Got away with it.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
You fucking fool, I tricked you Did, you say that
unprompted Meanwhile, meanwhilethey didn't even say anything
about it, you were just like oh,by the way, yeah, by yet
unprompted.
Speaker 4 (28:41):
I was just like.
By the way, mother was supertired when she signed this
because I was like I got to backmyself, I got, I got to you.
Speaker 5 (28:48):
I got to lay the building blocks.
You gave.
That's the number one rule inlying Don't give information
you're not asked for, and I didanyway, because I was nine and
didn't know that giveinformation you're not asked for
.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
And I did anyway, cause I was nine and didn't know
that.
So either two things happened.
One, the teacher was like oh,this poor, stupid kid, I'm just
going to let him have this oneor two.
Call my mother.
My mother never said anything,mom, let me know if she, the
teacher, ever said anything toyou.
Stupid here, stupid in reallife.
Speaker 5 (29:14):
Heard heard it from the lady herself she never knew
and then the last subreddit I'vegot is something that just is
personal for me.
It's R apostrophe gore.
This is a.
If you've listened to the showbefore, you know that this is a
personal pet peeve of mine andpeople.
How did you all graduate likemiddle school?
(29:35):
Every time, every fucking time,I go on reddit, somebody is
using misusing an apostrophepeople.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Just take the five fucking minutes that it will
take you to learn the differencebetween like it's and also how
to make things possessive andplural because were you born in
the 90s is oh my god, that's,that's that's.
Speaker 5 (29:57):
That's my biggest one and that's where I'm going with
this this is how to make thingsplural.
Learn how to make things plural.
For one, when you, when youtake I, there are people in my
neighborhood who have thesefucking rocks in their front,
fucking lawns that have, liketheir last name on them, and
it's like, oh, the Browns livehere and it'll say like Browns,
(30:26):
but it'll say like browns, butit'll be like browns, apostrophe
s.
What brown is that?
Or is this brown?
What is brown?
This brock, this rock, belongsto brown.
Maybe I don't know like andwho's printing these fucking
signs, but the one that bothersme the most the one that bothers
me the most is the one thatMike just brought up, which is
abbreviating decades.
The apostrophe goes where thefirst two fucking numbers in the
(30:47):
year were supposed to go.
If it is 1990, it isabbreviated apostrophe.
Nine zero, not nine zeroapostrophe.
And a decade that is like the90s is not nine zero apostrophe.
And a decade that is like the90s is not 90 apostrophe s.
That would be like 90 owns or90 is no.
The fucking apostrophe in anyof these situations goes where
(31:12):
you're taking the letters ornumbers out of the fucking word.
You, fucking morons, go back tofucking grade school, god damn
it I am so fucking tired ofreading this shit we'll put the.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Uh, we'll put our.
It looks out for grammarly inthe uh episode description.
So to that point, if you wantto be as infuriated as I am.
Speaker 5 (31:36):
You can go to our apostrophe gore and just see
countless fucking examples ofpeople doing this at their
places of business oh, the twothat I saw.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
That was up on the screen like I looked at.
I'm like I can never go to thiswebsite sofa is chair is I
would just be so fucking angry.
Speaker 5 (31:52):
I have seen the fucking decades abbreviated like
that, on like t-shirts at like,like fucking, like in the mall,
like big retailers they don'tgive a shit.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
America is not known for its education system wow,
that's it.
Speaker 5 (32:12):
That's all I got okay , well.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
Matt now that your turns up and that's turns
apostrophe s my turn is up wow,yeah, honestly, I knew you had a
lot of hatred towards that,didn't know it would I?
Honestly, now that you come upthere next time you come up, I
(32:38):
think I know what we're gonna dofor a little bit of fun.
It's gonna be are we just can.
I piss these two off somehow,and I think I know how I could
do it with you yeah, I thinkyou've got a solid way to just
making matt very angry.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
I'm just gonna hold a card with incorrect grammar on
it.
It says 90s, apostrophe S.
Speaker 5 (33:00):
Gary, do you have a wedding invitation that says
Alan is or something?
Speaker 4 (33:07):
The Alan's is wedding , I'll find one for you.
I got you.
Jason.
How do you feel aboutredemption?
Speaker 2 (33:15):
I have the thing we're not going to talk about
depressing shit.
I think, think I hope no thisone.
So I also turned to reddit, andit's simply because I just
don't fucking have Instagram.
Speaker 4 (33:27):
So I can't look at anything on there.
The ironic thing is, when I wasasking for topic ideas, you
recommended archive in between,and now you're like I don't got
instagram I was down to do it,but as soon as we changed the
topic I was like oh okay, Iwon't even try.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Right, I would love to covermore of it.
Maybe one of those like randomass, like find something here
and just talk about it awesome,perfect, um, but no, instead of
being a good little researcher,I decided to just say fuck it
and do my own thing.
And so I found I found acollection of like super
infamous reddit posts throughoutthe years and I looked through
(34:07):
a bunch of them and I added acouple to the list, but the one
of the ones that stood out to mewas it goes over the expression
party like it's 1999 with anapostrophe yep without 1999.
With an apostrophe Yep Withoutthe S.
Just an apostrophe, no S.
So there was a Redditor, and sothey live in England and they
(34:30):
say they went to a flat party in1999.
And someone threw a cigarettein their beer Fucking rude.
I accidentally drank it andfelt like I may have to barf.
Both toilets are currentlybeing taken up, so I run one
floor down outside the building,barf my ass off in the garden
on the left.
When I come around I see theneighbor's window open my
(34:51):
neighbor who I know is at myparty and is living alone and
someone has opened the windowand entered.
I go near the window carefullyand see some bloke with a travel
bag picking off valuables likedreamcast, some electrical stuff
Again, if this does not datewhen, when this story is coming
from that did so.
This person runs back to theirflat party and tells everybody
(35:14):
that there's a burglar next door.
People call the police but theythey're drunk, so like waiting,
what's the number for nine oneone.
They get ahold of them, theycall them and then now they're
just waiting for them to show up.
Now you guys know that a minutewhen you're drunk seems like a
half hour Sometimes, whereyou're just like impatient.
(35:35):
And so this fucking flat fullof drunk people decide do you
know what?
We're going to gather a bunchof supplies and we're all going
to head next door.
We're going to see what's goingon.
They start grabbing like broomhandles.
Some guy gets like a bunch oftrash bags and I don't really
(35:55):
know what his plan is, but he'sgot them.
Someone grabs a fireextinguisher and just a bunch of
random shit.
That's at this party.
They all run across to thecurrent like the active burglary
in progress next door.
Now I would love to imagine whatthe burglar turned around and
saw when, like, he heard thenoise of all these people
(36:15):
showing up to the window,because you have a solid like 20
drunk ass people carryingrandom household items and they
might look.
Some of them are probablylaughing, but most of them are
probably shouting.
The guy freaks the fuck out,panics, tries to leave through
the same window, which in mybook, that's mistake number one.
Always make a new exit.
(36:36):
You always have two exits,especially one that's not
barricaded by a bunch of drunkassholes.
So he tries to get out thewindow window, but two drunk
people end up grabbing him andliterally just going limp on top
of him, just falling the fuckdown and pinning him.
He's freaking out.
Um, they start like proddinghim with like the broom handles.
One guy just starts likebeating him and apparently
(36:58):
missing wildly the whole time.
They don't think the guy gotlike a single bruise on him.
And again, they're stillwaiting for the police, still
waiting for the police.
One of my favorite parts is theexclamation of then duct tape
guy arrives, duct tape guy.
So a guy apparently brought upthis huge roll of duct tape.
Speaker 3 (37:17):
Just like swinging it .
Yeah, like he was all gung hoabout it.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
And so they put the guy down and they got this
brilliant idea that, hey, weshould wrap this guy up and make
him look like a present.
And so they grab trash bag.
Guy gets involved, uh, ducttape.
Guy brings his tape out andthey tie a bow on his head and
he's like still in shock.
He's like can just let me go?
Let me go, please just let mego.
If I were in that man'sposition, I would also probably
(37:42):
be terrified because a bunch ofdrunk people just caught me
breaking and entering.
I don't know how kind they'regoing to be.
And they made you a gift andthey turned me into a present.
I don't know what the presentis supposed to be, but I don't
really want to find out.
So they keep wrapping him up.
They find more tape and theylike they make it so this guy is
not going fucking anywhere.
Absolutely impossible for thisman to escape.
(38:03):
And so they start chanting,they start cheering um, a guy
like runs off to the supermarketto go get more alcohol for them
.
While they're doing all of this,and like as he comes back, the
police show up, and so he's likehanding beers out to a bunch of
randos.
And the police see this guy,like dressed up like a garbage
(38:25):
bag Christmas present, sittingoutside this man's open window
with a bunch of drunk fuckersjust chanting.
And so, apparently, the copspull up and, as they do, someone
gets the idea to take rope andtie him to a streetlight.
Yeah, it's going to beSpider-Man.
Well then they realize he lookslike a pinata, and so they
(38:46):
started hitting him with broomhandles Nice, not like super
hard or anything, according toany of the reports.
Speaker 4 (38:51):
As the cops show up, as the cops are showing up?
Speaker 2 (38:53):
yes, and when they showed up, they got like a huge
cheer and everyone was liketrying to get them to drink beer
with them and there's just likethis party going on.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
So this is the part in stories where, when everybody
cheers, it's fake.
The story's fake to me.
Oh I 100 cheers.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
So police show up and they try to act serious and
that's just not fuckinghappening.
Because they showed up to aplace where about 20 drunk
assholes have a man dressed uplike a piñata, strung up from a
fucking streetlight, and arehitting with broom handles, and
the police aren't really surewhich side is the perpetrator at
this point.
Um, so they get moreinformation, um, and this is
(39:35):
where the memory of op orwhoever is telling the story,
gets a little fuzzy, but uh,they do say.
The one thing that you rememberis they had to.
They had to explain to thepolice why the man had been
turned into a quote unquotehuman caterpillar and apparently
all the cops were like chokingdown laughter as they were
(39:57):
arresting that like this guybecause very clearly he had
burgled and these people werejust babysitting.
Until the cops got there, theyall left.
Um, I'm sorry they, the cops,left with the guy, but the in
order to get them him down.
Apparently there was this biggreek guy named peter, who isn't
(40:19):
a good greek name.
It's a very good greek name cutthe rope down.
Guy hits the floor andapparently this man walked to
this guy to the police stationover his shoulder like a roll of
carpet but the cops couldn'ttake him.
I have.
That's the part of the story Idon't have any idea.
Speaker 4 (40:35):
Cops show up, laugh and they're like all right, well
, you got it under control.
Yeah, take them down to theprecinct for us yeah, but this
is literally.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
This is a story that is just full of bat shittery,
like how many things have to goexactly correctly for all of
these things to have happenedwith no casualties whatsoever,
nobody was harmed, nobody wasbleeding, nobody fucking died.
Speaker 4 (40:58):
No like drunken disorderly no drunken,
disorderly.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
The only arrest that was made was the guy that was
breaking the apartment, whichlike, yeah, that in my book,
that makes sense to me, but allthe fucking shenanigans around
it like nothing like you.
No reports about a group, a moba mob mob beating a man with
broomsticks.
Speaker 4 (41:20):
Nothing there, okay, all right, hey, honey, what's
going on across the street?
They're tying a guy to thestreet.
Don't go outside, sharon.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
No, no, no.
I just want to see where thisgoes.
Come on.
Speaker 4 (41:34):
You better believe, everyone in that neighborhood
was like looking out theirwindow, like going on.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Oh 100%.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
Are we okay with this , yeah we are Okay.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Are we okay with this ?
Are we okay with this?
Yeah, we are.
Are we okay with this?
But that is the hilarious storythat I found that I figured I'd
share with you all.
I know you guys had something alittle bit weirder, but this is
one of those fun littleinstances on the internet where
coincidence and alcohol meet togive us a very fucking
entertaining story.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
To be fair, I also went silly instead of creepy.
Speaker 4 (42:06):
Your next one is interesting.
I love my next one.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
I can do that now, or I can let doug go.
Oh, do you have more than one?
Speaker 1 (42:14):
uh, I, I have.
I have three, but it won't takeme long.
They're not stories, it's justfun subreddits I found so yeah,
I'll do.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
I'll do my last one last, then I I'll let you.
Yours is pretty good it is.
I love my other one, it's sofunny.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
All right.
So I wanted to find some creepyshit and as I was looking for
creepy shit, I came across somefunny shit and I couldn't not
share it with people becausethis is the first time I've seen
these, and holy shit.
One of my favorite subredditsis now.
Have has now come out of thisum.
(42:51):
So uh, the first one I have,which I think is just real silly
.
Uh is called uh, it's r slash.
Have we met?
Um?
And literally what this is is.
It is a community whereeverybody pretends and comments
like they know each other, likethey're all from the same town,
(43:11):
and they just talk about randomshit.
Speaker 4 (43:13):
I like illegal chicken racing.
That's a fun one.
Speaker 5 (43:17):
Well, you have to like, have like.
This is 100% not what I thoughtthis was going to be.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
So literally it's just like you make up your own
like persona and shit, and theneverybody just makes weird posts
.
So it's like has anyone seenDave in town lately?
Things are abnormally,abnormally peaceful.
Speaker 5 (43:36):
So this is basically just like those role playing
servers in Gary's mod, thesubreddit.
Speaker 4 (43:41):
Oh yeah, oh, I was going to say this this is a
Facebook community, butfictional oh yeah, oh, I was
gonna say this.
Speaker 1 (43:48):
This is a facebook community, but fictional.
But if you like, look at, likethe people who are commenting.
It has like their persona in it.
So like this one says uh, likethey commented, you know, I
think dave's uh taking some timefor himself.
I saw him at the grocery storeand he didn't even like uh enter
the alcohol section as far as Icould tell.
But like this person's personais gail carrera and it says
they're an amputee and a tinyhome builder like it's the most
(44:11):
like.
But it's just so, it's just sostrange.
Like I was just like readingthrough a bunch of stuff and
it's like you know, everybodyjust does a really good job at
just talking about shit andbeing like on this like
wavelength where every likethey're just you know is there a
name?
Speaker 4 (44:30):
imaginary place Is there a name for the town.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
No, they just never specifically say where they are,
like that's like one of therules that's even better.
There's no specific, it's justthey all are in the same place
and they all know each other.
Speaker 4 (44:47):
They all are in the same place and they all know
each other.
Have you noticed yet, if they,if anyone, goes like super wild
where they're like anyone?
See that ufo in the sky lastnight?
Speaker 1 (44:52):
well, I think so.
I think in the rules, if youlike read through, like how
you're supposed to do this.
A, there's like a big discordfor this specific reddit, um
subreddit, but basically thecurrent mayor is crystal and
she's got a very voluptuous uhvoluptuous.
I didn't even actually ever seethat that's funny, um, but like
(45:13):
there's like rules for like whatyou can talk about and like how
you can act and shit I guess.
So like, if you you have tolike look at like the weekly
posts and like I think it itlike sets up the week's um like
worth of posting, if that makessense.
So like I'm sure you could belike hey, I saw that UFO again
over my house and people willcomment and be like oh yeah,
yeah, it's like every Tuesday itcomes into town or like you
(45:34):
know, like they'll just be likedoing weird shit like that.
But, um, I thought it wasreally weird.
This is kind of fuckinghilarious.
Speaker 5 (45:42):
It's all fun and games until you make a really
thought, a post you put a lot ofthought into, and then somebody
shows up at the comments andjust goes freeze.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
Michael Scarn, you're under arrest, fool, that was
more of a fucking Randy Marsh,but yeah.
So that's the first subreddit Ihave.
I thought it was fun.
It's going to give me hours ofenjoyment later on in my life.
The second one I have is rslash, fifth world problems.
(46:12):
Oh God, yes, I haven't heardthat one.
This one is interesting, sojust for example.
I don't really know how todescribe this, other than all of
the posts are just problemsDoug.
So, uh, okay.
So for example, this post itsays my green started speaking
(46:34):
in blue and summoned a giantultraviolet cat, dog hybrid
right above my future memories.
What can I do about that?
And someone posted the mostlogical thing to do is simply
accept the creature.
Every cat, dog hybrid needs aloving forever home.
Uh, lest the navy blue findsthem and we wouldn't want that,
would we?
And then, um, and then, uh,what, where was this?
(46:59):
Pretty good, oh yeah.
Uh, it says you should tellyour green to try again, because
it sounds like fun.
Um, did you perform quantumdialysis on it?
And they said yes, but I.
It became time itself.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
It's like you may or may not have kidney failure I
think you both do and do not.
Well, that's in the future yeahyou.
Speaker 5 (47:18):
You don't know if your kidneys have failed until
you perform dialysis you look atyeah exactly this.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
One says got microwaved by my sandwich.
So I don't know how else to putthis, but my friend John
pranked me and put a neutronstar in my sandwich.
When I checked to make sure thetomatoes were cut just right, I
was blasted with well over 10to the 20th degree J of pure
microwave radiation upon one.
So can I recover from this andwhat's a good?
(47:45):
Counter-strike yes, you'll befine uh are you?
A microwave safe vessel was oneof the comments are you a
microwave safe vessel?
you'll be all right.
I'm sure you won't developwalking ghost syndrome, jesus.
(48:07):
Christ, I'm not sure aboutrecovery, but the counter, the
rules.
Speaker 5 (48:12):
Use your real words and sentences.
Burn down your neighbor's house.
No references to reddit, memesor pop culture.
Burn down your neighbor's house.
Be original.
Burn down your neighbor's househe knows so rule 7 is just he
knows, he knows.
So rule 7 is just he knows, heknows yeah, I was reading this
for a while.
Speaker 1 (48:30):
It's very fucking good.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
That's fantastic fifth world gone wild is another
one where they try to make likeentities from the fifth world,
posing in a seductive manner.
However, none of our brains cancomprehend what the fuck that
looks like.
It's just masturbating to theweird shit that AI comes up with
with extra lens, more or lessFractals that turn into one of
(48:54):
those pictures that you have tofocus in the center of, and it
turns out to be another fractal.
That's just all it is.
Speaker 4 (49:02):
This does it for me.
It's so horny, that's anotherfetish site.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
I'm yeah, I'm about to edge um, but yeah, no, so
that that's fifth world problems.
You can I mean just from thosecouple posts like you kind of
get an idea of what you'relooking at.
It's just everything isbackwards and not right and just
yeah, it's, it's pretty goodI'm sorry.
Speaker 4 (49:23):
Alpha post, that's incredible.
Alpha post it.
So it's like the sub, wherethey post the same garfield
comic every day and everyonepretends it's the first time
they've seen.
It.
R slash dementia, that's a goodone, oh that's, that's funny.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
Oh, that's fantastic, there's.
There's another one called it'sour al's Um, it's very similar
to that I.
I almost did that one, but Iwas like, ah, that's kind of sad
.
Speaker 5 (49:53):
There's one that's just empty.
Oh, our Amish.
Speaker 4 (49:56):
Uh yeah.
Speaker 5 (49:57):
Um, yeah, oh, my God.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
Yeah, yeah, that that's.
That's hilarious, that'squality comedy right there.
Okay, so my last subreddit,probably my favorite subreddit
I've ever found, because this isjust too funny, but it's
rtalesfrom cave support and holyshit, it is stupid.
Speaker 4 (50:22):
White stick better than stick stick, white stick
better than stick stick.
Speaker 1 (50:26):
I jugan.
I kill mammoth.
See white stick better thanstick stick.
Yeah, white stick better thanstick stick.
I jugant.
I kill mammoth.
See white stick.
Big white stick.
Pull out of mammoth Heavy bunga.
Jugant can say stick stickbetter, can't find anywhere.
Jugant think mammoth whitestick better.
Stick stick only good for spear, not bunga.
And I shit you not.
Every post is just just likethat and it's just, I think,
(50:50):
cave people asking for help techsupport.
Speaker 4 (50:57):
I'm literally gonna follow this right now it is.
Speaker 1 (51:01):
It is seriously so funny.
Donka, no good at stone game,fire bad.
Speaker 4 (51:08):
What is it?
People support or cave support?
Tales from cave support.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
Oh yeah, hit the top from all the time.
That's good.
Oh man oh this is long.
Speaker 3 (51:21):
That is fantastic Me thog.
Thog live in cave with tribe.
Thog go hunting find othertribe.
Other tribe live in funny pilesof grass.
That is fantastic things.
Thog have many spears offeredto trade.
(51:43):
Hutmakers laugh.
Say Thog spears not as good asHutmakers.
Spears Thog offer knife.
Hutmakers say Thog knife not asgood as theirs.
Laugh at Thog Call Thog stupid.
Thog get mad Hit Hutmakers withstick.
Run away On way home.
Thog get idea.
Thog show Hutmakers who'sstupid.
Thog get back to cave, findfriend Ugg.
Tell Ugg what happened.
(52:04):
Say have idea, get hide.
Get hide Lay on ground.
Thog and Ugg make butt mud onhide.
Speaker 4 (52:10):
Make butt mud for one and one and one and one days
and tell pig chief get mad.
Speaker 3 (52:16):
Say hide smell like butt mug May Thog and Ugg get
rid of.
When dark Thog and Ugg takehide Roll up with butt mud
inside.
No-transcript.
(52:47):
Thog not see many hut makers,very little smoke from cook
fires.
Thog come back next day nosmoke, no hut makers.
Thog go look inside huts Bigmess, butt mud and upchuck
everywhere.
Huts smell worse than butt mud.
Hide All hut makers laying onground covered in upchuck butt
mud.
Thog hit hut makers on headwith club.
(53:09):
Take some of hut makers stuffand no have butt mud or upchuck
on it.
Go home to cave.
Thog do this three times.
Then run out of clean stuff tobring home.
So Thog sets huts on fire.
Go home.
Tell tribe not to drink fromhut makers water hole because it
make them all sick and die.
Anyway, thog question Next daythog see big hairy spider in
(53:31):
cave.
When thog wake up, what do Ilove it that was a giant waste
of time.
Speaker 2 (53:40):
What do Anyway?
Speaker 3 (53:45):
no, that's all out of the way.
What do I do about spiders?
Speaker 1 (53:48):
yep, that's classic, I don't know.
I found some good reddit and Iwas like these need to be shared
with the world, so that's whereI went this week.
Speaker 4 (53:59):
I appreciate that you have one more.
I do have one more.
I don't know if I get top cavesupport now, I'm not going to
lie.
You have a lot of your supports.
That's pretty fucking great.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
The last one I had is this is another one of the
infamous Reddit stories and, asa Okay Okay Butt knife In about
2016, there was a writer namedrbradbury1920 posted to
(54:34):
rslashlegaladvice with aquestion, and this was the
question.
On the 15th of April, I found ayellow post-it note in
handwriting that wasn't mine onmy desk, reminding me of some
errands I had to do but toldliterally nobody about.
While odd I chucked it up tosomething.
Speaker 1 (54:49):
I did in my sleep.
I think we did.
Speaker 5 (54:53):
Yes, we have done an episode on this before, yeah.
Speaker 2 (54:55):
Cool.
Speaker 5 (54:56):
We sure have.
I don't think Jason was on it.
That's why it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (54:58):
I don't think I was.
I think I did this one.
Yeah, that would be why youprobably remember it, doug
Awesome.
As soon as you said Bradbury, Iwas like wait a minute.
Speaker 4 (55:09):
Well, you know, we're an hour in anyway.
Speaker 2 (55:12):
Well, if nothing else , go back and listen to that
again, because this is a fuckingfunny story.
Do you want a TLDR?
A dude has carbon monoxidepoisoning and leaves himself
post-it notes all over hisapartment.
He thinks his landlord isstalking him and or trying to
kill him.
Turns out he's just doing itbecause he's poisoned himself
with co2 and apparently hisfucking co2 detector read 100
(55:34):
parts per million, which is nota good number for you to be
existing in.
Anywhere below three isprobably good.
Speaker 5 (55:42):
I was on a thread the other day that I ended up on.
So if you want to see weirdshit on reddit, probably good.
I was on a thread the other daythat I ended up on.
If you want to see weird shiton Reddit, turn on a VPN and
then open a private browser andgo to Reddit, because it
completely disassociates youfrom anything you've clicked on
before.
It just recommends the weirdestshit.
(56:03):
One of the things it recommendedme was a thread of like what's
the most disturbing shit you'veever seen on Reddit, and
somebody said they found athread one time that was like a
confession from a guy who waslike a furnace tech and he was
fixing a gas line to a furnaceand he crammed like a shirt or
(56:23):
something into uh like the ventlike the, the vent that actually
vents everything to the outsideand then like forgot it was
there and put everything backtogether and left and the next
day, uh, he came back to finishthe job, I guess because there
was something that they stillneeded to do, and the entire it
was like five people in thehouse, everybody died and he
(56:45):
christ, holy fuck he removed thehe just like snuck around back
and pulled the shirt out of thevent and left and nobody ever
found out yeah until now megathread of that.
Speaker 1 (56:56):
I I think I've seen that same post where it's like
people telling like the crazieststories and shit.
I I read that one actuallylooking for stuff for today and
I was like oh god, yeah,whatever I found so many really
depressing ones yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (57:10):
This thread that I ended up on in the other day was
like it was.
It was bad.
There was a lot of shit inthere that I was like, oh my god
, I don't feel well, rightthere's a fucking I don't.
Speaker 1 (57:21):
I don't want to go too into it, but there's a.
I remember there was a there'sone on that thread that was
talking about this girl or Ithink.
It was like it was either girlor guy, I actually don't
remember, but they werebasically they had a bunch of
like diseases and they were likethey had like a counter of how
many people they were likesexually transmitting their
diseases to and like it wasreally fucked up.
(57:42):
Reddit just bad place.
But then you get poop, knife,butt, mud.
It was really fucked up.
Speaker 4 (57:47):
Reddit just bad place .
But then you get poop knifeButt mud, butt, mud, butt mud.
Speaker 1 (57:53):
What do Harry Spider in cave?
Speaker 4 (57:55):
That covers this episode doesn't it boys, our
shenanigans, our shenanigans,our shenanigans, yeah.
So, whether it be Instagram orit be Reddit, whether it be the
archives in between, or frogputting butt mud in, other
people and hut makers Well youknow.
(58:16):
It really goes to show that theInternet is actually a blessing
in disguise.
No, no, I'm going to go aheadand say follow us on all our
socials.
You can find us anywhere.
We're either DeloityPod ordon't.
Look on the internet on justabout everything.
I think we're on Blue Sky now Idon't know because I'm not on
it, but check it out if we are.
Yeah, check it out.
(58:37):
Maybe we are, we'll see.
Shoot us an email, deloitypod atgmailcom and then emailcom
hoping no one would have heardthat and go to our patreoncom.
We don't have a phone numberanymore.
Yeah, so we're not using thephone number anymore.
(58:59):
Really, so don't really peoplestopped calling it people
stopped calling it.
We haven't gotten a message ina while, so it just kind of
expired.
So ignore the phone number now.
Speaker 2 (59:07):
Unfortunately, If, for whatever reason, you would
like to use again, let us know,but keep in mind if it stops,
shoot us an email.
Speaker 4 (59:14):
Just shoot us an email.
There you go.
Speaker 5 (59:16):
If you want to leave a voicemail, just record
yourself and email it to us.
Speaker 1 (59:20):
You only get a fucking minute and a half
anyways, and you get cut off andlike half the time people are
talking and then it's just likeyeah, but patreoncom, slash
dility pod or go to our website,dilitycom.
Speaker 4 (59:30):
There's merch and other fun things there as well.
Hug your dad and go do thatmore often.
Jason, what do you got?
I guess I don't.
I don't have anything ready togo as fucking always stay
paranoid.
What do you got I?
Speaker 2 (59:45):
guess I don't.
I don't have anything ready togo.
Um, as fucking always stayparanoid.
Um, but not because theinternet's full of weird creepy
shit.
Cause that guy's following you.
Speaker 4 (59:54):
It's cause that guy's following you know you haven't
turned around in a while.
Is he still there?
You should turn around, checkit out.
He might still be there.
Speaker 2 (59:59):
He might be also check, check please.
For the love of god, make sureyour co2 uh, things are fucking
working co2 detectors.
For the love of god, you can'tsmell it, you can't taste it,
you have no idea what's going onin your radon check your radon
attack radon as well.
This has been home improvementwith from two home homeowning
boys.
Yeah, uh, that's it, though.
(01:00:21):
What do you got?
Speaker 5 (01:00:23):
I'm just realizing now that some someday somebody's
gonna get our phone number andpeople are probably still gonna
call at some point and they'rejust like why am I getting these
fucking voicemails about thisweird internet shit?
Well, if you're that person,call us on your phone number and
leave a voicemail and we canreverse the interview we had
(01:00:45):
with what was the release thatone time?
Speaker 4 (01:00:47):
Oh, god, I was so scared for that when that
happened, but I'm so happy thatit did.
Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
Oh, that could have gone south so very quickly.
That's all I have.
That was great Doug what do you?
Speaker 1 (01:00:56):
got Slippery Pains against Shpines and whatnot.
But what I want you guys to dobecause I know you're all
fucking degenerates that listento this.
Go on Reddit and go to one ofthe subreddits that I told you
about today and try tocanonically build in Deluty into
one of the subreddits and thensend us the link.
(01:01:18):
Hell yeah, Thank you.
Speaker 4 (01:01:22):
Goodbye, thank you, this has been your.
This is the end of your localbroadcast service.
Speaker 5 (01:01:30):
I'm Asian correspondent Trisha Takanawa.
Speaker 4 (01:01:35):
Good night, good night, good night.
Speaker 3 (01:01:40):
I'll keep it real, I have to piss.
Don't look under the internet.
Outro Music.
Don't look under the internet to our comedy show
internet podcast where we diveinto horror, but it's never
really scary because I'm here,mike, and I'm an idiot and I'm
followed up with Matt.
Speaker 5 (00:48):
I'm an idiot, but I answered it.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
And there's Doug, yeah, and there's Jason hello
everybody, you know.
I'm on the topic, I've beenthinking for a while.
Maybe I should just get off thefucking podcast.
I'll punch you if I see you inreal life.
You ever come up to me in thecoals, Anyway.
So Deluty housekeeping.
The only housekeeping I got ispunching that guy in the dick.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
You do have one, I do yes, we just talked about you
looking it up and then sayingright, we did forget that.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
Oh right, right, we did forget that.
Oh right, right, we did forgetthat.
So we don't have anyone new perse, but I do have some shout
outs that I want to make.
So we got a couple donationsthat I want to shout out here.
First and foremost, we have onefrom stein kroll that says
that's it, hi, from denmark.
We try to give it an accent yes, what would be a denmark accent
?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I don't know, but I would go swedish hi from denmark
I'm a single mom.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
This makes it better.
I'm a single mom and I use yourpodcast to unwind after a long
day with my wonderful son, fiveyears old, whoa.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
No love y'all and hail satan.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
I will sub to your patreon when I can afford it.
Hashtag single mom life.
Here's the thing.
I know life's hard out there inwhat I assume is a fishing port
in Denmark, because I don'treally know what Denmark does.
I assume it's just a giantisland full of fish.
No, the fish are not on theisland.
That's the whole point.
So, boys, on this topic that Ihave today, I know I mentioned
(02:22):
comments before on YouTube, butwe're going to go into a
different social media.
For once, we're not talkingabout YouTube stuff.
I know we talk about YouTube alot, but this time we're going
to take a little journey intothe nether realms of places like
Instagram and, uh, reddit,because I figured we'd cover a
couple of Instagrams and thenwe're going to sprinkle in some
uh, uh subreddits that the boysfound as well, that are just
(02:44):
fucking weird.
I enjoy these episodes because,again, it's just crawling, it's
just finding the obscurity inthe internet.
You know what?
Speaker 2 (02:52):
I mean, I like seeing what piques everybody's
interest.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Yes, we all enjoy these creepy weird internet
topics and shit, but every weekwe all come to the table with
something kind of wildly fuckingdifferent.
Speaker 4 (03:05):
Yeah, there's more than just horror on the internet
.
There's also just what the fuck?
The macabre, yes, so I guesswho wants to start?
Who wants to go first?
Macabre, jason, yours are upfirst in the list.
Do you want to go?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Yeah, so I actually I was going to ask, since we're
doing these red school, um, I do, I have two volunteers.
I'm gonna start calling onpeople oh shit, technically I,
technically I have three that Icould Do.
(03:42):
You guys want to hear aboutPost-its or burglars?
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Let's talk about burglars.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
You want to hear about burglars.
Let me go to that one.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
If it's not about the Hamburglar, I'm out.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
It's not about the Hamburglar.
I don't know if his name is Ham, but he is a burglar.
Doug has left the chat.
Okay, cue aim blog off noise.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
I, doug has left the chat.
Okay, cue aim log off noise.
Speaker 5 (04:08):
I'm enthralled by all three pixels of Mike and Jason
right now oh god they look okayon my end maybe you
Speaker 4 (04:15):
gotta get a better computer, mister, it turns off
when we play a golf gametogether um, okay you're one to
talk.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
You're one to talk you're one to talk guy who uses
computer that I build out offree shit that I dug out of my
closet hey, you know what?
Speaker 4 (04:37):
I'm never gonna turn up or pass down any free thing,
even if it means a computer thatfunctions.
So thank you, it doeseverything I need it to do.
I love you.
Please don't ever take thisaway from me.
You jug your fucking thermos ofsprite what you got for us,
(04:58):
homie?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
um, weird.
The one the story that came upwas was about a guy who, uh, got
his car stolen and then someonewhoever was driving it died,
and so his entire family thoughtthat that guy died, but then he
showed up.
His own funeral is not what Iam trying to infuse this podcast
with right now this is goinggreat.
Well somebody else like to justtake the reins.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Well, I fucking find I'll go you figure your shit out
because you need the time.
I was prepared for what we weresupposed to be doing.
Yeah, I know I goofed.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I apologize.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
I'll go then.
So I found two Instagramattacks.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Just so everyone's clear.
Mike gave us a like he's beengiving us topics, right.
And then he gave us a topic andthen, within like a day or two
of today, he said you know what,never mind, we're going to do
something else.
And now everyone is probablyjust as confused as you
listening are.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Okay, first off, I told you on Friday.
Secondly, y'all didn't lookshit up anyway, so I don't want
to hear it.
So I'm going to talk about twoInstagram accounts today.
I'm going to talk about onecalled Unknown Signal, catal.
I'm going to talk about onecalled unknown signal catalog,
and it's not just an Instagramaccount.
You can find it on Spotify, youcan find it on.
Basically, it's kind of like alittle podcast series of its own
(06:15):
, but you can find it anywhereelse.
But you can.
Basically how it starts offthere's a lot going on.
They have about roughly threeseasons.
It ends up being about 50 ishuh little videos.
They're all about two minuteslong.
I didn't go through all of thembecause, a I didn't have the
time and B you get the prettygeneral gist of what's going on.
Um, especially when you go tothe Instagram, uh, they
(06:37):
literally tell you.
If you just look at the pinneduh videos that they have on
there, you get the gist ofwhat's going on.
You can catch up pretty quick.
But basically what this guy isis it starts off with this
signal that is foundtransmitting from outer space.
Where from we don't know, butit's a very weird Outer Spocci.
(07:00):
Outer Spocci Dr.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Spocci-man.
There's Outer Spocci.
There's Ga Spotsy, there'sGaspotsy yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Two hours from.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Dito All the.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Spotsys are there.
Yeah, I like.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Outer Spots better.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
It's a signal that's like a bunch of it's like you
know that stereotypical spacesound.
Yeah, I do yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Every time I go to space.
Speaker 4 (07:24):
Yeah, and so it starts off with that and then,
slowly, over the course of time,uh, the voice starts coming
through on these signals.
And all these signals are beingbasically found and recorded by
a college.
They don't specifically saywhat college, um, but that is
who is basically posting theserecordings.
After a while, you start to getmore and more little chunks of
(07:44):
voices until finally you hearcollege, but that is who is
basically posting theserecordings.
After a while, you start to getmore and more little chunks of
voices until finally you hearhello, people of the universe.
And you hear about this mannamed Icarus who basically woke
up on a space station far intothe cosmos, has no memory of
what's going on and is justtrying to get in contact with
anybody.
(08:04):
That's fucking cool yeah, so asit goes on, it acres?
Speaker 5 (08:09):
was the the guy who flew too close to the sun, right
?
Speaker 4 (08:14):
wax wings wowie.
Look at that, wow zowie so, asyou go on throughout this,
icarus gives you updates as towhat's going on with him, um
some things that are going on inspace around him.
He mentions at one point thathe has a full-blown breakdown at
one point, because he's likeI'm not sure if anyone's
listening to these.
It's kind of maddening beingout here in space, oh, isolation
(08:35):
.
Yeah, he's like it sucks beingout here.
Eventually he gets in contactwith another person whose name I
forgot, but they're not reallyintegral to the story, and they
kind of send like um messagesback and forth to each other.
Yeah, this person sends musicto icarus and icarus sends music
(08:56):
back.
And then, slowly but surely,music kind of becomes a big part
of this.
And as you progress throughthis instagram page, you kind of
find out it isn't a, it is anadvertisement for a band named
icarus the cosmonaut.
Um band is pretty.
Yeah, it's pretty fun.
You kind of get a hold of thatpretty early on, yeah,
(09:18):
especially because during someof the transmissions in the
descriptions on instagramthey're like transmission from
icarus, song title by icarus thecosmonaut, and I'm like all
right, yeah, so it does.
It is kind of a in theadvertisement for the band, but
it's still very fun.
Um, it is just this, this spacestory.
Now, unfortunately, theyhaven't uploaded in a couple
(09:38):
months.
The last uh upload was novemberof 2024.
Um is icarus okay, yeah, it'sstill icarus and the other
person.
They're still in contact witheach other, talking to each
other.
Icarus is learning.
He still doesn't know what'sgoing on in his life.
He has vague memories of othercrewmates, but he doesn't really
have any recollection of whothey were, what they were doing.
Oh nice, yeah, he just knows.
(10:00):
Basically, um, he's on spacefor a purpose and he doesn't
know what that purpose is yet.
Speaker 5 (10:05):
Um, he makes a fun joke at one point at the sun and
see what happens yeah, that'dbe kind of fun.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
He makes a fun joke at one point where he's like um
oh, I, I got in contact withsome college on earth, so that's
fun, but I hear whisperings ofwho's really in control of earth
.
They mentioned something of apresident and this all-knowing
entity they call the fcc.
So if you're listening, fcc,please, for the love of god,
(10:33):
save me.
I will do anything for you.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
He's like I'll become an advocate for whatever.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
Yeah he's like I'll become an advocate for whatever
you want.
I'm in no position to sayotherwise.
Please just save me from space.
Get me the fuck out of here.
It's just kind of fun.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Ever since I watched Gravity being alone in space,
slowly floating away fromanything whatsoever has got to
be the most dreadful, sinking,terrifying feeling ever.
Speaker 5 (11:05):
I always wondered how far you would really get into
that before some radiation justzaps you.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Just killed you.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
That's a known signal catalog.
It's a fun little thing.
Again, everything's two minuteslong.
There's like 50 episodes.
I just thought it was kind ofinteresting, especially because
when you're on Instagram turnsout there's not a whole lot of
like mysterious and funinstagram accounts that are like
(11:33):
like how you just stumbleacross a weird website or like a
weird subreddit.
There's not really much of that.
It's when you get into theweird instagram, it's more or
less this guy's pretending to bea kid and it's like oh, I feel
like instagram is so vastlyunmoderated that you can just
like find some weird shit Ithink there's just too much
content to moderate.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
That's yeah, right, yeah I, I don't know like tiktok
, I guess that's like one of thebig reasons I don't like watch
reels on instagram is becauseI'll get on there for like two
seconds and then it'll be likeyou want to watch this guy get
shot in the head and I'm likenot really but, I guess we're
going to Not again.
No, thank you.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
So my next Instagram account is Archive In Between.
You can find it on Instagram,you can find it on Facebook all
that kind of shit.
They got a website as well thatyou can go to if you want.
But the interesting about thearchive in between is it is
basically a website slashInstagram page dedicated to
archiving stories and liketraditions and like mythology
(12:35):
from across different universesstory on this entire Instagram
page and there are a lot of um alot of like stories or reels on
this Instagram page and none ofthem are really curious.
So if you can click on anyrandom one and it'll pull up
just a random story, they're allseparate Um a couple that I
(12:58):
found that I found interesting Ithink it's like the fourth or
fifth one, but it has to do witha spaceship that comes in to
this planet that's similar toearth and it's shaped like kind
of like a dodecahedron and itcomes on earth.
The minute it does, the specimenthat's inside just dies.
It just dies almost immediatelyand great um, they're doing
(13:20):
like experience to see what itis and the specimen that was
inside this ship controlling itwas just this like cube of meat.
They're like there's no likesign of like organs or like
higher brain function.
It's just a fucking cube ofmeat, but it shares similar
attributes to humans, like it'sgot dna, it's got rna, things
like that.
Um, but they're like we don'tknow how this thing, being as
(13:42):
basic as it is, basically, yeah,it's a companion cube, yeah,
portal, yeah, um, they're likewe don't know how, this thing
being as basic as it isbasically yeah, it's a companion
cube.
Yeah, they're like.
We don't know how this thing,this just cube of meat that
essentially has the same brainfunction as a jellyfish, was
able to fly this spaceshipacross universes.
It doesn't make any sense, andthis whole mini story is about
(14:03):
these scientists doing theseexperiments on this flesh cube
to see what the fuck is going onwith it.
There's other stories on here,one that is how do you kill a
god?
Gods have a lot to do withthese multiple universes.
Again, each of these representa different universe.
None of them are entangled, soyou can click on any random one.
But a common theme between abunch of universes are gods, and
(14:25):
in one of these stories it sayshow do you kill a god?
Literally says find a god thatyou want to kill, you find its
enemy and you bargain with theenemy, saying hey, if you kill
this god, I'll make it worthyour wild.
And they go kill the god andthen you just do whatever that
guy needs foolproof, yeah and uh, you just rinse.
Repeat, right, um.
There's other ones where itgoes through, like the different
(14:47):
types of gods, how there's,like um, false gods, which are
like, um, things that acquiregodlike power but aren't like
naturally born gods.
They're like humans that havekilled a god and like consumed
part of their flesh to gain somepower.
So they go into some reallyinteresting concepts, which I
like.
(15:07):
The only little thing I do notlike about this site is it is
very heavy.
Everything on it is some formof AI, like the audio that's
used is AI, the visuals is AI,so I kind of don't really
appreciate that.
But I'm willing to give it asmall pass because it doesn't
(15:27):
look like they're a big, bigcreator.
It doesn't look like theygenerate that much revenue off
of these.
So I'm okay with that a littlebit.
Sometimes you got to.
You know you got to do what yougot to do to make your, your
story.
If that means using AI whenyou're a small creator and you
don't have the funds to makeshit, yeah.
Or the artistic talent yeah,you got to do what you got to do
(15:48):
sometimes.
I'm not advocating AI usage,like if fucking Kim Kardashian
was like I'm an artist, now I'mmaking AI art.
I hope someone just bankruptsher somehow.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
I'm shocked that more people aren't like high fucking
profile celebrities aren't justusing AI, because there are so
many people who aren'tcelebrities.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
What was it?
Nfts yeah, that was a big thingfor a while.
Paris hilton's like look at myape.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Oh, it's fucking the ape, but there's so many people
out there that just claim thatthey're making art and sell it
for like 50 bucks.
I feel like if kim kardashianclaimed to be an artist, she
could probably sell ai art for alot of money.
I'm not saying for her to startdoing that.
I think that'd be terrible, butthat's like a way.
Speaker 5 (16:28):
That's where people will like run websites where
they claim to be like a designfirm and oh yeah them like 200
bucks and they just like makesome ai bullshit.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
It takes them 10 seconds it's really bad, but
that's archive in between.
Like I said, it's it's the.
I like the stories.
The stories are veryinteresting.
I would love if it was a bitmore cohesive because, again,
every real is its own thing,it's its own story from a
different universe.
None of them really haveanything to do with each other,
so you can just click on anyrandom one and it's it's
(17:01):
something new, which is verycool.
I like that.
It's kind of like an anthology,but I would like a bit more of
like a give me like a 10 part orjust cohesive story of
something that's going on inthat world Cause they explore.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Can we get a cohesive counter going for how many
times?
Speaker 4 (17:17):
they explore dozens of universes but do nothing with
them.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Show me something, it's just like a glimpse into it
, which again fan-fucking-tastic.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
Yeah, yeah, you can only show so many fingers.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Put a toe up there, Matt.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
Show feet live.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
He's going on wiki feet right after this episode.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
Twitch is gonna ban us, son.
What are you doing?
I?
Speaker 1 (17:44):
don't think peter and the tos no, just I fucking love
archive in between it's.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
It's super interesting.
I wanted to talk about the uh,the machine that bleeds.
Yeah, if you like somethingthat's like half from the
warhammer universe and half fromthe fucking hellraiser universe
, go check that story out.
It's super cool.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
Um, the feet that bleed the feet that bleed, the
feet that bleed, matt, the feetthat bleed.
Anyway, that's all I reallyhave.
Consider you two boys haveReddits and Matt, I saw, had an
Instagram post.
I'm going to let Matt go nextto keep the coercion.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
I got a gram gram Cohesion, cohesion.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
That's an important distinction my gram gram is.
Speaker 5 (18:31):
you know, honestly, there's not a whole lot to it,
but um, I don't know if I canget have is called Breadface and
Breadface is it's fetishcontent.
100%, this is fetish content.
(18:52):
What you're gonna find onBreadface is an Asian woman just
slamming her face into varioustypes of bread.
We got donuts.
We got pita bread we got loavesof bread, just full-on loaves
of bread.
There's other weird shit inhere, like her just turning on
(19:19):
this fashion show rotating thing.
Yeah, in this bodysuit.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Cash for Palestine.
Speaker 5 (19:27):
Here's a cake that she smashes her face into, a
cake that's shaped like a shoecake bread is cake with bread
yeah sure, I don't see why not.
It's just bread with a bunch ofsugar in it, right?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
and I guess bread already has sugar in it just
bread with more sugar in it.
Cake and butter are the samething um.
Speaker 5 (19:49):
I'm not gonna show any more of this because some of
this edges on not safe for work, but the reason that I know
that it's fetish content and Idon't I know that it's fetish
content and I don't just it'sbecause I personally jacked off
to it is because this unawakenedsomething in me no, it's
because if you go to the link,tree at the top of the instagram
(20:11):
page there is a link to theonly fans and you can watch this
woman shove her face into breadin the nude you think she?
Puts bread in herself, abaguette.
Oh, we should pay the 15 bucksand find out.
I strongly considered payingthe 15 bucks to look at it and I
got so far as getting halfwaythrough the checkout process and
I don't remember, some minorinconvenience happened and I was
(20:35):
like, alright, it's not worthit.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
No more bread no more bread, no more bread breadish
oh breadish, um so bread, yeah.
Speaker 5 (20:45):
If your particular fetish happens to be skinny
Asian women planning their faceinto leavened uh bait goods,
then this is the answer for you.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
That just pisses me off, man.
See, this is the Instagram.
See that just for you.
That just pisses me off, man.
How come I was born so unluckywhere I can't just make
thousands of dollars a monthslamming my face in some fucking
bread.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
You know how you might be able to have you tried.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
You gotta stop, Mike.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
I just want an easy life.
I just want to easy life.
I just want to shove my face inbread and some pervert online
be like her $15.
Have you tried it?
Speaker 5 (21:28):
Yeah, have you tried it?
Speaker 2 (21:30):
You got a twink bod.
Speaker 5 (21:32):
You got something somebody's looking for.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
I'm sure of it?
Someone out there is lookingfor a ginger smashing his face
into bread.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
It might just be you taking individual corn kernels
and putting them in your toes.
Speaker 5 (21:45):
I bet if you wore a skirt and did it.
There's something there there'ssomebody out there, that would
pay for that.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
All you got to do is just I don't know shave your
legs and feet, paint yourtoenails and just pass it off.
You know?
No, no, no, no, no, no shoveyour feet into the bread.
Speaker 5 (21:59):
There you go this girl's shoes on bread face.
You need to corner the marketon bread feet, oh you can just
fuck bread Mike, yeah just stickyour whole dick in there
Speaker 4 (22:11):
there's no losing with that proposition even if
nobody buys it or pays for it,you still fuck you still fuck
bread it started off so detailed, like it started off so
detailed.
It started off so detailed.
You gotta shave your legs, weara skirt, paint your nails and
just delve to, or just fuck, thebread.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Just fuck the bread.
Just fuck it, dude, you wouldmake money.
You want an easy life.
What do you do for a living?
I'm the rye guy.
I fuck bread for 28 minutes aday.
I'm the rye guy.
I fuck bread for 28 minutes aday.
I'm the rye guy.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
That's it.
Yeah, the rye guy, I'm Breichel.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Breichel, what the fuck.
Speaker 5 (22:48):
Is that?
Speaker 2 (22:48):
everything for bread face.
Speaker 5 (22:50):
Yeah, that's all the bread face I got.
Here's one where she's likeshoving her face into like some
sort of pastry here, thenunderneath that she's just
washing celery.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
It's healthy.
Speaker 5 (23:04):
There's something for the vegans.
Oh, never mind.
She's got the feet covered too.
Sorry, Mike.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Oh shit, that was your access to an easy life, and
it was just ripped away fromyou, mike.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Well, it's a low market, so you can kind of, I
can still fuck the bread.
Speaker 4 (23:19):
I'm not out yet you don't need to film it.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
You can still do that , if that's something you're
interested in.
Speaker 5 (23:24):
You can just go have a good time.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Yeah, that's true.
You may get asked to leaveJewel, but that wouldn't be the
first time.
Speaker 5 (23:36):
Do you want me to go into my Reddits?
Speaker 4 (23:39):
or do we want to pass it back to somebody?
No, go your reddits, you'rehere talking I'm here, I'm
talking.
Speaker 5 (23:43):
I don't want to be um , so my first reddit is called
our girls aren't real.
Now, maybe you've heard ofbirds aren't real, but this um
is just that, but it's womeninstead.
So the entire premise of thissubreddit is that women don't
actually exist and that anythingthat looks like a woman is
(24:06):
actually just a robot sent tospy on people.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Yeah, if I learned anything from Andrew Tate, it's
that if you like women, womenlike men, and if you like women,
that means you like men, thatmeans you're gay dude.
I just need to.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
More timing, but perfect timing.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
It was the quickest I could get it done.
Speaker 5 (24:40):
My favorite thing about this subreddit is all the
trans people asking what thismeans for them.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
Like one person was like I'm gender fluid.
Speaker 5 (24:49):
Does that mean that I'm constantly phasing in and
out of existence?
Someone's having an existentialcrisis.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
What's supposed to?
Speaker 5 (24:56):
be here Continental crisis Am.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
I supposed to be here , the one person asked.
Speaker 5 (25:01):
I can't find it now, but one person asked the
question that everybody'sactually wondering, which is
like oh, here it is.
Is this actually legitimately asubreddit?
And they got some pretty goodanswers, which are the top one
is well, it all comes down topersonal beliefs.
Is Santa real?
Some say yes, down to personalbeliefs.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Is Santa real?
Some say yes, some say no.
Is Mexico real?
Speaker 5 (25:22):
Some think the amigos you see on the streets are just
paid Hollywood actors.
Are aliens real.
Some say they built thepyramids.
Are girls real?
Some say they are and othershave never seen nor touched one.
Choose between the blue wheeland the red pill, bro.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
The sub can only help you this far.
Um, at least they're honest, atleast they allow you the
freedom to think for yourselfafter a certain point it's.
Speaker 5 (25:45):
This is a remarkably active subreddit, so you know if
you have questions.
This goes back to actually whenI was a kid.
I recently found out that I wasnot alone in this experience,
but when I was a very youngchild, I thought that women had
special abilities, like Ithought that women could just
(26:08):
like read my mind oh yeah maybeI've mentioned this before on
like a bonus or something, but Istraight up thought that, just
like every woman had the abilityto read my mind and it was part
of it was just because like Iwas.
It was probably some sort oflike mental illness, but it was
also like my mom knew thingsthat I was trying to hide
(26:28):
somehow yeah, and obviously.
Now I just realized that it'sbecause I was an idiot kid and
terrible at hiding things, um,but, and I guess that's probably
why this is a shared experience, because I ran across somebody
on reddit who said the samething.
They were like I used to thinkthat my mom could read my mind I
was like holy shit yeah andthen I found this subreddit can
(26:50):
we meet for coffee?
This is all in the last coupledays and then I ended up on
girls Aren't Real so it goesdeeper.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
See, I think moms are just that intelligent where
they're not reading your mind.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
A, moms are that intelligent and B like you said,
pick up on the obvious fuckingclues you're dropping.
Speaker 4 (27:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Because when you're like 10 years old, you can't lie
to save your life.
Speaker 4 (27:13):
No, I remember.
I know I didn't get away withit, but I don't know how both.
Either I didn't get away withit but I don't know how both.
Either I don't know if my momfound out or the teacher never
said anything.
And mom, you're listening,You're about to find out
something about what the fifthgrade was doing.
Shock, no, this is like thirdor fourth grade.
I failed like a testno-transcript, and so I brought
(27:43):
it home and I signed my mother'sname as best as a like nine
year old could sign his mother'sname, and I didn't sign my
mother's whole name like my momdoes?
Speaker 3 (27:55):
I just wrote J and I tried.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
I just learned curs wrote J and I tried.
I just learned cursive thatyear, so I tried my best cursive
and it definitely looked like anine-year-old who just learned
cursive that year.
So when I gave it to the teacher, I was like she's never going
to buy that this is my mother'ssignature.
So I got to think of a plan andso I went up to her and I was
like, hey, my mother works thenight shift.
(28:19):
She was very tired when shesigned this.
That's why the signature looksbad.
And the teacher looked at meand went like, okay, and as a
nine-year-old I'm like ha ha.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Got away with it.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
You fucking fool, I tricked you Did, you say that
unprompted Meanwhile, meanwhilethey didn't even say anything
about it, you were just like oh,by the way, yeah, by yet
unprompted.
Speaker 4 (28:41):
I was just like.
By the way, mother was supertired when she signed this
because I was like I got to backmyself, I got, I got to you.
Speaker 5 (28:48):
I got to lay the building blocks.
You gave.
That's the number one rule inlying Don't give information
you're not asked for, and I didanyway, because I was nine and
didn't know that giveinformation you're not asked for
.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
And I did anyway, cause I was nine and didn't know
that.
So either two things happened.
One, the teacher was like oh,this poor, stupid kid, I'm just
going to let him have this oneor two.
Call my mother.
My mother never said anything,mom, let me know if she, the
teacher, ever said anything toyou.
Stupid here, stupid in reallife.
Speaker 5 (29:14):
Heard heard it from the lady herself she never knew
and then the last subreddit I'vegot is something that just is
personal for me.
It's R apostrophe gore.
This is a.
If you've listened to the showbefore, you know that this is a
personal pet peeve of mine andpeople.
How did you all graduate likemiddle school?
(29:35):
Every time, every fucking time,I go on reddit, somebody is
using misusing an apostrophepeople.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Just take the five fucking minutes that it will
take you to learn the differencebetween like it's and also how
to make things possessive andplural because were you born in
the 90s is oh my god, that's,that's that's.
Speaker 5 (29:57):
That's my biggest one and that's where I'm going with
this this is how to make thingsplural.
Learn how to make things plural.
For one, when you, when youtake I, there are people in my
neighborhood who have thesefucking rocks in their front,
fucking lawns that have, liketheir last name on them, and
it's like, oh, the Browns livehere and it'll say like Browns,
(30:26):
but it'll say like browns, butit'll be like browns, apostrophe
s.
What brown is that?
Or is this brown?
What is brown?
This brock, this rock, belongsto brown.
Maybe I don't know like andwho's printing these fucking
signs, but the one that bothersme the most the one that bothers
me the most is the one thatMike just brought up, which is
abbreviating decades.
The apostrophe goes where thefirst two fucking numbers in the
(30:47):
year were supposed to go.
If it is 1990, it isabbreviated apostrophe.
Nine zero, not nine zeroapostrophe.
And a decade that is like the90s is not nine zero apostrophe.
And a decade that is like the90s is not 90 apostrophe s.
That would be like 90 owns or90 is no.
The fucking apostrophe in anyof these situations goes where
(31:12):
you're taking the letters ornumbers out of the fucking word.
You, fucking morons, go back tofucking grade school, god damn
it I am so fucking tired ofreading this shit we'll put the.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Uh, we'll put our.
It looks out for grammarly inthe uh episode description.
So to that point, if you wantto be as infuriated as I am.
Speaker 5 (31:36):
You can go to our apostrophe gore and just see
countless fucking examples ofpeople doing this at their
places of business oh, the twothat I saw.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
That was up on the screen like I looked at.
I'm like I can never go to thiswebsite sofa is chair is I
would just be so fucking angry.
Speaker 5 (31:52):
I have seen the fucking decades abbreviated like
that, on like t-shirts at like,like fucking, like in the mall,
like big retailers they don'tgive a shit.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
America is not known for its education system wow,
that's it.
Speaker 5 (32:12):
That's all I got okay , well.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
Matt now that your turns up and that's turns
apostrophe s my turn is up wow,yeah, honestly, I knew you had a
lot of hatred towards that,didn't know it would I?
Honestly, now that you come upthere next time you come up, I
(32:38):
think I know what we're gonna dofor a little bit of fun.
It's gonna be are we just can.
I piss these two off somehow,and I think I know how I could
do it with you yeah, I thinkyou've got a solid way to just
making matt very angry.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
I'm just gonna hold a card with incorrect grammar on
it.
It says 90s, apostrophe S.
Speaker 5 (33:00):
Gary, do you have a wedding invitation that says
Alan is or something?
Speaker 4 (33:07):
The Alan's is wedding , I'll find one for you.
I got you.
Jason.
How do you feel aboutredemption?
Speaker 2 (33:15):
I have the thing we're not going to talk about
depressing shit.
I think, think I hope no thisone.
So I also turned to reddit, andit's simply because I just
don't fucking have Instagram.
Speaker 4 (33:27):
So I can't look at anything on there.
The ironic thing is, when I wasasking for topic ideas, you
recommended archive in between,and now you're like I don't got
instagram I was down to do it,but as soon as we changed the
topic I was like oh okay, Iwon't even try.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Right, I would love to covermore of it.
Maybe one of those like randomass, like find something here
and just talk about it awesome,perfect, um, but no, instead of
being a good little researcher,I decided to just say fuck it
and do my own thing.
And so I found I found acollection of like super
infamous reddit posts throughoutthe years and I looked through
(34:07):
a bunch of them and I added acouple to the list, but the one
of the ones that stood out to mewas it goes over the expression
party like it's 1999 with anapostrophe yep without 1999.
With an apostrophe Yep Withoutthe S.
Just an apostrophe, no S.
So there was a Redditor, and sothey live in England and they
(34:30):
say they went to a flat party in1999.
And someone threw a cigarettein their beer Fucking rude.
I accidentally drank it andfelt like I may have to barf.
Both toilets are currentlybeing taken up, so I run one
floor down outside the building,barf my ass off in the garden
on the left.
When I come around I see theneighbor's window open my
(34:51):
neighbor who I know is at myparty and is living alone and
someone has opened the windowand entered.
I go near the window carefullyand see some bloke with a travel
bag picking off valuables likedreamcast, some electrical stuff
Again, if this does not datewhen, when this story is coming
from that did so.
This person runs back to theirflat party and tells everybody
(35:14):
that there's a burglar next door.
People call the police but theythey're drunk, so like waiting,
what's the number for nine oneone.
They get ahold of them, theycall them and then now they're
just waiting for them to show up.
Now you guys know that a minutewhen you're drunk seems like a
half hour Sometimes, whereyou're just like impatient.
(35:35):
And so this fucking flat fullof drunk people decide do you
know what?
We're going to gather a bunchof supplies and we're all going
to head next door.
We're going to see what's goingon.
They start grabbing like broomhandles.
Some guy gets like a bunch oftrash bags and I don't really
(35:55):
know what his plan is, but he'sgot them.
Someone grabs a fireextinguisher and just a bunch of
random shit.
That's at this party.
They all run across to thecurrent like the active burglary
in progress next door.
Now I would love to imagine whatthe burglar turned around and
saw when, like, he heard thenoise of all these people
(36:15):
showing up to the window,because you have a solid like 20
drunk ass people carryingrandom household items and they
might look.
Some of them are probablylaughing, but most of them are
probably shouting.
The guy freaks the fuck out,panics, tries to leave through
the same window, which in mybook, that's mistake number one.
Always make a new exit.
(36:36):
You always have two exits,especially one that's not
barricaded by a bunch of drunkassholes.
So he tries to get out thewindow window, but two drunk
people end up grabbing him andliterally just going limp on top
of him, just falling the fuckdown and pinning him.
He's freaking out.
Um, they start like proddinghim with like the broom handles.
One guy just starts likebeating him and apparently
(36:58):
missing wildly the whole time.
They don't think the guy gotlike a single bruise on him.
And again, they're stillwaiting for the police, still
waiting for the police.
One of my favorite parts is theexclamation of then duct tape
guy arrives, duct tape guy.
So a guy apparently brought upthis huge roll of duct tape.
Speaker 3 (37:17):
Just like swinging it .
Yeah, like he was all gung hoabout it.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
And so they put the guy down and they got this
brilliant idea that, hey, weshould wrap this guy up and make
him look like a present.
And so they grab trash bag.
Guy gets involved, uh, ducttape.
Guy brings his tape out andthey tie a bow on his head and
he's like still in shock.
He's like can just let me go?
Let me go, please just let mego.
If I were in that man'sposition, I would also probably
(37:42):
be terrified because a bunch ofdrunk people just caught me
breaking and entering.
I don't know how kind they'regoing to be.
And they made you a gift andthey turned me into a present.
I don't know what the presentis supposed to be, but I don't
really want to find out.
So they keep wrapping him up.
They find more tape and theylike they make it so this guy is
not going fucking anywhere.
Absolutely impossible for thisman to escape.
(38:03):
And so they start chanting,they start cheering um, a guy
like runs off to the supermarketto go get more alcohol for them
.
While they're doing all of this,and like as he comes back, the
police show up, and so he's likehanding beers out to a bunch of
randos.
And the police see this guy,like dressed up like a garbage
(38:25):
bag Christmas present, sittingoutside this man's open window
with a bunch of drunk fuckersjust chanting.
And so, apparently, the copspull up and, as they do, someone
gets the idea to take rope andtie him to a streetlight.
Yeah, it's going to beSpider-Man.
Well then they realize he lookslike a pinata, and so they
(38:46):
started hitting him with broomhandles Nice, not like super
hard or anything, according toany of the reports.
Speaker 4 (38:51):
As the cops show up, as the cops are showing up?
Speaker 2 (38:53):
yes, and when they showed up, they got like a huge
cheer and everyone was liketrying to get them to drink beer
with them and there's just likethis party going on.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
So this is the part in stories where, when everybody
cheers, it's fake.
The story's fake to me.
Oh I 100 cheers.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
So police show up and they try to act serious and
that's just not fuckinghappening.
Because they showed up to aplace where about 20 drunk
assholes have a man dressed uplike a piñata, strung up from a
fucking streetlight, and arehitting with broom handles, and
the police aren't really surewhich side is the perpetrator at
this point.
Um, so they get moreinformation, um, and this is
(39:35):
where the memory of op orwhoever is telling the story,
gets a little fuzzy, but uh,they do say.
The one thing that you rememberis they had to.
They had to explain to thepolice why the man had been
turned into a quote unquotehuman caterpillar and apparently
all the cops were like chokingdown laughter as they were
(39:57):
arresting that like this guybecause very clearly he had
burgled and these people werejust babysitting.
Until the cops got there, theyall left.
Um, I'm sorry they, the cops,left with the guy, but the in
order to get them him down.
Apparently there was this biggreek guy named peter, who isn't
(40:19):
a good greek name.
It's a very good greek name cutthe rope down.
Guy hits the floor andapparently this man walked to
this guy to the police stationover his shoulder like a roll of
carpet but the cops couldn'ttake him.
I have.
That's the part of the story Idon't have any idea.
Speaker 4 (40:35):
Cops show up, laugh and they're like all right, well
, you got it under control.
Yeah, take them down to theprecinct for us yeah, but this
is literally.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
This is a story that is just full of bat shittery,
like how many things have to goexactly correctly for all of
these things to have happenedwith no casualties whatsoever,
nobody was harmed, nobody wasbleeding, nobody fucking died.
Speaker 4 (40:58):
No like drunken disorderly no drunken,
disorderly.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
The only arrest that was made was the guy that was
breaking the apartment, whichlike, yeah, that in my book,
that makes sense to me, but allthe fucking shenanigans around
it like nothing like you.
No reports about a group, a moba mob mob beating a man with
broomsticks.
Speaker 4 (41:20):
Nothing there, okay, all right, hey, honey, what's
going on across the street?
They're tying a guy to thestreet.
Don't go outside, sharon.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
No, no, no.
I just want to see where thisgoes.
Come on.
Speaker 4 (41:34):
You better believe, everyone in that neighborhood
was like looking out theirwindow, like going on.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Oh 100%.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
Are we okay with this , yeah we are Okay.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Are we okay with this ?
Are we okay with this?
Yeah, we are.
Are we okay with this?
But that is the hilarious storythat I found that I figured I'd
share with you all.
I know you guys had something alittle bit weirder, but this is
one of those fun littleinstances on the internet where
coincidence and alcohol meet togive us a very fucking
entertaining story.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
To be fair, I also went silly instead of creepy.
Speaker 4 (42:06):
Your next one is interesting.
I love my next one.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
I can do that now, or I can let doug go.
Oh, do you have more than one?
Speaker 1 (42:14):
uh, I, I have.
I have three, but it won't takeme long.
They're not stories, it's justfun subreddits I found so yeah,
I'll do.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
I'll do my last one last, then I I'll let you.
Yours is pretty good it is.
I love my other one, it's sofunny.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
All right.
So I wanted to find some creepyshit and as I was looking for
creepy shit, I came across somefunny shit and I couldn't not
share it with people becausethis is the first time I've seen
these, and holy shit.
One of my favorite subredditsis now.
Have has now come out of thisum.
(42:51):
So uh, the first one I have,which I think is just real silly
.
Uh is called uh, it's r slash.
Have we met?
Um?
And literally what this is is.
It is a community whereeverybody pretends and comments
like they know each other, likethey're all from the same town,
(43:11):
and they just talk about randomshit.
Speaker 4 (43:13):
I like illegal chicken racing.
That's a fun one.
Speaker 5 (43:17):
Well, you have to like, have like.
This is 100% not what I thoughtthis was going to be.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
So literally it's just like you make up your own
like persona and shit, and theneverybody just makes weird posts
.
So it's like has anyone seenDave in town lately?
Things are abnormally,abnormally peaceful.
Speaker 5 (43:36):
So this is basically just like those role playing
servers in Gary's mod, thesubreddit.
Speaker 4 (43:41):
Oh yeah, oh, I was going to say this this is a
Facebook community, butfictional oh yeah, oh, I was
gonna say this.
Speaker 1 (43:48):
This is a facebook community, but fictional.
But if you like, look at, likethe people who are commenting.
It has like their persona in it.
So like this one says uh, likethey commented, you know, I
think dave's uh taking some timefor himself.
I saw him at the grocery storeand he didn't even like uh enter
the alcohol section as far as Icould tell.
But like this person's personais gail carrera and it says
they're an amputee and a tinyhome builder like it's the most
(44:11):
like.
But it's just so, it's just sostrange.
Like I was just like readingthrough a bunch of stuff and
it's like you know, everybodyjust does a really good job at
just talking about shit andbeing like on this like
wavelength where every likethey're just you know is there a
name?
Speaker 4 (44:30):
imaginary place Is there a name for the town.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
No, they just never specifically say where they are,
like that's like one of therules that's even better.
There's no specific, it's justthey all are in the same place
and they all know each other.
Speaker 4 (44:47):
They all are in the same place and they all know
each other.
Have you noticed yet, if they,if anyone, goes like super wild
where they're like anyone?
See that ufo in the sky lastnight?
Speaker 1 (44:52):
well, I think so.
I think in the rules, if youlike read through, like how
you're supposed to do this.
A, there's like a big discordfor this specific reddit, um
subreddit, but basically thecurrent mayor is crystal and
she's got a very voluptuous uhvoluptuous.
I didn't even actually ever seethat that's funny, um, but like
(45:13):
there's like rules for like whatyou can talk about and like how
you can act and shit I guess.
So like, if you you have tolike look at like the weekly
posts and like I think it itlike sets up the week's um like
worth of posting, if that makessense.
So like I'm sure you could belike hey, I saw that UFO again
over my house and people willcomment and be like oh yeah,
yeah, it's like every Tuesday itcomes into town or like you
(45:34):
know, like they'll just be likedoing weird shit like that.
But, um, I thought it wasreally weird.
This is kind of fuckinghilarious.
Speaker 5 (45:42):
It's all fun and games until you make a really
thought, a post you put a lot ofthought into, and then somebody
shows up at the comments andjust goes freeze.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
Michael Scarn, you're under arrest, fool, that was
more of a fucking Randy Marsh,but yeah.
So that's the first subreddit Ihave.
I thought it was fun.
It's going to give me hours ofenjoyment later on in my life.
The second one I have is rslash, fifth world problems.
(46:12):
Oh God, yes, I haven't heardthat one.
This one is interesting, sojust for example.
I don't really know how todescribe this, other than all of
the posts are just problemsDoug.
So, uh, okay.
So for example, this post itsays my green started speaking
(46:34):
in blue and summoned a giantultraviolet cat, dog hybrid
right above my future memories.
What can I do about that?
And someone posted the mostlogical thing to do is simply
accept the creature.
Every cat, dog hybrid needs aloving forever home.
Uh, lest the navy blue findsthem and we wouldn't want that,
would we?
And then, um, and then, uh,what, where was this?
(46:59):
Pretty good, oh yeah.
Uh, it says you should tellyour green to try again, because
it sounds like fun.
Um, did you perform quantumdialysis on it?
And they said yes, but I.
It became time itself.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
It's like you may or may not have kidney failure I
think you both do and do not.
Well, that's in the future yeahyou.
Speaker 5 (47:18):
You don't know if your kidneys have failed until
you perform dialysis you look atyeah exactly this.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
One says got microwaved by my sandwich.
So I don't know how else to putthis, but my friend John
pranked me and put a neutronstar in my sandwich.
When I checked to make sure thetomatoes were cut just right, I
was blasted with well over 10to the 20th degree J of pure
microwave radiation upon one.
So can I recover from this andwhat's a good?
(47:45):
Counter-strike yes, you'll befine uh are you?
A microwave safe vessel was oneof the comments are you a
microwave safe vessel?
you'll be all right.
I'm sure you won't developwalking ghost syndrome, jesus.
(48:07):
Christ, I'm not sure aboutrecovery, but the counter, the
rules.
Speaker 5 (48:12):
Use your real words and sentences.
Burn down your neighbor's house.
No references to reddit, memesor pop culture.
Burn down your neighbor's house.
Be original.
Burn down your neighbor's househe knows so rule 7 is just he
knows, he knows.
So rule 7 is just he knows, heknows yeah, I was reading this
for a while.
Speaker 1 (48:30):
It's very fucking good.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
That's fantastic fifth world gone wild is another
one where they try to make likeentities from the fifth world,
posing in a seductive manner.
However, none of our brains cancomprehend what the fuck that
looks like.
It's just masturbating to theweird shit that AI comes up with
with extra lens, more or lessFractals that turn into one of
(48:54):
those pictures that you have tofocus in the center of, and it
turns out to be another fractal.
That's just all it is.
Speaker 4 (49:02):
This does it for me.
It's so horny, that's anotherfetish site.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
I'm yeah, I'm about to edge um, but yeah, no, so
that that's fifth world problems.
You can I mean just from thosecouple posts like you kind of
get an idea of what you'relooking at.
It's just everything isbackwards and not right and just
yeah, it's, it's pretty goodI'm sorry.
Speaker 4 (49:23):
Alpha post, that's incredible.
Alpha post it.
So it's like the sub, wherethey post the same garfield
comic every day and everyonepretends it's the first time
they've seen.
It.
R slash dementia, that's a goodone, oh that's, that's funny.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
Oh, that's fantastic, there's.
There's another one called it'sour al's Um, it's very similar
to that I.
I almost did that one, but Iwas like, ah, that's kind of sad
.
Speaker 5 (49:53):
There's one that's just empty.
Oh, our Amish.
Speaker 4 (49:56):
Uh yeah.
Speaker 5 (49:57):
Um, yeah, oh, my God.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
Yeah, yeah, that that's.
That's hilarious, that'squality comedy right there.
Okay, so my last subreddit,probably my favorite subreddit
I've ever found, because this isjust too funny, but it's
rtalesfrom cave support and holyshit, it is stupid.
Speaker 4 (50:22):
White stick better than stick stick, white stick
better than stick stick.
Speaker 1 (50:26):
I jugan.
I kill mammoth.
See white stick better thanstick stick.
Yeah, white stick better thanstick stick.
I jugant.
I kill mammoth.
See white stick.
Big white stick.
Pull out of mammoth Heavy bunga.
Jugant can say stick stickbetter, can't find anywhere.
Jugant think mammoth whitestick better.
Stick stick only good for spear, not bunga.
And I shit you not.
Every post is just just likethat and it's just, I think,
(50:50):
cave people asking for help techsupport.
Speaker 4 (50:57):
I'm literally gonna follow this right now it is.
Speaker 1 (51:01):
It is seriously so funny.
Donka, no good at stone game,fire bad.
Speaker 4 (51:08):
What is it?
People support or cave support?
Tales from cave support.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
Oh yeah, hit the top from all the time.
That's good.
Oh man oh this is long.
Speaker 3 (51:21):
That is fantastic Me thog.
Thog live in cave with tribe.
Thog go hunting find othertribe.
Other tribe live in funny pilesof grass.
That is fantastic things.
Thog have many spears offeredto trade.
(51:43):
Hutmakers laugh.
Say Thog spears not as good asHutmakers.
Spears Thog offer knife.
Hutmakers say Thog knife not asgood as theirs.
Laugh at Thog Call Thog stupid.
Thog get mad Hit Hutmakers withstick.
Run away On way home.
Thog get idea.
Thog show Hutmakers who'sstupid.
Thog get back to cave, findfriend Ugg.
Tell Ugg what happened.
(52:04):
Say have idea, get hide.
Get hide Lay on ground.
Thog and Ugg make butt mud onhide.
Speaker 4 (52:10):
Make butt mud for one and one and one and one days
and tell pig chief get mad.
Speaker 3 (52:16):
Say hide smell like butt mug May Thog and Ugg get
rid of.
When dark Thog and Ugg takehide Roll up with butt mud
inside.
No-transcript.
(52:47):
Thog not see many hut makers,very little smoke from cook
fires.
Thog come back next day nosmoke, no hut makers.
Thog go look inside huts Bigmess, butt mud and upchuck
everywhere.
Huts smell worse than butt mud.
Hide All hut makers laying onground covered in upchuck butt
mud.
Thog hit hut makers on headwith club.
(53:09):
Take some of hut makers stuffand no have butt mud or upchuck
on it.
Go home to cave.
Thog do this three times.
Then run out of clean stuff tobring home.
So Thog sets huts on fire.
Go home.
Tell tribe not to drink fromhut makers water hole because it
make them all sick and die.
Anyway, thog question Next daythog see big hairy spider in
(53:31):
cave.
When thog wake up, what do Ilove it that was a giant waste
of time.
Speaker 2 (53:40):
What do Anyway?
Speaker 3 (53:45):
no, that's all out of the way.
What do I do about spiders?
Speaker 1 (53:48):
yep, that's classic, I don't know.
I found some good reddit and Iwas like these need to be shared
with the world, so that's whereI went this week.
Speaker 4 (53:59):
I appreciate that you have one more.
I do have one more.
I don't know if I get top cavesupport now, I'm not going to
lie.
You have a lot of your supports.
That's pretty fucking great.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
The last one I had is this is another one of the
infamous Reddit stories and, asa Okay Okay Butt knife In about
2016, there was a writer namedrbradbury1920 posted to
(54:34):
rslashlegaladvice with aquestion, and this was the
question.
On the 15th of April, I found ayellow post-it note in
handwriting that wasn't mine onmy desk, reminding me of some
errands I had to do but toldliterally nobody about.
While odd I chucked it up tosomething.
Speaker 1 (54:49):
I did in my sleep.
I think we did.
Speaker 5 (54:53):
Yes, we have done an episode on this before, yeah.
Speaker 2 (54:55):
Cool.
Speaker 5 (54:56):
We sure have.
I don't think Jason was on it.
That's why it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (54:58):
I don't think I was.
I think I did this one.
Yeah, that would be why youprobably remember it, doug
Awesome.
As soon as you said Bradbury, Iwas like wait a minute.
Speaker 4 (55:09):
Well, you know, we're an hour in anyway.
Speaker 2 (55:12):
Well, if nothing else , go back and listen to that
again, because this is a fuckingfunny story.
Do you want a TLDR?
A dude has carbon monoxidepoisoning and leaves himself
post-it notes all over hisapartment.
He thinks his landlord isstalking him and or trying to
kill him.
Turns out he's just doing itbecause he's poisoned himself
with co2 and apparently hisfucking co2 detector read 100
(55:34):
parts per million, which is nota good number for you to be
existing in.
Anywhere below three isprobably good.
Speaker 5 (55:42):
I was on a thread the other day that I ended up on.
So if you want to see weirdshit on reddit, probably good.
I was on a thread the other daythat I ended up on.
If you want to see weird shiton Reddit, turn on a VPN and
then open a private browser andgo to Reddit, because it
completely disassociates youfrom anything you've clicked on
before.
It just recommends the weirdestshit.
(56:03):
One of the things it recommendedme was a thread of like what's
the most disturbing shit you'veever seen on Reddit, and
somebody said they found athread one time that was like a
confession from a guy who waslike a furnace tech and he was
fixing a gas line to a furnaceand he crammed like a shirt or
(56:23):
something into uh like the ventlike the, the vent that actually
vents everything to the outsideand then like forgot it was
there and put everything backtogether and left and the next
day, uh, he came back to finishthe job, I guess because there
was something that they stillneeded to do, and the entire it
was like five people in thehouse, everybody died and he
(56:45):
christ, holy fuck he removed thehe just like snuck around back
and pulled the shirt out of thevent and left and nobody ever
found out yeah until now megathread of that.
Speaker 1 (56:56):
I I think I've seen that same post where it's like
people telling like the crazieststories and shit.
I I read that one actuallylooking for stuff for today and
I was like oh god, yeah,whatever I found so many really
depressing ones yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (57:10):
This thread that I ended up on in the other day was
like it was.
It was bad.
There was a lot of shit inthere that I was like, oh my god
, I don't feel well, rightthere's a fucking I don't.
Speaker 1 (57:21):
I don't want to go too into it, but there's a.
I remember there was a there'sone on that thread that was
talking about this girl or Ithink.
It was like it was either girlor guy, I actually don't
remember, but they werebasically they had a bunch of
like diseases and they were likethey had like a counter of how
many people they were likesexually transmitting their
diseases to and like it wasreally fucked up.
(57:42):
Reddit just bad place.
But then you get poop, knife,butt, mud.
It was really fucked up.
Speaker 4 (57:47):
Reddit just bad place .
But then you get poop knifeButt mud, butt, mud, butt mud.
Speaker 1 (57:53):
What do Harry Spider in cave?
Speaker 4 (57:55):
That covers this episode doesn't it boys, our
shenanigans, our shenanigans,our shenanigans, yeah.
So, whether it be Instagram orit be Reddit, whether it be the
archives in between, or frogputting butt mud in, other
people and hut makers Well youknow.
(58:16):
It really goes to show that theInternet is actually a blessing
in disguise.
No, no, I'm going to go aheadand say follow us on all our
socials.
You can find us anywhere.
We're either DeloityPod ordon't.
Look on the internet on justabout everything.
I think we're on Blue Sky now Idon't know because I'm not on
it, but check it out if we are.
Yeah, check it out.
(58:37):
Maybe we are, we'll see.
Shoot us an email, deloitypod atgmailcom and then emailcom
hoping no one would have heardthat and go to our patreoncom.
We don't have a phone numberanymore.
Yeah, so we're not using thephone number anymore.
(58:59):
Really, so don't really peoplestopped calling it people
stopped calling it.
We haven't gotten a message ina while, so it just kind of
expired.
So ignore the phone number now.
Speaker 2 (59:07):
Unfortunately, If, for whatever reason, you would
like to use again, let us know,but keep in mind if it stops,
shoot us an email.
Speaker 4 (59:14):
Just shoot us an email.
There you go.
Speaker 5 (59:16):
If you want to leave a voicemail, just record
yourself and email it to us.
Speaker 1 (59:20):
You only get a fucking minute and a half
anyways, and you get cut off andlike half the time people are
talking and then it's just likeyeah, but patreoncom, slash
dility pod or go to our website,dilitycom.
Speaker 4 (59:30):
There's merch and other fun things there as well.
Hug your dad and go do thatmore often.
Jason, what do you got?
I guess I don't.
I don't have anything ready togo as fucking always stay
paranoid.
What do you got I?
Speaker 2 (59:45):
guess I don't.
I don't have anything ready togo.
Um, as fucking always stayparanoid.
Um, but not because theinternet's full of weird creepy
shit.
Cause that guy's following you.
Speaker 4 (59:54):
It's cause that guy's following you know you haven't
turned around in a while.
Is he still there?
You should turn around, checkit out.
He might still be there.
Speaker 2 (59:59):
He might be also check, check please.
For the love of god, make sureyour co2 uh, things are fucking
working co2 detectors.
For the love of god, you can'tsmell it, you can't taste it,
you have no idea what's going onin your radon check your radon
attack radon as well.
This has been home improvementwith from two home homeowning
boys.
Yeah, uh, that's it, though.
(01:00:21):
What do you got?
Speaker 5 (01:00:23):
I'm just realizing now that some someday somebody's
gonna get our phone number andpeople are probably still gonna
call at some point and they'rejust like why am I getting these
fucking voicemails about thisweird internet shit?
Well, if you're that person,call us on your phone number and
leave a voicemail and we canreverse the interview we had
(01:00:45):
with what was the release thatone time?
Speaker 4 (01:00:47):
Oh, god, I was so scared for that when that
happened, but I'm so happy thatit did.
Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
Oh, that could have gone south so very quickly.
That's all I have.
That was great Doug what do you?
Speaker 1 (01:00:56):
got Slippery Pains against Shpines and whatnot.
But what I want you guys to dobecause I know you're all
fucking degenerates that listento this.
Go on Reddit and go to one ofthe subreddits that I told you
about today and try tocanonically build in Deluty into
one of the subreddits and thensend us the link.
(01:01:18):
Hell yeah, Thank you.
Speaker 4 (01:01:22):
Goodbye, thank you, this has been your.
This is the end of your localbroadcast service.
Speaker 5 (01:01:30):
I'm Asian correspondent Trisha Takanawa.
Speaker 4 (01:01:35):
Good night, good night, good night.
Speaker 3 (01:01:40):
I'll keep it real, I have to piss.
Don't look under the internet.
Outro Music.
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