The One Where We Dab The Tip

Episode Transcript
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Daniel (00:00):
Dina, snap it, snap it, do the clickety-clack with your
hands.

Producer Sean (00:03):
It's the Don't Make it Weird Podcast With your
hosts Daniel and Dina Sorris.

Daniel (00:13):
Hello there, welcome to the Don't Make it Weird Podcast.
We are your comedy writing,storytelling podcast for the
humans by moderate humans andguys.
We're so excited that you'rehere.
I'm one of your co-hosts,daniel Quigley, and I am joined,
as always, by the real star ofthe show.
I'm joined by the primordialprogenitor of prideful pissing
pandas herself, dina Soros.

Dinasaurus (00:39):
Hi, dina, I was made to understand that there would
be a grilled cheeses here.

Daniel (00:46):
Are there not grilled cheeses?

Dinasaurus (00:51):
Did you order the grilled cheeses?
Oh my God, fast food, grilledcheese would be so good right
now.
Oh my God, some fucking grilledcheese, are you?

Daniel (00:56):
Oh my God, I want grilled cheese right now too.
That sounds so good.
By the way, your buns arelooking nice today, dina.
Dina's got a little bit of amessy double bun going on.

Dinasaurus (01:04):
They're lopsided, but I did it on purpose.
I'm telling myself so that it'sokay and perfect.

Daniel (01:08):
It's nice and toned so for the audio only listeners,
just trust us.
Dina is literally just twirlingaround and showing off her
posterior.
Don't, don't watch the show,don't check out the youtube
channel just trust us.
Tune into tiktok to see my asswe are selling by any means
necessary, including dina's ass,um, but you know whose ass I
love, um, dina, because we havea third member of this team.

(01:31):
And you know what?
Touch it, touch it, touch me.
I want to be dirty.
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me.
Producer, sean of the night,it's a good one hey you know, I
like it short.
I know I kept it short for you,baby like a tuna cam all right,

(01:56):
that's a wrap, call it in sean.

We did a great show, guys.

Daniel (01:59):
That was killer I mean listen, if anything from our uh
orgy etiquette episode hastaught us is that people like
the sex.
So what do you think guys aregonna get like extra sex today,
like just just straight sex,talk the whole time doesn't even
matter what we talk about.

I'm gonna name it something provocative that's
gonna be a new thing.

Daniel (02:20):
Everything's a sexual innuendo in our titles.
No, I love it.

Dinasaurus (02:23):
I love it this doesn't is kelly watching right
now now she's seeing hootie andthe blowfish.

Daniel (02:29):
Tonight oh not darius rucker.

Dinasaurus (02:31):
So no wagon wheel, just hootie right okay I had
like a conversation piece, butit won't matter to you guys, so
I was hoping she would be therein the background to approve.
Never mind do you want me topretend like it matters to me
yeah okay, all right, I'm readyso, for whatever reason, my
tiktok algorithm has been liketalking about 90s throwbacks and
early 2000s throwbacks formakeup trends, and I really miss

(02:55):
the nude lip, and I don't meanlike the pink nude lip, I mean
like the caucasian matches, yourskin color nude lip so that you
couldn't tell if, like somebody, was like dying or going into
anaphylaxis or like irondeficient or something.

Daniel (03:11):
So I just, I'm just going to stop you there, dina.
I thought I could pretend tocare.
I can't pretend to care, Ican't do it, I can't.

Dinasaurus (03:16):
I think you could but I appreciate the lack of
effort.

Daniel (03:22):
Well done Anything for you.
Well done anything for you,dina, and uh, I love you so much
.

Dinasaurus (03:31):
I'm so sorry.
That was such a dick thing tosay.

Daniel (03:32):
That's exactly what I would say to you, at least he's
honest, but you want to knowwhat else I'm honest about guys.
Our guest last week, matthew,loves the nude lip side deck.
Guys.
Talk to me about a little bit.
Dina, what was your favoritepart of that episode?
I?

Dinasaurus (03:48):
just put it on my bookshelf um, I love getting to
hang out with people that alsowatch the show and our fans and
like can banter back and forthwith us.

That always makes me so happy he was faster than
all of us, oh my god yeah he waskiller the whole time.

Dinasaurus (04:05):
No, I mean I think that when we have guests,
there's often like a little bitof hesitation in our jokes and I
don't think we were ready forsomebody to be prepared and know
us yeah, like he, he wasprepped and um, I mean, guys,
you gotta check out his book thedarker side of super.

I mean, we had so much fun with it uh I would say
the name of it side of supergod.
Why do I keep doing that?

Daniel (04:25):
the dark side of super the dark side of super um.
Yeah, I don't know why I keepdoing that.
I'm a fucking moron, um, butyou know what I mean.
Like matt is just such a goodguy, like he's always just been
a freaking pillar of thecommunity.
He's been a supporter from dayone.
We we've gotten to know him offair over the years and I mean
awesome dude, I I want all thegood things to happen for him

(04:47):
and his wife's.
An amazing artist and listen.
Normally I can pick out onemoment but just get in the hang
with him and and just see howthat moment was for him and how
much he enjoyed it.
It just it meant a lot, youknow absolutely agreed all right
now, absolutely, I do.
Agreed, all right.
Now, guys, it's time to dosomething.
I was there.

Dinasaurus (05:06):
It was rare, I remember it Sorry.

Daniel (05:14):
Dina, are you one of the mouth drugs today?
Like, can you just be honestwith us, can you be so for real
right now?

Speaker 5 (05:18):
Can you just be so for real?
No, be so for real.

Dinasaurus (05:21):
I woke up at like 5 am and I've been working ever
since and my child has a hundredand four fever again, and I
just got off of a work call ateight o'clock and then I signed
into here.
So let's fucking go.

Daniel (05:34):
So basically, what you're saying is that we are
seeing a psychotic break in realtime.
Sean, is that correct?
You have speed dial for theproper people.

Dinasaurus (05:44):
Baker act.

Daniel (05:46):
We already know about how you baker acted.
Someone Type ship.
Man, I'm so excited.
So, guys, today's episode isgoing to be a lot of fun.
We are going to be talking alittle bit about Shaka Khan.
We've got a brand newconversation piece Shaka Khan,
shaka Khan.
We've got a brand newconversation piece Shaka Khan,

(06:06):
shaka Khan.
We're going to be talking aboutpurple pros.
We're going to be playing abrand new game this time, and,
you know, sometimes I like tosay that we have a very special
cringy copulation, but this one,sean, I think you would agree,
is a little extra special, right.

I don't know anything about it.
I stay out of those matters.
Just go Sean.

Daniel (06:26):
I think you would agree is a little extra special, right
?
I don't know anything about it,I stay out of those matters.
Just go with it, buddy, and youknow what else you need to go
with guys.
It's time to turn up the heat,get in the shower, put on some
candles and it's time for ShowerThoughts with Ben.
Oh yeah, get clean, sean,that's perfect.

Dinasaurus (06:42):
Thank you.
You know, I picked out yourtheme song, daniel, did you?

You weren't there , so.

Daniel (06:48):
No, that's fair and I deserve that.
So, Dina, I think you have afeeling About what we're going
to talk about today.
Go ahead.
I have a feeling you know whatwe're going to talk about in
today's Shower of Thought,because I haven't been able to
get it out of my head.
Are we going to?

Dinasaurus (07:01):
fight.
Because, we will fight overthis, yeah, we're gonna fight.

Daniel (07:06):
Yeah, we're fighting, yeah, we're gonna fight.
So, guys, today's showerthought for me is should men dab
after peeing?

oh my god the question is.

Dinasaurus (07:17):
The question has been answered.
Men should dab okay, what do?

Daniel (07:23):
you think take it back already no, no, no I I want you
to tell me what you thinkdabbing entails, like I want you
to go through the male processof what you think it's like to
pee standing up okay, I'm nottalking about standing up.

We we discussed this so I'm not talking about it
.

Dinasaurus (07:39):
Standing standing up is not the thing she's sitting
so you're saying so it's asitting down dab yes, if a man
is peeing at home uh-huh or in atoilet, like in a toilet stall,
where he doesn't have to be ata urinal and has access to
toilet paper.
Sit your butt ass down and dabthat pee dribble off of your
wiener after you're done wienerw Wainer?

Daniel (08:04):
Dina, that's an unreasonable ask, like you have
to understand as a man.
We're here to get in and getout.
As a man.

Stevie Wildcard (08:09):
As a man, as a man.

Daniel (08:11):
If I can do this hands-free, I'm doing this shit
hands-free.
I think that it is you knowwhat.

Society just needs to understand that we
should give to note that we'rein the shower and daniel he's in
the shower, so maybe he doesn'tneed to dab exactly the water
just rinses it right off, dina.

Daniel (08:34):
Why are you such a hater on men who do not dab?

Dinasaurus (08:39):
because okay again, I'm not a hater on men that do
not dab.
I just think for hygienicpurposes you should, any chance
you get, be a dabber, not ashaker, because you're getting
pee remnants and dribble on yourpants and that's not hygienic.

Daniel (08:55):
I think that we just can't agree on this, Dina.
I don't see any way that we canagree on this topic.
So you know what you want toknow, what Dina we're going
gonna bring in an expert, oh mygod baby.

Daniel and Sean summoned me from my slumber
after working in the sun.
To correct course, they had tocall the shower thoughts expert,
and you know what?

Daniel (09:26):
in addition?
So, in addition to being ashower thoughts expert, stevie
is also an expert on p.
Would you say that?
That is correct, stevie?
Um, yes, I am actually verylike.

Fluent in like all types of urine.
I speak multiple multipledialects.

Daniel (09:50):
Yeah, he's the sommelier I'm a sommelier of your urine
and before we get into his othertitles, he is also the co-host
of the we have issues podcast.
His comic books deathless, uhplayed again.
I mean, these guys are thefucking best that do it in the
game.
And uh, we're so excited tohave you on the show, stevie.

(10:11):
But here, are you ready for thequestion because stevie's also
gone in cold?

here it's question okay, can I know I'm
fairly certain I know the answerso sean as a neutral party.

Daniel (10:24):
Sean, could you, could you explain the dilemma right
now?

So there was a conversation earlier regarding
whether or not men oh no,Whether or not men dab or wipe
after urinating.

Dinasaurus (10:42):
Dab or wipe yes, Okay, no, it wasn't if they do,
it was if they should well, itstarted as if they do and then
it went into if they should.

We had a whole discussion about how most men
probably don't do that and theywere disgusted.

They told me I'm disgusting in a series of a,
b or c's in terms of what a manor what I do, what the wild
card, the shower thoughts, pissexpert does, um, dab or wipe
wouldn't even be on the list.
Okay, I mean first it's.
First it's to quote, to quotethe the poet uh, taylor, swift,

(11:21):
sometimes you just have to shakeit off.
Shake it off, okay.
Yes lawyered, lawyered, lawyered, tailored, tailored yeah, you,
just, you just shake it off,because the players are going to
hate, hate, hate, hate me anddina the hater right now because
you're not presenting theactual like series of events

(11:43):
here.
In all seriousness, dina thinksthat if you're able to piss
comfortably in a stall or inyour home, that as a man, you
should, out of um, you knowcleanliness, sit on the seat to
pee and wipe or dab yourselfwhen you're finished I ask you
this question if I am out andabout and I am going to the

(12:06):
designated bathroom for me andthere is a urinal there that I'm
supposed to piss in, is there atoilet paper dispenser in front
of said urinal for me to dab orwipe?

Dinasaurus (12:15):
No, which is what we discussed, and Daniel is not
understanding the point here.
If you're standing at a urinal,it's not feasible to have
toilet paper there, so you'retelling me that I require you to
know multiple ways to take careof it.

I have learned since day one from father Todd,
from grandfather Todd, that weshake that shit.

Dinasaurus (12:38):
But you're going to have piss on your boxers.
So to avoid that and be clean.
That's what boxers.
So to avoid that and be clean.
That's what boxers are for,Well it might rub off on there
too.

We call them the catch-all for a reason.

Dinasaurus (12:55):
But to avoid that, go ahead, sit down when you're
at home and not at a urinal, anddab, dab your little pee-pee.

Listen if you need to sit down when you pee
opinion, you should contact timand eric from the tim and eric
awesome show great job, becausethey fully believe that sitting
down when you pee is the correctway.
I, however, I'm not that man,dina not that man?

Daniel (13:17):
and and what would you say if a child between the
middle school age and, I wouldsay, early college age was found
out to be a person who eithersits when they pee or dabs?
What would?
What would male culture like?

so we're dropping like prison rules in
here, like what school isbasically like?
When it comes to like who youare as a person, yeah, if I got
caught dabbing it in a highschool bathroom, I mean that's
it.
Like I'm out, I never meetAnthony.
I never work on comics.

Dinasaurus (13:51):
I want to know why y'all are watching each other in
stalls.
That's behind a closed door.

We're not watching, but we we know the
movements that are supposed tobe occurring in said bathroom
and this is not one of them thatoccurred.

Daniel (14:06):
There's a dance.
There's a dance, we dance Dina.

Could you imagine if, like hey, bro, can
you give me a piece of toe paperreal quick, I need to dab my
penis.

Dinasaurus (14:17):
Words that have never come out of a man's mouth.
Entirely wrong.
You guys have piss on yourpenis.
I need to dab my penis with apiece of tissue.

Daniel (14:29):
But here's the thing, dina.
So what you're saying is thatit's okay to be gross sometimes
when there's not a bettersolution, but not other times.
So you accept that the malegrossness is, I would say,
because we're not often peeingat home.
Peing is usually happening onthe road, on the fly, because we
are equipped to pee anywhere.
All right.

Dinasaurus (14:46):
I think that society has it stacked against you and
that society should be moreaccepting of men being hygienic
so that they're not leavingfucking starfish prints on the
little doctor's office likesheet of paper, Like men are set
in society to be disgusting andthat should change.

Daniel (15:08):
So we want to start the genetic male revolution.
You think our forefathers, dina?
You think George Washingtonsaid dab on your penis, sir.

Dinasaurus (15:19):
If he knew that it was better for you and more
hygienic.

He wore a powdered wig he may, you know,
maybe he did.
He's also closer to Britishthan we are.
You know, I mean better for youand more hygienic.
I mean he wore a powdered wig,he may, you know, maybe he did.
He's also closer to britishthan we are.
You know, I mean this isamerica, baby, we, we don't dab
in america that's true.

Dinasaurus (15:31):
The brits in the chat also said to dab not shake.

That's a whole, the one, the survey of one yeah,
we need to ask doughy thehard-hitting question.

Dinasaurus (15:43):
He's the one that said to dab.

He said he dabs Doe basically called us monsters
because we don't dab.

I don't know why you asked me of all people,
because not only am I American,but I'm in Florida.
We do much worse things thanthat.

Dinasaurus (15:57):
Yeah, so your swampy ass should be dabbing even more
because your jeans probablysmell like piss.

Tina, you're Same person, Tina by the time
I'm done working.
At the end of the day, dabbingwhat is down there is the least
of my concerns.
So you're just too lazy to be,clean.

Oh listen, he's got swamp crotch all day already
.

I'm literally sweating to my, my, my socks are
wet, not from my feet feetsweating but from my body
sweating down to my legs.

It takes him.
It takes him 15 minutes to getout of those skinny jeans
because they're stuck to hislegs with sweat but you know
what?

I don't shave because I wear the skinny.
I look, I look, I look crazyfashionable on the construction
site.
But you know what I got?

Daniel (16:42):
no, no sparkle stevie, I can't wait until you're like
the first person to end up inlike a meme and be like even
millennials are in skinny jeansdoing construction.

This used to be a man's job.
Oh my God, I do feel like DerekZoolander in like the mind
sequence every time I walk upCause my hair's down.
I got the hat on with my jeansand my long-sleeved shirt In
Florida.
They're all just like what thehell.
Protection from the sun is moreimportant, ladies and gentlemen

(17:20):
.

Daniel (17:20):
That's true, that's very true.
I'll sweat.

Dinasaurus (17:23):
So is male hygiene, so is male hygiene.
This is why women get so manyyeast infections, because y'all
have piss all over that's why?

Daniel (17:30):
that's why you know what stevie.
You've done an incredible job.

Thank you so much for showing up here his
answer would have been, I think,unfortunately for you, dina,
you just you drew the shortstraw and you got the the wrong
florida, boy of the two floridaboys I think anthony may text
him.

Daniel (17:48):
Stevie, can you text him ?

he's busy right now he's not here that's so.
We're not gonna bug him rightnow.
Okay, actually, actually, whenI'm done, I put my junk in one
of those dyson hand dryer thingsyou're supposed to do that,
right?

yeah, actually in my house I have like this
little vacuum that like washesand dries.
It's like a car wash, but it'sjust for me it dabbed the roller
.

Daniel (18:10):
I'm not dabbing it, we're good it's okay if we have
an automatic dabbing device, aslong as we are not the one I'm
gonna be completely honest I dabsometimes I know, see, I feel
like he's just playing with menow.
Now I don't know what tobelieve.

Now we're playing the story game.
Okay, oh God, I walked in, Iused the restroom at my best
friend's house and I dabbed itafterwards.
True or false?
Oh is this true confessions?
True confessions.

I definitely don't dab.
I shake it every time.

Yeah, it's false, it's 100%'s literally
like 100 absolutely more than100 I'm 125 sure that I don't
dab when I do all right steven,thank you for coming by and
being our expert tonight andtwitter.
You're wonderful for knowingsome weird piece of information
about me.
Yeah, let us know in thecomments.

(19:04):
Twitter, do you dab?

let us know, guys , um steven, before you go, I
wanted to ask you a questionbecause I was an idiot and I
forgot to put a poll up and Itold dina she could pick the
story time for tonight.

But I really want you to oh, I'm gonna story
time yes, yes, I feel like thepolls always pick wrong, so I
got this covered, fuck yes, ste,steven's our guy, here we go.

So here's the log lines you get to choose from.

Okay.

Fourth of July gone wrong.
Carjacker.
Carjacker or Funeral Fist.
Fight Oof.

I feel like Funeral Fist Fight is
deceptively tasty.

He knows Dina.

I'm going to go Fourth of July Gone Wrong
because it sounds so basic, butI think it's going to be a crazy
story.

Dina's very excited to tell this story,
ladies and gentlemen.
Mr Stevie Wildcard, Thank youvery much love all of you.

Y'all have a great night.

Daniel (20:02):
Love you, stevie love you, appreciate you, man.
Peace boom, dean.
I was very proud of that.

Dinasaurus (20:12):
That twist right there, buddy now talk about the
statistics that you read thatdoctors say that men should be
dabbing.
Because you left that one out.

Is this a female doctor?
Because I feel like a maledoctor would never, ever say
that that's sexist.
It's sexist of you to not evenconsider the fact that some of
us have grapefruits in betweenour legs that get in the way of
the pee situation when you'retrying to sit down.

Daniel (20:37):
Yeah, the problem is not the main bits, it's the
grapefruits underneath thatblock.
A lot of drip Creates asplatter situation.
Tuna cans Dina.
Tina.

Tina, tina, duna Duna cans, duna cans.

Daniel (20:57):
Well, you know what we can do, dina.
We can hop out of the shower,we can towel off, we can dry off
here.
Keep those lights turned downreal low.
Play some spooky mood music,because it is time to leave your
disbelief At the door withDina's TikTok conspiracy corner.

Dinasaurus (21:17):
Um yeah, so NASA lost a tool bag, uh, off the
space station and you can see itwith binoculars, but you can't
see planes at 130 000 feet andthe space station is 250 miles

(21:37):
up and way bigger than a plane,obviously, and you can't see it.
Therefore, the space station isnot orbiting at the height that
they claim it is is the spacestation inside of the dome,
above the flat earth yes, no thefirmament?

Daniel (21:55):
I don't remember, so okay, the firmament.
I'm proud of you, dina, becauseI was about to call you out.
If you're going to tell me thatthe space station isn't real,
no, I think I cycled through allmy isn't real ones.
Isn't real.

Dinasaurus (22:12):
And so I appreciate it, that's some basic bitch shit
.

I'm kind of disappointed about that.
I hope you hit us with anotherisn't real one at some point.

Daniel (22:19):
Yeah 100%, I'm sure I will.
I'm going to miss it.
I'm going to miss it, Sean.
What are your thoughts on thisone buddy?

I just need some clarification, because are you
saying in both scenarios?

Dinasaurus (22:30):
I have none, you're looking through.

Did you say I'm sorry?
Did you say I'm sorry?
Did you say binoculars?
Yeah, binoculars.

Daniel (22:43):
Through binoculars, you can see the space station, but
you cannot see a plane.
No, no, no.
The tool bag, not the spacestation.
The tool bag that got lost andis missing.

So is there just a tool bag floating in space?

Daniel (22:52):
Yes, thank you for putting in the quotation marks,
john.
That was perfect, because we'reflat earthers here on the Don't
Make it Weird podcast.

Dinasaurus (23:00):
Yes, so they dropped a tool bag and we can spot said
tool bag with only binoculars.

Daniel (23:05):
Wait, wait, okay.
Let me just make sure thatwe're being clear here.
Are you talking about theliteral fucking handheld
binoculars, yes or are youtalking about a telescope?

Dinasaurus (23:14):
No binoculars.
I know the difference betweenbinoculars and a telescope I.

Daniel (23:19):
I hoped that was the case.

I just had to be sure it just yeah, it's not
adding up to me.
The math ain't mathing, yeahwhich is the conspiracy, because
why can we see the?

Dinasaurus (23:30):
tool bag.

Daniel (23:32):
I just think I'm gonna start out by saying I don't
believe you can actually see thetool bag with binoculars,
because you can't see into spacewith binoculars Like not well,
space yeah.

Dinasaurus (23:44):
Right, this is where the conspiracy originated,
though.

I think Ed Harris just like hung a tool bag from
the rafters above the studio set.
It's just dangling there.

Daniel (24:01):
That's a good one, I'm with you.
So we're saying that the toolbag is visible, but planes are
still a fucking mystery yesplanes aren't real is what we're
trying to say yeah, tool bagsaren't real either magnets how
do they work?

if tool bags aren't real, how does daniel
exist?

Dinasaurus (24:19):
oh, I was gonna say that, but I thought it was too
mean.

That's the line dina, that's the line once you
reach 20 years of friendship youcan say whatever you want.

Daniel (24:30):
And 100 taken in a mean way, yeah yeah, no, sean sean's
got a uh, a full pass to justabsolutely eviscerate me.

So that tracks.
I don't often do it becauseit's hot, excites me.
It does excite me that.

Daniel (24:42):
That is very true.
Well, dina, I'm proud of thisone.
You know, we got away fromcelebrity, we got into the flat
earth, we got into space and, uh, I feel pretty good about it.
I'm gonna give it a no, unlikethe google um gas one which
still blows my mind.
Uh, sean, what are yourthoughts?
Are we giving a thumbs up,thumbs down?
Not not the quality of her pick, whether it's a conspiracy or
not I think it's true there's.

There's some meat on this bone.
I'm not exactly sure why or how, but there's some meat there.

Dinasaurus (25:10):
There's a little like a chicken wing.
It's like like an actual wingyour own, your own research yeah
, yeah, just just do your own

Daniel (25:18):
research yeah, just do your own research guys sheeple
all right, guys.
That has been another incredibleconspiracy theory corner.
I don't know why I saidconspiracy theory corner, I'm
already just struggling on wordshere.
Done perfectly, guys.
It is time for a segment thatwe in no way stole from the TV

(25:41):
wildcard and Anthony LaFussethat were just here on the show,
even though Anthony wasn't.
This is a completely originalsegment.
Don't look up the we haveIssues podcast.
Don't check out their comicsDeathless and Play it Again.
You know, don't do it, justtrust us.
And it's time for anaccountability segment segment.
God damn it.
Accountability segment that'sdina's update dina, talk us

(26:14):
through your accountability.
What have you been up to?

Dinasaurus (26:18):
So I paused my memoir because I feel like I
don't have that much to say,even though I do.
I don't know.
I don't know what people findinteresting.
So anyway, I started working onbook three of the Discerner's
trilogy.

Daniel (26:31):
The one you told us you were giving up on and punting
into the sun.

Dinasaurus (26:34):
Yeah, yeah.
So I think I'm just going tostart from scratch.
Well, I have just started fromscratch on it and I'm gonna do
whatever I want, and I'm notgonna listen to any beta readers
on who she should end up with,and I'm not gonna listen to any
editors on who she should end upwith.
And I'm gonna do whatever fuckI want and I'm gonna write a
book hey, you want to know whatthis is.

Daniel (26:53):
This is the opposite of the sorry segment on the Don't
Make a Weird Podcast.
This is the Fuck you, the Suckmy Dick Segment.

The Suck my Dick.

Daniel (27:00):
Segment when Dina just throws a middle finger in the
air.
That was perfect.
Yep, I love it, dina.
I support that man.
Sometimes you just gotta followyour own heart.
It's your series.
You gotta be in love with it,and if you're not in love with
it, you're not gonna enjoywriting it.

Dinasaurus (27:14):
So I think that's an awesome like update there yeah,
I got texted today to ask howyou're doing so.
This works out perfectly.
Where are you out on your edits, daniel?

Daniel (27:25):
shockingly, I've actually finally opened up the
document and finally started onthem um, I am five chapters.
I know I did.
I did bad.
Um, I'm five chapters deep ondev edits right now and I'm
hoping to get about halfwaythrough by end of the weekend,
if things go according to plan,and hopefully done by next week.

(27:48):
So then I can start on, likethe meat and potato edits.
But I'm excited.
You know it's, it's hard.
I've read this book for so long.
I've had it for nearly afreaking decade hard.
I've read this book for so longI've had it for nearly a
freaking decade, and sosometimes it just feels like a
freaking slog to open it back upagain just because I've seen
the word so many times.
But no, I'm getting back intoit and I'm getting some ideas

(28:08):
for book three.
Finally, I'm feeling a littleinspo and so I'm excited.
Man, I'm starting to maybe it'sjust that summer is starting to
I don't want to say windingdown, because we're still in
freaking middle July, at leastthe time of this recording but
I'm starting to get more on anormalized schedule and be able
to get back to some of thethings that I, you know, had put
to the back burner just becausework was kicking my ass so much

(28:30):
.
So excited about that.
Producer, sean, what about you,bud?

you know I'm just prepping for the con baby.
What con is that?
Chococon 2 in Maryland, which Ilooked it up and it's supposed
to be Hav de Grace.
Hav de Grace.
Someone in the TikTok commentssaid Hav de Grace, which just
sounds so wrong.

Dinasaurus (28:57):
No, that can't possibly be.
Yeah, I don't believe that'tpossibly.
Yeah, I don't believe that.
Yeah, I don't believe that.
I think they're fucking with usyeah, they said javi d gracie
and I was like that's not yeah,that's trying to.

Daniel (29:07):
Yeah, they're trying to get us to yeah they're trying to
give us to do the quesadillaversus quesadilla, like that's,
that's 100, it's.
Quesadilla Obviously Can'ttrust the internet folks.
Obviously.

This is America.
We're not pronouncing it inFrench.
Okay, deal with it.
Deal.
We will be there at the end ofAugust, the 22nd, 23rd and 24th
of August at Star Center.
We will be in the HauntedLibrary.
It's going to be a ton of fun.
Have some fun little thingsplanned for that.
So I'm little things plannedfor that.

(29:42):
So I'm like totally, totallyfully dove into that and, uh,
working on all that stuff.
We just got promo material forit today from the con itself.
Our friend rance is organizingthe haunted library, so we're
super pumped about that.

Daniel (29:51):
Um and like, listen, man , I'm so excited about this one
just because, like for me, thisis my first time being on the
other side of a con like this,is my first time participating
in a con as out of the camera no, no, don't do it, midas, you're
not.
Yeah, it's right there, right inher face.
Excellent dina's dog for theaudio only listeners is just
basically taking over her andsticking his butt in her face.

(30:14):
Um, but yeah, no, this is thefirst time I've ever been on
this side of a con.
Uh, this is the first time thethree of us have ever been
together in the same place atthe same time.
I mean, we're gonna beinterviewing authors.
We might be on a panel.
We have a couple other surpriseideas.

Dinasaurus (30:29):
It's just me rants didn't say you hey, guess what?

Daniel (30:32):
I ride coattails.
Dina, suck it, um.
But yeah, no, I I'm so pumpedup about this.
I already know that some of ourfriends we've met on twitter
coming out to meet up with usand uh, yeah, man, I'm pumped.
Hopefully this becomes a yearlytradition that we can all get
together and do something,whether it's here or expensive
it's so expensive.
Please buy our books.

(30:52):
Um, yeah, man, I'm Sean.
I also heard you're going to beseeing a movie here in the next
couple of days.

Yeah, baby, twisters, twisters.
The sequel to.
Twister RIP to our boy BillPaxton.

Daniel (31:08):
Game over.

Game over man.
I just I always think of youwhen I think of Twister man,
same so.
So I wish you could come to themovie with me, but I will.
I will have you in my heart, so, dina is this really your
friend?
What.

Daniel (31:25):
What.

Dinasaurus (31:26):
You said you wish you could come to the movie, did
you?
I was talking to Daniel.

Daniel (31:29):
No, so me and Sean, for whatever reason, twister Okay.

So twister okay, there's a story is a friend to
all of us he's the main actorfrom the first twister thanks
for that tina didn't know wewhen I, when we were like 19, I
flew to florida with daniel tohelp him move his grandmother
something I can't remember whereit was.
Yeah, that's what it was, and wedid a pit stop at universal

(31:55):
because obviously, yeah and um,we we experienced twister the
ride based on the first twistermovie yeah, which I think I
think um, I wrote it was less aride and more of like you stand
there and watch some specialeffects happen in front of you
for a moment and then likethere's some fake rain that

(32:16):
comes in and some like wind fansthat like the platform, yeah
yeah yeah, but before youactually go experience what it's
like to be in a tornadosituation.
They have this really greatintro video from bill paxton
helen hunt the stars of themovie and it was like the most
phoned in monotonous shit you'veever seen an actor.

(32:37):
Do and listen.
Bill paxton's a really goodactor, so what's going on like
he was.
He was phoning that in hard andI just remember daniel and I
were choking on laughter in linewaiting to get into this thing
because he was just like, hi,you're about to experience what
it's like to be in an f5 tornado.

Daniel (32:57):
And we were just standing there like, wow, this
is really getting us pumped up,bill paxton it was one of the
most magical things where it wasonly funny to us, like, like we
might even be able to find aclip and show a quick clip of
this, because I'm sure it's onthe internet somewhere the movie
twister is about one of themost primordial forces on the
face of the earth, bill Paxton.

(33:25):
A force so powerful, soconcentrated, you can rip the
asphalt off a six-lane highway.
It's one of those jokes that itcan't be funny unless you were
19 hanging out with us there,but it's been one of our running
gags forever.
Me and Sean have a specialplace in our hearts for Twister,
for Bill Paxton, and every sooften like we'll just walk by
each other and be like hi, I'mBill Paxton, so you're caught up

(33:46):
, buddy.

Yeah, so I'm going to see Twisters this
weekend and that's why I havethis background.
There's Bill right there.

Daniel (33:55):
You know what I'm going to see.
I'm going to go.
You know what I'm gonna see.
You know I'm gonna.
I'm gonna go propose to miriamthat we uh drop the kids off at
my mom's and watch twisterstogether, because she'd be into
this.
You know what?
I feel like we can do thistogether, sean, like in spirit
dude dude, hell yeah we're goingon sunday, around three eastern
your time all right, perfect,I'm gonna.
I'm gonna see what we can dohere.
But all right, guys, that'sbeen the very original count of
bill buddy segment and uh, man Iso excited we're only at a

(34:18):
count of bill buddy we can bringback the neopets.
Dina, would you like to talkabout your neopets?

Dinasaurus (34:25):
no, we need to skip that.

Daniel (34:27):
Dina, would you say that you're a tease?

Dinasaurus (34:29):
tickle the pickle.
Shout out Shannon, let's gopegging queen.

Daniel (34:34):
Dina, why don't you give the audience a little Peggy
Carter?
Just give them a little oldpeggy carter, just uh, just give
them a little old uh, peggyharder.

Is that what you said?

Daniel (34:42):
uh peggy carter peggy harder peggy harder.
Yes, yes, that is what we'redoing.
Uh, why don't you uh go aheadand peg the audience dina?
What do we have in time?
What do we have for story?

international women's day Explosions,
explosions.
Yeah, so we already know whatstory it is, because Stephen
selected it like 10 minutes ago,so that was my decision.
So don't blame him, blame me.
I totally ripped the rug outfrom beneath Dina because I told
her before we started recordingthat she could pick the story

(35:14):
and she got excited.
And then I pivoted when Stephenwas here and I I apologize, I
know that upset you.

Daniel (35:21):
That's why it listen.
That's why I have my feministshirt on right now.
All right, so you know Irespect you, dina feminist
agenda.

Shout out ruth bader ruth bagansburg, rbg.

Daniel (35:30):
Stone cold fox, stone cold fox.
To the end, to the end.
Well, in that case, it's timeto get into a game segment that
I know dina's gonna be great atit.
Sean, what are we playing?

we're playing finish the movie quote she's so
excited, you guys, so I decidedto completely rip off rance's
game that he did on our showwhere it was finished.

Daniel (35:56):
We've never done that before.

I'm just being honest, okay, so here's the
rules.
Be so for real.
Here's the rules.
There's a blank in each ofthese quotes.
You need to fill the blank withwhat you think the actual word
or words are.
If you don't know it, saysomething funny instead.
You get a bonus point if youcan tell me what movie it's from

(36:19):
, okay herbie fully loaded Iswear to god.
If that's one of the questions,damn it.
No, I gotta take that one out,okay.
So we'll start with dina.
Dina, are you ready?
Go Smash Sponge.
Okay, nobody puts blank in acorner.

Dinasaurus (36:43):
Nobody puts baby in a corner, dirty dancing.

Daniel (36:46):
Oh shit, she was all about it.
Love that movie.
Yeah, probably crushed it.

Daniel, yeah, you concur.

Daniel (36:54):
Absolutely.
You don't have a differentanswer no.

You can't put baby in the corner.
Patrick's lazy and your catskills, it's got.
Uh, dude from law and order,fucking love it.
You don't get bonus points forany of that.
Yeah fine, all right.
Great job, dina.
That was the warm-up.
Um, all right, we'll go todaniel this time.
I know who you are, peter quill, and I am not some starry-eyed
waif here to succumb to your,your, blank blank oh shit.

Daniel (37:25):
Guardians of the Galaxy, fuck Gamora.
Oh, it's not Gamora.

I'm not here to succumb to your blank blank.

Daniel (37:37):
Human charms.
Fuck, I know, I got that onewrong.

Dina, what do you think?

Dinasaurus (37:44):
I'm not here to succumb to your.

Daniel (37:46):
Cum.

Dance moves I don't remember.

The correct answer is pelvic sorcery.

Daniel (37:58):
Ah shit, that is such a good line too.
God, I'm embarrassed, Fuck you.

Pelvic sorcery Dina.
One does not simply blank intoMordor.

Dinasaurus (38:15):
One does not simply walk into Mordor.

Daniel (38:18):
You are giving her fucking layups right now.
Fuck you, lord of the Rings.

She remembers nothing.
So, this incredible, likeall-star performance.

Daniel (38:27):
Yeah, this is, this is her flu game.

Okay, but, dina, there's multiple Lord of the
Rings films, so you need to bemore specific.

Dinasaurus (38:34):
Um, is it the no?
No, it's the second one, isn'tit so?

is there a?

Dinasaurus (38:44):
title?
Remember the title?
I just pictured the cover youwanna make one up?
Yeah, um, lord of the rings,lord of the rings, second
breakfast, second breakfast,that would actually be such a
fucking Um, lord of the.

Daniel (38:59):
Rings.

Second breakfast Second breakfast.

Daniel (39:01):
That would actually be such a fucking like, like a
slice of life, lord of the Rings, like it's like uh.

I'm I'm awarding Dina 27 bonus points for that.
Yeah, no, that's, that's prettydamn good, all right, here we
go, daniel.
Yeah, oh wait, did you want togive us an answer to that one,
or are you good?
Oh, fellowship of the Ring.
Yeah, fellowship of the Ring.
Daniel gets the point for thatAlright.

(39:27):
Daniel, here we go, New one.
I do not fear the dark side asyou do.
I have brought peace, freedom,justice and blank to my new
empire.

Daniel (39:38):
Obviously Star Wars.
One more time, read it, read itback.

I do not fear the dark side as you do.
I have brought peace, freedom,justice and blank to my new
empire Order.
And you said Star Wars, butthat's awful vague.
And you said Star Wars, butthat's awful vague.

Daniel (40:02):
I feel like that has to be one of the new ones, because
it's not really an originaltrilogy and I know that I would
have nailed that right away.
I'm going to say Rise of.

Skywalker.
All right, dina, volume three.
No.
Do you want?
Me to repeat the quote.

Dinasaurus (40:22):
No, I thought he was right.
Is he not right?

Oh shit I need you to give me an if to fill in
the blank.
Okay, repeat it again I do notfear the dark side as you do.

Dinasaurus (40:39):
I have brought peace , freedom, justice and blank to
my new empire.

Daniel (40:41):
Lots of guns.
They need a lot of them.
They're not very good aims.
Lots of guns.
The Galactic 2A.

The correct answer is security, security to
my new empire.
Said by Anakin Skywalker duringthe pivotal battle against
Obi-Wan Kenobi in episode 3,revenge of the Sith.

Dinasaurus (41:03):
I knew it.

And Dina gets 47 points for that answer.

Daniel (41:08):
She should she should?

I can't believe.

Daniel (41:10):
I fucked up a Star Wars one Um yeah, that was really
embarrassing, buddy you shouldfeel bad.

Uh, dina, here's one for you.
There's only one prequel Iwatched, though, so I mean, that
was really embarrassing, buddy,you should feel bad.

Daniel (41:18):
Dina, here's one for you , there's only one prequel I
watched, though, so I mean,that's the problem.

That's it.
We can stay up late swappingmanly stories, and in the
morning I'm making blank.

Dinasaurus (41:29):
Waffles Shrek Donkey .
Episode one.
Movie one, episode one thedonkey, the donkey.
She was fucking locked andloaded.
Excited dude uh, daniel, do youwant to?
One time I ate some badblueberries and man, that was
some bad gas coming out of methat day I can't compete with

(41:50):
that.

Daniel (41:50):
I'm bowing out on this question.
Dina is so fucking locked in umyou know what here I'll just uh
.
No, I'm not even gonna ruinthis.
Dina crusted this is on her.

Give me an answer that makes me laugh.
I'll give you a point for it.
All right.
All right, read it one moretime.
We can stay up late swappingmanly stories and in the morning
I'm making blank falafelsfalafels are delightful and it's
like close to what the original?
It was supposed to be funny,not something practical and

(42:19):
delightful.

Daniel (42:21):
Dina has trained me with word association.
You did not make a whoopee,fuck, that was better too.

Did Dina get 69 points in this round?
Hell yeah, nice, it's kickingmy ass in this game.
So yeah, that's Dina.
Like 127 points for Dina andDaniel has four.
Yeah, okay, daniel, yep, oneminute.
You're defending the wholegalaxy and suddenly you find
yourself sucking down blank withMarie Antoinette and her little

(42:51):
sister.
One more time, sean, one moretime, sean, one more time, one
minute.
You're defending the wholegalaxy and suddenly you find
yourself sucking down blank withmarie antoinette and her little
sister sucking down dicks man.

Daniel (43:11):
I'm sorry, that's the only answer here.
That's the appropriate answerand I'm pretty sure this is
battlestar galactica.
Sucking down dicks man.
I'm sorry, that's the onlyanswer here.
That's the appropriate answerand I'm pretty sure this is
Battlestar Galactica, nailed it.

Dinasaurus (43:24):
Dina.

Chardonnay, chardonnay, and do you know what
film it's from?
Absolutely not Okay.
Yeah oh, Doctor who.
You were both really, reallyclose.
Uh-huh, I'm going to do my bestimpression of the actual quote,
okay.
Okay, maybe it'll help you guysout.
All right, one minute.

(43:47):
You're defending the wholegalaxy and suddenly you're
sucking down Darjeeling withMarie Antoinette and her little
sister.
Do you get it?
Do you see the hat?
I'm Mrs Nesbitt, no.

Dinasaurus (44:04):
I've never seen that movie.

Yes, you have.
It's Toy Story.
That was Buzz Lightyear when hewas having his crisis about
whether or not he's a toy and hejust got shoved into a tea
party with a bunch of headlessBarbies.

Daniel (44:18):
I had nothing for that buddy, I had absolutely.
I've watched Story Story amillion times.

It's like my favorite moment from the whole
fucking movie.

Daniel (44:32):
No, that's fucking hilarious.
I must have that must be ascene where I've seen it so many
times I never actually paidattention to the words, but
that's, that's fantastic, I wish.

Dinasaurus (44:41):
I had been recording , because I let Midas out of the
room and as I opened the door,tim was just standing there and
I don't know why.

Like a fucking serial killer, just yeah.

Dinasaurus (44:51):
What Standing there in the dark?

That's totally normal.
So Dina gets 12 points for that?
Yep, yeah, that's totallynormal.
So dina gets 12 points for thatround.
Yep, yeah, that's fair.
Thank you, yeah.
Yeah, um, daniel, you were soclose, but I'm sorry, bud, and
also dicks, was like thelow-hanging fruit you could have
come up with so many otherthings to suck down I don't know
why I'm struggling right now toto be creatively vulgar, and
it's really disappointing me.

Dinasaurus (45:14):
I really thought that should be right.
Maybe you should adapt yourpiss off.

It's because he dribbled in his pantaloons.
Okay.

Daniel (45:22):
I've got to star on my pants, we'll do one more.

Your Dr Evil is pretty.
I like it.

Daniel (45:32):
Thank you Pretty good.

Who did I ask the last one first, daniel, I think
.
Daniel, yeah, I'm going to takeus home here, dina, okay, okay,
it's our blank that show whatwe truly are, far more than our
abilities.
Oh, fucking hell, it's ourblank that shows what we truly

(45:56):
are, far more than our abilities.

Dinasaurus (45:59):
Our butts, but shows what we truly are, far more
than our abilities.

Daniel (46:02):
Our butts, butts.
Yeah, the answer is.

Dinasaurus (46:03):
Captain America Civil War.
That's even better because ofhis butt, I know.

America's butt.

Dinasaurus (46:18):
America's butt On your left right.

Daniel (46:21):
I think I know the right answer.
I don't want to give the rightanswer because I've already lost
so far.

So it's our piss stains that tell us more about
who we are, and then our uh it'sjust not funny today man, just
I feel like you're you're brickand you're just like pointing at
things you see in the room,like just staring at my own piss
stains right now, like when yousaid falafels, I was like
really, bro, he's like I can'tsay waffles because that's the

(46:48):
real answer, so I have to.
You're like.

Daniel (46:50):
You like wanted to copy someone's homework but like,
change it just a little bit soyou don't get caught me.
I don't know what's wrong withme today.
I don't know what's wrong withme today.
The comedy isn't flowing.
I don't have the comedy today.

Dinasaurus (46:59):
Sean, maybe you shouldn't argue with me.

Daniel (47:03):
You sucked all my intelligence out.
I think failure is the rightanswer and movie, I will say
Batman Begins.

Okay, so that's really really incorrect.
Correct answer.
And I removed, I will say fulldisclosure.
I removed, I will say fulldisclosure.
I removed a character's namefrom the sentence because I
would have given it away.

Speaker 5 (47:27):
It's our choices, harry, that show far more than
our abilities.

Our friend Dumbledore in the chamber of
secrets.

Dinasaurus (47:33):
I knew it sounded like Star Wars Star.

Daniel (47:36):
Wars, it's Harry Potter, yeah.

Dinasaurus (47:39):
Have you ever noticed how similar all those
books sound though?

Yeah, I mean, they're all based on the hero's
journey, so they're all a bigripoff of each other.

Daniel (47:51):
This has been Finish the Movie Quote man.
I want to erase that entiresegment.
That might have been the worstgame segment of my life, Even
worse than the first coupletimes.
Most of the time that I've doneword association, I've failed.

It will be prominently featured.
In fact, I think the episodewill be called the one with
Daniel's worst game segment ofall time.

Dinasaurus (48:07):
I just the one with Daniel's worst sex experience of
all time.

Daniel (48:12):
You gotta think of clickbait man.

Daniel's bad sex experience.
The one with the pea dribbletuna can.

Dinasaurus (48:23):
Daniel's sex game tips.
How to lose.

Daniel (48:26):
Bail me out, dina.

How to lose a game in 10 days.

Daniel (48:31):
Alright, guys, it is time for me to stop failing
miserably at being funny and, uh, put on our serious author hats
for our discussion this week.
We're gonna try to be efficientwith this one, because this is
a topic about not efficiency.
Uh, we're gonna be talkingabout purple prose today, and
when is it too much?
Dina, do you want to tell thefolks at home what purple prose

(48:53):
is?

Dinasaurus (48:55):
No, because I don't fully understand.
I just go based on context whenRance says it.

Daniel (48:59):
All right Perfect.

Dinasaurus (49:00):
I'm just kidding.
Purple prose are when you soundreally pretty and you use these
very quote unquote, eloquentsoliloquies and they don't
really make sense and they'renot real analogies, but you're
going to use them anyway.

Daniel (49:17):
Perfect.
The Webster's Dictionary saysprose that is so elaborate or
ornate that it draws excessiveattention to itself.
Dina, what are your initialthoughts on this?

I'm so glad that you asked her to define it and
then just stepped on that withthe.
Webster's Dictionary.

Daniel (49:35):
Well, because I was trying to like, I thought she
was going to give like theactual definition.
That's my bad, I should havecommunicated.

Dinasaurus (49:42):
Was I supposed to be prepared with Webster's
Dictionary definitions?

Daniel (49:45):
No, no, that's on me, dina.

Dinasaurus (49:47):
I did not communicate you set me up to
fail.
This is why you lose everythingdamn, that's cold blood, it
hurts yeah, but it was funnyfunnier than you've been all
night I've got.

Daniel (50:01):
I've got the comedy yips today.
That's it.
You know what it is, the yips?

Dinasaurus (50:04):
aren't real.
So purple prose?
They're needlessly timeconsuming for a reader.
This is all just my opinion.
By the way, it in no wayrepresents any of my author
friends or publication career.
Um yeah, purple pros are justneedlessly confusing and time
consuming to read and I justdon't want them yeah and like.

Daniel (50:28):
And here's the thing is that, like I know that there's
always going to be like a debateon whether you know, some
people prefer the kind of poetic, flowery prose more than
storytelling.
Some people prefer storytellingmore than the prose.
I think it really just dependson you know your personal taste
and some are going to you know,cause I'm a very storytelling

(50:49):
focused person and like I lovelike a good passage, like I like
when you have a good momentthat paints a beautiful picture,
but when everything, even themundane parts, like hey, I just
went to get um a bagel, but thenyou make it like you know, he
flowed into the bagel shop aseach of the wafting aromas blah,
blah, wafting aromas, blah,blah, blah.
And like dude, it's notrelevant or important to the

(51:10):
story, just fucking tell us whatit is.
And like there's.
I found an article from uh, thereedsy blog that has some like
good examples of um purple pros,and so this one is from very
famous actor sean penn in his2018 debut novel, um, and this
is a passage from it.
There is pride to be had wherethe prejudicial is practiced

(51:32):
with precision in the trenchanttri triage of tactical
terminations that came to himvia the crucible forged fact
that all humans are themselvesanimals and that rifle ready
human hunters of alternativelyspecies prey should best beware
the raging ricochet that soonwill come their way what the way

(51:53):
my eyes glazed over as Ifucking read this shit out loud,
like so I'll shit on myself alittle bit too, because I
definitely use some purple proseand um, nothing special, the
unspecialing um in the diaryentries of book one and two.

Dinasaurus (52:13):
I definitely do purple prose, but I actually
like I set out to do that justin small little snippets.
I don't like incorporating itin the entirety of my writing.
Actually, I don't incorporateit in any other book that I've
written or work that I've done,because I don't like it.
But I think that there is.
There could be a time and placefor purple prose,

(52:35):
self-reflection and things likethat, but I yeah, it just makes
my eyes glaze over, dude, Ifucking hate it well, like.

Daniel (52:42):
So here's the thing is that like I don't mind like a
sentence or a couple sentencesthat have that purple prose,
because then it hits harder,like when you're having like a
normal flat, fast flow of yourread and then something, and
then you just have that momentwhere it just hits right.
Then that's freaking amazing,because now you've it's a
subversion of expectation and itfeels more special.

(53:04):
But when you're trying to makeevery word in every sentence and
every paragraph the most tryhard, artistic thing that you've
ever done, I'm like I get it.
You went to school, you own athesaurus, you've been Googling.
Well, I just want to know yourfucking story.
You know what I mean.

Dinasaurus (53:21):
I think a lot of times purple pros come into play
when authors are trying toimpress somebody and just show
off that they know a lot ofwords and that they have really
deep thoughts and in realitythat's not their voice.
I would venture to say thatpurple prose come from authors

(53:42):
that are trying to emulateanother author versus
authentically writing their ownvoice and their own story is
authentically writing their ownvoice and their own story and
they've got to be in it's.
Comes a lot of times fromauthors that aren't in love with
storytelling, that are in lovewith words and there's nothing
wrong with that.

Daniel (54:01):
I mean, everyone likes different things for different
styles it makes your writingsuck I kind of agree with you
there.
Uh, because, like you know, if,if I have to feel like I need
to go reread the same page eighttimes to understand what the
fuck we just read, like that's aproblem that breaks immersion,
that gets you out of the flow ofthe story.
Like that's when I become veryaware of, like, how many pages I

(54:24):
have left in the book.
And, like you know, when you'rekind of like looking at it you
open, you're like, oh god, I'mlike 25 percent, fuck.
Like that's when you startcounting the numbers, you know
what I mean and like.
And then that's when you getlike weird it just out of
context and like I've talked toyou before off air that like one
of my pet peeves is the wordguffawed, because he guffawed

(54:47):
the joke and I'm like, listen,dude, that hasn't been part of
like the normal modern lexiconin fuck 100 years.
I don't know more.
Um, yeah, and it's a joke.
And I'm like, listen, dude,that hasn't been part of like
the normal modern lexicon infuck a hundred years.
I don't know more.
Um, yeah, and it's just like,dude, just say they laughed, say
they chuckled, say whatever.
Like don't feel like you have tojust fly through every version
on the thesaurus to to get aword that feels more highbrow
and high end.
It's like, listen, dude, I, ifI saw someone and like I think

(55:09):
I'm gonna be heyina, look at theguy like a falling over there.
You know like what?
What the fuck is that word?
It's the ultimate just to mepurple, prosy word.

Dinasaurus (55:18):
Yeah, I think that it comes from authors that, once
again, are trying to show offtheir intelligence, and maybe it
comes from a place ofinsecurity.
Like, stop being insecure,you're writing an entire fucking
book.
Most people will come up and belike, yeah, I've got a story.
I've always wanted to write abook.
Like, nobody ever finishes it.
You're finishing a book.
Be secure in that fact that youhave storytelling skills, that

(55:41):
you have a story fully fleshedout.
Stop trying to show off andconvince people that you're
smarter than you are.
You're smart enough to write awhole book.
Be confident in that.

Daniel (55:50):
Yeah, people that you're smarter than you are.
You're smart enough to write awhole book.
Be confident in that.
Yeah, and like, you know anyonethat would criticize a a lack
of prose or highbrow prose, likeI'm sure that that was a big
thing early on when, uh, thewriting industry was very
selective and you know, as anold boys club, and you know the
fucking hemingways and you knowI mean hemingway is known for
being much more.
You know a simplistic style ofprose, which is amazing.

(56:12):
But like, um, I think that youknow, when it's a little bit
more gatekeeper, then we're likeoh, he wrote that.
Well, he barely used anyvocabulary.
It's like that.
That's not what it is in 2024and xp shout out rants, shout
out rants, um and like.
It really does just break everybit of immersion and I just it.

Dinasaurus (56:36):
It's not enjoyable, it's not fun and it's like
you're not having an authenticvoice, um and so I definitely
think that I think, to be anauthentic writer, you need to
literally put yourself in theshoes of your character and like
when you're walking into whatdid you say earlier?
Bagel shop or something.
Yeah.
You're walking into a bagel shop.

(56:58):
Yes, your brain is taking inthe environment and taking in,
like it sees that there'sdecorations, but you're not
focusing and fixating on thefact that there's a painting of
this eloquent whatever, likeyou're not going into those
details in your brain.
Your brain recognizes it andskips over it.
Yeah, so maybe put yourself inthe shoes of your character and
skip over it.

Daniel (57:19):
give enough detail to immerse into the environment
without the little tiny detailsthat you think make the story
and give you those pretty purplepros, but actually put you in
reality yeah, and, like you know, like sometimes you'll hear
criticisms like brandonsanderson is like one of the
best modern authors of our genrein terms of sales, popularity,
I mean, and this guy's a machine.
He turns out a million fuckingbooks, but one of the things

(57:41):
that you'll hear people say islike listen, he writes really
entertaining stories, but hisprose is pretty basic.
I'm like you're saying that likethat's a bad thing yeah that
that means it's accessible, thatanyone can jump in and read it
and guess what?
Motherfucker?
This guy's written like 30books and never has to work
another day in his life, like ifthis is the only thing that you

(58:02):
can come at him with.
It's like all right, fine, haveyour highbrow fucking
vocabulary.
Your book still sucks.
You know what I mean.
Like great, so all right, Ithink we're going to wrap this
one up with the purple pros.
Um, you know, be flowery, bepoetic when it's the right time
to do it, but don't let it bogdown your story.
I think would be my finaltakeaway.
What about you, dina?

Dinasaurus (58:21):
Yeah, I'd say get out of those stupid little
details and trying to paintthese eloquent pictures to show
people that you're smarter thanyou are.
Just be yourself.

Daniel (58:30):
Yeah, write a good story .
I'm with you 100%.
Well, dina, I think it's timewe can take off our serious
author hats, we can put back onour Bigfoot hats Because, see,
we're all about storytellinghere and every week we aim to
share an entertaining tale.
So, without further ado, it'sStorytime with Dinosaurus.

Dinasaurus (58:58):
All right, we're going back.

Daniel (59:00):
You are so excited about this story.

Dinasaurus (59:03):
Yeah, because it's just not as exciting as some of
the others.
But OK, maybe.
I can make it exciting.
Hold on, yeah, there you goWait, all right, we're going to
make this shit exciting.
I was in a exciting Next week.
Yeah, there you go.
Wait, okay, hold on, all right,we're going to make this shit
exciting.

I was in a cult.
Did you guys know that?

Dinasaurus (59:18):
Fuck, yeah, Holy shit, All right, I used to live
in a small town of like lessthan 700 people for the
population.
What?
And we were in this cult andevery holiday was a big deal and
we celebrated with the cult.

Daniel (59:32):
Except Halloween that's the ticket.

Dinasaurus (59:34):
We were, yeah, except Halloween.
Well, no, we celebratedHalloween by giving out tracks
at the door.
Anyway, perfect.
My house tended to be thecollective event space for said
cult because we had the biggesthouse at the time.

(59:55):
My parents were very successfulin the mortgage industry at
that time, and everybody else isdirt poor, so fuck those
peasants always, yeah, bitches,um, we always gathered at my
house.
I was very little and I had onefriend, a cult friend, but a
friend nonetheless, and his namewas um samson fuck I was
actually you can say how's that?

Daniel (01:00:16):
very close was in my head.
I'm proud of you, sean his namewas samson.

Dinasaurus (01:00:20):
We grew up together.
We're about the same age.
We were actually destined to bemarried hey, this is arranged
marriage number three.

Daniel (01:00:28):
Is this the third arranged?

marriage.
Number Number one.
This is technically number one.
Yeah, gotcha, gotcha, ourparents threw us together all
the time.
Anyway, our families were very,very close.
We hosted the 4th of Julycelebration every year and we
went all out with fireworks.
Everybody brought fireworks andwe also spent like a thousand
or more dollars back in likeearly 2000s that was a lot.

(01:00:52):
Um, on fireworks, we had a largeslab on our property we used to
live on like a, a farmbasically.
We had like watermelon patchesand a huge outdoor space and
backyard and swing and we hadcrocodiles and a lake and dogs
and yeah, basically no differenthouse, um.
So we had a large concrete slabin the side yard and that was

(01:01:20):
specifically for events such asthe fourth of july and that was
where we set off all thefireworks.
So we have everybody come toour house and there's probably I
don't know like I I wouldguesstimate somewhere around 20
cars pulled up and like in thegeneral vicinity like circling

(01:01:40):
the concrete slab and, um, acouple men, chosen leaders of
the cult were chosen leaders theeldest, who were present, off
the fireworks as long as theyweren't women.
Yeah, not women.
Women were not allowed.
Actually, there was one woman.
I'll include her in the story.
Thank you for reminding me.

(01:02:01):
Women typically weren't allowedto set off the fireworks mostly
men and everything was goinggood, my friend Samson and I.
He was scared of loud noises,so we were inside.
No, he's just a little kid.
We were probably like four,five.

Daniel (01:02:19):
You weren't old enough yet to know how to open a
doorknob.

Producer Sean (01:02:21):
Correct.
He was in eighth grade at thispoint.

Yeah, actually, his mom was really mad because we
weren't in the same grade,because I was above him, dumb
dumb.
Yeah, basically, stupid bitchwas really mad because we
weren't in the same grade,because I was above him, dumb,
dumb, uh, yeah, basically stupidbitch.
Um, so we were inside but likeI was watching the fireworks
from the window and he had Ithink he had earplugs because
his parents came prepared,because I'm I'm serious, like I,

(01:02:47):
I think he might have been alittle bit acoustic, just a a
little.

Daniel (01:02:50):
A little acoustic.

But yeah, he had earplugs.
He was scared shitless of theloud noises, but I wasn't, but I
was going to stay with myfriend.
So I was watching the fireworksfrom the window in the living
room and they were setting themoff, setting them off whatever,
and oh yeah, it was her.
It was the woman that set itoff.
Okay, damn, it was her, it wasthe woman that set it off.

Daniel (01:03:12):
Okay, damn it, women.

This is why women can't play with fire outside of
the kitchen.

Everything was fine, and I'm pretty sure it was her.
Maybe Daniel just put this inmy head.
But somebody, somebody went togo set off a firework and a
mortar and they ran up to theslab and they set it in the tube
upside down, oh no, and lit itand I remember hearing my dad

(01:03:39):
yell no, no, no, run.
And the mortar went off and thetube like collapsed and then
shit was going like everywhereand it went under one of the
vehicles, oh shit, and likevehicle left the ground,
explosion under one of the cars.

(01:04:00):
Holy, yeah, yeah.
And that's my first 4th of Julymemory that I have.

Daniel (01:04:07):
Is a fucking exploding car yeah.

Okay, first of all, one does not simply light a
Mordor.
Second, of all.
I expected the concrete slab tocrack or something, because you
put a lot of emphasis on theslab.

Daniel (01:04:28):
Yeah, that was a lot of purple pros there.

It was just a big part of my childhood.
I played on it a lot.
Sorry, I'm also upset that youdownplayed this when steven
chose it, because is like agreat story.

Daniel (01:04:42):
Yeah, what the fuck dude ?
I haven't seen an exploding carbefore.

Like what the hell so I don't remember like how bad
the damage was, but I kind ofvaguely remember us having to
try to earn money via ties tolike repair it or like try to
replace it or something.
It was like an old beater.
Because we're all dirt poor, wegive all of our money to the
cult.
But um, yeah it was.

It was a big deal , I guess who's gonna pay you
back for that mortar too,because those aren't cheap
either.

Daniel (01:05:10):
Yeah, those aren't cheap , man I mean like that's dina I
mean like that's Dina's life.
Hold on, sorry, that's Dina'slife.
Is that an exploding car?
It's just like oh, that was notthat exciting.
Yeah, yeah, that's notnoteworthy.

It's not the first one, or not the last one, that
exploded.

I'm pretty sure you saw a car exploding at
twister, the experience atuniversal orlando 25 years ago.
Yeah, so this woman actuallyshe was.

My dad later on thought that her husband married
her.
They were a missionary coupleand my dad was pretty convinced
that they got married like andthat he specifically married her
because she had some um mentalhealth developmental deficits

(01:06:00):
and took advantage of her.
And he was not happy about thatwhen he, like started to
realize, yeah, but yeah.
I'm pretty sure it was her.
Thank you for reminding me,because I couldn't remember who
did it.
I think it was her that put itin upside down.

Daniel (01:06:17):
Well, shout out to her and hopefully she's safe and
doing well right now.
Dina, do you want to let thefolks choose their own adventure
because you were not happy withMr Wildcard's choice, even
though me and Sean were?
What do we got for next week?
A plus choice, Steven.

You know, but there was other stories that on that.

I'm going through town.
Put him back in the pool, baby.
Put him back in the pool, gethim back in there.

So we have the post-hurricane looters.
My first tumor or dehydratedDina.

Sean, my first blank, and it's always something
horrifying.

Daniel (01:07:01):
Yeah.

I'm just a girl.

So there are.
There is a legend that we'veheard of Um the so there are.
There is a legend that we'veheard of um that that dina gets
completely insufferable andviolent when she hasn't had
enough water.

Daniel (01:07:19):
So my choice is dehydrated dina you know what
I'm with you because she'steased this like hulking side of
her for a long time and Ireally want to understand what
happens when dina hulks out andbecomes an absolute please keep
me hydrated at shock both typesof drinks, guys, shit all right.

(01:07:41):
Well, I'm excited.
I you know what I look forwardto this next one.
I think it's gonna be anabsolute banger.
But you want to know what I'mreally looking forward to, dina
oh, no, yeah I thought we weredone every week we celebrate
some of the worst eroticliterature in history, often
selected by the literary reviewof british literary magazine in
a segment that we call cringycopulation.

(01:08:03):
These are real baby.
These are real excerpts, realbooks intended to be taken
seriously.
This week's excerpt will beread by Dina and it's a
throwback, dina.
This is a special one.
Okay, because this is from thevery first cringy copulation
reading we ever did, all the wayback in episode one from the

(01:08:24):
book the Office of Gardens andPonds by Didier Dicoin.
Didier Dicoin is a Frenchscreen water and writer awarded
the Prix Goncourt in 1977.
So this is another passage.
We're bringing it back All theway back to episode one.
Check those DMs First of all.

I want to apologize because I'm sniffing a lot.
It must have been that line ofcocaine I did before the episode
.
Anyway, because I'm sniffing alot, it must have been that line
of cocaine I did before theepisode.
Yeah, makes sense Cocaine baby.
By the way, guys, I almost did ashot this weekend.
Eat balls, baby.
I was around my husband's bestfriend, that's like a super

(01:09:06):
partier.
And we.
He wanted to take a shot.
I haven't gotten anything, soI'm just buying time.
I'm sorry.
Oh, I just flashed our messagesyou might want to blur that out
.

I'm sorry, oh my god I was waiting for you to
stop fucking talking, to send itto you, because I thought you
were gonna sit there and talkand also read ahead, which you
know is against the rules you'retotally filibustering.

Stevie Wildcard (01:09:29):
she's filibusteringustering we're
doing this thing.

Here we go, Dina Get sexy, we're going to fill
that buster baby, let's go.
Slide into those DMs.

You definitely got to blur our message, okay?
She continued crawling over him.
It was the turn of her breastto brush.
What?
It was the turn of her breast tobrush against Cacero's face.
They were small, round, fulland supple, supple hair.

(01:09:58):
They skipped over the obstaclesof the fisherman's chin, his
nose and the arch of hiseyebrows, exposing small furrows
in his hair like the tracks ofhair through millet fields.
Okay, rabbit, that's hairs, andrabbits, rabbits, baby.
Then it was her slightly roughbush that rasped against his

(01:10:20):
chest and her open-lippedgenitals that slid over the
man's face, immersing it in warmpalms, sticking musky, Sticky
why is it sticky?
Mm-hmm.
He moaned for a third timewhile Miyuki, a lock of whose
hair had come adrift, shegrabbed it and held it between

(01:10:43):
her teeth in the way thatcourtesans do, spread her thighs
wider and impaled herself onKatsuro's nose.
How big was his nose?
On contact with this pistol ofworm flesh, supreme tears

(01:11:04):
appeared on the labia minora ofher vagina, sliding onto the
fisherman's cheeks.
They were trapped on thestubble of his beard and his
face became starry-eyed andbegan to sparkle, as it did when
he walked through the curtainof foam of the waterfall of

(01:11:28):
shuzen, where.

Daniel (01:11:30):
His fucking face sparkled Dazzling Dina thoughts.

Best believe I'm still bejeweled, okay, no.
The bejeweler.
I don't have any thoughts.
Wait, yes, I do.
Why was his beard so stiff thatit stuck there?

Daniel (01:11:53):
Like sparkles.

Heard a whale is a thing.

Daniel (01:11:59):
And listen, she had some rough pubic hair of herself
that she slid on up his chest.

By the way to answer your question Adam Driver
knows is what I expected.

Daniel (01:12:12):
To impale yourself on someone's nose.
That is a big fucking nose herlabia minora was crying.

These were happy tears, I assume why is everybody
always sad when they have sexin this critical population?

that's also like, unexpectedly like clinical
sounding yeah, like, it was verylike.

Like genitals, labia minora.
I imagine like when, when heshe talked about the pubic hair
getting stuck in his beard, Iwas just picturing like a stray
pube getting stuck on yourunderwear and ripping out.

(01:12:56):
Oh, that's not comfortable.

Daniel (01:13:02):
Like, have you ever like looked at Tim's face and said,
man, I'd like that?
Nose inside of me.

That's fucking weird .
Like imagine.
Like, imagine that.
No, that's fucking weird.
Like I'm at.
Like imagine I'm so gladeverybody followed me during the
battle.

Daniel (01:13:19):
That's fucking disgusting that was a fucking
weird one, are you?

trying to say that you don't do as courtesans
do.
You're trying to say, yeah,between the two oh, those are
like fancy, like prostitutesthey put hair in their mouth.

That's all I know, yeah hair like the rabbits or
hair like yes, yes like love,that journey for us um so, guys,
that's another great cringycopulation.

Daniel (01:13:48):
I'm glad we could bring this all full circle and, uh,
you know, get a little, get alittle sexy together, um, I
hated that wait, so that's fromthe same book with the monkeys
monkey paw like ding in the yeahmonkey paw one, yep, same one.
That guy's uh away with words.
Purple pros, if you will, andthe penis might be the purple
thing 110 episodes later and webrought him back brought him

(01:14:09):
back, making the pre him back.

The pre-Gonkort award winning Diddly D-Coin.

Diddly.

D-Coin.

Daniel (01:14:19):
He's a diddler.
Oh Jesus, that was excellent.
But if you have thoughts onthis, or if you have thoughts on
P, and if men should dab, orhow unfunny I was this episode,
please give us a call on ourvoicemail.
You can give us a call at347-69-WEIRD, that's 347-699

(01:14:39):
347-3.
We love your voicemails, guys.
This has been another greatepisode.
Man, dina, where can the folksfind you?

You can find me on Twitter.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No you have it Threads.
You can find me on threads atDinosaurusDMIW DMIW.
Or you can find me on Twitterat DinosaurusD that's D like D.
Oh, I was supposed to say D isnuts.

You didn't.
I was yelling D.
I didn't hear you.
Yeah, I was a sorry D Do youwant a clean take at that.
Yeah, or you can find me on.

Twitter.
Or you can find me on Twitterat DinosaurusD.
That's D like.
D is nuts D and Sean, where canthe folks find you?

Daniel (01:15:30):
D is nuts D and uh, sean , where can the folks find you?

You can find me on xcom at Chase Holdu.

Daniel (01:15:39):
Which is for dinner tonight bud.

Um, we're gonna just like scavenge the fridge
for leftovers because I've gotlike probably three different
things in there that I can makesomething out of.
So I'm not really sure yet.
We're gonna just send it.
Let's go there that I couldmake something out of.
So I'm not really sure yet.
We're going to.
We're going to just just sendit.

Let's go wild, let's make something out of nothing.
You guys seen that?
Oh my God, I should be.

It's going to be more like everybody's so
creative.

Daniel (01:16:09):
You can find me on Twitter at q writes thing,
that's dan.
Q writes singular it's true,and you can email him at donk at
dmiwpodcastcom I just got thatemail address, so if you want to
shoot me an email, danq atdmiwpodcastcom.
Or you can find me on threadsat daniel quigley.
Author, because I'm bad atbeing consistent with my brand

(01:16:32):
um email us.
It's like the days of aim guys,if anyone has the aim, still I
will fucking friend you on aimand let's just like chat and
it'll be fun.
Look at time, yo, I got into somuch trouble at aim as a kid.

It doesn't exist, as you should.
All right, guys, we are out ofhere.
We will see you all again nextweek, jazz hands fun.

Daniel (01:16:50):
Yeah, I got into so much trouble at AIM as a kid.
It doesn't exist as you should.
All right, guys, we are out ofhere.
We will see you all again nextweek.

Jazz hands Don't make it weird with Daniel
Quigley, dinosaurus and SeanHolden.
Produced and edited by me SeanHolden.
Theme song by Amaria.

(01:17:19):
Produced and edited by me SeanHolden.
Theme song by Amaria.
Incidental music and soundeffects provided by Voice Mod,
as well as the YouTube AudioLibrary.
You can rate and review thisshow on Spotify, apple Podcasts,
goodpods and wherever else youdownload your podcasts.
Got a question for Daniel orDina?
Call the Don't Make it Weirdhotline at 347-69-WEIRD.
That's 347-699-3473.
And leave us a message.
It could be featured on afuture episode and if you
haven't already, pleasesubscribe to Don't Make it Weird

(01:17:41):
on YouTube for the videopresentation or on your favorite
podcast app for the audio-onlyversion of the show.
Thank you so much and we loveyou.
Don't make it weird.

Was that okay, and we love you.

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