The One With Dina's Razor Mishap

In this episode of Don't Make It Weird, things go off the rails as Dina breaks her mic, and Sean faces some serious Shock-O-Con anxiety! Join hosts Daniel, Dina, and Producer Sean as they navigate technical difficulties, play a hilariously awkward game of Poetry for Neanderthals (NSFW edition), and debate the merits of romance versus fantasy writing. Along the way, Daniel trains his hugs, Dina reveals her preference for spy novels, and the team can’t seem to get a clean take no matter how hard they try.

Plus, don’t miss Dina’s Mind Map detour and the infamous blue balls moment that leaves Daniel completely lost. This is one episode you won’t want to miss—especially if you’re in the mood for some chaotic fun and lots of laughs!

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Dina's website: https://dinasaurusd.com

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Daniel on Twitter: http://twitter.com/danqwritesthing
Dina on Twitter: http://twitter.com/dinasaurusd
Producer Sean on Twitter: http://twitter.com/shaceholdu

Music Credit:
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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Let's go.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
It's the Don't Make it Weird Podcast With your hosts
, Daniel and Dinosaurus.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
Hello there and welcome to the Don't Make it
Weird Podcast.
I'm one of your co-hosts,daniel Kugli, and we are your
writing storytelling comedypodcast for humans by humans and
guys.
I am joined, as always, by mybetter half.

Speaker 4 (00:24):
I am joined by the darling deadpool of deviant duck
calls herself dinosaurus Idon't have an intro plan, but I
also just realized that, like Ican't move around a lot or I'll
mess with sean's like editing,and all that I do when I'm
standing is move around, yeah,and and for the audio only

(00:45):
listeners.
Uh, don't check out our youtubechannel yeah, fuck you guys um.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
But uh, dina is literally just dancing, like
it's very sensual um, she'sdoing the entire choreography to
bye bye, bye by, in sync rightnow yes, that's exactly what's
happening right now.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
Um, don't tune in.
Uh, she's slowly stripping offher clothes, dina, dina, this is
a family episode.
We just got back from shockercon.
We have new fans and followers.
We can't, we cannot, beinappropriate on this one.
This is a one.
Take glory.
Are you ready today, dina?
hey, neckbeard no, that is ourprime audience.
We cannot call them that unlessthey like identify as a

(01:23):
neckbeard, and then it's fine.
Um, but if you hear a thirdvoice here, we have a third
member of the team, the onlyadult in the room, and guys.
When you call sean's name, it'slike a little prayer.
I'm down on my knees.
I want to take him there in themidnight hour.
I can feel his power, just likea prayer.
You know he'll take you there,brodo's or Sean.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
We've got a whole like multi-faceted, multi-level
theme happening.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
Bye, bye.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Listen.
Um, I'm so excited for this one, guys.
We just got back from our firstever live con.
This is the first time that wewere all here together as one
family unit.
Dina first question how isSean's hugs?

Speaker 4 (02:13):
Sean's hug was the best.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
Okay, how does this rate up towards Anthony and
Stevie's hugs, Like like where?
Where does it rank in thepecking order?

Speaker 4 (02:22):
I think that Sean has knocked all of them down one
notch, and now it's sean,anthony, stevie, wow, and where
do I rank on this, dina, did Ido you're?

Speaker 1 (02:32):
not on the chart even with my improved hugs I've been
training my hugs they stilldidn't uh the yips aren't real,
Dina.
But listen, man.
But listen guys, especially ifwe have any new fans here, any
of you guys from ShakaCon.
Man, it was so great to get tomeet you, to interact.

(02:53):
We talked to so many incredibleauthors.
We talked to some, I think, thepretty famous, like actors and
musicians.
Like, this was a crazyexperience, Sean.
What was your favorite?

Speaker 2 (03:02):
part, my favorite part.
I loved the fact thateverything went perfectly.
We had no technical glitches.
Every single thing that we didaudio video.
It was the stuff that I was incharge of.
It was perfect.

Speaker 1 (03:16):
Chef's kiss.
Chef's kiss, Dina.
What was your favorite part ofChakaCon?

Speaker 4 (03:20):
My favorite part was that we're recording this way
before ChakaCon even happened.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
Yeah, it's like three weeks before Shaka Khan, but
you know the release scheduleyou guys is set in stone.

Speaker 1 (03:32):
So yeah, and like listen, we, we want to give you
the illusion, the illusion thatthis was all planned out, but
also, man, so excited.
I am glad that we get that.
We are getting to do this,super pumped up about it and I
can't wait to talk about it fora million episodes afterwards.
But before we do that, I missTiny Mike.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
Before we go any further, let me remind our new
audience members of the drinkinggames that they learned about
at the convention.
First of all, we have a numberof words and phrases that will
trigger a buzzer.
If you hear this, that meansthat we have to drink.
Also, we are all members ofBuffalo Club here.
That means we drink with ouroffhand.
For all of us, that means ourleft hand.

(04:20):
If you catch us drinking withour right hand, you get called
out.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
We got to finish our drink and welcome to the club
everybody welcome to buffalobaby, and we're we're excited to
to have you guys here with us.
This is gonna be a greatepisode.
We're gonna be talking a littlebit about uh romance versus uh
fantasy writing, and which onesmay be a little bit harder.
We've got some great showerthoughts, a great conspiracy
corner.
Uh dina's gonna crush it withsome story time, and we're gonna

(04:47):
be playing a brand new gamethis time oh yeah yeah, super
pumped about that.
But before we can get to all ofthat stuff, uh, sean, can we, uh
can turn the shower on?
Just just get the heat up alittle bit for me, bud, I got
you bud, yeah, yeah, just turn.
Yeah, turn that, turn it up,thank you.
Thank you, sean, um and guys,it's time to uh get clean.

(05:07):
There'll be absolutely nohorseplay here and let's get in
the shower, all right.
So this is what I'm thinkingabout, because all I can think
about is deadpool.
All I can think about is marvelmovies right now I'm obsessed.
I haven't seen it yet we're notgonna be going over any spoilers
um our reporter in the streetdinosaurs, but I I was thinking
um as I was in the shower holdon hold on let's let me just

(05:34):
take this moment.

Speaker 2 (05:36):
First of all, if you're hearing how bad dina's
audio sounds, it's because shebroke her microphone tonight,
you guys.
So she's, she's holding her,her dead and broken microphone
and she's smiling through thepain right now.
Um, we actually startedrecording 20 minutes late
because we were ironing out, uh,technical glitches and whatnot.
It's not gonna work hang on.

Speaker 4 (05:56):
No, no, it's not no, it's not so yeah, I should pull
my hair back so that you can'thear my hair again I don't hear
your hair.

Speaker 1 (06:04):
I just buddy your hair is what sells the tickets.
Do't hear my hair again.
I don't hear your hair, I justbuddy your hair is what sells
the tickets, you know?
Yeah, your hair is good, don'tworry about it.
Hair's on point.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
We're in the shower.
We're in the shower.
We're getting in the shower.

Speaker 1 (06:13):
And I was thinking about, uh, you know, as I was
getting clean, what superpowerdo you think would have the best
?
Application towards being abetter lover.
It has to be like a main power,like we're not doing some weird
niche sex specific power, likeit's got to be a real power.

(06:36):
Go on, like is it just going toelaborate.
Okay, no, hold on.
Are you talking about it from arole playing standpoint, like
you can just look like anyone?
Or are you talking about likemaybe you're going, mr elastic,
with the dick or with?

Speaker 4 (06:52):
the boobies, like what?
Yeah, that's what I wasthinking, I guess.
Well, no, okay, soshape-shifting is really my
answer to every superheroquestion.
However, yeah, I guess, likeyou could, you know, turn into
anybody you wanted.
You could be mr elastic or uminvisigirl, if you so choose,
and like she's got that ass yeah, oh yeah, that's true this is
incredible isn't it?

Speaker 2 (07:12):
it's incredible?
Yeah, elastic girl.
Yeah, this is incredible samething yeah but no, okay.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
But then that leads to a question, though, dina if,
if you had shape-shifting powersand your husband was like hey,
can you just go ahead and looklike, uh, sydney sweeney, like
yeah, so that's the point.
So you have this power, but youcan't use it in monogamous
relationship, because now itfeels like cheating yeah, so
just like elastidick okay, sowe're going back to elastidick

(07:43):
as the main.
Okay, I'm with you.
I think that's a very validanswer, sean.

Speaker 2 (07:52):
I can't really nail down exactly what power it is,
but it would either have to dowith being able to hold your
breath a really long time orbeing able to do a whole lot of
cardio.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
Oh, so you're Sean's thinking about he gets down
there and he doesn't need tofucking breathe, cause he's
going to work.

Speaker 2 (08:11):
I don't want to.
I don't want to have to breathe.
Yeah, so Aquaman, I guess Idon't know.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
Cause Sean's going to be drowning in pussy.
Let's go.
I mean.
Dina thoughts on a Aquaman as anon-stop going down machine.

Speaker 4 (08:34):
No, I had a whole mind map.

Speaker 1 (08:34):
Oh no, I'm ready, then fucking let's go first.

Speaker 4 (08:38):
One of the episode were you guys on tiktok, when
the trend was going on, wheresome guy was like when I say
shit on my face, I mean let medie there, like.
And then like everybody wasstitching it so that's what I
was thinking about, and then Iwas like thinking about that one
woman that was like.
That was like asking if youactually mean it, and then

(08:59):
everybody that stitched her, andI don't remember all the videos
, but I just had a whole bunchof images of people screaming
into the camera like, yes, sothat was a very exciting mind
map you know what?

Speaker 1 (09:10):
all mind maps are good mind maps.
We don't judge them here and uh, you know what?
Uh, I think that that's a goodanswer.
I'm kind of with you guys.
I think that's shape-shifting.
If you're a little bit moreliberal-minded, dina, or or it's
just to make somethingdifferent, I would say clones.
If I could clone myself.
Now you got think, think aboutit, dina.
If 10, if you could have eightTim's all dedicated to you in

(09:33):
the bedroom pass.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
I think she'd rather he shape shift into Chris Evans
a different Tim's.

Speaker 4 (09:44):
I couldn't handle eight different Tims.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
I thought that was going to go in a whole different
direction.

Speaker 4 (09:50):
I mean, it was going in that direction.
And then I was like no, I'llchange my voice so that this
sounds more PG.

Speaker 1 (09:56):
That's right.
We are a family show, veryappropriate, definitely okay for
your toddlers, middle schoolers, whatever, just listen to us,
it's fine.
Don't do that we are an adultshow.
Um, well, guys, you know what?
Let's towel off, let's dry up,but keep those lights dimmed.
Put on some mood music, leaveyour disbelief at the door,

(10:18):
because it's time for d-note'stiktok conspiracy corner all
right, so today we're gonna talkabout um, that's a stupid one.

Speaker 4 (10:32):
Okay, so this is an open-ended conspiracy theory.
Why does all the propagandastart at 9 11, especially
considering that february 26thof 1993, at 12 17 pm, there was
also a terrorist attack on theWorld Trade Center and nobody
talks about it?

Speaker 2 (10:50):
hold on a second.
Are you implying that there wasno propaganda ever in any
capacity before?

Speaker 4 (10:57):
this is September 11 2001 in regard to terrorists
right so all the terroristpropaganda focuses and like,
kind of like it's its originstory from 9-11, when bush was
like we don't negotiate withterrorists so what we're saying
is that.
But there was also a terroristattack on the world trade center

(11:20):
.

Speaker 1 (11:21):
February 26 1993 yeah , I don't even know about that.
And and I was alive during thatDid anyone die Like?
Was there any?

Speaker 2 (11:28):
It wasn't anywhere near the scale of 9-11.

Speaker 1 (11:33):
The buildings were still standing and it showed a
vulnerability that we wouldnever, have had before, because
no one had really thought aboutflying a fucking plane into a
building.

Speaker 2 (11:41):
Yeah, it was the largest domestic terrorist
attack in the history of thecountry.
So it kind of got everyoneriled up you know, you're
looking for someone to blame andyou know so it was all.

Speaker 1 (11:56):
So I guess my question is what are we
conspiring against in this one,dina?
Like, well, like, what is thepoint of?
We didn't worry aboutterrorists for oh, like, like.

Speaker 4 (12:06):
What is the point of we didn't worry about terrorists
for?
Oh, oh, I think that.
Okay, so it's open-ended.
So I think that the the mindsethere is that I drank too much
shelter um.
The mindset here is that 9-11was like, staged, basically to
give george w bush did 9-11.
Everyone knows that okay, so sowhat we're saying is that we
had terrorism.

Speaker 2 (12:27):
Britney Spears did 9-11.

Speaker 4 (12:28):
Yeah, yeah, yeah bring it back full circle full
circle, baby.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
Uh, check out that episode, beep not funny.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
Um, we were gonna try to not edit this episode, but
here we go.
I love you so much, sean youknow what Sean how much credence
do you?

Speaker 1 (12:45):
give to this one um that that the original, that
that the original terrorism wasin the 90s and this 2000 was
very dina is so out of fucks togive right now.

Speaker 2 (12:55):
You guys, I watched before daniel joined the studio.
I watched Dina lose her lastfuck in real time.
Yeah.
Yeah, she gave her last fuckand now she's just aloof and
giggly and all the fucks aregone.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (13:16):
They're gone, the show must go on.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
The show must go on.
One take glory.
That's the goal of this episode, guys.
I'm sure we're definitely goingto pull that off.
But D dina or sean, how do yourate this as our official
conspiracy theory?
Rater um out of how many out offive britney spears?

Speaker 2 (13:31):
how many britney spears is this one?
It's 10 britney spears.
This is the most solid,concrete, fucking conspiracy
we've heard on this yeah, yeah,fuck the gas segment.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
You know like that was only what 8.9 britney spears
something like that.

Speaker 2 (13:44):
I think the average was like 8.9 out of 5.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
Yeah minus one minute yep, yep, 100 with you.
Well, guys, uh, the flat earthremains, uh, alive and well and
we've uh survived anotherepisode of dina's tiktok
conspiracy corner.
But, guys, we are right aroundthe corner with another segment
that is a completely original,very unique to the don't make a

(14:08):
weird podcast.
Don't check out, we have issues.
Don't check out Anthony andStevie and their incredible
comic books, incredible podcast.
You know, you don't need towatch, you don't need to read
death lists.
It's fine.
Just trust us, we're going tohave the completely original
segment, the accountability,where us, as writers, um go
ahead and hold ourselvesaccountable because I've got a

(14:30):
dumb one for myself today.

Speaker 4 (14:30):
Dina, start us um today.
I wrote, I think I think it wasclose to 5 000 words on book
three that book that she doesn'tcare about y'all yeah, yeah,
fuck that book.

Speaker 2 (14:44):
I know you're futzing with that adapter on your mic
right now, but I don't careabout the sound.
I just don't want you to loseit, because you're going to need
that when you get yourreplacement mic.

Speaker 4 (14:54):
Oh yeah, that's why I keep putting it back in.
Yeah, she needs some laundry topull, just finish saying it
Tina, just finish, come on,finish it that's what she said
there it is can't make them hangin that's what she said but

(15:14):
yeah, there goes my fuck out thedoor I'd say wrote 5 000 words.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
Pretty fucking impressive.
Love it, dina.
And are you starting to likewarm up to your book at all,
like is this starting to feelgood again, or are you still
just hate?

Speaker 4 (15:26):
I think I'm going way off genre.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
So you know, I'm with it.

Speaker 3 (15:30):
Follow your heart.
Follow your fucking heart, dude, you're an author.

Speaker 4 (15:33):
It turned into a spy novel.
So I don't know.
You know what?

Speaker 2 (15:37):
I think honestly no joke.

Speaker 1 (15:38):
Her teen coming of age romance has turned into a
spy novel.

Speaker 2 (15:43):
After reading your story in Heroes, I think that
you were destined to write anespionage story.

Speaker 4 (15:49):
One day I'm going to write the full.
I think that's what I'm goingto work on.
Next is write the full lengthfor Heroes story.
Oh.

Speaker 1 (15:56):
God Heroes story was so good too, I really like
writing spy stuff.
You guys should check outHeroes by Lost Boys Press.
It's an anthology.
It has both me and dina in it.
Press, um, that has both me anddina in it.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
Well, that's pretty amazing, uh, sean, what you've
been up to bud do you want thereal answer or do you want the
fake one?

Speaker 1 (16:13):
I definitely I mean, we already broke the illusion at
this point, so, uh, just getreal okay, well, I'm like
continuing to be balls deep andjust preparing for this con.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
And guys, I am scared .
I am fucking scared.
I'm using new equipment.
We're recording live on a stagein the convention hall.
I might have a heart attackjust trying to set it up Like I
don't even know how I'm going todo it.
I've never done it before.
I'm just some dude who pretendsto be a producer Y'all.

(16:43):
I'm not an actual dude.
That's a producer Like I, I,I've, I've, I've been faking it
this whole time, three years,and now I got to do it in front
of potentially thousands ofpeople yeah, like not online in
front of thousands of peopleLike you guys are wearing a
really low cut shirt Like you'vegot to do this.

Speaker 1 (17:02):
You've got to distract the audience.

Speaker 2 (17:05):
You guys.
Yeah, I'm literally dyinginside every single day
preparing for this, worryingabout it.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
It'll be fine, it'll be fine.
But what if?

Speaker 1 (17:15):
it isn't, yeah, but I want you to look at me.
I want you to lock in.
We're going to make eye babiesfor a second Sean.
We're locking in here.

Speaker 2 (17:21):
Not sure how that's going to help Yep this is
happening.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
Listen, you are the guy.
You are the fucking did it withno prep.
You had no guitar, you had noequipment.
We recorded it, we mixed it.
I walked down the aisle to that.
You're that motherfucker, sean.

Speaker 2 (17:51):
We got this yeah, I do fuck mothers, it's true so in
all serious note.

Speaker 4 (17:57):
In all seriousness, though, like the worst thing
that can happen is we have acouple technical glitches and we
go hey, just give us a second,like that's still, we're
comedians, bro, we're comedians.
This is what we can.
Just make people laugh this issean.

Speaker 1 (18:11):
This is what I'm built for.
I am terrible at most things.
I ride your guys as coattails,but when it comes to public
performances, this is me.
Bud.

Speaker 4 (18:19):
We got this I'll just pretend to be deaf.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
It's fine, we can.
We can have dina pretend to bedeaf and I'll ask daniel to do a
tight five to ten minutes onjar jar banks.
Yeah, and we'll be set 20 to 30, but yeah we're good okay, well
that's what I'm focusing on.
I've literally been orderingsupplies, making sure we have
equipment.
Like guys, I'm traveling crossfrom one coast to the other, so

(18:45):
like I'm literally shipping halfthe shit to rance's house and
I'm bringing like the thecritical audio equipment with me
so I could set it up ahead oftime and then have it ready to
go like it's.

Speaker 1 (18:59):
It's the most ambitious thing I've ever done
creatively and I'm excited andcompletely terrified how cool is
that that we get to growtogether I'm so excited and like
, listen, jokes aside, theamount of work that sean we've
talked about before, but theamount of work that sean puts
into this podcast, like blood,sweat and tears and tears, money
, all of it, and what he's beendoing, from what the

(19:20):
conversations we've had, bloodmoney towards the con I mean
it's been absolutely incredible.
We are so freaking grateful andlucky to have you on our side,
man, and you know I can't waitto ride into this with you.
It's going to be incredible.

Speaker 2 (19:34):
I can't wait to Buffalo you in person multiple
times, Fuck yeah it's going tobe so good.

Speaker 4 (19:38):
Not going to get me bitch cast too fast.

Speaker 2 (19:41):
Oh my God, Dina, you're going to get Buffaloed so
hard she won't be able to walkYup and like listen.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't get it twisted.
Because she has not committedherself to Buffalo, because she
knows she would fuck up.
She's allowed to call Buffaloas an audience member, as all of
our audience members are, butyou can't Off camera off show.

Speaker 1 (20:04):
But what if she tries to go Buffalo by proxy and
whispers to you to Buffalo, dean, she could, she could do that
yeah.
Okay, all right, I'm with youon that.
But, she can't call Buffaloherself.
I gotta kiss the mask.
Yeah, that's a leap of faiththere.
Um so, dina, can I admit howfucking stupid I am and how much
this summer has like ruined mybrain, like I've just, I've been

(20:25):
so exhausted every night, whiteboy, summer let's go for um my
second book that's gonna becoming out may of next year.
Um, I have.
What's the title?
Uh july oh, it's july now.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
Okay, we'll find july I don't know I don't know it's
gonna keep getting pushed back,don't worry about it.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
Yeah go on.
They're gonna push back tillwe're out of it.
Um, I believe it is cryptidprotection 2.
Electric boogaloo is is thetitle uh, that sounds not very
inspired.

Speaker 2 (20:53):
To me listen.

Speaker 1 (20:54):
We have to do an official announcement.

Speaker 4 (20:55):
I can't, I can't, give the good, I don't even know
what it is, honestly, you doknow come on buddy

Speaker 2 (21:00):
I do, and it's also the title of a sexy orgy story
great love that for us love it.

Speaker 1 (21:09):
Um, but so I've been stuck in dev edits because I've
been you know, I work with kids,I've been running a summer camp
all summer.
I get home I'm exhausted, I,you know, I got nothing in the
tank.
And so I've been reallyprocrastinating working on the
dev edits because in my brain,my tired, stupid, lizard, dumb
ass brain, I thought this wasline edits.

(21:29):
I thought I would be needing togo line by line and edit.
That's the next step.
This is the easy one, whereit's just comments hey, we
should fix this.
So once I realized that I don'tneed to go line by line, what
had taken me months I knockedout in a week.
And now I'm on to line edits.
And I'm an idiot because Ifucked up my timetable by just

(21:51):
being dumb and tired.
Dina Fotz.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
I literally said thatid.
I know he's a published authoreverybody multi multiple times.

Speaker 1 (22:04):
No, no, no, it's not that I didn't understand that it
was dev edits, dina in my brain, dev edits just didn't click
yeah, no, like, like, itinterpreted it as line edits, so
I really just wasted a lot oftime.
Either way, dev edits are doneon to line edits.
Um, very excited about that.
So we got a lot going on, guys.

(22:25):
Um, dina, you know what?
Uh, quick, quick update on the?
Uh neopets oh, um, yeah, I fedit for the first time in years,
dina has fed her satan, spawnedneopets.

Speaker 4 (22:44):
She's gonna be, I'm up to three million neopoint
neopian dollars, neocash and anduh sean, as a neopian um cash
cash exchange expert.

Speaker 1 (22:55):
Uh, how much money is that in US dollars?

Speaker 2 (22:59):
It's not any, it's literally none.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
I really thought this was going to be the payoff this
time.
Damn it, Dina.
Alright, guys, you know whatSean.
What's that sound?
Do I hear something?

Speaker 4 (23:13):
Voicemail.
Do we have a voicemail?

Speaker 1 (23:17):
We got a voicemail Could it be Ryan Reynolds or
Hugh Jackman.

Speaker 2 (23:25):
Maybe, who knows?
Let's listen and find out.

Speaker 4 (23:31):
Hello and welcome to the Don't Make it Weird Podcast.
I am your host.

Speaker 3 (23:35):
Quigley and, as always, I am joined by the
effervescent, elusive,illustrious and the enrolled
herself, dina Torres.
Hello everyone, dina, I got alittle fabulous there.
Dina, I'm here for it.
You know, elusive doesn't startwith an E.
Nor does illustrious yeah,elusive Dina with an e.

(23:59):
Nor does illustrious yeah, it'selusive, dina.
You know like elusive it's awhole thing.
You know, you gotta be able todo it the way, you're just
hitulating the way they justriff.
Yeah, dude, you know better thanthis.
Like you gotta get it right thefirst try.
Perfect timing.
I don't get it right the firsttry, otherwise what's the point?

Speaker 1 (24:19):
I don't get it right the first time.

Speaker 3 (24:21):
I just felt like kind of putting it out there and
seeing if I could try a wholenew thing with this.
Daniel, you know this Just stop.
Stop trying new things at all.

Speaker 4 (24:32):
I'm going to murder you, I think.

Speaker 3 (24:35):
Sean would let me get away with it.

Speaker 4 (24:37):
It's true.

Speaker 3 (24:41):
I would, anyway, I, you and I think sean would let
me get away with it.
It's true, I would.
Well, you know, anyway, I'mhere today, uh, because I wanted
to talk to us about us, so thisis a whole thing that I just
really hope that everybody lovesdaniel daniel.
Daniel daniel, you are so muchright now, I'm gonna need you to
bring it down at least threelevels.

Speaker 1 (24:56):
We don't even need to do a show anymore.
Just let them do the entireepisode for us.

Speaker 3 (24:59):
I'm just wanting to tell everybody here that I
really appreciate them and that,like all of our guests and
listeners, it's been a greattime on the last 103 episodes of
Don't Make it Weird Dude wehave done so many more episodes
than that.
Like you can't you have to know, like what our episode counted.
What, john, I do, it's just youknow me, I'm just like excited

(25:21):
and stuff, and I really lovehanging out with you guys.
Yeah, the feeling is not mutual, damn it's.
Anyway, sean, what do we havefor today?
Well, today, what, what?

Speaker 1 (25:35):
What the laugh is about.
What did you laugh?

Speaker 3 (25:39):
at.

Speaker 2 (25:44):
I love you guys we got our one fan they're the best
.

Speaker 1 (25:50):
I'm sorry, I'm bad at words, levi I love you.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
That was I've.
I don't think I can say I'veever actually heard someone do
an impression of me before.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
I mean the best part is they had our cadences down.
Yeah, like it was spot on.
I mean maybe not like fully inthe voice, but like the cadence
in the way that all of us talk,like it was spot on, it was
incredible.

Speaker 4 (26:13):
I have a white claw in my hair and I'm standing in a
puddle of it.

Speaker 2 (26:17):
I love that for you.

Speaker 4 (26:19):
How you missed my spit.
Take Daniel.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
Ah, that makes sense.
Yeah, I deserve that.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
Daniel, if, if the, if the brand new listeners from
Shaco con want to leave us amessage, how can they do that?

Speaker 1 (26:30):
Listen, guys, we've got a voicemail.
We want you to be a part ofthis.
We need more voicemails thataren't just from our number one
fan, um, even though I reallylove it when they leave me
voicemails too, so all of itcounts, uh.
But you can listen.
Voicemail 347 69 weird, that's347 699, three more.
So, guys, last time we did anepisode, we were supposed to

(26:57):
give Dina the illusion of choice, that she would finally get to
be in control of her own destiny.

Speaker 2 (27:02):
No, we were supposed to give Dina the choice.
What we did give her was theillusion of choice.

Speaker 1 (27:07):
Yeah, that's what I said.

Speaker 2 (27:10):
Not what you said.
Go on.

Speaker 1 (27:12):
I'm pretty sure it's exactly what I said, sean.
Go ahead and roll the date back.
Yep, got you Supposed to giveDina the illusion of choice?
Supposed to give Dina theillusion of choice, illusion of
choice.
So, anyways, dina normally isat the whims of the people or
our guests.
In what story she gets to tellus from her life.

(27:33):
And this time, dina, you get tochoose your own adventure.
So, dina, I need you to goahead and tickle the audience a
little bit.
Give them, give them that shoutout shannon, are you gonna give
her?

Speaker 4 (27:47):
her options, or she has three no, he's not because
we're going off script, becauseyou guys took away my choice
last time, so I'm taking my ownstory completely.

Speaker 3 (27:55):
This is very wet that's what she said all right,
then we got one that's off thescript.

Speaker 1 (28:04):
I don't even know what's gonna happen.
Dina's not even being a tease,she is being a full-on harlot.
I'm ready, dina.

Speaker 4 (28:10):
I'm so excited you whore you whore today we're
gonna tell the story about therazor mishap the razor mishap.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
Let's go all right I'm excited.

Speaker 4 (28:22):
Trigger warning for that one.

Speaker 2 (28:23):
Sorry guys this one has been on the poll the choose
your adventure poll, a minimumof four or five times in the
last three years.
It's never it's.

Speaker 1 (28:32):
I don't think it's ever been chosen so you
dumbasses you idiots, bigdummies right, all right I can't
wait to do that.
But before we can even get tothat, sean, we've got a brand
new game that we're busting outfor the first ever time.
On, don't make it weird, sean.
What are we playing?

Speaker 2 (28:48):
we are playing poetry for neanderthals.
You know I had to get thenaughty edition, fuck yeah.
So here's the deal.
You guys, we're going to playlike a pared down version of
this game.
I'm going to give you the rulesin the style of the rules.
So here we go.
Dan and Dee will take turns.

(29:09):
I send them each list of words.
They must get them to guessword or phrase, but can't use
word with more than one sound.
If you use long words, you willhear buzz and you must drink.
If you hear ding, you got itand you can move to next word.
All right, All right, guess aslots of words as you can till

(29:29):
time is up.

Speaker 3 (29:31):
Fuck yeah, so no long words.

Speaker 2 (29:33):
No long words, no multi-syllable words, meaning
every word that you use whenyou're trying to get Daniel to
guess the word has to be onesyllable.
Remember Kevin on the Office?
Yeah, when he was trying toexplain why.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I use moreword when less word you do trick
.
What does he say?

Speaker 3 (29:49):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (29:50):
That was pretty perfect.
I nailed it.

Speaker 3 (29:52):
Yeah, no, that was incredible.

Speaker 2 (29:58):
So I did say I was going to send you a list of
words, but I think I'm justgoing to give you one word at a
time, because I feel like wordor phrase.
By the way, some of these aremultiple words, so, oh my God,
dean is going to blush so hardyou guys.
So here we go.
Poetry for Neanderthals the notsafe for work edition, which
one of you guys would like toguess first.

Speaker 1 (30:17):
I want to guess, Dina .
Can I go first?

Speaker 2 (30:19):
Okay, dina, oh, daniel, daniel wants to go first
.
Dina can.

Speaker 1 (30:24):
I go first.
Dina go ahead and watch.
Go ahead and go first.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
Okay, Dina's going to go first.
Dina, I'm going to DM you aword or phrase right now.

Speaker 1 (30:36):
Okay, I can't believe she scowled, believe she dead
aired me on that one.
What a jerk, are you ready?

Speaker 4 (30:42):
I'm ready.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
Here we go.

Speaker 4 (30:47):
Oh, no, okay, and I can only use short words.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
Single syllable.

Speaker 4 (30:54):
Meat Penis Other meat .
Meat penis other meat oh yeah,that's multiple syllables that's
only one syllable other shitdrink dina oh, okay, um uh to

(31:16):
meet um boobies, boobs.
Resticles.

Speaker 3 (31:23):
Run.

Speaker 4 (31:26):
Run, bouncing titties , hot, cool Wet Vagina.
Vagina um cool um wet um vagina.

Speaker 1 (31:41):
I'm trying to figure what the fuck is happening right
now.
Dina, I don't know where we'regoing with this can I, can?

Speaker 4 (31:47):
I like gesture, like you know you, like you've got
that okay, okay, okay, that was,that was a minute.

Speaker 2 (31:53):
That's a minute.
Was failing, daniel?
Daniel should have gotten that.
Okay, okay, what was it?
It was a two-word thing.
Uh-huh, you got the first wordright and then you went
completely off the rails.
Perfect, also, dina, you'reallowed to construct a sentence,
but you can only use onesyllable words, like the same
way that I that I told theinstructions of the game yeah, I
it's too hard.

Speaker 4 (32:14):
Okay, perfect one word one word, excellent.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
What was the two words I needed?

Speaker 2 (32:18):
to get wet when workout for.

Speaker 4 (32:22):
Oh yeah, no, I don't think like that Boob sweat.

Speaker 2 (32:26):
Boob sweat was the word, so I had okay.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
You could have also done the yeah, you got the one
workout is two words.
So I knew that the one word soper word.
So I knew that I had the oneword.

Speaker 3 (32:39):
So you gotta let me know when I had like 50 there,
because we're working togetherhere, dina, oh, okay yeah, you
know, like in charades, whensomeone gets something right,
you're like that's why I waslike I did that, though I okay,
whatever, okay all right, I'mready

Speaker 2 (32:48):
okay okay, daniel is gonna go next.
We're doing discordian.
Yes, we're doing discordiandiscordian alright Daniel yep
here we go um l-m-a-f-o laughingmy fat ass off song laughing

(33:21):
party rock.

Speaker 4 (33:21):
A-f-o.
Laughing my fat ass off SongSong Laughing Um Party Rock.
Um, okay, party Rock is in thehouse tonight.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 (33:26):
Oh Close.

Speaker 4 (33:26):
Okay, fergie, um Um Bar Drink Shot.
Yes, okay, okay, uh, party Rock.

Speaker 1 (33:31):
Shot, shot, shot, big Lil Drink, shot yes.

Speaker 4 (33:37):
Okay, uh, party rock Shot Shot Big little John.
Uh, body suit Party Beer gut,body, body suit, body suit.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
Uh, jumper, first, first.

Speaker 4 (33:49):
Body Party, rock body .

Speaker 1 (33:52):
And so that, and then Bar Drink Uh.

Speaker 4 (33:56):
Oh Party rock, uh, body suit.
Uh, I mean, I really fuckedthis up so that and then bar
drink.
Oh party rock, body suit.

Speaker 1 (34:01):
I mean I really fucked this up.
I'm making a UFO.
I really fucked that up.
That's my bad.
You said the word stripper, yousaid it was body shot, so you
said she was body shot.
Because in my brain at themoment I was thinking body rock
instead of party rock.
Listen, I made a mistake andthen I was trying to yeah.

(34:21):
And then I was trying to makeup for the mistake by changing
it completely.

Speaker 2 (34:26):
You guys can't even get one in one minute.
So we're just going to continuewith this cadence of back and
forth one minute at a time for acouple more and then we'll see
how it goes Okay.

Speaker 1 (34:35):
Dina, I think I know what we're doing now.

Speaker 4 (34:44):
That couple more and then we'll see how it goes.
Okay, dina, I think I know whatwe're doing now.
That was a good practice run.
I'm ready.
Dina, are you ready?
Yeah, here we go.

Speaker 1 (34:49):
Okay, no sex in the champagne room no sex dick.
She's she's signingencecelibate Virgin Hurt Losing your
virginity.

Speaker 4 (35:06):
No sex, dick hurt.

Speaker 1 (35:11):
No sex dick hurt.
That's the name of my band.

Speaker 4 (35:17):
No sex dick.
No sex Dick hurts dad.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
Penis injury.

Speaker 2 (35:28):
You're doing so great , Dina.
Oh, can't get a boner.

Speaker 1 (35:30):
Can't get a boner Fucking impotent, impotent.

Speaker 4 (35:35):
Hot Sad.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
Why do we keep talking about it being hot, dina
?

Speaker 4 (35:45):
cold.
Why is?

Speaker 2 (35:46):
it cold now you can't tell me hot, that's a minute.
What the fuck?
What was the word?
Sean man get this win.

Speaker 4 (35:59):
I don't need you to show off have hard dick, but no
sex.

Speaker 1 (36:08):
Blue balls, it was blue balls everybody you were
concentrating on the dick, notthe balls, dina.
You always concentrate on theballs always concentrate on the
balls yep, no dick, no sex, dicksad.
That was really good, I thoughtdina did a great job.

Speaker 2 (36:30):
That was really good, dina yeah, that was really
really good.
Oh, these are two-sided as well.
Damn you guys.
I should bring this toBaltimore.
We should play in person,because when you get it, wrong
someone else gets to hit youover the head with an inflatable
mallet Love.
That, yeah, it's great.
All right, daniel.

(36:50):
Yeah, oh, here we go.
This is a good one.
This is a good one.
This is a good one.
Are you ready, daniel?
You'll so let's go hold on.

Speaker 1 (37:09):
Before we start.
Before we start had dina seenthe deadpool movie, this would
be so much easier.

Speaker 2 (37:18):
You've lost 15 seconds.

Speaker 1 (37:23):
Touch them.
Touch them Sensitive the fuck.

Speaker 4 (37:27):
Nipples, nipple clips .

Speaker 1 (37:31):
That's it.
Fucking got it, let's go.
Deinosaurus.

Speaker 2 (37:45):
She just threw a Hail Mary and and it was fucking
worked.

Speaker 1 (37:48):
I can't believe it, daniel gets no credit for that.
That was that was all dinabecause I was not in the
ballpark on that one all right,I'm gonna try to give one to
dina.

Speaker 2 (38:00):
That doesn't have to do with dicks, for once, um oh,
here's one that's awesome seanhere's one that that dino won't
hate.
Yeah, I hope that's a lie.
All right, dina, are you ready?
Yeah, we're gonna do one moreeach, okay, you guys?
All right, let's do that.
Dino won't hate.
I hope that's a lie.
Alright, dina are you ready?

(38:21):
Yeah, we're gonna do one moreeach, okay, you guys.
Alright, let's do this.

Speaker 4 (38:28):
Here we go Dina Um kiss.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
Mouth Lips Consensual .

Speaker 4 (38:33):
Kiss a lot.

Speaker 1 (38:35):
Uh, slut, um fuck boys, um make sentences
Consensual, kiss a lot Slut.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
Fuckboy.

Speaker 4 (38:42):
Make sentences To kiss a lot.

Speaker 1 (38:50):
Kiss lips, making out Oral sex, yeah, making out,
yeah, he said it Making out yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:54):
He said making Make out and then said oral sex.
I said making out and then Iwent oral.

Speaker 1 (38:58):
He said making, Make out.
And then said oral sex.
I said making out.
He said making out.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
I did say Okay we're going to give him credit for
that, Okay fine, that was good.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
Here's the thing with Dina's logic.
In hindsight all her words makesense, but in the moment they
don't.

Speaker 4 (39:13):
Nope Dick's dad Northside.
That was nope Dick's dadNorthside.

Speaker 2 (39:20):
that was really good okay alright, daniel, you're
gonna send us home here, buddy.
Okay, are you ready?
Yeah, let's do this ready.
Here we go bud.

Speaker 3 (39:35):
Me.

Speaker 4 (39:37):
Caveman Stupid Wife.

Speaker 1 (39:41):
Wife.

Speaker 4 (39:42):
ADHD.

Speaker 1 (39:43):
Wife being Sean Me Like yes.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
I'll take it.

Speaker 3 (39:50):
I'll take it.

Speaker 2 (39:51):
It was cuckold.
Cuck works.

Speaker 1 (39:55):
I was really going for the joke there.

Speaker 2 (39:57):
I did that one just for Sean and I was like me me If
she would have gotten thatright away when you said me.

Speaker 3 (40:05):
I would have lost it.
I would have fucking lost itright there Just gone, yep.

Speaker 1 (40:09):
That would have been the episode we're done.

Speaker 2 (40:12):
Well, we can play this again in person.

Speaker 1 (40:18):
Uh, you know, in a couple of weeks, but this has
been poetry for neanderthals,all right, so we're gonna make
it.
We're gonna go a little quickeron this next segment, um,
because every so often we areactually authors and we do like
to talk about books and not justwhatever random things come our
way.
So we're gonna put on ourserious author hats here for a
second, and uh, we're gonna betalking a little bit about kind
of genre difficulty here.

(40:38):
What is harder to write?
Romance or fantasy?
Now, for the record, me anddean are both just taking a side
on this.
Um, just for the sake of havinga good discussion and argument,
I want to make it very clear.
I respect the shit out of everygenre, anyone who writes
anything.
This is not meant to belittleor, you know, degrade you guys.
If you write a book, if youwrite some fucking sentences,

(40:59):
you're a rockstar and a story.

Speaker 4 (41:01):
That was good disclaimer for the loser.

Speaker 1 (41:04):
Oh, well, then fine, you know what Half backward Dina
, it's game on.

Speaker 4 (41:09):
Right.

Speaker 1 (41:10):
So Dina is going to take the uh romance side of it.
I'm going to take the fantasyside of it and I'm going to tell
you that you know what?
Anyone can write a romancenovel.
You don't need to be a goodwriter, you don't need good
characters.
You can just make a dick fuck apussy and people are going to
buy it.

Speaker 4 (41:27):
Boom.
That's not true at all.
Romance is looking for theemotional aspect of things,
aspect of things.
They're looking for the feelingand the like, the all of the
senses that you have tounderstand from both male and
female perspective.
And if you just give somebodylike a boom, sex, dick p word,
like nobody's gonna, they'regonna see right through that

(41:48):
that you're just writing likestupid porn that nobody's gonna
buy, because people buy romancefor the romance aspect.
Now, fantasy is way moreforgiving because you can have
people forget the eye color ofthe main character and change it
midway through and nobody getsquestions because it's so much,
it's such a long form of contentthat nobody has time to
remember anything, so they justaccept whatever the author gives

(42:10):
them.
And oh, hero's journey.
Like I went through themountains and I spent five
chapters in there and then Icame out and I was a hero
because I gotta drag it like getfucked.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
You know, you want to know what in a fantasy novel.
I've got to build my own worldfrom scratch.

Speaker 4 (42:23):
I've got to create religion I've got to give it to
you no, who?

Speaker 1 (42:27):
who gives it to me?

Speaker 4 (42:28):
I have to talk about the author writing it.
Never mind, I was talking aboutthe audience.

Speaker 1 (42:31):
No, no, no no, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I have to, I have to come upwith my own world world.
I have to come with my ownreligion.
Some of these people writefucking tolkien made his whole
own language out of this stuff.
It is such a complex thing andthese books are long.
You have to plot it out.
There's so many plot devicesand everything has to be purely
your imagination.
You have nothing that you canreally, you know, tie into.

(42:52):
It takes a tremendous amount ofwork and especially, it takes a
tremendous amount of work to doright, because you know, if
someone just wants to write someD and D fanfic with elves and
shit, yeah, I understand there'ssome built in stuff, but unlike
a romance novel, it's just likehey, this is Tim, this is John,
um, you know now, they're atwisted um roman, romancing,

(43:18):
retelling of fucking beauty andthe beast in a fantasy world.

Speaker 4 (43:19):
You, you have to be creative the whole time.
You have to be creative thewhole time for romance too,
because you have to be able tocapture your audience, make them
fall in love with people frompage one and literally they get
emotionally invested.
With fantasy.
You're just reading it andenjoying the story and whatever.
You have to make people getemotionally invested in other
people to the point where theyfeel like these people are real

(43:40):
and that these people actuallyhave feelings.
If it was easy to capturefeelings on a page, then
everybody would be doing it, butit's not and there's only a
small amount of romance novelsthat are actually popular
because it's so hard to makepeople real on page.
And fantasy yeah, we all knowthat it's fake and fantasy and
we can bend the rules of timeand space and whatever.

(44:00):
In romance it has to be ahundred percent believable.

Speaker 1 (44:05):
But here's the problem with romance is that it
is the most saturated market.
It is what everyone writes andI understand that.
That's where the money is.
So a lot of these authors jumpinto romance because they say,
hey, this is where I can sell,this is where I can make money,
because a romance authorshipwill consume, consume, consume.
They don't need to be worriedabout all the details as long as
they can get whatever.
That fix is whether it's theerotic nature of it or whether,

(44:26):
like you said, the emotionalside of it, fantasy novels also
have to have romance.
Man, any good fantasy novel hasto also get into that emotional
connection.
It's all character based.
You can't listen If a fantasyauthor, if they're like Brandon
Sanderson, they're writing onebook a year.
You could turn out four or five, six romance novels in a year,
because it doesn't have to havethe same quality standards that

(44:47):
a good fantasy novel has to have.

Speaker 4 (44:49):
Okay, first of all, with romance, you have to not
only have the emotional aspect,where people believe that these
people could fall in love andthey have real feelings, but
then you also have all of thoseother elements that you've been
listing about world building,about scene building.
Sometimes they even havelanguages.
With fantasy, all that you'redoing is saying this little farm
boy went on a journey and hehad some hardship and he learned

(45:12):
from some old guy and then hesaved the village with romance.
These people have to be 100percent real.
Do you know how hard it is tocapture emotions on a page?
If it was super easy tounderstand and comprehend
emotions, then everybody wouldbe married by now.
But no, there's single peoplethat can't figure it out because
emotions are so hard tocomprehend from both male and
female perspective, tocomprehend from both male and

(45:34):
female perspective, but okay.

Speaker 1 (45:35):
But here's my point with this is that when you're
selling a romance novel, what dothey do?
What are the advertisers,what's it?
Say?
Hey, here's this trope two.
You know one bed, oh, lovetriangle, enemies to lovers, it
is all these different things.
You sell a romance novel by thetrope, not the plot.
The plot is relevant to romancereaders.
They just want to know if theyhave the tropes that they like

(45:55):
and maybe an author that sayssomething witty or tickles that
fancy.
They don't care about what thecontent is.
You're not selling it on that.
When I sell a fantasy novel, Ihave to hook you on the back
page with this is what my bookis about.
This is why you should buy in.
And yes, I understand thatfantasy also uses tropes, but it
is not the selling point.
I'm not just looking forfantasy books that, uh, have

(46:17):
fucking elves in it.
I mean, maybe some people are,but that is not the main
readership.
Right, like you have to be somuch more in depth the plot is
the same in every single fantasybook.

Speaker 4 (46:29):
It's dragons.
It's little farm boy getspicked as chosen one with
magical powers that he discovers, or it gets a dragon and goes
off to save the world becausehe's chosen and he doesn't want
to be chosen and he's got ahero's journey and we're going
to spend 15 chapters of himlearning how to sword fight and
then call it a day.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
Are you trying to give me a boner Cause?
That sounds fucking awesome,all right.

Speaker 4 (46:53):
Cause you're simple minded and you can't comprehend
the complexity of romanceauthors.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
Okay you want to know what a romance novel is.
It's a cute meet, it's, we havesome fun.
We get to know each other, wefall in love.
It is a little bit of strife,we break up and then guess what
happily ever after.
Right at the end, those fourpoints are going to be in every
90 of romance books.
You know how this book endsbefore you start.
You know what you're lookingfor before you start.
A fantasy novel can go in anydirection.

(47:19):
It can be dark, it can begritty, it can be hopeful.
It doesn't have to be boxed inwith what you are allowed to do,
to be writing in the genre.
You have total freedom in afantasy novel.
And that makes it so muchharder because you can't just
paint by numbers can't justpaint by numbers, okay.

Speaker 4 (47:37):
First of all, the hero's journey ends the same in
every single fantasy novel, aswell as romance novels, but also
team no hea.
You don't know what's gonnahappen every time.

Speaker 1 (47:42):
You can't have a fantasy novel where your hero
loses but you know what they'regonna tell you in the romance
novel is hea or no hea?
You'll know before that bookstarts.

Speaker 4 (47:50):
You'll know before you purchase the book did you
know that nothing special wasgonna end sad?

Speaker 1 (47:56):
no, because you're a fucking phenomenal author and
you didn't fall into the sametropes as other people.
Romance, that's you writingromance I'm a romance author.
But what's your spy novel gonnabe about, dina?

Speaker 4 (48:11):
I in heroes.
I literally killed loveinterest.

Speaker 1 (48:13):
You literally in your own book series.
In your own book series startedout as romance, turned it into
fantasy, turned it into a spynovel.
You evolved into my genre.

Speaker 4 (48:25):
It's still about the romance, though.
Romance can have multiplethings happening at once while
still focusing on therelationship of the people.
What do people say when theyget done after they read nothing
special.
The whole time that they werereading it, they were focused on
james and paisley, not thehero's journey that paisley went
through to discover herself andfind out that she was the hero

(48:48):
all along that we wanted.
Nobody gives a shit about hergrowth.

Speaker 1 (48:52):
They only care about her and james fucking exactly,
and that means that it's lesshard, because as long as james
and fucking paisley fuck, thenguess what they're gonna like
your book I'm sorry to interrupt.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
I'm sorry to interrupt.
It actually isn't less hard,it's.
It's much harder, much hardermuch harder.

Speaker 1 (49:09):
Sorry, you're right, you're right, sorry, continue I
think all they've done is justprove that both are really hard,
honestly honestly and and likelisten guys, we had a little bit
of fun with this and you know Ilike to get passionate, I like
to argue with dina.
But absolute I've talked abouta thousand times on the show
romance authors are soincredible.
I had no idea what it wasbefore I started the show

(49:30):
talking to people reading thesebooks.
It takes so much skill, ittakes so much talent.
I think that the big takeawayis maybe it's easy, honestly,
I'd say, for both genres.
Maybe it's easy to writefantasy or write romance, but
it's hard to write a good oneand I think we're all really
hard after that.
You guys, it's just so fuckinghard right now all right, we're

(49:51):
gonna take off the seriousauthor hats because, guys, I've
been waiting for this story foryears and, uh, you know what.
We're going to take off theserious author hats because,
guys, I've been waiting for thisstory for years and you know
what we're all aboutstorytelling here, and every
week we aim to share anentertaining tale.

Speaker 4 (50:04):
So, without further ado, it's story time with
Dinosaurus.
I gotta pee.
Okay, hard cut, wait, hard cut.
Okay, hard cut, wait.

Speaker 3 (50:16):
This is me for the audience Gotta go pee guys.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 (50:24):
Sorry, I had to scroll back up.
We're all about storytellinghere, and every week we aim to
share an entertaining tale.
So without further ado, it'sStorytime with Dinosaurus.

Speaker 4 (50:38):
All right, guys, this one's going to be a trigger
warning, but I promise that itends happy and we know that it
ends happy.
So, trigger warning miscarriageBecause it's a romance.

Speaker 1 (50:48):
Because it's a romance.
Oh fuck, that was bad timing tosay that one, but fuck it.

Speaker 2 (50:54):
She said we know it ends happy, so and then?

Speaker 4 (50:57):
right, as you said, that freaking alright, we're
doing great so I was superpregnant, like I think at this
time I was like 7 or 8 monthspregnant, right, and I got lucky
in my pregnancy that I couldalways tie my shoes, like I was
still lim.
Lucky in my pregnancy that Icould always tie my shoes.
I was still limber in mypregnancy and I was doing

(51:22):
everything that I could in mywillpower to maintain the
feeling of normalcy and I am nota person that likes body hair.
I will always shave my legs andmy armpits and other things
amongst other things she spellsher husband's name out.

(51:43):
But yeah, continue oh my god soanyways her head too.
That's a wig, yep I was boundand determined wait, wait,
gotcha um.
I was bound and determined toshave.

Speaker 2 (51:58):
You were bound at the time.

Speaker 1 (52:01):
Yeah, that seems a little erotic.

Speaker 4 (52:04):
So I had asked my husband for help, and his
solution was to get me a razorlike extender that was like
three feet long, but with arazor like telescoping was like
three feet long but with a razorLike telescoping.
Because I couldn't shave my legs, and I couldn't shave Because I
couldn't see anything.
So I was determined.

(52:27):
I was like you know what I'mdone?
I need to shave everything.
I can't handle this anymore.
So I managed, but, and I didn'tfeel anything, but when I
grabbed, like I, when I pulledup the razor, my hands was
covered in blood oh, no, and Iwas.
I was like I sat there for asecond and I was like there's no

(52:50):
way, like I didn't, I didn'tfeel anything, I didn't cut
myself.
There's no way that I couldhave cut myself.
I would have felt it.
So what is happening?
So I sat there for like a solidminute, just done, trying to
like gather myself and maintainmy composure because whatever
was happening my husband used tohe was in nursing school for

(53:11):
this.
So I was like immediately, likeTim can fix this, he's gonna
fix this.
This is he's going to fix this.
This is what's happening,because I'm not losing my child
at like seven, eight months.
Yeah, yeah.
I was like no, whatever's goingto happen, he's going to fix it
.
I walk out of the bathroom andI'm like trying to be super calm
and he's playing video gamesand he has it back to me and I

(53:36):
walk into the room with likeblood running down my hand and
I'm I'm butt-ass naked and I waslike honey and I'm just
standing there and he turnsaround and he's like and like
immediately rips off his headsetfor his Xbox game, dies in the
game or whatever.
I was like I need you to lookto see if I cut myself.

(54:00):
I think I cut myself and I wantto have cut myself, because if
not, we need to go to thehospital and he was like he sat
there for a second, just like Idid, and he was like what the
fuck do you want me to do?
And I was like I just need youto look.
And I was like screaming atthis point like just fucking
look, just look at my vagina Tim.

(54:22):
My vagina slams to the ground,butt-ass naked, and he's like I
don't know what I'm looking for.
We're like spreading on theground.
We're spreading on the ground.
I'm like trying not to cry,absolutely convinced that I'm
about to lose my child, but Ithought that I would feel it if

(54:44):
I did.
Yeah, and he has to, like,clean up my wound because I was
very injured and did not know it, because I couldn't feel
anything at the time and I don'tknow why I couldn't feel
anything at the time and I don'tknow why I couldn't feel
anything.
But yeah, that's the story.
So you had a nice large woundfrom failing to shave with your

(55:04):
telescoping razor invention?

Speaker 1 (55:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (55:08):
At least you didn't lose your kid.

Speaker 1 (55:10):
We're going to take that as a win.
Welcome.

Speaker 4 (55:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (55:13):
Sean thoughts yeah.
That's the razor that as a win.
Welcome, yeah, sean thoughts.
Yeah, that's the reason Ithought you walked out in vagina
in the last five minutes thanthe three years that we've been
doing this I've been praying forher vagina this whole time yeah
, um dina you walked out buttass naked into your living room.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
You said blood was all over your hand was.
Was blood not gushing down yourlegs?

Speaker 4 (55:42):
I mean, there was like a little bit of blood on my
thigh.
Can we be really clear aboutwhere you cut yourself?

Speaker 2 (55:51):
Was it in the pelvic region?

Speaker 1 (55:53):
Yeah, was it on the actual genitals or the
surrounding area, because here'sthe thing I have like a
pregnant-sized belly, so I toocannot see my crotch.

Speaker 2 (56:06):
Yeah, I'll look for you, so there could be listen it
could have been.
Upper thigh it could have been.
You know, there's a lot ofplaces it could have been thigh,
it could have been.

Speaker 4 (56:16):
You know there's a lot of places it could have been
, so you know where the penismeets, like that little area
where the penis and buttholehave like a gap, the taint, the
like same area except vagina, solike that bare space so you got
you sliced your gooch all

Speaker 1 (56:32):
right and that's uh, and that's dina has the scars
there to this day.

Speaker 2 (56:36):
Your reaction is completely natural and I would
have reacted the same way, and Idon't blame you and, by the way
, this was a fucking bangerstory.

Speaker 4 (56:44):
I'm glad that we let you decide this one, because
that was a fucking journey thatwas a journey right there that's
the journey of when I thought Ihad a miscarriage while I was
shaving oh, holy.

Speaker 2 (56:56):
Well, you know what is that the first story you've
told us that we know, knew forwhen it happened, like yeah yeah
well, technically I rememberyou telling us that the wrong
car one was early on in ourfriendship.
But we haven't told that oneyet oh here's the thing I do
remember you telling us that timmade a long thing for you to

(57:20):
shave with, but you didn't tellus about any of the ensuing
dangerous.

Speaker 4 (57:24):
Yeah, because I wanted to story time issues
really funny.
It's like just imagine beingnaked on a tile floor well, your
husband has to inspect yourwhoosh because you might have to
go to the hospital because youmight be losing.

Speaker 2 (57:38):
Here's the thing.
Here's the thing.
I do admire tim's likeingenuity.
However, if it were me, I wouldhave just volunteered to clean
up your undercarriage for you.

Speaker 1 (57:47):
So yeah yeah, I would have paid someone to do it for
me, for my wife, um, but likelike, can you imagine, like the
thoughts that went through?
Like tim said, he's sittinghere, he's gaming with the boys,
he's talking shit to a bunch of12 year olds playing call of
duty or whatever he's playing.
He's having the time of hislife.
Wife's just teabagging wife'steabagging yep and then suddenly

(58:12):
it's honey, and then you turnaround.
Hey, my wife's naked just bloodeverywhere where?
this is going.
And then it's oh my god, mywife's panicking.
Now everything's bleeding andyou go from zero to 100, like
that is a fucking roller coaster.
That is penis sad that is.

Speaker 2 (58:28):
Do you have hardwood floors or carpet or like?
What was the cleanup situationlike?

Speaker 4 (58:33):
oh yeah, I have hardwood floors and um tile,
marble tile in well, marble, Ithink, just marble in the
bathroom.
I don't know, my husband justredid it all and um in the
bathroom and so, like not a lot,got on the hardwood, like I
just regularly mop but thenclean carpet for sure.

Speaker 1 (58:53):
So that was definitely, so definitely we can
say that that was no sex penis.

Speaker 4 (58:56):
Sad for tim yeah, for sure, and like originally,
originally I didn't know what todo, because I didn't want to
get on the ground.

Speaker 2 (59:06):
So I just stood there and I was like I need you to I
just, I just assumed that youlike laid out towels in front of
you like a walkway as you werewalking we're gonna go to the ER
yeah so yeah, so.

Speaker 4 (59:21):
I just stood there initially and I was like I need
you to look.
And he's like how the fuck doyou want me to look?

Speaker 2 (59:25):
and then like I had to get on the ground and it was
just spread eagle yeah, allright, you guys at home baby you
guys at home have a have alofty bar to live up to in
choosing the next adventure thatDina tells us about.
Should we?
Ah well, we'll do the next pollfor the last.

(59:45):
Choose your Adventure, but,Dina, give us the new ones.

Speaker 4 (59:49):
Oh, like new, new.
Okay, we're going to go withstuffing my bra, Um.
We're going to go with stuffingmy bra, Um.
We're going to go with umlocked in a tattoo convention,
much like Chococon.

Speaker 2 (01:00:11):
Um, and the time that somebody tried to ruin my
wedding, okay, but haven't weheard multiple stories about
people attempting to ruin?

Speaker 4 (01:00:18):
your wedding, I mean, is this another time.

Speaker 1 (01:00:20):
Yep, wow, you got a lot of, got a lot of enemies
here, bud, uh, sean, we, uh.
We usually go with the mostinnocuous one, the one that
seems the least likely to beinteresting.
Um, what, which one is that foryou, bud?

Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
here's the thing, that's my strategy, but after
the story we heard tonight, Ican't help but lean towards the
one that I remember hearing inmultiple Choose your Adventure
polls over these years, andLocked in a Convention is one
I've heard more than once.

Speaker 1 (01:00:48):
You know I'm with you on that and I feel like we've
got a new rule, which used to bepick the most boring sounding
title, and now that hasn'treally worked out for us
recently.
Yeah, and now I think that we gowith the one that's been picked
over.
You know, like you know, I likeyour logic, I'm with you on
that.
But you know what I like evenmore, sean, I like that it's

(01:01:12):
time for Dina to finally shakeoff the cobwebs and do a little
reading for us, because, you see, every week we celebrate some
of the worst erotic literaturein history, often selected by
the Literary Review of BritishLiterary Magazine in a segment
that we call Cringy Copulation.
These are real excerpts fromreal books, intended to be taken
seriously, intended to be takenseriously.

(01:01:34):
Three years I still laugh,laugh every time.
This week's excerpt will beread by dina and is a nope.
Yeah, we gotta delete that part.
Um, sorry, this week's excerptwill be read by dina, and uh, is
from the book the tobacco, thetobaccoist by robert
tobacaccoist by Robert C Fowler.

(01:01:56):
Jesus, what a name.
Robert C Fowler is an Austriannovelist and actor.
He's won over 16 awards,including the Dublin Literary
Award and the man BookerInternational Prize.

Speaker 3 (01:02:08):
Man Booker baby.

Speaker 1 (01:02:13):
Dina slide into those DMs Get sexy.
Do it for the neckbeards, Dina.
Do it for our fucking beautifulneckbeards.

Speaker 4 (01:02:20):
Alright.
He closed his eyes and heardhimself make a gurgling sound.
And as his trousers slipped downhis face, all the burdens of
his life stayed.
He seemed to fall away from him.
He had tipped back his head andfaced up into.
The burdens of his life stayed,seemed to fall away from him.
He had tipped back his head andfaced up into the darkness
beneath his given In.
For one blessed moment he feltas if he could understand things

(01:02:44):
of this world and all theirimmeasurable beauty.
How strange they are.
He thought life and all ofthese things.
Then he felt the nest down, flydown the board and hit the
floor.
The other man grabbed his pieceof buttocks and brought it to
his place.
Come, sonny boy.
He heard her whisper and saidCome, sonny boy.

Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
That's exactly what did it for me.

Speaker 2 (01:03:14):
with that one, I was hoping you were were gonna do
the grandma voice there, but youkind of let us down sorry, you
want, you want a clean take youclean.

Speaker 1 (01:03:22):
Take the grandma voice oh man, that's hot.
I mean like so that that onedina dina thoughts, because it's
a little bit different thansome of our own, but I feel like
it's uh cringing its own waywhat a selfish lover.

Speaker 4 (01:03:38):
Um no, this is why would, why would he say that?
Why would she say that?

Speaker 1 (01:03:42):
that's yeah, yeah, I mean little little benjamin
franklin, uh, erotica, I guess,um, because he likes old ladies,
um, but like the other part toois like we were talking she
felt like the aggressor, so shegrabbed him by his neck and this
doesn't feel like a cringycopulation.
Fully, though, daniel well, solike okay so a this was from a

(01:04:04):
list of like ones that didn'tmake the finals because you know
I've got to dig deep here andI'm trying to get back to our
roots.
But like the thing that got mewas a was just like this overly
purple pros of him fuckingaround doing nothing as she
takes off his pants and then itwas the sunny boy yeah.
So it was the purple proscombined with the sunny boy.

Speaker 2 (01:04:23):
And I was like yeah, that you can assume she's at
least 60.
If she says sunny boy at least,at least minimum trousers.

Speaker 4 (01:04:33):
But it's sunny boy.
Yeah, they're definitely in thesame.

Speaker 2 (01:04:36):
They're like she's english and she's at least 60.

Speaker 1 (01:04:42):
come here, sunny boy, she's mrs delphi like no,
that's not it that's not the oneI would rather cut my vagina
yeah, she would know, y'all, shewould know oh shit, yep, rather
cut your vagina than have thatkind of sex.
Well, you know what, guys?

(01:05:03):
If you have thoughts on thecringy copulation, maybe you've
got a suggestion.
Maybe you can do this shitbetter than I can, I don't know.
But, uh, why don't you?
Uh, leave us a little voicemailbecause you can give us a call
at 347-69-weird that's347-699-347-699.
Um man, it's been a fun episode.
I, uh, I love that we're backat back at it back in the studio

(01:05:25):
.
Um man, I'm pumped for, uh, foreverything that's to come.
Hopefully you guys are enjoyingthe uh, the new episodes and
hopefully we got some new fansout here.
And if you are brand new, wherecan you find Dina?

Speaker 4 (01:05:38):
You can find me on threads at Dina source DMI W.
You can find me on Twitter.

Speaker 1 (01:05:52):
And see if you could hold your breath that whole time
.

Speaker 2 (01:05:56):
I know I had a lot left in the tank, but yeah, I
was the one who cut out first.

Speaker 1 (01:06:02):
Yeah, no, we were.
Yeah, uh, sean, where can thefolks find you bud?

Speaker 2 (01:06:08):
you can find me on xcom at chaseholdu.
And what you having for dinnertonight, man?
I am having a big, fat girthydick meatball sub.

Speaker 1 (01:06:19):
God damn right you are remember, always focus on
the balls, dina.
That's the mistake.
I don't make mistakes we weretalking about sandwiches.
That was a cold hearted line.
We were talking aboutsandwiches.
We were talking aboutsandwiches, sandwiches.
Calm down.
Yeah, jesus christ, we're afamily show.

(01:06:39):
Uh, you can find me on twitterat dan q writes thing.

Speaker 2 (01:06:43):
That's dan q writes things, singular dank, as in the
smell of your wet basement yeah, podcast from my mom's basement
.

Speaker 1 (01:06:52):
You can also find me on threads at daniel quigley
author, because I'm bad atconsistency.
And uh, man, hopefully you guysuh like us.
Hopefully we'll see a littlebit more of you.
And uh, man, dina, I'm soexcited for you to try sean's
cooking, so I hope we, uh, weget back after this and on that
note, jazz hands she's bleedingagain.

Speaker 2 (01:07:16):
You guys don't make it weird.
With daniel quigley, dinosaurusand sean holden.
Produced and edited by me.
Sean holden theme song byamaria.
The song you're hearing rightnow is written and performed by
anthony lefusi.
You can rate and review thisshow on Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

(01:07:38):
Good Pods and wherever else youdownload your podcasts.
Got a question for Daniel orDina?
Call the Don't Make it Weirdhotline at 347-69-WEIRD.
That's 347-699-3473.
Leave us a message.
It could be featured on afuture episode.
If you haven't already, pleasesubscribe to Don't Make it Weird
on YouTube for the videopresentation or on your favorite

(01:08:00):
podcast app for the audio-onlyversion of the show.
We'd also like to give a hugeshout-out to our amazing Patreon
supporters.
Your support means the world tous.
Special thanks to ShannonBright, matthew S Rance Denton,
stephen Howard, leviBurrs-Laflewitt and Thomas
Staples.
If you'd like to join ourPatreon and get access to

(01:08:20):
exclusive content for just $1 amonth, head over to patreoncom.
Slash dmiw.
Thank you so much for listeningand we love you.

Speaker 3 (01:08:29):
Don't make it weird Was that okay.