The One With Matthew Siadak

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
It's the Don't Make it Weird Podcast With your hosts
Daniel and Dinosaurus.

Speaker 3 (00:13):
Oh, hello there.
Welcome to the Don't Make itWeird Podcast.
I'm one of your co-hosts.
Daniel Quigley, I am.
We are part of the writingstorytelling comedy podcast show
that is for the writingcommunity and by people that
shouldn't be writing.
I don't know.
This is my first time hostingthe show.
Please welcome my better half,guys, because I am joined as

(00:35):
always by the darling daughterof delirious danger, who always
dabbles in the darker side ofSuper Dinosaurus, dina.

Speaker 4 (00:46):
You sound like the valedictorian of summer school.
I don't get it.
The valedictorian of summerschool?
I don't get it.

Speaker 3 (00:57):
You got that one locked and loaded Because we're
going to be talking about superpowered people, I have to have a
secret identity there go.

Speaker 4 (01:05):
I've been gooped there go.

Speaker 3 (01:12):
I don't, you want to.
The sad part is I don't evenknow what this wig is from.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
I just looked in the closet halloween like isn't that
your jean belcher bit wig?

Speaker 3 (01:20):
I think this is okay, this is my jean belcher wig.
I was like I've got so manyrandom wigs from the show I
don't even know where they'refrom anymore.

Speaker 1 (01:29):
Right now poor coralie can't see because daniel
stole her glasses I would sean.

Speaker 3 (01:36):
I would never do that .

Speaker 4 (01:39):
I'm hurt, I am offended he's gonna call her to
come get them ma do, do you needyour glasses back, Ma?
I didn't even think about that.
I should have worn a wig.
You guys are like communicatedand coordinated with me.

Speaker 3 (01:56):
So, listen, I'm very impulsive, so this kind of came
about as an idea as I walked inthe room Okay, yeah, yeah, I
know I really should havethought this through and in the
room Okay, yeah, yeah, I know Ireally should have thought this
through.
And in hindsight I will.
But as Sean, as you guys cansee, sean has changed my name
for the remainder of thisepisode to Danielle Quigley, so
we appreciate that.

(02:16):
Sean, can you go ahead and justknock that out for me, buddy,
it's absolutely not going to getchanged.

Speaker 4 (02:22):
Introducing our guest .

Speaker 3 (02:25):
No, we have things to do before we introduce our
guest, because I've been excited, because this guest has been
years in the making, but we'renot rushing it.
Okay, we're going to slowlybuild it up because we need to
talk about last week, dina.
Um, we had the incredible abbysimpson on author of the dragon
of the butterfly available fromlost boys press.
Dina, what was your favoritepart of the episode?
um all of the times that sheinserted a canada fact in the

(02:47):
middle of conversation yeah it,we were promised canada facts
and uh, I feel like, as it wenton, we got a couple.
We got a lot of facts from her.
Um sean, what was uh sean?
What was your favorite part,buddy?

Speaker 1 (03:03):
uh, when you asked her if she's a tease and she
said like sexually damn it.

Speaker 3 (03:10):
That was my favorite part too.
That's exactly, unless you.
If you haven't seen the episode, you have to watch it because
it's all in her delivery,because it was the most
wholesome, but kind of like,kind of like like sexually.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
I can't even.
But yeah, no that she wascaught off guard, but like was
she just wanted to go with it.

Speaker 3 (03:28):
Yeah, she was just there for it and you know what I
feel like.
We got a lot of historicalfacts from her and so you know I
enjoyed it.
I felt like I learned, I feltlike I got smarter and we talked
about a good book.
So I feel pretty confident allthe way around.

Speaker 4 (03:43):
Summer school really pays off, man summer school
valedictorian.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
That was actually a sicker burn than I think you
even realize, and I'm soimpressed by you oh, I realize
but you know who else needs tobe impressed, dina.
It's our guest, a best friend ofthe show, someone that that
we've been waiting for so longto get on this thing.
And we have a very specialguest, someone who wears many
hats with equal flair.

(04:08):
He is a devoted father, atalented author of both fantasy
and horror novels and a tinkererwith a penchant for baking.
His love of TTRPGs and videogames adds a rich layer of
creativity to everything he does.
But that's not all.
Matthew is also one of thebiggest fans of our show and the
dedicated sword wielder of theYouTube live chat.
His commitment to our communityis truly exceptional.

(04:30):
Fun fact, he once came to ourrescue by hacking into Dina's
erotic friend fiction documentwhen she forgot her password,
allowing us to read it on thisshow.
It on this show.
You can find his work invarious anthologies, including
heroes and uh from lost boyspress, and his book the darker
side of super is available rightnow please welcome them, that's

(04:52):
not it so close, so what I do?
what I do, including heroes fromlost boys.
Press his book the darker sideof super.
What did I?
Say dark, dark side of super isthe name of the I'm pretty sure
I said the dark side of supersean.
Can you play that back?
you said you said, darker, okay,let's go to the tape and his
book the darker side of super.
The darker side of super.

(05:12):
Yeah, okay, I might have fuckedthat one up.
So, uh, his book the dark Sideof Super is available right now.
Please welcome themulti-talented and always
dependable Matthew motherfuckingPsyduck.
Baby, matt, I assume you havewell, okay, you do have a wife

(05:37):
and a daughter, so I guess youfucked a couple mothers, but I
assume there hasn't been toomany Like, eh, at least 37.

Speaker 5 (05:43):
30 in a row.

Speaker 3 (05:45):
No, not that lucky.
And listen, don't think wedidn't catch that specific
reference in your book, because,motherfucker, I caught it.
I want you to know, I want youto look at it.

Speaker 5 (05:55):
There's a whole bunch of them in there.

Speaker 3 (05:57):
Yeah, there were.
There was definitely some goodones, but I had to make sure
Sean saw that one specifically,because you know he's got a
special spot in his heart forthat man.
So so talk.
I had to make sure Sean sawthat one specifically, because
you know he's got a special spotin his heart for that man.
So so talk to me, matthew.
You're here.
It's finally your time.
You're not splitting the stagewith any other authors.
How's it feel?

Speaker 5 (06:13):
it's a dream come true.
That's what three, four, threeyears in the making.

Speaker 3 (06:17):
I've been listening in the making yeah, pretty much
protecting our chats?

Speaker 5 (06:21):
yeah, now on the title the darker side of super.
It was almost the dark side ofsupper because laura misread, uh
, the notes I gave her when shewas making the cover and the
initial drafts of the cover werethe dark side of supper you
know what?

Speaker 3 (06:36):
I'm ready for that when cooking goes wrong I'm, I'm
ready for that anthology.
Uh, dina, can we just write itnow, like we just do?
The dark side of supper, whatwould be your?

Speaker 1 (06:46):
story, dina, when you accidentally set your kitchen
on fire making vodka sauce?

Speaker 4 (06:50):
he asked me that question.
Yeah, please thank you yes,that was literally what I was
gonna say.
That was gonna be.

Speaker 3 (07:00):
John is two for two stealing, stealing our answers
right now.
Man, it's absolutely ridiculous.
And and, guys, if you've hearda fourth voice here, you know
what?
Before I forget to introducehim again, which I've never done
before, never, we've got afourth member of our team and if
I get naked, then will youstill call me Superman.
If I'm alive and well, will yoube there holding my hand.

(07:22):
I'll keep you by my side withmy super hugging might.
My kryptonite producer, sean,everyone what's up buddy.

Speaker 1 (07:35):
Oh, super hugging might.
That doesn't sound right, doesit Dina?

Speaker 3 (07:39):
Fuck you, don't you dare.
No, no, no, I don't think so,buddy.

Speaker 1 (07:41):
Hey, matthew, welcome to the show buddy hey, I don't
think so, buddy.
Hey, matthew, welcome to theshow buddy.

Speaker 5 (07:45):
Hey, thank you, Glad to be here.
He did say kryptonite too, soit's a little bit of both.

Speaker 3 (07:51):
See, yeah, so he goes a little bit both ways, you
know.
But Matthew, you're on my sidehere.
You think I'm a good hugger,right?

Speaker 5 (08:00):
I cannot pass judgment until you hug me, so
you're going to have to makethat happen.

Speaker 4 (08:04):
Yeah, we're going to have to do this.
Choco-con 2, baby Choco-Con 2up in Maryland.

Speaker 3 (08:09):
Come and get your hugs.
Maybe they're disappointing.
I don't know if I'm over theyips yet.

Speaker 1 (08:14):
You're not.
We play some games on this showwhich we will be enjoying in
person as well in Maryland.
By the time you watch this,that'll probably have happened
or be close to have happened.
We all play Buffalo here.
That means we all drink withour left hand.
Because we're right-handed, youhave to drink with your off
hand.
If you're caught drinking withyour right hand tonight, Matthew

(08:34):
, we will make you finish yourdrink.
If you catch any of us drinkingwith our right hand tonight,
call out Buffalo and we willhave to finish our drink.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
We also have a series of buzzwords and phrases.

Speaker 1 (08:52):
If you hear this, that means someone said one of
those things and it's time todrink, and uh, we're all
right-handed, so I might as welljust take over that sound
effect, since yeah, it's reallyours, if you think about it.

Speaker 3 (09:00):
Yeah, if you think about it, it's really our
original soundbite, if you thinkabout it so so here's the thing
I love giving daniel dead air.

Speaker 4 (09:11):
He always does that nervous laugh.
I get a little turned on by thedead air.

Speaker 3 (09:15):
So just know that every time you give me dead air
like I'm a little aroused yeahawkward I think that's really
inappropriate.

Speaker 5 (09:22):
I mean that nervous laugh kind of sounds like the
trilling of a gnome too.

Speaker 3 (09:25):
so how fucking dare you sir you?
Come into our house and youspout gnomish propaganda
wherever you go.
It's.

Speaker 4 (09:41):
By the way, guys, I'm on Gnome vs Night.
Tiktok yeah are you are you onthere too?
Because, the mermaids justsided with the gnomes, and I'm
like yeah, let's go it's a wholeyeah there's a war going on on
tiktok.
I don't know what's happening,I just got like I've just seen.

Speaker 5 (09:57):
It's just.
I've been watching it, matthew,I need to explain this to you
gathered and decided thatthey're gonna be on the side of
the the Knights.

Speaker 4 (10:04):
Like I don't know if we're going to battle or
something, but like I'm teammermaid.

Speaker 3 (10:08):
You're team mermaid, so you're on the night, so
you're on the right side.
Matthew, where do you stand?

Speaker 4 (10:11):
No.

Speaker 2 (10:12):
I'm on the gnomes then.

Speaker 5 (10:13):
Come on, what Backwards In the name, yeah 100%
are on side gnome.

Speaker 3 (10:20):
I thought you said they're on the side of the night
.

Speaker 1 (10:22):
No, she said, the mermaids joined the gnomes.
That's what she said.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
Fuck Dina.
I'm so sorry this is the end ofour partnership.
I've really enjoyed it Allright?

Speaker 1 (10:32):
Well, this was a great episode.
Everyone All right.

Speaker 3 (10:34):
Wrap it up, guys, we're gone boys and girls.
Thank you, matthew.
You're now the shortest episodein our history, except for the
two missing episodes, are we upto three now?

Speaker 1 (10:49):
No, we had two and a half, I would say, or two and a
third.

Speaker 3 (10:53):
Okay, two and a third .
Okay, man, I'm so excited.
And Matthew, can you explain tome about this gnome versus
knight?
Like I'm five, like are you anexpert?
You know you're an expert.

Speaker 5 (11:07):
You just said he didn't know what was going on
either.
I thought you said he knewabout it.
I I know of it.
I have not been able to followhim as much I'm aware of it.
I don't know what's going on.
It started off as this guy,dressed up as a gnome, kind of
wearing a blanket as a cloak,crouched down going into public
places and being a publicnuisance, as gnomes are wont to
do, stealing steaks and all that.

Speaker 3 (11:29):
Yeah, those little assholes.
This is the best viralmarketing ever.
Why didn't I think of this?
To promote my book, guys.

Speaker 1 (11:37):
He's just out in public.

Speaker 3 (11:41):
Just hiring a guy to be a gnomish menace.

Speaker 4 (11:44):
Just walk around with a slab of raw meat while you do
it everyone's be like what thefuck's going on?

Speaker 3 (11:51):
yeah oh, that's brilliant man.
So, man, I'm so excited,matthew, I'm so excited to have
you on here, because we're goingto be talking about your book,
uh, the dark side of super.
Uh, we're going to be gettinginto some story times.
Got it right this time, uh.
But before we do any of that, Ineed everyone to dim the lights
, put some nice mood music on.
Leave your disbelief at thedoor, because it's time for

(12:11):
dina's tiktok conspiracy corner.

Speaker 4 (12:14):
Okay so taylor swift is going to be featured in
Deadpool 3 as the Bedazzler.

Speaker 3 (12:24):
Oh, she's so close, so close.
This is brand new information.

Speaker 4 (12:29):
Dazzler, I got it wrong.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
Do you want a clean take of that?
No, don't get it wrong.
She doesn't get a clean take,Sean.

Speaker 4 (12:34):
No, it's fine, I don't need it.

Speaker 3 (12:36):
I was thinking of that machine.

Speaker 4 (12:37):
I had a mind map and I knew I was going to panic and
there it is.
Well, you know what yep dina'smind map so I was thinking about
how she always does like thedazzling in her song and um all
of her outfits are obviouslybejeweled and I always think of
that um, like the bejeweler fromuh, or is it bedazzler or

(13:00):
something?
like that from bedazzler, yeah,from the 90s, and I'm like I it,
just it spiraled and I was likedon't say it, don't say it,
don't say it bedazzler anyways,yeah, no, I've been there.
I've been there, but anyway Iknow people are thinking that
she's gonna be the dazzler indeadpool 3 because, uh, ryan
reynolds blake and um, blakelively and um I, I almost said

(13:24):
Hugh Hefner.

Speaker 1 (13:26):
Hugh Jackman.

Speaker 4 (13:27):
Yeah, hugh Jackman.
We're all seen at her concerttogether and they went to like a
football game with her andthey're thinking that it was
like an Easter.
Oh yeah, the Super Bowl.
They were thinking this was anEaster egg.
Yeah, because she keeps doinglike dazzling and like her
outfit looks just like thedazzlers from the comics too.

Speaker 1 (13:47):
so oh my god, she would actually be perfectly cast
as the dazzler like there'sactually rumors that she would
play dazzler like a long timeago, like in an x-men movie, and
it just never came to fruitionand apparently some people saw
like cameras recording snippetsfrom her shows, not for her
documentary, like they weren'tlabeled for her at all.

Speaker 4 (14:10):
It was like not labeled cameras.
So they're thinking thatthey're using snippets from the
heiress tour in the movie aswell.

Speaker 1 (14:19):
Well, by the time this airs, Deadpool and
Wolverine will have been out fortwo weeks.
So tell us down below if thisrumor is true we're about to
find out how accurate Dina is.

Speaker 3 (14:33):
But listen, dazzler, she would crush as Dazzler.
Dazzler is a character that gotknocked out of this, uh, the
mythos and basically becameJubilee.
Um, but you know what?
We have a superhero expert here.
Matthew, I'm gonna put you onthe spot.
Tell me about the bedazzler.
The bedazzler.

Speaker 5 (14:49):
As far as I know, it was a supervillain that went
around bedazzling people'sunderwear.

Speaker 3 (14:53):
Oh shit, so you could just magically bedazzle.
So you just get reallyuncomfortable.

Speaker 5 (14:58):
How did they become a supervillain.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
Matt, how did they become a?

Speaker 5 (15:02):
supervillain.
Somebody broke their originalbedazzler so they built a new
one, and they got hit by cosmicradiation and bit by a spider.

Speaker 4 (15:12):
And that's how they became the bedazzler, my car
seat cover is bedazzled and Ican confirm it is very
uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
Bedazzling gotcha, so they just bedazzle your
underwear and then you'reuncomfortable all the time.
It's just like the ultimateinconvenience.

Speaker 5 (15:27):
You're about to start throwing down in an epic world
shaping fight If you've alreadygot swamped out and then you get
bedazzled.
You're in a world hurt.

Speaker 3 (15:37):
I mean, imagine if they bedazzled the underside of
your foot.
It's just like walking on Legos, like this could be a fucked up
supervillain, guys, yeah thiscould be a fucked up super
villain guys.

Speaker 4 (15:46):
Yeah, what if they bedazzled just your socks so
when you're sleeping at night itjust covers your toes?
Would that drive you crazy,daniel?

Speaker 3 (15:50):
yes, it would that would absolutely drive me insane
.
You gotta cover the toes whileyou sleep, but not the rest deep
into that.

Speaker 1 (15:56):
Daniel lore he sleeps pretty uninitiated listener,
dear listener.
Daniel sleeps with socks justcovering, like balled up over
his toes.
He takes his sock all the wayoff, until right before his toes
.

Speaker 5 (16:10):
It's the demon beneath the bed.

Speaker 3 (16:13):
Matthew gets it.
It's so nice to feel seen andheard on this show.
Thank you, Matthew.

Speaker 4 (16:18):
Do your socks come off in your sleep?

Speaker 5 (16:20):
No, that's a personal question.

Speaker 3 (16:22):
Yeah, that's the line of all the things of all the
lines we've crossed in this show, this is the worst one god damn
it but you know what I have.
I have a second question foryou, matthew, are you a tease?

Speaker 5 (16:41):
wouldn't you like to know?

Speaker 3 (16:46):
Matthew spicy today.
Well, matthew.

Speaker 4 (16:49):
I'm gonna need you to Jack have you taken mouth drugs
today?

Speaker 3 (16:57):
I'm just trying to figure out what's going on right
now she's a little delirious,you're're high on Matthew.
That makes sense.
No, that makes sense to me.
I'm with you, yeah, I snortedhim.
Don't recommend.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
Matt, I almost got a spit.
Take, damn it Almost, almost.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
Snorted that motherfucker.
Well, Matthew, I need you tochannel your inner bedazzler.
Okay, I need you to bedazzlethe sensitive bits of our, of
our audience here and tell themwhat they might have.
Shout out, Shannon.
Shout out, Shannon Sing PickleBe Praised.

Speaker 5 (17:32):
There's a story about my first party invite waiting
in the wings.

Speaker 3 (17:37):
He's locked and loaded.
This is what it takes when youhave a first party invite.
Yeah, I'm fucking excited.
I'm sure nothing will go wronghere.
Sean, I'm feeling a littlespicy now.
Matthew's got me spicy.
How can we, how can we assuagethis spice buddy?

Speaker 4 (17:53):
that's a big word for you wow I'm surprised we didn't
hear some sausage unbelievableum, I did not pronounce it wrong
.

Speaker 3 (18:02):
I'm meant to say right.
I pronounced right wrong.

Speaker 1 (18:07):
I pronounced right wrongly, you know that track I
pronounced right left.
Wrongler, that's the word thereit is Wrongler.

Speaker 5 (18:15):
That's the one.
Isn't that another supervillain?

Speaker 1 (18:17):
The wrongler.
You guys, we're going to play avery special game for our guest
, Matthew Sidek, and it's calledSmash or Pass Anti-Hero Edition
.

Speaker 3 (18:30):
Dina likes the bad boys.
I'm going to tell you right nowshe's smashing all of them.

Speaker 1 (18:33):
This is going to be kind of a lightning round game.
You guys, I'm going to show youvarious slides featuring famous
anti-heroes from entertainmentand you guys decide smash or
pass.
Fuck yeah, are we ready?
Let's do this.
Let's do it.
Number one Smash, walter White.

Speaker 4 (18:53):
Pass.
I don't like his name.

Speaker 3 (18:57):
What that is the worst what?

Speaker 2 (18:59):
the hell, Dina Heisenberg.
It sounds German.
I don't like it.
I feel like he's a Nazi.

Speaker 4 (19:02):
It is German, it's named like it.
I feel like he's a Nazi.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
It is German.
It is German.
It's named after a Germanscientist.

Speaker 4 (19:08):
Yeah, so Nazi.

Speaker 3 (19:10):
Pest Nazi.
It's not that he's a drugdealer or murdered people.
It's well, okay, you know what?
That's actually a fair reason.
Okay, Matthew, what do youthink, buddy?

Speaker 5 (19:22):
Smash.
He's the one who knocks.
You gotta let him knock it.

Speaker 3 (19:27):
He is the one who knocks, doesn't matter which
door.
Baby, he is the danger.
Yeah, normally I thought I wasgonna be all Smashes on this
show too, because I'm kind of asick fuck.
But I'd rather have sex withHal than Walter White.
You know Like who's with mehere?

Speaker 4 (19:47):
This isn't like a, would you rather?
This is just what you want todo.
Are you talking about?

Speaker 1 (19:50):
Hal from Malcolm in the Middle.
Yeah, 100%, yes, oh yeah, buthe's a goofball dad, like of
course you'd want to bang him.
He's got nothing but goodenergy.
That's not the game.
Fair enough All right pass.

Speaker 4 (20:03):
Oh my God, that's the same person.
It is, oh, dina.

Speaker 5 (20:11):
See, that's his glasses on for that you guys?
That's his ego.
Notice he's wearing glasseslike Clark Kent.

Speaker 2 (20:18):
Yeah, I didn't recognize him.

Speaker 1 (20:20):
Yeah, uh-huh Not the only one.

Speaker 4 (20:22):
Why did I say I recognized him?

Speaker 3 (20:24):
I didn't recognize him is this gonna be this
episode?
Are we just not gonna be ableto, like, pronounce words, right
, I've already messed up severalfucking things.
I can't wait well, thankfullyI've been one who can speak?
I wouldn't bet on that get somemore peanut butter whiskey,
matthew, it's time.
All right, you guys.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
Number two here we go .
All right, you guys Number two,here we go.

Speaker 4 (20:42):
Snape Smash.
Oh, but like not teenage, likegross Snape, like current adult.
Snape, that has like hairhygiene.

Speaker 3 (20:51):
Yeah, does he have hair hygiene, though it's?

Speaker 1 (20:54):
always described he's got beautiful hair.

Speaker 3 (20:56):
Okay, in the books it's always described as greasy
guys.

Speaker 4 (21:00):
I think JK Rowling is just a horrible person and she
just doesn't understand that hishair is shiny, it's not greasy.

Speaker 1 (21:08):
I'm basing it off of the Alan Rickman interpretation
and it's a hard smash for me,yeah, hard smash, matthew.

Speaker 5 (21:18):
If it was Alan Rickman, smash Snape, pass.
He killed Dumbledore.
You can't have that.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
Ooh, it was an agreement, if you agree to
murder you shouldn't be introuble Sorry.

Speaker 1 (21:31):
He has gray intentions the whole time.
I think you're intended tothink that he's the bad dude,
but he's actually.
He does the honorable thing inthe end.

Speaker 4 (21:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (21:41):
Well, you can be the honorable thing then, not me,
yeah, well you could be thehonorable thing then, not me.

Speaker 3 (21:49):
Yes, matthew let's go .

Speaker 1 (21:52):
That was fucking great.
More snape for me then, matthewso, listen, I again.

Speaker 3 (21:57):
I'm shocking myself here in that I'm another pass
here, but there's a veryspecific reason because when me
and my wife is lightning round.

Speaker 4 (22:04):
Daniel, we don't need your opinion.

Speaker 3 (22:05):
When me and my wife were first started dating, we we
started doing who's yourcelebrity crush, like who's your
hall pass and everyone, and I'mlike naming like all these,
like super hot women inhollywood, and she says snape,
not alan rickman, just snape sodo you still have a hall pass
and she doesn't, because he'sdead?

Speaker 1 (22:22):
yeah, yeah, 100, yeah , 100%.

Speaker 2 (22:24):
Well, she didn't mean Alan.

Speaker 1 (22:25):
Rickman, so she actually never had a hall pass
because she named a fictionalcharacter that doesn't actually
exist.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
What a dumbass, what a dumbass.
And she said he's hot in acreepy kind of way, so she's
into creepy hot, which now makesme question our whole
relationship.
So out of jealousy, a pass?

Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, because You're a fucking teddy bear.
That's so weird.
All right, next.
Yeah, let's do it.
Oh, kiddo the bride from KillBill.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
Matthew you know the answer.

Speaker 5 (22:55):
A fucking Dina.
Yeah, got to help her wigglethat toe.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
Oh God, thanks, Quentin.
My name is Buck.
Well, I already knew Daniel wasgoing to be a smash, because
he's got a weird kink forsamurai swords.

Speaker 5 (23:11):
Do you not?
Is there something wrong withyou?

Speaker 1 (23:14):
I mean, they have their place, just not in my bed.

Speaker 3 (23:17):
Well, I don't see.
Is it there for home defense?
Are you still?
Do you still own the sword,Sean?

Speaker 1 (23:23):
Yeah, of course I would never get rid of the sword
.
He got me a sword when I washis groomsman.
That is best man not best manbest man has.
It has my name etched into it.
I would never ever get rid ofit and I will use it in the
event that I have a homeintruder.
I will not use it in my bedhave you asked me If?

Speaker 5 (23:44):
Beatrix Kiddo came in there and said she wanted that
sword in the bed with you.
You'd say no.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
I would say it can sit off to the side, if that's
all she wants, if she wants itfor safety.
It's just there, just in case.

Speaker 3 (23:57):
If the mask stays on, Sean, the sword stays in bed.
That's all I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (24:01):
It's like Ziva from NCIS.

Speaker 1 (24:04):
All I know is we're not banging in the bed, we're
banging in the pussy wagon.
Baby, my name is Buck.
I mean hands down.
Yeah smash, yeah smash.
Dina hasn't seen Kill Bill inhis shows.
Yeah Well, she might have seenit, but she's already forgotten
it.
All right, here we go.

(24:24):
Dexter Morgan.

Speaker 4 (24:26):
Oh, you know, I almost said smash just then, but
I saw the first episode thefirst 10 minutes of the first
episode of Dexter and pass.
You're missing out it only getsweird in like the fifth season.
It makes me deeplyuncomfortable.

Speaker 3 (24:42):
It's a fucking show about a serial killer.
I hope so.

Speaker 4 (24:46):
I can get on board with some serial killersiel like
like who dina?

Speaker 1 (24:51):
I don't know I can't think of any I knew you were
gonna ask me that anybody rightnow she knows a couple active
ones.

Speaker 3 (24:58):
So no, that's, that's fair.
Uh, matt, what about you, buddy?

Speaker 5 (25:00):
uh, smash and pass normally be smash, but haven't
watched the dexter series andhe's just constantly sweaty in
the floor to heat.
Probably pass.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
Yeah something I've learned from Dexter is that
there's always an active serialkiller in the Miami area.

Speaker 5 (25:17):
Always.

Speaker 4 (25:19):
Like always Seminole Heights, but yeah.

Speaker 3 (25:21):
Well, I mean, think about psych.
How many fucking murders are inLong Beach, dude?

Speaker 1 (25:29):
Yeah, I.
I mean, there wouldn't be ashow if there weren't serial
killers there.
This is a hard smash for me.
You guys, I don't like if ifthere were ever any sexy, dark,
murdery energy dexter's got itlike I don't, I can't even
explain it, it's intangible yeah, listen, I, I'm here for it
until it gets weird in the laterseasons.

Speaker 3 (25:44):
Uh, you know what dexter I'm gonna roll the dice.
Family man, you know, blendedin society, I'm in that, there's
smash what about?

Speaker 5 (25:52):
what about john lichtenhouse character?

Speaker 1 (25:55):
I still think of the sun, that is that is the best
season of dexter and hands downbest villain on that show.
Yeah, it's passed for me, dude.
That guy's a fucking weirdo.

Speaker 5 (26:08):
And not the good guy.

Speaker 3 (26:10):
Yeah, he transcended weirdo in that show man.
I might need to rewatch it.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
Yep.

Speaker 3 (26:15):
Alright, what do we got next, Johnny?

Speaker 1 (26:19):
Harley Quinn Smash, smash.

Speaker 5 (26:24):
Matt, go ahead, matthew, smash with the baseball
bat.
Holy shit, matthew, that isfucking kinky bro.

Speaker 3 (26:36):
Yeah, sean, I know it's a yes, don't pretend it's
not.

Speaker 1 (26:40):
I don't know if I can say yes, man, because you know
the rule don't stick your dickin crazy, and she's about as
crazy as the kid.

Speaker 3 (26:47):
Yes, yeah, there is a high chance you'll get murdered
, but it could also be the bestsex of your life, like I feel
like that is a worthwhile.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
It's worth it yeah.

Speaker 3 (26:57):
That's a good, worthwhile gamble here, like
that's how risky this one is, ohman.

Speaker 2 (27:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:05):
I don't know.
I think I'd have to flip a coinon this one.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
Are you flip?

Speaker 1 (27:09):
a coin weather.
Yeah, I'd have to two face thisone.

Speaker 3 (27:15):
Now, dina, the question is would you take?

Speaker 2 (27:18):
a shower before.

Speaker 1 (27:25):
Yeah, thank you for this deep Dina lore.
That isn even true.
You guys just made it up,totally, we just made it up,
okay, no, you took it out ofcontext allegedly you don't have
to.

Speaker 4 (27:38):
You don't have to defend yourself, it's okay to
like, I like, I like to be clean, it's.

Speaker 3 (27:42):
She likes to get clean, to get dirty.
I don't know, not everyone.
We're ready for the next one,okay no.

Speaker 4 (27:47):
So no, we need to.
I need to.
I shower every night before bedbecause I do not like getting
in bed after sweating in theFlorida heat all day.
And y'all started saying that Ionly had sex after I shower and
that is just not true.

Speaker 1 (28:07):
I just don't like getting in bed with dirty,
sweaty nasty, but you also onlyhave sex in your bed, so we
discovered that that wasn't truetoo.

Speaker 4 (28:17):
I don't know if it was on the show or not.

Speaker 3 (28:19):
So so All right.
Last question, because there'sno way you can defend this one
why is it that Tim gets anerection every time it rains?

Speaker 4 (28:26):
That's not true.
That's not true.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
No, you made that one up.
I can confirm that that's theline.
That's the line.
Yeah, that's where we call it.
I will let you besmirch Tina onthe show all you want, but do
not bring my friend Tim intothis business?
Tim-a-rung into this business.
Timurangia, that's fair.
All right, let's see who's next, tony.

Speaker 5 (28:52):
Pass.

Speaker 1 (28:54):
Hard pass, Dude.
If he brings Gabagool to thebedside with him, he can smash
all day, baby.

Speaker 3 (29:02):
That is a big, hairy, sweaty Italian guy.

Speaker 5 (29:08):
But if you're getting to bed with him, you're getting
to bed with his entire family.

Speaker 3 (29:12):
Don't get in bed with the mob don't get in bed with
the mob, doesn't?
Work out, yeah, but also like Idon't know if the guts your
cold cuts man do, I have theguts Cold cuts man.
Do I have the guts to turn himdown?
I want to live.
I'm smashing.
I'm not taking that risk.
Yeah, I'm not taking that risk.

Speaker 4 (29:30):
I didn't think about that.

Speaker 3 (29:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (29:32):
I always thought that this is a consensual passion.
Pash Smash Consensual pash.

Speaker 3 (29:39):
I mean he'd let me say no, I would pash, that's
what I would do with Harley.

Speaker 1 (29:41):
Quinn, I would pash, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (29:43):
I'm right in the middle.

Speaker 3 (29:46):
Pash, oh shit.

Speaker 5 (29:48):
Oh Wade Wilson.

Speaker 3 (29:50):
Smash.

Speaker 5 (29:52):
Hands down.

Speaker 3 (29:55):
Yeah, I don't care.
It's a topographical map ofwhat's the line, sean, a
topographical map of an avocadoor something.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
It looks like an avocado had sex with an even
uglier avocado.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
Yeah, smash your face looks like an avocado had sex
with an even uglier avocado.
Yeah, smash, let's makeguacamole.

Speaker 1 (30:08):
It looks like a topographical map of Utah.
There it is.
I would say the hardest smashever and take the mask off.
Baby Give me the.

Speaker 5 (30:19):
Freddy Krueger.

Speaker 3 (30:20):
It's the only one where the mask stays off.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (30:22):
But does his katana get to stay in the bed?

Speaker 1 (30:24):
Oh, they're on his back.

Speaker 3 (30:27):
They can stay on his back so if they're attached to
the person you're having sexwith the sword can be in the bed
, so he's going to be in top.

Speaker 1 (30:35):
Oh no, he's definitely a bottom if you've
seen Deadpool.

Speaker 3 (30:38):
International Women's Day.

Speaker 1 (30:39):
I don't remember, he's a power bottom.
He, he's a power bottom.

Speaker 2 (30:46):
He gets pegged on.

Speaker 1 (30:46):
International Women's Day, him and Vanessa celebrate
holidays with different themedsexual encounters.

Speaker 4 (30:52):
Oh, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 (30:54):
Yeah, she totally remembers.

Speaker 4 (30:56):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
Yeah, I remember that .

Speaker 4 (30:59):
Actually, you know what I was thinking about.
I was just thinking because yousaid peg, I was like Peggy
Hanbury.

Speaker 1 (31:07):
What we call her peggy and then no context.

Speaker 2 (31:11):
I love that so much oh my gosh okay I mean, we're
unanimous here, right?

Speaker 3 (31:18):
yeah, and you know what I'm gonna take it a step
farther sean, if anyone ever godjust skip to the next one says
no.
If anyone ever says pass toDeadpool, I'm gonna fucking find
them.
Sean, I'm gonna fucking findthem and I'm going to wave
menacingly your mics back there,daniel yeah, stay behind your
mic, pal.

Speaker 1 (31:38):
I forgot to tell you that again.
I'll do that next time.
Yeah, all right, michaelCorleone, are we talking younger
?
But smash, I'm intrigued nexttime, alright, michael.

Speaker 3 (31:46):
Corleone, are we talking young or I don't?

Speaker 1 (31:48):
know who it is.
But Smash, I'm intrigued.
You've never seen Godfather.

Speaker 3 (31:53):
Oh no, I'm giving you an offer you can't refuse.

Speaker 1 (31:56):
He's the reluctant mob boss who has empathy.

Speaker 4 (32:03):
Oh, cute, has empathy , dan has to make tough
decisions Cute.

Speaker 2 (32:06):
Cute.

Speaker 5 (32:11):
I mean, look at that suit.
How can you not?

Speaker 1 (32:14):
It's like that waistcoat, that fucking
waistcoat bro.

Speaker 3 (32:18):
It's appealing to my inner.

Speaker 1 (32:19):
Fundy oh my god, he's wearing his Sunday best, y'all
Not for much longer.

Speaker 4 (32:30):
Look at that.

Speaker 3 (32:31):
You can't see an elbow or anything, the suit
stays on.
The suit stays on.
Oh bless, bless, this has beenexcellent.
This is a titillating it's thebedazzler, it's me.

Speaker 1 (32:51):
I have never seen Dina get so excited Ever.

Speaker 4 (32:57):
I'm genuinely convinced I would be her friend,
even though we probably wouldhate each other.

Speaker 1 (33:03):
Your parasocial relationship with her is
becoming troubling to me.

Speaker 4 (33:07):
Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 3 (33:10):
I'm sure it's very healthy.
It's the restraining order.
Don't worry about it, Dina,it's fine.
I mean all right, let's alljust get this out of the way.
Smash Yep.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
I don't want to become her next big hit song
yeah you do.

Speaker 4 (33:26):
I'd love to be a song .
Are you kidding me right now?

Speaker 5 (33:31):
Producer Sean, she'd write a trilogy about you.

Speaker 2 (33:34):
She'd write a fucking trilogy For real.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
All right, you guys, this has been Antihero Smasher
Pass.

Speaker 3 (33:43):
That was a beautiful twist at the end, sean.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
Thank you for that I even surprised myself with that
when I forgot about it.

Speaker 3 (33:50):
Yeah, no that I just surprised yourself.
Well, you know what.
It's time that matthew gives usa little reach around, a little
bedazzle.
We're all about storytellinghere, and every week we aim to
share an entertaining tale.

Speaker 5 (34:02):
So without further ado, it's Storytime with Matthew
Alright.
So when I was in high school Iwas what you would call
typically a loner.
I didn't have a lot of friendsso didn't get invited to a lot
of parties.
So the one time I did getinvited to a party, obviously I
was kind of gung-ho to go.

(34:23):
I remember it quite well.
Some kid named Zeno Didn'treally know him.
Some kid named Zeno, zeno, zenowas inviting everybody, like
everybody.
So I didn't feel too good aboutit, but it's like let's go,
let's see what it is.

Speaker 1 (34:39):
That is a supervillain name.

Speaker 5 (34:44):
Can you spell that for us?
Yeah, z-e-n-o, okay.
And it turns out his invitationwent far and wide, not only in
our school but some neighboringschools.
So I ended up carpooling with acouple of friends and we all
piled into the back of a truckand we were following the
directions to get to this placeand it was a bonfire out in the

(35:04):
middle of nowhere.
And we show up and there's alot of people that are kind of
sketchy looking, hanging aroundand as we park our car some guy
walks up with his hand in hispants I don't think he was
jacking off, he was reaching fora weapon and we're like, okay,
Smash.

(35:24):
And so we walk out and Zeno wasnowhere to be found because he
invited way too many people anda lot of the wrong crowd had
showed up and they were burningthe couches he had set up and
basically we're gonna fight.
They were trashing this fire pithe had set up in the middle of

(35:45):
nowhere.
And then we heard sirens.
Why yeah?
The cops were coming Fire or PD,oh yeah, cops and fire.
So we and my buddies look ateach other and we're like, well,
it's time to run.
And we get chased by the copsthrough the woods and, uh, I've

(36:08):
never ran so fast in my life.
I can honestly say that, oh mygod, I don't remember much of it
, but we took off running in theopposite direction of our truck
because that's where the copswere and we had to circle back
around, uh, around, andbasically metal gear solid or
way past the cops, back into thetruck, and allegedly, of course

(36:31):
, if my parents ever heard this,yeah allegedly this never
happened.

Speaker 4 (36:35):
I gave up on that a long time ago.

Speaker 5 (36:37):
We took off in the truck and my buddy had a police
scanner and they were actuallysending somebody to follow us
until an actual fight broke outat the campfire and they decided
let us go to deal with theissues the diversion.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (36:52):
An actual fight.

Speaker 3 (36:54):
Oh my god, the fucking diversion.

Speaker 5 (36:58):
And so we were all huddled down.
One person was driving.
We were all huddled down in thebed of the truck, hoping no
other cop saw us, and like threemore cop cars passed by us,
headed to this place allegedlyallegedly.

Speaker 3 (37:11):
That's incredible.
You fucking hid from the law.

Speaker 1 (37:14):
That's a dinosaur special right there, better than
lemon juice oh my god, that'slike that classic movie trope
where like they're like casuallyescaping while the police are
going the opposite direction.
You're just like walking downthe highway while they're like
zoom, zoom.

Speaker 3 (37:33):
You're doing the fucking Kaiser Sosa right there,
man, that's beautiful.
Sorry, I'm going to.
I'm going to time it out realquick.
What was Zeno's first name?
That was his first name, ohthat was his first name.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
Oh, that was, you know.
Yeah, I don't remember what hislast name was, oh, but I don't
even know if that was his realname.
But that's fair.

Speaker 3 (37:54):
So there's oh, it was , it was an alias.
We we now know it was an alias.
So there's like a sports talkhost out here in atlanta called
mark z, like zeno spelledexactly the same way, and I was
like he's about the same age.
That would be a fucking insanecoincidence.

Speaker 5 (38:04):
So sorry, I just I had to be sure it's all good,
show me a picture.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
I'll tell you if it's him or not tweet him and be
like hey, did you like throw afucking fire?
Pit fucking rager wrong, wherethe police showed up and people
were burning furniture and stuffjust just asking for a friend.
You just want to know yeah, um,no, that's beautiful.

Speaker 3 (38:26):
Well, well, matthew, I'm so glad you survived.
I'm glad you were, even thoughyou're on the lamb and, uh,
probably the most wanted man inyour hometown right now.
Uh, yeah, you know, I'm gladyou're here with us.
Um, allegedly, allegedly thisis all facial face changing
software.
Sean, you've, uh, you morphedhis face right oh yeah, I'll do
it right now.

Speaker 1 (38:46):
I hope you just do a shitty photoshop over it it's
just gonna be a screenshot ofhis face over his live face face
on face.

Speaker 5 (38:54):
I love it you gotta do it, uh, south Park style,
like I'm Canadian oh yeah, I'lljust like have your head flap
around yeah, alright, matthew,you're out of hiding and now
it's time.

Speaker 3 (39:08):
You have a neckerchief, andy, some sort of
cloth or wiping device?
Yes, Is that is that just likea hand towel.

Speaker 5 (39:20):
It's a microfiber cloth, but it'll work.

Speaker 3 (39:22):
That's going to wick away that moisture Cause you're
going to fucking need it.

Speaker 5 (39:25):
It's going to be real sticky, real sticky.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
That's the reason why Daniel keeps a tube sock nearby
when we record.

Speaker 5 (39:31):
On his toes.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
Just on his toes, just on my toes.

Speaker 3 (39:36):
You never know when you're going to need it, guys.
So listen, Matthew, we're goingto peel back the layers of the
potato.
We're going to hit you withdeeply personal, hard hitting
questions with dinosaurs.

Speaker 4 (39:52):
Oh, it's my turn 110th time we've done this

Speaker 3 (40:01):
This is what happens when she doesn't have laundry to
fold.

Speaker 4 (40:04):
I have laundry in the washer.
I almost did it on our break.
But okay, matthew, which no,I've already asked you that one.
Um yeah, what do teeth tastelike?

Speaker 5 (40:19):
what do teeth taste like?
Probably, what have you lastate?

Speaker 4 (40:26):
all right, that's fair enough gingivitis you're a
burglar, but you can only stealthree things that mildly
inconvenience your victims.
What are you taking?

Speaker 5 (40:37):
what am I taking mildly inconvenience?
Uh, their toothbrushes, so theycan only ever taste what they
last uh ate?
Uh, probably their socks, andall of them, except for the ones
hanging off their toes, becauseI'm not touching their feet
Only the left ones, only theleft ones.

Speaker 1 (40:59):
No left and right socks.

Speaker 4 (41:01):
Do socks have a left and right on them.

Speaker 5 (41:04):
Those are suggestions at best.
And then third thing I'll takeis probably all of their bread,
because you can't make asandwich without bread so what
if they're keto or keto peoplelike now, you just help.

Speaker 3 (41:20):
Now that's my turn to fucking get on there.

Speaker 5 (41:22):
I can't pronounce the words and then they're gonna
have the fake bread and I'llsteal that, and if it's not that
, then it's the bacon that theyuse for bread.

Speaker 1 (41:29):
I thought Dina asked for mild inconveniences.
First of all, she would killherself if she suddenly didn't
have a toothbrush.

Speaker 5 (41:40):
She probably brushed her teeth during that bathroom
break.
You can still brush with yourfinger or with somebody else's
finger, however you need to ohsomeone else's Sean.

Speaker 3 (41:46):
Will you brush my teeth with your finger, please?
I, however, you need to oheveryone Someone else's Sean
will you brush my teeth withyour finger please.
Oh my God, I never knew howbadly I wanted this.
I never knew how badly I wantedthis.
Matthew suggested it and Iagree it's a good suggestion.

Speaker 4 (42:01):
Matthew.

Speaker 5 (42:02):
You're welcome.

Speaker 4 (42:04):
What is I just lost my place?
Oh my God.
This is so bad.
It's like I've neverinterviewed anybody before.
What is I just lost my place?

Speaker 2 (42:08):
oh my god this is so bad it's like I've never
interviewed anybody before it'spage one of our rundown no, I
know, but I had a specificquestion.

Speaker 4 (42:16):
Oh, what is the opposite of milk?

Speaker 3 (42:18):
the opposite of milk is chocolate expand well no
comment, okay, fair enough solidchocolate or liquid chocolate
the cocoa bean depends on whatmood you're in I?
I don't.
I am more mystified the more hetries to explain this answer.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
I don't, because I I love this because matthew's
watched this segment a number oftimes, so he knows how to
frustrate.

Speaker 5 (42:49):
Dina with his answers , but this is also just how I
answer questions.
You could ask my wife.

Speaker 2 (42:57):
Why are?

Speaker 4 (42:57):
wet clothes darker.

Speaker 5 (43:01):
Because they absorb all the sunlight like a black
hole.

Speaker 4 (43:04):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (43:06):
Science hey, Matthew, what does Wednesday taste like
Tuesday?

Speaker 5 (43:12):
Cause it came right after it.

Speaker 4 (43:15):
Cause it came Right after.

Speaker 3 (43:17):
Hey, that is Whoa Dina.
This is a family show.

Speaker 4 (43:24):
If Pinocchio's nose Grows when he's about to lie and
he says the phrase my nose isabout to grow, then will his
nose grow.

Speaker 5 (43:32):
Only on Tuesdays.

Speaker 4 (43:38):
Which stove burner is the superior stove burner?

Speaker 2 (43:42):
Front right, which is currently why.

Speaker 5 (43:43):
I'm cursed because my front right burner is broke.

Speaker 4 (43:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (43:47):
It doesn't turn off.
It doesn't turn off.
I'm sorry, yeah, it doesn'tturn off.
Painful it doesn't turn off.
I'm sorry it doesn't turn off.
Of high it's on or high.

Speaker 3 (43:54):
There's no middle ground okay, I was gonna say,
because that's carbon monoxide.
After you, that's, you have agas, no, it's electric.

Speaker 5 (44:02):
Okay, so I have the part coming tomorrow so I can
fix it, but still okay, beingwithout my my front right burner
is heartbreaking.

Speaker 4 (44:08):
I need you to pour one out for my homie yeah, dude,
I'm feeling it I love my frontleft I'm front left though front
right is because I'm right nowI can sit my big frying pan on.

Speaker 5 (44:20):
Yeah, my front right is the big one as well oh, my
front left is the big one.

Speaker 1 (44:24):
Yeah, you gotta like my big one too, like I'm girthy
I love it to act like he belongsin this conversation when he
hasn't used like he cooks yearsI occasionally cook.

Speaker 4 (44:37):
The last time you cooked, you messaged sean and I
makes a cheese.

Speaker 3 (44:43):
Sean knows exactly when I'm actually trying to like
cook something real, because Itext him and say, sean, I need a
recipe.

Speaker 4 (44:50):
Yeah, and like he has to walk you through it and hold
your hand the whole time too,because you can't just read the
recipe.

Speaker 1 (44:55):
I can't just give him a recipe.
I have to like transcribe it ina way that he would understand
yes, this is true, he translatesit killed me to watch lesson
but it comes out really good

Speaker 4 (45:07):
yeah, it's true.
Okay, matthew, you got to comein hot with this one.
I need you to back it up.
I need wise, I need supportingreasoning.
Nobody can argue with you.
You got to be like hard on thisone.

Speaker 3 (45:19):
Super hard.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
That's what she said.

Speaker 2 (45:21):
Hard on this one, yeah.

Speaker 4 (45:25):
Hey guys, I'm really scared because I don't know
You've asked him the potatoquestion before.
No, did Matthew.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
Buffalo?
No, he didn't, that's his lefthand.

Speaker 4 (45:40):
Which one is the left hand, his left hand?

Speaker 1 (45:41):
is this one.
Mike's side is his left hand.

Speaker 4 (45:45):
Oh man, I thought I feel like she tried to get out
of this.
Dina, you need to drink forfalsely because we had a whole
conversation about it, so Ithought that that was you can't
ask if someone buffaloed you.
Either I know one of it or youknow that's why I'm ready to
drink, but I really thought thatour conversation ended with
this being his buffalo hand youknow what well she drinks.

Speaker 3 (46:07):
Matthew, I want to give you back the power, the
power that we've not had anyguests.
Would you like the power of theparty button?
Matthew, I would love the partybutton.

Speaker 1 (46:16):
Perfect.

Speaker 3 (46:16):
Yep, we definitely do so.
Anytime you want to hit theparty button, Matthew, we're
going to bring back a classic.
You just say, producer Sean,hit the party button.

Speaker 5 (46:26):
Okay, will you please hit that party button for me,
baby.

Speaker 3 (46:29):
Yes, Sean, Do you really wanna?
Do you really wanna taste it?

Speaker 4 (46:38):
Is there it to my teeth.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
It's gonna be a while because Dina can't chug so
doing so good dina not really,but we can pretend yeah, all

(47:02):
right, we're.

Speaker 3 (47:03):
This is about as long as I can dance that felt right
to hear long as I can dance,that felt right, I'm to here.

Speaker 4 (47:14):
So fast I can go Good out Good out.

Speaker 3 (47:16):
That was perfect.
You did so good.
You did so good, dina, youstill got it.
You still got it.
I really thought this was hiswrong hand Doing so good.
All right, Dina, bring it home.

Speaker 1 (47:27):
She's going to need to burp at least one more time.
Massage the belly a little bit,move the gashes around, get
some indigestions.

Speaker 3 (47:39):
Yep, look at her, she's come a long way, even
three years ago, she wouldn'thave been able to do that.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
That was almost a full seltzer, I believe.

Speaker 4 (47:53):
It was.
I don't know what I just tasted, but it wasn't dinner.

Speaker 2 (47:59):
Was it your teeth?
It was your teeth.

Speaker 3 (48:04):
Oh shit, oh God, she's so bedazzled right now.

Speaker 4 (48:13):
Do you need?

Speaker 1 (48:13):
to go vomit real quick?

Speaker 4 (48:13):
no, I can do it there's three ring lights in
front of me.

Speaker 2 (48:15):
It's fine okay, okay, we still have author questions.

Speaker 4 (48:24):
yeah, we do, okay, what's?
What's the superior form ofpotato Go?

Speaker 5 (48:28):
Obviously the potato and anything you do to change
that makes it less superior.
If you hash it, if you cut itand fry it, you are diminishing
the power of the potato.
The only goddamn thing you haveto do to a potato is dump it in
some salt water and boil it.
That's it.
The superior form of potato isthe Syracuse salt potato.
If you haven't tried it, highlyrecommend because it will blow

(48:51):
your fucking mind.

Speaker 3 (48:53):
What makes it Syracuse?

Speaker 4 (48:54):
That sounds so plain.

Speaker 5 (48:57):
It sounds so plain and it sounds like why, why?
But until you take somefingerling or baby or new
potatoes and boil them in saltwater and eat them, your mind,
you just haven't lived.
So what happens?

(49:18):
What happens is yeah, go ahead,sorry.
What happens is the saltadheres to the skin of the
potato and turns the skin intoan oven itself, so it it cooks
the inside of the potato, soit's perfectly creamy.

Speaker 3 (49:26):
And then when you dump the salt water out, the
salt crystallizes, it makes theskin crunchy, so it's like the
best crunchy and yet soft frenchfry you've ever had I'm
intrigued because I was matthew,I was I was not on board with
you, but the more you'redescribing this, the more I'm
seeing the power of this potatocan you drop a recipe in the

(49:46):
food channel that?

Speaker 5 (49:47):
because if it makes, I think he has I have, but I
will do if I haven't.
I will do it again.
Because, yes, I will, because I, I shit you not.
My life was changed when Ipopped one of those fuckers into
my mouth.

Speaker 3 (49:58):
That's what she said that's what she said, sean.
I need you to report back.

Speaker 4 (50:02):
Oh, my god all right, sean.

Speaker 3 (50:04):
So here's where I need you to just splice in a
hard cut of you, uh, and make itlook like you just cooked the
potato and started eating it.
Sean, how was that potato?

Speaker 1 (50:12):
Definitely not doing that.
But if you put your cards rightI might make you guys Syracuse
salt potatoes in Maryland.
Let's go Hot.

Speaker 5 (50:20):
The key there is they have to be small potatoes,
because big potato just won'twork.
Yep.

Speaker 4 (50:26):
One bite potatoes or two bite potatoes, potatoes.
My bitch ass is about to boil arusset.

Speaker 5 (50:29):
Yeah, not a russet, a whole ass, fucking potato this
big.

Speaker 3 (50:34):
And the best part is I will crystallize how I
promised.

Speaker 5 (50:36):
If you cut them up the next morning and fry them
with some butter and toss someeggs on them, they're just,
they're good, okay.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
Don't mind Dina.

Speaker 3 (50:52):
She's just working on her story for the dark side of
supper it sounds like she gotthe dark side of supper rumbling
in her belly.

Speaker 1 (50:56):
The dark side of supper coming soon.
It's like lime seltzer and ritzcrackers well, matthew, you
survived it.

Speaker 3 (51:04):
Buddy, you, you survived a deeply emotional,
difficult experience and Iappreciate you being vulnerable,
opening up to us, buddy yourmic is back here, dummy.
Matthew, I appreciate youopening up to us being
vulnerable.
I appreciate you survivingthese personal questions.
You can put the neckerchiefaway and put on your serious

(51:25):
author hat, because it is timeyou were.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
Daniel, all along.

Speaker 5 (51:33):
Does he get a theme song like Agatha?

Speaker 3 (51:36):
Sean, please sing it for me real quick.

Speaker 1 (51:40):
No.

Speaker 4 (51:42):
I just realized oh, I'm sorry, go ahead.

Speaker 1 (51:44):
Can you please put on the correct author hat the
serious author hat.

Speaker 3 (51:48):
So the problem is I don't know where it is.
My mom cleaned her basementyeah, I don't blame her.

Speaker 1 (51:56):
She probably cringes every time she goes down there,
give me two seconds crumbs andthings that you leave around ma
meatloaf.

Speaker 4 (52:05):
Well, he's looking for his.
Author.
Hat have.
Have you guys ever seen, myName is Earl.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
Yeah, it's one of my favorite sitcoms ever of all
time.

Speaker 5 (52:12):
Never actually watched that one.

Speaker 1 (52:14):
It got shafted because of the writer's strike
and it just ended abruptly.
So many good shows did.

Speaker 4 (52:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (52:21):
Yeah, it's a really wholesome show about a reformed
criminal who decides to write alist of all the things that he
ever did wrong in his life andkind of make it right.
Every episode he's making oneof those things on his list
right For whoever he did wrong.

Speaker 4 (52:35):
Yeah, and uh, so um.
Anyway, when I just calledDaniel dummy, just then I I
realized that like ourrelationship is very much joy
and Earl, so he's yourex-husband.
Mine is that I would be honored.

Speaker 3 (52:52):
She's shooting full joy on us.
I would be honored to be yourex-husband, Dina.

Speaker 4 (53:01):
Ex for a reason that's fine.

Speaker 1 (53:04):
Many reasons and he's got a serious author hat you
guys.

Speaker 3 (53:10):
We found it, baby.
Baby, we're not taking ithalfway here, matthew.
Do you have a serious authorhat to put on yourself, sir, I
don't fresh out trying to quitthen you know what I need you to
go get the peanut butterwhiskey.
This is happening one of twoways either peanut butter
whiskey or serious author hat.
It's up to you, buddy.

Speaker 4 (53:23):
He has the peanut butter whiskey.

Speaker 5 (53:25):
He's got it.
That's what I almost buffetedhim in.
I had it, but it's gone now.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
It was about three shots of just talk.

Speaker 3 (53:33):
Bye, all right guys.
So we are here to talk withMatthew Siedak about his story
the Dark Side of Super.
This collection of storiesweaves together the tales of 11
individuals who've come intotheir own power when their backs
are against the wall.
Each of them will have to makea choice.
Felix must watch what he says,his voice carrying an addictive
power.
Jasper must learn to lookbefore he leaps while figuring

(53:55):
out his teleportation ability,much to the dismay of his sister
, enid, whose emotions bringrain and thunder.
Sabrina struggles againstrelentless flow of time, no
matter how much she tries toturn the clock back.
Nikael hides from the fame orinfamy the power to heal brings.
These stories and more, delveinto the dark side of being
super.
They can rise up like heroes orlet their powers corrupt them.

(54:19):
Find out which side of humannature prevails.
Again available now and man.
I'm so excited to talk aboutthis book, man, because I've
gotten to read some of yourother short stories in the past
and I mean this absolutely blowsa lot of your other work out of
the water.
Man, just brilliant prose.
I guess the biggest thing thatI want to say is you took a very

(54:40):
unique approach to a lot ofthese superhero powers and you
know we have to work very hardbecause it's an anthology.
A lot of these stories areshort, to not do spoilers here,
so I'm going to try to go inbroad strokes, but I guess I
would ask you which was yourfavorite superpower to write.

Speaker 5 (54:57):
There's two that are tied for contenders and that's
Felix's power and Sabrina'spower.
Those two stories hit me theabsolute hardest.
They were the best to write.
I lost myself in both of thosestories but, honestly, all of
them are my babies.
I had so much fun with all ofthem and I took this as a huge

(55:19):
challenge to try something thatI'm not comfortable with, and it
worked Absolutely and it worked.

Speaker 4 (55:26):
Absolutely.
Do you think that, like thosewere your favorites because you
had to sort of dig deep?
Because they, I feel like theystruggle the most with inner
turmoil while using their giftsand you know we deal with like
themes of addiction and thingslike that with them as well.
So you've got to really liketear your chest open for those

(55:48):
and get pretty emotionallyinvested to those.

Speaker 5 (55:51):
I got emotionally invested into all of them, but
those two stories, especiallyFelix's, that was the first one.
That was the inciting story forthis entire collection.
I was having a very rough timeat the beginning of 2023.
And the person who ended upediting this row, she was.

(56:11):
I was.
I couldn't find any inspirationto write.
And she's like here, here's awriting prompt and I took that
and I ran with it and it waslike the floodgates opened.
I saw Felix in my head and hisstory just leapt out onto the
page and that, to me, it was.
It was just I.
I could see it like a movie inmy head.

Speaker 3 (56:29):
Same with sabrinas um , they were clear as day to me
that if you told me they werereal people, I wouldn't be
surprised and so I want to kindof piggyback off of that and
kind of expand further on thatlast comment, because I think
one of the things that's reallythe most interesting about this
anthology is that you know,we're used to in the superhero
genre, even when you go for theanti-heroes or the darker, you

(56:50):
know, um, you know shows likewhether it's the boys or
watchmen and stuff is thatthere's a lot of assurity with
all of these superherocharacters, like they are cocky,
they're confident, they'rewisecracking, they're doing all
this, but all of your heroes arevery vulnerable.
There's a lot of turmoil inside, like dina said um, what was it
about appealing to theemotional that despite all this

(57:11):
power, they still have massiveinsecurity?
What was it about that kind ofwriting that you wanted to bring
through?

Speaker 5 (57:20):
I'll be honest, I was going through a lot of my own
inner turmoil and I straight upchanneled that straight onto the
page.
I straight up channeled thatstraight onto the page.
But to me, one of the thingsI've always seen is superpowers.
They seem great until you haveto realize they're not easy.
They're going to wreck yourlife one way or another, whether
it's the fact that you can'tcontrol it or it's addictive or

(57:42):
however.
And once that the writing promptthat was given to me was
somebody has a power and theydon't want it.
They just simply don't want it.
And that led me to the idea ofyou have Felix.
He's got this power and he's anaddict, and this power is very
addictive in and of itself.
And what cost does that havefor him?

(58:06):
And that's kind of the thing Itook with all of it looking at.
When I sat down to tobrainstorm all of these powers,
I made a list.
These are the powers I want totackle and this is what I see as
a cost, whether it's a physicalcost, whether it's a mental
cost, whichever, however thatplays did you want?

Speaker 4 (58:25):
I'm sorry, I still have that fucking saucer in my
okay, um, you gave us like.
So you stayed within.
Is it third person, one of youmostly and then you switched
over to first person um, forreasons.
But what was it like to sort ofmake that shift halfway through

(58:47):
and still be able to interweaveall of these stories?
Did that take like a lot ofplanning?

Speaker 5 (58:52):
It did not take planning for the first one,
which is the story of M, thatone.
When you read that story andyou read that character to me
you get the real oomph of thatcharacter's power and the cost
of it being in first person,being inside of their head,

(59:12):
being almost face to face withthem.
Uh, I don't think third personwould have done that justice.
Right, you have to feel thatperson and what they're going
through, having this power.
So that's what I went with withthat and then with the other
one.
Well, again, because of howthat story played out as it
started and it was a little bitof a backtrack, you had to be

(59:34):
inside that character's head, soI wanted to tackle that with
the first person as well is isagain, it was all a lot of
individual stories that startedout very kind of innocuous.

Speaker 3 (59:50):
It started out very kind of almost I don't want to
say slice of life, but very, um,small picture very zoomed in
and then, as the stories kind ofstarted expanding and we
started seeing the connections,and especially that that last,
like 25, 30 of the book, whereit just turns from a a nice
stroll into a fucking sprint um,what was it like trying to
build all of these stories andconnect them and weave them all

(01:00:11):
together for your own anthology?

Speaker 5 (01:00:15):
I did not plan that at first.
My original goal is and I kindof walked through this in the
afterward but there was Felix'sstory.
That came first, and the secondstory was Jasper's, and that
came from one of my writinggroups.
We were having a writing jamtogether and the, the writing
prompt for that, was beingthrust onto the stage, uh, which

(01:00:36):
fits with jasper's story.
But once I had those, Irealized I had two stories that
were within the same world.
Uh, cool, let's build ananthology of people with
superpowers that have a cost tothem and and let's run with that
.
It was by the fourth or thefifth story that I realized
they're not just in the sameworld.

(01:00:58):
These people know each other.
These people are affecting eachother, whether they realize it
or not.
And not just that, but there'ssomething else.
There is something else that Irealized.
I had left myself breadcrumbsto follow that there was a
bigger picture here, and it tookme probably until story six or

(01:01:18):
seven to realize what that was.
That last story, withoutspoiling it.
I did not plan that.
That came out of nowhere.

Speaker 3 (01:01:27):
So it kind of all just happened and you hit that
final inspiration.
That's incredible.
I mean, cause that that?
Uh, I can't wait Cause I'veheard I want to give the folks a
little taste of this story, butbefore I do, I've heard, uh,
maybe a sequel might be in theworks.

Speaker 5 (01:01:42):
I have started working on it already.
In fact, two sequels.

Speaker 3 (01:01:50):
Oh ready, in fact two sequels.
Oh, right now what we?

Speaker 5 (01:01:51):
are breaking news music, sean.
I want to do two more books um,and I've started brainstorming
them.
There's the light side ofvillainy, which is the opposite
of the dark side of super uh.
And then there's the narrowpath of power.
Um, you have the light side,you have the dark side, and then
you have the narrow path ofpower.
You have the light side, youhave the dark side and then you
have the narrow path betweenthem.

Speaker 3 (01:02:12):
I love it.

Speaker 5 (01:02:14):
I've started working on it, catching some snippets as
they come to me here and there,but the goal is a trilogy to
wrap up the entire story.

Speaker 3 (01:02:24):
I love it man, because you've teased a couple
other superpowers there at theend.
So I mean I'm pumped for it,but before we get there, it's
time to stop giving the audiencea tease.
Matthew, I need you to give usa little reading.
Man, Tell us what we have instore, or give us the music.

Speaker 5 (01:02:38):
So I went through here trying to figure out what
would be the best thing to doand I decided I'm going to go
with maybe not my favorite story, maybe not my favorite
superpower, but my favoritecharacter, and we're going to
the hidden cost, which is thefifth of the six actually
seventh or eighth story in it,with Nikhil that's my favorite

(01:02:59):
story.

Speaker 3 (01:02:59):
dude, I was going to say that out of all of them,
that was my absolute favorite.

Speaker 5 (01:03:04):
This guy, his voice is.
I lead a lot on my own innersarcasm and snark, so this
character is pretty.
They're all me in one way oranother, but this one I really
leaned on my snark and sarcasm.
So I picked this story to readbecause I laugh every time I

(01:03:24):
read a certain part of this andI figured I'll share that with
you guys.
Are you ready?

Speaker 3 (01:03:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:03:30):
All right.
Nikhail stared at the messagesitting on red on his phone, the
notification showing him thatsomeone somewhere needed him.
The problem it seemed likeeveryone everywhere needed him,
or nigh enough that it hardlymattered trying to figure out an
accurate number.
The cold press of a gun againstthe back of his head drew his
attention back to matters athand.
Swallowing hard, his eyesflicked away from the phone.

(01:03:53):
Noticing his distraction, alarge hand reached and took it
out of his field of view.
You really don't need to dothat, please.
Mikhail kept his voice calm,doing his best to sit very still
, very, very still.
One flinch and his brains mightsplatter all over the room if
the goon at his back pulled thetrigger.
Accidentally or otherwise.
Word on the street is that youhelp people, nicky.

(01:04:15):
Words with an accent Nick Halecould not quite place from
behind him, harsh, mirroring thepress of the circular nozzle of
the gun pressed against hisskin.
That at least served todistract him from the solid slab
of an oak desk in front of himthat had been somehow dragged to
the middle of the room, andfrom the huddled mass of flesh
sprawled on top of it, soakingwhat was once a pristine surface

(01:04:37):
with blood, the stench ofcopper and sweat filled the room
, as did the incessant lowgroaning of someone in pain, a
lot of pain.
There were others in therestanding in the wings, keeping
their distance, never lettingtheir hands stray, far from the
conspicuously inconspicuousbulges in their poorly tailored
jackets.
One last visitor hovered nearby, invisible, intangible, but

(01:05:00):
Nikael knew death when it camenear.
Everyone looked at Nikael.
He felt the weight of everybeady eye turned his way, almost
as heavy as the weight of thegun, swallowing hard, trying to
moisten the desert in his mouth.
Nikhil didn't move more than hehad to as he spoke.
Listen, yes, okay, you're right, I help people, but Then help
Mr Masuchi, hurry.

(01:05:21):
As if to punctuate the meaningof the voice.
Behind Nikhil, the figure onthe table groaned that much
louder.
As he writhed in agony, hisscreams cut soon, cut short with
a gurgle as he collapsed again.
Nikhil winced mr misuchi, hisbrain processed a mile a minute,
trying to remember where you'dheard that name before.
Oh fuck, fuck a duck and screwa kangaroo.

(01:05:42):
This isn't good, buddy boo,this is terentio, the, the
Terminator Masuchi.
Nikhil gulped again hard, tryingnot to panic, at least to not
panic more than he already was.
Any advice his therapist hadgiven him flew right out the
window, as anxiety, fear andeverything in between flooded
into him.
Look, I get it.
You want me to help?

(01:06:03):
Want has nothing to do with it.
You want to walk out of herewithout broken kneecaps or at
all.
You're going to do everythingyou can to fix this up right and
proper, hear me.
And the gun pressed harderagainst his head.
Nikael could already feel thebruise forming.
You don't understand.
First, fucking stop poking mewith that gun like.
This is prom night and we'reslow dancing with the chaperone

(01:06:24):
looking the other way.
It's not going to help anyone,for fuck's sake.
He'd lost control of his mouth,half expecting that to be the
moment.
Everything went black forevermatthew.

Speaker 3 (01:06:40):
That's the story I wanted to talk to us about.
That was my absolute favoriteout of the anthology.
And there was a lot of bangersin there, man, absolutely such a
creative take on that characterand their powers.
No giving it away, but, man,that was a fun one.
But guess what, buddy, you havesurvived.
You've survived, which means wecan take off our serious author

(01:07:00):
hats.
And it's time for off the wall,the segment that Dean is always
prepared for off the wallquestions.

Speaker 4 (01:07:08):
But don't make it weird, dina patthew, have you
watched the show heroes?

Speaker 5 (01:07:14):
I have and I was going to mention don't talk
about season two.

Speaker 4 (01:07:17):
Don't give me any spoilers.
I'm re-watching it and I don'tremember season two doesn't
exist.

Speaker 5 (01:07:21):
I was going to mention stop after one yeah, I
was going to mention that whenwe were talking about the
writer's strike earlier, becausethat was one of the victims of
it.

Speaker 4 (01:07:30):
Okay, so if Siler was in your world, do you think
that they could defeat him?

Speaker 5 (01:07:39):
I would say yes, because I think he kind of
already is and I'll leave it atthat and that just might be
where the trilogy goes, if theteam can pull it off so listen,
I'm gonna, I'm gonna waste myquestion.

Speaker 3 (01:07:55):
Normally it's Jar Jar Binks related, and as much as I
want to get sexy with you andJar Jar Binks, um, oh, long time
.
Yes, I need to know.
Can we see the bedazzler in thelighter side of villainy?

Speaker 5 (01:08:12):
no promises, maybe off screen, but I think I can
sneak a reference done all rightthere you go, you guys heard it
first.

Speaker 3 (01:08:18):
Here we have created the very first character in
matthew sidek's new book thebedazzler a side, side, side
character that there will be avery small throwaway reference
to that daniel can snicker aboutwhen he reads it I will very,
very excitedso, matthew buddy, I just want

(01:08:39):
to know.
So normally I this is the pointwhere I apologize to our guests
and I hope that we can befriends afterwards, because it's
going to get hot and steamy,it's going to get sexy, but
steamy it's going to get sexy,but I apologize for nothing.
I am incredibly proud of thisfind and I want you to know that
I look forward to you gettingincredibly sexy in this reading.
Can you get, can you channelyour inner Sean?

Speaker 5 (01:08:58):
Oh yeah, I hate that we brought this back.

Speaker 3 (01:09:02):
Each week we delve into some of the most cr-worthy
erotic literature in history,often handpicked by the Literary
Review, a renowned Britishliterary magazine, and segment
dubbed Big baby, dubbed cringeycopulation.
We showcase real excerpts fromreal books that we genuinely
intended to be taken seriously.
This week's passage comes fromthe Queen of Amazonia and

(01:09:25):
Elastoman by Joey Elastoman,baby Joy Marvell, and it will be
narrated by our guest Matthew.
Like any superhero, her secretidentity must be kept a mystery.
Therefore, she has no bio andI'm going to tell you right now
this is not anyone on the show.
This is a real book.

Speaker 1 (01:09:44):
Slide into those Discord DMs Matthew.

Speaker 5 (01:09:48):
Yes, sir, sir, there it is dean, I need you to focus.

Speaker 3 (01:09:54):
I need eyes up here.
I need your full attention forthe segment sean to turn the
music down.

Speaker 4 (01:09:58):
God damn it children can't hide from cringy
copulation.

Speaker 3 (01:10:04):
Dina are we ready?

Speaker 4 (01:10:06):
I'll take out my headphones.

Speaker 5 (01:10:07):
God damn it.
Oh yeah, come with me.
She burst, and some of hertribe did.
The trees around them were achorus of bones as the royal
guard got off with them, here itfucking comes.
Elastoman groaned and he couldhold back his seed no more.
Queen Amazonia writhed wildlyas the cum poured into her.
It fired in violent loops andher pussy massaged it free.

(01:10:31):
Her own climax soared, feelingten times more powerful when
coupled with Elastoman'sadventurous tongue.
In his warm release, he filledhis phone with cum and continued
to buck her pussy and lick herass, just to make sure his cock
turned slippery within her andhis tongue found its way a
little inside the queen's simpledot.
The last man could join theclub.

Speaker 3 (01:10:53):
Oh, there's a second one.

Speaker 5 (01:10:54):
Oh there it is.
You're not done, baby.
No other man in all of QueenAmazonia's many years had thrust
his tongue into her foil ass.
But Queen Amazonia knew forsure now that it was something
she'd be trying again in thefuture.
She came down on the other sideof her climax and the last man
pulled on her.
He retracted his tongue andsnapped it back into his mouth
with a sad side smack of hislips.

(01:11:16):
Good, the queen said Now go.

Speaker 3 (01:11:29):
Yeah, baby.

Speaker 4 (01:11:31):
Dina thoughts.
I loved Sean's sound effectsbecause I don't think he muted
himself and he thought he did.

Speaker 1 (01:11:37):
No, I knew that it was on and I knew that I had the
deep voice on and I audiblygulped when you said it fired in
violent ropes and her pussymassaged it free.
I was like.
But I had the deep voice on, soit was like cavernous sounding,
I'm sure.

Speaker 4 (01:11:56):
Yeah, I hated everything about that.

Speaker 5 (01:12:03):
Every single moment, but I'd do it again.

Speaker 3 (01:12:05):
Yes, sir, you would Alright let's run it back.

Speaker 1 (01:12:07):
Yeah, let's run it back.

Speaker 3 (01:12:08):
Yeah, let's run it back matthew no, I hated that I
I mean I like the visual of himhaving carnal relations while
also no, no, no.
He was fucking her.
Okay, let me, let me paint thispicture for you.
Dina, he was.
He was fucking her in the pussy, but then his tongue was

(01:12:28):
wrapped around her.

Speaker 4 (01:12:30):
No, I got it.
I got it.
That's why I said sodomy.

Speaker 5 (01:12:35):
The Amazonian salad.
It's much bigger, it's a muchbigger salad.

Speaker 1 (01:12:39):
Do you think they prefer syrup or jelly?

Speaker 2 (01:12:46):
No scrambled eggs.

Speaker 3 (01:12:46):
Serious question, matthew.
A little bit of both Syrup orjelly it I.
I felt like that was a sexy one, so we can add.
So can we go ahead and add boththese characters to um lighter
side of villainy is that thethird one.

Speaker 1 (01:13:00):
You're really pushing it.

Speaker 3 (01:13:02):
You're really pushing I'm just trying to listen, I'm
just writing this story for youAfter hours, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:13:09):
The outtakes the latest darkest night.

Speaker 2 (01:13:15):
Yes.

Speaker 3 (01:13:18):
But listen, matthew, before we get into the next
segment.
Guys, guys, can we go ahead andtake a knee?
Matthew, can you put on?
Just earmuffs for us.

Speaker 4 (01:13:26):
I will never take a knee in front of you, ever in my
fucking.

Speaker 3 (01:13:30):
Okay, I'm taking a knee too.
We're all getting on a kneetogether.

Speaker 1 (01:13:33):
Yeah, we're all now I want to.
Now I want to ice you inmaryland, so that'll be yeah
well, she doesn't even know.

Speaker 4 (01:13:40):
But all right, guys, bring it bring I know what it is
, but I don't understand thetake a knee reference that's
just like it when you get iced,you have to take a knee and
drink oh, I didn't know you hadto take a knee.
I just mean that you had to.
Oh my god, I've never been iced.

Speaker 3 (01:13:53):
Somebody iced me so many firsts for you she went
from saying I will never take aknee for you to make me take a
knee, and drink real quick, realfucking quick, baby, listen,
listen, huddle it up, matthew, Ineed to put on your muffs real
quick and just yeah, just justperfect.
All right, guys.
Guys, we're doing this, sowe're gonna.

Speaker 4 (01:14:12):
Oh my god, I hate this segment, it's so stupid.

Speaker 3 (01:14:16):
Perfect.
All right, matthew, you cancome back to the show.
All right, guys?
Uh, we are all in agreement.
And you know what, matthew?
We are giving your book thevery prestigious, very famous no
space bell prize.
Because we ain't heard no bell.
So I expect to see that on thebio buddy, you are a no bell
prize winning author,congratulations stupidest thing

(01:14:40):
we've ever done dude, I just gotbooped so hard right now.

Speaker 5 (01:14:46):
Right on the nose, baby Right on the nose.

Speaker 4 (01:14:49):
Have you guys heard about that girl that wore her
AirPods so much that it grewmushrooms in her ears?

Speaker 5 (01:15:01):
Nope, nope, not going there.

Speaker 3 (01:15:04):
I have so many more questions.
Save it for the next episode.
I need to explore this more.
Just fucking bookmark it, allright.

Speaker 1 (01:15:11):
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Hold on a second Explainyourself.

Speaker 4 (01:15:18):
Okay.
So a minute ago, if you see medoing this, it was because my
ear itched and I was using myChecking for the shrooms.
Earbud.
Yeah, I was using my earbudthere was no and then I also
thought about the girl thatrecently posted a tiktok and she
wears like cans and she waslike I thought that it was my

(01:15:38):
hair and it was like an earwigcircling around inside of her
headphones.
And then I was like, oh my god,remember that girl that tried
to sue Apple because her AirPodsgrew mushrooms in her ears.
But it was because sheliterally wore them to sleep
during the day in the shower forI don't remember how long, but

(01:16:00):
it was several, several months,and she grew mushrooms in her
ears and I was like, hey,remember when?
your mom told you when you werelittle.

Speaker 1 (01:16:06):
Yeah, let's saute those up, Matthew, let's do it.
Remember when your mom told youwhen you were little yeah,
let's saute those up, matthew.

Speaker 4 (01:16:10):
Let's do it.
And your mom told you to cleanbehind your ears like on the
little rascals, because youmight grow potatoes.
Apparently, you can growmushrooms.

Speaker 2 (01:16:16):
Why is that a bad thing?

Speaker 4 (01:16:17):
Yeah, that seems like a win.

Speaker 3 (01:16:18):
I mean superior potatoes, the potato is the ear
potato.

Speaker 5 (01:16:20):
We all need this.

Speaker 1 (01:16:21):
The ear-tato is my new one.
It's our secret.
So what Dina's trying to say isshe was so disinterested in
Daniel giving you the no slashspace bell prize that she was
thinking about weird thingsinside of her ear yeah, I can't.

Speaker 3 (01:16:42):
I can't unthink about it and I really want to take my
earphones out right now.
Thank you for that, dina.
I really appreciate that.
But, matthew, can you helpdistract us?
Buddy, because it's time, nowthat you're an award-winning
author, we need you to take partin the grand tradition of our
show, the one-second pitch.
So here's what you get to doyou have one second to lie,
cheat, seduce, threaten, dowhatever it takes to sell this

(01:17:03):
book to the audience.
But you need to fucking sell it, matthew.
And you've only got one second.
Don't cheat you, son of a bitch.
Alright, one second, and thenwe'll give you a full bid
afterwards.
I'm gonna count you in, buddy,here we go don't be a loser, buy
my book.
That's right, kids get in losers.

(01:17:24):
We're going to go readMatthew's book.
I love it.
I love it.

Speaker 5 (01:17:29):
Uh, matthew, tell the folks why they need to buy this
book, man, so if you like,superheroes, uh, and not
necessarily superheroes, butregular people who come into
their own power, that aredealing with their messy lives
with this power and how it justscrews them up, uh, one way or
another.
Uh, this is for you.
I channeled a lot of my ownexistential dread into it.

(01:17:51):
It shows, with all of thecharacters and their journeys uh
, there is a surprise waiting,two surprises waiting for you at
the end.
Um, everything adds up andculminates in the last um thing
and there's a puzzle to solve atthe very end.
So, if you like puzzles,there's something waiting for
you in there.

Speaker 3 (01:18:08):
I saw the puzzle, my eyes glazed over and I gave up
immediately, matthew you didn'teven ask me for help.

Speaker 1 (01:18:13):
Damn.

Speaker 3 (01:18:15):
Yeah, that's fair.
You know what, Sean?
I'm going to screenshot it.
Can you do it?
And then I'll tell everyone Icame up with.

Speaker 1 (01:18:18):
I one of matthew cypher's before that was.

Speaker 3 (01:18:21):
That was literally the prototype I used for this
matthew cypher's are featured inbook two of the discerners
trilogy.

Speaker 5 (01:18:35):
There we go, and you know what you gave us the
fucking key in that last.
Very well done, okay, yeah.
So, yeah, right, I will answerthose questions later.
If you have them, I don't mindsharing, but I'm not going to
spoil it for anybody else no,fuck that.
No, no, no, no.
You know what?

Speaker 3 (01:18:47):
hey, listen, matthew, I just want you to say a bunch
of words.
Sean's gonna bleep it out.
Don't actually give spoilers,but we're gonna just do it
quickly, all right?
Uh, so, matthew, tell usexactly what it says yellow
cilantro horse.
Yellow cilantro horse son of abitch, you, son of a bitch.
He fucking Uno reversed us goddamn it walked right into that

(01:19:14):
one.

Speaker 1 (01:19:15):
You earned it, matthew.
You earned it, buddy, I'm noteven mad.

Speaker 5 (01:19:18):
I waited all night to do that too, so you added that
one right to me.

Speaker 3 (01:19:22):
I fucking put it right up on a silver platter for
you, you son of a bitch.
Dina, I know you love this bookas much as I did Tell the folks
why they need to check it out.

Speaker 4 (01:19:31):
If you like Heroes meets the Boys meets the
Umbrella Academy, then you'regoing to fucking love this there
it is Umbrella Academy.

Speaker 3 (01:19:39):
Yeah, listen, man.
You know obviously I'm verybiased.
Matthew's been one of our greatfriends for a long time.
Um, love you to death, buddy,and I'm just so proud of you for
writing the story.
I mean the prose is beautiful,uh, uses excellent alliteration.
I mean it's beautiful, justflowery dialogue and, and it
starts slow and you don't knowwhere it's going.
And then, as this thing justfucking keeps rolling downhill,

(01:20:02):
I mean these like these, like Isaid, the last 25, 30%, I mean
the whole book's amazing, butthe ending is worth it.

Speaker 2 (01:20:09):
The ending is so worth going through this whole
thing, man.

Speaker 3 (01:20:12):
Goddamn right.

Speaker 4 (01:20:13):
Excellent, I can't take anymore.

Speaker 1 (01:20:15):
Here's.
Here's the thing, matthew, ifyou're going to keep queuing up,
drink prompts you need a drink,brother.

Speaker 5 (01:20:25):
You can't be doing that to us.
I will go get one if you wantto pause for a second yeah, I'll
be right back, motherfucker.

Speaker 3 (01:20:32):
346 minutes later oh, buddy you okay yeah, he almost
did it oh god, we could havefinished on a strong note.
Right there, bring us back in.
Oh oh god, we could have had,we could have finished on a
strong note right there.

Speaker 1 (01:20:48):
Now I gotta I can't cut that out, we gotta keep it
god bless, god bless americaeveryone.

Speaker 3 (01:20:56):
Um guys, as I said, this book is so good I can't
recommend enough.
It's available now.
You can find it anywhere wherebooks are sold.
You can check out matthew'sprofile to get this book.
I mean, support our boy,because I need the next two in
this anthology.

Speaker 2 (01:21:09):
Uh, freaking asap man we got this book yeah we got
this and wait, fucking bookmarksoh, and the other ones on my
desk, personalized yeah, my mineis nine, is two

Speaker 5 (01:21:27):
wait, that's a crock of shit.

Speaker 3 (01:21:28):
Mine isn't, you know what I know the author oh, okay
so, yeah, man, I can't recommendthis book enough.
Guys, matthew, thank you somuch for being on the show.
It's been so much fun, man, uh,I can't wait to get you back on
.
Uh, you, it's time for you tobecome so much fun, man, I can't
wait to get you back on.
It's time for you to become arepeat guest.
You let me know I'll be here.
Get fucking back to writing,Matthew Just get out of here,

(01:21:51):
get back to writing Daddy chill.

Speaker 5 (01:21:56):
No, daddy chill.

Speaker 3 (01:22:00):
Give it to me, daddy, just call me.

Speaker 5 (01:22:02):
Ryan Reynolds.
No, sorry, that's not happening.

Speaker 1 (01:22:05):
Happy international women's day happy

Speaker 4 (01:22:07):
international women's day baby I just picture the
love interest chicken, the malechicken from chicken run when I
think of Ryan Reynolds.
That's unfortunate.

Speaker 3 (01:22:19):
I thought you were going to say when you're
pictured pegging, but now it'sbecause his eyes are kind of
closer together than average.

Speaker 5 (01:22:26):
Not looking at his eyes let's be honest.

Speaker 3 (01:22:28):
Nope, it's a beautiful smile.
So, ryan Reynolds, if you'rewatching, you can come on the
show.
Has he written a book?

Speaker 1 (01:22:36):
Van City Reynolds.
He's written movies, I think.

Speaker 3 (01:22:40):
You know what that counts, so you know what.

Speaker 1 (01:22:41):
He co-wrote Deadpool.

Speaker 3 (01:22:44):
Yeah, movies, I think you know that counts.
So you know what?
Uh, yeah, so there you go.
So, ryan, come on the show openinvitation.

Speaker 5 (01:22:47):
Matthew, can you get in touch with ryan for us you
got it.

Speaker 3 (01:22:48):
Thank you right away.
Uh, so this is perfect.
Uh, but until then, or if matt,or if ron reynolds wants to
reach out, matthew, where canthe folks find you?
Uh?

Speaker 5 (01:22:59):
on most socials.
It's backwards night uh.
Instagram threads.
On most socials.
It's backwards night Instagramthreads.
Blue sky on Twitter.
I'm still choo-choo Psyduck.
I haven't fixed that yet.
I need to do that eventually,but I'm lazy.

Speaker 3 (01:23:10):
Yeah, go on Fucking fix it.

Speaker 5 (01:23:14):
What's your AIM?
Darm lost.

Speaker 1 (01:23:16):
Do you remember your ICQ number?

Speaker 5 (01:23:18):
I do 858-389-575.
Holy shit he is fucking ready.
Oh my God, let's go Take thataway.

Speaker 3 (01:23:26):
Message down.
Dina has no idea what we'retalking about.

Speaker 2 (01:23:29):
And in fact, 310-6269 .

Speaker 4 (01:23:34):
His Twitter.

Speaker 1 (01:23:35):
At Van City Reynolds.

Speaker 3 (01:23:37):
Yeah, Van City.

Speaker 1 (01:23:37):
Reynolds A-N-C-I-T-Y Reynolds, my wife and I.

Speaker 4 (01:23:40):
I know how to spell city you dick.
Reynolds, my wife and I knowhow to city you dick.

Speaker 1 (01:23:43):
I didn't know Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:23:46):
Sean you asshole.

Speaker 5 (01:23:49):
Sorry, that one I was going to say my wife and I had
talked a lot over ICQ and aim,so those numbers and things are
burned into my mind and whenthey started to go away I built
a.
I used a open source softwarepackage to build our own
in-house internal messagingthing.
So I have a raspberry pi set upso we can still use software

(01:24:12):
like that to talk back and forthoh my god, you have your own
raspberry pi powered instantmessaging server in your house
yes.

Speaker 3 (01:24:22):
I'm so fucking impressed right now.
Holy shit, that's incredible.

Speaker 4 (01:24:26):
The guys are so turned on.

Speaker 5 (01:24:29):
I don't know what we're talking about.
It also runs my pie hole.

Speaker 3 (01:24:32):
Hey, hey, on that note, dina.
Where can folks seeking the piehole find you?

Speaker 4 (01:24:39):
You can find me on X.
Wait, wait, don't do the Dthing yet.
Well, wait, wait.
No, I need to no hold on.

Speaker 3 (01:24:45):
I need to.

Speaker 4 (01:24:46):
That's what she said, damn it you can find me on
threads at dinosaurus dmiw andyou can find me on x at
dinosaurus d.
That's d like d's nuts.
I love it when the guests do ittoo.

Speaker 3 (01:25:04):
I've been waiting for that.
Yeah, that was the moment.
Right there you can find me onTwitter because I'm not going to
be a a pawn of the X game.
Okay, I mean, I like the real Xgames, not X.

Speaker 5 (01:25:15):
It's Twitter, it's not X.

Speaker 3 (01:25:17):
It's fucking Twitter and you can find me on there at
Dan Q writes thing.
That's Dan Q writes things.
Dan Q writes thing.
That's Dan Q writes thing.
Singular, how do you?
How do you?

Speaker 1 (01:25:22):
pronounce it, matthew Donk Donk.
It's donk, that's right.

Speaker 2 (01:25:27):
Thanks.

Speaker 3 (01:25:29):
Fuck, I thought you were the one, matthew.

Speaker 5 (01:25:32):
I am.
It's donk, though.
There's no changing that.

Speaker 3 (01:25:36):
I just need you to accept it, Sean.
Where can the folks find you?

Speaker 1 (01:25:46):
You can find me on xcom at chase holdu.
Uh, what you having for dinnernight, bud?
Oh dude.
I had some leftover smokedpulled pork, so I made a
casserole with some corn andblack beans and some onions and
I topped the whole thing withjalapeno cornbread and it's
waiting to be right now.

Speaker 5 (01:26:00):
Okay, we're on our way to your house.
Yeah, I'm on my way yeah, uh,fuck, maryland.

Speaker 3 (01:26:05):
Uh, I'm going to sean right now oh yeah, we are
giggity.
Uh see, this is the thing.
This is what annoys me aboutsean is that he'll just like oh
yeah, I just had some leftovers,and for the rest of us we just
prepare leftovers just likesomething cold or reheated.
It's like, yeah, I just I hadsome leftovers, but now I'm
gonna make this gourmet dish outof it.
Fuck you, peasants.

Speaker 1 (01:26:27):
I just like to repurpose leftovers and I don't
like being repetitive.

Speaker 4 (01:26:31):
Actually, I did just recently start getting into
repurposing leftovers because Iwas really sick of just being
like basic and like throwing itin the microwave.

Speaker 1 (01:26:40):
I have a book by one of my favorite YouTube chefs
called recipes with intentionalleftovers, by Sam the cooking
guy shout out not a sponsor.

Speaker 2 (01:26:51):
Yeah, I love Sam the cooking guy, but this, this book
.

Speaker 1 (01:26:55):
Yeah, Sam's knives are great.
This book you make something.
He has a recipe for somethinglike meatballs, for example, and
then he'll give you threerecipes that you can use to
repurpose the leftovers of themeatballs.

Speaker 4 (01:27:08):
I have wanted his cookbooks for a couple years now
, that's actually really fuckingsmart.

Speaker 1 (01:27:12):
It's a really cool idea for a book and I've made a
couple recipes out of it and ithas my two thumbs up.
So shout out Sam the CookingGuy.

Speaker 3 (01:27:21):
Shout out Sam the Cooking, cooking guy, you can be
on the show if you'd like.
Just, uh, reach out to us afterryan reynolds comes on.
Um, so, uh, besides for that,guys, this has been another
great episode.
Matthew, thank you so much forbeing on the show.
We can't wait to have you backin the live streams.
We can't wait for the next bookto come out.
Man and uh, we fucking love you, buddy.
So, uh, with that jazz hands.

Speaker 1 (01:27:47):
Don't make it weird With Daniel Quigley, dinosaurus
and Sean Holden, produced andedited by me.
Sean Holden Theme song byAmaria, incidental music and
sound effects provided by VoiceMod, as well as the YouTube
Audio Library.
You can rate and review thisshow on Spotify, Apple Podcasts,
goodpods and wherever else youdownload your podcasts.

(01:28:07):
Got a question for Daniel orDina?
Call the Don't Make it Weirdhotline at 347-69-WEIRD.
That's 347-699-3473.
And leave us a message.
It could be featured on afuture episode and if you
haven't already, pleasesubscribe to Don't Make it Weird
on YouTube for the videopresentation or on your favorite

(01:28:27):
podcast app for the audio-onlyversion of the show.
Thank you so much and we loveyou.

Speaker 2 (01:28:33):
Don't make it weird.

Speaker 4 (01:28:38):
Is that okay?

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