January 29, 2025 • 36 mins
Ever felt like a fraud despite your achievements? In this enlightening episode, I welcome Mark Collins, a pastor and life coach, who has experienced imposter syndrome firsthand and emerged stronger. Through his journey and insights from his book, "Life Mastery: Living Life by Design, Not by Default," we unpack the profound impact of life experiences and external messages on self-perception. Mark's perspective on faith and self-belief offers a refreshing approach to tackling imposter syndrome by understanding our true identity, which he believes begins with God.
We dive into the concept of life mastery, focusing on the idea that each of us is created on purpose, for a purpose. Instead of merely emulating success, Mark argues for a transformative mindset that sees you as the hero of your own story. Together, we explore practical strategies for mastering your thoughts, words, and actions, crafting empowering "I am" statements, and embracing an identity that transcends roles and titles. It's about becoming the person you believe you're meant to be, igniting the hero within all of us.
Throughout our conversation, real-life stories bring these concepts to life. We hear about Evelyn and Brett, who, despite external success, grappled with feelings of inadequacy. By redefining their self-worth through identity statements and self-affirmation, they discovered renewed purpose and confidence. This episode also touches on the vital role self-knowledge plays in personal relationships, advocating for authenticity and self-love as the antidote to external validation. Join us as we champion life mastery and self-worth, encouraging you to steward your current situation while progressing towards your ultimate goals with clarity and assurance.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dorsey Ross (00:02):
Hello everyone, thank you again for joining me
on another episode of the DorseyRose Show.
Today we have a special guestwith us.
His name is Mark Collins.
He is a husband, father, pastorand life coach with a passion
to keep Christians equipped tobe the hero God created them to
(00:24):
be.
He has authored Life MasteryLiving Life by Design, not by
Default and has developedseveral transformational courses
.
Mark, thank you for coming onthe show today.
Mark Collins (00:41):
Thanks for having me on, dorsey, I appreciate it.
Dorsey Ross (00:43):
Absolutely.
As my listeners know, I usuallyopen up with an icebreaker
question, and today's icebreakerquestion is if you could have
dinner with any historicalfigure, who would it be and why?
Mark Collins (01:02):
Well, I'm a person of faith, so the easy
answer would be Jesusesus, andfor the easy reason because I
would love to meet him in personbefore I pass beyond, you know
jesus, which would be my firstanswer.
I would say somebody liketheodore roosevelt, a historical
figure that I admire, whoovercame a lot in his life and
(01:22):
obviously became president andall the other things you know
about teddy roosevelt, if youknow anything, so you know.
Just another fascinating person.
I've read his biography.
So, yeah, those two would be mytop two.
Okay.
Dorsey Ross (01:35):
Today we're going to talk about imposter syndrome.
And what is imposter syndrome?
For those of my listeners, andeven myself, that may not know
what imposter syndrome is,Thanks for asking, dorothea.
Mark Collins (01:52):
Imposter syndrome , first, is something that I
struggled with in my young adultlife and it really is believing
that you're not qualified forthe life that you're living.
Whatever that is If it's yourjob or your business or
relationship or the things thatyou're trying to accomplish or
do it's feeling that you're notenough, that you don't have the
ability to succeed in that area.
Yeah, I find a lot of peoplestruggle with it or have a
(02:15):
challenge with it, myselfincluded, but certainly a lot of
clients that I've had who havehad success in their life but
still dealt with impostersyndrome all the while believing
they weren't good enough tosucceed, while at the same time
they were trying to do it.
Dorsey Ross (02:28):
What do you think I mean?
I know what you said resonatedwith me because I have felt that
way in my own life.
You know why do you think thatpeople deal with it or struggle
with it?
Mark Collins (02:42):
Yeah, it's a great question.
You know you talked about mybook Life Mastery Living Life by
Design, not by default.
In that I kind of unpack what Ibelieve is the truth, which is
you're either leaving from whoyou're created to be or what
your life has told you.
You are and, dorsey, in yourlife, I'm sure for sure in my
life I've had those times wheremy life has told me something
(03:02):
about a failure and insecurity,something that somebody has
spoken over me, a struggle I'vehad in my life that I've had to
overcome, and in those placesyou can start to feel like
you're not good enough and inthat place, for a lot of people
they take that message intoadulthood and so if they
struggle in school they feellike that.
You know there's this messagethat I'm not smart enough to, or
(03:24):
I'm not as smart as everybodyelse, and so you kind of limit
yourself in your future.
If you're, you know you haverelational issues or you have
parental issues.
You've had maybe a parent wholeft or some words that were
spoken over you.
Many times you can take theminto adulthood.
I mean to be totally honest, Iremember a teacher telling me,
going from junior high to highschool, that you know I was
(03:44):
going to a different high schoolto take on, you know, a program
they had there and the teacherlet me know that he didn't have
faith that I would be successfulat it.
You know, those are things thatyou hear in your life that make
you feel like you take them on,as I would call an identity
statement.
It's not the truth of who youare, but it's what your life has
told you.
And apart from knowing who youare and as a person of faith,
(04:05):
for me that starts with God butwhoever you are, apart from
knowing who you're created to be, the only thing you can look at
is your life and your past totell you what you're able to do,
what you're capable of and howbig you can dream.
Dorsey Ross (04:18):
Yeah, well, I can definitely relate to the teacher
part of what you said, because,because obviously you know you
can see me and know, and mylisteners know that.
You know I have a disability, Ihave a speech impediment, I
have a learning disability wheregrowing up I wasn't able to do
able to learn as well as otherpeople.
(04:40):
And as I got ready to go tocollege, that's what I felt like
I wanted to do and what Godwanted me to do, and my parents
were very supportive of it andthey said, hey, if you think you
can do it, you will.
But I had this one historyteacher and I went to a school
(05:03):
for people with disabilities andhe looked at me at an IEP
meeting one time and he said Idon't think Dorsey is going to
be able to make it in college.
I just don't think he has theability to make it.
And you know he looked.
When they looked, you know thegroup of people looked back at
(05:24):
me and they they said do youthink you can?
I said yeah, and they asked mymom there at the time do you
think he can make it?
He said, excuse me.
She said, if he thinks he canmake it, he will.
And nine years later I got twoassociate's degree and a
bachelor's degree in youthministry Awesome.
Mark Collins (05:45):
That's amazing and you know that's interesting
what you said, that your momsaid, because it's exactly what
I teach in my course by the samename.
It's called Life Mastery andit's this phrase.
It says this that who you thinkyou are, you'll become.
There's a scripture, you know Idon't want to beat people up
with the Bible, but there's ascripture that says it's in
Proverbs 23, 6, and it says as aman thinks in his heart, so is
(06:06):
he.
It's talking about a wealthyperson who's acting nice on the
outside, but they're really notnice, they're kind of deceptive.
The author's telling the readerhey, be careful with this
person.
They're acting one way butthey're really another.
But in there is an instructionfrom God when it says as he
thinks in his heart, so is he.
It's a description of thatperson, but it's also an
instruction to live your life.
(06:26):
So if you believe that you cando something, if your thoughts
align with who God says you are,that person is going to be
lived out Just like you talkedabout in the testimony of your
life.
It wasn't what the instructionssaid, it wasn't what the
instructor said, it wasn't whatyour disability said.
It was who you were created tobe in.
If you align with that, youknow you are and in that place
(06:47):
you can live it out.
The challenge in most people'slife is unlike you, dorsey.
They limit themselves, theybelieve they can't do it and
therefore they don't even try,or they give a little bit of a
half effort and when challengecomes up which I'm sure it
happens in your life, certainlyhappens in mine as well well
then, that's just a confirmationthat I'm not supposed to do
this, versus just a challenge toget over so I can do it.
(07:09):
So a lot of times our thoughtsstop us from the life that works
where you're being invited tolive.
If we would only believe wecould.
Dorsey Ross (07:18):
Yeah, you know you may talk about this later, but
the question I'm coming up withas you're speaking is how do
christians, when you know,christ talks about hey, you know
, I have a plan and purpose foryour life, I have great things
in store for your life, but yet,like you're saying, you know,
(07:40):
we may not think that way, wemay not have the thought of you
know, know that, but we don'tbelieve it.
How do we break that habit?
How do we break that healing toknow, okay, I'm going to
believe that God has a betterplan for my life, instead of
believing, you know, I'm notgoing to be able to do X, y and
(08:03):
Z.
Mark Collins (08:08):
Yeah, I think that's a great question.
First off, dorsey, and I thinkit starts with identity.
I tell people this it's a jokeand I tell them that my wife
won't let me have a tattoo, butif she did, the tattoo that I
have would have would beidentity is everything, because
I believe that identity iseverything.
We can unpack it in scripturefor those who are believers, who
are Christians and listening tothis, but it really comes down
to this who you believe you are,you'll become, and what we work
(08:30):
with in the course isunderstanding that your identity
is everything.
A lot of times and I'm sureI've seen this with people you
know as well apart from knowingwho you are, your world has to
make up the difference, and sowe try and get a title, or we
try and get a level of income ora job or a business, whatever
the thing is right.
There's a lot of them out therethat you can grab a hold of,
(08:51):
but in most cases, they're beingused as a substitute for
identity.
I don't know who I am, and so Ihave to have, you know, a high
level of income or a great jobor a title or a business.
You know I need to be a pastor,I need to be an executive, I
need to be an author, I need tobe whatever, and it really isn't
because that's who you'recreated to be.
It's because you want to feellike you're somebody of worth,
(09:12):
somebody of value.
And when you start to unpackidentity, when you start to
understand that you have aninnate creative value, just
because you're born, you havevalue, there's an importance to
you being in the world, and whenyou can unpack that with
identity we do that with some ofthe tools in my course and I
illustrate it in my book as wellbut when you do that, you start
to see that you're a person ofworth.
(09:33):
And so I'm not trying to reachout for some sort of role, title
, income, possession to make mefeel important.
I realize I have value alreadyand in that place you start to
see that as I tell the people Iwork with Dorsey, there's an
impact that God has in the worldthat has your name on it.
There's an impact that you,uniquely, are created and
(09:55):
crafted to have in the world,and it's just being able to
understand that, not reachingfor things to try and make
yourself feel worthy, but reallydigging into the fact that your
identity, who you're created tobe matters, and there's not
only value in that, but the moreI understand it, the more I
understand what my purpose is.
The more I know who I am, themore I understand what my
(10:17):
purpose is in my job and in myrelationships and in my church
and in my community and in thegroups that I'm in, because I
know who I am.
So I know what gifts, whattalents, what blessings I can
bring to it, what impact I canhave in it, because I know me.
Dorsey Ross (10:32):
The concept of life mastery is intriguing.
How do you define this idea andhow is it different from other
personal development or lifecoaching methods?
Mark Collins (10:56):
living life by design, not by default, and the
design not by default is reallynot living the way that
everybody else is choosing tolive, but living the way that
you're created to live.
What I mean is that lifehappens and we typically respond
to it.
We respond to the.
You know.
Struggle happens, issues happen, a challenge comes up.
Right, I don't have as muchmoney as I have month and I'm
trying to figure out how to getthrough.
Or I get a flat tire, or I losea job, or I don't get that
(11:17):
promotion right.
Whatever, life happens toeverybody and in most normal
circumstances, you think you'rejust supposed to respond to it.
I'm supposed to figure out howto get through it.
Life mastery is understandingthat.
No, you're created on purpose,for a purpose, and that sounds
great as a title, but what itlooks like lived out is knowing
that.
What I tell the people I workwith, dorsey, is you're the
answer to the circumstanceyou're walking into.
(11:39):
You're not the question.
A lot of times we think we'rethe question hey, can I figure
it out?
Am I going to be able to find asolution?
Am I going to be able to getthrough this thing?
Versus understanding, you'rethe answer.
You're planted into yourcircumstance because you are the
person who's fully capable ofbeing the answer in it.
And so there's a mindset shiftin understanding that, hey, I'm
not just here as a bystander,I'm here, as I call it, for the
(12:03):
people I work with.
You're a hero in hiding whoneeds to come out.
You're not a bystander in yourown life, you're a hero waiting
to happen.
How does it differ from otherprograms?
First and foremost, because Istart with identity, and so in
many personal developmentprograms, especially the ones I
was participating in because Iwas trying to figure out who I
was as well, I was trying tofigure out how to get the person
(12:25):
who's on the inside of me onthe outside, and in that I took
a ton of personal developmentcourse, read a bunch of books,
because I believe that I couldbe better than the person I was
living, but I didn't know how toget there.
So I was trying to find itthrough all these courses, and
what I found through a lot ofthem really everyone that I had
was they always, first andforemost, had this kind of
idealized version, right, thisperfect person.
(12:46):
If I was, you know, perfect inevery way, if I had the most
amazing life.
What would that life look like?
And then you try and worktowards that thing.
The problem was it was reallyme imitating somebody else and
not being who I was.
And so in those places I'mtrying to measure up to you know
what Elon Musk is doing?
Or what you know?
Whatever great athlete, greatacademic, great business person,
(13:06):
whoever the person is that youhave?
I know I'm not them, so to tryand be them doesn't work.
That's the first thing.
The second is a lot of timeswhat you're given is habits that
you have to manage and maintain.
You're not ever able to have atransformation, you're just able
to try and commit to change.
And what change means is I.
I initiate a habit and I keepin that habit until I stop that
(13:28):
thing.
Whether it's a negative mindsetor procrastination or
insecurity or imposter syndrome,whatever the thing is, I create
a habit to try and overcomethat.
The problem is any habit you useto go there, to get there, you
have to use to stay there, andthat doesn't sound like freedom,
that doesn't sound like lifemastery.
It sounds like me just managingmy life through different
habits.
(13:48):
How life mastery is differentis it starts with transformation
.
In scripture it talks about,don't be conformed to the
pattern of this world, but betransformed.
The word transformation isn'tbeing transformed into somebody
different.
It's being transformed into theperson you were created to be
to begin with.
As I said before, you're eitherliving from who you're created
to be or you're living from whatyour life has told you.
(14:09):
So the transformational processfor us is giving the tools and
strategies to have the personyou were created to be come out,
not the one that your life hastold you you were or the person
you thought you were supposed tobe.
Dorsey Ross (14:21):
For those that may be listening and they say, hey,
this sounds like a great idea,how can I connect with you?
And they may be wondering isthis a faith-based course or can
anybody join?
Yeah, that's a greatquestionbased course, or can
anybody join?
Mark Collins (14:38):
Yeah, that's a great question, Dorsey.
Thanks for asking.
Here's the thing I would tellpeople.
I'm certainly a person of faith, I'm a Christian, but what I
tell people is you canunderstand the truth and
strategies without knowing theauthor.
And so if you're a person offaith, you know all of the
strategies that I have.
Every chapter has a corescripture that's involved with
it.
But the implementation of thestrategies doesn't take you
(15:01):
being a Christian to be able tomake it work for you.
It just takes a willingness foryou to be able to implement the
strategies in your life.
Strategies like identity andcreating an I am statement.
I don't have to be a Christianto understand that there's
certain value and worth in who Iam.
And so, for us identity, youstart to unpack, initially by
having an I am statement.
Who are you created to be,apart from your things, apart
(15:23):
from your title, your role, yourincome, your positions and we
have them write that down andstart to use that as a
meditation or something toremind themselves of on a daily
basis.
You don't have to be aChristian to do that.
You can be informed by being aChristian if you are.
Our transformational strategiesare mastering your thoughts,
words and actions.
Mastering your thoughts, wordsand actions doesn't take you
being a Christian to be able todo it.
(15:44):
Certainly, there's some thingswe could unpack if you are, but
even if you're not, here's thetruth of the matter your
thoughts will lead you to thelife that you are going to live,
whether you like it or not.
That's how everybody hasexisted from the beginning of
time, and your perfect testimonyof it as well.
Right, dorsey, you believedyour thoughts were that you
could go to college and actuallysucceed there.
If your thoughts would havebeen I can't do it, you never
(16:07):
would have gotten there.
So everybody gets to the place.
Well, I tell them this who youthink you are, you'll become.
So how to get to the place ofbecoming the person that I
believe I'm supposed to be andhaving those achievements, those
actions and those outcomesstarts with mastering your
thoughts and aligning yourthoughts with that direction.
So, again, that's.
(16:27):
You know I could inform itthrough a place of Christianity.
But the tools work, apart fromeven knowing who Jesus is at all
.
And so, yeah, they're toolsthat anybody could use, whether
you're faith-based or not.
They just work because they'reuniversal truths that actually
work in people's lives.
Dorsey Ross (16:46):
You coached and mentored over 500 people in the
last decade.
Can you give us a couple ofstories that you have seen and
how they've dealt, how they'veovercome or how they succeeded
in your program?
Mark Collins (17:04):
Yeah, absolutely.
Dorsey Ross (17:06):
Through the imposter syndrome.
Mark Collins (17:08):
Yeah, absolutely.
There's a young lady who was inour program and is in our
program.
It's something that's ongoing,right, your life mastery doesn't
happen in a moment, but overtime.
It's a journey like anythingelse in our program and is in
our program.
It's something that's ongoing,right, your life mastery doesn't
happen in a moment, but overtime.
It's a journey like anythingelse in our lives.
And this young lady that I'veworked with has felt this place
of not feeling valued or havepurpose.
She's a woman who's got her ownprofession, she's got a family
(17:31):
husband and kids.
She's got all of the familyaround her.
But again, you either live fromyour identity or from what your
life has told you, and her pastand her life has told her that
she's maybe not as valuable andmaybe not as worthy of respect
or love or those things that shebelieves that she's supposed to
have.
That's what her life has toldher in the past.
But in being able to unpacklife mastery and some of the
(17:52):
tools that you know, like theones that we just talked about,
you know, creating an identitystatement and working through
your thoughts, words and actionsso that they align with who you
are she started to unpack andunravel some of the lies that
she's believed from her past andbeing able to unpack some of
those things and how herchildhood had affected her
adulthood in negative ways, andseeing the truth of who she was.
(18:12):
What I tell people is that wedon't tell you that your past
doesn't matter the hurts, theissues, the challenges that
you've worked through.
What we want is that we don'tdevalue your past, but we just
don't want it to tell you whoyou are any longer.
And so for Evelyn, it was thatopportunity to be able to start
to not allow her life to lie toher anymore, her past to
(18:34):
continue to change her presentand dictate her future.
And in that place she startedto feel value.
She started to feel worth andpurpose.
Her job didn't change.
Marriage was still her marriage.
Her children were still herchildren.
The difference was she changed.
In those relationships, as Itell people that I work with,
we're not here to if you're abusiness owner, we're not here
(18:55):
to change your business, we'rehere to change you in your
business.
Like Brett, who is another storythat I have, a guy who was
highly successful in hisbusiness, very successful in
what he was doing, but at thesame time, that imposter
syndrome we talked about earlierand even fear of failure he had
during his whole business time.
I mean, he's still a businessowner, still doing it.
(19:15):
The difference is that in thepast his success would only be a
relief, not an excitement, nota joy.
Because when you hear thisfeelings, you have these ideas
that you're gonna fail, it'sgonna mess up, it's not gonna
work, I'm not qualified, I'm notsmart enough to do it.
You can still succeed at acertain level.
The problem is it just is anemotional drag the whole time
(19:36):
you're trying to do it.
And so when you finally succeedin that business transaction or
the thing you're trying to do,it's really a relief that you
didn't blow it this time.
But then you have to relivethat on the next one and the
next one after that.
And that's the life he hadsuccessful in business, but
emotionally drained.
And so for him it was walkingthrough those tools Again, your
(20:01):
past lying to you rather thanyour identity speaking to you
and in understanding who he was,that he was a person.
That was, as I talked aboutbefore, the answer to the
circumstance he's walking into.
He's not the question to befigured out and in that place,
being able to really invest whohe was and have confidence that
he had all the capability heneeded to succeed in business.
So the difference for him was acouple.
One was it wasn't just anemotional drain in his business.
He wouldn't be waking up in themiddle of the night like he had
(20:23):
before.
He wouldn't bring it home andbe kind of grumpy and have an
attitude with his family likebefore, because he was just
emotionally taxed.
But he was able to actuallythrive in his business and so
his business, although it wassuccessful before, became much
more so because he became morebold, more confident, more
assured in the things that hecould do.
So Evelyn is the lady and Brettis the guy.
(20:46):
Those are a couple of storiesof students who've really
implemented the tools and foundthat there's been transformation
that's happened in their lifebecause of it happened in their
life because of it yeah, I'mfrom the one thing that you said
, um, you said it.
Dorsey Ross (21:00):
You know, over time it's over the lifetime that we
have to, you know, work on theimposter syndrome and get rid of
the imposter syndrome and getwith you know, work on the
thoughts, the good, you know,the good thoughts and everything
that we have and you know forknow, for me, the thing that I,
the one thing I have to work onis when I was younger, you know,
(21:23):
I used to get you know, teasedand make fun of and picked on
and called names and sometimes,you know, even to this day I
have you know, people say thingsto me or you me, or call me
names and whatnot, and I have toremind myself who I am.
(21:44):
I have to remind myself I ammade in the image of God.
I am created for good things.
Mark Collins (21:53):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, and I'm sorry for
those things that you've had towalk through dorsey.
It's not something that issomething you deserve or that
you should ever have to acceptand those I am statements.
That's interesting that you say,because you could certainly use
scriptures and scriptures areamazing but the I am statement
that we really have peopleunpack is much more personal.
(22:13):
It's it's not.
You know, again, the word ofgod is powerful, and so you can
use that to be able to create anI Am statement.
But it's really an I Amstatement.
Like you know, I am a person ofcharacter and worth.
I'm a person of value anddestiny.
I'm a person who has a purposethat's beyond what others can
understand.
I'm passionate, I'm creative,I'm constant.
I'm always invested in thethings that matter to me.
I'm a person of great humor anda great worth.
(22:36):
I'm a person who loves deeplyand cares effectively and helps
those who are in need, right.
So some of those statementswould be from my own I am
statement, and so that's what wedo as well is to try and impact
something that's personal toyou.
It's the you statement.
It's not the everybody'sstatement.
There's the everybody'sstatements of you know, if
you're a Christian, I'm a childof God, or you could say I'm a
(22:58):
person of worth, or or I'msomebody who's you know, meant
for greatness and those kinds ofthings in your life.
But when you start to see moreof who you are, we unpack it a
little bit.
You know, if I could give youan additional tool for identity,
we also unpack it with thecelebration list.
So you have the I am statementand you have a celebration list
that we invite the people into.
I tell my students to create 20statements or 20 things you're
(23:20):
celebrating.
I've created 100.
And the celebration list, Itell them, isn't your
accomplishments, it's not thethings you've done.
It really is completing thissentence or responding to the
sentence what do you love aboutyou?
And in that place of findingthings that you love about you,
what you start to see is thevalue that you bring to your
life and the people around you,not the things that you're
(23:41):
accomplishing, but who you are,because it really is who you are
that matters.
It's who you are that makes thedifference.
It just works its way out inthe things that you do.
I'm not the things I do.
The things I do are from who Iam, and so understanding and
celebrating who you are.
Unfortunately, when thingshappen, when people say
disgusting or ugly things, youcan counteract it with the truth
(24:04):
of who you are.
The more I love me, the less Ineed the love of other people
and the more I can put a proper,truthful spin on what they say
about me a proper, truthful spinon what they say about me.
Dorsey Ross (24:19):
Marriage can also be an area where imposter
syndrome manifests, especiallyin roles as husbands and fathers
.
How does a Bible-based approachaddress and help mitigate these
feelings within the context ofmarriage and family life?
Mark Collins (24:38):
Yeah, well, you know, darcy.
Thanks for the question.
First off, it's like I'd saidbefore identity is everything
and that matters in yourprofessional life.
We gave some testimonies insome people's lives.
But the other thing is thatwhen I know who I am, my spouse
gets to be who she is.
When I don't know who I am, shehas to make up the difference.
So when I'm in a relationshipand I have insecurity or I have
(25:02):
fear and worry or I haveimposter syndrome meaning I
don't feel I'm cutting it, I'mnot measuring up as a husband
Now all of a sudden it affectsthe relationship.
I tell people this if you don'tknow who you are, the world has
to make up the difference.
And if you don't know who youare, the world has to make up
the difference.
And if you don't know who youare, your relationship has to
make up the difference, whichmeans our marriage has to be
amazing.
Our relationship has to beperfect, because I don't know
(25:24):
who I am and I'm not feelinggood about me and I don't feel
like I have value and worth.
But the more I know who I am,the more value and worth I see
in me, the less I need thatconfirmation from somebody else.
So, like with you and thosepeople who have maybe said mean
things, the more value I see inmyself, the less I believe lies
that people tell me to hurt me.
And so in relationships, themore I love me, the more I give
(25:46):
the other person the ability andpermission to be who they are
not to be perfect.
Dorsey Ross (25:52):
So I feel good about me, for someone who's just
beginning to recognize theirbattle with imposter syndrome.
What first steps would yousuggest that they take to start
their journey towards lifemastery, as outlined in your
caution book?
Mark Collins (26:11):
Yeah, just like I illustrate in the book and
we've had the conversationalready it starts with identity.
If you don't start with who youare, then, much like you talked
about earlier the differencebetween Life Mastery and other
personal development programs,if I don't start with identity,
I'm going to start with animitation.
I'm going to start with metrying to measure up to somebody
(26:31):
else and the problem withimposter syndrome or with
anything that you had to do inlife when I try and measure up
to somebody else's version ofwhat good is, I'm always going
to fall short.
So I'm always going to feellike an imposter and or I'm
always going to be an imitation.
I'm never going to be quite asgood as that other person.
And the thing is that I think Iwanted to give the people that I
work with is the permission tonot be.
(26:53):
You don't have to be the next,whatever Name, the person, the
person of great success atwhatever field you're looking at
.
You don't have to be that nextamazing person just like you,
dorsey.
You don't have to be the nextJoe Rogan, right?
Amazing podcaster out there.
You just have to be who you are.
And the reason is there'speople I know and I work with
that have great levels ofsuccess, that have very, very
(27:16):
little satisfaction in it.
Because when you're trying touse your success and you're
trying to measure up to somebodyelse's idea of what success
looks like, it'll always feelempty when you get there,
because it won't make up thedifference in the insecurity,
the imposter syndrome, the fearof failure, whatever other thing
you're dealing with.
But when I can live from who I'mcreated to be now, all of a
(27:37):
sudden, you know it's that thing, dorsey, where you feel that
this is exactly who I'm createdto be.
Right, I'm sure you've had thosemoments in your life where
you're doing something and youfeel like, gosh, this is exactly
who I am.
You know time flies and peoplehave to pull you away from it
and you forget everything elsethat you're doing because you're
just so into doing this thing.
That's what life mastery is andthat's what living from who
(27:58):
you're created to be is.
It's not me imitating somebodyelse and hoping I feel better at
the end, feel like I have valueand worth at the end.
It's saying, hey, how do Iunleash me, the person I'm
created to be, so that I canlive that life?
That's exactly what lifemastery is, I think you asked
for a definition of life masteryearlier and I didn't give it to
you, but what I would say lifemastery is is me living from who
(28:19):
I'm created to be, at themaximum level I'm created for,
in every area of my life.
Dorsey Ross (28:25):
You mentioned about .
You know, when somebody's intheir life and they're doing
great things and they have to bepulled away from that because
they're doing such a great thinghave to be pulled away from
that because they're doing sucha great thing, If they're in a
situation like that and thenthey go from that to doing
(28:47):
something that they don't reallyenjoy or they don't really like
, just because they have to howwould you encourage them or how
would you tell them hey, if thatparticular situation or that
particular life, um seasonallife, is not going to be forever
, you will, you know, succeed inwhat you will want to do yeah,
(29:10):
that's a great question, dorsey,and I think there's a couple of
things.
Mark Collins (29:13):
I think there's the daily kind of stuff, right.
So this, so this is my passion,obviously, life mastering the
things I'm doing, and so I meanit could be pretty much every
waking moment I could put intoit.
The challenge is that I'mmarried and I have a wife and I
have kids, you know, I havechurch and I have relationships,
and while I could really focuson this and silo myself in a
(29:35):
room and just do this all of thetime, all of those
relationships wouldn't benefitfrom that.
And so life mastery for us, youknow, first off, is there's
five areas of life masteryspiritual, relational,
vocational, physical andfinancial.
Spiritual relational,vocational, physical and
financial.
And so those are what I callthose five spheres of life
(29:55):
mastery which I believe all lifehappens in, and so living life
at the maximum level is livingat the highest level in each of
these areas.
It seems like it's exhausting,but it's really not.
It's really saying, hey, what'sthe next level in the spiritual
, what's the next level in therelational, and how do I put
time into doing it?
So that's not a balanced life,but it's the life that you're
(30:16):
created for doing it.
So that's not a balanced life,but it's a life that you're
created for.
I'm not trying to give equaltime to each, because that just
doesn't work out that way, but Iam trying to give invested time
to each.
Now, that's one question.
And the second kind of questionthat you're asking is hey, what
if I'm in this position, thisjob, this role, this thing I'm
doing and I don't like it?
You know, my dream is this.
My dream is to start my ownbusiness, but now I have a job
(30:38):
and I'm working for somebodyelse.
Or my dream is to be a manageror an executive and I'm just a
guy in a warehouse.
You know, I've been there.
I know how that feels if youfeel like you're better than the
position you're at.
But here's the thing that Ifound out one time I was in a
job and I was very miserable.
I was in a position and I wascontinuing to trying to get
(30:58):
promotions, trying to get newjobs, trying to get promoted
within the organization, and Iwould continue to get it passed
over.
I felt like I was overqualifiedfor where I was at and wasn't
really being valued as much as Iwas meant to or had the ability
to, and I was probably right.
And here was the challenge thatI found out and the realization
(31:19):
that I had.
You know, as a Christian, Ibelieve it was a word from God
that came, and the word was thisyou won't move forward from
this until you understand whyyou're in this.
You won't move forward fromthis until you understand why
you're in this.
And here's the truth that allof us need to know.
The thing that qualifies youfor the next promotion promotion
as in the next level, you know,the next increase, the next
(31:42):
level of thing that you'resupposed to be doing, that
upward trajectory towards yourultimate goal in life that thing
that gets you to that nextlevel is stewarding, well, your
present level.
It's learning everything youneed to learn in your present
level as a person of faith.
Here's what I understand isthat what I'm doing right now is
not only stewarding the thingsGod's asking me to do, but
(32:03):
preparing for the next thing tocome.
Your strategies and yourunderstandings and your
knowledge and all the things youneed to carry.
The weight of that next callingis your present calling.
The more I invest in it and tryand do my best in it, the more
I find myself ready for thatnext thing, when it comes.
Dorsey Ross (32:23):
That makes a lot of sense and I greatly appreciate
that answer from you.
As we get to the end here.
I always like to ask my guestswhat encouragement would you
give to my listeners, especiallythose that are struggling with
imposter?
Mark Collins (32:42):
syndrome?
I appreciate the question and Iguess the first thing would be
this I've been where you're atand so, as I mentioned earlier
in the conversation, I felt thatthere was more than the life I
was living as I was growing upinto my young adult life and you
know 20s and 30s, and I wastrying to find it through
personal development and all thethings that I did, and
(33:05):
ultimately I couldn't findanything that was bringing a
transformation, and so I created.
It was, you know, what isillustrated in my book Life
Mastery, living Life by Design,and in that place, the one thing
that I did was I refused togive up on the belief that there
was more than where I was at.
You know the first course andthe first book and the second
and third and fourth.
(33:25):
None of them gave me thattransformation I was looking for
, and I could have given upalong the way and just stopped
and said I guess this is justthe life that I'm meant for.
And so, for the people that arelistening to this, the first
thing is to say this you areright, you're meant for more
than where you're at.
This isn't the end and thisisn't everything, and you just
need to tolerate and deal withwhere you're at.
(33:46):
I don't believe that's thetruth for anyone.
It wasn't the truth for me andI don't believe it's the truth
for you.
I believe you're looking forwhat I call a hero in hiding on
the inside, to come out on theoutside and have the life that
you're created for, and so myencouragement would be this
Don't give up, be willing to beton yourself one more time.
(34:07):
I believe this Life Mastery bookthat we have Life Mastery,
living Life by Design, not bydefault gives you
transformational strategies thatcan literally change your life
forever.
But here's the truth of thematter it could very well do
that, but if you're unwilling tobet on yourself one more time,
then you won't be willing to tryit.
You won't be willing to stepforward and say I'm just going
to try one more time, I'm goingto continue to persevere until I
(34:30):
get there.
But if you're willing to dothat, if you're willing to
persevere and say, no, I'm notgoing to give up on myself, I'm
going to do this, then thosetransformational strategies are
out there, and I believe thatyou'll have the life that you
believe you're created for, theone that is amazing and the one
that you're looking to have inyour life.
You just need to be able to beton yourself.
Believe in yourself one moretime.
Dorsey Ross (34:52):
Amen.
Well, thank you, pastor Mark,for coming on the show today.
We greatly appreciate havingyou.
And one last question is wherecan people connect with you and
how can they find your book?
Mark Collins (35:11):
I appreciate you asking, so I try and be a
one-stop shop, dorsey, so youcan reach me on my website,
which, freedom-for-lifenet thatfour is actually the word, not
the number.
It's the wordfreedom-for-lifenet.
You actually can get my ebook,my ebook's, on my website.
You can get it for less than$10.
(35:31):
It's out there, you can have iton your phone, on your iPad,
wherever, and all thetransformational strategies that
we talked about are on thate-book that you can get on my
website.
Dorsey Ross (35:40):
Thank you.
Well, guys and girls, thank youso much for coming on the show
today and listening, and I hopeyou enjoy it and know that you
are more than enough and thatGod has great plans and purposes
for your life.
And please check out my websiteas well at wwwdoocrossshowcom.
(36:01):
And until next time, then gocheck out Pastor Mark's website
as well.
God bless, bye-bye.
Hello everyone, thank you again for joining me
on another episode of the DorseyRose Show.
Today we have a special guestwith us.
His name is Mark Collins.
He is a husband, father, pastorand life coach with a passion
to keep Christians equipped tobe the hero God created them to
(00:24):
be.
He has authored Life MasteryLiving Life by Design, not by
Default and has developedseveral transformational courses
.
Mark, thank you for coming onthe show today.
Mark Collins (00:41):
Thanks for having me on, dorsey, I appreciate it.
Dorsey Ross (00:43):
Absolutely.
As my listeners know, I usuallyopen up with an icebreaker
question, and today's icebreakerquestion is if you could have
dinner with any historicalfigure, who would it be and why?
Mark Collins (01:02):
Well, I'm a person of faith, so the easy
answer would be Jesusesus, andfor the easy reason because I
would love to meet him in personbefore I pass beyond, you know
jesus, which would be my firstanswer.
I would say somebody liketheodore roosevelt, a historical
figure that I admire, whoovercame a lot in his life and
(01:22):
obviously became president andall the other things you know
about teddy roosevelt, if youknow anything, so you know.
Just another fascinating person.
I've read his biography.
So, yeah, those two would be mytop two.
Okay.
Dorsey Ross (01:35):
Today we're going to talk about imposter syndrome.
And what is imposter syndrome?
For those of my listeners, andeven myself, that may not know
what imposter syndrome is,Thanks for asking, dorothea.
Mark Collins (01:52):
Imposter syndrome , first, is something that I
struggled with in my young adultlife and it really is believing
that you're not qualified forthe life that you're living.
Whatever that is If it's yourjob or your business or
relationship or the things thatyou're trying to accomplish or
do it's feeling that you're notenough, that you don't have the
ability to succeed in that area.
Yeah, I find a lot of peoplestruggle with it or have a
(02:15):
challenge with it, myselfincluded, but certainly a lot of
clients that I've had who havehad success in their life but
still dealt with impostersyndrome all the while believing
they weren't good enough tosucceed, while at the same time
they were trying to do it.
Dorsey Ross (02:28):
What do you think I mean?
I know what you said resonatedwith me because I have felt that
way in my own life.
You know why do you think thatpeople deal with it or struggle
with it?
Mark Collins (02:42):
Yeah, it's a great question.
You know you talked about mybook Life Mastery Living Life by
Design, not by default.
In that I kind of unpack what Ibelieve is the truth, which is
you're either leaving from whoyou're created to be or what
your life has told you.
You are and, dorsey, in yourlife, I'm sure for sure in my
life I've had those times wheremy life has told me something
(03:02):
about a failure and insecurity,something that somebody has
spoken over me, a struggle I'vehad in my life that I've had to
overcome, and in those placesyou can start to feel like
you're not good enough and inthat place, for a lot of people
they take that message intoadulthood and so if they
struggle in school they feellike that.
You know there's this messagethat I'm not smart enough to, or
(03:24):
I'm not as smart as everybodyelse, and so you kind of limit
yourself in your future.
If you're, you know you haverelational issues or you have
parental issues.
You've had maybe a parent wholeft or some words that were
spoken over you.
Many times you can take theminto adulthood.
I mean to be totally honest, Iremember a teacher telling me,
going from junior high to highschool, that you know I was
(03:44):
going to a different high schoolto take on, you know, a program
they had there and the teacherlet me know that he didn't have
faith that I would be successfulat it.
You know, those are things thatyou hear in your life that make
you feel like you take them on,as I would call an identity
statement.
It's not the truth of who youare, but it's what your life has
told you.
And apart from knowing who youare and as a person of faith,
(04:05):
for me that starts with God butwhoever you are, apart from
knowing who you're created to be, the only thing you can look at
is your life and your past totell you what you're able to do,
what you're capable of and howbig you can dream.
Dorsey Ross (04:18):
Yeah, well, I can definitely relate to the teacher
part of what you said, because,because obviously you know you
can see me and know, and mylisteners know that.
You know I have a disability, Ihave a speech impediment, I
have a learning disability wheregrowing up I wasn't able to do
able to learn as well as otherpeople.
(04:40):
And as I got ready to go tocollege, that's what I felt like
I wanted to do and what Godwanted me to do, and my parents
were very supportive of it andthey said, hey, if you think you
can do it, you will.
But I had this one historyteacher and I went to a school
(05:03):
for people with disabilities andhe looked at me at an IEP
meeting one time and he said Idon't think Dorsey is going to
be able to make it in college.
I just don't think he has theability to make it.
And you know he looked.
When they looked, you know thegroup of people looked back at
(05:24):
me and they they said do youthink you can?
I said yeah, and they asked mymom there at the time do you
think he can make it?
He said, excuse me.
She said, if he thinks he canmake it, he will.
And nine years later I got twoassociate's degree and a
bachelor's degree in youthministry Awesome.
Mark Collins (05:45):
That's amazing and you know that's interesting
what you said, that your momsaid, because it's exactly what
I teach in my course by the samename.
It's called Life Mastery andit's this phrase.
It says this that who you thinkyou are, you'll become.
There's a scripture, you know Idon't want to beat people up
with the Bible, but there's ascripture that says it's in
Proverbs 23, 6, and it says as aman thinks in his heart, so is
(06:06):
he.
It's talking about a wealthyperson who's acting nice on the
outside, but they're really notnice, they're kind of deceptive.
The author's telling the readerhey, be careful with this
person.
They're acting one way butthey're really another.
But in there is an instructionfrom God when it says as he
thinks in his heart, so is he.
It's a description of thatperson, but it's also an
instruction to live your life.
(06:26):
So if you believe that you cando something, if your thoughts
align with who God says you are,that person is going to be
lived out Just like you talkedabout in the testimony of your
life.
It wasn't what the instructionssaid, it wasn't what the
instructor said, it wasn't whatyour disability said.
It was who you were created tobe in.
If you align with that, youknow you are and in that place
(06:47):
you can live it out.
The challenge in most people'slife is unlike you, dorsey.
They limit themselves, theybelieve they can't do it and
therefore they don't even try,or they give a little bit of a
half effort and when challengecomes up which I'm sure it
happens in your life, certainlyhappens in mine as well well
then, that's just a confirmationthat I'm not supposed to do
this, versus just a challenge toget over so I can do it.
(07:09):
So a lot of times our thoughtsstop us from the life that works
where you're being invited tolive.
If we would only believe wecould.
Dorsey Ross (07:18):
Yeah, you know you may talk about this later, but
the question I'm coming up withas you're speaking is how do
christians, when you know,christ talks about hey, you know
, I have a plan and purpose foryour life, I have great things
in store for your life, but yet,like you're saying, you know,
(07:40):
we may not think that way, wemay not have the thought of you
know, know that, but we don'tbelieve it.
How do we break that habit?
How do we break that healing toknow, okay, I'm going to
believe that God has a betterplan for my life, instead of
believing, you know, I'm notgoing to be able to do X, y and
(08:03):
Z.
Mark Collins (08:08):
Yeah, I think that's a great question.
First off, dorsey, and I thinkit starts with identity.
I tell people this it's a jokeand I tell them that my wife
won't let me have a tattoo, butif she did, the tattoo that I
have would have would beidentity is everything, because
I believe that identity iseverything.
We can unpack it in scripturefor those who are believers, who
are Christians and listening tothis, but it really comes down
to this who you believe you are,you'll become, and what we work
(08:30):
with in the course isunderstanding that your identity
is everything.
A lot of times and I'm sureI've seen this with people you
know as well apart from knowingwho you are, your world has to
make up the difference, and sowe try and get a title, or we
try and get a level of income ora job or a business, whatever
the thing is right.
There's a lot of them out therethat you can grab a hold of,
(08:51):
but in most cases, they're beingused as a substitute for
identity.
I don't know who I am, and so Ihave to have, you know, a high
level of income or a great jobor a title or a business.
You know I need to be a pastor,I need to be an executive, I
need to be an author, I need tobe whatever, and it really isn't
because that's who you'recreated to be.
It's because you want to feellike you're somebody of worth,
(09:12):
somebody of value.
And when you start to unpackidentity, when you start to
understand that you have aninnate creative value, just
because you're born, you havevalue, there's an importance to
you being in the world, and whenyou can unpack that with
identity we do that with some ofthe tools in my course and I
illustrate it in my book as wellbut when you do that, you start
to see that you're a person ofworth.
(09:33):
And so I'm not trying to reachout for some sort of role, title
, income, possession to make mefeel important.
I realize I have value alreadyand in that place you start to
see that as I tell the people Iwork with Dorsey, there's an
impact that God has in the worldthat has your name on it.
There's an impact that you,uniquely, are created and
(09:55):
crafted to have in the world,and it's just being able to
understand that, not reachingfor things to try and make
yourself feel worthy, but reallydigging into the fact that your
identity, who you're created tobe matters, and there's not
only value in that, but the moreI understand it, the more I
understand what my purpose is.
The more I know who I am, themore I understand what my
(10:17):
purpose is in my job and in myrelationships and in my church
and in my community and in thegroups that I'm in, because I
know who I am.
So I know what gifts, whattalents, what blessings I can
bring to it, what impact I canhave in it, because I know me.
Dorsey Ross (10:32):
The concept of life mastery is intriguing.
How do you define this idea andhow is it different from other
personal development or lifecoaching methods?
Mark Collins (10:56):
living life by design, not by default, and the
design not by default is reallynot living the way that
everybody else is choosing tolive, but living the way that
you're created to live.
What I mean is that lifehappens and we typically respond
to it.
We respond to the.
You know.
Struggle happens, issues happen, a challenge comes up.
Right, I don't have as muchmoney as I have month and I'm
trying to figure out how to getthrough.
Or I get a flat tire, or I losea job, or I don't get that
(11:17):
promotion right.
Whatever, life happens toeverybody and in most normal
circumstances, you think you'rejust supposed to respond to it.
I'm supposed to figure out howto get through it.
Life mastery is understandingthat.
No, you're created on purpose,for a purpose, and that sounds
great as a title, but what itlooks like lived out is knowing
that.
What I tell the people I workwith, dorsey, is you're the
answer to the circumstanceyou're walking into.
(11:39):
You're not the question.
A lot of times we think we'rethe question hey, can I figure
it out?
Am I going to be able to find asolution?
Am I going to be able to getthrough this thing?
Versus understanding, you'rethe answer.
You're planted into yourcircumstance because you are the
person who's fully capable ofbeing the answer in it.
And so there's a mindset shiftin understanding that, hey, I'm
not just here as a bystander,I'm here, as I call it, for the
(12:03):
people I work with.
You're a hero in hiding whoneeds to come out.
You're not a bystander in yourown life, you're a hero waiting
to happen.
How does it differ from otherprograms?
First and foremost, because Istart with identity, and so in
many personal developmentprograms, especially the ones I
was participating in because Iwas trying to figure out who I
was as well, I was trying tofigure out how to get the person
(12:25):
who's on the inside of me onthe outside, and in that I took
a ton of personal developmentcourse, read a bunch of books,
because I believe that I couldbe better than the person I was
living, but I didn't know how toget there.
So I was trying to find itthrough all these courses, and
what I found through a lot ofthem really everyone that I had
was they always, first andforemost, had this kind of
idealized version, right, thisperfect person.
(12:46):
If I was, you know, perfect inevery way, if I had the most
amazing life.
What would that life look like?
And then you try and worktowards that thing.
The problem was it was reallyme imitating somebody else and
not being who I was.
And so in those places I'mtrying to measure up to you know
what Elon Musk is doing?
Or what you know?
Whatever great athlete, greatacademic, great business person,
(13:06):
whoever the person is that youhave?
I know I'm not them, so to tryand be them doesn't work.
That's the first thing.
The second is a lot of timeswhat you're given is habits that
you have to manage and maintain.
You're not ever able to have atransformation, you're just able
to try and commit to change.
And what change means is I.
I initiate a habit and I keepin that habit until I stop that
(13:28):
thing.
Whether it's a negative mindsetor procrastination or
insecurity or imposter syndrome,whatever the thing is, I create
a habit to try and overcomethat.
The problem is any habit you useto go there, to get there, you
have to use to stay there, andthat doesn't sound like freedom,
that doesn't sound like lifemastery.
It sounds like me just managingmy life through different
habits.
(13:48):
How life mastery is differentis it starts with transformation
.
In scripture it talks about,don't be conformed to the
pattern of this world, but betransformed.
The word transformation isn'tbeing transformed into somebody
different.
It's being transformed into theperson you were created to be
to begin with.
As I said before, you're eitherliving from who you're created
to be or you're living from whatyour life has told you.
(14:09):
So the transformational processfor us is giving the tools and
strategies to have the personyou were created to be come out,
not the one that your life hastold you you were or the person
you thought you were supposed tobe.
Dorsey Ross (14:21):
For those that may be listening and they say, hey,
this sounds like a great idea,how can I connect with you?
And they may be wondering isthis a faith-based course or can
anybody join?
Yeah, that's a greatquestionbased course, or can
anybody join?
Mark Collins (14:38):
Yeah, that's a great question, Dorsey.
Thanks for asking.
Here's the thing I would tellpeople.
I'm certainly a person of faith, I'm a Christian, but what I
tell people is you canunderstand the truth and
strategies without knowing theauthor.
And so if you're a person offaith, you know all of the
strategies that I have.
Every chapter has a corescripture that's involved with
it.
But the implementation of thestrategies doesn't take you
(15:01):
being a Christian to be able tomake it work for you.
It just takes a willingness foryou to be able to implement the
strategies in your life.
Strategies like identity andcreating an I am statement.
I don't have to be a Christianto understand that there's
certain value and worth in who Iam.
And so, for us identity, youstart to unpack, initially by
having an I am statement.
Who are you created to be,apart from your things, apart
(15:23):
from your title, your role, yourincome, your positions and we
have them write that down andstart to use that as a
meditation or something toremind themselves of on a daily
basis.
You don't have to be aChristian to do that.
You can be informed by being aChristian if you are.
Our transformational strategiesare mastering your thoughts,
words and actions.
Mastering your thoughts, wordsand actions doesn't take you
being a Christian to be able todo it.
(15:44):
Certainly, there's some thingswe could unpack if you are, but
even if you're not, here's thetruth of the matter your
thoughts will lead you to thelife that you are going to live,
whether you like it or not.
That's how everybody hasexisted from the beginning of
time, and your perfect testimonyof it as well.
Right, dorsey, you believedyour thoughts were that you
could go to college and actuallysucceed there.
If your thoughts would havebeen I can't do it, you never
(16:07):
would have gotten there.
So everybody gets to the place.
Well, I tell them this who youthink you are, you'll become.
So how to get to the place ofbecoming the person that I
believe I'm supposed to be andhaving those achievements, those
actions and those outcomesstarts with mastering your
thoughts and aligning yourthoughts with that direction.
So, again, that's.
(16:27):
You know I could inform itthrough a place of Christianity.
But the tools work, apart fromeven knowing who Jesus is at all
.
And so, yeah, they're toolsthat anybody could use, whether
you're faith-based or not.
They just work because they'reuniversal truths that actually
work in people's lives.
Dorsey Ross (16:46):
You coached and mentored over 500 people in the
last decade.
Can you give us a couple ofstories that you have seen and
how they've dealt, how they'veovercome or how they succeeded
in your program?
Mark Collins (17:04):
Yeah, absolutely.
Dorsey Ross (17:06):
Through the imposter syndrome.
Mark Collins (17:08):
Yeah, absolutely.
There's a young lady who was inour program and is in our
program.
It's something that's ongoing,right, your life mastery doesn't
happen in a moment, but overtime.
It's a journey like anythingelse in our program and is in
our program.
It's something that's ongoing,right, your life mastery doesn't
happen in a moment, but overtime.
It's a journey like anythingelse in our lives.
And this young lady that I'veworked with has felt this place
of not feeling valued or havepurpose.
She's a woman who's got her ownprofession, she's got a family
(17:31):
husband and kids.
She's got all of the familyaround her.
But again, you either live fromyour identity or from what your
life has told you, and her pastand her life has told her that
she's maybe not as valuable andmaybe not as worthy of respect
or love or those things that shebelieves that she's supposed to
have.
That's what her life has toldher in the past.
But in being able to unpacklife mastery and some of the
(17:52):
tools that you know, like theones that we just talked about,
you know, creating an identitystatement and working through
your thoughts, words and actionsso that they align with who you
are she started to unpack andunravel some of the lies that
she's believed from her past andbeing able to unpack some of
those things and how herchildhood had affected her
adulthood in negative ways, andseeing the truth of who she was.
(18:12):
What I tell people is that wedon't tell you that your past
doesn't matter the hurts, theissues, the challenges that
you've worked through.
What we want is that we don'tdevalue your past, but we just
don't want it to tell you whoyou are any longer.
And so for Evelyn, it was thatopportunity to be able to start
to not allow her life to lie toher anymore, her past to
(18:34):
continue to change her presentand dictate her future.
And in that place she startedto feel value.
She started to feel worth andpurpose.
Her job didn't change.
Marriage was still her marriage.
Her children were still herchildren.
The difference was she changed.
In those relationships, as Itell people that I work with,
we're not here to if you're abusiness owner, we're not here
(18:55):
to change your business, we'rehere to change you in your
business.
Like Brett, who is another storythat I have, a guy who was
highly successful in hisbusiness, very successful in
what he was doing, but at thesame time, that imposter
syndrome we talked about earlierand even fear of failure he had
during his whole business time.
I mean, he's still a businessowner, still doing it.
(19:15):
The difference is that in thepast his success would only be a
relief, not an excitement, nota joy.
Because when you hear thisfeelings, you have these ideas
that you're gonna fail, it'sgonna mess up, it's not gonna
work, I'm not qualified, I'm notsmart enough to do it.
You can still succeed at acertain level.
The problem is it just is anemotional drag the whole time
(19:36):
you're trying to do it.
And so when you finally succeedin that business transaction or
the thing you're trying to do,it's really a relief that you
didn't blow it this time.
But then you have to relivethat on the next one and the
next one after that.
And that's the life he hadsuccessful in business, but
emotionally drained.
And so for him it was walkingthrough those tools Again, your
(20:01):
past lying to you rather thanyour identity speaking to you
and in understanding who he was,that he was a person.
That was, as I talked aboutbefore, the answer to the
circumstance he's walking into.
He's not the question to befigured out and in that place,
being able to really invest whohe was and have confidence that
he had all the capability heneeded to succeed in business.
So the difference for him was acouple.
One was it wasn't just anemotional drain in his business.
He wouldn't be waking up in themiddle of the night like he had
(20:23):
before.
He wouldn't bring it home andbe kind of grumpy and have an
attitude with his family likebefore, because he was just
emotionally taxed.
But he was able to actuallythrive in his business and so
his business, although it wassuccessful before, became much
more so because he became morebold, more confident, more
assured in the things that hecould do.
So Evelyn is the lady and Brettis the guy.
(20:46):
Those are a couple of storiesof students who've really
implemented the tools and foundthat there's been transformation
that's happened in their lifebecause of it happened in their
life because of it yeah, I'mfrom the one thing that you said
, um, you said it.
Dorsey Ross (21:00):
You know, over time it's over the lifetime that we
have to, you know, work on theimposter syndrome and get rid of
the imposter syndrome and getwith you know, work on the
thoughts, the good, you know,the good thoughts and everything
that we have and you know forknow, for me, the thing that I,
the one thing I have to work onis when I was younger, you know,
(21:23):
I used to get you know, teasedand make fun of and picked on
and called names and sometimes,you know, even to this day I
have you know, people say thingsto me or you me, or call me
names and whatnot, and I have toremind myself who I am.
(21:44):
I have to remind myself I ammade in the image of God.
I am created for good things.
Mark Collins (21:53):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, and I'm sorry for
those things that you've had towalk through dorsey.
It's not something that issomething you deserve or that
you should ever have to acceptand those I am statements.
That's interesting that you say,because you could certainly use
scriptures and scriptures areamazing but the I am statement
that we really have peopleunpack is much more personal.
(22:13):
It's it's not.
You know, again, the word ofgod is powerful, and so you can
use that to be able to create anI Am statement.
But it's really an I Amstatement.
Like you know, I am a person ofcharacter and worth.
I'm a person of value anddestiny.
I'm a person who has a purposethat's beyond what others can
understand.
I'm passionate, I'm creative,I'm constant.
I'm always invested in thethings that matter to me.
I'm a person of great humor anda great worth.
(22:36):
I'm a person who loves deeplyand cares effectively and helps
those who are in need, right.
So some of those statementswould be from my own I am
statement, and so that's what wedo as well is to try and impact
something that's personal toyou.
It's the you statement.
It's not the everybody'sstatement.
There's the everybody'sstatements of you know, if
you're a Christian, I'm a childof God, or you could say I'm a
(22:58):
person of worth, or or I'msomebody who's you know, meant
for greatness and those kinds ofthings in your life.
But when you start to see moreof who you are, we unpack it a
little bit.
You know, if I could give youan additional tool for identity,
we also unpack it with thecelebration list.
So you have the I am statementand you have a celebration list
that we invite the people into.
I tell my students to create 20statements or 20 things you're
(23:20):
celebrating.
I've created 100.
And the celebration list, Itell them, isn't your
accomplishments, it's not thethings you've done.
It really is completing thissentence or responding to the
sentence what do you love aboutyou?
And in that place of findingthings that you love about you,
what you start to see is thevalue that you bring to your
life and the people around you,not the things that you're
(23:41):
accomplishing, but who you are,because it really is who you are
that matters.
It's who you are that makes thedifference.
It just works its way out inthe things that you do.
I'm not the things I do.
The things I do are from who Iam, and so understanding and
celebrating who you are.
Unfortunately, when thingshappen, when people say
disgusting or ugly things, youcan counteract it with the truth
(24:04):
of who you are.
The more I love me, the less Ineed the love of other people
and the more I can put a proper,truthful spin on what they say
about me a proper, truthful spinon what they say about me.
Dorsey Ross (24:19):
Marriage can also be an area where imposter
syndrome manifests, especiallyin roles as husbands and fathers
.
How does a Bible-based approachaddress and help mitigate these
feelings within the context ofmarriage and family life?
Mark Collins (24:38):
Yeah, well, you know, darcy.
Thanks for the question.
First off, it's like I'd saidbefore identity is everything
and that matters in yourprofessional life.
We gave some testimonies insome people's lives.
But the other thing is thatwhen I know who I am, my spouse
gets to be who she is.
When I don't know who I am, shehas to make up the difference.
So when I'm in a relationshipand I have insecurity or I have
(25:02):
fear and worry or I haveimposter syndrome meaning I
don't feel I'm cutting it, I'mnot measuring up as a husband
Now all of a sudden it affectsthe relationship.
I tell people this if you don'tknow who you are, the world has
to make up the difference.
And if you don't know who youare, the world has to make up
the difference.
And if you don't know who youare, your relationship has to
make up the difference, whichmeans our marriage has to be
amazing.
Our relationship has to beperfect, because I don't know
(25:24):
who I am and I'm not feelinggood about me and I don't feel
like I have value and worth.
But the more I know who I am,the more value and worth I see
in me, the less I need thatconfirmation from somebody else.
So, like with you and thosepeople who have maybe said mean
things, the more value I see inmyself, the less I believe lies
that people tell me to hurt me.
And so in relationships, themore I love me, the more I give
(25:46):
the other person the ability andpermission to be who they are
not to be perfect.
Dorsey Ross (25:52):
So I feel good about me, for someone who's just
beginning to recognize theirbattle with imposter syndrome.
What first steps would yousuggest that they take to start
their journey towards lifemastery, as outlined in your
caution book?
Mark Collins (26:11):
Yeah, just like I illustrate in the book and
we've had the conversationalready it starts with identity.
If you don't start with who youare, then, much like you talked
about earlier the differencebetween Life Mastery and other
personal development programs,if I don't start with identity,
I'm going to start with animitation.
I'm going to start with metrying to measure up to somebody
(26:31):
else and the problem withimposter syndrome or with
anything that you had to do inlife when I try and measure up
to somebody else's version ofwhat good is, I'm always going
to fall short.
So I'm always going to feellike an imposter and or I'm
always going to be an imitation.
I'm never going to be quite asgood as that other person.
And the thing is that I think Iwanted to give the people that I
work with is the permission tonot be.
(26:53):
You don't have to be the next,whatever Name, the person, the
person of great success atwhatever field you're looking at
.
You don't have to be that nextamazing person just like you,
dorsey.
You don't have to be the nextJoe Rogan, right?
Amazing podcaster out there.
You just have to be who you are.
And the reason is there'speople I know and I work with
that have great levels ofsuccess, that have very, very
(27:16):
little satisfaction in it.
Because when you're trying touse your success and you're
trying to measure up to somebodyelse's idea of what success
looks like, it'll always feelempty when you get there,
because it won't make up thedifference in the insecurity,
the imposter syndrome, the fearof failure, whatever other thing
you're dealing with.
But when I can live from who I'mcreated to be now, all of a
(27:37):
sudden, you know it's that thing, dorsey, where you feel that
this is exactly who I'm createdto be.
Right, I'm sure you've had thosemoments in your life where
you're doing something and youfeel like, gosh, this is exactly
who I am.
You know time flies and peoplehave to pull you away from it
and you forget everything elsethat you're doing because you're
just so into doing this thing.
That's what life mastery is andthat's what living from who
(27:58):
you're created to be is.
It's not me imitating somebodyelse and hoping I feel better at
the end, feel like I have valueand worth at the end.
It's saying, hey, how do Iunleash me, the person I'm
created to be, so that I canlive that life?
That's exactly what lifemastery is, I think you asked
for a definition of life masteryearlier and I didn't give it to
you, but what I would say lifemastery is is me living from who
(28:19):
I'm created to be, at themaximum level I'm created for,
in every area of my life.
Dorsey Ross (28:25):
You mentioned about .
You know, when somebody's intheir life and they're doing
great things and they have to bepulled away from that because
they're doing such a great thinghave to be pulled away from
that because they're doing sucha great thing, If they're in a
situation like that and thenthey go from that to doing
(28:47):
something that they don't reallyenjoy or they don't really like
, just because they have to howwould you encourage them or how
would you tell them hey, if thatparticular situation or that
particular life, um seasonallife, is not going to be forever
, you will, you know, succeed inwhat you will want to do yeah,
(29:10):
that's a great question, dorsey,and I think there's a couple of
things.
Mark Collins (29:13):
I think there's the daily kind of stuff, right.
So this, so this is my passion,obviously, life mastering the
things I'm doing, and so I meanit could be pretty much every
waking moment I could put intoit.
The challenge is that I'mmarried and I have a wife and I
have kids, you know, I havechurch and I have relationships,
and while I could really focuson this and silo myself in a
(29:35):
room and just do this all of thetime, all of those
relationships wouldn't benefitfrom that.
And so life mastery for us, youknow, first off, is there's
five areas of life masteryspiritual, relational,
vocational, physical andfinancial.
Spiritual relational,vocational, physical and
financial.
And so those are what I callthose five spheres of life
(29:55):
mastery which I believe all lifehappens in, and so living life
at the maximum level is livingat the highest level in each of
these areas.
It seems like it's exhausting,but it's really not.
It's really saying, hey, what'sthe next level in the spiritual
, what's the next level in therelational, and how do I put
time into doing it?
So that's not a balanced life,but it's the life that you're
(30:16):
created for doing it.
So that's not a balanced life,but it's a life that you're
created for.
I'm not trying to give equaltime to each, because that just
doesn't work out that way, but Iam trying to give invested time
to each.
Now, that's one question.
And the second kind of questionthat you're asking is hey, what
if I'm in this position, thisjob, this role, this thing I'm
doing and I don't like it?
You know, my dream is this.
My dream is to start my ownbusiness, but now I have a job
(30:38):
and I'm working for somebodyelse.
Or my dream is to be a manageror an executive and I'm just a
guy in a warehouse.
You know, I've been there.
I know how that feels if youfeel like you're better than the
position you're at.
But here's the thing that Ifound out one time I was in a
job and I was very miserable.
I was in a position and I wascontinuing to trying to get
(30:58):
promotions, trying to get newjobs, trying to get promoted
within the organization, and Iwould continue to get it passed
over.
I felt like I was overqualifiedfor where I was at and wasn't
really being valued as much as Iwas meant to or had the ability
to, and I was probably right.
And here was the challenge thatI found out and the realization
(31:19):
that I had.
You know, as a Christian, Ibelieve it was a word from God
that came, and the word was thisyou won't move forward from
this until you understand whyyou're in this.
You won't move forward fromthis until you understand why
you're in this.
And here's the truth that allof us need to know.
The thing that qualifies youfor the next promotion promotion
as in the next level, you know,the next increase, the next
(31:42):
level of thing that you'resupposed to be doing, that
upward trajectory towards yourultimate goal in life that thing
that gets you to that nextlevel is stewarding, well, your
present level.
It's learning everything youneed to learn in your present
level as a person of faith.
Here's what I understand isthat what I'm doing right now is
not only stewarding the thingsGod's asking me to do, but
(32:03):
preparing for the next thing tocome.
Your strategies and yourunderstandings and your
knowledge and all the things youneed to carry.
The weight of that next callingis your present calling.
The more I invest in it and tryand do my best in it, the more
I find myself ready for thatnext thing, when it comes.
Dorsey Ross (32:23):
That makes a lot of sense and I greatly appreciate
that answer from you.
As we get to the end here.
I always like to ask my guestswhat encouragement would you
give to my listeners, especiallythose that are struggling with
imposter?
Mark Collins (32:42):
syndrome?
I appreciate the question and Iguess the first thing would be
this I've been where you're atand so, as I mentioned earlier
in the conversation, I felt thatthere was more than the life I
was living as I was growing upinto my young adult life and you
know 20s and 30s, and I wastrying to find it through
personal development and all thethings that I did, and
(33:05):
ultimately I couldn't findanything that was bringing a
transformation, and so I created.
It was, you know, what isillustrated in my book Life
Mastery, living Life by Design,and in that place, the one thing
that I did was I refused togive up on the belief that there
was more than where I was at.
You know the first course andthe first book and the second
and third and fourth.
(33:25):
None of them gave me thattransformation I was looking for
, and I could have given upalong the way and just stopped
and said I guess this is justthe life that I'm meant for.
And so, for the people that arelistening to this, the first
thing is to say this you areright, you're meant for more
than where you're at.
This isn't the end and thisisn't everything, and you just
need to tolerate and deal withwhere you're at.
(33:46):
I don't believe that's thetruth for anyone.
It wasn't the truth for me andI don't believe it's the truth
for you.
I believe you're looking forwhat I call a hero in hiding on
the inside, to come out on theoutside and have the life that
you're created for, and so myencouragement would be this
Don't give up, be willing to beton yourself one more time.
(34:07):
I believe this Life Mastery bookthat we have Life Mastery,
living Life by Design, not bydefault gives you
transformational strategies thatcan literally change your life
forever.
But here's the truth of thematter it could very well do
that, but if you're unwilling tobet on yourself one more time,
then you won't be willing to tryit.
You won't be willing to stepforward and say I'm just going
to try one more time, I'm goingto continue to persevere until I
(34:30):
get there.
But if you're willing to dothat, if you're willing to
persevere and say, no, I'm notgoing to give up on myself, I'm
going to do this, then thosetransformational strategies are
out there, and I believe thatyou'll have the life that you
believe you're created for, theone that is amazing and the one
that you're looking to have inyour life.
You just need to be able to beton yourself.
Believe in yourself one moretime.
Dorsey Ross (34:52):
Amen.
Well, thank you, pastor Mark,for coming on the show today.
We greatly appreciate havingyou.
And one last question is wherecan people connect with you and
how can they find your book?
Mark Collins (35:11):
I appreciate you asking, so I try and be a
one-stop shop, dorsey, so youcan reach me on my website,
which, freedom-for-lifenet thatfour is actually the word, not
the number.
It's the wordfreedom-for-lifenet.
You actually can get my ebook,my ebook's, on my website.
You can get it for less than$10.
(35:31):
It's out there, you can have iton your phone, on your iPad,
wherever, and all thetransformational strategies that
we talked about are on thate-book that you can get on my
website.
Dorsey Ross (35:40):
Thank you.
Well, guys and girls, thank youso much for coming on the show
today and listening, and I hopeyou enjoy it and know that you
are more than enough and thatGod has great plans and purposes
for your life.
And please check out my websiteas well at wwwdoocrossshowcom.
(36:01):
And until next time, then gocheck out Pastor Mark's website
as well.
God bless, bye-bye.
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