August 6, 2025 • 52 mins
Jelani bravely shares her story of sexual abuse by her father, highlighting how she found the courage to speak up despite his threats and manipulation. Her mother Doris reveals her own struggles as a young parent trapped in cycles of abuse while fighting to regain custody of her children.
• Jelani recounts the first incident of abuse during a family trip to Miami when her father inappropriately touched her while she was sleeping
• The abuse continued periodically, especially when her father had been drinking
• Threats kept Jelani silent until she finally felt safe enough to tell her mother
• Therapy played a crucial role in Jelani's healing process, helping her become "less shy and more brave to speak out"
• Doris shares her journey as a teenage mother who faced manipulation by an older partner who lied about his age
• The complicated custody battle that led to Doris losing access to her children except under her abuser's terms
• Discussion of the "bathroom talk" where Jelani finally disclosed the abuse to her mother and trusted family members
• How sharing their story on social media connected them with other survivors despite some negative reactions
• The ongoing healing journey of rebuilding trust, establishing healthy relationships, and processing trauma
• Jelani's balanced approach to relationships now, being cautious without completely distrusting all men
If you're experiencing abuse or know someone who is, please speak up and tell at least one trusted person. Don't let fear drive your decisions—the reality of disclosure is often less frightening than what you imagine.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You are listening to the Double A Club and this is
your host, ny Boom, and myco-host, big Daz.
We'll be talking about trendingtopics and healthcare and
basically just as a disclaimerjust to let the listeners know
that this is just basically onour opinions and speculations
(00:24):
and I hope you guys enjoy theshow.
Let's start off and kick offwith our first topic.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hello everybody, thank you for joining the
podcast.
Once again, this is Double AClub.
You can catch us on Spotify,iheartradio, amazon Music, apple
Podcasts and whatever podcastyou use to try and listen to
podcasts.
Uh, this is our second part ofour first youtube series.
(00:55):
Please introduce yourselves I'mdory carmen and I'm jay lonnie
and just so, sorry, to clear mythroat, just so the people who
are watching Jelani if you, ifyou guys, watched the first
Episode that I had with DorisCarmen, jelani is her daughter
(01:18):
and this is the person who theactual event of the story
Happened to, so she wants to beon the podcast to tell her story
and hopefully more people willbe educated on seeing some of
these signs and also, maybe theyounger, the children that are
(01:44):
going through this can build upbravery to say something.
So would you like to start offby telling your side of the
story, jelani?
Speaker 3 (02:12):
um, it started when we were on a trip to miami and,
um, there was this night wherewe were staying over there and
all the adults they wanted to goout.
So then we had our older cousins, like babysit, like us younger
kids, and, um, we ended upfalling asleep, like everybody
fell asleep and that the adultscame home and then everybody was
(02:35):
just going to their rooms inthe airbnb and my dad had came
in with, uh, with a woman thathe had met over there at the
place that they went to.
I don't know what place theywent to, but all I know is that
(02:55):
they went out and he came backwith some women and, um, they
were in the room and they were,they were like sleeping in the
same bed, and I was in anotherbed where I was supposed to be
sleeping with my dad Because, um, I didn't like sleeping by
(03:18):
myself.
So then I ended up starting tosleep with my dad and I was
sleeping with my dad and then Ifelt him like start taking off
my clothes and doing stuff to me, and then I woke up and then I
told him what was he doing andhe had told me to just go back
(03:41):
to sleep and that he wasn'tdoing anything so I go back to
sleep, and that he wasn't doinganything, so I went back to
sleep.
And then, after we left Miami,he didn't do it for a while
until, like one day he went outto, like, I think, a club or
something and he came back drunkand he did it again.
(04:03):
He like carried me out of mygrandparents room, took me to
his room and started touching onme again, and then after that,
like every time he would go outand get drunk, he would like do
it again.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
So this happened more than twice?
Yeah, so this happened morethan twice.
Yeah, okay, and why didn't yousay something the first two
times or maybe the third time,like why did you get that?
What happened when you diddecide to tell your mom?
Speaker 3 (04:52):
What was like the difference between that time
frame and not telling it earlier?
Um, because earlier he wouldtell me that if I told anybody,
um, like he would say, if youtell anybody, something's going
to happen.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
So he threatened you and you were scared yeah okay,
and so how did you get thebravery to finally say something
?
Because, I mean, that threatwas still there.
So what made you to?
What made you eventually saysomething?
Speaker 3 (05:26):
um, it was this night where he was really mad and I
didn't want to go to his houseand I had like I didn't want to
go back and he was like reallymad.
So then I ended up telling mymom what happened and then, um,
(05:50):
we had went to the police andall of that so you can say, in a
way, you felt a little bitsafer to.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
That's why you said something at the time.
So, before you didn't sayanything, because you was unsafe
, because you was living withyour, your father at the time
yeah right, and at the time whenyou did decide to say something
to your mom, you was not livingwith him I was living with my
mom okay, good, and so did he doanything more than just touch
(06:28):
you?
Did he actually try to like goin?
Speaker 3 (06:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
It didn't happen, right?
No, but he did try.
Yeah and yeah, I'm, I feel alittle uncomfortable trying to
ask these questions with youbecause you're so young, but I
(07:01):
Want, I don't want, I don't wantthis to see.
I have, I have children myself,right, and my daughter Didn't
go through something like that,but she was.
She was being catfished bysomeone older online and he was
trying to talk to her and Imaybe, hopefully he was trying
to lead her to somewhere.
So, like, as a father, I don't,I don't, I don't, I don't, I
(07:27):
don't want that to happen To anychild.
But, yeah, yeah, sorry, we gotcut off, technical difficulties,
somebody tried to call me andit paused us.
So, but so, going back to myquestion, right?
(07:48):
So when this was happening toyou, what was going through your
head?
How was you feeling?
Speaker 3 (08:00):
um, there was like a lot of depression and I'm sorry,
speak about it.
I hate you um, there was a lotof depression and I kept
wondering why he was doing itand I kept like asking myself,
(08:22):
like if I was going to tellanybody what would happen, or if
I did tell anybody would likeanything change.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
And did you know he was doing that to your brother
or no?
You didn't have an idea.
He was doing that to yourbrother or no?
You didn't have an idea.
And now that you know that thiswas happening to your brother,
how do?
Speaker 3 (08:51):
you feel I feel bad because he was younger than me
and like he was, like it wasn'teven his fault, it was mostly my
dad's, so I felt more bad forhim.
Well you know, it wasn't yourfault either.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
So I just want you to know that, to be honest with
you, no father, no father shouldbe doing that.
We're we're us.
We're created to be protectorsof the house, not to damage it,
you know.
So I don't want you to thinkthat was your fault, it's not.
How do you feel now Around menin general, like going to school
(09:39):
, boys, the new stepfather howdo you feel around these guys?
Do you feel anxious, nervous,scared something?
Or is this okay, normal?
Speaker 3 (09:56):
It's more like okay, normal, but sometimes I try to
make sure that I'm safe aroundthem.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
And how do you do that?
Speaker 3 (10:10):
I mostly focus on if I know them for a number of
times, and if I don't know them,then sometimes I would get to
know them to see if they'rereally a good person or bad.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
I mean, and you're taking therapy now, right?
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Um.
I just finished therapy.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
And how did how do you feel therapy helped you?
Speaker 3 (10:54):
I feel like it helped me a lot and like helped me
express and like talk more aboutmy situation.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
And it made me less shy and more brave to speak out.
I mean, I'm so sorry that thishad to happen to you, but maybe
I was with you.
You know, if you follow yourpath of that what therapy um
taught you and don't have fulldistrust in men but, like how
you said, try to find out ifthey're good peoples and stuff
like that, you're gonna be anincredible woman, okay so here's
(11:34):
some questions, uh, for yourmommy, and you could jump, you
feel like it.
So my first question for you,doris, is before you were
pregnant with the first, withjayron, that's your first child,
(11:57):
I believe, right, I believeright.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
There had to be some red flags.
Did you not see them at all?
Speaker 4 (12:08):
To be honest, no.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
No.
Speaker 4 (12:10):
No no.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
So everything was kind of like good.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
It felt like Before the first movie.
Yeah, it was like a Romeo andJuliet type of you know, just
making off and seeing each other, you know, or at least that's
how it felt in the beginning.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
And then so?
When did the first red flagshow?
Speaker 4 (12:42):
That had to be after Javon his birth, right it was
actually when I found out that Iwas pregnant, like way on in my
pregnancy, so I didn't knowthat I was pregnant one does
with Javon his pregnancy, or Iwas like five months pregnant,
going on six months.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
And do you remember what that red flag was?
Speaker 4 (13:07):
The first flag was when I had found out that he was
a hunter and his age wasn't hisreal age.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Okay, Okay, so let's fast forward, right?
The kids are with the fathernow, and the only way you can
see the kids now is because he'stelling you how to sleep with
(13:41):
him, right?
Yeah, you can see the kids nowis because he's telling you how
to sleep with him, right, okay,what was?
Did you not see any otheroptions to see your kids other
than sleeping with him?
Speaker 4 (13:58):
um, I tried to do the public places but you know,
being that I'm trying from zeroto pick up everything, pick up
the pieces and get my stufftogether, plus working Um, there
was times where I wasn't ableto take them to Chuck E Cheese
or go bananas, or, you know,public meetings, because when we
(14:21):
would meet he would expect meto pay for everything and I'm
struggling to get on the bus toget to them.
You know like at times Icouldn't even afford it.
So I would tell him, like, letme just see them for a couple
minutes at your parents' house.
You know like I'll, you know,stay in the sala or you know
just one designated place for meto be with them for a little
(14:42):
bit, and then I'll just leave.
You know, because their parentswere, they just didn't like me.
So it was kind of uncomfortableto go over there, knowing that
I left out of there for a reason, and you know it was just it
was kind of hard for me tosometimes meet him in a public
place.
And you didn't have your ownplace to have the kids or like
(15:06):
somewhere where you're stayingat so, um, the places that I
moved to because I was, I wasbouncing from place to place
because sometimes I couldn'tmake ends meet um, there was.
You know, I wouldn't want tolet him know where I was moving
to, so, because I didn't tellhim my address or who I was
(15:28):
living with, or, you know,because I did have roommates, um
, he wouldn't let me take themwith me.
So it was like uh, you know, Ihave the kids and either you're
going to do it my way or no way.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Okay, the kids, and either you're gonna do it my way
or no way.
Okay, and you did not decide togo to the police or go through
the court system to try to getsome type of visitation rights.
And why is that?
Speaker 4 (15:55):
um, because I didn't.
I didn't have the money for thelawyers and you know, like I
was saying, you know, justtrying to survive and make sure
that my kids are okay.
Yeah, I didn't think that thatwas a possible route because,
you know, I'm literally countingchange just to try to make it
(16:15):
to them.
And he has a big family, he hasa lot of support Not to say
that I don't have support for myfamily but it was really
embarrassing to go through thatafter they told me, just leave
that situation and me, like adumbass, just run back to the
situation time and time again.
So it was kind of like, youknow, a puppy just with his tail
(16:39):
stuck between his legs, likedamn, I can't even run to them
because I don't want them in mybusiness and to use that against
me, you know.
So I just went along with thepunches by myself and now?
Speaker 2 (16:56):
do you think that you could have gone to the court
system or police?
Speaker 4 (17:01):
in a way, yeah, I decided that I wanted to put a
stop to it after I tried to killmyself.
Like, at that point, I justfelt helpless, I felt alone.
Um, you know, I'm like, I'mgoing through this, I'm to
survive, I'm trying to win mykids back.
(17:22):
It got to a point where, afteryou know, I went to the
treatments that I had to gothrough, I just told myself,
like maybe this is God, like ifI didn't die when I was, you
know, like I was aiming for it,my purpose is just to keep
(17:45):
fighting for my kids and Irealized that I was being
selfish and knowing that Ididn't care anymore and I was
going to leave them behindwithout thinking about it so
being, you know, like I wentthrough the therapy, I went
through the sessions and I justcame to the realization that I
was so freaking, you know,selfish, and that gave me the
(18:06):
fire.
You know, like, you know thatit's that stage where I just get
mad.
That's what I went through.
It was like a light thatignited my fire, you know.
So I said fuck it, I'm gonnagive it all I got.
You know, this is all I have mychildren.
Let me fight, you know, and notgive up, because this is the
(18:26):
reason why I'm still here andever since I've been fighting
for them.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
So I'm going to put you in a scenario, right, you're
talking to a friend of yours.
I'm sorry about if this istough to talk about.
Okay, you okay.
Yeah, a friend of yours, I'msorry about if this is tough to
talk about.
Okay, are you okay?
Yeah, I'll put you in a roomscenario.
You're with a friend of yours,right?
(18:54):
She's telling you that her kidsare with the father.
Um, she's having a hard timeseeing the kids and every time
she does see the kids, thefather voluntarily rapes her.
(19:19):
Can't be completely rightbecause she isn't technically
fully stopping, correct, wouldyou tell them to go to the
police.
Yes, yeah, right.
So what I'm trying to get to iswhy didn't you go to the police
?
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Because I didn't want to lose my kids.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
But you do know now, you was never going to lose your
kids.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
Right, that thought you was never going to lose your
kids.
It was just scary, that thoughtyou know.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
It was fear.
Speaker 4 (19:48):
The thought of like him using everything against me
and, you know, making it seemlike I was a harm to my kids,
and I mean they gave himtemporary custody, so it was
like my word just floating inthe air, you know, like I didn't
even get a chance to fight, youknow let's get this correct
that temporary custody was givento him Only in the fact,
(20:12):
because you didn't show up tocourt, because you didn't know.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Yeah, you had the court.
Yeah, if you would have showedup, it would have been a
completely different thing,because most of these states
favor If you would have showedup, it would have been a
completely different thing,because most of these states
favor the mother.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Yeah, yes, the mother didn't even get a chance to
fight.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
See, I know, I know.
I know I'm not saying that youdid, I know I understand.
That's why I'm correcting that.
You know you didn't.
It's not because you didn't,it's because you didn't know and
you didn't show up.
That's why, Other than that,you probably would have.
But as of now now I'm talkingabout now, not then, but now you
know that you're not going tolose your kids because you go to
(20:54):
the police or anything.
I just don't want anybody inyour situation to be still
fearful to not go to lawenforcement if they're in a
situation similar to yours yeahright yeah, it's way different
now than my mentality was backthen.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
I was just lost.
I was, you know, I didn't lovemyself enough, I didn't, you
know.
It took me a journey.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
And it's understandable.
I mean, you was extremely youngwith the first baby.
You know.
Did you?
Did you graduate high school?
Speaker 4 (21:31):
Yeah, I was taking my son with me to complete my
courses to get enough credits,and I did get my diploma.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
And at what age did you get that diploma?
I was 18 so, and it was a toughroad so it's like yeah, I mean
you're gonna be a little bit,you know, naive about it and
stuff like that, because you'restill not.
You're not growing like normal,average teenagers who are able
(22:02):
to socialize and do everythingin school, because you have to
go through a different path.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
So yeah, it was hard.
I lost a lot of friends to that.
You know, I was the only onethat had a baby in sophomore
year and then to have anotherone in senior year.
Like I just didn't want to be astatistic, I wanted to show my
kids that if I had both of themin high school and I was able to
graduate, then nothing can stopthem, because I wanted to prove
(22:30):
to them that you know, I can doit, and if I can do it, they
can too.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Okay so, going back to when you're visiting your
kids at the father's house,right, and you're dating
somebody, you decided to datesomebody.
You thought that you was wellenough to start dating somebody
at the time.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Right, why?
Well, not why.
I understand why.
Because you meant well, butwhat did you think was going to
happen or what his reaction wasgoing to be when you told him
what was happening when he wasgoing over to the father's house
(23:16):
, like, how did you think thatwas going to come out?
Did you really play that out inyour head?
If I tell him he's going tocome out, did you really play
that out in your head if I tellhim he's going to react like
this.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
Um, I didn't really.
I mean, I thought of it but Ididn't, like I couldn't carry
that with me.
You know it's like carrying across, like you know you have
that burden with you and you'relike you just want to come clean
.
You know you feel nasty.
You feel, you know, used andabused.
(23:45):
It's like I, I was like, youknow I can't like to this man.
You know he's helping me.
You know, get on my feet andyou know, provide me with the
with a roof over my head.
You know, at least I'm notbouncing from house to house and
, um, I just didn't want tocarry that so you didn't think
(24:09):
that telling him was risking itall there was a possibility, but
you know, I just I don't thinkthere was a possibility.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Not, I don't think there was a possibility.
Not.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
That's a tough thing for another man to hear you know
, but I felt like he deservedthat you know, and I'm not that
type of woman, so you know, Iwas like, okay, well, I'm woman
enough to admit my partake.
But you know, this is asituation you don't deserve a
situation.
You don't deserve this, I don'tdeserve this.
(24:46):
It's not my fault and you know,I decided that I wanted to,
like, you know, be honest aboutthe situation and you know it is
a huge magnitude of like how ishe gonna to react?
But I just, you know, when Idid tell him it got ugly.
I mean, it was like seeing whatI ran from.
(25:09):
You know how they say Guatemala, but I want to pay.
You know, I was like, oh no.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
After I told him and I seen how he reacted, I'm like
I probably dodged a bullet.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
I mean yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
I'm not married to him.
You know it was easier for meto up and go versus, you know,
having children and you knoweverything.
That's all.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
It's just sad that you have to go through what you
had to go through and aftertelling him still, you know, I'm
saying like that's intolerable.
But you telling him, hey, I'mkind of sleeping with this
person or I'm being raped bythis person, or whatever.
However way, you told it to himthat outcome, like what did you
(26:08):
think was gonna come out ofthat?
You know, that's, that's whatI'm trying to get.
Like, you know, like I'm notgonna put myself in a situation
where I'm gonna get stabbed.
I'm going to get stabbed or I'mgoing to get shot or I'm going
to get punched in the face.
You know what I'm saying.
Like I'm not putting myself.
(26:28):
If I'm in, if I'm in asituation, it happens, but I'm
not voluntarily going to do that, and just, you know.
And you kind of voluntarily putyourself in danger by telling
them that.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
That's what I'm trying to like.
Speaker 4 (26:45):
You met well, but it was a bad decision he, he never
gave me that inclination, thathe was aggressive, or, more to
say, in the beginning.
You know like again, thepattern, the pattern of Prince
(27:09):
Charming, and you know they makeyou feel beautiful, they make
you feel like you're the onlyone and I kind of like I didn't
see him being aggressive at allbecause he used to always treat
me like a princess until thatincident.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Well, have you ever heard of the fight or flight?
yeah so, even though we don't,us people, men and women don't
show certain, certain umcharacteristics, right, but and
this is with men when you breakthat ego, you are putting that
(27:47):
person in a fight or flight, andthat's what I'm talking about.
I'm not a gambling guy, I'm notrolling dice on that, you know.
So I just you know, I know,like I said, I know what you,
what you meant.
You meant well to do that hewas trying to clean this, to
(28:11):
clean everything up.
Be honest with him, come forthfull, let him know this is not
me, but not mean, but what?
How?
Speaker 3 (28:25):
did you think he was going?
Speaker 2 (28:26):
to take that.
You know, like he.
I mean I'm assuming you brokehim- and you didn't mean to but
that's what happened, becausethat's what that was his
reaction, you know.
So I just you know.
(28:55):
As you know, when I waslistening to the podcast as you
was telling the story, there wasjust a lot of things that you
meant well, but they were prettybad decisions.
You know, and I have toacknowledge this.
(29:16):
You know, have you learnedanything from some of your bad
decisions?
Like, if you could go back intime, would you have told that
guy that that you was being in aforced relation with your baby
father?
Would you, going back in time,would you have just toughed it
(29:38):
out, with the kids being withyou and not let the kids go to
the father's house and live withthem?
Um, would you have not gottenpregnant at 15 years old?
You know what I'm saying.
Maybe just wait a little longer.
Or maybe had the baby she'shere, beautiful and got rid of
(30:02):
him sooner and not have thesecond.
I mean, there's so manydecisions.
If you could turn back timewhen you have changed some of
these decisions yeah, you wouldhave right.
So you know, and and that's whatI want to get to, because you
(30:25):
know you're you have almost anadult right there.
You know she looks like yourtwin.
You know, do you want her to gothrough the same path you went
through Like no right, nobodywants that and I know she
(30:46):
doesn't want to.
But she could fall in that trapeven though she's been through
it, because of the simple factthis the statistics show that
people who've gone throughtraumatic incidents continue to
follow those paths because ofthe Trump.
She might find a, a guy laterin life that's just like your
(31:11):
baby father, and go through thesame hell maybe less, maybe more
, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (31:18):
So it's important for you to understand your
decisions yeah, I, um, Iwouldn't say that I regret my
kids.
No, I'm not saying that.
You know again, you know Ididn't have guidance.
(31:39):
I didn't have somebody to.
You know, even the birthcontrol, I didn't have the sex
talk, you know, like it wasguidance.
And if I can be here for mydaughter and tell her, hey, mama
, you know, this is life.
You know I'm not going tosugarcoat it, this is life.
You know, take me as an example.
I want you to be better than me, you know, encourage her to do
(32:04):
and explore and expand herhorizons way further than what I
was able to.
And if I'm going to be here,you know, holding her hand, I
want her to know that I do care.
And you know, no matter whathappens in life, I'm always
going to be here.
And if we're going to be scared, if we're going to be scared,
(32:26):
we're going to be scaredtogether, you know.
But this time we're going to bescared.
We're going to be scaredtogether, you know.
But this time we're going toconquer the world and I know
that she's going to be able todo more than what I was able to
accomplish.
But it's never too late, youknow, it's never too late.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
So if you could turn back time right, do one one
thing different or anythingdifferent.
What would you have donedifferent?
Speaker 4 (32:56):
I would have, uh, stood in school.
Okay, I would have focused moreon school than you know,
hangando with the, with thefriends and sneaking out and you
know just doing things that Iwasn't supposed to even be doing
at my age.
You know, I would have justfocused on my school and, you
(33:19):
know, probably finished collegeThen I feel like that would have
occupied me more than being inTrulia with a boy.
You wouldn't have got himarrested um, yeah, for sure, for
sure, yeah, I mean, I just thesimple fact that I look at the
(33:46):
good in people, the simple factthat I look at the good in
people, I really do, and that'ssometimes, it's most of the time
is a downfall, you know.
But all the signs were thereand I was just so well I thought
I was in love.
You know, that's StockholmSyndrome.
(34:06):
It's a thing you know.
You're in love with your abuserand you don't know how to not
feel in love until you'reisolated by yourself and you're
trying to figure out what the I.
I dealt with all of that fornothing, you know.
Like, had I loved me more, Iwouldn't have put myself through
(34:29):
that, you know.
So it's yeah, he, the beginningof it would have been, he would
have been locked up for sure solet's get, let's go to that
bathroom, talk that infamousbathroom talk.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Alright, j-lonnie, you found the bravery to that
bathroom.
Talk that infamous bathroomtalk.
Alright, j-lani, you found thebravery to say something because
you felt safe with your moms atthe time, right, and you let
her know, hey, let's go to thebathroom.
She already understands whatthat cue is.
And you're like, let's go tothe bathroom and you decide to
(35:11):
talk to her and I'm guessingthis bathroom thing is is a is a
personal thing between you andmoms, right, how did you feel?
Because I kind of looked at itnegatively but I understood what
(35:31):
your mom was trying to do, butagain, it was kind of like she
meant well, but it was just apoor decision.
But that decision will onlymatter on how you take it.
How did you feel when shewanted to bring in other people
to that private one-on-oneconversation in the bathroom
(35:54):
with you and her to discuss, orfor you to tell this extremely
embarrassing and hurtfulinformation about your father?
Did that kind of hurt yourfeelings that she added two more
people instead of just you andher?
Speaker 3 (36:15):
Not really, but at first I was scared to see how
they would react to theinformation.
See how they would react to theinformation.
But at the same time I've knownthem for like so long, since I
was little, so I feltcomfortable telling them okay
(36:41):
and this is why I had toquestion this decision, because
it had to matter on how he wastaking it.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Because, because I mean there could have been
another child who just didn'tfeel comfortable, just didn't
like the idea.
Like this is between you and me, I don't want to tell anybody
Then her bringing those twopeople is a bad decision.
But because you feelcomfortable and you knew them
and you was okay telling them,it's not a bad decision, so I
(37:09):
will take that back.
And you knew them and you wasokay telling them it's not a bad
decision, so I will take thatback.
I was just a little bit, youknow.
I know she means well, but Idon't think this is right right
now as I'm listening to thepodcast, you know.
So, and I wanted to, I reallywanted to know how you felt on
that Like, did you feel like shewas violating this personal
(37:29):
space between you two?
Speaker 4 (37:35):
um, I felt like when I did that was more of the.
I already know how he works, Ialready know that it's my word
against his and you know, andyou know I knew he was going to
make it seem like it's just aclaim or that I coerced her to
(37:59):
say that.
You know he's.
That's what a narcissist does.
You know they try to flip it onsomebody else when the
spotlight's on them.
So I already knew that it wasgoing to be where there's
possibility of you know himthreatening her.
You know there's differentpossibilities.
(38:21):
I felt like if he was going tothreaten her after she came
forward, then she would havebacked out.
Yo, I look like the loca infront of everybody because her
words might change.
Or you know, like I for them tosay oh, she's the one that made
her do it, she's forcing her tosay it.
No, I have more witnesses thatare willing to testify.
(38:45):
You know, to um, basically tellher story.
And you know it, my sister, meand her are really, really close
and you know she's for her tohear that she, it was like a
whole level of betrayal and Iget it.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
I understand the reason behind why you did it.
I'm just questioning it.
I was questioning it becauseyou know, for example, like when
you did decide going to thepolice and you know they bring
the child, the child, uh,interviewers for the kids, right
.
The reason why they do that isbecause they don't want to feel
(39:31):
make the kid feel violated,because once you do that they
don't trust you.
So you know, I just wanted tomake sure that she didn't feel
that when you was doing thatwith uh, with your, with your
boyfriend at the time and yoursister.
You know, because I mean shepulled you to the bathroom, not
them, but she was okay with it.
(39:52):
So it worked.
But in other cases sometimes itdoesn't work.
That's why I was bringing thatup, you know her relationship
with my sister is very strong.
Speaker 4 (40:05):
It's like me and my sister are the same person.
It's like um me and my sisterare the same person.
So when you know, like Jelaniknow that my sister was there.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
It made her feel comfortable to speak up Cool
Good.
So, jelani, how do you feellistening to your mom answer
some of these questions?
Speaker 3 (40:42):
I know they were kind of tough right.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
Um, a little bit, but I mostly know her story, so
like I know like stuff she mightanswer to.
Speaker 3 (40:50):
And it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
You're not, you don't feel uncomfortable hearing some
of the stuff that she got.
Speaker 4 (40:56):
She has to say right, um, after everything happened,
um, I was very transparent toher and, um, I just remind her,
you know that it's not her faultand know you can't trust
everyone as much as you wouldlike to trust them.
You know there's always peoplethat pretend to be somebody that
(41:18):
they're not.
So she always has to keep her,you know, her guard up, not
saying it in a negative way, butto just know that it could be
the closest one to you.
So you know she has to.
Um, you know not commit thesame mistakes that I did, you
know gotcha.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
So, um, I'm trying to uh, I'm trying to figure out
how to question this.
In the podcast he was talkingabout when you first got
pregnant and your mother wastelling you about the abortion
or arresting him, whatever, andhe was like, no, you fought back
(42:05):
and you're like this is mydoing, I'm going to pay the
consequences, this and that blah.
Remember, right.
So?
So, with that being said, right, those consequences that you
were gonna face, they did pastyou and trickle down to your
(42:31):
daughter and your son.
How, how do you make this up tothem?
Like, what is your process nowto let them know that?
You know, whatever I did, Iknow it did fall on you guys and
(42:57):
I'm not going to let thathappen again.
Speaker 4 (43:01):
I would say being more involved.
I went from not seeing them orseeing them every so often to.
You know I do everything withthem.
I'm always with them, every day, all day.
You know like I, whatever mydaughter comes and hangs out in
the room with me, you know mysons, we all hang out together
(43:23):
watch movies, where you know Itake, walk my son to school.
Um, you know we're always doingthings together.
You know she likes TikTok, soyou know she's.
We're always together doingfunny, silly stuff.
It's just making up that time,you know, and having them gain
(43:45):
my trust, because some day, youknow, they had them believing
that, believing that you know Ididn't love them and that I left
them and it's.
It's taken a long time for meto, you know, regain their trust
and for them to know thatthey're safe.
You know, just re relearningeverything together at you know,
(44:07):
at a step, at a time, but mostimportantly, just being there
and knowing and showing themthat I love them and they're not
just words, it's actions behindit too.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
So, Janani, this is a very important question for you
.
Okay, I hope you're ready.
How?
Speaker 3 (44:36):
did you feel when TikTok went down?
Oh, I started crying to my momand then I kept pressing on
TikTok to see if it would work.
And then I went to my mom and Itold her like what am I going
to do now?
Speaker 4 (44:55):
She's like yes, you're going to Say I'm going in
yeah, and then she comesyesterday in the room.
She's like mom, they broughtTikTok back, super happy.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
How did you feel when TikTok came back?
Speaker 3 (45:09):
Oh, I was really happy.
How did you feel when TikTokcame back?
Oh, I was really happy.
Yeah, I was like happy becauseI had all my videos back up.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
I've never used the thing, so I don't even know how
it works.
Speaker 4 (45:25):
He ended up looking at lip-syncing and stuff.
Alright, cool.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
This is my last question, right?
Both of you can answer if youwant.
How has social media respondedto you towards this?
I know you've got some positivefeedback because obviously from
the picture of him you'vegotten information, but what are
(45:53):
some of the negative feedbacksyou get?
Speaker 4 (45:57):
um, well then, I didn't relay this to her, but
you know like most of them weresaying that I failed her um
failed my children.
Some people said that I knewhim from the beginning.
Some people were saying thatyou know, they didn't understand
(46:22):
about domestic violence, likesome of them probably didn't
experience it or may neverexperience it, who knows.
They just weren't veryempathetic, and a lot of people
you can tell that they brush itunder the rug.
A lot of people they blame themother.
(46:48):
Yes, they blame the mother.
Yes, um, but you know like,nonetheless, you know, um, even
though I seen the negative, I'mlike shit.
I went through way worse thansaying these comments, like I
done felt pain and you know,seeing the light across the
(47:08):
tunnel and actually getting toexperience my light, I wouldn't,
it doesn't bother me anymore.
You know, I could be thebiggest puta, I could be the
worst mom in the world.
I mean, until you put yourselfin my shoes and deal with what I
had to deal with, that doesn'tmatter to me, they're just words
(47:29):
.
Did I feel kind of hurt?
At the beginning?
I was like, yeah, but I knewthat that was going to be a
possibility once I said my storyout Because you always get good
and you always get bad,especially on social media.
But the love that I felt, youknow, for even my daughter and
(47:50):
my son, that outweighed all thenegativity.
You know it took somebody twoseconds to share my daughter's
story and I wouldn't give thatup for anything.
At least somebody gets to hearthe story.
At least somebody gets to hearthe story.
(48:17):
And even if somebody were to runacross him, it would tell them
to stay away, but it didn'tbother me.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
The bad comments it didn't bother me because I've
been told worse.
So would you like to saysomething for everybody?
Speaker 3 (48:39):
Jaylani, way before she posted my story on social
media.
I tried to share my story, butI never gotten any hate about it
.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
I've actually had people come to me and say like
they've gone through the samething and like there's a lot of
people supporting me, but yeah,so what would you want to tell
those people who are goingthrough something similar,
similar to what you want, towhat you want to tell them to
(49:16):
fight, to fight through that?
Speaker 3 (49:19):
I Would you say like to be like not to be scared, to
like share their story and tospeak up, because If they don't,
it might go worse and like yeah, just like to not be scared and
(49:41):
like to speak and doris anyfinal thoughts.
Speaker 4 (49:51):
I just want you know the story to be a story where
you know other kids can hear itand you know, not be afraid.
You know that's the problemwith this story, it's being
afraid.
And then, when you're notafraid and you're ready to like,
take the bull by its horns, youdon't see that it wasn't as
(50:15):
scary as it was.
You know you thought it was.
I'm happy that she spoke out.
I'm happy that it didn'tfurther things with my son.
It didn't further things withmy son, with her as well.
You know, and we're just on thejourney of healing and you know
(50:36):
self-love and you knowpositivity, because it can get
dark sometimes, but we'reworking through that.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
Well, I want to thank you, jelani, for being brave
and sharing your story.
I know it's quite difficult totalk about it and to relive it
and I apologize, but people needto hear it because this can
happen to almost anyone.
You know, a lot of people thinkthat it can't happen to them
(51:12):
Until they're in this situation.
You know, so I'm happy that youwas able to come to the podcast
and tell your story.
I thank you two ladies Verymuch.
Anyone else who is goingthrough this, please don't let
(51:33):
the fear drive you.
Please speak up, say something,tell someone, find someone At
least one person.
Yeah, at least one person.
Thank you very much forlistening to us.
Follow me on Spotify,iheartradio, amazon Music, apple
(51:54):
Podcasts and I will see you.
Thank you, ladies.
Speaker 4 (51:58):
Have a good one, you as well, thank you.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
Thanks for listening to our show.
This concludes our episode andlisten up to the next episode to
follow up on what continuingtopics.
(52:24):
Thank you, and maybe you canadd on to it if you want, but
we'll catch you on the next one.
Alright, have a good one.
Peace out, fellas.
You are listening to the Double A Club and this is
your host, ny Boom, and myco-host, big Daz.
We'll be talking about trendingtopics and healthcare and
basically just as a disclaimerjust to let the listeners know
that this is just basically onour opinions and speculations
(00:24):
and I hope you guys enjoy theshow.
Let's start off and kick offwith our first topic.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hello everybody, thank you for joining the
podcast.
Once again, this is Double AClub.
You can catch us on Spotify,iheartradio, amazon Music, apple
Podcasts and whatever podcastyou use to try and listen to
podcasts.
Uh, this is our second part ofour first youtube series.
(00:55):
Please introduce yourselves I'mdory carmen and I'm jay lonnie
and just so, sorry, to clear mythroat, just so the people who
are watching Jelani if you, ifyou guys, watched the first
Episode that I had with DorisCarmen, jelani is her daughter
(01:18):
and this is the person who theactual event of the story
Happened to, so she wants to beon the podcast to tell her story
and hopefully more people willbe educated on seeing some of
these signs and also, maybe theyounger, the children that are
(01:44):
going through this can build upbravery to say something.
So would you like to start offby telling your side of the
story, jelani?
Speaker 3 (02:12):
um, it started when we were on a trip to miami and,
um, there was this night wherewe were staying over there and
all the adults they wanted to goout.
So then we had our older cousins, like babysit, like us younger
kids, and, um, we ended upfalling asleep, like everybody
fell asleep and that the adultscame home and then everybody was
(02:35):
just going to their rooms inthe airbnb and my dad had came
in with, uh, with a woman thathe had met over there at the
place that they went to.
I don't know what place theywent to, but all I know is that
(02:55):
they went out and he came backwith some women and, um, they
were in the room and they were,they were like sleeping in the
same bed, and I was in anotherbed where I was supposed to be
sleeping with my dad Because, um, I didn't like sleeping by
(03:18):
myself.
So then I ended up starting tosleep with my dad and I was
sleeping with my dad and then Ifelt him like start taking off
my clothes and doing stuff to me, and then I woke up and then I
told him what was he doing andhe had told me to just go back
(03:41):
to sleep and that he wasn'tdoing anything so I go back to
sleep, and that he wasn't doinganything, so I went back to
sleep.
And then, after we left Miami,he didn't do it for a while
until, like one day he went outto, like, I think, a club or
something and he came back drunkand he did it again.
(04:03):
He like carried me out of mygrandparents room, took me to
his room and started touching onme again, and then after that,
like every time he would go outand get drunk, he would like do
it again.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
So this happened more than twice?
Yeah, so this happened morethan twice.
Yeah, okay, and why didn't yousay something the first two
times or maybe the third time,like why did you get that?
What happened when you diddecide to tell your mom?
Speaker 3 (04:52):
What was like the difference between that time
frame and not telling it earlier?
Um, because earlier he wouldtell me that if I told anybody,
um, like he would say, if youtell anybody, something's going
to happen.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
So he threatened you and you were scared yeah okay,
and so how did you get thebravery to finally say something
?
Because, I mean, that threatwas still there.
So what made you to?
What made you eventually saysomething?
Speaker 3 (05:26):
um, it was this night where he was really mad and I
didn't want to go to his houseand I had like I didn't want to
go back and he was like reallymad.
So then I ended up telling mymom what happened and then, um,
(05:50):
we had went to the police andall of that so you can say, in a
way, you felt a little bitsafer to.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
That's why you said something at the time.
So, before you didn't sayanything, because you was unsafe
, because you was living withyour, your father at the time
yeah right, and at the time whenyou did decide to say something
to your mom, you was not livingwith him I was living with my
mom okay, good, and so did he doanything more than just touch
(06:28):
you?
Did he actually try to like goin?
Speaker 3 (06:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
It didn't happen, right?
No, but he did try.
Yeah and yeah, I'm, I feel alittle uncomfortable trying to
ask these questions with youbecause you're so young, but I
(07:01):
Want, I don't want, I don't wantthis to see.
I have, I have children myself,right, and my daughter Didn't
go through something like that,but she was.
She was being catfished bysomeone older online and he was
trying to talk to her and Imaybe, hopefully he was trying
to lead her to somewhere.
So, like, as a father, I don't,I don't, I don't, I don't, I
(07:27):
don't want that to happen To anychild.
But, yeah, yeah, sorry, we gotcut off, technical difficulties,
somebody tried to call me andit paused us.
So, but so, going back to myquestion, right?
(07:48):
So when this was happening toyou, what was going through your
head?
How was you feeling?
Speaker 3 (08:00):
um, there was like a lot of depression and I'm sorry,
speak about it.
I hate you um, there was a lotof depression and I kept
wondering why he was doing itand I kept like asking myself,
(08:22):
like if I was going to tellanybody what would happen, or if
I did tell anybody would likeanything change.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
And did you know he was doing that to your brother
or no?
You didn't have an idea.
He was doing that to yourbrother or no?
You didn't have an idea.
And now that you know that thiswas happening to your brother,
how do?
Speaker 3 (08:51):
you feel I feel bad because he was younger than me
and like he was, like it wasn'teven his fault, it was mostly my
dad's, so I felt more bad forhim.
Well you know, it wasn't yourfault either.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
So I just want you to know that, to be honest with
you, no father, no father shouldbe doing that.
We're we're us.
We're created to be protectorsof the house, not to damage it,
you know.
So I don't want you to thinkthat was your fault, it's not.
How do you feel now Around menin general, like going to school
(09:39):
, boys, the new stepfather howdo you feel around these guys?
Do you feel anxious, nervous,scared something?
Or is this okay, normal?
Speaker 3 (09:56):
It's more like okay, normal, but sometimes I try to
make sure that I'm safe aroundthem.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
And how do you do that?
Speaker 3 (10:10):
I mostly focus on if I know them for a number of
times, and if I don't know them,then sometimes I would get to
know them to see if they'rereally a good person or bad.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
I mean, and you're taking therapy now, right?
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Um.
I just finished therapy.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
And how did how do you feel therapy helped you?
Speaker 3 (10:54):
I feel like it helped me a lot and like helped me
express and like talk more aboutmy situation.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
And it made me less shy and more brave to speak out.
I mean, I'm so sorry that thishad to happen to you, but maybe
I was with you.
You know, if you follow yourpath of that what therapy um
taught you and don't have fulldistrust in men but, like how
you said, try to find out ifthey're good peoples and stuff
like that, you're gonna be anincredible woman, okay so here's
(11:34):
some questions, uh, for yourmommy, and you could jump, you
feel like it.
So my first question for you,doris, is before you were
pregnant with the first, withjayron, that's your first child,
(11:57):
I believe, right, I believeright.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
There had to be some red flags.
Did you not see them at all?
Speaker 4 (12:08):
To be honest, no.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
No.
Speaker 4 (12:10):
No no.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
So everything was kind of like good.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
It felt like Before the first movie.
Yeah, it was like a Romeo andJuliet type of you know, just
making off and seeing each other, you know, or at least that's
how it felt in the beginning.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
And then so?
When did the first red flagshow?
Speaker 4 (12:42):
That had to be after Javon his birth, right it was
actually when I found out that Iwas pregnant, like way on in my
pregnancy, so I didn't knowthat I was pregnant one does
with Javon his pregnancy, or Iwas like five months pregnant,
going on six months.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
And do you remember what that red flag was?
Speaker 4 (13:07):
The first flag was when I had found out that he was
a hunter and his age wasn't hisreal age.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Okay, Okay, so let's fast forward, right?
The kids are with the fathernow, and the only way you can
see the kids now is because he'stelling you how to sleep with
(13:41):
him, right?
Yeah, you can see the kids nowis because he's telling you how
to sleep with him, right, okay,what was?
Did you not see any otheroptions to see your kids other
than sleeping with him?
Speaker 4 (13:58):
um, I tried to do the public places but you know,
being that I'm trying from zeroto pick up everything, pick up
the pieces and get my stufftogether, plus working Um, there
was times where I wasn't ableto take them to Chuck E Cheese
or go bananas, or, you know,public meetings, because when we
(14:21):
would meet he would expect meto pay for everything and I'm
struggling to get on the bus toget to them.
You know like at times Icouldn't even afford it.
So I would tell him, like, letme just see them for a couple
minutes at your parents' house.
You know like I'll, you know,stay in the sala or you know
just one designated place for meto be with them for a little
(14:42):
bit, and then I'll just leave.
You know, because their parentswere, they just didn't like me.
So it was kind of uncomfortableto go over there, knowing that
I left out of there for a reason, and you know it was just it
was kind of hard for me tosometimes meet him in a public
place.
And you didn't have your ownplace to have the kids or like
(15:06):
somewhere where you're stayingat so, um, the places that I
moved to because I was, I wasbouncing from place to place
because sometimes I couldn'tmake ends meet um, there was.
You know, I wouldn't want tolet him know where I was moving
to, so, because I didn't tellhim my address or who I was
(15:28):
living with, or, you know,because I did have roommates, um
, he wouldn't let me take themwith me.
So it was like uh, you know, Ihave the kids and either you're
going to do it my way or no way.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Okay, the kids, and either you're gonna do it my way
or no way.
Okay, and you did not decide togo to the police or go through
the court system to try to getsome type of visitation rights.
And why is that?
Speaker 4 (15:55):
um, because I didn't.
I didn't have the money for thelawyers and you know, like I
was saying, you know, justtrying to survive and make sure
that my kids are okay.
Yeah, I didn't think that thatwas a possible route because,
you know, I'm literally countingchange just to try to make it
(16:15):
to them.
And he has a big family, he hasa lot of support Not to say
that I don't have support for myfamily but it was really
embarrassing to go through thatafter they told me, just leave
that situation and me, like adumbass, just run back to the
situation time and time again.
So it was kind of like, youknow, a puppy just with his tail
(16:39):
stuck between his legs, likedamn, I can't even run to them
because I don't want them in mybusiness and to use that against
me, you know.
So I just went along with thepunches by myself and now?
Speaker 2 (16:56):
do you think that you could have gone to the court
system or police?
Speaker 4 (17:01):
in a way, yeah, I decided that I wanted to put a
stop to it after I tried to killmyself.
Like, at that point, I justfelt helpless, I felt alone.
Um, you know, I'm like, I'mgoing through this, I'm to
survive, I'm trying to win mykids back.
(17:22):
It got to a point where, afteryou know, I went to the
treatments that I had to gothrough, I just told myself,
like maybe this is God, like ifI didn't die when I was, you
know, like I was aiming for it,my purpose is just to keep
(17:45):
fighting for my kids and Irealized that I was being
selfish and knowing that Ididn't care anymore and I was
going to leave them behindwithout thinking about it so
being, you know, like I wentthrough the therapy, I went
through the sessions and I justcame to the realization that I
was so freaking, you know,selfish, and that gave me the
(18:06):
fire.
You know, like, you know thatit's that stage where I just get
mad.
That's what I went through.
It was like a light thatignited my fire, you know.
So I said fuck it, I'm gonnagive it all I got.
You know, this is all I have mychildren.
Let me fight, you know, and notgive up, because this is the
(18:26):
reason why I'm still here andever since I've been fighting
for them.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
So I'm going to put you in a scenario, right, you're
talking to a friend of yours.
I'm sorry about if this istough to talk about.
Okay, you okay.
Yeah, a friend of yours, I'msorry about if this is tough to
talk about.
Okay, are you okay?
Yeah, I'll put you in a roomscenario.
You're with a friend of yours,right?
(18:54):
She's telling you that her kidsare with the father.
Um, she's having a hard timeseeing the kids and every time
she does see the kids, thefather voluntarily rapes her.
(19:19):
Can't be completely rightbecause she isn't technically
fully stopping, correct, wouldyou tell them to go to the
police.
Yes, yeah, right.
So what I'm trying to get to iswhy didn't you go to the police
?
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Because I didn't want to lose my kids.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
But you do know now, you was never going to lose your
kids.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
Right, that thought you was never going to lose your
kids.
It was just scary, that thoughtyou know.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
It was fear.
Speaker 4 (19:48):
The thought of like him using everything against me
and, you know, making it seemlike I was a harm to my kids,
and I mean they gave himtemporary custody, so it was
like my word just floating inthe air, you know, like I didn't
even get a chance to fight, youknow let's get this correct
that temporary custody was givento him Only in the fact,
(20:12):
because you didn't show up tocourt, because you didn't know.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Yeah, you had the court.
Yeah, if you would have showedup, it would have been a
completely different thing,because most of these states
favor If you would have showedup, it would have been a
completely different thing,because most of these states
favor the mother.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Yeah, yes, the mother didn't even get a chance to
fight.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
See, I know, I know.
I know I'm not saying that youdid, I know I understand.
That's why I'm correcting that.
You know you didn't.
It's not because you didn't,it's because you didn't know and
you didn't show up.
That's why, Other than that,you probably would have.
But as of now now I'm talkingabout now, not then, but now you
know that you're not going tolose your kids because you go to
(20:54):
the police or anything.
I just don't want anybody inyour situation to be still
fearful to not go to lawenforcement if they're in a
situation similar to yours yeahright yeah, it's way different
now than my mentality was backthen.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
I was just lost.
I was, you know, I didn't lovemyself enough, I didn't, you
know.
It took me a journey.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
And it's understandable.
I mean, you was extremely youngwith the first baby.
You know.
Did you?
Did you graduate high school?
Speaker 4 (21:31):
Yeah, I was taking my son with me to complete my
courses to get enough credits,and I did get my diploma.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
And at what age did you get that diploma?
I was 18 so, and it was a toughroad so it's like yeah, I mean
you're gonna be a little bit,you know, naive about it and
stuff like that, because you'restill not.
You're not growing like normal,average teenagers who are able
(22:02):
to socialize and do everythingin school, because you have to
go through a different path.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
So yeah, it was hard.
I lost a lot of friends to that.
You know, I was the only onethat had a baby in sophomore
year and then to have anotherone in senior year.
Like I just didn't want to be astatistic, I wanted to show my
kids that if I had both of themin high school and I was able to
graduate, then nothing can stopthem, because I wanted to prove
(22:30):
to them that you know, I can doit, and if I can do it, they
can too.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Okay so, going back to when you're visiting your
kids at the father's house,right, and you're dating
somebody, you decided to datesomebody.
You thought that you was wellenough to start dating somebody
at the time.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Right, why?
Well, not why.
I understand why.
Because you meant well, butwhat did you think was going to
happen or what his reaction wasgoing to be when you told him
what was happening when he wasgoing over to the father's house
(23:16):
, like, how did you think thatwas going to come out?
Did you really play that out inyour head?
If I tell him he's going tocome out, did you really play
that out in your head if I tellhim he's going to react like
this.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
Um, I didn't really.
I mean, I thought of it but Ididn't, like I couldn't carry
that with me.
You know it's like carrying across, like you know you have
that burden with you and you'relike you just want to come clean
.
You know you feel nasty.
You feel, you know, used andabused.
(23:45):
It's like I, I was like, youknow I can't like to this man.
You know he's helping me.
You know, get on my feet andyou know, provide me with the
with a roof over my head.
You know, at least I'm notbouncing from house to house and
, um, I just didn't want tocarry that so you didn't think
(24:09):
that telling him was risking itall there was a possibility, but
you know, I just I don't thinkthere was a possibility.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Not, I don't think there was a possibility.
Not.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
That's a tough thing for another man to hear you know
, but I felt like he deservedthat you know, and I'm not that
type of woman, so you know, Iwas like, okay, well, I'm woman
enough to admit my partake.
But you know, this is asituation you don't deserve a
situation.
You don't deserve this, I don'tdeserve this.
(24:46):
It's not my fault and you know,I decided that I wanted to,
like, you know, be honest aboutthe situation and you know it is
a huge magnitude of like how ishe gonna to react?
But I just, you know, when Idid tell him it got ugly.
I mean, it was like seeing whatI ran from.
(25:09):
You know how they say Guatemala, but I want to pay.
You know, I was like, oh no.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
After I told him and I seen how he reacted, I'm like
I probably dodged a bullet.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
I mean yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
I'm not married to him.
You know it was easier for meto up and go versus, you know,
having children and you knoweverything.
That's all.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
It's just sad that you have to go through what you
had to go through and aftertelling him still, you know, I'm
saying like that's intolerable.
But you telling him, hey, I'mkind of sleeping with this
person or I'm being raped bythis person, or whatever.
However way, you told it to himthat outcome, like what did you
(26:08):
think was gonna come out ofthat?
You know, that's, that's whatI'm trying to get.
Like, you know, like I'm notgonna put myself in a situation
where I'm gonna get stabbed.
I'm going to get stabbed or I'mgoing to get shot or I'm going
to get punched in the face.
You know what I'm saying.
Like I'm not putting myself.
(26:28):
If I'm in, if I'm in asituation, it happens, but I'm
not voluntarily going to do that, and just, you know.
And you kind of voluntarily putyourself in danger by telling
them that.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
That's what I'm trying to like.
Speaker 4 (26:45):
You met well, but it was a bad decision he, he never
gave me that inclination, thathe was aggressive, or, more to
say, in the beginning.
You know like again, thepattern, the pattern of Prince
(27:09):
Charming, and you know they makeyou feel beautiful, they make
you feel like you're the onlyone and I kind of like I didn't
see him being aggressive at allbecause he used to always treat
me like a princess until thatincident.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Well, have you ever heard of the fight or flight?
yeah so, even though we don't,us people, men and women don't
show certain, certain umcharacteristics, right, but and
this is with men when you breakthat ego, you are putting that
(27:47):
person in a fight or flight, andthat's what I'm talking about.
I'm not a gambling guy, I'm notrolling dice on that, you know.
So I just you know, I know,like I said, I know what you,
what you meant.
You meant well to do that hewas trying to clean this, to
(28:11):
clean everything up.
Be honest with him, come forthfull, let him know this is not
me, but not mean, but what?
How?
Speaker 3 (28:25):
did you think he was going?
Speaker 2 (28:26):
to take that.
You know, like he.
I mean I'm assuming you brokehim- and you didn't mean to but
that's what happened, becausethat's what that was his
reaction, you know.
So I just you know.
(28:55):
As you know, when I waslistening to the podcast as you
was telling the story, there wasjust a lot of things that you
meant well, but they were prettybad decisions.
You know, and I have toacknowledge this.
(29:16):
You know, have you learnedanything from some of your bad
decisions?
Like, if you could go back intime, would you have told that
guy that that you was being in aforced relation with your baby
father?
Would you, going back in time,would you have just toughed it
(29:38):
out, with the kids being withyou and not let the kids go to
the father's house and live withthem?
Um, would you have not gottenpregnant at 15 years old?
You know what I'm saying.
Maybe just wait a little longer.
Or maybe had the baby she'shere, beautiful and got rid of
(30:02):
him sooner and not have thesecond.
I mean, there's so manydecisions.
If you could turn back timewhen you have changed some of
these decisions yeah, you wouldhave right.
So you know, and and that's whatI want to get to, because you
(30:25):
know you're you have almost anadult right there.
You know she looks like yourtwin.
You know, do you want her to gothrough the same path you went
through Like no right, nobodywants that and I know she
(30:46):
doesn't want to.
But she could fall in that trapeven though she's been through
it, because of the simple factthis the statistics show that
people who've gone throughtraumatic incidents continue to
follow those paths because ofthe Trump.
She might find a, a guy laterin life that's just like your
(31:11):
baby father, and go through thesame hell maybe less, maybe more
, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (31:18):
So it's important for you to understand your
decisions yeah, I, um, Iwouldn't say that I regret my
kids.
No, I'm not saying that.
You know again, you know Ididn't have guidance.
(31:39):
I didn't have somebody to.
You know, even the birthcontrol, I didn't have the sex
talk, you know, like it wasguidance.
And if I can be here for mydaughter and tell her, hey, mama
, you know, this is life.
You know I'm not going tosugarcoat it, this is life.
You know, take me as an example.
I want you to be better than me, you know, encourage her to do
(32:04):
and explore and expand herhorizons way further than what I
was able to.
And if I'm going to be here,you know, holding her hand, I
want her to know that I do care.
And you know, no matter whathappens in life, I'm always
going to be here.
And if we're going to be scared, if we're going to be scared,
(32:26):
we're going to be scaredtogether, you know.
But this time we're going to bescared.
We're going to be scaredtogether, you know.
But this time we're going toconquer the world and I know
that she's going to be able todo more than what I was able to
accomplish.
But it's never too late, youknow, it's never too late.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
So if you could turn back time right, do one one
thing different or anythingdifferent.
What would you have donedifferent?
Speaker 4 (32:56):
I would have, uh, stood in school.
Okay, I would have focused moreon school than you know,
hangando with the, with thefriends and sneaking out and you
know just doing things that Iwasn't supposed to even be doing
at my age.
You know, I would have justfocused on my school and, you
(33:19):
know, probably finished collegeThen I feel like that would have
occupied me more than being inTrulia with a boy.
You wouldn't have got himarrested um, yeah, for sure, for
sure, yeah, I mean, I just thesimple fact that I look at the
(33:46):
good in people, the simple factthat I look at the good in
people, I really do, and that'ssometimes, it's most of the time
is a downfall, you know.
But all the signs were thereand I was just so well I thought
I was in love.
You know, that's StockholmSyndrome.
(34:06):
It's a thing you know.
You're in love with your abuserand you don't know how to not
feel in love until you'reisolated by yourself and you're
trying to figure out what the I.
I dealt with all of that fornothing, you know.
Like, had I loved me more, Iwouldn't have put myself through
(34:29):
that, you know.
So it's yeah, he, the beginningof it would have been, he would
have been locked up for sure solet's get, let's go to that
bathroom, talk that infamousbathroom talk.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Alright, j-lonnie, you found the bravery to that
bathroom.
Talk that infamous bathroomtalk.
Alright, j-lani, you found thebravery to say something because
you felt safe with your moms atthe time, right, and you let
her know, hey, let's go to thebathroom.
She already understands whatthat cue is.
And you're like, let's go tothe bathroom and you decide to
(35:11):
talk to her and I'm guessingthis bathroom thing is is a is a
personal thing between you andmoms, right, how did you feel?
Because I kind of looked at itnegatively but I understood what
(35:31):
your mom was trying to do, butagain, it was kind of like she
meant well, but it was just apoor decision.
But that decision will onlymatter on how you take it.
How did you feel when shewanted to bring in other people
to that private one-on-oneconversation in the bathroom
(35:54):
with you and her to discuss, orfor you to tell this extremely
embarrassing and hurtfulinformation about your father?
Did that kind of hurt yourfeelings that she added two more
people instead of just you andher?
Speaker 3 (36:15):
Not really, but at first I was scared to see how
they would react to theinformation.
See how they would react to theinformation.
But at the same time I've knownthem for like so long, since I
was little, so I feltcomfortable telling them okay
(36:41):
and this is why I had toquestion this decision, because
it had to matter on how he wastaking it.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Because, because I mean there could have been
another child who just didn'tfeel comfortable, just didn't
like the idea.
Like this is between you and me, I don't want to tell anybody
Then her bringing those twopeople is a bad decision.
But because you feelcomfortable and you knew them
and you was okay telling them,it's not a bad decision, so I
(37:09):
will take that back.
And you knew them and you wasokay telling them it's not a bad
decision, so I will take thatback.
I was just a little bit, youknow.
I know she means well, but Idon't think this is right right
now as I'm listening to thepodcast, you know.
So, and I wanted to, I reallywanted to know how you felt on
that Like, did you feel like shewas violating this personal
(37:29):
space between you two?
Speaker 4 (37:35):
um, I felt like when I did that was more of the.
I already know how he works, Ialready know that it's my word
against his and you know, andyou know I knew he was going to
make it seem like it's just aclaim or that I coerced her to
(37:59):
say that.
You know he's.
That's what a narcissist does.
You know they try to flip it onsomebody else when the
spotlight's on them.
So I already knew that it wasgoing to be where there's
possibility of you know himthreatening her.
You know there's differentpossibilities.
(38:21):
I felt like if he was going tothreaten her after she came
forward, then she would havebacked out.
Yo, I look like the loca infront of everybody because her
words might change.
Or you know, like I for them tosay oh, she's the one that made
her do it, she's forcing her tosay it.
No, I have more witnesses thatare willing to testify.
(38:45):
You know, to um, basically tellher story.
And you know it, my sister, meand her are really, really close
and you know she's for her tohear that she, it was like a
whole level of betrayal and Iget it.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
I understand the reason behind why you did it.
I'm just questioning it.
I was questioning it becauseyou know, for example, like when
you did decide going to thepolice and you know they bring
the child, the child, uh,interviewers for the kids, right
.
The reason why they do that isbecause they don't want to feel
(39:31):
make the kid feel violated,because once you do that they
don't trust you.
So you know, I just wanted tomake sure that she didn't feel
that when you was doing thatwith uh, with your, with your
boyfriend at the time and yoursister.
You know, because I mean shepulled you to the bathroom, not
them, but she was okay with it.
(39:52):
So it worked.
But in other cases sometimes itdoesn't work.
That's why I was bringing thatup, you know her relationship
with my sister is very strong.
Speaker 4 (40:05):
It's like me and my sister are the same person.
It's like um me and my sisterare the same person.
So when you know, like Jelaniknow that my sister was there.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
It made her feel comfortable to speak up Cool
Good.
So, jelani, how do you feellistening to your mom answer
some of these questions?
Speaker 3 (40:42):
I know they were kind of tough right.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
Um, a little bit, but I mostly know her story, so
like I know like stuff she mightanswer to.
Speaker 3 (40:50):
And it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
You're not, you don't feel uncomfortable hearing some
of the stuff that she got.
Speaker 4 (40:56):
She has to say right, um, after everything happened,
um, I was very transparent toher and, um, I just remind her,
you know that it's not her faultand know you can't trust
everyone as much as you wouldlike to trust them.
You know there's always peoplethat pretend to be somebody that
(41:18):
they're not.
So she always has to keep her,you know, her guard up, not
saying it in a negative way, butto just know that it could be
the closest one to you.
So you know she has to.
Um, you know not commit thesame mistakes that I did, you
know gotcha.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
So, um, I'm trying to uh, I'm trying to figure out
how to question this.
In the podcast he was talkingabout when you first got
pregnant and your mother wastelling you about the abortion
or arresting him, whatever, andhe was like, no, you fought back
(42:05):
and you're like this is mydoing, I'm going to pay the
consequences, this and that blah.
Remember, right.
So?
So, with that being said, right, those consequences that you
were gonna face, they did pastyou and trickle down to your
(42:31):
daughter and your son.
How, how do you make this up tothem?
Like, what is your process nowto let them know that?
You know, whatever I did, Iknow it did fall on you guys and
(42:57):
I'm not going to let thathappen again.
Speaker 4 (43:01):
I would say being more involved.
I went from not seeing them orseeing them every so often to.
You know I do everything withthem.
I'm always with them, every day, all day.
You know like I, whatever mydaughter comes and hangs out in
the room with me, you know mysons, we all hang out together
(43:23):
watch movies, where you know Itake, walk my son to school.
Um, you know we're always doingthings together.
You know she likes TikTok, soyou know she's.
We're always together doingfunny, silly stuff.
It's just making up that time,you know, and having them gain
(43:45):
my trust, because some day, youknow, they had them believing
that, believing that you know Ididn't love them and that I left
them and it's.
It's taken a long time for meto, you know, regain their trust
and for them to know thatthey're safe.
You know, just re relearningeverything together at you know,
(44:07):
at a step, at a time, but mostimportantly, just being there
and knowing and showing themthat I love them and they're not
just words, it's actions behindit too.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
So, Janani, this is a very important question for you
.
Okay, I hope you're ready.
How?
Speaker 3 (44:36):
did you feel when TikTok went down?
Oh, I started crying to my momand then I kept pressing on
TikTok to see if it would work.
And then I went to my mom and Itold her like what am I going
to do now?
Speaker 4 (44:55):
She's like yes, you're going to Say I'm going in
yeah, and then she comesyesterday in the room.
She's like mom, they broughtTikTok back, super happy.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
How did you feel when TikTok came back?
Speaker 3 (45:09):
Oh, I was really happy.
How did you feel when TikTokcame back?
Oh, I was really happy.
Yeah, I was like happy becauseI had all my videos back up.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
I've never used the thing, so I don't even know how
it works.
Speaker 4 (45:25):
He ended up looking at lip-syncing and stuff.
Alright, cool.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
This is my last question, right?
Both of you can answer if youwant.
How has social media respondedto you towards this?
I know you've got some positivefeedback because obviously from
the picture of him you'vegotten information, but what are
(45:53):
some of the negative feedbacksyou get?
Speaker 4 (45:57):
um, well then, I didn't relay this to her, but
you know like most of them weresaying that I failed her um
failed my children.
Some people said that I knewhim from the beginning.
Some people were saying thatyou know, they didn't understand
(46:22):
about domestic violence, likesome of them probably didn't
experience it or may neverexperience it, who knows.
They just weren't veryempathetic, and a lot of people
you can tell that they brush itunder the rug.
A lot of people they blame themother.
(46:48):
Yes, they blame the mother.
Yes, um, but you know like,nonetheless, you know, um, even
though I seen the negative, I'mlike shit.
I went through way worse thansaying these comments, like I
done felt pain and you know,seeing the light across the
(47:08):
tunnel and actually getting toexperience my light, I wouldn't,
it doesn't bother me anymore.
You know, I could be thebiggest puta, I could be the
worst mom in the world.
I mean, until you put yourselfin my shoes and deal with what I
had to deal with, that doesn'tmatter to me, they're just words
(47:29):
.
Did I feel kind of hurt?
At the beginning?
I was like, yeah, but I knewthat that was going to be a
possibility once I said my storyout Because you always get good
and you always get bad,especially on social media.
But the love that I felt, youknow, for even my daughter and
(47:50):
my son, that outweighed all thenegativity.
You know it took somebody twoseconds to share my daughter's
story and I wouldn't give thatup for anything.
At least somebody gets to hearthe story.
At least somebody gets to hearthe story.
(48:17):
And even if somebody were to runacross him, it would tell them
to stay away, but it didn'tbother me.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
The bad comments it didn't bother me because I've
been told worse.
So would you like to saysomething for everybody?
Speaker 3 (48:39):
Jaylani, way before she posted my story on social
media.
I tried to share my story, butI never gotten any hate about it
.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
I've actually had people come to me and say like
they've gone through the samething and like there's a lot of
people supporting me, but yeah,so what would you want to tell
those people who are goingthrough something similar,
similar to what you want, towhat you want to tell them to
(49:16):
fight, to fight through that?
Speaker 3 (49:19):
I Would you say like to be like not to be scared, to
like share their story and tospeak up, because If they don't,
it might go worse and like yeah, just like to not be scared and
(49:41):
like to speak and doris anyfinal thoughts.
Speaker 4 (49:51):
I just want you know the story to be a story where
you know other kids can hear itand you know, not be afraid.
You know that's the problemwith this story, it's being
afraid.
And then, when you're notafraid and you're ready to like,
take the bull by its horns, youdon't see that it wasn't as
(50:15):
scary as it was.
You know you thought it was.
I'm happy that she spoke out.
I'm happy that it didn'tfurther things with my son.
It didn't further things withmy son, with her as well.
You know, and we're just on thejourney of healing and you know
(50:36):
self-love and you knowpositivity, because it can get
dark sometimes, but we'reworking through that.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
Well, I want to thank you, jelani, for being brave
and sharing your story.
I know it's quite difficult totalk about it and to relive it
and I apologize, but people needto hear it because this can
happen to almost anyone.
You know, a lot of people thinkthat it can't happen to them
(51:12):
Until they're in this situation.
You know, so I'm happy that youwas able to come to the podcast
and tell your story.
I thank you two ladies Verymuch.
Anyone else who is goingthrough this, please don't let
(51:33):
the fear drive you.
Please speak up, say something,tell someone, find someone At
least one person.
Yeah, at least one person.
Thank you very much forlistening to us.
Follow me on Spotify,iheartradio, amazon Music, apple
(51:54):
Podcasts and I will see you.
Thank you, ladies.
Speaker 4 (51:58):
Have a good one, you as well, thank you.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
Thanks for listening to our show.
This concludes our episode andlisten up to the next episode to
follow up on what continuingtopics.
(52:24):
Thank you, and maybe you canadd on to it if you want, but
we'll catch you on the next one.
Alright, have a good one.
Peace out, fellas.
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