August 31, 2025 • 42 mins
Jason shares his 30-year battle with alcoholism, recent heart attack, and journey to recovery for the sake of his teenage son.
• Growing up in NYC during the stop-and-frisk era created a cycle of arrests, job loss, and hopelessness
• Early exposure to alcohol through working in bars as a teenager normalized drinking culture
• Alcohol caused severe physical damage including eight throat procedures due to esophageal burns
• After years of trying to get sober for others, a heart attack following a brief relapse became a turning point
• Recovery strategies include regular support group meetings, staying busy with work, and surrounding himself with understanding people
• Alcohol's prevalence in everyday settings (movies, bowling alleys) creates constant challenges for maintaining sobriety
• Childhood trauma often underlies addiction patterns and requires addressing for lasting recovery
If you're struggling with addiction, Jason encourages you to seek detox help, build a support team, and remember that relapse doesn't equal failure. "You just got to learn from your mistake... if you're alive it's a blessing that day."
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You are listening to the Double A Club and this is
your host, ny Boom, and myco-host, big Daz.
We'll be talking about trendingtopics and healthcare and
basically just as a disclaimerjust to let the listeners know
that this is just basically onour opinions and speculations
(00:24):
and I hope you guys enjoy theshow.
Let's start off and kick offwith our first topic.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Hello everyone, this is NYC Boom, coming from the
Double A Club podcast.
You can catch us on Spotify,iHeartRadio and Amazon Music.
Again, we're going to continueour web series on dealing with
alcoholism, and I have a specialguest with me.
Go ahead, introduce yourself.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
What's up everybody.
My name is Jason.
I'm originally from the Bronx,right now reside in
Massachusetts.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Let's go Boston.
Let's go Boston.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Let's go Yankees.
But I just really wanted totouch on the topic of alcoholism
.
And, you know, just bring alittle bit of experience,
personal experience or whatever.
I've been struggling with itfor 30 years.
(01:29):
You know what I mean.
Um, just uh, recently february,just uh suffered a heart attack
.
That just really just seteverything in perspective more.
You know all the times I triedto go at least I made attempts
(01:49):
to go to rehab, but it was neverfor myself, it was always for
someone else.
You know it was for.
You know, all right, I'll do it.
And when you do it for yourself,it's it's a different thing.
You feel like you know youcan't affect anyone in your
family, you can't touch thepeople that you hurt or anything
(02:12):
unless you fix yourself.
You got to fix yourself firstand care about yourself first
before anything.
You know, and until you know Ireally started caring, you know
it didn't really matter.
You know I really startedcaring.
You know it didn't reallymatter.
You know I was a functioningalcoholic because I was always
working managing a liquor storeand so it just became gradual,
(02:36):
you know that, and working inbars and things, since I was a
young, since way young, sinceabout 18 years old, since way
young, since about 18 years old.
You know, I went through somuch trauma living in New York.
It was it turned me to so much,so young.
Back, if you remember.
(02:58):
But you remember, like the stopand frisk law and shit, oh, the
one that fucking Mayor Giulianipassed, oh my gosh.
So like I was a teenager, youremember, man, yo shout out to
your entire family, you and yourbrother, yo, you guys, you guys
are freaking family to the dayI died, because there were days
(03:18):
that I was homeless and you know, and y'all put a freaking, uh,
a roof over my head for thenight.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
You know, I'm forever grateful for y'all no problem,
man, it was also my mom's doingtoo.
She didn't, she didn't like tosee people struggle you know it
was.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
It was.
It was difficult because beforethat I was young, out in the
street.
So when I ended up I was outwith no ID.
No, you get stopped with no ID.
Stop at first.
For whatever fucking reason,you're going to jail.
So I would go to jail all thefucking time.
(03:56):
I'll end up in Central Book infour days and, as John Doe and
all these cases will fucking goin front of me and I'm still
sitting in jail because I didn'thave a fucking ID and there's
no way to get an ID withoutSocial Security.
Without there was no way to getanything.
You know, without one thing tostart everything, you understand
(04:17):
.
You know you need a SocialSecurity, you need a you know
birth certificate.
You don't have that, you don'thave shit.
And you didn't have that.
You don't have and you didn'thave that.
So I was.
I was always going, going, Iwould get a job.
People like oh, get a job, I'llget a job, you get job, you get
a job on a what a 90-dayprobationary period.
Guess what.
I'm trying to go to work.
(04:39):
I get freaking stopped.
I'm locked up.
Guess what?
No show, you're fired, okay,and then they look at your
record.
You would get caught.
We'll get caught freaking as ayoungster with like less than
freaking 20 worth of weed andfreaking end up in jail for the
longest.
(04:59):
You know what I'm saying.
And it was constantly.
I ended up with like 30something freaking, almost 40
something arrests and there wasjust mostly no identity because
I had no id and like ittraumatized me to the point I
was like damn, I just get a joband I'm fucking fired the next
day.
You know what I'm saying.
Like I come out, I they don'twant to hear anything, you know
(05:21):
what I'm saying.
And then, on top of gettingarrested, guess what?
You got a criminal background.
You know what I'm saying.
So it was impossible.
I was like yo, you gotta befucking kidding me, there's no
escape from this shit.
And all I knew from young was,you know, just to escape
everything was alcohol, becauseit was everywhere, it was so
(05:43):
easy to get to.
I started working.
You remember Ering's Tavern?
I used to work in the bar.
I was like freaking 14 yearsold, freaking around, adults
drinking and shit.
I'd see them best friends,buddies, freaking, chilling on
freaking St Paddy's Day andthey're cracking each other over
(06:05):
the head with a mug at the endof the night.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
You know it was crazy .
I just saw so much at a youngage when I was working in the
bar, being around alcohol and Iwas always around it and it was
my only escape.
When I ended up homeless as ateenager, that's all I turned to
.
It was just make everythingdisappear.
You know what I mean.
And then I just became afunctioning alcoholic because my
(06:32):
body could keep going and then,when I just didn't want it, I
started getting sick.
That's like I was like damn yo,I don't feel like drinking.
You know, I'm like I'm tired ofthis life already, like I don't
want it, and I got really,really sick and I had to go to
detox like four times in oneyear.
You know what I mean.
Like it's, it's, it's aneveryday battle, everyday battle
(06:57):
for anybody that goes throughany kind of addiction.
It ain't just alcohol, man man,I go to Star Program in Fall
River.
They're the most amazing people, you know.
They help people with everytype of addiction and I met
brothers and sisters.
We're all the same.
(07:20):
You know, I used to be young andstupid when I was a kid and be
like oh, crackhead over there,oh like, and say stupid and
ignorant things like that.
And now, when you see peoplewhen they struggle from
addiction, it's sad.
You know there's nothing funnyabout it.
You know that's somebody'smother, that's somebody's kid,
that's somebody's father.
You know what I'm saying.
Yeah, it's just different whenit touches base.
(07:41):
And then, you know, I turned mywhole life.
I said damn, I've always triedto be better and the only thing
I fought everything, alberto,everything.
I've been shot twice.
I've fucking been to the pointthat I almost died in car
accidents that I wasn't evendriving, other people were.
(08:01):
I got hit by a car.
It took me a year to walk again.
I beat everything like nothing.
The only thing I can't beat isthis addiction.
That shit's real.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
A lot of people don't know that alcohol, even though
it's legal, it's one of theworst things to detox from
compared to other drugs, andit's killed more people than all
types of other drugs.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
You're dead right with that, because when I came
out the nurse told me she saidyou have no idea there's more
people that overdose fromalcohol than heroin.
And it stuck with me.
I thought heroin was the numberone.
People overdose all the timeuntil they found Narcan.
(08:58):
Now I'm Narcan certified.
For all that I go to programs,for all that I go to programs.
I want to help everyone thathas an addiction because there's
always hope.
You have to want it foryourself and you have to have
the right people around you.
You can't be surrounded by allnegative people if that's the
(09:20):
case.
But there's one thing that I dolearn you can't do it by
yourself.
I try't do it by yourself.
No, I try.
I try to do that.
I try to do it for so long andit doesn't work.
You need a support team.
You know you need people aroundyou.
So who is your support team?
My family, I have uh groupsthat I go to star as well.
(09:43):
I also go to iop, which is it'sIntense Occupational, it's
intense, intense Outpatientprogram.
That's what it is.
It's when you come out of detox.
(10:03):
They put you in programs, theygive you classes and stuff and
then they have a mental healthand a substance abuse class.
So it's either or Do you takethe?
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Do you see that those programs are really helping you
?
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Let me tell you something If they, if it wasn't
for them, I'd be in a worseplace because I would never feel
I had a place to go to, a placeto try to even get help.
I would have still been doingit crazy, you know, and just
killing myself and not knowingthat Because I've been to other
places and stuff but they didn'thelp.
(10:45):
You know, this place has agreat the nursing staff.
From the time you go in.
They're amazing.
The counselors that they have,most of all the nurses are there
and the counselors are formeraddicts so they relate to the
people.
Amazing, you know.
They know firsthand and it'snot somebody just coming off
(11:07):
straight out of college andtelling you out of a book you
know how you feel.
How does anybody know how youfeel?
You know what I mean, unlessyou went through it.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Yeah, I know, when I was working in jail, the
detoxing, the detoxing processfor people who were detoxing
from alcoholism.
That shit must be nuts Wasn'twas horrible, was horrible.
I mean like seriously horribleit's.
It's one of them, it is I thinkit is what the worst Detoxing
(11:43):
process in the world.
I mean like there's no otherother drug that you can detox.
It's just like that.
I got mr the the body.
I mean people died.
I got stuck on a.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
Yeah, it's horrible.
I got stuck on and because Ididn't have a ticket and and I
would never go to pay my things,so they sent me to rikers and
that's when I first went throughmy first, my first uh uh
experience of detox, and it washorrible.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Like I literally yeah , explain, Explain how it went
for you.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
I would literally leave the whole fucking sheet.
I'm sorry my language.
I would leave the whole, myentire thing, soaking wet and be
shaking at night, shivering andcold.
It was horrible.
Did you have hallucinations?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
hell freaking yeah like what did you hallucinate?
Do you remember?
Speaker 3 (12:40):
I see colors and shit and in and out, and just just
in and out of and justrestlessness, yeah, just
uncomfortableness.
It it was, just, it was horribleand the worst thing is you get
cold First, you get hot real hot, but then you get cold, and you
get cold to the point yourteeth are shattering and you're
(13:02):
freezing, no matter what you do.
You're cold, you know, and yourbody aches so much Like if your
body aches Like if you werewithdrawing From life.
I would see people on heroinand I'm like, damn, I'm going
through this For alcohol.
It was crazy.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Yeah, people think that Because it's alcohol, it's
like and it's legal, it's notthat bad.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
And you know how it is when we grew up, like it
started with me with 40s.
You know little 40s here.
Old English, you know O-E, o-e,not the same as man.
That was the other one.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
It was.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
O-E-45.
That was it.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Crazy horse.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Crazy horse With the Indian baby, yo, hell yeah,
crazy horse with the 64.
Remember the 34?
Nah, but that's where itstarted.
Yeah, that was my first.
I first felt like it was weird.
(14:11):
We were in Van Colling and wedrank 240s each, and I drink 240
straight.
I chugged them.
And when I was walking home,brother.
It's just, I fell in love withthat feeling and I wanted to
keep feeling like that because Iwas trying to escape other
things you know what I'm sayingLike like I was going through
(14:34):
personal abuse and other things,so like that was my escape,
that was the way I.
Just I didn't feel anything.
You know, I was numb toeverything.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
So you can safely say that that when you had your
first 40 was when you noticed it, like when you noticed it was
going to become.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
I liked it.
But then when I had like hardalcohol, I already knew it.
And then I didn't find outuntil like years later, like
recently.
My mother told me she was likeyour father, used to really like
his alcohol.
He liked hard shit and meanfreaking like I grew up around
(15:19):
all his.
You know how it is man,freaking weekends, freaking we
out.
I grew up with all portdominicans and put dominicans
first before Puerto Rico.
I'm Puerto Rican but I grew upwith more Dominicans and it was
freaking brutal on the weekends.
My mojona, like we, was gettingtore up like early young and
(15:46):
you know my body just got usedto that shit until freaking
later on, so many years later,you start blacking out and your
body just changes.
After everything.
It was a point that I went somany months without even
remembering anything.
You know I would just blackthings out.
(16:06):
So without even rememberinganything, you know I would just
black things out.
So without even rememberinganything, you know I was just
black things out.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
So what was you trying to hide from or run away
from, like?
Speaker 3 (16:26):
every single time.
Like I told you, with thatwhole time with the Giuliani,
with the stop and frisk, Iwanted to escape New York.
So bad, like I was like why amI stuck here?
I'm going to die here.
Like I'm going to die,something's going to happen to
me in jail.
Like I have to escape thismadness.
(16:47):
I was like there has to be abetter life for me.
And this is the crazy shit.
I moved to Massachusetts.
I stood 20 years straightwithout being arrested, never
even stopped by a cop, Nothing.
It just felt like I went to adifferent planet.
Once I got out of the city,once I got out of that
(17:09):
environment, it gave me severePTSD because when I go down
there all the times I will govisit my family I'm like a
fucking what was that?
Like a fucking like cookie inthe crack house.
It's crazy Like and I'mparanoid all the time when I'm
out there because cops used tojust roll me up and throw me up
(17:32):
and slam me around and shit.
You know, like it was bullshit.
I used to have to learn to.
What I did was everyone used towear jeans and baggy jeans and
everything, everything.
If you ever saw me towards,towards, before I moved up, you
always saw me in khakis,button-down shirts or v-neck
(17:59):
sweater or something.
I always looked like I wasgoing to a club and I was going
to the bodega it was for.
It was just so I wouldn't getprofiled and the cops wouldn't
with me, because every singletime I came out and you know, it
was the little ones From theblock that made the block hotter
.
So every time we came outsidethe cops would mess with us and
it was just like Are you kiddingme?
(18:20):
Like I'm on my way to work?
Yeah, sure you are.
You know what I mean.
You got any drugs on you?
No, yo, I would get arrestedfor a freaking Like 10 bag of
weed.
You know what I'm saying?
A fucking, a roach clip.
Like come on, who the fuck does?
Four days in jail For a roachand now these little kids Are
standing there smoking weed Inthe street, rolling blunts and
(18:42):
stuff.
I'm like you know all theTrauma people had to go through
so you people could stand thereand do that shit in the street
Like it's nothing Fuck out ofhere.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Giuliani didn't give a shit when he passed that stop
and fist law.
He didn't give a fuck about howit was going to affect people
in 20 years.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
And it was our own cops too.
They was assholes too LikeHispanic, and black cops too
Like fuck out of here.
They had to do their job.
You know what I'm saying?
No, they were giving them.
There was always some quotashit.
We always knew that.
We were like oh yeah, they makeyou a quota right.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Yeah, yeah, you know it is what it is, bro.
I mean like you wish it didn'thappen, but you have to be like
it happened.
I understand why.
It's not personal.
They just had to do the job.
You know it is what it is.
They were told, orderedWhatever way you want to say it
(19:39):
to do it.
Yup, yup, yeah so, but yeah, solet's go back To that heart
attack right In February.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
Yeah, I actually thought it was an anxiety attack
.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Most people who go through the heart attacks think
it's an anxiety attack and theydon't know until they get in.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Yeah, man, no, I was just like yo, I can't breathe.
It felt like I was on a trip,like I was running around the
block but I wasn't going nowhere.
I was like what the hell?
I like my heart was beating madfast and I was like yo, I just
feel like mad anxious, I needsome air.
Yo, I'm gonna go outside.
And I was in one of my groupsand I went outside.
(20:23):
They were like yo, you feel allright.
And I was like yo, not really.
I was like I, I can't go walkto the hospital right now or
whatever.
They're like we're gonna callyou an ambulance.
They call the ambulance.
When the ambulance got me, theywere like yo, you're having a
harder time.
I'm like wow, it was two daysbefore my birthday and before my
(20:44):
48th birthday and I was likedang, it's.
It just woke me up and you knowwhat made that happen?
A small relapse, and any relapsecan kill you.
People don't get it Like.
(21:05):
I was clean for a year and ahalf and I just got to the point
that I didn't.
I didn't think it was a problemanymore and I had a little
traumatic experience in myfamily and stuff and I lost
somebody and it just set me backreal quick, but that little
quick like it.
All it took was two days ofdrinking.
(21:27):
Two days just a little likebinge drinking, and it caught up
to me because my heart was soused to being better, I guess my
body was used to being clean,and I put it.
I guess I put it in shockbecause if I was gonna drink I
was gonna drink hard.
I'm not gonna have a couple ofsips or whatever.
You and I had a little way toomuch in two days and it almost
(21:54):
killed me.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
So when?
So what made you, whatmotivated you to seek help, like
, what was it that happened toyou that you were like yo, I
gots to go get some help?
Speaker 3 (22:14):
My children, my children and my mom.
You know what I mean Mostly mykids, my son, really, that I
have Custody of.
You know, I raised him bymyself and I'm his role model.
So like I can't practice, I gotto practice what I preach.
(22:38):
I can't tell him to be doingstuff if I'm out here not living
by my word and I want him to bea man of his word.
So you know he's doing great sofar, you know.
So you know he's doing great sofar, you know.
And everything just got moremessed up with me with alcohol
(23:00):
and him seeing it.
You know he has.
His other parent is analcoholic as well.
So you know, since it's only mein the picture picture, like I
have to be the positive one forhim.
I gotta lead by example.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
He's 17 so was it something that happened, that
that you was like yeah, I gottado this for him?
Like did he?
Did he say something?
Yeah, my son just looked at meand he was like I know, you're
hurting dad.
He was like I don't want to see.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Looked at me and he was like I know you're hurting
Dad.
He was like I don't want to seeyou hurt no more.
He was like I love you, I needyou, I need you in my life.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
And that's your more curious son.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Like I don't want to see he's just like.
I need you and like, when himcrying and looking at me and I
was like I can't do this, Ican't do this to you, Like if
he's my world, I got to show himhe's my world.
I can't freaking be selfish,you know, and addiction makes
(24:05):
you selfish.
You don't think about anybodyelse but your soul no, because
you're looking for the next one.
It's a vicious cycle.
It's like we grew up in in theenvironment like everything is,
was always a celebration likefreaking.
Oh, it's a sweet 16, let'sdrink.
(24:25):
Oh, it's somebody's birthday,let's drink.
Oh, you know, for anything,especially Hispanics.
Man, our culture is everywhereLike Out here, everything is
bars.
I'm out in Massachusetts,everywhere you go is alcohol.
I want to go bowling it'salcohol.
(24:46):
I went to the movies To go tothe movies with my kids.
It's alcohol everywhere.
There's a bar right went to themovies to go to the movies with
my kids and there's alcoholeverywhere.
There's a bar right, right nextto the to the movie theater,
like it's and it's legal.
That's the crazy thing and it'sme, but they worry about so
much stuff, but it's just soaccessible to everyone yes and
(25:11):
that's what makes it horribleand
Speaker 2 (25:13):
nobody thinks about how dangerous it is how harmful
it is because it's legal at alllike it's.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
You lose so many people.
You know what I mean.
I lost a lot of friends.
I lost one that that he chokedbecause he was in his sleep.
He choked on his own vomit.
You know I had eight proceduresdone to my throat due to this
already, because of my esophagus.
I burned my whole esophagus outfrom alcohol.
(25:44):
I had to have balloons put inmy throat To open up my my
throat so I could, so I couldeat.
Because I wasn't able to eatfor three years I had to
freaking.
Everything had to be liquidated, if not I would choke on
anything.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Wow, for real yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
Like if I would go to a freaking, to a barbecue or
something.
I'd be embarrassed.
I wouldn't want to eat insomebody's house or something
because I would have toliterally sit there and chew
until everything was.
Because of one little speck.
I would start choking.
I would have to run and I wouldliterally start choking.
I'll turn freaking blue until Iwould cough whatever.
(26:29):
I would have to freaking throwup whatever the hell I was
eating.
It was bad, damn, I didn't knowthat it's, let me tell you,
acid from your stomach.
When they say acid, it is acid,that's real acid, and when that
comes up in the inside of yourthroat it's the worst pain in
the world.
It's like, basically, youpictured your throat was an open
(26:53):
wound and you pour rubbingalcohol on your throat.
That's what it feels likeliterally, and then you choke.
It's bad, it's bad.
It leads to gout and all that.
They're not gout.
What the hell is that?
Oh damn, I forgot what it'scalled.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
It's a certain disease you get in your throat.
That's crazy.
I didn't know that.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
I did not know that that's from bile.
And all that, all that stomachacid, oh, that's horrible.
Hmm, they burned my entirelining of my esophagus, so so so
what challenges do you facestill?
What challenges do I face?
Speaker 2 (27:48):
So what challenges do you face still?
Speaker 3 (27:54):
What challenges do I face, man, every day?
Every day is a challenge andevery day is a blessing.
Like I look at it like everyday.
I got to fight this and it's ademon every day, but I got to be
stronger than that.
And it's a demon every day, butI gotta be stronger than that
(28:18):
it's it's.
It's just so hard when it'severywhere you go, anything I
want to do, it's everywhere.
So that's just the thing thatmakes it difficult.
Then it's like times of seasonand stuff, like now the holidays
are coming up.
That's usually like it's weird.
I thought that the summer wouldbe easier and then I was
straight.
I was like fishing with myfriend and then I said, wait,
(28:39):
damn man, fishing goes good withbeer.
I was like nah, I don't need nobeer, we gotta get some lemonade
.
We gotta do something elsebecause, you know, I just wanted
to switch it up, yeah, andthat's fine.
I learned different ways tomove with it.
But, like, then the holidayscome and you know, it's like, oh
, it's cold, yo, I take someshots of rum, you know, but my
(29:01):
mind has to switch.
It's all about trying to change, you know, and stay around
positive people.
All I'm trying to do is get toas many meetings as I can around
positive people.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
All I'm trying to do is get to as many meetings as I
can.
I'm assuming that your familyhelps in a certain way because,
like when they throw parties,they're not having alcohol there
for you, right?
Speaker 3 (29:20):
This is the thing.
This is the thing.
I'm far away from my family.
Yes, I'm not the only familythat I have here Doesn't indulge
in alcohol.
They're my, they're my kids.
So all my, all my stepchildrenin massachusetts.
On the rest of my family thatlives in new york and everywhere
else they're far away from meso I don't have to be around all
(29:42):
that.
But it's just like co-workersthat I go, people that I go
around.
They go to bars, they go toplay, they go bowling, they do,
they go play pool, you know.
So I I turned into a homebody,really, I just tried.
I work a lot.
So my whole thing is work, takecare of my son and try to go to
(30:03):
meetings like I got.
Tomorrow.
Tuesday and wednesday I go toIOP, I go to this meetings.
It's around other Other addictsand we all help each other.
You know we share experiencesand talk to each other, try to
help each other, support eachother and stuff.
So I do that Three times a weekand then I Work the rest of the
(30:26):
week.
That's all I can do to keep myhead off Of stuff and that's
good.
You gotta keep doing that.
I saw like a dude keep my headoff of stuff.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
And that's good.
You gotta keep doing that.
I'm gonna ask.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
Relapse is real and it's so real for so many people
out there I wanna say anybody,don't ever feel like you failed.
You learn from your, from yourrelapse.
You never blame yourself or putyourself down.
You kick yourself down.
You get yourself up because ifyou're alive it's a blessing
that day.
You just got to learn from yourmistake.
What did I do wrong?
Try to retract and not to do itagain, and that's it.
(31:04):
That's all I can say to anybody.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
That's true, I'm going to ask you a weird
question what was the worstepisode you ever had?
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Drinking.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Yeah, unless you got something else.
Shit man, which one pops intoyour mind.
You're like what the fuck?
What was I doing?
Why?
What was I thinking to gothrough this shit?
Speaker 3 (31:37):
When I got hit by a van.
I worked in it.
I got hit by a commercial van.
The dude was going like 65miles an hour, ran the red light
, I bounced off the van andended up in the other lane.
Hmm and um, oncoming trafficwas coming in.
(31:57):
The cab came and she parked sothat nobody would hit me,
because if you were comingaround the corner you wouldn't
see me.
Oh and so she put her car yetto block me off and to stay
there and make sure that theambulance came.
And then there was no traumaunit back then where I lived.
(32:20):
They had to take me to anotherstate.
They had to take me toprovidence.
So I woke up in providence, mywhole face purple, my whole, my
whole left, um, left side waspurple and I was screaming.
All I I kept screaming was mylegs, my legs.
I didn't know where I was at orwhatever, and it was because I
was a maintenance man in a bar.
(32:42):
I worked in a bar and Ifinished my route or whatever,
and when you finish your thingyou're allowed one drink, if you
want, at the bar when you'reoff the clock.
So I had my one drink, ofcourse, a long island, and then,
(33:02):
um, some veterans that I knowcame and they were like, hey, yo
, we'll buy you some drinks,whatever, and I had maybe a
little bit too much, a couple ofmore.
And then, um, all I wasthinking was I'm gonna go home
and and I'm gonna go grab my, mykids, some, some sandwiches at
this deli.
I ordered the sandwiches, I wascrossing the street and just
(33:25):
when I got on my bike to crossthe street, the car just came
and zoomed to hit me and thething that I can remember was,
after everything in the hospital, they checked my alcohol level
and the only thing they did theydidn't blame me In the case, or
(33:46):
whatever Was because the guyWas driving on a prior hit and
run, on a suspended license.
He had hit somebody before, sowhen he hit me he was running.
You know what I mean.
So, but they checked my alcohollevel and they were like, oh,
but you were under the influence.
I said, what the fuck does thathave to do with?
I didn't cross the street and Iwasn't in the run.
(34:09):
He ran the red light.
The only thing that saved me wasthat I had three witnesses and
they all said that the guy justran through and never stopped.
He just never took his foot offthe pedal, he just ran right
through me like nothing.
So it took me like a year towalk again and it was just bad.
(34:30):
Then everything was internal noreal breaking of anything but
it took me like a year to walkagain and it was just bad.
Then everything was internal noreal like breaking of anything
but it took so much more to heal.
Regardless, it was just bad.
And how do you, how did I healshit?
I'm stuck at home.
I can't work.
I gotta wait for a lawsuit andI'm drinking.
You know, it was right, wasright and I was just like.
(34:52):
I was just so lucky I was alivewhen I was in the hospital and
all I kept thinking was where amI?
And they were like you're inProvidence.
I was like Providence.
All I'm thinking about is mykids.
How am I going to get home?
That changed me.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
That and just being a single parent, because I don't
want to see my son suffer moreand you know that your son needs
a father.
Huh, and you know that your sonneeds a father.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
Oh yeah, well, I'm both parents, so he needs me
more than anything.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
Yes, indeed, so February was the last time you
relapsed.
Yeah, and what any otherstrategies other than going to
(35:57):
your meetings and stuff hashelped you to prevent that
relapse?
Speaker 3 (36:07):
You know, what's crazy is actually being around
other people that suffer fromthe same thing isn't as bad as,
like I don't know.
Sometimes your family or likepeople that are close to you can
be the people that can make yourelapse even more through being
(36:31):
judgmental and notunderstanding.
You know they'll just tell youoh, you go back and you'll go do
the same shit again and throwit in your head when it's not
even in your head, or just saynegative things instead, when,
if you're trying to be aroundsomebody that's supportive and
and the same positive things,it's good, but it could also
(36:53):
backfire as well, you know,because two negatives don't
equal a positive, you know.
Yeah, it could go either way.
Like I like to try to go andmeet people at my meetings and
things.
We go to another place,peer-to-peer Fall River.
It's really good too.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
So what advice would you give someone who's going
through the same thing?
You are Example people fromyour meetings.
What advice would you give them?
Speaker 3 (37:33):
Anybody that if you feel that you have no control
over it and you know it, I meanwe're all in denial.
Any person is always in denial.
You sit there and say, no, Idon't have a problem whatever.
But you yourself know you havea problem and you're tired of
being sick and tired.
(37:54):
Try to detox yourself and geteverything out of your system
and once you do that, try tofind a good support team and and
try to stay that way.
Try to stay clean.
That's the best advice I cangive.
It's just that.
And the people that are aroundyou too, like your family.
(38:17):
You got to try to see if youcan get forgiveness.
And if they don't forgive youright away, hey, you have to
push on for yourself and try tomake things right for yourself
before you could do anything foranyone else.
Try to put yourself aroundpositive people that are going
(38:38):
to support you, and if not, thenyou have to be the strongest
person yourself.
It's rough, it's an everydaystruggle.
People don't think it is, andit's so quick it's like a light
switch.
You cannot think about it andyou can feel a certain way Like,
oh, I'm good day struggle.
People don't think it is, andit's so quick.
It's like a light switch.
You could not think about itand you could feel a certain way
like, oh, I'm good and I wentover a year straight didn't
(39:01):
think about it or nothing.
And then some, I just set meoff on like and just, and it's,
it's quick, especially whenthat's all you know.
It could be something tragic,it could be something that makes
you angry, it could be anythingyou know, especially when you
suffer from.
That's the thing that otherpeople Before I get off, there's
(39:25):
two things that I wanted totouch on Go ahead.
A lot of things go back frommental health.
Like people don't understand.
There's trauma.
There's people that are addicts.
Their parents had trauma, theyhad trauma.
It's a.
It goes on.
(39:47):
There's certain ways you don'tsee it.
We don't know what the hell ourparents went through.
They don't tell us everything,but there is some bit Of them
that has Some of them that havehad some bit of traumatic
Experience in their life.
That makes them hard with us Alittle bit too much.
(40:08):
You know what I mean.
Yeah, like I know shit.
I got my ass tore up with abelt and some people will be
like, oh my God, I never hit mychild.
What are you doing?
I don't hit my kid.
What that doesn't mean I didn'tget my ass kicked either.
You know what I mean.
True, it just you know thatpeople that Go through all this,
(40:36):
all this trauma, they finddifferent ways To escape them.
That's what I feel More thananything.
Most of alcohol addiction andthings come from something
traumatic that it happened intheir past that they need to
(40:59):
always look for.
That.
That's the someone's onlyescape.
There's no person that everjust became an alcoholic.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
Someone always escaped something.
Yeah, you just got to find outwhat that is.
What they're escaping, whatthey're?
Speaker 3 (41:20):
trying to escape.
Exactly my brother.
Thank you for having me so much.
I got to go pick up somesomebody right now.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
No problem.
Thank you very much for havingmuch for sharing your story.
You know, if you ever want tocome back on and just vent, talk
more, share your story, educatemore people, you're more than
welcome, okay.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
Yeah, yeah, man no doubt All right.
Well, this is Double A Clubsigning out.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
You can catch us on Spotify, iheartradio and man no
doubt All right.
Well, this is Double A Clubsigning out.
You can catch us on Spotify,iheartradio and Amazon Music.
Say goodbye to my good friendJay.
Speaker 3 (41:59):
Yo peace out everybody, and everybody that's
fighting and struggling, keepfighting, the struggle ain't
over.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Thanks for listening to our show.
This concludes our episode.
And listen up to the nextepisode to follow up on what
continuing topics and trends wehave going on, and just to
continue to listen to your boy,ny Boom, and co-host Big Daz,
and listen to our points ofviews and maybe you can add on
(42:32):
to it if you want.
But we'll catch you on the nextone.
All right, have a good one.
Peace out, fellas.
You are listening to the Double A Club and this is
your host, ny Boom, and myco-host, big Daz.
We'll be talking about trendingtopics and healthcare and
basically just as a disclaimerjust to let the listeners know
that this is just basically onour opinions and speculations
(00:24):
and I hope you guys enjoy theshow.
Let's start off and kick offwith our first topic.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Hello everyone, this is NYC Boom, coming from the
Double A Club podcast.
You can catch us on Spotify,iHeartRadio and Amazon Music.
Again, we're going to continueour web series on dealing with
alcoholism, and I have a specialguest with me.
Go ahead, introduce yourself.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
What's up everybody.
My name is Jason.
I'm originally from the Bronx,right now reside in
Massachusetts.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Let's go Boston.
Let's go Boston.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Let's go Yankees.
But I just really wanted totouch on the topic of alcoholism
.
And, you know, just bring alittle bit of experience,
personal experience or whatever.
I've been struggling with itfor 30 years.
(01:29):
You know what I mean.
Um, just uh, recently february,just uh suffered a heart attack
.
That just really just seteverything in perspective more.
You know all the times I triedto go at least I made attempts
(01:49):
to go to rehab, but it was neverfor myself, it was always for
someone else.
You know it was for.
You know, all right, I'll do it.
And when you do it for yourself,it's it's a different thing.
You feel like you know youcan't affect anyone in your
family, you can't touch thepeople that you hurt or anything
(02:12):
unless you fix yourself.
You got to fix yourself firstand care about yourself first
before anything.
You know, and until you know Ireally started caring, you know
it didn't really matter.
You know I really startedcaring.
You know it didn't reallymatter.
You know I was a functioningalcoholic because I was always
working managing a liquor storeand so it just became gradual,
(02:36):
you know that, and working inbars and things, since I was a
young, since way young, sinceabout 18 years old, since way
young, since about 18 years old.
You know, I went through somuch trauma living in New York.
It was it turned me to so much,so young.
Back, if you remember.
(02:58):
But you remember, like the stopand frisk law and shit, oh, the
one that fucking Mayor Giulianipassed, oh my gosh.
So like I was a teenager, youremember, man, yo shout out to
your entire family, you and yourbrother, yo, you guys, you guys
are freaking family to the dayI died, because there were days
(03:18):
that I was homeless and you know, and y'all put a freaking, uh,
a roof over my head for thenight.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
You know, I'm forever grateful for y'all no problem,
man, it was also my mom's doingtoo.
She didn't, she didn't like tosee people struggle you know it
was.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
It was.
It was difficult because beforethat I was young, out in the
street.
So when I ended up I was outwith no ID.
No, you get stopped with no ID.
Stop at first.
For whatever fucking reason,you're going to jail.
So I would go to jail all thefucking time.
(03:56):
I'll end up in Central Book infour days and, as John Doe and
all these cases will fucking goin front of me and I'm still
sitting in jail because I didn'thave a fucking ID and there's
no way to get an ID withoutSocial Security.
Without there was no way to getanything.
You know, without one thing tostart everything, you understand
(04:17):
.
You know you need a SocialSecurity, you need a you know
birth certificate.
You don't have that, you don'thave shit.
And you didn't have that.
You don't have and you didn'thave that.
So I was.
I was always going, going, Iwould get a job.
People like oh, get a job, I'llget a job, you get job, you get
a job on a what a 90-dayprobationary period.
Guess what.
I'm trying to go to work.
(04:39):
I get freaking stopped.
I'm locked up.
Guess what?
No show, you're fired, okay,and then they look at your
record.
You would get caught.
We'll get caught freaking as ayoungster with like less than
freaking 20 worth of weed andfreaking end up in jail for the
longest.
(04:59):
You know what I'm saying.
And it was constantly.
I ended up with like 30something freaking, almost 40
something arrests and there wasjust mostly no identity because
I had no id and like ittraumatized me to the point I
was like damn, I just get a joband I'm fucking fired the next
day.
You know what I'm saying.
Like I come out, I they don'twant to hear anything, you know
(05:21):
what I'm saying.
And then, on top of gettingarrested, guess what?
You got a criminal background.
You know what I'm saying.
So it was impossible.
I was like yo, you gotta befucking kidding me, there's no
escape from this shit.
And all I knew from young was,you know, just to escape
everything was alcohol, becauseit was everywhere, it was so
(05:43):
easy to get to.
I started working.
You remember Ering's Tavern?
I used to work in the bar.
I was like freaking 14 yearsold, freaking around, adults
drinking and shit.
I'd see them best friends,buddies, freaking, chilling on
freaking St Paddy's Day andthey're cracking each other over
(06:05):
the head with a mug at the endof the night.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
You know it was crazy .
I just saw so much at a youngage when I was working in the
bar, being around alcohol and Iwas always around it and it was
my only escape.
When I ended up homeless as ateenager, that's all I turned to
.
It was just make everythingdisappear.
You know what I mean.
And then I just became afunctioning alcoholic because my
(06:32):
body could keep going and then,when I just didn't want it, I
started getting sick.
That's like I was like damn yo,I don't feel like drinking.
You know, I'm like I'm tired ofthis life already, like I don't
want it, and I got really,really sick and I had to go to
detox like four times in oneyear.
You know what I mean.
Like it's, it's, it's aneveryday battle, everyday battle
(06:57):
for anybody that goes throughany kind of addiction.
It ain't just alcohol, man man,I go to Star Program in Fall
River.
They're the most amazing people, you know.
They help people with everytype of addiction and I met
brothers and sisters.
We're all the same.
(07:20):
You know, I used to be young andstupid when I was a kid and be
like oh, crackhead over there,oh like, and say stupid and
ignorant things like that.
And now, when you see peoplewhen they struggle from
addiction, it's sad.
You know there's nothing funnyabout it.
You know that's somebody'smother, that's somebody's kid,
that's somebody's father.
You know what I'm saying.
Yeah, it's just different whenit touches base.
(07:41):
And then, you know, I turned mywhole life.
I said damn, I've always triedto be better and the only thing
I fought everything, alberto,everything.
I've been shot twice.
I've fucking been to the pointthat I almost died in car
accidents that I wasn't evendriving, other people were.
(08:01):
I got hit by a car.
It took me a year to walk again.
I beat everything like nothing.
The only thing I can't beat isthis addiction.
That shit's real.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
A lot of people don't know that alcohol, even though
it's legal, it's one of theworst things to detox from
compared to other drugs, andit's killed more people than all
types of other drugs.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
You're dead right with that, because when I came
out the nurse told me she saidyou have no idea there's more
people that overdose fromalcohol than heroin.
And it stuck with me.
I thought heroin was the numberone.
People overdose all the timeuntil they found Narcan.
(08:58):
Now I'm Narcan certified.
For all that I go to programs,for all that I go to programs.
I want to help everyone thathas an addiction because there's
always hope.
You have to want it foryourself and you have to have
the right people around you.
You can't be surrounded by allnegative people if that's the
(09:20):
case.
But there's one thing that I dolearn you can't do it by
yourself.
I try't do it by yourself.
No, I try.
I try to do that.
I try to do it for so long andit doesn't work.
You need a support team.
You know you need people aroundyou.
So who is your support team?
My family, I have uh groupsthat I go to star as well.
(09:43):
I also go to iop, which is it'sIntense Occupational, it's
intense, intense Outpatientprogram.
That's what it is.
It's when you come out of detox.
(10:03):
They put you in programs, theygive you classes and stuff and
then they have a mental healthand a substance abuse class.
So it's either or Do you takethe?
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Do you see that those programs are really helping you
?
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Let me tell you something If they, if it wasn't
for them, I'd be in a worseplace because I would never feel
I had a place to go to, a placeto try to even get help.
I would have still been doingit crazy, you know, and just
killing myself and not knowingthat Because I've been to other
places and stuff but they didn'thelp.
(10:45):
You know, this place has agreat the nursing staff.
From the time you go in.
They're amazing.
The counselors that they have,most of all the nurses are there
and the counselors are formeraddicts so they relate to the
people.
Amazing, you know.
They know firsthand and it'snot somebody just coming off
(11:07):
straight out of college andtelling you out of a book you
know how you feel.
How does anybody know how youfeel?
You know what I mean, unlessyou went through it.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Yeah, I know, when I was working in jail, the
detoxing, the detoxing processfor people who were detoxing
from alcoholism.
That shit must be nuts Wasn'twas horrible, was horrible.
I mean like seriously horribleit's.
It's one of them, it is I thinkit is what the worst Detoxing
(11:43):
process in the world.
I mean like there's no otherother drug that you can detox.
It's just like that.
I got mr the the body.
I mean people died.
I got stuck on a.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
Yeah, it's horrible.
I got stuck on and because Ididn't have a ticket and and I
would never go to pay my things,so they sent me to rikers and
that's when I first went throughmy first, my first uh uh
experience of detox, and it washorrible.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Like I literally yeah , explain, Explain how it went
for you.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
I would literally leave the whole fucking sheet.
I'm sorry my language.
I would leave the whole, myentire thing, soaking wet and be
shaking at night, shivering andcold.
It was horrible.
Did you have hallucinations?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
hell freaking yeah like what did you hallucinate?
Do you remember?
Speaker 3 (12:40):
I see colors and shit and in and out, and just just
in and out of and justrestlessness, yeah, just
uncomfortableness.
It it was, just, it was horribleand the worst thing is you get
cold First, you get hot real hot, but then you get cold, and you
get cold to the point yourteeth are shattering and you're
(13:02):
freezing, no matter what you do.
You're cold, you know, and yourbody aches so much Like if your
body aches Like if you werewithdrawing From life.
I would see people on heroinand I'm like, damn, I'm going
through this For alcohol.
It was crazy.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Yeah, people think that Because it's alcohol, it's
like and it's legal, it's notthat bad.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
And you know how it is when we grew up, like it
started with me with 40s.
You know little 40s here.
Old English, you know O-E, o-e,not the same as man.
That was the other one.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
It was.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
O-E-45.
That was it.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Crazy horse.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Crazy horse With the Indian baby, yo, hell yeah,
crazy horse with the 64.
Remember the 34?
Nah, but that's where itstarted.
Yeah, that was my first.
I first felt like it was weird.
(14:11):
We were in Van Colling and wedrank 240s each, and I drink 240
straight.
I chugged them.
And when I was walking home,brother.
It's just, I fell in love withthat feeling and I wanted to
keep feeling like that because Iwas trying to escape other
things you know what I'm sayingLike like I was going through
(14:34):
personal abuse and other things,so like that was my escape,
that was the way I.
Just I didn't feel anything.
You know, I was numb toeverything.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
So you can safely say that that when you had your
first 40 was when you noticed it, like when you noticed it was
going to become.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
I liked it.
But then when I had like hardalcohol, I already knew it.
And then I didn't find outuntil like years later, like
recently.
My mother told me she was likeyour father, used to really like
his alcohol.
He liked hard shit and meanfreaking like I grew up around
(15:19):
all his.
You know how it is man,freaking weekends, freaking we
out.
I grew up with all portdominicans and put dominicans
first before Puerto Rico.
I'm Puerto Rican but I grew upwith more Dominicans and it was
freaking brutal on the weekends.
My mojona, like we, was gettingtore up like early young and
(15:46):
you know my body just got usedto that shit until freaking
later on, so many years later,you start blacking out and your
body just changes.
After everything.
It was a point that I went somany months without even
remembering anything.
You know I would just blackthings out.
(16:06):
So without even rememberinganything, you know I would just
black things out.
So without even rememberinganything, you know I was just
black things out.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
So what was you trying to hide from or run away
from, like?
Speaker 3 (16:26):
every single time.
Like I told you, with thatwhole time with the Giuliani,
with the stop and frisk, Iwanted to escape New York.
So bad, like I was like why amI stuck here?
I'm going to die here.
Like I'm going to die,something's going to happen to
me in jail.
Like I have to escape thismadness.
(16:47):
I was like there has to be abetter life for me.
And this is the crazy shit.
I moved to Massachusetts.
I stood 20 years straightwithout being arrested, never
even stopped by a cop, Nothing.
It just felt like I went to adifferent planet.
Once I got out of the city,once I got out of that
(17:09):
environment, it gave me severePTSD because when I go down
there all the times I will govisit my family I'm like a
fucking what was that?
Like a fucking like cookie inthe crack house.
It's crazy Like and I'mparanoid all the time when I'm
out there because cops used tojust roll me up and throw me up
(17:32):
and slam me around and shit.
You know, like it was bullshit.
I used to have to learn to.
What I did was everyone used towear jeans and baggy jeans and
everything, everything.
If you ever saw me towards,towards, before I moved up, you
always saw me in khakis,button-down shirts or v-neck
(17:59):
sweater or something.
I always looked like I wasgoing to a club and I was going
to the bodega it was for.
It was just so I wouldn't getprofiled and the cops wouldn't
with me, because every singletime I came out and you know, it
was the little ones From theblock that made the block hotter
.
So every time we came outsidethe cops would mess with us and
it was just like Are you kiddingme?
(18:20):
Like I'm on my way to work?
Yeah, sure you are.
You know what I mean.
You got any drugs on you?
No, yo, I would get arrestedfor a freaking Like 10 bag of
weed.
You know what I'm saying?
A fucking, a roach clip.
Like come on, who the fuck does?
Four days in jail For a roachand now these little kids Are
standing there smoking weed Inthe street, rolling blunts and
(18:42):
stuff.
I'm like you know all theTrauma people had to go through
so you people could stand thereand do that shit in the street
Like it's nothing Fuck out ofhere.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Giuliani didn't give a shit when he passed that stop
and fist law.
He didn't give a fuck about howit was going to affect people
in 20 years.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
And it was our own cops too.
They was assholes too LikeHispanic, and black cops too
Like fuck out of here.
They had to do their job.
You know what I'm saying?
No, they were giving them.
There was always some quotashit.
We always knew that.
We were like oh yeah, they makeyou a quota right.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Yeah, yeah, you know it is what it is, bro.
I mean like you wish it didn'thappen, but you have to be like
it happened.
I understand why.
It's not personal.
They just had to do the job.
You know it is what it is.
They were told, orderedWhatever way you want to say it
(19:39):
to do it.
Yup, yup, yeah so, but yeah, solet's go back To that heart
attack right In February.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
Yeah, I actually thought it was an anxiety attack
.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Most people who go through the heart attacks think
it's an anxiety attack and theydon't know until they get in.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Yeah, man, no, I was just like yo, I can't breathe.
It felt like I was on a trip,like I was running around the
block but I wasn't going nowhere.
I was like what the hell?
I like my heart was beating madfast and I was like yo, I just
feel like mad anxious, I needsome air.
Yo, I'm gonna go outside.
And I was in one of my groupsand I went outside.
(20:23):
They were like yo, you feel allright.
And I was like yo, not really.
I was like I, I can't go walkto the hospital right now or
whatever.
They're like we're gonna callyou an ambulance.
They call the ambulance.
When the ambulance got me, theywere like yo, you're having a
harder time.
I'm like wow, it was two daysbefore my birthday and before my
(20:44):
48th birthday and I was likedang, it's.
It just woke me up and you knowwhat made that happen?
A small relapse, and any relapsecan kill you.
People don't get it Like.
(21:05):
I was clean for a year and ahalf and I just got to the point
that I didn't.
I didn't think it was a problemanymore and I had a little
traumatic experience in myfamily and stuff and I lost
somebody and it just set me backreal quick, but that little
quick like it.
All it took was two days ofdrinking.
(21:27):
Two days just a little likebinge drinking, and it caught up
to me because my heart was soused to being better, I guess my
body was used to being clean,and I put it.
I guess I put it in shockbecause if I was gonna drink I
was gonna drink hard.
I'm not gonna have a couple ofsips or whatever.
You and I had a little way toomuch in two days and it almost
(21:54):
killed me.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
So when?
So what made you, whatmotivated you to seek help, like
, what was it that happened toyou that you were like yo, I
gots to go get some help?
Speaker 3 (22:14):
My children, my children and my mom.
You know what I mean Mostly mykids, my son, really, that I
have Custody of.
You know, I raised him bymyself and I'm his role model.
So like I can't practice, I gotto practice what I preach.
(22:38):
I can't tell him to be doingstuff if I'm out here not living
by my word and I want him to bea man of his word.
So you know he's doing great sofar, you know.
So you know he's doing great sofar, you know.
And everything just got moremessed up with me with alcohol
(23:00):
and him seeing it.
You know he has.
His other parent is analcoholic as well.
So you know, since it's only mein the picture picture, like I
have to be the positive one forhim.
I gotta lead by example.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
He's 17 so was it something that happened, that
that you was like yeah, I gottado this for him?
Like did he?
Did he say something?
Yeah, my son just looked at meand he was like I know, you're
hurting dad.
He was like I don't want to see.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Looked at me and he was like I know you're hurting
Dad.
He was like I don't want to seeyou hurt no more.
He was like I love you, I needyou, I need you in my life.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
And that's your more curious son.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Like I don't want to see he's just like.
I need you and like, when himcrying and looking at me and I
was like I can't do this, Ican't do this to you, Like if
he's my world, I got to show himhe's my world.
I can't freaking be selfish,you know, and addiction makes
(24:05):
you selfish.
You don't think about anybodyelse but your soul no, because
you're looking for the next one.
It's a vicious cycle.
It's like we grew up in in theenvironment like everything is,
was always a celebration likefreaking.
Oh, it's a sweet 16, let'sdrink.
(24:25):
Oh, it's somebody's birthday,let's drink.
Oh, you know, for anything,especially Hispanics.
Man, our culture is everywhereLike Out here, everything is
bars.
I'm out in Massachusetts,everywhere you go is alcohol.
I want to go bowling it'salcohol.
(24:46):
I went to the movies To go tothe movies with my kids.
It's alcohol everywhere.
There's a bar right went to themovies to go to the movies with
my kids and there's alcoholeverywhere.
There's a bar right, right nextto the to the movie theater,
like it's and it's legal.
That's the crazy thing and it'sme, but they worry about so
much stuff, but it's just soaccessible to everyone yes and
(25:11):
that's what makes it horribleand
Speaker 2 (25:13):
nobody thinks about how dangerous it is how harmful
it is because it's legal at alllike it's.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
You lose so many people.
You know what I mean.
I lost a lot of friends.
I lost one that that he chokedbecause he was in his sleep.
He choked on his own vomit.
You know I had eight proceduresdone to my throat due to this
already, because of my esophagus.
I burned my whole esophagus outfrom alcohol.
(25:44):
I had to have balloons put inmy throat To open up my my
throat so I could, so I couldeat.
Because I wasn't able to eatfor three years I had to
freaking.
Everything had to be liquidated, if not I would choke on
anything.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Wow, for real yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
Like if I would go to a freaking, to a barbecue or
something.
I'd be embarrassed.
I wouldn't want to eat insomebody's house or something
because I would have toliterally sit there and chew
until everything was.
Because of one little speck.
I would start choking.
I would have to run and I wouldliterally start choking.
I'll turn freaking blue until Iwould cough whatever.
(26:29):
I would have to freaking throwup whatever the hell I was
eating.
It was bad, damn, I didn't knowthat it's, let me tell you,
acid from your stomach.
When they say acid, it is acid,that's real acid, and when that
comes up in the inside of yourthroat it's the worst pain in
the world.
It's like, basically, youpictured your throat was an open
(26:53):
wound and you pour rubbingalcohol on your throat.
That's what it feels likeliterally, and then you choke.
It's bad, it's bad.
It leads to gout and all that.
They're not gout.
What the hell is that?
Oh damn, I forgot what it'scalled.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
It's a certain disease you get in your throat.
That's crazy.
I didn't know that.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
I did not know that that's from bile.
And all that, all that stomachacid, oh, that's horrible.
Hmm, they burned my entirelining of my esophagus, so so so
what challenges do you facestill?
What challenges do I face?
Speaker 2 (27:48):
So what challenges do you face still?
Speaker 3 (27:54):
What challenges do I face, man, every day?
Every day is a challenge andevery day is a blessing.
Like I look at it like everyday.
I got to fight this and it's ademon every day, but I got to be
stronger than that.
And it's a demon every day, butI gotta be stronger than that
(28:18):
it's it's.
It's just so hard when it'severywhere you go, anything I
want to do, it's everywhere.
So that's just the thing thatmakes it difficult.
Then it's like times of seasonand stuff, like now the holidays
are coming up.
That's usually like it's weird.
I thought that the summer wouldbe easier and then I was
straight.
I was like fishing with myfriend and then I said, wait,
(28:39):
damn man, fishing goes good withbeer.
I was like nah, I don't need nobeer, we gotta get some lemonade
.
We gotta do something elsebecause, you know, I just wanted
to switch it up, yeah, andthat's fine.
I learned different ways tomove with it.
But, like, then the holidayscome and you know, it's like, oh
, it's cold, yo, I take someshots of rum, you know, but my
(29:01):
mind has to switch.
It's all about trying to change, you know, and stay around
positive people.
All I'm trying to do is get toas many meetings as I can around
positive people.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
All I'm trying to do is get to as many meetings as I
can.
I'm assuming that your familyhelps in a certain way because,
like when they throw parties,they're not having alcohol there
for you, right?
Speaker 3 (29:20):
This is the thing.
This is the thing.
I'm far away from my family.
Yes, I'm not the only familythat I have here Doesn't indulge
in alcohol.
They're my, they're my kids.
So all my, all my stepchildrenin massachusetts.
On the rest of my family thatlives in new york and everywhere
else they're far away from meso I don't have to be around all
(29:42):
that.
But it's just like co-workersthat I go, people that I go
around.
They go to bars, they go toplay, they go bowling, they do,
they go play pool, you know.
So I I turned into a homebody,really, I just tried.
I work a lot.
So my whole thing is work, takecare of my son and try to go to
(30:03):
meetings like I got.
Tomorrow.
Tuesday and wednesday I go toIOP, I go to this meetings.
It's around other Other addictsand we all help each other.
You know we share experiencesand talk to each other, try to
help each other, support eachother and stuff.
So I do that Three times a weekand then I Work the rest of the
(30:26):
week.
That's all I can do to keep myhead off Of stuff and that's
good.
You gotta keep doing that.
I saw like a dude keep my headoff of stuff.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
And that's good.
You gotta keep doing that.
I'm gonna ask.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
Relapse is real and it's so real for so many people
out there I wanna say anybody,don't ever feel like you failed.
You learn from your, from yourrelapse.
You never blame yourself or putyourself down.
You kick yourself down.
You get yourself up because ifyou're alive it's a blessing
that day.
You just got to learn from yourmistake.
What did I do wrong?
Try to retract and not to do itagain, and that's it.
(31:04):
That's all I can say to anybody.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
That's true, I'm going to ask you a weird
question what was the worstepisode you ever had?
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Drinking.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Yeah, unless you got something else.
Shit man, which one pops intoyour mind.
You're like what the fuck?
What was I doing?
Why?
What was I thinking to gothrough this shit?
Speaker 3 (31:37):
When I got hit by a van.
I worked in it.
I got hit by a commercial van.
The dude was going like 65miles an hour, ran the red light
, I bounced off the van andended up in the other lane.
Hmm and um, oncoming trafficwas coming in.
(31:57):
The cab came and she parked sothat nobody would hit me,
because if you were comingaround the corner you wouldn't
see me.
Oh and so she put her car yetto block me off and to stay
there and make sure that theambulance came.
And then there was no traumaunit back then where I lived.
(32:20):
They had to take me to anotherstate.
They had to take me toprovidence.
So I woke up in providence, mywhole face purple, my whole, my
whole left, um, left side waspurple and I was screaming.
All I I kept screaming was mylegs, my legs.
I didn't know where I was at orwhatever, and it was because I
was a maintenance man in a bar.
(32:42):
I worked in a bar and Ifinished my route or whatever,
and when you finish your thingyou're allowed one drink, if you
want, at the bar when you'reoff the clock.
So I had my one drink, ofcourse, a long island, and then,
(33:02):
um, some veterans that I knowcame and they were like, hey, yo
, we'll buy you some drinks,whatever, and I had maybe a
little bit too much, a couple ofmore.
And then, um, all I wasthinking was I'm gonna go home
and and I'm gonna go grab my, mykids, some, some sandwiches at
this deli.
I ordered the sandwiches, I wascrossing the street and just
(33:25):
when I got on my bike to crossthe street, the car just came
and zoomed to hit me and thething that I can remember was,
after everything in the hospital, they checked my alcohol level
and the only thing they did theydidn't blame me In the case, or
(33:46):
whatever Was because the guyWas driving on a prior hit and
run, on a suspended license.
He had hit somebody before, sowhen he hit me he was running.
You know what I mean.
So, but they checked my alcohollevel and they were like, oh,
but you were under the influence.
I said, what the fuck does thathave to do with?
I didn't cross the street and Iwasn't in the run.
(34:09):
He ran the red light.
The only thing that saved me wasthat I had three witnesses and
they all said that the guy justran through and never stopped.
He just never took his foot offthe pedal, he just ran right
through me like nothing.
So it took me like a year towalk again and it was just bad.
(34:30):
Then everything was internal noreal breaking of anything but
it took me like a year to walkagain and it was just bad.
Then everything was internal noreal like breaking of anything
but it took so much more to heal.
Regardless, it was just bad.
And how do you, how did I healshit?
I'm stuck at home.
I can't work.
I gotta wait for a lawsuit andI'm drinking.
You know, it was right, wasright and I was just like.
(34:52):
I was just so lucky I was alivewhen I was in the hospital and
all I kept thinking was where amI?
And they were like you're inProvidence.
I was like Providence.
All I'm thinking about is mykids.
How am I going to get home?
That changed me.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
That and just being a single parent, because I don't
want to see my son suffer moreand you know that your son needs
a father.
Huh, and you know that your sonneeds a father.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
Oh yeah, well, I'm both parents, so he needs me
more than anything.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
Yes, indeed, so February was the last time you
relapsed.
Yeah, and what any otherstrategies other than going to
(35:57):
your meetings and stuff hashelped you to prevent that
relapse?
Speaker 3 (36:07):
You know, what's crazy is actually being around
other people that suffer fromthe same thing isn't as bad as,
like I don't know.
Sometimes your family or likepeople that are close to you can
be the people that can make yourelapse even more through being
(36:31):
judgmental and notunderstanding.
You know they'll just tell youoh, you go back and you'll go do
the same shit again and throwit in your head when it's not
even in your head, or just saynegative things instead, when,
if you're trying to be aroundsomebody that's supportive and
and the same positive things,it's good, but it could also
(36:53):
backfire as well, you know,because two negatives don't
equal a positive, you know.
Yeah, it could go either way.
Like I like to try to go andmeet people at my meetings and
things.
We go to another place,peer-to-peer Fall River.
It's really good too.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
So what advice would you give someone who's going
through the same thing?
You are Example people fromyour meetings.
What advice would you give them?
Speaker 3 (37:33):
Anybody that if you feel that you have no control
over it and you know it, I meanwe're all in denial.
Any person is always in denial.
You sit there and say, no, Idon't have a problem whatever.
But you yourself know you havea problem and you're tired of
being sick and tired.
(37:54):
Try to detox yourself and geteverything out of your system
and once you do that, try tofind a good support team and and
try to stay that way.
Try to stay clean.
That's the best advice I cangive.
It's just that.
And the people that are aroundyou too, like your family.
(38:17):
You got to try to see if youcan get forgiveness.
And if they don't forgive youright away, hey, you have to
push on for yourself and try tomake things right for yourself
before you could do anything foranyone else.
Try to put yourself aroundpositive people that are going
(38:38):
to support you, and if not, thenyou have to be the strongest
person yourself.
It's rough, it's an everydaystruggle.
People don't think it is, andit's so quick it's like a light
switch.
You cannot think about it andyou can feel a certain way Like,
oh, I'm good day struggle.
People don't think it is, andit's so quick.
It's like a light switch.
You could not think about itand you could feel a certain way
like, oh, I'm good and I wentover a year straight didn't
(39:01):
think about it or nothing.
And then some, I just set meoff on like and just, and it's,
it's quick, especially whenthat's all you know.
It could be something tragic,it could be something that makes
you angry, it could be anythingyou know, especially when you
suffer from.
That's the thing that otherpeople Before I get off, there's
(39:25):
two things that I wanted totouch on Go ahead.
A lot of things go back frommental health.
Like people don't understand.
There's trauma.
There's people that are addicts.
Their parents had trauma, theyhad trauma.
It's a.
It goes on.
(39:47):
There's certain ways you don'tsee it.
We don't know what the hell ourparents went through.
They don't tell us everything,but there is some bit Of them
that has Some of them that havehad some bit of traumatic
Experience in their life.
That makes them hard with us Alittle bit too much.
(40:08):
You know what I mean.
Yeah, like I know shit.
I got my ass tore up with abelt and some people will be
like, oh my God, I never hit mychild.
What are you doing?
I don't hit my kid.
What that doesn't mean I didn'tget my ass kicked either.
You know what I mean.
True, it just you know thatpeople that Go through all this,
(40:36):
all this trauma, they finddifferent ways To escape them.
That's what I feel More thananything.
Most of alcohol addiction andthings come from something
traumatic that it happened intheir past that they need to
(40:59):
always look for.
That.
That's the someone's onlyescape.
There's no person that everjust became an alcoholic.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
Someone always escaped something.
Yeah, you just got to find outwhat that is.
What they're escaping, whatthey're?
Speaker 3 (41:20):
trying to escape.
Exactly my brother.
Thank you for having me so much.
I got to go pick up somesomebody right now.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
No problem.
Thank you very much for havingmuch for sharing your story.
You know, if you ever want tocome back on and just vent, talk
more, share your story, educatemore people, you're more than
welcome, okay.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
Yeah, yeah, man no doubt All right.
Well, this is Double A Clubsigning out.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
You can catch us on Spotify, iheartradio and man no
doubt All right.
Well, this is Double A Clubsigning out.
You can catch us on Spotify,iheartradio and Amazon Music.
Say goodbye to my good friendJay.
Speaker 3 (41:59):
Yo peace out everybody, and everybody that's
fighting and struggling, keepfighting, the struggle ain't
over.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Thanks for listening to our show.
This concludes our episode.
And listen up to the nextepisode to follow up on what
continuing topics and trends wehave going on, and just to
continue to listen to your boy,ny Boom, and co-host Big Daz,
and listen to our points ofviews and maybe you can add on
(42:32):
to it if you want.
But we'll catch you on the nextone.
All right, have a good one.
Peace out, fellas.
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