August 15, 2019 • 32 mins
Shelley Butler, COO of Dovico Software, and Michelle Collins creator of This Whole Life blog (thiswholelife.ca), talk about how we can't make everybody happy. You're not chocolate! Michelle shares her reflections on being a lifetime people pleaser, reformed people pleaser, working on living her own life and her best life.
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Michelle Collins - Blogger/Owner at This Whole Life
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Shelley (00:03):
Welcome.
Michelle Collins is here with meand I am Shelly Butler and you
have now come into, you are notchocolate.
That's what we've named thispodcast.
You are not chocolate.
Michelle, welcome.
Michelle (00:18):
Thank you so much for having me today.
Talk to us about why you namedit.
We are not chocolate.
Um, I saw the quote, um, ofFacebook probably cause that's
where all the quotes are.
that you can't make everybodyhappy.
You're not chocolate.
So a lifetime people pleaser,reformed people pleaser, working
(00:40):
on, um, living my own life andliving my best life.
So every once in a while I haveto remind myself I can't make
everybody happy cause I'm nottalking and see, I just love
that.
Shelley (00:51):
So Michelle Collins is a local blogger here in the city
of Moncton, uh, with a blogcalled this whole life.
And it is an amazing read awife, she's a mother, she's a
sister, she's a lover of lifeand she's a teacher and a
trainer.
She inspires me all the time.
I reached out to Michelle nottoo long ago because I've been
(01:12):
on my own health, that journey.
And Michelle already got there,um, and did it with an extreme,
extreme style.
And I want it to be there.
I want it to have that samestyle and grace and Michelle.
Holy Macro.
Did you have a hugeaccomplishment?
So talk to us about the bikinimaster.
Michelle (01:32):
Uh, I competed, uh, in Bikini Grandmaster, um,
competition in 2016.
I did two shows.
Uh, I started the journeyactually in 2014, um, because I
was turning 50 that year.
And, uh, local promoter was, uh,I'd kind of be an around the
(01:54):
bodybuilding world and, and inthe Moncton area.
And, um, she had, uh, said thatshe was going to be having a,
grand master division in herupcoming show, Heather
[inaudible], who promotes theAtlantic's.
And I thought, well, that wouldbe a great way to celebrate
turning 50.
Amazing by mom had, uh, breastcancer and, um, had had
(02:20):
mastectomy in her early forties,and, uh, I was 50 and had all my
body parts.
So I wanted to celebrate that.
So that's what code it got meinto it the first time.
Uh, I didn't really know what Iwas doing.
I had a friend who was a trainerwho did workouts for me and my
husband and I, uh, workedthrough the meal plans and stuff
(02:40):
like that, and I did seminars.
So, so that's how I started.
I competed in the Atlantic's of2015.
Um, and then, um, really lovedit.
I loved all the Glitz andGlamour and the work.
Um, so I decided that I wouldcompete again.
I wanted to compete again.
So did that, trained really hard, um, realized with the coach
(03:04):
that had at the time, um, thatthere was a lot more behind the
scenes work and, and all that.
Uh, but I trained and competedin the St John Classic show in
October of 2016 and, uh, Iplaced second in grand master
division out of, out of three.
(03:24):
So that was a bad, the one thatI'm really proud about is that I
placed seventh out of 14 in theopen class.
So that was all the girls fromwhat, 18 to wow.
52 that I was at the time.
So, um, yeah, so I'm, I'm kindof more proud of the seventh out
of 14 because that was amazing.
(03:45):
So yeah.
So I, I tried really hard.
I was really disciplined and,um, following the meal plans and
that's where I ended up.
[inaudible].
Shelley (03:56):
so, you know, so many of us that are reaching our
fifties and I'm going to be 52this year and uh, really
honestly only got it togethernow.
And a lot of people will say tome, Shelly, how did you lose the
weight?
And I always say I changed mymind.
(04:18):
Absolutely.
Cause I've been working outdaily since December nine, 2014
and really never lost anyweight.
I had to actually change my mindabsolutely.
And change the way I was feedingmyself and really understanding
food.
So is that still part of yourlife?
Michelle (04:37):
Um, it wasn't for the last couple of years.
Uh, there was some personal, um,family business situations that
have happened over the lastcouple of years.
That really affected my mindset,my, um, ability to really care
about what was going on.
Shelley (04:58):
So it doesn't affect your ability to train, affected
your ability to want to trainand to even want to train.
So it really is a mind.
Michelle (05:06):
Oh, it totally was.
It was like, oh well, whatever.
You know.
And, and also, um, there was alot of stuff tied up like
mentally with the situation thatwas going on in the business and
personal that I just wanted tobe away from it.
It was a really weird, I wantedto be better and I wanted to be
(05:29):
healthy and fit and have themuscles that I had.
It's also training for acompetition is also like a
really crazy thing to be doing.
Like mentally, it's really hardand takes a lot of sense to me,
not to[inaudible] it's reallyhard mentally, it's hard on the
people around you.
And so there was a part of thatthat was kind of, um, fall out
(05:50):
from that whole situation too.
So it was kind of like a littlebit of here, a little bit here,
a little bit here I'll puttogether and it just kind of,
um, and then of course the, themore you're away from it, the
more you feel bad about nothaving done it and then you'll,
right.
Shelley (06:09):
Yeah.
And now we get into shame andguilt.
Michelle (06:11):
Oh, our favorite couple.
Shelley (06:13):
Yes.
Our favorite couple.
And you know, uh, there's a lotBrenee brown of course coming
out on Netflix talking about theonly way to get rid of shame is
through vulnerability.
So difficult for people to bevulnerable because most people
associate vulnerability withweakness.
Yeah.
In actuality it's so muchstrength.
Oh yeah.
(06:33):
Yeah, absolutely.
Michelle (06:35):
And, um, you know, for me, the business that, that my
husband and I had was, was ahealth and wellness, uh,
business.
So I was, I had been coachingother people on their journeys.
Um, I know all of the thingsthat I'm supposed to do to be
healthy and to be at the weightthat I want to be at.
Um, but I just wasn't doing anyof it.
And so there was a certainfeeling of, there was definitely
(06:58):
feeling ashamed.
There was a feeling of being ahypocrite, um, uh, of knowing
what I should be doing and notbeing able to do it.
And it, it took me, well, ittook me two years to figure out
why.
And, um, when I finally did, Iwrote a blog about it.
Shelley (07:14):
Yeah.
Amazing blog.
This whole life is, hasMichelle's blog.
And I asked you, urge you to goand check that blog out because
it has some tidbits in therethat are just beautiful shame
and guilt goes along with us.
Uh, women.
Um, I think us middle aged women, uh, tend to middle aged,
(07:35):
middle aged.
I can't believe I really saidthat.
Michelle (07:39):
I, I don't, I don't put, I don't put a label on it.
I just forgot I'll be 55 in thelower a month.
So, but I don't, uh, cause Idon't know what my end age is.
[inaudible] exactly.
So, um, yeah, I, I tend not toput labels on where we are, but
I also am not, um, not shy aboutsaying how old I am because I
(08:03):
made it, I made it this far andI still have all my body parts
and my mom would've loved tobeen able to be 55 and have all
hers.
So, you know, there's a lot of'em there's a lot of things to
celebrate about aging.
Absolutely.
When you consider thealternative,.
Shelley (08:21):
you know, most definitely.
And I think that's, I thinkthat's what women really need to
hear.
Is you know, wherever you're atin life, we all have choices and
change is just around thecorner.
If you're not happy today,change is just around the
corner.
Um, so I always talk about, Inever miss a Monday.
(08:42):
You just did a blog about a, I'mmissing all kinds of my days.
So the new Hashtag, which Ithought was amazing.
A hashtag try again Tuesday.
Amazing.
Amazing.
Cause if it doesn't happen,Monday can always happen on
Tuesday.
Yup.
Right.
Yeah.
Why Not Wednesday?
Most definitely.
(09:02):
I know that if I eat somethingthat I know that I shouldn't
have or it doesn't make me feelgood, but in the moment it was
comfort for me.
At one time I would beat myselfup over that for days and it
would be like, after get it,then you catastrophize
everything because you had anice cream sandwich or whatever.
Michelle (09:21):
You know, when it's, when it's 38 degrees in the
middle of the summer.
Shelley (09:26):
because you're in Moncton and we're Canadian and
it's like, what?
Yeah.
So we're, we're not really goodwith the heat.
I seen people walking aroundwith umbrellas.
We complain all winter about it.
It's like, yes, but oh yeah,it's hot.
Yeah.
We're not good at um, heat, buttry again.
Tuesday I think is probably sovital to so many of us because
(09:51):
it's right around the corner.
Like I say, change is not faraway.
So for me, for me, when I say Ichanged my mind, my daily habits
became fortified daily habitsand what fueled my joy became
fortified.
So it is non-negotiable.
(10:11):
There is nothing that keeps meaway from my workout.
I mean, nothing, nothing.
I went for surgery and it was ona Monday.
Uh, and before I would allowthem to put my IV in, I got down
and did my pushups and stuffcause it was so early in the
morning.
Right.
But, uh, yeah, I, it's notnegotiable for me.
Um, and it's not the workouts,it's your mind.
(10:35):
Yeah, absolutely.
And I think that everybody needsto understand that tomorrow is a
new day.
Yes.
Yeah.
But at the same time, but it'snot promised to you either.
It is absolutely not promised toyou.
And that's kind of where I wasgoing, you know, at the same
time, I think that you have tounderstand that every day is so
(10:56):
precious.
Yep.
Um, you know, you talk aboutyour mom who had a double
mastectomy and I have agirlfriend just recently, very
young, under, under 40, just hadto double massectomy to me and
all kinds of problems aroseafter that beautiful woman.
And she was able to get ittogether and, and you know,
screw cancer with grace.
(11:17):
You know, she doesn't use thescrew or she uses the word, but,
but the sentiment, the sentimentis the same.
And, and you're right, tomorrowis never promised.
It's not about our weight.
It's not about, uh, you know,how much we're carrying around
or how much muscle we have.
It's really about our mind.
Michelle (11:35):
and even, you know, like with the weight that I've
put on over the last couple ofyears and you looks amazing.
Oh, let's see.
That's it.
Like Ray would say, my husbandwould say, oh, but you look
great.
Or you know, people say, but youlook amazing, you do.
But that's your interpretationof me.
Yes.
And what, what I need needed todo and what many of us need to
(11:56):
do is to feel comfortable in ourown bodies and to feel
comfortable in our own skins.
And if we're in a place, youknow, am I hugely overweight?
No, no, no.
You know, and if somebody, youknow, I've not got health issues
that goodness and I've, youknow, whatever, but it just
doesn't feel like me when I seemyself.
Um, and I've growing up, Iwouldn't look at myself in the
(12:19):
mirror very hardly ever becauseI felt, uh, I was skinny and
Geeky and I just didn't likewhen I started working out, um,
I had gotten my black belt intaekwondo and my husband and I,
um, were, we're working, startedworking out together cause the
kids are grown and stuff.
Um, and I got to a point one daywhen I saw myself in the mirror
(12:41):
at the gym and I liked what Isaw and I, I can remember that
moment because it was so foreignto me to be looking in a mirror
and liking what I saw.
So the last couple of years I'veavoided looking in mirrors again
and cause I haven't felt, youknow, not taking pictures or you
know, things where I can seemyself.
(13:03):
I've avoided that because Idon't like that person, that the
image, not that I don't like topersonnel, like the image of
that person.
That's not who I feel I aminside.
So I want to get back to a placewhere those two[inaudible] the
way I look in the way I feelabout how I look, they are
outside and outside.
Inside match.
(13:23):
Exactly.
Yeah.
And that's, you know, um, andthat's my journey and that's my
feeling.
So it doesn't matter.
You know, how much somebody elsetells you how good you look or
how good, how well you're doinga thing or whatever.
If you don't feel it yourself,it's a hollow victory.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like, oh well great.
(13:44):
He thinks I'm fine, so whatever.
But no, I need, I need to beable to bring those two things
back in alignment.
And that's where I'm at now.
Shelley (13:52):
Awesome.
Awesome.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know myself too.
Like I had to, it was a, it wasreally about my mind, you know,
I had to change my mind.
I had to become, I'm so in tunewith what was going to make me
happy.
So I was the same.
I had body shame issues and, andwhen I looked at myself, I, it
(14:15):
was somebody else in the mirror.
Exactly.
Um, now I've lost my weight, uh,over this last eight months,
seven, eight months, um, andkept it off since April 19th and
now when I look it matches,although there are some times
when I don't even recognizemyself.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I get a little giddy.
Yeah.
So, oh my God, I did that.
(14:36):
Right.
And, and I don't know if I'veever had this, this long to tell
you the honest truth.
So I found what I wanted.
I found what I loved.
I set the goal right.
And I, and I achieved it.
Yup.
But what's, next
Michelle (14:52):
I think, you know, just as you're talking, I'm kind
of thinking like the 50 year oldas, as women get into their,
their fifties, my experience andmaybe yours as well.
Um, but when we start goingthrough perimenopause and
menopause and all of thosethings, um, it's when our bodies
are, are preparing to not beable to give birth anymore.
(15:15):
So, but then our souls areopening up and getting ready to
give birth to new ideas and newthings.
Right.
I can't take credit for thateither.
That's Christianne Northrup.
[inaudible] you would that made.
Yeah.
She's a doctor and she's got, uh, books, uh, women's wisdom, uh,
(15:37):
great, great stuff, great stuffto read.
But, um, and I think that's whywe find so many, especially now,
so many women who are in their50s or close to their 50s, um,
are starting new businesses,starting new jobs, uh, you know,
going off on their own.
Um, sometimes theirrelationships don't make it
through that because they'refinally going, hey, wait a
(15:57):
minute.
The kids are gone.
You know, I've got time formyself.
U h, what do I, what reallymakes me happy?
What really brings me joy a ndI'm going to remove the filter.
Yeah, exactly.
And, u m, that's, that's whathappened.
That's what happened i n my parents case.
They divorced mine too w e're soul s isters.
W e're meant to be together soulsisters.
(16:19):
My Newfoundland name is S hellyand your name is.
Shelley.
Yeah.
S o w e a re, this was meant tobe.
U m, but I think that's, and Ithink that's the wonderful thing
about being in the 50s.
Like the forties for me wasgreat.
I started, u m, trainingTaekwondo a bout my black belt,
u m, a few years after because Isaw my kids getting things t
(16:40):
hey, they were training in andTaekwondo and I saw my kids
getting things out of it that Iwanted to have for myself, that
I never had as a child.
So, uh, that was a whole otherexperience.
There'll be a blog about thattoo, one thing up kilowatt.
Um, but as I, as I get into myfifties, I'm realizing the
opportunities and the, uh,experiences or even more focused
(17:05):
on what brings me joy and, um,and what opportunities can open
up from that.
And that's one of the reasonswhy I started writing the blog
as well, was to share thosethings, uh, for women, my age
group, because we don't havethose voices out there.
I mean, even on commercials onTV, what do you see?
(17:26):
Women our age, they're eitherdrinking protein drinks cause
they're not getting enoughprotein in their muscles or
they're wearing, uh, you know,depends, depends, or, you know,
poise or whatever.
Um, because they can't run afterthe grandchildren without
leaking.
And you know, it's like, it'sridiculous.
And I, I wanted to show shareanother experience being in that
(17:49):
age group.
So, um, they said every day thatyou have is another day where
you can make a different choiceevery hour that you have.
So you did meet right atbreakfast, but that's okay.
You still have lunch or youstill host, you know, one, one
meal is not going to ruineverything that you've done any
more than one good meal is goingto change everything that you've
(18:09):
done.
So, um, you just take it one dayat a time, live in the moment
and just do the best you can.
Shelley (18:17):
Forgiveness is key.
You know, forgiveness is key.
Shaming, guilt will not feelyour joy.
No.
Uh, we live with it.
I believe that we're born withit.
Uh, for some reason the boys arethe golden children, you know,
and the girls, we were meant tosweep the floor and get the
laundry done and that still, Ibelieve that's still the same to
(18:38):
this day.
I see it with my, I see it withmy friends that have boys.
Michelle (18:43):
Um, I think that is part of, uh, the social, I was
just talking to you about thefour agreements, the book, the
four agreements.
Um, and it, the, the first partof that is about the
domestication of, of us, how weare domesticated as people and
how we learn, uh, traits fromour parents and how we learn how
(19:06):
to be in the world.
And, um, our parents couldn'tonly teach us what they already
know.
That's right.
Right.
So if we want to make changes inthat, then we have to suit,
search them out and make thosechanges.
Cause I, you know, I grew upevery and every generation has
the opportunity to evolve alittle bit.
Absolutely.
(19:27):
So, uh, if we're aware ofsomething that we want to see
changed and it's ourresponsibility to do that, to,
to bring that forward.
Um, and you know, it's the samething I heard for years.
Oh, people's values or, youknow, changing, abusive.
Well, they only change if youfollow the change.
You know, if your values are acertain way, then you pass those
(19:51):
values on through to yourchildren, to your friends or
whatever.
By setting your boundaries, byliving your life, by doing the
things that are important toyou.
You can't change all of society,but you can maybe change your
little circle.
That's right.
And then your circle gets biggerand grows and, and makes those
changes.
So, um, you know, boys will onlydo what boys are taught to do.
(20:14):
Girls will only do what girlsare taught to do.
And then some, some of them willsay, well wait a minute.
That's, that's not the way Iwant things to do.
I'm going to do somethingdifferently.
So you empower everybody yeah.
To, to make those changes.
So.
Shelley (20:29):
absolutely.
Like if my daughter, uh, youknow, I didn't groom her to
scrub floors and to, you know,as a matter of fact, she
probably did more carpentry workwith my husband then she ever
cooked dinner with me.
Um, when she was, I think gradethree, we went into a child or
parent teacher interview and theteacher said, who is the
carpenter?
In the family.
(20:50):
And my husband said, you know,it's me and a, they said, your
daughter is so good withfractions, you know, it's
because she can read a tapemeasure rightly so.
You know, those little thingsalways, uh, helped her, you
know, along with her math, ifyou will, um, a lot more than
scrubbing a floor would everhave, have done that.
Michelle (21:08):
Our oldest son went off to university, um, by, uh,
somebody had asked my daughterwho's six years younger than
him.
He said, uh, they said, oh, Isuppose Sean is, is missing
mom's cooking.
And I said, oh my God, I hopenot.
Cause if he's missing my cookand he's really in trouble, he's
probably missing his father'scooking.
(21:29):
But if he's missing my cooking,yeah.
The boy.
Yeah.
He knows better than that.
But yeah, the, you know, samething.
My husband is a great cook,loves, love to cook.
Worked as a cook for awhile.
Yeah.
So, uh, and our, actually, ourmiddle son is a cook as well, so
yeah.
So that got passed.
But yeah, he, they know how tocook because he taught them how
to cook not me.
(21:49):
Because.
(21:51):
my husband never cooked.
It was always the biggest petpeeve in our house.
He always arrived home before Idid.
And he would, I would comethrough the door and Nikola and
him would be like, I'm sohungry.
Like, are you going to cook?
I was like, you've been home foran hour and a half, but it never
changed.
My husband got sick in Octoberof 2014, uh, deathly ill and,
uh, facing mortality.
(22:11):
All of a sudden he decided, uh,cause he had a long recovery.
He was gonna take over thecooking.
He was gonna take over thekitchen.
And it was the oddest thingbecause my grandmother, uh, when
my grandfather got sick, he gothigh blood pressure and had to,
uh, he was a pharmacist, had toleave the pharmacy and he took
over her kitchen and, uh, itKinda gave grammy nothing to do.
(22:35):
And, uh, it was the weirdestthing I went to.
Um, I don't do things like this,but I went to this, uh, fortune
teller or one of these type ofthings with a girlfriend.
And, uh, the lady had said tome, your grandmother is coming
through and she wants to let youknow that your husband is going
to take over the kitchen and youneed to do it a whole lot more
(22:56):
graceful than your grandmotherdid it.
And I was so weirded out by thatbecause I know wasn't fighting
it.
Shelley (23:03):
No.
Are you kidding me?
Like I was coming home to acooked meals.
I was so happy.
Um, but that was a moment in mylife where I was, uh, I sat back
on my heels a little bit to say,wait a minute, I am actually
going to really open the doorsto this if he wants to go in
because I'm very, uh, I'vealways been very, this is my
(23:23):
kitchen.
I have our specific kitchen setup.
I don't like people behind theisland when I Cook, you know,
that kind of thing.
So I wouldn't be my husband.
I'm kind of like, so I thoughtthat's your space.
And it's also part of your roleand your identity as the person
who cooks.
Totally.
Well it was, it was.
Yeah.
But when with my grandmothercoming through, very odd, you
(23:47):
know, I don't know to this dayif I really believe that, but
here in her there, how was sheever know that that was an odd
thing.
Yeah.
So I paid attention and I said,I am going to nanny, I am going
to be as graceful, allowing himto take over my kitchen and I'm
going to step back on the otherside and I'm going to ask him
what he thinks.
So probably I would have been alittle elbowy Yup.
(24:08):
If that hadn't happened.
But to this day we cook togetherand it is beautiful in the
moments, I swear to God, those,those moments that we have now
cooking, where before I used tocall him, he would be having a
nap and then he supper's ready.
You know, those moments that wehave are precious to me.
I absolutely love it and I makesure I make sure that I do that
(24:32):
with grace.
Um, and we've changed our wholeway of eating.
So I've been doing a lot ofnutritional studies and you
talked about, you know, eating anumber of meals or eating.
Yeah.
Um, and the one thing I'm, I'mlearning now is, you know, our
ancestors didn't eat three mealsa day like we do today and we
(24:53):
really need to rethink that wasthree meals a day.
Michelle (24:57):
Well, again, where did the three meals come from?
Right.
They came from guide, well, wellnot only that, but when when the
world became more industrializedand you were going to a job and
gone to school or whatever, soyou would eat your breakfast,
you'd come home for lunch andthen you'd come home for supper
and that would be it.
But if you were working, like,you know, my, my grandfather was
(25:20):
a fisherman, so he was out inthe boat and he would, you know,
like he would be eatingwhenever, do you know, he got
back to the boat or you know,whatever.
Um, but farmers and they, theywould eat throughout the day
because that was the, the timingwhen they were hungry and they
had the time to do that.
So, you know, again, we becomedomesticated by following rules
(25:43):
that are set down.
You know, and I'm kind of at thepoint now where, um, I eat when
I'm hungry, it's still about twoand a half, three hours, you
know, between, uh, betweenmeals, but I eat less and you
know, kind of as, as I'm hungry,then I'll eat more because it
does sit down, eat what's onyour plate, finish it all or you
(26:06):
know, that's, those are rulesthat were imposed on us by, you
know, society and by, uh, youknow, regulation of, of
schedules, which doesn'tnecessarily always play in.
Shelley (26:20):
which, which when I, you know, was reading about this
and learning about this, I wasso weirded out, honestly by him,
I was like, well, of course youmust eat three meals a day.
What do you mean?
What do you mean everybody eatsthree meals a day?
And you know, I wasn't greatwith breakfast and I always felt
a little bit guilty about nothaving breakfast because that
was the most important meal ofthe day.
(26:41):
Come to find out.
No, no, no.
It's not the most important mealof the day.
You know, talking about seasonalfruits, you know, if you talked
to our, not, no, our grantgreat-grandparents, if you
talked to our parents and youask them if they got a peach in
the winter, well did it happen?
Michelle (26:58):
No, my, my mom wouldn't.
You know, the stories that youtold my kids when ray from the
time they were little, it washow exciting it was to get an
orange in her stocking atChristmas time.
in Newfoundland in the wintertime i t in Newfoundland,
anytime, you know, o range i s,weren't, weren't a thing.
And u m, so now they, everyChristmas my kids get a Terry's
(27:19):
chocolate orange and the s tocki n the bottom of their s
tocking a nd they have, sincethey were little, because w e
want to carry on that, we wantto carry on that tradition of
having an orange.
But having an orange i s, youknow, u m, you know, same thing
like again a Newfoundland, likemy grandparents, u h, the big
meal of the day was in themiddle of the day.
(27:39):
Yes.
And then, you know, supper wasme, probably leftovers and then
you had a lunch, g o i nto bedand you know, that was it.
So, you know, switching aroundto having, I mean there's,
there's like intermittentfasting where people will o wn t
he e ight hours a day or evenshorter in some cases depending
on what t heir, so, you know,.
Shelley (27:57):
I'm an 18-6 girl.
They know, not, not every day,but I'm a, I'm an 18-6 girls.
The only way that I could get mymetabolism back right in order
to tell you the honest truth.
Michelle (28:07):
And so there's, you know, there's lots of different
ways of, you know, again,finding what works for you, what
works for your schedule, whatworks for your metabolism.
And you know, those are allthere.
They're only rules becausesomebody said they are.
Shelley (28:22):
Exactly.
Exactly.
I was so taken back by that.
Um, my husband and I went to theDominican there not too long ago
in the winter.
Um, and, uh, because it's allinclusive and I was getting up,
we were going to the buffet inthe morning, right, again at
lunch and, and then going outto, you know, the Allah carts in
the evening.
And about day three, he lookedat me and he went, why are we
(28:43):
doing that?
And I was like, Whoa, causewe're here, it's free.
It's part of that, you know?
And he's like, let's stop doingthat.
Like I don't feel good.
And we did, we didn't, you know,we'd go by at 11 o'clock and do
lunch slash you know, brunch orwhatever, and then we'd go back
at six o'clock and have six 30and have our a la carte.
(29:07):
And that's all we did.
Yeah.
And felt so much better.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
But again, you know, it's, it'scause you feel like you have to,
where you feel like, you know,there's somebody said, yeah,
yeah.
Yeah.
So I think that that is, that'sa big thing for us in our 50s.
Um, uh, we have to understandwhat our body tolerates and what
(29:28):
our body does.
Not our body is an adaptablemachine.
Absolutely.
It's amazingly adaptable.
Um, you know, there are a lot ofpeople that, you know, would say
to you today, I have no wheat ordairy issues.
Yeah.
Go off of it for a month.
Yeah.
And then reintroduce it and seeif you have any wheat or dairy
(29:49):
issues.
Yeah.
Michelle (29:50):
And that's the thing with a lot of cases like you, if
it's normal for you, becauseit's always been that way, you
don't necessarily know what thedifference is unless you change
it.
Right.
You have to change it up.
Like when I started, um, youknow, I, I wear hearing aids and
for years, you know, I wasdenying the fact that I needed
(30:13):
it.
Yeah.
It just kept getting worse andworse and worse.
Um, but it, it was such agradual thing that I, you know,
I adapted and people around meadapted.
Yup.
Um, but I did get my hearingaids.
The first, I went home, mydaughter was there and she was
yelling at me and I said, whyare you yelling at me?
And she said, this is how loud,I always have to talk to you for
(30:34):
you to hear me.
She's been doing that for years.
Yeah.
And I was like, oh my God, Ididn't even realize.
And it'll because everybody elseis adapting to what you're
adapting to.
Um, and so it's like wow, thatwas, and then there was things
that I didn't realize I hadn'theard because you brain fills in
the gaps for you.
(30:54):
Right.
So there was things like, youknow, hearing, hearing rain on a
windshield.
I hadn't heard for years, but Ithought I, you know, I thought I
heard it cause you know whatrain, you know, oh it's raining.
But when I actually heard thatwas the first sound that I
really picked up after I walkedout of the, uh, the office with
my new hearing aids.
Amazing.
(31:15):
Heard her.
I heard the rain on thewindshield instead of just
seeing it.
But your body adapts, add, yourbrain adapts to what is
happening around you.
So yeah, if you're conscious ofwhat you want to make change, it
keeps going back to thatmindset.
It keeps going back to beingconscious about what you want
(31:37):
and how you want to get there.
Shelley (31:38):
That's right.
Because you know, growth is inthe uncomfortable.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's so you have to makeyourself perhaps a little bit
uncomfortable to get to that endgoal.
Um, Michelle Collins, it hasbeen a absolute pleasure.
Reach out to Michelle, check outher podcast or sorry, her, her
(32:00):
blog"This Whole Life".
Absolutely amazing.
And let's follow Hashtag#TryAgainTuesday.
Michelle (32:07):
I'd love to see people come up with that.
See what happens.
Let for people choose to tryagain Tuesday.
Shelley (32:12):
Absolutely.
Let's do it.
I have hashtag#NeverMissAMondayand Michelle has hashtag
#TryAgainTuesday.
I absolutely love that.
And we're, we're going to bewatching and um, we're going to
be reaching out to some of youladies in our community.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Love you, Michelle.
I love you too, Shelley.
(32:32):
Okay, so this has been blessed.
Yeah.
This has been,"You are notchocolate".
Thanks for listening.
Welcome.
Michelle Collins is here with meand I am Shelly Butler and you
have now come into, you are notchocolate.
That's what we've named thispodcast.
You are not chocolate.
Michelle, welcome.
Michelle (00:18):
Thank you so much for having me today.
Talk to us about why you namedit.
We are not chocolate.
Um, I saw the quote, um, ofFacebook probably cause that's
where all the quotes are.
that you can't make everybodyhappy.
You're not chocolate.
So a lifetime people pleaser,reformed people pleaser, working
(00:40):
on, um, living my own life andliving my best life.
So every once in a while I haveto remind myself I can't make
everybody happy cause I'm nottalking and see, I just love
that.
Shelley (00:51):
So Michelle Collins is a local blogger here in the city
of Moncton, uh, with a blogcalled this whole life.
And it is an amazing read awife, she's a mother, she's a
sister, she's a lover of lifeand she's a teacher and a
trainer.
She inspires me all the time.
I reached out to Michelle nottoo long ago because I've been
(01:12):
on my own health, that journey.
And Michelle already got there,um, and did it with an extreme,
extreme style.
And I want it to be there.
I want it to have that samestyle and grace and Michelle.
Holy Macro.
Did you have a hugeaccomplishment?
So talk to us about the bikinimaster.
Michelle (01:32):
Uh, I competed, uh, in Bikini Grandmaster, um,
competition in 2016.
I did two shows.
Uh, I started the journeyactually in 2014, um, because I
was turning 50 that year.
And, uh, local promoter was, uh,I'd kind of be an around the
(01:54):
bodybuilding world and, and inthe Moncton area.
And, um, she had, uh, said thatshe was going to be having a,
grand master division in herupcoming show, Heather
[inaudible], who promotes theAtlantic's.
And I thought, well, that wouldbe a great way to celebrate
turning 50.
Amazing by mom had, uh, breastcancer and, um, had had
(02:20):
mastectomy in her early forties,and, uh, I was 50 and had all my
body parts.
So I wanted to celebrate that.
So that's what code it got meinto it the first time.
Uh, I didn't really know what Iwas doing.
I had a friend who was a trainerwho did workouts for me and my
husband and I, uh, workedthrough the meal plans and stuff
(02:40):
like that, and I did seminars.
So, so that's how I started.
I competed in the Atlantic's of2015.
Um, and then, um, really lovedit.
I loved all the Glitz andGlamour and the work.
Um, so I decided that I wouldcompete again.
I wanted to compete again.
So did that, trained really hard, um, realized with the coach
(03:04):
that had at the time, um, thatthere was a lot more behind the
scenes work and, and all that.
Uh, but I trained and competedin the St John Classic show in
October of 2016 and, uh, Iplaced second in grand master
division out of, out of three.
(03:24):
So that was a bad, the one thatI'm really proud about is that I
placed seventh out of 14 in theopen class.
So that was all the girls fromwhat, 18 to wow.
52 that I was at the time.
So, um, yeah, so I'm, I'm kindof more proud of the seventh out
of 14 because that was amazing.
(03:45):
So yeah.
So I, I tried really hard.
I was really disciplined and,um, following the meal plans and
that's where I ended up.
[inaudible].
Shelley (03:56):
so, you know, so many of us that are reaching our
fifties and I'm going to be 52this year and uh, really
honestly only got it togethernow.
And a lot of people will say tome, Shelly, how did you lose the
weight?
And I always say I changed mymind.
(04:18):
Absolutely.
Cause I've been working outdaily since December nine, 2014
and really never lost anyweight.
I had to actually change my mindabsolutely.
And change the way I was feedingmyself and really understanding
food.
So is that still part of yourlife?
Michelle (04:37):
Um, it wasn't for the last couple of years.
Uh, there was some personal, um,family business situations that
have happened over the lastcouple of years.
That really affected my mindset,my, um, ability to really care
about what was going on.
Shelley (04:58):
So it doesn't affect your ability to train, affected
your ability to want to trainand to even want to train.
So it really is a mind.
Michelle (05:06):
Oh, it totally was.
It was like, oh well, whatever.
You know.
And, and also, um, there was alot of stuff tied up like
mentally with the situation thatwas going on in the business and
personal that I just wanted tobe away from it.
It was a really weird, I wantedto be better and I wanted to be
(05:29):
healthy and fit and have themuscles that I had.
It's also training for acompetition is also like a
really crazy thing to be doing.
Like mentally, it's really hardand takes a lot of sense to me,
not to[inaudible] it's reallyhard mentally, it's hard on the
people around you.
And so there was a part of thatthat was kind of, um, fall out
(05:50):
from that whole situation too.
So it was kind of like a littlebit of here, a little bit here,
a little bit here I'll puttogether and it just kind of,
um, and then of course the, themore you're away from it, the
more you feel bad about nothaving done it and then you'll,
right.
Shelley (06:09):
Yeah.
And now we get into shame andguilt.
Michelle (06:11):
Oh, our favorite couple.
Shelley (06:13):
Yes.
Our favorite couple.
And you know, uh, there's a lotBrenee brown of course coming
out on Netflix talking about theonly way to get rid of shame is
through vulnerability.
So difficult for people to bevulnerable because most people
associate vulnerability withweakness.
Yeah.
In actuality it's so muchstrength.
Oh yeah.
(06:33):
Yeah, absolutely.
Michelle (06:35):
And, um, you know, for me, the business that, that my
husband and I had was, was ahealth and wellness, uh,
business.
So I was, I had been coachingother people on their journeys.
Um, I know all of the thingsthat I'm supposed to do to be
healthy and to be at the weightthat I want to be at.
Um, but I just wasn't doing anyof it.
And so there was a certainfeeling of, there was definitely
(06:58):
feeling ashamed.
There was a feeling of being ahypocrite, um, uh, of knowing
what I should be doing and notbeing able to do it.
And it, it took me, well, ittook me two years to figure out
why.
And, um, when I finally did, Iwrote a blog about it.
Shelley (07:14):
Yeah.
Amazing blog.
This whole life is, hasMichelle's blog.
And I asked you, urge you to goand check that blog out because
it has some tidbits in therethat are just beautiful shame
and guilt goes along with us.
Uh, women.
Um, I think us middle aged women, uh, tend to middle aged,
(07:35):
middle aged.
I can't believe I really saidthat.
Michelle (07:39):
I, I don't, I don't put, I don't put a label on it.
I just forgot I'll be 55 in thelower a month.
So, but I don't, uh, cause Idon't know what my end age is.
[inaudible] exactly.
So, um, yeah, I, I tend not toput labels on where we are, but
I also am not, um, not shy aboutsaying how old I am because I
(08:03):
made it, I made it this far andI still have all my body parts
and my mom would've loved tobeen able to be 55 and have all
hers.
So, you know, there's a lot of'em there's a lot of things to
celebrate about aging.
Absolutely.
When you consider thealternative,.
Shelley (08:21):
you know, most definitely.
And I think that's, I thinkthat's what women really need to
hear.
Is you know, wherever you're atin life, we all have choices and
change is just around thecorner.
If you're not happy today,change is just around the
corner.
Um, so I always talk about, Inever miss a Monday.
(08:42):
You just did a blog about a, I'mmissing all kinds of my days.
So the new Hashtag, which Ithought was amazing.
A hashtag try again Tuesday.
Amazing.
Amazing.
Cause if it doesn't happen,Monday can always happen on
Tuesday.
Yup.
Right.
Yeah.
Why Not Wednesday?
Most definitely.
(09:02):
I know that if I eat somethingthat I know that I shouldn't
have or it doesn't make me feelgood, but in the moment it was
comfort for me.
At one time I would beat myselfup over that for days and it
would be like, after get it,then you catastrophize
everything because you had anice cream sandwich or whatever.
Michelle (09:21):
You know, when it's, when it's 38 degrees in the
middle of the summer.
Shelley (09:26):
because you're in Moncton and we're Canadian and
it's like, what?
Yeah.
So we're, we're not really goodwith the heat.
I seen people walking aroundwith umbrellas.
We complain all winter about it.
It's like, yes, but oh yeah,it's hot.
Yeah.
We're not good at um, heat, buttry again.
Tuesday I think is probably sovital to so many of us because
(09:51):
it's right around the corner.
Like I say, change is not faraway.
So for me, for me, when I say Ichanged my mind, my daily habits
became fortified daily habitsand what fueled my joy became
fortified.
So it is non-negotiable.
(10:11):
There is nothing that keeps meaway from my workout.
I mean, nothing, nothing.
I went for surgery and it was ona Monday.
Uh, and before I would allowthem to put my IV in, I got down
and did my pushups and stuffcause it was so early in the
morning.
Right.
But, uh, yeah, I, it's notnegotiable for me.
Um, and it's not the workouts,it's your mind.
(10:35):
Yeah, absolutely.
And I think that everybody needsto understand that tomorrow is a
new day.
Yes.
Yeah.
But at the same time, but it'snot promised to you either.
It is absolutely not promised toyou.
And that's kind of where I wasgoing, you know, at the same
time, I think that you have tounderstand that every day is so
(10:56):
precious.
Yep.
Um, you know, you talk aboutyour mom who had a double
mastectomy and I have agirlfriend just recently, very
young, under, under 40, just hadto double massectomy to me and
all kinds of problems aroseafter that beautiful woman.
And she was able to get ittogether and, and you know,
screw cancer with grace.
(11:17):
You know, she doesn't use thescrew or she uses the word, but,
but the sentiment, the sentimentis the same.
And, and you're right, tomorrowis never promised.
It's not about our weight.
It's not about, uh, you know,how much we're carrying around
or how much muscle we have.
It's really about our mind.
Michelle (11:35):
and even, you know, like with the weight that I've
put on over the last couple ofyears and you looks amazing.
Oh, let's see.
That's it.
Like Ray would say, my husbandwould say, oh, but you look
great.
Or you know, people say, but youlook amazing, you do.
But that's your interpretationof me.
Yes.
And what, what I need needed todo and what many of us need to
(11:56):
do is to feel comfortable in ourown bodies and to feel
comfortable in our own skins.
And if we're in a place, youknow, am I hugely overweight?
No, no, no.
You know, and if somebody, youknow, I've not got health issues
that goodness and I've, youknow, whatever, but it just
doesn't feel like me when I seemyself.
Um, and I've growing up, Iwouldn't look at myself in the
(12:19):
mirror very hardly ever becauseI felt, uh, I was skinny and
Geeky and I just didn't likewhen I started working out, um,
I had gotten my black belt intaekwondo and my husband and I,
um, were, we're working, startedworking out together cause the
kids are grown and stuff.
Um, and I got to a point one daywhen I saw myself in the mirror
(12:41):
at the gym and I liked what Isaw and I, I can remember that
moment because it was so foreignto me to be looking in a mirror
and liking what I saw.
So the last couple of years I'veavoided looking in mirrors again
and cause I haven't felt, youknow, not taking pictures or you
know, things where I can seemyself.
(13:03):
I've avoided that because Idon't like that person, that the
image, not that I don't like topersonnel, like the image of
that person.
That's not who I feel I aminside.
So I want to get back to a placewhere those two[inaudible] the
way I look in the way I feelabout how I look, they are
outside and outside.
Inside match.
(13:23):
Exactly.
Yeah.
And that's, you know, um, andthat's my journey and that's my
feeling.
So it doesn't matter.
You know, how much somebody elsetells you how good you look or
how good, how well you're doinga thing or whatever.
If you don't feel it yourself,it's a hollow victory.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like, oh well great.
(13:44):
He thinks I'm fine, so whatever.
But no, I need, I need to beable to bring those two things
back in alignment.
And that's where I'm at now.
Shelley (13:52):
Awesome.
Awesome.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know myself too.
Like I had to, it was a, it wasreally about my mind, you know,
I had to change my mind.
I had to become, I'm so in tunewith what was going to make me
happy.
So I was the same.
I had body shame issues and, andwhen I looked at myself, I, it
(14:15):
was somebody else in the mirror.
Exactly.
Um, now I've lost my weight, uh,over this last eight months,
seven, eight months, um, andkept it off since April 19th and
now when I look it matches,although there are some times
when I don't even recognizemyself.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I get a little giddy.
Yeah.
So, oh my God, I did that.
(14:36):
Right.
And, and I don't know if I'veever had this, this long to tell
you the honest truth.
So I found what I wanted.
I found what I loved.
I set the goal right.
And I, and I achieved it.
Yup.
But what's, next
Michelle (14:52):
I think, you know, just as you're talking, I'm kind
of thinking like the 50 year oldas, as women get into their,
their fifties, my experience andmaybe yours as well.
Um, but when we start goingthrough perimenopause and
menopause and all of thosethings, um, it's when our bodies
are, are preparing to not beable to give birth anymore.
(15:15):
So, but then our souls areopening up and getting ready to
give birth to new ideas and newthings.
Right.
I can't take credit for thateither.
That's Christianne Northrup.
[inaudible] you would that made.
Yeah.
She's a doctor and she's got, uh, books, uh, women's wisdom, uh,
(15:37):
great, great stuff, great stuffto read.
But, um, and I think that's whywe find so many, especially now,
so many women who are in their50s or close to their 50s, um,
are starting new businesses,starting new jobs, uh, you know,
going off on their own.
Um, sometimes theirrelationships don't make it
through that because they'refinally going, hey, wait a
(15:57):
minute.
The kids are gone.
You know, I've got time formyself.
U h, what do I, what reallymakes me happy?
What really brings me joy a ndI'm going to remove the filter.
Yeah, exactly.
And, u m, that's, that's whathappened.
That's what happened i n my parents case.
They divorced mine too w e're soul s isters.
W e're meant to be together soulsisters.
(16:19):
My Newfoundland name is S hellyand your name is.
Shelley.
Yeah.
S o w e a re, this was meant tobe.
U m, but I think that's, and Ithink that's the wonderful thing
about being in the 50s.
Like the forties for me wasgreat.
I started, u m, trainingTaekwondo a bout my black belt,
u m, a few years after because Isaw my kids getting things t
(16:40):
hey, they were training in andTaekwondo and I saw my kids
getting things out of it that Iwanted to have for myself, that
I never had as a child.
So, uh, that was a whole otherexperience.
There'll be a blog about thattoo, one thing up kilowatt.
Um, but as I, as I get into myfifties, I'm realizing the
opportunities and the, uh,experiences or even more focused
(17:05):
on what brings me joy and, um,and what opportunities can open
up from that.
And that's one of the reasonswhy I started writing the blog
as well, was to share thosethings, uh, for women, my age
group, because we don't havethose voices out there.
I mean, even on commercials onTV, what do you see?
(17:26):
Women our age, they're eitherdrinking protein drinks cause
they're not getting enoughprotein in their muscles or
they're wearing, uh, you know,depends, depends, or, you know,
poise or whatever.
Um, because they can't run afterthe grandchildren without
leaking.
And you know, it's like, it'sridiculous.
And I, I wanted to show shareanother experience being in that
(17:49):
age group.
So, um, they said every day thatyou have is another day where
you can make a different choiceevery hour that you have.
So you did meet right atbreakfast, but that's okay.
You still have lunch or youstill host, you know, one, one
meal is not going to ruineverything that you've done any
more than one good meal is goingto change everything that you've
(18:09):
done.
So, um, you just take it one dayat a time, live in the moment
and just do the best you can.
Shelley (18:17):
Forgiveness is key.
You know, forgiveness is key.
Shaming, guilt will not feelyour joy.
No.
Uh, we live with it.
I believe that we're born withit.
Uh, for some reason the boys arethe golden children, you know,
and the girls, we were meant tosweep the floor and get the
laundry done and that still, Ibelieve that's still the same to
(18:38):
this day.
I see it with my, I see it withmy friends that have boys.
Michelle (18:43):
Um, I think that is part of, uh, the social, I was
just talking to you about thefour agreements, the book, the
four agreements.
Um, and it, the, the first partof that is about the
domestication of, of us, how weare domesticated as people and
how we learn, uh, traits fromour parents and how we learn how
(19:06):
to be in the world.
And, um, our parents couldn'tonly teach us what they already
know.
That's right.
Right.
So if we want to make changes inthat, then we have to suit,
search them out and make thosechanges.
Cause I, you know, I grew upevery and every generation has
the opportunity to evolve alittle bit.
Absolutely.
(19:27):
So, uh, if we're aware ofsomething that we want to see
changed and it's ourresponsibility to do that, to,
to bring that forward.
Um, and you know, it's the samething I heard for years.
Oh, people's values or, youknow, changing, abusive.
Well, they only change if youfollow the change.
You know, if your values are acertain way, then you pass those
(19:51):
values on through to yourchildren, to your friends or
whatever.
By setting your boundaries, byliving your life, by doing the
things that are important toyou.
You can't change all of society,but you can maybe change your
little circle.
That's right.
And then your circle gets biggerand grows and, and makes those
changes.
So, um, you know, boys will onlydo what boys are taught to do.
(20:14):
Girls will only do what girlsare taught to do.
And then some, some of them willsay, well wait a minute.
That's, that's not the way Iwant things to do.
I'm going to do somethingdifferently.
So you empower everybody yeah.
To, to make those changes.
So.
Shelley (20:29):
absolutely.
Like if my daughter, uh, youknow, I didn't groom her to
scrub floors and to, you know,as a matter of fact, she
probably did more carpentry workwith my husband then she ever
cooked dinner with me.
Um, when she was, I think gradethree, we went into a child or
parent teacher interview and theteacher said, who is the
carpenter?
In the family.
(20:50):
And my husband said, you know,it's me and a, they said, your
daughter is so good withfractions, you know, it's
because she can read a tapemeasure rightly so.
You know, those little thingsalways, uh, helped her, you
know, along with her math, ifyou will, um, a lot more than
scrubbing a floor would everhave, have done that.
Michelle (21:08):
Our oldest son went off to university, um, by, uh,
somebody had asked my daughterwho's six years younger than
him.
He said, uh, they said, oh, Isuppose Sean is, is missing
mom's cooking.
And I said, oh my God, I hopenot.
Cause if he's missing my cookand he's really in trouble, he's
probably missing his father'scooking.
(21:29):
But if he's missing my cooking,yeah.
The boy.
Yeah.
He knows better than that.
But yeah, the, you know, samething.
My husband is a great cook,loves, love to cook.
Worked as a cook for awhile.
Yeah.
So, uh, and our, actually, ourmiddle son is a cook as well, so
yeah.
So that got passed.
But yeah, he, they know how tocook because he taught them how
to cook not me.
(21:49):
Because.
(21:51):
my husband never cooked.
It was always the biggest petpeeve in our house.
He always arrived home before Idid.
And he would, I would comethrough the door and Nikola and
him would be like, I'm sohungry.
Like, are you going to cook?
I was like, you've been home foran hour and a half, but it never
changed.
My husband got sick in Octoberof 2014, uh, deathly ill and,
uh, facing mortality.
(22:11):
All of a sudden he decided, uh,cause he had a long recovery.
He was gonna take over thecooking.
He was gonna take over thekitchen.
And it was the oddest thingbecause my grandmother, uh, when
my grandfather got sick, he gothigh blood pressure and had to,
uh, he was a pharmacist, had toleave the pharmacy and he took
over her kitchen and, uh, itKinda gave grammy nothing to do.
(22:35):
And, uh, it was the weirdestthing I went to.
Um, I don't do things like this,but I went to this, uh, fortune
teller or one of these type ofthings with a girlfriend.
And, uh, the lady had said tome, your grandmother is coming
through and she wants to let youknow that your husband is going
to take over the kitchen and youneed to do it a whole lot more
(22:56):
graceful than your grandmotherdid it.
And I was so weirded out by thatbecause I know wasn't fighting
it.
Shelley (23:03):
No.
Are you kidding me?
Like I was coming home to acooked meals.
I was so happy.
Um, but that was a moment in mylife where I was, uh, I sat back
on my heels a little bit to say,wait a minute, I am actually
going to really open the doorsto this if he wants to go in
because I'm very, uh, I'vealways been very, this is my
(23:23):
kitchen.
I have our specific kitchen setup.
I don't like people behind theisland when I Cook, you know,
that kind of thing.
So I wouldn't be my husband.
I'm kind of like, so I thoughtthat's your space.
And it's also part of your roleand your identity as the person
who cooks.
Totally.
Well it was, it was.
Yeah.
But when with my grandmothercoming through, very odd, you
(23:47):
know, I don't know to this dayif I really believe that, but
here in her there, how was sheever know that that was an odd
thing.
Yeah.
So I paid attention and I said,I am going to nanny, I am going
to be as graceful, allowing himto take over my kitchen and I'm
going to step back on the otherside and I'm going to ask him
what he thinks.
So probably I would have been alittle elbowy Yup.
(24:08):
If that hadn't happened.
But to this day we cook togetherand it is beautiful in the
moments, I swear to God, those,those moments that we have now
cooking, where before I used tocall him, he would be having a
nap and then he supper's ready.
You know, those moments that wehave are precious to me.
I absolutely love it and I makesure I make sure that I do that
(24:32):
with grace.
Um, and we've changed our wholeway of eating.
So I've been doing a lot ofnutritional studies and you
talked about, you know, eating anumber of meals or eating.
Yeah.
Um, and the one thing I'm, I'mlearning now is, you know, our
ancestors didn't eat three mealsa day like we do today and we
(24:53):
really need to rethink that wasthree meals a day.
Michelle (24:57):
Well, again, where did the three meals come from?
Right.
They came from guide, well, wellnot only that, but when when the
world became more industrializedand you were going to a job and
gone to school or whatever, soyou would eat your breakfast,
you'd come home for lunch andthen you'd come home for supper
and that would be it.
But if you were working, like,you know, my, my grandfather was
(25:20):
a fisherman, so he was out inthe boat and he would, you know,
like he would be eatingwhenever, do you know, he got
back to the boat or you know,whatever.
Um, but farmers and they, theywould eat throughout the day
because that was the, the timingwhen they were hungry and they
had the time to do that.
So, you know, again, we becomedomesticated by following rules
(25:43):
that are set down.
You know, and I'm kind of at thepoint now where, um, I eat when
I'm hungry, it's still about twoand a half, three hours, you
know, between, uh, betweenmeals, but I eat less and you
know, kind of as, as I'm hungry,then I'll eat more because it
does sit down, eat what's onyour plate, finish it all or you
(26:06):
know, that's, those are rulesthat were imposed on us by, you
know, society and by, uh, youknow, regulation of, of
schedules, which doesn'tnecessarily always play in.
Shelley (26:20):
which, which when I, you know, was reading about this
and learning about this, I wasso weirded out, honestly by him,
I was like, well, of course youmust eat three meals a day.
What do you mean?
What do you mean everybody eatsthree meals a day?
And you know, I wasn't greatwith breakfast and I always felt
a little bit guilty about nothaving breakfast because that
was the most important meal ofthe day.
(26:41):
Come to find out.
No, no, no.
It's not the most important mealof the day.
You know, talking about seasonalfruits, you know, if you talked
to our, not, no, our grantgreat-grandparents, if you
talked to our parents and youask them if they got a peach in
the winter, well did it happen?
Michelle (26:58):
No, my, my mom wouldn't.
You know, the stories that youtold my kids when ray from the
time they were little, it washow exciting it was to get an
orange in her stocking atChristmas time.
in Newfoundland in the wintertime i t in Newfoundland,
anytime, you know, o range i s,weren't, weren't a thing.
And u m, so now they, everyChristmas my kids get a Terry's
(27:19):
chocolate orange and the s tocki n the bottom of their s
tocking a nd they have, sincethey were little, because w e
want to carry on that, we wantto carry on that tradition of
having an orange.
But having an orange i s, youknow, u m, you know, same thing
like again a Newfoundland, likemy grandparents, u h, the big
meal of the day was in themiddle of the day.
(27:39):
Yes.
And then, you know, supper wasme, probably leftovers and then
you had a lunch, g o i nto bedand you know, that was it.
So, you know, switching aroundto having, I mean there's,
there's like intermittentfasting where people will o wn t
he e ight hours a day or evenshorter in some cases depending
on what t heir, so, you know,.
Shelley (27:57):
I'm an 18-6 girl.
They know, not, not every day,but I'm a, I'm an 18-6 girls.
The only way that I could get mymetabolism back right in order
to tell you the honest truth.
Michelle (28:07):
And so there's, you know, there's lots of different
ways of, you know, again,finding what works for you, what
works for your schedule, whatworks for your metabolism.
And you know, those are allthere.
They're only rules becausesomebody said they are.
Shelley (28:22):
Exactly.
Exactly.
I was so taken back by that.
Um, my husband and I went to theDominican there not too long ago
in the winter.
Um, and, uh, because it's allinclusive and I was getting up,
we were going to the buffet inthe morning, right, again at
lunch and, and then going outto, you know, the Allah carts in
the evening.
And about day three, he lookedat me and he went, why are we
(28:43):
doing that?
And I was like, Whoa, causewe're here, it's free.
It's part of that, you know?
And he's like, let's stop doingthat.
Like I don't feel good.
And we did, we didn't, you know,we'd go by at 11 o'clock and do
lunch slash you know, brunch orwhatever, and then we'd go back
at six o'clock and have six 30and have our a la carte.
(29:07):
And that's all we did.
Yeah.
And felt so much better.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
But again, you know, it's, it'scause you feel like you have to,
where you feel like, you know,there's somebody said, yeah,
yeah.
Yeah.
So I think that that is, that'sa big thing for us in our 50s.
Um, uh, we have to understandwhat our body tolerates and what
(29:28):
our body does.
Not our body is an adaptablemachine.
Absolutely.
It's amazingly adaptable.
Um, you know, there are a lot ofpeople that, you know, would say
to you today, I have no wheat ordairy issues.
Yeah.
Go off of it for a month.
Yeah.
And then reintroduce it and seeif you have any wheat or dairy
(29:49):
issues.
Yeah.
Michelle (29:50):
And that's the thing with a lot of cases like you, if
it's normal for you, becauseit's always been that way, you
don't necessarily know what thedifference is unless you change
it.
Right.
You have to change it up.
Like when I started, um, youknow, I, I wear hearing aids and
for years, you know, I wasdenying the fact that I needed
(30:13):
it.
Yeah.
It just kept getting worse andworse and worse.
Um, but it, it was such agradual thing that I, you know,
I adapted and people around meadapted.
Yup.
Um, but I did get my hearingaids.
The first, I went home, mydaughter was there and she was
yelling at me and I said, whyare you yelling at me?
And she said, this is how loud,I always have to talk to you for
(30:34):
you to hear me.
She's been doing that for years.
Yeah.
And I was like, oh my God, Ididn't even realize.
And it'll because everybody elseis adapting to what you're
adapting to.
Um, and so it's like wow, thatwas, and then there was things
that I didn't realize I hadn'theard because you brain fills in
the gaps for you.
(30:54):
Right.
So there was things like, youknow, hearing, hearing rain on a
windshield.
I hadn't heard for years, but Ithought I, you know, I thought I
heard it cause you know whatrain, you know, oh it's raining.
But when I actually heard thatwas the first sound that I
really picked up after I walkedout of the, uh, the office with
my new hearing aids.
Amazing.
(31:15):
Heard her.
I heard the rain on thewindshield instead of just
seeing it.
But your body adapts, add, yourbrain adapts to what is
happening around you.
So yeah, if you're conscious ofwhat you want to make change, it
keeps going back to thatmindset.
It keeps going back to beingconscious about what you want
(31:37):
and how you want to get there.
Shelley (31:38):
That's right.
Because you know, growth is inthe uncomfortable.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's so you have to makeyourself perhaps a little bit
uncomfortable to get to that endgoal.
Um, Michelle Collins, it hasbeen a absolute pleasure.
Reach out to Michelle, check outher podcast or sorry, her, her
(32:00):
blog"This Whole Life".
Absolutely amazing.
And let's follow Hashtag#TryAgainTuesday.
Michelle (32:07):
I'd love to see people come up with that.
See what happens.
Let for people choose to tryagain Tuesday.
Shelley (32:12):
Absolutely.
Let's do it.
I have hashtag#NeverMissAMondayand Michelle has hashtag
#TryAgainTuesday.
I absolutely love that.
And we're, we're going to bewatching and um, we're going to
be reaching out to some of youladies in our community.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Love you, Michelle.
I love you too, Shelley.
(32:32):
Okay, so this has been blessed.
Yeah.
This has been,"You are notchocolate".
Thanks for listening.
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