28. When Authenticity Backfires: What Leaders Need to Know About Being Real at Work

Many women leaders want to show up authentically at work—honest, open, and confident—but it doesn’t always feel safe to do that.

You’ve been told to “be yourself,” but also to “be strong,” “be professional,” and “don’t be too emotional.” It’s confusing. How can you be both a compassionate leader and a strong leader without being misunderstood?

In this episode, I unpack what happens when authenticity backfires, why strong communicators sometimes get labeled as intimidating, and how to tell the difference between your authentic self and your defensive self.

You’ll also learn a simple somatic practice to calm your nervous system so you can lead with authentic confidence, clarity, and calm authority, even when the pressure’s on.

What You’ll Learn

• The hidden reason authenticity sometimes gets misread as aggression or coldness
• Why your nervous system—not your personality—determines how authentic you can be under stress
• How to recognize when you’re leading from your defensive self instead of your authentic self
• A simple grounding practice (the Sunshine Exercise) to shift from survival mode to calm presence
• How to rebuild trust with colleagues when your good intentions have been misunderstood

Key Quotes

“Your authentic self is who you are when you’re open, honest, and not in survival mode.”

“We can’t help others feel safe with us if we don’t feel safe in our own body.”

“Authenticity isn’t about being unfiltered—it’s about being untriggered.”

⏱️ Top Moments from This Episode

[02:00] – When strong communication becomes self-protection

Why some confident, capable women leaders get labeled as intimidating—and how the fight response can disguise itself as leadership strength.

[03:00] – Defining your authentic self

Dr. Annie’s simple definition that changes everything: Your authentic self is who you are when you’re not in survival mode.

[08:00] – The body-based truth about leadership

You can’t be authentic from a defensive nervous system. Learn why regulating your body—not just your mindset—is the real key to executive presence.

[09:00] – The Sunshine Exercise

A calming practice you can use before high-stakes meetings or difficult conversations to shift from survival mode to calm, grounded authority.

Resources Mentioned

• Free Masterclass: Executive Presence for Authentic Leaders 
  Learn practical tools to project calm authority without intimidation

Other Episodes You'll Love

• Ep 19: When Cutting Off Feels Safer Than Speaking Up
• Ep 21: What No One Tells You About Healthy Boundaries at Work

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More Resources for You:

• Explore Dr. Annie's Executive Coaching Program
• Get The Drama-Free Feedback Toolkit so you can deliver clear feedback that drives real change.
• Download your free guide: Executive Presence Starter Kit

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