Episode 27: Battle of Agincourt - Braving the Bloody Middle Ages

Today, Cooper and Ian are diving headfirst into one of the bloodiest, sloppiest, and most legendary battles of the Middle Ages, The Battle of Agincourt! The Battle of Agincourt was a significant military engagement that took place on October 25, 1415, during the Hundred Years' War between the Kingdom of England and the Kingdom of France. It was fought near the town of Agincourt in northern France. The battle is famous for the English victory despite being heavily outnumbered by the French forces.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:15):
It's fucking great.
Yeah, it's.
Uh.
So we doing this little short.
See, I'm gonna do like a babyshot, I'm not gonna do the whole
thing.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Yeah, I did, I did fill you up there.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
Yes, I did I mean.
I'm gonna.
There's a lot of words in this.
There's a lot of words here.
It's.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
French is French.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
We all know how I do with.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
French stuff not very with that back at hood, no this
is a block.

Speaker 1 (00:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, cheers motherfucker, cheers
motherfucker that is thatRussian?

Speaker 2 (00:40):
I think so nice, they're not involved in this.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
Today's our first battle.
Ian, that was a.

Speaker 2 (00:52):
Shot.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
speaking of taking shots, Uh-huh Lots of shots are
fired at battles, oh, shots arefired at battles, but you know
what the funny thing about thisbattle is no artillery, mmm, but
there was a lot of shots ofarrows.
Yeah, yeah, no artillery thoughstill counts still counts.
Yeah, still counts counts lessbecause French, but Well, ladies

(01:13):
and gentlemen, welcome todrinking our way through history
, where we cover the legendarypeople, places, spectacles and
events that history has to offer, while enjoying a thick pour of
whiskey.
Yeah, I am Cooper and I am in.
Today, we're diving headfirstinto one of the bloodiest,
sloppy, favorite and mostlegendary battles of the Middle

(01:34):
Ages the battle of Agincourt.
Agincourt, the battle ofAgincourt, was a significant
military engagement that tookplace on October 25th 1415 yes,
during the hundred years warbetween the Kingdom of England
and the Kingdom of France 100years.
It was a little bit longer, butyou know they just wanted to

(01:55):
round it out.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
We rounded it, it sounded nice.
It's a nice title, yeahclickbait.

Speaker 1 (01:58):
No one wants to call it a hundred and thirteen and a
half year war.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
It's history's version of clickbait.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
That's a good way to put it and it was fought near
the town of Agincourt innorthern France.
This battle is famous for theEnglish victory, despite being
heavily outnumbered by theFrench forces.

Speaker 2 (02:18):
It reminds me of Thermopylae.
The battle of Thermopylae withthe.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
Spartans, the Spartans.
That's a good point.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
It was a big differentiator.
There was thousands of theEnglish and tens of thousands of
the, not tens of thousands.
It was like blood of Persians5000.
No, not Thermopylae, I'mtalking the battle of Agincourt.
Oh, back, yeah, yeah, so it'slike they were outnumbered by
like 7000 or something like that.
Yeah, it was more than that.

Speaker 1 (02:42):
The historian rate, the numbers range.

Speaker 2 (02:44):
Yeah, okay drastically.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
The English army, led by King Henry the fifth of
England, was composed of longbowmen and a smaller number of
Entrantry and cavalry.
The French army, led by Charles, the Albright Constable of
France and various French nobles, was much larger and included a
significant number of armoredknights.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
I love that Lancelot was in that bitch.

Speaker 1 (03:07):
Lancelot.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
Wait what?
Yeah the armored knight, oh.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
It's just, it was yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
Would have been way better if you hadn't said wait
what?
But that's fine, no, we'll keeppacing.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
Thank you All right, good, good, good.
Yeah, it's now.
This whole battle is like amedieval mosh pit.
Wait what?

Speaker 2 (03:26):
It doesn't hurt, doesn't that hurt when you do
that sour?

Speaker 1 (03:32):
It's like a medieval mosh pit, but with knights,
horses, arrows, mud and a wholefuckload of chaos.
I do like mud.
The battle of Agincourt has allthe makings of an epic historic
tale.
So let's step into the muck andmadness of that fateful day in
1415 and uncover the mayhem, thestrategy, the sheer insanity of

(03:55):
Agincourt.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
I like it no.
I like it.
Those ad libs were actualrecordings from the meetings.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
They were having during this time, mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
Very good stuff.
Very very good stuff.
I love it.
I love it.
You know what else takes a lotof strategy?
Strategy, ah, what pronouncingstrategy.
First of all, that's that's atough one.
I'm glad you hurtled it I did,I did hurtle it and I said it
with confidence, and you knowwhat else you can do with
confidence.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
What can you do?

Speaker 2 (04:19):
you can hit that like button.
Oh, you can hit that five starreview.
You could even give us a review.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
As long as it's a five star review, one if it's a
four star review.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
We don't fucking want it and don't fucking do that.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
I don't even like you face like who leaves a four
star?

Speaker 2 (04:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
Karen.

Speaker 2 (04:33):
Karen, karen, karen leaves a four star.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
Do you want to be like?
There's no such thing asperfection.

Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yeah, it's like perfect, but they did everything
right.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
It's like that's perfect they did it perfect
anyway, the absolute worst.
I am so excited to dive intothis.
This is like fucking.
I've been just living in this.

Speaker 2 (04:48):
You've been talking about this for the last week,
and it's I.
You've made me excited bydefault, it's just so it's, it's
just that one fucking.

Speaker 1 (04:59):
It's perfectly like medieval battles of like what
shit happened and how ithappened in just the insanity.
It is the G spot.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
We're really hitting it right, you know, and it was
really hard to find I got to sayreally hard to find the G spot,
but we got there drinking ourway through history.
We did it first.

Speaker 1 (05:18):
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah, yeah now.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
Now, before the battle of Agancourt kicked off,
king Henry the fifth of Englandwas in a bit of a pickle, you
see.
He had this grand idea that heshould be the king of France.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
And well, here's why, and and ladies and gentlemen,
this is a, this is a sum up.
This is, this is the summary.
All right, because there is somuch shit that I could have
included in here for context.
Ian absolutely loves reading.

Speaker 2 (05:45):
I love the context, the context, especially when
it's not even context.

Speaker 1 (05:48):
No, that's my favorite thing, it's I could
have gone really deep in thisrabbit hole.
So this is gonna be a brush upon Getting us to this battle, so
that we can understand whywe're here and what's happening
and why somebody got a swordplunge through your eyes and why
King Henry the fifth?

Speaker 2 (06:05):
thought that he should be the king of France,
yep.
There we go because the hundredyear war, which began in 1337
and lasted well beyond a century, was primarily fueled by
competing claims to the Frenchthrone and territorial disputes
Between the two powerful nations, that being England and France.
Yes, at the heart of theconflict was the question of
succession to the French crown.

(06:26):
The English monarchy under KingEdward the third Claimed a
legitimate right to the Frenchthrone through Edward's mother,
queen Isabella, who was thedaughter of King Philip the
fourth of France stick with us,people stick with us.
We're almost through it, I know,I know this complex web of
Dynastic claims andcounterclaims became the primary
source of tension between theEnglish and French monarchies.

Speaker 1 (06:48):
The hundred years war can be divided into several
distinct phases, with the battleof Agancourt Taking place
during the later stage of thewar.
Yes, the war had seen variousSignificant battles and
campaigns, with both sidesexperiencing victories and
defeats.
The English, under theleadership of notable figures

(07:09):
like King Edward the third andhis son Edward the black prince
real original.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
I wonder if he was a white guy.
He was, he just had black armor.
I love that talk about culturalappropriation, man.

Speaker 1 (07:22):
They had previously achieved remarkable successes.
However, by the time of thebattle of Agancourt, the English
had lost many of their previousterritorial gains in France.
The French, under the guidanceand charismatic leaders like
Joan of Arc, had rallied theirforces and were determined to
push the English Out of Frenchterritory.

Speaker 2 (07:44):
Did we already do our Joan of Arc episode?
No, we have not.

Speaker 1 (07:47):
We will eventually get there because it is a
fascinating fucking story.
It is absolutely batshit crazyand she is.
She is a phrenic to the max,but everybody's like.
She sees God.

Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yeah, well, obviously anybody who sees God profit.
But uh, but yeah, I didn't.
I didn't put two and twotogether.
That Joan of Arc was kind ofaround this.
I forgot that she was involvedin the Hundred Years War kind of
era and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
She was very interesting, yeah she was a, she
was like an icon during that.
She was the.
She was the mockingjay Of theHundred Years.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
War, she was the.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
Jennifer Lawrence.
Yes, now the funny thing abouta real quick tidbit about Joan
of Arc.
She was best friends who reallyhelped her out throughout her
battles that she fought in withZelda Ray.
Zelda Ray was a fucking Frenchserial killer.
Oh, that's so fucking sick.
Yeah, he was a French nobleman.
Who's fucking loaded and he wasa fucking ridiculous Serial

(08:40):
killer.

Speaker 2 (08:40):
Where is our Zelda Ray episode?

Speaker 1 (08:42):
We need it there's.
There's true kind broadcaststhat I've already covered that
we might dive in.
We'll touch on it when we coverJoan of Arc.

Speaker 2 (08:48):
I'd love to touch on it Just a little bit, just tease
me.
Just a tip, just a tip.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
The bat now.
The battle of Agencourt waspart of King Henry the fifth's
campaign to assert his claim tothe French throne.
We're all about assertion,assertion and dominance.
Now.
Henry, who became King ofEngland in 1413, sought to
exploit the divisions within theFrench nobility and pressed his
claim to the French crown.
The Campaign led to a series ofmilitary engagements in

(09:16):
northern France, culminating inthe battle of Agencourt.
Whoo, as we said at the top ofthe episode, the English army
the underdog at Agencourt was inan extremely challenging
situation.
They were not only far fromhome base, but we're also
heavily outnumbered by theFrench forces, which is why this
is one of the most bad avil.
One of the most bad avil.

Speaker 2 (09:38):
Let's try to combine these words here.
That's a good slur for it,though I like that.
Yeah, the bad avil the most badat.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
We'll just keep it.
Yeah, bad avil, underdogstories around.

Speaker 2 (09:48):
Yeah, no, the most badass medieval?
No, absolutely.
So I guess we should talk aboutthe build up to this specific
battle of Agencourt right helps.

Speaker 1 (09:57):
It does some Additional context.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
I'm sorry, there's one thing we're good at.

Speaker 1 (10:02):
It's context build up .

Speaker 2 (10:05):
Lots of build up Not so good on the finish, but build
up Excel.
Now Henry the fifth decided toinvade France because
negotiations with them weren'tnecessarily working out.
He thought he should be theking of France because his
great-grandfather, edward thethird of England, had some sort
of claim to the French throne.
However, the English werewilling to give up this claim if
the French would acknowledgethat England should have some

(10:28):
parts of France.
Very interesting, yeah, it's.
This is the gist.
I love high-level overview ofwhat the term imagine I'm
related to Obama, right, and I'mlike dude, I'm his grandkid,
like I should probably bepresident.
That's kind of what thisfucking site it's like.

Speaker 1 (10:45):
I'm qualified because my blood?
Well, according to the bushesthere's that.
That's how it works.
That's true.
That is how it works.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
I like that.
You picked the one father-sonpair from Great that's great.
So in 1414, henry held a meetingwith the great council to talk
about going to war with France.
But they told him to be morereasonable and to keep
negotiating.
So Henry said that he wouldgive up his claim to be king of
France if the French would payback a lot of money from a long

(11:15):
time ago and let England havesome French lands.
He also wanted to marryCatherine.
There's always a Catherine whowanted he was the daughter of
the French king.
Right, yeah, yeah.
And he also wanted to get alittle bit of mula as part of
the deal.

Speaker 1 (11:29):
I can miss, it was a million crowns, to be exact.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
Yes, yes, it's like that doctor evil segment, you
know he's like I want onemillion Dollars, everybody's
laughing dollars yeah so theFrench came back with their own
offer, as business practiceentails, which they thought was
pretty good.
They said Henry could marryCatherine and they'd give him
some money, but not as much ashe wanted, which they said like
what?
600,000 crowns, yeah, insteadof 2 million, yeah, that's a big

(11:56):
difference.
They also said he could have abigger piece of aquatain, which
was part of France.

Speaker 1 (12:01):
So honestly, it's a pretty good deal.
They're like here will alsogive you a larger part than what
you're asking for.
We'll still give you some money, but not as much as you're
asking not nearly, is that noteven half?

Speaker 2 (12:10):
I like that.
It's not even half, not evenhalf.
It's like a spit in the face.

Speaker 1 (12:13):
Which Understandable well, you know what, thinking of
it when I was looking through,they had a lot of shit that they
had to pay, yeah, and they hada lot of the first lot yeah,
yeah there's a lot of shit thatthey were still working on and
it's like 2 million.
Oh, we can't quite do it, butlike we'll go 600.

Speaker 2 (12:28):
It's like paying the middleman 2 million dollars.
That's.
I completely understand whythey were like yeah, you
definitely don't deserve thatmuch fucking money, and plus
you've been at war with us forover 70 years, what?
We're just gonna bow down andgive you 2 million buck over
this exact fucking thing.

Speaker 1 (12:44):
Yeah over the French crown.
Mm-hmm, that's basically thewhole context of the Hundred
Years War.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, but the best part in December of 1414 the
English Parliament agreed togive Henry extra money to start
the war machine, because by 1415the negotiations were going
literally nowhere.
The English were mad becausethey thought the French were
making fun of them, and Henrythey probably were.
Yeah, they were, it's like.

(13:16):
So on April 19th of 1415, henryasked the great council again if
they would let him go to warwith France, and this time they
said yes, because that's all hewon.
He was like I just want to, Ijust want to fucking put my dick
in there.

Speaker 1 (13:28):
But with war, that's, and they sounded just like that
.

Speaker 2 (13:32):
Well, sorry, let me say it again I just want no,
hold on, I just want to put mydick in there, but for war.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
It would have been, it would have been.
Put my dick in there, ours, ohyeah, my day in the horse for
war.
I think we just went Scottish,no northern English, but yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
No, no, I respect it, so in.

Speaker 1 (13:50):
August 1415, henry and his army landed in northern
France, in Normandy, on a largefleet.
We love large fleets.
They had about 12,000 soldiersand up to 20,000 horses with
them and they surrounded thetown of Haflour, which was right
off the coast of where theylanded and would serve them

(14:11):
strategically.
They had 20,000 fucking horseson a boat.
They had like what?
Not on a boat, it wasn't on the.
They had many boats, they hadlike 1500 right, right, sorry.

Speaker 2 (14:20):
When I say a boat, they had horses on boats and
that went well.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (14:24):
Oh, they always did yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Horses got to America, they'reall on a boat when?
Are horses from Europe, is itnot Asia?
I thought they were from Asia.
I mean probably, but I mean,there's also European horses and
stuff like Germany and SpainSpanish horses.

Speaker 2 (14:40):
They're smaller and less cool.

Speaker 1 (14:42):
Well, yeah, because I mean the Asian ones had to
carry the Mongols, and Mongolswere not small people.
No, they were heftymotherfuckers so Now the siege
ended up taking longer than theyhad originally planned.
In half of the soldiers theyfucking died of dysentery.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
They're just their brains out.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
That's so sad.
Dysentery was a major fuckingproblem back in the day, and
that's like such a bad fuckingway to go oh it hurts oh.
It's not fun?
No, not out of experience, Idon't know.

Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yeah, it's like we've had dysentery, yeah, many times
.
We're speaking from experience.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
Now, finally, after five weeks of bombarding the
city and attempting to tunnelunder the walls, the town gave
up on September 22nd, and theEnglish would stay there until
October 8th, where then theywould head north.
Now it was getting close towinter and many of their
remaining soldiers were stillsick from dysentery, and people
were still dying off.
Now, instead of going directlyback to England, henry decided

(15:39):
to lead most of his army, whichwas around 6,000 people, through
Normandy to Calais, animportant English base in
northern France.
Now he could have just fuckinggotten on a boat and sailed
around, because it was anothercoastal town.
He was like I'm gonna march mymen through the land.

Speaker 2 (15:57):
My shitty stinky men that are shitting themselves and
dying.

Speaker 1 (16:01):
Because he wanted to basically assert the dominance
of like I have the right to behere.

Speaker 2 (16:06):
I'm just imagining him standing there with a big
old dick, but there's alsosuperfluous amounts of diarrhea
just flowing out of him, likethat's my personification of
this moment.

Speaker 1 (16:16):
That's why the French caught them so much because
they could just smell themeverywhere.

Speaker 2 (16:18):
They're like that's not a croissant.

Speaker 1 (16:20):
So he did this basically to show the right that
he had the right to rule thereand he also to challenge the
dolphin who was this he was likea monarch of the French
territory and he didn't respondto Henry's call for a battle at
Ha Fleur Now because Henry waslike we can end this right.
Fucking now you and I go tobattle one on one.
And the thing about Henry theFifth was he was a fucking

(16:43):
badass like hand to hand combatman.
He was a royally badass.
That's kind of sick and thedolphin was fucking fat and like
drank and ate his life away.
And was like I'm not fuckinglike he's the Robert Baratheon
of this.
He is the Robert Baratheon ofthis story.

Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yeah, he was like I will not fight.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
Where's my next role?
So now that while they wereback in besieging Ha Fleur, the
first city that they came to,the French were raising their
own army around the city ruin,which is kind of a little bit
outskirts away from them.
Now, it wasn't exactly a feudalarmy, but more like a paid one,
similar to how English did it.
So they would pay these noblesto gather the peasants and round

(17:31):
them up and then fucking gofight.
And do that because the nobleswanted to fight for honor, quote
, unquote, and then also tokidnap people, or to like hold
them hostage, prisoners of war,so that they could sell them
back for ransom, and that's howthey would make a lot of money.
So there's a lot of money inwarfare.

Speaker 2 (17:46):
Well, yes, yes, and we've known that warfare boosts
any country's economy.

Speaker 1 (17:51):
Exactly.

Speaker 2 (17:51):
What I find more interesting real quick, small
side note is the fact that theywanted to challenge the dolphin.
But like, how can you challengea dolphin?
You know what I mean?
Their bottle nose.
They're swimming through theocean.

Speaker 1 (18:04):
I hate you, I hate you.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
so much I've been waiting to drop that.
It's a dolphin.
A dolphin, no L.
Oh, dolphin, you fucking cutDolphin.
Got it, no, got it.

Speaker 1 (18:13):
Now, the French were hoping to get about 9,000 troops
from this paid army that was onthe outskirts from all these
nobles yeah, but they were notready to help with the besieging
of Huffer.

Speaker 2 (18:23):
No because they would be spreading themselves like
super thin.

Speaker 1 (18:26):
Well, they would just be concentrated all right there
.
And yeah, if they would havehad these additional 9,000 men,
they would have definitely beatHenry V.
Yeah, yeah, because what we'regonna get into why Henry V was
fucking lucky on this battle.

Speaker 2 (18:40):
Those 9,000 troops, I'm assuming, were doing
something else at the time.

Speaker 1 (18:43):
They were just being gathered, like it takes time.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
Yeah, especially back then there wasn't a phone or a
computer.
No, they're like sendingletters and messengers, and they
had to go collect the peasants.

Speaker 1 (18:52):
They're like fuck your corn, come over here,
You're gonna fight for me.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
The farmers like ah sorry, daughters and wife, I
have to leave the farm to gofight war.
I'll be back in seven years.
So once Henry V and his armyheaded north, the French moved
to stop them along the riverSommet.
Now, at first, the French weresuccessful in blocking Henry's
path, which made him changecourse and move south away from

(19:17):
Calais in search of a suitablecrossing point.
Yeah, he's trying to cross theriver.
Okay, okay, okay, that makessense Now.
Eventually, the English managedto cross the Sommet to the
south of Péran if I'm notmistaken and continued their
march northward.
Now with no river in their wayto defend, the French were
cautious about forcing a battle.

(19:38):
They kept a close watch onHenry's army and sent out a call
to local nobles asking them tojoin their forces.
On October 24th of 1415, scoutsfrom the English army returned
to King Henry once the army wasabout 30 miles away from Calais
and told Henry that the Frenchhad managed to cut them off and
block their path.
When Henry asked the scouts howmany French were blocking their

(20:00):
path, they replied they werenot enough to kill.

Speaker 1 (20:04):
No, there are enough to kill.

Speaker 2 (20:05):
Oh sorry, there are enough to kill, enough to
capture and enough to run away.
So basically, there's a fuckinglot of them.

Speaker 1 (20:11):
That's pretty fire.
That's a pretty fire response.
It's a good response.
Back to a king there's enoughto kill, there's enough to
capture and there's enough torun away.

Speaker 2 (20:19):
I love that.
I love that yeah.

Speaker 1 (20:21):
And despite this obstacle, the English continued
their march.
In the distance, they saw theimposing sight of the French
knights and soldiers spreadacross the valley from the east.
Realizing they couldn't moveforward and that battle was
imminent, king Henry ordered hisarmy to set up camp and prepare
for the upcoming fight.
That evening, a solemn moodsettled over the English camp.

(20:44):
A heavy rain began to fall.
Henry and his men remainedsober and quiet, wanting them to
remain mentally sharp for thenext day.
Meanwhile, a couple miles upthe road, the French forces
celebrated in their sprawlingcamp with numerous fires,
laughter and lively music.
The French obviously felt veryconfident about their victory in

(21:06):
this upcoming battle.
They were like fuck you.
No, that would have been.

Speaker 2 (21:11):
That was more Irish, that was.
Ingyrish, ingyrish, ingyrishCroson not he, I don't know.
Croson Ha ha, ha, ha, ha ha haha, the only way I can get into
character.
Everybody's celebrating on theFrench side and all they're
doing is just yelling Croson,croson, croson.
That is so racist.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 (21:30):
It's not racist.
They're the same race.
They're a different region.

Speaker 2 (21:33):
Cultural appropriation my bad.

Speaker 1 (21:36):
Ha, ha ha ha Fuck the French back in the day.
Back in the day now they'refine Back in the day.
Fuck the French.
I don't know they were badmotherfucker, because I wouldn't
have told that to them throughtheir face back then.

Speaker 2 (21:45):
No, neither of us would have.

Speaker 1 (21:46):
During this night, Henry walked throughout the camp
of his army, resolving worryand spreading words of
encouragement, just going up tocampfire to campfire, saying,
hey, we're gonna fucking killthese bastards tomorrow.

Speaker 2 (21:58):
Yo, honestly, they're eating way too many croissants.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
You see how drunk they're getting right now.
They're gonna be sloppy,they're gonna be tired, it's
raining, it's on our side, yeahyeah, no, that, honestly.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
that says a lot about Henry, though, because, think
about it, he understood Marauwas down.
Oh yeah, he's hearing all thiscelebration from the other half
and he's looking around and he'slike, I ordered you guys to say
somber and quiet, which is kindof a weird thing.
I don't know why he did that.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
Well, because the tradition is like everybody's
gonna have a drink and get drunkthe night before they go to
battle because they are probablygonna die the next day.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:32):
So it's like this is their last su-ra.
We're going out with ourbrothers.

Speaker 2 (22:35):
We're fucking going back to the earth of which we
came from you know, dude, I justgot chills like thinking about
actually being in those shoes ofeither side of the battle.

Speaker 1 (22:43):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:44):
Either being the French that are celebrating and
having this good time.
There is that undertone of fuckdude, I might die tomorrow.
And then, on the English side,you've been told to remain sober
and quiet and it's like now.
I have nothing to do butfucking focus on the fact that I
might die tomorrow.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
Yeah, and you're soberly thinking of it instead.
Of like drunkenly being able toforget, yeah, and.

Speaker 2 (23:02):
Henry walked through and he like actually resolved
that worry and kind of liketalked to his.
What a good manager.
I gotta say what a good boss.

Speaker 1 (23:09):
Now there's stories of that he was possibly going
through like in a cloak orwhatever, just in like soldiers
uniform oh, kind of like ananonymous, like motherfucker.
Yeah, just to get the check themorale of everybody.
And they're like, yeah, itsucks that we can't fucking
drink, but we still love.

Speaker 2 (23:25):
Henry, that's kind of sick.
Yeah, that's super kind of sickDude.
I've.
He's gained so many points fromjust that.

Speaker 1 (23:31):
Oh my gosh.
And he's like this is he'sstill in his 20s.

Speaker 2 (23:34):
Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking about me at my age, 26
years old, fucking doing that.
No, I wouldn't even have the.
I would be shitting myself inmy tent.

Speaker 1 (23:43):
Oh yeah, 100%, that's fucking lutely.

Speaker 2 (23:45):
So the following day, neither side wanted to attack
first.
They both wanted to play thedefensive in order to have a
strong chance of winning.
The French also kind of wantedto delay the battle for as long
as possible in order to allowfor more reinforcements to
arrive.
However, henry ordered his armyto advance and initiate a
battle, even though he wouldhave preferred to avoid it or
fight defensively.

(24:06):
The English kind of faced atough situation.
They were low on food.
They had marched a long way ina short time and were dealing
with diseases like dysentery andwere greatly outnumbered by
well-equipped French soldiers.
They all had a croissantCroissant Just ready and waiting
.
Now the French army blockedHenry's path to the safety of
Calais, and delaying the battlewould only make his exhausted

(24:27):
army weaker and allow moreFrench reinforcements to arrive.
So he was just like fuck it,let's just send it.
Yeah, basically Best thing hecould have done.

Speaker 1 (24:35):
I think it was so it was.
We're about to talk about howhe said fuck it, let's send it,
because his maneuvering and,honestly, if it didn't rain this
night before this battle wouldhave turned out completely
different but it fucks theFrench and the French's
overconfidence also fucks them.

Speaker 2 (24:55):
There's a I can't remember the movie, but there is
a movie where this kind ofthing happens, where it's two
medieval armies and then itrains the night before and it
like gives this army that hadvery much so not the advantage
it allowed them to win.
I can't remember what the movieis.
You showed me this movie.

Speaker 1 (25:12):
Are you thinking of the one that Tim Shemalama,
maybe Shemalat Possibly?
That sounds right.
I was actually about to look itup earlier.
I don't know.
I don't think this is the samestory because you I don't think
it's related.

Speaker 2 (25:23):
I just think it's the same situation.

Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (25:25):
Where it's like that rain comes in, because that does
make a fucking difference, andespecially if you kind of have a
little bit of the high groundor something like that.

Speaker 1 (25:32):
Yeah, I couldn't find if they had any.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
I don't think there was any high advantage, like
high advantage, high advantage,oh, okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 1 (25:39):
It's just we'll go into why.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
I mean you gotta think about it, Waiting through
the muck in an entire suit ofarmor.

Speaker 1 (25:45):
Oh yeah, we're gonna talk about it, because those
bitches were heavy.

Speaker 2 (25:47):
Let's get into it.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
So in the early hours of the 25th, the English
soldiers knelt down and kissedthe ground as a symbol that they
might be returning to the earthbefore the day was over.
Fuck, they would kiss it andthey'd chew on it.
They'd pick up a piece of dirtand chew on it.
Yeah, give it a little nibble.
Yeah, a little bit of ablessing.
Henry organizes army consistingof around 1500 minute arms and

(26:11):
5,000 long bowmen along astretch of the battlefield.
His forces were divided intothree groups the right wing, led
by Edward, duke of York, thecenter, commanded by the king
himself, and the left wing underthe seasoned Baron Thomas Camus
.

Speaker 2 (26:29):
He just sounds like somebody I wouldn't fuck with.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
Yeah, no, not at all the archer.
He never smiles, Never smiles.

Speaker 2 (26:37):
I like how that's something, because that's
something that peaked out at youduring your research.

Speaker 1 (26:41):
That's not written anywhere, You're just like and
this motherfucker never smiles.
He just yeah, he's just thatfucking broad shoulder.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
He's like it's time for war.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
He just communicates and grunts, yeah yeah, no, I
love that.

Speaker 2 (26:53):
When he wants the left flank to attack, he's like.

Speaker 1 (26:54):
When he wants something to draw back, he's
like yeah, no, the archers wereunder the order of Sir Thomas
Arpinham and experienced fuckingveteran.
He was also a bad motherfuckerbecause the archers, these long
bowmen, they did seriouslyslaughtering damage.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
Well, dude, like back then, if the long bowmen have
good accuracy.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
It's not even about the accuracy, it's the numbers.

Speaker 2 (27:19):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:21):
So a long bowman could knock between 10 to 20
fucking arrows in a minute, yeah, and when you have 5,000 of
these and you're fuckingknocking, that's like shooting
off a minigun.
It's like shooting off 10miniguns against an army of
people that have those fuckingrevolutionary war rifles Mm-hmm

(27:42):
yeah, now, the English armylikely followed its typical
battle formation with longbowmen positioned on both flanks
and minute arms and knights inthe center.
Some archers may have also beenplaced in the middle of the
line.
They were actually placed inthe middle of the line.
I've watched a documentarythat's like a reenactment of the
little blocks showing thebattle.
I mean it's tough to know, butit is hard to know.

(28:02):
There were scribes and I'llmention their names here in a
little bit that talk about whatthe recounting of the battle was
.
Yeah, now the minute, armswearing plate and mail armor
stood shoulder to shoulder infour rows.
It's a big target.
To deter cavalry charges, theEnglish and Welsh archers on the
flanks planted wood stakes atan angle in the ground, forcing

(28:24):
the enemy cavalry to diverttheir path.
So just kind of fucking them upand sending them all into
crashing.

Speaker 2 (28:30):
It's interesting to me that they like stayed with
the same battle for me.
I understand that I don't knowmuch about war tactics or
anything like that, but it'salways interesting to me when
people like set are set in theirways and they kind of enter
every battle in the sameformation.
It's like wow, you canliterally OK, you're giving the
guy who's facing you a blueprintof how to fuck you up.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
Well, it's, and that's the thing like.
So Napoleon started kind ofevolving strategy.
Yeah, war as well, but this ismore of like war was a formality
.
Yes, and so you knew thatcertain people were going to get
slaughtered.
You knew that you were going tosend in the people.
Read after them.
They everybody had the sameuniform.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
Well, the royalty knew this stuff, or the
commanders, but the actualinventory didn't have it in.
Take into this.

Speaker 1 (29:13):
Yeah, and I'm sure, I'm sure they did, because
people talk, people do survive.

Speaker 2 (29:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but anyways very interesting stuff.
The whole history of war isjust fascinating as well, like
the shifting and literally I'vegotten killed so many times just
talking about it, justimagining be there Like it
sounds awful.

Speaker 1 (29:30):
So Henry, at this point, delivered an inspiring
speech, stressing therighteousness of their cause and
reminding his troops of thegreat victories that English
kings had achieved over theFrench in the past.
Yes, according to some accounts, he even mentioned rumors that
the French had threatened to cutoff two fingers from the right
hand of every archer so theycouldn't draw their longbows

(29:52):
ever again.
Whether this claim was trueremains a matter of debate to
this day, but it was clear thatany soldier unable to be ransom
faced a grim fucking fate inthis battle.

Speaker 2 (30:05):
We brought this up in a previous episode and I can't
remember which one.
It was a tidbit of informationthat I had where they thought
that the French were cutting thefingers and it was like a
factual thing that I had foundwhere they actually were fucking
doing that.
Yeah, so I will.
I would venture to say nowdon't quote me on this, but I
would venture to say that thatis actually a very true thing,
because they were cutting offthe fingers of the archers
specifically so that theycouldn't draw bows.

Speaker 1 (30:26):
Yeah, that's very true.
Um yeah, in what they, if this,if this is true, obviously,
like within this battle take itwith a grain of salt.
They would show them theirfirst two fingers, as it's like
taunting of like we still haveour fingers.
We're gonna fuck you up.

Speaker 2 (30:40):
They're giving them the peace sign, but it's not
about peace Now.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
The French finally dragged themselves out of bed
and saw the English army readyfor battle.
They lined themselves up, butwe're still waiting for more
troops to join their ranks now,because what?
This is what happened.
So the morning that it came,henry got his troops up before
the sun came up and had themlined up, positioned the the
fucking.
Everything was set up ready forfucking battle.

(31:06):
And then the French get up andthey're like oh fuck, they're
ready.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
Yeah, because at the end of the day, couldn't he have
just like sent them while theFrench weren't ready?

Speaker 1 (31:13):
but it was more of a formal yeah it's not formal.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
And then we started doing guerrilla warfare, yeah
exactly which fucked all that up.
So the French army hadsignificant numbers right.
So 10,000 minute arms, alongwith approximately 4,000 to
5,000 other foot soldiers,including, like archers,
crossbowmen and shield bearers.
Each minute arms likely had anarmed servant known as a gross
ballet or a valet, potentiallyadding another, I don't know.

(31:39):
10,000 men, yeah, although somehistorians don't really include
them when counting combatantsand the reason they don't they
don't come at well, they kind ofcan.

Speaker 1 (31:48):
They're just there, yeah, like every night in Noble
person and all these fuckingsquire almost.
Yeah, exactly so like Game ofThrones.
What's her face?
The big night lady.

Speaker 2 (31:58):
Oh yeah, I know exactly who you're talking about
and his and his dude her dudethat like hung around because
they'll eventually become aknight.
Yes, he's the squire, she's theknight.
It's kind of a formality.
Exactly, they're called thegross ballet but it's like a
squire.

Speaker 1 (32:11):
Most people are familiar with that and nights
were fucking expensive back inthe day too.

Speaker 2 (32:16):
You think about how fucking expensive that suit of
armor was back then?

Speaker 1 (32:19):
Exactly Jesus Christ.
These fucking were rich.

Speaker 2 (32:21):
And they had thousands of them.
It's just wild.
So the French army wasorganized into two primary
groups right, a vanguardpositioned at the front, and a
main battle group followed,following like closely behind.
These groups mainly consistedof men at arms fighting on foot,
and were flanked by similartroops on each wing.
Additionally, there was anelite cavalry unit whose main
role was to disrupt theformation of the English archers

(32:43):
, clearing the war, clearing theway for the infantry to advance
.
Another smaller mounted forcewas tasked with attacking the
rear of the English army,including their baggage and
support staff.

Speaker 1 (32:54):
So baggage being like the English camp and all of
their yeah, all the wives andall the things that they just
list.
No, no, no.
They don't have wives andchildren, Just like their goods,
their valuables that theyplundered.

Speaker 2 (33:01):
I thought that that was kind of what they left back
at camp was usually like thetravelers they're not taking
women and children.
It's this is the army'scampaign into France.

Speaker 1 (33:09):
The women and kids are left home, the baggage and
support staff that's like.

Speaker 2 (33:13):
I guess I'd be thinking more of, like, the
cooking staff, the cooking staffthat they build the tents, they
take them down, they carry themalong.

Speaker 1 (33:18):
They're not fucking soldiers, they're not.
Yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah thatmakes sense.

Speaker 2 (33:23):
So many nobles insisted on taking their place
in the front lines which isinteresting when they believe
they could earn more glory andvaluable ransoms.
What a gamble.

Speaker 1 (33:31):
Well, is what that means is like, if I go up and I
kill 12 men and then everybodyelse kills 12 men, and then we
leave their knights still alive,who are valuable nobles, I can
ransom them back off to Englandfor 10,000 pounds.
Yeah, so it can change Eachkind of thing.
So this is what I'm talkingabout.
It's war is an economy.

(33:52):
That's interesting.

Speaker 2 (33:55):
Because to me I feel like the nobles would just hang
back.

Speaker 1 (33:58):
Oh no they're gung-ho about this because this is how
they keep their lands and it'shonor and it's glory, and it's
their household name and, likethe house of Lannister, will
come and kill you.

Speaker 2 (34:08):
Yeah, yeah, so like.
As a result of this, most ofthe men and arms were
concentrated in the front lines,leaving the other troops with
no room and thus positionedbehind.
Originally intended to be withthe infantry wings, the archers
and crossbowmen were now deemedunnecessary and placed behind
them instead.

Speaker 1 (34:25):
Yeah, because they?
Because the noblemen were likepushing front, because France
made the fuck up decision ofrecruiting all of these noblemen
, yeah, and the noblemen werelike, well, I want my place.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
What a fucking metaphor for saying that
politics don't fucking matter.
Yeah, that's so crazy, it's so.

Speaker 1 (34:42):
it just there was no leadership because there's too
many egotistical fucking nobles.

Speaker 2 (34:47):
Too many chiefs and not enough Indians.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
Exactly?
Is the saying yes, is thattimely, appropriate?

Speaker 2 (34:53):
I was just thinking the same thing and we're going
to leave it in the podcastbecause it was made out of pure
ignorance, but that saying isvery valuable.

Speaker 1 (35:01):
Here it's like there's too many leaders and not
enough people following thelead, yeah, yeah.
Now, due to space constraints,the French created a third
battle group called the rearguard, consisting of mounted
troops, primarily the valetsriding the horses belonging to
the foot soldiers in front.

Speaker 2 (35:17):
I like to say put the , the, the mounted troops in the
rear guard.
A lot of innurendos going on,if you know what I mean.
Sorry, innuendos, yeah.
Yeah, I see what you say, yeah.

Speaker 1 (35:31):
Now the vanguard and main battle of the French army
consisted of approximately 4800and 3000 minute arms
respectively.
These formed dense, tightlypacked formations with around 16
ranks, each positioned at adistance of about a bow shot
from one another.
So if you can about shot bowshot, so I would say like 150

(35:55):
yards.

Speaker 2 (35:55):
Yeah, a long bow can reach probably about 150.
Yeah, 100 to 150 yardsaccording to Skyrim.
So there we go, yeah.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
According to Skyrim.
That's where we're getting ourfacts.
They, they, they did theirresearch.
They did.
So I don't have to.
Each wing of the French armyhad 600 dismounted men and arms.
Now, men and arms are just likesoldiers, right, they're just
the soldiers.
Infantry, yeah, to scatter theenemy archers, a cavalry unit of
800 to 1200 elite men and armswere distributed evenly on both

(36:24):
sides of the vanguard, standingslightly ahead like horns.
Yeah, all guys on horses, yep.
Approximately 200 mounted menand arms were assigned to attack
the English rear because theywanted to encircle them and then
slaughter them.
They all about that booty,though the French seemed to lack
a clear plan for this, for therest of their forces and the

(36:44):
rear guard without a clearleader and appeared to be a
place for surplus troops.
They were just like I don'tknow, just go fucking do
something.
You go do something.
There was no organization.

Speaker 2 (36:54):
That's the group I'd want to be a part of the reason
why they didn't have anyorganization.

Speaker 1 (36:57):
The king of France at the time, he was going fucking
mad.
He was like losing his shit.

Speaker 2 (37:01):
He was not fit to actually rule, so he just didn't
have a plan in place.
Yeah, so the guy, I can'tremember his name.
There was not a clear chain ofcommand, exactly so the guy that
I set up at the top of theepisode.

Speaker 1 (37:10):
I can't remember his name now.
He fucking he was the one thatwas trying to run this, but then
too many nobles came in thatwas like almost too close of
equal power and rank to him orlike I don't even fucking need
to listen to you, I'm not goingto get in trouble if I don't
listen to you.
So it just caused all this likechaos and like the Frenchman
were like walking their horsesaround, like keeping them warm

(37:30):
and like just taking strolls andeating extra breakfast and all
this shit.
So they were just not focused onthis battle that was about to
happen.

Speaker 2 (37:39):
So the battleground played a crucial role in
determining the battle's outcomeRight.
It was a significant factorthat heavily favored the English
forces.
The field was recently plowedand surrounded by dense woods,
making it narrow, and mired inthick mud from the rain the
night before.
That's where that rain comesinto play.
These conditions put the FrenchKnights at a serious

(37:59):
disadvantage.

Speaker 1 (38:00):
Think about the fucking armor dude, you're,
you're sinking.
You're in quicksand.
At that point, on the morningof October 25th, king Henry and
his men lined up across the backend of the battlefield, trying
to show that he and his men wereready for battle, and actually,
more of looking like they wereexcited for the battle to come,
they were taunting them.
They were screaming out at theFrenchman, calling them all

(38:21):
sorts of names, telling themthat they're mother French.

Speaker 2 (38:23):
Yeah, they'd been up for three hours.
At this point they're wideawake.

Speaker 1 (38:26):
Now facing that formidable French army three
times their size, Henry and hisEnglish forces thought of a very
sneaky advantage that theFrench never anticipated.
See, the English knew that themuddy and waterlogged
battlefield would impede themobility of the French heavy
cavalry in the Knights.
So the English army's corestrength lay in its longbow

(38:47):
archers, so that Henry hadseveral hundred of them sneak
through the trees on the outsideof the battlefield to get into
firing distance of the FrenchKnights in the cavalry and wait
for his fucking signal.
Fucking smart yeah.
Fucking smart they had no ideathat this was coming.
They had no idea these guyswere there.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
Yeah.
So for the French, the Duke ofBrabant, Brabant, Andro and
Brittany were on their way, withadditional soldiers right.
So, like the French, they werewaiting for these reinforcements
.
This is where they were comingfrom.
The French believed thatthousands more would join them
if they held off on the fighting.
Their strategy was to blockHenry's retreat and patiently

(39:26):
wait, possibly even thinkingthat the English might flee,
upon realizing that they wouldbe facing many French nobles
right.

Speaker 1 (39:32):
The nobles are so noble.

Speaker 2 (39:34):
Yeah, noble is the word I would think of when I'm
thinking of a noble.
For the first three hours aftersunrise there was no combat.
It was a common belief inmilitary texts of the time that
in face-to-face encounters,those who stayed put and held
their ground often had theadvantage.
The French were willing to waitand they were confident that
reinforcements would arriveeventually.
They also had plenty ofprovisions to hold them over.

(39:55):
Henry's army, on the other hand, was tired from hunger, illness
and their retreat.
Henry's plan was to change hisarmy from a fleeing one to a
defensive force.
To do this, he had to abandonhis initial position, move
forward and reset the long,sharpened wooden stakes facing
the enemy.
After moving his troops up abit on the battlefield, henry

(40:17):
gave the signal to his longbowarchers and the battle began.
The English longbowmen began tovolley their arrows from the
trees, hitting and killing manyof the noble knights, men in
arms and their horses.

Speaker 1 (40:30):
The French were caught completely off guard and
began to panic, with no chain ofcommand and a panic ensuing
that's fucking bad news bearsCause you're looking at men that
are hundreds of yards downfieldfrom you and all of a sudden
you're getting volleyed withthousands of arrows.

Speaker 2 (40:47):
Those who were surviving that initial impact
are literally just like fuck.

Speaker 1 (40:51):
Somebody tell me what to do.
Somebody tell me what to do andno one would tell them what to
do In.
The French cavalry, althoughdisorganized and not at full
strength, attempted a chargeagainst the longbowmen.

Speaker 2 (41:03):
They just like we're like hey, frank, you ready to go
?
Frank's like fuck, yeah, I'mready to go.
Let's fucking go.
Let's just fucking hit him, bro.
And it's like seven of themJust charge Where's everybody
else I don't know.
Nobleman Frank over therewanted to fucking get his glory
on.

Speaker 1 (41:18):
Get his glory and get a couple fucking bucks.
Now.
This move proved fuckingdisastrous.
The front line of the Frencharmy moved forward to the charge
in the narrow confines of themuddy, rain-soaked plowed land.
The charge quickly reduced to astumbling walk, hindering the
floundering men and horses shotdown by the archers.

Speaker 2 (41:40):
Yeah, cause they're getting knocked down.
Right, the ones that aregetting knocked down, just lay
on the ground and theneverybody's fucking tripping
over them.

Speaker 1 (41:46):
Yeah and horses are getting fucking hit and they're
going crazy.
It's chaos.
It's so chaos.
The horses couldn't outflankthe longbowmen due to
surrounding woods, and theycouldn't charge through the rows
of sharp stakes that shieldedthe archers.
The primary impact of thelongbows at this moment was
causing injuries to the horses.
Since the horses were armoredonly on their heads, many of

(42:06):
them became difficult to controlwhen struck in the back or the
side, so an arrow would hit andstrike into the horse's side or
the back, and the horse wouldlose his shit and just fucking
start stamping it away.

Speaker 2 (42:17):
Yeah, like I get it's cheaper to just do the helmets,
but like did you not thinkahead a little?

Speaker 1 (42:21):
bit.
It's very difficult to armor ahorse.

Speaker 2 (42:25):
Yeah, I mean they have horse armor, though there
is a.
There is blueprints for theshit.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
Yes, Now the mounted charge and the subsequent
retreat, added to the alreadymuddy and challenging terrain
between the French and Englishforces.
This chaos led to panic amongthe wounded and frightened
horses which galloped throughthe advancing infantry,
scattering and trampling them asthey desperately fled from the
battlefield away from theEnglish.

(42:50):
I laugh, but that's horrifying,oh my God.
I'm just thinking of this chaos,like fucking horses are
dragging knights on the side ofthem like by the boot and
they're dead with an arrow stuckin their eye.
And the horse is fleeing witharrows stuck in it and just
dying and running through peoplethat are just like trying to
kill the horse because they'rekilling people.
Yeah, like it had to have beennightmarish 110,000% fucking

(43:11):
scary.

Speaker 2 (43:12):
So the French cavalry got cut to pieces by all these
fucking arrows.
Injured horses were runningaround widely, which just added
to the chaos when the so whenthe heavily armed French knights
tried to walk through the muddyground, they were shot and
slaughtered at point blank range, falling dead on top of the
bodies of other French knights.
It was just like this wall ofarmor.

(43:32):
Essentially it's like another.
It's like another fuckingrampart, another battle meant to
overcome for the French.

Speaker 1 (43:39):
Oh yeah, it's another .
It's another defense for thefucking English.
Now.
The sturdy plate armor, worn bythe Frenchman at arms, allowed
them to advance about 500 yardstowards the English lines,
despite being subjected to whatthe French monk of Saint Denis,
michael Pintoin, vividlydescribed as a terrifying hail

(44:01):
of arrow shot.

Speaker 2 (44:02):
Yeah, yeah, that's putting it fucking lightly too.
I mean just it's, it's constantwhen you say advance, it's like
, yeah, 10% of thosemotherfuckers made it past to
this point.
It is.

Speaker 1 (44:15):
And think of just being.
You're trying to advancetowards the army down there.
You're getting bombarded byarrows on the side and then, the
closer you get, the more longbow arrows are starting to
fucking shower you, becausethey're aiming at the ones in
the front, they're not aiming atthe ones in the back.
It is so nuts.
So complete plate armor wasseen as highly protective, to
the point that shields weretypically not used.

(44:35):
However, it has even beensuggested that the leading
elements of the French forceswielded axe and shields.
Ok, yeah, so they did have somethings to try and protect them,
but this was imagined.

Speaker 2 (44:48):
How tiring this is I mean, yeah, I was going to say I
look at it like more of astamina thing.
Like if you're wearing an entiresuit of armor.
That's enough, you know.
And if you can't protectyourself with your fucking
forearm covered in plate armor,then you don't deserve to live.
You know, like it's kind of howthey had to look at it because
arming them with that suit ofarmor was super expensive.
At arming all of them with axes, swords, shields, that had been

(45:11):
a plethora of other money.
So some of them had these axesand shields, but a lot of them
just kind of had the armor.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
Yeah, yeah, and a sword or whatever.
So we'll talk about, like, thearmor right here actually.

Speaker 2 (45:22):
So historians today kind of have varying opinions on
how effective the long bowswere against the plate armor of
that era.
Right so modern tests andhistorical accounts indicate
that arrows couldn't penetratehigh quality steel armor which
had become accessible to knightsand men at arms by the mid 14th
century.
They could potentially piercethe lower quality wrought iron
armor.
Some suggest that the long bowcould penetrate a wrought iron

(45:46):
breastplate at close range andeven penetrate the thinner armor
on the limbs at a distance of220 yards, which is a long
fucking way Skyrim was wrong.
Now it's generally agreed that aknight in top quality steel
armor would be impervious toarrow striking the breastplate
or the top of the helmet, butvulnerable to shots hitting the

(46:06):
limbs, particularly at closerange.
It's interesting, though,because it's like there's a lot
of seams in that armor.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (46:13):
Like, when I say seams, I mean joints
specifically like the uh, that'swhat they're saying.
It's like it'll enter thosekinds of areas and it's like if
you're getting shot at bythousands of arrows the chances
are going way up way up, thatyou're going to get hit
somewhere in a depot, adebilitating way, not a life
threatening way maybe.
But maybe the eyes True, theeyes.

Speaker 1 (46:31):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
But like the, the, if you get hit in the, in the, in
the niche of the elbow or theback of the knee or something
like that, you're not going todie right away, but you are
going to trample and then you'regoing to get trampled by your
men.
And then you're going to die.
Yeah, you know it's.
It's like a slow, painfulfucking death instead.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
Fucking bull, oh God.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
It just says like your armor slowly bending in and
suffocating you because of theweight of other armor on top of
you and the mud.
It's like being inside of a ofa fucking can, inside of a can
crusher, but like slow motion.

Speaker 1 (47:01):
We're going to talk about that here in a little bit
more.
To shield.
To shield themselves as much aspossible from the arrows, the
French had to lower their visorsand tilt their helmets forward
to prevent arrow strikes to theface, since the eye and air
holes in their helmet were someof the weakest points in the arm
.

Speaker 2 (47:21):
Yeah, I'd be looking down too.
Oh, yeah, I'd be looking downtoo.
I'd be looking down until Icould see their feet.

Speaker 1 (47:27):
Oh yeah, that's fucking loop.
Yeah Now, this head downposture restricted their
breathing and vision.
After that they had to march.
After that they had to march afew hundred yards through the
muck with a mass of Frenchmen,so just like a bunch of fucking
dudes trying to get there first.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
Yeah, it's like you're at the front of a fucking
concert crowd against the rail.
It's a fucking yeah, yeah,you're getting crushed.

Speaker 1 (47:51):
Yeah, they're picking each other out of the way and
into the mud, while beingweighed down by armor that often
exceeded 50 to 60 pounds,picking up wet and sticky clay
on their boots along the way,just like every step is getting
heavier and heavier andfurthermore, furthermore, they

(48:13):
had to maneuver around or stepover the fallen men in front of
them, just making it that muchfucking harder.
Oh my god, yeah Like this isjust in fucking insanity and you
can't turn around becauseeverybody's still going forward.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:26):
You can't return around.

Speaker 1 (48:27):
If you stop, you just fucking so you're just getting
shoved to your death.
Yeah, one way if you stop,you're getting pushed over and
trampled and killed, and if youkeep going, you're going to get
killed by the yeah, yeah, andwhen you say 50 to 60 pounds,
like that's putting it lightly,because the average was 50 to 60
pounds.

Speaker 2 (48:43):
But there are records and I know this just from my
own knowledge that there arerecords of these knights, armors
weighing up Upwards of 150fucking pounds.
It's just nice.

Speaker 1 (48:51):
These are obviously the bigger guys, the big guys
that are doing that.
But it's mountain guys from thegame of thrones.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 (48:58):
But it's like it's still even even on the low end
of that a hundred pounds.
Think about walking throughthis shit in a hundred pound
armor, like, yes, it'sprotecting you, but it's also
debilitating you in such a crazyway yeah.

Speaker 1 (49:10):
So, the it's just.
It's just fucking nuts.
It is and you're really like,really put it into perspective.

Speaker 2 (49:15):
We're only like 200 years out and this shit, and now
I have today.

Speaker 1 (49:19):
Yeah, now we know drones and fucking all this shit
in the sky and 200 years ago,that's what we were doing, more
than 200 years ago.

Speaker 2 (49:26):
Hundred fifty hundred years ago, yeah war is gonna be
fought by robots by by 2050,and that's just fact.
The Frenchman at arms whosurvived reached the front of
the English line, pushing itback, while the long bowman on
the flanks continued To shoot atclose range.
Now, these long bowmen I'massuming are the French long
bowmen that you're talking abouthere, or are you talking about
no?
No, no, these are the Englishone.

(49:47):
Yeah, they're there.
Okay, I'm fine.

Speaker 1 (49:48):
So you have the ones the ones that were on the side
have now retreated back into themain formation, because they're
starting to get picked off andyeah, there's too many men that
are trying to get out of thetargets.
Yeah, so they're.
They've already retreated back.
These are the guys that are onthe sides and in the in the tree
line and Also on the frontlines and behind the infantry

(50:09):
men of the English line, juststarting to fucking rampage
these guys with.

Speaker 2 (50:14):
They're in fighter flight mode, right yeah, you
gotta think about itpsychologically Like.
The Frenchmen have a whole lotmore going on in their brain
right now than the oh yeah, theEnglishmen are now like thank
god, we're not fucking hung overtoday.
Yeah, they're like okay, Iunderstand the somber thing.
Yeah, I fucking get it now.
Yeah, so when the archers in thefront of the English line ran

(50:35):
out of arrows and this is kindof cool, uh-huh they would drop
their bows, of course, and theywould turn to their, to their
hatchets, their swords andspecifically their mallets that
they used to drive their stakesin, like those defensive stakes,
those defensive wooden stakesand stuff, and and in turn they
would slaughter the nowdisordered, fatigued and wounded

(50:56):
Frenchmen and arms who stoodbefore them with their fucking
mallets and these guys are juststuck in the fucking mud yeah,
it's like, and they're justpicking them off.

Speaker 1 (51:04):
You're just beating in a fucking tin can really like
it might take a lot of effortbut you can get it done, because
they can't move.

Speaker 2 (51:10):
Oh God, I just would hate to fucking be alive right
now, at this point.

Speaker 1 (51:15):
Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (51:17):
So the French?
They couldn't really cope withthe thousands of lightly armored
, long bowman assailants whowere much less encumbered by the
mud and weight of their armor.
Combined with the Englishmen atarms right, they literally just
couldn't cope.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
So they're fucking tired, they're wearing 80 pounds
worth of armor.
They were tired like 500fucking yards.
Yeah, they were tired fromdoing a small suicide sprint
essentially.

Speaker 2 (51:40):
It's like asking a basketball team to run suicides
at the beginning of practice andthen wonder why they can't do
their layups at the end.
So the effect of thousands ofarrows, along with the grueling
march in heavy armor through themud, the heat and Breathing
difficulties, enclosed visor,plate armor and the crowded

(52:00):
conditions kind of meant theFrenchmen and arms could
basically Hardly lift theirweapons.
When they finally engaged theEnglish line, the exhausted
French soldiers couldn't getback on their feet after being
knocked to the ground by theEnglish and not just by the
English people being Fuckingpeople buying by being knocked
to their feet by the English.
Strategy, because I feel likeall of this was playing through

(52:22):
the English's heads.
They knew that this shit wasgonna happen.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
I don't think that they totally knew right out of
the gate.
I think that they were hopingthey were kind of hoping and
there was an idea that Henry hadand it played into his hands.
Fucking played into all of asudden he's just like.
This is working amazingly.

Speaker 2 (52:37):
Yeah, and it's fucking was and it fucking was
as the melee unfolded.

Speaker 1 (52:42):
The second line, the French army, also joined into
the attack, but the narrowterrain prevented the additional
numbers from being effectivelyutilized.
Yeah, historians suggest thatthose at the back of the deep
French formation might have beentrying to push forward to aid
the advance, not realizing thatthey were impeding the
maneuverability and fightingabilities of those at the front

(53:04):
by pushing them into the Englishformation of lances.

Speaker 2 (53:08):
This is where a chain of command would have been
fucking awesome.
Would have been great.

Speaker 1 (53:12):
Yeah, somebody on a hill just kind of waving like oh
don't go it takes you back tothe Travis Scott concert.

Speaker 2 (53:17):
What?

Speaker 1 (53:17):
is the crowd.

Speaker 2 (53:18):
You know what is a crowd, do you know?

Speaker 1 (53:20):
It's this exact thing now.
After the initial wave, theFrench would have had to battle
over and on top of the fallensoldiers Before them.
So you just fucking climbingover a mountain of bodies and
that might be your fucking buddy.

Speaker 2 (53:34):
That's something that we don't really talk about, but
like that's your friend, youmight know that you know you
might think that's your homey.
You know what I mean.
Like that's your homies creston his goddamn armor and you're
like.
I just talked to him 20 minutesago.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
And also think of, like the, the minute, arms, and
you're seeing these nobles, likeyou're crawling over noble
bodies.

Speaker 2 (53:50):
That's your leader and that's your guy.

Speaker 1 (53:52):
That's the guy who's supposed to be badass.
That's the guy who came herefor glory.
Yeah, that's the guy?

Speaker 2 (53:56):
who's the guy that we followed in the battle he?

Speaker 1 (53:58):
has enough money to train on the daily and he is
fucking dead and dead isClimbing over the guys in the
most like Unhonorable way, justlaying in the muck, trampled
with footsteps on you, oh yeahlike now, in such a tightly
packed mess of Thousands of men,many Frenchmen trapped in the
mud, covered in their expensiveshiny armor, suffocated or

(54:22):
drowned in the mud a scenariothat was described by various
sources and known to haveoccurred in other battles
drowning In mud and peep.
Thousands of men are justtrampling over you, just like
you said, just like your armoris just getting crushed and
you're getting crushed inside ofthis.

Speaker 2 (54:38):
It's just getting worse and worse by the second,
because as soon as you fall,that's the new line.

Speaker 1 (54:42):
Here's here's how to describe this when the Hulk beat
up Iron man and the suitstarted crushing in on Tony
Stark, yeah, okay, and shouldhave known that was gonna happen
, facing Anyway and this is likenot that kind of fucking armor
that I told you Star-Cost, andit's just crushing you.

(55:02):
And then you just had thefucking mud filling up your
helmet and you can't get up.
You can't move.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
You ever put a helmet on that's too small for you.
Yeah, it's just like that.
Yeah, it hurts and you can feelevery single point of where
that's crushing in on you.
That's happening around yourentire body.

Speaker 1 (55:19):
Yeah, that's scary.
And there's people next to youjust and you're in the mud.
You can't hear anything anymore.
You just feel this cook.

Speaker 2 (55:26):
All you can hear is is the clutter of metal being
piled on top of you and just andpeople screaming and you're
drowning in blood, and mud andfucking Jesus Christ again.

Speaker 1 (55:36):
This is the best time to be alive right now, right
now.
Right now, right now, cuz it'sa day's age, at least we get a
bullet to the dome and we'redone.

Speaker 2 (55:45):
Yeah, right, like we're not suffocating in mud.
Yeah, underneath Mountains ofour own men, it's fucking insane
.
So the French men at armseither became prisoners or
perished in the thousandsThousands.
The battle endured forapproximately three hours,
during which Henry fought inhand-to-hand combat that ass
mother hours.

Speaker 1 (56:05):
Thousands.
In three hours it's over sixthousand.

Speaker 2 (56:10):
Grim was happy that day, man.
Yeah, I'm was happy that Green.

Speaker 1 (56:13):
Reaper was fucking plucking him.

Speaker 2 (56:15):
He was chilling.

Speaker 1 (56:16):
What's up?
Yo take, take, come on, come,come to daddy.

Speaker 2 (56:19):
I'm trying to reach you about your life's extended
warranty turns out to run out.
Okay, so you're coming with mecoming with me today.
Yes, I don't know why he'sIndian but he is.
But now he is yeah.

Speaker 1 (56:29):
I like him better.
I like him better.

Speaker 2 (56:32):
That makes it so much better, like if I die and I
have somebody walk up to me.
He's like hello, thank you forcalling heaven.
We're unable to take your car.
It looks like you're going tohell.
I'm gonna be like okay.

Speaker 1 (56:43):
Reaper's just like hello.
We are going to help today.

Speaker 2 (56:45):
Yes, we're going to other fucker.
Please keep your hands and feetinside the vehicle at all times
.

Speaker 1 (56:49):
Please Tell me, do we have Indian food?

Speaker 2 (56:51):
I'm a way down there.
I'm looking.
If we did that would be fire,that would be.
So I'd be.
So it's the line to help.
Wow, wow, I was borderlinecultural appropriation, but it
was all compliments and I hopethey're happy with it, okay like
I fucking fuck with it.
Dude, it is so good.

Speaker 1 (57:11):
It's so good If that's what I got to eat on the
way to hell.
I'm happy I lose five poundsevery time by shitting my pants
and losing all the water weightin my body.

Speaker 2 (57:17):
You shit your pants off and you do, I do.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
Awesome, it's a regular.
I wear diapers.

Speaker 2 (57:21):
That's really cool.
That's that's an interestingpain point that you're talking
about there.
The battle endured forapproximately three hours,
during which Henry fought inhand-to-hand combat.
That's where you cut me off.
Upon learning that his youngestbrother, humphrey, duke of
Glaucastar, had been wounded,henry took guard and protected
his brother, positioned at thefront lines of the fighting,

(57:43):
until Humphrey could be safelymoved.
That's awesome.
I do the same shit for you, bro.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (57:48):
He got like, stabbed like right around the growing
area.
I don't think he lost to takeor anything but that's good down
.
He wasn't able to fight.
Yeah, he's fucking Henry justcame out.
He was like oh, fight for you,brother.
I fucking started.
Not like bro, he wasdecapitating fucking nobles.
Yeah, as I would do for you.

Speaker 2 (58:03):
I want everybody to know.
Cooper is much bigger than me.
He has MMA experience.
This is the man, the myth, thelegend, cooper Hogue Okay,
cooper Elliott.
Over here now I'm me, and if Iwas in battle and I went down, I
know for a fucking fact Cooperwould be doing this shit.
And that's sick Dude.
Just picturing Henry going toblows for his brother like that.
He has earned a lot of pointsfor me already.

(58:25):
But he earned more, just rightthere.
I love the brotherly bond man.
I do fucking badass.
I'm a sucker for it so Henryactually Interred an axe blow to
the head, yeah which dislodgeda piece of the crown that was
attached to his helmet.

Speaker 1 (58:42):
The funny part about his helmet was he was wearing it
as like a gimmick to taunt theFrenchman.
Yeah, it was like it ended upsaving his fucking life shiny
fucking gold crown, kind of likeAlexander the Great War, this
like big ol red fuckingfeathered.

Speaker 2 (58:56):
Helmet, very much so I am who I am.
Yeah, fuck with me, fuck withme.

Speaker 1 (58:59):
I own this.
I will I will air to this landgo ahead and try.

Speaker 2 (59:03):
Yeah Is what he's like fucking do it.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
And he took a fucking axe blow to the head which
dislodged a fucking.

Speaker 2 (59:08):
So whoever, gave him that explode to credit to them,
because they saw that and theywere like I'm gonna fucking take
your head off.
Exactly yeah, they probably gotbeheaded because they were
trying to fuck with his littlebrother, you know just yeah, a
little bit.
The only French achievementduring the battle was an assault
on the lightly guarded Englishbaggage train in the English
camp, led by Cooper, zimbabweDiaz and Quirk.

(59:30):
That was good, he was a localnight and it was also, you know,
with a small group of men atarms valets, which are the
squires and, along with you know, approximately 600 peasants,
that they had a lot of people.
Yeah, a lot of people a lot ofpeople there, especially the 600
peasants.

Speaker 1 (59:46):
Look, every noble had a number of peasants that were
just chilling yeah his peasantsloved and lived in noble's lands
and they were each paid likethree shillings for fucking,
participating in this fuckingyeah, and shit like that.

Speaker 2 (59:58):
Yeah, so with all of these people, they did manage to
like capture some of Henry'spersonal treasures, which
included a spare crown.

Speaker 1 (01:00:04):
Yeah, he was just like I got one on reserve, bra,
yeah, well, hey, if you're gonnacome on, anything might as well
be the spare.
You want something to say, bro?

Speaker 2 (01:00:11):
Come on me, bro.
Bloody hell, don't fuck with mylittle brother.
Now in some versions of thisstory.
This attack occurred near theend of the battle and caused the
English to believe they werebeing attacked from the rear,
which is kind of were, but yeahbut this is this is small force.

Speaker 1 (01:00:26):
This is not good for the captured French.
Yeah, it's not good, because,regardless of the timing of the
attack on the baggage train, atsome point after the initial
English victory, because at thispoint, oh no.

Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
I see where this is going.
I see this is going.

Speaker 1 (01:00:38):
This was a decided victory, like the English were
like we fucking won and theFrench were like they fucking
won.
But this baggage train hadhappened and they're like, oh,
these fuckers are coming in fromthe rear.
So Henry grew concerned thatthey were regrouping for another
assault.
Now this occurred after theEnglish had overcome the French.
Men at arms and the tiredEnglish soldiers were watching

(01:00:59):
the French rear guard, which wasdescribed as incomparably
numerous and still fresh,because they're all still on the
other side of battle.

Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
It's amazing what perception like if the French
had known that they had thisperception of them exactly might
have been different, but theydidn't know that.
They just saw their thousandsand thousands of men.
It's going down what theEnglish saw was we just killed
thousands of their men and theystill have more.

Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
Yeah, that's what the English captured, like
thousands of their men too.
Yeah so Le ferreur, le ferreur,le ferreur, and a war of it
wavering.
No, you did really good withthat.
I think you're right.

Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
No, I think you're right.

Speaker 1 (01:01:36):
Those guys, those were the two scribes at the
battle.
They were the ones like sittingon a tree, like writing down
what was going on.

Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
If I could have a job in a war back then, it'd be
described no one fucks with thisguy.

Speaker 1 (01:01:47):
Who's gonna kill the scribe.
No one fucks with the scribe.

Speaker 2 (01:01:50):
An asshole is gonna kill the scribe.

Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
So they similarly report that it was the signs of
the French rearguardreorganizing and, quote unquote,
marching forward in battleformation that led the English
to believe that they were stillunder threat, which was probably
just like they were trying toorganize up top of like.
Should we go, should we not?

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
go like and, to be fair, if they had allowed the
French to organize, could havewell, yeah, so is what happened?

Speaker 1 (01:02:19):
was Henry, at this point, sent a dude over there
and was like we just captured Xamount of people and we killed
everyone?
Else, hey guys, hey yeah wefucking won, so either like
y'all want to stop.
Yeah, it's either give up orwe're gonna come and fucking
kill you.
Yeah, and at this point theyall fucking dispersed, but in

(01:02:40):
between, this time as a result,a massacre of the French
prisoners ensued.
Yeah, it appears that this wasthey didn't want to have
reinforcements.
Yeah, exactly.
So it appears that this wassolely Henry's decision, since
the English Knights found it tobe against Chivalry and their
own interests to kill valuablehostages, who were typically

(01:03:00):
held for ransom absolutely andit was yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:03:03):
But so Henry, even Henry was thinking yeah, exactly
Henry, even we like.

Speaker 1 (01:03:07):
As far as threatening to hang those who didn't follow
his orders at this point, he'slike I'm gonna fuck you up if
you don't do this, because we'reabout to fucking die if you
don't do this, just in case.
So in this case, in Whatevercase it is, henry ordered the
slaughter of what might havebeen several thousand French
prisoners, sparing only those ofthe highest rank who were more

(01:03:28):
likely to fetch a substantialransom under the chivalric rules
of warfare.

Speaker 2 (01:03:33):
I can't blame them, dude, I really can't know it's
like self in his shoes, Iprobably would have done the
same shit.

Speaker 1 (01:03:38):
Yeah, absolutely because which sucks, but like
and so most historians do agreewith Henry's decision.
They're like yeah, we fuckingget this because it's a very
valid concern, and you couldhave been wiped out.
Because the concern was thatthe prisoners, who, rather
unusually, outnumbered theircaptors and they?

Speaker 2 (01:03:54):
yeah, they just weren't armed and we were our.

Speaker 1 (01:03:57):
Well, that's like they could realize that there
were numerous, like the numericadvantage of like oh, there's a
fuckload of French still up onthe hill.
Yeah, they could come down andhelp us out and they could rearm
themselves on the battlefield.

Speaker 2 (01:04:08):
Could have changed the whole time.

Speaker 1 (01:04:09):
There's so many dead fucking people, so many weapons
just laying around and fucking,potentially overwhelm the
exhausted English forces theFrench very well, could have
taken advantage of this chaosand Overwhelmed the English.
Yeah, they still had thenumbers even after this battle,
they still had the numbers andjust like you said, ian, it's a
battle of perception, mm-hmm.
And the French didn't realizeit.

(01:04:29):
Yeah, and Henry fucking knewthat for a fact.

Speaker 2 (01:04:32):
Henry knew.
Henry knew both Perceptions,understood what was happening
and was like oh, they feel good,mm-hmm, like they could feel
good if they look at this thisway.
You know what I mean.
And if they feel good, that'sbad for us.
Yeah uh-huh.
Dude.
I Side note I really want tolook into, like, the psychology
of of some of these kinds ofbattles because, like it's

(01:04:56):
fascinating psychology hasalways been fascinating to me.
Sure, thinking of the, thepsychology going through Henry's
head, going through theseFrench soldiers head, think,
going through the Englishsoldiers head, there's so many
different, conflicting thingshappening at once that this
outcome was the only thing thatwas ever gonna happen.
Oh yeah, it could have been sodifferent.

Speaker 1 (01:05:12):
Oh yeah, psychology was different if it didn't rain,
if the fields haven't beenplowed the night before, the the
weeks before, well, blame God,it was the rain.
Well, honestly, henry goes andthanks God after this fucking
victory.

Speaker 2 (01:05:25):
Of course he does.
It's always God.
It's always God.

Speaker 1 (01:05:27):
Let's a 1400.

Speaker 2 (01:05:28):
Henry lost a couple points that they didn't have a
lot of.
The earth is flat now.
The French experienced aDevastating defeat, with
approximately 6000 othersoldiers killed in the battle.
The list of casualties includednumerous Influential military
and political figures of theprevious generation, which is,

(01:05:48):
back then, fucking big deal theshit we're about to go through
is just insane.

Speaker 1 (01:05:53):
It fucked up France for a while.

Speaker 2 (01:05:54):
Yeah, because they put all their eggs in one
fucking basket, so they reallydid.
Now, among the fallen were 90to 120 great lords and Ben Arets
, including three dukes, ninecounts and one viscount, as well
as my scout, sorry and one vicecount, as well as an archbishop
.
France lost key royal officeholders such as the constable,

(01:06:17):
an admiral, the master ofCrossbowmen and his three sons,
the master of the royalhousehold and the Provo of the
marshals, these all have namesattached to them, but no one's
gonna know who these fuckingnames.
Yeah, we don't, we don't need togo into that, but essentially
what happened was France put alltheir eggs in this basket.
They sent these people to thisbattle.

(01:06:37):
All of these people died and inFrance was so confident in
their ability to win this battlethey were like, oh, we'll be
fine, yeah.
But then when they realizedthey fucking lost all of they.
Had key points, like it's likeyou took out all of California
in Florida's and Texas and andIdaho's senators.

Speaker 1 (01:06:54):
The reason why there's so many nobles is
because the king himself ofFrance was unfit.
He's looking so if you took outthe king of England.
You have now this Potential tohave a mass amount of people
behind you.
Yeah to fucking fight for thecrown.
Yeah, of France.

Speaker 2 (01:07:14):
Yeah, just huge.
Yeah, so you have all thesefucking people that come in and
that are after this shit, and sothat's what anybody who's after
this shit is already in a keypoint of office or a key point
of position that is invaluableto the French System and they
all die.
God man.
Now, according to the heralds,3,069 knights and squires were

(01:07:39):
killed poor squires, I know andan additional 2,600 unidentified
corpses were discovered.
Entire noble families werewiped out and in some areas, an
entire generation of nobilitymet their end.
The bailiffs of nine majornorthern towns also perished,
often along with their sons,relatives and supporters.

(01:08:00):
And the words of historianJuliette Barker, the battle
caused significant loss amongthe natural leaders of French
society in Artois.

Speaker 1 (01:08:10):
Artois yeah, artois.

Speaker 2 (01:08:12):
Pante, Normandy and Picardie.
So they lost big naturalleaders in these big French
cities, right.

Speaker 1 (01:08:20):
Factions of France.

Speaker 2 (01:08:22):
Yeah, yeah, yeah not cities, but France.
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
Now, estimates of the number ofprisoners vary from like 700 to
2200, including notable figureslike the Duke of Orleans and
Bourbon, the counts of Yves.
Why did you give this part?

Speaker 1 (01:08:37):
to me Because I wanted to hear you, jesus,
fucking.

Speaker 2 (01:08:39):
Christ, I'm just going to send it and then I'm
going to send it yeah estimatesof the number of prisoners vary
from like 700 to 2200.
And this included notablefigures like the Duke of Orleans
and Bourbon, the counts of Yvesand Dom Richemont brother,
which was the brother of theDuke Brittany, and stepbrother
of Henry V yeah his own fuckingstepbrother died.

(01:08:59):
Yeah, and Harcourt, as well asMarshal Jean-Lemagne, all
prominent figures in laterstages of the Hundred Years War.

Speaker 1 (01:09:06):
Yeah, go read the book Hundred Years War and
you'll get it.
I didn't read it, but there'slike a lot of pages in that one.

Speaker 2 (01:09:11):
I probably butchered all of those names, so you're
welcome Pronounce them on yourown, you know, pronounce them on
your own.

Speaker 1 (01:09:18):
We know that at least 112 Englishmen were killed in
that battle with Monastrette aFrench chronicler reporting 600
English fatalities.
Jean de Waverne.
Waverne, a knight on the Frenchside, wrote that English
fatalities numbered 1600 men ofall ranks.

(01:09:40):
But the number, the commonnumber that I keep finding is
600 men out of King Henry's armydied.

Speaker 2 (01:09:45):
That's so fucking crazy.
That's only 6, the 10% of themdied.
And when you look at the Frenchfatalities, yeah now, oh yeah,
they go off.

Speaker 1 (01:09:58):
Although the victory was a significant military
triumph, its consequences weremultifaceted.
It did not immediately resultin further English territorial
gains, as Henry's primaryobjective was to return to
England because, remember, hehad conquered that one town in
the very beginning.
He wanted to head north and gotdiverted because the French
army was there, and so theytraveled way further than

(01:10:19):
originally planned, right.

Speaker 2 (01:10:20):
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:10:21):
And then they wanted to get to Calais because they
just wanted to get there.
It was a safe city and theycould head back and then regroup
and then come back because helost so many men because of
dysentery.

Speaker 2 (01:10:29):
So I came over with 12,000 and you lost half of them
.
Could you say that they wereshitting bricks?
They were definitely shittingbricks.

Speaker 1 (01:10:37):
So he did end up getting to England on November
16th, to a triumphant welcome inLondon on the 23rd.
Henry returned as a victorioushero seen as divinely favored in
the eyes of his subjects andthe European powers beyond

(01:10:57):
France.
The battle solidified thelegitimacy of the Lancastrian
monarchy and paved the way forHenry's future campaigns to
assert his rights and privilegesin France.

Speaker 2 (01:11:10):
Lancastrian monarchy is.
Is that what the Lancastr's andGame of Thrones are kind of
named after?
I think, so yeah, this wholesituation.

Speaker 1 (01:11:18):
I think, so I didn't look into it.
I have no idea.
No, that's totally fair.

Speaker 2 (01:11:20):
That's totally fair and it's definitely a pop
culture reference.
So it's not that important forthe podcast, but that's
interesting because I'm going tolook into that, because I'm
actually curious, but anyway.
So other benefits for theEnglish unfolded in the long
term.
Shortly after the battle, thefragile truce between the
Arminiak and the Burgundianfactions quickly disintegrated.

Speaker 1 (01:11:39):
This is within, yeah, this is this is within France
these two groups.

Speaker 2 (01:11:43):
Yeah, and we haven't talked about that, but they are
just two groups.
These are just repercussions ofthis battle.
So the Arminiaks bore the bruntof the battle's consequences,
suffering the majority of seniorcasualties and bearing the
blame for the you know theoverall defeat.
The Burgundians seized theopportunity and, within 10 days
of the battle, mobilized theirarmies and advanced on fucking

(01:12:05):
Paris, which is they basically,with this battle caused civil
war.

Speaker 1 (01:12:10):
Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:12:11):
Now this division within France allowed Henry a
year and a half to preparemilitarily and politically for
another campaign.
When that campaign eventuallytook place, it was facilitated
by the damage inflicted on thepolitical and military
structures of Normandy by theBattle of Agencourt.
Because, remember, we are notwe, I'm not English, but they

(01:12:31):
fucked their shit up?

Speaker 1 (01:12:33):
Yeah, they did.
Now, in 1420, the Treaty ofTroy's was signed, recognizing
Henry V as the regent and heirto the French throne.

Speaker 2 (01:12:42):
It was, it was, it was, you know, witnessed by Brad
Pitt from Troy.
No, it's not the same.
Oh sorry, sorry, sorry, sorryTroy's.

Speaker 1 (01:12:52):
TROYES.
The treaty also arraigned forhis marriage to Catherine of
Aloys, the daughter of KingCharles VI of France, with the
aim of uniting the English andFrench crowns.
Despite continued militarysuccess, Henry V fell ill and
died in 1422 at the age of 35.

Speaker 2 (01:13:15):
You only got a few years.
Oh, my God, you need to conquera nation, get this, get this
his infant son.

Speaker 1 (01:13:20):
Henry VI infant son succeeded him as king of both
England and France.

Speaker 2 (01:13:27):
I love history.
I can't wait till we get like300 years out of line and they
look back at us and they're likewhat the fuck?
Oh, I mean, it's just becausewe look at these guys and we're
like a baby was the king.
That's crazy.
I can only imagine what they'rethinking 300 years in the
future about us.
You know they've let a cheetobecome president.
We don't do it often, but thatwas nice.

(01:13:49):
That was nice.

Speaker 1 (01:13:51):
The Hundred Years War continued after Henry's death,
characterized by varying degreesof success for the English.
The conflict persisted forseveral decades, featuring
intermittent truces and renewedhostilities.
The war would finally come toan end in 1453 with the French
victory at the Battle ofCastillon.

(01:14:13):
That's a big one We'lleventually cover that one
Marking the conclusion ofEnglish territorial ambitions in
France, and they retained onlythe region of Calais.
Wow, mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (01:14:26):
The Battle of Agencourt, with its decisive
English victory, had a profoundand lasting impact on the
Hundred Years War, which is huge.
It elevated Henry V's statusand contributed to the
consolidation of La Castrianrule in England.
The Treaty of Troy sought tounite the English and French
crowns but perpetuated theconflict.

(01:14:47):
Henry V's untimely death andthe complexities of the ongoing
war shaped its later stages.
Ultimately, the Battle ofCastillon in 1453 marked the end
of the Hundred Years War andbrought the territorial
ambitions of England and Franceto a close.
Agencourt remains a crucialhistorical event, influencing

(01:15:10):
the course of English and Frenchhistory and diplomacy for years
to come.

Speaker 1 (01:15:16):
And that's the Battle of Agencourt Bruh.

Speaker 2 (01:15:19):
That's crazy.
Like I read the script, Don'tget me wrong, I read the script
but actually, saying it out loud, it really opens up this whole
dialogue of how fucking insanehistory is History in general,
but it had to be this specificfucking battle.
Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:15:36):
Like this was just Dude.
There are thousands, hundredsof thousands of these types of
battles that happen.

Speaker 2 (01:15:42):
Oh yeah, this one just happened to have dire
consequences for the French andEnglish.

Speaker 1 (01:15:46):
eventually, it's just the fucking, the bravery, the
fear that these men had to feel.

Speaker 2 (01:15:54):
Nobody would do that.
Now, I mean not here not inAmerica, not in.
Like I think there are peoplethat would do it, yes, faced
with it, but nobody has in theirbrain that this is even a
possibility Having to face anarmy that has thousands more men
and fucking, just absolutelyfuck them up in a way that

(01:16:14):
nobody thought possible.
It's so astounding to me thefact that this was even a thing
that they could have done andthey did it.
Not only did they do it, butthey capitalized on it and it
helped them throughout thecourse of this hundred years war
and stuff like that.
I mean, it's just fascinatingto me the psychology of being
there.
Yeah, it's so crazy.

Speaker 1 (01:16:33):
It's just in the thought of just how they died is
fucking crazy.
Ok, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:16:38):
I mean that gives me shivers and gives me the rickets
, man, like that's.
That's a real fucking thingwhen you think about terrifying.
You're in a can crusher my boy.

Speaker 1 (01:16:46):
Yeah, just with no hope.
So yeah, that's the battle ofAgakort, ladies and gentlemen.
No hope, no fucking hope.
What are we going to do here?
We follow us on all the socialbullshits.
You can find everything atdrinkingourwaythroughhistorycom.
Yeah, and Ian, do you haveanything to say to the kids?

Speaker 2 (01:17:04):
Hey man, if you made it this far in the episode, I
bet you can't guess what I'mgoing to say next.
But you're a fucking champion,I would suck your dick, I would.

Speaker 1 (01:17:13):
I would suck you dry, ok so he's going to hold that
to you and anyway.
So stay beautiful bitches,because we fucking love you.

Speaker 2 (01:17:21):
We emphasis on fucking love you.