August 3, 2025 • 38 mins
Have you ever felt utterly alone despite being surrounded by people? That disconnect defines true loneliness – not the absence of others, but the absence of meaningful connection.
This episode delves into the third "parasitic too" in our series: being "too lonely." Unlike temporary solitude, chronic loneliness persists for extended periods, creating emotional and physical health consequences that can derail our wellbeing. I break down Psychology Today's seven types of loneliness, from the situational challenges of relocating to a new city, to the existential feeling of being fundamentally different from those around you, to the quiet yearning for someone's simple presence in your life.
When loneliness takes hold, we often develop unhealthy coping mechanisms – promiscuity seeking validation through physical touch rather than emotional intimacy, shopping excessively, working compulsively, or maintaining frantic busyness to distract from the isolation. These behaviors create a self-fulfilling prophecy, deepening the very loneliness we're trying to escape.
Yet within this painful experience lies a spiritual invitation. Scripture reminds us that God stands at the door of our hearts, knocking and waiting for us to invite Him into intimate fellowship. Even when we feel abandoned by everyone, we are never truly alone. God celebrates us, rejoices over us, and desires connection even more than we do.
Whether you're feeling disconnected due to life transitions, loss of relationships, or a persistent sense of being misunderstood, this episode offers both practical strategies and spiritual encouragement to transform isolation into meaningful connection. Listen now to discover how God's presence can penetrate even your loneliest moments with healing that drips into your soul.
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THE DRIP LINE
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dina LaFargue Augusti (00:00):
Greetings and welcome to a new episode of
the Drip Line, where love andhealing will drip into your soul
.
Tune in and come along thisjourney, allowing love and truth
to permeate your entire being.
Hopefully, the message sharedtoday will touch your heart,
(00:22):
bringing you closer to yourhealing and empowering you for
your daily life, helping youmove through the process
successfully.
Take a listen! I spoke aboutbeing too angry and too fearful
in the last two podcasts.
They were about the parasiticTOOS capital T, capital O,
(00:46):
capital O, capital S.
How being too anything can bedisastrous to our overall
well-being.
This week I will touch on beingtoo lonely.
Many might say, "too lonely.
Well, loneliness is just beinglonely and that too lonely is
(01:09):
just an exaggeration of whatalready is, being lonely.
" I want to address lonelinesstoday because extended periods
of loneliness can be verydebilitating.
I want to discuss how being toolonely can drive a person to
develop unhealthy habits andmindsets.
(01:30):
Loneliness can be described asnot the lack of acquaintances or
social contacts, but the lackof connectedness.
So you may have friends, youmay have acquaintances, you have
co-workers and family members,but it's the lack of connection
(01:52):
that makes one lonely despitethe crowds.
In Very Well Health's articlethere's a description of the
level of loneliness.
It's called chronic loneliness,and chronic loneliness occurs
when a person experiencesloneliness for extended, lengthy
(02:12):
periods of time.
It's not necessarily adiagnosable mental health
condition, but the article saysit can affect one's emotional
and physical health, nonetheless.
Loneliness is defined as afeeling or a lack of a sense of
(02:39):
belonging or a lack ofmeaningful or close
relationships, and there aredifferent types of loneliness
that can be described.
Feeling disconnected from otherpeople and lacking satisfying
social networks is all part ofthe picture.
There's the emotional andexistential definitions of
loneliness.
The lack of meaningful, deepand good quality relationships
(03:03):
will be deemed, the emotionalloneliness.
Feeling fundamentally separatedfrom others, such as feeling
left behind by life's events, orlonely even when surrounded by
others is considered to be anexistential level of loneliness.
We all experience loneliness atsome point in our lives; however
(03:27):
, there are some of us that seemto become swallowed up in
loneliness for various reasons.
Some of the reasons might be tothe following: One, the loss of
a significant other throughdeath, divorce, time, or
relocation,.
(03:50):
Two, being too shy to developmeaningful relationships within
or without our immediate familycircle.
Three, a lack of knowing how todevelop relationships with
those around us or in ourworkplaces or social circles.
Four, feeling different, notfeeling relatable, feeling
strange or perhaps like a misfit.
And five, just feelingunlovable and or unlikable.
(04:16):
Now, Psychology Today has listedseven types of loneliness,
despite what I just described.
The first is new situationloneliness, and that's when one
has moved to a new city, a newjob, new location, where the
person has to acclimate to thenew environment, to the new
(04:38):
atmosphere and develop newrelationships.
The second states, I'mdifferent - from loneliness.
You're in a place that's notunfamiliar, but you feel
different from other people inan important way that makes you
feel isolated.
(04:58):
The third, no sweetheartloneliness.
The lack of intimacy.
The person is lacking a trueloved one that reciprocates that
love, or the lack of a truespousal significant other that
one can share everyday life with.
(05:20):
The fourth type and this mayseem a little simplistic, but
it's termed, no animalloneliness.
Yes, there's such a thing.
Many people have a deep need toconnect with animals.
I happen to be an animal lover.
If this describes you, you'resustained by these relationships
(05:41):
in a way that humanrelationships don't replace.
The fifth type, the no time forme loneliness.
Sometimes you're surrounded bypeople who seem friendly enough
but they don't really jump whenyou say jump, or they don't want
to stop what they're doing totend to you.
(06:01):
They don't want to make thejump from friendly to friends.
Maybe they're too busy withtheir own lives and you just
don't fit in.
You'd like a deeper connection,but they don't seem to want or
need that connection with you.
The sixth, the untrustworthyfriends network loneliness.
(06:23):
Sometimes you're in a situationwhere you begin to doubt
whether your friends are reallywell-intentioned towards you,
that you may have more lovetowards them than they do
towards you.
You may be more helpful andmore available than they are
towards you or with you.
(06:45):
You're quote-unquote friendswith people that don't quite
seem as trustworthy as you are.
They don't seem to put you atthe same level as you put them.
Then there's the seventh type,which is called the, quiet
presence loneliness.
Sometimes you may feel lonelybecause you miss having someone
(07:08):
else's quiet presence.
You may have an active socialnetwork, you might have plenty
of friends or family, but youmiss that one special person
that you can just be with andnot do anything, just someone
(07:32):
who knows how to vibe with you.
Now I know people always makefun of that woman who lives with
a gazillion cats because shehas no friends, that
stereotypical person that peoplemake fun of,
"Oh, that's the cat lady.
She lives alone because shedoesn't know how to have friends
.
And I always remember saying tomyself, "Lord, don't ever let
(07:54):
me be that person.
Many of us do just have petsbecause we love them.
But, God forbid you becomelabeled as a woman who does have
a lot of pets and no spouse orpartner, because people might
just look at you sideways.
You're immediately labeled asan old maid, the loser, the
(08:15):
loner.
And this myth has gone aroundfor a long time, but it's
actually been debunked byarticles by Forbes, Huffington
Post and actually the AmericanAnimal Hospital Association.
And I'm mentioning this becausemany women in particular feel
(08:35):
like living alone, even thoughthey like living alone, but they
don't want people or itirritates them when people label
them as incapable of havinghealthy relationships.
Forbes wrote, " that the crazycat lady myth portrays single
women who own multiple cats aseccentric, neurotic or socially
(08:56):
isolated.
It suggests that womenprioritizing their cats over
human relationships may actuallyhave difficulty connecting with
others and suffer from mentalillnesses.
The term is often used in aderogatory, dismissive manner.
While some people have a strongaffinity for cats and may own
(09:18):
several, the myth unfairlystigmatizes cat owners and
single women.
The crazy cat lady stereotypeis likely rooted in societal
biases against unmarried womenseeking unconventional
lifestyles.
Misconceptions about felinebehavior and cat ownership, such
(09:40):
as believing cats areinherently grumpy, unfriendly
and unsocial, may alsocontribute to this negative
portrayal.
What a shame, right.
So, with this myth aside, Iintend to focus on real
behaviors or habits or attitudeswe develop that are unhealthy
(10:00):
when being too lonely becomesoverwhelming, to the point of
deep sorrow and depression.
And, mind you, cats havenothing to do with it.
So, I will briefly address eachloneliness type as posted in
Psychology Today's article, andthen discuss ways to overcome
(10:21):
and avoid the traps of formingbad habits as results of feeling
lonely.
I'm going to lump one and twotogether and those two discuss
why people feel lonely whenthey're relocating or getting
new jobs and meeting new peopleliving in new environments.
(10:46):
It can be very scary when onerelocates or gets a new job or
moves to a new neighborhood anddoesn't know anybody and has to
learn the climate.
You're in a new place with newrules, new culture, new people,
new job, new environment, andthe list can continue.
(11:07):
So how does one connect when inthese circumstances?
How does one overcome?
How does one acclimate to thenew environment and meet new
people?
Well, there are practical stepsto become part of this new
atmosphere and environment.
(11:27):
There are steps to take tolearn the new culture.
Some would suggest joiningorganizations, clubs, attending
events that might be of interest, learning the neighborhood,
chatting with people along theway.
These are ways to connect.
(11:48):
And if you're a person thatknows the Lord, God gives you
the word.
And it says any major decisions,like a relocation or a new job
that is a major life eventshould be preceded with prayer.
And when you pray with intensesincerity about a major life
(12:09):
event, you can most definitelytrust that God will take care of
you in this new place, in thisnew atmosphere, in this new
environment with new people.
In Proverbs, chapter 3, verses5 through 6, he clearly reminds
us, trust in Him.
(12:30):
It says, " trust in the Lordwith all your heart and lean not
on your own understanding.
In all your ways, submit to Himand he will make your path
straight.
So if you find yourself lonelybecause you got a new job,
you're in a new location, a newenvironment, etc.
(12:51):
Etc.
You can trust that, because youinquired with the Lord first,
that he's going to take care ofit, that he's going to open the
doors for you to meet new people, he's going to make a way for
you to acclimate to your newenvironment and he will most
(13:12):
definitely help you adjust toevery new thing that you're
exposed to, because that's justwhat he does now.
The next list in Psychology'sToday's article, or the next
point or type, is the "nopartner, not having that
intimate partner or feelingunloved and unwanted.
(13:33):
Sometimes, when we are toolonely, we search for
companionship in all the wrongplaces.
We want a partner, we want love, we want intimacy, we want
validation, we want to feel webelong to someone and we want to
(13:54):
feel connection, intimateconnection; and sometimes, if
we're not careful and we'rehasty, we participate in
relationships that are totallyunhealthy.
We involve ourselves in sexrelationships that may delude us
(14:15):
into feeling we're connected,but we're only having sexual
encounters, we're having shallowrelationships or participating
in relationships that reallyhave no depth, that are really
just conveniences.
They're not built on a solidfoundation of true friendship or
(14:39):
love.
And when we do this we mightactually be seeking validation,
company or a sense ofconnection, but we only end up
feeling used, abused and emptierthan before.
And to top that off,participating in those
relationships can bring a lot ofbaggage: rejection when the
(15:02):
relationship goes sour, anger ifthe person was rather cruel or
selfish, frustration becausewe're mad at ourselves because
we let ourselves get in thatsituation.
We could even end up withphysical maladies because of not
(15:22):
practicing safe sex.
We can develop ungodly soulconnections and a deeper sense
of loss or loneliness than everbecause of what happened, what
(15:43):
we experienced that wasuncomfortable and that might
have ended in a bad way.
It can also contribute to ourinability to foster meaningful
relationships, because we'vedeveloped a habit of not
developing meaningfulrelationships because we've put
sexual intimacy first.
So the thing that we wereactually trying to gain in the
first place is what we end uplosing in the last place.
(16:08):
Now, sexual promiscuity can bedefined as the engagement in
uncommitted sexual activitieswith non-monogamous partners and
or with multiple partners.
There's no judgment here, I'mjust making the definition.
Now, Neuro Launch's website andarticle discusses the many
(16:30):
facets and failures ofpromiscuous behavior.
For some, promiscuous behaviormay be a symptom of underlying
emotional or psychologicalissues.
In these cases, therapy andcounseling can be invaluable
tools for exploring the rootcauses of this behavior and
(16:53):
developing healthier copingmechanisms.
And here I really want to focuson the emotional because, again
it says, chronic loneliness isnot necessarily a mental illness
or disease.
No, it's just a circumstance,an ongoing feeling.
It's emotional.
So we might need to addresssome past traumas.
(17:18):
We might need to work onself-esteem issues.
We might need to work onself-respect issues.
We might need to learn how tobuild more meaningful
connections.
We might need to learn how toovercome fears that prevent us
from taking risk at reaching outto other people to develop
(17:39):
relationships.
We might need to develop theability to forgive so we can
build on relationships thatmight have become broken that
cause us to feel lonely.
Building healthy relationshipsand intimacy is a crucial aspect
of managing promiscuoustendencies, and this is
(18:03):
according to Neuro Launch'sarticle.
It doesn't necessarily meanabandoning casual encounters
altogether, but rather learningto balance physical desires with
emotional needs.
It's about developing theskills to form deep, meaningful
connections while still honoringone's sexual autonomy.
(18:23):
Now, a caveat, I must say as asold out woman for Jesus who
pays attention to the directivesof God, casual sex is a no-no
for many reasons.
Technically, we don't havesexual autonomy because the Lord
says our bodies are not our own, that we are holy and we are to
(18:46):
be holy.
So there's no judgment here.
I'm just making a note to informall my listeners that there are
dangers that abound in usingour body outside of God's
original design, andpsychologists will say
promiscuous sexual behavior canlead to a plethora of mental and
(19:08):
emotional issues.
Now, to support my standing inChrist, Genesis chapter 2 says,
Then the Lord God said, it notgood that the man should be
alone, I will make him a helperfit for "S.
"So That is God establishingthat a man and a woman should
(19:30):
have monogamous relationships.
So, God has a plan for us, evenif we can't see it unfolding.
Sex outside of a God-blessedand ordered relationship is not
going to be prosperous to anyone person's soul, no matter
what it feels like or what itlooks like - it can and it won't
(19:50):
.
Why?
It is not in God's originalplan, it is not God's preference
.
Doing so interrupts God'sdivine plan for optimization in
anyone's life.
Now, I'm not going to delveinto the many ways that that
happens, just know that it doesfor now.
(20:11):
God does not make rules for thesake of making rules.
I know when I was growing up Iwas like, "wow, there's a lot of
rules, thinking about all thecommandments and then, in the
Old Testament, all the hundredsof rules that the Jewish people
had to follow.
But, there are always spiritualdynamics at play that impact
our lives, even though we cannotalways perceive them.
(20:31):
Because there is a kingdom,there are spiritual realms and
spiritual factors that impact us.
And, in my past episode, I didmention that we were made of
flesh our bodies, our souls,where our personalities and
emotions and our cognitiveabilities lie, and our spirits,
(20:55):
that God connection.
So, with that in mind, try notto use sex as a substitute for
real friendship, love andintimacy.
In 1 Thessalonians, chapter 4in the Bible, starting in verse
3, it reads, " For this is thewill of God, your sanctification
(21:17):
, that you abstain from sexualimmorality, that each one of you
know how to control his ownbody in holiness and honor, not
in the passion of lust, like theGentiles who do not know God".
We are to know God.
Galatians, chapter 5, verse 13,states you were called to
(21:40):
freedom.
Brothers only, do not use yourfreedom as an opportunity for
the flesh, but, through love,serve one another.
" Hence, my listeners, we mustuse wisdom and self-discipline,
by the power and gifts of God,to restrain ourselves from
responding to being too lonelywith unhealthy responses.
(22:14):
And on the flip side,one of the most poetic, romantic
and illustrious books of theBible is the Songs of Solomon.
In this writing one can get aglimpse into the beauty of true
emotional and sexual intimacy,how true love is expressed in a
(22:35):
committed, loving relationship,in Godliness.
In the article by, "Jesusanswers unlocking the secrets of
the Song of Solomon and what itreally eans," i t states,
"unlocking the secrets of theSong of Solomon reveals deeper,
profound truths about love andintimacy.
You'll find that this poetictext celebrates both emotional
(22:59):
connections and physical desire,emphasizing the sacred nature
of marital commitment.
" I say, take the time to readthis book, the Songs of Solomon,
(23:19):
verse by verse, one verse at atime, savoring each verse, to
get a taste of the beauty ofGod's intimate commitment and
profound love that can beexpressed between a man and a
woman and with Him as creator,friend and the lover of our
souls.
In continuing discussion ofloneliness Am en Clinics
(23:43):
article, "Habits of LonelyPeople that Might Be Ruining
your Health" states when peopleare suffering from chronic
loneliness there are eight badhabits noted as definite
contributors.
Scientists have identifiedspecific common habits that are
signs of loneliness.
Changing these habits, thearticle states, may help one
(24:07):
overcome feelings of lonelinessand strengthen one's mental
well-being.
In essence, it says peopledevelop the following or do the
following when they are lonely: they shop too much, they work (24:16):
undefined
too much, they become busybodies, they purposely become too busy
, they become too isolated, toocritical of others, too distant
(24:37):
from others and too inflexiblewith others, and their lifestyle
, and may also become too angry.
Have you noticed the Toos again, the T-O-O-S's?
Now, in paying attention, onewill notice that these eight
habits do not end loneliness butcan contribute to it and
(25:02):
enhance the inability to connect, because these habits are
avoidance measures, they preventconnections, they can stunt
opportunities or preventopportunities for developing
meaningful connections, eventhough trying to pacify those
feelings of loneliness.
In my opinion, these badhabits might not just contribute
(25:26):
to loneliness but are actualsymptoms of loneliness and
create a cycle of loneliness.
It's almost like aself-fulfilling prophecy, you
say it and you become it.
Hence, you live a lonely life,and a lonely life manifests.
Trying to avoid it by becomingmore self-reliant and
(25:46):
independent and participating inactivities that do not involve
connections with others can onlydig one deeper into the canyon
of loneliness.
I hope I'm being clear.
What's the takeaway?
Despite the seven reasons onecan experience chronic
loneliness and despite the eightbad habits linked to those who
(26:10):
are chronically lonely,sometimes we just find ourselves
on the outside looking in; frombeing too shy to make new
friends, being too fearful toreach out for fear of being
rejected or misunderstood, frombeing a widow or divorced,
divorcee and mourning, orfinding ourselves left behind by
friends who have moved on, orfeeling like misfits in families
(26:34):
, all of it can be overwhelmingand really make a person feel
sad, isolated, and or rejectedby the world and forgotten by
God yes, even God.
Now, remember Dorothy's magicalruby red shoes and how they led
and empowered her and led herhome, led her to the truth,
(26:58):
peace and the blessed reality ofher life.
God has empowered us.
God has provided us with ourown ruby red shoes.
He has given us his full bodyarmor, and part of it includes
spiritual footwear.
(27:18):
In Ephesians, chapter 6 in theBible, it says we are fitted or
shod with the shoes of thegospel of peace.
We walk in peace when we walkin him.
We walk in peace when we walkwith God.
When Jesus shed his blood onthe cross and rose from the dead
(27:39):
, we were set free from tormentand fear.
His love expressed in his deathand his shed blood are game
changers for life.
Life with him and in Him is thegame changer.
We have the power to overcomeany and every negativity or
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circumstance of life.
God is there and everywhere andhe waits for us to invite Him
into our every situation andcircumstance, no matter what it
is.
Even in our loneliest of times,He is.
He is there.
(28:25):
Interestingly, there are manyseasons in our lives where God
just wants us to Himself.
Yes, he wants us to learn to beintimately in love with Him.
He wants us to experience Hisintimate love.
These are the times we get toknow him.
Yes, in our lonely times, whenwe're isolated, he wants us to
(28:48):
turn to him.
Or we can know even ourselvesmore deeply.
These are actually the timeswhen we see God in motion in our
lives, even though things seemto be standing still.
God calls us friends when weknow him.
He wants to be our friend.
(29:08):
Now, I'm not saying that Godcauses these traumatic times,
these negative moments, but I amsaying that in all of them, God
is always there and God isalways desirous of our attention
, our love and our friendshipand, most importantly, our faith
and trust in him.
(29:28):
He gives himself to us freelyand he desires us intensely and
he would love to fill the voidsin our heart, the holes in our
hearts, to fill us with intimacyin knowing him.
Psalm 27, verse 10, says, "Formy father and my mother have
(29:50):
forsaken me, but the Lord willtake me in.
These are verses that shouldencourage us and remind us that
even though we feel lonely, eventhough we might be desperately
lonely and sad, God is with us,even when we feel forsaken by
others and isolated.
In Proverbs 18, verse 24, itstates, " a man of many
(30:13):
companions may come to ruin, butthere is a friend who sticks
closer than a brother Jesus.
John 15, verse 15, "No longerdo I call you servants, for the
servant who does not know whathis master is doing, but I have
called you friends, for all thatI have heard from my father I
(30:36):
have made known to you, and thatmeans us.
Knowing that we are never aloneand that we have a friend in
God should comfort us.
John, chapter 17, verse 20through 26 is a little long, but
it read, "I do not ask forthese only, but also for those
(30:57):
who will believe in me throughtheir word," who will believe in
me through their word Listen tothat.
Verse 21,.
That they may all be one, justas you, father, are in me and I
in you, that they also may be inus, so that the world may
(31:17):
believe that you have sent me.
The glory that you have givenme I have given to them that
they may be one even as we areone.
Verse 23, "I in them and you inme.
That they may become perfectlyone, so that the world may know
that you sent me and love them,even as you loved me.
(31:42):
Father, I desire that theyalso, whom you have given me,
may be with me where I am, tosee my glory that you have given
me, because you have loved mebefore the foundation of the
world.
Oh, righteous father, eventhough the world does not know
(32:13):
you I know you and these knowthat you have sent me.
I have made known to them yourname and I will continue to
make it known that the love withwhich you have loved me may be
in them and I in them.
These words in John chapter 17are the intimate words Christ
spoke about his disciples to thefather and about those who will
believe in him even after hisdeath on the cross.
It speak to his heart.
Every time I read this verse, Ifeel the deep love and
(32:37):
commitment that God has towardsus, the deep love that brought
Jesus to the Cross, his desirefor us to know him and to be
with him, to dwell in him, inhis presence.
Can it get any more intimateand loving than that, to have a
God that sent himself to die forus, to love us to the point of
(32:59):
death, to suffer with us, to beable to know us and understand
us, to be with us continuallythrough thick and thin, that
life nor death would everseparate us from him, to heal us
in our brokenness and to abidewith us at all times and at all
points in our life?
I mean, how rich and gloriousis that, how phenomenal and
(33:22):
awesome is that?
In Zephaniah, chapter 3, verse17,.
It says, th"e Lord, your God, isin your midst, a mighty one who
will save.
He will rejoice over you withgladness and he will quiet you
by his love.
He will exalt over you withloud singing.
" Are you kidding me?
(33:43):
I get so excited, excuse me,but just listening to this verse
, just contemplating this verse,is an expression of how
intensely God loves us.
It says, He is with you, hewatches over us, he is waiting
and wanting for us, excitedabout you.
(34:05):
Yes, you, whoever is listening,this pertains to you.
He's watching over you, he iswith you, he is waiting for you,
he is wanting for you, he isexcited about your life and your
future and he wants to comfortyou in all your distresses with
his everlasting love.
He celebrates you, even whenyou feel you're nothing or
(34:26):
you're a failure or unlovable orunlikable.
No, God loves you with an utterjoy and exuberance and he wants
to celebrate your life with youand he's not shy about how he
feels.
And he says, in all yourdistresses, be still in Him.
(34:47):
In your loneliness, know thathe is there with you and reach
out to him and let him in.
It's evident in the book ofRevelation, chapter 3, verse 20,
when he says, "Behold, I standat the door and knock.
(35:08):
If anyone hears my voice andopens the door, I will come into
him and will dine with him andhe with me.
Again, intimacy on top ofintimacy on top of intimacy.
When we seek him, we will findhim, and all else that we seek
will come to us.
(35:29):
There's no true value inanything in this world without
Him.
Jesus must be in first place.
He is wisdom for life.
Knowing Christ Jesus is life.
I hope this has encouraged you.
(35:53):
If you are lonely, desperatelylonely, and feeling isolated,
tap into Jesus.
He is right there with you.
Wherever you're sitting rightnow, whether you believe in him
or not, He is there.
He is omnipresent and he isdelighted in you and wants to
(36:15):
comfort you and love on you andcelebrate with you.
Believe it! Until next time, beblessed, be at peace, be in Him
, be in love.
Truth drips!
Greetings and welcome to a new episode of
the Drip Line, where love andhealing will drip into your soul
.
Tune in and come along thisjourney, allowing love and truth
to permeate your entire being.
Hopefully, the message sharedtoday will touch your heart,
(00:22):
bringing you closer to yourhealing and empowering you for
your daily life, helping youmove through the process
successfully.
Take a listen! I spoke aboutbeing too angry and too fearful
in the last two podcasts.
They were about the parasiticTOOS capital T, capital O,
(00:46):
capital O, capital S.
How being too anything can bedisastrous to our overall
well-being.
This week I will touch on beingtoo lonely.
Many might say, "too lonely.
Well, loneliness is just beinglonely and that too lonely is
(01:09):
just an exaggeration of whatalready is, being lonely.
" I want to address lonelinesstoday because extended periods
of loneliness can be verydebilitating.
I want to discuss how being toolonely can drive a person to
develop unhealthy habits andmindsets.
(01:30):
Loneliness can be described asnot the lack of acquaintances or
social contacts, but the lackof connectedness.
So you may have friends, youmay have acquaintances, you have
co-workers and family members,but it's the lack of connection
(01:52):
that makes one lonely despitethe crowds.
In Very Well Health's articlethere's a description of the
level of loneliness.
It's called chronic loneliness,and chronic loneliness occurs
when a person experiencesloneliness for extended, lengthy
(02:12):
periods of time.
It's not necessarily adiagnosable mental health
condition, but the article saysit can affect one's emotional
and physical health, nonetheless.
Loneliness is defined as afeeling or a lack of a sense of
(02:39):
belonging or a lack ofmeaningful or close
relationships, and there aredifferent types of loneliness
that can be described.
Feeling disconnected from otherpeople and lacking satisfying
social networks is all part ofthe picture.
There's the emotional andexistential definitions of
loneliness.
The lack of meaningful, deepand good quality relationships
(03:03):
will be deemed, the emotionalloneliness.
Feeling fundamentally separatedfrom others, such as feeling
left behind by life's events, orlonely even when surrounded by
others is considered to be anexistential level of loneliness.
We all experience loneliness atsome point in our lives; however
(03:27):
, there are some of us that seemto become swallowed up in
loneliness for various reasons.
Some of the reasons might be tothe following: One, the loss of
a significant other throughdeath, divorce, time, or
relocation,.
(03:50):
Two, being too shy to developmeaningful relationships within
or without our immediate familycircle.
Three, a lack of knowing how todevelop relationships with
those around us or in ourworkplaces or social circles.
Four, feeling different, notfeeling relatable, feeling
strange or perhaps like a misfit.
And five, just feelingunlovable and or unlikable.
(04:16):
Now, Psychology Today has listedseven types of loneliness,
despite what I just described.
The first is new situationloneliness, and that's when one
has moved to a new city, a newjob, new location, where the
person has to acclimate to thenew environment, to the new
(04:38):
atmosphere and develop newrelationships.
The second states, I'mdifferent - from loneliness.
You're in a place that's notunfamiliar, but you feel
different from other people inan important way that makes you
feel isolated.
(04:58):
The third, no sweetheartloneliness.
The lack of intimacy.
The person is lacking a trueloved one that reciprocates that
love, or the lack of a truespousal significant other that
one can share everyday life with.
(05:20):
The fourth type and this mayseem a little simplistic, but
it's termed, no animalloneliness.
Yes, there's such a thing.
Many people have a deep need toconnect with animals.
I happen to be an animal lover.
If this describes you, you'resustained by these relationships
(05:41):
in a way that humanrelationships don't replace.
The fifth type, the no time forme loneliness.
Sometimes you're surrounded bypeople who seem friendly enough
but they don't really jump whenyou say jump, or they don't want
to stop what they're doing totend to you.
(06:01):
They don't want to make thejump from friendly to friends.
Maybe they're too busy withtheir own lives and you just
don't fit in.
You'd like a deeper connection,but they don't seem to want or
need that connection with you.
The sixth, the untrustworthyfriends network loneliness.
(06:23):
Sometimes you're in a situationwhere you begin to doubt
whether your friends are reallywell-intentioned towards you,
that you may have more lovetowards them than they do
towards you.
You may be more helpful andmore available than they are
towards you or with you.
(06:45):
You're quote-unquote friendswith people that don't quite
seem as trustworthy as you are.
They don't seem to put you atthe same level as you put them.
Then there's the seventh type,which is called the, quiet
presence loneliness.
Sometimes you may feel lonelybecause you miss having someone
(07:08):
else's quiet presence.
You may have an active socialnetwork, you might have plenty
of friends or family, but youmiss that one special person
that you can just be with andnot do anything, just someone
(07:32):
who knows how to vibe with you.
Now I know people always makefun of that woman who lives with
a gazillion cats because shehas no friends, that
stereotypical person that peoplemake fun of,
"Oh, that's the cat lady.
She lives alone because shedoesn't know how to have friends
.
And I always remember saying tomyself, "Lord, don't ever let
(07:54):
me be that person.
Many of us do just have petsbecause we love them.
But, God forbid you becomelabeled as a woman who does have
a lot of pets and no spouse orpartner, because people might
just look at you sideways.
You're immediately labeled asan old maid, the loser, the
(08:15):
loner.
And this myth has gone aroundfor a long time, but it's
actually been debunked byarticles by Forbes, Huffington
Post and actually the AmericanAnimal Hospital Association.
And I'm mentioning this becausemany women in particular feel
(08:35):
like living alone, even thoughthey like living alone, but they
don't want people or itirritates them when people label
them as incapable of havinghealthy relationships.
Forbes wrote, " that the crazycat lady myth portrays single
women who own multiple cats aseccentric, neurotic or socially
(08:56):
isolated.
It suggests that womenprioritizing their cats over
human relationships may actuallyhave difficulty connecting with
others and suffer from mentalillnesses.
The term is often used in aderogatory, dismissive manner.
While some people have a strongaffinity for cats and may own
(09:18):
several, the myth unfairlystigmatizes cat owners and
single women.
The crazy cat lady stereotypeis likely rooted in societal
biases against unmarried womenseeking unconventional
lifestyles.
Misconceptions about felinebehavior and cat ownership, such
(09:40):
as believing cats areinherently grumpy, unfriendly
and unsocial, may alsocontribute to this negative
portrayal.
What a shame, right.
So, with this myth aside, Iintend to focus on real
behaviors or habits or attitudeswe develop that are unhealthy
(10:00):
when being too lonely becomesoverwhelming, to the point of
deep sorrow and depression.
And, mind you, cats havenothing to do with it.
So, I will briefly address eachloneliness type as posted in
Psychology Today's article, andthen discuss ways to overcome
(10:21):
and avoid the traps of formingbad habits as results of feeling
lonely.
I'm going to lump one and twotogether and those two discuss
why people feel lonely whenthey're relocating or getting
new jobs and meeting new peopleliving in new environments.
(10:46):
It can be very scary when onerelocates or gets a new job or
moves to a new neighborhood anddoesn't know anybody and has to
learn the climate.
You're in a new place with newrules, new culture, new people,
new job, new environment, andthe list can continue.
(11:07):
So how does one connect when inthese circumstances?
How does one overcome?
How does one acclimate to thenew environment and meet new
people?
Well, there are practical stepsto become part of this new
atmosphere and environment.
(11:27):
There are steps to take tolearn the new culture.
Some would suggest joiningorganizations, clubs, attending
events that might be of interest, learning the neighborhood,
chatting with people along theway.
These are ways to connect.
(11:48):
And if you're a person thatknows the Lord, God gives you
the word.
And it says any major decisions,like a relocation or a new job
that is a major life eventshould be preceded with prayer.
And when you pray with intensesincerity about a major life
(12:09):
event, you can most definitelytrust that God will take care of
you in this new place, in thisnew atmosphere, in this new
environment with new people.
In Proverbs, chapter 3, verses5 through 6, he clearly reminds
us, trust in Him.
(12:30):
It says, " trust in the Lordwith all your heart and lean not
on your own understanding.
In all your ways, submit to Himand he will make your path
straight.
So if you find yourself lonelybecause you got a new job,
you're in a new location, a newenvironment, etc.
(12:51):
Etc.
You can trust that, because youinquired with the Lord first,
that he's going to take care ofit, that he's going to open the
doors for you to meet new people, he's going to make a way for
you to acclimate to your newenvironment and he will most
(13:12):
definitely help you adjust toevery new thing that you're
exposed to, because that's justwhat he does now.
The next list in Psychology'sToday's article, or the next
point or type, is the "nopartner, not having that
intimate partner or feelingunloved and unwanted.
(13:33):
Sometimes, when we are toolonely, we search for
companionship in all the wrongplaces.
We want a partner, we want love, we want intimacy, we want
validation, we want to feel webelong to someone and we want to
(13:54):
feel connection, intimateconnection; and sometimes, if
we're not careful and we'rehasty, we participate in
relationships that are totallyunhealthy.
We involve ourselves in sexrelationships that may delude us
(14:15):
into feeling we're connected,but we're only having sexual
encounters, we're having shallowrelationships or participating
in relationships that reallyhave no depth, that are really
just conveniences.
They're not built on a solidfoundation of true friendship or
(14:39):
love.
And when we do this we mightactually be seeking validation,
company or a sense ofconnection, but we only end up
feeling used, abused and emptierthan before.
And to top that off,participating in those
relationships can bring a lot ofbaggage: rejection when the
(15:02):
relationship goes sour, anger ifthe person was rather cruel or
selfish, frustration becausewe're mad at ourselves because
we let ourselves get in thatsituation.
We could even end up withphysical maladies because of not
(15:22):
practicing safe sex.
We can develop ungodly soulconnections and a deeper sense
of loss or loneliness than everbecause of what happened, what
(15:43):
we experienced that wasuncomfortable and that might
have ended in a bad way.
It can also contribute to ourinability to foster meaningful
relationships, because we'vedeveloped a habit of not
developing meaningfulrelationships because we've put
sexual intimacy first.
So the thing that we wereactually trying to gain in the
first place is what we end uplosing in the last place.
(16:08):
Now, sexual promiscuity can bedefined as the engagement in
uncommitted sexual activitieswith non-monogamous partners and
or with multiple partners.
There's no judgment here, I'mjust making the definition.
Now, Neuro Launch's website andarticle discusses the many
(16:30):
facets and failures ofpromiscuous behavior.
For some, promiscuous behaviormay be a symptom of underlying
emotional or psychologicalissues.
In these cases, therapy andcounseling can be invaluable
tools for exploring the rootcauses of this behavior and
(16:53):
developing healthier copingmechanisms.
And here I really want to focuson the emotional because, again
it says, chronic loneliness isnot necessarily a mental illness
or disease.
No, it's just a circumstance,an ongoing feeling.
It's emotional.
So we might need to addresssome past traumas.
(17:18):
We might need to work onself-esteem issues.
We might need to work onself-respect issues.
We might need to learn how tobuild more meaningful
connections.
We might need to learn how toovercome fears that prevent us
from taking risk at reaching outto other people to develop
(17:39):
relationships.
We might need to develop theability to forgive so we can
build on relationships thatmight have become broken that
cause us to feel lonely.
Building healthy relationshipsand intimacy is a crucial aspect
of managing promiscuoustendencies, and this is
(18:03):
according to Neuro Launch'sarticle.
It doesn't necessarily meanabandoning casual encounters
altogether, but rather learningto balance physical desires with
emotional needs.
It's about developing theskills to form deep, meaningful
connections while still honoringone's sexual autonomy.
(18:23):
Now, a caveat, I must say as asold out woman for Jesus who
pays attention to the directivesof God, casual sex is a no-no
for many reasons.
Technically, we don't havesexual autonomy because the Lord
says our bodies are not our own, that we are holy and we are to
(18:46):
be holy.
So there's no judgment here.
I'm just making a note to informall my listeners that there are
dangers that abound in usingour body outside of God's
original design, andpsychologists will say
promiscuous sexual behavior canlead to a plethora of mental and
(19:08):
emotional issues.
Now, to support my standing inChrist, Genesis chapter 2 says,
Then the Lord God said, it notgood that the man should be
alone, I will make him a helperfit for "S.
"So That is God establishingthat a man and a woman should
(19:30):
have monogamous relationships.
So, God has a plan for us, evenif we can't see it unfolding.
Sex outside of a God-blessedand ordered relationship is not
going to be prosperous to anyone person's soul, no matter
what it feels like or what itlooks like - it can and it won't
(19:50):
.
Why?
It is not in God's originalplan, it is not God's preference
.
Doing so interrupts God'sdivine plan for optimization in
anyone's life.
Now, I'm not going to delveinto the many ways that that
happens, just know that it doesfor now.
(20:11):
God does not make rules for thesake of making rules.
I know when I was growing up Iwas like, "wow, there's a lot of
rules, thinking about all thecommandments and then, in the
Old Testament, all the hundredsof rules that the Jewish people
had to follow.
But, there are always spiritualdynamics at play that impact
our lives, even though we cannotalways perceive them.
(20:31):
Because there is a kingdom,there are spiritual realms and
spiritual factors that impact us.
And, in my past episode, I didmention that we were made of
flesh our bodies, our souls,where our personalities and
emotions and our cognitiveabilities lie, and our spirits,
(20:55):
that God connection.
So, with that in mind, try notto use sex as a substitute for
real friendship, love andintimacy.
In 1 Thessalonians, chapter 4in the Bible, starting in verse
3, it reads, " For this is thewill of God, your sanctification
(21:17):
, that you abstain from sexualimmorality, that each one of you
know how to control his ownbody in holiness and honor, not
in the passion of lust, like theGentiles who do not know God".
We are to know God.
Galatians, chapter 5, verse 13,states you were called to
(21:40):
freedom.
Brothers only, do not use yourfreedom as an opportunity for
the flesh, but, through love,serve one another.
" Hence, my listeners, we mustuse wisdom and self-discipline,
by the power and gifts of God,to restrain ourselves from
responding to being too lonelywith unhealthy responses.
(22:14):
And on the flip side,one of the most poetic, romantic
and illustrious books of theBible is the Songs of Solomon.
In this writing one can get aglimpse into the beauty of true
emotional and sexual intimacy,how true love is expressed in a
(22:35):
committed, loving relationship,in Godliness.
In the article by, "Jesusanswers unlocking the secrets of
the Song of Solomon and what itreally eans," i t states,
"unlocking the secrets of theSong of Solomon reveals deeper,
profound truths about love andintimacy.
You'll find that this poetictext celebrates both emotional
(22:59):
connections and physical desire,emphasizing the sacred nature
of marital commitment.
" I say, take the time to readthis book, the Songs of Solomon,
(23:19):
verse by verse, one verse at atime, savoring each verse, to
get a taste of the beauty ofGod's intimate commitment and
profound love that can beexpressed between a man and a
woman and with Him as creator,friend and the lover of our
souls.
In continuing discussion ofloneliness Am en Clinics
(23:43):
article, "Habits of LonelyPeople that Might Be Ruining
your Health" states when peopleare suffering from chronic
loneliness there are eight badhabits noted as definite
contributors.
Scientists have identifiedspecific common habits that are
signs of loneliness.
Changing these habits, thearticle states, may help one
(24:07):
overcome feelings of lonelinessand strengthen one's mental
well-being.
In essence, it says peopledevelop the following or do the
following when they are lonely: they shop too much, they work (24:16):
undefined
too much, they become busybodies, they purposely become too busy
, they become too isolated, toocritical of others, too distant
(24:37):
from others and too inflexiblewith others, and their lifestyle
, and may also become too angry.
Have you noticed the Toos again, the T-O-O-S's?
Now, in paying attention, onewill notice that these eight
habits do not end loneliness butcan contribute to it and
(25:02):
enhance the inability to connect, because these habits are
avoidance measures, they preventconnections, they can stunt
opportunities or preventopportunities for developing
meaningful connections, eventhough trying to pacify those
feelings of loneliness.
In my opinion, these badhabits might not just contribute
(25:26):
to loneliness but are actualsymptoms of loneliness and
create a cycle of loneliness.
It's almost like aself-fulfilling prophecy, you
say it and you become it.
Hence, you live a lonely life,and a lonely life manifests.
Trying to avoid it by becomingmore self-reliant and
(25:46):
independent and participating inactivities that do not involve
connections with others can onlydig one deeper into the canyon
of loneliness.
I hope I'm being clear.
What's the takeaway?
Despite the seven reasons onecan experience chronic
loneliness and despite the eightbad habits linked to those who
(26:10):
are chronically lonely,sometimes we just find ourselves
on the outside looking in; frombeing too shy to make new
friends, being too fearful toreach out for fear of being
rejected or misunderstood, frombeing a widow or divorced,
divorcee and mourning, orfinding ourselves left behind by
friends who have moved on, orfeeling like misfits in families
(26:34):
, all of it can be overwhelmingand really make a person feel
sad, isolated, and or rejectedby the world and forgotten by
God yes, even God.
Now, remember Dorothy's magicalruby red shoes and how they led
and empowered her and led herhome, led her to the truth,
(26:58):
peace and the blessed reality ofher life.
God has empowered us.
God has provided us with ourown ruby red shoes.
He has given us his full bodyarmor, and part of it includes
spiritual footwear.
(27:18):
In Ephesians, chapter 6 in theBible, it says we are fitted or
shod with the shoes of thegospel of peace.
We walk in peace when we walkin him.
We walk in peace when we walkwith God.
When Jesus shed his blood onthe cross and rose from the dead
(27:39):
, we were set free from tormentand fear.
His love expressed in his deathand his shed blood are game
changers for life.
Life with him and in Him is thegame changer.
We have the power to overcomeany and every negativity or
(28:01):
circumstance of life.
God is there and everywhere andhe waits for us to invite Him
into our every situation andcircumstance, no matter what it
is.
Even in our loneliest of times,He is.
He is there.
(28:25):
Interestingly, there are manyseasons in our lives where God
just wants us to Himself.
Yes, he wants us to learn to beintimately in love with Him.
He wants us to experience Hisintimate love.
These are the times we get toknow him.
Yes, in our lonely times, whenwe're isolated, he wants us to
(28:48):
turn to him.
Or we can know even ourselvesmore deeply.
These are actually the timeswhen we see God in motion in our
lives, even though things seemto be standing still.
God calls us friends when weknow him.
He wants to be our friend.
(29:08):
Now, I'm not saying that Godcauses these traumatic times,
these negative moments, but I amsaying that in all of them, God
is always there and God isalways desirous of our attention
, our love and our friendshipand, most importantly, our faith
and trust in him.
(29:28):
He gives himself to us freelyand he desires us intensely and
he would love to fill the voidsin our heart, the holes in our
hearts, to fill us with intimacyin knowing him.
Psalm 27, verse 10, says, "Formy father and my mother have
(29:50):
forsaken me, but the Lord willtake me in.
These are verses that shouldencourage us and remind us that
even though we feel lonely, eventhough we might be desperately
lonely and sad, God is with us,even when we feel forsaken by
others and isolated.
In Proverbs 18, verse 24, itstates, " a man of many
(30:13):
companions may come to ruin, butthere is a friend who sticks
closer than a brother Jesus.
John 15, verse 15, "No longerdo I call you servants, for the
servant who does not know whathis master is doing, but I have
called you friends, for all thatI have heard from my father I
(30:36):
have made known to you, and thatmeans us.
Knowing that we are never aloneand that we have a friend in
God should comfort us.
John, chapter 17, verse 20through 26 is a little long, but
it read, "I do not ask forthese only, but also for those
(30:57):
who will believe in me throughtheir word," who will believe in
me through their word Listen tothat.
Verse 21,.
That they may all be one, justas you, father, are in me and I
in you, that they also may be inus, so that the world may
(31:17):
believe that you have sent me.
The glory that you have givenme I have given to them that
they may be one even as we areone.
Verse 23, "I in them and you inme.
That they may become perfectlyone, so that the world may know
that you sent me and love them,even as you loved me.
(31:42):
Father, I desire that theyalso, whom you have given me,
may be with me where I am, tosee my glory that you have given
me, because you have loved mebefore the foundation of the
world.
Oh, righteous father, eventhough the world does not know
(32:13):
you I know you and these knowthat you have sent me.
I have made known to them yourname and I will continue to
make it known that the love withwhich you have loved me may be
in them and I in them.
These words in John chapter 17are the intimate words Christ
spoke about his disciples to thefather and about those who will
believe in him even after hisdeath on the cross.
It speak to his heart.
Every time I read this verse, Ifeel the deep love and
(32:37):
commitment that God has towardsus, the deep love that brought
Jesus to the Cross, his desirefor us to know him and to be
with him, to dwell in him, inhis presence.
Can it get any more intimateand loving than that, to have a
God that sent himself to die forus, to love us to the point of
(32:59):
death, to suffer with us, to beable to know us and understand
us, to be with us continuallythrough thick and thin, that
life nor death would everseparate us from him, to heal us
in our brokenness and to abidewith us at all times and at all
points in our life?
I mean, how rich and gloriousis that, how phenomenal and
(33:22):
awesome is that?
In Zephaniah, chapter 3, verse17,.
It says, th"e Lord, your God, isin your midst, a mighty one who
will save.
He will rejoice over you withgladness and he will quiet you
by his love.
He will exalt over you withloud singing.
" Are you kidding me?
(33:43):
I get so excited, excuse me,but just listening to this verse
, just contemplating this verse,is an expression of how
intensely God loves us.
It says, He is with you, hewatches over us, he is waiting
and wanting for us, excitedabout you.
(34:05):
Yes, you, whoever is listening,this pertains to you.
He's watching over you, he iswith you, he is waiting for you,
he is wanting for you, he isexcited about your life and your
future and he wants to comfortyou in all your distresses with
his everlasting love.
He celebrates you, even whenyou feel you're nothing or
(34:26):
you're a failure or unlovable orunlikable.
No, God loves you with an utterjoy and exuberance and he wants
to celebrate your life with youand he's not shy about how he
feels.
And he says, in all yourdistresses, be still in Him.
(34:47):
In your loneliness, know thathe is there with you and reach
out to him and let him in.
It's evident in the book ofRevelation, chapter 3, verse 20,
when he says, "Behold, I standat the door and knock.
(35:08):
If anyone hears my voice andopens the door, I will come into
him and will dine with him andhe with me.
Again, intimacy on top ofintimacy on top of intimacy.
When we seek him, we will findhim, and all else that we seek
will come to us.
(35:29):
There's no true value inanything in this world without
Him.
Jesus must be in first place.
He is wisdom for life.
Knowing Christ Jesus is life.
I hope this has encouraged you.
(35:53):
If you are lonely, desperatelylonely, and feeling isolated,
tap into Jesus.
He is right there with you.
Wherever you're sitting rightnow, whether you believe in him
or not, He is there.
He is omnipresent and he isdelighted in you and wants to
(36:15):
comfort you and love on you andcelebrate with you.
Believe it! Until next time, beblessed, be at peace, be in Him
, be in love.
Truth drips!
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