Having Less Stress

I share a practice that has helped me reduce my stress and be more present in times of rest.


Email me at [e-mail]

For more on this topic: Rest is Resistance

Find out more about my work: www.melindagerdungcoaching.com

Book a session with me: https://calendly.com/gerdungmelinda/coaching-session


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Episode Transcript

(00:13):
Hey, my friends, are you tired?
I feel like a lot of people arefeeling really tired right now,
myself included. I've pushedmyself really hard the last few
months, and while I got a lotdone, I also got a cold each
month. Also, sometimes it isreally hard to just take a

(00:37):
break. Sometimes it is reallyhard to allow yourself to rest.
Even when you try, you end upjust reviewing in your mind all
of the things you still need todo. I watch my partner do that.
He'll be on the couch with me,but he won't be enjoying his

(00:57):
rest. He'll be stressing abouthow much yard work he still has
to do. We went out to a rodeoone evening, and he wasn't able
to enjoy it at all because ofthe all consuming to do list
cycling through his brain. Ithink a lot of people in our

(01:20):
society relate to that. In ourcapitalistic society,
productivity is one of thehighest virtues. So much so that
when people aren't beingproductive, they feel guilty.
I've had a lot of people expressto me a need to be productive,
because otherwise they feel badabout themselves. They feel

(01:43):
guilty. Busyness is almost abadge of honor in our society; a
way of proving ourselves worthythat we are always being
productive. I love beingproductive. I find it very
satisfying to accomplishsomething, but I've also

(02:03):
discovered that the human bodyneeds rest. It's very
inconvenient, but the body willstart to deteriorate if it does
not get rest. If I push myselfreally hard, I get sick. If I
don't allow myself to rest, mybody will force it, and it will
be even less convenient than ifI had just allowed myself to

(02:27):
rest in the first place.

(02:47):
I think we all understand this,on some level, that our bodies
require rest. But I think thatIt must also mean changing the
way we think about rest. Sittingto truly rest requires more than
just sitting on the couch.
on the couch feeling guilty andthinking about all the things

(03:13):
you could be doing instead isnot restful. It will not leave
you feeling rested andrefreshed. And this is easier
said than done so today I wantedto share with you a practice

(03:34):
that I have implemented in mylife that has allowed me to not
feel guilty when I do rest. Thatpractice is calendaring. Every
Monday morning, I make a list ofall of the things I want to get

(03:56):
done in the week. Then I open upmy calendar and I schedule those
things. And while I amscheduling the things I want to
get done, I also schedule resttime. I will schedule naps and

(04:18):
reading and doing nothing time.
I've had multiple benefits fromthis practice. First of all it
has made it much easier to getdone what I want to get done
because I've planned exactlyIf what is on the calendar for
this hour is a nap, then that iswhen I am going to do it and how

(04:40):
much time I'm going to allowmyself to do it. I don't waste
time anymore trying to decidewhat I am going to do at any
given moment. I've alreadyplanned it ahead. There is no

(05:01):
re-negotiation of the plan. Italso has allowed me to be
present in my rest.

(05:38):
exactly what I'm supposed to bedoing. There is no running tally
of what else I ought to be doinginstead, because I know I've
calendared in what needs doing.
It's so much easier to nap whenin my mind, I know it is exactly
what I'm supposed to be doing.
Like the magic of putting it onthe calendar gives it its own
merit, and it has removed theguilt for me. I don't feel

(06:02):
guilty about reading for thishour because that is what is on
my schedule. The other thingsthat need doing are also on the
schedule, and they will get donebecause I trust myself to follow
the schedule. If you end uptrying this practice for
yourself, there are a few groundrules that I found to be very

(06:24):
important.
The first is being realistic.
When I first started thispractice, I got so excited about
all I was going to get done, andI scheduled myself packed full,
and I didn't really think toomuch about how long things
should should take me. So Iended up rushing from one task
to the next. And it seemed greatat first, because I was getting

(06:49):
so much done, but y'all, itburned me out so quick. Instead
of a time management tool, itbecame a tool of self abuse. So
be realistic. If you schedulegoing grocery shopping, make
sure you factor in the time ittakes to drive to the store and

(07:09):
back. I find time buffers to bereally useful, just to, like,

(08:08):
pad the timing a little bit soyou don't feel yourself getting
stressed or rushed.
Another rule is to schedule yourrest first. Decide how much rest
you desire and schedule that infirst. Then put all the things
in that need doing. And I colorcode mine so I can see if my

(08:30):
work versus rest is reallyskewed one way or the other. And
I really seek balance in thisexercise, and so the color
coding just makes it reallyobvious when it's really
imbalanced. The third rule isthat you must stick to your
plan. Like I said before, thereis no renegotiation of a plan.

(08:52):
Once I've put something in mycalendar, it is there to stay.
This has gotten rid ofprocrastination for me. If I've
scheduled something that neededto get done that I find
unpleasant, like calling mydoctor's office, if that is on

the schedule from 2 to (09:08):
30 then that is what I am doing from 2

to 2 (09:12):
30. And this is what makes it work. This is how I can be
present with my resting and befully in my rest. Because I know
that the things I have scheduledwill get done. I trust that I
will do them. I protect thatschedule. We all know how to
protect our schedules. If youhave a doctor's appointment

(09:33):
scheduled and someone asks youto commit to something else, you
know how to say, No, you have aprior commitment. And this works
the same way, no matter what theprior commitment is. Even if
that prior commitment is a nap,you have to see the calendar as
a commitment. Now, obviouslythings do come up, but like true

(09:54):
emergencies are actually veryrare. There are a lot of things
that we call emergencies anddisrupt our schedules with, but
they aren't actually anemergencies. Sticking to your
calendar is a really good way topractice boundaries and saying
no to people.

(10:17):
The final rule is to be kind toyourself. The you that schedules
needs to do it with kindnesstowards the you that will be
actually doing what's on theschedule. It's real easy for the
scheduling you to go hog wildwith jam pack the schedule, but
that is cruel to the you thatwill be keeping that schedule.

(10:39):
If the schedule is a commitment,you need to be mindful of the
doing and treat yourself withkindness as you make your
schedule. This was the hardestthing for me to learn when I
started this practice. Selfkindness wasn't something I was
used to, but it was somethingthat I had to start practicing

(10:59):
as a part of this becauseotherwise it just wasn't going
to work. It ended up being anunexpected outlet for working on
the relationship I had withmyself, and for practicing self
kindness.

(12:04):
As I've been doing this practicefor a few years now, I've gotten
real good at estimating how longsomething should take.
I wasn't always good at it. Mostthings, though, you can just
decide how long they shouldtake, and that kind of blows
people's minds when they hearit. But for real, you can just
decide how long something isgoing to take. The other thing

(12:28):
I've gotten good at isestimating what is a good amount
of accomplishments for a singleweek. I wasn't always good at
estimating that, either, butwith time, I've gotten a real
good sense of it, of what isrealistic in a week. And that
just comes from doing, fromfollowing the practice and
getting experience with it andgetting the feedback. If one

(12:53):
week felt too stressful, youknow that you want to do things
differently the next week. Thelevel of stress you feel is a
good indicator of how well youare doing with this practice,
because done correctly, thereshouldn't be stress. If you feel
stressed, you have probably overscheduled and need to adjust.

(13:15):
And for me, that has always beenthe biggest struggle. I love to
overdo it, it seems. So this issomething I'm always having to
dial back down. Calendaring, yousee how much you actually do
accomplish in a week. Likesometimes you forget just how

(13:36):
much you've actually done. Butwhen it is all there in the
calendar, it doesn't let you notget credit for it. Sometimes our
brains are assholes and try totell us that we haven't done
anything, even though we totallyhave. The calendar doesn't let
your asshole brain lie to you.

(13:57):
Which has been anotherunanticipated benefit for me. If
you have any questions at allabout this process, feel free to
email me. My email is in theshow notes. Or if you want to do

(14:23):
one week together, you can booka session with the link in the
show notes. All right, myfriends, enjoy your rest. If you
try the calendaring, let me knowhow it goes and how it works for
you. All right, until next time,be well.