Plan B

We all end up facing things we didn't want. This episode is all about staying in your power when that happens.

Option B by Sheryl Sandberg

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Episode Transcript

(00:12):
Hey, my friends,I want to talk this week about
mental flexibility. There isgreat power in being able to be

(00:45):
flexible in what your idea ofwhat life should look like, what
relationships should look like,etc.
My life doesn't look how Ithought it would when I was

(01:28):
younger. And if I got hung up onthinking that my life isn't what
it is supposed to be, what itshould be, that could be really
miserable. Being open to how mylife could look different than I
thought it would and still begreat, has been a great source
of peace and freedom for me. Ican't remember the name of the

(01:52):
movie. I think it might havebeen Under the Tuscan Sun, but
the woman had moved to Europefor a fresh start after a
horrible divorce, and she hasthis idea that her life should
be a husband and children. Andshe doesn't end up with a
husband and children, but sheends up surrounded by really
good friends and living with oneparticular friend or sister or

(02:17):
somebody who has a baby out ofwedlock. And so at the end of
the movie, one of her friends istalking to her and says, I think
you got your wish. And she'slike, What are you talking
about? He's like, that one day,you told me you wanted there to
be a wedding and a family here.
And that's when she realizesthat she got everything she
wanted, just not in the formthat she thought it would take.

(02:37):
And I think about that a lot,how if we get too hung up on
things looking a specific way,then we miss the beauty of what
actually is or could be. We canmiss out on being happy when we
cling too hard to a specificvision without the flexibility

(02:59):
to let it adapt. I think this isa particularly relevant topic
during the holidays. I see a lotof divorcees struggling with the
holidays not looking how theyare "supposed to" after divorce.
They might not be able to bewith their kids on the holiday

(03:20):
like they used to, or they arenow spending it alone, and it
doesn't match up to the visionin their heads of how it should
be, and so they feel miserable.
And that's an option.
But another option is to makethe best of things how they are,
to maximize the enjoyment thatexists for yourself.

(04:03):
Sheryl Sandberg's book, option Bputs this really great. She
says, "When one door ofhappiness closes, another opens,
but often we look so long at theclosed door that we do not see
the one which has opened forus." Whether it's in life or
relationships or even somethingas small as the holidays, we all

(04:24):
have an ideal plan A for how wewould like things to go.
But life doesn't always workthat way.
All of us, at some point, withsome facet of life, end up not
being able to go with Plan A. Wehave to go with Plan B. And in
going with Plan B, you can gomoping and kicking and

(04:46):
screaming, or you can kick theshit out of plan B. You make the
best plan B you can. I think itcomes down to personal power and
staying in your power and out ofvictim mode. Yes, we can and
will be sad when plan A doesn'twork out, but you can lay down

(05:09):
and wallow in it, or you cankick the shit out of plan B.
When I was younger, I thought Iwould get married and have kids.
I did not think I would getabused. I did not think I would
get divorced. But I did, and nowI'm living my plan B. I honestly

(05:29):
think My Plan B is better thanmy plan A ever was. Not everyone
might feel the same way abouttheir plan B, but it is possible
to do your best to make yourplan B the best it can possibly
be, and allow yourself to moveinto a state of acceptance of
the loss of plan A and thepresence of plan B. Allow

(05:55):
yourself to find happiness evenin circumstances you didn't
necessarily want. Because thereis probably joy to be found
somewhere in the plan B if youwilling to look for it.
And seriously read that book,Option B, by Sheryl Sandberg. It
is a great book for anyone whohas been through anything

(06:16):
difficult, but do prepareyourself, because it is a tear
jerker. An inspirational tearjerker. tearjerker but still a
tearjerker. I'll put a link toit in the show notes. All right,
my friends. Until next time, bewell.