December 17, 2024 • 50 mins
(3:52) - Calm down with your "White Christmas" dream
(11:54) - Rachel gets a new roommate
(21:57) - Flashback to 2017 with Forman's unwelcome roommate
(27:37) - Earmuffs: Forman ruins Christmas AGAIN
(41:57) - YOUR comments & voice memos!
**PARTNER WITH US!**
Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, YouTube (& most others) or ask your smart speaker to, "play Due To Underwhelming Demand!"
@daverachelforman on instagram
@daverachelforman on Facebook
@duetounderwhelmingdemand on TikTok
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Oh, we were also going to talk about the Little Drummer Boy
Challenge. I have that in here for some
reason. Oh, so I've heard it three times
and I've taken a picture each time.
Today it was Joan Jett's version.
Who knew she did that? You're.
Getting the good stuff. What are you listening to?
Jimmy Fallon's holiday channel on Sirius.
Boy, I'd be all over that. There's your problem right
(00:21):
there. Probably would be all over that.
Well, there's your problem rightthere.
I've I'll bet Joan Jett's version of Little Drummer Boys
A1. It's not, which is why I didn't
want to hear it, not which is. Why you shouldn't be listening
to Jimmy Fallon A. Lot of other holiday there's
either traditional holiday whichis Jim Neighbors or Jimmy Fallon
holiday or I can't remember whatthe other channel is so it's
(00:43):
only Jimmy Fallon holiday. No, I heart the holidays and you
get you get everything you need you.
Don't listen to I Heart I. Listen to the classic.
In my car, that's what I listen to.
That's why you're, you got mice in your stove.
They're saying please turn it on.
Yes, turn that off or turn this on.
Turn the. Stove on.
Yeah, kill us. I was cooking that day.
(01:09):
I'll tell you what, I had a lot of fun with our classic bit.
Where is it snowing this past week?
Well, I bet. You did.
Did. You find out where it wasn't
snowing. I did have a couple of people
informed me of where it was not snowing.
Yeah, don't tell me where it's not snowing.
Yeah, not the game. That's not the game.
Hey, this is due to underwhelming demand.
(01:30):
The podcast that. Brace yourself, guys.
Looks like we're on the naughty list.
Yeah, although I would like to plead our case, Foreman.
We didn't organize a murder mystery for two, you know,
preteens. We didn't put up a sex swing.
Please, please don't include. I mean, I think we know who's on
(01:50):
the naughty. List Santa is anti sex swing.
I did not say that Santa was anti.
Well, I thought we were on the. Naughty list, but the Oves are.
Oh, I see. OK, they don't like to.
Make for a very good reason, Rachel, which we won't go into.
OK, OK, alright, we are Dave, Rachel and Foreman.
(02:12):
Apologies for no new episode last week or whenever you
download your podcasts. I couldn't talk.
If you're not listening as soon as this comes out, this doesn't
matter to you. No it doesn't.
It's still episode 105, but we skipped a week.
It just was because. Of Dave.
It's a week late because I had a, you know, although I, I read
(02:34):
on social media the the podcast been cancelled.
I was like, what happened? How did it get?
Cancelled you happy you got sickyou couldn't.
Talk. No, we just we missed the week.
That's. Postponed.
We're. Not we're still here.
We did and we heard from you andthank you.
Like Julie had said, she wanted you to get well soon, Dave.
Looking forward to listening next week.
(02:55):
We'll miss you, but I'll try to make it through the week without
you guys. It'll be a struggle, but I'll
make it. Oh, that's nice.
And Bob chimed in to say, by theway, too, get better soon, Dave,
you should have had the flu shot.
I did. Actually, I did get the flu
shot. It wasn't that I had AII don't
know what it was. It was one of those weird, you
(03:16):
know when you get a cold, sometimes it's the full blown,
you get the headache and you're all stuffed up and you're
coughing and you're doing all ofthat.
I had a little cough. That's how it started.
It never really materialized. It got a little louder and a
little more annoying, and then it got, you know, to the point
where I was awake at night. But it was a cough.
That was it. But I lost out of that cough.
(03:37):
I lost my voice, which is still a little raspy, but coming back
slowly but surely. It sounds OK to us.
Yeah, I feel fine now. And we're back during.
Boy, I really wanted to talk. I really wanted to do the
podcast last week because all ofyou people who are and I don't
know where you are, but if you're dreaming of a white
Christmas, slow your F and roll holy cow, like.
(04:01):
Can we? Just a week or two ago, yeah.
Can we just back up for a second?
Can we just kind of, you know, maybe sing that song maybe one
or three or or 500 times less? Yeah.
Because. We got a dumping.
Well, you guys I'm sure got somesnow farming.
You're in Saint Thomas, Rachel, you're in small town nowhere and
(04:22):
I'm sure that you guys got snow,but you didn't get I think
Gravenhurst. I read the the mayor of
Gravenhurst who's lived there 25years or whatever said she'd
never seen that much snow in in a short period of time.
They got 140 centimeters. That's.
Like almost. Five feet.
That's 5 feet. Unreal.
That's insane. That's unreal.
But we caught starting on it. It began overnight Sunday into
(04:47):
Monday, and then when it got up early Monday, I looked outside
and went, oh, we have snow. And then I backed the truck out.
I'm taking my wife to work and Iback.
What kind of truck? A black 1 and I backed it out
and I went, well, there's more snow out there than you really
think there is. So I, I came back, I got about
15 minutes into my exercise and said, the hell with this.
(05:10):
Where is my snow blower? Well, yeah, it's still snowing.
Like you're out there doing it and you're in a snow globe like
it's still coming down. It's the kind of snow that when
my, when I was a kid, my dad andnow Jeremy died, he goes out
shovels just to kind of keep up with it so that you don't wait
for it all. And yes, and then you're doing
like exactly 2 feet at once, right?
(05:31):
So I, so I snowball. I snow blew out the back.
I snow. Yeah.
You get that all done and then, you know, I'm back in the house
and I'm like, I got a little bitof this cold.
Oh, I'm suffering. I better have a nap.
So I napped and then when I get up, I, I, I looked outside and I
went. It's still snowing.
Is it ever going to stop snow? No it didn't.
So the next morning my wife getsup before me.
(05:54):
She usually gets up and works out.
I get up at my normal time and Ilook out and, or I, I, I hear
her coming in from the garage and I think, what's she doing
out in the garage? Well, she decided not to do a
little workout downstairs. She decided to go out and shovel
half of the driveway, the half that the truck is, you know, in.
I also seem to to live with people who are taking the
opportunity for exercise and we only had two days we needed to
(06:17):
shovel. The first day, Yeah, Harley did
it. Yeah, I saw that I posted that.
And the second day Ashley did it.
I haven't shoveled at all of your.
Lucky man. Well, lucky man anyway, so.
I usually do do a lot of shoveling.
I haven't shoveled at all either, so.
So I go around the front. Surprised by that?
Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. Now I gotta dig out this, this
(06:39):
big ear of my front walk. Now it's not that five, but you
know, you've got A and it's huge.
And so I look over Boo hags out there and she's picking up the
chunks. There are so and and it's a
double driveway, right? They've got A2 car garage.
And she's. Picking up chunks off of this
(07:00):
stuff because you can't even shovel it.
It's too heavy. Yeah.
And she's picking them up and tossing them, right.
She's picked and she's shaking her head.
And then she looks over at me and I, you know, I'm, I'm
grinding with my, you know, but I get it out of there because I
got a snow blower. It goes through and eventually
it goes. Through.
Yeah, it does. So then I think to myself.
(07:23):
Should I go help? Should I be good neighbor and go
over and help? Does Dave help Dave do what
would? Dave, do you know I'm actually
stumped on what you would do right now?
Like, I don't know, she. Has been such a Dick to you
guys, yeah. Yes.
What do you think? Dave.
(07:43):
Did you? Being the nice guy and helping
with your snow blower would probably go a long way to
repairing some of that I. Think you were to describe me in
a word you would say, sweetheart, I think both of.
You obviously, of course, yes, that's the first thing I.
Think no. I did.
I think you, sweetheart. Did you help?
(08:05):
I don't know. I was expecting you to say that
she was picking up the ice chunks and throwing them onto
your walk. That's what I expected too.
I thought you were going to say she picked them up and threw
them right in front of your snowblower.
That wouldn't surprise me if shedid, but.
I know you're going. To do that, I think you
pretended that your snow blower broke and you went inside.
(08:28):
It did not help. I'm going to do a vote for
helping. You're closer to the truth form
and then you are from the I didn't pretend my snow blower
didn't work. I just put it back in the garage
and I thought if I were to help her, if I were to help her,
here's what I here's here's how I wrestled with this.
If I were to help her, I feel like when I come in the house
(08:53):
and I say to my beautiful wife Jenna, well I helped the Boo hag
out. I dug her out, dug the bottom
end of her driveway. She would have she would have
lost her mind with Boo and said,are you crazy?
The woman that called the city on us, the woman who is like
this, you helped her. So I wrestled with it.
(09:18):
Yeah. But you kill her with kindness,
she'll she'll regret all those terrible things, perhaps.
If you helped. Down inside.
Yeah, I think she would have some regrets for.
Being wheeled back into my driveway, I got around into my
driveway. I see my other neighbor who I
like very much. His name is Gary, and he's out.
He's got one of those big metal things, you know, that you push
(09:40):
like the great big shovels, that's what.
He oh the giant. Scooper shovel.
Scooper shovel. And he's doing the bottom of his
driveway with that. And I went, well, I gotta help
him like I'll help him. I'll help you, Gary.
Yeah, so. You get the wheel blower back
out. Here, I'll, I'll help you dig it
out. And he goes, no, no, no, no, no,
no, don't, no. This is my exercise.
Don't do it. I see you running all the time.
(10:01):
That's your exercise. This is my exercise.
This is what I do. I said no, I'll help.
No, I don't want any help. Is that OK?
So I went in and I went. Well, I feel better now.
At least I offered to help someone, right?
Offered one neighbor. I offered to help one neighbor.
You know what, let this be a lesson to the Boo hag if you are
going to continue to be an asshole.
(10:22):
Well, nobody. 'S going to help you when you
need it. The sign says karma is a bitch,
yeah. But I thank you.
Thank you for giving us one hatelisten download every week
though one hate listen. I don't.
Think so? I don't think.
(10:54):
This is due to underwhelming demand.
The podcast. That's like opening a Christmas
present and getting underwear and socks.
Just what I needed. Yeah, yeah.
Something you really you really don't.
Relies on his his annual Christmas underwear and socks
gift for to get him through the year, quite frankly so.
(11:14):
But it's something, yes, you really need that.
Honestly, when you open it, you're like, great, thanks.
This is what I want. Someone to buy me underwear and
socks you. May need this podcast just like
new underwear and socks, you're gonna.
Get you may need it. Yes, you.
May need it you. Need it like you need a new pair
of undies. That's well, I wouldn't go that
far. OK, well, you know what I didn't
(11:38):
need recently is I know so good,so good.
Thank you. Thank you didn't.
Need. I didn't need, yeah.
Double negative segue. I you know what, I did not need
to have happen. You know what I did not need?
Is finding a mouse in the house,Yeah.
(11:59):
Yeah. Happened last week and Jeremy
wasn't home. It was just me and the girls.
Even better, that was. So much worse.
You don't even really have. So much worse.
You don't even have to tell the story.
Now you. Know what happened?
Wait. A second It's Christmas time.
Sit by the warmth of your fire while you listen to the podcast,
and Foreman and I will do the same thing.
(12:20):
Just pause for a second and imagine.
Imagine how this went with no Jeremy in the house and of most.
Oh my God. And three, three of us girls.
You don't even have. You don't even have to talk.
That was exactly the same when it happened over here.
That was exactly, yeah. Were you not there?
No, I said no, I wasn't home. And I said you had sent a
(12:42):
message about you didn't explainwhat happened.
And we still don't know. You had just said we're having a
mouse crisis over here and Jeremy isn't home.
Yeah. And Ashley said you weren't home
either. Why does this happen when you
guys aren't home? And.
You know where? And then you and then you're
blamed. You are blamed for what happened
because you weren't here. Exactly.
(13:04):
You, the mouse catcher, should be in the home at all at all
times. How am I the mouse catcher
You're. Nowhere.
Nowhere not. Me.
I can tell you that right now. In my case, on any business card
that I've ever had in my life. Does this say really, if it
comes down to Ashley and I, who's the mouse catcher, it's
really her because in our case, it she found it dead in her
(13:25):
sweater. Oh.
My gosh, that she. Wore around the house and made
dinner with. You were home that time, right?
It was. Not home.
Oh, I thought that was a different OK, I came home.
Later in the night when she was a horrified and stripped down to
nothing after cuddling with it on the couch.
And it was. Dead on the couch.
(13:45):
Beside her. Oh.
My no thank you. Yeah, Tom, last story rage.
Well. I didn't cuddle with the dead
mouse, no, it was very much alive.
You cuddled with the live. Mouse.
No, I didn't touch anything. Where was said mouse?
So the girls and I were playing charades in the living room.
We just were. We were just having fun.
(14:05):
That's what happens when Jeremies not.
It's kind of quiet, right? And which I've noticed, I think
that's when the mouse comes out because when you're moving
around, it's not coming out. How often do you play charades
with the girls? Well, we have the kids charades
thing and Julia was like, let's have a family game night.
So we just, we did, I don't know, we might play it once a
month. We just did.
(14:26):
So you pick a card and you do it.
And anyway, it was fine. So we're playing this game and I
all of a sudden I just happened to look over into the kitchen
and I see on the stove there's apot on the stove that hadn't
been cleaned yet, but. Because Jeremy wasn't home,
Yeah. That's right.
Yeah, of course. Behind the pot, this little
brown head pops up. And I was like, Oh my God, Oh my
(14:49):
God. And the girls are like what?
What? I'm like Oh my God, Oh my God,
Oh my God. And they're like what, what,
what? So I'm trying to text Jeremy
immediately and I'm like, there's a mouse and the girls
are like, what? And they're screaming and I'm
like, I know, like I feel the same.
Like I also want to. Scream, you're supposed to keep
things calm. I have to be the adult.
(15:10):
I know I hate that, But you don't have to be the adult.
You can't be and this is what happens in my house again and
say you see where they get it from.
So, so Jeremy Facetimes me and I'm like, Oh my God.
And then the mouse goes away. I'm like, where the hell did
(15:30):
that mouse come from and where did it go?
It's on top of my stove now. I have a gas stove, so it's got
like the grate on top and it kind of dips down to where the
burners are, right? So there's.
No. How you deal with that?
You have a gas stove, That's howyou get rid of the mouse lighter
up. No, fire it up right.
I don't know how it's getting onto the onto the stove top.
(15:53):
That's irrelevant. It's not in the oven.
You want that mouse to dance? Well, I didn't want it to jump
on me. That's what I didn't want.
I didn't go frigging near it. So that's like frad Pussycat.
OK, I was not sliding a mouse onfire, although I probably could.
(16:14):
Have like fire. I just.
Well. You turn the burner on, it's
fire. Well, yeah.
Die immediately. Not necessarily, they're pretty
fast. Yeah, so I screamed and it it
ran away. So I think there, so the, I
don't know how to explain this very well.
There's the stove top, right? But then the back of the stove,
(16:36):
like where the clock is, it kindof it obviously connects.
However, there's a space there that goes kind of in behind the
the stove. Now I don't know if that goes
into the oven below or if it like if there's a if it's like a
wall between the back of the oven and the back of the stove.
(16:56):
Do you know what I mean? It's hard.
To find out. I'm not.
I am not taking that thing apart.
I cannot. Turn on the oven.
Well. I guess.
But again, we get back to makingthe most dance.
We hadn't actually used the ovenfor two days because we were out
for dinner the one day and then the next day I made like a
chicken Caesar salad. So I already had the chicken and
(17:17):
it was just all kind of cold. Leftover from the Swiss chalet.
No, no. Anyway, so we had that and OK,
so the mouse goes away. So Jeremy Facetimes me and I am
freaking out like, Oh my God, why is this happening to me
right now? So and then I'm trying to text
my neighbor because Jeremy's working until like 10:00 PM so
he's not coming home and the girls are screaming and they're
(17:40):
like, where did it go? I'm like, I don't know, is it on
the floor? No, it's not.
I just, I don't think so. And then my neighbor who is the
other husband that I rely on is not home also, but his wife is
texting me like ha ha, this is fun.
And I'm like this like I'm freaking out and she's like I'm
sorry, he's not home. So then I call She's.
(18:00):
Not coming over to help 'cause she doesn't want to go anywhere
near the no no. For sure not.
She's like, I would freak out too.
I'm like, I know. So then I call my, the next
nearest person is my stepdad wholives around the corner.
So he, he comes over immediately, thank God.
So he comes over and he sets up a bunch of traps and I, and I
tell him where everything, wherethe mouse was.
(18:22):
He's like, yeah, 'cause the mouse came out again, we saw the
mouse again. He's like like, Oh yeah, I saw
his tail scurry into the into that little opening then.
So he set the trap. We set 2 on top of the stove and
and then we put two under the stove because we didn't know if
they were underneath. We took the drawer out, put them
in and then to close the drawer.And so anyways, then so the
(18:43):
girls at that point were out on the front porch.
They will not come in the house until this is taken care of.
So I'm now inside by myself trying to be an adult with a
mouse in the house. And I've heard if you see a
mouse, if you actually see one, then you know you have a whole
family somewhere. There's a lot more than just
(19:03):
one. So now that freaks me out too,
right? Canned confirm.
Anyway, we ended up catching themouse overnight.
Jeremy came home, He's like, well, when I come home, don't
worry, I'll deal with it. I'm like, yeah, you will deal
with it because I'm not dealing with it.
You're dealing with the dead mouse.
And you're mad at him. I'm not mad, I just don't want
to deal. With him you sound like you're
(19:24):
mad at. Him.
I'm. I am.
You sound like you're mad at everybody.
Yeah, because I hate mice and I don't want them in my house.
I don't. I'm mad that the mouse is in the
house at all. But every time I screamed, the
mouse would run away. So I know it's scared of us
because it doesn't, it doesn't like my screens, so it would go
back into the little hole that it's in.
But I don't know where it had come from.
(19:45):
Anyway, the next morning we wokeup and the mouse was dead on the
stove, so that needed a good cleaning because we did catch it
in the trap and that's all we'vecaught so far.
Just one. Just one I know.
Then I then Jeremy went out and got, you know, spray foam and
caulking and more traps and I was like, we are, we are sealing
every hole outside. Make sure we put grates on the
(20:07):
vents, things like that. I I just can't.
I can't with the mice and they all get in this time of year.
Because of the snow. Yeah, it's starting to snow.
It's cold I. I do you know the worst part
about having mice is trying to set those little traps?
Yes, I cannot. They're 'cause they're so
(20:27):
flimsy. Yes, that they will crush your
fingertips. But the the cheap ones are the
best ones. Yeah I know but they will always
not catch and slam on you and ifyou're not like I'm you shit
like I've never shaken like thatbefore then when trying to set
traps. So when?
You get setting the one and. Trying to put it with the
(20:48):
process of it set in your hand and how do you get it off your
hand and. Put it onto the floor without it
snapping closed. Can't it's?
Like a 5050 shot. It's 5050 or worse.
Yeah, Stu had to reset one probably 10 times, and then
we're like, you know what, let'sjust use a different.
One if you're trapping yourself form and there could be a
problem. Here, those traps are so finicky
(21:09):
they will snap on anything. That's why they're the best
kind. But you got to make sure you
don't snap yourself. Honestly, the stress of setting
a mousetrap is like watching an episode of The Bear.
I wouldn't know because I don't set them.
I wouldn't know, says Rachel. Of course.
The bear's not stressful. Did you watch the Christmas
episode yet? Yes, but I didn't know.
(21:31):
It's not that bad. It's not like having a mouse in
your house. I'm going to tell you that right
now. Just a car.
(21:57):
And for your listening pleasure,trip back in time to November
14th, 2017 with Dave Lindsay filling in for Rachel and
Foreman on the radio. This type of thing, of course,
would happen to Ashley. And when I'm not home but three
(22:19):
in the morning or so, Ashley is awoken to hear not just
scurrying from above our bedroomin the attic, no, but a.
Thump. Thump, OH.
Oh, that's not. Good not.
Followed by scurrying is not good.
Just an enormous amount of squeaking, not just like.
(22:41):
Oh dear. Cute, adorable squeaking.
No, that's not panic, pain, torture, squeaking.
Here at 3:00 AM. Yeah, she's pretty.
Sure that, as you can imagine, whatever this is was running
along in the attic and fell downinto the wall.
And just enjoy just enjoying life up in the attic and fell
down well. Misstep.
(23:04):
And she tells me all this over the phone.
Well, I don't. It's in the wall.
Maybe it climbed back up. But then I heard another thud.
Oh dear. I don't know where it is.
Is it still in the wall? Did it go back up?
It's kind of sounds like it's near your side of the room
actually. OK.
I don't know where it is but after a little while it has
stopped and she's calling me to tell me about this commotion.
(23:26):
So later in the day I get home get.
Home. Yeah, later in the day I get
home. I don't know.
I stop and get some random like a couple of those snap traps for
mice on the way home, crawl up into the attic, look around, and
I see that since the last time I've been in the attic, boy, you
can tell where they've been. They have been everywhere.
(23:48):
Digging and stuff. Well, it's all blown in
insulation, so you can see theirlittle trails, their little mice
highways, Oh dear. All the runways all over the
place. And I can see one does go along
the top of our bedroom wall where there is a gap where one
definitely could have fallen in.So her story checks out.
Checks out so far. Later that evening after dinner,
(24:12):
we're watching some TV on the couch.
It's been maybe an hour. Yeah, she has a sweater on that
had been on the floor of the bedroom all day.
Oh, no, I don't even like where this is.
I don't either. You're getting all squirt.
You're getting squirmy over there.
You're getting squirmy over there, Lee.
And she'd already made dinner inthe sweater.
Been on the couch for a while inthe sweater.
(24:35):
Leans forward and notices right under her leg is a dead mouse on
the couch. 4. Men a dead.
Mouse on the just on the couch, just lying there that.
She's been sitting. There.
How loud was the scream? I I feel her mind broke like she
(24:59):
needed a straight jacket. I don't know what.
She was saying. Honest, like it cracked her.
It. Destroyed her spirit.
It was complete utter chaos and commotion because she'd been
sitting with this dead mouth. Disgusting.
This is just so bad. Our theory is that fell down
(25:19):
through the wall, escaped under a baseboard, and.
Got some and. Hid, scared, panicked and
injured inside the pocket of that sweater all day until they
basically died in there. And then she wore it around the
house for a while, made dinner all.
Right. All right.
OK. Graphic.
I got texts here. You really let's see here.
(25:39):
OMG poor Ashley burned that sweater.
Here's another. My massage yesterday was a waste
of time because now I'm all tense again.
And then there's I think I need to shut you off.
There's also You Can Knock Me Over with a Feather after that
most story. Well, it was a little
discomforting. Did you get an expert involved?
We had an expert come over yesterday.
(26:00):
Good. He was so not concerned about
any of it because they are definitely only in the attic.
You know, he put some bait stations up there, he said.
You will be amazed about how effective they are.
You don't really need to go around your house and seal up
every hole and crack you can find.
Unless you want some sort of comfort, I suppose.
Because there's no house or building that is completely
(26:21):
sealed, and it's not good for your house anyway.
Yeah. How's Ashley?
Is he OK with all that? Well, she, she did say last
night, it's, it's funny now, butmake sure when I tell this
story, just make sure everyone knows how traumatic it was.
It wasn't that funny. This is due to underwhelming
(26:52):
demand. The ugly Christmas sweater of
podcast. Of course we are.
Yes, of course we are. That's us.
Underwhelming and ugly, yeah. Yes, yes, the two U's.
Yeah, we are. We, we are, Dave.
Maybe we're so sparkly it's off putting.
Could be. I doubt it though.
We are Dave, Rachel and Foreman.You're wearing one right now,
(27:14):
David. I do, yeah.
Oh, it's a Joe Cool. Sweater.
Ugly sweater. Ugly it is.
It's very ugly, yes. So is the elf that's visiting us
right now. I like that.
Okay, all right. Do we need a?
Disclaimer here first. Yes.
Okay. Are we going to talk?
How are we going to present the elf?
(27:36):
Okay, hang on a second for a minute.
Are you about to, you know, likeyou did last year, destroy
Christmas for all kids? That's what I do yeah.
Shrink 3 sizes today. That's.
Right. You know what?
I might actually ruin Christmas as well.
I might pile on that. So OK, because I also have a
(27:57):
story that I could tell. Those of you who've been wishing
for little children, if you've been wishing for a white
Christmas, we. You know what we think of you
already, so slow your roll I. Like a white Christmas, just not
a season's worth in a day. I like it.
If we have a white Christmas, weget all that dumping when I
don't have to drive. If I have to drive in it, I
(28:18):
don't want it. Yeah, you know, like it.
It just was getting. When you get that much snow,
it's almost too much laughable. It was really laughable.
OK, anyway, so slow your roll. On the children are out of the
room, right? That's right, and get the kids
out of the room, because here isthe foreman who stole Christmas.
So what are we talking about here?
The Elf on the Shelf? The Elf on the Shelf.
Our daughter Harley, who's eleven, knows that it's just the
(28:42):
toy, right? This is what we went through
last year, right? She had gone to bed, everyone
gone to bed and had just. Moved.
Move the elf to a new location. Uh huh.
OK. And it's right near the bottom
of the stairs to go upstairs, where all the bedrooms are.
OK, right. As Ashley's turning the corner
to go upstairs, Harley's coming down suddenly.
(29:04):
I don't know why she never gets out of her bed after she's
already going to bed. Wow.
And Ashley freezes, does not know what to do.
Asks Harley. What are you doing?
Harley replies. I'm just going to get some water
from the fridge. Ashley still has no idea what to
do, knows what she's just done with the elf.
So. She's already moved it.
(29:24):
She's already moved it, it's notlike it's in her hand.
That's because you're not supposed to touch it, right?
Nobody touches the elf and magically comes in and out every
night. And reports back to the North
Pole. I had no idea there were all
these rules so. If you touch the elf, it loses
its magic exactly you. Can't touch it.
OK, wow, there's a lot. Of rules.
So Ashley does not. She thinks, you know, maybe
Harley won't notice. I'm just gonna go off up the
(29:47):
stairs and think nothing of it. She noticed.
She noticed big time and thought, well, that doesn't make
sense. I knew something up was up with
that. She put two and two together and
went wait a second and. Then the next morning, I guess,
well, I'm down here in the basement doing playing radio for
Halifax, they're having a bawling conversation closed door
(30:11):
in Harley's room about how we'velied to her, about how it's just
a toy. Oh boy.
Starts asking questions about the big guy Ashley skirts around
those, at least for now, but so she knows it's just a stuffed
animal that we. Move.
But it does actually made this year more delightful because she
(30:34):
wants to help the elf do things on a daily basis for the
enjoyment of her younger sister.Good.
OK. Yeah, less stress on you, Yes.
I feel like yes, but I also feellike this isn't gonna workout.
There's been several real short,sharp quips of you better not
ruin this for your sister. Yes, that's.
(30:55):
What? I don't you dare say anything.
Yeah, exactly. Because she still love it.
Like Emily will rise up out of bed and run down the stairs and
like immediately go search for her and like, look.
Where that is good. Yes.
You'll hear that from 2 floors away.
It's adorable and so as long as she can cling to that, the
better. So far, her older sister is
(31:17):
doing a fantastic job helping. Good, good.
Except for earlier this week, and we don't even know how that
we noticed after a night in the morning the elf didn't have a
nose. Like it's a plush elf.
It's a bigger elf than the usualelf, but it still is an official
(31:39):
Elf on the Shelf. But the the.
Nose would be like a hard plastic piece and it was just
gone. So she's got like an indent,
like a Michael Jackson, if you will, that.
Happen a Michael Jackson. I don't.
That's quite sad. That's.
Funny you can picture it. Yes, I can.
(32:00):
I can do. Immediately, I know what you're
talking about now. Yes, you do.
OK, what happened to the nose? We don't know, so the nose is
gone. You have mice.
It it. I don't think so.
Not, not. We already burned that house
down, yeah. Don't take micey.
OK. Plastic.
No, I haven't burned mine down yet.
(32:21):
No, yeah, so we, but I, I, it was Ashley setting it up this
morning. So still set it up.
And so the elf is in the the themain floor little half bathroom
sink fishing for little goldfishcrackers with that.
And she made like a whole fishing reel and everything.
Noseless still. Noseless.
Noseless, though. Jeez, we just move it around the
(32:41):
house. Because we thought, well, I
don't. I mean, what can you do now?
Maybe Emily won't notice. First thing she saw this morning
was where's the nose? Yeah, of course, we said.
Are you sure Nose? Maybe.
Maybe the alpha has been like that the whole time.
You should just gaslight her andsay I can see a nose it's right
there. That's right.
(33:02):
The gaslighting has already begun.
When you go. Are you sure?
Yeah. The nose is noticing.
Yeah, that never. Had a nose.
I was pretty foggy getting up tothe North Pole last night.
She must have had an accident. Sure.
Yeah, you could have set up a little game like, you know, got
your nose with another stuffy orsomething like that.
Could have. You could try.
You could try. The oh, we didn't even notice.
(33:24):
And then the the elf just never gets it back.
Right. Yeah.
OK, OK. I think I feel like that's a
stretch. That's a bit of a stretch,
Rachel. Well, we, I mean, we, it seemed
to be OK for the day of startingwith we didn't notice.
Maybe it's been like that for a while and maybe she had an
accident getting to and from theNorth Pole last year, but we've
(33:44):
got to do something about this. So Ashley's looking up.
OK, where you been? Buying Elf mid-december.
Like who needs to sell them mid-december?
Like if we're going to get one, you already have one, right?
Right. And this isn't your typical
smaller elf. It's a larger plush elf.
Still looks the same, just a little bit bigger.
OK, turns out that exact model of ELF like this is like the
(34:05):
killing the Crystal Spirit as wespeak because that model of ELF
has been discontinued. Oh no.
You can't get that one now, you can only get this it a very
similar one, but it's a plush nose that's sewn on.
Yes, there was a problem with the nose with the discontinued
ELF. Must have been.
Oh my God. Oh, that's awful.
(34:29):
OK, what are you going to do? Well, as luck would have it.
Uh huh. We found the nose in the carpet
like it is tiny and Ashley foundit in the carpet where it was,
the near where it was the night before because that was my first
thought, like it must be somewhere around there in this
little tiny little bead. Basically we found it so.
(34:54):
Good. Tomorrow morning the elf will be
in a new location with a Band-Aid on her nose, and then
the following morning she will once again have a nose.
OK, good. You could.
You know what I just thought of if you didn't find the nose.
Now that you have, this is moot.A moot point.
(35:14):
It's very you could. Tell us anyway.
Put the Band-Aid on and then give her a different bead for a
nose like she had a nose job. Well.
She's getting a nose job. She's getting a nose job anyway,
but if it was a different one, then you know, that's when you
get a nose job. You it's a different nose.
Why? Why?
Why don't you just? Follow up, Michael Jackson.
Yeah, why don't you just have a Michael Jackson on the shelf?
(35:35):
Full circle to the elf and get aMichael Jackson nose keeps
falling off. Oh.
That's OK. I can't wait to see how that
plays out. Actually I want what?
Color Will the Michael be tomorrow, Dad?
OK, I have an elf on the shelf story.
If you're if you're finished, are you finished?
Do you have more 2? Very good.
Every, every are we? Leaving the nose.
(35:57):
Job Every. Everything.
Well, we haven't. Seen.
She hasn't seen it with the Band-Aid, because that'll be for
tomorrow morning, and then she hasn't seen it with the nose
returned. On that, I guess you will, yeah.
We will. OK, so my 11 year old Julia is
same age as Harley. Our our girls are actually the
exact same ages, Foreman's girlsand my girls.
So Julia's 11 last year there was two times where she asked me
(36:20):
if Santa was real and we kind ofgot away with the first time I
said yes, of course yes. And she's like OK.
And then later in the season sheasked again and I said, do you
really want to know? And she said no super well,
that's saying no, am I? Do you really want to know?
Is saying no. I said, do you believe Santa's
(36:40):
real? She's like, yeah, I'm like,
well, that's all that matters. Like that's and she's like, OK,
so then this year we're actuallygetting ready for the elf to
return. We're talking about it.
We've I've put it in my calendar, like elf returns
December 1st or whatever, right?So that I know the day before or
the November 30th and I think she saw it in there and she's
like the elf returns. I'm like, yeah, yeah, the elf
(37:01):
comes back. Well, she comes down into my
studio here December 1st and she's like, mom, I have to ask
you something. I said OK, She's like, it's
really been bothering me, OK. She's like, are you and dad
moving the elf? And I said, do you really wanna
(37:24):
know? Mostly, mostly your dad.
Mostly your dad. She's like I said, do you really
wanna know? She's like, yes, like, Oh my
God, yes. And I'm like, yes, we are.
She's like, okay, good. I thought like it was.
She was relieved to hear that. Yeah.
And she was like, thank God, thewhole.
Elf on the Shelf thing is creepy.
Right. So that day she was actually
(37:46):
home. She was home sick or she was
home doing something. She had a play that she was
doing. So she might have been home by
herself that morning and the elfwas in the same room as her.
And she said, I just been staring at that elf all day and
the elf just staring at me. It's so creepy.
And she's like, I just, I wantedto touch it and I was going to
touch it because I think it's just a toy, but then I didn't
(38:07):
want to touch it because if I touch it, the magic goes away.
So I almost did. And then I was like, Nope, don't
do it. Julia.
She's talking to herself and she's telling me this whole
story about how she's I'm going to touch it.
No, I'm not not. Yes, I am.
No, I'm not. You know, she's going wrestling
with this in her head. And then she tells me that in
the summer sometime she was in the furnace room and she saw the
Elf on the Shelf in the box. And she had asked me about that
(38:32):
earlier. And I said, well, the elf,
remember when we got the Elf on the Shelf and it came in a box?
And she said, yeah, I was like, well, that's it, we still have
the box. And then she was like, oh, and
then the elf just stays there all, all year.
I'm like, yeah, exactly. Like that's what the ELF does.
No, it's supposed to have gone to the North Pole.
No, it stays in our box, Foreman.
That's what it does. It stays in the box in the
(38:54):
forest room. That's our story.
We're sticking to it. Anyway, so she was she was
actually like relieved to hear that, yes, we are the ones
moving it. It's just a toy.
And she'd obviously been thinking about this for a while
and kind of and wrestling with it.
But now it's kind of kind of it's come out.
So when when we were talking, I said, now listen, now that you
(39:18):
know this, you're in on the Christmas spirit secret, like
you're in on it. So you need to help keep this
alive for your sister. You can help us move it if you
want. You can set up little things.
And she's like, OK, yeah, yeah, I'm going to.
So now she's kind of on board with that.
So I said, you can't tell Kendall because she's only 7 and
(39:38):
she's she loves it too, right? So she was totally on board for
that. And then throughout the rest of
the day, she would say to me, Mom, when the elf was in a
bubble bath full of marshmallows, that was you.
I said, yeah, I did that. She's like, oh, you know, And
then she would think of something else the elf did, and
she's like, you did that. I said, yeah, She's like when
(40:01):
the elf was climbing the wall with, like, RIP bows for
presents, that was you. I said, yeah, that was me.
And she's like, what? Like her mind was blown that
like we did all this stuff. But now she's in on it, so I
mean, and she actually loves being in on it.
So she'll be like Harley. We haven't left the nose yet
(40:21):
though on ours. Best place to hide the elf in
the offseason, by the way, is one of your old purses at the
back of the closet. Yeah, because no one else will
look at it and either will you. There you go.
Perfect. This is due to Underwhelming
(40:49):
Demand, the podcast where Dave, Rachel and Foreman and check out
our website underwhelming.ca. It's new, we're working on it,
but it's there. Go see it.
Yeah, we've got a lot up so far,including a new listener survey
because we want to make sure that this podcast is something
that you enjoy and you want to listen to, and we talked about
(41:11):
things that you want to hear. So take our listener survey.
If you go to underwhelming.ca, you'll see on the top navigation
bar listener survey and you can just fill it out there.
Yeah, you can sign up for our newsletter.
You can sponsor the podcast or if you know somebody that would
like to sponsor the podcast, podcast, it's easy to find how
to do all of that stuff on our website.
(41:31):
Or you can just write to us.daverachelforeman@gmail.com
or anywhere on social media. We are minus the sponsor right
now, so, you know, it'd be greatif we could get 123 or 25.
Yeah. Yeah, so however many wanna
come. You could even leave us a
message through underwhelming.ca.
Even leave us a voice message through underwhelming.ca.
(41:51):
Yeah, you can. Yes, We've got everything on
there. Yeah.
Howie actually sent us a messagethrough our underwhelming.ca, he
says. Good day, Dave, Rachel and
Foreman, thank you for your show.
Always. I thought I would share with you
this link from Facebook for inflatable Santa's, and it's a
video of a humongous inflatable Santa in somebody's
(42:13):
neighborhood. And then we were talking about
anonymous posting on Facebook, he says.
I've created a private group forthe Strathroy Army Cadets,
Cathroy 11 Army Cadets and I've turned off anonymous postings so
it is possible. Being in charge of groups is a
full time job. Luckily for me it's a small
group. It is a full time you're.
You're like, it would be, it would be.
(42:35):
That's. Ridiculous.
And by the way, the, the big inflatables now, you know, and
I'm, I, I told you that I'm not a huge fan of the inflatables,
but my wife is starting to lean that way, which is bad news for
me because eventually this mighthappen to me.
But we were driving through a very, the old N neighborhood,
(42:55):
the, you know, old North in London a very, and we're, so
we're, we like to drive around and look at big houses and there
are big, beautiful old homes there.
You know, anyway, there's this one area where they all have the
same inflate. These are Tony, beautiful old
houses all decorated up with great big inflatable Santas.
(43:18):
It's all the same, all the same.And I thought, I thought to
myself, good for you people. Yeah, I love that.
But the update I have, I guess Ihaven't been able to share it
with you guys, is that, you know, the Embro is trying to get
the whole town on Ambro to do it.
So there's, there's well over 200 Santas there.
Wow. I took the Hard FM car through
(43:40):
the Santa Claus parade in Embro and down you go down the Main
Street and there's barely a single house without a Santa.
I have to go. You just.
So cool. And I tried.
We had one and I was trying to rig it up to put it onto the
roof of the car. Well, a couple problems.
It was super windy that night and 12 when you think, oh it's a
(44:02):
12 foot tall Santa, you don't realize how Big 12 feet are.
It's. Big.
Yeah, they're big. He turned into a sail, and then
he tore wide open sail. Oh my.
God that answered that question for me anyway.
And besides, there's plenty of power lines going across the
Main St. in Ambo, so even if I tried to put them up there it
would have been a disaster. Right.
(44:23):
Probably. Probably, although I would like
to have seen video of that. Well, and the cool thing is I
say. Video of it broken because you
posted it. Exactly, and I took a video
montage of all the not, not evenhalf of the ones I saw
documented of different Santas. They're great.
But the cool thing about Ambro that I'll just say too is that
(44:43):
they turn into a fundraiser. So anyone who had a Santa could
put in like 10 bucks. Some of the businesses around
the area were collecting donations.
You raised $8724. Yeah.
Come. On Wow.
All thanks to what you got the Grain Farmers of Ontario on
(45:06):
board. Well, it's actually going to be
more than that because grain farmers are going to bump theirs
to 2000. Wow, so we're getting even more
than 8700? Yeah.
That's the way more than I wouldhave expected.
And you know what? Some people have offered more.
Some people threw in what they had and it it just it takes a
village. And there's a number of
different charities. All that money is going to go
(45:27):
help, right? Yes.
So grain farmers, for one, are going to donate 1000 even to
Operation Sharing 1000 to DASO. Amazing.
The OCFA was going to donate their entire 1600 to Operation
Sharing and then the the local schools or a Highland Park
public school is getting at least the same 1600 for their
(45:49):
nutrition program. Wow.
And then we have a local lady getting grocery store gift card
and she's helping 11 families. As of yesterday, 11 families had
anonymously asked for a bit of help.
Very. Cool.
We have an e-mail from Bonnie who says I've been listening to
you guys again and I'm slowly catching up.
(46:10):
I started listening from day one, but I fell off the
bandwagon because, you know, life gets busy.
That's OK welcome back, she says.
I moved to northern BC and shocker radio stations are slim
pickings and radio signal is even worse in the foothills of
the Rockies so Spotify has been my go to.
I always used to listen to you guys on the radio station on my
morning commute so catching up on the podcast gives me a
(46:31):
reminder of some of the best parts in Ontario.
Just finished episode 88. I must say I will never tire of
the Foreman Windsor drama. Please never stop bringing it
up. It makes me literally laugh out
out loud every single. Time.
We also never tire of that, Bonnie, so you don't have to be,
don't have to worry about that. I also want to bring up Service
(46:53):
Ontario because wow, is it garbage.
Now that I've experienced something else, ICBC is
incredible here. Not only is everything cheaper,
but a lot of insurance brokers, municipal offices are ICBC
agents so there's no lack of places to go and many are open
past five PM, some open Saturdays and Sundays.
(47:13):
Since moving here I've realized Ontario's 25% worse than BC.
All right. Ontario, the Saint Thomas of
Canada. There you go, Saint Thomas of
Canada. Thank you, Bonnie.
That made me laugh out loud, allof that.
So thank you. On the same subject as the the
one that she doesn't tire of. Right.
I did mention in the previous episode about how one time my
(47:35):
mom served me raw chicken. Oh yes, yeah.
Did she? She didn't send us an e-mail,
though. No, but Jackie sent us a
comment. OK.
And all Jackie said was the raw chicken Foreman's mom fed him
was probably cooked in the fucking microwave.
Was it? Was it cooked in the microwave
(47:55):
for me? Not completely clearly, Clearly.
So it was awesome. Oh my gosh.
OK. Oh and I want to get with weed
because this is getting older and older.
It's a comment from John. OK.
John had said Because you, Dave had the tale of John buying his
(48:16):
wife Jan a scale. A scale, yes.
The scale yes, for her birthday.For her birthday and it was all
great and they're both still living together.
Yes, they're very happy. Yeah, and they're married still.
Yeah, still as far as I know, yes, last check as.
Far as I know. John, just wanted to say a big
thank you to you Dave for not telling the folks I gave Jan a
(48:40):
low flow toilet for her landmarkbirthday 14 years ago.
A low flow toilet? Did he really?
I I believe he told me that. That's amazing.
John, you're the king of useful gifts.
That's. Very useful, I mean.
You're not, you're not clearly she not going to use that
clearly. She needed a low flow toilet.
(49:01):
Sure. It doesn't.
I I I mean sure. What did she say?
When she opened it, was she pleased?
I. I wonder, I just, I want.
I wish there was a video that I forgot.
The first thing out of her mouthwas, well, I hope it's low flow.
Right. I hope it has a a soft closed.
(49:23):
Seat. That's right.
Better be low flow with a soft closed seat.
Don't ever think about giving mea scale after this for.
Christmas she'll get a bidet, which might actually be OK.
I would probably be all for that.
I don't think a low flow bidet would do much for you though.
(49:46):
No, if I get a bidet I want it to be as high flow as possible
because otherwise what is the point?
Who gave me a low flow bidet? I'm supposed to fucking
pressure. All it's doing is making the
floor wet. It's just spreading it around
(50:09):
now. Oh.
God. What is it?
Oh, we were also going to talk about the Little Drummer Boy
Challenge. I have that in here for some
reason. Oh, so I've heard it three times
and I've taken a picture each time.
Today it was Joan Jett's version.
Who knew she did that? You're.
Getting the good stuff. What are you listening to?
Jimmy Fallon's holiday channel on Sirius.
Boy, I'd be all over that. There's your problem right
(00:21):
there. Probably would be all over that.
Well, there's your problem rightthere.
I've I'll bet Joan Jett's version of Little Drummer Boys
A1. It's not, which is why I didn't
want to hear it, not which is. Why you shouldn't be listening
to Jimmy Fallon A. Lot of other holiday there's
either traditional holiday whichis Jim Neighbors or Jimmy Fallon
holiday or I can't remember whatthe other channel is so it's
(00:43):
only Jimmy Fallon holiday. No, I heart the holidays and you
get you get everything you need you.
Don't listen to I Heart I. Listen to the classic.
In my car, that's what I listen to.
That's why you're, you got mice in your stove.
They're saying please turn it on.
Yes, turn that off or turn this on.
Turn the. Stove on.
Yeah, kill us. I was cooking that day.
(01:09):
I'll tell you what, I had a lot of fun with our classic bit.
Where is it snowing this past week?
Well, I bet. You did.
Did. You find out where it wasn't
snowing. I did have a couple of people
informed me of where it was not snowing.
Yeah, don't tell me where it's not snowing.
Yeah, not the game. That's not the game.
Hey, this is due to underwhelming demand.
(01:30):
The podcast that. Brace yourself, guys.
Looks like we're on the naughty list.
Yeah, although I would like to plead our case, Foreman.
We didn't organize a murder mystery for two, you know,
preteens. We didn't put up a sex swing.
Please, please don't include. I mean, I think we know who's on
(01:50):
the naughty. List Santa is anti sex swing.
I did not say that Santa was anti.
Well, I thought we were on the. Naughty list, but the Oves are.
Oh, I see. OK, they don't like to.
Make for a very good reason, Rachel, which we won't go into.
OK, OK, alright, we are Dave, Rachel and Foreman.
(02:12):
Apologies for no new episode last week or whenever you
download your podcasts. I couldn't talk.
If you're not listening as soon as this comes out, this doesn't
matter to you. No it doesn't.
It's still episode 105, but we skipped a week.
It just was because. Of Dave.
It's a week late because I had a, you know, although I, I read
(02:34):
on social media the the podcast been cancelled.
I was like, what happened? How did it get?
Cancelled you happy you got sickyou couldn't.
Talk. No, we just we missed the week.
That's. Postponed.
We're. Not we're still here.
We did and we heard from you andthank you.
Like Julie had said, she wanted you to get well soon, Dave.
Looking forward to listening next week.
(02:55):
We'll miss you, but I'll try to make it through the week without
you guys. It'll be a struggle, but I'll
make it. Oh, that's nice.
And Bob chimed in to say, by theway, too, get better soon, Dave,
you should have had the flu shot.
I did. Actually, I did get the flu
shot. It wasn't that I had AII don't
know what it was. It was one of those weird, you
(03:16):
know when you get a cold, sometimes it's the full blown,
you get the headache and you're all stuffed up and you're
coughing and you're doing all ofthat.
I had a little cough. That's how it started.
It never really materialized. It got a little louder and a
little more annoying, and then it got, you know, to the point
where I was awake at night. But it was a cough.
That was it. But I lost out of that cough.
(03:37):
I lost my voice, which is still a little raspy, but coming back
slowly but surely. It sounds OK to us.
Yeah, I feel fine now. And we're back during.
Boy, I really wanted to talk. I really wanted to do the
podcast last week because all ofyou people who are and I don't
know where you are, but if you're dreaming of a white
Christmas, slow your F and roll holy cow, like.
(04:01):
Can we? Just a week or two ago, yeah.
Can we just back up for a second?
Can we just kind of, you know, maybe sing that song maybe one
or three or or 500 times less? Yeah.
Because. We got a dumping.
Well, you guys I'm sure got somesnow farming.
You're in Saint Thomas, Rachel, you're in small town nowhere and
(04:22):
I'm sure that you guys got snow,but you didn't get I think
Gravenhurst. I read the the mayor of
Gravenhurst who's lived there 25years or whatever said she'd
never seen that much snow in in a short period of time.
They got 140 centimeters. That's.
Like almost. Five feet.
That's 5 feet. Unreal.
That's insane. That's unreal.
But we caught starting on it. It began overnight Sunday into
(04:47):
Monday, and then when it got up early Monday, I looked outside
and went, oh, we have snow. And then I backed the truck out.
I'm taking my wife to work and Iback.
What kind of truck? A black 1 and I backed it out
and I went, well, there's more snow out there than you really
think there is. So I, I came back, I got about
15 minutes into my exercise and said, the hell with this.
(05:10):
Where is my snow blower? Well, yeah, it's still snowing.
Like you're out there doing it and you're in a snow globe like
it's still coming down. It's the kind of snow that when
my, when I was a kid, my dad andnow Jeremy died, he goes out
shovels just to kind of keep up with it so that you don't wait
for it all. And yes, and then you're doing
like exactly 2 feet at once, right?
(05:31):
So I, so I snowball. I snow blew out the back.
I snow. Yeah.
You get that all done and then, you know, I'm back in the house
and I'm like, I got a little bitof this cold.
Oh, I'm suffering. I better have a nap.
So I napped and then when I get up, I, I, I looked outside and I
went. It's still snowing.
Is it ever going to stop snow? No it didn't.
So the next morning my wife getsup before me.
(05:54):
She usually gets up and works out.
I get up at my normal time and Ilook out and, or I, I, I hear
her coming in from the garage and I think, what's she doing
out in the garage? Well, she decided not to do a
little workout downstairs. She decided to go out and shovel
half of the driveway, the half that the truck is, you know, in.
I also seem to to live with people who are taking the
opportunity for exercise and we only had two days we needed to
(06:17):
shovel. The first day, Yeah, Harley did
it. Yeah, I saw that I posted that.
And the second day Ashley did it.
I haven't shoveled at all of your.
Lucky man. Well, lucky man anyway, so.
I usually do do a lot of shoveling.
I haven't shoveled at all either, so.
So I go around the front. Surprised by that?
Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. Now I gotta dig out this, this
(06:39):
big ear of my front walk. Now it's not that five, but you
know, you've got A and it's huge.
And so I look over Boo hags out there and she's picking up the
chunks. There are so and and it's a
double driveway, right? They've got A2 car garage.
And she's. Picking up chunks off of this
(07:00):
stuff because you can't even shovel it.
It's too heavy. Yeah.
And she's picking them up and tossing them, right.
She's picked and she's shaking her head.
And then she looks over at me and I, you know, I'm, I'm
grinding with my, you know, but I get it out of there because I
got a snow blower. It goes through and eventually
it goes. Through.
Yeah, it does. So then I think to myself.
(07:23):
Should I go help? Should I be good neighbor and go
over and help? Does Dave help Dave do what
would? Dave, do you know I'm actually
stumped on what you would do right now?
Like, I don't know, she. Has been such a Dick to you
guys, yeah. Yes.
What do you think? Dave.
(07:43):
Did you? Being the nice guy and helping
with your snow blower would probably go a long way to
repairing some of that I. Think you were to describe me in
a word you would say, sweetheart, I think both of.
You obviously, of course, yes, that's the first thing I.
Think no. I did.
I think you, sweetheart. Did you help?
(08:05):
I don't know. I was expecting you to say that
she was picking up the ice chunks and throwing them onto
your walk. That's what I expected too.
I thought you were going to say she picked them up and threw
them right in front of your snowblower.
That wouldn't surprise me if shedid, but.
I know you're going. To do that, I think you
pretended that your snow blower broke and you went inside.
(08:28):
It did not help. I'm going to do a vote for
helping. You're closer to the truth form
and then you are from the I didn't pretend my snow blower
didn't work. I just put it back in the garage
and I thought if I were to help her, if I were to help her,
here's what I here's here's how I wrestled with this.
If I were to help her, I feel like when I come in the house
(08:53):
and I say to my beautiful wife Jenna, well I helped the Boo hag
out. I dug her out, dug the bottom
end of her driveway. She would have she would have
lost her mind with Boo and said,are you crazy?
The woman that called the city on us, the woman who is like
this, you helped her. So I wrestled with it.
(09:18):
Yeah. But you kill her with kindness,
she'll she'll regret all those terrible things, perhaps.
If you helped. Down inside.
Yeah, I think she would have some regrets for.
Being wheeled back into my driveway, I got around into my
driveway. I see my other neighbor who I
like very much. His name is Gary, and he's out.
He's got one of those big metal things, you know, that you push
(09:40):
like the great big shovels, that's what.
He oh the giant. Scooper shovel.
Scooper shovel. And he's doing the bottom of his
driveway with that. And I went, well, I gotta help
him like I'll help him. I'll help you, Gary.
Yeah, so. You get the wheel blower back
out. Here, I'll, I'll help you dig it
out. And he goes, no, no, no, no, no,
no, don't, no. This is my exercise.
Don't do it. I see you running all the time.
(10:01):
That's your exercise. This is my exercise.
This is what I do. I said no, I'll help.
No, I don't want any help. Is that OK?
So I went in and I went. Well, I feel better now.
At least I offered to help someone, right?
Offered one neighbor. I offered to help one neighbor.
You know what, let this be a lesson to the Boo hag if you are
going to continue to be an asshole.
(10:22):
Well, nobody. 'S going to help you when you
need it. The sign says karma is a bitch,
yeah. But I thank you.
Thank you for giving us one hatelisten download every week
though one hate listen. I don't.
Think so? I don't think.
(10:54):
This is due to underwhelming demand.
The podcast. That's like opening a Christmas
present and getting underwear and socks.
Just what I needed. Yeah, yeah.
Something you really you really don't.
Relies on his his annual Christmas underwear and socks
gift for to get him through the year, quite frankly so.
(11:14):
But it's something, yes, you really need that.
Honestly, when you open it, you're like, great, thanks.
This is what I want. Someone to buy me underwear and
socks you. May need this podcast just like
new underwear and socks, you're gonna.
Get you may need it. Yes, you.
May need it you. Need it like you need a new pair
of undies. That's well, I wouldn't go that
far. OK, well, you know what I didn't
(11:38):
need recently is I know so good,so good.
Thank you. Thank you didn't.
Need. I didn't need, yeah.
Double negative segue. I you know what, I did not need
to have happen. You know what I did not need?
Is finding a mouse in the house,Yeah.
(11:59):
Yeah. Happened last week and Jeremy
wasn't home. It was just me and the girls.
Even better, that was. So much worse.
You don't even really have. So much worse.
You don't even have to tell the story.
Now you. Know what happened?
Wait. A second It's Christmas time.
Sit by the warmth of your fire while you listen to the podcast,
and Foreman and I will do the same thing.
(12:20):
Just pause for a second and imagine.
Imagine how this went with no Jeremy in the house and of most.
Oh my God. And three, three of us girls.
You don't even have. You don't even have to talk.
That was exactly the same when it happened over here.
That was exactly, yeah. Were you not there?
No, I said no, I wasn't home. And I said you had sent a
(12:42):
message about you didn't explainwhat happened.
And we still don't know. You had just said we're having a
mouse crisis over here and Jeremy isn't home.
Yeah. And Ashley said you weren't home
either. Why does this happen when you
guys aren't home? And.
You know where? And then you and then you're
blamed. You are blamed for what happened
because you weren't here. Exactly.
(13:04):
You, the mouse catcher, should be in the home at all at all
times. How am I the mouse catcher
You're. Nowhere.
Nowhere not. Me.
I can tell you that right now. In my case, on any business card
that I've ever had in my life. Does this say really, if it
comes down to Ashley and I, who's the mouse catcher, it's
really her because in our case, it she found it dead in her
(13:25):
sweater. Oh.
My gosh, that she. Wore around the house and made
dinner with. You were home that time, right?
It was. Not home.
Oh, I thought that was a different OK, I came home.
Later in the night when she was a horrified and stripped down to
nothing after cuddling with it on the couch.
And it was. Dead on the couch.
(13:45):
Beside her. Oh.
My no thank you. Yeah, Tom, last story rage.
Well. I didn't cuddle with the dead
mouse, no, it was very much alive.
You cuddled with the live. Mouse.
No, I didn't touch anything. Where was said mouse?
So the girls and I were playing charades in the living room.
We just were. We were just having fun.
(14:05):
That's what happens when Jeremies not.
It's kind of quiet, right? And which I've noticed, I think
that's when the mouse comes out because when you're moving
around, it's not coming out. How often do you play charades
with the girls? Well, we have the kids charades
thing and Julia was like, let's have a family game night.
So we just, we did, I don't know, we might play it once a
month. We just did.
(14:26):
So you pick a card and you do it.
And anyway, it was fine. So we're playing this game and I
all of a sudden I just happened to look over into the kitchen
and I see on the stove there's apot on the stove that hadn't
been cleaned yet, but. Because Jeremy wasn't home,
Yeah. That's right.
Yeah, of course. Behind the pot, this little
brown head pops up. And I was like, Oh my God, Oh my
(14:49):
God. And the girls are like what?
What? I'm like Oh my God, Oh my God,
Oh my God. And they're like what, what,
what? So I'm trying to text Jeremy
immediately and I'm like, there's a mouse and the girls
are like, what? And they're screaming and I'm
like, I know, like I feel the same.
Like I also want to. Scream, you're supposed to keep
things calm. I have to be the adult.
(15:10):
I know I hate that, But you don't have to be the adult.
You can't be and this is what happens in my house again and
say you see where they get it from.
So, so Jeremy Facetimes me and I'm like, Oh my God.
And then the mouse goes away. I'm like, where the hell did
(15:30):
that mouse come from and where did it go?
It's on top of my stove now. I have a gas stove, so it's got
like the grate on top and it kind of dips down to where the
burners are, right? So there's.
No. How you deal with that?
You have a gas stove, That's howyou get rid of the mouse lighter
up. No, fire it up right.
I don't know how it's getting onto the onto the stove top.
(15:53):
That's irrelevant. It's not in the oven.
You want that mouse to dance? Well, I didn't want it to jump
on me. That's what I didn't want.
I didn't go frigging near it. So that's like frad Pussycat.
OK, I was not sliding a mouse onfire, although I probably could.
(16:14):
Have like fire. I just.
Well. You turn the burner on, it's
fire. Well, yeah.
Die immediately. Not necessarily, they're pretty
fast. Yeah, so I screamed and it it
ran away. So I think there, so the, I
don't know how to explain this very well.
There's the stove top, right? But then the back of the stove,
(16:36):
like where the clock is, it kindof it obviously connects.
However, there's a space there that goes kind of in behind the
the stove. Now I don't know if that goes
into the oven below or if it like if there's a if it's like a
wall between the back of the oven and the back of the stove.
(16:56):
Do you know what I mean? It's hard.
To find out. I'm not.
I am not taking that thing apart.
I cannot. Turn on the oven.
Well. I guess.
But again, we get back to makingthe most dance.
We hadn't actually used the ovenfor two days because we were out
for dinner the one day and then the next day I made like a
chicken Caesar salad. So I already had the chicken and
(17:17):
it was just all kind of cold. Leftover from the Swiss chalet.
No, no. Anyway, so we had that and OK,
so the mouse goes away. So Jeremy Facetimes me and I am
freaking out like, Oh my God, why is this happening to me
right now? So and then I'm trying to text
my neighbor because Jeremy's working until like 10:00 PM so
he's not coming home and the girls are screaming and they're
(17:40):
like, where did it go? I'm like, I don't know, is it on
the floor? No, it's not.
I just, I don't think so. And then my neighbor who is the
other husband that I rely on is not home also, but his wife is
texting me like ha ha, this is fun.
And I'm like this like I'm freaking out and she's like I'm
sorry, he's not home. So then I call She's.
(18:00):
Not coming over to help 'cause she doesn't want to go anywhere
near the no no. For sure not.
She's like, I would freak out too.
I'm like, I know. So then I call my, the next
nearest person is my stepdad wholives around the corner.
So he, he comes over immediately, thank God.
So he comes over and he sets up a bunch of traps and I, and I
tell him where everything, wherethe mouse was.
(18:22):
He's like, yeah, 'cause the mouse came out again, we saw the
mouse again. He's like like, Oh yeah, I saw
his tail scurry into the into that little opening then.
So he set the trap. We set 2 on top of the stove and
and then we put two under the stove because we didn't know if
they were underneath. We took the drawer out, put them
in and then to close the drawer.And so anyways, then so the
(18:43):
girls at that point were out on the front porch.
They will not come in the house until this is taken care of.
So I'm now inside by myself trying to be an adult with a
mouse in the house. And I've heard if you see a
mouse, if you actually see one, then you know you have a whole
family somewhere. There's a lot more than just
(19:03):
one. So now that freaks me out too,
right? Canned confirm.
Anyway, we ended up catching themouse overnight.
Jeremy came home, He's like, well, when I come home, don't
worry, I'll deal with it. I'm like, yeah, you will deal
with it because I'm not dealing with it.
You're dealing with the dead mouse.
And you're mad at him. I'm not mad, I just don't want
to deal. With him you sound like you're
(19:24):
mad at. Him.
I'm. I am.
You sound like you're mad at everybody.
Yeah, because I hate mice and I don't want them in my house.
I don't. I'm mad that the mouse is in the
house at all. But every time I screamed, the
mouse would run away. So I know it's scared of us
because it doesn't, it doesn't like my screens, so it would go
back into the little hole that it's in.
But I don't know where it had come from.
(19:45):
Anyway, the next morning we wokeup and the mouse was dead on the
stove, so that needed a good cleaning because we did catch it
in the trap and that's all we'vecaught so far.
Just one. Just one I know.
Then I then Jeremy went out and got, you know, spray foam and
caulking and more traps and I was like, we are, we are sealing
every hole outside. Make sure we put grates on the
(20:07):
vents, things like that. I I just can't.
I can't with the mice and they all get in this time of year.
Because of the snow. Yeah, it's starting to snow.
It's cold I. I do you know the worst part
about having mice is trying to set those little traps?
Yes, I cannot. They're 'cause they're so
(20:27):
flimsy. Yes, that they will crush your
fingertips. But the the cheap ones are the
best ones. Yeah I know but they will always
not catch and slam on you and ifyou're not like I'm you shit
like I've never shaken like thatbefore then when trying to set
traps. So when?
You get setting the one and. Trying to put it with the
(20:48):
process of it set in your hand and how do you get it off your
hand and. Put it onto the floor without it
snapping closed. Can't it's?
Like a 5050 shot. It's 5050 or worse.
Yeah, Stu had to reset one probably 10 times, and then
we're like, you know what, let'sjust use a different.
One if you're trapping yourself form and there could be a
problem. Here, those traps are so finicky
(21:09):
they will snap on anything. That's why they're the best
kind. But you got to make sure you
don't snap yourself. Honestly, the stress of setting
a mousetrap is like watching an episode of The Bear.
I wouldn't know because I don't set them.
I wouldn't know, says Rachel. Of course.
The bear's not stressful. Did you watch the Christmas
episode yet? Yes, but I didn't know.
(21:31):
It's not that bad. It's not like having a mouse in
your house. I'm going to tell you that right
now. Just a car.
(21:57):
And for your listening pleasure,trip back in time to November
14th, 2017 with Dave Lindsay filling in for Rachel and
Foreman on the radio. This type of thing, of course,
would happen to Ashley. And when I'm not home but three
(22:19):
in the morning or so, Ashley is awoken to hear not just
scurrying from above our bedroomin the attic, no, but a.
Thump. Thump, OH.
Oh, that's not. Good not.
Followed by scurrying is not good.
Just an enormous amount of squeaking, not just like.
(22:41):
Oh dear. Cute, adorable squeaking.
No, that's not panic, pain, torture, squeaking.
Here at 3:00 AM. Yeah, she's pretty.
Sure that, as you can imagine, whatever this is was running
along in the attic and fell downinto the wall.
And just enjoy just enjoying life up in the attic and fell
down well. Misstep.
(23:04):
And she tells me all this over the phone.
Well, I don't. It's in the wall.
Maybe it climbed back up. But then I heard another thud.
Oh dear. I don't know where it is.
Is it still in the wall? Did it go back up?
It's kind of sounds like it's near your side of the room
actually. OK.
I don't know where it is but after a little while it has
stopped and she's calling me to tell me about this commotion.
(23:26):
So later in the day I get home get.
Home. Yeah, later in the day I get
home. I don't know.
I stop and get some random like a couple of those snap traps for
mice on the way home, crawl up into the attic, look around, and
I see that since the last time I've been in the attic, boy, you
can tell where they've been. They have been everywhere.
(23:48):
Digging and stuff. Well, it's all blown in
insulation, so you can see theirlittle trails, their little mice
highways, Oh dear. All the runways all over the
place. And I can see one does go along
the top of our bedroom wall where there is a gap where one
definitely could have fallen in.So her story checks out.
Checks out so far. Later that evening after dinner,
(24:12):
we're watching some TV on the couch.
It's been maybe an hour. Yeah, she has a sweater on that
had been on the floor of the bedroom all day.
Oh, no, I don't even like where this is.
I don't either. You're getting all squirt.
You're getting squirmy over there.
You're getting squirmy over there, Lee.
And she'd already made dinner inthe sweater.
Been on the couch for a while inthe sweater.
(24:35):
Leans forward and notices right under her leg is a dead mouse on
the couch. 4. Men a dead.
Mouse on the just on the couch, just lying there that.
She's been sitting. There.
How loud was the scream? I I feel her mind broke like she
(24:59):
needed a straight jacket. I don't know what.
She was saying. Honest, like it cracked her.
It. Destroyed her spirit.
It was complete utter chaos and commotion because she'd been
sitting with this dead mouth. Disgusting.
This is just so bad. Our theory is that fell down
(25:19):
through the wall, escaped under a baseboard, and.
Got some and. Hid, scared, panicked and
injured inside the pocket of that sweater all day until they
basically died in there. And then she wore it around the
house for a while, made dinner all.
Right. All right.
OK. Graphic.
I got texts here. You really let's see here.
(25:39):
OMG poor Ashley burned that sweater.
Here's another. My massage yesterday was a waste
of time because now I'm all tense again.
And then there's I think I need to shut you off.
There's also You Can Knock Me Over with a Feather after that
most story. Well, it was a little
discomforting. Did you get an expert involved?
We had an expert come over yesterday.
(26:00):
Good. He was so not concerned about
any of it because they are definitely only in the attic.
You know, he put some bait stations up there, he said.
You will be amazed about how effective they are.
You don't really need to go around your house and seal up
every hole and crack you can find.
Unless you want some sort of comfort, I suppose.
Because there's no house or building that is completely
(26:21):
sealed, and it's not good for your house anyway.
Yeah. How's Ashley?
Is he OK with all that? Well, she, she did say last
night, it's, it's funny now, butmake sure when I tell this
story, just make sure everyone knows how traumatic it was.
It wasn't that funny. This is due to underwhelming
(26:52):
demand. The ugly Christmas sweater of
podcast. Of course we are.
Yes, of course we are. That's us.
Underwhelming and ugly, yeah. Yes, yes, the two U's.
Yeah, we are. We, we are, Dave.
Maybe we're so sparkly it's off putting.
Could be. I doubt it though.
We are Dave, Rachel and Foreman.You're wearing one right now,
(27:14):
David. I do, yeah.
Oh, it's a Joe Cool. Sweater.
Ugly sweater. Ugly it is.
It's very ugly, yes. So is the elf that's visiting us
right now. I like that.
Okay, all right. Do we need a?
Disclaimer here first. Yes.
Okay. Are we going to talk?
How are we going to present the elf?
(27:36):
Okay, hang on a second for a minute.
Are you about to, you know, likeyou did last year, destroy
Christmas for all kids? That's what I do yeah.
Shrink 3 sizes today. That's.
Right. You know what?
I might actually ruin Christmas as well.
I might pile on that. So OK, because I also have a
(27:57):
story that I could tell. Those of you who've been wishing
for little children, if you've been wishing for a white
Christmas, we. You know what we think of you
already, so slow your roll I. Like a white Christmas, just not
a season's worth in a day. I like it.
If we have a white Christmas, weget all that dumping when I
don't have to drive. If I have to drive in it, I
(28:18):
don't want it. Yeah, you know, like it.
It just was getting. When you get that much snow,
it's almost too much laughable. It was really laughable.
OK, anyway, so slow your roll. On the children are out of the
room, right? That's right, and get the kids
out of the room, because here isthe foreman who stole Christmas.
So what are we talking about here?
The Elf on the Shelf? The Elf on the Shelf.
Our daughter Harley, who's eleven, knows that it's just the
(28:42):
toy, right? This is what we went through
last year, right? She had gone to bed, everyone
gone to bed and had just. Moved.
Move the elf to a new location. Uh huh.
OK. And it's right near the bottom
of the stairs to go upstairs, where all the bedrooms are.
OK, right. As Ashley's turning the corner
to go upstairs, Harley's coming down suddenly.
(29:04):
I don't know why she never gets out of her bed after she's
already going to bed. Wow.
And Ashley freezes, does not know what to do.
Asks Harley. What are you doing?
Harley replies. I'm just going to get some water
from the fridge. Ashley still has no idea what to
do, knows what she's just done with the elf.
So. She's already moved it.
(29:24):
She's already moved it, it's notlike it's in her hand.
That's because you're not supposed to touch it, right?
Nobody touches the elf and magically comes in and out every
night. And reports back to the North
Pole. I had no idea there were all
these rules so. If you touch the elf, it loses
its magic exactly you. Can't touch it.
OK, wow, there's a lot. Of rules.
So Ashley does not. She thinks, you know, maybe
Harley won't notice. I'm just gonna go off up the
(29:47):
stairs and think nothing of it. She noticed.
She noticed big time and thought, well, that doesn't make
sense. I knew something up was up with
that. She put two and two together and
went wait a second and. Then the next morning, I guess,
well, I'm down here in the basement doing playing radio for
Halifax, they're having a bawling conversation closed door
(30:11):
in Harley's room about how we'velied to her, about how it's just
a toy. Oh boy.
Starts asking questions about the big guy Ashley skirts around
those, at least for now, but so she knows it's just a stuffed
animal that we. Move.
But it does actually made this year more delightful because she
(30:34):
wants to help the elf do things on a daily basis for the
enjoyment of her younger sister.Good.
OK. Yeah, less stress on you, Yes.
I feel like yes, but I also feellike this isn't gonna workout.
There's been several real short,sharp quips of you better not
ruin this for your sister. Yes, that's.
(30:55):
What? I don't you dare say anything.
Yeah, exactly. Because she still love it.
Like Emily will rise up out of bed and run down the stairs and
like immediately go search for her and like, look.
Where that is good. Yes.
You'll hear that from 2 floors away.
It's adorable and so as long as she can cling to that, the
better. So far, her older sister is
(31:17):
doing a fantastic job helping. Good, good.
Except for earlier this week, and we don't even know how that
we noticed after a night in the morning the elf didn't have a
nose. Like it's a plush elf.
It's a bigger elf than the usualelf, but it still is an official
(31:39):
Elf on the Shelf. But the the.
Nose would be like a hard plastic piece and it was just
gone. So she's got like an indent,
like a Michael Jackson, if you will, that.
Happen a Michael Jackson. I don't.
That's quite sad. That's.
Funny you can picture it. Yes, I can.
(32:00):
I can do. Immediately, I know what you're
talking about now. Yes, you do.
OK, what happened to the nose? We don't know, so the nose is
gone. You have mice.
It it. I don't think so.
Not, not. We already burned that house
down, yeah. Don't take micey.
OK. Plastic.
No, I haven't burned mine down yet.
(32:21):
No, yeah, so we, but I, I, it was Ashley setting it up this
morning. So still set it up.
And so the elf is in the the themain floor little half bathroom
sink fishing for little goldfishcrackers with that.
And she made like a whole fishing reel and everything.
Noseless still. Noseless.
Noseless, though. Jeez, we just move it around the
(32:41):
house. Because we thought, well, I
don't. I mean, what can you do now?
Maybe Emily won't notice. First thing she saw this morning
was where's the nose? Yeah, of course, we said.
Are you sure Nose? Maybe.
Maybe the alpha has been like that the whole time.
You should just gaslight her andsay I can see a nose it's right
there. That's right.
(33:02):
The gaslighting has already begun.
When you go. Are you sure?
Yeah. The nose is noticing.
Yeah, that never. Had a nose.
I was pretty foggy getting up tothe North Pole last night.
She must have had an accident. Sure.
Yeah, you could have set up a little game like, you know, got
your nose with another stuffy orsomething like that.
Could have. You could try.
You could try. The oh, we didn't even notice.
(33:24):
And then the the elf just never gets it back.
Right. Yeah.
OK, OK. I think I feel like that's a
stretch. That's a bit of a stretch,
Rachel. Well, we, I mean, we, it seemed
to be OK for the day of startingwith we didn't notice.
Maybe it's been like that for a while and maybe she had an
accident getting to and from theNorth Pole last year, but we've
(33:44):
got to do something about this. So Ashley's looking up.
OK, where you been? Buying Elf mid-december.
Like who needs to sell them mid-december?
Like if we're going to get one, you already have one, right?
Right. And this isn't your typical
smaller elf. It's a larger plush elf.
Still looks the same, just a little bit bigger.
OK, turns out that exact model of ELF like this is like the
(34:05):
killing the Crystal Spirit as wespeak because that model of ELF
has been discontinued. Oh no.
You can't get that one now, you can only get this it a very
similar one, but it's a plush nose that's sewn on.
Yes, there was a problem with the nose with the discontinued
ELF. Must have been.
Oh my God. Oh, that's awful.
(34:29):
OK, what are you going to do? Well, as luck would have it.
Uh huh. We found the nose in the carpet
like it is tiny and Ashley foundit in the carpet where it was,
the near where it was the night before because that was my first
thought, like it must be somewhere around there in this
little tiny little bead. Basically we found it so.
(34:54):
Good. Tomorrow morning the elf will be
in a new location with a Band-Aid on her nose, and then
the following morning she will once again have a nose.
OK, good. You could.
You know what I just thought of if you didn't find the nose.
Now that you have, this is moot.A moot point.
(35:14):
It's very you could. Tell us anyway.
Put the Band-Aid on and then give her a different bead for a
nose like she had a nose job. Well.
She's getting a nose job. She's getting a nose job anyway,
but if it was a different one, then you know, that's when you
get a nose job. You it's a different nose.
Why? Why?
Why don't you just? Follow up, Michael Jackson.
Yeah, why don't you just have a Michael Jackson on the shelf?
(35:35):
Full circle to the elf and get aMichael Jackson nose keeps
falling off. Oh.
That's OK. I can't wait to see how that
plays out. Actually I want what?
Color Will the Michael be tomorrow, Dad?
OK, I have an elf on the shelf story.
If you're if you're finished, are you finished?
Do you have more 2? Very good.
Every, every are we? Leaving the nose.
(35:57):
Job Every. Everything.
Well, we haven't. Seen.
She hasn't seen it with the Band-Aid, because that'll be for
tomorrow morning, and then she hasn't seen it with the nose
returned. On that, I guess you will, yeah.
We will. OK, so my 11 year old Julia is
same age as Harley. Our our girls are actually the
exact same ages, Foreman's girlsand my girls.
So Julia's 11 last year there was two times where she asked me
(36:20):
if Santa was real and we kind ofgot away with the first time I
said yes, of course yes. And she's like OK.
And then later in the season sheasked again and I said, do you
really want to know? And she said no super well,
that's saying no, am I? Do you really want to know?
Is saying no. I said, do you believe Santa's
(36:40):
real? She's like, yeah, I'm like,
well, that's all that matters. Like that's and she's like, OK,
so then this year we're actuallygetting ready for the elf to
return. We're talking about it.
We've I've put it in my calendar, like elf returns
December 1st or whatever, right?So that I know the day before or
the November 30th and I think she saw it in there and she's
like the elf returns. I'm like, yeah, yeah, the elf
(37:01):
comes back. Well, she comes down into my
studio here December 1st and she's like, mom, I have to ask
you something. I said OK, She's like, it's
really been bothering me, OK. She's like, are you and dad
moving the elf? And I said, do you really wanna
(37:24):
know? Mostly, mostly your dad.
Mostly your dad. She's like I said, do you really
wanna know? She's like, yes, like, Oh my
God, yes. And I'm like, yes, we are.
She's like, okay, good. I thought like it was.
She was relieved to hear that. Yeah.
And she was like, thank God, thewhole.
Elf on the Shelf thing is creepy.
Right. So that day she was actually
(37:46):
home. She was home sick or she was
home doing something. She had a play that she was
doing. So she might have been home by
herself that morning and the elfwas in the same room as her.
And she said, I just been staring at that elf all day and
the elf just staring at me. It's so creepy.
And she's like, I just, I wantedto touch it and I was going to
touch it because I think it's just a toy, but then I didn't
(38:07):
want to touch it because if I touch it, the magic goes away.
So I almost did. And then I was like, Nope, don't
do it. Julia.
She's talking to herself and she's telling me this whole
story about how she's I'm going to touch it.
No, I'm not not. Yes, I am.
No, I'm not. You know, she's going wrestling
with this in her head. And then she tells me that in
the summer sometime she was in the furnace room and she saw the
Elf on the Shelf in the box. And she had asked me about that
(38:32):
earlier. And I said, well, the elf,
remember when we got the Elf on the Shelf and it came in a box?
And she said, yeah, I was like, well, that's it, we still have
the box. And then she was like, oh, and
then the elf just stays there all, all year.
I'm like, yeah, exactly. Like that's what the ELF does.
No, it's supposed to have gone to the North Pole.
No, it stays in our box, Foreman.
That's what it does. It stays in the box in the
(38:54):
forest room. That's our story.
We're sticking to it. Anyway, so she was she was
actually like relieved to hear that, yes, we are the ones
moving it. It's just a toy.
And she'd obviously been thinking about this for a while
and kind of and wrestling with it.
But now it's kind of kind of it's come out.
So when when we were talking, I said, now listen, now that you
(39:18):
know this, you're in on the Christmas spirit secret, like
you're in on it. So you need to help keep this
alive for your sister. You can help us move it if you
want. You can set up little things.
And she's like, OK, yeah, yeah, I'm going to.
So now she's kind of on board with that.
So I said, you can't tell Kendall because she's only 7 and
(39:38):
she's she loves it too, right? So she was totally on board for
that. And then throughout the rest of
the day, she would say to me, Mom, when the elf was in a
bubble bath full of marshmallows, that was you.
I said, yeah, I did that. She's like, oh, you know, And
then she would think of something else the elf did, and
she's like, you did that. I said, yeah, She's like when
(40:01):
the elf was climbing the wall with, like, RIP bows for
presents, that was you. I said, yeah, that was me.
And she's like, what? Like her mind was blown that
like we did all this stuff. But now she's in on it, so I
mean, and she actually loves being in on it.
So she'll be like Harley. We haven't left the nose yet
(40:21):
though on ours. Best place to hide the elf in
the offseason, by the way, is one of your old purses at the
back of the closet. Yeah, because no one else will
look at it and either will you. There you go.
Perfect. This is due to Underwhelming
(40:49):
Demand, the podcast where Dave, Rachel and Foreman and check out
our website underwhelming.ca. It's new, we're working on it,
but it's there. Go see it.
Yeah, we've got a lot up so far,including a new listener survey
because we want to make sure that this podcast is something
that you enjoy and you want to listen to, and we talked about
(41:11):
things that you want to hear. So take our listener survey.
If you go to underwhelming.ca, you'll see on the top navigation
bar listener survey and you can just fill it out there.
Yeah, you can sign up for our newsletter.
You can sponsor the podcast or if you know somebody that would
like to sponsor the podcast, podcast, it's easy to find how
to do all of that stuff on our website.
(41:31):
Or you can just write to us.daverachelforeman@gmail.com
or anywhere on social media. We are minus the sponsor right
now, so, you know, it'd be greatif we could get 123 or 25.
Yeah. Yeah, so however many wanna
come. You could even leave us a
message through underwhelming.ca.
Even leave us a voice message through underwhelming.ca.
(41:51):
Yeah, you can. Yes, We've got everything on
there. Yeah.
Howie actually sent us a messagethrough our underwhelming.ca, he
says. Good day, Dave, Rachel and
Foreman, thank you for your show.
Always. I thought I would share with you
this link from Facebook for inflatable Santa's, and it's a
video of a humongous inflatable Santa in somebody's
(42:13):
neighborhood. And then we were talking about
anonymous posting on Facebook, he says.
I've created a private group forthe Strathroy Army Cadets,
Cathroy 11 Army Cadets and I've turned off anonymous postings so
it is possible. Being in charge of groups is a
full time job. Luckily for me it's a small
group. It is a full time you're.
You're like, it would be, it would be.
(42:35):
That's. Ridiculous.
And by the way, the, the big inflatables now, you know, and
I'm, I, I told you that I'm not a huge fan of the inflatables,
but my wife is starting to lean that way, which is bad news for
me because eventually this mighthappen to me.
But we were driving through a very, the old N neighborhood,
(42:55):
the, you know, old North in London a very, and we're, so
we're, we like to drive around and look at big houses and there
are big, beautiful old homes there.
You know, anyway, there's this one area where they all have the
same inflate. These are Tony, beautiful old
houses all decorated up with great big inflatable Santas.
(43:18):
It's all the same, all the same.And I thought, I thought to
myself, good for you people. Yeah, I love that.
But the update I have, I guess Ihaven't been able to share it
with you guys, is that, you know, the Embro is trying to get
the whole town on Ambro to do it.
So there's, there's well over 200 Santas there.
Wow. I took the Hard FM car through
(43:40):
the Santa Claus parade in Embro and down you go down the Main
Street and there's barely a single house without a Santa.
I have to go. You just.
So cool. And I tried.
We had one and I was trying to rig it up to put it onto the
roof of the car. Well, a couple problems.
It was super windy that night and 12 when you think, oh it's a
(44:02):
12 foot tall Santa, you don't realize how Big 12 feet are.
It's. Big.
Yeah, they're big. He turned into a sail, and then
he tore wide open sail. Oh my.
God that answered that question for me anyway.
And besides, there's plenty of power lines going across the
Main St. in Ambo, so even if I tried to put them up there it
would have been a disaster. Right.
(44:23):
Probably. Probably, although I would like
to have seen video of that. Well, and the cool thing is I
say. Video of it broken because you
posted it. Exactly, and I took a video
montage of all the not, not evenhalf of the ones I saw
documented of different Santas. They're great.
But the cool thing about Ambro that I'll just say too is that
(44:43):
they turn into a fundraiser. So anyone who had a Santa could
put in like 10 bucks. Some of the businesses around
the area were collecting donations.
You raised $8724. Yeah.
Come. On Wow.
All thanks to what you got the Grain Farmers of Ontario on
(45:06):
board. Well, it's actually going to be
more than that because grain farmers are going to bump theirs
to 2000. Wow, so we're getting even more
than 8700? Yeah.
That's the way more than I wouldhave expected.
And you know what? Some people have offered more.
Some people threw in what they had and it it just it takes a
village. And there's a number of
different charities. All that money is going to go
(45:27):
help, right? Yes.
So grain farmers, for one, are going to donate 1000 even to
Operation Sharing 1000 to DASO. Amazing.
The OCFA was going to donate their entire 1600 to Operation
Sharing and then the the local schools or a Highland Park
public school is getting at least the same 1600 for their
(45:49):
nutrition program. Wow.
And then we have a local lady getting grocery store gift card
and she's helping 11 families. As of yesterday, 11 families had
anonymously asked for a bit of help.
Very. Cool.
We have an e-mail from Bonnie who says I've been listening to
you guys again and I'm slowly catching up.
(46:10):
I started listening from day one, but I fell off the
bandwagon because, you know, life gets busy.
That's OK welcome back, she says.
I moved to northern BC and shocker radio stations are slim
pickings and radio signal is even worse in the foothills of
the Rockies so Spotify has been my go to.
I always used to listen to you guys on the radio station on my
morning commute so catching up on the podcast gives me a
(46:31):
reminder of some of the best parts in Ontario.
Just finished episode 88. I must say I will never tire of
the Foreman Windsor drama. Please never stop bringing it
up. It makes me literally laugh out
out loud every single. Time.
We also never tire of that, Bonnie, so you don't have to be,
don't have to worry about that. I also want to bring up Service
(46:53):
Ontario because wow, is it garbage.
Now that I've experienced something else, ICBC is
incredible here. Not only is everything cheaper,
but a lot of insurance brokers, municipal offices are ICBC
agents so there's no lack of places to go and many are open
past five PM, some open Saturdays and Sundays.
(47:13):
Since moving here I've realized Ontario's 25% worse than BC.
All right. Ontario, the Saint Thomas of
Canada. There you go, Saint Thomas of
Canada. Thank you, Bonnie.
That made me laugh out loud, allof that.
So thank you. On the same subject as the the
one that she doesn't tire of. Right.
I did mention in the previous episode about how one time my
(47:35):
mom served me raw chicken. Oh yes, yeah.
Did she? She didn't send us an e-mail,
though. No, but Jackie sent us a
comment. OK.
And all Jackie said was the raw chicken Foreman's mom fed him
was probably cooked in the fucking microwave.
Was it? Was it cooked in the microwave
(47:55):
for me? Not completely clearly, Clearly.
So it was awesome. Oh my gosh.
OK. Oh and I want to get with weed
because this is getting older and older.
It's a comment from John. OK.
John had said Because you, Dave had the tale of John buying his
(48:16):
wife Jan a scale. A scale, yes.
The scale yes, for her birthday.For her birthday and it was all
great and they're both still living together.
Yes, they're very happy. Yeah, and they're married still.
Yeah, still as far as I know, yes, last check as.
Far as I know. John, just wanted to say a big
thank you to you Dave for not telling the folks I gave Jan a
(48:40):
low flow toilet for her landmarkbirthday 14 years ago.
A low flow toilet? Did he really?
I I believe he told me that. That's amazing.
John, you're the king of useful gifts.
That's. Very useful, I mean.
You're not, you're not clearly she not going to use that
clearly. She needed a low flow toilet.
(49:01):
Sure. It doesn't.
I I I mean sure. What did she say?
When she opened it, was she pleased?
I. I wonder, I just, I want.
I wish there was a video that I forgot.
The first thing out of her mouthwas, well, I hope it's low flow.
Right. I hope it has a a soft closed.
(49:23):
Seat. That's right.
Better be low flow with a soft closed seat.
Don't ever think about giving mea scale after this for.
Christmas she'll get a bidet, which might actually be OK.
I would probably be all for that.
I don't think a low flow bidet would do much for you though.
(49:46):
No, if I get a bidet I want it to be as high flow as possible
because otherwise what is the point?
Who gave me a low flow bidet? I'm supposed to fucking
pressure. All it's doing is making the
floor wet. It's just spreading it around
(50:09):
now. Oh.
God. What is it?
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com