January 29, 2025 • 34 mins
Naughty or Nice: What defines us as adults? From tattoos to mothballs, we dig deep into our childhood rebellion. Join us as Chrisy and Kerry swap stories about their youthful exploits. Don't miss this episode!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
DJ Nick (00:07):
Welcome to the Dysfunction Junkies podcast.
We may not have seen it all,but we've seen enough.
And now here are your hosts,Chrissy and Keri.
Kerry (00:19):
All right, welcome back, junkies.
I'm Kerry
and I'm Chrissy,
and we have another exciting episode for you today.
Yes, we do.
Chrissy and I were talkingabout you know, our childhoods
and how we grew up, and werealized in our conversations
that, as we grew up, chrissy wasunsupervised naughty and she
(00:40):
was normalizing naughty when Iwas.
How did we word it?
I was naughty, but don't talkabout it.
Naughty but don't talk about it.
Chrisy (00:49):
I was, and when you did, then there was discussion,
maybe, but maybe not so.
Kerry (00:55):
I was like under the radar naughty.
Like you know, I was stealthnaughty.
So not here, but that's yourstory to tell Right Some of my
naughty.
I mean, they're so tame,especially whenever you compare
them to your stories, chrissybut of course, I remember one of
the first things that I did asan adult that I was afraid to
(01:17):
tell my parents about.
So have you ever had anythinglike you know?
Have you ever had thisexperience where you were like
really worried to tell yourparents about something as an
adult and and you're sittingthere telling yourself like I'm
an adult, why, what are theygoing to do to me?
Sent me to my room.
I live 1200 miles away.
I got my first tattoo when I wasin my late 20s.
I was living in Las Vegas.
(01:37):
It literally took me probablyabout three weeks to get the
nerve to tell my mom that I gota tattoo.
Yes, yeah, because I knew shewas going to be mortified, like
I knew there was going to beprobably rosaries being said and
masses being said and holy oilbeing sent to me in the mail.
I just knew like she was notgoing to take this news well.
So I finally got the nerve upand I'm like, oh, mom, you know
(02:00):
like we're on the phone and I'mlike I really got to tell you
something.
And she was like, okay, and Icould tell she was bracing
herself, and I was like, well, Igot a tattoo.
And then she said, oh, is thatall like the sound of relief on
her voice?
And I was like, what do you?
What do you mean?
What did you?
What did you think she goes?
I thought you were gonna tellme you had AIDS.
Chrisy (02:21):
Oh my God, wait, wait.
Kerry (02:23):
okay, so you were in your late 20s, late 20s, so yeah, I
guess it was still sort of athing thing back then, like we
talked about before, you know,but she, because I moved to Las
Vegas and I was living in SinCity, I don't know what she
thought I was doing, but I waslike I was mortified, like I was
offended.
That was what she thought likethere were so many other things.
(02:43):
I could think I'm like I got atattoo and like she was what she
thought, like, uh, there wereso many other things.
I could think I'm like I got atattoo and like she was relieved
.
She was like, oh, okay, that'sfine, it's fine.
Yeah, oh, my god, I'm like I Istressed for three weeks about
trying to talk to her about thisbecause, you know, we don't
talk about things, but I'm likeI'm gonna need to tell her
because I'm gonna see her andshe's gonna see the tattoo and
(03:03):
yeah, yeah, so Wow.
Chrisy (03:05):
Wow Boy, oh boy.
She really thought you werehaving the party of a lifetime,
I guess, so Move 1,200 milesaway, from little country town.
Kerry (03:15):
Just to get AIDS.
It didn't matter that at thetime I was working with lions
and putting my life in dangerphysically by working with lions
and everything.
Chrisy (03:24):
You thought you'd step it up a notch and then put
yourself out there to get adeadly disease.
Yeah, exactly.
Kerry (03:28):
Wow, I mean I don't know what she thought I was doing on
the side.
I wasn't, but anyway.
Yeah, but I was and I'm, likeyou know here it stems back to
like whenever I was, you know,16 and breathing in pain, and
she thought I was having sex andshe never looked at me the same
.
I guess it stemmed from that.
She still thought something wasgoing on.
I don't know.
Chrisy (03:50):
Boy, all that religion and people, it sort of does give
people the unfortunate natureto just think that everybody is
out there doing well, obviously,having a lot of fun.
And they're not.
Oh my but yeah, that was, uh,that was crazy times, crazy
(04:12):
times.
Well, yeah, I would say so, andwe try to talk a little bit
before we were gonna do this andI have to tell everybody out
there that it's very hard to pryanything naughty out of carrie.
She obviously just never had it.
I love this sheltered life.
Well, it's not shelter, but Ithink just because again
(04:35):
probably watched too much tv andthis was totally influenced to
do bad things, especially sincenobody was monitoring what I was
watching, so I was probablywatching things that I shouldn't
have been anyhow, so it was allnormalized.
Kerry (04:48):
All the bad things were normalized.
Chrisy (04:49):
Oh my God, look at how much fun these people are having
.
They like almost stabbed eachother and I mean I know
everybody talks about the toysthat we had and they're
dangerous and you know we usedto do dangerous things and we
did and it was like fine.
So maybe that's why someparents were a little bit more
numb to anything crazy.
Well, one of my first thingsI'll never forget, because it
was so horrible, what I did notsupervised.
(05:12):
I was with a neighborhood kid,one of the neighborhood kids.
Was it Chrissy Pissy?
Kerry (05:18):
The boys that call you Chrissy.
No, no, it was a girl.
Chrisy (05:20):
It was a neighborhood girl, it was somebody else.
It was a little bit after allthat we were actually in my
grandfather's basement and mygrandfather's basement for the
longest time was sort of likealmost locked in this like
frozen state of like 1968 maybe,like nothing had been changed
(05:42):
and there were like cabinetsdown there and they had a fruit
cellar which is where they usedto keep canned goods and other
stuff.
It was just horrible.
I mean, the basements were kindof the house wasn't real old
but it was from the 50s but oldenough.
Perfect, dark, cryptic place itwas, yeah, it was just grandpa
wasn't going to come down therebecause he wasn't walking real
well, my grandmother had passedaway by then.
(06:03):
There was a pool table downthere because he wasn't walking
real well.
Kerry (06:04):
My grandmother had passed away by then.
There was a pool table downthere, so you could usually use
as an excuse as to why you wereover Gramps in the basement
unsupervised.
Chrisy (06:10):
The cabinets had like old canned goods in them.
Yeah, like way expired.
Kerry (06:13):
Yeah.
Chrisy (06:14):
Like why would you open this?
I should have kept them, though, because you can make money
selling those on eBay.
No, I didn't before you,because I know we get into it
Chrissy keeps too much stuff butI remember there being a box of
this substance that was inlittle round balls that was
crystallized, oh god, and roundand pretty, oh god.
(06:37):
It looked like sugar to me, butI knew that it wasn't something
I wanted to try.
So, hey, hey, mikey, oh no,although this was not the
person's day, I'm just playingoff of the commercial for a life
cereal.
Hey, these are sugar cubes.
Oh my God, do you want to tryone?
Chrissy, absolutely Took thesugar cube slash.
(06:57):
No, it was not a sugar cube.
And again, yes, this is awful.
Everyone I am so sorry.
And again, yes, this is awful,everyone I am so sorry, kind of.
I mean I would have been moresorry if something horrible had
happened.
She took it, oh my God, likeSnow White taking the apple, put
it in her mouth and spit thatdamn thing across the floor so
(07:21):
quick.
And, oh my God, it was amothball.
Oh my God, I didn't really evenknow for sure.
Kerry (07:27):
You didn't realize at the time it wasn't a mothball.
Well, you didn't know.
But you knew.
Chrisy (07:33):
Well, I mean, how much honesty, oh my God, I mean, how
much honesty do I want to playout here?
So yeah, so horrible, horrible.
But remember back then late 70s, early 80s, nobody was telling
you you need to lock this crapup because you got stupid kids
who will look at this and sayyou know, they talk about those
(07:55):
Tide Pods, all those like wash,those things that the kids are
eating because it looks likecandy, which I won't have in my
house.
I'm still liquid detergent girl.
Kerry (08:04):
Chrissy started the trend years earlier with mothballs.
Chrisy (08:06):
Well, yeah, it started there Mothballs, time pods.
Yeah, it's bad, it's all bad.
Oh my God, chrissy.
So that poor kid.
I don't really remember playingwith her after that.
No Kind of thought it was funny, though.
I mean, if we're being honestand I want everybody out there
who is taking time to listen toour wonderful show to know that
I will never lie to you no, shewill not, I will not.
(08:28):
It might be painful, but damnit, I'm not going to lie.
Kerry (08:34):
And so yeah, oh crazy, you don't have anything like
that.
No, the worst thing I did as achild was I mean seriously, I
know, I know it's shelteredlife- oh, I thought you were
gonna give me something good,come on.
Was our school was.
I was in second grade and ourschool was having one of those
readathons, you know, and theyused to pass around like the
(08:55):
pamphlet and if, oh, if, youread this many books and raise
this much money, you'd get thislittle prize.
And then, if you did more, yougot this prize.
Well, they had this littleplush puppy dog.
That was like a little sleuthdog or something.
I wanted that so bad.
You did.
I did so.
I wrote on the little sign upsheet.
(09:17):
I thought I was being creativeand signed all these names, like
trying to hide my handwritingand stuff, and I turned my
little sheet in after, like youknow, a couple weeks of here.
Look, I earned enough to getthis little plushie dog.
Well, they turned the paperworkin.
A couple weeks later theypassed out the prizes.
Oh, carrie read like 20 books Idon't know how many it was and
(09:39):
raised so much money.
And here's your little plushiedog.
I was so excited that I wonthis little plushie dog.
I did not read one book, didnot read any of it.
Well, I got home and I'm likewell, I can't take this plushie
dog in the house.
My mom's gonna wonder where didyou buy this?
Because you know we didn't haveany money and so I didn't get
no allowance I'm amazed that shepaid that much attention to you
.
She was like able to track somenew toy coming into our home
(10:02):
yeah, yeah, she would have,because you know, again, we
didn't have a lot, so somethingbrand new and shiny and plushy,
we would have noticed it.
So I hid it under the steps inthe garage, okay.
Well, a couple weeks later theschool sent home an envelope and
they were like you know, givethis to your mom when you get
home.
So I gave it to my mom.
Well, here it was the bill forlike the whatever $200 or
(10:23):
whatever that I was supposed tohave gotten from people, all
those fake names.
So she found out and actuallyshe never.
She never confronted me andsaid what is this?
But she somehow found theplushie dog and then what did
she do?
Chrisy (10:37):
She returned.
She didn't return your dog, didshe?
Kerry (10:40):
Ah, you know what I think they did?
Because I never I don't, Inever had the plushie dog after
that, and I think she ended up.
I had a little like savingsaccount, like you know, from my
first Holy Communion money orwhatever, and so she took the
money out of that to pay for it.
So I lost my first HolyCommunion money and I didn't
have the plushie dog.
Yeah, oh my, that was my bigcrime, that was my big sin.
Chrisy (10:59):
No, the bigger crime is.
Your punishment did not fit thecrime.
What, my God?
First of all, you were thatcreative.
Nowadays they would say look athow creative my kid is.
They made up all this BS to getsomething they want.
Tried to disguise herhandwriting.
They know that hard work equalsyou get what you want.
(11:21):
But then then punishment.
I know you took all that timeto fill out that form you had
the dog you fell in love with it.
I bet you named it.
Kerry (11:29):
I probably did and you were trying to keep it safe by
keeping it hidden.
Actually you know where I putit it was a refugee in your
house.
The stairs I put it on was thestairs.
Our collie dog had puppiesunder, so you know that's.
Chrisy (11:46):
I guess that's why I put it oh, maybe you thought it
would have puppies if it wasthere.
Kerry (11:48):
Yeah, because you know you just opened the barn door
and puppies happened oh my god.
But then to take your money?
Yeah well, they had to pay.
They had to pay up.
The school was sending thatinvoice, pay up uh, no, the
parents obviously that's afailure on their part they.
Chrisy (11:59):
They need to pay Now.
Don't take your kids communionmoney or whatever.
They took my communion money.
Kerry (12:04):
Wow, oh my God, I know, I know it doesn't compare to you
know, poisoning the neighborhoodkid, no, but the funny part
about it is my little pristinelife up until I was, you know,
in my 20s, was and I wasapplying for a job in a police
department for working in animalcontrol, and part of this is a
(12:24):
big background check.
And they want to know all yoursins.
They want to know all the drugsthat you took.
They want to know everythingyou got to fill out this form I
mean, it's a thick pack.
They want to know your driver'slicense number.
Well, you know, here's me, youknow, trying to be a little
dishonest and perfect, like I'mdigging through every like house
application, anything to try tofind all my drivers, like pert
(12:45):
near pretty much did now.
Now, in hindsight, I'm likethey don't really expect you to
have all your driver's licensenumbers but, whatever.
They're just looking to see forhonesty or whatever, whatever.
So when it came time to likedid you ever take drugs?
No.
Did you ever do this?
No.
Did you ever do this?
No, did you ever do this,whatever?
Well, this was like my onlystory of like did you ever steal
anything, and so I put this.
(13:06):
I'm like oh no, this does not sothey had a heart that they kept
like.
They thought I was lying.
It was like being in that thatroom with the, with everybody
looking at me when I was reading, in pain, thinking I was lying
whenever I said I didn't havesex and couldn't be pregnant.
It was the same flashbackbecause they kept thinking you
(13:26):
have to be lying because no onecould be this good and I'm like
I really really was, and so likeI had to do the lie detector
test.
Oh my God, oh yeah, they put meup.
First they did the voicecontrol one and then they do the
whole thing where they hook youall up, all the hooks and
everything, and they finallydetermined that yeah, I was
little sally, do good and didn'thave any.
(13:47):
Worst thing I did was steal alittle sleuth puppy from the
read-a-thon.
They made you the sergeant ofthe but it was just terrible and
I remember being so stressedout I was like I wish I could
tell you I did something bad,but I didn't.
Chrisy (14:01):
So well that reminds me a little bit.
Real quick, just a littleoffset of that.
When you have to tell peoplesomething, being young, going
through Catholic education, whenyou make your, I believe they
called it reconciliation.
Oh yeah, confessions,confession, yeah, confession.
Tell me, your sins.
First of all, confession to acrime.
(14:21):
Get confession when you're in.
What is it?
third grade yeah, yeah, eight,yeah what do you want me to tell
you?
I did, now me might have donesomething.
Was it worth confessing in mymind?
Poison the neighbor with well Ididn't think that I don't
remember that being on the uh.
Commandments or whatever listwe used to be getting.
Kerry (14:42):
Thou shalt not poison me.
That was number 11.
There wasn't room on the stone.
Chrisy (14:45):
Yeah, but you would.
Well, I'm not going to talkabout it for everybody, but I'm
just going to say right now, Ilied.
Yeah, so I'm in this room withthis flipping, completely
off-putting figure, verydominant, a man in a robe with a
white collar thing.
What?
In a robe with a white collarthing?
What's going on?
Hello Lied to him.
You lied in confession.
Kerry (15:03):
I lied in confession Now.
Chrisy (15:04):
I'm.
Where does this end?
Now, I'm definitely in trouble.
Not only did I screw upconfession, I lied to a priest,
but I didn't confess that Ishould have lied and said
something.
I just lied to you.
Kerry (15:15):
Okay, good, I feel better now, I just lied to you.
Chrisy (15:17):
I lied to you.
Okay, good, I feel better now.
I just lied to you.
Kerry (15:22):
Were you in the face-to-face or were you in the?
Chrisy (15:24):
screen.
Always that screen thing Ididn't want to.
What are you doing over there?
What are you doing over there?
What is happening?
Kerry (15:31):
It goes with the family profile If I'm going to sit here
and talk to you.
Chrisy (15:35):
I'm going to talk to you .
You need to look at me.
I am not going to go behindsome goo goo.
Where the hell did that comefrom?
It's very entertaining when yousee it in film and stuff.
I love it, yeah, but it'sridiculous in real life.
That's the only way I wouldever go.
But do you think they reallydon't know who you are?
I know that, but then theycan't.
Kerry (15:55):
They know you, I know I know it's ridiculous, it's
ridiculous, it is so no.
Chrisy (15:59):
And then I never had that thing you had to say
afterwards ever.
Kerry (16:02):
Oh, the act of contrition .
What?
Chrisy (16:04):
What I used to just sit there and hope that their voice
was louder than mine.
Oh, they said it with you, werethey supposed to?
Kerry (16:11):
I don't know they never did.
You know why they were sayingit with me?
Because you didn't know it.
Chrisy (16:17):
So I would just sit there and mumble.
Kerry (16:20):
It sounded like I was saying something and they were
just like well, she's justreally quiet, she talks really
quiet and she was saying thebless us, oh Lord, he's like I
was like that's the prayer.
I was like I want pizza, I wantthis, I don't want to be here,
I'm looking at you.
No, it was crazy.
Chrisy (16:37):
Confession's crazy, even when I was in church when I was
little.
Kerry (16:41):
Yeah.
Chrisy (16:41):
I didn't know all the words to those songs.
Yeah, you, you sung them everyweek all the time.
And then, when you were inCatholic school, you had to go
to church during school days forcertain things.
Yes, once a week.
So then you just learn to makeit look like you're singing.
Everybody else seems to knowwhat's going on here.
Kerry (17:04):
Let them cover up and do the end.
That's that.
But yeah, so yeah, the whole uhadmitting and all that.
That's crazy.
It's crazy.
So when you so okay, that wasyounger what was your more
cryptic things when you gotolder?
Chrisy (17:09):
well, as I, got a little older.
There was one friend in theneighborhood and again, if she
does listen she's going toremember this stuff because I
just was always somewhat orneryand required attention, because
when you're the youngest thereis some level of attention you
get, naturally, yes, and theneither you sort of just take
that as I don't like that, oryou're like I have to have it
(17:30):
all the time.
Yeah, I wanted to haveattention a lot, so I would
generally try to do as much as Icould to get it.
So I remember one time ridingbikes with my friend, okay, and
we were both sort of being youknow whatever kids were riding
up the street and poppingwheelies and I'm trying to, I'm
trying to ride faster and I'mtrying to get her in my dust.
(17:53):
And and uh, she's trying to keepup, but she was a little
younger than me and I decided toslam on my brakes because she
was like catching me and I'mlike well, I'm just going to
stop, stop, see what she does.
Maybe she'll roll down the hill.
Oh God, stop, drop and roll shedid.
First of all she slammed intomy bike.
(18:14):
But OK, I had a big old bike.
It was like from my sister'sbike.
It was a three speed Schw,schwin.
It was the most disgusting bike, but it was.
It was like a solid.
It was an old, a good old,reliable.
Oh my, you know bike, youweren't gonna get hurt on that.
So she flips down the hill withher bike and she, you know,
trying to recover, comes up thehill and she's like dusting
(18:37):
herself off and I look andthere's blood running down her
hand and her arm.
I said, oh my God, you'rebleeding.
Why would you be bleeding?
We got a bleeder and herfingernail is just dangling at
the roots.
I'm cringing, oh, Chris, and Iwas like wow, that's insane.
(19:01):
You lost your fingernailthrough that.
How did that happen?
Well then she sees it andtotally freaks out.
Why are you freaking out?
What's going on here?
Now you're being loud and nowwe're getting attention for the
wrong reasons.
You're hysterical, so I wassitting there going look it's
okay.
This happens to me all the time.
Look at my nails.
Kerry (19:21):
Look at my nails.
Chrisy (19:22):
They rip out all the time.
It's not a big deal.
Just suck it up.
Let's get your bike going.
We'll get to my mom's house.
My mom will bandage you up,you'll be fine.
Oh my gosh.
So what do I do?
Well, I'm moving faster thanher.
I'm like out of there becauseshe's she's screaming and
yelling.
Everybody's looking, coming outof their house.
There's a kid in the streetyelling what's the matter?
She's crying the whole way.
(19:43):
I'm like are you gonna come?
And finally she makes it to myhouse because I had been there
like 10 minutes earlier and I'mlike are you gonna come in and
get that thing washed off, orwhat are you doing?
Oh, my, she's like no, I justwant to go home.
I want to go to my mom.
I got to go see.
Kerry (19:57):
So I'm sitting on the porch.
Chrisy (19:59):
Now, you know, my entertainment for the afternoon
is gone.
And then there goes her carwith her mom up the street off
to emergency.
Oh God, bye, okay, you took theeasier route, okay, and then
she'd come back and it was likeshe had no fingernail on that
hand, but thank God she was ableto regrow, I guess, a
(20:21):
fingernail.
I hope she was.
I should have asked.
And then, unfortunately, thesame girl you would think she'd
learned, and I think that hermother did used to make her take
breaks from me because theyjust knew.
Kerry (20:33):
I wonder why.
Chrisy (20:42):
Is this the same girl you fed the poison?
No, no, no, no, no, no newvictim.
No, yeah, oh yeah.
They moved away, and then thisone was there.
It was like time to break youin, honey.
We were, uh, playing basketballon my driveway and I never was
allowed to have a hoop uh so youjust had to sort of wing it
yeah and pretend you had a hoop.
My father was, I was a girl.
Oh, there was no reason for meto have of wing it and pretend
you had a hoop.
My father was, I was a girl.
There was no reason for me tohave a hoop, and he didn't want
to have to cut grass around itor have to wheel it into his,
(21:03):
depending it wasn't happening,but it didn't stop us from
playing basketball.
So we were playing and we'regetting rough and we're yanking
the ball from each other and Imust have jarred her finger.
It was typical.
Again, I didn't do it onpurpose.
Kerry (21:16):
What is it with you and this girl's fingers?
Chrisy (21:18):
Just didn't want her to have them.
Kerry (21:19):
I guess what did you do?
Did you break her finger?
Chrisy (21:22):
Well, I don't think it was broken, but it was badly
sprained, probably pushed back.
And again it was just both ofus in that case, probably Me
stopping my bike right away.
That was on me right away, thatwas on me.
But this was just a naturalcourse of events kids can run
into.
But again, crying, drama, hello, why are you upset?
Just suck it up.
(21:43):
You want to some a splint?
I bet you.
My mom got a splint in thehouse she's a nurse she's a
nurse.
She was a nurse, come on, uh no,I just want to go home see my
mom.
Oh my god always go dead again.
I gotta wait for you to show upback.
There goes the car, pass me onthe porch, send me with my ball.
All alone now it's all about me.
Hello, while you go get fixedup, comes back, got a splint,
(22:07):
got a whole thing.
It's really bad spring.
Oh my God.
Okay, god, all right.
Kerry (22:13):
Did you realize how dysfunctional this was?
As a child it was.
Your behavior was a little bit,I mean.
I know mine was just asdysfunctional, but in a quiet,
passive, non-hurting otherpeople way.
Chrisy (22:30):
If I wasn't hearing you screaming, it had no meaning.
There you go, put that on ashirt.
If you ain't screaming, it hasno meaning.
There you go, put that on ashirt.
If you ain't screaming, it hasno meaning to me.
Kerry (22:41):
So scream, honey, because that now you're playing with
chrissy you on chrissy time nowso yeah, wow yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, I was so afraid of gettingin trouble, like I, that I
that's why I was always tryingto do everything right.
(23:02):
I didn't want to bring anyattention to me.
I wanted I didn't want to, youknow had to follow the rules,
had to be behaved like, even asan adult, like you know gosh I
mean, I don't really speed.
You know've only gotten liketwo speeding tickets in my life
and they were like stupid ones,like just barely over, you know,
20 or 31 in a 25 or something.
I mean, I'm serious, I know itsounds pretentious, but but
(23:24):
anytime even I see the copscoming up behind me and I see
their lights, I get anxious andI'm like, why am I getting
anxious?
I wasn't doing anything wrong.
But I'll never forget one ofthe craziest things used to
handle big cats.
When I was in Las Vegas, atnighttime on the strip, the one
hotel, the Tropicana, had thesetwo tigers on display outside.
I worked for the magician thatowned these tigers, and him and
(23:46):
another guy.
We would go at night and wewould have to get these tigers
and bring them home.
So we had a, you know bigrolling crates and we put them
in this trailer and then wewould drive to a north part of
town where, where the guy'scompound was and where the
animals were housed.
In nighttime, driving down thestrip with these two tigers in
the back, you know, peoplecouldn't see what was in the
trailer.
It's just a big trailer.
(24:06):
We uh stop at a light and we getrear-ended from behind.
We get out.
I mean, we hardly felt.
I mean we felt the bump, butyou know we.
So we get out.
Well, here, of course, the guythat hit us, his car, is all
crunched up, oh jeez.
So the cops come and I'mfreaking out and I'm like, first
of all, I was the passenger, Iwasn't even driving the car but
I was terrified because I'm like, oh my god, we're gonna get
(24:27):
into, like why are we gonna getin trouble?
I have no idea why I had thisfear.
Anyways, the cops come, theysaid to to me and the gentleman
that was with us and uh he waslike you guys, you guys doing
okay, like are you uh kind ofsmells a little funny back here,
like he thought we were smokingweed, thought we were high and
what?
Chrisy (24:47):
what do you mean?
Kerry (24:47):
you were the one that got hit I know, but he thought we
were the one somehow that causedit, because the odor that was
coming from the trailer, andapparently from us, smelled like
weed.
And so we're like he goeswhat's in the trailer?
And we're like, well, we havetwo tigers in there.
And he's like, do you want togo see?
He didn't believe us.
(25:07):
Well, tiger piss does kind ofsmell like weed so we're like,
no, really, there's, there's twotigers in there.
And he's like, um, you sureyou're not high.
And he's like assholes.
And we're there's, there's twotigers in there.
And he's like you sure you'renot high.
And he's like, as we're like,no, really, there's two tigers
in there, cop didn't believe us.
So then he, you know, like,well, we can open it up, but
there's two tigers in there.
So we, finally we he was notbelieving us.
(25:27):
He totally thought we were highbecause of how bad everything
reeked, of what he thought waspot.
So we were like, okay, we'll,we'll open up the trailer.
So we opened up the trailer andthere's these two big white
tigers staring at him andthey're like okay, um, yeah, I
guess you're right, buckle itall up, give the guy that hit us
(25:49):
a ticket for hitting us, youknow?
and we went on our merry way Iknow, but I was the whole time.
I was terrified because Ithought we were going to somehow
be in trouble and, like wedidn't do anything wrong, we
were just, you know, minding ourbusiness, hauling tigers around
las vegas.
This is just what was ingrainedin me as a child, that you know
(26:09):
.
It was just that fear of god,fear of authority.
Chrisy (26:12):
You, you just said it.
Yep, as you can tell, I didn'thave that kind of fear Lying to
priests.
Kerry (26:20):
So yeah, so that kept me clean for most of my life, well,
but now I'm boring.
Chrisy (26:28):
No, I can sit here and laugh at your story.
We all need.
Kerry (26:33):
Do you?
Chrisy (26:34):
have any cop stories to share?
Well, I do, when we all need.
Do you have any cop stories toshare?
Well, I do.
Kerry (26:39):
When after we were friends, yeah, and then we sort
of weren't on the same path atthat moment, right, which was
good for you and that might havebeen why we stopped not really
stopped being friends, but I wasprobably terrified to be around
you because I was worried youwere gonna get in trouble.
Chrisy (26:55):
Oh, yeah, you probably were, but and can't blame me for
that.
But yeah, first of all, mymother went to ysu as a adult
non-traditional I was alwayssick of people saying, no, you
look just like your mom you look, I don't think I really.
I mean, there's resemblance.
Of course you look resembleyour parents, but might you
might sometimes, maybe, I don'tknow she had a ysu id.
Oh boy now you're mom's id well,here's, I'm just gonna you know
(27:19):
what.
Come at me, bro.
I don't know what to tell you.
It just I was under, so I guessI'm under the age as an adult
you can't try me maybe, butalthough what I was statute of
limitations.
Well, hopefully but my mom had aysu d and she didn't keep it
anywhere where I couldn't accessit, and then I think she wasn't
even going anymore.
So now it was just a wastedopportunity and I was going to
(27:41):
take it.
So I got it and the way theclubs or I wouldn't call them
clubs the nightlife on, thecampus worked was you could get
in if you had a college ID.
Now, if you couldn't prove howold you were, yeah, you couldn't
drink.
Kerry (27:59):
They would stamp your hand, oh okay now, who's paying
attention, those stamps?
Chrisy (28:04):
after a while who knows what what one stamp means the
other but the way to cover thatwas to have somebody with you
who was very well and I meanvery, very well acquainted with
whoever was working the door youhad an in.
Whoever was the DJ?
Whoever was the bartender?
Maybe the manager?
Kerry (28:25):
If you had a friend who was very well acquainted with
these people.
Chrisy (28:30):
Right, that was your backup if that ID failed.
Okay, so you found a backup.
Oh yeah, she was lovely and Ithank her, she was able to make
sure we always had a good timeyeah, and we were not age enough
to have that kind of good time,oh we did we did, we did.
But one time I was with her,yeah, and she called me up and
(28:52):
insisted, insisted, andsometimes you had to give in
because you know she was workingher end of the deal.
Yeah, so you had to give inbecause you know she was working
her end of the deal, so you hadto give in once in a while.
Kerry (28:58):
Yeah.
Chrisy (28:58):
She wanted to go to a haunted house.
That was probably about I don'tknow, like 45 minutes to an
hour away from where we liveOkay, but it was like the place
to go for people our age I guess.
I don't like haunted houses.
I never understood the concept.
It was kind of ridiculous.
It was loud.
It was just unhappy all the wayaround.
As much as I like Halloween,that's what I can't wrap my
brain around this.
Kerry (29:18):
You love Halloween, you love horror movies, but you
didn't want to go to a hauntedhouse.
Chrisy (29:23):
No, because it's usually so hokey and if maybe today
because we have so many thingsthat we can decorate with,
they're so much better.
30 plus years ago it was crap.
Kerry (29:31):
I'm surprised you didn't want to go just to like snub
people like you did at the mall.
Chrisy (29:35):
Well, no, because everybody has a mask on, nobody
can tell I'm snubbing them.
I mean, well, they can tell I'msnubbing them, but I can't see
who they are, so chances are I'mnot going to snub you All right
, so you were going to go tothis, so we were going to go to
this and I was outside of wherewe lived, on our way to get on
(29:57):
the freeway to get going and Idon't know.
I guess she was speeding and shewent on this road where
everybody used to get picked up.
The cop saw us and pulled usover.
Her license plates were expiredon her car and I think we both
kind of knew that and I wassitting in the passenger seat
and I was like please arrest her, please.
(30:18):
I just want to go home.
Kerry (30:20):
I really don't want to go anywhere.
Chrisy (30:22):
Can you arrest?
I mean, don't hurt her, don'tjust keep her there for a little
bit and get me.
Can you give me a ride home?
Is that part of the deal?
If you arrest her, will I gohome or do I have to go with her
?
Because Because that might be adeal- breaker.
Kerry (30:34):
Now there's a problem.
Chrisy (30:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I was sitting there thewhole time really wishing
someone was going to getarrested Not me, her and when
the officer found out that wedid not go to the high school in
his town, that we went to aCatholic high school at the
other town, he let us off with awarning Because he hated the
(30:56):
kids that lived in his town.
And I was like, oh man, can Ijust lie to you now and tell you
I am in your town and I do goto the school, although then I'm
in trouble, and she's not,because she's not gonna lie to
you.
Kerry (31:10):
So I had to go to the haunted house but that just so
defines us exactly how they were.
Because, you know, here's meall terrified of the cops, even
in my 20s.
And then here's you are liketotally normalized cops.
You were wanting somebody toget arrested yeah, I was like oh
good, yay, we're getting pulledover the police are here.
Chrisy (31:30):
Maybe they'll work in my favor, uh, you know, or chit
chat, or give us a ticket.
Yeah, yeah, yeah see.
Kerry (31:37):
Now, sometimes I wonder, though like you know what you
know, that was the things thatwe did or we experienced.
But like what are our kids?
You know?
What are their stories going tobe going as, as they get older?
What's their podcast storiesgonna be about, you know?
Chrisy (31:53):
I don't know.
I mean, I'm sure they're gonnahave their stuff and it's gonna
be funny for them and we'regonna be those older people that
just don't get it.
Kerry (32:02):
Yeah which is really sad to think about.
Take me out my pinewood box,but um so I think we were pretty
lucky.
Chrisy (32:09):
Yeah, we were, because we kind of came out of some of
that time, uh, reasonably, yeah,unscarred yeah, well, well, no,
we're very we're scarred.
Dysfunction, at least we cansay live to tell the tale.
Kerry (32:24):
We haven't seen it all, but we've seen it up.
Oh yeah.
Well, this was fun, kind ofwalking down memory lane a
little bit, kind of getting intoour personalities a little bit
more.
Chrisy (32:34):
Oh, yeah, I'm sure everybody has me figured out
really quick here I'm boring no,no, you're reasonable and smart
.
Kerry (32:45):
And then there's a goofy chick and she's always gotta get
in trouble and have theattention yeah, that's me I'll
say a rosary for you.
Oh boy, don't do that, allright.
Well, hey, whenever, uh, on ourfacebook page, let's hear some
of the crazy things that you alldid as kids did you poison your
(33:08):
neighborhood.
Well, friend okay not full.
Chrisy (33:13):
Please don't admit to any crimes.
We don't want that.
Kerry (33:16):
Did you have to send your neighborhood kids to the
emergency room every time youhad a play date, yeah?
Or were you the one that wasjust terrified of doing anything
wrong, that you lived thesheltered life?
Even in your 20s or 30s?
You were terrified of the cops,even though they didn't do
anything wrong.
Right, right, right, all right.
(33:39):
Well, hey, thanks for joiningus.
We look forward to seeing youall next week and welcoming you
into our safe space.
Five-star rating, please,absolutely.
We love all of you, absolutely.
So, all right, have a wonderfulweek and we'll see you next
time.
Bye-bye, see you next time.
(34:03):
Bye-bye, bye-bye.
Welcome to the Dysfunction Junkies podcast.
We may not have seen it all,but we've seen enough.
And now here are your hosts,Chrissy and Keri.
Kerry (00:19):
All right, welcome back, junkies.
I'm Kerry
and I'm Chrissy,
and we have another exciting episode for you today.
Yes, we do.
Chrissy and I were talkingabout you know, our childhoods
and how we grew up, and werealized in our conversations
that, as we grew up, chrissy wasunsupervised naughty and she
(00:40):
was normalizing naughty when Iwas.
How did we word it?
I was naughty, but don't talkabout it.
Naughty but don't talk about it.
Chrisy (00:49):
I was, and when you did, then there was discussion,
maybe, but maybe not so.
Kerry (00:55):
I was like under the radar naughty.
Like you know, I was stealthnaughty.
So not here, but that's yourstory to tell Right Some of my
naughty.
I mean, they're so tame,especially whenever you compare
them to your stories, chrissybut of course, I remember one of
the first things that I did asan adult that I was afraid to
(01:17):
tell my parents about.
So have you ever had anythinglike you know?
Have you ever had thisexperience where you were like
really worried to tell yourparents about something as an
adult and and you're sittingthere telling yourself like I'm
an adult, why, what are theygoing to do to me?
Sent me to my room.
I live 1200 miles away.
I got my first tattoo when I wasin my late 20s.
I was living in Las Vegas.
(01:37):
It literally took me probablyabout three weeks to get the
nerve to tell my mom that I gota tattoo.
Yes, yeah, because I knew shewas going to be mortified, like
I knew there was going to beprobably rosaries being said and
masses being said and holy oilbeing sent to me in the mail.
I just knew like she was notgoing to take this news well.
So I finally got the nerve upand I'm like, oh, mom, you know
(02:00):
like we're on the phone and I'mlike I really got to tell you
something.
And she was like, okay, and Icould tell she was bracing
herself, and I was like, well, Igot a tattoo.
And then she said, oh, is thatall like the sound of relief on
her voice?
And I was like, what do you?
What do you mean?
What did you?
What did you think she goes?
I thought you were gonna tellme you had AIDS.
Chrisy (02:21):
Oh my God, wait, wait.
Kerry (02:23):
okay, so you were in your late 20s, late 20s, so yeah, I
guess it was still sort of athing thing back then, like we
talked about before, you know,but she, because I moved to Las
Vegas and I was living in SinCity, I don't know what she
thought I was doing, but I waslike I was mortified, like I was
offended.
That was what she thought likethere were so many other things.
(02:43):
I could think I'm like I got atattoo and like she was what she
thought, like, uh, there wereso many other things.
I could think I'm like I got atattoo and like she was relieved
.
She was like, oh, okay, that'sfine, it's fine.
Yeah, oh, my god, I'm like I Istressed for three weeks about
trying to talk to her about thisbecause, you know, we don't
talk about things, but I'm likeI'm gonna need to tell her
because I'm gonna see her andshe's gonna see the tattoo and
(03:03):
yeah, yeah, so Wow.
Chrisy (03:05):
Wow Boy, oh boy.
She really thought you werehaving the party of a lifetime,
I guess, so Move 1,200 milesaway, from little country town.
Kerry (03:15):
Just to get AIDS.
It didn't matter that at thetime I was working with lions
and putting my life in dangerphysically by working with lions
and everything.
Chrisy (03:24):
You thought you'd step it up a notch and then put
yourself out there to get adeadly disease.
Yeah, exactly.
Kerry (03:28):
Wow, I mean I don't know what she thought I was doing on
the side.
I wasn't, but anyway.
Yeah, but I was and I'm, likeyou know here it stems back to
like whenever I was, you know,16 and breathing in pain, and
she thought I was having sex andshe never looked at me the same
.
I guess it stemmed from that.
She still thought something wasgoing on.
I don't know.
Chrisy (03:50):
Boy, all that religion and people, it sort of does give
people the unfortunate natureto just think that everybody is
out there doing well, obviously,having a lot of fun.
And they're not.
Oh my but yeah, that was, uh,that was crazy times, crazy
(04:12):
times.
Well, yeah, I would say so, andwe try to talk a little bit
before we were gonna do this andI have to tell everybody out
there that it's very hard to pryanything naughty out of carrie.
She obviously just never had it.
I love this sheltered life.
Well, it's not shelter, but Ithink just because again
(04:35):
probably watched too much tv andthis was totally influenced to
do bad things, especially sincenobody was monitoring what I was
watching, so I was probablywatching things that I shouldn't
have been anyhow, so it was allnormalized.
Kerry (04:48):
All the bad things were normalized.
Chrisy (04:49):
Oh my God, look at how much fun these people are having
.
They like almost stabbed eachother and I mean I know
everybody talks about the toysthat we had and they're
dangerous and you know we usedto do dangerous things and we
did and it was like fine.
So maybe that's why someparents were a little bit more
numb to anything crazy.
Well, one of my first thingsI'll never forget, because it
was so horrible, what I did notsupervised.
(05:12):
I was with a neighborhood kid,one of the neighborhood kids.
Was it Chrissy Pissy?
Kerry (05:18):
The boys that call you Chrissy.
No, no, it was a girl.
Chrisy (05:20):
It was a neighborhood girl, it was somebody else.
It was a little bit after allthat we were actually in my
grandfather's basement and mygrandfather's basement for the
longest time was sort of likealmost locked in this like
frozen state of like 1968 maybe,like nothing had been changed
(05:42):
and there were like cabinetsdown there and they had a fruit
cellar which is where they usedto keep canned goods and other
stuff.
It was just horrible.
I mean, the basements were kindof the house wasn't real old
but it was from the 50s but oldenough.
Perfect, dark, cryptic place itwas, yeah, it was just grandpa
wasn't going to come down therebecause he wasn't walking real
well, my grandmother had passedaway by then.
(06:03):
There was a pool table downthere because he wasn't walking
real well.
Kerry (06:04):
My grandmother had passed away by then.
There was a pool table downthere, so you could usually use
as an excuse as to why you wereover Gramps in the basement
unsupervised.
Chrisy (06:10):
The cabinets had like old canned goods in them.
Yeah, like way expired.
Kerry (06:13):
Yeah.
Chrisy (06:14):
Like why would you open this?
I should have kept them, though, because you can make money
selling those on eBay.
No, I didn't before you,because I know we get into it
Chrissy keeps too much stuff butI remember there being a box of
this substance that was inlittle round balls that was
crystallized, oh god, and roundand pretty, oh god.
(06:37):
It looked like sugar to me, butI knew that it wasn't something
I wanted to try.
So, hey, hey, mikey, oh no,although this was not the
person's day, I'm just playingoff of the commercial for a life
cereal.
Hey, these are sugar cubes.
Oh my God, do you want to tryone?
Chrissy, absolutely Took thesugar cube slash.
(06:57):
No, it was not a sugar cube.
And again, yes, this is awful.
Everyone I am so sorry.
And again, yes, this is awful,everyone I am so sorry, kind of.
I mean I would have been moresorry if something horrible had
happened.
She took it, oh my God, likeSnow White taking the apple, put
it in her mouth and spit thatdamn thing across the floor so
(07:21):
quick.
And, oh my God, it was amothball.
Oh my God, I didn't really evenknow for sure.
Kerry (07:27):
You didn't realize at the time it wasn't a mothball.
Well, you didn't know.
But you knew.
Chrisy (07:33):
Well, I mean, how much honesty, oh my God, I mean, how
much honesty do I want to playout here?
So yeah, so horrible, horrible.
But remember back then late 70s, early 80s, nobody was telling
you you need to lock this crapup because you got stupid kids
who will look at this and sayyou know, they talk about those
(07:55):
Tide Pods, all those like wash,those things that the kids are
eating because it looks likecandy, which I won't have in my
house.
I'm still liquid detergent girl.
Kerry (08:04):
Chrissy started the trend years earlier with mothballs.
Chrisy (08:06):
Well, yeah, it started there Mothballs, time pods.
Yeah, it's bad, it's all bad.
Oh my God, chrissy.
So that poor kid.
I don't really remember playingwith her after that.
No Kind of thought it was funny, though.
I mean, if we're being honestand I want everybody out there
who is taking time to listen toour wonderful show to know that
I will never lie to you no, shewill not, I will not.
(08:28):
It might be painful, but damnit, I'm not going to lie.
Kerry (08:34):
And so yeah, oh crazy, you don't have anything like
that.
No, the worst thing I did as achild was I mean seriously, I
know, I know it's shelteredlife- oh, I thought you were
gonna give me something good,come on.
Was our school was.
I was in second grade and ourschool was having one of those
readathons, you know, and theyused to pass around like the
(08:55):
pamphlet and if, oh, if, youread this many books and raise
this much money, you'd get thislittle prize.
And then, if you did more, yougot this prize.
Well, they had this littleplush puppy dog.
That was like a little sleuthdog or something.
I wanted that so bad.
You did.
I did so.
I wrote on the little sign upsheet.
(09:17):
I thought I was being creativeand signed all these names, like
trying to hide my handwritingand stuff, and I turned my
little sheet in after, like youknow, a couple weeks of here.
Look, I earned enough to getthis little plushie dog.
Well, they turned the paperworkin.
A couple weeks later theypassed out the prizes.
Oh, carrie read like 20 books Idon't know how many it was and
(09:39):
raised so much money.
And here's your little plushiedog.
I was so excited that I wonthis little plushie dog.
I did not read one book, didnot read any of it.
Well, I got home and I'm likewell, I can't take this plushie
dog in the house.
My mom's gonna wonder where didyou buy this?
Because you know we didn't haveany money and so I didn't get
no allowance I'm amazed that shepaid that much attention to you
.
She was like able to track somenew toy coming into our home
(10:02):
yeah, yeah, she would have,because you know, again, we
didn't have a lot, so somethingbrand new and shiny and plushy,
we would have noticed it.
So I hid it under the steps inthe garage, okay.
Well, a couple weeks later theschool sent home an envelope and
they were like you know, givethis to your mom when you get
home.
So I gave it to my mom.
Well, here it was the bill forlike the whatever $200 or
(10:23):
whatever that I was supposed tohave gotten from people, all
those fake names.
So she found out and actuallyshe never.
She never confronted me andsaid what is this?
But she somehow found theplushie dog and then what did
she do?
Chrisy (10:37):
She returned.
She didn't return your dog, didshe?
Kerry (10:40):
Ah, you know what I think they did?
Because I never I don't, Inever had the plushie dog after
that, and I think she ended up.
I had a little like savingsaccount, like you know, from my
first Holy Communion money orwhatever, and so she took the
money out of that to pay for it.
So I lost my first HolyCommunion money and I didn't
have the plushie dog.
Yeah, oh my, that was my bigcrime, that was my big sin.
Chrisy (10:59):
No, the bigger crime is.
Your punishment did not fit thecrime.
What, my God?
First of all, you were thatcreative.
Nowadays they would say look athow creative my kid is.
They made up all this BS to getsomething they want.
Tried to disguise herhandwriting.
They know that hard work equalsyou get what you want.
(11:21):
But then then punishment.
I know you took all that timeto fill out that form you had
the dog you fell in love with it.
I bet you named it.
Kerry (11:29):
I probably did and you were trying to keep it safe by
keeping it hidden.
Actually you know where I putit it was a refugee in your
house.
The stairs I put it on was thestairs.
Our collie dog had puppiesunder, so you know that's.
Chrisy (11:46):
I guess that's why I put it oh, maybe you thought it
would have puppies if it wasthere.
Kerry (11:48):
Yeah, because you know you just opened the barn door
and puppies happened oh my god.
But then to take your money?
Yeah well, they had to pay.
They had to pay up.
The school was sending thatinvoice, pay up uh, no, the
parents obviously that's afailure on their part they.
Chrisy (11:59):
They need to pay Now.
Don't take your kids communionmoney or whatever.
They took my communion money.
Kerry (12:04):
Wow, oh my God, I know, I know it doesn't compare to you
know, poisoning the neighborhoodkid, no, but the funny part
about it is my little pristinelife up until I was, you know,
in my 20s, was and I wasapplying for a job in a police
department for working in animalcontrol, and part of this is a
(12:24):
big background check.
And they want to know all yoursins.
They want to know all the drugsthat you took.
They want to know everythingyou got to fill out this form I
mean, it's a thick pack.
They want to know your driver'slicense number.
Well, you know, here's me, youknow, trying to be a little
dishonest and perfect, like I'mdigging through every like house
application, anything to try tofind all my drivers, like pert
(12:45):
near pretty much did now.
Now, in hindsight, I'm likethey don't really expect you to
have all your driver's licensenumbers but, whatever.
They're just looking to see forhonesty or whatever, whatever.
So when it came time to likedid you ever take drugs?
No.
Did you ever do this?
No.
Did you ever do this?
No, did you ever do this,whatever?
Well, this was like my onlystory of like did you ever steal
anything, and so I put this.
(13:06):
I'm like oh no, this does not sothey had a heart that they kept
like.
They thought I was lying.
It was like being in that thatroom with the, with everybody
looking at me when I was reading, in pain, thinking I was lying
whenever I said I didn't havesex and couldn't be pregnant.
It was the same flashbackbecause they kept thinking you
(13:26):
have to be lying because no onecould be this good and I'm like
I really really was, and so likeI had to do the lie detector
test.
Oh my God, oh yeah, they put meup.
First they did the voicecontrol one and then they do the
whole thing where they hook youall up, all the hooks and
everything, and they finallydetermined that yeah, I was
little sally, do good and didn'thave any.
(13:47):
Worst thing I did was steal alittle sleuth puppy from the
read-a-thon.
They made you the sergeant ofthe but it was just terrible and
I remember being so stressedout I was like I wish I could
tell you I did something bad,but I didn't.
Chrisy (14:01):
So well that reminds me a little bit.
Real quick, just a littleoffset of that.
When you have to tell peoplesomething, being young, going
through Catholic education, whenyou make your, I believe they
called it reconciliation.
Oh yeah, confessions,confession, yeah, confession.
Tell me, your sins.
First of all, confession to acrime.
(14:21):
Get confession when you're in.
What is it?
third grade yeah, yeah, eight,yeah what do you want me to tell
you?
I did, now me might have donesomething.
Was it worth confessing in mymind?
Poison the neighbor with well Ididn't think that I don't
remember that being on the uh.
Commandments or whatever listwe used to be getting.
Kerry (14:42):
Thou shalt not poison me.
That was number 11.
There wasn't room on the stone.
Chrisy (14:45):
Yeah, but you would.
Well, I'm not going to talkabout it for everybody, but I'm
just going to say right now, Ilied.
Yeah, so I'm in this room withthis flipping, completely
off-putting figure, verydominant, a man in a robe with a
white collar thing.
What?
In a robe with a white collarthing?
What's going on?
Hello Lied to him.
You lied in confession.
Kerry (15:03):
I lied in confession Now.
Chrisy (15:04):
I'm.
Where does this end?
Now, I'm definitely in trouble.
Not only did I screw upconfession, I lied to a priest,
but I didn't confess that Ishould have lied and said
something.
I just lied to you.
Kerry (15:15):
Okay, good, I feel better now, I just lied to you.
Chrisy (15:17):
I lied to you.
Okay, good, I feel better now.
I just lied to you.
Kerry (15:22):
Were you in the face-to-face or were you in the?
Chrisy (15:24):
screen.
Always that screen thing Ididn't want to.
What are you doing over there?
What are you doing over there?
What is happening?
Kerry (15:31):
It goes with the family profile If I'm going to sit here
and talk to you.
Chrisy (15:35):
I'm going to talk to you .
You need to look at me.
I am not going to go behindsome goo goo.
Where the hell did that comefrom?
It's very entertaining when yousee it in film and stuff.
I love it, yeah, but it'sridiculous in real life.
That's the only way I wouldever go.
But do you think they reallydon't know who you are?
I know that, but then theycan't.
Kerry (15:55):
They know you, I know I know it's ridiculous, it's
ridiculous, it is so no.
Chrisy (15:59):
And then I never had that thing you had to say
afterwards ever.
Kerry (16:02):
Oh, the act of contrition .
What?
Chrisy (16:04):
What I used to just sit there and hope that their voice
was louder than mine.
Oh, they said it with you, werethey supposed to?
Kerry (16:11):
I don't know they never did.
You know why they were sayingit with me?
Because you didn't know it.
Chrisy (16:17):
So I would just sit there and mumble.
Kerry (16:20):
It sounded like I was saying something and they were
just like well, she's justreally quiet, she talks really
quiet and she was saying thebless us, oh Lord, he's like I
was like that's the prayer.
I was like I want pizza, I wantthis, I don't want to be here,
I'm looking at you.
No, it was crazy.
Chrisy (16:37):
Confession's crazy, even when I was in church when I was
little.
Kerry (16:41):
Yeah.
Chrisy (16:41):
I didn't know all the words to those songs.
Yeah, you, you sung them everyweek all the time.
And then, when you were inCatholic school, you had to go
to church during school days forcertain things.
Yes, once a week.
So then you just learn to makeit look like you're singing.
Everybody else seems to knowwhat's going on here.
Kerry (17:04):
Let them cover up and do the end.
That's that.
But yeah, so yeah, the whole uhadmitting and all that.
That's crazy.
It's crazy.
So when you so okay, that wasyounger what was your more
cryptic things when you gotolder?
Chrisy (17:09):
well, as I, got a little older.
There was one friend in theneighborhood and again, if she
does listen she's going toremember this stuff because I
just was always somewhat orneryand required attention, because
when you're the youngest thereis some level of attention you
get, naturally, yes, and theneither you sort of just take
that as I don't like that, oryou're like I have to have it
(17:30):
all the time.
Yeah, I wanted to haveattention a lot, so I would
generally try to do as much as Icould to get it.
So I remember one time ridingbikes with my friend, okay, and
we were both sort of being youknow whatever kids were riding
up the street and poppingwheelies and I'm trying to, I'm
trying to ride faster and I'mtrying to get her in my dust.
(17:53):
And and uh, she's trying to keepup, but she was a little
younger than me and I decided toslam on my brakes because she
was like catching me and I'mlike well, I'm just going to
stop, stop, see what she does.
Maybe she'll roll down the hill.
Oh God, stop, drop and roll shedid.
First of all she slammed intomy bike.
(18:14):
But OK, I had a big old bike.
It was like from my sister'sbike.
It was a three speed Schw,schwin.
It was the most disgusting bike, but it was.
It was like a solid.
It was an old, a good old,reliable.
Oh my, you know bike, youweren't gonna get hurt on that.
So she flips down the hill withher bike and she, you know,
trying to recover, comes up thehill and she's like dusting
(18:37):
herself off and I look andthere's blood running down her
hand and her arm.
I said, oh my God, you'rebleeding.
Why would you be bleeding?
We got a bleeder and herfingernail is just dangling at
the roots.
I'm cringing, oh, Chris, and Iwas like wow, that's insane.
(19:01):
You lost your fingernailthrough that.
How did that happen?
Well then she sees it andtotally freaks out.
Why are you freaking out?
What's going on here?
Now you're being loud and nowwe're getting attention for the
wrong reasons.
You're hysterical, so I wassitting there going look it's
okay.
This happens to me all the time.
Look at my nails.
Kerry (19:21):
Look at my nails.
Chrisy (19:22):
They rip out all the time.
It's not a big deal.
Just suck it up.
Let's get your bike going.
We'll get to my mom's house.
My mom will bandage you up,you'll be fine.
Oh my gosh.
So what do I do?
Well, I'm moving faster thanher.
I'm like out of there becauseshe's she's screaming and
yelling.
Everybody's looking, coming outof their house.
There's a kid in the streetyelling what's the matter?
She's crying the whole way.
(19:43):
I'm like are you gonna come?
And finally she makes it to myhouse because I had been there
like 10 minutes earlier and I'mlike are you gonna come in and
get that thing washed off, orwhat are you doing?
Oh, my, she's like no, I justwant to go home.
I want to go to my mom.
I got to go see.
Kerry (19:57):
So I'm sitting on the porch.
Chrisy (19:59):
Now, you know, my entertainment for the afternoon
is gone.
And then there goes her carwith her mom up the street off
to emergency.
Oh God, bye, okay, you took theeasier route, okay, and then
she'd come back and it was likeshe had no fingernail on that
hand, but thank God she was ableto regrow, I guess, a
(20:21):
fingernail.
I hope she was.
I should have asked.
And then, unfortunately, thesame girl you would think she'd
learned, and I think that hermother did used to make her take
breaks from me because theyjust knew.
Kerry (20:33):
I wonder why.
Chrisy (20:42):
Is this the same girl you fed the poison?
No, no, no, no, no, no newvictim.
No, yeah, oh yeah.
They moved away, and then thisone was there.
It was like time to break youin, honey.
We were, uh, playing basketballon my driveway and I never was
allowed to have a hoop uh so youjust had to sort of wing it
yeah and pretend you had a hoop.
My father was, I was a girl.
Oh, there was no reason for meto have of wing it and pretend
you had a hoop.
My father was, I was a girl.
There was no reason for me tohave a hoop, and he didn't want
to have to cut grass around itor have to wheel it into his,
(21:03):
depending it wasn't happening,but it didn't stop us from
playing basketball.
So we were playing and we'regetting rough and we're yanking
the ball from each other and Imust have jarred her finger.
It was typical.
Again, I didn't do it onpurpose.
Kerry (21:16):
What is it with you and this girl's fingers?
Chrisy (21:18):
Just didn't want her to have them.
Kerry (21:19):
I guess what did you do?
Did you break her finger?
Chrisy (21:22):
Well, I don't think it was broken, but it was badly
sprained, probably pushed back.
And again it was just both ofus in that case, probably Me
stopping my bike right away.
That was on me right away, thatwas on me.
But this was just a naturalcourse of events kids can run
into.
But again, crying, drama, hello, why are you upset?
Just suck it up.
(21:43):
You want to some a splint?
I bet you.
My mom got a splint in thehouse she's a nurse she's a
nurse.
She was a nurse, come on, uh no,I just want to go home see my
mom.
Oh my god always go dead again.
I gotta wait for you to show upback.
There goes the car, pass me onthe porch, send me with my ball.
All alone now it's all about me.
Hello, while you go get fixedup, comes back, got a splint,
(22:07):
got a whole thing.
It's really bad spring.
Oh my God.
Okay, god, all right.
Kerry (22:13):
Did you realize how dysfunctional this was?
As a child it was.
Your behavior was a little bit,I mean.
I know mine was just asdysfunctional, but in a quiet,
passive, non-hurting otherpeople way.
Chrisy (22:30):
If I wasn't hearing you screaming, it had no meaning.
There you go, put that on ashirt.
If you ain't screaming, it hasno meaning.
There you go, put that on ashirt.
If you ain't screaming, it hasno meaning to me.
Kerry (22:41):
So scream, honey, because that now you're playing with
chrissy you on chrissy time nowso yeah, wow yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, I was so afraid of gettingin trouble, like I, that I
that's why I was always tryingto do everything right.
(23:02):
I didn't want to bring anyattention to me.
I wanted I didn't want to, youknow had to follow the rules,
had to be behaved like, even asan adult, like you know gosh I
mean, I don't really speed.
You know've only gotten liketwo speeding tickets in my life
and they were like stupid ones,like just barely over, you know,
20 or 31 in a 25 or something.
I mean, I'm serious, I know itsounds pretentious, but but
(23:24):
anytime even I see the copscoming up behind me and I see
their lights, I get anxious andI'm like, why am I getting
anxious?
I wasn't doing anything wrong.
But I'll never forget one ofthe craziest things used to
handle big cats.
When I was in Las Vegas, atnighttime on the strip, the one
hotel, the Tropicana, had thesetwo tigers on display outside.
I worked for the magician thatowned these tigers, and him and
(23:46):
another guy.
We would go at night and wewould have to get these tigers
and bring them home.
So we had a, you know bigrolling crates and we put them
in this trailer and then wewould drive to a north part of
town where, where the guy'scompound was and where the
animals were housed.
In nighttime, driving down thestrip with these two tigers in
the back, you know, peoplecouldn't see what was in the
trailer.
It's just a big trailer.
(24:06):
We uh stop at a light and we getrear-ended from behind.
We get out.
I mean, we hardly felt.
I mean we felt the bump, butyou know we.
So we get out.
Well, here, of course, the guythat hit us, his car, is all
crunched up, oh jeez.
So the cops come and I'mfreaking out and I'm like, first
of all, I was the passenger, Iwasn't even driving the car but
I was terrified because I'm like, oh my god, we're gonna get
(24:27):
into, like why are we gonna getin trouble?
I have no idea why I had thisfear.
Anyways, the cops come, theysaid to to me and the gentleman
that was with us and uh he waslike you guys, you guys doing
okay, like are you uh kind ofsmells a little funny back here,
like he thought we were smokingweed, thought we were high and
what?
Chrisy (24:47):
what do you mean?
Kerry (24:47):
you were the one that got hit I know, but he thought we
were the one somehow that causedit, because the odor that was
coming from the trailer, andapparently from us, smelled like
weed.
And so we're like he goeswhat's in the trailer?
And we're like, well, we havetwo tigers in there.
And he's like, do you want togo see?
He didn't believe us.
(25:07):
Well, tiger piss does kind ofsmell like weed so we're like,
no, really, there's, there's twotigers in there.
And he's like, um, you sureyou're not high.
And he's like assholes.
And we're there's, there's twotigers in there.
And he's like you sure you'renot high.
And he's like, as we're like,no, really, there's two tigers
in there, cop didn't believe us.
So then he, you know, like,well, we can open it up, but
there's two tigers in there.
So we, finally we he was notbelieving us.
(25:27):
He totally thought we were highbecause of how bad everything
reeked, of what he thought waspot.
So we were like, okay, we'll,we'll open up the trailer.
So we opened up the trailer andthere's these two big white
tigers staring at him andthey're like okay, um, yeah, I
guess you're right, buckle itall up, give the guy that hit us
(25:49):
a ticket for hitting us, youknow?
and we went on our merry way Iknow, but I was the whole time.
I was terrified because Ithought we were going to somehow
be in trouble and, like wedidn't do anything wrong, we
were just, you know, minding ourbusiness, hauling tigers around
las vegas.
This is just what was ingrainedin me as a child, that you know
(26:09):
.
It was just that fear of god,fear of authority.
Chrisy (26:12):
You, you just said it.
Yep, as you can tell, I didn'thave that kind of fear Lying to
priests.
Kerry (26:20):
So yeah, so that kept me clean for most of my life, well,
but now I'm boring.
Chrisy (26:28):
No, I can sit here and laugh at your story.
We all need.
Kerry (26:33):
Do you?
Chrisy (26:34):
have any cop stories to share?
Well, I do, when we all need.
Do you have any cop stories toshare?
Well, I do.
Kerry (26:39):
When after we were friends, yeah, and then we sort
of weren't on the same path atthat moment, right, which was
good for you and that might havebeen why we stopped not really
stopped being friends, but I wasprobably terrified to be around
you because I was worried youwere gonna get in trouble.
Chrisy (26:55):
Oh, yeah, you probably were, but and can't blame me for
that.
But yeah, first of all, mymother went to ysu as a adult
non-traditional I was alwayssick of people saying, no, you
look just like your mom you look, I don't think I really.
I mean, there's resemblance.
Of course you look resembleyour parents, but might you
might sometimes, maybe, I don'tknow she had a ysu id.
Oh boy now you're mom's id well,here's, I'm just gonna you know
(27:19):
what.
Come at me, bro.
I don't know what to tell you.
It just I was under, so I guessI'm under the age as an adult
you can't try me maybe, butalthough what I was statute of
limitations.
Well, hopefully but my mom had aysu d and she didn't keep it
anywhere where I couldn't accessit, and then I think she wasn't
even going anymore.
So now it was just a wastedopportunity and I was going to
(27:41):
take it.
So I got it and the way theclubs or I wouldn't call them
clubs the nightlife on, thecampus worked was you could get
in if you had a college ID.
Now, if you couldn't prove howold you were, yeah, you couldn't
drink.
Kerry (27:59):
They would stamp your hand, oh okay now, who's paying
attention, those stamps?
Chrisy (28:04):
after a while who knows what what one stamp means the
other but the way to cover thatwas to have somebody with you
who was very well and I meanvery, very well acquainted with
whoever was working the door youhad an in.
Whoever was the DJ?
Whoever was the bartender?
Maybe the manager?
Kerry (28:25):
If you had a friend who was very well acquainted with
these people.
Chrisy (28:30):
Right, that was your backup if that ID failed.
Okay, so you found a backup.
Oh yeah, she was lovely and Ithank her, she was able to make
sure we always had a good timeyeah, and we were not age enough
to have that kind of good time,oh we did we did, we did.
But one time I was with her,yeah, and she called me up and
(28:52):
insisted, insisted, andsometimes you had to give in
because you know she was workingher end of the deal.
Yeah, so you had to give inbecause you know she was working
her end of the deal, so you hadto give in once in a while.
Kerry (28:58):
Yeah.
Chrisy (28:58):
She wanted to go to a haunted house.
That was probably about I don'tknow, like 45 minutes to an
hour away from where we liveOkay, but it was like the place
to go for people our age I guess.
I don't like haunted houses.
I never understood the concept.
It was kind of ridiculous.
It was loud.
It was just unhappy all the wayaround.
As much as I like Halloween,that's what I can't wrap my
brain around this.
Kerry (29:18):
You love Halloween, you love horror movies, but you
didn't want to go to a hauntedhouse.
Chrisy (29:23):
No, because it's usually so hokey and if maybe today
because we have so many thingsthat we can decorate with,
they're so much better.
30 plus years ago it was crap.
Kerry (29:31):
I'm surprised you didn't want to go just to like snub
people like you did at the mall.
Chrisy (29:35):
Well, no, because everybody has a mask on, nobody
can tell I'm snubbing them.
I mean, well, they can tell I'msnubbing them, but I can't see
who they are, so chances are I'mnot going to snub you All right
, so you were going to go tothis, so we were going to go to
this and I was outside of wherewe lived, on our way to get on
(29:57):
the freeway to get going and Idon't know.
I guess she was speeding and shewent on this road where
everybody used to get picked up.
The cop saw us and pulled usover.
Her license plates were expiredon her car and I think we both
kind of knew that and I wassitting in the passenger seat
and I was like please arrest her, please.
(30:18):
I just want to go home.
Kerry (30:20):
I really don't want to go anywhere.
Chrisy (30:22):
Can you arrest?
I mean, don't hurt her, don'tjust keep her there for a little
bit and get me.
Can you give me a ride home?
Is that part of the deal?
If you arrest her, will I gohome or do I have to go with her
?
Because Because that might be adeal- breaker.
Kerry (30:34):
Now there's a problem.
Chrisy (30:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I was sitting there thewhole time really wishing
someone was going to getarrested Not me, her and when
the officer found out that wedid not go to the high school in
his town, that we went to aCatholic high school at the
other town, he let us off with awarning Because he hated the
(30:56):
kids that lived in his town.
And I was like, oh man, can Ijust lie to you now and tell you
I am in your town and I do goto the school, although then I'm
in trouble, and she's not,because she's not gonna lie to
you.
Kerry (31:10):
So I had to go to the haunted house but that just so
defines us exactly how they were.
Because, you know, here's meall terrified of the cops, even
in my 20s.
And then here's you are liketotally normalized cops.
You were wanting somebody toget arrested yeah, I was like oh
good, yay, we're getting pulledover the police are here.
Chrisy (31:30):
Maybe they'll work in my favor, uh, you know, or chit
chat, or give us a ticket.
Yeah, yeah, yeah see.
Kerry (31:37):
Now, sometimes I wonder, though like you know what you
know, that was the things thatwe did or we experienced.
But like what are our kids?
You know?
What are their stories going tobe going as, as they get older?
What's their podcast storiesgonna be about, you know?
Chrisy (31:53):
I don't know.
I mean, I'm sure they're gonnahave their stuff and it's gonna
be funny for them and we'regonna be those older people that
just don't get it.
Kerry (32:02):
Yeah which is really sad to think about.
Take me out my pinewood box,but um so I think we were pretty
lucky.
Chrisy (32:09):
Yeah, we were, because we kind of came out of some of
that time, uh, reasonably, yeah,unscarred yeah, well, well, no,
we're very we're scarred.
Dysfunction, at least we cansay live to tell the tale.
Kerry (32:24):
We haven't seen it all, but we've seen it up.
Oh yeah.
Well, this was fun, kind ofwalking down memory lane a
little bit, kind of getting intoour personalities a little bit
more.
Chrisy (32:34):
Oh, yeah, I'm sure everybody has me figured out
really quick here I'm boring no,no, you're reasonable and smart
.
Kerry (32:45):
And then there's a goofy chick and she's always gotta get
in trouble and have theattention yeah, that's me I'll
say a rosary for you.
Oh boy, don't do that, allright.
Well, hey, whenever, uh, on ourfacebook page, let's hear some
of the crazy things that you alldid as kids did you poison your
(33:08):
neighborhood.
Well, friend okay not full.
Chrisy (33:13):
Please don't admit to any crimes.
We don't want that.
Kerry (33:16):
Did you have to send your neighborhood kids to the
emergency room every time youhad a play date, yeah?
Or were you the one that wasjust terrified of doing anything
wrong, that you lived thesheltered life?
Even in your 20s or 30s?
You were terrified of the cops,even though they didn't do
anything wrong.
Right, right, right, all right.
(33:39):
Well, hey, thanks for joiningus.
We look forward to seeing youall next week and welcoming you
into our safe space.
Five-star rating, please,absolutely.
We love all of you, absolutely.
So, all right, have a wonderfulweek and we'll see you next
time.
Bye-bye, see you next time.
(34:03):
Bye-bye, bye-bye.
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