July 23, 2025 • 33 mins
The struggle to set healthy boundaries often comes loaded with guilt, second-guessing, and that nagging voice suggesting you should just "be the better person." But what if that guilt is actually evidence of how deeply you were trained to abandon yourself for others?
In this raw, validating conversation, Chrisy and Kerry explore the challenging terrain of boundary-setting with toxic people, introducing the surprisingly effective concept of "meme therapy" - finding healing through relatable content that perfectly captures our complicated feelings. We share personal stories about reaching the powerful state of being "done" rather than angry or hurt, and how this subtle shift completely changes the dynamic with manipulative individuals who prefer to keep you emotionally entangled.
Whether you're struggling with setting boundaries, recognizing toxic behavior, or simply seeking validation that it's okay to prioritize yourself, this episode offers practical wisdom and the comforting reminder that you're not alone.
Thank you for listening. Be sure to check out our Facebook and Instagram pages for additional content. We often post polls and other questions for your feedback. We would love to hear from you, and if you like our show please take a moment to give us a Five Star Review!
Love our show and want to support us? Click on this link to submit a one time or reoccurring donation. https://www.buzzsprout.com/2398402/support
www.facebook.com/DysfunctionJunkies
https://www.instagram.com/dysfunctionjunkies
https://www.youtube.com/@DysfunctionJunkies
https://dysfunctionjunkiespodcast.com
Dysfunction Junkies has all rights to the songs "Hit the Ground Running" created by Ryan Prewett and "Happy Hour" created by Evert Z.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
DJ Nick (00:07):
Welcome to the Dysfunction Junkies podcast.
We may not have seen it all,but we've seen enough.
And now here are your hosts,Chrissy and.
Keri
Kerry (00:19):
Hello Junkies, I'm Kerry
Chrisy (00:21):
and I'm Chrisy.
Kerry (00:22):
Welcome to our episode.
Today, we are going to betalking about healthy boundaries
, especially from toxicrelationships.
Yeah.
Chrisy (00:31):
Yeah, toxic.
Remember that movie from the80s, the Toxic Avenger or Toxic
something or other, thoseterrible B movies we used to
watch when we would rent videos.
We, oh me.
Kerry (00:45):
Not me.
Chrisy (00:46):
Usually I had somebody else running these crappy things
.
Kerry (00:49):
but no, I get it.
So, yeah, you know we talk alot about dysfunction and that
this is our safe place.
You know, one of the hardestthings I had to do was learn how
to create healthy boundaries.
Chrisy (01:00):
Yeah, that's important you.
I know early on healthyboundaries.
Kerry (01:03):
Yeah, that's important you I know early on you're such
a worth wealth of words overthere, chrissy.
Chrisy (01:07):
Well, this one's, because this is just, it's toxic
.
Kerry (01:12):
It is.
It's just toxic, boy.
The words are just flowing.
They're just flowing there,chrissy, I'm trying to figure
out this one.
Okay, maybe it's just me whoneeds to learn.
You've obviously got it figuredout.
Chrisy (01:28):
Well, one of our earlier things that we put out there
was that you had brought up thatI learned how to create healthy
boundaries early on.
You did, and I sort of justchalked it up to the fact that I
just was going to sort of sayyou know, a lot of people get
multiple chances for recovery,and for me not usually, and it
(01:51):
wasn't so much that I created aboundary, as I just like said,
created a.
I don't recognize you anymoreas a person of this human race.
Kerry (02:01):
Yeah, you, you really, you did figure this out way
sooner than I did so, but I'm Imean, it took me a while, but
I'm there now.
You know and, and I will find,this is I don't know what's that
, what's that term, my beigeflag or my toxic trait or
whatever however they're called.
I find support in meme therapyyeah, we're putting the.
Chrisy (02:20):
You know that's yours.
Yes, because until you broughtit up I had never heard of it.
And then I said, well, you?
And you said you're not evensure that it's a thing, but
you've, it's a thing.
Now I've coined it.
I've coined the phrase memetherapy.
Kerry (02:32):
I have found what would be the validation in some of
these memes scrolling throughmemes and saying, oh my gosh,
that's exactly how I feel.
Or oh yes, here's one of mygosh, that's exactly how I feel.
Or oh yes, here's one of mymemes that I came across and
it's, and it's so true.
It's unfortunately, a lot of.
You all met me when I lackedboundaries and was a people
pleaser.
Let me introduce you to myselfnow.
Chrisy (02:53):
I burn bridges as needed and I'm like yes, is this the
one that I said, I with thebridget?
Wait, no talk about the onethat you posted with the bridges
.
Kerry (03:04):
Yes, oh, that was a long one, but oh, it was a good one.
Chrisy (03:07):
That was yeah.
Kerry (03:08):
In fact, we had another another listener commented on
that.
Let me find that on my Facebookpage.
I enjoy scrolling at night whenI'm trying to go to bed and
I'll find these little memethings and I and they, just they
really help me know that, hey,what I'm feeling is okay.
Chrisy (03:25):
so while you're looking for that yes my understanding of
memes to.
I'm limited, maybeunderstanding of it because
maybe I'm watching.
Is that the one with the fartsor am I just watching?
Why is mine set to fart memes?
You're getting all of these aprofound, lovely memes that have
(03:48):
such meaning to our lives and Iget the one where the guy walks
by a group of unknowing peopleand just blasts off.
Kerry (03:55):
So those are reels, I think, more than their me.
Oh, I'm I need.
Chrisy (03:59):
I'm in real therapy.
Kerry (04:00):
I haven't graduated nick, did you want to add something?
I think it's because it's basedon what you've been.
Chrisy (04:12):
It has an algorithm, so it knows what you're looking for
, so it's giving it to you andit does, and I am like trapped
in this one after another, wherethere's just and he's I'm
laughing at the bed.
Kerry (04:26):
I am Right so OK, so the little meme thing that I was I
mentioned just now.
That is a summary of the longerone that I had on my Facebook
page.
Chrisy (04:39):
And the one on my.
Kerry (04:40):
Facebook page says unfortunately, I don't rebuild
bridges, I didn't burn.
Just that statement alone.
Yes, yes, that was yeah,because a bridge is between two
people, the only works of.
Both people want to keep itstanding, two people who care,
two people who don't give upwhen things get heavy.
It takes effort from both sides.
If a bridge fails, and you know, basically it's because
(05:01):
somebody wasn't willing.
I know that I wasn't the onewho let it fall and I refused to
rebuild something that someoneelse let fall without even
trying to save it.
So, no, I won't rebuild abridge.
I didn't burn.
I loved that was so.
It was very profound, so goodyeah.
Chrisy (05:21):
This is how I get through my dysfunction is I find
these things like this thathelp me Do the people who write
these give themselves.
Kerry (05:27):
Sometimes there will be like an author credit, so like
that particular one there wasn't.
Sometimes you'll find that it'smaybe someone famous that has
said it, you know, and if I, ifI had seen it with a name, I I
usually, you know, I will givethat credit.
You know, I think a lot oftimes just people like me that
are scrolling through and, youknow, maybe put a post on their
page.
That's my therapy.
Chrisy (05:48):
There's a little small part of me that feels guilty
loving these and finding somevalue in it because of being a,
I have a degree in literature,but I'm not sitting here saying
yes, and I belong to all thesebooks groups.
Kerry (06:08):
I analyze books.
Chrisy (06:09):
I am the worst probably just like everything else that I
have in my pocket.
The worst representation.
I'm the worst representation ofCatholic schools.
I'm the worst representation ofthis.
You know, you try to prideyourself on literature and the
great authors of literature andpoetry and that, and then you
have this like quick stuff.
(06:30):
Yes, these things that arethrown at you by people who are
unknown or don't know have nobackground in being an author or
literature, but yet they'recoming up with these very
profound statements.
Yes, I think tapping into thisfor our listeners and for
(06:51):
ourselves tells you that we aredefinitely truly feeling
unaffected people.
Kerry (06:57):
Oh yes, definitely One of the other.
What kind of got me on this too, was it was just because,
especially with certain thingsthat have been going on with my
life, and what I found myselfsaying a lot is you know, I'm
done, kind of going back to thatthe burning bridges are not
rebuilding bridges.
That you know I didn't burn isI'm done.
And so one of the other thingsI came across was one that said
(07:20):
I'm not mad, I'm just done.
And that's what people don'tunderstand.
I'm not necessarily mad ateveryone, anyone.
I'm just done.
I accept that that person orpeople or whoever is causing
this emotion in me.
I may be hurt, I may bedisappointed, I may be sad, but
really I'm just done.
I'm done dealing with thesituation that's robbed me of my
(07:41):
peace.
I'm done dealing with peoplethat don't love me as I love
them, or don't try as hard, thatdon't put the effort in.
I'm just done.
And once I get to that point,you know, I see that that person
is abusing what I bring to thetable.
And so, whether it's a familymember, a friend, a relationship
, I'm again, I'm not mad, I'mnot angry, I'm just finished and
(08:02):
I'm moving on.
And it took me a long time toget to that healthy relationship
, healthy boundaries, to be ableto accept somebody love them
from afar, but to create thatsaying I'm done I think
everything you said has a lot ofimportant things to comment on.
Chrisy (08:18):
Yeah, I think a toxic person will prefer that you
don't get to that point oh 100they want you to be mad, they
want you to be hurt, they wantyou to be sad, because then they
got you where they want you.
Kerry (08:31):
They still have control over me.
Chrisy (08:33):
Yes, yes.
When you say you're done, it'svery difficult for them to argue
that yes, and to basically theycan sit and cry and beg like a
little child or try tomanipulate or manipulate the
situation.
But if you're done and you walkaway, you regain and hold the
control over that situation.
Kerry (08:52):
In my opinion, oh, it's 100 percent, 100 percent, you
know.
And that's where, recently, youknow, I was chastised and
threatened because of speakingout my feelings, especially on
on my, on our podcast here, andand then I came across this meme
, and so again I have, Iliterally have two pages of
(09:13):
memes here.
That has become my therapy.
Chrisy (09:16):
I think maybe there might be people, so let's talk
about that to you, or what theydid to you and how it hurt you
and it's like, yes, and that'swhat we've said on so many of
these episodes is, this is oursafe space.
Kerry (09:38):
This is where we can talk about things, doesn't matter
how that person feels about metalking about it or talking
about situations, because,honestly, if they wanted people
to think better of them, thenthey should have been better,
right, we wouldn't be heretalking about all these
dysfunctional things if theyweren't done.
So it was like you know, Istarted to kind of go back to
(09:58):
that Catholic guilt and go backto my elephant in the room and
my family saying, oh, just say arosary and forgive them that
when somebody was mad at me, Iwas thinking, ok, it's my fault,
I should be.
But I'm like, okay, it's myfault, I should be back, and I'm
like no, I have a right to talkabout what happened to me and
what my feelings are.
And if people have a problemwith it, then maybe they really
(10:19):
have a problem with them.
So they problem and not a meproblem.
It is.
Chrisy (10:23):
So two things I want to offer to that yes.
One is I think they like tooffer you distractions, yes, and
in doing that that's whereyou're sort of talking about,
yeah, they want to distract you,yes, from you, yes.
The other thing is I heard thissomewhere, I don't know where.
Somebody I heard it or read it.
It could have been from a movie, and shame on me for not being
(10:45):
able to remember it if it was.
But you not liking me says moreabout you than it does me.
Yes, there you go.
Chrissy had a meme.
Is that a meme?
It could be.
That's just me saying you suckand I don't.
Kerry (11:00):
Healthy boundaries.
So you sit around going.
Chrisy (11:04):
I don't like you and I don't like what you're saying
and I'm like well, that doesn'tsay much about me, but it speaks
volumes about you, honey.
Kerry (11:11):
Exactly, exactly, exactly , yeah.
And you know I've had a lot ofpeople come to me and have said
you know good things about ourpodcast, about how you know they
were feeling guilty or badabout.
You know how their situationsare in their life, and you know
that, no, it is okay to sethealthy boundaries are in their
(11:33):
life and you know that, no, itis okay to set healthy
boundaries.
And just because you sethealthy boundaries doesn't mean
that you don't care aboutsomebody, but what it means is
you care more about yourself,and here is a time where, yes,
it is important to care moreabout yourself.
So good job, chrissy oh, thankyou.
Chrisy (11:46):
The meme therapy sounds great.
I think this is somethingpeople really should think about
.
But if this one fails you, youjust need to go to the real
therapy.
There you go, where you justwatch the fart videos, because
if meme therapy fails for you,switch over to me and watch the
fart videos Watch the fartvideos and there's a guy on
there that has animals that talk, that he does voiceovers for
(12:10):
which I absolutely love.
I love those type of I lovestupid humor.
Kerry (12:16):
Yeah, I love it yes, so well, and I think I think it was
on our last episode.
I was trying to come across oneof the things that quotes and
and I think this is one I wasthinking about the guilt you
feel about setting boundaries isa sign of how deeply you were
trained to abandon yourself, andyes.
And oh, I think when we weretalking about when grandma
(12:37):
burned me.
I don't mean to laugh, but it'sso horrible, I'm like laughing.
Chrisy (12:44):
I'm like a protective mechanism in my body.
I get it.
Grandma burnt me.
Kerry (13:01):
Grandma used my hand as an ashtray.
That was our July 4th episode.
If you're wondering what thatwas about, I get it.
Grandma burnt me, but that'sreally.
What it is is how deeply youwere trained to abandon yourself
.
Chrisy (13:11):
Yeah, funny how we didn't recognize how, and
probably the people doing thiswith us maybe didn't recognize
it either, because it's again.
It's like that cycle, it's aconstant.
It keeps going on and on and on.
We're trained to basicallyabandon ourselves in other
people's distractions.
(13:32):
Yes, and that guilt thing whichI guess we do label and maybe
we're not being fair and ingeneral but a lot of people have
heard that term Catholic guilt,and just to sort of analyze
that for a second, to someextent it's probably not just oh
, it's not no Processed throughCatholicism.
No, it seems to be somethingeverybody recognizes.
(13:54):
And I'm guessing that evenpeople who are not Catholic have
this yes, which basically stemsmore from family and that
dysfunction yes Than your faithCorrect or how you were brought
up in your faith, but it soundsfun when you say Catholic.
Kerry (14:10):
Well, I use it a lot, especially just because you know
a lot of people that I workwith.
We have used that term a lot.
You know we'll say our Catholicguilds, because we all grew up
Catholic in the Catholic gradeschools and systems and so
they're.
They're, yes, it's our term,but you're right, it's really
anywhere.
Chrisy (14:26):
So well, and I do have that, which I get very mad at
myself because I I really that'sone thing about myself that I
have a hard time cataloging ordescribing about or even
understanding why I feel that,Like, why am I hesitating on me
and how I feel and what I wantto do about this situation, why
I get mad at myself because thenI sort of stop myself, I I'm
(14:49):
not maybe being fair, or I needto look at this from a different
angle.
See, those are very reasonablethings to feel and I am not a
reasonable person.
So then when I feel them, thenit causes not just the guilt,
but now I'm pissed off at me andI walk around saying don't be
like that, you have to just putyourself.
(15:11):
There's a point where everybodyneeds to take a piece page for
my book and be completelyself-centered.
Kerry (15:18):
That is true, and that was kind of one of my other
things was that we're trainingboundaries to be stronger than
our empathy.
So we do, we have to, we haveto put our.
It's hard, we're so much taughtto put others first, but there
are times where we have to putourselves first.
We have to put our empathyaside, put ourselves first and
that is hard, that is hard totrain, but, chrissy, you've
mastered it.
Chrisy (15:38):
I have, and I think it's because I've sort of was left
to be okay with beingself-centered as a child.
Yeah, and maybe my upbringinghelped that, because they kind
of let me get away with it forso long helped that because they
kind of let me get away with itfor so long.
Yeah.
So, maybe when you told me thatI learned that early on.
Yeah, it was.
Thanks, mom and dad.
Kerry (15:56):
There you go.
Chrisy (15:57):
Another reason that I didn't have any issues with mom
and dad.
They made me be self-centeredand told me oh, they better
prepared you to handle lifewithout knowing it.
Kerry (16:06):
I know.
No, they did.
I'm, I'm, i'm'm being.
That's a compliment.
They really did.
It took me how many years toget here, you know, right, well.
Chrisy (16:15):
I'm trying to think, cause I think that would, if you
had parents and I'm going toshout, you know call out my
husband a little bit with thethings he says that I get mad
about.
Where be the better person?
Or you know, whatever.
I don't remember hearing thoselines from my parents growing up
.
Like you know, think before youdo that which you probably
(16:37):
should most of the time Well,not before you do that, but you
know, do you think you'll beable to sleep tonight if you
follow through with reacting?
Kerry (16:45):
the way you're going to react.
Chrisy (16:47):
I think that you do need to take pause.
Yes, in especially situationsthat are more severe, I think
it's good to sort of gatheryourself I've learned, but it's
taken years, for that Many years.
Most of my life I did not havethat ability to take pause.
Kerry (17:03):
Yeah.
Chrisy (17:03):
I reacted quickly.
It's only been, and it probablyhas been, since I've had
children, and even that's been alearning thing too, because
you're advocating for yourchildren usually and you're
responsible for these otherpeople and you slowly have to
learn that it's not just aboutyou.
Now you have to take pause,because it's going to be about
(17:23):
them, right and how it affectsthem.
Kerry (17:25):
Yeah, but you know, and that's one of the things over
the past probably this past yearhas been kind of difficult for
a lot of reasons for me, andwhat I was finding was that I
was really getting triggered alot and I would be in a moment
of something and I would justfind myself afterwards going God
, I really shouldn't have actedthat way, and I would be upset
(17:46):
with myself and just reallybeating myself up over how I
acted.
And then I finally startedrealizing that every one of
those episodes is because I wastriggered.
So I found this other meme thisis a long one, but it was truly
fitting and it described itperfectly but you are not
yourself when you are triggered.
You become who you think youneed to be to survive.
(18:08):
If we remain in an environmentthat triggers our fight or
flight mode, our identity startsto slip away, because our
values and personalities areconstantly being hijacked by
thoughts of fear, panic andsurvival.
And when I read that, it wasjust like this awe-inspiring
light bulb moment that that isexactly how I was feeling these
(18:28):
certain situations that I wasbeing put in.
I was triggered and I wasreacting and I was immediately
kind of in that fight or flightmode, which for me is fight I am
definitely a fighter when itcomes to my fear response I was
instantly responded back to thatmode and so it's really helped
(18:50):
me.
Like when I read that, itreally helped me because now I
start to recognize when I'mgetting triggered and it helps
me to stop.
Just stop, take a moment, pause, breathe, don't respond.
Don't react, because I realizedI'm reacting to a trigger.
It's not even so much aboutwhat's happening or what
somebody said, but it's given methat you know.
Okay, I just need to create ahealthy boundary here.
(19:11):
I need to step back.
So so I love my memes.
I get that.
You're looking at my list likeoh my god.
Chrisy (19:18):
Well, no, no, I mean because I do scroll and see
these type things.
A lot of them.
I scroll quickly because A lotof these are like sad Well yeah,
they are sad, I run across alot where they talk about mom
and daughter relationships.
And I'm not not that I don'tlove my mom to death I do Right
but I'm more or less.
It's more about me and mydaughter, yes, and I get very
(19:43):
weepy and I think I've even senther a cup, my daughter some of
these and she gets upset whenshe's like mom, you made me cry,
because it's just usuallysaying something to the effect
of how proud I am.
Yes, I read one today oryesterday, I can't remember
where I thought about sending itto her, and then I'm like do I
really want to just bring herdown?
She just got on summer breakand I'm just gonna but it talked
(20:04):
about.
Don't let the mess the mess thatI am right make you think that
it has anything to do with you,and I mean it had a bunch of
other things in it, but and thenthey get you because they play
that damn music in thebackground of these things.
Kerry (20:20):
It's like the Sarah McLaughlin movies on the animal
shelter.
Chrisy (20:25):
So and I'm like shut that music off for God's sakes.
It's just horrible, but most ofthe time again here.
I thought my fart things werememes.
I guess they're not.
Kerry (20:39):
Well, they can be.
You know, they're reels,they're reels.
Those ones are probably morereels.
Chrisy (20:46):
My husband's half asleep and I see one.
That's funny and I'm likeshoving my phone in his face
Because I'm like, oh my God, yougot to see this, you got to see
this.
But talking about toxic people,let's touch a little bit on
this, and I'm a real believer intoxic people and the energy
(21:08):
they put on.
Yes, Toxic people and the energythey put off.
Yes, and I think that,especially being older,
especially dealing with some ofthe health concerns that I've
been faced with over the lastfew years, I find that negative
energy from people is toxic.
Kerry (21:23):
There's no other term for it, it is.
Chrisy (21:25):
And it's as bad as anything we could inhale into
our bodies or digest into ourbodies.
We talk about carcinogens andthings like that.
We're not supposed to be aroundand that type of negative
energy.
You try your best to recognizeit and recognize it early enough
and basically save yourselffrom it.
Kerry (21:45):
Amen.
Chrisy (21:46):
I mean I've gotten into not really arguments, but just
in trying to explain my point ofview of this, when I encounter
people in family or not infamily that say, well, you
really should just try to,because of your connection with
these people whether it berelated or just your history
that you should tolerate or showsome sort of understanding, be
(22:10):
a little bit more easygoing withthem, give them more of a pass.
Kerry (22:14):
Right.
Chrisy (22:15):
You really?
I would recommend no.
Yeah, I'm sorry, it just soundsso cruel, it doesn't and it
doesn't just matter to a factabout it, but chances are a
toxic person is not going tochange.
They can't Right and they won'tRight and the negative energy
they bring.
I mean it's, it's basicallyyou're putting yourself at risk
100, so you need to sort of freeyourself from the, the toxic,
(22:37):
the person and people who loveto wall.
There are people who wallow indrama, yes, and wallow in.
And they, they totally feed offof, yes, all of that, and they,
like I can't even explain it toyou except to say something
weird, like oh, I almost get theimpression like that they
(22:57):
drench themselves in it and justlike swim around in it.
Yes, they can't get enough ofit, right.
Kerry (23:03):
You know, and there have been there's been friendships
that I have had and then thoughtin the moment that, oh, this
person really understands andthey're there for me.
And then I realized, no,they're just enjoying the drama,
they're like living in thatdrama and now, because they
don't have enough drama in theirlife, they're sucking off of my
drama and adding into it.
(23:24):
So what I thought wassupportive was really just them
not allowing me to move onbecause they were continuing
that drama.
So that brings me to a fun memethat I found.
Oh, okay.
Chrisy (23:35):
Okay, yeah, let's hear it.
Kerry (23:37):
Okay, wait, I got.
Oh, I lost it, Wait.
Okay, this one was talkingabout embracing therapy and it
says glad to see so many of youembracing therapy.
A few of you need an exorcismas well, Baby steps.
So going to your energy.
Yes, I 100% believe that.
Yes, you need to rid yourselfof the, of the negative energy,
(23:57):
and maybe that's an exorcism,you know, and it even can be
little things like for me.
I need to start my day like myday is very much depicted on
that first hour that I'm up andif things are calm and happy and
good and enjoying my dogs andwatching them play and whatever,
I'm good.
But if I wake up and maybethere's a grumpy pants in the
(24:19):
house that's a little grumpy orthat's something I get a text
message, maybe first thing inthe morning, you know, or
whatever.
That's not nice or hurtful orwhatever.
Then my whole debt, that energywas just zapped out of me.
Chrisy (24:34):
It's totally deflating.
Kerry (24:35):
Right.
But if I start my day off goodand I get my positive energy
around me and things are good,then if later in the day, as
things happen or negative thingshappen, I'm better able to cope
with it.
But if my day starts off andthere's negative energy in it, I
can't rebound from that.
Am able to almost silence thenegative, toxic things by almost
(25:16):
creating in my mind.
Chrisy (25:18):
They're non-existent, like I basically forced myself
to forget that that's even athing.
It's even there's a person outthere or there's a situation out
there and I totally can likeget rid of it.
That's a superpower, well, buthere's the problem.
Okay, when you get that text,the phone call or something that
(25:40):
brings you back to that reality.
It's horrible, it is, andpainful, yes, and now you've
been, it's almost like somebodysmacked you in the head with you
know, like, say, you're tryingto forget, you have an
assignment due or you have topay a bill, and you're like, oh,
I just forget about it.
And then it's gone.
And then it's like, oh, thenyou get the notice and the red
marks.
Yeah, and the email is like hey,hello, remember me.
(26:01):
And I got to's a movie withchristopher reeve in it.
Okay, called somewhere in time.
Oh wonderful movie, veryromantic, him and jane seymour.
It's about time travel.
Christopher reeve falls in lovewith this woman's picture, this
(26:23):
woman who is long gone.
Uh-huh it, I'm not going to gothrough all of this, but he
basically is capable of beingable to travel back in time.
He figures out how to do thetime travel by basically
creating in his mind.
He's trained his mind to beable to go back to this time
period.
He buys clothes from that timeperiod and dresses in it and he
removes everything from hisspace that is anything modern,
(26:44):
basically rips the phone out ofthere.
Basically, he goes to thishotel where this woman used to
frequent as an actress and hebrings himself.
He's able to time travel byremoving anything from present
day and put himself in that timeperiod.
Wow, I don't want to spoil itfor everybody, but there is a
spoiler I have to tell you.
It's because he forgot onething in his pocket and it's a
(27:07):
penny that has the date, themodern date on it, which
actually was like 1979 or 1980,because this movie is a little
old and as soon as he saw that,he immediately returned back to
the present and he could not getback to her.
So that's what I try to do withtoxic people.
I try to remove every existence,anything that shows me that
(27:30):
they existed, the situationexisted, I remove it.
But then, all of a sudden,modern technology with stupid
phones and texting and anythingelse?
That's capable.
Kerry (27:40):
So the text is like the penny.
Yeah, the text is like thepenny.
Chrisy (27:43):
I don't want to see that penny.
I heard they're getting rid ofpennies.
Kerry (27:47):
They are Wow Because it takes four cents to make a one
cent penny, so it's not costeffective.
Chrisy (27:52):
What did you just say?
Kerry (27:55):
Is that math?
It's math.
Oh, I hate it, don't is thatmath, it's math.
Chrisy (27:59):
Oh, I hate it.
Don't tell that to the people Iwork for, because I'm supposed
to be doing math for them allthe time.
So, oh man, yeah it's healthyboundaries I'm.
Kerry (28:12):
I'm proud of myself that I've finally gotten here, but
it's a journey and it's one Istill struggle with.
And, like you said, about thetext, even I have certain text
streams that I now only allowmyself to read once a day.
Like, say, I get 10 texts onthat text stream.
I will not read them as theycome in throughout the day.
(28:33):
I will only allow myself toread them at one point when I'm
in a space where I can handle it, because if there's something
toxic in it, I don't want it toruin my whole day and I'm not
going to make it all about myday.
So I just you know.
But that's one way you know,and I've had people say why do
you even, why, why do you blockthem?
It's like, no, there's reasonswhy I can't, but what I can
control is how much I allow thatto disrupt me.
Chrisy (28:56):
So that takes a lot of discipline because, for me, even
if I didn't acknowledge this.
Whatever, a texture, just thesituation in general.
It would still be playing on mymind that I know it's out there
.
Kerry (29:07):
Yeah, that is a little hard sometimes.
I will, I will tell you.
But at the same time, I'vereally found it helpful to
create that healthy boundary andyou know, I'm just trying to
focus more on the on the good inmy life.
And you know, I'm just tryingto focus more on the on the good
in my life and I'm focusingmore on those that aren't
creating all this dysfunctionand aren't creating all these
trigger responses.
And you know, it's like thattakes a lot of energy and I just
(29:29):
breathe deeply.
Did you see that?
And that's good.
I'm glad you're still you needbut.
Chrisy (29:37):
I think, you gave a lot of people something to try to
help, maybe with this mean, mean, mean I call it mean therapy.
Kerry (29:46):
I like mean therapy.
Chrisy (29:48):
I'm gonna go where I get insulted, and I can insult for
like an hour of somebody's time,let's insult me and I'll insult
you back.
That's mean therapy, but youlike meme and there, me, me.
Kerry (30:00):
So before we leave, there's one other thing I want
to touch on.
Okay, obviously, you mentionedabout my one post.
I did post on my Facebook pagethis one thing okay, and a lot
honestly, for me on my personalFacebook page, when I post
things, it's less about whatother people are to, it's less
about posting it for otherpeople to read, it's more about
I needed that and I want to keepthat reminder because you know
(30:22):
how you get your memories onFacebook and it'll show you know
.
That's really why I'm postingit, because I like to see those
memories pop up.
Oh, this is what I did lastyear, this is whatever, or maybe
that meme just meant a lot andI want to save it.
But then what gets me are thepeople that think that
everything you post on Facebookis about them.
Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
Yes, okay, I gotta find it onhere, because this one really
(30:44):
hit that well.
No, my post wasn't about you.
Why did you find something yoursize?
Well, that's from our newguilty conscious collection.
Chrisy (30:54):
Very good Touche, very good Touché, yeah very good yeah
, so I thought there was oneother one about that too.
Let me look and see.
Well, I do have to admit, whenI do see posts like that not
just yours, but anybody else whois, you know, maybe struggling
with something?
Yeah, and they want to make youknow a point.
(31:15):
Or, like you said, a memory ofhow you were feeling in that
moment.
Yes, a point.
Or, like you said, a memory ofhow you were feeling in that
moment.
Yes, I do have to admit, as apart, you know, just a third
party or whatever it is outthere.
I do wonder, was that me?
Kerry (31:27):
no, well, no, no, it's never me.
Why?
Chrisy (31:29):
would anybody have a problem with me?
Come on, no god, it would bestraightforward for me, I.
I do wonder who the who, though, yeah, yeah okay, I'm like wow
you think it's so, and so who?
Kerry (31:41):
are they?
Talking about so that's theother one.
Don't ask if my posts are aboutyou.
Ask yourself why that a postapplied to you.
Whenever people you know readthat, they shouldn't be saying,
well, is that about me?
Well, okay, why do you thinkthat apply?
What, what about that made youthink it was about you're outing
yourself, you yourself, you'reouting For being a horrible
person.
Chrisy (31:59):
Exactly.
You know, I do think a lot ofposts are about me when they're
beautiful or funny.
I ran into this most beautifulperson.
Oh my God, I don't even knowthis person, but they saw me,
they ran into me.
Kerry (32:12):
How disgraceful.
Yeah, no one ever says thatwhen you post nice things, they
don't.
They'll all thank you fortalking about me or whatever,
but damn, you post one littlething about you had a bad day.
Well, what do you mean?
Chrisy (32:26):
I'm actually sitting over there waiting for you to
post the good stuff about me.
I'm worried about that.
I know it's not about me.
Kerry (32:33):
Well, I hope this has helped many of you or spark
something in you to recognize,if you've had some toxic energy
in your life, that, hey, it'sokay to set healthy boundaries.
And when all else fares, if youcan't go to a therapist, you
can always listen to us or gofind a meme therapy and if even
that fills in, find a fart reel.
Chrisy (32:53):
Yeah, there's three levels to this.
Listen to us, first andforemost.
Then do your meme M-E-M-Etherapy.
Then maybe go to mean therapy,I don't know.
And then, do the reels the fartreels.
Kerry (33:08):
They'll get you through the kitty reels, whatever.
Chrisy (33:10):
They'll do it, they'll fix everything for you.
Kerry (33:14):
Well, this was fun.
Thank you for letting me bringmy therapy to our session today.
Yeah, thank you.
All right, well, have awonderful week.
Please be sure to check out ourFacebook page or our website,
dysfunctionjunkiesbuzzsproutcom,and we'll see you next week.
Bye, everybody, bye.
Welcome to the Dysfunction Junkies podcast.
We may not have seen it all,but we've seen enough.
And now here are your hosts,Chrissy and.
Keri
Kerry (00:19):
Hello Junkies, I'm Kerry
Chrisy (00:21):
and I'm Chrisy.
Kerry (00:22):
Welcome to our episode.
Today, we are going to betalking about healthy boundaries
, especially from toxicrelationships.
Yeah.
Chrisy (00:31):
Yeah, toxic.
Remember that movie from the80s, the Toxic Avenger or Toxic
something or other, thoseterrible B movies we used to
watch when we would rent videos.
We, oh me.
Kerry (00:45):
Not me.
Chrisy (00:46):
Usually I had somebody else running these crappy things
.
Kerry (00:49):
but no, I get it.
So, yeah, you know we talk alot about dysfunction and that
this is our safe place.
You know, one of the hardestthings I had to do was learn how
to create healthy boundaries.
Chrisy (01:00):
Yeah, that's important you.
I know early on healthyboundaries.
Kerry (01:03):
Yeah, that's important you I know early on you're such
a worth wealth of words overthere, chrissy.
Chrisy (01:07):
Well, this one's, because this is just, it's toxic
.
Kerry (01:12):
It is.
It's just toxic, boy.
The words are just flowing.
They're just flowing there,chrissy, I'm trying to figure
out this one.
Okay, maybe it's just me whoneeds to learn.
You've obviously got it figuredout.
Chrisy (01:28):
Well, one of our earlier things that we put out there
was that you had brought up thatI learned how to create healthy
boundaries early on.
You did, and I sort of justchalked it up to the fact that I
just was going to sort of sayyou know, a lot of people get
multiple chances for recovery,and for me not usually, and it
(01:51):
wasn't so much that I created aboundary, as I just like said,
created a.
I don't recognize you anymoreas a person of this human race.
Kerry (02:01):
Yeah, you, you really, you did figure this out way
sooner than I did so, but I'm Imean, it took me a while, but
I'm there now.
You know and, and I will find,this is I don't know what's that
, what's that term, my beigeflag or my toxic trait or
whatever however they're called.
I find support in meme therapyyeah, we're putting the.
Chrisy (02:20):
You know that's yours.
Yes, because until you broughtit up I had never heard of it.
And then I said, well, you?
And you said you're not evensure that it's a thing, but
you've, it's a thing.
Now I've coined it.
I've coined the phrase memetherapy.
Kerry (02:32):
I have found what would be the validation in some of
these memes scrolling throughmemes and saying, oh my gosh,
that's exactly how I feel.
Or oh yes, here's one of mygosh, that's exactly how I feel.
Or oh yes, here's one of mymemes that I came across and
it's, and it's so true.
It's unfortunately, a lot of.
You all met me when I lackedboundaries and was a people
pleaser.
Let me introduce you to myselfnow.
Chrisy (02:53):
I burn bridges as needed and I'm like yes, is this the
one that I said, I with thebridget?
Wait, no talk about the onethat you posted with the bridges
.
Kerry (03:04):
Yes, oh, that was a long one, but oh, it was a good one.
Chrisy (03:07):
That was yeah.
Kerry (03:08):
In fact, we had another another listener commented on
that.
Let me find that on my Facebookpage.
I enjoy scrolling at night whenI'm trying to go to bed and
I'll find these little memethings and I and they, just they
really help me know that, hey,what I'm feeling is okay.
Chrisy (03:25):
so while you're looking for that yes my understanding of
memes to.
I'm limited, maybeunderstanding of it because
maybe I'm watching.
Is that the one with the fartsor am I just watching?
Why is mine set to fart memes?
You're getting all of these aprofound, lovely memes that have
(03:48):
such meaning to our lives and Iget the one where the guy walks
by a group of unknowing peopleand just blasts off.
Kerry (03:55):
So those are reels, I think, more than their me.
Oh, I'm I need.
Chrisy (03:59):
I'm in real therapy.
Kerry (04:00):
I haven't graduated nick, did you want to add something?
I think it's because it's basedon what you've been.
Chrisy (04:12):
It has an algorithm, so it knows what you're looking for
, so it's giving it to you andit does, and I am like trapped
in this one after another, wherethere's just and he's I'm
laughing at the bed.
Kerry (04:26):
I am Right so OK, so the little meme thing that I was I
mentioned just now.
That is a summary of the longerone that I had on my Facebook
page.
Chrisy (04:39):
And the one on my.
Kerry (04:40):
Facebook page says unfortunately, I don't rebuild
bridges, I didn't burn.
Just that statement alone.
Yes, yes, that was yeah,because a bridge is between two
people, the only works of.
Both people want to keep itstanding, two people who care,
two people who don't give upwhen things get heavy.
It takes effort from both sides.
If a bridge fails, and you know, basically it's because
(05:01):
somebody wasn't willing.
I know that I wasn't the onewho let it fall and I refused to
rebuild something that someoneelse let fall without even
trying to save it.
So, no, I won't rebuild abridge.
I didn't burn.
I loved that was so.
It was very profound, so goodyeah.
Chrisy (05:21):
This is how I get through my dysfunction is I find
these things like this thathelp me Do the people who write
these give themselves.
Kerry (05:27):
Sometimes there will be like an author credit, so like
that particular one there wasn't.
Sometimes you'll find that it'smaybe someone famous that has
said it, you know, and if I, ifI had seen it with a name, I I
usually, you know, I will givethat credit.
You know, I think a lot oftimes just people like me that
are scrolling through and, youknow, maybe put a post on their
page.
That's my therapy.
Chrisy (05:48):
There's a little small part of me that feels guilty
loving these and finding somevalue in it because of being a,
I have a degree in literature,but I'm not sitting here saying
yes, and I belong to all thesebooks groups.
Kerry (06:08):
I analyze books.
Chrisy (06:09):
I am the worst probably just like everything else that I
have in my pocket.
The worst representation.
I'm the worst representation ofCatholic schools.
I'm the worst representation ofthis.
You know, you try to prideyourself on literature and the
great authors of literature andpoetry and that, and then you
have this like quick stuff.
(06:30):
Yes, these things that arethrown at you by people who are
unknown or don't know have nobackground in being an author or
literature, but yet they'recoming up with these very
profound statements.
Yes, I think tapping into thisfor our listeners and for
(06:51):
ourselves tells you that we aredefinitely truly feeling
unaffected people.
Kerry (06:57):
Oh yes, definitely One of the other.
What kind of got me on this too, was it was just because,
especially with certain thingsthat have been going on with my
life, and what I found myselfsaying a lot is you know, I'm
done, kind of going back to thatthe burning bridges are not
rebuilding bridges.
That you know I didn't burn isI'm done.
And so one of the other thingsI came across was one that said
(07:20):
I'm not mad, I'm just done.
And that's what people don'tunderstand.
I'm not necessarily mad ateveryone, anyone.
I'm just done.
I accept that that person orpeople or whoever is causing
this emotion in me.
I may be hurt, I may bedisappointed, I may be sad, but
really I'm just done.
I'm done dealing with thesituation that's robbed me of my
(07:41):
peace.
I'm done dealing with peoplethat don't love me as I love
them, or don't try as hard, thatdon't put the effort in.
I'm just done.
And once I get to that point,you know, I see that that person
is abusing what I bring to thetable.
And so, whether it's a familymember, a friend, a relationship
, I'm again, I'm not mad, I'mnot angry, I'm just finished and
(08:02):
I'm moving on.
And it took me a long time toget to that healthy relationship
, healthy boundaries, to be ableto accept somebody love them
from afar, but to create thatsaying I'm done I think
everything you said has a lot ofimportant things to comment on.
Chrisy (08:18):
Yeah, I think a toxic person will prefer that you
don't get to that point oh 100they want you to be mad, they
want you to be hurt, they wantyou to be sad, because then they
got you where they want you.
Kerry (08:31):
They still have control over me.
Chrisy (08:33):
Yes, yes.
When you say you're done, it'svery difficult for them to argue
that yes, and to basically theycan sit and cry and beg like a
little child or try tomanipulate or manipulate the
situation.
But if you're done and you walkaway, you regain and hold the
control over that situation.
Kerry (08:52):
In my opinion, oh, it's 100 percent, 100 percent, you
know.
And that's where, recently, youknow, I was chastised and
threatened because of speakingout my feelings, especially on
on my, on our podcast here, andand then I came across this meme
, and so again I have, Iliterally have two pages of
(09:13):
memes here.
That has become my therapy.
Chrisy (09:16):
I think maybe there might be people, so let's talk
about that to you, or what theydid to you and how it hurt you
and it's like, yes, and that'swhat we've said on so many of
these episodes is, this is oursafe space.
Kerry (09:38):
This is where we can talk about things, doesn't matter
how that person feels about metalking about it or talking
about situations, because,honestly, if they wanted people
to think better of them, thenthey should have been better,
right, we wouldn't be heretalking about all these
dysfunctional things if theyweren't done.
So it was like you know, Istarted to kind of go back to
(09:58):
that Catholic guilt and go backto my elephant in the room and
my family saying, oh, just say arosary and forgive them that
when somebody was mad at me, Iwas thinking, ok, it's my fault,
I should be.
But I'm like, okay, it's myfault, I should be back, and I'm
like no, I have a right to talkabout what happened to me and
what my feelings are.
And if people have a problemwith it, then maybe they really
(10:19):
have a problem with them.
So they problem and not a meproblem.
It is.
Chrisy (10:23):
So two things I want to offer to that yes.
One is I think they like tooffer you distractions, yes, and
in doing that that's whereyou're sort of talking about,
yeah, they want to distract you,yes, from you, yes.
The other thing is I heard thissomewhere, I don't know where.
Somebody I heard it or read it.
It could have been from a movie, and shame on me for not being
(10:45):
able to remember it if it was.
But you not liking me says moreabout you than it does me.
Yes, there you go.
Chrissy had a meme.
Is that a meme?
It could be.
That's just me saying you suckand I don't.
Kerry (11:00):
Healthy boundaries.
So you sit around going.
Chrisy (11:04):
I don't like you and I don't like what you're saying
and I'm like well, that doesn'tsay much about me, but it speaks
volumes about you, honey.
Kerry (11:11):
Exactly, exactly, exactly , yeah.
And you know I've had a lot ofpeople come to me and have said
you know good things about ourpodcast, about how you know they
were feeling guilty or badabout.
You know how their situationsare in their life, and you know
that, no, it is okay to sethealthy boundaries are in their
(11:33):
life and you know that, no, itis okay to set healthy
boundaries.
And just because you sethealthy boundaries doesn't mean
that you don't care aboutsomebody, but what it means is
you care more about yourself,and here is a time where, yes,
it is important to care moreabout yourself.
So good job, chrissy oh, thankyou.
Chrisy (11:46):
The meme therapy sounds great.
I think this is somethingpeople really should think about
.
But if this one fails you, youjust need to go to the real
therapy.
There you go, where you justwatch the fart videos, because
if meme therapy fails for you,switch over to me and watch the
fart videos Watch the fartvideos and there's a guy on
there that has animals that talk, that he does voiceovers for
(12:10):
which I absolutely love.
I love those type of I lovestupid humor.
Kerry (12:16):
Yeah, I love it yes, so well, and I think I think it was
on our last episode.
I was trying to come across oneof the things that quotes and
and I think this is one I wasthinking about the guilt you
feel about setting boundaries isa sign of how deeply you were
trained to abandon yourself, andyes.
And oh, I think when we weretalking about when grandma
(12:37):
burned me.
I don't mean to laugh, but it'sso horrible, I'm like laughing.
Chrisy (12:44):
I'm like a protective mechanism in my body.
I get it.
Grandma burnt me.
Kerry (13:01):
Grandma used my hand as an ashtray.
That was our July 4th episode.
If you're wondering what thatwas about, I get it.
Grandma burnt me, but that'sreally.
What it is is how deeply youwere trained to abandon yourself
.
Chrisy (13:11):
Yeah, funny how we didn't recognize how, and
probably the people doing thiswith us maybe didn't recognize
it either, because it's again.
It's like that cycle, it's aconstant.
It keeps going on and on and on.
We're trained to basicallyabandon ourselves in other
people's distractions.
(13:32):
Yes, and that guilt thing whichI guess we do label and maybe
we're not being fair and ingeneral but a lot of people have
heard that term Catholic guilt,and just to sort of analyze
that for a second, to someextent it's probably not just oh
, it's not no Processed throughCatholicism.
No, it seems to be somethingeverybody recognizes.
(13:54):
And I'm guessing that evenpeople who are not Catholic have
this yes, which basically stemsmore from family and that
dysfunction yes Than your faithCorrect or how you were brought
up in your faith, but it soundsfun when you say Catholic.
Kerry (14:10):
Well, I use it a lot, especially just because you know
a lot of people that I workwith.
We have used that term a lot.
You know we'll say our Catholicguilds, because we all grew up
Catholic in the Catholic gradeschools and systems and so
they're.
They're, yes, it's our term,but you're right, it's really
anywhere.
Chrisy (14:26):
So well, and I do have that, which I get very mad at
myself because I I really that'sone thing about myself that I
have a hard time cataloging ordescribing about or even
understanding why I feel that,Like, why am I hesitating on me
and how I feel and what I wantto do about this situation, why
I get mad at myself because thenI sort of stop myself, I I'm
(14:49):
not maybe being fair, or I needto look at this from a different
angle.
See, those are very reasonablethings to feel and I am not a
reasonable person.
So then when I feel them, thenit causes not just the guilt,
but now I'm pissed off at me andI walk around saying don't be
like that, you have to just putyourself.
(15:11):
There's a point where everybodyneeds to take a piece page for
my book and be completelyself-centered.
Kerry (15:18):
That is true, and that was kind of one of my other
things was that we're trainingboundaries to be stronger than
our empathy.
So we do, we have to, we haveto put our.
It's hard, we're so much taughtto put others first, but there
are times where we have to putourselves first.
We have to put our empathyaside, put ourselves first and
that is hard, that is hard totrain, but, chrissy, you've
mastered it.
Chrisy (15:38):
I have, and I think it's because I've sort of was left
to be okay with beingself-centered as a child.
Yeah, and maybe my upbringinghelped that, because they kind
of let me get away with it forso long helped that because they
kind of let me get away with itfor so long.
Yeah.
So, maybe when you told me thatI learned that early on.
Yeah, it was.
Thanks, mom and dad.
Kerry (15:56):
There you go.
Chrisy (15:57):
Another reason that I didn't have any issues with mom
and dad.
They made me be self-centeredand told me oh, they better
prepared you to handle lifewithout knowing it.
Kerry (16:06):
I know.
No, they did.
I'm, I'm, i'm'm being.
That's a compliment.
They really did.
It took me how many years toget here, you know, right, well.
Chrisy (16:15):
I'm trying to think, cause I think that would, if you
had parents and I'm going toshout, you know call out my
husband a little bit with thethings he says that I get mad
about.
Where be the better person?
Or you know, whatever.
I don't remember hearing thoselines from my parents growing up
.
Like you know, think before youdo that which you probably
(16:37):
should most of the time Well,not before you do that, but you
know, do you think you'll beable to sleep tonight if you
follow through with reacting?
Kerry (16:45):
the way you're going to react.
Chrisy (16:47):
I think that you do need to take pause.
Yes, in especially situationsthat are more severe, I think
it's good to sort of gatheryourself I've learned, but it's
taken years, for that Many years.
Most of my life I did not havethat ability to take pause.
Kerry (17:03):
Yeah.
Chrisy (17:03):
I reacted quickly.
It's only been, and it probablyhas been, since I've had
children, and even that's been alearning thing too, because
you're advocating for yourchildren usually and you're
responsible for these otherpeople and you slowly have to
learn that it's not just aboutyou.
Now you have to take pause,because it's going to be about
(17:23):
them, right and how it affectsthem.
Kerry (17:25):
Yeah, but you know, and that's one of the things over
the past probably this past yearhas been kind of difficult for
a lot of reasons for me, andwhat I was finding was that I
was really getting triggered alot and I would be in a moment
of something and I would justfind myself afterwards going God
, I really shouldn't have actedthat way, and I would be upset
(17:46):
with myself and just reallybeating myself up over how I
acted.
And then I finally startedrealizing that every one of
those episodes is because I wastriggered.
So I found this other meme thisis a long one, but it was truly
fitting and it described itperfectly but you are not
yourself when you are triggered.
You become who you think youneed to be to survive.
(18:08):
If we remain in an environmentthat triggers our fight or
flight mode, our identity startsto slip away, because our
values and personalities areconstantly being hijacked by
thoughts of fear, panic andsurvival.
And when I read that, it wasjust like this awe-inspiring
light bulb moment that that isexactly how I was feeling these
(18:28):
certain situations that I wasbeing put in.
I was triggered and I wasreacting and I was immediately
kind of in that fight or flightmode, which for me is fight I am
definitely a fighter when itcomes to my fear response I was
instantly responded back to thatmode and so it's really helped
(18:50):
me.
Like when I read that, itreally helped me because now I
start to recognize when I'mgetting triggered and it helps
me to stop.
Just stop, take a moment, pause, breathe, don't respond.
Don't react, because I realizedI'm reacting to a trigger.
It's not even so much aboutwhat's happening or what
somebody said, but it's given methat you know.
Okay, I just need to create ahealthy boundary here.
(19:11):
I need to step back.
So so I love my memes.
I get that.
You're looking at my list likeoh my god.
Chrisy (19:18):
Well, no, no, I mean because I do scroll and see
these type things.
A lot of them.
I scroll quickly because A lotof these are like sad Well yeah,
they are sad, I run across alot where they talk about mom
and daughter relationships.
And I'm not not that I don'tlove my mom to death I do Right
but I'm more or less.
It's more about me and mydaughter, yes, and I get very
(19:43):
weepy and I think I've even senther a cup, my daughter some of
these and she gets upset whenshe's like mom, you made me cry,
because it's just usuallysaying something to the effect
of how proud I am.
Yes, I read one today oryesterday, I can't remember
where I thought about sending itto her, and then I'm like do I
really want to just bring herdown?
She just got on summer breakand I'm just gonna but it talked
(20:04):
about.
Don't let the mess the mess thatI am right make you think that
it has anything to do with you,and I mean it had a bunch of
other things in it, but and thenthey get you because they play
that damn music in thebackground of these things.
Kerry (20:20):
It's like the Sarah McLaughlin movies on the animal
shelter.
Chrisy (20:25):
So and I'm like shut that music off for God's sakes.
It's just horrible, but most ofthe time again here.
I thought my fart things werememes.
I guess they're not.
Kerry (20:39):
Well, they can be.
You know, they're reels,they're reels.
Those ones are probably morereels.
Chrisy (20:46):
My husband's half asleep and I see one.
That's funny and I'm likeshoving my phone in his face
Because I'm like, oh my God, yougot to see this, you got to see
this.
But talking about toxic people,let's touch a little bit on
this, and I'm a real believer intoxic people and the energy
(21:08):
they put on.
Yes, Toxic people and the energythey put off.
Yes, and I think that,especially being older,
especially dealing with some ofthe health concerns that I've
been faced with over the lastfew years, I find that negative
energy from people is toxic.
Kerry (21:23):
There's no other term for it, it is.
Chrisy (21:25):
And it's as bad as anything we could inhale into
our bodies or digest into ourbodies.
We talk about carcinogens andthings like that.
We're not supposed to be aroundand that type of negative
energy.
You try your best to recognizeit and recognize it early enough
and basically save yourselffrom it.
Kerry (21:45):
Amen.
Chrisy (21:46):
I mean I've gotten into not really arguments, but just
in trying to explain my point ofview of this, when I encounter
people in family or not infamily that say, well, you
really should just try to,because of your connection with
these people whether it berelated or just your history
that you should tolerate or showsome sort of understanding, be
(22:10):
a little bit more easygoing withthem, give them more of a pass.
Kerry (22:14):
Right.
Chrisy (22:15):
You really?
I would recommend no.
Yeah, I'm sorry, it just soundsso cruel, it doesn't and it
doesn't just matter to a factabout it, but chances are a
toxic person is not going tochange.
They can't Right and they won'tRight and the negative energy
they bring.
I mean it's, it's basicallyyou're putting yourself at risk
100, so you need to sort of freeyourself from the, the toxic,
(22:37):
the person and people who loveto wall.
There are people who wallow indrama, yes, and wallow in.
And they, they totally feed offof, yes, all of that, and they,
like I can't even explain it toyou except to say something
weird, like oh, I almost get theimpression like that they
(22:57):
drench themselves in it and justlike swim around in it.
Yes, they can't get enough ofit, right.
Kerry (23:03):
You know, and there have been there's been friendships
that I have had and then thoughtin the moment that, oh, this
person really understands andthey're there for me.
And then I realized, no,they're just enjoying the drama,
they're like living in thatdrama and now, because they
don't have enough drama in theirlife, they're sucking off of my
drama and adding into it.
(23:24):
So what I thought wassupportive was really just them
not allowing me to move onbecause they were continuing
that drama.
So that brings me to a fun memethat I found.
Oh, okay.
Chrisy (23:35):
Okay, yeah, let's hear it.
Kerry (23:37):
Okay, wait, I got.
Oh, I lost it, Wait.
Okay, this one was talkingabout embracing therapy and it
says glad to see so many of youembracing therapy.
A few of you need an exorcismas well, Baby steps.
So going to your energy.
Yes, I 100% believe that.
Yes, you need to rid yourselfof the, of the negative energy,
(23:57):
and maybe that's an exorcism,you know, and it even can be
little things like for me.
I need to start my day like myday is very much depicted on
that first hour that I'm up andif things are calm and happy and
good and enjoying my dogs andwatching them play and whatever,
I'm good.
But if I wake up and maybethere's a grumpy pants in the
(24:19):
house that's a little grumpy orthat's something I get a text
message, maybe first thing inthe morning, you know, or
whatever.
That's not nice or hurtful orwhatever.
Then my whole debt, that energywas just zapped out of me.
Chrisy (24:34):
It's totally deflating.
Kerry (24:35):
Right.
But if I start my day off goodand I get my positive energy
around me and things are good,then if later in the day, as
things happen or negative thingshappen, I'm better able to cope
with it.
But if my day starts off andthere's negative energy in it, I
can't rebound from that.
Am able to almost silence thenegative, toxic things by almost
(25:16):
creating in my mind.
Chrisy (25:18):
They're non-existent, like I basically forced myself
to forget that that's even athing.
It's even there's a person outthere or there's a situation out
there and I totally can likeget rid of it.
That's a superpower, well, buthere's the problem.
Okay, when you get that text,the phone call or something that
(25:40):
brings you back to that reality.
It's horrible, it is, andpainful, yes, and now you've
been, it's almost like somebodysmacked you in the head with you
know, like, say, you're tryingto forget, you have an
assignment due or you have topay a bill, and you're like, oh,
I just forget about it.
And then it's gone.
And then it's like, oh, thenyou get the notice and the red
marks.
Yeah, and the email is like hey,hello, remember me.
(26:01):
And I got to's a movie withchristopher reeve in it.
Okay, called somewhere in time.
Oh wonderful movie, veryromantic, him and jane seymour.
It's about time travel.
Christopher reeve falls in lovewith this woman's picture, this
(26:23):
woman who is long gone.
Uh-huh it, I'm not going to gothrough all of this, but he
basically is capable of beingable to travel back in time.
He figures out how to do thetime travel by basically
creating in his mind.
He's trained his mind to beable to go back to this time
period.
He buys clothes from that timeperiod and dresses in it and he
removes everything from hisspace that is anything modern,
(26:44):
basically rips the phone out ofthere.
Basically, he goes to thishotel where this woman used to
frequent as an actress and hebrings himself.
He's able to time travel byremoving anything from present
day and put himself in that timeperiod.
Wow, I don't want to spoil itfor everybody, but there is a
spoiler I have to tell you.
It's because he forgot onething in his pocket and it's a
(27:07):
penny that has the date, themodern date on it, which
actually was like 1979 or 1980,because this movie is a little
old and as soon as he saw that,he immediately returned back to
the present and he could not getback to her.
So that's what I try to do withtoxic people.
I try to remove every existence,anything that shows me that
(27:30):
they existed, the situationexisted, I remove it.
But then, all of a sudden,modern technology with stupid
phones and texting and anythingelse?
That's capable.
Kerry (27:40):
So the text is like the penny.
Yeah, the text is like thepenny.
Chrisy (27:43):
I don't want to see that penny.
I heard they're getting rid ofpennies.
Kerry (27:47):
They are Wow Because it takes four cents to make a one
cent penny, so it's not costeffective.
Chrisy (27:52):
What did you just say?
Kerry (27:55):
Is that math?
It's math.
Oh, I hate it, don't is thatmath, it's math.
Chrisy (27:59):
Oh, I hate it.
Don't tell that to the people Iwork for, because I'm supposed
to be doing math for them allthe time.
So, oh man, yeah it's healthyboundaries I'm.
Kerry (28:12):
I'm proud of myself that I've finally gotten here, but
it's a journey and it's one Istill struggle with.
And, like you said, about thetext, even I have certain text
streams that I now only allowmyself to read once a day.
Like, say, I get 10 texts onthat text stream.
I will not read them as theycome in throughout the day.
(28:33):
I will only allow myself toread them at one point when I'm
in a space where I can handle it, because if there's something
toxic in it, I don't want it toruin my whole day and I'm not
going to make it all about myday.
So I just you know.
But that's one way you know,and I've had people say why do
you even, why, why do you blockthem?
It's like, no, there's reasonswhy I can't, but what I can
control is how much I allow thatto disrupt me.
Chrisy (28:56):
So that takes a lot of discipline because, for me, even
if I didn't acknowledge this.
Whatever, a texture, just thesituation in general.
It would still be playing on mymind that I know it's out there
.
Kerry (29:07):
Yeah, that is a little hard sometimes.
I will, I will tell you.
But at the same time, I'vereally found it helpful to
create that healthy boundary andyou know, I'm just trying to
focus more on the on the good inmy life.
And you know, I'm just tryingto focus more on the on the good
in my life and I'm focusingmore on those that aren't
creating all this dysfunctionand aren't creating all these
trigger responses.
And you know, it's like thattakes a lot of energy and I just
(29:29):
breathe deeply.
Did you see that?
And that's good.
I'm glad you're still you needbut.
Chrisy (29:37):
I think, you gave a lot of people something to try to
help, maybe with this mean, mean, mean I call it mean therapy.
Kerry (29:46):
I like mean therapy.
Chrisy (29:48):
I'm gonna go where I get insulted, and I can insult for
like an hour of somebody's time,let's insult me and I'll insult
you back.
That's mean therapy, but youlike meme and there, me, me.
Kerry (30:00):
So before we leave, there's one other thing I want
to touch on.
Okay, obviously, you mentionedabout my one post.
I did post on my Facebook pagethis one thing okay, and a lot
honestly, for me on my personalFacebook page, when I post
things, it's less about whatother people are to, it's less
about posting it for otherpeople to read, it's more about
I needed that and I want to keepthat reminder because you know
(30:22):
how you get your memories onFacebook and it'll show you know
.
That's really why I'm postingit, because I like to see those
memories pop up.
Oh, this is what I did lastyear, this is whatever, or maybe
that meme just meant a lot andI want to save it.
But then what gets me are thepeople that think that
everything you post on Facebookis about them.
Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
Yes, okay, I gotta find it onhere, because this one really
(30:44):
hit that well.
No, my post wasn't about you.
Why did you find something yoursize?
Well, that's from our newguilty conscious collection.
Chrisy (30:54):
Very good Touche, very good Touché, yeah very good yeah
, so I thought there was oneother one about that too.
Let me look and see.
Well, I do have to admit, whenI do see posts like that not
just yours, but anybody else whois, you know, maybe struggling
with something?
Yeah, and they want to make youknow a point.
(31:15):
Or, like you said, a memory ofhow you were feeling in that
moment.
Yes, a point.
Or, like you said, a memory ofhow you were feeling in that
moment.
Yes, I do have to admit, as apart, you know, just a third
party or whatever it is outthere.
I do wonder, was that me?
Kerry (31:27):
no, well, no, no, it's never me.
Why?
Chrisy (31:29):
would anybody have a problem with me?
Come on, no god, it would bestraightforward for me, I.
I do wonder who the who, though, yeah, yeah okay, I'm like wow
you think it's so, and so who?
Kerry (31:41):
are they?
Talking about so that's theother one.
Don't ask if my posts are aboutyou.
Ask yourself why that a postapplied to you.
Whenever people you know readthat, they shouldn't be saying,
well, is that about me?
Well, okay, why do you thinkthat apply?
What, what about that made youthink it was about you're outing
yourself, you yourself, you'reouting For being a horrible
person.
Chrisy (31:59):
Exactly.
You know, I do think a lot ofposts are about me when they're
beautiful or funny.
I ran into this most beautifulperson.
Oh my God, I don't even knowthis person, but they saw me,
they ran into me.
Kerry (32:12):
How disgraceful.
Yeah, no one ever says thatwhen you post nice things, they
don't.
They'll all thank you fortalking about me or whatever,
but damn, you post one littlething about you had a bad day.
Well, what do you mean?
Chrisy (32:26):
I'm actually sitting over there waiting for you to
post the good stuff about me.
I'm worried about that.
I know it's not about me.
Kerry (32:33):
Well, I hope this has helped many of you or spark
something in you to recognize,if you've had some toxic energy
in your life, that, hey, it'sokay to set healthy boundaries.
And when all else fares, if youcan't go to a therapist, you
can always listen to us or gofind a meme therapy and if even
that fills in, find a fart reel.
Chrisy (32:53):
Yeah, there's three levels to this.
Listen to us, first andforemost.
Then do your meme M-E-M-Etherapy.
Then maybe go to mean therapy,I don't know.
And then, do the reels the fartreels.
Kerry (33:08):
They'll get you through the kitty reels, whatever.
Chrisy (33:10):
They'll do it, they'll fix everything for you.
Kerry (33:14):
Well, this was fun.
Thank you for letting me bringmy therapy to our session today.
Yeah, thank you.
All right, well, have awonderful week.
Please be sure to check out ourFacebook page or our website,
dysfunctionjunkiesbuzzsproutcom,and we'll see you next week.
Bye, everybody, bye.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Herd with Colin Cowherd
The Herd with Colin Cowherd is a thought-provoking, opinionated, and topic-driven journey through the top sports stories of the day.