July 15, 2025 • 46 mins
Can we ever really trust anyone with our kids? Kee unpacks the gut-wrenching reality of returning to work, finding childcare, and the overwhelming fear stirred up by recent headlines. From mum guilt to body safety chats with toddlers, it’s raw, real and a reminder you’re not alone. Plus, Kelly’s on the hunt for someone to sell her designer cast-offs - entrepreneurial girlies, take note.
Want to skip the heavy stuff? Jump to the recs at 43:37.
LINKS TO EVERYTHING MENTIONED
Kel’s Couch
Connected Parenting Body Safety
Mum Club mum merch and accessories
HOSTS & PRODUCERS
Kelly McCarren @kelly_mccarren
Kee Reece Searles @keereece
AUDIO PRODUCTION
Madeline Joannou - Mylk Media
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land. We're recording
on today.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello, Hello, and welcome back to Eat Sleep Repeat. I'm
Kelly mccaren.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
And I'm Key re Cells. In case you missed last
week's episode, we gave some stellar advice a little bit questionable.
Was it really good advice about the toy boy? I
don't think so. We answered some questions from the nie.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I didn't call him a toy boy.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I said a young cub, a young cub with a
yacht and no or an old.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Dude, an old bloke with a yacht, or a young
cub with no responsibilities or baggage.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Oh, I do love our end of our rotation episodes.
I just let us get a little bit silly and loose,
don't they.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
They really really do. And today we've got a little
bit more of a serious topic. Key is going to
have a winge about something that has been on many
of our minds, actually everyone's minds, because you can't have
seen the recent news and not thought about it, because
it's just awful and the impossible choice that parents have
to make when it comes to childcare. But first, pake
(01:04):
and pitch.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Yeah, Queen everything's through the shit, so my pitch. I
have just been so over stimulated. I feel exhausted. I'm
sleep deprived, and I feel like I'm drowning and it's
all self inflicted. And this is what is so hard
(01:26):
about it. It's like I chose to have a second kid,
I chose to come back to work as early as
I did, But I honestly wasn't banking on my baby
being so different to my first baby, Like in any
kind of scenario that I was thinking, I felt like
I would be very equipped to have a second baby
(01:48):
and deal with everything that came with it. But I
feel like with this second baby, I don't know how
to do anything. I feel like I'm an awful mom.
I feel like I just can't get my shit together.
I feel like I've used all of these techniques to
pacify her that I didn't do with Ruin. Is that
(02:10):
why she's a bad sleeper? And I just feel exhausted
by it all. And we have this like really important
kind of family holiday this weekend for just all of
like Charlie's mates and families. We're just all getting together,
just have like a special holiday together. And like basically
today I need to decide whether or not I'm going
(02:30):
to go, because I just feel like my presence there
would just be more of a hindrance than anything else,
because Missouri Love's company. Like I don't want to bring
anyone else down, but I just feel awful at the moment.
And I can't even like fake it, like usually I'm
pretty good at just like pulling my shit together and
(02:50):
faking it till I make it.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
But you can't. It's so hard. You can hear it
in your voice. And I was editing Social and I mean,
I feel like it's maybe not something that other people
would notice as much, but anyone that knows you really well,
like I was like, wow, you sound low and depleted
(03:12):
and tired and just not like yourself. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
I don't feel like myself in any way at the moment.
I just feel a lot of dread. And I think
that maybe I do have some postpartum Like I know
that a lot of it is situational, like I have
two podcasts, I have two kids. I'm trying to juggle
(03:38):
these things. But Lucy came over yesterday just after Suki
for two hours. Well, I got some work done because
the day before had been a little bit disastrous with everything.
I'd kind of like done everything to set the day
up to be like a successful day, and it just
all felt as shit. And I just had this realization like, Okay,
(04:00):
she's not going to sleep. The only way she's going
to sleep as if I sit on the couch for
two hours, which means I'm not going to get to
go out of the house today until I pick up
Ruf from daycare and then that's where my night shift starts,
you know. So that was my like dread of a
day the day before. So Lucy like came over in
the morning and just like took Suki for two hours
an angel, Yeah, so nice.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
That's such a tip by the way, anyone that like
doesn't have kids, because it's really hard for people that do.
But if you do have older kids, and that is
how you can help a new mum come and take
the baby or just help if she doesn't want to
give up the baby, then help around the house, like
just show.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Up even just like the company. Like, yeah, I felt
when she left. I just felt this like dread about
then being by myself all day, and I was just
kind of like I shouldn't be feeling this upset. I'll
have to just go to the doctor. I need to
(05:00):
probably book him to see my sych and stuff. But
it's just like also really hard because what else can
I change. There's nothing else that I can change, you know,
like this is just the situation that I'm in at
the moment, and like.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
That doesn't mean that a doctor can't help.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Yeah, I know, it's just and I'm probably just feeling
a bit like helpless, so like a bit negative about
it all. But I just feel like nothing is really
dramatically going to change because like Charlie's doing everything he can.
He's like coming home as early as he can. He's washing,
he's doing the cooking, he's taking root of daycare in
the morning, he's making sure that I have a restroom suki.
(05:41):
Like there's nothing that he's not doing that he could
be doing, and I can't do anything more any less.
I don't know, it just feels like, Okay, well, this
is just our life right now, and it's just kind
of about surviving. Which it's just bleak in itself, isn't it,
Like and of itself. I'm just like, I don't know,
it's just a bit bleak. So if you're out there
(06:04):
and you're also struggling. Just know that's somewhere in New
South Wales and Sydney. I'm right there with you. And
if I don't get a coffee, my whole day's ruined.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Fair fair to be like, honestly fair? Were you just
after event or would you like some advice? I think
today it was just event, right, Okay, good.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I feel like I'm not in the right headspace to
be like proactive about anything right now. I think I
just need to sit with it for a bit.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Okay, I thinks so sorry, no, no, that's another hot
tip for anyone playing along at home. You should check
when your friend is a bit unhinged. Don't just offer
it up okay, because sometimes you don't want to hear
it because you're like, I actually know, shut up.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
I know.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
I just want to wall and be in this pit
for a moment, and that's all I can deal with.
So always check. I always said that to Luke. I'm like,
I just needed to tell you that I'm not looking
for your advice, all right, what's your peak?
Speaker 1 (07:07):
My peak is well, I think also like a big
part of my pit is like I'm finding it hard
to like show up on socials and share my experience
because it feels so hard and dark and bleak at
the moment. So I don't share like a lot of
the stuff when I'm actually like kell I don't share
(07:27):
how you did in your postpartum experience. You were so
like lovely in sharing how hard it was. I find
it really hard to do that because I just feel
like you should be grateful exactly. I feel like I
should be grateful, or I feel like it's probably has
stuff to do with like my relationship with my birth mum,
and like feeling like a lot of the time I
(07:50):
say to it Charlie or I'll say to Lucy, like
I just feel like I'm failing the girls, like my
mom failed me. So I feel like sharing what's going
on is like me, I don't know they're pitting. Yeah,
more people know how shit of a mom I am,
you know, like I haven't got it all together and stuff.
(08:12):
But that day when shit hit the fan and I
was just kind of like beside myself, I was like, no,
I'm just going to share it because how can I Like,
you know, the fact that I'm not posting and doing
my job is making me feel more shit. So it's
like well, let's just try something different. So I shared
it and I just said, like, I've realized I'm not
going to get any work done today. I'm not going
(08:33):
to leave the house until I pick up my second kid,
which isn't the most exciting thing to be looking forward to,
even I love her so much. It was a bit
scary putting it up because that's just like not the
type of like I do share.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
But I chair you're not a crier on social media.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
I'm not a crier. And it was a cry video.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Any video that has ever been released into the world,
if you crying, has been edited and posted by me
without keys real kigscess exactly.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
So I popped that up and I was just like, whatever,
if someone's going to call me a dickhead, they can
call me a dickhead. But it ended up being like
really overwhelmingly positive, and I actually had the time to
sit there and like respond to There were so many
messages so I couldn't get to them all, but I
responded to like a fair few of them, and so
many people just saying I've been there, I am there,
(09:24):
It'll get better, I'm like right there with you kind
of thing. So it was just really nice and comforting,
and it's crazy because like I know all this stuff,
but I think like sharing obviously like a problem shared
is a problem halved. Like I know all this stuff,
but I think when you're in such a shit headspace,
you just want to like pull away and shut down
(09:45):
from everything. So it was just like a bit of
a reminder to like open up a bit more about
that you're not alone, and then I'm not alone. Like
there are so many women who have written back being
like I like, I've got a four week old and
a toddler and I'm just this is f hard. Thanks
for just like showing that you're a human and it's
hard to and I'm kind of like, yeah, guys, I'm
(10:07):
not coping.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Because that's one of the biggest things about social media
is that you see this beautifully curated view of someone's life,
like insight into someone's life, little snippets, and if you're
going through a similar life stage and that's not your experience,
you think that there's something wrong with you and that
(10:31):
and even though we know that social media isn't real,
it still helps to know that people on social media
are very real humans with real problems and definately negative
feelings and huge pits because everyone's just doing their best.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Yeah, it's true, it is true, So that's me. I
don't know when it's going to be less dark and gloomy,
but I'll take you along for the raj over to you, Kels. Well,
we'll start with a bit of negative, but we'll hopefully
end on a better positive.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Listen, my pit is that we've lost listeners, which I
didn't even know that that was a thing, Like I
just have always assumed that he gets annoyed when not annoyed.
But you don't like how transparent I am about some
thing's key. So you probably saw this in the script
and was like, oh, for Christ's sake, Kelly, can you
not say everything that pops into your head? But I
(11:31):
do like sharing the negative parts of things, and that
is one thing about having a podcast that it's not all.
I don't think we've ever pretended that it's like this
really easy, amazing thing, but we've recently done like a
little bit of a deep dive, and we've lost listeners,
Like we're not getting the sort of numbers that we were.
(11:53):
So it's a pit because I just don't know where
we're going wrong. If it's the breaks that we've had.
If it's the content, like, if anyone has any advice
or feedback, I would very much be open to receiving it.
Send it to me, though not key for obvious reasons.
And if you don't have any feedback and you just
(12:14):
love the show, well please tell people about it, like
post on your stories on Instagram with a link go
rter review us. It would just be quite helpful because
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Well, there's a few things that come into play, or
I'm like, I'm gonna defend out little pod. It's difficult,
right because obviously when I had my Matt leave, the
very short Matt leave that I have a few people
dropped off, which is fine, which is what you expect. Right,
We've fallen out of people's rhythm, if you will, for
lack of a better word, and we have to get
(12:47):
them back in. But I think it's also just it's
a bit of a wild west. It's really hard to
measure numbers. Everyone has different ways of measuring them.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Which seems crazy to me because if you go on YouTube,
it's just like, okay, that's how many of yous that
video had, But in podcast land it's like, there's literally
five different platforms in every single one of them gives
different numbers, that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
So it's just hard. I think we've been really good
at retaining our audience. We've had trouble with growth, which
a lot of podcasts will have a few years where
they stay stagnant, And I don't think we've necessarily lost people.
It's just that the way in which the numbers accounted
has changed, so that makes us feel like, well, we
(13:30):
don't have as many listeners as we thought we did,
but I am confident that we still have a very
like big group of listeners, so it's fine.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
My peek is that we recently spent the weekend up
at home, and I mean, this is probably my peak
whenever we go up there, but Luke hat to stay
home with the cats. We used to be able to
leave Percy for a weekend because we would just put
bowls out of food and water, and he's just a
very good boy. He just is very self sufficient, just
(14:02):
eats when he wants. So we can't leave Marge here
by herself because I don't know what she would do
to the house. She'd probably just urinate every She also
is like a dog. She eats food as soon as
it goes into the bowl.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Yeah right, So there's no grazing for Marge.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
No whereas Percy would just be like, oh, just have
a little snark and then come back a few hours
later have another little snack like that. Bloke is just
he's honestly a dream kitty. And now we have Marge,
which is Lenny and a kitten, except she's a full
size cat now. Anyway, So Luke didn't come for the weekend,
but it was just apart from the drive up, which
(14:38):
just killed me after a full day of work, it
was so long. It was just heaven. Lennie is a
different kid at my parents' house. He is just so
free and happy and joyous and he doesn't stop running,
which is his favorite thing to do. And my brother
in law bought him this huge truck, like a dump truck,
(15:01):
and him and Wesley were running around at the beach
all weekend and the little kids, they're lunatics. They went swimming.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
I saw that. I saw that on your social.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
They were actually swimming at different points, butt naked in
the middle of winter and it was cold. I'm a swimmer.
I will swim at different points through the you when
it's not what people consider warm. But not a chance.
I was wearing a scarf at the beach and they're
butt naked running around fun. Fat kids have something called
(15:32):
brown fat that keeps them warm.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Yeah. I was going to say, because Roussel's she loves
being naked in the morning during winter, just running around.
She just will not put clothes on it. Charlie's got
like the heater out here's and ugs and a beanie
and a big jumper and she's just like, no, I'm
not cold, rudy, nudy. Yeah, so I was going to say,
there's something about those kids. That's what it is. It's
brown fat. Apparently, then lucky them.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
So yeah, anyway, they were just picking lemons, picking passion fruits.
It's like he's his best self up there and no tantrum.
Well no, of course he has feelings about different things,
but just he slept so well, he had so much fun.
Never even asked for the TV to be on, not
(16:15):
that he watches a lot of TV at home, but
he just likes to have it on for background noise.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
But he wasn't inside, he was outside the entire weekend,
and it just further cemented that. I was like, oh,
am I, what am I doing bringing him up in
Sydney when he belongs elsewhere.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
It's really hard, isn't it when you see them like
with space come to life to be a kid. Yeah,
I mean absolutely, it's a tough decision, but just means
I think, see your parents more, go up there more
often as often as you can.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
To be honest, the biggest thing for me is the drive.
I hate it. Yeah, it's just that it's not you know,
the Central Coast, so four hours. It's just at the
end of a long day.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
It's just oh yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
But at least on the way home because we drove
back through the day, which I don't really like doing
because Lenn doesn't really like to sit in the car
and I find it stressful. But because he was so shattered,
he had like a two hour and APP on the
way home.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Oh did he really Yeah, which was great.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Because and then we were stopped for because he had
his snacks first, and then he had his tour on APP.
Then we stopped and got an ice block and then
we're in Sydney.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
So that's so it was a minimal good. She can't nap,
rue does she does on the weekend, She'll do a cartnap.
She goes kind of close my eyes and I'm like, yeah, babe,
if you need to close them, please do. I don't
know why you're asking me. I know I'm the boss,
but you're the boss of you. If you need a sleep,
sleep babe.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
After the break, we'll be getting into a pretty heavy topic,
so we will put timestamp in the show notes that
you can just skip ahead to the end stuff and
recommendations because we will be talking about abuse.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Yes, to talk to me sometimes, Dolores.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Sometimes you have to be a high ride in bitch
to survive.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Okay, can I be bitch for a sec childcare? So,
as you know, as I mentioned earlier in the episode,
I am simply not coping. I definitely have returned to work,
probably a bit too early. I've taken a bit too
much on and now that Suki is five months, I
have been, you know, really starting seriously to consider, you know,
(18:40):
getting some help like maybe getting a nanny for one
day a week or a few hours a week, or
putting her into childcare for one day a week and
then the news broke that a twenty six year old
male from Melbourne who was arrested and per the ABC,
had been charged with seventy accounts of child abuse. The
(19:02):
charges involve children from five months to two years, and
it all happened within the last like two years. It's
absolutely horrific. I can't even imagine what the parents of
those kids are going through. I can't imagine how angry
they are, how defeated they are, how helpless they feel
(19:23):
from a system that's failed both them and their kids.
And then I feel real frustration as well, because we
live now in a world where you can't just be
a one salary family, and if you're a single parent,
there is actually no option. You have to go back
to work, and sometimes as a primary parent, you want
(19:43):
to and need to for yourself to return to work.
So you do all of the things. You turk the daycares,
you look at the quality school ratings, you ask around
and ask your friends, and you decide on a few
that you really like, and then the availability comes in.
There's long wait lists, so you're kind of left with
(20:05):
what you can get, and because there is absolutely no
other option, sometimes you have to take what you get
and you put all of your faith in leaving your
kids with these, for the large part, beautiful educators, but
you still have to put your trust in these people
that you really don't know. And look, there is going
to be reform, Like obviously at a federal level there's
(20:28):
been changes announced. I know that Victoria and New South
Wales and Queensland are all pledged to look into what
is happening. At a state level, I know that childcare
centers around Australia have sent out letters to all of
their families, mine included, just trying to reassure them that
all of the measures are in place to help our kids.
(20:48):
But where does this actually leave us? Like my stress
lies with first time parents who are thinking about returning
to work and are absolutely terrified to leave their firstborns
with someone. I am terrified now to leave Suki because
I just feel like she's so small, and we know
that these predators target kids who are nonverbal, so really
(21:13):
little kids up until two years, which is exactly what
this guy did. So where does this leave us for parents?
How can we protect our kids?
Speaker 2 (21:21):
It's one thing that you don't think about really before
you have kids. You just assume I think that most people,
unless you're riddled with anxiety about everything in the world,
most of us assume that people have good intentions and
that we are community minded and that we look after kids.
(21:47):
We don't harm kids, and we especially do not think
that someone that chooses to be a childcare educator would
ever do something because, as you said, the majority of
them are the angels that walk on this earth because
they're sure a shit not getting paid properly for their work,
(22:08):
so they're definitely not doing it for the money. They
do it because they love kids and they want to
educate them. So I understand the anxiety because it's just
not something that you sort of realize that you'll ever
have to think about until something awful like this happens.
Even though we know that bad things happen, you just
(22:29):
don't think bad things will happen to children while they're
in child's care. It just doesn't add up to the
way that our innocent and possibly ignorant brains think.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Well. I think it's like this false sense of security
that we have in Australia because we are so heavily
regulated and policed. I think we all think that we
are more protected or that our kids are more protected
than what they actually are. I think, like even when
we had our guest on talking about toy safety in Australia,
(23:05):
I think that was like really eye opening for me,
Like our standards aren't high for a country that loves
to have a law like you can't have a beverage,
you can't enjoy a beverage walking down the street in Australia,
like that is illegal. You'd think that if we're going
to be so strict on that, we'd give a shit
about anything to do with our kids. But it seems
(23:25):
like a lot of the stuff to do with childcare
kind of sits with the workers who work there, like
that they have to kind of self report and raise it,
and often, like I've read a piece on the ABC,
often those complaints are met with not distrust, but like
they don't want to be seen as to be singling
(23:47):
out male educators. So it's like this weird thing which
I don't understand because I think if you're a male
educator working in the industry, the safety of the children
should be paramount, And like, I don't know, it's just
kind of weird thought that we don't when I seem
like we're being sexist or something like that. But I
feel like in a country that's so regulated, we should
care more about our kids. And I know a lot
(24:08):
of the change is going to come because this is
obviously horrific. But as far as I can tell from
all of the reporting, this was not a fact of
someone in any of those centers reporting what had happened.
It was like materials had been found on whatever, the
dark web, and that led them back to the daycare,
and often, from what I've read, that is how most
(24:28):
of these perpetrators are found. So something is obviously missing
on like a local level.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Well, they can't put cameras in the change rooms, can they?
Speaker 1 (24:39):
No, they can't. But a lot of people are saying
that maybe that their CCTV should be more prevalent. I
think it is murky, but again, the safety of the
children always has to kind of be the first thing. Initially,
when I was going to a daycare, I was like,
what's your stuff turnover? Like all of that kind of stuff.
But now I think when I go to a daycare,
I'm going to be like, what's your mobile phone policy?
(25:00):
For educators?
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I just assumed it was all daycares. They wouldn't be
allowed to have their mobile phones.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
It goes from daycare to daycare, and this is the
thing these perpetrators. They look for jobs that are available
in daycares that don't have a stringent rules, so you know,
you can have your mobile phone. There isn't really any CCTV. Like.
They're opportunists, so they look for situations in which they're
going to be able to do the things that they
are trying to do. So I think that as a
(25:29):
parent who's exploring different daycares and trying to get a
sense of like is this going to be good enough
for my kids, like really drilling into them and asking
these questions, because I think the more questions we ask
about this as parents not the more serious they're going
to take it. But they have no other option than
to take it seriously, do you know what I mean?
(25:51):
Like if people are genuinely asking them, they're going to
have to say, hey, these are our rules around this,
this is what we're implementing, and things like that, like
something like the four eyes. Obviously, when they're changing you
should have two people present, but a lot of the
time and it's not realistic exactly. A lot of the
time it comes down to how many cares they have.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
I just wonder, like, all this is very well and good,
but I wonder if maybe we're overthinking things a little
bit when it comes to daycare and the educators, which
I totally get is so fair enough with it being
in the media, but the statistics show it's likely to
(26:34):
be someone that your child knows, like someone that's in
the family home or in another home that your child sees.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
So yeah, I totally understand what you're saying when we
look into the statistics of it. I think male workers
in childcare make up three percent of all workers, and
of those sexual abuse cases with children and those environments,
it's ninety one percent of the time it is male.
But it is a very small percentage of men obviously
(27:01):
that are working in these areas. But yeah, statistically it
probably won't happen to you. But I don't think that
we need to like shy away from talking about it.
And oh, definitely things to teach our kids, for sure,
definitely not before this happened, I'd actually been talking a
lot to my girlfriends because at the moment I'm teaching Rue,
trying to teach her some independence, So that is showering
(27:22):
and washing herself. So this came about because I saw
a TikTok of a woman who is a waxa and
she said, ladies, I need to talk to you about
personal hygiene. And basically she just said some of you
do not understand personal hygiene. And she wasn't being shamey.
It was I wish I had the clip because she
said it in such a caring and thoughtful way. But
(27:43):
she was just like, you need to be wiping front
to back, you need to be washing, you need to
be making sure that it's clean if you go to
the gym, don't come to me straight after like things.
So I think exactly things that you should know. But
she she was saying like, let me be the person
to tell you, because if no one's ever taught you that,
you just don't know, right. And then I looked at
(28:05):
the comments because I was like, well, this is a
no brainer, Like why is this even a consideration? I
know that some people have personal hygiene, but for the
most part, I thought maybe not. So I was looking
in the comments and so many women were like, no
one ever taught me this. I didn't know I was
meant to wipe front to back. I didn't know Xyz,
And I was like mortified, right because I hadn't even
(28:26):
thought to teach rue this yet. But I was kind
of like, well, yeah, I need to be teaching her that.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
So that kind of that's because you did it for her,
though it's not the exacting.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
It's just clarify no, no, sorry. It wasn't that I
wasn't cleaning her, but I did have a thing of like,
you know, it goes back to me not necessarily having
like a blueprint for everything. So sometimes I'll see a
TikTok or see something a written piece and be like,
oh shit, Like it's not that I wasn't going to
teach her, it's just like I get this alarm bell
being like, hey, don't forget to teach her this. So
(28:55):
that was like a bit of a springboard for me
and teaching her like how to wash properly, how to
wash her vagina correctly, and also like getting dressed independently
and things like that. And so when I was starting
to teach her, I was like, well, what are we
calling these body parts? And I know that from a
lot of stuff I read, it's really important to use
the correct body parts for this reason, like I think
(29:18):
you would have seen it all over the internet. But
they interview child abuse offenders and they asked them about
things that stopped them from offending, and a large percentage
of the offenders said that if the kids knew like
the name of the body part, like the correct name,
like not a cute see name, like if they knew
like vagina or penis, that kind of deterred them because
(29:39):
they felt like, I don't know, they felt like obviously
they had a bit more like understanding of their body,
so they were less likely to do anything with them.
And I read that way back when, and so I
started talking to my girlfriend's like, hey, what are you
guys like talking to your kids about? Like what are
you calling their bits? And a large majority of people
were calling them like the correct names of the anatomy,
(30:00):
which I thought was great.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
So they weren't even saying vagina, they were saying vulva.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
They were all saying vagina. But I was like, do
we think Volver's like a bit too far? And they
were like yeah, I think we just need to stick
with vagina and I was like, oh, okay. Well, so
I started basically in the shower and this was hooked
off like I would just be like, where's your vagina,
where's your bottom? Like things like that so that she
understands the name unless like cutesy words. But then since
(30:24):
all of this happened, I don't know, there was like
a flood of child expert instagrams I followed that were
putting up little carasells of things. So obviously a friend
of the pod oracle, Jen Mule, was straight to it,
and she put up a little thing that I thought
we could run through. Is that okay?
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Please do?
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Body safety is like a big thing, and I think
that a lot of these child experts are saying that
we need to make a part of everyday chat. So
Jen put up eight ways to empower and protect your
kids through ongoing conversations. So number one was to use
the correct names for body parts. Say penis, vulva. Oh
she is saying vulva. See now change it up, bottom,
(31:01):
nipple's mouth. Using the right words gives kids the language
they need to speak up, and it reduces the shame
and increases their safety. So that's why it's important. Next
was talk about tricky people. There are people who make
us feel safe inside and some that make us feel
a bit icky or scary, even if we know them.
If someone feels tricky to you, tell me. I thought
(31:23):
that was really interesting. Explain what private means. So this
is a big one. The parts of your body covered
by your swimmers and your mouth are private. No one
should ever touch those areas or ask you to touch theirs.
If they do, I would always want to know you
will never be in trouble. So when I'm in the shower,
I actually say to Rue, you have three private parts?
What are they? And She'll be like my mouth, my vagina,
(31:45):
my bottom, And I say who's allowed to touch those parts?
And she says, no one, only Rue, And so that's
kind of what I've been talking to her about. Like
then it gets a bit tricky because then she was like,
but can they wipe my bottom at daycare? And I
was like, fuck, there's no slide for that question. I
don't know what the answer is, like yes, of course.
But it gets tricky, right, because that's why I stopped
(32:06):
actually washing her myself and started teaching her, because I
thought she was going to get confused between like mummy's
allowed to but no one else. And I was like,
I feel like that's just too much an overwhelming for her.
So that was also part of the reason why I
was trying to teach her to be independent, teach body autonomy.
You're in charge of your body. You never have to
hug or kiss anyone if you don't want to. You
(32:27):
can give your auntie a high five if you want.
How many times I know I shouldn't do this, but
I'm like, go and give them a hug. I've got
to stop doing that. That's not okay. If I don't
want to do it, they shouldn't have to do it.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
I ask. I just said, do you want to go
give so and so a tuddle? And often he says no.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Yeah, He's like no, thanks, I know what I want,
and that's not it. This is a really good one.
Surprises verse secret. So, a surprise is something that we
keep quiet for a short time, like a birthday present. Right.
A secret is something that we're told never to tell
and often feels icky or scary. So good grown ups
do not ask kids to keep secrets. If someone does,
(33:06):
come and tell me. So I remember being at my
girlfriend's house. She had kids way before I did. Shared
kids were more like twenty four and one of my
other girlfriends was like, gave her like a chocolate or something,
and she was like, oh, it can be like really innocently.
Oh it's just our little secret. Here you go, babe.
And then my girlfriend turned around and said we do
not have secrets in this house and we were like whoa,
(33:27):
but she was like no, no, no, Like I'm really
stern on this because this is where it starts, is
like you have a secret with a fun aren't who's
totally innocent, and then someone else comes into the picture
and it's a secret and you the kid doesn't understand,
like they're remembering their first interaction or experience with having
a secret and it being very innocent, and then now
(33:48):
they're having to carry this other secret that doesn't feel
as good, but they don't understand the difference that one
is necessarily bad, or they do but they don't. So
a blanket rule of no secrets. And I have actually
brought Latiner to play, like Lucy was over and she
said something to Ruin and I said, hey, we actually
don't say that in our house now, and so she
(34:09):
was like, oh my god, I never thought about it
like that. So all of this stuff sounds like when
you first hear it on a level sounds over the top, right,
but it actually really makes sense and I think that
it can really help teaching kids what grooming looks like.
So basically helping them to spot unsafe behavior early on.
So someone that gives you lots of treats of us
(34:30):
and to keep a secret like, those are not good people.
So those are people to be weary of, So just
being wary of them and empower your body awareness and
your instincts. So if someone online or in person makes
you feel weird in your body, so words like describing
it like sad, tummy, tight chest, scared feeling, you can
come and tell me even if you're not sure why.
So this helps kids to tune into their gut and
(34:53):
come to you when something feels off before it escalates.
Because we all have that intuition. We've talked about intuition before,
for children have it too, they just don't necessarily understand.
It's actually teaching them and empowering them to listen to
their body because your body has a reaction when something
doesn't feel right, and your head's kind of like, hang
on a minute, I don't understand why I feel this way.
But actually teaching kids to become in tune with that
(35:15):
is really helpful. And then the most important thing Jen
says is to remind them of your unconditional love. There
is nothing that you could ever do or say or
tell me that would make me stop loving you. So
just reinforcing that it's an open door policy, tell me
everything you're never going to get in trouble. To make
sure that anytime those secrets, like whatever has happened has
(35:36):
gone on, they feel confident enough to tell you about it.
So I thought that was really great resource. And I
definitely have been like implementing heaps of those things since
I read.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
It, And I think it sounds very overwhelming, but a
lot of it is just common sense and also that
you do things that are right for you and your
family as well. Like if your kids refusing to wash themselves,
then you wash them.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
Oh totally, yeah, yeah yeah yeah. We have a shower,
so it's different, and it's a very small shower, so
like I can't get in there with rue, so that
works for us. But like I still do wash her
sometimes if she's like I need help. Like, it's not
a blanket rule, it's just like what I'm trying to do.
Most of the time. Remember it's all blue sky. We're
trying to beat Italy can be. The last one I
(36:23):
wanted to share was from my girlfriend Abby and she
told me about this ages ago, and I was like,
oh my god, this is genius. It's called private square.
Have you heard of this?
Speaker 2 (36:30):
No?
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Okay, So basically you say, this is my private square.
You can't touch me there. So it's like a square
from shoulder to shoulder and then down to just underneath
where your private parts are, like that whole square of
your body. And then she said, oh, we sing it,
so she got her daughter to record it for us,
because I was like, what's the tune that you sing
the song in? So she recorded her daughter singing it.
(36:52):
I've got it for us in my private set. I'd
sat through. Yeah that's there, Yes, yes, yes, ignit curacy.
So basically she's pointed to her bodies and showing them
where the private square is and then being like, you
(37:13):
can't touch me there.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
That's so cute also, and I know it's just because
I'm ignorant about these things, but I just immediately like
giggle a little bit at that because I just imagine,
you know, you're trying to get help that kid get dressed,
and then they just start singing that song so loudly,
and you're like.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Sure, I stop it. Yes, yes, there's a time and
a place. This is not it. So anyway, I know
that a lot of people have had this conversation. Kelly
was unsure whether or not we did an.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Episode on this, but we're not experts.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
But that's okay because in a mother's group we would
be talking about this stuff. I have been reaching out
to my girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Okay, I feel like you have very different conversations to
your girlfriend. You're probably the only friend I talk to
about actual parentsaring stuff. Genuinely. If I was talking to
my other girlfriends with kids about it, it'd just be
something along the lines of, OI, what about that sick fuck?
(38:10):
And then that would be into I.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Think, because I'm so nervous about not having that blueprint,
I go overboard with you know, the research and things
like that.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
And I know it's a bit lame, but it's not lame.
But can we go back to the start of the
episode where you were moaning mershling about that you think
you're a bad mum.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
Yes, I know, I know I'm not a bad mom.
I just feel like I am.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
Sometimes bad people don't think that they're bad people, and
bad mothers don't think that they're bad mothers.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Exhibit A.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
Your own mother who's still wildly confused about why you
don't want anything to do with her.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Shit, that's so true, isn't it right?
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Like she's at home just going what on earth does
that girl that I burn do not want anything to
do with me? I was a good mama.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
Yeah, you're right, You're right, all right. Anyway, Well, I
hope some of you out there got something out of
that today. And it's not to scare you or anything
like that. I just want to be the person to
help empower you in ways that feel helpful. Okay, recommendations time, Kel,
I've been talking a lot this episode. I'm going to
(39:26):
rest my voice and hand it over to you. What
are you recommending today? Girl?
Speaker 2 (39:29):
I'll tell you what. Who's not resting your voice? Old mate? Suki?
You know what, you might be a host, but when
we start making money, Suki, you're not getting any Okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
You're not getting a credit either on the bloody show. Notes,
let me tell you that, free.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
No, you're not, definitely not, even though your cute gurgles
sometimes could sound like we inserted them afterwards. I'm using
this segment to ask for a recommendation as well.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
Oh my god, I like a reverse recommendation.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
A reverse recommendation, so sickly, I'm looking for someone that's
really good at selling shit online and that maybe wants
to earn a little bit of pocket money, has a
bit of spare time, lives in Sydney, so I can
give you what I need. Surely there's a service where
I can give things to someone that they can sell
(40:18):
for me and then make it there is bris ortion
of the cut.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
I know that there isn't Brazzi like these people that
go to the people's storage containers and they'll just like
pull out stuff that they thinks of value and then
sell it for them.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
I've got all of the stuff, like it's not even
that much stuff, but just dresses. There's so many sites,
like there's deep op, there's high end. There's so many sites.
But a lot of the work is uploading the photos
and taking photos and different details that they want, and
I just don't have time. So I would rather if
(40:51):
someone else has time and an inclination to do that thing,
and then they get I don't know whatever is industry
standard or what not portion of it.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
It's such a good idea, isn't it. If it doesn't exist,
someone should bloody start doing it. Because I'm the same
I have heaps of stuff I'd love to sell. I
just end up donating it, like really nice stuff, because
I know that that is not something that I'm going
to do. I'm not going to put that out if
photograph it, put that out up and then post it
to someone. I'm simply I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
Like this would be perfect for someone that is at
home with a kid or a baby, wants to earn
a bit of money, wants to do something like at
the time. Yeah, business, listen, you've got two customers off
the bat. Can I have stuff for you? And then
I will also give you a shout out and send
(41:42):
other people your way, so you can start selling stuff
for people. Because some people just have a knack for it.
They're organized, yeah, and they love doing it. So that's
like a reverse recommendation. I wish that something existed.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
Yep, someone do it now.
Speaker 2 (41:58):
I will put up a link in the show notes
and maybe a photo on the social is of my
new couch. I need to.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
Recommend it within two green velvet couch.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
The green velvet has been moved into the garage because
you know how there was that old pink futon. I
mean technically at the moment they're both still in there,
so the garage is a nightmare. But you know how,
like the old pink futon kind of it just looked
a bit sad next to the bright pink wall.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
Yes, yes, yes, yes, So now there's the.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Green couch that it really pops against the bright pink wall,
so that when we're back in the studio we just
have like a nicer setup. And I wanted something for
the lounge room. I went crazy last year and got
rid of our ten seater couch that I bought when
I was pregnant and we lived in a huge and
got a tiny couch and it was good, but it's
(42:51):
not for a family of three. It's perfect for us
if we were sitting on it in the garage to record,
but one something that two people could lie on. So
something a bit bigger and it was not one of
those ones that you have to order, wasn't expensive. It
arrived within two days. It's this really cute color that
doesn't show up stains really easily. It's comfortable.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
I'm really happy with it. Two days is unheard of
because most couches have like a six week weight on them.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
So dude, I know it's being so annoyed because she
ordered a couch like two months ago and it's getting
here in September.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Oh, that's so annoying.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
I think that's for a forever couch, you know, one
of those ones you have for ten years. Yeah? What
brand is this?
Speaker 1 (43:33):
Did you say the brand?
Speaker 2 (43:34):
It's from Temple on website. It's not a forever countess.
When we move, we will definitely have to get something else,
but it's perfect for us at the moment.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
Nice, and you could always use it in like the
kids rumpust room or a spare room exactly. Yeah, yeah,
love of course.
Speaker 2 (43:50):
And my last recommendation is quite random, but I do
it every winter, and it's I hate waste, all sorts
of waste, but food waste really bothers me. Once a
week in winter, I have a crockpot. Someone gave it
to us for our engagement party or our wedding. You
can use any sort of a slow cooker thing, but
I just think it's funny that I own something called
(44:11):
a crockpot. You just put it on at the start
of the day. What I do once a week, I
put anything old in the fridge in the crockpot. You
might have half a carrot, two potatoes, do you know
what I mean? Like half an onion here or there,
any single thing that is left in the fridge from
(44:32):
the week prior. Rather than throwing it at the bin,
I just put it in the crockpot. Then I'll just
put whatever spices and crap that I can find, maybe
a tin of beans, maybe some meat in the freezer.
I just put it in there, and then if it's
got meat in it, I don't eat it. Obviously, Luke
froths on it. I froth because he thinks that I'm
(44:54):
incredible for cooking it. And I literally just put everything
in it in the morning and then it just cooked
itself during the day, and I feel great because I
haven't wasted food.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
I love that. I love a quick and easy, no
waste solution. Go go once a week.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Yeah, it's just everything from the wheak prior that you
bought and then didn't use up. Everything of the modern day,
Betty Crocker, I see basically I am recipe ting it
with like kroc Poff. What is your recommendations?
Speaker 1 (45:23):
I just have the one sorry, because I don't get
out much and so you know me, I love to.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Over a double rack.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
Mine is actually a brand started by two Queensland goals
and it's called mum Club. You may have seen their
hats all over the internet. They have like funny little
things on them like mum Club or Anti Duty and
different things like that. I knew them because of their hats,
but then I got targeted by one of their clever
(45:52):
Facebook ads for their pram bags. And you know how
like obviously if you're not using a pram, this is
going to be wildly boring for you, but you should
still check it out because thehaps are so cute. They
make these really cute hand bags that just clip over
the pram handle, got this cute little frill and this
(46:12):
beautiful satin material and it's just a bit nicer than
like the upper baby gray boring pram thing. So and
it was like fifty dollars, I think, and it's just
making me feel a little bit chic in my very
uncheak stage of life that I'm in at the moment.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
Go check them out.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
They're lovely and they are are listeners of the podcast
as well, so I thought i'd give them a little shout.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
Out thank you so much for listening. And this podcast
was produced by us Key Resells and Kelly McCarron, with
audio production by Mattie Shuannu and sound effects by our
little Suki Cells.
Speaker 1 (46:46):
Yes, sorry about that, guys.
Speaker 2 (46:47):
We'll see you next week. Shit is bye.
We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land. We're recording
on today.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello, Hello, and welcome back to Eat Sleep Repeat. I'm
Kelly mccaren.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
And I'm Key re Cells. In case you missed last
week's episode, we gave some stellar advice a little bit questionable.
Was it really good advice about the toy boy? I
don't think so. We answered some questions from the nie.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I didn't call him a toy boy.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I said a young cub, a young cub with a
yacht and no or an old.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Dude, an old bloke with a yacht, or a young
cub with no responsibilities or baggage.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Oh, I do love our end of our rotation episodes.
I just let us get a little bit silly and loose,
don't they.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
They really really do. And today we've got a little
bit more of a serious topic. Key is going to
have a winge about something that has been on many
of our minds, actually everyone's minds, because you can't have
seen the recent news and not thought about it, because
it's just awful and the impossible choice that parents have
to make when it comes to childcare. But first, pake
(01:04):
and pitch.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Yeah, Queen everything's through the shit, so my pitch. I
have just been so over stimulated. I feel exhausted. I'm
sleep deprived, and I feel like I'm drowning and it's
all self inflicted. And this is what is so hard
(01:26):
about it. It's like I chose to have a second kid,
I chose to come back to work as early as
I did, But I honestly wasn't banking on my baby
being so different to my first baby, Like in any
kind of scenario that I was thinking, I felt like
I would be very equipped to have a second baby
(01:48):
and deal with everything that came with it. But I
feel like with this second baby, I don't know how
to do anything. I feel like I'm an awful mom.
I feel like I just can't get my shit together.
I feel like I've used all of these techniques to
pacify her that I didn't do with Ruin. Is that
(02:10):
why she's a bad sleeper? And I just feel exhausted
by it all. And we have this like really important
kind of family holiday this weekend for just all of
like Charlie's mates and families. We're just all getting together,
just have like a special holiday together. And like basically
today I need to decide whether or not I'm going
(02:30):
to go, because I just feel like my presence there
would just be more of a hindrance than anything else,
because Missouri Love's company. Like I don't want to bring
anyone else down, but I just feel awful at the moment.
And I can't even like fake it, like usually I'm
pretty good at just like pulling my shit together and
(02:50):
faking it till I make it.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
But you can't. It's so hard. You can hear it
in your voice. And I was editing Social and I mean,
I feel like it's maybe not something that other people
would notice as much, but anyone that knows you really well,
like I was like, wow, you sound low and depleted
(03:12):
and tired and just not like yourself. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
I don't feel like myself in any way at the moment.
I just feel a lot of dread. And I think
that maybe I do have some postpartum Like I know
that a lot of it is situational, like I have
two podcasts, I have two kids. I'm trying to juggle
(03:38):
these things. But Lucy came over yesterday just after Suki
for two hours. Well, I got some work done because
the day before had been a little bit disastrous with everything.
I'd kind of like done everything to set the day
up to be like a successful day, and it just
all felt as shit. And I just had this realization like, Okay,
(04:00):
she's not going to sleep. The only way she's going
to sleep as if I sit on the couch for
two hours, which means I'm not going to get to
go out of the house today until I pick up
Ruf from daycare and then that's where my night shift starts,
you know. So that was my like dread of a
day the day before. So Lucy like came over in
the morning and just like took Suki for two hours
an angel, Yeah, so nice.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
That's such a tip by the way, anyone that like
doesn't have kids, because it's really hard for people that do.
But if you do have older kids, and that is
how you can help a new mum come and take
the baby or just help if she doesn't want to
give up the baby, then help around the house, like
just show.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Up even just like the company. Like, yeah, I felt
when she left. I just felt this like dread about
then being by myself all day, and I was just
kind of like I shouldn't be feeling this upset. I'll
have to just go to the doctor. I need to
(05:00):
probably book him to see my sych and stuff. But
it's just like also really hard because what else can
I change. There's nothing else that I can change, you know,
like this is just the situation that I'm in at
the moment, and like.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
That doesn't mean that a doctor can't help.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Yeah, I know, it's just and I'm probably just feeling
a bit like helpless, so like a bit negative about
it all. But I just feel like nothing is really
dramatically going to change because like Charlie's doing everything he can.
He's like coming home as early as he can. He's washing,
he's doing the cooking, he's taking root of daycare in
the morning, he's making sure that I have a restroom suki.
(05:41):
Like there's nothing that he's not doing that he could
be doing, and I can't do anything more any less.
I don't know, it just feels like, Okay, well, this
is just our life right now, and it's just kind
of about surviving. Which it's just bleak in itself, isn't it,
Like and of itself. I'm just like, I don't know,
it's just a bit bleak. So if you're out there
(06:04):
and you're also struggling. Just know that's somewhere in New
South Wales and Sydney. I'm right there with you. And
if I don't get a coffee, my whole day's ruined.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Fair fair to be like, honestly fair? Were you just
after event or would you like some advice? I think
today it was just event, right, Okay, good.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I feel like I'm not in the right headspace to
be like proactive about anything right now. I think I
just need to sit with it for a bit.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Okay, I thinks so sorry, no, no, that's another hot
tip for anyone playing along at home. You should check
when your friend is a bit unhinged. Don't just offer
it up okay, because sometimes you don't want to hear
it because you're like, I actually know, shut up.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
I know.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
I just want to wall and be in this pit
for a moment, and that's all I can deal with.
So always check. I always said that to Luke. I'm like,
I just needed to tell you that I'm not looking
for your advice, all right, what's your peak?
Speaker 1 (07:07):
My peak is well, I think also like a big
part of my pit is like I'm finding it hard
to like show up on socials and share my experience
because it feels so hard and dark and bleak at
the moment. So I don't share like a lot of
the stuff when I'm actually like kell I don't share
(07:27):
how you did in your postpartum experience. You were so
like lovely in sharing how hard it was. I find
it really hard to do that because I just feel
like you should be grateful exactly. I feel like I
should be grateful, or I feel like it's probably has
stuff to do with like my relationship with my birth mum,
and like feeling like a lot of the time I
(07:50):
say to it Charlie or I'll say to Lucy, like
I just feel like I'm failing the girls, like my
mom failed me. So I feel like sharing what's going
on is like me, I don't know they're pitting. Yeah,
more people know how shit of a mom I am,
you know, like I haven't got it all together and stuff.
(08:12):
But that day when shit hit the fan and I
was just kind of like beside myself, I was like, no,
I'm just going to share it because how can I Like,
you know, the fact that I'm not posting and doing
my job is making me feel more shit. So it's
like well, let's just try something different. So I shared
it and I just said, like, I've realized I'm not
going to get any work done today. I'm not going
(08:33):
to leave the house until I pick up my second kid,
which isn't the most exciting thing to be looking forward to,
even I love her so much. It was a bit
scary putting it up because that's just like not the
type of like I do share.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
But I chair you're not a crier on social media.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
I'm not a crier. And it was a cry video.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Any video that has ever been released into the world,
if you crying, has been edited and posted by me
without keys real kigscess exactly.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
So I popped that up and I was just like, whatever,
if someone's going to call me a dickhead, they can
call me a dickhead. But it ended up being like
really overwhelmingly positive, and I actually had the time to
sit there and like respond to There were so many
messages so I couldn't get to them all, but I
responded to like a fair few of them, and so
many people just saying I've been there, I am there,
(09:24):
It'll get better, I'm like right there with you kind
of thing. So it was just really nice and comforting,
and it's crazy because like I know all this stuff,
but I think like sharing obviously like a problem shared
is a problem halved. Like I know all this stuff,
but I think when you're in such a shit headspace,
you just want to like pull away and shut down
(09:45):
from everything. So it was just like a bit of
a reminder to like open up a bit more about
that you're not alone, and then I'm not alone. Like
there are so many women who have written back being
like I like, I've got a four week old and
a toddler and I'm just this is f hard. Thanks
for just like showing that you're a human and it's
hard to and I'm kind of like, yeah, guys, I'm
(10:07):
not coping.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Because that's one of the biggest things about social media
is that you see this beautifully curated view of someone's life,
like insight into someone's life, little snippets, and if you're
going through a similar life stage and that's not your experience,
you think that there's something wrong with you and that
(10:31):
and even though we know that social media isn't real,
it still helps to know that people on social media
are very real humans with real problems and definately negative
feelings and huge pits because everyone's just doing their best.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Yeah, it's true, it is true, So that's me. I
don't know when it's going to be less dark and gloomy,
but I'll take you along for the raj over to you, Kels. Well,
we'll start with a bit of negative, but we'll hopefully
end on a better positive.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Listen, my pit is that we've lost listeners, which I
didn't even know that that was a thing, Like I
just have always assumed that he gets annoyed when not annoyed.
But you don't like how transparent I am about some
thing's key. So you probably saw this in the script
and was like, oh, for Christ's sake, Kelly, can you
not say everything that pops into your head? But I
(11:31):
do like sharing the negative parts of things, and that
is one thing about having a podcast that it's not all.
I don't think we've ever pretended that it's like this
really easy, amazing thing, but we've recently done like a
little bit of a deep dive, and we've lost listeners,
Like we're not getting the sort of numbers that we were.
(11:53):
So it's a pit because I just don't know where
we're going wrong. If it's the breaks that we've had.
If it's the content, like, if anyone has any advice
or feedback, I would very much be open to receiving it.
Send it to me, though not key for obvious reasons.
And if you don't have any feedback and you just
(12:14):
love the show, well please tell people about it, like
post on your stories on Instagram with a link go
rter review us. It would just be quite helpful because
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Well, there's a few things that come into play, or
I'm like, I'm gonna defend out little pod. It's difficult,
right because obviously when I had my Matt leave, the
very short Matt leave that I have a few people
dropped off, which is fine, which is what you expect. Right,
We've fallen out of people's rhythm, if you will, for
lack of a better word, and we have to get
(12:47):
them back in. But I think it's also just it's
a bit of a wild west. It's really hard to
measure numbers. Everyone has different ways of measuring them.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Which seems crazy to me because if you go on YouTube,
it's just like, okay, that's how many of yous that
video had, But in podcast land it's like, there's literally
five different platforms in every single one of them gives
different numbers, that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
So it's just hard. I think we've been really good
at retaining our audience. We've had trouble with growth, which
a lot of podcasts will have a few years where
they stay stagnant, And I don't think we've necessarily lost people.
It's just that the way in which the numbers accounted
has changed, so that makes us feel like, well, we
(13:30):
don't have as many listeners as we thought we did,
but I am confident that we still have a very
like big group of listeners, so it's fine.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
My peek is that we recently spent the weekend up
at home, and I mean, this is probably my peak
whenever we go up there, but Luke hat to stay
home with the cats. We used to be able to
leave Percy for a weekend because we would just put
bowls out of food and water, and he's just a
very good boy. He just is very self sufficient, just
(14:02):
eats when he wants. So we can't leave Marge here
by herself because I don't know what she would do
to the house. She'd probably just urinate every She also
is like a dog. She eats food as soon as
it goes into the bowl.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Yeah right, So there's no grazing for Marge.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
No whereas Percy would just be like, oh, just have
a little snark and then come back a few hours
later have another little snack like that. Bloke is just
he's honestly a dream kitty. And now we have Marge,
which is Lenny and a kitten, except she's a full
size cat now. Anyway, So Luke didn't come for the weekend,
but it was just apart from the drive up, which
(14:38):
just killed me after a full day of work, it
was so long. It was just heaven. Lennie is a
different kid at my parents' house. He is just so
free and happy and joyous and he doesn't stop running,
which is his favorite thing to do. And my brother
in law bought him this huge truck, like a dump truck,
(15:01):
and him and Wesley were running around at the beach
all weekend and the little kids, they're lunatics. They went swimming.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
I saw that. I saw that on your social.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
They were actually swimming at different points, butt naked in
the middle of winter and it was cold. I'm a swimmer.
I will swim at different points through the you when
it's not what people consider warm. But not a chance.
I was wearing a scarf at the beach and they're
butt naked running around fun. Fat kids have something called
(15:32):
brown fat that keeps them warm.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Yeah. I was going to say, because Roussel's she loves
being naked in the morning during winter, just running around.
She just will not put clothes on it. Charlie's got
like the heater out here's and ugs and a beanie
and a big jumper and she's just like, no, I'm
not cold, rudy, nudy. Yeah, so I was going to say,
there's something about those kids. That's what it is. It's
brown fat. Apparently, then lucky them.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
So yeah, anyway, they were just picking lemons, picking passion fruits.
It's like he's his best self up there and no tantrum.
Well no, of course he has feelings about different things,
but just he slept so well, he had so much fun.
Never even asked for the TV to be on, not
(16:15):
that he watches a lot of TV at home, but
he just likes to have it on for background noise.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
But he wasn't inside, he was outside the entire weekend,
and it just further cemented that. I was like, oh,
am I, what am I doing bringing him up in
Sydney when he belongs elsewhere.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
It's really hard, isn't it when you see them like
with space come to life to be a kid. Yeah,
I mean absolutely, it's a tough decision, but just means
I think, see your parents more, go up there more
often as often as you can.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
To be honest, the biggest thing for me is the drive.
I hate it. Yeah, it's just that it's not you know,
the Central Coast, so four hours. It's just at the
end of a long day.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
It's just oh yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
But at least on the way home because we drove
back through the day, which I don't really like doing
because Lenn doesn't really like to sit in the car
and I find it stressful. But because he was so shattered,
he had like a two hour and APP on the
way home.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Oh did he really Yeah, which was great.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Because and then we were stopped for because he had
his snacks first, and then he had his tour on APP.
Then we stopped and got an ice block and then
we're in Sydney.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
So that's so it was a minimal good. She can't nap,
rue does she does on the weekend, She'll do a cartnap.
She goes kind of close my eyes and I'm like, yeah, babe,
if you need to close them, please do. I don't
know why you're asking me. I know I'm the boss,
but you're the boss of you. If you need a sleep,
sleep babe.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
After the break, we'll be getting into a pretty heavy topic,
so we will put timestamp in the show notes that
you can just skip ahead to the end stuff and
recommendations because we will be talking about abuse.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Yes, to talk to me sometimes, Dolores.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Sometimes you have to be a high ride in bitch
to survive.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Okay, can I be bitch for a sec childcare? So,
as you know, as I mentioned earlier in the episode,
I am simply not coping. I definitely have returned to work,
probably a bit too early. I've taken a bit too
much on and now that Suki is five months, I
have been, you know, really starting seriously to consider, you know,
(18:40):
getting some help like maybe getting a nanny for one
day a week or a few hours a week, or
putting her into childcare for one day a week and
then the news broke that a twenty six year old
male from Melbourne who was arrested and per the ABC,
had been charged with seventy accounts of child abuse. The
(19:02):
charges involve children from five months to two years, and
it all happened within the last like two years. It's
absolutely horrific. I can't even imagine what the parents of
those kids are going through. I can't imagine how angry
they are, how defeated they are, how helpless they feel
(19:23):
from a system that's failed both them and their kids.
And then I feel real frustration as well, because we
live now in a world where you can't just be
a one salary family, and if you're a single parent,
there is actually no option. You have to go back
to work, and sometimes as a primary parent, you want
(19:43):
to and need to for yourself to return to work.
So you do all of the things. You turk the daycares,
you look at the quality school ratings, you ask around
and ask your friends, and you decide on a few
that you really like, and then the availability comes in.
There's long wait lists, so you're kind of left with
(20:05):
what you can get, and because there is absolutely no
other option, sometimes you have to take what you get
and you put all of your faith in leaving your
kids with these, for the large part, beautiful educators, but
you still have to put your trust in these people
that you really don't know. And look, there is going
to be reform, Like obviously at a federal level there's
(20:28):
been changes announced. I know that Victoria and New South
Wales and Queensland are all pledged to look into what
is happening. At a state level, I know that childcare
centers around Australia have sent out letters to all of
their families, mine included, just trying to reassure them that
all of the measures are in place to help our kids.
(20:48):
But where does this actually leave us? Like my stress
lies with first time parents who are thinking about returning
to work and are absolutely terrified to leave their firstborns
with someone. I am terrified now to leave Suki because
I just feel like she's so small, and we know
that these predators target kids who are nonverbal, so really
(21:13):
little kids up until two years, which is exactly what
this guy did. So where does this leave us for parents?
How can we protect our kids?
Speaker 2 (21:21):
It's one thing that you don't think about really before
you have kids. You just assume I think that most people,
unless you're riddled with anxiety about everything in the world,
most of us assume that people have good intentions and
that we are community minded and that we look after kids.
(21:47):
We don't harm kids, and we especially do not think
that someone that chooses to be a childcare educator would
ever do something because, as you said, the majority of
them are the angels that walk on this earth because
they're sure a shit not getting paid properly for their work,
(22:08):
so they're definitely not doing it for the money. They
do it because they love kids and they want to
educate them. So I understand the anxiety because it's just
not something that you sort of realize that you'll ever
have to think about until something awful like this happens.
Even though we know that bad things happen, you just
(22:29):
don't think bad things will happen to children while they're
in child's care. It just doesn't add up to the
way that our innocent and possibly ignorant brains think.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Well. I think it's like this false sense of security
that we have in Australia because we are so heavily
regulated and policed. I think we all think that we
are more protected or that our kids are more protected
than what they actually are. I think, like even when
we had our guest on talking about toy safety in Australia,
(23:05):
I think that was like really eye opening for me,
Like our standards aren't high for a country that loves
to have a law like you can't have a beverage,
you can't enjoy a beverage walking down the street in Australia,
like that is illegal. You'd think that if we're going
to be so strict on that, we'd give a shit
about anything to do with our kids. But it seems
(23:25):
like a lot of the stuff to do with childcare
kind of sits with the workers who work there, like
that they have to kind of self report and raise it,
and often, like I've read a piece on the ABC,
often those complaints are met with not distrust, but like
they don't want to be seen as to be singling
(23:47):
out male educators. So it's like this weird thing which
I don't understand because I think if you're a male
educator working in the industry, the safety of the children
should be paramount, And like, I don't know, it's just
kind of weird thought that we don't when I seem
like we're being sexist or something like that. But I
feel like in a country that's so regulated, we should
care more about our kids. And I know a lot
(24:08):
of the change is going to come because this is
obviously horrific. But as far as I can tell from
all of the reporting, this was not a fact of
someone in any of those centers reporting what had happened.
It was like materials had been found on whatever, the
dark web, and that led them back to the daycare,
and often, from what I've read, that is how most
(24:28):
of these perpetrators are found. So something is obviously missing
on like a local level.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Well, they can't put cameras in the change rooms, can they?
Speaker 1 (24:39):
No, they can't. But a lot of people are saying
that maybe that their CCTV should be more prevalent. I
think it is murky, but again, the safety of the
children always has to kind of be the first thing. Initially,
when I was going to a daycare, I was like,
what's your stuff turnover? Like all of that kind of stuff.
But now I think when I go to a daycare,
I'm going to be like, what's your mobile phone policy?
(25:00):
For educators?
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I just assumed it was all daycares. They wouldn't be
allowed to have their mobile phones.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
It goes from daycare to daycare, and this is the
thing these perpetrators. They look for jobs that are available
in daycares that don't have a stringent rules, so you know,
you can have your mobile phone. There isn't really any CCTV. Like.
They're opportunists, so they look for situations in which they're
going to be able to do the things that they
are trying to do. So I think that as a
(25:29):
parent who's exploring different daycares and trying to get a
sense of like is this going to be good enough
for my kids, like really drilling into them and asking
these questions, because I think the more questions we ask
about this as parents not the more serious they're going
to take it. But they have no other option than
to take it seriously, do you know what I mean?
(25:51):
Like if people are genuinely asking them, they're going to
have to say, hey, these are our rules around this,
this is what we're implementing, and things like that, like
something like the four eyes. Obviously, when they're changing you
should have two people present, but a lot of the
time and it's not realistic exactly. A lot of the
time it comes down to how many cares they have.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
I just wonder, like, all this is very well and good,
but I wonder if maybe we're overthinking things a little
bit when it comes to daycare and the educators, which
I totally get is so fair enough with it being
in the media, but the statistics show it's likely to
(26:34):
be someone that your child knows, like someone that's in
the family home or in another home that your child sees.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
So yeah, I totally understand what you're saying when we
look into the statistics of it. I think male workers
in childcare make up three percent of all workers, and
of those sexual abuse cases with children and those environments,
it's ninety one percent of the time it is male.
But it is a very small percentage of men obviously
(27:01):
that are working in these areas. But yeah, statistically it
probably won't happen to you. But I don't think that
we need to like shy away from talking about it.
And oh, definitely things to teach our kids, for sure,
definitely not before this happened, I'd actually been talking a
lot to my girlfriends because at the moment I'm teaching Rue,
trying to teach her some independence, So that is showering
(27:22):
and washing herself. So this came about because I saw
a TikTok of a woman who is a waxa and
she said, ladies, I need to talk to you about
personal hygiene. And basically she just said some of you
do not understand personal hygiene. And she wasn't being shamey.
It was I wish I had the clip because she
said it in such a caring and thoughtful way. But
(27:43):
she was just like, you need to be wiping front
to back, you need to be washing, you need to
be making sure that it's clean if you go to
the gym, don't come to me straight after like things.
So I think exactly things that you should know. But
she she was saying like, let me be the person
to tell you, because if no one's ever taught you that,
you just don't know, right. And then I looked at
(28:05):
the comments because I was like, well, this is a
no brainer, Like why is this even a consideration? I
know that some people have personal hygiene, but for the
most part, I thought maybe not. So I was looking
in the comments and so many women were like, no
one ever taught me this. I didn't know I was
meant to wipe front to back. I didn't know Xyz,
And I was like mortified, right because I hadn't even
(28:26):
thought to teach rue this yet. But I was kind
of like, well, yeah, I need to be teaching her that.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
So that kind of that's because you did it for her,
though it's not the exacting.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
It's just clarify no, no, sorry. It wasn't that I
wasn't cleaning her, but I did have a thing of like,
you know, it goes back to me not necessarily having
like a blueprint for everything. So sometimes I'll see a
TikTok or see something a written piece and be like,
oh shit, Like it's not that I wasn't going to
teach her, it's just like I get this alarm bell
being like, hey, don't forget to teach her this. So
(28:55):
that was like a bit of a springboard for me
and teaching her like how to wash properly, how to
wash her vagina correctly, and also like getting dressed independently
and things like that. And so when I was starting
to teach her, I was like, well, what are we
calling these body parts? And I know that from a
lot of stuff I read, it's really important to use
the correct body parts for this reason, like I think
(29:18):
you would have seen it all over the internet. But
they interview child abuse offenders and they asked them about
things that stopped them from offending, and a large percentage
of the offenders said that if the kids knew like
the name of the body part, like the correct name,
like not a cute see name, like if they knew
like vagina or penis, that kind of deterred them because
(29:39):
they felt like, I don't know, they felt like obviously
they had a bit more like understanding of their body,
so they were less likely to do anything with them.
And I read that way back when, and so I
started talking to my girlfriend's like, hey, what are you
guys like talking to your kids about? Like what are
you calling their bits? And a large majority of people
were calling them like the correct names of the anatomy,
(30:00):
which I thought was great.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
So they weren't even saying vagina, they were saying vulva.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
They were all saying vagina. But I was like, do
we think Volver's like a bit too far? And they
were like yeah, I think we just need to stick
with vagina and I was like, oh, okay. Well, so
I started basically in the shower and this was hooked
off like I would just be like, where's your vagina,
where's your bottom? Like things like that so that she
understands the name unless like cutesy words. But then since
(30:24):
all of this happened, I don't know, there was like
a flood of child expert instagrams I followed that were
putting up little carasells of things. So obviously a friend
of the pod oracle, Jen Mule, was straight to it,
and she put up a little thing that I thought
we could run through. Is that okay?
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Please do?
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Body safety is like a big thing, and I think
that a lot of these child experts are saying that
we need to make a part of everyday chat. So
Jen put up eight ways to empower and protect your
kids through ongoing conversations. So number one was to use
the correct names for body parts. Say penis, vulva. Oh
she is saying vulva. See now change it up, bottom,
(31:01):
nipple's mouth. Using the right words gives kids the language
they need to speak up, and it reduces the shame
and increases their safety. So that's why it's important. Next
was talk about tricky people. There are people who make
us feel safe inside and some that make us feel
a bit icky or scary, even if we know them.
If someone feels tricky to you, tell me. I thought
(31:23):
that was really interesting. Explain what private means. So this
is a big one. The parts of your body covered
by your swimmers and your mouth are private. No one
should ever touch those areas or ask you to touch theirs.
If they do, I would always want to know you
will never be in trouble. So when I'm in the shower,
I actually say to Rue, you have three private parts?
What are they? And She'll be like my mouth, my vagina,
(31:45):
my bottom, And I say who's allowed to touch those parts?
And she says, no one, only Rue, And so that's
kind of what I've been talking to her about. Like
then it gets a bit tricky because then she was like,
but can they wipe my bottom at daycare? And I
was like, fuck, there's no slide for that question. I
don't know what the answer is, like yes, of course.
But it gets tricky, right, because that's why I stopped
(32:06):
actually washing her myself and started teaching her, because I
thought she was going to get confused between like mummy's
allowed to but no one else. And I was like,
I feel like that's just too much an overwhelming for her.
So that was also part of the reason why I
was trying to teach her to be independent, teach body autonomy.
You're in charge of your body. You never have to
hug or kiss anyone if you don't want to. You
(32:27):
can give your auntie a high five if you want.
How many times I know I shouldn't do this, but
I'm like, go and give them a hug. I've got
to stop doing that. That's not okay. If I don't
want to do it, they shouldn't have to do it.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
I ask. I just said, do you want to go
give so and so a tuddle? And often he says no.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Yeah, He's like no, thanks, I know what I want,
and that's not it. This is a really good one.
Surprises verse secret. So, a surprise is something that we
keep quiet for a short time, like a birthday present. Right.
A secret is something that we're told never to tell
and often feels icky or scary. So good grown ups
do not ask kids to keep secrets. If someone does,
(33:06):
come and tell me. So I remember being at my
girlfriend's house. She had kids way before I did. Shared
kids were more like twenty four and one of my
other girlfriends was like, gave her like a chocolate or something,
and she was like, oh, it can be like really innocently.
Oh it's just our little secret. Here you go, babe.
And then my girlfriend turned around and said we do
not have secrets in this house and we were like whoa,
(33:27):
but she was like no, no, no, Like I'm really
stern on this because this is where it starts, is
like you have a secret with a fun aren't who's
totally innocent, and then someone else comes into the picture
and it's a secret and you the kid doesn't understand,
like they're remembering their first interaction or experience with having
a secret and it being very innocent, and then now
(33:48):
they're having to carry this other secret that doesn't feel
as good, but they don't understand the difference that one
is necessarily bad, or they do but they don't. So
a blanket rule of no secrets. And I have actually
brought Latiner to play, like Lucy was over and she
said something to Ruin and I said, hey, we actually
don't say that in our house now, and so she
(34:09):
was like, oh my god, I never thought about it
like that. So all of this stuff sounds like when
you first hear it on a level sounds over the top, right,
but it actually really makes sense and I think that
it can really help teaching kids what grooming looks like.
So basically helping them to spot unsafe behavior early on.
So someone that gives you lots of treats of us
(34:30):
and to keep a secret like, those are not good people.
So those are people to be weary of, So just
being wary of them and empower your body awareness and
your instincts. So if someone online or in person makes
you feel weird in your body, so words like describing
it like sad, tummy, tight chest, scared feeling, you can
come and tell me even if you're not sure why.
So this helps kids to tune into their gut and
(34:53):
come to you when something feels off before it escalates.
Because we all have that intuition. We've talked about intuition before,
for children have it too, they just don't necessarily understand.
It's actually teaching them and empowering them to listen to
their body because your body has a reaction when something
doesn't feel right, and your head's kind of like, hang
on a minute, I don't understand why I feel this way.
But actually teaching kids to become in tune with that
(35:15):
is really helpful. And then the most important thing Jen
says is to remind them of your unconditional love. There
is nothing that you could ever do or say or
tell me that would make me stop loving you. So
just reinforcing that it's an open door policy, tell me
everything you're never going to get in trouble. To make
sure that anytime those secrets, like whatever has happened has
(35:36):
gone on, they feel confident enough to tell you about it.
So I thought that was really great resource. And I
definitely have been like implementing heaps of those things since
I read.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
It, And I think it sounds very overwhelming, but a
lot of it is just common sense and also that
you do things that are right for you and your
family as well. Like if your kids refusing to wash themselves,
then you wash them.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
Oh totally, yeah, yeah yeah yeah. We have a shower,
so it's different, and it's a very small shower, so
like I can't get in there with rue, so that
works for us. But like I still do wash her
sometimes if she's like I need help. Like, it's not
a blanket rule, it's just like what I'm trying to do.
Most of the time. Remember it's all blue sky. We're
trying to beat Italy can be. The last one I
(36:23):
wanted to share was from my girlfriend Abby and she
told me about this ages ago, and I was like,
oh my god, this is genius. It's called private square.
Have you heard of this?
Speaker 2 (36:30):
No?
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Okay, So basically you say, this is my private square.
You can't touch me there. So it's like a square
from shoulder to shoulder and then down to just underneath
where your private parts are, like that whole square of
your body. And then she said, oh, we sing it,
so she got her daughter to record it for us,
because I was like, what's the tune that you sing
the song in? So she recorded her daughter singing it.
(36:52):
I've got it for us in my private set. I'd
sat through. Yeah that's there, Yes, yes, yes, ignit curacy.
So basically she's pointed to her bodies and showing them
where the private square is and then being like, you
(37:13):
can't touch me there.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
That's so cute also, and I know it's just because
I'm ignorant about these things, but I just immediately like
giggle a little bit at that because I just imagine,
you know, you're trying to get help that kid get dressed,
and then they just start singing that song so loudly,
and you're like.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Sure, I stop it. Yes, yes, there's a time and
a place. This is not it. So anyway, I know
that a lot of people have had this conversation. Kelly
was unsure whether or not we did an.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Episode on this, but we're not experts.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
But that's okay because in a mother's group we would
be talking about this stuff. I have been reaching out
to my girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Okay, I feel like you have very different conversations to
your girlfriend. You're probably the only friend I talk to
about actual parentsaring stuff. Genuinely. If I was talking to
my other girlfriends with kids about it, it'd just be
something along the lines of, OI, what about that sick fuck?
(38:10):
And then that would be into I.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Think, because I'm so nervous about not having that blueprint,
I go overboard with you know, the research and things
like that.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
And I know it's a bit lame, but it's not lame.
But can we go back to the start of the
episode where you were moaning mershling about that you think
you're a bad mum.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
Yes, I know, I know I'm not a bad mom.
I just feel like I am.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
Sometimes bad people don't think that they're bad people, and
bad mothers don't think that they're bad mothers.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Exhibit A.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
Your own mother who's still wildly confused about why you
don't want anything to do with her.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Shit, that's so true, isn't it right?
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Like she's at home just going what on earth does
that girl that I burn do not want anything to
do with me? I was a good mama.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
Yeah, you're right, You're right, all right. Anyway, Well, I
hope some of you out there got something out of
that today. And it's not to scare you or anything
like that. I just want to be the person to
help empower you in ways that feel helpful. Okay, recommendations time, Kel,
I've been talking a lot this episode. I'm going to
(39:26):
rest my voice and hand it over to you. What
are you recommending today? Girl?
Speaker 2 (39:29):
I'll tell you what. Who's not resting your voice? Old mate? Suki?
You know what, you might be a host, but when
we start making money, Suki, you're not getting any Okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
You're not getting a credit either on the bloody show. Notes,
let me tell you that, free.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
No, you're not, definitely not, even though your cute gurgles
sometimes could sound like we inserted them afterwards. I'm using
this segment to ask for a recommendation as well.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
Oh my god, I like a reverse recommendation.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
A reverse recommendation, so sickly, I'm looking for someone that's
really good at selling shit online and that maybe wants
to earn a little bit of pocket money, has a
bit of spare time, lives in Sydney, so I can
give you what I need. Surely there's a service where
I can give things to someone that they can sell
(40:18):
for me and then make it there is bris ortion
of the cut.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
I know that there isn't Brazzi like these people that
go to the people's storage containers and they'll just like
pull out stuff that they thinks of value and then
sell it for them.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
I've got all of the stuff, like it's not even
that much stuff, but just dresses. There's so many sites,
like there's deep op, there's high end. There's so many sites.
But a lot of the work is uploading the photos
and taking photos and different details that they want, and
I just don't have time. So I would rather if
(40:51):
someone else has time and an inclination to do that thing,
and then they get I don't know whatever is industry
standard or what not portion of it.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
It's such a good idea, isn't it. If it doesn't exist,
someone should bloody start doing it. Because I'm the same
I have heaps of stuff I'd love to sell. I
just end up donating it, like really nice stuff, because
I know that that is not something that I'm going
to do. I'm not going to put that out if
photograph it, put that out up and then post it
to someone. I'm simply I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
Like this would be perfect for someone that is at
home with a kid or a baby, wants to earn
a bit of money, wants to do something like at
the time. Yeah, business, listen, you've got two customers off
the bat. Can I have stuff for you? And then
I will also give you a shout out and send
(41:42):
other people your way, so you can start selling stuff
for people. Because some people just have a knack for it.
They're organized, yeah, and they love doing it. So that's
like a reverse recommendation. I wish that something existed.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
Yep, someone do it now.
Speaker 2 (41:58):
I will put up a link in the show notes
and maybe a photo on the social is of my
new couch. I need to.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
Recommend it within two green velvet couch.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
The green velvet has been moved into the garage because
you know how there was that old pink futon. I
mean technically at the moment they're both still in there,
so the garage is a nightmare. But you know how,
like the old pink futon kind of it just looked
a bit sad next to the bright pink wall.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
Yes, yes, yes, yes, So now there's the.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Green couch that it really pops against the bright pink wall,
so that when we're back in the studio we just
have like a nicer setup. And I wanted something for
the lounge room. I went crazy last year and got
rid of our ten seater couch that I bought when
I was pregnant and we lived in a huge and
got a tiny couch and it was good, but it's
(42:51):
not for a family of three. It's perfect for us
if we were sitting on it in the garage to record,
but one something that two people could lie on. So
something a bit bigger and it was not one of
those ones that you have to order, wasn't expensive. It
arrived within two days. It's this really cute color that
doesn't show up stains really easily. It's comfortable.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
I'm really happy with it. Two days is unheard of
because most couches have like a six week weight on them.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
So dude, I know it's being so annoyed because she
ordered a couch like two months ago and it's getting
here in September.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Oh, that's so annoying.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
I think that's for a forever couch, you know, one
of those ones you have for ten years. Yeah? What
brand is this?
Speaker 1 (43:33):
Did you say the brand?
Speaker 2 (43:34):
It's from Temple on website. It's not a forever countess.
When we move, we will definitely have to get something else,
but it's perfect for us at the moment.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
Nice, and you could always use it in like the
kids rumpust room or a spare room exactly. Yeah, yeah,
love of course.
Speaker 2 (43:50):
And my last recommendation is quite random, but I do
it every winter, and it's I hate waste, all sorts
of waste, but food waste really bothers me. Once a
week in winter, I have a crockpot. Someone gave it
to us for our engagement party or our wedding. You
can use any sort of a slow cooker thing, but
I just think it's funny that I own something called
(44:11):
a crockpot. You just put it on at the start
of the day. What I do once a week, I
put anything old in the fridge in the crockpot. You
might have half a carrot, two potatoes, do you know
what I mean? Like half an onion here or there,
any single thing that is left in the fridge from
(44:32):
the week prior. Rather than throwing it at the bin,
I just put it in the crockpot. Then I'll just
put whatever spices and crap that I can find, maybe
a tin of beans, maybe some meat in the freezer.
I just put it in there, and then if it's
got meat in it, I don't eat it. Obviously, Luke
froths on it. I froth because he thinks that I'm
(44:54):
incredible for cooking it. And I literally just put everything
in it in the morning and then it just cooked
itself during the day, and I feel great because I
haven't wasted food.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
I love that. I love a quick and easy, no
waste solution. Go go once a week.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Yeah, it's just everything from the wheak prior that you
bought and then didn't use up. Everything of the modern day,
Betty Crocker, I see basically I am recipe ting it
with like kroc Poff. What is your recommendations?
Speaker 1 (45:23):
I just have the one sorry, because I don't get
out much and so you know me, I love to.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Over a double rack.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
Mine is actually a brand started by two Queensland goals
and it's called mum Club. You may have seen their
hats all over the internet. They have like funny little
things on them like mum Club or Anti Duty and
different things like that. I knew them because of their hats,
but then I got targeted by one of their clever
(45:52):
Facebook ads for their pram bags. And you know how
like obviously if you're not using a pram, this is
going to be wildly boring for you, but you should
still check it out because thehaps are so cute. They
make these really cute hand bags that just clip over
the pram handle, got this cute little frill and this
(46:12):
beautiful satin material and it's just a bit nicer than
like the upper baby gray boring pram thing. So and
it was like fifty dollars, I think, and it's just
making me feel a little bit chic in my very
uncheak stage of life that I'm in at the moment.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
Go check them out.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
They're lovely and they are are listeners of the podcast
as well, so I thought i'd give them a little shout.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
Out thank you so much for listening. And this podcast
was produced by us Key Resells and Kelly McCarron, with
audio production by Mattie Shuannu and sound effects by our
little Suki Cells.
Speaker 1 (46:46):
Yes, sorry about that, guys.
Speaker 2 (46:47):
We'll see you next week. Shit is bye.
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