June 10, 2025 • 49 mins
Feeling burnt out, touched out, or just totally overwhelmed? Same. In this episode, Kee and Kelly tackle your juiciest dilemmas in their first-ever listener Q&A. From moving away from your village for a bigger paycheque to wedding planning with a bottle-refusing baby, no topic is off-limits - and no advice is particularly qualified.
They cover mum-style meltdowns, partner guilt, parenting regret, and the kind of chaos that makes you feel slightly more normal.
LINKS TO EVERYTHING MENTIONED
https://www.paramountplus.com/au/shows/mobland/
https://www.philosophyexperiments.com/
HOSTS & PRODUCERS
Kelly McCarren @kelly_mccarren
Kee Reece Searles @keereece
AUDIO PRODUCTION
Madeline Joannou - Mylk Media
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
on today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Not everyone does love being a mum, but no one
really likes the bad shit.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
No.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I hate being a mum. When my toddler is screaming
so loudly that they could hear three streets away, when
I'm brushing his teeth at night, I hate that part
of being a mother.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Hate it.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hello, Hello, and welcome back to our podcast with no
current name.
Speaker 4 (00:33):
I'm Kellen McCarron and I'm curious selves and regardless of
whatever we end up being called, we are still always
going to be that wildly unhinged podcast all about the
madness that his motherhood and everything in between.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Today we're giving unhinged advice on many.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
A topic, if you will, because it's our first monthly
episode where we answer your questions and give sometimes questionable
advice to your dilemmas. Don't forget you can always add yours.
The link will live in our instabio and we will
also pop it in the show notes. But first, yeah, queen,
everything through the shit.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
I have a voice that is really failing, so apologies
for sound and st sexy, Y'll I like it.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
I am up first this week.
Speaker 4 (01:15):
My pit is I don't want everyone to get Madam
at home sleep training, but not really so I kind
of had to look at the old calendar and realize
that Suki Dooki is four months my goodness, and her
sleep had been a bit shit the past couple of nights,
and it was like, duh, the four months sleep regression.
But I'm not like freaking out about that at all.
(01:37):
I'm just kind of being more aware of kind of
the rhythms to how she's sleeping and when she likes
to sleep.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
She certainly doesn't like to sleep at the moment.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
She doesn't want to sleep right now, which is not
very good because we're trying to record a podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
But when I was reading this thing, it was like
the Huckleberry app.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
They were like, don't think of it as a regression,
Like developmentally, she's just hitting a massive new milestone. She's
now starting to sleep like an adult. And I was
just like, fuck yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
But I've been.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Flirting with the idea of a loose routine see where
we land, and I started trying it, and I had
a little suspicion that her biggest nap she really likes
to do in the morning.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
So it's just completely the opposite to what Rue did.
I've just got to learn how to do it a
bit differently.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
And I was really hoping that we might have the
same routine, which I can get around. But she loves
a really long nap in the morning and a really
long nap in the afternoon, which sounds brilliant, but when
you have to get things done or leave the house.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Or drop the child off at daycare, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
It's just a little bit tricky.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
How many naps do they have at this age?
Speaker 4 (02:36):
I forget three to four a day. She's probably sitting
out a solid three, but she does a lot of catnapping.
And also if I have to get up, it's the
end of her nap. Because she does all of her
naps a contact naps during the day, I can't, for
the life of me get her down. When Rue gets home,
and I can see that she's really tired at like
six point fifteen, but I can't put her down, and
(02:57):
I know it's like, just do another contact nap, But
by the end of the day, I am so touched out.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
You also need to cook dinner for Rue, and like,
because Charlie's.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
Not there, I want my focus to also be on Rue,
Like I really miss her and I've been with Suki
all day. She's had my attention all day, and I
really just want to be able to pop her down
and for her to go to sleep, and just for
me to have that like hour hour and a half
with Rue until I'm ordering her around to do things
because she needs to go to sleep, you know, Like
(03:24):
I want them to be a bit more positive in
our nighttime routine.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
And it's just really really hard.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
I know we'll get there, but it's hard to try
and think of in what reality am I ever going
to be able to have a routine at night with
the both of them. It just seems so chaotic. And
I tried to do it once last night. I put
her down. She just cried, cried, cried, cried. So I
just picked her up and I was like, all right, well,
we gave that a try, Let's not try that.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Again for a while.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
So I think what I'm going to do the new
plan moving forward is just to bring out the cozy
Ltuti side sleeper that I have, just to pop her
in there because it's mesh on the side, so she'll
be able to see me and I'll just grew up
if she cries, but then I'll put her down because
she is tired. I'm thinking if I put her in
like an arms out swaddle, which she can be, and
now maybe she will just naturally fall asleep if we're
(04:11):
in the room together, because I think for her, she
just does.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
She'll be able to hear you.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
And yeah, she just want to miss out. She's very inquisitive.
She is like right now, she wants to be part
of our conversation.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
She really She's across the rooms, bubbling away and I'm
just letting her do it.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
She's in the bouncer, but she's just like girls, I'm still.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Out, yeah, and I've got a lot to add.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
So I'll let you know how all of that goes.
I'm trying not to spiral about it, get overwhelmed by it.
But I'm just ready to just try to make that
last night nap or beginning of her night's sleep really
get together so that Ru and I can have that
time again.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
My peak quick.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
Story left at four point fifty to go pick up Rue.
Went down to my car park and some piece of
shit ass hat as I called them, fully fully parked
me in as inn, there was no way I could
get her.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I tried this.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
There was this other gentleman in a car park who
he and his wife and I will like, very friendly,
and he's like, you're not going to be able to
get out, and I was like, I've got to go
get my daughter from daycare. And it's not like, oh,
I parked and I can go get an uber. I
can't get an uber or a cab with a baby.
I can get a cab with RU, but I still
have the baby, So like, what am I going to do?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
And I can't.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
This is obviously stupid, and I know I need to
learn how to do this, but I don't actually know
how to take the car seats in and out, so
I need to obviously learn how to do that for
situations like this, but I was just really really pissed off.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Anyway, it ended up being fine.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
I called my girlfriend back, Goldie's mum, and she luckily
didn't have her little baby. Her mother in law was
at her house, so she's on our emergency contact list,
so she was able to pick up Ru and drop
her over.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
So everything was fine.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
But what I am proud about is that I am
such an anxious person that often, in the heat of
the moment, especially when things aren't fair, I'll get swept
up in it and I'll handle it and it's not
an overreaction, but I always have like reaction regret. So me,
I wanted to obviously write this really rude note and
be like, you're a dickhead. I hope you know what
(06:10):
you've done. In my head, I just thought I want
to say something because it's not nice, but I also
don't want to have any feelings afterwards that I'd done
something wrong. And this is really unique to me. I
think my anxiety is obviously insane. So I wrote a
firm but fair note, and the note said, hello, you
parked me in. As a result, I was unable to
(06:32):
pick up my daughter from daycare next time. Leave a
phone number, thanks, And I felt like that was enough
for me to get it off my chest, pop it
on the windscreen. It's a dick move on a party
bags you already think I had in the car, But
I just thought you can read between the lines. And
I also thought, often the tone and how you say
something can affect the impact of it, especially in a
(06:53):
situation like this, like how many times has a friend
gotten a note on their car saying you're a.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Dickhead you fucking parked me in. But then it becomes
a joke.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
I posted it on our Insta and everyone agreed that
you were far too nice, So I think you should
be proud.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
I just know myself and I know that what would
happen is that I would turn this into that I've
done something wrong and that I shouldn't have reacted like that.
But I wanted them to feel guilty because I'd handled
it so nicely.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Someone pointed out that you could have called the police.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yeah, I know.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Well, actually someone who was there who was like so
pissed off about it, more so than me goking, he
actually put in a complaint to Strata, So they're probably
going to get in trouble.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
So go me, Okay, your turn.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
My pit is that I am absolutely drowning. I feel
like I'm flailing around like a fish. I am so
overwhelmed with everything at the moment. Luke is doing night
shift five nights a week. I work full time. As
I mentioned last week, I have all my coms overloading me.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
I have no help.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
My grandma still isn't exactly like she's not ready to
go on a cruise. There are five different building projects
around the house. Everything is just a disaster because I
start things and then never do them. The gardening needs
to be done, and I have to get an accountant,
which is then just a huge job getting them to
sort through everything and everything that I have to send them.
I need to set up a website. I haven't eaten
a home cooked meal for weeks. I need to go
(08:13):
to the dentist. I'm having stomach cramps. My vertigo is back.
I still haven't done the forms for any surgery with
HCF like to get any money back. My list just
keeps getting longer. And the problem isn't the hours in
the day.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
I have enough self awareness to recognize that.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
It is just that my brain seems to be getting
worse and worse at being able to actually finish a
task and get through a to do list, and it's
just really really stressing me out.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
I'm sorry, he is that.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I'm really enjoying getting dressed at the moment. Winter fashion
is so much fun. Winter's a mess yet, like just
being able to layer and play around with clothes and
it's just so much more interesting than chucking on a dress.
So I'll pull things out that I've had for six
years and I just forgot that I did and I'm
just having a lot of fun.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Yeah, I love that. I love that. I have been
very inspired by you. So keep it up.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Next up our unhinged parenting, or just advice in general,
lack thereof, if you will, before.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
We get into your questions and dilemmas a reminder that
we are in no way qualified to give advice. Think
of kel as you're drunk aunt. She'll tell you like
it is, but also has a heart of gold. And
I'm more like a good friend who will be sensitive
about your feelings but still give hopefully helpful advice.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Tibid Question number one, Kiris, do you want to take
it away perfect?
Speaker 4 (09:37):
Is it better to live far from your support network
or village to earn a high income or stay close
to them and accept a more modest lifestyle such a
good one.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Hell, this one is so good and it's so hard
you straight away think, we'll obviously just accept the more
modest lifestyle so you have people around you. But it's
not always as easy as that.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
You don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
So, what sort of jobs are available in the area
that someone sort of grew up or that their family
and friends are in. It really made me think because
over the past year or so, I've been in a
situation where I don't think I've ever mentioned this to
you before, but our family friends that live on the
same as state as my parents are selling their house.
(10:22):
There's acres, there's a pool, there's so much space, and
it's incredible and we can afford it, and it would
be in the same a state as my parents. That
is a pretty good gig, but we would not be
I mean, Luke could work anywhere. Technically I can work
anywhere because I would just be coming to Sydney, but
Luke would not be earning the same amount that he
(10:44):
would be in Sydney.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
And even though we'd be.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Close to my parents, I only have one friend up there.
He doesn't have anyone, and we'd be moving away from
the village that we've sort of created. It's so hard,
but I would say, while you're younger, if there's an
option to create a village where you can earn more money,
I would do that just because you're going to get
(11:08):
to a life stagehere. You probably don't want to work
keeps and you sort of do want to take that
step back in your career. Maybe that is now, though
I don't know, what do you think it's so hard?
Speaker 4 (11:18):
I think it comes down to like what brings you
the most joy because for us, we currently choose to
live in Sydney for the lifestyle and also the money,
Like we couldn't earn necessarily the same money that we
could had we both lived in Brisbane. So the longer
we're here, the longer I actually see us living here,
And I think.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
What it is. It's like, obviously it would be easier.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
To live near family, for sure, and every time we
get together with our family, we're just like, oh so
so nice. But I also love where we live and
I love that we get to do things that I
might not get to do.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
How to move back home.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
Although it's tough, I think what's really good about it
is that it gets you out of your bubble because
you're constantly meeting new people, especially as a parent. The
next phase I'm really looking forward to is school. It's
like that next stage of building your village, because that's
when your kids go on to make their friends and
they hang out with them quite a lot, and you
have different sports activities or whatever activities that they're into.
(12:14):
So you end up but this is what I've heard anyway,
having like another group of friends that you add to
your village.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
So I don't know. I think I'm in the.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
Boat of do it for the lifestyle because you only
live once. But if it's not working, change it up.
Don't feel like you fully have to do one thing
or the other. Like, if you can afford it and
it works for you, try it out. And if you
end up wanting to move closer to family, that's okay
as well. But for us at the moment, lifestyle and
just seeing our family more frequently, I think that's also key.
(12:45):
Is like, yeah, not just waiting for big holidays, like
doing a long weekend here and there, getting together those
things are really important. So making sure that you're still
having those touch points even though parenting in a different
place is pretty hard.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
You know, if my sister, because apparently they've got like
a base in Paul McCrary for my brother in law's work,
if they moved up to Paul McCreary, I'd move back.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
I'd buy that property in a heartbeat.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
Yeah, because she's a big lifeline.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
For you, huge huge I could live without seeing my
friends every week. Like, you know, I could live with
seeing my friends once a month because I'd be coming
down to Sydney so much anyway, But I just could
not live without seeing her and my niece and nephew
all the time. Yeah, question number two, what are the
main things I need to plan for approximately one year
(13:34):
off starting to try for kids? Fitness, money, relationship and housing.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
And the way of housing. Babies are little for ages
and like Toddler's a little don't be stressed out about housing,
I don't think. I think, take that off your plate
unless you're only adding one person.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Unless you know that you're going to have to move
when they're really little, because that is so stressful.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I think.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Don't let the hell that you live in deter you
from having a children, Like everything doesn't have to be perfect.
Like people often move their baby out of the room
at six months, So you've got nine slash ten months
of pregnancy and then six months where they're gonna live
in your room even longer, very little, even longer, even longer.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Sonny, it's over three. Does he need his own room? No,
he doesn't because he doesn't use.
Speaker 4 (14:20):
It exactly, So don't let that be a deterrent. But
for me, I would say the things that you need
to focus on is your relationship and your finances for sure,
because they are the two things that will be the
most strained after having a baby, and they need to
be rock solid going into Yeah, this huge, big life change.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
I completely agree.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I actually have friends that I would say have one
of the healthiest relationships out of all of my friends
and their relationships who they didn't even have anything wrong
that they needed.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
To speak to a counselor about, but they.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Went and did a bunch of counseling marriage counseling sessions
while she was pregnant because she was like, I do
not want to have a baby into with life. Sorted
some stuff out and done a bunch of sessions so
if you can afford it.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
I thought that was such a good idea.
Speaker 4 (15:06):
It is such a good idea, Like anytime you're investing
in your relationship is amazing.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
And I agree.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Financially, it would be nice to be able to have
time off proper maternity leave without having to worry too much.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
Yeah, yeah, I agree, I agree. Okay, Question three best
wedding planning tip please, I'm in the trenches kind of
love keys eight week approach. But alas, what do you think,
cal don't bother? Save your money, what a waste of money?
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Don't do it.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
So on the flip side of that, I would say,
don't worry about the small things. Don't worry about the
pomp and ceremony of it all. I think the simpler
the better, and often the more fun because you worry less,
you care less, and on the day, honestly it doesn't matter.
But definitely get some kind of wet weather.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Or you will all end up partying in side, which
to be fair, is still fun.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Was really fun.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
But just don't get caught up in the small stuff
like bombonds and table settings like who cares?
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Who cares?
Speaker 4 (16:09):
Just make sure good food, good music, and shrinks pitches.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
That's so true.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
One of my biggest piece of advice after I got
married was like, fuck the details, because no one cares
about them the way that you do.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
I was just so heavy on the details.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
But for weeks prior I bought like these biodegradable silk
rose petals.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Aren't normal rose petals biodegradable, They're a flower.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
It's too hard, like in a small town area it's
too hard to guarantee that you're gonna get rose petals
God on the day. Also, it would have been so
expensive because I wanted the entire grounds of the backyard
area basically littered with rose petals.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Got it.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
So I was.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Buying these like shrink wrapped packs of them from China
and like separating them, spending hours and hours and hours
of nights, and they were meant to all be on
the ground when people returned from the ceremony. No one
else cared. It was such a waste of money. It
was bad for the environment. I was so caught up
(17:17):
on like stupid details that no one cared about. Yeah,
so I completely agree question number four. I'm exclusively breastfeeding
my first baby. She will be six months old when
I get married in August. She refuses to take a bottle.
Do I keep trying or do I just accept on
miss twenty percent of my expensive wedding breastfeeding and not
drinking the stupid bespoken cocktails we've paid for.
Speaker 4 (17:40):
Okay, this is funny two kind of wedding questions, But
this I can so relate to.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
I get your stress.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
I've had my first outings recently and I'm at the
moment exclusively breastfeeding, and it's very stressful. The thought of
them not taking a bottle bit different because I hadn't
tried it and you haven't it's not working. But in
my experience, I completely left the house, like we did
not try when I was around. I don't think it
was just luck that she took the bottle. I think
it was because I was not there. So I think
(18:09):
keep trying. And also there is no backup plan, do
you know what I mean? Like, if you're always there,
you're quicker to just end it and be like, oh,
we've got to feed them. But if they're not there,
I truly believe that she will take it. So keep trying.
Do not give up, because it's your wedding day. You
deserve to have a good day and you deserve to
(18:30):
not have to breastfeed the whole day and have some fun.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
It also would just be so good for your sort
of autonomy. In general.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I was a little bit more brutal, same advice as Key,
but just a little bit more brutal with if the
baby is hungry enough, she will take the bottle. Babies
are at their core, they're going to do what they
can to survive like all humans do. I'm not saying
torture the baby. I'm just saying that she if you
are gone, of course she's going to scream for a
(18:58):
little while. But you know what you say, been can
suck it up and deal with it, or your partner whatever,
because your baby will end up, they will get hungry
and they will take the bottle, and your partner's just
going to have to go through that discomfort for a
little while, just like you've had to go through the
discomfort of nipples adjusting mass di this sometimes the baby
screaming for half an hour because they've got gas. So
(19:20):
it's going to be heart but persevere because it will
be worth it.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
I love that you touched on that discomfort helt because
it's so true, Like it's a greally good opportunity for
your partner or whoever is helping you raise your kids
to really step up and take some of that away
from you, like alleviate some of that stress. You don't
need to be there, no, because I think it's very
stressful to watch your kid and distress obviously.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
And your boobies can't they start leaking everywhere. It's not
in our nature to listen to a baby cry. No
one likes to listen to a baby cry, and it
sounds awful, even just saying let your baby cry.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
Also, something my best friend said to me when I
was freaking out about going on the boat and leaving
Suki for the first time. Hadn't done a bottle any
of that. She said, if she doesn't take the bottle,
you can syringe milk into her mouth, and that's how
they do it in the hospital for baby when they're
going to have it.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
I have a bottle.
Speaker 4 (20:10):
So if you get to it and you really won't
take the bottle, someone can be there syringing the.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Milk to feed her. And that is your backup plan.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
We don't want to keep doing that forever, but to
make sure that you don't have to breastfeed on your
wedding day, I reckon that is your tip if we don't.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Get the bottle into them.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Agree.
Speaker 4 (20:28):
Question number five. I am nearly twelve months into parenting
a beautiful little girl and yet still have regretful what
on earth I've done to my once relaxed life. I'm
in a constant state of stress, debt, and overwhelm, and
although I absolutely adore my baby. I absolutely hate being
a mother and I wish I could turn back time.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
This, Oh what do you think really broke my heart
because it sounds obviously I'm not a doctor, shock horror,
it does sound like postpartum depression, though in so many
ways I can relate to those feelings, So I just
I think you need to speak to a professional because
you shouldn't be feeling this shit. I also think that
(21:08):
she needs to find a good mum crew, because friends
that are in the same boat really really help, which
is why he has always spoken so highly of her
mother's group. But anyone, just one person, that's pretty much
all you need that's in a similar sort of stage
to you. Just someone to vent, to go for a
(21:28):
walk with the babies to I mean, the baby's one,
so to leave the baby and go out for a
drink or and you also need to be making time.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
For yourself to have that separation.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
But my main thing would be that to go speak
to your GP and get them to do one of
those little scory things, because it does sound like postpartum depression,
which is the worst thing. As Clarea and I touched
on last week, it's such an awful feeling.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
Yeah, And if you're as you said, you're in with
mental health review, you do get a certain amount that
are discounted from the government, so that should help. It
is still an investment, but hopefully you can find somewhere
that bulk bills you can maybe that'll get it across
the line.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
You get ten and you get ten h.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
I agree with Kel. Definitely chat to your GP. Just
make sure that there is no kind of postpartum depression creeping.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Out, and let them know your financial state that they
don't then suggest to give you a faruh for some
really expensive psychologist that will only sort of subsidize it,
not bulk.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Bill it absolutely. And also remember that the first five.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Years and I know we're talking about the first year,
but they always talk about how labor intensive the first
five years is and that it gets easier each year.
So you're only year one into that first five years
of when they're out their littlest and they need you
the most.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
I know.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
For me, having a toddler has been the hardest. Give
me a baby any day, but toddler's I really struggle with.
And the thing that keeps me going is knowing that
hopefully they are going to have a really long life
and the grand scheme of things. The first five years
is such a blip in the overall experience of what
motherhood is. So I know that it is hard right
now and we want to rule out any kind of
(23:15):
mental health stuff, but just to remember that this is
going to be hopefully only this hard for a really
short amount of time and once that part passes, Like
maybe having a baby was the hardest part for you,
and this next toddler phase is going to be where
you flourish as a mum and a lot of and
to actually be able exactly kel you are the person
(23:37):
I'm talking about, like some people are, just like you
don't get a lot back from a baby. Maybe you
do not get a lot back from a baby toddlers,
you get a bit more your time to flourish and
really lean into or feel confident and accepting of your motherhood.
Face could just be around the corner. So don't lose hope.
Is the other thing, Like it is real. It is
(24:00):
such a massive change and you're only twelve months in,
so just give yourself a little bit of grace.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Also, not everyone does love being a mum in the
regard because I think that when people say I hate
being a mother, but no one really likes the bad shit,
because the thing is is that you're saying, I absolutely
adore my baby. So you do like being a mum
in that regard. You just don't like the state of stress,
debt and overwhelmed, which is so normal.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Like, sometimes I hate being a mum when my toddler
is screaming so loudly that they could hear three streets away,
when I'm brushing his teeth at night.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
I hate that. I hate that part of being a mother.
Hate it.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
So there are parts that, even three years down the track,
I think, oh, dear.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Lord, I really do not enjoy this.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Definitely, So yes.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
I would say very normal. However, not okay that you
are still feeling like this. It's okay, of course, but
I want you to feel better. So I do think
that you should go speak to your GP and reach
out maybe in the Facebook group. We need to build
you a village and some people around that you can
(25:14):
spend some time with. How do I find my style
as a mum? Nothing fits. I now need pockets to
hold things, Clothes fit differently on my body, and it
feels like everything is only suitable for my body pre baby,
and I don't have the funds to fix it.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
I feel like, did you write this.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
In this is literally me?
Speaker 3 (25:36):
You touched on this last week?
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Definitely.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
I have been really struggling as well, and I don't
want to spend heaps of money as I don't have
a lot of money to spend. But what I found's
been helping is using Pinterest as kind of like style
inspiration and looking at what you've got and different things
that you can put together. I think that obviously, if
your body is a different size to what it was,
you're going to have to spend a little bit of
money to be able to put that don't make you
(26:01):
feel shit, and I think that is half of it.
So what I think you should do is for those things, thrifting, deepop,
even kmer just for your basics, a T shirt that fits,
and a really light bulb moment for me the other
day was just this video that I saw on Instagram
of a stylus. It says like a lot of my
clients come to me and they're like nothing suits me.
(26:25):
And I think what she was saying was like we
need to get away from things quote unquote suiting us
because the image that we are sold in marketing of
fashion is on one specific body type. And I know
that I'm guilty of this. Is like, when I see
something on a body type that isn't mine, I buy it,
and then I get home and I put it on
my body and I'm like, oh, that doesn't look how.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
I thought it was because you're not five eight exactly.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
But I think you have to objectively look at it
and say does it not suit you or does it
just look different on your body? Because this stylist was
saying that wipes out eighty percent of what you can
quote unquote can wear. So wear what makes you happy.
Just get a size that fits and that you feel
comfortable and confident in, and try and get the image
(27:11):
of the model that you may have seen wearing or
the inspiration that you may have seen wearing it, and
just be comfortable on how it looks on you.
Speaker 3 (27:19):
That is such good advice.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Key. It changed my approach a lot.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Yeah, I remember getting rid of so many different clothes
after I had land because I just didn't feel like,
if I really thought about it, probably really regret some
of the things I got rid of. Because you know
how much I love my clothes. But another period that
this reminded me of was when I got my boobs
done because my body changed so much, so my style
(27:43):
changed and for so long I didn't know what to
wear anymore and what would suit me. Yeah, so it
is like whenever your body changes more so than like
we all fluctuate, most women fluctuate. There's always, you know,
maybe two sizes, a couple of kilos, depending on the month,
time of year, what not, where we might fluctuate. But
whenever our bodies change more so than that, it is
(28:05):
a jarring and it does take us time to get
used to. But you've also got to remember that it
actually isn't important at the end of the day. And
as Key said, just wear stuff that you'll like, even
if you don't fit into a lot of things. There's
no way that everything in your wardrobe was form fitting,
so you could only wear it at maybe your pre
(28:26):
baby smaller sized, do you know what I mean? Like
there would be some thing, So as he said, use Pinterest,
look at where you can make work, go to op shops,
go to places like if you're in Sydney, U turn
has the outlet in punch bowl.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
I think there's another outlet.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Now you can literally get like three feelings, three things
for twenty bucks. It's insane and like a lot of
it's good stuff. So deepop eBay even I've heard that eBay.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Is apparently having a resurgence. Facebook market Blows is another one.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Try to stay away from Tamu and Sheen because you're
just going to end up with rubbish that doesn't actually
fit you either because it's made poorly.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
Like at least in Chemic you can try to trap.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
On exactly question seven. I'm struggling to relax at night
and I end up scrolling on my phone until I
fall asleep. What are your favorite ways to unwind and
relax at night?
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Well, Kee likes to watch TV shows for Charlie, which
I think is so cute.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
You guys are so.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
Good that you like wait till he gets home and
when the kids are in bed, and that you also
don't get much sleep, I feel because you mustn't go
to bed till late.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
We do go to bed quite late.
Speaker 4 (29:30):
But that's what I was gonna say in relation to
like finding ways to relax and wind down at night,
get into bed early and go to bed early. Honestly,
I know it sounds so simple and stupid, but like
the other night, I did have shingles, but I was
like trying to sit up and just quote unquote relax, right,
(29:52):
but I just was like.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Fuck it, I'm just gonna go to bed.
Speaker 4 (29:54):
And I still like did whatever I was going to do,
Like I still kind of lay down, but I was like,
I felt so smug because I was in bird early
and I actually did fall asleep. And I think it's
almost like the fear of not being able to fall
asleep at a different time I think can sometimes be
a barrier for just like getting into bed.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
But also reverse procrastination where you're.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Like, oh, it's the only time I've had for myself
all day, so you I don't want to go to bed.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
Yeah, And for some reason, sleep we don't see as
a reward or relaxing or a way to bring wine.
But babe, that is that's going to make you feel refreshed.
So I know it's boring, but go to bed early
and read a book in bed, or read a boring
book and bed, and then you'll fall asleep even quicker.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
What did you think.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Cal a couple of nights a week.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I go to bed with Lens, So some nights I'll
be in bed at like eight o'clock. I don't go
to bed then, like but then, because I'm in bed
so early, I'm probably more likely to go to bed,
you know, put my phone down or put my book
down or whatever. It is more likely to do that
closer to ten, rather than if I'm up and about
and doing stuff around the house us after he's gone
(31:01):
to sleep, then it's probably closer to like eleven, And
just that one hour can make the world of difference
in the morning.
Speaker 4 (31:08):
We are the only species on the planet that fight sleep.
Every other species but sleeps animals. We don't prioritize sleep enough.
I honestly think that's the secret.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
My ideal way to relax really would be like a
nice glass of red, something on the television that I
can like a two screener thing so I don't have
to concentrate that much on it, or a book or
a podcast that I'm listening to, saying that I can
listen to whilst I'm doing a really good puzzle, and
like some chocolates or just something maybe some lollies, like
a snack that I really like feeling cozy in my
(31:44):
pajamas at the moon.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
I love being cozy. I love winter pajamas and socks.
Speaker 4 (31:48):
Or you've just reminded me of one. An audiobook in bed,
like laying in bed with my eyes shut listening to
an audiobook. When you're listening to a podcast or audiobook
or something, usually you're on the rum, but there's something
that quite relaxed and unwinding about, like laying down and
listening to something.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Question number eight advice for when you are so touched
out slash burnt out from work, life, admin and parenting
and you have nothing left. Your partner at the end
of the day he is so understanding, but I feel
like I'm a really, really bad wife.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Oh this is such a good one.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
I know some people they're just annoyingly smug though they're like,
our relationships so good. Yeah you know why, Well, you
have parents around the corner that take your children slash
child once weeks.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
You can go on a date night, that's why.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
And you're probably really rich. Yeah, you can.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Afford babysitters whenever you want to. I really struggle to
justify the cost of a babysitter. They're worth every cent
of course, but it's like that adds hundreds of dollars.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
Onto your night.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Yeah, it's a lot. It is a lot.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
What's your advice? You're better at this than me.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
My advice is it's a season and shit, but it's
a season.
Speaker 4 (32:49):
I think that's really good advice. But mine is to
have no TV nuts. So I think Charlie and I
we actually this happened recently with us. We've fallen into
a bit of like a ships and the night kind
of thing, very routine y, and we don't like make
enough conversation. So say we do have something to watch
on TV that we want to do. When we're actually
eating dinner, we don't have the TV on, so we
(33:11):
have conversation over dinner. We don't have a dining room table,
so we have dinner in our couch. It's very informal,
but we have that time where we make sure that
we talk and then no TV nights.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
But it's not that.
Speaker 4 (33:21):
We talk to each other, it's just that we both
sit on the couch together but doing our own things.
So it's spending time together where you don't necessarily have
to chat, but it's without costraction of a TV that's
dumbing you, so for instance, like we might read a book,
or one of us is playing a game, or I
did actually buy us a board game to play together.
Speaker 3 (33:42):
Our board games are great.
Speaker 4 (33:43):
Sitting together and each other's company without having a television on,
I think is a really good one.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
Pillow talk is.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
My absolute favorite though, because it is the best part
of the night, and we just got into this habit
where we would like get into bed and talk until
we fell asleep, and I just thought that that was
so cute.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Anyway, can I just say that's quite unrealistic because not
that many people go to bed at the same time.
Speaker 4 (34:06):
It doesn't have to be every night, but it's a
you're in bed one night and you just have a
little chat in bed.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
It's quite nice.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
If Luke and I tried to do that on the
one night that we go to bed at the same
time because he doesn't know shift, Lenny would have a
lot to say because he's between us.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
So true, it does not work if there's a kiddo
in the bed. Question nine, what age did you get
your babies off bottles? And how did you do it?
So much conflicting advice?
Speaker 1 (34:30):
How did you do it?
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Cal Like I could not remember.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
It shows how quickly you just forget mundane things or
things that don't matter down the track. I could not
tell you what the rules are around toddlers and babies
and milk and that sort of thing. All I remember
about it is that Lenny gave up his So he
mustn't have been having bottles of milk during the day.
Speaker 3 (34:50):
It must have just been a night thing. But I
remember it was around.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Eighteen months because and I've spoken about this before, he
literally just stopped because he had hand foot mouth and
it was just so bad that he didn't want to
do anything, and that sort of just weaned him off
his night bottle. But then I was just so sad
because I was like, but I don't remember the last
night feed. I don't remember the last night bottle with
his little noises going. So about eighteen months and just
(35:21):
literally he weaned himself because he had hand to foot
in mouth. I was never in any sort of rush
to I mean I would have, like, obviously didn't like
waking up in the middle of the night to give
him a bottle, but it was also just I wake
up in the middle of the night for a drink
or to go for a week so maybe he does too.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
Yeah, yeah, we did it. I think around the twelve
thirteen month mark. She just didn't really want it. At
twelve months you can start giving them cow's milk so
you don't have to broastfeed or give them formula animal
They're fine to have cow's milk. But I remember it
being really hard after Bali and I don't know when
(35:59):
that was because the nanny is God bless them, and
it was such a good trick. Women were traveling would
give her bottles in bed to fall asleep. So I
remember that being really hard to wean that part of it.
But I was never stressed about weaning the bottle. Like
I know that we introduced like a different kind of
water bottle that was like a bit more adult for her,
and she was like pretty into that. But I don't
(36:21):
think it's a stressful, like a thing to be stressed about.
I know one of my girlfriends, they're like two and
a half year old, still has bottles. Like it's not
a big deal if it doesn't bother you. I don't
think let it be a big thing.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
My girlfriend Ash, she's been on the pod before Diddy
was well, even Harley, they were old toddlers from memory
closer to four and still having because they called it Motti's.
And I'll never forget because they'd be like lying in
the dark and go I want mom Motties, and I'd
be like, oh, dear lord, but it would just be
in like a sippy cup. But they still actually and
(36:54):
sometimes Lenny still has a milk before bed, like in
a cup.
Speaker 4 (36:58):
Yeah, like if it's helping themself sooth. Fuck, yeah, keep
that maybe eat that bottle. Don't get rid of it.
They'll get rid of it when they don't.
Speaker 3 (37:05):
Want it to exactly. They all do it at their
own time. All right.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
Last question, what is the funniest or strangest thing that
has happened to you on a first date. I need
some lulls because I'm so nervous about getting in the
dating pool. I split with my partner last year for context.
I'm ready for some light fun.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (37:25):
I just remember this guy that I was talking to
on tender. This is when I lived in New York,
and like we had this like really fun first day
and night out. I took him back to my apartment
and like I went to the bathroom and then I
came back. But I don't think he well, he didn't.
He didn't hear that. I had like come back to
the room, and just before I opened the door, he
did a huge fart yuck, And I was so grossed
(37:48):
out that I just.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
Blew balled him. I didn't do anything with him.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
Because I was so grossed out, like it was so big.
And then he was like fluffing the douner cover, like
to get rid of the scout, and I was like,
why didn't you just wait and like go to the
bathroom like a civilized person.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
To do it.
Speaker 4 (38:04):
But I do not understanding ill, and it just put
me off. And then afterwards, like the next day, he
was like messaging me and I was like not wanting
to message back, and he was just like got really
mean and was like I wasn't like I was trying
to make my girlfriend, and I was like.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
If I want to be your girlfriend when you fart
like that, yuck, I don't even know if that's funny
or gross.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
It's probably both.
Speaker 4 (38:28):
But I was just like, oh my god, how do
I get this person to leave my apartment? I'm so
turned off by you right now? And I was so
drunk too, and I still cut through the drunkness. I
feel like it made me really sobered up and be like,
not doing anything with this guy.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
It's gross. Anyway, what's yours?
Speaker 2 (38:43):
I have so many funny dating stories. I was so
good at dating, and so I would. You haven't asked
for advice, You've just asked for dating lolls. But my
advice is don't let especially if you're kind of like, oh,
I just want some fun, have fun, because the worst
thing that can happen, like obviously, bar actual criminals, the
worst thing that's going to happen is you're gonna have
a really funny story the next day. You know, their
(39:06):
stakes are a lot higher when you're parents, because if
you're co parenting with someone that you've split up from,
you would only have a couple of nights peaking. You
don't want to waste them on duds. But just make
it a drink if it's not going anywhere, like it
doesn't have to be a really long affair.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
But there was one I don't even.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Know if I've told you this key, but I was
talking to this bloke and we'd been talking for a
while and we'd organized to go on a first date.
But then my housemate, who was my really good friend
said oh, we're doing birthday drinks pub crawl, and.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
So I canceled this date.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
All of these boys were at my house and one
of them just looked so familiar George, who was my
guy friend that I lived with whose birthday was And
I said, what's that guy's name? And he's like Nick,
And I said, oh, my god, George, that's the guy
that I canceled on. That's the guy that I've been
talking to on Tinder. And George is looking at me like,
what is wrong with you? You have met him so
(40:01):
many times before that, he's been here, You have photos
on Facebook, like tagged photos with him. How did you
not realize that it was the same person? And how
also is he here looking at you not realizing that it's
the same person. I don't know if I was really
catfishing on Tinder?
Speaker 1 (40:18):
Wait, so he didn't realize as well?
Speaker 2 (40:20):
No, because maybe I was a catfish because and I
really wasn't dressed up this night because it was just
a pub crawl with the boys, so I probably looked
like a foot anyway. So then I saw him and
I go, oh, Nika, it's Kelly, and he goes, yeah,
I know, and I go Kelly from Tinder and he
was like, oh, so he really didn't realize either. Neither
(40:44):
of us realized that we'd been talking to each other
and that we already knew each other, and just so strange.
Speaker 4 (40:53):
That is actually really funny, but thank god both of
you didn't realize.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
But then to make the whole hymn thing so much
weirder is that then years later, my first ever solo
Barley trip, I was in this restaurant that my friend
was the head chef of in Chengu. Then these guys
came in and one of them looked really really familiar.
One of them was talking to Dan, who was my
(41:18):
friend that worked there. By the way, so me and
Nick then we were friends for years. So we've spent
a lot of time together over the next years and
potentially did we hook up, yes or no? Not confirming
potentially into me so knew each other quite well, some
might say.
Speaker 1 (41:34):
Okay, anyway, these I'm reading between the landes here.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
These guys left, and one of the boys had just
been staring at me so weird, and then I sort
of just like made an excuse and.
Speaker 3 (41:45):
Walked off because I was like, who are these weirdows?
Speaker 2 (41:47):
Then I said to Dan, I said, oh my god,
that looked so much like this bloke that I know
in Sydney.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
And he goes, oh, Nick, he's Australian.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
Yeah he is, shut up, Kelly.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
And then he goes, oh, do you know him? And
I was like, yes, yes I do.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
Did he recognize you that time?
Speaker 3 (42:04):
Yeah, that's why he'd been looking at me so weird.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
I opened my messages and I said, did I just
see you and completely ignore you? And he's like, yeah,
I just had no idea what was going through your
face because you clearly had no idea who I was,
and I just didn't know what to do.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Damn.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
So someone with such a good memory, I clearly suck
at faces and just what is wrong with me? Honestly?
Speaker 4 (42:27):
But also I get that when you're in like a
different country. I know the proximity of Bali to Australia,
but you're not expecting it.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
I was not expecting to run into someone that I knew.
But then Dan, after he said so do you know him?
I said, yeah, just intimately.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
It's a Kelly. What is wrong with you?
Speaker 3 (42:49):
Anyway?
Speaker 2 (42:50):
That was, like I said, all dating stories are funny
even like they're fine.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
Yeah, they are, they are well.
Speaker 3 (43:00):
Is your recommendation this week?
Speaker 4 (43:02):
I am recommending an amazing television series that I have
been watching called Mobland. It's all one word because mob
Spaceland is a different show movie. Okay, Mobland one word.
That's a good point. Yes on Paramount Plus or if
you have Amazon Prime. It's free with Amazon Prime. So
it's a British crime drama and it's actually directed by
(43:25):
Guy Ritchie. The cast is incredible. So Tom Hardy plays
the lead. There's also Helen Mirren who plays called the
matriarch of this gangland family, and also Pierce Brosnan who
plays the patriarch of the family. So Harry DeSouza is
the character played by Tom Hardy, and he's like the
fixer for the family. So basically, whenever something comes up,
(43:46):
Harry is the guy that fixes it. And we meet
them at this bit of a crossroads for the family
where these different gangland families are kind of fighting for power,
but also the Harrigans that's the name of the lead
center family that the whole thing is based around, are
kind of losing their tight hold on basically the street
(44:08):
cred that they have within London, set in London, and
there's also a rat and there's all these different things.
But my god, the way that these episodes leave you
on a cliffhanger, it is quite violent. I'm just going
to preface that. But it's one of those shows that
you're just like, oh, I did not think that they
would do that. It has everything, it's got sex. The
(44:30):
casting of it was brilliant. Casting Pierce Brosnan and Helen
Mirren as these kind of leaders of this family is
so good because they're completely cast against type. Because both
of those are known to the public as playing lovable
characters and really celebrated for their decodes on careers. They
play these Irish gangsters in this thing, and they are
(44:52):
both ruthless and it is just like I can imagine,
like you can see the fun that they are having playing.
Speaker 3 (44:59):
World characters far out of their comfort zone.
Speaker 4 (45:01):
Yeah, and they're not caricatures, like they bring a lot
of like heart and depth to the roles of like
the characters that they're playing. So they're really believable. And
it's whenever an actor who is so famous and so
well known, like Pierce brosn and played James Bond for years,
whenever they make you forget that they are Pierce Broslin
or Helen Mirren. I just think, as an audience, you
(45:22):
are so lucky to be able to see actors at
the top of their game, and it is so good.
So it drops weekly, but we are so far into
the series that you probably have I think eight episodes
and I think the last one is coming in the
next week or so. So it's a brilliant It's five
out of five for me, no notes, like I really
love it and I want to give too much away
because I love a British crime dramame.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
It's like a modern Peaky Blinders, is how I would
explain it.
Speaker 4 (45:47):
If you've seen Piky Blinders, also another fantastic TV show,
but it's period. So actually I'm going to give more
Bland four out of five because it's present day. Piky
Blinders is five out of five because it's period and
I love gone back to those twenties babes, so.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
Well, I'm going to watch that because after your last recommendation,
holy you are up there now with Laura Brodnick for
TV recommendations, I would say.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
Because oh my god, that's a lovely compliment.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
I can't even deal with how much I was so obsessed.
It was so much better than Pulse, which was what
spurred you to tell me about the Oh so good.
Speaker 4 (46:23):
I couldn't even watch Pulse. Charlie and I were like
pissing ourselves laughing because it was too slow. We're like,
once you've watched that, once you've watched changed television. For me,
it's changed television, I think for everyone, the pace of it,
the depth that you care. Anyway, I'm going to stop
talking now because my voice is going, what's yours?
Speaker 2 (46:40):
Okay, But I have questions that I need you to answer.
Oh for my recommendation. My recommendation is so weird this week,
but I just think it's so interesting. If you're interested
in ethics and morals and philosophy, you need to look
at this website that we will put in the show
notes of course, called Philosophy Experiments, because it will blow
(47:05):
your mind with how your thinking can change and make
absolutely no sense, or when something is perceived it can
be so different. So I'm going to give you an example,
and it's going to blow your mind, and then you're
going to want to go away and do all of
these tests and read all of this stuff because it's
so cool and interesting. All Right, if you're going for
a walk and there's a pond and there's a child
(47:28):
drowning in the pond, what do you think you're morally
required to do?
Speaker 1 (47:33):
Oh, this has happened to me. I would save the child.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
You had to save a child drowning in a pond
and the surf. Yeah, you saved the child that was drowning.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
But say you're walking past and you're a little bit
late for work. You've got a really nice outfit on,
so obviously it's going to get destroyed if you go
into the pond. There are other people around to and
you're not sure one hundred percent if the child is
going to drown, and you think, oh, someone else will
probably probably save it, do you think you morally would
get in the water and.
Speaker 3 (48:02):
Save the child.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
So say you're walking along and someone from Oxfam or
one of those places is like, can you please donate
a dollar? Yeah, I know what you're gonna say to
save this child in this other country, and you were
one hundred percent by paying a dollar, I'm going to
save a child's life.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
Do you morally think that you were required to donate.
Speaker 4 (48:25):
Ah, this is yeah, this is a hard one, isn't it,
Because it's removed.
Speaker 1 (48:29):
It's like one step removed.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
It's actually just blown my mind with how different frameworks
completely change your perception on different things.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
And oh, it's so interesting.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
That is really interesting.
Speaker 4 (48:42):
I like that it's going to make me think, and
I think it'll probably make me a better person reading
these things too.
Speaker 2 (48:46):
I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing,
but I'm a lot less than average with how I
think about things in terms like I'm too logical almost.
Ah okay, Yeah, Because if there was two train tracks,
as an example, and there was a train sort of
speeding towards you and five other people, and you could
divert it, but there was one person that was going
(49:07):
to die if you diverted it, would you think that
it was better morally to save yourself and the five
other people or the one person.
Speaker 1 (49:15):
It'd be the five other people and me.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
So I responded with that I didn't think there was
any moral difference, because as well, you could even then
argue that you're like changing the course of fate. Almost anyway,
it's so interesting, have a look at it. Obviously this
is not for everyone. It's obviously very niche, like some
people be go, oh, what is wrong with you? Kelly?
Speaker 3 (49:34):
Honestly on that note, fairly well, please rate and review us.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
We're off.
Speaker 3 (49:39):
Leave your questions in the link.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
In the show notes or in the ESSR pod on Insta.
Speaker 3 (49:45):
We'll be back in your ears next week.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
We will.
Speaker 4 (49:47):
It was produced by US and the audio production is
by Mattie Joannu Bye should is Bye
We acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
on today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Not everyone does love being a mum, but no one
really likes the bad shit.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
No.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I hate being a mum. When my toddler is screaming
so loudly that they could hear three streets away, when
I'm brushing his teeth at night, I hate that part
of being a mother.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Hate it.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hello, Hello, and welcome back to our podcast with no
current name.
Speaker 4 (00:33):
I'm Kellen McCarron and I'm curious selves and regardless of
whatever we end up being called, we are still always
going to be that wildly unhinged podcast all about the
madness that his motherhood and everything in between.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Today we're giving unhinged advice on many.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
A topic, if you will, because it's our first monthly
episode where we answer your questions and give sometimes questionable
advice to your dilemmas. Don't forget you can always add yours.
The link will live in our instabio and we will
also pop it in the show notes. But first, yeah, queen,
everything through the shit.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
I have a voice that is really failing, so apologies
for sound and st sexy, Y'll I like it.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
I am up first this week.
Speaker 4 (01:15):
My pit is I don't want everyone to get Madam
at home sleep training, but not really so I kind
of had to look at the old calendar and realize
that Suki Dooki is four months my goodness, and her
sleep had been a bit shit the past couple of nights,
and it was like, duh, the four months sleep regression.
But I'm not like freaking out about that at all.
(01:37):
I'm just kind of being more aware of kind of
the rhythms to how she's sleeping and when she likes
to sleep.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
She certainly doesn't like to sleep at the moment.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
She doesn't want to sleep right now, which is not
very good because we're trying to record a podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
But when I was reading this thing, it was like
the Huckleberry app.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
They were like, don't think of it as a regression,
Like developmentally, she's just hitting a massive new milestone. She's
now starting to sleep like an adult. And I was
just like, fuck yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
But I've been.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Flirting with the idea of a loose routine see where
we land, and I started trying it, and I had
a little suspicion that her biggest nap she really likes
to do in the morning.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
So it's just completely the opposite to what Rue did.
I've just got to learn how to do it a
bit differently.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
And I was really hoping that we might have the
same routine, which I can get around. But she loves
a really long nap in the morning and a really
long nap in the afternoon, which sounds brilliant, but when
you have to get things done or leave the house.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Or drop the child off at daycare, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
It's just a little bit tricky.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
How many naps do they have at this age?
Speaker 4 (02:36):
I forget three to four a day. She's probably sitting
out a solid three, but she does a lot of catnapping.
And also if I have to get up, it's the
end of her nap. Because she does all of her
naps a contact naps during the day, I can't, for
the life of me get her down. When Rue gets home,
and I can see that she's really tired at like
six point fifteen, but I can't put her down, and
(02:57):
I know it's like, just do another contact nap, But
by the end of the day, I am so touched out.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
You also need to cook dinner for Rue, and like,
because Charlie's.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
Not there, I want my focus to also be on Rue,
Like I really miss her and I've been with Suki
all day. She's had my attention all day, and I
really just want to be able to pop her down
and for her to go to sleep, and just for
me to have that like hour hour and a half
with Rue until I'm ordering her around to do things
because she needs to go to sleep, you know, Like
(03:24):
I want them to be a bit more positive in
our nighttime routine.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
And it's just really really hard.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
I know we'll get there, but it's hard to try
and think of in what reality am I ever going
to be able to have a routine at night with
the both of them. It just seems so chaotic. And
I tried to do it once last night. I put
her down. She just cried, cried, cried, cried. So I
just picked her up and I was like, all right, well,
we gave that a try, Let's not try that.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Again for a while.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
So I think what I'm going to do the new
plan moving forward is just to bring out the cozy
Ltuti side sleeper that I have, just to pop her
in there because it's mesh on the side, so she'll
be able to see me and I'll just grew up
if she cries, but then I'll put her down because
she is tired. I'm thinking if I put her in
like an arms out swaddle, which she can be, and
now maybe she will just naturally fall asleep if we're
(04:11):
in the room together, because I think for her, she
just does.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
She'll be able to hear you.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
And yeah, she just want to miss out. She's very inquisitive.
She is like right now, she wants to be part
of our conversation.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
She really She's across the rooms, bubbling away and I'm
just letting her do it.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
She's in the bouncer, but she's just like girls, I'm still.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Out, yeah, and I've got a lot to add.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
So I'll let you know how all of that goes.
I'm trying not to spiral about it, get overwhelmed by it.
But I'm just ready to just try to make that
last night nap or beginning of her night's sleep really
get together so that Ru and I can have that
time again.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
My peak quick.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
Story left at four point fifty to go pick up Rue.
Went down to my car park and some piece of
shit ass hat as I called them, fully fully parked
me in as inn, there was no way I could
get her.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I tried this.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
There was this other gentleman in a car park who
he and his wife and I will like, very friendly,
and he's like, you're not going to be able to
get out, and I was like, I've got to go
get my daughter from daycare. And it's not like, oh,
I parked and I can go get an uber. I
can't get an uber or a cab with a baby.
I can get a cab with RU, but I still
have the baby, So like, what am I going to do?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
And I can't.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
This is obviously stupid, and I know I need to
learn how to do this, but I don't actually know
how to take the car seats in and out, so
I need to obviously learn how to do that for
situations like this, but I was just really really pissed off.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Anyway, it ended up being fine.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
I called my girlfriend back, Goldie's mum, and she luckily
didn't have her little baby. Her mother in law was
at her house, so she's on our emergency contact list,
so she was able to pick up Ru and drop
her over.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
So everything was fine.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
But what I am proud about is that I am
such an anxious person that often, in the heat of
the moment, especially when things aren't fair, I'll get swept
up in it and I'll handle it and it's not
an overreaction, but I always have like reaction regret. So me,
I wanted to obviously write this really rude note and
be like, you're a dickhead. I hope you know what
(06:10):
you've done. In my head, I just thought I want
to say something because it's not nice, but I also
don't want to have any feelings afterwards that I'd done
something wrong. And this is really unique to me. I
think my anxiety is obviously insane. So I wrote a
firm but fair note, and the note said, hello, you
parked me in. As a result, I was unable to
(06:32):
pick up my daughter from daycare next time. Leave a
phone number, thanks, And I felt like that was enough
for me to get it off my chest, pop it
on the windscreen. It's a dick move on a party
bags you already think I had in the car, But
I just thought you can read between the lines. And
I also thought, often the tone and how you say
something can affect the impact of it, especially in a
(06:53):
situation like this, like how many times has a friend
gotten a note on their car saying you're a.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Dickhead you fucking parked me in. But then it becomes
a joke.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
I posted it on our Insta and everyone agreed that
you were far too nice, So I think you should
be proud.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
I just know myself and I know that what would
happen is that I would turn this into that I've
done something wrong and that I shouldn't have reacted like that.
But I wanted them to feel guilty because I'd handled
it so nicely.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Someone pointed out that you could have called the police.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yeah, I know.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Well, actually someone who was there who was like so
pissed off about it, more so than me goking, he
actually put in a complaint to Strata, So they're probably
going to get in trouble.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
So go me, Okay, your turn.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
My pit is that I am absolutely drowning. I feel
like I'm flailing around like a fish. I am so
overwhelmed with everything at the moment. Luke is doing night
shift five nights a week. I work full time. As
I mentioned last week, I have all my coms overloading me.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
I have no help.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
My grandma still isn't exactly like she's not ready to
go on a cruise. There are five different building projects
around the house. Everything is just a disaster because I
start things and then never do them. The gardening needs
to be done, and I have to get an accountant,
which is then just a huge job getting them to
sort through everything and everything that I have to send them.
I need to set up a website. I haven't eaten
a home cooked meal for weeks. I need to go
(08:13):
to the dentist. I'm having stomach cramps. My vertigo is back.
I still haven't done the forms for any surgery with
HCF like to get any money back. My list just
keeps getting longer. And the problem isn't the hours in
the day.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
I have enough self awareness to recognize that.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
It is just that my brain seems to be getting
worse and worse at being able to actually finish a
task and get through a to do list, and it's
just really really stressing me out.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
I'm sorry, he is that.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I'm really enjoying getting dressed at the moment. Winter fashion
is so much fun. Winter's a mess yet, like just
being able to layer and play around with clothes and
it's just so much more interesting than chucking on a dress.
So I'll pull things out that I've had for six
years and I just forgot that I did and I'm
just having a lot of fun.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Yeah, I love that. I love that. I have been
very inspired by you. So keep it up.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Next up our unhinged parenting, or just advice in general,
lack thereof, if you will, before.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
We get into your questions and dilemmas a reminder that
we are in no way qualified to give advice. Think
of kel as you're drunk aunt. She'll tell you like
it is, but also has a heart of gold. And
I'm more like a good friend who will be sensitive
about your feelings but still give hopefully helpful advice.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Tibid Question number one, Kiris, do you want to take
it away perfect?
Speaker 4 (09:37):
Is it better to live far from your support network
or village to earn a high income or stay close
to them and accept a more modest lifestyle such a
good one.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Hell, this one is so good and it's so hard
you straight away think, we'll obviously just accept the more
modest lifestyle so you have people around you. But it's
not always as easy as that.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
You don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
So, what sort of jobs are available in the area
that someone sort of grew up or that their family
and friends are in. It really made me think because
over the past year or so, I've been in a
situation where I don't think I've ever mentioned this to
you before, but our family friends that live on the
same as state as my parents are selling their house.
(10:22):
There's acres, there's a pool, there's so much space, and
it's incredible and we can afford it, and it would
be in the same a state as my parents. That
is a pretty good gig, but we would not be
I mean, Luke could work anywhere. Technically I can work
anywhere because I would just be coming to Sydney, but
Luke would not be earning the same amount that he
(10:44):
would be in Sydney.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
And even though we'd be.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Close to my parents, I only have one friend up there.
He doesn't have anyone, and we'd be moving away from
the village that we've sort of created. It's so hard,
but I would say, while you're younger, if there's an
option to create a village where you can earn more money,
I would do that just because you're going to get
(11:08):
to a life stagehere. You probably don't want to work
keeps and you sort of do want to take that
step back in your career. Maybe that is now, though
I don't know, what do you think it's so hard?
Speaker 4 (11:18):
I think it comes down to like what brings you
the most joy because for us, we currently choose to
live in Sydney for the lifestyle and also the money,
Like we couldn't earn necessarily the same money that we
could had we both lived in Brisbane. So the longer
we're here, the longer I actually see us living here,
And I think.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
What it is. It's like, obviously it would be easier.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
To live near family, for sure, and every time we
get together with our family, we're just like, oh so
so nice. But I also love where we live and
I love that we get to do things that I
might not get to do.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
How to move back home.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
Although it's tough, I think what's really good about it
is that it gets you out of your bubble because
you're constantly meeting new people, especially as a parent. The
next phase I'm really looking forward to is school. It's
like that next stage of building your village, because that's
when your kids go on to make their friends and
they hang out with them quite a lot, and you
have different sports activities or whatever activities that they're into.
(12:14):
So you end up but this is what I've heard anyway,
having like another group of friends that you add to
your village.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
So I don't know. I think I'm in the.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
Boat of do it for the lifestyle because you only
live once. But if it's not working, change it up.
Don't feel like you fully have to do one thing
or the other. Like, if you can afford it and
it works for you, try it out. And if you
end up wanting to move closer to family, that's okay
as well. But for us at the moment, lifestyle and
just seeing our family more frequently, I think that's also key.
(12:45):
Is like, yeah, not just waiting for big holidays, like
doing a long weekend here and there, getting together those
things are really important. So making sure that you're still
having those touch points even though parenting in a different
place is pretty hard.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
You know, if my sister, because apparently they've got like
a base in Paul McCrary for my brother in law's work,
if they moved up to Paul McCreary, I'd move back.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
I'd buy that property in a heartbeat.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
Yeah, because she's a big lifeline.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
For you, huge huge I could live without seeing my
friends every week. Like, you know, I could live with
seeing my friends once a month because I'd be coming
down to Sydney so much anyway, But I just could
not live without seeing her and my niece and nephew
all the time. Yeah, question number two, what are the
main things I need to plan for approximately one year
(13:34):
off starting to try for kids? Fitness, money, relationship and housing.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
And the way of housing. Babies are little for ages
and like Toddler's a little don't be stressed out about housing,
I don't think. I think, take that off your plate
unless you're only adding one person.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Unless you know that you're going to have to move
when they're really little, because that is so stressful.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I think.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Don't let the hell that you live in deter you
from having a children, Like everything doesn't have to be perfect.
Like people often move their baby out of the room
at six months, So you've got nine slash ten months
of pregnancy and then six months where they're gonna live
in your room even longer, very little, even longer, even longer.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Sonny, it's over three. Does he need his own room? No,
he doesn't because he doesn't use.
Speaker 4 (14:20):
It exactly, So don't let that be a deterrent. But
for me, I would say the things that you need
to focus on is your relationship and your finances for sure,
because they are the two things that will be the
most strained after having a baby, and they need to
be rock solid going into Yeah, this huge, big life change.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
I completely agree.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I actually have friends that I would say have one
of the healthiest relationships out of all of my friends
and their relationships who they didn't even have anything wrong
that they needed.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
To speak to a counselor about, but they.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Went and did a bunch of counseling marriage counseling sessions
while she was pregnant because she was like, I do
not want to have a baby into with life. Sorted
some stuff out and done a bunch of sessions so
if you can afford it.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
I thought that was such a good idea.
Speaker 4 (15:06):
It is such a good idea, Like anytime you're investing
in your relationship is amazing.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
And I agree.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Financially, it would be nice to be able to have
time off proper maternity leave without having to worry too much.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
Yeah, yeah, I agree, I agree. Okay, Question three best
wedding planning tip please, I'm in the trenches kind of
love keys eight week approach. But alas, what do you think,
cal don't bother? Save your money, what a waste of money?
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Don't do it.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
So on the flip side of that, I would say,
don't worry about the small things. Don't worry about the
pomp and ceremony of it all. I think the simpler
the better, and often the more fun because you worry less,
you care less, and on the day, honestly it doesn't matter.
But definitely get some kind of wet weather.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Or you will all end up partying in side, which
to be fair, is still fun.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Was really fun.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
But just don't get caught up in the small stuff
like bombonds and table settings like who cares?
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Who cares?
Speaker 4 (16:09):
Just make sure good food, good music, and shrinks pitches.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
That's so true.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
One of my biggest piece of advice after I got
married was like, fuck the details, because no one cares
about them the way that you do.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
I was just so heavy on the details.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
But for weeks prior I bought like these biodegradable silk
rose petals.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Aren't normal rose petals biodegradable, They're a flower.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
It's too hard, like in a small town area it's
too hard to guarantee that you're gonna get rose petals
God on the day. Also, it would have been so
expensive because I wanted the entire grounds of the backyard
area basically littered with rose petals.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Got it.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
So I was.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Buying these like shrink wrapped packs of them from China
and like separating them, spending hours and hours and hours
of nights, and they were meant to all be on
the ground when people returned from the ceremony. No one
else cared. It was such a waste of money. It
was bad for the environment. I was so caught up
(17:17):
on like stupid details that no one cared about. Yeah,
so I completely agree question number four. I'm exclusively breastfeeding
my first baby. She will be six months old when
I get married in August. She refuses to take a bottle.
Do I keep trying or do I just accept on
miss twenty percent of my expensive wedding breastfeeding and not
drinking the stupid bespoken cocktails we've paid for.
Speaker 4 (17:40):
Okay, this is funny two kind of wedding questions, But
this I can so relate to.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
I get your stress.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
I've had my first outings recently and I'm at the
moment exclusively breastfeeding, and it's very stressful. The thought of
them not taking a bottle bit different because I hadn't
tried it and you haven't it's not working. But in
my experience, I completely left the house, like we did
not try when I was around. I don't think it
was just luck that she took the bottle. I think
it was because I was not there. So I think
(18:09):
keep trying. And also there is no backup plan, do
you know what I mean? Like, if you're always there,
you're quicker to just end it and be like, oh,
we've got to feed them. But if they're not there,
I truly believe that she will take it. So keep trying.
Do not give up, because it's your wedding day. You
deserve to have a good day and you deserve to
(18:30):
not have to breastfeed the whole day and have some fun.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
It also would just be so good for your sort
of autonomy. In general.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I was a little bit more brutal, same advice as Key,
but just a little bit more brutal with if the
baby is hungry enough, she will take the bottle. Babies
are at their core, they're going to do what they
can to survive like all humans do. I'm not saying
torture the baby. I'm just saying that she if you
are gone, of course she's going to scream for a
(18:58):
little while. But you know what you say, been can
suck it up and deal with it, or your partner whatever,
because your baby will end up, they will get hungry
and they will take the bottle, and your partner's just
going to have to go through that discomfort for a
little while, just like you've had to go through the
discomfort of nipples adjusting mass di this sometimes the baby
screaming for half an hour because they've got gas. So
(19:20):
it's going to be heart but persevere because it will
be worth it.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
I love that you touched on that discomfort helt because
it's so true, Like it's a greally good opportunity for
your partner or whoever is helping you raise your kids
to really step up and take some of that away
from you, like alleviate some of that stress. You don't
need to be there, no, because I think it's very
stressful to watch your kid and distress obviously.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
And your boobies can't they start leaking everywhere. It's not
in our nature to listen to a baby cry. No
one likes to listen to a baby cry, and it
sounds awful, even just saying let your baby cry.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
Also, something my best friend said to me when I
was freaking out about going on the boat and leaving
Suki for the first time. Hadn't done a bottle any
of that. She said, if she doesn't take the bottle,
you can syringe milk into her mouth, and that's how
they do it in the hospital for baby when they're
going to have it.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
I have a bottle.
Speaker 4 (20:10):
So if you get to it and you really won't
take the bottle, someone can be there syringing the.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Milk to feed her. And that is your backup plan.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
We don't want to keep doing that forever, but to
make sure that you don't have to breastfeed on your
wedding day, I reckon that is your tip if we don't.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Get the bottle into them.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Agree.
Speaker 4 (20:28):
Question number five. I am nearly twelve months into parenting
a beautiful little girl and yet still have regretful what
on earth I've done to my once relaxed life. I'm
in a constant state of stress, debt, and overwhelm, and
although I absolutely adore my baby. I absolutely hate being
a mother and I wish I could turn back time.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
This, Oh what do you think really broke my heart
because it sounds obviously I'm not a doctor, shock horror,
it does sound like postpartum depression, though in so many
ways I can relate to those feelings, So I just
I think you need to speak to a professional because
you shouldn't be feeling this shit. I also think that
(21:08):
she needs to find a good mum crew, because friends
that are in the same boat really really help, which
is why he has always spoken so highly of her
mother's group. But anyone, just one person, that's pretty much
all you need that's in a similar sort of stage
to you. Just someone to vent, to go for a
(21:28):
walk with the babies to I mean, the baby's one,
so to leave the baby and go out for a
drink or and you also need to be making time.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
For yourself to have that separation.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
But my main thing would be that to go speak
to your GP and get them to do one of
those little scory things, because it does sound like postpartum depression,
which is the worst thing. As Clarea and I touched
on last week, it's such an awful feeling.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
Yeah, And if you're as you said, you're in with
mental health review, you do get a certain amount that
are discounted from the government, so that should help. It
is still an investment, but hopefully you can find somewhere
that bulk bills you can maybe that'll get it across
the line.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
You get ten and you get ten h.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
I agree with Kel. Definitely chat to your GP. Just
make sure that there is no kind of postpartum depression creeping.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Out, and let them know your financial state that they
don't then suggest to give you a faruh for some
really expensive psychologist that will only sort of subsidize it,
not bulk.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Bill it absolutely. And also remember that the first five.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Years and I know we're talking about the first year,
but they always talk about how labor intensive the first
five years is and that it gets easier each year.
So you're only year one into that first five years
of when they're out their littlest and they need you
the most.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
I know.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
For me, having a toddler has been the hardest. Give
me a baby any day, but toddler's I really struggle with.
And the thing that keeps me going is knowing that
hopefully they are going to have a really long life
and the grand scheme of things. The first five years
is such a blip in the overall experience of what
motherhood is. So I know that it is hard right
now and we want to rule out any kind of
(23:15):
mental health stuff, but just to remember that this is
going to be hopefully only this hard for a really
short amount of time and once that part passes, Like
maybe having a baby was the hardest part for you,
and this next toddler phase is going to be where
you flourish as a mum and a lot of and
to actually be able exactly kel you are the person
(23:37):
I'm talking about, like some people are, just like you
don't get a lot back from a baby. Maybe you
do not get a lot back from a baby toddlers,
you get a bit more your time to flourish and
really lean into or feel confident and accepting of your motherhood.
Face could just be around the corner. So don't lose hope.
Is the other thing, Like it is real. It is
(24:00):
such a massive change and you're only twelve months in,
so just give yourself a little bit of grace.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Also, not everyone does love being a mum in the
regard because I think that when people say I hate
being a mother, but no one really likes the bad shit,
because the thing is is that you're saying, I absolutely
adore my baby. So you do like being a mum
in that regard. You just don't like the state of stress,
debt and overwhelmed, which is so normal.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Like, sometimes I hate being a mum when my toddler
is screaming so loudly that they could hear three streets away,
when I'm brushing his teeth at night.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
I hate that. I hate that part of being a mother.
Hate it.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
So there are parts that, even three years down the track,
I think, oh, dear.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Lord, I really do not enjoy this.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Definitely, So yes.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
I would say very normal. However, not okay that you
are still feeling like this. It's okay, of course, but
I want you to feel better. So I do think
that you should go speak to your GP and reach
out maybe in the Facebook group. We need to build
you a village and some people around that you can
(25:14):
spend some time with. How do I find my style
as a mum? Nothing fits. I now need pockets to
hold things, Clothes fit differently on my body, and it
feels like everything is only suitable for my body pre baby,
and I don't have the funds to fix it.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
I feel like, did you write this.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
In this is literally me?
Speaker 3 (25:36):
You touched on this last week?
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Definitely.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
I have been really struggling as well, and I don't
want to spend heaps of money as I don't have
a lot of money to spend. But what I found's
been helping is using Pinterest as kind of like style
inspiration and looking at what you've got and different things
that you can put together. I think that obviously, if
your body is a different size to what it was,
you're going to have to spend a little bit of
money to be able to put that don't make you
(26:01):
feel shit, and I think that is half of it.
So what I think you should do is for those things, thrifting, deepop,
even kmer just for your basics, a T shirt that fits,
and a really light bulb moment for me the other
day was just this video that I saw on Instagram
of a stylus. It says like a lot of my
clients come to me and they're like nothing suits me.
(26:25):
And I think what she was saying was like we
need to get away from things quote unquote suiting us
because the image that we are sold in marketing of
fashion is on one specific body type. And I know
that I'm guilty of this. Is like, when I see
something on a body type that isn't mine, I buy it,
and then I get home and I put it on
my body and I'm like, oh, that doesn't look how.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
I thought it was because you're not five eight exactly.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
But I think you have to objectively look at it
and say does it not suit you or does it
just look different on your body? Because this stylist was
saying that wipes out eighty percent of what you can
quote unquote can wear. So wear what makes you happy.
Just get a size that fits and that you feel
comfortable and confident in, and try and get the image
(27:11):
of the model that you may have seen wearing or
the inspiration that you may have seen wearing it, and
just be comfortable on how it looks on you.
Speaker 3 (27:19):
That is such good advice.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Key. It changed my approach a lot.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Yeah, I remember getting rid of so many different clothes
after I had land because I just didn't feel like,
if I really thought about it, probably really regret some
of the things I got rid of. Because you know
how much I love my clothes. But another period that
this reminded me of was when I got my boobs
done because my body changed so much, so my style
(27:43):
changed and for so long I didn't know what to
wear anymore and what would suit me. Yeah, so it
is like whenever your body changes more so than like
we all fluctuate, most women fluctuate. There's always, you know,
maybe two sizes, a couple of kilos, depending on the month,
time of year, what not, where we might fluctuate. But
whenever our bodies change more so than that, it is
(28:05):
a jarring and it does take us time to get
used to. But you've also got to remember that it
actually isn't important at the end of the day. And
as Key said, just wear stuff that you'll like, even
if you don't fit into a lot of things. There's
no way that everything in your wardrobe was form fitting,
so you could only wear it at maybe your pre
(28:26):
baby smaller sized, do you know what I mean? Like
there would be some thing, So as he said, use Pinterest,
look at where you can make work, go to op shops,
go to places like if you're in Sydney, U turn
has the outlet in punch bowl.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
I think there's another outlet.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Now you can literally get like three feelings, three things
for twenty bucks. It's insane and like a lot of
it's good stuff. So deepop eBay even I've heard that eBay.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Is apparently having a resurgence. Facebook market Blows is another one.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Try to stay away from Tamu and Sheen because you're
just going to end up with rubbish that doesn't actually
fit you either because it's made poorly.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
Like at least in Chemic you can try to trap.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
On exactly question seven. I'm struggling to relax at night
and I end up scrolling on my phone until I
fall asleep. What are your favorite ways to unwind and
relax at night?
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Well, Kee likes to watch TV shows for Charlie, which
I think is so cute.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
You guys are so.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
Good that you like wait till he gets home and
when the kids are in bed, and that you also
don't get much sleep, I feel because you mustn't go
to bed till late.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
We do go to bed quite late.
Speaker 4 (29:30):
But that's what I was gonna say in relation to
like finding ways to relax and wind down at night,
get into bed early and go to bed early. Honestly,
I know it sounds so simple and stupid, but like
the other night, I did have shingles, but I was
like trying to sit up and just quote unquote relax, right,
(29:52):
but I just was like.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Fuck it, I'm just gonna go to bed.
Speaker 4 (29:54):
And I still like did whatever I was going to do,
Like I still kind of lay down, but I was like,
I felt so smug because I was in bird early
and I actually did fall asleep. And I think it's
almost like the fear of not being able to fall
asleep at a different time I think can sometimes be
a barrier for just like getting into bed.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
But also reverse procrastination where you're.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Like, oh, it's the only time I've had for myself
all day, so you I don't want to go to bed.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
Yeah, And for some reason, sleep we don't see as
a reward or relaxing or a way to bring wine.
But babe, that is that's going to make you feel refreshed.
So I know it's boring, but go to bed early
and read a book in bed, or read a boring
book and bed, and then you'll fall asleep even quicker.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
What did you think.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Cal a couple of nights a week.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I go to bed with Lens, So some nights I'll
be in bed at like eight o'clock. I don't go
to bed then, like but then, because I'm in bed
so early, I'm probably more likely to go to bed,
you know, put my phone down or put my book
down or whatever. It is more likely to do that
closer to ten, rather than if I'm up and about
and doing stuff around the house us after he's gone
(31:01):
to sleep, then it's probably closer to like eleven, And
just that one hour can make the world of difference
in the morning.
Speaker 4 (31:08):
We are the only species on the planet that fight sleep.
Every other species but sleeps animals. We don't prioritize sleep enough.
I honestly think that's the secret.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
My ideal way to relax really would be like a
nice glass of red, something on the television that I
can like a two screener thing so I don't have
to concentrate that much on it, or a book or
a podcast that I'm listening to, saying that I can
listen to whilst I'm doing a really good puzzle, and
like some chocolates or just something maybe some lollies, like
a snack that I really like feeling cozy in my
(31:44):
pajamas at the moon.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
I love being cozy. I love winter pajamas and socks.
Speaker 4 (31:48):
Or you've just reminded me of one. An audiobook in bed,
like laying in bed with my eyes shut listening to
an audiobook. When you're listening to a podcast or audiobook
or something, usually you're on the rum, but there's something
that quite relaxed and unwinding about, like laying down and
listening to something.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Question number eight advice for when you are so touched
out slash burnt out from work, life, admin and parenting
and you have nothing left. Your partner at the end
of the day he is so understanding, but I feel
like I'm a really, really bad wife.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Oh this is such a good one.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
I know some people they're just annoyingly smug though they're like,
our relationships so good. Yeah you know why, Well, you
have parents around the corner that take your children slash
child once weeks.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
You can go on a date night, that's why.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
And you're probably really rich. Yeah, you can.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Afford babysitters whenever you want to. I really struggle to
justify the cost of a babysitter. They're worth every cent
of course, but it's like that adds hundreds of dollars.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
Onto your night.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Yeah, it's a lot. It is a lot.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
What's your advice? You're better at this than me.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
My advice is it's a season and shit, but it's
a season.
Speaker 4 (32:49):
I think that's really good advice. But mine is to
have no TV nuts. So I think Charlie and I
we actually this happened recently with us. We've fallen into
a bit of like a ships and the night kind
of thing, very routine y, and we don't like make
enough conversation. So say we do have something to watch
on TV that we want to do. When we're actually
eating dinner, we don't have the TV on, so we
(33:11):
have conversation over dinner. We don't have a dining room table,
so we have dinner in our couch. It's very informal,
but we have that time where we make sure that
we talk and then no TV nights.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
But it's not that.
Speaker 4 (33:21):
We talk to each other, it's just that we both
sit on the couch together but doing our own things.
So it's spending time together where you don't necessarily have
to chat, but it's without costraction of a TV that's
dumbing you, so for instance, like we might read a book,
or one of us is playing a game, or I
did actually buy us a board game to play together.
Speaker 3 (33:42):
Our board games are great.
Speaker 4 (33:43):
Sitting together and each other's company without having a television on,
I think is a really good one.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
Pillow talk is.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
My absolute favorite though, because it is the best part
of the night, and we just got into this habit
where we would like get into bed and talk until
we fell asleep, and I just thought that that was
so cute.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Anyway, can I just say that's quite unrealistic because not
that many people go to bed at the same time.
Speaker 4 (34:06):
It doesn't have to be every night, but it's a
you're in bed one night and you just have a
little chat in bed.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
It's quite nice.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
If Luke and I tried to do that on the
one night that we go to bed at the same
time because he doesn't know shift, Lenny would have a
lot to say because he's between us.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
So true, it does not work if there's a kiddo
in the bed. Question nine, what age did you get
your babies off bottles? And how did you do it?
So much conflicting advice?
Speaker 1 (34:30):
How did you do it?
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Cal Like I could not remember.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
It shows how quickly you just forget mundane things or
things that don't matter down the track. I could not
tell you what the rules are around toddlers and babies
and milk and that sort of thing. All I remember
about it is that Lenny gave up his So he
mustn't have been having bottles of milk during the day.
Speaker 3 (34:50):
It must have just been a night thing. But I
remember it was around.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Eighteen months because and I've spoken about this before, he
literally just stopped because he had hand foot mouth and
it was just so bad that he didn't want to
do anything, and that sort of just weaned him off
his night bottle. But then I was just so sad
because I was like, but I don't remember the last
night feed. I don't remember the last night bottle with
his little noises going. So about eighteen months and just
(35:21):
literally he weaned himself because he had hand to foot
in mouth. I was never in any sort of rush
to I mean I would have, like, obviously didn't like
waking up in the middle of the night to give
him a bottle, but it was also just I wake
up in the middle of the night for a drink
or to go for a week so maybe he does too.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
Yeah, yeah, we did it. I think around the twelve
thirteen month mark. She just didn't really want it. At
twelve months you can start giving them cow's milk so
you don't have to broastfeed or give them formula animal
They're fine to have cow's milk. But I remember it
being really hard after Bali and I don't know when
(35:59):
that was because the nanny is God bless them, and
it was such a good trick. Women were traveling would
give her bottles in bed to fall asleep. So I
remember that being really hard to wean that part of it.
But I was never stressed about weaning the bottle. Like
I know that we introduced like a different kind of
water bottle that was like a bit more adult for her,
and she was like pretty into that. But I don't
(36:21):
think it's a stressful, like a thing to be stressed about.
I know one of my girlfriends, they're like two and
a half year old, still has bottles. Like it's not
a big deal if it doesn't bother you. I don't
think let it be a big thing.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
My girlfriend Ash, she's been on the pod before Diddy
was well, even Harley, they were old toddlers from memory
closer to four and still having because they called it Motti's.
And I'll never forget because they'd be like lying in
the dark and go I want mom Motties, and I'd
be like, oh, dear lord, but it would just be
in like a sippy cup. But they still actually and
(36:54):
sometimes Lenny still has a milk before bed, like in
a cup.
Speaker 4 (36:58):
Yeah, like if it's helping themself sooth. Fuck, yeah, keep
that maybe eat that bottle. Don't get rid of it.
They'll get rid of it when they don't.
Speaker 3 (37:05):
Want it to exactly. They all do it at their
own time. All right.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
Last question, what is the funniest or strangest thing that
has happened to you on a first date. I need
some lulls because I'm so nervous about getting in the
dating pool. I split with my partner last year for context.
I'm ready for some light fun.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (37:25):
I just remember this guy that I was talking to
on tender. This is when I lived in New York,
and like we had this like really fun first day
and night out. I took him back to my apartment
and like I went to the bathroom and then I
came back. But I don't think he well, he didn't.
He didn't hear that. I had like come back to
the room, and just before I opened the door, he
did a huge fart yuck, And I was so grossed
(37:48):
out that I just.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
Blew balled him. I didn't do anything with him.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
Because I was so grossed out, like it was so big.
And then he was like fluffing the douner cover, like
to get rid of the scout, and I was like,
why didn't you just wait and like go to the
bathroom like a civilized person.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
To do it.
Speaker 4 (38:04):
But I do not understanding ill, and it just put
me off. And then afterwards, like the next day, he
was like messaging me and I was like not wanting
to message back, and he was just like got really
mean and was like I wasn't like I was trying
to make my girlfriend, and I was like.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
If I want to be your girlfriend when you fart
like that, yuck, I don't even know if that's funny
or gross.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
It's probably both.
Speaker 4 (38:28):
But I was just like, oh my god, how do
I get this person to leave my apartment? I'm so
turned off by you right now? And I was so
drunk too, and I still cut through the drunkness. I
feel like it made me really sobered up and be like,
not doing anything with this guy.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
It's gross. Anyway, what's yours?
Speaker 2 (38:43):
I have so many funny dating stories. I was so
good at dating, and so I would. You haven't asked
for advice, You've just asked for dating lolls. But my
advice is don't let especially if you're kind of like, oh,
I just want some fun, have fun, because the worst
thing that can happen, like obviously, bar actual criminals, the
worst thing that's going to happen is you're gonna have
a really funny story the next day. You know, their
(39:06):
stakes are a lot higher when you're parents, because if
you're co parenting with someone that you've split up from,
you would only have a couple of nights peaking. You
don't want to waste them on duds. But just make
it a drink if it's not going anywhere, like it
doesn't have to be a really long affair.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
But there was one I don't even.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Know if I've told you this key, but I was
talking to this bloke and we'd been talking for a
while and we'd organized to go on a first date.
But then my housemate, who was my really good friend
said oh, we're doing birthday drinks pub crawl, and.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
So I canceled this date.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
All of these boys were at my house and one
of them just looked so familiar George, who was my
guy friend that I lived with whose birthday was And
I said, what's that guy's name? And he's like Nick,
And I said, oh, my god, George, that's the guy
that I canceled on. That's the guy that I've been
talking to on Tinder. And George is looking at me like,
what is wrong with you? You have met him so
(40:01):
many times before that, he's been here, You have photos
on Facebook, like tagged photos with him. How did you
not realize that it was the same person? And how
also is he here looking at you not realizing that it's
the same person. I don't know if I was really
catfishing on Tinder?
Speaker 1 (40:18):
Wait, so he didn't realize as well?
Speaker 2 (40:20):
No, because maybe I was a catfish because and I
really wasn't dressed up this night because it was just
a pub crawl with the boys, so I probably looked
like a foot anyway. So then I saw him and
I go, oh, Nika, it's Kelly, and he goes, yeah,
I know, and I go Kelly from Tinder and he
was like, oh, so he really didn't realize either. Neither
(40:44):
of us realized that we'd been talking to each other
and that we already knew each other, and just so strange.
Speaker 4 (40:53):
That is actually really funny, but thank god both of
you didn't realize.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
But then to make the whole hymn thing so much
weirder is that then years later, my first ever solo
Barley trip, I was in this restaurant that my friend
was the head chef of in Chengu. Then these guys
came in and one of them looked really really familiar.
One of them was talking to Dan, who was my
(41:18):
friend that worked there. By the way, so me and
Nick then we were friends for years. So we've spent
a lot of time together over the next years and
potentially did we hook up, yes or no? Not confirming
potentially into me so knew each other quite well, some
might say.
Speaker 1 (41:34):
Okay, anyway, these I'm reading between the landes here.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
These guys left, and one of the boys had just
been staring at me so weird, and then I sort
of just like made an excuse and.
Speaker 3 (41:45):
Walked off because I was like, who are these weirdows?
Speaker 2 (41:47):
Then I said to Dan, I said, oh my god,
that looked so much like this bloke that I know
in Sydney.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
And he goes, oh, Nick, he's Australian.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
Yeah he is, shut up, Kelly.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
And then he goes, oh, do you know him? And
I was like, yes, yes I do.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
Did he recognize you that time?
Speaker 3 (42:04):
Yeah, that's why he'd been looking at me so weird.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
I opened my messages and I said, did I just
see you and completely ignore you? And he's like, yeah,
I just had no idea what was going through your
face because you clearly had no idea who I was,
and I just didn't know what to do.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Damn.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
So someone with such a good memory, I clearly suck
at faces and just what is wrong with me? Honestly?
Speaker 4 (42:27):
But also I get that when you're in like a
different country. I know the proximity of Bali to Australia,
but you're not expecting it.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
I was not expecting to run into someone that I knew.
But then Dan, after he said so do you know him?
I said, yeah, just intimately.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
It's a Kelly. What is wrong with you?
Speaker 3 (42:49):
Anyway?
Speaker 2 (42:50):
That was, like I said, all dating stories are funny
even like they're fine.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
Yeah, they are, they are well.
Speaker 3 (43:00):
Is your recommendation this week?
Speaker 4 (43:02):
I am recommending an amazing television series that I have
been watching called Mobland. It's all one word because mob
Spaceland is a different show movie. Okay, Mobland one word.
That's a good point. Yes on Paramount Plus or if
you have Amazon Prime. It's free with Amazon Prime. So
it's a British crime drama and it's actually directed by
(43:25):
Guy Ritchie. The cast is incredible. So Tom Hardy plays
the lead. There's also Helen Mirren who plays called the
matriarch of this gangland family, and also Pierce Brosnan who
plays the patriarch of the family. So Harry DeSouza is
the character played by Tom Hardy, and he's like the
fixer for the family. So basically, whenever something comes up,
(43:46):
Harry is the guy that fixes it. And we meet
them at this bit of a crossroads for the family
where these different gangland families are kind of fighting for power,
but also the Harrigans that's the name of the lead
center family that the whole thing is based around, are
kind of losing their tight hold on basically the street
(44:08):
cred that they have within London, set in London, and
there's also a rat and there's all these different things.
But my god, the way that these episodes leave you
on a cliffhanger, it is quite violent. I'm just going
to preface that. But it's one of those shows that
you're just like, oh, I did not think that they
would do that. It has everything, it's got sex. The
(44:30):
casting of it was brilliant. Casting Pierce Brosnan and Helen
Mirren as these kind of leaders of this family is
so good because they're completely cast against type. Because both
of those are known to the public as playing lovable
characters and really celebrated for their decodes on careers. They
play these Irish gangsters in this thing, and they are
(44:52):
both ruthless and it is just like I can imagine,
like you can see the fun that they are having playing.
Speaker 3 (44:59):
World characters far out of their comfort zone.
Speaker 4 (45:01):
Yeah, and they're not caricatures, like they bring a lot
of like heart and depth to the roles of like
the characters that they're playing. So they're really believable. And
it's whenever an actor who is so famous and so
well known, like Pierce brosn and played James Bond for years,
whenever they make you forget that they are Pierce Broslin
or Helen Mirren. I just think, as an audience, you
(45:22):
are so lucky to be able to see actors at
the top of their game, and it is so good.
So it drops weekly, but we are so far into
the series that you probably have I think eight episodes
and I think the last one is coming in the
next week or so. So it's a brilliant It's five
out of five for me, no notes, like I really
love it and I want to give too much away
because I love a British crime dramame.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
It's like a modern Peaky Blinders, is how I would
explain it.
Speaker 4 (45:47):
If you've seen Piky Blinders, also another fantastic TV show,
but it's period. So actually I'm going to give more
Bland four out of five because it's present day. Piky
Blinders is five out of five because it's period and
I love gone back to those twenties babes, so.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
Well, I'm going to watch that because after your last recommendation,
holy you are up there now with Laura Brodnick for
TV recommendations, I would say.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
Because oh my god, that's a lovely compliment.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
I can't even deal with how much I was so obsessed.
It was so much better than Pulse, which was what
spurred you to tell me about the Oh so good.
Speaker 4 (46:23):
I couldn't even watch Pulse. Charlie and I were like
pissing ourselves laughing because it was too slow. We're like,
once you've watched that, once you've watched changed television. For me,
it's changed television, I think for everyone, the pace of it,
the depth that you care. Anyway, I'm going to stop
talking now because my voice is going, what's yours?
Speaker 2 (46:40):
Okay, But I have questions that I need you to answer.
Oh for my recommendation. My recommendation is so weird this week,
but I just think it's so interesting. If you're interested
in ethics and morals and philosophy, you need to look
at this website that we will put in the show
notes of course, called Philosophy Experiments, because it will blow
(47:05):
your mind with how your thinking can change and make
absolutely no sense, or when something is perceived it can
be so different. So I'm going to give you an example,
and it's going to blow your mind, and then you're
going to want to go away and do all of
these tests and read all of this stuff because it's
so cool and interesting. All Right, if you're going for
a walk and there's a pond and there's a child
(47:28):
drowning in the pond, what do you think you're morally
required to do?
Speaker 1 (47:33):
Oh, this has happened to me. I would save the child.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
You had to save a child drowning in a pond
and the surf. Yeah, you saved the child that was drowning.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
But say you're walking past and you're a little bit
late for work. You've got a really nice outfit on,
so obviously it's going to get destroyed if you go
into the pond. There are other people around to and
you're not sure one hundred percent if the child is
going to drown, and you think, oh, someone else will
probably probably save it, do you think you morally would
get in the water and.
Speaker 3 (48:02):
Save the child.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
So say you're walking along and someone from Oxfam or
one of those places is like, can you please donate
a dollar? Yeah, I know what you're gonna say to
save this child in this other country, and you were
one hundred percent by paying a dollar, I'm going to
save a child's life.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
Do you morally think that you were required to donate.
Speaker 4 (48:25):
Ah, this is yeah, this is a hard one, isn't it,
Because it's removed.
Speaker 1 (48:29):
It's like one step removed.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
It's actually just blown my mind with how different frameworks
completely change your perception on different things.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
And oh, it's so interesting.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
That is really interesting.
Speaker 4 (48:42):
I like that it's going to make me think, and
I think it'll probably make me a better person reading
these things too.
Speaker 2 (48:46):
I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing,
but I'm a lot less than average with how I
think about things in terms like I'm too logical almost.
Ah okay, Yeah, Because if there was two train tracks,
as an example, and there was a train sort of
speeding towards you and five other people, and you could
divert it, but there was one person that was going
(49:07):
to die if you diverted it, would you think that
it was better morally to save yourself and the five
other people or the one person.
Speaker 1 (49:15):
It'd be the five other people and me.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
So I responded with that I didn't think there was
any moral difference, because as well, you could even then
argue that you're like changing the course of fate. Almost anyway,
it's so interesting, have a look at it. Obviously this
is not for everyone. It's obviously very niche, like some
people be go, oh, what is wrong with you? Kelly?
Speaker 3 (49:34):
Honestly on that note, fairly well, please rate and review us.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
We're off.
Speaker 3 (49:39):
Leave your questions in the link.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
In the show notes or in the ESSR pod on Insta.
Speaker 3 (49:45):
We'll be back in your ears next week.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
We will.
Speaker 4 (49:47):
It was produced by US and the audio production is
by Mattie Joannu Bye should is Bye
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