March 25, 2025 • 39 mins
Parenting is hard, so why not take advice from someone who's a few proseccos deep? In this rogue episode of Eat Sleep Sh*t Repeat, Kel delivers her finest (and most unhinged) parenting wisdom. From dummy dilemmas to vanishing husbands - nothing is off-limits.
Is any of this advice good? Probably not. But is it wildly entertaining? Absolutely.
LINKS
The Lonely Parents Club And How To Make Friends
HOST & PRODUCER
Kelly McCarren @kelly_mccarren
AUDIO PRODUCTION
Madeline Joannou - Mylk Media
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
on today. Does that make me petty? It awful potentially,
but does it make me feel better astronomically? Welcome back
to Eat Sleeve, Shit Repeat, the Wildly Unhinged podcast about
(00:21):
the madness that is motherhood and everything in between. I'm
Kelly McCarran, and I am writing solo and rule dogging
the shit out of this episode because I don't even
have a script. This episode is called Drunk Parenting Advice
with Kel. I've got a large glass of presex. I
don't have to go in for a while. Can hear that?
(00:43):
Hear it twinkling around? And I screenshotted a bunch of
the anonymous questions people want, I guess, unhinged advice to
all their dilemmas, which you know, to be fair. When
I say like drunk parenting advice or drunk advice, it's
more just like, I'm not going to try to be
really all darling. It's more brutal, big sister, drunk aunt
(01:09):
vibes advice. I like to say, let's get straight into
the questions. I just screenshotted a bunch of them and
I'm gonna just answer them until I'm like, whoa, this
has been going for far too long, or I'm so
hissed that i can't go out for dinner because We've
got to go out for dinner after this. So she
who bottoms up? My sister's best friend told me everything
(01:30):
my sister says about me to her, and it's not nice.
Do I confront my sister? If so? How I have
been stewing on this for months? Oh my goodness and normous.
That sucks so bad. But the person in the wrong
in this situation is actually your sister's best friend. Your
sister's best friend sucks, Like, how very dare she tell
(01:55):
you information that your sister aka her best friend has
told her in confidence. I'm sorry, but unless it was
a crime or something that literally cannot be forgiven, which
I highly doubt it was, I think she's just said
something obviously like quite hurtful, which is awful, But she
should never have regaled that information to you. I think
that it just says a lot about your sister's best friend. Unfortunately,
(02:18):
you are the one that is winning because your best
friend isn't such a dud. I would never tell like
a friend's sister things that my friend had said to
me when they were just having a little vent or whatnot.
And as if my sister has not called me some
awful things to some of her friends when she hasn't
been a vent like I think that you totally should
(02:39):
have a conversation with your sister, But I don't think
you should go in all guns blazing about what she said.
I think you should just say, hey, just so you know,
this is what so and so, let's just call her
Sandra has said to me that you said to her,
and what the fuck? Like ouch? But also she needs
to know that her best friend's a piece of shit
(03:01):
like that is just so awful. And I feel kind
of bad for your sister in this situation because she's
got a real shitty best friend. Maybe you could, even,
I don't know, if you're close to both of them,
have a chat with both of them and really hash
it out. But I bet at the end of the day,
your sister doesn't actually think any of those things. I'd say,
she was just pissed off at you about something, And
(03:23):
like anyone that is a regular human being with siblings,
sometimes we say things that we absolutely do not mean
but we just say it out of anger, and we
trust that the person we're venting to isn't going to
repeat that. I think that you just need to chat
to her about it. Also obviously depends on your relationship
with your sister, because I guess maybe you guys aren't
(03:46):
that close, but I feel like sisters should be able
to chat about anything. So next time you're hanging out,
don't make a huge deal out of it, but definitely
bring it up and just tell her that you've been
stewing on it for a few months. Just be really honest,
because she wouldn't want you to have hurt feelings. She
wouldn't want you to be stewing on this unless she's
also a piece of shit, and then the two of
them can just rod in hell. Okay, Okay, Next, is
(04:10):
it worth buying new clothes to fit the boobs? Or
do I just wait till I stop breastfeeding to look
cute again? Okay, Well, I'm going to hold you right there.
Why you're not cute just because you've got milk ut
of titties. Okay, milk cut of titties are hot, they're
so full. Definitely buy a couple of dresses. Don't spend
heaps of money, but just buy a couple of dresses
for your new titties that make you feel hot, because
(04:32):
I promise you are hot just because you're breastfeeding. You
know what, even when your milk comes out and accidentally
gets all over the dress, still hot. Who cares, It's
just milk. I think that a full tit full of milk,
milk of the breast can look quite nice. It's kind
of like nature's breast job, nature's breast augmentation. If you will,
(04:54):
oh my god, this question. How do you keep your
car clean when you have a kid? I swear I'm
a tidy person, but the car just never cops a clean.
If someone has a clean car and children, I feel
like I'd get into their car and immediately think they
are actually just dexter and chopping up bodies for fun
on the weekend, because they must be a sociopath. If
there is not a little bit of an odor of
(05:16):
old vomit, despite cleaning the vomit up, it's still just odorous,
whether yours or the children. Crumbs everywhere because they snack
and they are disgusting, and they just crumbs end up everywhere.
A couple of crackers under the seat. Just cars. If
you've got a car loving child, If you don't have
things everywhere, no matter how much you do feel like
(05:37):
you're a tidy person, like I said, I think that
you're probably dexter. Also, I live in my car. My
car is actually awful. I did clean it last weekend
to be fair, but it still has got crumbs everywhere
because they get in there, like it needs a professional
clean to get that shit out. It's kind of disgusting
and there still is that odor of vomit. I think
that's my fault, though not Lenny's. No one has a
(05:58):
clean car, and if they do, they deck ster. They're
chopping up people for fun. Thoughts on baby sprinkles, I
can't stand when people do a sprinkle. I'm all for
baby showers for the first baby because it's meant to
set you up as parents. But I think a sprinkle
is becoming selfish. Will don't go simple as that don't go? Yes,
it is self indulgent. Who cares If they want to
(06:19):
do it and they have people that want to go
and are going to go, then go for gold. And
they might not be wanting anything as well, Like yes,
if they've got a register for the second baby. That is,
it's not selfish, but it's a little bit greedy. But
maybe they're struggling, although in that case they probably wouldn't
be having the sprinkle in which you put food on
and whatnot. Maybe they are being a little bit greedy,
(06:40):
but who cares. Just don't go make up an excuse
like we all do when we don't want to go
to something and let other people who want to go
or to pussy to make up an excuse, go and
sprinkle the person. It doesn't actually have anything to do
with you, So it doesn't matter if they want to
have a couple of different hens parties, if they want
to have sprinkle after sprinkle after sprinkle and have seven kids.
(07:03):
Who cares? It actually isn't about you. Just have an excuse.
Don't go got any tips for finding a good balance
for work slash life Slash admin feels like everything is
happening at once and I'm hardly surviving. I'm certainly not thriving.
I had to know life admins a third thing, because honestly,
that's a whole job in itself. I don't think that
(07:27):
there is such thing as a really good balance well,
I do, but I think it takes a lot of
work and a lot of organization, which doesn't come naturally
to a lot of us to have a really good balance.
I would make sure that you and your partner are split.
If you have a partner, if you're not sending godspeed,
there's really no hope for a while. You know, you
really have to lean on the village. I think that
(07:49):
making sure that your partner is taking his share or
her share of the brunt of the admin and work
and all of that sort of thing, like, don't turn
your into a martyr, ask for help. I feel constantly overwhelmed.
I feel constantly like I'm surviving and not thriving. I
think it's so normal. I think that there will be
(08:11):
stages laiter down the track when we feel like we're thriving,
but that just isn't our time at the moment. And
I also, a friend gave me some really good advice
a couple of years ago because it was during COVID,
and I was like, oh God, after a couple of
years of really thriving, like the last few years of
my twenties and very early thirties, I thrived like I
(08:31):
kicked so many goals personally and professionally. So those years
I was thriving and then I said, oh, this year,
I've literally just survived. And she was like, you know that,
that's okay, And I think that's really great advice. It's
okay to survive. You're still doing a great job. And
just remember that everything that other people appear to be
doing on social media, it's all bullshit, half of its
(08:52):
bloody lies, or it's just inflated to look better than
what it actually is. Like we don't post the really
rough day or the really rough moments. We'll post even
if we're prolifically online, it's still a couple of minutes
from a day. And even if you post the bad
stuff as well, that's still like two minutes out of
an entire day. You haven't seen the fights with different people.
(09:14):
You haven't seen the heartache from something that happened at work.
You haven't seen the awful meltdown that your child had
because you wouldn't let them have their third box of Sultana's,
And yes, that actually did just happen in my house.
It's just not realistic to think that you will be
on top of everything and really thriving. I think that
it's better to just look at like, maybe one week
(09:37):
out of every couple of months you really thrive, and
that's the week where you nail something professionally. You've got
a really nice girl's dinner locked in, and you finally
went to the dentist after building it up to be
this huge job and I hate stupid life. I'd mean,
I don't have time to do anything, and then you
go to the dentist and it's actually not a huge
deal and you're like, oh, okay, didn't even have any
(09:58):
cavities and health Healthing Insurance gave me back ninety dollars.
Great happy days. I think that then you will feel
for that one week that we're thriving. But the expectation
when you've got small kids that you are going to
be anything but surviving, and that's okay as long as
we're still trying to enjoy part of those moments of surviving.
(10:18):
Let's normalize surviving over thriving, especially when we have young
families and we're so busy with kids, because I just
think it's unrealistic to expect to be on top of
anything unless you're like a super organized person and in
which case sligh, but it's just not realistic for all
(10:38):
of us. And I promise you most people aren't absolute
hot mess. There might just be really good at hiding it.
How would you enjoy sex with your husband when you
have a two year old? Well, this person needs to
listen to last week's episode because I have a three
year old. At turns out I've never really enjoyed sex
that much unless I'm tippling it up under the tiple.
Maybe he'll be in luck tonight. Like I just said
(11:01):
in the previous question, I think we need to acknowledge
that sometimes it's a season, and maybe this is the
season where you're not having enjoyable hot sex on the rag.
Like just you've got little kids, two year olds, they
can be in our beds a lot. We're very tired.
They're in that awful stage where they don't need naps.
They do need naps, like, they just don't seem to
(11:22):
sleep as much as the sleep experts say that they're
going to. And you also can't force a human to
go to sleep. I think that listen to some of
the tips that Tara gave me last week and maybe
try to implement them if you can relate to that
chat because I think that they were fantastic and really
tangible and something that we can all sort of try
to do, and if it wasn't going to ruin the
(11:44):
whole safety thing, I almost want to film myself doing
the centual wave to massive attack while they robed my body,
because oh my goodness, what a sight that would be.
My baby is almost one and starting to get clingy.
How do I make him be less clingy? To me,
(12:06):
you can't. I just don't really have advice for this
because I literally have the world's clingiest child, or he's not.
I'm sure that there's someone cleaner. But like daycare drop
off is still a bit of a punish and tease
three and been going for two years. Hopefully daycare is
on the horizon or some sort of care so you
can get that little bit of a break and they
can get used to having someone else look after them.
(12:28):
Try to get your partner to step up a little bit.
I went through a stage where I would literally hide
in the car or go just go out at nighttime
so I didn't have to be the only Because the
problem is when you've got a clingy baby, they generally
will go to your partner, but only if you're not there.
Otherwise they always want you. You are the only option
to them, so you get lumped with doing everything. Even
(12:49):
though that's not fair, you should totally take it in
terms with your partners. You do like the nighttime routine
and that sort of thing, so I highly advise you
go and hide in your car or take yourself out
for beverage. Just go read in the backyard if there's
somewhere you can hide. It sounds kind of awful, but
long term, I mean long term, it won't work because
you still have a clean baby, but it will give
(13:11):
you a bit of breathing space so you're not really
touched out and really overwhelmed. Removing yourself from the equation.
So they only have the other parent. Husband left to
me when my son was seven weeks old. Woof no
communications or money, I have no village and my son
is now two years old at daycare five days but
won't gel with a babysitter. Do I relinquish, knowing it's
(13:34):
a phase and come out in a couple of years.
Slash knuckle through question mark. What I would do is
I would find that absolute fucker and rinse him for
everything that he is worth. If you've got no idea
where he is, get on the blower your phone. You
will find him. I reckon. The queens of the Internet
(13:54):
will have that bastard found within a few hours. So
there's Facebook groups like sis is this your man? Or
tea time. You can post it anonymously as well. You
don't need to give your own name away like obviously
you would potentially be connected to him. Post a photo
of him, saying the story or just saying, hey, who
knows this guy? Who can tell me where he is?
Type thing? Need to get into contact with the bastard.
(14:17):
The queens will have this guy found within a few hours.
Then you reach out to him. If he's blocked, you
contact the bastard's boss, okay, contact his family members, serve
him with legal letters. If you can't afford it, there's
definitely free legal aid, or just reach out to his employers,
like threaten the bastard start just getting so petty and
(14:40):
rogue on social media. The mature person if key was here,
she'd probably be like, I think that you should just
knuckle through and relinquish, knowing it to phase, but absolutely not.
This fuck wit doesn't just get to live the rest
of his life a leaving a child. I mean, you
certainly don't want him in your child's life anyway, but
not a chance would he ever get custody after fucking
(15:00):
off for two years. But like sis, get your money.
He needs to help out, Okay, his seamen made the human.
He's just a piece of shit and he needs to
help you financially. Find the bustard and get into contact
with his family and his boss. Get the police involved.
I don't really know what the legalities are in Australia,
(15:21):
but it sounds like the bastard's doing something very illegal.
Because that can't be right. And I am really sorry
that you don't have a village and that your child
won't gel with the babysitter. Hard relate to that. What
I would say, though, is, depending on what area you're in,
maybe jump on the eat Sleep Facebook group and just
(15:42):
see if there's any other shitter out there that would
love to grab a coffee one day and really try
to like start expanding your network. Join a netball team,
take the two year old oh if you know you
know that jokes from last year, or maybe wishful thinking,
do those library you know those book things that Key recommends,
the rhyming, singing things that the library, start making some friends,
(16:06):
really put yourself out there. We'll link it in the
show notes the episode to how to Make friends, because
it is really bloody hard when you're an adult. But
I'm really sorry that happened to you, and that your
child's father is such a piece of shit. I personally
wouldn't just roll over and take that. However, I'm a
vengeful bitch, So oh my god, I've just realized he
(16:26):
was your husband. Wow, Okay, that just changes the game.
I clearly didn't concentrate enough when I was reading that.
So you know these blokes family, you know these blokes
like workplace, Well, get on LinkedIn and start getting on
the blower and just absolutely rinsing this bastard because no
one would be okay with that sort of behavior. Why
does it feel like it would be easier to parent
(16:47):
as a single parent. I'm not gonna lie. I feel
like every single mother in particular has felt like this before. However,
I think you probably just having a really bad day
or really bad week. If you are thinking like that,
you need to really sit down and actually list out
what you're doing versus what your partner's doing. I know
(17:07):
it sounds very sexy, but I think it really can
help if you logistically sort of map out what you're
both responsible for and make sure that your partner is
taking their fair share of the work, because they absolutely
need to express that to your partner and potentially look
into marriage counseling or partner counseling, couple's counseling. Oh my god, Kelly,
(17:28):
because I think it's a very normal feeling to feel.
But it just means that you are really stressed and
really overwhelmed, or maybe you've got a bloke similar to this.
Why am I just assuming it's a bloke. It's because
chicks don't behave like this unless you've got another piece
of shit husband, in which case fuck him off, because yeah,
you would be better off. This one's so funny. My
(17:49):
brother and sister in law have a perfect angel baby
who sleeps fifteen hours a night. We have a terror
toddler who we still put to sleep with fear and trembling,
hard relate. They're very smug about it. Do I tell
them they got lucky and not actually the next parenting gurus?
Or am I just being a petty tired parent probably
absolutely call them out. We need to have more humor
(18:11):
about these things. I've got a couple of girlfriends with
angel children, angel babies that just actually are angels, And yeah,
do my friends sort of think that it's because that
they followed these parenting books to the tea or they
just are angel parents potentially, But then a lot of
them are also very realistic about, oh, they just got lucky.
But I did say to one of my girlfriends when
(18:34):
I was at Wayne Balley, because she was being so
annoying and smug about her actual angel of a human,
I go, I fucking hope because she wants more. I
was like, I hope your next one's a devil. And
she was like, Kelly, you can't say that, and I said,
(18:56):
yes I can, Yes, I can. You're being smug and
you're being annoying, and it's nothing to do with you.
The baby's just got a really good temperament. Actually, it
probably does have something to do with her, because both
her and her partner are so lovely and easy going
and calme. So, yeah, the baby's got their temperament. But
I'm just like, you know what, do it in a
really light way, because people need to be able to
(19:18):
joke about this sort of thing, have a sense of humor.
Hopefully they do too. I'm sure that they do. Most
people do. Okay, So are you just being a tired
and petty parent? Yes, but that's okay. It's annoying when
people are smug about things, all right. Also, I love
to tell people that have really easy babies and children
that their children are just going to grow up with
(19:38):
no personality, and that all of the really spirited children
are the people with really big personalities. Does that make
me petty? It awful? Potentially, But does it make me
feel better astronomically? What's the worst thing about parenting? So generally,
I would say their sicknesses and the fact that they
give everything to you, and then you're expected to look
after them even though you feel like death warmed up.
(20:01):
You can't send them to daycare, even though that's where
they got it. You've got to keep them home. You've
got to pay for the daycare, and you don't get
paid because you're at home with them. And then you're
dying and it takes them two days to get over
something and it takes you two weeks, and you're never
quite the same again with every single sickness. But after today,
you know what I Am going to add to that list?
The food I hungry? I eat I hungry. Oh, but
(20:26):
you're not actually hungry. Literally, before I started recording, there
was banana bread. There was grapes, There was a muffin,
There was strawberries. There was those chocolate covered rice crackers.
There was sultanas. There was an old half eaten popper.
Nothing because it wasn't what he wants to eat. But
sometimes he doesn't even know what he wants to eat.
They want to live off shit, and they are going
(20:49):
to scream at you. Oh once again, probably only the
sassy children that have a personality. Yes, I'm going to
say that because it makes me feel better than just
thinking to myself that I'm an awful mother. Yeah, I
would add the whole food thing to the list. I've
given up in a lot of ways. I don't cook
that much anymore, stuff specifically for him, because he wasn't
eating anything, and most of it would end up thrown
(21:11):
at me. Not it wasn't, that's an exaggeration, but it
would just be left on the plate. And I'd spend
so much money and slave so much time and I
was like, I simply shall not be doing this. Have
some baked beans, Fuck the microplastics, fuck the carcinogenics. You'll
be absolutely fine. If not, everything's giving as cancer, so
we're all fucked anyway. I'm not sure if I want
(21:32):
another baby. I like being able to give my little
boy everything and give him all of my attention, and
I'm not sure I want to split my time between
multiple children. But am I being selfish not trying to
give him a sibling. Not all siblings are close, and
that's something that I need to remind myself of all
the time. But anyone that wants a good excuse or
(21:52):
a good reason not to have a second child needs
to come to me. Let's just start a one and
done club. Okay, maybe that'll be a side project, a
side podcast, if you will, where every single week I
just got on a big rant for one reason about
why I think that one child is perfectly sufficient. Okay,
(22:13):
I'm going to give you the lowdown, which is actually
what I was talking to my auntie about earlier, because
she was like, will you be having another one? And
I was like, I don't have that many years left
for people to be asking me that I understand why
there's a question, especially with like close friends and family,
but you know, at least in a couple of years,
they won't ask because they were like, Oh, in a
perfect world, would I like to have another baby? Yes?
(22:34):
There are some caveats to that. Should I admit this
out loud, probably not. Will it get me canceled? Potentially?
But I'm just going to be honest. If I was
guaranteed a girl, I would be more likely to have
another one. I know that it doesn't really matter, but
it does, Okay. I absolutely love my little boy. I
spoke a lot about ginger disappointment when I found out
(22:56):
that I was pregnant with a boy, and I spoke
about it, and people said, like, Lenny's going to find
this article. Who He's going to find this topic that
you've spoken about one day? How will do you think
that he will feel? I don't know. I think that
he'll be absolutely fine because there's not a chance that
that little shit head's not going to know just how
loved he is. He is so loved, like he could
(23:18):
not possibly be more loved, and I am so obsessed
with him, and I can't actually imagine having any other child.
You've also got to paint like, I don't know the
next child that I have, so I don't love them yet.
So when I'm thinking about this hypothetical child, I don't
know that child yet, so I'm just thinking about another
lunatic toddler boy that I don't know, and I do
not want that person in my house. Yes, of course
(23:41):
I would actually love them, and yes, of course I
would listen back to this conversation if I had another
boy and go, you're a lunatic. You are obsessed with
your children. But if I'm thinking about it from the
perspective and context of where I am at at the moment,
I do not want to live with more boys in
this house. And the ma gen only brew boys. Okay,
they only do boys. I did like this Instagram post.
(24:03):
I can try to find it to share about like
my pros and cons list having more children last year,
and I thought it was really interesting because a lot
of people gave their perspective and gave their advice, and
a lot of people like, you're being a bit selfish
because all of your reasoning is very short term, so
say within the next five years. And I thought that
that was so valid, But then I spent six months
(24:25):
out of last year thinking that I could literally die
at the drop of a hat because I had a
bomb in my brain, and it really changed things for me,
because we are so presumptuous that, you know, when we
think about having more children, it's because we want a
really big family and we want a big you know,
(24:45):
a really full table at Christmas or whatnot. And you know,
people say, oh, you need to think about what your
life is going to look like when you're sixty, not now.
But it's very presumptuous to just assume that we're going
to get to sixty to eighty, to whatever age we've
got in our mind that when we think of the future, Actually,
five years is a very long time to be miserable,
if not miserable, Okay that's a bit of a stretch,
(25:07):
but to have huge periods of misery. I thought that
the validity of everyone saying not everyone, but a lot
of people saying all of your reasons is so short term,
like think about the long term pros, yes, but long
term isn't guaranteed, and I also want to enjoy the
short term. Well, like I said, I'm very pro one
(25:29):
and done. Come and talk to me about it. At
any time, you're not selfish as long as you make
sure that your child has lots of time with other children.
It did break my heart finally enough this morning when
he said, why don't I have a brother? And I
was like, oh, there is not one day that goes
by or maybe you know, if he's really sick, where
(25:49):
he doesn't have a playdate of some sort with another child.
His life is so full of other little kids. No,
they're not siblings, but you're not guaranteed to get along
with your siblings. And me and my siblings did not
get along when we were kids. Well we did, I
guess when we're really little before like the Dickens, when
we were growing up, literal punch ups. And then yes,
(26:11):
as adults we're really close, but that's not guaranteed. I'm
very lucky. You're not selfish. You well, maybe you are,
but you've got to be selfish because no one else
is going to put you first, so you have to.
And it's totally okay to want to give you a
kid all of your attention, everything you've got, because also,
having children is really expensive. I do not know how
people have so many children if they live like in
(26:33):
an expensive era. I mean everywhere is expensive these days.
Resenting husband who gets to go to work is real.
I'm a freelancer, so I can't replace his income consistently,
but I want to work dot or dot ideas. This
is where a lot of people go wrong, I think,
because they think of his versus her, like you're putting
(26:55):
your two salaries together and just going who earns more,
without really that both of you chose to have that baby,
so both of you should be paying for the childcare,
and both of you should get to go to work.
Like it's not actually just about the money. So let's
just say your partner's like, oh, you can't replace my income,
(27:16):
so you'll just have to stay at home and the baby. No, no,
put the baby in daycare or get some sort of
help for the I don't know how old this baby
is or child is, and both of you equally pay
for it and then you both go to work Like
that just seems so silly that it's very common, but
I don't think people are really thinking about it through
because it's also your career, so your future earning potential
(27:40):
that is impacted by the decision to stay home long term.
If you want to, then that is fantastic. Stay home
as long as you want. But if you want to work,
go work like. Your partner's going to have to sort
that out with his boss because just because you earn
less doesn't mean that it's not a priority. Or your
partner needs to be home by a certain hour every
day and then you can go out for a few
(28:00):
hours and do your work. Because you're freelance like, you
need to come up with some sort of compromise because
it's absolutely not fair that you're looking at it from
the perspective, Oh, he earns more, so he gets to
go to work. No, both of you chose to have
that baby. Both of you have careers. You never know
with freelance work. Yes, the tough times can be tougher,
(28:21):
but the higher times can be higher. So you know what,
work your ass off, start earning more and then make
him be a stay at home daddy and see how
he likes it. I love being with my children, but
I hate playing with them. How can I learn to
love it? Once again? This is like such a you've
just seen on social media or seen in pop culture
(28:43):
that you're supposed to love it. You're absolutely not turn
it into something that you want to do. Though, Okay,
if we just did what Lenny wants to do all
the time, I would absolutely not love it. I've created
games that I enjoy that then he enjoys doing kids.
If you're doing it with them, they're pretty happy. We
clean the walls sometimes, if the walls like, we do
(29:05):
chores around the house. I don't really want to do
that either, but they need to be done. We turn
everything into a game. You might put some fun music on.
We do adult puzzles instead of children's puzzles. He doesn't care.
I try to get pretty pictures that he likes. Like
we're doing one at the moment. There's a boat, there's
heaps of cool pretty flowers, there's heaps of animals. So no,
it's not like a fifty piece or patrol puzzle, but
(29:26):
it's a huge one and then it's like a big
accomplishment where we get to finish it together. Also, just
realize that it's not all about you, like, get them
to do some stuff, and then sometimes you do have
to play with them. But yeah, games that you like.
I love playing Lego because I find it really fun.
It's very annoying when he tries to come and help
me with my house. I'm like, no, no, you play
over there. I really like to color. I love craft.
So just pick and choose the things that you play
(29:48):
with them with the things that you love, and then
every now and then play something like I don't know
hard and go seek that you don't want to, or
bloody cars. I can't stand just pretending to push them.
So that's what I don't like playing. My two year
old is unhinged and his big feelings are off the charts.
I'm twenty two weeks pregnant. How do I keep my
cool and employ good parenting techniques while absolutely exhausted. Well,
(30:14):
I don't think you always need to keep your cool.
I think that that is a silly, silly myth that
social media and parenting experts have taught us. And then
we feel really bad because we do lose our shits.
What I do now I try to think about what
percent of the time I've lost my shit, and if
it's a really small percent, I'm like, you did a
good job today. You did a good job. It is
(30:36):
very hard to deal with small people with such big feelings,
and I can't imagine how hard it is when you're pregnant,
probably not enjoying being pregnant. I don't know that many
people that do. Take a breath. Make sure that you're
having enough space by yourself and space with other people
that aren't your toddler, because yeah, that shit is absolutely rough,
(30:57):
but be a little bit kind to yourself. You're doing
the best that you can. How to stop two year
old from spitting my my min This was sent in
to someone that I think that they had a lot
more faith in my parenting advice. What do you mean
your child is spitting like? Are they an alpacker? Are
they or alarm or whatever it is that just goes
(31:19):
or are they doing like a in which case I
feel like it's probably pretty normal. I don't know that one.
I really can't help with, no idea, no idea. It's
kind of to me. Yes, it's of course a rude
thing to be doing to strangers, but apart from being
a little bit gross, it's kind of funny. I don't
know how to transition toddler out of cot into single
(31:43):
bed because he's climbing out of KOT. He will just
walk out if he doesn't want to sleep, As I
think I mentioned this earlier in the episode. It's so
crazy that like there's these sleep experts that make me
feel like shit because they're like, oh, you're toddler needs
to still be having least twelve hours of sleep in
a twenty four hour period, so if they're not napping overnight,
(32:05):
and I'm like, sorry, what now? You cannot force someone
to sleep that doesn't want to sleep, Like you can
force them to sit in a very dark room with
you with the sounds on, with no stimuli, and yes,
eventually they will go to sleep because they are so
tired after screaming their absolute head off. But yeah, you
can't like just hold your child's eyes shut and hold
(32:28):
them down with one arm and hope to God that
they go to sleep. Some kids are really good sleepers,
and they're really good with disciplines. You say, hey, go
to bed, it's bedtime, and they'll just go to bed.
I still don't think that they probably are just falling asleep.
Maybe they're just playing with their toys quietly in bed,
or maybe they are, but then they probably have high
sleep needs or they're just more disciplined children. I have
(32:52):
a best friend that literally tells her three kids two,
four and seven to go to bed, and they just
at six thirty every night and they just go to bed,
do as they're told. And I think my Momi, my
kid didn't have an app and I was still battling
with him at nine pm. If they're climbing out of
the cot, I would put them back in a snug sleepsack,
(33:13):
especially as we're going into the colder months, because the
sleep sack stops them from being able to get out
of the cot, and that will stop them y eating
themselves out of the cot. Otherwise, Yeah, you really can't
force them to stay in bed. Do you love your
lifestyle or do you want more? Oh? Don't we always
(33:34):
want more? Isn't that what life is about? Always driving
for the next big thing. I'm pretty happy with my
lifestyle though, and I know that I'm very lucky. I
have such a good group. I've got real good girlfriends,
and I have the luxury because I only have one kid,
and I guess because my finances allow that I can
(33:57):
go out with them quite regularly, like I always at
least one dinner a week with girlfriends, which I know
is very unrealistic for a lot of people, which is
why I said I'm very lucky. That's the sort of
thing that keeps me so sane though. That's why I
think it's so important. I love netball. I love that
I live so close to my sister and she's got
kids the same age. Yes, and now that Lenny's that
(34:18):
little bit older and more independent, I really love that
I can do things like go to Bali for a
long weekend because Bali is my favorite place in the
entire world. So yes, I love my lifestyle. Yes, I
of course want more, namely a little bit more space
in a house. But yeah, I think that that's what
that question means. Okay, next question, no village. I have
(34:40):
endo and fatigue, need IVF to conceive thirty six years old,
sitting on the fence whether to try to conceive baby
number two if it's even a possibility. I have a
three year old miracle already. Oh, I'm probably the wrong
person to usk because I'm going to tell you to
go back and listen to my reasoning on one and done.
(35:02):
I don't know. It just sounds like a lot of
further heartbreaking work, time, money, your body putting it on
the line for the potential of another baby. Uh, it
depends how much you want it. I guess I would
say that, yeah, you've already got one miracle, and just
really enjoy every moment of that. How to get rid
(35:25):
of the dummy. My baby is two years and four months.
Lenny was almost three when he got rid of the
dummy completely. Everyone has different advice about when to get
rid of the dummy. I reckon you do what's right
for you, or whoever is giving you advice that you're trusting,
because I just think like, let's take a little bit
of pressure off ourselves. Everyone that was like, oh, yeah,
(35:48):
but they're going to need dental work. Sorry, Me and
my husband have both had braces twice. Okay, he is
going to need dental work anyway. Things aren't looking good
in the mouth department. If it's not affecting this speech
too much, I don't know, is it really something that
we're going to worry about. They're not going to be
taking a dummy to school with them, are they. So
from about two we moved the dummy to just bedtime
(36:10):
and nap time or like a car trip or whatnot.
My thing was three. Because the pediatric that we have
used since Lennie was really little, I just go by
what he says okay, because I think it's easier just
to follow one person's advice rather than listening to twelve
million different people's advice. That's why I mean what I
mean when I say, you find one person, follow their advice,
(36:32):
he said. At Lenny's two year old checkup, I was like, oh,
he still has a dummy. He was like, don't worry
about it, just get rid of it by three. I'm
a stickler for the rules and I'm scared of authority.
So a couple of weeks before his third birthday, I
was like, ah, no, we need to get rid of
it now before I take him for his three year
check up. For Lenny, I simply said to him one night,
(36:52):
I was like, okay, Bud, you're a big boy now.
You don't need several forms of comfort. You can either
sleep in mummy's bed, mummy and daddy's bed without a dummy,
or you can sleep in your bed with the dummy.
And I said this to him because I trusted my
child and my knowledge of my child enough to know
(37:12):
that hands down, he would choose to sleep in my
bed with me as his comforter any day over the dummy.
That's how he ended up in our bed full time,
but without the dummy, so small wins right. He has
actually since moved into his bed again without the dummy.
But yeah, it was just as simple as that, like
offering up something better the option they have to choose
(37:34):
an option. Toddler's like to feel like they're in charge,
so you need to sort of give them. You know,
some people say that bribery is really bad. I think
that bribery is great if it works. Give them something
that they want more than the dummy. If you have
like a really spiritual child that you can't just be like, oh,
the dummy fairy or what other people use. And he
still does have it. Sometimes he'll get it in the
(37:55):
morning when he first wakes up for an hour or so.
I don't care. He literally just wants to suck on
it for comfort for an hour when he first wakes
up in the morning. You know what, I don't want
to speak twenty one for the first hour in the
morning until I've had a cup of coffee. Really, we
all have our little vice in the morning. I don't
really care if that's what he wants. At this point
of view, he's still really little help. I have a
sister in law who can't help but overstep boundaries and interview.
(38:17):
I hate conflict, but how can I get her to
butt out? Well, she's not your sister. Get your partner
to talk to her. That is so unfair that it's
all on you. It's your partner's sister. Your partner needs
to do the dirty work. Okay, that's all I have
time for today. I've really enjoyed having a tipple with you.
Hopefully you've found my advice a little bit entertaining, probably
(38:39):
not that helpful, but you know, it is what it is.
If you enjoyed this style of content, let me know
because I can definitely do this once a month or
so until Ms Keay Reese manages to rip her nipple
away from Suki Bear. Her name's not Suki, it's Suki,
but I like to call her Suki anyway. This episode
(39:00):
was you know what, we can't even really say produced
when it was this bad by myself Kelly McCarran, with
the audio production by the delightful Maddie Joiner, who has
to listen to this absolute mess. Apologies, please retin view
or don't if you really didn't enjoy it, and I'll
be back with you next week, hopefully, unless I throw
another overwhelmed tantrum and can't give you anything with another
(39:21):
episode of the Unhinged podcast for your Ears about the
madness that is motherhood and everything in between.
We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
on today. Does that make me petty? It awful potentially,
but does it make me feel better astronomically? Welcome back
to Eat Sleeve, Shit Repeat, the Wildly Unhinged podcast about
(00:21):
the madness that is motherhood and everything in between. I'm
Kelly McCarran, and I am writing solo and rule dogging
the shit out of this episode because I don't even
have a script. This episode is called Drunk Parenting Advice
with Kel. I've got a large glass of presex. I
don't have to go in for a while. Can hear that?
(00:43):
Hear it twinkling around? And I screenshotted a bunch of
the anonymous questions people want, I guess, unhinged advice to
all their dilemmas, which you know, to be fair. When
I say like drunk parenting advice or drunk advice, it's
more just like, I'm not going to try to be
really all darling. It's more brutal, big sister, drunk aunt
(01:09):
vibes advice. I like to say, let's get straight into
the questions. I just screenshotted a bunch of them and
I'm gonna just answer them until I'm like, whoa, this
has been going for far too long, or I'm so
hissed that i can't go out for dinner because We've
got to go out for dinner after this. So she
who bottoms up? My sister's best friend told me everything
(01:30):
my sister says about me to her, and it's not nice.
Do I confront my sister? If so? How I have
been stewing on this for months? Oh my goodness and normous.
That sucks so bad. But the person in the wrong
in this situation is actually your sister's best friend. Your
sister's best friend sucks, Like, how very dare she tell
(01:55):
you information that your sister aka her best friend has
told her in confidence. I'm sorry, but unless it was
a crime or something that literally cannot be forgiven, which
I highly doubt it was, I think she's just said
something obviously like quite hurtful, which is awful, But she
should never have regaled that information to you. I think
that it just says a lot about your sister's best friend. Unfortunately,
(02:18):
you are the one that is winning because your best
friend isn't such a dud. I would never tell like
a friend's sister things that my friend had said to
me when they were just having a little vent or whatnot.
And as if my sister has not called me some
awful things to some of her friends when she hasn't
been a vent like I think that you totally should
(02:39):
have a conversation with your sister, But I don't think
you should go in all guns blazing about what she said.
I think you should just say, hey, just so you know,
this is what so and so, let's just call her
Sandra has said to me that you said to her,
and what the fuck? Like ouch? But also she needs
to know that her best friend's a piece of shit
(03:01):
like that is just so awful. And I feel kind
of bad for your sister in this situation because she's
got a real shitty best friend. Maybe you could, even,
I don't know, if you're close to both of them,
have a chat with both of them and really hash
it out. But I bet at the end of the day,
your sister doesn't actually think any of those things. I'd say,
she was just pissed off at you about something, And
(03:23):
like anyone that is a regular human being with siblings,
sometimes we say things that we absolutely do not mean
but we just say it out of anger, and we
trust that the person we're venting to isn't going to
repeat that. I think that you just need to chat
to her about it. Also obviously depends on your relationship
with your sister, because I guess maybe you guys aren't
(03:46):
that close, but I feel like sisters should be able
to chat about anything. So next time you're hanging out,
don't make a huge deal out of it, but definitely
bring it up and just tell her that you've been
stewing on it for a few months. Just be really honest,
because she wouldn't want you to have hurt feelings. She
wouldn't want you to be stewing on this unless she's
also a piece of shit, and then the two of
them can just rod in hell. Okay, Okay, Next, is
(04:10):
it worth buying new clothes to fit the boobs? Or
do I just wait till I stop breastfeeding to look
cute again? Okay, Well, I'm going to hold you right there.
Why you're not cute just because you've got milk ut
of titties. Okay, milk cut of titties are hot, they're
so full. Definitely buy a couple of dresses. Don't spend
heaps of money, but just buy a couple of dresses
for your new titties that make you feel hot, because
(04:32):
I promise you are hot just because you're breastfeeding. You
know what, even when your milk comes out and accidentally
gets all over the dress, still hot. Who cares, It's
just milk. I think that a full tit full of milk,
milk of the breast can look quite nice. It's kind
of like nature's breast job, nature's breast augmentation. If you will,
(04:54):
oh my god, this question. How do you keep your
car clean when you have a kid? I swear I'm
a tidy person, but the car just never cops a clean.
If someone has a clean car and children, I feel
like I'd get into their car and immediately think they
are actually just dexter and chopping up bodies for fun
on the weekend, because they must be a sociopath. If
there is not a little bit of an odor of
(05:16):
old vomit, despite cleaning the vomit up, it's still just odorous,
whether yours or the children. Crumbs everywhere because they snack
and they are disgusting, and they just crumbs end up everywhere.
A couple of crackers under the seat. Just cars. If
you've got a car loving child, If you don't have
things everywhere, no matter how much you do feel like
(05:37):
you're a tidy person, like I said, I think that
you're probably dexter. Also, I live in my car. My
car is actually awful. I did clean it last weekend
to be fair, but it still has got crumbs everywhere
because they get in there, like it needs a professional
clean to get that shit out. It's kind of disgusting
and there still is that odor of vomit. I think
that's my fault, though not Lenny's. No one has a
(05:58):
clean car, and if they do, they deck ster. They're
chopping up people for fun. Thoughts on baby sprinkles, I
can't stand when people do a sprinkle. I'm all for
baby showers for the first baby because it's meant to
set you up as parents. But I think a sprinkle
is becoming selfish. Will don't go simple as that don't go? Yes,
it is self indulgent. Who cares If they want to
(06:19):
do it and they have people that want to go
and are going to go, then go for gold. And
they might not be wanting anything as well, Like yes,
if they've got a register for the second baby. That is,
it's not selfish, but it's a little bit greedy. But
maybe they're struggling, although in that case they probably wouldn't
be having the sprinkle in which you put food on
and whatnot. Maybe they are being a little bit greedy,
(06:40):
but who cares. Just don't go make up an excuse
like we all do when we don't want to go
to something and let other people who want to go
or to pussy to make up an excuse, go and
sprinkle the person. It doesn't actually have anything to do
with you, So it doesn't matter if they want to
have a couple of different hens parties, if they want
to have sprinkle after sprinkle after sprinkle and have seven kids.
(07:03):
Who cares? It actually isn't about you. Just have an excuse.
Don't go got any tips for finding a good balance
for work slash life Slash admin feels like everything is
happening at once and I'm hardly surviving. I'm certainly not thriving.
I had to know life admins a third thing, because honestly,
that's a whole job in itself. I don't think that
(07:27):
there is such thing as a really good balance well,
I do, but I think it takes a lot of
work and a lot of organization, which doesn't come naturally
to a lot of us to have a really good balance.
I would make sure that you and your partner are split.
If you have a partner, if you're not sending godspeed,
there's really no hope for a while. You know, you
really have to lean on the village. I think that
(07:49):
making sure that your partner is taking his share or
her share of the brunt of the admin and work
and all of that sort of thing, like, don't turn
your into a martyr, ask for help. I feel constantly overwhelmed.
I feel constantly like I'm surviving and not thriving. I
think it's so normal. I think that there will be
(08:11):
stages laiter down the track when we feel like we're thriving,
but that just isn't our time at the moment. And
I also, a friend gave me some really good advice
a couple of years ago because it was during COVID,
and I was like, oh God, after a couple of
years of really thriving, like the last few years of
my twenties and very early thirties, I thrived like I
(08:31):
kicked so many goals personally and professionally. So those years
I was thriving and then I said, oh, this year,
I've literally just survived. And she was like, you know that,
that's okay, And I think that's really great advice. It's
okay to survive. You're still doing a great job. And
just remember that everything that other people appear to be
doing on social media, it's all bullshit, half of its
(08:52):
bloody lies, or it's just inflated to look better than
what it actually is. Like we don't post the really
rough day or the really rough moments. We'll post even
if we're prolifically online, it's still a couple of minutes
from a day. And even if you post the bad
stuff as well, that's still like two minutes out of
an entire day. You haven't seen the fights with different people.
(09:14):
You haven't seen the heartache from something that happened at work.
You haven't seen the awful meltdown that your child had
because you wouldn't let them have their third box of Sultana's,
And yes, that actually did just happen in my house.
It's just not realistic to think that you will be
on top of everything and really thriving. I think that
it's better to just look at like, maybe one week
(09:37):
out of every couple of months you really thrive, and
that's the week where you nail something professionally. You've got
a really nice girl's dinner locked in, and you finally
went to the dentist after building it up to be
this huge job and I hate stupid life. I'd mean,
I don't have time to do anything, and then you
go to the dentist and it's actually not a huge
deal and you're like, oh, okay, didn't even have any
(09:58):
cavities and health Healthing Insurance gave me back ninety dollars.
Great happy days. I think that then you will feel
for that one week that we're thriving. But the expectation
when you've got small kids that you are going to
be anything but surviving, and that's okay as long as
we're still trying to enjoy part of those moments of surviving.
(10:18):
Let's normalize surviving over thriving, especially when we have young
families and we're so busy with kids, because I just
think it's unrealistic to expect to be on top of
anything unless you're like a super organized person and in
which case sligh, but it's just not realistic for all
(10:38):
of us. And I promise you most people aren't absolute
hot mess. There might just be really good at hiding it.
How would you enjoy sex with your husband when you
have a two year old? Well, this person needs to
listen to last week's episode because I have a three
year old. At turns out I've never really enjoyed sex
that much unless I'm tippling it up under the tiple.
Maybe he'll be in luck tonight. Like I just said
(11:01):
in the previous question, I think we need to acknowledge
that sometimes it's a season, and maybe this is the
season where you're not having enjoyable hot sex on the rag.
Like just you've got little kids, two year olds, they
can be in our beds a lot. We're very tired.
They're in that awful stage where they don't need naps.
They do need naps, like, they just don't seem to
(11:22):
sleep as much as the sleep experts say that they're
going to. And you also can't force a human to
go to sleep. I think that listen to some of
the tips that Tara gave me last week and maybe
try to implement them if you can relate to that
chat because I think that they were fantastic and really
tangible and something that we can all sort of try
to do, and if it wasn't going to ruin the
(11:44):
whole safety thing, I almost want to film myself doing
the centual wave to massive attack while they robed my body,
because oh my goodness, what a sight that would be.
My baby is almost one and starting to get clingy.
How do I make him be less clingy? To me,
(12:06):
you can't. I just don't really have advice for this
because I literally have the world's clingiest child, or he's not.
I'm sure that there's someone cleaner. But like daycare drop
off is still a bit of a punish and tease
three and been going for two years. Hopefully daycare is
on the horizon or some sort of care so you
can get that little bit of a break and they
can get used to having someone else look after them.
(12:28):
Try to get your partner to step up a little bit.
I went through a stage where I would literally hide
in the car or go just go out at nighttime
so I didn't have to be the only Because the
problem is when you've got a clingy baby, they generally
will go to your partner, but only if you're not there.
Otherwise they always want you. You are the only option
to them, so you get lumped with doing everything. Even
(12:49):
though that's not fair, you should totally take it in
terms with your partners. You do like the nighttime routine
and that sort of thing, so I highly advise you
go and hide in your car or take yourself out
for beverage. Just go read in the backyard if there's
somewhere you can hide. It sounds kind of awful, but
long term, I mean long term, it won't work because
you still have a clean baby, but it will give
(13:11):
you a bit of breathing space so you're not really
touched out and really overwhelmed. Removing yourself from the equation.
So they only have the other parent. Husband left to
me when my son was seven weeks old. Woof no
communications or money, I have no village and my son
is now two years old at daycare five days but
won't gel with a babysitter. Do I relinquish, knowing it's
(13:34):
a phase and come out in a couple of years.
Slash knuckle through question mark. What I would do is
I would find that absolute fucker and rinse him for
everything that he is worth. If you've got no idea
where he is, get on the blower your phone. You
will find him. I reckon. The queens of the Internet
(13:54):
will have that bastard found within a few hours. So
there's Facebook groups like sis is this your man? Or
tea time. You can post it anonymously as well. You
don't need to give your own name away like obviously
you would potentially be connected to him. Post a photo
of him, saying the story or just saying, hey, who
knows this guy? Who can tell me where he is?
Type thing? Need to get into contact with the bastard.
(14:17):
The queens will have this guy found within a few hours.
Then you reach out to him. If he's blocked, you
contact the bastard's boss, okay, contact his family members, serve
him with legal letters. If you can't afford it, there's
definitely free legal aid, or just reach out to his employers,
like threaten the bastard start just getting so petty and
(14:40):
rogue on social media. The mature person if key was here,
she'd probably be like, I think that you should just
knuckle through and relinquish, knowing it to phase, but absolutely not.
This fuck wit doesn't just get to live the rest
of his life a leaving a child. I mean, you
certainly don't want him in your child's life anyway, but
not a chance would he ever get custody after fucking
(15:00):
off for two years. But like sis, get your money.
He needs to help out, Okay, his seamen made the human.
He's just a piece of shit and he needs to
help you financially. Find the bustard and get into contact
with his family and his boss. Get the police involved.
I don't really know what the legalities are in Australia,
(15:21):
but it sounds like the bastard's doing something very illegal.
Because that can't be right. And I am really sorry
that you don't have a village and that your child
won't gel with the babysitter. Hard relate to that. What
I would say, though, is, depending on what area you're in,
maybe jump on the eat Sleep Facebook group and just
(15:42):
see if there's any other shitter out there that would
love to grab a coffee one day and really try
to like start expanding your network. Join a netball team,
take the two year old oh if you know you
know that jokes from last year, or maybe wishful thinking,
do those library you know those book things that Key recommends,
the rhyming, singing things that the library, start making some friends,
(16:06):
really put yourself out there. We'll link it in the
show notes the episode to how to Make friends, because
it is really bloody hard when you're an adult. But
I'm really sorry that happened to you, and that your
child's father is such a piece of shit. I personally
wouldn't just roll over and take that. However, I'm a
vengeful bitch, So oh my god, I've just realized he
(16:26):
was your husband. Wow, Okay, that just changes the game.
I clearly didn't concentrate enough when I was reading that.
So you know these blokes family, you know these blokes
like workplace, Well, get on LinkedIn and start getting on
the blower and just absolutely rinsing this bastard because no
one would be okay with that sort of behavior. Why
does it feel like it would be easier to parent
(16:47):
as a single parent. I'm not gonna lie. I feel
like every single mother in particular has felt like this before. However,
I think you probably just having a really bad day
or really bad week. If you are thinking like that,
you need to really sit down and actually list out
what you're doing versus what your partner's doing. I know
(17:07):
it sounds very sexy, but I think it really can
help if you logistically sort of map out what you're
both responsible for and make sure that your partner is
taking their fair share of the work, because they absolutely
need to express that to your partner and potentially look
into marriage counseling or partner counseling, couple's counseling. Oh my god, Kelly,
(17:28):
because I think it's a very normal feeling to feel.
But it just means that you are really stressed and
really overwhelmed, or maybe you've got a bloke similar to this.
Why am I just assuming it's a bloke. It's because
chicks don't behave like this unless you've got another piece
of shit husband, in which case fuck him off, because yeah,
you would be better off. This one's so funny. My
(17:49):
brother and sister in law have a perfect angel baby
who sleeps fifteen hours a night. We have a terror
toddler who we still put to sleep with fear and trembling,
hard relate. They're very smug about it. Do I tell
them they got lucky and not actually the next parenting gurus?
Or am I just being a petty tired parent probably
absolutely call them out. We need to have more humor
(18:11):
about these things. I've got a couple of girlfriends with
angel children, angel babies that just actually are angels, And yeah,
do my friends sort of think that it's because that
they followed these parenting books to the tea or they
just are angel parents potentially, But then a lot of
them are also very realistic about, oh, they just got lucky.
But I did say to one of my girlfriends when
(18:34):
I was at Wayne Balley, because she was being so
annoying and smug about her actual angel of a human,
I go, I fucking hope because she wants more. I
was like, I hope your next one's a devil. And
she was like, Kelly, you can't say that, and I said,
(18:56):
yes I can, Yes, I can. You're being smug and
you're being annoying, and it's nothing to do with you.
The baby's just got a really good temperament. Actually, it
probably does have something to do with her, because both
her and her partner are so lovely and easy going
and calme. So, yeah, the baby's got their temperament. But
I'm just like, you know what, do it in a
really light way, because people need to be able to
(19:18):
joke about this sort of thing, have a sense of humor.
Hopefully they do too. I'm sure that they do. Most
people do. Okay, So are you just being a tired
and petty parent? Yes, but that's okay. It's annoying when
people are smug about things, all right. Also, I love
to tell people that have really easy babies and children
that their children are just going to grow up with
(19:38):
no personality, and that all of the really spirited children
are the people with really big personalities. Does that make
me petty? It awful? Potentially, But does it make me
feel better astronomically? What's the worst thing about parenting? So generally,
I would say their sicknesses and the fact that they
give everything to you, and then you're expected to look
after them even though you feel like death warmed up.
(20:01):
You can't send them to daycare, even though that's where
they got it. You've got to keep them home. You've
got to pay for the daycare, and you don't get
paid because you're at home with them. And then you're
dying and it takes them two days to get over
something and it takes you two weeks, and you're never
quite the same again with every single sickness. But after today,
you know what I Am going to add to that list?
The food I hungry? I eat I hungry. Oh, but
(20:26):
you're not actually hungry. Literally, before I started recording, there
was banana bread. There was grapes, There was a muffin,
There was strawberries. There was those chocolate covered rice crackers.
There was sultanas. There was an old half eaten popper.
Nothing because it wasn't what he wants to eat. But
sometimes he doesn't even know what he wants to eat.
They want to live off shit, and they are going
(20:49):
to scream at you. Oh once again, probably only the
sassy children that have a personality. Yes, I'm going to
say that because it makes me feel better than just
thinking to myself that I'm an awful mother. Yeah, I
would add the whole food thing to the list. I've
given up in a lot of ways. I don't cook
that much anymore, stuff specifically for him, because he wasn't
eating anything, and most of it would end up thrown
(21:11):
at me. Not it wasn't, that's an exaggeration, but it
would just be left on the plate. And I'd spend
so much money and slave so much time and I
was like, I simply shall not be doing this. Have
some baked beans, Fuck the microplastics, fuck the carcinogenics. You'll
be absolutely fine. If not, everything's giving as cancer, so
we're all fucked anyway. I'm not sure if I want
(21:32):
another baby. I like being able to give my little
boy everything and give him all of my attention, and
I'm not sure I want to split my time between
multiple children. But am I being selfish not trying to
give him a sibling. Not all siblings are close, and
that's something that I need to remind myself of all
the time. But anyone that wants a good excuse or
(21:52):
a good reason not to have a second child needs
to come to me. Let's just start a one and
done club. Okay, maybe that'll be a side project, a
side podcast, if you will, where every single week I
just got on a big rant for one reason about
why I think that one child is perfectly sufficient. Okay,
(22:13):
I'm going to give you the lowdown, which is actually
what I was talking to my auntie about earlier, because
she was like, will you be having another one? And
I was like, I don't have that many years left
for people to be asking me that I understand why
there's a question, especially with like close friends and family,
but you know, at least in a couple of years,
they won't ask because they were like, Oh, in a
perfect world, would I like to have another baby? Yes?
(22:34):
There are some caveats to that. Should I admit this
out loud, probably not. Will it get me canceled? Potentially?
But I'm just going to be honest. If I was
guaranteed a girl, I would be more likely to have
another one. I know that it doesn't really matter, but
it does, Okay. I absolutely love my little boy. I
spoke a lot about ginger disappointment when I found out
(22:56):
that I was pregnant with a boy, and I spoke
about it, and people said, like, Lenny's going to find
this article. Who He's going to find this topic that
you've spoken about one day? How will do you think
that he will feel? I don't know. I think that
he'll be absolutely fine because there's not a chance that
that little shit head's not going to know just how
loved he is. He is so loved, like he could
(23:18):
not possibly be more loved, and I am so obsessed
with him, and I can't actually imagine having any other child.
You've also got to paint like, I don't know the
next child that I have, so I don't love them yet.
So when I'm thinking about this hypothetical child, I don't
know that child yet, so I'm just thinking about another
lunatic toddler boy that I don't know, and I do
not want that person in my house. Yes, of course
(23:41):
I would actually love them, and yes, of course I
would listen back to this conversation if I had another
boy and go, you're a lunatic. You are obsessed with
your children. But if I'm thinking about it from the
perspective and context of where I am at at the moment,
I do not want to live with more boys in
this house. And the ma gen only brew boys. Okay,
they only do boys. I did like this Instagram post.
(24:03):
I can try to find it to share about like
my pros and cons list having more children last year,
and I thought it was really interesting because a lot
of people gave their perspective and gave their advice, and
a lot of people like, you're being a bit selfish
because all of your reasoning is very short term, so
say within the next five years. And I thought that
that was so valid, But then I spent six months
(24:25):
out of last year thinking that I could literally die
at the drop of a hat because I had a
bomb in my brain, and it really changed things for me,
because we are so presumptuous that, you know, when we
think about having more children, it's because we want a
really big family and we want a big you know,
(24:45):
a really full table at Christmas or whatnot. And you know,
people say, oh, you need to think about what your
life is going to look like when you're sixty, not now.
But it's very presumptuous to just assume that we're going
to get to sixty to eighty, to whatever age we've
got in our mind that when we think of the future, Actually,
five years is a very long time to be miserable,
if not miserable, Okay that's a bit of a stretch,
(25:07):
but to have huge periods of misery. I thought that
the validity of everyone saying not everyone, but a lot
of people saying all of your reasons is so short term,
like think about the long term pros, yes, but long
term isn't guaranteed, and I also want to enjoy the
short term. Well, like I said, I'm very pro one
(25:29):
and done. Come and talk to me about it. At
any time, you're not selfish as long as you make
sure that your child has lots of time with other children.
It did break my heart finally enough this morning when
he said, why don't I have a brother? And I
was like, oh, there is not one day that goes
by or maybe you know, if he's really sick, where
(25:49):
he doesn't have a playdate of some sort with another child.
His life is so full of other little kids. No,
they're not siblings, but you're not guaranteed to get along
with your siblings. And me and my siblings did not
get along when we were kids. Well we did, I
guess when we're really little before like the Dickens, when
we were growing up, literal punch ups. And then yes,
(26:11):
as adults we're really close, but that's not guaranteed. I'm
very lucky. You're not selfish. You well, maybe you are,
but you've got to be selfish because no one else
is going to put you first, so you have to.
And it's totally okay to want to give you a
kid all of your attention, everything you've got, because also,
having children is really expensive. I do not know how
people have so many children if they live like in
(26:33):
an expensive era. I mean everywhere is expensive these days.
Resenting husband who gets to go to work is real.
I'm a freelancer, so I can't replace his income consistently,
but I want to work dot or dot ideas. This
is where a lot of people go wrong, I think,
because they think of his versus her, like you're putting
(26:55):
your two salaries together and just going who earns more,
without really that both of you chose to have that baby,
so both of you should be paying for the childcare,
and both of you should get to go to work.
Like it's not actually just about the money. So let's
just say your partner's like, oh, you can't replace my income,
(27:16):
so you'll just have to stay at home and the baby. No, no,
put the baby in daycare or get some sort of
help for the I don't know how old this baby
is or child is, and both of you equally pay
for it and then you both go to work Like
that just seems so silly that it's very common, but
I don't think people are really thinking about it through
because it's also your career, so your future earning potential
(27:40):
that is impacted by the decision to stay home long term.
If you want to, then that is fantastic. Stay home
as long as you want. But if you want to work,
go work like. Your partner's going to have to sort
that out with his boss because just because you earn
less doesn't mean that it's not a priority. Or your
partner needs to be home by a certain hour every
day and then you can go out for a few
(28:00):
hours and do your work. Because you're freelance like, you
need to come up with some sort of compromise because
it's absolutely not fair that you're looking at it from
the perspective, Oh, he earns more, so he gets to
go to work. No, both of you chose to have
that baby. Both of you have careers. You never know
with freelance work. Yes, the tough times can be tougher,
(28:21):
but the higher times can be higher. So you know what,
work your ass off, start earning more and then make
him be a stay at home daddy and see how
he likes it. I love being with my children, but
I hate playing with them. How can I learn to
love it? Once again? This is like such a you've
just seen on social media or seen in pop culture
(28:43):
that you're supposed to love it. You're absolutely not turn
it into something that you want to do. Though, Okay,
if we just did what Lenny wants to do all
the time, I would absolutely not love it. I've created
games that I enjoy that then he enjoys doing kids.
If you're doing it with them, they're pretty happy. We
clean the walls sometimes, if the walls like, we do
(29:05):
chores around the house. I don't really want to do
that either, but they need to be done. We turn
everything into a game. You might put some fun music on.
We do adult puzzles instead of children's puzzles. He doesn't care.
I try to get pretty pictures that he likes. Like
we're doing one at the moment. There's a boat, there's
heaps of cool pretty flowers, there's heaps of animals. So no,
it's not like a fifty piece or patrol puzzle, but
(29:26):
it's a huge one and then it's like a big
accomplishment where we get to finish it together. Also, just
realize that it's not all about you, like, get them
to do some stuff, and then sometimes you do have
to play with them. But yeah, games that you like.
I love playing Lego because I find it really fun.
It's very annoying when he tries to come and help
me with my house. I'm like, no, no, you play
over there. I really like to color. I love craft.
So just pick and choose the things that you play
(29:48):
with them with the things that you love, and then
every now and then play something like I don't know
hard and go seek that you don't want to, or
bloody cars. I can't stand just pretending to push them.
So that's what I don't like playing. My two year
old is unhinged and his big feelings are off the charts.
I'm twenty two weeks pregnant. How do I keep my
cool and employ good parenting techniques while absolutely exhausted. Well,
(30:14):
I don't think you always need to keep your cool.
I think that that is a silly, silly myth that
social media and parenting experts have taught us. And then
we feel really bad because we do lose our shits.
What I do now I try to think about what
percent of the time I've lost my shit, and if
it's a really small percent, I'm like, you did a
good job today. You did a good job. It is
(30:36):
very hard to deal with small people with such big feelings,
and I can't imagine how hard it is when you're pregnant,
probably not enjoying being pregnant. I don't know that many
people that do. Take a breath. Make sure that you're
having enough space by yourself and space with other people
that aren't your toddler, because yeah, that shit is absolutely rough,
(30:57):
but be a little bit kind to yourself. You're doing
the best that you can. How to stop two year
old from spitting my my min This was sent in
to someone that I think that they had a lot
more faith in my parenting advice. What do you mean
your child is spitting like? Are they an alpacker? Are
they or alarm or whatever it is that just goes
(31:19):
or are they doing like a in which case I
feel like it's probably pretty normal. I don't know that one.
I really can't help with, no idea, no idea. It's
kind of to me. Yes, it's of course a rude
thing to be doing to strangers, but apart from being
a little bit gross, it's kind of funny. I don't
know how to transition toddler out of cot into single
(31:43):
bed because he's climbing out of KOT. He will just
walk out if he doesn't want to sleep, As I
think I mentioned this earlier in the episode. It's so
crazy that like there's these sleep experts that make me
feel like shit because they're like, oh, you're toddler needs
to still be having least twelve hours of sleep in
a twenty four hour period, so if they're not napping overnight,
(32:05):
and I'm like, sorry, what now? You cannot force someone
to sleep that doesn't want to sleep, Like you can
force them to sit in a very dark room with
you with the sounds on, with no stimuli, and yes,
eventually they will go to sleep because they are so
tired after screaming their absolute head off. But yeah, you
can't like just hold your child's eyes shut and hold
(32:28):
them down with one arm and hope to God that
they go to sleep. Some kids are really good sleepers,
and they're really good with disciplines. You say, hey, go
to bed, it's bedtime, and they'll just go to bed.
I still don't think that they probably are just falling asleep.
Maybe they're just playing with their toys quietly in bed,
or maybe they are, but then they probably have high
sleep needs or they're just more disciplined children. I have
(32:52):
a best friend that literally tells her three kids two,
four and seven to go to bed, and they just
at six thirty every night and they just go to bed,
do as they're told. And I think my Momi, my
kid didn't have an app and I was still battling
with him at nine pm. If they're climbing out of
the cot, I would put them back in a snug sleepsack,
(33:13):
especially as we're going into the colder months, because the
sleep sack stops them from being able to get out
of the cot, and that will stop them y eating
themselves out of the cot. Otherwise, Yeah, you really can't
force them to stay in bed. Do you love your
lifestyle or do you want more? Oh? Don't we always
(33:34):
want more? Isn't that what life is about? Always driving
for the next big thing. I'm pretty happy with my
lifestyle though, and I know that I'm very lucky. I
have such a good group. I've got real good girlfriends,
and I have the luxury because I only have one kid,
and I guess because my finances allow that I can
(33:57):
go out with them quite regularly, like I always at
least one dinner a week with girlfriends, which I know
is very unrealistic for a lot of people, which is
why I said I'm very lucky. That's the sort of
thing that keeps me so sane though. That's why I
think it's so important. I love netball. I love that
I live so close to my sister and she's got
kids the same age. Yes, and now that Lenny's that
(34:18):
little bit older and more independent, I really love that
I can do things like go to Bali for a
long weekend because Bali is my favorite place in the
entire world. So yes, I love my lifestyle. Yes, I
of course want more, namely a little bit more space
in a house. But yeah, I think that that's what
that question means. Okay, next question, no village. I have
(34:40):
endo and fatigue, need IVF to conceive thirty six years old,
sitting on the fence whether to try to conceive baby
number two if it's even a possibility. I have a
three year old miracle already. Oh, I'm probably the wrong
person to usk because I'm going to tell you to
go back and listen to my reasoning on one and done.
(35:02):
I don't know. It just sounds like a lot of
further heartbreaking work, time, money, your body putting it on
the line for the potential of another baby. Uh, it
depends how much you want it. I guess I would
say that, yeah, you've already got one miracle, and just
really enjoy every moment of that. How to get rid
(35:25):
of the dummy. My baby is two years and four months.
Lenny was almost three when he got rid of the
dummy completely. Everyone has different advice about when to get
rid of the dummy. I reckon you do what's right
for you, or whoever is giving you advice that you're trusting,
because I just think like, let's take a little bit
of pressure off ourselves. Everyone that was like, oh, yeah,
(35:48):
but they're going to need dental work. Sorry, Me and
my husband have both had braces twice. Okay, he is
going to need dental work anyway. Things aren't looking good
in the mouth department. If it's not affecting this speech
too much, I don't know, is it really something that
we're going to worry about. They're not going to be
taking a dummy to school with them, are they. So
from about two we moved the dummy to just bedtime
(36:10):
and nap time or like a car trip or whatnot.
My thing was three. Because the pediatric that we have
used since Lennie was really little, I just go by
what he says okay, because I think it's easier just
to follow one person's advice rather than listening to twelve
million different people's advice. That's why I mean what I
mean when I say, you find one person, follow their advice,
(36:32):
he said. At Lenny's two year old checkup, I was like, oh,
he still has a dummy. He was like, don't worry
about it, just get rid of it by three. I'm
a stickler for the rules and I'm scared of authority.
So a couple of weeks before his third birthday, I
was like, ah, no, we need to get rid of
it now before I take him for his three year
check up. For Lenny, I simply said to him one night,
(36:52):
I was like, okay, Bud, you're a big boy now.
You don't need several forms of comfort. You can either
sleep in mummy's bed, mummy and daddy's bed without a dummy,
or you can sleep in your bed with the dummy.
And I said this to him because I trusted my
child and my knowledge of my child enough to know
(37:12):
that hands down, he would choose to sleep in my
bed with me as his comforter any day over the dummy.
That's how he ended up in our bed full time,
but without the dummy, so small wins right. He has
actually since moved into his bed again without the dummy.
But yeah, it was just as simple as that, like
offering up something better the option they have to choose
(37:34):
an option. Toddler's like to feel like they're in charge,
so you need to sort of give them. You know,
some people say that bribery is really bad. I think
that bribery is great if it works. Give them something
that they want more than the dummy. If you have
like a really spiritual child that you can't just be like, oh,
the dummy fairy or what other people use. And he
still does have it. Sometimes he'll get it in the
(37:55):
morning when he first wakes up for an hour or so.
I don't care. He literally just wants to suck on
it for comfort for an hour when he first wakes
up in the morning. You know what, I don't want
to speak twenty one for the first hour in the
morning until I've had a cup of coffee. Really, we
all have our little vice in the morning. I don't
really care if that's what he wants. At this point
of view, he's still really little help. I have a
sister in law who can't help but overstep boundaries and interview.
(38:17):
I hate conflict, but how can I get her to
butt out? Well, she's not your sister. Get your partner
to talk to her. That is so unfair that it's
all on you. It's your partner's sister. Your partner needs
to do the dirty work. Okay, that's all I have
time for today. I've really enjoyed having a tipple with you.
Hopefully you've found my advice a little bit entertaining, probably
(38:39):
not that helpful, but you know, it is what it is.
If you enjoyed this style of content, let me know
because I can definitely do this once a month or
so until Ms Keay Reese manages to rip her nipple
away from Suki Bear. Her name's not Suki, it's Suki,
but I like to call her Suki anyway. This episode
(39:00):
was you know what, we can't even really say produced
when it was this bad by myself Kelly McCarran, with
the audio production by the delightful Maddie Joiner, who has
to listen to this absolute mess. Apologies, please retin view
or don't if you really didn't enjoy it, and I'll
be back with you next week, hopefully, unless I throw
another overwhelmed tantrum and can't give you anything with another
(39:21):
episode of the Unhinged podcast for your Ears about the
madness that is motherhood and everything in between.
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