June 17, 2025 • 35 mins
There’s nothing quite like the internet to make you feel like a sh*t parent when you’re just trying to raise a toddler and post the occasional cute video. And look, we get it - people mean well. But when Kel shares a moment from life with her three year old and ends up fielding DMs diagnosing him with autism, it starts to feel less like support and more like unsolicited parenting advice from strangers on the internet. In this episode, we’re talking boundaries, overdiagnosis, and the emotional whiplash of parenting publicly in the age of constant commentary.
LINKS TO EVERYTHING MENTIONED
Baby Food Bible Healthy Muffin Recipe
The Goodread's Staff Summer Picks
HOSTS & PRODUCERS
Kelly McCarren @kelly_mccarren
Kee Reece Searles @keereece
AUDIO PRODUCTION
Madeline Joannou - Mylk Media
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
on today.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hello, and welcome back to Eat Sleep Meat.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Why change it even eat Brokenny, I'm Kelly McCarran.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
And I'm Kirious Cells, and it's a slight modification. Firstly,
let me just address the huge rouseby elephant in the room.
My poor voice. I'm sorry, I'm going to try and
make it through this episode. Hopefully it's sexy and not annoying.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Sexy.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
You're not squeaky?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Oh good, good, good, well in regards to ours slight modification,
if you will, we are erring on the side of
caution by removing the swear from the title, because, as
it turns out, swears are not very commercially friendly.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Who would think it, certainly not two goals with more
than thirty years of marketing experience between them.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Oh gosh, I know, I know.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Don't worry everyone, You're still our shitters. You can't like
stop that unfortunate nickname. Although Key suggest we change it
to eat Sleep Play Repeat, and I was actually super
excited about that because I was ready to be like
he plaius like. I just thought that that was quite fun.
But we're keeping it simple.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
It would have been so cute.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Yeah, we're keeping it simple though, Eat, sleep, repeat, because
that's pretty much just I mean, it sums up life,
doesn't it.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Yeah, And we'll know, we'll know that there's a swear
there that's just a silent sway, you know.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
And like if you're like Kiri Sels, you don't always shit,
so it's not a given.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
So true. You know what starts about our friendship. You
never let me lift anything.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Down and I don't forget anything anyway.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
On the show today, Kelly's annoyed about something today. She's
got some thoughts and she's ready to rant, but first
he can pit.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Baby, Yeah, queen, everything's through to shit.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
So I feel like my pit is a little bit awkward,
given you are the one you sound like you're really suffering.
But my pit is that last week my voice just
fucked off on vacation again. And I mean yeah, like
it was my first time working with the new head
(02:10):
of lifestyle, who I am obsessed with it, Mama mea.
Like I just clicked with her from the day I
met her. I just love her so much because she
was so worried and I was like, oh no, no, no, no,
the longtime ubies, people that have like followed me or
listen to any pod that I've done for the last
few years will know that my voice often more so
than average and on a lot of the time, like
(02:32):
when I'm not even sick, like last week I had
a mild cold at best, like I was just I'm
just a bit snotty, you know, which I pretty much
am the whole way through winter, like anyone with Toddler's is.
Even without toddlers or babies, I remember just always being snotty.
But the amount of people, you know, Kein I were
talking off Mike about how like, at least when it's us,
(02:55):
both of us are so flexy. We call it flexi
sexy with every thing that we do because we're like, oh,
no big deal, like we'll just do it this day,
we'll slott it in here, we'll do it at eight
pm if we need to, like we'll always just so
happy to work around each other. And our glorious audio
producer Mads is also quite like if we're like, oh,
I'm so sorry, Mads, but we're not going to get
(03:17):
it to you till you know, Monday and the episod's
up on Wednesday. She's always just so good. But the
thing is, when it's a big company like Muma Mia,
the amount of people that you are stuffing around because
it's such a huge production line. When you know, you
turn up and then your voice, you only get through
one episode and you meant to be doing five, and
(03:38):
everyone is just so lovely. But I just felt so
bad for stuffing so many people up. And it's also
just so stressful because if I can't use my voice,
I don't get paid. It's as simple as that, Like, yeah,
if you can't use the thing that you need to
do your job, and you work for yourself, you literally like,
(03:59):
there's no such thing as sick if you just don't
get paid if you can't do it. And so given
that I'm not even sick, it just makes it so frustrating.
So I need to do something about it. If anyone
remembers from when we were sort of discussing Christmas episode,
I was like, yeah, Christmas wasn't that great because I
had no voice the entire week. My voice completely disappears,
(04:20):
like I cannot get words out. So I can whisper, obviously,
but you can't whisper on a pod like this isn't ASMR.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
That would be weird anyway.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
So yeah, I'm going to actually investigate into a speech
pathologist that specializes in the voice, because it could just
be that, like I need to actually get my voice
box fitter so that I can fight things off.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
I do think though, that you and I probably had
the same thing, because Beck also got a Goldie who's
roused bestI her mum and she lost her voice as well,
And the boys have had this cough, so we've all
had the same thing.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
I haven't had a cough.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
It's not a cough all the time. It's just like
a random cough. But everyone lost their voice, so I
reckon maybe you just as someone who loses their voice
quite easily, maybe really sensitive to it or something. But
oh yeah, I never lose my voice ever, and I
always get tonsil stuff. I swear to god. It's like
whatever the thing going around, it's just like does a
number on your throat?
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Did Charlie and Rue get it?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Yeah, Charlie and Rue got it, but it presented differently,
and then back and I were exactly the same, like clockwork.
It was like fire in my throat, and then the
next day, no voice that's how quick it was. God crazy. Anyway,
Sorry I'm stealing a thunder. I'm just you know, I'm
right there.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Actually, Ah, you sound like you're way more there actually. Anyway,
So my peak is over the long weekend. Usually go
away for the long weekend because my parents live far away,
so it's the best, you know, to be able to
go away for the long weekend and visit them.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Actually, as you do too a lot.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
But I didn't this year because my friend had really
wanted to have well, I sort of pushed her to
have a birthday celebration, and obviously a lot of people
were away, but I managed to wrangle some of our
good friends and just planned.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
And I'm not very.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Organized, so I also like get very excited when I
managed to successfully plan things. I planned like this little
birthday soiree for her, and it was just so nice
to see her smile and everyone sort of celebrating, and
I made her a big dick cake and we're at
quite a nice restaurant and then I got really embarrassed,
Havan it was just a really unfortunate looking cake, but
(06:30):
she loves phallic shaped items, so it was just like
a really lovely day and it was just so nice
to celebrate her, and it's just such a good reminded
to people make the effort with your friends because before that,
I hadn't seen my friends since anne Zac Day, so
maybe a month which you know, I know isn't that
long for some people that don't go out that often,
(06:52):
but god, it really.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Just fuels me.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
As we've talked about before, and it just like it
brings me so much joy spending time with my girlfriends
and having great conversations and just laughing about everything.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yeah, one hundred percent, I love that col beautiful.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
What's your pit and peak?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Okay, well I'm going to try and share without crying
because it's a bit emotional crying.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
That's it's a safe space.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Over the weekend, I really reached my breaking point with
the three month sleep regression. Things are a lot easier
the second time around with a baby, no doubt, but
also you forget how bad it is. And also it's
a new baby, so how they present and that regression
can be different, and it definitely isn't our case. But
basically what had happened is that I had been contact
(07:40):
mapping all day, which I'm pretty used to because she's
a really sensitive gal and she just wants to be held,
and that is fine. That by itself is typically fine
for me to manage. But with the regression, it meant
that at night she was waking every half an hour
or every hour, and the only way that she felt
comfortable was sleeping on me. But because I was so exhausted,
(08:01):
I didn't feel comfortable co sleeping because I just sometimes
for me, when I'm that exhausted, I just worry that
I wouldn't wake up or whatever. So I had just
been pushing through and pushing through and pushing through.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
That's actually one of the rules about co sleeping that
you don't do it if you don't feel rested. That's
the right way to do it. That you felt like, no,
I'm actually just too tired, and I don't think that
I'm going to wake up easily.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yeah, Like I just felt like if I had got
into a position that was comfortable and I was like,
you know, and she wasn't moving like I would. Yeah. Anyway,
So I'd been pushing through and pushing through and it
had been really hard, and I was noticing that it
was really hard. And then I got sick, and then
I got better and then I got sick again. But
on the early hours of Saturday morning, she woke up
(08:50):
at four, I fed her, put her back down, and
then I couldn't get back to sleep. And typically in
the morning we would have a better stretch of like
for some reason, you know, at like five, I'll put
her down and then she might slip through till you know,
seven or eight. Usually there's a big stretch in the
early morning during the regression, which has been really helpful.
(09:12):
But I did not get back to sleep, and I
had my niece's birthday party, which RU was so excited about,
and so was I because I love seeing my nieces.
And Charlie's like, just stay home, like they'll understand. I
was like, no, like I really want to go. It's
in a hall. It's gonna be really chill, like it'll
be fine. I went, and my throat started to go,
(09:34):
and then I was talking and I just wasn't myself,
like I was trying really hard. My sister in law
was like, I'm really worried about you, like you look
terrible and you sound terrible. And then as soon as
we left, it was like all of that caught up
with me and my ears started ringing, my eyes were bloodshot,
(09:55):
I was nauseous, I was getting hot and cold. Like
it was a twenty minute drive from their home, and
I was just like so broken. And Charlie didn't even
like we didn't even park the car. He was just
like run upstairs, getting to bed now. So I went
upstairs and I got into bed, and I don't even
know if I slept because I felt like I was conscious.
(10:18):
It was like twilight sleeping or something, but just closing
my eyes and resting did help. Like when I got up,
I was like significantly better, but not still not good,
but it was bad. It was really bad because I
had such a physical reaction to the sleep deprivation, like
I was before I laid down. I was like dry
(10:39):
wretching in the toilet because I thought I was going
to vomit, like and I think it was a combination.
I think obviously I was getting sick again, which I
didn't realize. I just thought my stupid voice had gone away.
And then yeah, just being so tired and worn out.
So that was my pit and it was really awful,
and I think it's probably the worst moment I've had,
(11:00):
and the second time having a newborn for sure.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
And it also is exacerbated by the fact that you're back.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
At work now.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Yeah, exactly when.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
You first brought her home, as much as you could,
you could still just rest through the day. But now
you've got so many different responsibilities. It's just adding onto
that plus trying to buy a house, Like there is
just so much on your plate at the moment.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Yeah, it's a lot.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
And I could Oh god, I can feel it is
all that sleep when you're that tired, it's an awful feeling.
I'm so sorry. Like that's just like he's hoping it
passed as quickly. Come on, Suki girl, we need you
to get a bit better at sleeping.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Honestly, you're like, you know it's going to pass, so
you have this hope, but then it still doesn't make
it much easier at all. Like the knowledge is there,
but it's still fucked. Like I just don't want to
scare anyone at home, because obviously it's I'm loving it.
I'm loving being among the second time around. But I
think it's also just the sickness, right, because I think
rue was kind of the end of COVID, but everyone
(12:05):
was still really like it was still very careful. Yeah,
so we didn't get sick until she went to day care,
so anytime that there was a regression, and there was
never any sickness on top of that, you know, like
we were really healthy throughout. So it's just I think
compounding all the things at once.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
It is the worst part about parenting when you're sick,
having to parent. It is just because it's you need
to be taken care of when you're sick. And also
you're not thinking about when when Rue was a baby. Yes,
you might not have been sick as much when she
was going through different things, but you also then didn't
have a todd light and you weren't working.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Yeah, exactly, exactly because you.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Took a year off, and yeah, you did not have
a toddler with lots of feelings racing around the house.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Oh one hundred. So that was my pit. Now let's
get a little bit of positivity in the air, shall we.
My peak was spending the morning baking and cooking in
my pajamas.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
So, oh my god, you're so cute.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
We had a long weekend and I got up early
because Charlie had been well not earlier. I just got
up with Rue, put Bluie on for her, and then
I was like, you know what, I could go and
sit on the couch and be on my phone, or
I could just make some stuff. And I had all
this stuff to make these like chocolate muffins at Rue
Love's and also I really wanted to make her lasagna
(13:27):
for dinners, and I was like, fuck it, I'm just
gonna cook in my pajamas. And that's what I did,
and I just had the best time. Like Rue was
like glued to the TV. I didn't have to worry
about her. Suki was I think with me, Yeah she was.
She was like in the bouncer, just chilling out, very
chilled and didn't really care. She was happy to just
(13:47):
to sit and watch what I was doing. But I
just love cooking so much. I've always loved it. I
don't get to do it as much or as often,
and it just having these little creations at the end
they're so yummy. I don't know, it was just it
brought me so much joy.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
And I like, I don't know, you have to drop
the recipe for the muffins because they looked you sent
me a photo or they looked so.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Juicy and yummy.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
They're so good. They're from that baby food Bible. They're
not in the cookbook though, they're actually on their Instagram,
so I'll get the link and pop it in the
show notes. But my god, they're actually really good and
they've got like spinach and zucchini and them like healthy
chocolate muffins. You kind of been taste and they taste
fucking amazing. So yeah, yuh mu. It was the best
like morning, and then we saw our friends in the afternoon,
(14:31):
so it's just like a beautiful day and I really
needed that. I really needed like a little wind, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yeah, just a nice day where not everyone's fighting you,
including your own body.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
And yeah, yeah, so to talk to me sometimes, Dolores,
sometimes you have to be a high rideing bitch to survive.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Okay, it's can I be a bit resector? So what
would you like to have a wee moan about today? Cal?
A reminder if you're new, every month we've taken in
turns to bitch about something whatever really that tickles our
fancy and we do that for sixty seconds and then
we both discuss Cal's up this week. Let's do it.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Let me get into it, as Len has gotten older,
I've shared less and less of him and his behaviors online.
Firstly because I think that, like, I really struggle sometimes
to differentiate between my experience as a mom and what
I can share without completely violating his experience because he
(15:38):
is a small person now, not a blob like when
he was a baby. Yeah, I probably overshared, but I'm like, eh,
you're a baby, You're not a person yet. Secondly, I
share less because anytime I do share, I know that
I'm going to cop at least a few dms from people.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
They word it two ways.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
They'll say a be really straight up and they go,
have you had him as assessed autism or be?
Speaker 3 (16:01):
They'll insinuate as.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Much by being like, oh, Teddy did this all the
time when he was three. He turns out he's got
this hah. Sending solidarity and of course everyone means well. Like,
the community online is so beautiful and I'm very grateful,
and I think that it's lovely that people care and
that they're invested. But it's almost like being online removes
(16:25):
the general boundaries that we have in real life, because
I just don't know how many people would say to
someone in real life, especially someone that they don't know
at all.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
Have you considered your child might be autistic? I have
people close to.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Me in my real life that I've wondered about different
things with their kids, but I would never actually say
anything because it's not my place. I'm not an expert,
and if I've noticed something, I'm sure that the parent has.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Of the child.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
And I wonder if because we as a generation weren't
diagnosed with anything and so where or being not all
of this, but a lot of us have been diagnosed
with things as an adult. It's like we're overcompensating by
overdiagnosing everyone with everything.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
Like, at the end of the day, he's three.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah, he's three, Yeah, he's three. I've been kind of
dying to talk about this because the parasocial relationships that
we have on social media. For some reason, it baffles
me because people feel completely comfortable saying something that should
be quietly said in their mind out loud, Like, sure,
you can think things. I think. The mind wanders and
(17:33):
you can't obviously control what your mind thinks and questions,
but at the end of the day, just let that
be a thought. You don't need that thought to become
an opinion or advice however well meaning it is, and
like you never know someone else's struggle. I guarantee ten
out of ten a parent of a child has already
thought about possibly exploring something that you've noticed because you
(17:55):
are with your child. Twenty four seven. Like, I was
in a situation where I noticed something about a friend's
child said one thing. Found out much later. They were
very concerned about it and had been doing all the
good things. I was so glad I didn't say anything, like,
who was I to say something? Of course, I've noticed,
do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Yeah, although now I'm just thinking about one. So my
girlfriend and her husband, they're a nurse and doctor, noticed
a turn in Lenny's eye and said something to me
about it.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
I hadn't noticed that.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
That is like a medical thing, and.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
They are in the medical profession. And the only reason
they noticed it or said anything was because two out
of three of their kids had the turn and it
was affecting their eyesight long term. So they were like,
if you get on top of it anyway, it turns
out his eyes actually fine.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
But I appreciated knowing that.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
I think it's important to differentiate between something like a
physical ailment that someone may not have noticed. Like very famously,
there are always people who are on TV who are
like I was on reality TV and all of these
nurses reached out to me and said, like, the little
nodules on my neck looked big and that maybe I
needed to go and get that checked. And it turns
out that that celebrity, what.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Is it with you and next nodules?
Speaker 4 (19:03):
Key?
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Honestly, they're following me around, don't they. It's so funny.
But these people have said that they've ended up having
to go and get them out because they were like
pre cancerous whatever. So that is helpful, right, But I
think it's when you're like doing sweeping diagnosis of people's
kids when you haven't met them and you do not
have any qualification to do so. I know that you
may have lived experience, but calling someone some possibly autistic,
(19:27):
maybe just think that in your head and don't say
it out loud. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Yeah, I do know that people mean well, like there's
not a malicious intent behind anyone's messages or comments, but
like he's.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Three and I share tiny little bits of him.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
I also feel like the whole wording around AHHD and autism,
calling it a diagnosis when it's not an ailment, and
I know there's no other way to word it.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
I just think that.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
We're in this world where everyone is just so keen
to over diagnose everyone with everything, and we're not really
letting kids just actually develop, maybe at different rates to
each other, maybe with stronger reactions or more sensitivities to
other kids. Like all of a sudden, we have to
(20:19):
label everyone without just letting them be kids for a while.
I'll be having conversations with people and they'll be like, oh, yeah,
I'm getting my kids assessed, and they're like.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Two, yeah, Like your job is too.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Obviously, there are caveats to that, so say they're significantly delayed,
maybe you're pediatrician or GP has said hey, maybe go
get this checked or whatnot. But just because you think
that they're not reaching milestones as quickly as other people,
or that they're having more intense reactions to different things,
(20:54):
I just think that that's a spectrum of being on
a toddler.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Some kids have real big feelings and some kids don't
have as many big feelings.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
But that doesn't automatically mean that your child is autistic.
And I do think that kids are getting over diagnosed.
I am so sorry if I word something wrong. But
so my brother worked for the ndies and someone I
know went and had their kid assessed, and I was
very shocked because I just thought their kid was displaying
(21:24):
very average toddler behavior obviously though they know their child
better than anyone else, and they went and got the
child assessed, and the child was assessed.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
At a level two, which is quite severe.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
But then I was asking my brother and he was saying, oh, yeah,
they actually all put someone onto the next level so
that that person gets more support, which is great if
people need different support. But then because an autism diagnosis
isn't a small thing, and it would really sort of
change the complete trajectory of the way that our life
(21:57):
as a parent and his life. And I haven't talked
about my own diagnosis.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Publicly because I don't think it's that interesting.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
And I think, like as I said at the top,
none of us were diagnosed with things as kids, so
a lot of people are getting diagnosed with different things
as they get older. So then I do argue with
myself because I understand that the research has shown that
early diagnosis can lead to then early intervention, which can
(22:28):
significantly improve your child's development and quality of life, and
also helps a parent understand their child's behavior and find
more effective strategies to support them. Because with the arguing
with myself, on the one hand, I'll be like, I'm
such a boomer, I'm so my father, I'll be like,
bunch of bloody snowflakes, look at me. I turned out fine.
(22:49):
But then I think about it, and I think about
how angry I still am that no one ever picked
up on different signs with me, and how much I
still am struggling to figure things out, and how much
a diagnosis might have helped with things like when teachers
like they could have given me a separate area or
(23:10):
headphones for exams rather than me stuffing tissues in my
ears and not being able to finish an exam because
I was like rocking in my seat, crying because I
couldn't concentrate when there was a clock ticking or someone
was sniffing. And it might have helped my dad to
know that I wasn't being as spoilt brat as he
thought when I was like, I can't drink from these
(23:31):
different water bottles and then I would faint at netball
because I was so dehydrated because he'd still pack me
one anyway, and I'd be like, I'm not drinking from
that one, and then I'd faint because I simply could
not drink out of that vessel. I spent my entire
life thinking that that was sort of perfectly normal behavior.
And I mean I still do in a way, because
(23:52):
I still can't drink from different vessels and would rather
be dehydrated than do so. But on the one hand, yes,
it have helped me so much, But then on the
other hand, I just feel like we're sort of overcoddling
people because I still turned out just fine.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Well questionable. Now I'm just kidding, well, I think, well,
as you're saying this, like, I think that obviously the
trend is women in their thirties and older being diagnosed
with something like ADHD. That's a massive trend because historically,
we know, like when we were growing up, they only
thought boys had ADHD, and the way in which it
(24:27):
presents the boys is completely different to girls, is what
I understand. And I am not speaking from experience. I'm
speaking from what I've heard from different people and their
diagnosis and their kids and things like that. But I
don't think it's a mistake that the generation who were
underdiagnosed are having kids and that generation of kids are
(24:48):
now somewhat overdiagnosed, because I think that we are so
angry about the fact that we didn't have the opportunity
to have the tools that we may have needed, that
there is not a world that we want to live
in in which we don't want our kids to have
not have to worry about that. So I understand like
what you're saying, but I think it's honestly a director
(25:09):
reaction to the fact that we're a generation that of
women who really struggled with things like ADHD and not
knowing that we had them.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
And I think that that also probably has because the
thing with autism ADHD, if someone in your family does
have it, like it's more likely that you have it
if your parent does.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Yeah, exactly, exactly, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Like I always make jokes now to my dad, I'm
like you and you're undiagnosed at AHD, Like he's hyperfixations
and little idiosyncrasies. But it worries me and I also
just feel so upset on behalf of len because I
probably just get triggered when people say something like it's
(25:52):
always water off a duck's back. But I probably do
get a little bit triggered because I don't want him
to have autism, because I don't want him to have
to struggle with things.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
And when I see the shyness and.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
The way that he reacts to different things and the extreme,
extreme moods, I do see so much of myself. But
I have found just simple things so hard my entire life.
But I did just think that that was normal until
getting to an adult and figure out other people don't
(26:28):
actually feel like that. They don't need to stick straws
out of the car windows because they're so upset about
breathing in the same area as other people. Knowing that
makes it worse because I'm like, I don't want him
to find it hard to live in a world with
neurotypical people that don't understand. Even in a world that
is more understanding, everything is just so much harder for
(26:53):
different people, And yeah, I just don't want that for him.
A couple of weeks ago, I was chatting to a
colleague and she was saying her teenage son had his
very first lumber party for his birthday at his house
and she goes, oh, my goodness, you couldn't even imagine
just a huge bunch of twelve and thirteen year old
boys ninety percent of them are on ADHD meds And
I'm like, really, I'm surely they don't all need like
(27:18):
that is a serious drug. Where are we failing that
badly that all of these kids need to be on
such a hard drug, Like, surely not all of the
kids need to be on those meds. And if they
really do, maybe then we need to actually look at
the education system and how it hasn't changed in decades
(27:38):
despite so much change.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
In media in the way that we absorb everything.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
And that our own constant need for dopamine hits and like,
is it the kids or is it actually the system?
Speaker 3 (27:50):
Because I would say that it's the system.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
I was reading something about are we over diagnosing? And
it was like a study that someone said that it
proved that they were. And then the way in which
we does diagnos the lower threshold to get into it
is actually reasonably easy, like if you display some characteristics
of whatever thing that you may think your child may have.
And the reason they do that, right is because they
don't want to miss anyone who is struggling they want
(28:14):
to be able to help them. But what it also
means is like the approach that then has taken to
treat that person is almost the same as treating someone
who is scoring higher within that diagnosis. So I think
what needs to actually happen. And I'm speaking from a
place of no experience, so again I'm going to apologize
as well, but I'm just what I've read and what
(28:35):
that person said resonated with me is that we need
to be investing more in occupational therapists who can help
people maybe on that lower end and that may still
be able to navigate life without you know, more of
the intense ways of support that we see and kids
that maybe have higher needs. So I thought that that
(28:56):
was really interesting. I think it does come down to
because I thought you made me think of that then
when you said about schooling and how it hasn't changed,
and it's like, maybe the way in which we are
diagnosing kids hasn't changed in forever, and maybe that needs
to actually be looked at and re examined, because if
you are just sweeping all these kids into one box
and being like this is how we're going to treat them,
(29:18):
that might not be the best way forward, like maybe
other kids would thrive with a different and maybe a
bit of a softer approach, but again that's down to
resources and funding, which we know historically isn't great.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
I'm aware that neither of us have school aged children,
and other of us have had to live through a
child not being able to concentrate at school or anything.
So please take this with a grain of salt, like
this is just us having a conversation in real time.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
I myself have medicated, and I have been medicated since
a teenager. Yeah, yeah, been on and it depresses my
whole life. So I am pro meds. I have been, like,
that's the one thing I think that has really saved
me throughout my adolescence and into my adulthood has been medicated,
having a psychologist that I see. So in no way
do I think that you shouldn't do that for your child,
if that's what it needs to be. I think it's
(30:06):
just like opening up the question of what else can
we do to help support kids that maybe don't need
to go that route, or help parents to understand what
they can even do, or even me as like supporting
a friend like I've got no idea like if a
friend was to turn around and say, the kid got
a diagnosis, I'd have to go out and figure out,
like how can I support them? I don't want them
(30:26):
to be on that journey alone, you know.
Speaker 3 (30:28):
But is it a journey?
Speaker 2 (30:30):
This is the thing, like, of course if they're on
the severe end of the spectrum, but if it's like
a level one diagnosis, like, is there anything that you
can really do? Maybe it's more like a sensory thing
and not, you know, teach your kid that it's okay
that other kids might be upset about loud noises or
you know, darkness or whatnot. And on that note, I
(30:53):
do want the best for Lenny, but he's three years old.
Please stop telling me he's autistic.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
My first recommendation is actually a recommendation from a shitter.
This literally gave me my whole body goosebumps. It is
so good. So I'm just gonna play it directly from
the mum that sent it in.
Speaker 5 (31:18):
Hey, I just wanted to say something that I think
would be really cool for you guys to mention on
your podcast. At one point on Saturday night, I went
to a like a food market with my toddler, A
newborn and some friends and my toddler, my three year
old boy Sonny is a runner like we've lost him
on numerous occasions. It's actually pretty shocking. But on Friday,
(31:39):
we went to this market. My toddler jumped on the
jumping castle, which was fenced around the jumping castle. There
was four of us, me and my husband and two
friends watching him jumping. We must have taken our eyes
off him for a second. We looked back at the
jumping castle. We couldn't see him, but everyone thought, oh,
he's just around the corner behind the inflatable bits, and
so kept talking and I was like, no, no, no, I
(32:01):
know this kid. I walked over. He was gone. Honestly,
we lost him for about, oh my god, it fore
like three hours. But in them at night, so it
was pitch black. But markets so you know, lots of
like bright areas and stuff. My girlfriend switched into gear.
I do not know how she knew to do this,
but she just started screaming, yellow jacket, red stars, lost boy,
(32:23):
yellow jacket, red stars. And I'm not kidding. As I
was frantically screaming running around this market, these markets looking
for him, I had women passing me screaming yellowjacket, red stars,
and like it was goosebumps even thinking about it. But
it was the most incredible thing, and he was found
within like five minutes, but like you know, I had, honestly,
it felt like fifty women running past me screaming my
(32:46):
boy's clothes.
Speaker 6 (32:47):
At one point we had a bit of an issue
where a lady came up to be saying he's been found.
That girl over there has him, and I run back
and it was my girlfriend who was still screaming what
he was wearing.
Speaker 5 (32:58):
But I have never seen anything like it. I can't
thank my friend enough for jumping into gear like that,
because it was just me and my husband left our
newborn in the pram and just sprinted around this huge
market and we didn't have a hope in hell because
it was just a needle in a haystack next to
a park, next to a like river water canal thing
(33:18):
on a main road like anyway. I just thought so
long winded, and my baby's crying. But I think it
would be amazing for you just to mention that anyone
that has toddlers that are runners to just start screaming
we've lost him before. And I haven't been so lucky
to have someone standing next to me to jump into
gear like that.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
Do you have goosebumps?
Speaker 2 (33:37):
Such a simple but effective, amazing hack. I just feel
like every everyone should know that hack. Like even if
you don't have a runner, you don't have kids, knowing
that hack could help you find someone else's kid. And
my other recommendation is short stories, like for adults. I mean,
these are for you, not for your kids. Obviously, I
(33:58):
love to read, and I'm really short stories at the
moment because my problem is that I it's both expensive
and very time consuming because I will completely have a
fixate on a book or audio book and that's all
I can sort of do or concentrate on until it's finished.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
So with short stories, it's a few hours, so.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
It's like kind of perfect for the end of the
day nighttime, Like it's kind of like just watching a
couple of shows at nighttime instead you're reading a.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Little short story book.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
But a lot of authors actually do special ones, like
there'll be Amazon exclusives.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
You can download them on your kindle.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
They're also either free sometimes if they're an exclusive, or
there are a few dollars I'll pop some recommendations in
the show notes of ones that I've enjoyed recently, but
I am just really into short stories at the moment.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
On that note, fairly well, please rate and review us.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
We're off.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
Leave your questions in the link in the show.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Notes or in the SSR pod on Insta.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
We'll be back in your ears next week.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
We will. It was produced by US and the audio
production is by Mattie Joeannu. Bye Shit Is Bye.
We acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
on today.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hello, and welcome back to Eat Sleep Meat.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Why change it even eat Brokenny, I'm Kelly McCarran.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
And I'm Kirious Cells, and it's a slight modification. Firstly,
let me just address the huge rouseby elephant in the room.
My poor voice. I'm sorry, I'm going to try and
make it through this episode. Hopefully it's sexy and not annoying.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Sexy.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
You're not squeaky?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Oh good, good, good, well in regards to ours slight modification,
if you will, we are erring on the side of
caution by removing the swear from the title, because, as
it turns out, swears are not very commercially friendly.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Who would think it, certainly not two goals with more
than thirty years of marketing experience between them.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Oh gosh, I know, I know.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Don't worry everyone, You're still our shitters. You can't like
stop that unfortunate nickname. Although Key suggest we change it
to eat Sleep Play Repeat, and I was actually super
excited about that because I was ready to be like
he plaius like. I just thought that that was quite fun.
But we're keeping it simple.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
It would have been so cute.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Yeah, we're keeping it simple though, Eat, sleep, repeat, because
that's pretty much just I mean, it sums up life,
doesn't it.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Yeah, And we'll know, we'll know that there's a swear
there that's just a silent sway, you know.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
And like if you're like Kiri Sels, you don't always shit,
so it's not a given.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
So true. You know what starts about our friendship. You
never let me lift anything.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Down and I don't forget anything anyway.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
On the show today, Kelly's annoyed about something today. She's
got some thoughts and she's ready to rant, but first
he can pit.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Baby, Yeah, queen, everything's through to shit.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
So I feel like my pit is a little bit awkward,
given you are the one you sound like you're really suffering.
But my pit is that last week my voice just
fucked off on vacation again. And I mean yeah, like
it was my first time working with the new head
(02:10):
of lifestyle, who I am obsessed with it, Mama mea.
Like I just clicked with her from the day I
met her. I just love her so much because she
was so worried and I was like, oh no, no, no, no,
the longtime ubies, people that have like followed me or
listen to any pod that I've done for the last
few years will know that my voice often more so
than average and on a lot of the time, like
(02:32):
when I'm not even sick, like last week I had
a mild cold at best, like I was just I'm
just a bit snotty, you know, which I pretty much
am the whole way through winter, like anyone with Toddler's is.
Even without toddlers or babies, I remember just always being snotty.
But the amount of people, you know, Kein I were
talking off Mike about how like, at least when it's us,
(02:55):
both of us are so flexy. We call it flexi
sexy with every thing that we do because we're like, oh,
no big deal, like we'll just do it this day,
we'll slott it in here, we'll do it at eight
pm if we need to, like we'll always just so
happy to work around each other. And our glorious audio
producer Mads is also quite like if we're like, oh,
I'm so sorry, Mads, but we're not going to get
(03:17):
it to you till you know, Monday and the episod's
up on Wednesday. She's always just so good. But the
thing is, when it's a big company like Muma Mia,
the amount of people that you are stuffing around because
it's such a huge production line. When you know, you
turn up and then your voice, you only get through
one episode and you meant to be doing five, and
(03:38):
everyone is just so lovely. But I just felt so
bad for stuffing so many people up. And it's also
just so stressful because if I can't use my voice,
I don't get paid. It's as simple as that, Like, yeah,
if you can't use the thing that you need to
do your job, and you work for yourself, you literally like,
(03:59):
there's no such thing as sick if you just don't
get paid if you can't do it. And so given
that I'm not even sick, it just makes it so frustrating.
So I need to do something about it. If anyone
remembers from when we were sort of discussing Christmas episode,
I was like, yeah, Christmas wasn't that great because I
had no voice the entire week. My voice completely disappears,
(04:20):
like I cannot get words out. So I can whisper, obviously,
but you can't whisper on a pod like this isn't ASMR.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
That would be weird anyway.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
So yeah, I'm going to actually investigate into a speech
pathologist that specializes in the voice, because it could just
be that, like I need to actually get my voice
box fitter so that I can fight things off.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
I do think though, that you and I probably had
the same thing, because Beck also got a Goldie who's
roused bestI her mum and she lost her voice as well,
And the boys have had this cough, so we've all
had the same thing.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
I haven't had a cough.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
It's not a cough all the time. It's just like
a random cough. But everyone lost their voice, so I
reckon maybe you just as someone who loses their voice
quite easily, maybe really sensitive to it or something. But
oh yeah, I never lose my voice ever, and I
always get tonsil stuff. I swear to god. It's like
whatever the thing going around, it's just like does a
number on your throat?
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Did Charlie and Rue get it?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Yeah, Charlie and Rue got it, but it presented differently,
and then back and I were exactly the same, like clockwork.
It was like fire in my throat, and then the
next day, no voice that's how quick it was. God crazy. Anyway,
Sorry I'm stealing a thunder. I'm just you know, I'm
right there.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Actually, Ah, you sound like you're way more there actually. Anyway,
So my peak is over the long weekend. Usually go
away for the long weekend because my parents live far away,
so it's the best, you know, to be able to
go away for the long weekend and visit them.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Actually, as you do too a lot.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
But I didn't this year because my friend had really
wanted to have well, I sort of pushed her to
have a birthday celebration, and obviously a lot of people
were away, but I managed to wrangle some of our
good friends and just planned.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
And I'm not very.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Organized, so I also like get very excited when I
managed to successfully plan things. I planned like this little
birthday soiree for her, and it was just so nice
to see her smile and everyone sort of celebrating, and
I made her a big dick cake and we're at
quite a nice restaurant and then I got really embarrassed,
Havan it was just a really unfortunate looking cake, but
(06:30):
she loves phallic shaped items, so it was just like
a really lovely day and it was just so nice
to celebrate her, and it's just such a good reminded
to people make the effort with your friends because before that,
I hadn't seen my friends since anne Zac Day, so
maybe a month which you know, I know isn't that
long for some people that don't go out that often,
(06:52):
but god, it really.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Just fuels me.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
As we've talked about before, and it just like it
brings me so much joy spending time with my girlfriends
and having great conversations and just laughing about everything.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yeah, one hundred percent, I love that col beautiful.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
What's your pit and peak?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Okay, well I'm going to try and share without crying
because it's a bit emotional crying.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
That's it's a safe space.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Over the weekend, I really reached my breaking point with
the three month sleep regression. Things are a lot easier
the second time around with a baby, no doubt, but
also you forget how bad it is. And also it's
a new baby, so how they present and that regression
can be different, and it definitely isn't our case. But
basically what had happened is that I had been contact
(07:40):
mapping all day, which I'm pretty used to because she's
a really sensitive gal and she just wants to be held,
and that is fine. That by itself is typically fine
for me to manage. But with the regression, it meant
that at night she was waking every half an hour
or every hour, and the only way that she felt
comfortable was sleeping on me. But because I was so exhausted,
(08:01):
I didn't feel comfortable co sleeping because I just sometimes
for me, when I'm that exhausted, I just worry that
I wouldn't wake up or whatever. So I had just
been pushing through and pushing through and pushing through.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
That's actually one of the rules about co sleeping that
you don't do it if you don't feel rested. That's
the right way to do it. That you felt like, no,
I'm actually just too tired, and I don't think that
I'm going to wake up easily.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yeah, Like I just felt like if I had got
into a position that was comfortable and I was like,
you know, and she wasn't moving like I would. Yeah. Anyway,
So I'd been pushing through and pushing through and it
had been really hard, and I was noticing that it
was really hard. And then I got sick, and then
I got better and then I got sick again. But
on the early hours of Saturday morning, she woke up
(08:50):
at four, I fed her, put her back down, and
then I couldn't get back to sleep. And typically in
the morning we would have a better stretch of like
for some reason, you know, at like five, I'll put
her down and then she might slip through till you know,
seven or eight. Usually there's a big stretch in the
early morning during the regression, which has been really helpful.
(09:12):
But I did not get back to sleep, and I
had my niece's birthday party, which RU was so excited about,
and so was I because I love seeing my nieces.
And Charlie's like, just stay home, like they'll understand. I
was like, no, like I really want to go. It's
in a hall. It's gonna be really chill, like it'll
be fine. I went, and my throat started to go,
(09:34):
and then I was talking and I just wasn't myself,
like I was trying really hard. My sister in law
was like, I'm really worried about you, like you look
terrible and you sound terrible. And then as soon as
we left, it was like all of that caught up
with me and my ears started ringing, my eyes were bloodshot,
(09:55):
I was nauseous, I was getting hot and cold. Like
it was a twenty minute drive from their home, and
I was just like so broken. And Charlie didn't even
like we didn't even park the car. He was just
like run upstairs, getting to bed now. So I went
upstairs and I got into bed, and I don't even
know if I slept because I felt like I was conscious.
(10:18):
It was like twilight sleeping or something, but just closing
my eyes and resting did help. Like when I got up,
I was like significantly better, but not still not good,
but it was bad. It was really bad because I
had such a physical reaction to the sleep deprivation, like
I was before I laid down. I was like dry
(10:39):
wretching in the toilet because I thought I was going
to vomit, like and I think it was a combination.
I think obviously I was getting sick again, which I
didn't realize. I just thought my stupid voice had gone away.
And then yeah, just being so tired and worn out.
So that was my pit and it was really awful,
and I think it's probably the worst moment I've had,
(11:00):
and the second time having a newborn for sure.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
And it also is exacerbated by the fact that you're back.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
At work now.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Yeah, exactly when.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
You first brought her home, as much as you could,
you could still just rest through the day. But now
you've got so many different responsibilities. It's just adding onto
that plus trying to buy a house, Like there is
just so much on your plate at the moment.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Yeah, it's a lot.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
And I could Oh god, I can feel it is
all that sleep when you're that tired, it's an awful feeling.
I'm so sorry. Like that's just like he's hoping it
passed as quickly. Come on, Suki girl, we need you
to get a bit better at sleeping.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Honestly, you're like, you know it's going to pass, so
you have this hope, but then it still doesn't make
it much easier at all. Like the knowledge is there,
but it's still fucked. Like I just don't want to
scare anyone at home, because obviously it's I'm loving it.
I'm loving being among the second time around. But I
think it's also just the sickness, right, because I think
rue was kind of the end of COVID, but everyone
(12:05):
was still really like it was still very careful. Yeah,
so we didn't get sick until she went to day care,
so anytime that there was a regression, and there was
never any sickness on top of that, you know, like
we were really healthy throughout. So it's just I think
compounding all the things at once.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
It is the worst part about parenting when you're sick,
having to parent. It is just because it's you need
to be taken care of when you're sick. And also
you're not thinking about when when Rue was a baby. Yes,
you might not have been sick as much when she
was going through different things, but you also then didn't
have a todd light and you weren't working.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Yeah, exactly, exactly because you.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Took a year off, and yeah, you did not have
a toddler with lots of feelings racing around the house.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Oh one hundred. So that was my pit. Now let's
get a little bit of positivity in the air, shall we.
My peak was spending the morning baking and cooking in
my pajamas.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
So, oh my god, you're so cute.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
We had a long weekend and I got up early
because Charlie had been well not earlier. I just got
up with Rue, put Bluie on for her, and then
I was like, you know what, I could go and
sit on the couch and be on my phone, or
I could just make some stuff. And I had all
this stuff to make these like chocolate muffins at Rue
Love's and also I really wanted to make her lasagna
(13:27):
for dinners, and I was like, fuck it, I'm just
gonna cook in my pajamas. And that's what I did,
and I just had the best time. Like Rue was
like glued to the TV. I didn't have to worry
about her. Suki was I think with me, Yeah she was.
She was like in the bouncer, just chilling out, very
chilled and didn't really care. She was happy to just
(13:47):
to sit and watch what I was doing. But I
just love cooking so much. I've always loved it. I
don't get to do it as much or as often,
and it just having these little creations at the end
they're so yummy. I don't know, it was just it
brought me so much joy.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
And I like, I don't know, you have to drop
the recipe for the muffins because they looked you sent
me a photo or they looked so.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Juicy and yummy.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
They're so good. They're from that baby food Bible. They're
not in the cookbook though, they're actually on their Instagram,
so I'll get the link and pop it in the
show notes. But my god, they're actually really good and
they've got like spinach and zucchini and them like healthy
chocolate muffins. You kind of been taste and they taste
fucking amazing. So yeah, yuh mu. It was the best
like morning, and then we saw our friends in the afternoon,
(14:31):
so it's just like a beautiful day and I really
needed that. I really needed like a little wind, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yeah, just a nice day where not everyone's fighting you,
including your own body.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
And yeah, yeah, so to talk to me sometimes, Dolores,
sometimes you have to be a high rideing bitch to survive.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Okay, it's can I be a bit resector? So what
would you like to have a wee moan about today? Cal?
A reminder if you're new, every month we've taken in
turns to bitch about something whatever really that tickles our
fancy and we do that for sixty seconds and then
we both discuss Cal's up this week. Let's do it.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Let me get into it, as Len has gotten older,
I've shared less and less of him and his behaviors online.
Firstly because I think that, like, I really struggle sometimes
to differentiate between my experience as a mom and what
I can share without completely violating his experience because he
(15:38):
is a small person now, not a blob like when
he was a baby. Yeah, I probably overshared, but I'm like, eh,
you're a baby, You're not a person yet. Secondly, I
share less because anytime I do share, I know that
I'm going to cop at least a few dms from people.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
They word it two ways.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
They'll say a be really straight up and they go,
have you had him as assessed autism or be?
Speaker 3 (16:01):
They'll insinuate as.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Much by being like, oh, Teddy did this all the
time when he was three. He turns out he's got
this hah. Sending solidarity and of course everyone means well. Like,
the community online is so beautiful and I'm very grateful,
and I think that it's lovely that people care and
that they're invested. But it's almost like being online removes
(16:25):
the general boundaries that we have in real life, because
I just don't know how many people would say to
someone in real life, especially someone that they don't know
at all.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
Have you considered your child might be autistic? I have
people close to.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Me in my real life that I've wondered about different
things with their kids, but I would never actually say
anything because it's not my place. I'm not an expert,
and if I've noticed something, I'm sure that the parent has.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Of the child.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
And I wonder if because we as a generation weren't
diagnosed with anything and so where or being not all
of this, but a lot of us have been diagnosed
with things as an adult. It's like we're overcompensating by
overdiagnosing everyone with everything.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
Like, at the end of the day, he's three.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah, he's three, Yeah, he's three. I've been kind of
dying to talk about this because the parasocial relationships that
we have on social media. For some reason, it baffles
me because people feel completely comfortable saying something that should
be quietly said in their mind out loud, Like, sure,
you can think things. I think. The mind wanders and
(17:33):
you can't obviously control what your mind thinks and questions,
but at the end of the day, just let that
be a thought. You don't need that thought to become
an opinion or advice however well meaning it is, and
like you never know someone else's struggle. I guarantee ten
out of ten a parent of a child has already
thought about possibly exploring something that you've noticed because you
(17:55):
are with your child. Twenty four seven. Like, I was
in a situation where I noticed something about a friend's
child said one thing. Found out much later. They were
very concerned about it and had been doing all the
good things. I was so glad I didn't say anything, like,
who was I to say something? Of course, I've noticed,
do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Yeah, although now I'm just thinking about one. So my
girlfriend and her husband, they're a nurse and doctor, noticed
a turn in Lenny's eye and said something to me
about it.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
I hadn't noticed that.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
That is like a medical thing, and.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
They are in the medical profession. And the only reason
they noticed it or said anything was because two out
of three of their kids had the turn and it
was affecting their eyesight long term. So they were like,
if you get on top of it anyway, it turns
out his eyes actually fine.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
But I appreciated knowing that.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
I think it's important to differentiate between something like a
physical ailment that someone may not have noticed. Like very famously,
there are always people who are on TV who are
like I was on reality TV and all of these
nurses reached out to me and said, like, the little
nodules on my neck looked big and that maybe I
needed to go and get that checked. And it turns
out that that celebrity, what.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Is it with you and next nodules?
Speaker 4 (19:03):
Key?
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Honestly, they're following me around, don't they. It's so funny.
But these people have said that they've ended up having
to go and get them out because they were like
pre cancerous whatever. So that is helpful, right, But I
think it's when you're like doing sweeping diagnosis of people's
kids when you haven't met them and you do not
have any qualification to do so. I know that you
may have lived experience, but calling someone some possibly autistic,
(19:27):
maybe just think that in your head and don't say
it out loud. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Yeah, I do know that people mean well, like there's
not a malicious intent behind anyone's messages or comments, but
like he's.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Three and I share tiny little bits of him.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
I also feel like the whole wording around AHHD and autism,
calling it a diagnosis when it's not an ailment, and
I know there's no other way to word it.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
I just think that.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
We're in this world where everyone is just so keen
to over diagnose everyone with everything, and we're not really
letting kids just actually develop, maybe at different rates to
each other, maybe with stronger reactions or more sensitivities to
other kids. Like all of a sudden, we have to
(20:19):
label everyone without just letting them be kids for a while.
I'll be having conversations with people and they'll be like, oh, yeah,
I'm getting my kids assessed, and they're like.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Two, yeah, Like your job is too.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Obviously, there are caveats to that, so say they're significantly delayed,
maybe you're pediatrician or GP has said hey, maybe go
get this checked or whatnot. But just because you think
that they're not reaching milestones as quickly as other people,
or that they're having more intense reactions to different things,
(20:54):
I just think that that's a spectrum of being on
a toddler.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Some kids have real big feelings and some kids don't
have as many big feelings.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
But that doesn't automatically mean that your child is autistic.
And I do think that kids are getting over diagnosed.
I am so sorry if I word something wrong. But
so my brother worked for the ndies and someone I
know went and had their kid assessed, and I was
very shocked because I just thought their kid was displaying
(21:24):
very average toddler behavior obviously though they know their child
better than anyone else, and they went and got the
child assessed, and the child was assessed.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
At a level two, which is quite severe.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
But then I was asking my brother and he was saying, oh, yeah,
they actually all put someone onto the next level so
that that person gets more support, which is great if
people need different support. But then because an autism diagnosis
isn't a small thing, and it would really sort of
change the complete trajectory of the way that our life
(21:57):
as a parent and his life. And I haven't talked
about my own diagnosis.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Publicly because I don't think it's that interesting.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
And I think, like as I said at the top,
none of us were diagnosed with things as kids, so
a lot of people are getting diagnosed with different things
as they get older. So then I do argue with
myself because I understand that the research has shown that
early diagnosis can lead to then early intervention, which can
(22:28):
significantly improve your child's development and quality of life, and
also helps a parent understand their child's behavior and find
more effective strategies to support them. Because with the arguing
with myself, on the one hand, I'll be like, I'm
such a boomer, I'm so my father, I'll be like,
bunch of bloody snowflakes, look at me. I turned out fine.
(22:49):
But then I think about it, and I think about
how angry I still am that no one ever picked
up on different signs with me, and how much I
still am struggling to figure things out, and how much
a diagnosis might have helped with things like when teachers
like they could have given me a separate area or
(23:10):
headphones for exams rather than me stuffing tissues in my
ears and not being able to finish an exam because
I was like rocking in my seat, crying because I
couldn't concentrate when there was a clock ticking or someone
was sniffing. And it might have helped my dad to
know that I wasn't being as spoilt brat as he
thought when I was like, I can't drink from these
(23:31):
different water bottles and then I would faint at netball
because I was so dehydrated because he'd still pack me
one anyway, and I'd be like, I'm not drinking from
that one, and then I'd faint because I simply could
not drink out of that vessel. I spent my entire
life thinking that that was sort of perfectly normal behavior.
And I mean I still do in a way, because
(23:52):
I still can't drink from different vessels and would rather
be dehydrated than do so. But on the one hand, yes,
it have helped me so much, But then on the
other hand, I just feel like we're sort of overcoddling
people because I still turned out just fine.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Well questionable. Now I'm just kidding, well, I think, well,
as you're saying this, like, I think that obviously the
trend is women in their thirties and older being diagnosed
with something like ADHD. That's a massive trend because historically,
we know, like when we were growing up, they only
thought boys had ADHD, and the way in which it
(24:27):
presents the boys is completely different to girls, is what
I understand. And I am not speaking from experience. I'm
speaking from what I've heard from different people and their
diagnosis and their kids and things like that. But I
don't think it's a mistake that the generation who were
underdiagnosed are having kids and that generation of kids are
(24:48):
now somewhat overdiagnosed, because I think that we are so
angry about the fact that we didn't have the opportunity
to have the tools that we may have needed, that
there is not a world that we want to live
in in which we don't want our kids to have
not have to worry about that. So I understand like
what you're saying, but I think it's honestly a director
(25:09):
reaction to the fact that we're a generation that of
women who really struggled with things like ADHD and not
knowing that we had them.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
And I think that that also probably has because the
thing with autism ADHD, if someone in your family does
have it, like it's more likely that you have it
if your parent does.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Yeah, exactly, exactly, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Like I always make jokes now to my dad, I'm
like you and you're undiagnosed at AHD, Like he's hyperfixations
and little idiosyncrasies. But it worries me and I also
just feel so upset on behalf of len because I
probably just get triggered when people say something like it's
(25:52):
always water off a duck's back. But I probably do
get a little bit triggered because I don't want him
to have autism, because I don't want him to have
to struggle with things.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
And when I see the shyness and.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
The way that he reacts to different things and the extreme,
extreme moods, I do see so much of myself. But
I have found just simple things so hard my entire life.
But I did just think that that was normal until
getting to an adult and figure out other people don't
(26:28):
actually feel like that. They don't need to stick straws
out of the car windows because they're so upset about
breathing in the same area as other people. Knowing that
makes it worse because I'm like, I don't want him
to find it hard to live in a world with
neurotypical people that don't understand. Even in a world that
is more understanding, everything is just so much harder for
(26:53):
different people, And yeah, I just don't want that for him.
A couple of weeks ago, I was chatting to a
colleague and she was saying her teenage son had his
very first lumber party for his birthday at his house
and she goes, oh, my goodness, you couldn't even imagine
just a huge bunch of twelve and thirteen year old
boys ninety percent of them are on ADHD meds And
I'm like, really, I'm surely they don't all need like
(27:18):
that is a serious drug. Where are we failing that
badly that all of these kids need to be on
such a hard drug, Like, surely not all of the
kids need to be on those meds. And if they
really do, maybe then we need to actually look at
the education system and how it hasn't changed in decades
(27:38):
despite so much change.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
In media in the way that we absorb everything.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
And that our own constant need for dopamine hits and like,
is it the kids or is it actually the system?
Speaker 3 (27:50):
Because I would say that it's the system.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
I was reading something about are we over diagnosing? And
it was like a study that someone said that it
proved that they were. And then the way in which
we does diagnos the lower threshold to get into it
is actually reasonably easy, like if you display some characteristics
of whatever thing that you may think your child may have.
And the reason they do that, right is because they
don't want to miss anyone who is struggling they want
(28:14):
to be able to help them. But what it also
means is like the approach that then has taken to
treat that person is almost the same as treating someone
who is scoring higher within that diagnosis. So I think
what needs to actually happen. And I'm speaking from a
place of no experience, so again I'm going to apologize
as well, but I'm just what I've read and what
(28:35):
that person said resonated with me is that we need
to be investing more in occupational therapists who can help
people maybe on that lower end and that may still
be able to navigate life without you know, more of
the intense ways of support that we see and kids
that maybe have higher needs. So I thought that that
(28:56):
was really interesting. I think it does come down to
because I thought you made me think of that then
when you said about schooling and how it hasn't changed,
and it's like, maybe the way in which we are
diagnosing kids hasn't changed in forever, and maybe that needs
to actually be looked at and re examined, because if
you are just sweeping all these kids into one box
and being like this is how we're going to treat them,
(29:18):
that might not be the best way forward, like maybe
other kids would thrive with a different and maybe a
bit of a softer approach, but again that's down to
resources and funding, which we know historically isn't great.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
I'm aware that neither of us have school aged children,
and other of us have had to live through a
child not being able to concentrate at school or anything.
So please take this with a grain of salt, like
this is just us having a conversation in real time.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
I myself have medicated, and I have been medicated since
a teenager. Yeah, yeah, been on and it depresses my
whole life. So I am pro meds. I have been, like,
that's the one thing I think that has really saved
me throughout my adolescence and into my adulthood has been medicated,
having a psychologist that I see. So in no way
do I think that you shouldn't do that for your child,
if that's what it needs to be. I think it's
(30:06):
just like opening up the question of what else can
we do to help support kids that maybe don't need
to go that route, or help parents to understand what
they can even do, or even me as like supporting
a friend like I've got no idea like if a
friend was to turn around and say, the kid got
a diagnosis, I'd have to go out and figure out,
like how can I support them? I don't want them
(30:26):
to be on that journey alone, you know.
Speaker 3 (30:28):
But is it a journey?
Speaker 2 (30:30):
This is the thing, like, of course if they're on
the severe end of the spectrum, but if it's like
a level one diagnosis, like, is there anything that you
can really do? Maybe it's more like a sensory thing
and not, you know, teach your kid that it's okay
that other kids might be upset about loud noises or
you know, darkness or whatnot. And on that note, I
(30:53):
do want the best for Lenny, but he's three years old.
Please stop telling me he's autistic.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
My first recommendation is actually a recommendation from a shitter.
This literally gave me my whole body goosebumps. It is
so good. So I'm just gonna play it directly from
the mum that sent it in.
Speaker 5 (31:18):
Hey, I just wanted to say something that I think
would be really cool for you guys to mention on
your podcast. At one point on Saturday night, I went
to a like a food market with my toddler, A
newborn and some friends and my toddler, my three year
old boy Sonny is a runner like we've lost him
on numerous occasions. It's actually pretty shocking. But on Friday,
(31:39):
we went to this market. My toddler jumped on the
jumping castle, which was fenced around the jumping castle. There
was four of us, me and my husband and two
friends watching him jumping. We must have taken our eyes
off him for a second. We looked back at the
jumping castle. We couldn't see him, but everyone thought, oh,
he's just around the corner behind the inflatable bits, and
so kept talking and I was like, no, no, no, I
(32:01):
know this kid. I walked over. He was gone. Honestly,
we lost him for about, oh my god, it fore
like three hours. But in them at night, so it
was pitch black. But markets so you know, lots of
like bright areas and stuff. My girlfriend switched into gear.
I do not know how she knew to do this,
but she just started screaming, yellow jacket, red stars, lost boy,
(32:23):
yellow jacket, red stars. And I'm not kidding. As I
was frantically screaming running around this market, these markets looking
for him, I had women passing me screaming yellowjacket, red stars,
and like it was goosebumps even thinking about it. But
it was the most incredible thing, and he was found
within like five minutes, but like you know, I had, honestly,
it felt like fifty women running past me screaming my
(32:46):
boy's clothes.
Speaker 6 (32:47):
At one point we had a bit of an issue
where a lady came up to be saying he's been found.
That girl over there has him, and I run back
and it was my girlfriend who was still screaming what
he was wearing.
Speaker 5 (32:58):
But I have never seen anything like it. I can't
thank my friend enough for jumping into gear like that,
because it was just me and my husband left our
newborn in the pram and just sprinted around this huge
market and we didn't have a hope in hell because
it was just a needle in a haystack next to
a park, next to a like river water canal thing
(33:18):
on a main road like anyway. I just thought so
long winded, and my baby's crying. But I think it
would be amazing for you just to mention that anyone
that has toddlers that are runners to just start screaming
we've lost him before. And I haven't been so lucky
to have someone standing next to me to jump into
gear like that.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
Do you have goosebumps?
Speaker 2 (33:37):
Such a simple but effective, amazing hack. I just feel
like every everyone should know that hack. Like even if
you don't have a runner, you don't have kids, knowing
that hack could help you find someone else's kid. And
my other recommendation is short stories, like for adults. I mean,
these are for you, not for your kids. Obviously, I
(33:58):
love to read, and I'm really short stories at the
moment because my problem is that I it's both expensive
and very time consuming because I will completely have a
fixate on a book or audio book and that's all
I can sort of do or concentrate on until it's finished.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
So with short stories, it's a few hours, so.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
It's like kind of perfect for the end of the
day nighttime, Like it's kind of like just watching a
couple of shows at nighttime instead you're reading a.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Little short story book.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
But a lot of authors actually do special ones, like
there'll be Amazon exclusives.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
You can download them on your kindle.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
They're also either free sometimes if they're an exclusive, or
there are a few dollars I'll pop some recommendations in
the show notes of ones that I've enjoyed recently, but
I am just really into short stories at the moment.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
On that note, fairly well, please rate and review us.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
We're off.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
Leave your questions in the link in the show.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Notes or in the SSR pod on Insta.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
We'll be back in your ears next week.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
We will. It was produced by US and the audio
production is by Mattie Joeannu. Bye Shit Is Bye.
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