February 25, 2025 • 53 mins
Doctors told Emma she’d struggle to have kids. Now, she has two. This week, Kelly sits down with her sister for a brutally honest chat about her wild journey to parenthood - from IVF heartbreak to a surprise pregnancy, and then another.
Emma opens up about fertility struggles, navigating motherhood with a baby who never stopped screaming, and the absolute chaos of having two under two. She shares the emotional toll, the medical battles, and the moments that made it all worth it. Plus, Kelly and Emma unpack the importance of advocating for yourself when doctors dismiss your instincts.
GUEST
Emma
HOSTS & PRODUCERS
Kelly McCarren @kelly_mccarren
Kee Reece Searles @keereece
AUDIO PRODUCTION
Madeline Joannou -Mylk Media
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
on today.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I saw two or three pediatricians and that was a
good five hundred dollars a pop. I saw multiple gps.
I saw the community nurses, and everyone just told me
babies cry. We just sat in this bit of misery.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Hello, and welcome back to Eat, Sleep, Shit, Repeat, your
wildly unhinged podcast about the madness that is motherhood and
everything in between. I'm Kelly McCarron and I'm writing solo today. Ha ha.
He is in Newborn Territory. She's cluster feeding and it's
her full time job. So I have three ran over
the pod. But don't you worry. I'm not doing a
(00:44):
part two about ghosts. I've dragged my sister into the
studio to farm her for content and share her for
Ray Interparenting, which is a pretty wild story about the
dog and the puff aka my niece and nephew and
how they came to be. Em and I are strowingly
different people. She has a very sensible job in insurance.
She's very organized, like she you know, puts the toys
(01:06):
away and such, and basically she's in charge of the
chaos that is my life. Despite being the younger out
of us, we do both have the exact same wicked
sense of humor. She is a very funny person and
my favorite person to hang out with, and although when
we do have the occasional fight it is a grade
ay blow up, we generally get along very well and
(01:26):
have the sort of relationship you imagine or want other
people to have, because there's nothing quite like it. She
also lives just ten minutes away from me, which is
very handy and pretty much the only reason I live
in Sydney at this point. So welcome emy. All right,
So m it's just a bit of a tail. So
(01:46):
first of all, we need to get into you deciding
to have children, your dodgy genes IVF. Talk about that.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
My journey into her wanting children. I've always wanted children.
I was that person growing up who would steal everyone's babies.
I was so so excited to be a mum. I
don't know how many of you know this, but Kell
and I, our mum was diagnosed with ovarian and uterine
cancer probably about ten eleven years ago now. She had
(02:17):
some genetic testing done, so my sister, brother and I
all had the same kind of testing, and it turns
out we actually have a genetic predisposition to some different
kinds of cancer.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Beg your pardon you and brother Sam do. I was
the chosen one without the gene.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
And Kelly now lives with survivors guilt. What it meant
for Adrian and I when it came to having kids
is that we wanted to try IVF because we wanted
to try to take the gene out of our family
line with the genetic condition, but there's a fifty percent
chance of us passing it on to another child, so
it's quite a high percentage. So Adrian and I decided
(02:53):
to start doing IVF in twenty nineteen. We saved up
all the money and I was so naive. I went
in and I just thought it would work. There was
no perceived notion for me that it wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
She also told not one person that she was going
through it, including myself, Like, not one person knew that
she was doing IVF or going through IVF, which anyone
that's gone through IVF or knows someone that's gone through IVF.
It's not like just oh, I'm doing this. It's not
just like taking a medicine. And then going in to
get inseminated.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
No, we didn't tell anyone. So we did it the
same year Kel was getting married, and Kell had waited
a long time to get married, And even though the
firefest was the firefest that it was, we didn't want
to take away from that. And also I had this
idealistic notion that I would surprise everyone on Christmas and
tell everyone I was pregnant. So we started IVF, got
(03:47):
the medication, started our cycle. Everything was going along just fine,
as it usually does. Side effects were really crappy. I
was twenty eight when we did this, so I was
still quite young, and I just thought it would work.
All the initial testing when you do IVF and all
the discussions, they constantly prep you for it not working,
and so you meet with psychologists and all of the
(04:08):
healthcare team. They're keep preparing for you not to work.
But I just had it in my head it would
I had it all planned out, I had my announcement
to the family. I just thought it would anyway. So
we go to the day where we get our eggs
taken out. That was all fine. In the end, I
think we got about fourteen embryos and then they were
all fertilized, and then on day one, which is the
(04:29):
next day after, they called to tell me out of
all the ones they'd fertilized, only five had progressed, so
actually started dividing cells. Then I got a call on
day two and I was told that one of the
five had not made it to day two. And then
we waited the next four days until we got the
final results. And then I found out only one of
(04:50):
our five initial embryos had progressed and was ready to
be able to be genetically tested. So it went through
the genetic testing, which takes a good cup weeks, and
I still remember the dad I got the phone call.
I was at work and I got a call from
the clinic and they told me that the one embryo
we had had the gene that we were trying to
(05:12):
eradicate from the line. And with IVF, when you do
something like that, you actually then don't have the option
to use that embryo. Just say, if you're looking for
a gene and we find that gene, that's it, and
they dispose of it. I don't know another way to
say that. So we were very very upset about that,
and I'm sorry if this is a bit of a
trigger warning for other women who've gone through IVF multiple times,
(05:35):
because I can't I can't imagine what that's like. I
only did it once, but it was horrible. When you
have IVF, you do a follow up meetings with all
your doctors. So when we had ours, she told me
that the quality of my eggs was the same as
someone much older, like someone in their forties. She said
that they were really fragmented that there was basically no
(05:56):
chance of us falling pregnant naturally, and then we just
had to prepare for future rounds and she was going
to change the medication I was on, and also put
me on a range of different like vitamins and different
supplements and things like that, which she said she only
really uses on people who are older who are going
through IVF to try to just improve the overall health.
And she recommended acupuncture and a lot of other stuff.
So we started to say for our second round, and
(06:19):
we became quite lax about contraception because we didn't think
we could fall pregnant, and then Low and Bohole January
twenty twenty, we found out we were pregnant. I still
remember that first appointment with the doctor. I could not
understand how it had happened. So I hadn't gotten my period,
it was late, so I was like, oh, there's no way.
But I'd also was feeling a bit sick and whatnot.
(06:41):
So I went and took a pregnancy test and it
was positive. I booked in to see a doctor the
next day because I just could not believe it. The
doctor was really lovely and he just said for women,
fertility so much medicalized these days, but often it's not.
He's like, we can't explain how it happened, but this
happens all the time, basically. Then we told our family
(07:04):
probably a week or two later, my pop had passed away,
and that was very sad. It was my mum's last
remaining parent and it was she was very upset. So
it was really nice to be able to give her
a little bit of excitement and all that because it
was her first grandchild.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
But by that point Emma had told us all about
the IVF and that her and Adrian were really going
to struggle and that sort of thing. So we were
all like, what did you secretly just do her out?
Like what?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Everyone was quite surprised, So will we.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Then we found out that it happened in the caravan
at bloody Christmas trime.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
It didn't happen in the caravan, so yeah, So then
we told everyone we were pregnant. I had a pretty
normal pregnancy. I still remember. I did some spotting and
I was actually bleeding through some of my first trimester,
and that was a big concern for a lot of
for me more than the doctors, because they, I guess,
weren't as concerned about it as I was. But I
was quite worried about it because my embryos that had
(07:59):
been such poor quality. I thought that it meant that
I was going to likely miscarry. Thankfully, we got lucky
and that didn't happen, and everything went pretty well. I
had a pretty normal pregnancy. Nothing too exciting happened. I
was high risk because I've had hypertension since I was
about sixteen years old. I've been through all the medical
tests and everything. No one knows why. It's just something
I've always just had to deal with and I've been
(08:21):
on medication for years. Hypertensions high blood pressure for anyone
who doesn't know. So while I was pregnant, my blood
pressure actually got better, which was really strange. So I
was already in the high care unit at the hospital,
so I was seeing doctors all the time and they
were keeping a really class iron me, which was great.
But I ended up coming completely off on my blood
pressure medication when I was pregnant with Evelyn, and they
(08:44):
don't know how or why that happened, but it's like
my body fixed itself until I went into labor. With Evy.
I went into labor normally she was breached, so I
was booked in for a c section at thirty nine
weeks in a couple of days, and we tried the
ec be, the manual turning and things like that. None
of it worked, so they just booked us in.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
We need to find video to insert for socials of
Nanny trying to coax Evelyn around. I'll find the video
and pop it on socials so people could see. It
was so cute our grandma, who were both very close
to adore where like if she's still with us, she
does have dementia and doesn't know who we are most
of the time, but she would like gently caress Emma's
(09:25):
tummy and like try to massage Eavy around. I don't
know what she thought she was doing.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah, it didn't work. She was very comfortable in there.
She did not move. So I went into labor. Normally,
i'd have been having contractions on and off for about
a day, and then I started to bleed really heavily,
so I caught the hospital. They said to come in.
I went in. My blood pressure was up. They weren't
super worried. They kept us there for about six hours
or I was still bleeding really heavily, and then everything
(09:53):
sort of started to happen at once, which I think
is quite common for anyone who's had any kind of
birth with their complications. It's all very peaceful. In the
next minute, you've got ten people in your room. We
weren't told anything. They just said, oh, look, we're taking
you in now you can have your baby. And so
we were wheeled down the hall, went into the room.
Had a spinal If anyone else who's had my sea section, mums, no,
(10:16):
the shakes are absolutely horrible. So I was like vibrating
off the table. My poor husband. So anyway, we're having
the sea section. Everything was fine. They were jolting around
as they always do. At one point I did feel
them jolt my side quite heavily and I didn't think
anything about it at the time, but then they sewed
me up. Adrian went away, my husband went away with Evelyn,
and then I was wheeled to recovery and I was
(10:36):
in recovery for about four hours because my blood pressure
was really high and wasn't coming down. I also couldn't
really see so like everything was really glary, the lights
were really bright. Yeah, everything was really distorted. I was
shaking and I was felt freezing cold. It was a
really weird sensation. So they didn't let me leave. They
wanted one of the specialists. And when you have hypertension
(10:59):
impregnate and see you don't see cardiologists. You actually see
nephthrologists who look after your kidneys because that's the biggest
part of your body that can be affected through hypertension
in pregnancy. So they were waiting for a specialist to
come and see me. In the end, they didn't, so
I was wheeled off to the maternity ward because they
were busy. So I was there got to feed everyone,
which was nice. I was still feeling really strange, like
(11:21):
I still couldn't really see anything, and then.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Surprise, surprise, she was breastfeeding another child. Sorry, like I
said at the top, we've both got really bad sense
of the humor.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
No, I wasn't, But what was actually this was actually
really cool. I remember them asking me if I wanted
to breastfeed her, and I was like, oh, I don't
think I can. I don't think there's any milk in there.
And they just started squeezing my nipples and it started
just started coming out, and I was like, Oh, that's
really cool. I can't believe I did that. My body
did that. So then I was in the maternity ward
and I had some physicians come in and they started
(11:52):
playing around with my feet and checking my blood pressure
and doing a few things, and I was just off
in my own world. I was quite out of it.
Then hit the guy left, and then he came back
with another specialist and they started playing around with my
feet again and stuff like that, and then they the
next minute he was like, we're moving you back up,
like to a different unit of the hospital, back to
the birthing unit, And so up we went. Evelyn came
(12:15):
with me. My husband had gone home for a couple
of hours that time to walk our dog. Again. No
one really said anything to me about what was going on.
The next minute, I was just hooked up to a
drip and I had a midwife sit with me for
about two hours, just watching me. So it turned out
I had developed preclampsy and I was having what we
call hyperreflexia, so it means that when you do like
a test on a reflex test, it my limits were
(12:38):
not normal. So when they were playing around with my feet,
they were testing my reflexes, and my reflexes were going
completely crazy, and what it meant was was that my
brain was being affected by the high blood pressure. So
they put me on this strip called magnesium sulfate, which
stopped you having seizures because that was going to be
the next thing that was going to happen if they
didn't get me on it. It can also cause you
to your heart to fail, so that's why nurses sit
(13:01):
with you for the first hour or two because that's
when the dose is the highest, and then they drop
it down and then you stay on this strip for
twenty four to forty eight hours, depending on how well
you are. So I was just sitting in this room
for I think I ended up staying on it for
twenty four hours, so not the forty eight, which was good,
and it did start to settle things down, but I
still could barely see, like everything was still really bright.
(13:22):
But they dimmed all the lights in the room. And
I hadn't even told them that I was feeling like
that at this point. They just did it all. Everyone
kept quite a close eye on me for the next day.
Then I had all the specialists coming to see me.
They ended up moving me probably about a day later,
back to the normal ward. My blood pressure was still
really high, but I wasn't having any neurological symptoms anymore,
(13:43):
so they took me off the magnesium sulfate and instead
put me on a whole cohort of blood pressure medication.
I was on three different kinds of medication that I
had to take about five times a day, and I
was on that for probably four to six months, and
then all of a sudden, my blood pressure just started
to drop and drop and drop, and so I just
had to wean myself off the medication under their advice, obviously,
(14:04):
but it was really horrible. So if anyone else who's
had preclamsy before, I'm really sorry. It really sucks. The
medication makes you feel so unwell, your muscles all you
can't like I couldn't hold Evelyn, like I couldn't move
It's all. It was horrible, and I couldn't talk about
it for a long time after having her, because.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
You I hate this word, but I don't know what
other word to use, because of the trauma that you
felt when you were reflecting back, or because you didn't
want to be reminded, or you just didn't want to
talk about it. You're not a talker though, until after
the fact. We're very similar in that regard, and then
we all say things afterwards in each other or other people,
like why didn't you say anything? But sometimes it's easier
(14:44):
just to tunnel through because other people's sympathy or whatnot
aren't actually going to help. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
I don't know why I didn't. I just couldn't, Like
I didn't want to think about it, and I felt
like I was stuck if I did, so I just
didn't talk about it. I didn't do anything, and then
ys in hospital for a way while because they were
still concerned about my blood pressure and things can escalate
quite quickly when it's high for the postpartum period, so
they kept me there for a while. Then I got
sent home and.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
No one could visit you at the hospital because it
was COVID.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yeah, so lockdown one. So it was just my husband
in the hospital with me. And then yet then we
went home about a week later. Everything was fine for
a while, like we just settled into parenting life. Everything
was going fine. She was fit, like breastfeeding us finding okay,
like a bit painful, but not too bad, and everything
was chugging along. Then about it was probably about ten
days after she was born, Evelyn started to cry. I
(15:35):
don't consider myself a dramatic person, but she cried and
screamed all day every day unless she slept, and she
didn't sleep. She'd sleep for twenty minutes at a time
every couple of hours, so she also was chronically overtired.
But she did not sleep, and she just screamed all
the time. And I didn't know what to do. She
(15:56):
just screamed and screamed and screamed.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Babies cry, didn't you know. That's what every doctor likes
to tell you.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
That's what every doctor did tell me. So I saw
two or three pediatricians and that was a good five
hundred dollars a pop. I saw multiple gps. I saw
the community nurses, and everyone just told me babies cry.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Remember the night after it had started, I put a
call out on Instagram. People are so helpful. So I
went to the shops and bought every single thing that
was recommended, like grape water, like any single thing, and
got all these methods. And then I went over and
I'm trying to like give her gas massages, baby massages
(16:36):
while Ni's going at Eveline's just going ah, and then
I'm being a human snool like vibrating under her. It
was proper unhinged.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
It really was like Kelly was the only person. Well,
my mum was there a lot too, but Kelly, because
she's in Sydney, sat with my husband and I threw
this and it was so bad, and because everyone kept
telling us babies cry, we just sat in this pit
of miser for months. And then my husband went away
when Evelyn was about six weeks old. He was in
(17:05):
the army, so he was gone for six weeks and
I ended up. She was so unsettled that my dad
ended up coming to Sydney to get me and Evelyn
and bring us back to their place, and she screamed
so much, like they live on property that his neighbors
asked him what he was doing to his granddaughter because
she would not stop screaming. There was like she would
(17:26):
go hours and hours. We did the whole weitch I've
taken her a hospital before when she was screaming so much.
We bought the Wilby's and all of the everything under
the sun. Nothing worked, and every doctor continued to tell
me babies just cry. And she was also she vomited
all the time, and it's just she was just it
was horrible.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
As a first time mum. Em also was on the
younger side, like no one really in your friendship circle,
not many people had babies, so you didn't also have
a point of reference of what was normal. So you
just listen and to the medical professionals and thought, I
guess this is normal, I guess or babies just scream
(18:06):
like this.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Because I'd wanted a baby for so long and I
felt so lucky I'd had one, And then I guess
this isn't really a talk for right now. But then
there was the whole because we felt pregnant. Obviously the
reasons for us doing IVF were medical, there also was
there's a part of us it always worries still about
the genetic things. I realized I didn't cover up on
that before.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Can I just tell the wild part of that that
eavy and puff you finished yum can't be tested because
it's not consensual, but like, okay, but you could be
tested for chicken pox or like that is the silliest thing.
You could be tested for anything low iron reflux. But
(18:44):
you can't be tested because it's not consensual.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
So that's something that they never telled us as well.
We did. We have asked about getting the kids tested
because I just believe education and information is important. So
if they do carry the gene, I want to know
because I want doctors to constantly look after them and
watch out for them like they do for me. Like
every year, I have so many tests and things that
are run, and every time anyone is somewhat concerned about
(19:10):
anything or I have some kind of weird symptom, I'll
have an ultrasound a blood test. Like I'm probably the
safest person when it comes to any kind of cancer
diagnosis because yes, I'm more likely to get it, but
I'm also so much more likely to catch it really early.
So yeah, Evelyn's crying Adrian's mum has passed away. We're
very sad. He's working a lot, he's in the Army.
(19:30):
I'm on maternity leave going mad. I'd wanted this baby
more than anything, and she just screams all the time.
No one would tell me anything was wrong. I went
out to lunch one day to work colleagues. One of
them was a first time mum, and their babies are
just sitting there perfectly, and I just felt like I
was failing. She woke up every hour for the first
six months. I literally was just on autopilot. I was
(19:52):
so numb to everything. I just felt so out of it.
We went to Trasilian, we did all of the stuff
that everyone recommends, and still we weren't getting anywhere. Over
that period, Agent I did comfort ourselves with wine most evenings.
I know that's terrible, don't recommend, but we would drink
too much wine and then have sex. A lot of
you are probably thinking that's really weird given everything that's
(20:14):
going on, but I think it was probably the only
way we felt like we were connecting. Because, like anyone
who says that babies bring you closer, I don't understand it. Obviously,
I love him very much. But we both were at
like lockerheads all the time because this little thing would
scream at us all the time. I felt resemful being
at home with this little babyhood scream. He's working so
(20:35):
hard coming home to me miserable on her screaming. So
I think it was the only way that we felt connected.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
I'm still baffled as like, why would you want to
be touched like you're stick of You're so touched out
and like, but everyone's very different anyway, everyone's either wine,
everyone's very different. But you were on birth control. I
would like to remind yes.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
I was on birth control, and I was on the
mini peel and which they say is safe to take away.
You're breastfeeding, because at that point I was mixed feeding
because because she was so unsettled, I could not have
her on me all the time, so that having people
be able to give her a bottle really helped anyway. Then,
I because I was on the mini pill, I was
getting two periods a month, and it just was the
(21:16):
way it was. It had been that way for months.
I was just kind of used to it. And then
it got to the end of May twenty twenty one
and my period. By second period hadn't arrived. The week
before Kelly had called and told me she was pregnant
with Lennie. And then I didn't get my second period
of the month, and so I had some old expired
(21:37):
pregnancy tests from when I was felt pregnant with Evelyn,
and so I went and did one, and two lines
showed up. I couldn't believe it. I went to the
shops and bought another one, like one of those really
expensive manual ones where it tells you if you're actually
pregnant or not, because I was wanted there to be
no ambiguity, and yet said I was pregnant.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
When she calls me, she's sobbing, and then she goes
downstairs and Adriene is just staring into the abyss. Evelyn's
still screaming, and yeah, so you can get pregnant on
the mini pill and even those who have terrible eggs,
(22:18):
according to the fertility specialists.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
And before anyone asks, yes, I was taking it properly apparently,
and I don't know if this is medically correct, but
one doctor told me. This was my renal specialist who
I had to go back and see obviously because of
my blood pressure issues with Evelyn. She told me that
the mini pill doesn't work as effectively once you stop breastfeeding,
and I've stopped breastfeeding a couple of weeks before this.
(22:41):
So after we found it we're pregnant with Wesley, we thought, okay,
well we need to sort out the first one being Evelyn.
So I booked in an appointment that day with this
doctor i'd been seeing at the time and said, we
need to fix this. Something's not right. No one's listening
to me. Please help us. We've just found out we're
(23:02):
pregnant again. So she's like, okay, well let's try let's
see if it's reflux. She's vomiting a lot, maybe it's reflux.
So she puts her on reflex meds. Look, it helps
a little bit. It's not a significant improvement, it helps
a little bit. She's still waking all the time. So
then we try all of the different sleep training options.
Please don't judge me, but we tried them all. A
couple of months after she started on the reflex meds,
(23:25):
I posted a video of her and said something about
her vomiting all the time, and this doctor followed me
on Facebook and Instagram, and so she calls me out
of the blue and says, oh, you mentioned she's still
vomiting in your story. I want you to try putting
her on a dairy free formula. And she's like, I
mean completely dairy free. There's only one you can buy
(23:46):
that's not prescription. And she's like, there's actual allergies babies
can have to dairy and so we did that. I
did that that day. It was very expensive. In two weeks,
she was sleeping for longer and crying less. Within six weeks,
we had like a completely different baby. She was so settled.
She started to actually gain weight, she started to have
(24:08):
normal poos, and she was so happy. Then she started
to eat more solid foods because she started to get older,
and then she starts to have really gross poos and
sorry this is gross for anyone, but she's literally pooing
out her food whole. She would pooh and there would
be orange in her like I'm not on corn, I
mean like orange and apple, like bits of actual chunks
(24:29):
of food. And I was like, this isn't normal. We're
on a list to see an allergy specialist. And then
we saw the allergy specialist when she was one and
like two months I think, and I walk into this room,
she'd also started screaming again all the time, Like I
would pick her up from daycare, heavily pregnant, she would
scream and scream and scream. She would roll around on
(24:49):
the ground screaming when we got home and just scream
until bedtime. We see this allergy specialist, and I just
looked completely desperate. He was not particularly kind or helpful
all but he did do allergy testing on her, and
it turned out she tested positive on the skin prick
testing to dairy and soy. And it turns out soy
was the one that was actually impacting her most. It
(25:12):
was causing all of the terrible like the disgusting pousan like.
It was just upset her stomach so much so. And
that's why for a short window of time it was
good when she was just on this dairy free formula
because there was also no soy in that formula, so
she was the only window of time where she was
a happy, normal sort of baby. It's wild that not
(25:32):
one doctor like cows and protein milk and allergies and
soy is actually not that uncommon. Like it's wild that
not one doctor picked that up. I feel like I'm
much less of an asshole after having Evelyn as a baby,
because I was that person who'd be like, oh, you're
gluten free too, Like I was an asshole. I was,
and I think that's what a lot of doctors did
(25:53):
to me. They're like, Oh, another mom who think her
baby's got reflux. Another mom who says her baby's not
sleeping and crying. That's what babies do. I have so
much more patience and I'm so much more open because
I've never experienced anything that like that in my life.
So Evelyn starts on this really restrictive diet. Finding food
(26:15):
without soy in it is so hard. You can't give
them normal bread. She was on such a restricted diet,
but it worked like her. Poo's previously were so bad.
I had the ladies at day care calling and talking
to me about it. Not diarrhea, just disgusting.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
One day I was looking after and I didn't realize
that there was soy in the batter in KFC. Well
that's what I got for ordering my niece KFC for lunch.
I literally had to hose her down in the shower
like a small dog. There was feces everywhere.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Yeah, so we got her on a very restricted diet.
It again really helped and she started to settle a bit.
Then I it was my mother in law's death anniversary,
so like it was one year to the day since
she'd passed away, and I started to feel a bit funny,
like I wasn't feeling great, Like I was thirty five
weeks pregnant. I was like, I'm not feeling good. So
(27:05):
I was like, and my husband was talking to his
sister overseasing on the phone because they were talking about
their mum and whatnot, and she's had a baby, and
she was just sort of like, oh, I hope Emma's
all right, and was making jokes because I was also
experiencing intermittent pain. I was thirty five weeks. And then
I sat on the lounge for most of the night.
And I'm normally not the type of person who can
just sit around. I normally like to do twenty brilliant things,
(27:26):
and so I just sat there, and the pain's getting
worse and a bit more frequent, and I was like,
this feels familiar. But I did think it was Braxton
Hicks because it was thirty five weeks. I was like, Nah,
it's fine, it'll yeah, it won't actually be labor. I'll
just sit and wait it out. They were going to
book me in for another C section because the babies
were so close together. The hospital that I was going
to they didn't actually allow you to try for a
(27:47):
v back when the babies was close together as mine,
so and to after everything happen with Evelyn's birth, I
didn't mind the idea of having something planned and knowing
what I was expecting in a gap. I was worried
about going into labor earlier than I did because Evelyn
I was thirty eight weeks, so I wanted them to
book it in earlier, but they said, because of health reasons,
they wanted to wait till I was thirty eight or
(28:08):
thirty nine weeks, which was fine, but then, yeah, thirty
five weeks, I'm in a lot of pain. I called
the hospital and I was like, what do you want
me to do? And they were like, oh, and my
blood pressure throughout this pregnancy as well. I didn't touch
on that. My blood pressure was pretty good. I was
on medication the whole time, but it didn't I didn't
go completely off at lack last time, but it was
pretty manageable. Yeah, it's COVID as well. So we'd spent
(28:29):
most of the time just by ourselves.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
So picture this baby that hasn't shut up and stopped
screaming through lockdowns as well.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
You can't escape. It was pretty hrah. But she's a
beautiful girl. Now, she's the sweetest thing in the world.
She is it anyway, So I got rock up to hospital.
I drove myself. I didn't take my hospital bag because
I was like, nap, it's brax and Hicks. I'm being dramatic.
It's fine. And I'm on my way to the hospital
site a set of traffic lights and I started like
getting a contraction again, and I was.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Like, oooh, this hurts.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
I forgot how much of these hats. And I was like,
I'm glad I'm going to hospital because you'll know, everyone's
pregnancies are different. But between my contractions I felt fine.
So if they're five minutes apart, you feel fine. You're like,
now it's being dramatic, it's fine. You talk yourself out
of it. So that's what i'd been doing for hours.
Rock up to hospital. They check me. I was once
centimeter dilated and they were like, oh, we're not sure,
(29:18):
like we're going to start you on meds, and my
blood pressure was up a bit too. So the drug
they give you to stop labor is also actually an
anti hypotensive medication. It's called nephetipine, so it was one
of the drugs I left hospital like I was on
when I left the hospital with Evelyn, So they had me.
They gave me so much of this medication like it was.
I think I had a couple of tablets every fifteen minutes,
(29:41):
and then they dropped it to every hour or two
because that's how they try to stop labor. They had
me on a drip to try to get more fluid
into me to see if it'll all stop. It didn't.
It just got worse and worse. My husband came the
next morning with one of his friends. He'd dropped Eavy
off with one of the neighbors. He got a friend
to drop him off so he could pick up the
car that I'd kindly left for him by driving myself.
(30:02):
He dropped off my bag, but he wasn't allowed into
the hospital because even though I was in layby, it
was COVID and until I was actually given birth, he
wasn't allowed in. I still remember he left the bag
with security because he wasn't allowed in, and he'd made
me a coffee and I love my morning coffee, and
he'd put it in a keep cup in a plastic
bag and put it in the front of my suitcase.
(30:23):
Security brought my bag up. He told me about the coffee,
so I pulled it out and one of the nurses
looked at me and she's like, you can't have that, and.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
I was like, what do you mean.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
So they would't let me eat or drink anything because
they didn't know what was gonna happen. So I just
couldn't drink this coffee, and I was so sad.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Sometimes it's a coffee that will actually send a woman
over the edge. Do you remember when I was at
that sleep school down in Camden and no one had
the iced coffee and I was walking through the streets sobbing.
Not one person get me a fucking piece of ice,
so I.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Couldn't have my coffee. They didn't let me eat anything.
I was there for all day. I had midwife coming
in and out and they'd come and check me. That'd
sit with me for a while and just see how
things were progressing. They started me at giving me steroids.
The hope was that they would be able to give
me two lots of steroids. I only ended up getting one.
The steroids help mature the baby's lungs. Then some of
the doctors came in and started to talk to me
(31:17):
and said, look, you're the only woman in this hospital
who doesn't have COVID. We're going to have to move you.
And I got so upset because I'd had Evelyn in
that hospital, and while her birth experience was terrible, I
felt safe because they'd saved my life last time. I
felt very safe and the idea of not being with
that specialist who looked after me last time, who'd seen
me through this whole pregnancy, and she she's lovely, shout
(31:39):
out dodtr macres. She's great, Like she's she's amazing. So
while I was pregnant with Wesley, I found the most
amazing GP. The doctor I've seen before was fine, but
I think I always felt resentful that I wasn't taken
seriously when Evelyn was small, like it was a really,
really terrible time. So I found this new do who
(32:01):
specializes looks after mums and babies, and she still I
travel to see her now, like she's the most amazing doctor,
Like she's so has that perfect balance of being friendly
and kind but also just being professional. So they told
me they were going to move me. I was very
upset about it, like I kept sobbing, and then they
felt so bad about it, and I was like I
really oh, I can't stop crying. But in the end,
(32:23):
so they had what they had one of the patient
transport vehicles come. They transferred me to a different hospital.
I was like having very frequent contractions and they I'd
asked for drugs, wasn't really given any, and they kept
asking me every time I'd go quite what was wrong?
It was driving me mad.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
When I was in labor after contractions, sometimes Luke would
be like are you okay? And I still think back
to that and I wouldn't punch him in the face,
like are you joking? And I remember Emma calling me
or maybe I called you to check in because Dad
was like she was like bro, what But Emma goes
to me on the phone, I got how bud this is?
(33:03):
And you do you have to like block it out
of your mind? That pain?
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Oh, I was so bad. So anyway, they transferred me
to this different hospital. I get in there, the midwife
goes to me, oh, you're not very far along, like
you'll be screaming, and Megula fuds. I'm not a screamer.
I'm not. Then they examined me and I was hating
a bit centimeters dilated and they're like, oh, okay, right,
we're gonna have to get you in now for a caesar.
So they took me in. I did end up actually
(33:30):
going under a general. I was so anxious. They put
the spinal in and I just kind of lost it
a little bit, and they kept saying to me, it's fine,
and had they had all the like the pediatric team
were there, and I'm looking up with all these doctors
and they're they're waiting to take my baby, and I
just kind of lost it. So they put me under.
I woke up. I was in recovery. I felt great,
my blood pressure was good. I was fine. I was
(33:52):
high as a kite because they gave me lots of
good meds. Adrian wasn't with me. So what happened with
Adrian was because I arrived at this different hospital and
then they found out how far along I was. They
called Adrian and were like, you need to come here
now if you want to be there for the birth.
He quickly called his friends who to look after Evelyn.
They rock up. They don't know anything about babies at
(34:13):
this point. They've had kids since and the great Dad's,
but at the time they didn't and so they they
did try their best, and then Kelly rocked up a
few hours later to find Eveylyn whod done a huge
pooh and didn't know what was going on. So Adrine
got to the hospital. But because I'd been under a
general they don't allow partners in, so Adrian he was
with the baby, who is now known as Puff or Wesley.
(34:35):
He came to see me and then he had to
leave because again because it was COVID and what had
happened was Wesley had actually needed to be resuscitated when
he was born, So I was very lucky. I wasn't awake.
He was having a lot of trouble breathing on his own,
so he was put up on a sea pat machine.
He also had was hyperglycemic, so he had no blood sugar,
so they had to start with this special type of
(34:55):
needle to get his blood sugar up and things like that.
He was a really sick little wea. The next day
Adrian came back to visit me to see Wesley. I
wasn't allowed to get up out of bed yet because
they'd had a caesar, so I couldn't go to see him,
and they couldn't bring him to see me because he
was on sea pap. Then they told me the hospital
they had moved me to was too small to cater
for his medical needs and they needed to move him.
(35:17):
So they got me up. Probably it was probably it
was over twenty four hours. It was like it was
quite a long time after he was born. But they
got me up and I got to go and see him,
which was really nice, and we got to have a cuddle.
He had his helmet, he had his cubby, his little oxygen.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Hebby knowing the Puff now, I mean he's called the
Puff because as a baby he looked like a little
cream puff, like he's so fair and round, so we
just started calling him Weszle Puff and then puff. But
the puff so round even as a tiny little PREMI
in his head gear and his little cubby.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
I still remember they gave him to me to hold me,
and it was like he had all these wires and
all these doctors around watching him like I couldn't just
cuddle him, and I started sobbing. And I had not
cried this whole like I was so numb to everything
that had been going on. I just hadn't gotten upset,
and it was the first time I was like, I
was so upset that it did all happen in the
poor little darling. So the NETS team were amazing. They
(36:15):
packed him up and took him in this little oxyton
and took him away, which was very sad. And then
I had to stay in the hospital for another couple
of days, and then COVID went ballistic. There was like
when there were like forty k thousand cases to day
and stuff. So then Adrian was not allowed to come
and see me in the hospital. I was just there
by myself. I would call the other hospital every day
where Wessie was and just the nikki there and be like, hey,
(36:37):
how's he going, and they I remember one day that
nurse said to me, oh, the midwife or nurse said
to me, oh, well, he really needs some breast milk,
and I'm like, great, I've pumped it. It's in the fridge.
I'm not sure how you would like me to get
it there, given I can't leave and my husband can't
come in. And I didn't say that, but in hindsight,
I'm like, that was just a really mean thing to say.
I'd approve them to like to use formula. I was like,
(36:57):
to give him what he needs, please don't feed him
like it's fine. I'll give like I'm pumping now to
be fine anyway. Then I end up asking to go
home because there's fairly any nurses because of COVID. My
husband can't come home. I've got my first little baby
at home, the other one in another hospital. So I
asked to go home, and they're looking at me and
they sort of wanted to keep me there because they
(37:18):
thought something looked funny about the scar, but they were
in the end they being like, they said, no, go home.
I had to walk myself out of the hospital because
there wasn't enough nurse staff to help me, and my
husband wasn't allowed him. And that's after a C section,
so that was very painful. And he greeted me out
the front door and then I started sobbing again, and
then we went got to go and see where it's
at the hospital.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
He was in, but you guys couldn't go in together.
And also bear in mind, like I mean, anyone that's
had two hunder two, well no, but think about your
child when they were fifteen months old. Ebie was a baby.
She was a baby, like she really just started walking.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
Yeah, so we went and then he was still he
was at the hospital there for a couple of weeks,
so we would go to see him every day. We
weren't allowing together because of COVID, so we'd go one
after the other. He was doing pretty well, except because
he had had a bottle first. They think that's why
he didn't really ever take to breastfeeding. But I still
had a pretty good supply, so with we's I just
pumped all the time. It actually worked out really well,
(38:16):
so he always like he got a lot of breast milk.
Not that it's bad if your formula feed, because you're here.
I ended up giving up and did formula feed him,
So no judgment from me, but yeah, so that is
exact exactly. But because Adrian had this big lot of
time off, and because I felt like with Evelyn, I
gave up on so many things because she was so
unsettled and I felt like I was losing my mind
with where's I wanted to try so I and because
(38:37):
he was also prayer Mine, he'd be exposed extra germs
and stuff, so I wanted to just do anything I could.
Then we get told we can take him home. It's
really cool. So one thing they do went before you
take home a premie baby, if they've been in the hospitals,
they let you stay the night at the hospital with
them beforehand. So they have special room set up for
mums and they give you a night where you're feeding
them and you're just with them and the nursing team
and stuff. So we did that, which was really nice.
(38:58):
So because it got to the point where he'd off oxygen,
but he wasn't feeding properly himself, so he'd still needed
no nose chew feeding or whatever that's called. But yeah,
then he was feeding by himself for a couple of days.
Still not great, but because he was quite big and
chubby as he still is now, they weren't really concerned.
They just said I had to make sure I fed
him every two hours and then bring him back for
(39:19):
more regular checkups. So we brought Wesi home and he
compared to it like this, sounds terrible. He was a
dream baby, Like he was really chilled. And because they like.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
They effectively sleep train when because they can't get to
a newborn every single second. So you kind of got
like this few weeks old sleep trained baby because the
baby's like, I guess help isn't coming.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Yeah, Like it sounds terrible. That's the one perk, Like
you've got to look at the positives, Like he came
out on a schedule and just he was chilled. He
did get quite unsettled for a little while, but it
was all the things like I'd been through with Evely
and I didn't really beat around the bush. Plus I
have had this amazing GP. So I went into his
six and I was like, look, he's sleeping pretty well.
(40:03):
He's vomiting quite a lot, especially after feeds, his arching back,
his et cetera. And so they ended up putting him
on reflux meds and he was really good. He had
one pooh that was a bit bloody. So he was
on sort of a synthesized formula because I stoppedreastfeeding with
Wezzy at six weeks when Agel went back to work,
because he's still he wouldn't take the boob. So I
was pumping and stuff, and I was like, you know what,
(40:23):
that's enough. He got it to these vaccinations, he's fine. Yeah,
we started him on formula. The formula we fed him,
he had a bit of blood in his poos, so
they suggested with evidence history to go on the dairy
formula again, but because of COVID and the issues with formula,
I couldn't actually get it. But I found this other
brand that still had dairy in it, but it was synthesized,
(40:43):
so we used that with Wezzy and it was great.
He actually was fine. And then a couple of months
later we got him on normal formula and he didn't
have the same issues, but he did have pretty bad reflux.
Every time his medication like needed upping so he'd put
on weight, he just starts vomiting everywhere all the time.
It was really funny, like it sounds terrible, not he
wasn't in pain, but he would just like sit there
and start vomiting everywhere. So he was on. He was
(41:04):
on that till just over one and he was look,
he was Wesley was He was quite a good baby,
but he was a sick baby. He we were in
and out of hospital with him multiple times. He kept
getting bronchiolitis.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
I never realized, and two he had wes. What a
difference those last few weeks make in terms of their
lung development because his little lungs. He struggled so much.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
When I had Evely, and I remember getting to the
end of my pregnancy being like, oh, I just want
him to get like, I just want to get him out.
And one of this woman I worked with, who was
also a doctor, said to me, Oh, no, you want
to keep him in there every day you can. And
I didn't realize how important it was. But he kept
getting sick, obviously as all kids do, but he couldn't
fight it. He ended up in hospital multiple times. He
had bronchiolitis multiple multiple times. And for any parent who's
(41:48):
hurt a kid with it, oh, it's absolutely horrible, Like
they can't yet It's like so basically it happens is
when all of the aole lie in their in their
lungs gets filled with so it's like the snot from
your nose is through their lungs and the only way
to get it out is the hospital does is It's
really it's pretty horrible to watch your baby go through it.
(42:09):
But it does help is they literally stick the suction
tubes down their nose and airways and suck all the
gunk out, and they literally can fill tubes with it.
It's gross, but it's the only thing that helps them
is their relief of breathing. But so, yeah, he was
in and out of hospital a fair bit. Poor Kell.
We had Evelyn dumped on her quite a number of
times because at that point Adrian also changed jobs to
(42:29):
try to be home more with us, and because it
started a new job, he obviously had to take leave.
But it got to the point where it was so
often and frequent, like we had to come up with
Kell as our BABYSITTERU, why.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Like me and my sister we have awful births and
awful babies. And yes we're very lucky of course that
we've got healthy baby. Well now they're healthy, but like
we do not labor welld you not birth? Well? We
do not have good newborns.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
Yeah, we don't. But he was always sick. He was
really happy, like he was a pretty he was. He loved,
like it sounds silly, he loved the dancing fruits on TV.
He just frothed on it. One morning, my husband I
were out for breakfast and he just fell asleep sitting
on Adrian's lap at breakfast, like he was really happy
little boy, but he just got so sick. The last time.
I just remember the last time he got really sick.
He was over one, and I thought by that point
(43:26):
he should be better. And Evelyn had been sick all
week and she'd had croups. So everyone knows as well
how horrible that, especially the first time when you think
they're dying and you think you're choking because and they're
vomiting up by and can't breathe, and so you rush
him to hospital. And so she'd had that, and then
she'd been sick and fussy all week, and then it
got to the Friday and I'm looking at Were's and
I'd seen the doctor every single day that week. My
(43:48):
doctor again was amazing. I'd call up in the morning
and say I'm really sorry, and they'd be like fuck,
and they'd always find a way to fit us him.
So that Friday, I'm looking at Where's and I'm like,
he doesn't look right. And he had a little bit
of he was retracting a little bit. He had this
with the wheeze and I said to my husband, I
think we need to take him back to the doctor.
And he's like, and we can't go to the doctor again, Like,
surely not. And so I called my our dad. So
(44:10):
our dad's a paramedic, and he has been a life
saver for us, I think a few times with kids,
like whenever there's something wrong, he always tells us what
to do. And he's not the type like he let
me ski for three days with a broken arm in
our sixteen He's not a soft man.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
There is absolutely no room for hypochondria in our family hysterics.
We grew up with a very tough and up mentality,
one that we probably will not be passing on to
our children. But you know, it's rare for him to say,
got to the hospital.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
But with Wesley, quite a number of times i'd send
him videos of his breathing and he'd be like, take
him straight to hospital. He's a heart, yes, yes, And
this day I called him and there's this thing with
babies we account It's called their respiratory rate, so you
basically count how many times you can see them breathing.
Wesley's was continuously quite high, and he was retracting, so
I went to see the GP. She looked at me
(44:59):
and she's like, sick, he's in. I was like, I
was like, I don't even know anymore. And she took
him in. She's like, yeah, no, he's pretty sicky. Gonna
have to take him to hospital or write your letter.
So I took him in. We waited for about three hours,
and in the end, I said to one of the
nurses because there'd been a few times we'd been that
they just sent me home because they'd looked at him
and they're like, yeah, he has a virus, bring him
back if he gets worse. Like they hadn't really taken
(45:19):
it very seriously, and so in the end I'd be
seeing my GP every day instead of the hospital because
they're also so busy over COVID. So I wondered if
this was going to be one of those times because
they just we just waited for so long. In the end,
they were like, let us look at him again, and
they did and they were like, no, you're not going home.
So they took us in and then he ended up
on oxygen. We were there for three or four days
(45:41):
or the poor little thing like he's seeing.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
Like, oh, it was.
Speaker 2 (45:44):
It was actually it was heartbreaking, the poor little thing.
He was so sick. His heart rate was so high,
like he was so unsettled. He's always loved his weetbis though,
so that was really handy because he would he wouldn't
drink any fluids, but he'd loved wheat pics, so I
could always give him wheat picks and eat it.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
I've just remembered, Wesley. I love that you like. He's
such an easy baby. He wouldn't drink fluids for months
at a time out of a sippy cup or a bottle,
like she couldn't fit. So Emma had to syringe him
all his fluids for months because the bloke wouldn't learn
how to use a bloody sippy cup.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
We did have to do that, we had to, so
it was probably good two to three month period where
he took through his bottles, couldn't deal with a straw,
and so every ten minutes I just syringe, keep syringing
in ten meals of water like we just did it
all the time, and then just gave him wheat bix
because he was obsessed with it. He used to wake
up at two am most mornings, have two wheat bicks
and then go back to sleep like that was just
(46:42):
his thing, like he but so he always had enough fluid.
I promise I didn't deprive him and leave him dehydrated.
He had enough fluid. But yeah, So that was the
last time he was really sick, and since then it's
gotten better. But I think it left just quite anxious
for quite a long time every time he was unwell,
because he was just it just progressed so quickly, and
two under twos very hard. There were nights where Evie
(47:02):
wouldn't sleep and he wouldn't sleep without me there. So
I'd be patting him to sleep, and Evelyn to sleep
lying on the floor next to her, cot with him
on the floor next to me. I also was working
at that time too, because in this financial climate we
all need to and also I felt like work was
a break that I didn't feel guilty about. So I
(47:22):
quite enjoyed going back to work with both the kids.
That gave me an outlet. Plus I had, particularly with Evelyn,
I had the most amazing manager who was so understanding
and kind and actually she actually she was managing me
for a while when I first went back with Wes,
and she just was Yeah, she was incredible she really
looked after me, and it made me want to work
harder too when I could, because she just made me
(47:44):
want to make her life easier. So it was really
hard having two under two. But once the sickness subsided,
things started to get a lot easier. And I think
it's probably only been over the past six to twelve
months things have felt normal and we've sort of I
feel a little bit less horned buy everything. I don't know.
I still like find it really upsetting to talk about it,
(48:05):
especially with Wesley. I thought I might get like a
healing kind of birth, like I thought that might happen,
and then that wasn't the case. This sounds really woo woo,
but I can't help but flack. So when I went
in and my blood pressure was up, the medication brought
it all down. And like they do say that baby's
bodies also protect the mums, but then that makes me
feel terrible because then I'm like, well, then he was
(48:26):
so sick, so if his little body did that for mine, like,
it just makes me feel awful. Plus I did I
had a chocolate thick shake from McDonald's the week before,
and I was worried that had sent me into preterm labor, and.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
You gave your baby with listeria, if you want to
use that logic, your body grew him for nine months
and protected him and gave him his limbs and those
delicious chubby little thighs and those big round cheeks and
that puffy head that he refuses to let anyone cut.
So the moral of the story is that fertility makes
(48:59):
no sense and countryception doesn't really work. Not to trust it.
And yeah, so what would you say the biggest takeaways?
What are your pros and cons of having two so
close together? Oh?
Speaker 2 (49:14):
Look, they love each other now and I love that.
I don't know if i'd recommend it or not, because
it was so hard. I remember everyone telling me, Oh,
it's gonna get easier. I promise it'll go fast. When
you're in it, it doesn't feel like it. Everyone would say, oh,
four months it will get better, six months will get better.
That never happened, and so I get better. No, and
so for all like it, I don't know, Like I
(49:34):
just I feel so bad for any women who are
going through it because it's so so horrible, and you
feel so guilty for feeling that it's so horrible, and
you are so grateful because all you want is a
baby like that, so many women don't get to have,
and that also just sucks. It's just I just feel
so bad for any woman who's going through it, Like
I promise you're not alone. Like it sucks. It's the
worst horrible thing ever.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
And it sucks. But advocate for yourself and your baby.
Make someone listen to you. Everyone knows that babies cry,
like you're delusional if you think that they don't, like,
no one's that silly. But baby's not meant to scream
in agony for hours and hours and hours for a
prolonged period of time. So advocate for yourself and your baby.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
But also I think watch out for and I'm not
saying other people your responsibility, but watch out for your
friends and family. Because it did get to the point
where I didn't feel like I could even talk about it.
I didn't feel like I could describe it. People would
say like, oh, and I ended up writing before a
few doctor's appointments. I found myself hating to write list
so I'd be like, Okay, cried from this point in
(50:40):
time to this point of time, and did X, Y
and Z this Pooh looked like this, cried here, slept
like this, Like I wrote these notes and I had
to just give it to them because I couldn't say it.
I just felt so overwhelmed and terrible and that I
was doing something wrong in all of this, and I
just wanted these babies and I was just failing at it.
It was horrible. So I'd say, you try to watch
(51:00):
out for other people, Like I get anxious ridiculously when
some of my friends have kids, because I'm like, I
hate the idea of someone else going through that and
feeling like they can't talk about it.
Speaker 1 (51:09):
I could not agree more. And I remember I think
it was summy when she had a baby, you know,
she said in a group text she was like, yeah,
everything's really good, and I was like, then sent her
a private message being like, how are you really and
she's like, no, no, kel, I appreciate you, but actually
I'm fuck because I just assume that everyone's having an
awful time. But that actually isn't a normal, healthy lived experience. Sorry,
(51:34):
I should say it's very normal because it happens a lot,
but that's not the norm. You shouldn't be miserable all
day every day and your baby shouldn't be either.
Speaker 2 (51:42):
And I found that too, Like I messaged a lot
of my friends, they're like, Emma, I'm sure, we're promised,
we're fine. But I did have one girlfriend too, hope
she doesn't mind me talking about, but she had a
really terrible sleeper, Like he was a happy little boy,
but he's a terrible sleeper. And we messaged a fair
bit because then it's just nice to know that, like,
as much as sucks, you're not going to die, like
you can google, can I die from lack of sleep?
(52:03):
Or am I gonna? Like?
Speaker 1 (52:05):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (52:06):
But you like it's nice to I don't know. Sometimes
it's nice just to sit with someone who understands it.
Like Kell and I when the boys were small, we
would just sit together.
Speaker 1 (52:15):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (52:16):
Well she wasn't a mat leave, but I was on
that leave and we'd just sit together. Sometimes days we
wouldn't even talk, but we'd just be there in each
other's company.
Speaker 1 (52:23):
Sometimes we still do that to be fair. On a
Saturday morning, if the kids are being awful, we'll look
at each other and then we'll be like, it's nine am.
How have we already lived like an entire week? It's
nine am, Well, thank you so much for joining us today.
M M is a notoriously private person, so sharing these
sorts of stories is very important, because no experience is
(52:48):
actually unique once you start.
Speaker 2 (52:49):
Talking, Like when I felt like everyone else was doing
great and all these people were thriving, and I'm out
in public with a baby that won't stop screaming and
everyone's stare at me. It you feel really alone, lacks.
It's horrible. So I just hope all the mums know
they can always reach out. Feel free to DM me
if you're feeling bad.
Speaker 1 (53:09):
People can't because you're so private, but they can always.
They can DM me and then I can forward you
on or post in the Eat Sleepshit Repeat group. You
can do it anonymously and and we'll respond to you.
I tag. If she doesn't say anything like can you
help this person? Thanks em she let me farm her
Trauma for content and Luke for wrangling the three kids.
If you have heard them out there, that is why,
(53:31):
or the little voices here or there, share the pod
on your socials, please and rache and review us. Eat
Sleep's audio producer is the fab Mattie Joanno, who is
now copying one hundred percent of my unhinged text while
Key is teet bound by a baby Bye
We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
on today.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I saw two or three pediatricians and that was a
good five hundred dollars a pop. I saw multiple gps.
I saw the community nurses, and everyone just told me
babies cry. We just sat in this bit of misery.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Hello, and welcome back to Eat, Sleep, Shit, Repeat, your
wildly unhinged podcast about the madness that is motherhood and
everything in between. I'm Kelly McCarron and I'm writing solo today. Ha ha.
He is in Newborn Territory. She's cluster feeding and it's
her full time job. So I have three ran over
the pod. But don't you worry. I'm not doing a
(00:44):
part two about ghosts. I've dragged my sister into the
studio to farm her for content and share her for
Ray Interparenting, which is a pretty wild story about the
dog and the puff aka my niece and nephew and
how they came to be. Em and I are strowingly
different people. She has a very sensible job in insurance.
She's very organized, like she you know, puts the toys
(01:06):
away and such, and basically she's in charge of the
chaos that is my life. Despite being the younger out
of us, we do both have the exact same wicked
sense of humor. She is a very funny person and
my favorite person to hang out with, and although when
we do have the occasional fight it is a grade
ay blow up, we generally get along very well and
(01:26):
have the sort of relationship you imagine or want other
people to have, because there's nothing quite like it. She
also lives just ten minutes away from me, which is
very handy and pretty much the only reason I live
in Sydney at this point. So welcome emy. All right,
So m it's just a bit of a tail. So
(01:46):
first of all, we need to get into you deciding
to have children, your dodgy genes IVF. Talk about that.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
My journey into her wanting children. I've always wanted children.
I was that person growing up who would steal everyone's babies.
I was so so excited to be a mum. I
don't know how many of you know this, but Kell
and I, our mum was diagnosed with ovarian and uterine
cancer probably about ten eleven years ago now. She had
(02:17):
some genetic testing done, so my sister, brother and I
all had the same kind of testing, and it turns
out we actually have a genetic predisposition to some different
kinds of cancer.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Beg your pardon you and brother Sam do. I was
the chosen one without the gene.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
And Kelly now lives with survivors guilt. What it meant
for Adrian and I when it came to having kids
is that we wanted to try IVF because we wanted
to try to take the gene out of our family
line with the genetic condition, but there's a fifty percent
chance of us passing it on to another child, so
it's quite a high percentage. So Adrian and I decided
(02:53):
to start doing IVF in twenty nineteen. We saved up
all the money and I was so naive. I went
in and I just thought it would work. There was
no perceived notion for me that it wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
She also told not one person that she was going
through it, including myself, Like, not one person knew that
she was doing IVF or going through IVF, which anyone
that's gone through IVF or knows someone that's gone through IVF.
It's not like just oh, I'm doing this. It's not
just like taking a medicine. And then going in to
get inseminated.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
No, we didn't tell anyone. So we did it the
same year Kel was getting married, and Kell had waited
a long time to get married, And even though the
firefest was the firefest that it was, we didn't want
to take away from that. And also I had this
idealistic notion that I would surprise everyone on Christmas and
tell everyone I was pregnant. So we started IVF, got
(03:47):
the medication, started our cycle. Everything was going along just fine,
as it usually does. Side effects were really crappy. I
was twenty eight when we did this, so I was
still quite young, and I just thought it would work.
All the initial testing when you do IVF and all
the discussions, they constantly prep you for it not working,
and so you meet with psychologists and all of the
(04:08):
healthcare team. They're keep preparing for you not to work.
But I just had it in my head it would
I had it all planned out, I had my announcement
to the family. I just thought it would anyway. So
we go to the day where we get our eggs
taken out. That was all fine. In the end, I
think we got about fourteen embryos and then they were
all fertilized, and then on day one, which is the
(04:29):
next day after, they called to tell me out of
all the ones they'd fertilized, only five had progressed, so
actually started dividing cells. Then I got a call on
day two and I was told that one of the
five had not made it to day two. And then
we waited the next four days until we got the
final results. And then I found out only one of
(04:50):
our five initial embryos had progressed and was ready to
be able to be genetically tested. So it went through
the genetic testing, which takes a good cup weeks, and
I still remember the dad I got the phone call.
I was at work and I got a call from
the clinic and they told me that the one embryo
we had had the gene that we were trying to
(05:12):
eradicate from the line. And with IVF, when you do
something like that, you actually then don't have the option
to use that embryo. Just say, if you're looking for
a gene and we find that gene, that's it, and
they dispose of it. I don't know another way to
say that. So we were very very upset about that,
and I'm sorry if this is a bit of a
trigger warning for other women who've gone through IVF multiple times,
(05:35):
because I can't I can't imagine what that's like. I
only did it once, but it was horrible. When you
have IVF, you do a follow up meetings with all
your doctors. So when we had ours, she told me
that the quality of my eggs was the same as
someone much older, like someone in their forties. She said
that they were really fragmented that there was basically no
(05:56):
chance of us falling pregnant naturally, and then we just
had to prepare for future rounds and she was going
to change the medication I was on, and also put
me on a range of different like vitamins and different
supplements and things like that, which she said she only
really uses on people who are older who are going
through IVF to try to just improve the overall health.
And she recommended acupuncture and a lot of other stuff.
So we started to say for our second round, and
(06:19):
we became quite lax about contraception because we didn't think
we could fall pregnant, and then Low and Bohole January
twenty twenty, we found out we were pregnant. I still
remember that first appointment with the doctor. I could not
understand how it had happened. So I hadn't gotten my period,
it was late, so I was like, oh, there's no way.
But I'd also was feeling a bit sick and whatnot.
(06:41):
So I went and took a pregnancy test and it
was positive. I booked in to see a doctor the
next day because I just could not believe it. The
doctor was really lovely and he just said for women,
fertility so much medicalized these days, but often it's not.
He's like, we can't explain how it happened, but this
happens all the time, basically. Then we told our family
(07:04):
probably a week or two later, my pop had passed away,
and that was very sad. It was my mum's last
remaining parent and it was she was very upset. So
it was really nice to be able to give her
a little bit of excitement and all that because it
was her first grandchild.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
But by that point Emma had told us all about
the IVF and that her and Adrian were really going
to struggle and that sort of thing. So we were
all like, what did you secretly just do her out?
Like what?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Everyone was quite surprised, So will we.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Then we found out that it happened in the caravan
at bloody Christmas trime.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
It didn't happen in the caravan, so yeah, So then
we told everyone we were pregnant. I had a pretty
normal pregnancy. I still remember. I did some spotting and
I was actually bleeding through some of my first trimester,
and that was a big concern for a lot of
for me more than the doctors, because they, I guess,
weren't as concerned about it as I was. But I
was quite worried about it because my embryos that had
(07:59):
been such poor quality. I thought that it meant that
I was going to likely miscarry. Thankfully, we got lucky
and that didn't happen, and everything went pretty well. I
had a pretty normal pregnancy. Nothing too exciting happened. I
was high risk because I've had hypertension since I was
about sixteen years old. I've been through all the medical
tests and everything. No one knows why. It's just something
I've always just had to deal with and I've been
(08:21):
on medication for years. Hypertensions high blood pressure for anyone
who doesn't know. So while I was pregnant, my blood
pressure actually got better, which was really strange. So I
was already in the high care unit at the hospital,
so I was seeing doctors all the time and they
were keeping a really class iron me, which was great.
But I ended up coming completely off on my blood
pressure medication when I was pregnant with Evelyn, and they
(08:44):
don't know how or why that happened, but it's like
my body fixed itself until I went into labor. With Evy.
I went into labor normally she was breached, so I
was booked in for a c section at thirty nine
weeks in a couple of days, and we tried the
ec be, the manual turning and things like that. None
of it worked, so they just booked us in.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
We need to find video to insert for socials of
Nanny trying to coax Evelyn around. I'll find the video
and pop it on socials so people could see. It
was so cute our grandma, who were both very close
to adore where like if she's still with us, she
does have dementia and doesn't know who we are most
of the time, but she would like gently caress Emma's
(09:25):
tummy and like try to massage Eavy around. I don't
know what she thought she was doing.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah, it didn't work. She was very comfortable in there.
She did not move. So I went into labor. Normally,
i'd have been having contractions on and off for about
a day, and then I started to bleed really heavily,
so I caught the hospital. They said to come in.
I went in. My blood pressure was up. They weren't
super worried. They kept us there for about six hours
or I was still bleeding really heavily, and then everything
(09:53):
sort of started to happen at once, which I think
is quite common for anyone who's had any kind of
birth with their complications. It's all very peaceful. In the
next minute, you've got ten people in your room. We
weren't told anything. They just said, oh, look, we're taking
you in now you can have your baby. And so
we were wheeled down the hall, went into the room.
Had a spinal If anyone else who's had my sea section, mums, no,
(10:16):
the shakes are absolutely horrible. So I was like vibrating
off the table. My poor husband. So anyway, we're having
the sea section. Everything was fine. They were jolting around
as they always do. At one point I did feel
them jolt my side quite heavily and I didn't think
anything about it at the time, but then they sewed
me up. Adrian went away, my husband went away with Evelyn,
and then I was wheeled to recovery and I was
(10:36):
in recovery for about four hours because my blood pressure
was really high and wasn't coming down. I also couldn't
really see so like everything was really glary, the lights
were really bright. Yeah, everything was really distorted. I was
shaking and I was felt freezing cold. It was a
really weird sensation. So they didn't let me leave. They
wanted one of the specialists. And when you have hypertension
(10:59):
impregnate and see you don't see cardiologists. You actually see
nephthrologists who look after your kidneys because that's the biggest
part of your body that can be affected through hypertension
in pregnancy. So they were waiting for a specialist to
come and see me. In the end, they didn't, so
I was wheeled off to the maternity ward because they
were busy. So I was there got to feed everyone,
which was nice. I was still feeling really strange, like
(11:21):
I still couldn't really see anything, and then.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Surprise, surprise, she was breastfeeding another child. Sorry, like I
said at the top, we've both got really bad sense
of the humor.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
No, I wasn't, But what was actually this was actually
really cool. I remember them asking me if I wanted
to breastfeed her, and I was like, oh, I don't
think I can. I don't think there's any milk in there.
And they just started squeezing my nipples and it started
just started coming out, and I was like, Oh, that's
really cool. I can't believe I did that. My body
did that. So then I was in the maternity ward
and I had some physicians come in and they started
(11:52):
playing around with my feet and checking my blood pressure
and doing a few things, and I was just off
in my own world. I was quite out of it.
Then hit the guy left, and then he came back
with another specialist and they started playing around with my
feet again and stuff like that, and then they the
next minute he was like, we're moving you back up,
like to a different unit of the hospital, back to
the birthing unit, And so up we went. Evelyn came
(12:15):
with me. My husband had gone home for a couple
of hours that time to walk our dog. Again. No
one really said anything to me about what was going on.
The next minute, I was just hooked up to a
drip and I had a midwife sit with me for
about two hours, just watching me. So it turned out
I had developed preclampsy and I was having what we
call hyperreflexia, so it means that when you do like
a test on a reflex test, it my limits were
(12:38):
not normal. So when they were playing around with my feet,
they were testing my reflexes, and my reflexes were going
completely crazy, and what it meant was was that my
brain was being affected by the high blood pressure. So
they put me on this strip called magnesium sulfate, which
stopped you having seizures because that was going to be
the next thing that was going to happen if they
didn't get me on it. It can also cause you
to your heart to fail, so that's why nurses sit
(13:01):
with you for the first hour or two because that's
when the dose is the highest, and then they drop
it down and then you stay on this strip for
twenty four to forty eight hours, depending on how well
you are. So I was just sitting in this room
for I think I ended up staying on it for
twenty four hours, so not the forty eight, which was good,
and it did start to settle things down, but I
still could barely see, like everything was still really bright.
(13:22):
But they dimmed all the lights in the room. And
I hadn't even told them that I was feeling like
that at this point. They just did it all. Everyone
kept quite a close eye on me for the next day.
Then I had all the specialists coming to see me.
They ended up moving me probably about a day later,
back to the normal ward. My blood pressure was still
really high, but I wasn't having any neurological symptoms anymore,
(13:43):
so they took me off the magnesium sulfate and instead
put me on a whole cohort of blood pressure medication.
I was on three different kinds of medication that I
had to take about five times a day, and I
was on that for probably four to six months, and
then all of a sudden, my blood pressure just started
to drop and drop and drop, and so I just
had to wean myself off the medication under their advice, obviously,
(14:04):
but it was really horrible. So if anyone else who's
had preclamsy before, I'm really sorry. It really sucks. The
medication makes you feel so unwell, your muscles all you
can't like I couldn't hold Evelyn, like I couldn't move
It's all. It was horrible, and I couldn't talk about
it for a long time after having her, because.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
You I hate this word, but I don't know what
other word to use, because of the trauma that you
felt when you were reflecting back, or because you didn't
want to be reminded, or you just didn't want to
talk about it. You're not a talker though, until after
the fact. We're very similar in that regard, and then
we all say things afterwards in each other or other people,
like why didn't you say anything? But sometimes it's easier
(14:44):
just to tunnel through because other people's sympathy or whatnot
aren't actually going to help. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
I don't know why I didn't. I just couldn't, Like
I didn't want to think about it, and I felt
like I was stuck if I did, so I just
didn't talk about it. I didn't do anything, and then
ys in hospital for a way while because they were
still concerned about my blood pressure and things can escalate
quite quickly when it's high for the postpartum period, so
they kept me there for a while. Then I got
sent home and.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
No one could visit you at the hospital because it
was COVID.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yeah, so lockdown one. So it was just my husband
in the hospital with me. And then yet then we
went home about a week later. Everything was fine for
a while, like we just settled into parenting life. Everything
was going fine. She was fit, like breastfeeding us finding okay,
like a bit painful, but not too bad, and everything
was chugging along. Then about it was probably about ten
days after she was born, Evelyn started to cry. I
(15:35):
don't consider myself a dramatic person, but she cried and
screamed all day every day unless she slept, and she
didn't sleep. She'd sleep for twenty minutes at a time
every couple of hours, so she also was chronically overtired.
But she did not sleep, and she just screamed all
the time. And I didn't know what to do. She
(15:56):
just screamed and screamed and screamed.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Babies cry, didn't you know. That's what every doctor likes
to tell you.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
That's what every doctor did tell me. So I saw
two or three pediatricians and that was a good five
hundred dollars a pop. I saw multiple gps. I saw
the community nurses, and everyone just told me babies cry.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Remember the night after it had started, I put a
call out on Instagram. People are so helpful. So I
went to the shops and bought every single thing that
was recommended, like grape water, like any single thing, and
got all these methods. And then I went over and
I'm trying to like give her gas massages, baby massages
(16:36):
while Ni's going at Eveline's just going ah, and then
I'm being a human snool like vibrating under her. It
was proper unhinged.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
It really was like Kelly was the only person. Well,
my mum was there a lot too, but Kelly, because
she's in Sydney, sat with my husband and I threw
this and it was so bad, and because everyone kept
telling us babies cry, we just sat in this pit
of miser for months. And then my husband went away
when Evelyn was about six weeks old. He was in
(17:05):
the army, so he was gone for six weeks and
I ended up. She was so unsettled that my dad
ended up coming to Sydney to get me and Evelyn
and bring us back to their place, and she screamed
so much, like they live on property that his neighbors
asked him what he was doing to his granddaughter because
she would not stop screaming. There was like she would
(17:26):
go hours and hours. We did the whole weitch I've
taken her a hospital before when she was screaming so much.
We bought the Wilby's and all of the everything under
the sun. Nothing worked, and every doctor continued to tell
me babies just cry. And she was also she vomited
all the time, and it's just she was just it
was horrible.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
As a first time mum. Em also was on the
younger side, like no one really in your friendship circle,
not many people had babies, so you didn't also have
a point of reference of what was normal. So you
just listen and to the medical professionals and thought, I
guess this is normal, I guess or babies just scream
(18:06):
like this.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Because I'd wanted a baby for so long and I
felt so lucky I'd had one, And then I guess
this isn't really a talk for right now. But then
there was the whole because we felt pregnant. Obviously the
reasons for us doing IVF were medical, there also was
there's a part of us it always worries still about
the genetic things. I realized I didn't cover up on
that before.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Can I just tell the wild part of that that
eavy and puff you finished yum can't be tested because
it's not consensual, but like, okay, but you could be
tested for chicken pox or like that is the silliest thing.
You could be tested for anything low iron reflux. But
(18:44):
you can't be tested because it's not consensual.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
So that's something that they never telled us as well.
We did. We have asked about getting the kids tested
because I just believe education and information is important. So
if they do carry the gene, I want to know
because I want doctors to constantly look after them and
watch out for them like they do for me. Like
every year, I have so many tests and things that
are run, and every time anyone is somewhat concerned about
(19:10):
anything or I have some kind of weird symptom, I'll
have an ultrasound a blood test. Like I'm probably the
safest person when it comes to any kind of cancer
diagnosis because yes, I'm more likely to get it, but
I'm also so much more likely to catch it really early.
So yeah, Evelyn's crying Adrian's mum has passed away. We're
very sad. He's working a lot, he's in the Army.
(19:30):
I'm on maternity leave going mad. I'd wanted this baby
more than anything, and she just screams all the time.
No one would tell me anything was wrong. I went
out to lunch one day to work colleagues. One of
them was a first time mum, and their babies are
just sitting there perfectly, and I just felt like I
was failing. She woke up every hour for the first
six months. I literally was just on autopilot. I was
(19:52):
so numb to everything. I just felt so out of it.
We went to Trasilian, we did all of the stuff
that everyone recommends, and still we weren't getting anywhere. Over
that period, Agent I did comfort ourselves with wine most evenings.
I know that's terrible, don't recommend, but we would drink
too much wine and then have sex. A lot of
you are probably thinking that's really weird given everything that's
(20:14):
going on, but I think it was probably the only
way we felt like we were connecting. Because, like anyone
who says that babies bring you closer, I don't understand it. Obviously,
I love him very much. But we both were at
like lockerheads all the time because this little thing would
scream at us all the time. I felt resemful being
at home with this little babyhood scream. He's working so
(20:35):
hard coming home to me miserable on her screaming. So
I think it was the only way that we felt connected.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
I'm still baffled as like, why would you want to
be touched like you're stick of You're so touched out
and like, but everyone's very different anyway, everyone's either wine,
everyone's very different. But you were on birth control. I
would like to remind yes.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
I was on birth control, and I was on the
mini peel and which they say is safe to take away.
You're breastfeeding, because at that point I was mixed feeding
because because she was so unsettled, I could not have
her on me all the time, so that having people
be able to give her a bottle really helped anyway. Then,
I because I was on the mini pill, I was
getting two periods a month, and it just was the
(21:16):
way it was. It had been that way for months.
I was just kind of used to it. And then
it got to the end of May twenty twenty one
and my period. By second period hadn't arrived. The week
before Kelly had called and told me she was pregnant
with Lennie. And then I didn't get my second period
of the month, and so I had some old expired
(21:37):
pregnancy tests from when I was felt pregnant with Evelyn,
and so I went and did one, and two lines
showed up. I couldn't believe it. I went to the
shops and bought another one, like one of those really
expensive manual ones where it tells you if you're actually
pregnant or not, because I was wanted there to be
no ambiguity, and yet said I was pregnant.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
When she calls me, she's sobbing, and then she goes
downstairs and Adriene is just staring into the abyss. Evelyn's
still screaming, and yeah, so you can get pregnant on
the mini pill and even those who have terrible eggs,
(22:18):
according to the fertility specialists.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
And before anyone asks, yes, I was taking it properly apparently,
and I don't know if this is medically correct, but
one doctor told me. This was my renal specialist who
I had to go back and see obviously because of
my blood pressure issues with Evelyn. She told me that
the mini pill doesn't work as effectively once you stop breastfeeding,
and I've stopped breastfeeding a couple of weeks before this.
(22:41):
So after we found it we're pregnant with Wesley, we thought, okay,
well we need to sort out the first one being Evelyn.
So I booked in an appointment that day with this
doctor i'd been seeing at the time and said, we
need to fix this. Something's not right. No one's listening
to me. Please help us. We've just found out we're
(23:02):
pregnant again. So she's like, okay, well let's try let's
see if it's reflux. She's vomiting a lot, maybe it's reflux.
So she puts her on reflex meds. Look, it helps
a little bit. It's not a significant improvement, it helps
a little bit. She's still waking all the time. So
then we try all of the different sleep training options.
Please don't judge me, but we tried them all. A
couple of months after she started on the reflex meds,
(23:25):
I posted a video of her and said something about
her vomiting all the time, and this doctor followed me
on Facebook and Instagram, and so she calls me out
of the blue and says, oh, you mentioned she's still
vomiting in your story. I want you to try putting
her on a dairy free formula. And she's like, I
mean completely dairy free. There's only one you can buy
(23:46):
that's not prescription. And she's like, there's actual allergies babies
can have to dairy and so we did that. I
did that that day. It was very expensive. In two weeks,
she was sleeping for longer and crying less. Within six weeks,
we had like a completely different baby. She was so settled.
She started to actually gain weight, she started to have
(24:08):
normal poos, and she was so happy. Then she started
to eat more solid foods because she started to get older,
and then she starts to have really gross poos and
sorry this is gross for anyone, but she's literally pooing
out her food whole. She would pooh and there would
be orange in her like I'm not on corn, I
mean like orange and apple, like bits of actual chunks
(24:29):
of food. And I was like, this isn't normal. We're
on a list to see an allergy specialist. And then
we saw the allergy specialist when she was one and
like two months I think, and I walk into this room,
she'd also started screaming again all the time, Like I
would pick her up from daycare, heavily pregnant, she would
scream and scream and scream. She would roll around on
(24:49):
the ground screaming when we got home and just scream
until bedtime. We see this allergy specialist, and I just
looked completely desperate. He was not particularly kind or helpful
all but he did do allergy testing on her, and
it turned out she tested positive on the skin prick
testing to dairy and soy. And it turns out soy
was the one that was actually impacting her most. It
(25:12):
was causing all of the terrible like the disgusting pousan like.
It was just upset her stomach so much so. And
that's why for a short window of time it was
good when she was just on this dairy free formula
because there was also no soy in that formula, so
she was the only window of time where she was
a happy, normal sort of baby. It's wild that not
(25:32):
one doctor like cows and protein milk and allergies and
soy is actually not that uncommon. Like it's wild that
not one doctor picked that up. I feel like I'm
much less of an asshole after having Evelyn as a baby,
because I was that person who'd be like, oh, you're
gluten free too, Like I was an asshole. I was,
and I think that's what a lot of doctors did
(25:53):
to me. They're like, Oh, another mom who think her
baby's got reflux. Another mom who says her baby's not
sleeping and crying. That's what babies do. I have so
much more patience and I'm so much more open because
I've never experienced anything that like that in my life.
So Evelyn starts on this really restrictive diet. Finding food
(26:15):
without soy in it is so hard. You can't give
them normal bread. She was on such a restricted diet,
but it worked like her. Poo's previously were so bad.
I had the ladies at day care calling and talking
to me about it. Not diarrhea, just disgusting.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
One day I was looking after and I didn't realize
that there was soy in the batter in KFC. Well
that's what I got for ordering my niece KFC for lunch.
I literally had to hose her down in the shower
like a small dog. There was feces everywhere.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Yeah, so we got her on a very restricted diet.
It again really helped and she started to settle a bit.
Then I it was my mother in law's death anniversary,
so like it was one year to the day since
she'd passed away, and I started to feel a bit funny,
like I wasn't feeling great, Like I was thirty five
weeks pregnant. I was like, I'm not feeling good. So
(27:05):
I was like, and my husband was talking to his
sister overseasing on the phone because they were talking about
their mum and whatnot, and she's had a baby, and
she was just sort of like, oh, I hope Emma's
all right, and was making jokes because I was also
experiencing intermittent pain. I was thirty five weeks. And then
I sat on the lounge for most of the night.
And I'm normally not the type of person who can
just sit around. I normally like to do twenty brilliant things,
(27:26):
and so I just sat there, and the pain's getting
worse and a bit more frequent, and I was like,
this feels familiar. But I did think it was Braxton
Hicks because it was thirty five weeks. I was like, Nah,
it's fine, it'll yeah, it won't actually be labor. I'll
just sit and wait it out. They were going to
book me in for another C section because the babies
were so close together. The hospital that I was going
to they didn't actually allow you to try for a
(27:47):
v back when the babies was close together as mine,
so and to after everything happen with Evelyn's birth, I
didn't mind the idea of having something planned and knowing
what I was expecting in a gap. I was worried
about going into labor earlier than I did because Evelyn
I was thirty eight weeks, so I wanted them to
book it in earlier, but they said, because of health reasons,
they wanted to wait till I was thirty eight or
(28:08):
thirty nine weeks, which was fine, but then, yeah, thirty
five weeks, I'm in a lot of pain. I called
the hospital and I was like, what do you want
me to do? And they were like, oh, and my
blood pressure throughout this pregnancy as well. I didn't touch
on that. My blood pressure was pretty good. I was
on medication the whole time, but it didn't I didn't
go completely off at lack last time, but it was
pretty manageable. Yeah, it's COVID as well. So we'd spent
(28:29):
most of the time just by ourselves.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
So picture this baby that hasn't shut up and stopped
screaming through lockdowns as well.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
You can't escape. It was pretty hrah. But she's a
beautiful girl. Now, she's the sweetest thing in the world.
She is it anyway, So I got rock up to hospital.
I drove myself. I didn't take my hospital bag because
I was like, nap, it's brax and Hicks. I'm being dramatic.
It's fine. And I'm on my way to the hospital
site a set of traffic lights and I started like
getting a contraction again, and I was.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Like, oooh, this hurts.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
I forgot how much of these hats. And I was like,
I'm glad I'm going to hospital because you'll know, everyone's
pregnancies are different. But between my contractions I felt fine.
So if they're five minutes apart, you feel fine. You're like,
now it's being dramatic, it's fine. You talk yourself out
of it. So that's what i'd been doing for hours.
Rock up to hospital. They check me. I was once
centimeter dilated and they were like, oh, we're not sure,
(29:18):
like we're going to start you on meds, and my
blood pressure was up a bit too. So the drug
they give you to stop labor is also actually an
anti hypotensive medication. It's called nephetipine, so it was one
of the drugs I left hospital like I was on
when I left the hospital with Evelyn, So they had me.
They gave me so much of this medication like it was.
I think I had a couple of tablets every fifteen minutes,
(29:41):
and then they dropped it to every hour or two
because that's how they try to stop labor. They had
me on a drip to try to get more fluid
into me to see if it'll all stop. It didn't.
It just got worse and worse. My husband came the
next morning with one of his friends. He'd dropped Eavy
off with one of the neighbors. He got a friend
to drop him off so he could pick up the
car that I'd kindly left for him by driving myself.
(30:02):
He dropped off my bag, but he wasn't allowed into
the hospital because even though I was in layby, it
was COVID and until I was actually given birth, he
wasn't allowed in. I still remember he left the bag
with security because he wasn't allowed in, and he'd made
me a coffee and I love my morning coffee, and
he'd put it in a keep cup in a plastic
bag and put it in the front of my suitcase.
(30:23):
Security brought my bag up. He told me about the coffee,
so I pulled it out and one of the nurses
looked at me and she's like, you can't have that, and.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
I was like, what do you mean.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
So they would't let me eat or drink anything because
they didn't know what was gonna happen. So I just
couldn't drink this coffee, and I was so sad.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Sometimes it's a coffee that will actually send a woman
over the edge. Do you remember when I was at
that sleep school down in Camden and no one had
the iced coffee and I was walking through the streets sobbing.
Not one person get me a fucking piece of ice,
so I.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Couldn't have my coffee. They didn't let me eat anything.
I was there for all day. I had midwife coming
in and out and they'd come and check me. That'd
sit with me for a while and just see how
things were progressing. They started me at giving me steroids.
The hope was that they would be able to give
me two lots of steroids. I only ended up getting one.
The steroids help mature the baby's lungs. Then some of
the doctors came in and started to talk to me
(31:17):
and said, look, you're the only woman in this hospital
who doesn't have COVID. We're going to have to move you.
And I got so upset because I'd had Evelyn in
that hospital, and while her birth experience was terrible, I
felt safe because they'd saved my life last time. I
felt very safe and the idea of not being with
that specialist who looked after me last time, who'd seen
me through this whole pregnancy, and she she's lovely, shout
(31:39):
out dodtr macres. She's great, Like she's she's amazing. So
while I was pregnant with Wesley, I found the most
amazing GP. The doctor I've seen before was fine, but
I think I always felt resentful that I wasn't taken
seriously when Evelyn was small, like it was a really,
really terrible time. So I found this new do who
(32:01):
specializes looks after mums and babies, and she still I
travel to see her now, like she's the most amazing doctor,
Like she's so has that perfect balance of being friendly
and kind but also just being professional. So they told
me they were going to move me. I was very
upset about it, like I kept sobbing, and then they
felt so bad about it, and I was like I
really oh, I can't stop crying. But in the end,
(32:23):
so they had what they had one of the patient
transport vehicles come. They transferred me to a different hospital.
I was like having very frequent contractions and they I'd
asked for drugs, wasn't really given any, and they kept
asking me every time I'd go quite what was wrong?
It was driving me mad.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
When I was in labor after contractions, sometimes Luke would
be like are you okay? And I still think back
to that and I wouldn't punch him in the face,
like are you joking? And I remember Emma calling me
or maybe I called you to check in because Dad
was like she was like bro, what But Emma goes
to me on the phone, I got how bud this is?
(33:03):
And you do you have to like block it out
of your mind? That pain?
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Oh, I was so bad. So anyway, they transferred me
to this different hospital. I get in there, the midwife
goes to me, oh, you're not very far along, like
you'll be screaming, and Megula fuds. I'm not a screamer.
I'm not. Then they examined me and I was hating
a bit centimeters dilated and they're like, oh, okay, right,
we're gonna have to get you in now for a caesar.
So they took me in. I did end up actually
(33:30):
going under a general. I was so anxious. They put
the spinal in and I just kind of lost it
a little bit, and they kept saying to me, it's fine,
and had they had all the like the pediatric team
were there, and I'm looking up with all these doctors
and they're they're waiting to take my baby, and I
just kind of lost it. So they put me under.
I woke up. I was in recovery. I felt great,
my blood pressure was good. I was fine. I was
(33:52):
high as a kite because they gave me lots of
good meds. Adrian wasn't with me. So what happened with
Adrian was because I arrived at this different hospital and
then they found out how far along I was. They
called Adrian and were like, you need to come here
now if you want to be there for the birth.
He quickly called his friends who to look after Evelyn.
They rock up. They don't know anything about babies at
(34:13):
this point. They've had kids since and the great Dad's,
but at the time they didn't and so they they
did try their best, and then Kelly rocked up a
few hours later to find Eveylyn whod done a huge
pooh and didn't know what was going on. So Adrine
got to the hospital. But because I'd been under a
general they don't allow partners in, so Adrian he was
with the baby, who is now known as Puff or Wesley.
(34:35):
He came to see me and then he had to
leave because again because it was COVID and what had
happened was Wesley had actually needed to be resuscitated when
he was born, So I was very lucky. I wasn't awake.
He was having a lot of trouble breathing on his own,
so he was put up on a sea pat machine.
He also had was hyperglycemic, so he had no blood sugar,
so they had to start with this special type of
(34:55):
needle to get his blood sugar up and things like that.
He was a really sick little wea. The next day
Adrian came back to visit me to see Wesley. I
wasn't allowed to get up out of bed yet because
they'd had a caesar, so I couldn't go to see him,
and they couldn't bring him to see me because he
was on sea pap. Then they told me the hospital
they had moved me to was too small to cater
for his medical needs and they needed to move him.
(35:17):
So they got me up. Probably it was probably it
was over twenty four hours. It was like it was
quite a long time after he was born. But they
got me up and I got to go and see him,
which was really nice, and we got to have a cuddle.
He had his helmet, he had his cubby, his little oxygen.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Hebby knowing the Puff now, I mean he's called the
Puff because as a baby he looked like a little
cream puff, like he's so fair and round, so we
just started calling him Weszle Puff and then puff. But
the puff so round even as a tiny little PREMI
in his head gear and his little cubby.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
I still remember they gave him to me to hold me,
and it was like he had all these wires and
all these doctors around watching him like I couldn't just
cuddle him, and I started sobbing. And I had not
cried this whole like I was so numb to everything
that had been going on. I just hadn't gotten upset,
and it was the first time I was like, I
was so upset that it did all happen in the
poor little darling. So the NETS team were amazing. They
(36:15):
packed him up and took him in this little oxyton
and took him away, which was very sad. And then
I had to stay in the hospital for another couple
of days, and then COVID went ballistic. There was like
when there were like forty k thousand cases to day
and stuff. So then Adrian was not allowed to come
and see me in the hospital. I was just there
by myself. I would call the other hospital every day
where Wessie was and just the nikki there and be like, hey,
(36:37):
how's he going, and they I remember one day that
nurse said to me, oh, the midwife or nurse said
to me, oh, well, he really needs some breast milk,
and I'm like, great, I've pumped it. It's in the fridge.
I'm not sure how you would like me to get
it there, given I can't leave and my husband can't
come in. And I didn't say that, but in hindsight,
I'm like, that was just a really mean thing to say.
I'd approve them to like to use formula. I was like,
(36:57):
to give him what he needs, please don't feed him
like it's fine. I'll give like I'm pumping now to
be fine anyway. Then I end up asking to go
home because there's fairly any nurses because of COVID. My
husband can't come home. I've got my first little baby
at home, the other one in another hospital. So I
asked to go home, and they're looking at me and
they sort of wanted to keep me there because they
(37:18):
thought something looked funny about the scar, but they were
in the end they being like, they said, no, go home.
I had to walk myself out of the hospital because
there wasn't enough nurse staff to help me, and my
husband wasn't allowed him. And that's after a C section,
so that was very painful. And he greeted me out
the front door and then I started sobbing again, and
then we went got to go and see where it's
at the hospital.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
He was in, but you guys couldn't go in together.
And also bear in mind, like I mean, anyone that's
had two hunder two, well no, but think about your
child when they were fifteen months old. Ebie was a baby.
She was a baby, like she really just started walking.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
Yeah, so we went and then he was still he
was at the hospital there for a couple of weeks,
so we would go to see him every day. We
weren't allowing together because of COVID, so we'd go one
after the other. He was doing pretty well, except because
he had had a bottle first. They think that's why
he didn't really ever take to breastfeeding. But I still
had a pretty good supply, so with we's I just
pumped all the time. It actually worked out really well,
(38:16):
so he always like he got a lot of breast milk.
Not that it's bad if your formula feed, because you're here.
I ended up giving up and did formula feed him,
So no judgment from me, but yeah, so that is
exact exactly. But because Adrian had this big lot of
time off, and because I felt like with Evelyn, I
gave up on so many things because she was so
unsettled and I felt like I was losing my mind
with where's I wanted to try so I and because
(38:37):
he was also prayer Mine, he'd be exposed extra germs
and stuff, so I wanted to just do anything I could.
Then we get told we can take him home. It's
really cool. So one thing they do went before you
take home a premie baby, if they've been in the hospitals,
they let you stay the night at the hospital with
them beforehand. So they have special room set up for
mums and they give you a night where you're feeding
them and you're just with them and the nursing team
and stuff. So we did that, which was really nice.
(38:58):
So because it got to the point where he'd off oxygen,
but he wasn't feeding properly himself, so he'd still needed
no nose chew feeding or whatever that's called. But yeah,
then he was feeding by himself for a couple of days.
Still not great, but because he was quite big and
chubby as he still is now, they weren't really concerned.
They just said I had to make sure I fed
him every two hours and then bring him back for
(39:19):
more regular checkups. So we brought Wesi home and he
compared to it like this, sounds terrible. He was a
dream baby, Like he was really chilled. And because they like.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
They effectively sleep train when because they can't get to
a newborn every single second. So you kind of got
like this few weeks old sleep trained baby because the
baby's like, I guess help isn't coming.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Yeah, Like it sounds terrible. That's the one perk, Like
you've got to look at the positives, Like he came
out on a schedule and just he was chilled. He
did get quite unsettled for a little while, but it
was all the things like I'd been through with Evely
and I didn't really beat around the bush. Plus I
have had this amazing GP. So I went into his
six and I was like, look, he's sleeping pretty well.
(40:03):
He's vomiting quite a lot, especially after feeds, his arching back,
his et cetera. And so they ended up putting him
on reflux meds and he was really good. He had
one pooh that was a bit bloody. So he was
on sort of a synthesized formula because I stoppedreastfeeding with
Wezzy at six weeks when Agel went back to work,
because he's still he wouldn't take the boob. So I
was pumping and stuff, and I was like, you know what,
(40:23):
that's enough. He got it to these vaccinations, he's fine. Yeah,
we started him on formula. The formula we fed him,
he had a bit of blood in his poos, so
they suggested with evidence history to go on the dairy
formula again, but because of COVID and the issues with formula,
I couldn't actually get it. But I found this other
brand that still had dairy in it, but it was synthesized,
(40:43):
so we used that with Wezzy and it was great.
He actually was fine. And then a couple of months
later we got him on normal formula and he didn't
have the same issues, but he did have pretty bad reflux.
Every time his medication like needed upping so he'd put
on weight, he just starts vomiting everywhere all the time.
It was really funny, like it sounds terrible, not he
wasn't in pain, but he would just like sit there
and start vomiting everywhere. So he was on. He was
(41:04):
on that till just over one and he was look,
he was Wesley was He was quite a good baby,
but he was a sick baby. He we were in
and out of hospital with him multiple times. He kept
getting bronchiolitis.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
I never realized, and two he had wes. What a
difference those last few weeks make in terms of their
lung development because his little lungs. He struggled so much.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
When I had Evely, and I remember getting to the
end of my pregnancy being like, oh, I just want
him to get like, I just want to get him out.
And one of this woman I worked with, who was
also a doctor, said to me, Oh, no, you want
to keep him in there every day you can. And
I didn't realize how important it was. But he kept
getting sick, obviously as all kids do, but he couldn't
fight it. He ended up in hospital multiple times. He
had bronchiolitis multiple multiple times. And for any parent who's
(41:48):
hurt a kid with it, oh, it's absolutely horrible, Like
they can't yet It's like so basically it happens is
when all of the aole lie in their in their
lungs gets filled with so it's like the snot from
your nose is through their lungs and the only way
to get it out is the hospital does is It's
really it's pretty horrible to watch your baby go through it.
(42:09):
But it does help is they literally stick the suction
tubes down their nose and airways and suck all the
gunk out, and they literally can fill tubes with it.
It's gross, but it's the only thing that helps them
is their relief of breathing. But so, yeah, he was
in and out of hospital a fair bit. Poor Kell.
We had Evelyn dumped on her quite a number of
times because at that point Adrian also changed jobs to
(42:29):
try to be home more with us, and because it
started a new job, he obviously had to take leave.
But it got to the point where it was so
often and frequent, like we had to come up with
Kell as our BABYSITTERU, why.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Like me and my sister we have awful births and
awful babies. And yes we're very lucky of course that
we've got healthy baby. Well now they're healthy, but like
we do not labor welld you not birth? Well? We
do not have good newborns.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
Yeah, we don't. But he was always sick. He was
really happy, like he was a pretty he was. He loved,
like it sounds silly, he loved the dancing fruits on TV.
He just frothed on it. One morning, my husband I
were out for breakfast and he just fell asleep sitting
on Adrian's lap at breakfast, like he was really happy
little boy, but he just got so sick. The last time.
I just remember the last time he got really sick.
He was over one, and I thought by that point
(43:26):
he should be better. And Evelyn had been sick all
week and she'd had croups. So everyone knows as well
how horrible that, especially the first time when you think
they're dying and you think you're choking because and they're
vomiting up by and can't breathe, and so you rush
him to hospital. And so she'd had that, and then
she'd been sick and fussy all week, and then it
got to the Friday and I'm looking at Were's and
I'd seen the doctor every single day that week. My
(43:48):
doctor again was amazing. I'd call up in the morning
and say I'm really sorry, and they'd be like fuck,
and they'd always find a way to fit us him.
So that Friday, I'm looking at Where's and I'm like,
he doesn't look right. And he had a little bit
of he was retracting a little bit. He had this
with the wheeze and I said to my husband, I
think we need to take him back to the doctor.
And he's like, and we can't go to the doctor again, Like,
surely not. And so I called my our dad. So
(44:10):
our dad's a paramedic, and he has been a life
saver for us, I think a few times with kids,
like whenever there's something wrong, he always tells us what
to do. And he's not the type like he let
me ski for three days with a broken arm in
our sixteen He's not a soft man.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
There is absolutely no room for hypochondria in our family hysterics.
We grew up with a very tough and up mentality,
one that we probably will not be passing on to
our children. But you know, it's rare for him to say,
got to the hospital.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
But with Wesley, quite a number of times i'd send
him videos of his breathing and he'd be like, take
him straight to hospital. He's a heart, yes, yes, And
this day I called him and there's this thing with
babies we account It's called their respiratory rate, so you
basically count how many times you can see them breathing.
Wesley's was continuously quite high, and he was retracting, so
I went to see the GP. She looked at me
(44:59):
and she's like, sick, he's in. I was like, I
was like, I don't even know anymore. And she took
him in. She's like, yeah, no, he's pretty sicky. Gonna
have to take him to hospital or write your letter.
So I took him in. We waited for about three hours,
and in the end, I said to one of the
nurses because there'd been a few times we'd been that
they just sent me home because they'd looked at him
and they're like, yeah, he has a virus, bring him
back if he gets worse. Like they hadn't really taken
(45:19):
it very seriously, and so in the end I'd be
seeing my GP every day instead of the hospital because
they're also so busy over COVID. So I wondered if
this was going to be one of those times because
they just we just waited for so long. In the end,
they were like, let us look at him again, and
they did and they were like, no, you're not going home.
So they took us in and then he ended up
on oxygen. We were there for three or four days
(45:41):
or the poor little thing like he's seeing.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
Like, oh, it was.
Speaker 2 (45:44):
It was actually it was heartbreaking, the poor little thing.
He was so sick. His heart rate was so high,
like he was so unsettled. He's always loved his weetbis though,
so that was really handy because he would he wouldn't
drink any fluids, but he'd loved wheat pics, so I
could always give him wheat picks and eat it.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
I've just remembered, Wesley. I love that you like. He's
such an easy baby. He wouldn't drink fluids for months
at a time out of a sippy cup or a bottle,
like she couldn't fit. So Emma had to syringe him
all his fluids for months because the bloke wouldn't learn
how to use a bloody sippy cup.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
We did have to do that, we had to, so
it was probably good two to three month period where
he took through his bottles, couldn't deal with a straw,
and so every ten minutes I just syringe, keep syringing
in ten meals of water like we just did it
all the time, and then just gave him wheat bix
because he was obsessed with it. He used to wake
up at two am most mornings, have two wheat bicks
and then go back to sleep like that was just
(46:42):
his thing, like he but so he always had enough fluid.
I promise I didn't deprive him and leave him dehydrated.
He had enough fluid. But yeah, So that was the
last time he was really sick, and since then it's
gotten better. But I think it left just quite anxious
for quite a long time every time he was unwell,
because he was just it just progressed so quickly, and
two under twos very hard. There were nights where Evie
(47:02):
wouldn't sleep and he wouldn't sleep without me there. So
I'd be patting him to sleep, and Evelyn to sleep
lying on the floor next to her, cot with him
on the floor next to me. I also was working
at that time too, because in this financial climate we
all need to and also I felt like work was
a break that I didn't feel guilty about. So I
(47:22):
quite enjoyed going back to work with both the kids.
That gave me an outlet. Plus I had, particularly with Evelyn,
I had the most amazing manager who was so understanding
and kind and actually she actually she was managing me
for a while when I first went back with Wes,
and she just was Yeah, she was incredible she really
looked after me, and it made me want to work
harder too when I could, because she just made me
(47:44):
want to make her life easier. So it was really
hard having two under two. But once the sickness subsided,
things started to get a lot easier. And I think
it's probably only been over the past six to twelve
months things have felt normal and we've sort of I
feel a little bit less horned buy everything. I don't know.
I still like find it really upsetting to talk about it,
(48:05):
especially with Wesley. I thought I might get like a
healing kind of birth, like I thought that might happen,
and then that wasn't the case. This sounds really woo woo,
but I can't help but flack. So when I went
in and my blood pressure was up, the medication brought
it all down. And like they do say that baby's
bodies also protect the mums, but then that makes me
feel terrible because then I'm like, well, then he was
(48:26):
so sick, so if his little body did that for mine, like,
it just makes me feel awful. Plus I did I
had a chocolate thick shake from McDonald's the week before,
and I was worried that had sent me into preterm labor, and.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
You gave your baby with listeria, if you want to
use that logic, your body grew him for nine months
and protected him and gave him his limbs and those
delicious chubby little thighs and those big round cheeks and
that puffy head that he refuses to let anyone cut.
So the moral of the story is that fertility makes
(48:59):
no sense and countryception doesn't really work. Not to trust it.
And yeah, so what would you say the biggest takeaways?
What are your pros and cons of having two so
close together? Oh?
Speaker 2 (49:14):
Look, they love each other now and I love that.
I don't know if i'd recommend it or not, because
it was so hard. I remember everyone telling me, Oh,
it's gonna get easier. I promise it'll go fast. When
you're in it, it doesn't feel like it. Everyone would say, oh,
four months it will get better, six months will get better.
That never happened, and so I get better. No, and
so for all like it, I don't know, Like I
(49:34):
just I feel so bad for any women who are
going through it because it's so so horrible, and you
feel so guilty for feeling that it's so horrible, and
you are so grateful because all you want is a
baby like that, so many women don't get to have,
and that also just sucks. It's just I just feel
so bad for any woman who's going through it, Like
I promise you're not alone. Like it sucks. It's the
worst horrible thing ever.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
And it sucks. But advocate for yourself and your baby.
Make someone listen to you. Everyone knows that babies cry,
like you're delusional if you think that they don't, like,
no one's that silly. But baby's not meant to scream
in agony for hours and hours and hours for a
prolonged period of time. So advocate for yourself and your baby.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
But also I think watch out for and I'm not
saying other people your responsibility, but watch out for your
friends and family. Because it did get to the point
where I didn't feel like I could even talk about it.
I didn't feel like I could describe it. People would
say like, oh, and I ended up writing before a
few doctor's appointments. I found myself hating to write list
so I'd be like, Okay, cried from this point in
(50:40):
time to this point of time, and did X, Y
and Z this Pooh looked like this, cried here, slept
like this, Like I wrote these notes and I had
to just give it to them because I couldn't say it.
I just felt so overwhelmed and terrible and that I
was doing something wrong in all of this, and I
just wanted these babies and I was just failing at it.
It was horrible. So I'd say, you try to watch
(51:00):
out for other people, Like I get anxious ridiculously when
some of my friends have kids, because I'm like, I
hate the idea of someone else going through that and
feeling like they can't talk about it.
Speaker 1 (51:09):
I could not agree more. And I remember I think
it was summy when she had a baby, you know,
she said in a group text she was like, yeah,
everything's really good, and I was like, then sent her
a private message being like, how are you really and
she's like, no, no, kel, I appreciate you, but actually
I'm fuck because I just assume that everyone's having an
awful time. But that actually isn't a normal, healthy lived experience. Sorry,
(51:34):
I should say it's very normal because it happens a lot,
but that's not the norm. You shouldn't be miserable all
day every day and your baby shouldn't be either.
Speaker 2 (51:42):
And I found that too, Like I messaged a lot
of my friends, they're like, Emma, I'm sure, we're promised,
we're fine. But I did have one girlfriend too, hope
she doesn't mind me talking about, but she had a
really terrible sleeper, Like he was a happy little boy,
but he's a terrible sleeper. And we messaged a fair
bit because then it's just nice to know that, like,
as much as sucks, you're not going to die, like
you can google, can I die from lack of sleep?
(52:03):
Or am I gonna? Like?
Speaker 1 (52:05):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (52:06):
But you like it's nice to I don't know. Sometimes
it's nice just to sit with someone who understands it.
Like Kell and I when the boys were small, we
would just sit together.
Speaker 1 (52:15):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (52:16):
Well she wasn't a mat leave, but I was on
that leave and we'd just sit together. Sometimes days we
wouldn't even talk, but we'd just be there in each
other's company.
Speaker 1 (52:23):
Sometimes we still do that to be fair. On a
Saturday morning, if the kids are being awful, we'll look
at each other and then we'll be like, it's nine am.
How have we already lived like an entire week? It's
nine am, Well, thank you so much for joining us today.
M M is a notoriously private person, so sharing these
sorts of stories is very important, because no experience is
(52:48):
actually unique once you start.
Speaker 2 (52:49):
Talking, Like when I felt like everyone else was doing
great and all these people were thriving, and I'm out
in public with a baby that won't stop screaming and
everyone's stare at me. It you feel really alone, lacks.
It's horrible. So I just hope all the mums know
they can always reach out. Feel free to DM me
if you're feeling bad.
Speaker 1 (53:09):
People can't because you're so private, but they can always.
They can DM me and then I can forward you
on or post in the Eat Sleepshit Repeat group. You
can do it anonymously and and we'll respond to you.
I tag. If she doesn't say anything like can you
help this person? Thanks em she let me farm her
Trauma for content and Luke for wrangling the three kids.
If you have heard them out there, that is why,
(53:31):
or the little voices here or there, share the pod
on your socials, please and rache and review us. Eat
Sleep's audio producer is the fab Mattie Joanno, who is
now copying one hundred percent of my unhinged text while
Key is teet bound by a baby Bye
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