May 27, 2025 • 33 mins
Apparently once you have a baby, your only acceptable form of fun is a pedicure and an occasional massage - and we call bullshit.
This week, Kel gets fired up about the idea that mothers have to earn their joy, especially when that joy looks like getting a little loose. Inspired by a brilliant article in The Cut, we unpack the judgement that comes with mums who still love to party - whether that’s a rave, rosé in a garage, or a solo Bali trip with cocktails and zero guilt.
"Selfish" isn't a dirty word.
LINKS TO EVERYTHING MENTIONED
Article - Happy Mother’s Day to the Moms Who Love to Party
ESSR episode - Mummy Wine Culture Isn’t Cute
HOSTS & PRODUCERS
Kelly McCarren @kelly_mccarren
Kee Reece Searles @keereece
AUDIO PRODUCTION
Madeline Joannou - Mylk Media
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
on today.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I agree with lou Oh my god, Okay, I'm so sorry. No, no, no,
this is why these conversations are good. Hello, and welcome
back to Eat, Sleep, Shit, Repeat, the most wildly, wildly
of unhinged podcasts about the madness that is motherhood and
everything in between.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I'm Kelly McCarran and I'm Kiri Searles, and i am
sweating because my baby is awake and she's on a
play mat next to me, and I'm like, hopefully this
goes well.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Is she eyeballing you or is she just kick kick kicking.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
She's kick kick kicking, she's reach, reach, reaching, she started
to grab. It's all very sweet.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Ah. I remember Lenn had this little piano that I'd
put at the bottom and he'd kick it and it
would play the piano and he loved it. Stop.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
That's really cute. I think I need to invest in
some like newborn Matt things for her to play with,
because just the mobile, I just getting a bit. She's like,
give me more, Like I'm down here, give me something
to do.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Yeah, I've got a very big brain. Mum, and I
want to use it. So later on the episode today
we are going to chat about mummy wine culture in
a completely different way. But first, Yuah Queen through the shit.
My pit is pissing me off and I need to
have a vent about it for context. My pit is
(01:24):
about more genetic tests, and I had to have a
bunch of genetic tests about a decade ago because my
mum has a cancer gene. It's not the brack of gene,
it's a different gene, but there's a fifty percent chance
if you've got it, the kid will have it, and
then there's an eighty percent chance that you would get
the type of cancers that the cancer gene would give you.
(01:47):
So it wasn't a great gene to get. However, obviously,
then if you have it, which my sister and brother
do have it, they get yearly tests and screening. So
that was like a decade ago, and it was a
very annoying to have to do. Unless you've been living
under a rock, you know that I absolutely hate needles.
I'm sure you can imagine that genetic testing involves a
(02:07):
lot of needles, and I've got to get more.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I know how much anxiety you have around medical procedures.
I just feel like you've just had such bad luck
with your health stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
It is so annoying. My nanny, as I mentioned last week,
she's had like three major heart surgeries. She's had like
a bunch of heart attacks. Her heart's always given her
a bit of grief. About seven years ago, my uncle,
when he was in his fifties, his heart literally like
exploded and he was given a fifty percent chance of
(02:42):
living or dying as he was going into surgery. Then
my uncle had to have open heart surgery like his brother.
These are my dad's brothers. Then my other uncle died
one day on his couch, so it was just assumed
that it was his heart that just didn't work. And
then there's been like some of the cousins had heart things.
So in the end, someone obviously goes, hey, let's check
(03:04):
for this random heart gene because this all seems to
be a little bit, you know, higher than average with
the randomness, and there's a really dodgy heart gene something
going on. Dad just got his results back. He's got
it too. Shit, So who has to go get the
more tests?
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, you do?
Speaker 2 (03:26):
You do? Only three people in the entire extended family
on Dad's side don't have it, so it's a really
aggressive one. Haha.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
So say you do get it, you've gone that far?
Are you just kind of dealing?
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Because for women it's not that big of a deal,
Like even though Nanny's had heaps of issues, most women
won't yeah to the same extent that in terms of
like how it affects men, however, it'll be more impactful
for Len down the line.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Right of course.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Yeah, yeah, I'm at the moment just annoyed. I'm annoyed
that I have to go get more testing done. And yes,
we live in a great country where these tests are
generally subsidized or free because if they're rare genes, like
the last time. I don't know if they'll cost anything
this time, but last time it was all free because
if they're rare genes, they use it for science and
(04:16):
stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
So yes, it's very lucky, but it's also very annoying.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
What are you going to do though this time? To
avoid having a panic attack?
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Me and my brother and sister went together for the
last lot, so we'll probably go together. So maybe I'll
just take like diazepam and just load up before I go.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, good idea, because my only thought is just just
how scary it was last time. But to be fair,
you didn't know what was happening. Maybe like this time around,
if you were to have a panic attack, at least
you could register in that would I don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Last time wasn't great because they weren't able to complete
the test properly on me, because they even the head
nurse at the genetic screening place struggled to get blood
out of me.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Oh shit.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yeah, anyway, it is what it is. We'll just have
to deal with it when it happens. But my peak
is my mom and dad are taking us on an
extended family holiday in twenty twenty six. What isn't that
so fun? Yes, I'm so excited. It's so generous of them.
(05:18):
Everything's included, flights, food, accommodation. We just have to show up.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Isn't that so nice? I one day we'll train, we'll
do that for my kids, Like, it's such a precious
gift to do that for your kids and do something
all together. Oh my god, I love that.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Glenn Is just can you just imagine when he realizes
that we're all going to Fiji, with cousins, with Uncle Sam,
with Arnie Kat, with Nana Pop. He's just going to
be like whoa. And also just for me to be
on holidays with my siblings and parents again, oh.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
So nice girl. And Fiji is just fantastic for kids.
He's a great age for like kids club and all
that good stuff that you go to those destines for.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
So that is something really nice to look forward to.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Gorgeous. So what time next year is like early? Oh amazing,
We're almost halfway.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
So it's not exactly, it's not long. It's not long.
It'll go really fast. And yeah, you know when Christmas
is all over and you're like, you know, start of
a new year, it'll be just like oh yay, then
we get to go away.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Yeah, that'll be so good. And know it's always a
bit doomy, gloomy at the beginning of the year, although
Easter came around pretty quickly, which I think was so
good this year.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
True, true, Who.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Knows what the date's going to be next year. It's
all based on some silly little moon.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Your turn, you finish on the peak.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Okay, so my pit is falling on from last week,
my diagnosis of shingles and mastitis. Having to pump my
mastidisy shingle boob and then feeding out of a bottle,
Like it's so funny, right. You just get so used
to what your routine is, and something as small as
(06:57):
pumping one boob, transferring it to a bottle and feeding
out of a bottle, it's just so much work, an
extra mental load and just extra like having to get
up out of bed at night to do stuff like
normally just roll her out and feed her, but I've
got a pump and pull off the milk into the
It's just a lot. And I'd just like to stop
(07:20):
that now. That'd be lovely if I could stop that.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
What about my girlfriend who she has like this nipple
condition and she did it for I forget how many
months she persevered and pushed through, and I mean after
she was done, she was like, I was a cycle.
I don't know what I was thinking. So she was
pumping because she couldn't feed directly from the nipple. They
were covered with scabs and like blood. That's how sensitive
(07:45):
her nipples were, even just to the pump.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
That's when you're in that new mum phase, hay, and you're.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Just putting pressure on yourself.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Yeah, and you don't realize the office You're like, whoa,
what was I doing?
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
I remember when I was with Suki breastfeeding and I
was texting my bestie being like, oh, it's hard, Like
you know, she's just so hungry and I just don't
supply isn't good and she just went fit is best?
Just remember? Yeah, good reminder just in case I'm getting
into my crazy cuckoo era of like reast.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Milk, rest milk, but no, the baby just wants a
full tummy, just.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Wants to be fed. Bitch my peak. Now. I am
just so thrilled with Rou's daycare. I cannot tell you.
It has been a bloody journey getting her to a
daycare that I love, and I knew that they were
a wonderful, But then Mother's Day a couple of weeks ago,
it was like I never and any of the daycarees
(08:41):
that I went to previously had like a Mother's Day
morning tea. We never celebrated anything. They never invited us
into the daycare to do things with your other daycare,
don't I know, honestly, But we were invited to this
Mother's Day thing. Super cute. We get there, I'm hand
at a gift. They made these little color coo bags
(09:03):
that the girls have done their artwork on with this
beautiful card and a poem and all very cutesy. And
then we're sitting around just waiting in the classroom and
then we all are invited to come outside to the
big play area and there's nail polish station set up,
a pasta like necklace making stations, face painting, photo booth.
(09:23):
There were all these snacks like chicken bagels and pretzels
and all of these things. They had gone to so
much effort, and the kids were loving it because we
were coming into their space and they were showing us
all of their stuff and it was just honestly so beautiful.
And then today, for instance, I get an email from
the lead educator and it's ru's like Cycle one Individual
(09:48):
Observation Planning Record. Basically, it's from January to May everything
that they've observed in relation to socialization literacy, not that
they can really read or anything like that, but just
the beginnings of it emotional, social, physical, cognitive language, and
then like what the plan is moving forward and really
(10:08):
thoughtful comments. It wasn't just like generic cut and pace,
like they were unique to her. And I just thought,
this is so nice because I'm in a stage where
we don't have family help. I really have to rely
on daycare to do a lot of the raising of rue,
you know, from Monday to Thursday. And like, what a
gift it is to be able to completely trust the
(10:31):
people that you're sending your kid to school with every day,
like they're as invested in her as we are. And
also just some of the comments, it's just like so
cute because I know that she's a really kind kid,
but then they're like, oh and then they helped this
other girl who didn't know how to do it, blah
blah blah, And I'm like, Okay, she's doing okay, she's
weather the storm of having a sibling and moving daycares again,
(10:52):
and she's thriving.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
And she does have her little bestie there, which she
must just love so much.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I know she does have her bestie, Goldie.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
The it's so cute now that they literally spent most
days together.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
It is just so funny. Beck and I Goldie's mom,
we met and if you don't know the connection, Beck
and I met in mother's group and ruined. Goldie became
fast friends, as did Beck and I. And Beck will
messaged me one morning or old message whoever drops off second,
and the girls are like, whoa Goldie. Look at my dress.
I'm wearing a bow dress. Look at me, I'm wearing
(11:24):
poor patrol undies. They'll like comment on each other, Oh,
you look so nice, you look so nice. Should we
play outside?
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Yeah, let's go.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
It's just so good, so good having a little bestie
there and just having someone else to like remind you
of shit. Like Beck's like, how are you going to
this mother's day thing? I was like, yeah, I have RSVP.
She's like, okay, cool, I'll go to. Having like a
little friend there for yourself is also really nice. So
it just feels good to know that because that last
time I moved it, I really did go back and forth,
(11:53):
and I felt really guilty after I kind of handed
and unnoticed because that was like her fourth daycare or something.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
I've had a lot of duds. Though you've had bad
luck with daycare.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
I have had bad luck, and I think that I
kept trying to remind myself like no, no, if something
doesn't feel right, we got to move on. It's important
to get somewhere where you feel really safe and secure,
and we've found that and I'm just so thrilled, and yeah,
it's so fun to drop them off every day and
let her run in and be like, I just love it.
And the educators are so nice. Educators are so nice anyway,
(12:27):
I love them. I love them. Daycare is the best
enough of that. After the break hell is kicking off
the first ever I just don't Know if I care segment.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
I don't care?
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Yeah you do?
Speaker 3 (12:44):
No, I don't you care?
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I don't care, Yes you do. Before I start talking,
because I've got a lot to say about today's topic,
do you want to reintroduce this segment and explain what
it is? There are so many topics in my mind
that I want to discuss.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
So this one is I just don't know if I care.
And each month we'll alternate bringing a study, opinion piece
that someone's written, maybe a TikTok video that's gone viral
with a certain take on parenting, motherhood, lifestyle, something that
is kind of in the mix that maybe you've seen
(13:20):
as a headline but haven't had the time or energpacity
to click into. We're going to bring it to you
break it down and then have a little discussion and
at the end we're going to decide if we care
or not. So Kell's up this week for the first one.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Oh, I'm so excited. Today we're going to chat about
an article in The Cut a few weeks ago titled
Happy Mother's Day to the Mums who Love to Party.
We will link it in the show notes if you
fancy a read. But it's essentially a toast to mums
who love to party, urging society to celebrate them without
(13:55):
the burden of proving their worth. And the more that
I sort of thought about this topic, the more passionate
I got, which is going to be very clear. So
in the essay, Catherine Jersey Morton challenges the traditional narrative
that mothers must earn their pleasure and fun through self sacrifice.
She celebrates the mothers who find joy and liberation in partying,
(14:18):
however they like to do so. On an individual level.
These experiences, she argues, offer a vital connection to the
world beyond domestic life and reaffirm the individual identity. And
then she goes on to include perspectives from other mothers
who highlight how such moments of revelry. How good is
that word? I love that word can serve as a
(14:40):
form of self expression and necessary escape from the gender
normed roles that are often imposed on mothers. And The
Piece advocates for recognizing mothers as multifaceted individuals who deserve
joy and autonomy. And my god, did I feel seen?
Because the level of vitriol, judgment and quite frankly discussed
(15:04):
that's aimed at mothers specifically for doing something like partying,
is at an all time high. Thanks to social media.
We're allowed to ask because obviously we have to ask
for permission to see if we've earned it, you know,
because we're not individuals that can make their own life choices.
So we could ask for hampering, say for Mother's Day,
(15:24):
I'd love like a voucher to the spa, or I'd
love like a lunch with the girls, or a nice
new piece of jewelry, because that's perceived as a treat.
So this mom that is asking for the nice massage,
she's always showing up on Instagram at her kids soccer
games and the bakesale, and the washing is always in
the line because she doesn't dare use the dryer, so
(15:46):
she deserves that massage. She deserves a money petty here
and there or brunch with a girl. But a mom
that loves Darrave absolutely not a mom who wants to
talk shit in someone's garage over a bottle or six
of rose day every second Friday. Do not be ridiculous.
If you've posted something like that, the comments action would
(16:08):
not be like, oh my god, so fun you go girl,
or I'm coming next time. It would be here is.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Looking after your child, terrible mother who needs to escape
her children, And then things just like really boring comments
like don't have kids if you still want to party?
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Why? Why is having kids seen as this moment where
you no longer can do anything purely for yourself unless
it's the occasionally socially accepted spa day lunch. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
I thought this was really interesting because it's obvious that
if you see mothers enjoying themselves, or if you saw
I don't know, some drunk stories that a mum had
put up, I think the automatic reaction to that is
a little bit like, oh, and I think that's ingrained
in us. Not that it should be, but I think
that society has made us think like that's not very motherly.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Right, Yes, it's not very motherly.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
It's not very motherly. That's not really how you're supposed
to act. But what I loved about this is she
spoke to different people and one of the one women
that she asked in this piece used to be her
editor at another magazine and she didn't have kids at
the time, this editor, but now she does, and so
it was really interesting to get her perspective. And she
(17:21):
said that after just having these little moments out of
partying and because she was a party girl, she said
that she comes to feel more palpable gratitude for the slow, sweet,
tedious domesticity that she gets to leave and then return to.
And I just really resonated with that because I think
what happens is that like, obviously, yes, gender roles, yes
(17:43):
they're unfair, like they're not equal, and as women, we
do pick up a lot more of the things that
I know that when I go and let off a
bit of steam, which is usually like going to my
girlfriend's birthday and dancing all night, like, I come back
being like okay, I feel a bit more refreshed, like hey,
I'm still me, but I just can't be all of
me all the time, but I'm still there.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
And I loved her line that said, despite my aching head,
I feel restored in a way that no SPA can't
touch because I completely agree with you. And it's not
for everyone, of course, but there is something that makes
me feel so much more alive that ASPA just wouldn't.
And the thing about you know, looking at someone's drunk
(18:28):
insta stories and going ooh, not very motherly, Well, that
person is more than just a mother. Yeah, having kids
doesn't mean that you are solely tied for them for
every single second and still they leave the home that
is not healthy for them or you. You are a
multifaceted person, we all are. You're not just a mum.
I am Lenny's mum. I play silly games with him
(18:51):
and we have dance parties with the cats and we
go on find adventures and I do love that part
of my life, but it isn't my entire life.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
I think what's important to there was like, some people
do want to center their life around their kids right
in a huge way, and that is okay too, but
they should also understand that they're allowed to, like let
off a little bit of steam. And I want to
also say that, like, even though we're talking about quote
unquote partying, the definition of that when she kind of
(19:18):
surveyed this group of women was like, yeah, there was
like party party people, but some of them were like
drinkers or some of them were sober.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
But it's still go out dancing till six am.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Exactly, but the hours were late. And that's what I
think it is. I think sometimes I'm guilty of doing this.
It's like if I go out to socialize as a mother,
there's like a an end on it. It's like I
can maybe go out for and especially now I'm a
newborn stage obviously that is like the one time where
I do need to have timed stuff, But like, I
don't know, there's kind of like an expectation that it's
(19:51):
only like X amount of hours long. Right I'm imagining
Charlie going out, there's not like a said amount of
time for him to like go out and let off
some steam, like do whatever you want to do. But
I think there is inherently we have restrictions around what
we can do and how long we can do it
for as mothers.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Yeah, I agree. I have always really loved partying, and
I've definitely given it a strong nudge throughout my life.
Len was exactly six weeks old when I first went out,
and when I was thinking back, it was the first
time I actually felt like myself again. All night, people
were asking if I missed him and how I was going,
and I just was like, oh my god, I'm absolutely fine,
(20:30):
and I just felt so much joy and I just
felt like, oh, I'm myself again. And it's funny. Whenever
I start getting really cranky or my mental health starts
slipping a bit, Luke will be like, do you have
a night out with the girls anytime soon? Yeah? It's
like you need it. It feeds me so much. But
(20:51):
I'm about to tell you about a disagreement if you will,
that Luke and I had a few months ago. I
guess it sort of all ties in with the feeling like, oh,
you've earned doing this as a mother, rather than just
like you're a person who can still do what you
want as long as you're sort of you know, you've
got to put your kid first, of course, but you
also need to put yourself first sometimes. So I'm going
(21:14):
to tell you about the argument.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Okay, tell me.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
As many of you know, I went to Bali solo
in February. I had friends over there, but was primarily
by myself, and I did nothing but eat, swim, should
repeat read, get massages and yes, party with my friends
for five days and I returned a new woman. I
was so rejuvenated in every single aspect, specifically though, as
(21:40):
a wife and a mother, because I'd had that time
with no one wanting me and needing me and asking
for anything. I mentioned to Luke that I thought it
would be good if I did that every quarter, so
four times a year. I'm like, I'm going to take
myself to Bali for that long weekend to recharge, so
it's five point four percent of the time over a
three month period I would be away from my family.
(22:02):
And Luke was outraged by my selfishness, like absolutely outraged.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
This is hard, right, because if Charlie turned around and
said that to me, I wouldn't be happy. No fucking
way is that happening, Like you cannot leave me once
every three months for a long weekend. Even as I'm
saying it sounds unreasonable, but like I'm just thinking logistically, no,
I'm gonna I will sinkle, swim, I'm gonna sink.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
But then I bought up that he was planning on
doing night shifts, which would be a much higher percent away.
He literally at the moment sees Lenny for half an
hour in the mornings during the week. He was like, oh, well,
it's okay because it was for work. I agree with
lou Oh my god, okay.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Because he's not choosing to do that, like that's the
work that he's taking in order to provide for the family.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Right, Okay, okay, yep, so you're still here.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Sure, I'm still team Luke.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
I'm so sorry, No, no, no, this is these conversations
are good. Technically, I was working in Bali because I
was shooting and testing the travel in and then I
said to him, Okay, well, I'm just going to arrange
some spond to shoot every trip. Would that suddenly make
it okay?
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Yeah, I mean it's not fair because his job has
night shifts, you know, Like that's where I think the
inequity is. But I think that you actually making it
a work trip does legitimize it in a way that
would get out across the line for me.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
But then he still was like, no, you're so selfish.
What is so wrong with someone being selfish? Sometimes like
I'm putting him and Lenny first and my work most
of the time. What is wrong with me putting myself
first occasionally?
Speaker 1 (23:49):
I actually do think that this is quite a nice
thing to maybe do. But I think what it needs
to be is that both of you do it.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
But he doesn't want to or he wouldn't want to
spend the money on that.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
That's not really about you, go it's about him not
wanting to do the same thing. But I know, like
thinking about how stressed Charlie is and how much he's
doing at work and then coming home and helping me,
and me just being stressed all the time, etc. Doing
all the family stuff. Like I think we would both
actually really benefit from having something like that to look.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Forward to exactly. But it's only okay to travel if
it's for work, because then that scene is virtuous because
then you're earning your time. Self care isn't virtuous. Even
though life is fucking short, things can happen at the
blink of the moment. Why aren't we okay with being
a little bit selfish and putting ourselves first occasionally and
(24:37):
just enjoying ourselves. Why, as women are we constantly made
to feel guilty for wanting pleasure when at the end
of the day, making everyone else happy all the time
isn't going to get you anywhere.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
You're so right, Like I just remembered recently, maybe Suki
was eight or nine weeks and my girlfriend was having
a party and she was having on a boat and
she's like, guys, I've got like a surprise for you,
and I was like, okay, I'll do it. And then
it came to the time and I just thought like, oh,
I can't leave her. I'd have to pump and she's
never had a bottle, and there were all these obstacles
(25:13):
to why I couldn't go. But I think at the
crux of it, it was like, you shouldn't leave your baby.
You've just had a baby, she's going to be a newborn, Like,
you shouldn't leave her. Well, I did leave her. Charlie
was like, it's five hours, it'll be fine. He was
really encouraging of that, and it was the best five
hours I've had in ages. And I was so glad
(25:34):
in that moment that he and my best friend Hannah
were like, it's gonna be fine. If it's not, we
can give a formula. It's five hours and that was it.
I went on the boat, got off, came home. I
was back in time for like bedtime and stuff, and
it was an amazing time out. And I just think about, like,
(25:54):
was it really the fact that I hadn't given her
a bottle that was deterring me from going, or was
it kind of that underlying all it's not.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Very motherly of you to go out and get pissed
on a boat when you've got a baby at.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Home, exactly, and that I did have a lot of
glasses of champagne and some great sushi. It would have
been so easy for me to not go because I've
just had a newborn and how could I dare leave
her for a few hours. But really I left her
for five hours. She was fine. Charlie got to have
this amazing kind of one on one with the baby,
and I got to have some time off to come
back to my really mundane, boring life.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
I don't know if I've completely missed to the point
of this segment. I just don't know if I care,
because I really agree with this author that wrote the
essay on the cut that sometimes it's okay that you
still love partying and sometimes it's okay to be a
selfish bitch.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Well, I think it's slightly off of what the segment's
meant to be, But who do care about what this
person has said in this piece? It's like, yeah, I
do care. Like we are meant to party, we're allowed
to be mums, we're also allowed to have fun, and
I think I do care too. I think you're right.
You've laid out some really interesting thoughts starters that I
(27:04):
think I'll be interested to see what the shit has
come back with and what their feedback is. Because you
lost me and then you got me back.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
I think that everyone will listen along and being like
oh no, Kel, no no, and do exactly what you're doing,
going no team Luke, Team Luke. But then the more
I argue my point, the more I make more and
more sense, and the more people are going to finish
that episode and then go book themselves a five day
long weekend you bully.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Yeah, and ask their partners to do the same thing.
That's the thing.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
I'm like, go yourself if you want to or do
I don't know, goal for whatever you want to do.
That's the bloody equivalent like I mean to be fair, Luke,
could not think of anything more boring than going and
sitting next to a pool and reading by himself for
five days. That man loves to chat.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
But yeah, I think that I.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Think about things like a man. Well.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
I think that the difference here, right, is that the
reason why this person has written this article is because
it is gendered. Because no one blinks an eye or
bats an eye when dads have to go back to
work or they have to travel and there's a newborn
at home, or your partners probably have in some form
let off steam way before you have, or as frequently
(28:15):
as you might do as a mum. So it's for
the people that don't let their hair down a lot.
I think they are going to have a bit of
a little come to Jesus moment from this segment.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Hopefully, I think so. And I think that, well, hopefully
I've changed your mind a little bit about the importance
of being selfish sometimes I'm not saying all the time,
because it's also going to make you a better mother
because you've had that time to decompress.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
One hundred percent. All right, it's recommendations time. Should I
go first or should you go first?
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Because I've just been ranting and shouting.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
No, you weren't ranting and shouting. You were presenting a
very interesting point that got me over the line. All right,
I'm up. First, I have had a bit of a
style crisis since having Suki. Actually while I was pregnant.
My body changed quite a lot during this pregnancy, and
I'm not in any rush to do anything about it.
(29:16):
I'm very comfortable in my skin at the moment, but
what makes me very aware of my changing body is
trying to get myself dressed in the morning. So rather
than buy I don't know, clothes that are like placeholders,
I'm just like, this is the size I am. I
want to buy clothes that fit me that I like,
but I also don't have a lot of like heaps
(29:36):
of cash to spend. Times are tough, so I have
been on a little bit of a deep pop discovery.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Oh I love this so much. Yes, yes, yes, right.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
So I think deepop is really good for our listeners
that maybe postpartum, maybe a bit of recession proof shopping.
That you can find things that you would love at
full price, but they are discount because people maybe have
worn them once or twice. They're pre loved, and they're
really reasonably priced. You can also put an offering, So
(30:08):
say someone has something up for seventy five dollars, you
could offer sixty and see if they take it, and
you can kind of go back and forth and barter,
and then once it's done, they will wrap it up
and send it to you. And there's this thing called RePOP,
Like if you get something on deep Hop and it
doesn't suit you, you might put it up again. And it's like,
this was a RePOP, but it was just because you know,
(30:28):
it was too long for me. But it's a really
great sight because I don't know, you can just find things.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
I use it to buy things that I want, but
I don't want to pay that money.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Frice, Yeah, because how many times have you bought something,
warned a couple of times and then just been likeck,
it's just not me and it's pretty expensive, or maybe
you know X amount of money to be able to
give that new life instead of it hanging in the
closet for three years until you really decide that it's
not for you and then end up donating it or whatever.
(31:00):
Like it's just a really good way to I don't know,
recycle your clothes but also find great deals, and it's
just fun to scroll, Like, give me a different platform
than Instagram and TikTok to scroll like Deepop. It's fun anyway,
So that's my record.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
I love that, and I think that that is a
great recommendation because we just need to stop shopping at
shit places like.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
And that's my thing. I really don't want to shop
at fast fashion anymore. Like there's definitely a place where
I understand why people do it, but for me, it's
building like a wardrobe of clothing that is good quality,
will stand the test of time, classic things that you
can funk up, and I think that Deepop is really
good for that.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
I love fast fashion, but I don't ever buy things
to be fast. So I love fast fashion prices, but
I don't ever buy things just for one season. Like
i'll buy something that's technically fast fashion, people say, oh,
where'd you get that, and I'll be like, I got
it from Chopo or top Shop five years ago, though yeah,
(32:05):
like I just I pull things out and so it's
not fast for me. So you were recommending bras last week,
like for Postpartum where Nala is another Aussie lady startup brand.
They're fifteen nine dollars. They come in a range of colors, shapes,
and sizes. The reason why I like them is because
I don't like bras. I wear a crop most of
(32:27):
the time because I just don't like the feeling of
something title supportive or I don't like to feel trapped
at all, which is why I don't like wearing jewelry normally.
But they are the closest thing to a crop, but
it's still a bra because the thing is, if you're
wearing a crop under a tight shirt, it's really obvious
that you're wearing a crop, and it's a very teenage
(32:48):
girl of you. Like, yeah, I don't know why, I
just feel really juvenile, like if I just you need
to put a bra on under your top because you
can just see it and it just Are you about
to go play netball? Potentially? Yes?
Speaker 1 (33:01):
You on a Wednesday?
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Yes, yep, me on a Wednesday. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
I think they do a brilette thanllah. I've got it
in black and it is so nice. It's like sexy
but a bralatt Oh.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
On that note, time for us to skid atle Hopefully
we'll be back in your eies next week with a
shitter for a yap and Yanna about something interesting.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
This podcast was produced by us Key Resells and Kelly McCarran,
with audio production by Matti Joanna. See you next week.
Shit is Bye.
We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
on today.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I agree with lou Oh my god, Okay, I'm so sorry. No, no, no,
this is why these conversations are good. Hello, and welcome
back to Eat, Sleep, Shit, Repeat, the most wildly, wildly
of unhinged podcasts about the madness that is motherhood and
everything in between.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I'm Kelly McCarran and I'm Kiri Searles, and i am
sweating because my baby is awake and she's on a
play mat next to me, and I'm like, hopefully this
goes well.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Is she eyeballing you or is she just kick kick kicking.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
She's kick kick kicking, she's reach, reach, reaching, she started
to grab. It's all very sweet.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Ah. I remember Lenn had this little piano that I'd
put at the bottom and he'd kick it and it
would play the piano and he loved it. Stop.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
That's really cute. I think I need to invest in
some like newborn Matt things for her to play with,
because just the mobile, I just getting a bit. She's like,
give me more, Like I'm down here, give me something
to do.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Yeah, I've got a very big brain. Mum, and I
want to use it. So later on the episode today
we are going to chat about mummy wine culture in
a completely different way. But first, Yuah Queen through the shit.
My pit is pissing me off and I need to
have a vent about it for context. My pit is
(01:24):
about more genetic tests, and I had to have a
bunch of genetic tests about a decade ago because my
mum has a cancer gene. It's not the brack of gene,
it's a different gene, but there's a fifty percent chance
if you've got it, the kid will have it, and
then there's an eighty percent chance that you would get
the type of cancers that the cancer gene would give you.
(01:47):
So it wasn't a great gene to get. However, obviously,
then if you have it, which my sister and brother
do have it, they get yearly tests and screening. So
that was like a decade ago, and it was a
very annoying to have to do. Unless you've been living
under a rock, you know that I absolutely hate needles.
I'm sure you can imagine that genetic testing involves a
(02:07):
lot of needles, and I've got to get more.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I know how much anxiety you have around medical procedures.
I just feel like you've just had such bad luck
with your health stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
It is so annoying. My nanny, as I mentioned last week,
she's had like three major heart surgeries. She's had like
a bunch of heart attacks. Her heart's always given her
a bit of grief. About seven years ago, my uncle,
when he was in his fifties, his heart literally like
exploded and he was given a fifty percent chance of
(02:42):
living or dying as he was going into surgery. Then
my uncle had to have open heart surgery like his brother.
These are my dad's brothers. Then my other uncle died
one day on his couch, so it was just assumed
that it was his heart that just didn't work. And
then there's been like some of the cousins had heart things.
So in the end, someone obviously goes, hey, let's check
(03:04):
for this random heart gene because this all seems to
be a little bit, you know, higher than average with
the randomness, and there's a really dodgy heart gene something
going on. Dad just got his results back. He's got
it too. Shit, So who has to go get the
more tests?
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, you do?
Speaker 2 (03:26):
You do? Only three people in the entire extended family
on Dad's side don't have it, so it's a really
aggressive one. Haha.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
So say you do get it, you've gone that far?
Are you just kind of dealing?
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Because for women it's not that big of a deal,
Like even though Nanny's had heaps of issues, most women
won't yeah to the same extent that in terms of
like how it affects men, however, it'll be more impactful
for Len down the line.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Right of course.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Yeah, yeah, I'm at the moment just annoyed. I'm annoyed
that I have to go get more testing done. And yes,
we live in a great country where these tests are
generally subsidized or free because if they're rare genes, like
the last time. I don't know if they'll cost anything
this time, but last time it was all free because
if they're rare genes, they use it for science and
(04:16):
stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
So yes, it's very lucky, but it's also very annoying.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
What are you going to do though this time? To
avoid having a panic attack?
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Me and my brother and sister went together for the
last lot, so we'll probably go together. So maybe I'll
just take like diazepam and just load up before I go.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, good idea, because my only thought is just just
how scary it was last time. But to be fair,
you didn't know what was happening. Maybe like this time around,
if you were to have a panic attack, at least
you could register in that would I don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Last time wasn't great because they weren't able to complete
the test properly on me, because they even the head
nurse at the genetic screening place struggled to get blood
out of me.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Oh shit.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yeah, anyway, it is what it is. We'll just have
to deal with it when it happens. But my peak
is my mom and dad are taking us on an
extended family holiday in twenty twenty six. What isn't that
so fun? Yes, I'm so excited. It's so generous of them.
(05:18):
Everything's included, flights, food, accommodation. We just have to show up.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Isn't that so nice? I one day we'll train, we'll
do that for my kids, Like, it's such a precious
gift to do that for your kids and do something
all together. Oh my god, I love that.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Glenn Is just can you just imagine when he realizes
that we're all going to Fiji, with cousins, with Uncle Sam,
with Arnie Kat, with Nana Pop. He's just going to
be like whoa. And also just for me to be
on holidays with my siblings and parents again, oh.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
So nice girl. And Fiji is just fantastic for kids.
He's a great age for like kids club and all
that good stuff that you go to those destines for.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
So that is something really nice to look forward to.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Gorgeous. So what time next year is like early? Oh amazing,
We're almost halfway.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
So it's not exactly, it's not long. It's not long.
It'll go really fast. And yeah, you know when Christmas
is all over and you're like, you know, start of
a new year, it'll be just like oh yay, then
we get to go away.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Yeah, that'll be so good. And know it's always a
bit doomy, gloomy at the beginning of the year, although
Easter came around pretty quickly, which I think was so
good this year.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
True, true, Who.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Knows what the date's going to be next year. It's
all based on some silly little moon.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Your turn, you finish on the peak.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Okay, so my pit is falling on from last week,
my diagnosis of shingles and mastitis. Having to pump my
mastidisy shingle boob and then feeding out of a bottle,
Like it's so funny, right. You just get so used
to what your routine is, and something as small as
(06:57):
pumping one boob, transferring it to a bottle and feeding
out of a bottle, it's just so much work, an
extra mental load and just extra like having to get
up out of bed at night to do stuff like
normally just roll her out and feed her, but I've
got a pump and pull off the milk into the
It's just a lot. And I'd just like to stop
(07:20):
that now. That'd be lovely if I could stop that.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
What about my girlfriend who she has like this nipple
condition and she did it for I forget how many
months she persevered and pushed through, and I mean after
she was done, she was like, I was a cycle.
I don't know what I was thinking. So she was
pumping because she couldn't feed directly from the nipple. They
were covered with scabs and like blood. That's how sensitive
(07:45):
her nipples were, even just to the pump.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
That's when you're in that new mum phase, hay, and you're.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Just putting pressure on yourself.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Yeah, and you don't realize the office You're like, whoa,
what was I doing?
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
I remember when I was with Suki breastfeeding and I
was texting my bestie being like, oh, it's hard, Like
you know, she's just so hungry and I just don't
supply isn't good and she just went fit is best?
Just remember? Yeah, good reminder just in case I'm getting
into my crazy cuckoo era of like reast.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Milk, rest milk, but no, the baby just wants a
full tummy, just.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Wants to be fed. Bitch my peak. Now. I am
just so thrilled with Rou's daycare. I cannot tell you.
It has been a bloody journey getting her to a
daycare that I love, and I knew that they were
a wonderful, But then Mother's Day a couple of weeks ago,
it was like I never and any of the daycarees
(08:41):
that I went to previously had like a Mother's Day
morning tea. We never celebrated anything. They never invited us
into the daycare to do things with your other daycare,
don't I know, honestly, But we were invited to this
Mother's Day thing. Super cute. We get there, I'm hand
at a gift. They made these little color coo bags
(09:03):
that the girls have done their artwork on with this
beautiful card and a poem and all very cutesy. And
then we're sitting around just waiting in the classroom and
then we all are invited to come outside to the
big play area and there's nail polish station set up,
a pasta like necklace making stations, face painting, photo booth.
(09:23):
There were all these snacks like chicken bagels and pretzels
and all of these things. They had gone to so
much effort, and the kids were loving it because we
were coming into their space and they were showing us
all of their stuff and it was just honestly so beautiful.
And then today, for instance, I get an email from
the lead educator and it's ru's like Cycle one Individual
(09:48):
Observation Planning Record. Basically, it's from January to May everything
that they've observed in relation to socialization literacy, not that
they can really read or anything like that, but just
the beginnings of it emotional, social, physical, cognitive language, and
then like what the plan is moving forward and really
(10:08):
thoughtful comments. It wasn't just like generic cut and pace,
like they were unique to her. And I just thought,
this is so nice because I'm in a stage where
we don't have family help. I really have to rely
on daycare to do a lot of the raising of rue,
you know, from Monday to Thursday. And like, what a
gift it is to be able to completely trust the
(10:31):
people that you're sending your kid to school with every day,
like they're as invested in her as we are. And
also just some of the comments, it's just like so
cute because I know that she's a really kind kid,
but then they're like, oh and then they helped this
other girl who didn't know how to do it, blah
blah blah, And I'm like, Okay, she's doing okay, she's
weather the storm of having a sibling and moving daycares again,
(10:52):
and she's thriving.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
And she does have her little bestie there, which she
must just love so much.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I know she does have her bestie, Goldie.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
The it's so cute now that they literally spent most
days together.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
It is just so funny. Beck and I Goldie's mom,
we met and if you don't know the connection, Beck
and I met in mother's group and ruined. Goldie became
fast friends, as did Beck and I. And Beck will
messaged me one morning or old message whoever drops off second,
and the girls are like, whoa Goldie. Look at my dress.
I'm wearing a bow dress. Look at me, I'm wearing
(11:24):
poor patrol undies. They'll like comment on each other, Oh,
you look so nice, you look so nice. Should we
play outside?
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Yeah, let's go.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
It's just so good, so good having a little bestie
there and just having someone else to like remind you
of shit. Like Beck's like, how are you going to
this mother's day thing? I was like, yeah, I have RSVP.
She's like, okay, cool, I'll go to. Having like a
little friend there for yourself is also really nice. So
it just feels good to know that because that last
time I moved it, I really did go back and forth,
(11:53):
and I felt really guilty after I kind of handed
and unnoticed because that was like her fourth daycare or something.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
I've had a lot of duds. Though you've had bad
luck with daycare.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
I have had bad luck, and I think that I
kept trying to remind myself like no, no, if something
doesn't feel right, we got to move on. It's important
to get somewhere where you feel really safe and secure,
and we've found that and I'm just so thrilled, and yeah,
it's so fun to drop them off every day and
let her run in and be like, I just love it.
And the educators are so nice. Educators are so nice anyway,
(12:27):
I love them. I love them. Daycare is the best
enough of that. After the break hell is kicking off
the first ever I just don't Know if I care segment.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
I don't care?
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Yeah you do?
Speaker 3 (12:44):
No, I don't you care?
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I don't care, Yes you do. Before I start talking,
because I've got a lot to say about today's topic,
do you want to reintroduce this segment and explain what
it is? There are so many topics in my mind
that I want to discuss.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
So this one is I just don't know if I care.
And each month we'll alternate bringing a study, opinion piece
that someone's written, maybe a TikTok video that's gone viral
with a certain take on parenting, motherhood, lifestyle, something that
is kind of in the mix that maybe you've seen
(13:20):
as a headline but haven't had the time or energpacity
to click into. We're going to bring it to you
break it down and then have a little discussion and
at the end we're going to decide if we care
or not. So Kell's up this week for the first one.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Oh, I'm so excited. Today we're going to chat about
an article in The Cut a few weeks ago titled
Happy Mother's Day to the Mums who Love to Party.
We will link it in the show notes if you
fancy a read. But it's essentially a toast to mums
who love to party, urging society to celebrate them without
(13:55):
the burden of proving their worth. And the more that
I sort of thought about this topic, the more passionate
I got, which is going to be very clear. So
in the essay, Catherine Jersey Morton challenges the traditional narrative
that mothers must earn their pleasure and fun through self sacrifice.
She celebrates the mothers who find joy and liberation in partying,
(14:18):
however they like to do so. On an individual level.
These experiences, she argues, offer a vital connection to the
world beyond domestic life and reaffirm the individual identity. And
then she goes on to include perspectives from other mothers
who highlight how such moments of revelry. How good is
that word? I love that word can serve as a
(14:40):
form of self expression and necessary escape from the gender
normed roles that are often imposed on mothers. And The
Piece advocates for recognizing mothers as multifaceted individuals who deserve
joy and autonomy. And my god, did I feel seen?
Because the level of vitriol, judgment and quite frankly discussed
(15:04):
that's aimed at mothers specifically for doing something like partying,
is at an all time high. Thanks to social media.
We're allowed to ask because obviously we have to ask
for permission to see if we've earned it, you know,
because we're not individuals that can make their own life choices.
So we could ask for hampering, say for Mother's Day,
(15:24):
I'd love like a voucher to the spa, or I'd
love like a lunch with the girls, or a nice
new piece of jewelry, because that's perceived as a treat.
So this mom that is asking for the nice massage,
she's always showing up on Instagram at her kids soccer
games and the bakesale, and the washing is always in
the line because she doesn't dare use the dryer, so
(15:46):
she deserves that massage. She deserves a money petty here
and there or brunch with a girl. But a mom
that loves Darrave absolutely not a mom who wants to
talk shit in someone's garage over a bottle or six
of rose day every second Friday. Do not be ridiculous.
If you've posted something like that, the comments action would
(16:08):
not be like, oh my god, so fun you go girl,
or I'm coming next time. It would be here is.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Looking after your child, terrible mother who needs to escape
her children, And then things just like really boring comments
like don't have kids if you still want to party?
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Why? Why is having kids seen as this moment where
you no longer can do anything purely for yourself unless
it's the occasionally socially accepted spa day lunch. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
I thought this was really interesting because it's obvious that
if you see mothers enjoying themselves, or if you saw
I don't know, some drunk stories that a mum had
put up, I think the automatic reaction to that is
a little bit like, oh, and I think that's ingrained
in us. Not that it should be, but I think
that society has made us think like that's not very motherly.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Right, Yes, it's not very motherly.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
It's not very motherly. That's not really how you're supposed
to act. But what I loved about this is she
spoke to different people and one of the one women
that she asked in this piece used to be her
editor at another magazine and she didn't have kids at
the time, this editor, but now she does, and so
it was really interesting to get her perspective. And she
(17:21):
said that after just having these little moments out of
partying and because she was a party girl, she said
that she comes to feel more palpable gratitude for the slow, sweet,
tedious domesticity that she gets to leave and then return to.
And I just really resonated with that because I think
what happens is that like, obviously, yes, gender roles, yes
(17:43):
they're unfair, like they're not equal, and as women, we
do pick up a lot more of the things that
I know that when I go and let off a
bit of steam, which is usually like going to my
girlfriend's birthday and dancing all night, like, I come back
being like okay, I feel a bit more refreshed, like hey,
I'm still me, but I just can't be all of
me all the time, but I'm still there.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
And I loved her line that said, despite my aching head,
I feel restored in a way that no SPA can't
touch because I completely agree with you. And it's not
for everyone, of course, but there is something that makes
me feel so much more alive that ASPA just wouldn't.
And the thing about you know, looking at someone's drunk
(18:28):
insta stories and going ooh, not very motherly, Well, that
person is more than just a mother. Yeah, having kids
doesn't mean that you are solely tied for them for
every single second and still they leave the home that
is not healthy for them or you. You are a
multifaceted person, we all are. You're not just a mum.
I am Lenny's mum. I play silly games with him
(18:51):
and we have dance parties with the cats and we
go on find adventures and I do love that part
of my life, but it isn't my entire life.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
I think what's important to there was like, some people
do want to center their life around their kids right
in a huge way, and that is okay too, but
they should also understand that they're allowed to, like let
off a little bit of steam. And I want to
also say that, like, even though we're talking about quote
unquote partying, the definition of that when she kind of
(19:18):
surveyed this group of women was like, yeah, there was
like party party people, but some of them were like
drinkers or some of them were sober.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
But it's still go out dancing till six am.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Exactly, but the hours were late. And that's what I
think it is. I think sometimes I'm guilty of doing this.
It's like if I go out to socialize as a mother,
there's like a an end on it. It's like I
can maybe go out for and especially now I'm a
newborn stage obviously that is like the one time where
I do need to have timed stuff, But like, I
don't know, there's kind of like an expectation that it's
(19:51):
only like X amount of hours long. Right I'm imagining
Charlie going out, there's not like a said amount of
time for him to like go out and let off
some steam, like do whatever you want to do. But
I think there is inherently we have restrictions around what
we can do and how long we can do it
for as mothers.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Yeah, I agree. I have always really loved partying, and
I've definitely given it a strong nudge throughout my life.
Len was exactly six weeks old when I first went out,
and when I was thinking back, it was the first
time I actually felt like myself again. All night, people
were asking if I missed him and how I was going,
and I just was like, oh my god, I'm absolutely fine,
(20:30):
and I just felt so much joy and I just
felt like, oh, I'm myself again. And it's funny. Whenever
I start getting really cranky or my mental health starts
slipping a bit, Luke will be like, do you have
a night out with the girls anytime soon? Yeah? It's
like you need it. It feeds me so much. But
(20:51):
I'm about to tell you about a disagreement if you will,
that Luke and I had a few months ago. I
guess it sort of all ties in with the feeling like, oh,
you've earned doing this as a mother, rather than just
like you're a person who can still do what you
want as long as you're sort of you know, you've
got to put your kid first, of course, but you
also need to put yourself first sometimes. So I'm going
(21:14):
to tell you about the argument.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Okay, tell me.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
As many of you know, I went to Bali solo
in February. I had friends over there, but was primarily
by myself, and I did nothing but eat, swim, should
repeat read, get massages and yes, party with my friends
for five days and I returned a new woman. I
was so rejuvenated in every single aspect, specifically though, as
(21:40):
a wife and a mother, because I'd had that time
with no one wanting me and needing me and asking
for anything. I mentioned to Luke that I thought it
would be good if I did that every quarter, so
four times a year. I'm like, I'm going to take
myself to Bali for that long weekend to recharge, so
it's five point four percent of the time over a
three month period I would be away from my family.
(22:02):
And Luke was outraged by my selfishness, like absolutely outraged.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
This is hard, right, because if Charlie turned around and
said that to me, I wouldn't be happy. No fucking
way is that happening, Like you cannot leave me once
every three months for a long weekend. Even as I'm
saying it sounds unreasonable, but like I'm just thinking logistically, no,
I'm gonna I will sinkle, swim, I'm gonna sink.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
But then I bought up that he was planning on
doing night shifts, which would be a much higher percent away.
He literally at the moment sees Lenny for half an
hour in the mornings during the week. He was like, oh, well,
it's okay because it was for work. I agree with
lou Oh my god, okay.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Because he's not choosing to do that, like that's the
work that he's taking in order to provide for the family.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Right, Okay, okay, yep, so you're still here.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Sure, I'm still team Luke.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
I'm so sorry, No, no, no, this is these conversations
are good. Technically, I was working in Bali because I
was shooting and testing the travel in and then I
said to him, Okay, well, I'm just going to arrange
some spond to shoot every trip. Would that suddenly make
it okay?
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Yeah, I mean it's not fair because his job has
night shifts, you know, Like that's where I think the
inequity is. But I think that you actually making it
a work trip does legitimize it in a way that
would get out across the line for me.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
But then he still was like, no, you're so selfish.
What is so wrong with someone being selfish? Sometimes like
I'm putting him and Lenny first and my work most
of the time. What is wrong with me putting myself
first occasionally?
Speaker 1 (23:49):
I actually do think that this is quite a nice
thing to maybe do. But I think what it needs
to be is that both of you do it.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
But he doesn't want to or he wouldn't want to
spend the money on that.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
That's not really about you, go it's about him not
wanting to do the same thing. But I know, like
thinking about how stressed Charlie is and how much he's
doing at work and then coming home and helping me,
and me just being stressed all the time, etc. Doing
all the family stuff. Like I think we would both
actually really benefit from having something like that to look.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Forward to exactly. But it's only okay to travel if
it's for work, because then that scene is virtuous because
then you're earning your time. Self care isn't virtuous. Even
though life is fucking short, things can happen at the
blink of the moment. Why aren't we okay with being
a little bit selfish and putting ourselves first occasionally and
(24:37):
just enjoying ourselves. Why, as women are we constantly made
to feel guilty for wanting pleasure when at the end
of the day, making everyone else happy all the time
isn't going to get you anywhere.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
You're so right, Like I just remembered recently, maybe Suki
was eight or nine weeks and my girlfriend was having
a party and she was having on a boat and
she's like, guys, I've got like a surprise for you,
and I was like, okay, I'll do it. And then
it came to the time and I just thought like, oh,
I can't leave her. I'd have to pump and she's
never had a bottle, and there were all these obstacles
(25:13):
to why I couldn't go. But I think at the
crux of it, it was like, you shouldn't leave your baby.
You've just had a baby, she's going to be a newborn, Like,
you shouldn't leave her. Well, I did leave her. Charlie
was like, it's five hours, it'll be fine. He was
really encouraging of that, and it was the best five
hours I've had in ages. And I was so glad
(25:34):
in that moment that he and my best friend Hannah
were like, it's gonna be fine. If it's not, we
can give a formula. It's five hours and that was it.
I went on the boat, got off, came home. I
was back in time for like bedtime and stuff, and
it was an amazing time out. And I just think about, like,
(25:54):
was it really the fact that I hadn't given her
a bottle that was deterring me from going, or was
it kind of that underlying all it's not.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Very motherly of you to go out and get pissed
on a boat when you've got a baby at.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Home, exactly, and that I did have a lot of
glasses of champagne and some great sushi. It would have
been so easy for me to not go because I've
just had a newborn and how could I dare leave
her for a few hours. But really I left her
for five hours. She was fine. Charlie got to have
this amazing kind of one on one with the baby,
and I got to have some time off to come
back to my really mundane, boring life.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
I don't know if I've completely missed to the point
of this segment. I just don't know if I care,
because I really agree with this author that wrote the
essay on the cut that sometimes it's okay that you
still love partying and sometimes it's okay to be a
selfish bitch.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Well, I think it's slightly off of what the segment's
meant to be, But who do care about what this
person has said in this piece? It's like, yeah, I
do care. Like we are meant to party, we're allowed
to be mums, we're also allowed to have fun, and
I think I do care too. I think you're right.
You've laid out some really interesting thoughts starters that I
(27:04):
think I'll be interested to see what the shit has
come back with and what their feedback is. Because you
lost me and then you got me back.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
I think that everyone will listen along and being like
oh no, Kel, no no, and do exactly what you're doing,
going no team Luke, Team Luke. But then the more
I argue my point, the more I make more and
more sense, and the more people are going to finish
that episode and then go book themselves a five day
long weekend you bully.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Yeah, and ask their partners to do the same thing.
That's the thing.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
I'm like, go yourself if you want to or do
I don't know, goal for whatever you want to do.
That's the bloody equivalent like I mean to be fair, Luke,
could not think of anything more boring than going and
sitting next to a pool and reading by himself for
five days. That man loves to chat.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
But yeah, I think that I.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Think about things like a man. Well.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
I think that the difference here, right, is that the
reason why this person has written this article is because
it is gendered. Because no one blinks an eye or
bats an eye when dads have to go back to
work or they have to travel and there's a newborn
at home, or your partners probably have in some form
let off steam way before you have, or as frequently
(28:15):
as you might do as a mum. So it's for
the people that don't let their hair down a lot.
I think they are going to have a bit of
a little come to Jesus moment from this segment.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Hopefully, I think so. And I think that, well, hopefully
I've changed your mind a little bit about the importance
of being selfish sometimes I'm not saying all the time,
because it's also going to make you a better mother
because you've had that time to decompress.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
One hundred percent. All right, it's recommendations time. Should I
go first or should you go first?
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Because I've just been ranting and shouting.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
No, you weren't ranting and shouting. You were presenting a
very interesting point that got me over the line. All right,
I'm up. First, I have had a bit of a
style crisis since having Suki. Actually while I was pregnant.
My body changed quite a lot during this pregnancy, and
I'm not in any rush to do anything about it.
(29:16):
I'm very comfortable in my skin at the moment, but
what makes me very aware of my changing body is
trying to get myself dressed in the morning. So rather
than buy I don't know, clothes that are like placeholders,
I'm just like, this is the size I am. I
want to buy clothes that fit me that I like,
but I also don't have a lot of like heaps
(29:36):
of cash to spend. Times are tough, so I have
been on a little bit of a deep pop discovery.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Oh I love this so much. Yes, yes, yes, right.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
So I think deepop is really good for our listeners
that maybe postpartum, maybe a bit of recession proof shopping.
That you can find things that you would love at
full price, but they are discount because people maybe have
worn them once or twice. They're pre loved, and they're
really reasonably priced. You can also put an offering, So
(30:08):
say someone has something up for seventy five dollars, you
could offer sixty and see if they take it, and
you can kind of go back and forth and barter,
and then once it's done, they will wrap it up
and send it to you. And there's this thing called RePOP,
Like if you get something on deep Hop and it
doesn't suit you, you might put it up again. And it's like,
this was a RePOP, but it was just because you know,
(30:28):
it was too long for me. But it's a really
great sight because I don't know, you can just find things.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
I use it to buy things that I want, but
I don't want to pay that money.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Frice, Yeah, because how many times have you bought something,
warned a couple of times and then just been likeck,
it's just not me and it's pretty expensive, or maybe
you know X amount of money to be able to
give that new life instead of it hanging in the
closet for three years until you really decide that it's
not for you and then end up donating it or whatever.
(31:00):
Like it's just a really good way to I don't know,
recycle your clothes but also find great deals, and it's
just fun to scroll, Like, give me a different platform
than Instagram and TikTok to scroll like Deepop. It's fun anyway,
So that's my record.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
I love that, and I think that that is a
great recommendation because we just need to stop shopping at
shit places like.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
And that's my thing. I really don't want to shop
at fast fashion anymore. Like there's definitely a place where
I understand why people do it, but for me, it's
building like a wardrobe of clothing that is good quality,
will stand the test of time, classic things that you
can funk up, and I think that Deepop is really
good for that.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
I love fast fashion, but I don't ever buy things
to be fast. So I love fast fashion prices, but
I don't ever buy things just for one season. Like
i'll buy something that's technically fast fashion, people say, oh,
where'd you get that, and I'll be like, I got
it from Chopo or top Shop five years ago, though yeah,
(32:05):
like I just I pull things out and so it's
not fast for me. So you were recommending bras last week,
like for Postpartum where Nala is another Aussie lady startup brand.
They're fifteen nine dollars. They come in a range of colors, shapes,
and sizes. The reason why I like them is because
I don't like bras. I wear a crop most of
(32:27):
the time because I just don't like the feeling of
something title supportive or I don't like to feel trapped
at all, which is why I don't like wearing jewelry normally.
But they are the closest thing to a crop, but
it's still a bra because the thing is, if you're
wearing a crop under a tight shirt, it's really obvious
that you're wearing a crop, and it's a very teenage
(32:48):
girl of you. Like, yeah, I don't know why, I
just feel really juvenile, like if I just you need
to put a bra on under your top because you
can just see it and it just Are you about
to go play netball? Potentially? Yes?
Speaker 1 (33:01):
You on a Wednesday?
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Yes, yep, me on a Wednesday. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
I think they do a brilette thanllah. I've got it
in black and it is so nice. It's like sexy
but a bralatt Oh.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
On that note, time for us to skid atle Hopefully
we'll be back in your eies next week with a
shitter for a yap and Yanna about something interesting.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
This podcast was produced by us Key Resells and Kelly McCarran,
with audio production by Matti Joanna. See you next week.
Shit is Bye.
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