January 28, 2025 • 41 mins
With Kee’s due date around the corner, it’s time to vent about the hilarious absurdities of newborn life. From their bizarre sleeping poses to their relentless pooping schedule and complete inability to burp on their own, these little creatures are as ridiculous as they are adorable. Kelly doesn’t miss the chance to remind Kee exactly what she’s in for!
LINKS
A Good Old Fashioned Whinge About Toddlers
Dear Pregnancy, We Have A Few Complaints
Non-Contact Infrared Thermometer
HOSTS & PRODUCERS
Kelly McCarren @kelly_mccarren
Kee Reece @keereece
AUDIO PRODUCTION
Madeline Joannou - Mylk Media
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
on today.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I don't know why we still are trying to dress
our children in cute clothes like they are not cute.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Stop trying to make cute apps, Stop.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Trying to make cute happen. It is a small, wrinkled
Dailien potato dressed in silly, little overpriced clothes that will
end up in landfill. Let's just wrap our children up
like fish and chips.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Yeah, Hello, and welcome back to Eat, Sleep, Shit, repeat
your unhinged podcast about the madness that is motherhood and
everything in between.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I am Kelly McCarran and I'm Kiri Cels.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
In case you missed last week's episode, Kells having some
big feelings around land turning three.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I was basically using this pod as my therapy since
I quit actual therapy like a you ago. And it
turns out as always, I am not unique, nor is
my experience feeling out of sorts around your child's birthday
particularly common, especially for those who have just the one
or trauma around to their birth. So I really appreciate
(01:07):
the messages of solidarity and she is sharing their own
experiences because like with everything. It's so nice to know
when your feelings are more common than you thought. But
today are something a little bit lighter.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Yeah for whom, Well for Kelly.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
McCaw she's dreading listening to me prattle off this list.
If the title didn't give you the world's biggest hint,
today's episode is dedicated to having a good old complain
about newborns in celebration of key being full term.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Baby. Well, yeah, yeah, well, the baby.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Anytime after thirty six, thirty seven, your full term.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Exactly, exactly, Well, everything's ready to go.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Yeah, baby is ready.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
So, if you're new here, because we have had a
few new listeners come in, welcome, Welcome. Every now and
then we like to have a little complaint sessh about things.
So last year had a good old fashioned complain about
our unhinched toddlers, and then later in the year the
joys loll of pregnancy. I assure you that, at nine
months pregnant, I could add a few things to that list.
I just welcomed heartburn into the beautiful, which has been
(02:11):
just so lovely. Anyway, we'll link those in the show notes.
If you fancy listening to them, you can, but hell,
I don't even want to ask you this question because
I'm scared. What have you got for me? Remind me
about how great newborns are? Can we start with a peak?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Absolutely not? Newborn complaint number one?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Oh God, here we go.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Why do you exit the womb? So gross?
Speaker 1 (02:41):
So gross?
Speaker 2 (02:42):
There are so many fluids, They are like covered with stuff. Yeah,
they are wrinkled, they are red. They look like aliens.
Like why why do they come out like that?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Yeah? I guess because they're in that big like sack
of soup, aren't they.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Oh, it's just disgusting. And can we also acknowledge just
how funny it is the midwife cleaning a baby, like universally,
why are they so aggressive with the cleaning?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, I know they are. I guess, so that's like
I've been there, done that, But I still find it.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Really like they rub they are rubbing, Like, yeah, if
you have never watched a birth video and you birth
a human, what a shock to see the midwife just
grab the baby and then just go to town on
it with a towel.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's very confronting to watch.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
It's quite funny, I would say, like as once you've
done it, yeah, well, clearly they know what they're doing.
The baby is absolutely fine, but it's funny.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
But then I'm like, why am I like walking around
on tiptoes like shielding my baby when the midwives are just.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Like, she'll be right. One of my friends gets really
upset when people share fresh from the womb photos, you know,
covered in blood from the sea section or covered without
white because yeah, yeah, the discharging stuff the vadge. She
will screenshot photos and send it to the group to
be like, this is discussing why is this person shared this.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Yeah, some people just have like a different tolerance level
to that kind of it.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I would rather see you it not with fluids on
it and cutere looking like they just.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Look so look cute in that stage. Yeah, because they've
just been squeezed out of a berth canal, You've woken
up from a deep sleep out the bloody sun.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
They're shocked little faces. It doesn't offend me the way
it seems to offend her, But I do sometimes think, really,
is that the photo that you want to post to
like introduce your new little human to the world, covered
in gunk and looking so bad.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
I feel like either you're like a gunky mum or
you're just like a clean mum, as in like what
you want to share. It's definitely anesthetic.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Yeah, like it leans tocau. I wouldn't say you're very aesthetic,
but it's not like you would share a gunk photo.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
No, but I had a caesar so they cleaned her up,
didn't that? Like? Yeah, if I had a done vaginally,
probably would have shared a gunky.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Pick Listen, we've got a VBAC coming through Lucy. Lucy
is the photographer there.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Just had to buy extra battery pack. We're also going
the polaroids. We're getting digital legs.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
I'm so excited to see your vagina in HD.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Glory good right now, that child it feels like it's
living in HD. It's that large and in charge.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Newborn complaints Number two, Why is there scalp literally exposed
for like a year. You know, the fondinent thing or.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
The hole in their head, Well you know why that is.
It's so that they can come out of the birth canal.
It's so great that the head can actually squish to
come out, because if it didn't have that hole, it'd
be a lot more painful for birth.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yeah, but like so it's totally fine that your brains
are totally exposed except for a tiny little skin flap
for a year.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Yeah, it is really scary. I remember being very petrified
of this, Like don't.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Touch the head. Yeah no, and like sometimes if they're dehydrated,
which that I will say that that part is handy. Yeah,
you can tell they're dehydrated by their sunken Fonda.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Yes, that's so true. I was listening to your story
yesterday when this chick but when realized see the heartbeat
through the brain and then it's literally just going bulbuluck.
I had did not have that with Rue. Why is
your brain exposed? It is gross and it is really scary.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Yes, that's why you got dropped them on their head.
As soon as they grow their flap over, they can.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
And I'm not actually worried about it with this baby
because I always see little toddlers go for the soft
part of.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
The hand because it looks inviting, especially if they can
see the bulb.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah, is definitely going to push down on that. I
don't know. Is that why they're like, make sure the
baby has a hat.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
No, because I don't think the hat's going to protect
the football bubble.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
But I think it like covers it, so it's like lesson.
I don't know, but every listen, I don't have it
baby hat and my heads get cold summer baby. I'm like,
I need this on my but it's.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
So small that they get so cold. I didn't have
a hat for any in a summer baby or so.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I didn't have one for That's what I was thinking.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Because they're so ugly that the hat is to make
them look like if you have a silly little hat on,
you look arguably cute.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
You do you really do?
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Well? That's saddled.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Yeah, it's definitely.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
It is one hundred an aesthetic thing.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
That hat has no other purpose other than cover the baby.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Actually, if you've seen that, TikTok, oh my god, I'll
have to try and find it. We can repost it.
But mom literally pushes the baby out. She's obviously been
in labor for ages, so the head is like a
very strange shape, and she goes, oh, put a hat
on that, Like.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Is it real? Is that her actual first reaction?
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Yes, yes, sisters, And you see the baby's head and
you're like, I get it, I get it, I get it,
I get it. Hot is need I.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Love though, that she's Oh, I don't even want to
hold it. Can you just just we need a honestly
moms that can acknowledge that their child is so ugly
when they come out. You don't realize at the time, though.
I actually thought Lenny was so cute. Yeah, he was cute.
He was not insert photo.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
U was always really cute. I can't was she?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
I want to fresh from the womb photo?
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Yeah, I can show you one. She was freaking cute.
Like they like smiled on day two. That was pretty cute.
She was all and it was like, yeah smiling.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
They're so gross, like they're so it'd be weird if
a newborn came out with teeth, but some.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Of them do. Yeah, they come out Hello, mother, Please
may I suckle on your teeth?
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Except it won't be a suckle. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Oh my god, Oh my god. Do you know that
I am like the colossrum's.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Leaguan because I'm talking about oh no, as like it's
just there and are milking yourself?
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Well, I'm a little bit fascinated.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
I don't know, because I milk yourself.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Yeah. Well, I can't do it until a certain stage
because it can induced labor. So my midwife was like,
don't do it until you need to. But anyway, I
was like, babe, do you want to see that's so gross?
I don't know if I should share this, please share it.
(09:27):
I was like, babe, do you want to see me
milk it myself and my teeth? And he was like,
go go on it. It's like wow, yeah, but this
happened with rude, didn't it. And I was like yeah,
but that was I could just God, this is right now. Look.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
And also I felt like, you don't know what's I
started leaking milking so early on in my pregnancy and
it was just like it and my best friend would
be like, oh my god, you need to say that stuff.
It's liquid gold. So did you show him?
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Was it thick?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yeah? It was like that golden He like proper costrum? Yeah, yeah,
you born.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Complaint number three yeap, excuse me, but why can you
not burp? In fact, why do you come out requiring
so much assistance with all wind related activity. They come
out and they need help with what is like arguably
just a basic human function.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
It should just be something yet that you do involuntary, really.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Don't need someone to wind you. That seems very strange
and very unnecessary, and I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
I was like feeding Beck's new baby JUNI like with
a bottle, and then I felt like she was a
bit uncomfortable, and I was like looking at her, going,
there's something I need to do right now.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Oh you forgot.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
I didn't forget. It was just wasn't top of mind
to say. And then I said to Beck, do I
need to burp her?
Speaker 2 (10:48):
And She's like yes, And sometimes it takes longer than
it took to do the feed. It just baffles my
mind that they are so capable of doing so many
annoying things like screeching it the top of their lungs,
but they just simply cannot pass gas.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Yeah, I guess it's like that, like, oh, it's so
many throat that they can't like.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Oh, it just like they we are such a useless mammal.
I would never ever forget that babies need to burp
or wind, because it was the bane of my existence.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Yes see, I wonder because I don't think I ever
had Like I think rue was pretty easily.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
But it's pretty coloquy though, like and they're all the
colony and.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
That bloody things shut down yeah, they've gone, and I'm like,
what do you mean? I don't know, but I like
put it up as a recommendation and someone messaged me
like hey DL they actually shut down, and I was like,
well there you go. I know nothing.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
That's quite sad for them.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
It is sad and sad for the parents. Well, thanksfully,
you know.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
What Victorian government? Would you like to come and look
after my gassy child?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Yeah, exactly, thanks.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
You Born Complaint number four this I feel like you
definitely have forgot They pool all day every day.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Yeah, I have forgotten about the nappy situation. Like I
was like, do I need a nappy bin? I?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Yeah, And I mean I've just never had one, but
I've never lived in a big enough house. But like
you go through an astronomical amount of nappies and you
assume it's an exaggeration. Like I remember people would be like, oh, yeah,
they poop like pretty much every time. They just go
to the toilet, like every feed, sometimes an extra one. Yeah,
and it's watery right, yeah, so it doesn't really smell
(12:29):
that bad, Like it's fine until they start solids. You
just forget and you always think it's an exaggeration. No,
It's never an exaggeration. The amount of nappies that people
go through in that first year of having a baby
is ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
I know, I do feel bad about the wastage, but
I could not do the washing.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
My sister bought the good for the environment. Yeah, the
washabule ones. Yeah yeah, and no, these weren't even washington
they were they weren't cloth. They will wipe like you
just wipe them down with a disinfectant what like they're
plasticky on the inside. Anyway, she never used them, obviously.
I was like, that is being so ambitious. I think
it's fantastic if people do have so's.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Cloth nappy services, which I wasn't aware of. Whereas like
there's actually an organization that comes and all pick up
your cloth nappies to wash them. I feel like that's
a little bit more realistic than me washing shitty nappies
in my washing machine. I don't know, like just feel
that it's already lost the shit.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
It's like a period panty. You don't wash the blood
in the washing machine. You rinse all the shit off.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
I know, but do you reckon I'm going to rinse
it off.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Yes, you're not going to chuck it in your washing machine.
Then your washing machine is literally full of poo.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I would just chuck it them, yuck.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
My mum used cloth nappies with all three of us.
Well they had to, That's why we were really trained.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Like so that's what my mom said, because I were like,
I'm over this, learned to pool in a potty.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Only really rich people had access to, like the proper
nappies so much better. We are really fucking with the environment.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
I know. And I also just wonder, like I'm on
this re all like microplastics train of you.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
It's freaking you get one of my goals for this year,
which you think is just so funny because I love
to shop.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, sorry, but I do wonder like the nappy situation,
like they're plastic that is hugging their genitalia.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
I feel like that's too much of a world tinfoil
hat claim. I know, I.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
This Instagram account with you.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
It's freaking me if you turn into a tinfoiler.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
I'm not going full tinfoil, but like I've got a
little I've got a little beret that I'm putting on, a.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Tinfoil beret that you just here in there that you're like.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
But it was like saying, like tin food, I hate
so much like tin chickpeas. I eat so much tuna
all in tins, and it's like, fucking me.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
I have had this argument.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Ten is plastic.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I have had this argument for years about peep that
eat tinned fish. I actually think the whole chick beea
thing doesn't bother me. Same with like baked beans or
tinned other things.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
You're eating my tune or alone. Leave it alone. No,
don't talk about it.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
That was an animal that was alive, Okay, and it
is now in a tin.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
No, that is weird. I understand, I understand, but let
me have it.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Go for it. But I'm not still talking about any
tin foiling. I'm just talking about it's just disgusting.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Yeah, well, apparently there's plastic inside of tinned goods, like
the tin, and that is you know what.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
That's going to give you cancer. That's what they're saying.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
That's what they're saying. Okay, I have to share this
Instagram account you No, my friend shared it and then
I was like, why did I click on this? Because
my head's.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Justin Ashley's a little bit of a tin foiler about
like she's done all of this research and apparently when
pesticides first were invented, yeah, that's when like the rates
of cancer went.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Of course they did. Of course, I don't want to know.
I'm literally just bought like this thing from kmart that
you is it made a blessing.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
It's made plastic.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
My god, it's so contradictory. I bought this plastic and
clean the pesticides off my fruit and veg because it's
like you put it in and it's like two pieces
and then you lift it up like you soak it
in this like vegetable soaka to get all of the pastias.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
I don't want to get because sometimes when I see
those videos on TikTok of even just like soaking your
fruit and veg for a couple of hours in the sink. Yes,
the stuff that comes off, give things.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Little rinse, Well that's yeah, that's what I do too.
Some people don't even wash this. Oh I find if
I get a salad and it's got some grit in it,
I'm like, yeah, I just paid twenty dollars for the
salad and you can give it a little rinse from
a little shit.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
That is discussing my girlfriend Anna, also a friend of
the pod, She'll be like, oh a little bit, it
won't kill you. It's good for you, builds up your immune.
You know what, Anna, You're always sick, so don't think
it's doing a very good job.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Also, I had to remind myself that like ow thing
of like, oh, they did it back in the day,
and it's like yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Yeah, but it wasn't chemicals, it wasn't covered with pesticides
to kick anyway.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
So yeah, I'm gonna use my.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Mormans to pump stuff up and make it so big.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
I'm going to use my plastic thing to clean the
pesticide off my fruit and veg you know the other.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Thing, Yeah, go on beret.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Coffee cups. Like apparently, having one plastic coffee cup a day,
you ingest like two thy five hundred particles of like microplastics. Yuck.
I know, it's fucking disgusting. It's disgusting to think about.
They found it in sperm, they found it in our
like ovaries. Yeah, okay, maybe maybe I'm graduating from a beret.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Graduating from the beret to the fedora. No, that's when
you turn into like anti vaccine. I believe the top
pat is for the anti vaxes.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Fuck, but it's freaking me out. It's got little by
hat maybe yeah, yeah, look, it is freaking me out. Yuck.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
I don't want to know any of that, I know.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I'm sorry I had to share it with you. I
did this still Lucy the other day. I was like,
how to tell you all this line? She's like, what
do you mean?
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Oh what?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
I couldn't just keep this to myself. It's really stressing
me out. You need to be stressed too, and so
do you.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Gosh, I'm still stressed about the Buy Now documentary that
made me want to stop purchasing from Amazon Prime. Except
it's really handy that it turns up the next day.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I know. And also that you can send gifts. That's
my favorite thing about it all. Right, back to our
newborn after this, like that was a massive detail.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Conspiracy theory, the muta triangle, little segue, newborn complaint number five.
We just finished on the poothing. Yeah, except when they
are randomly constipated.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
Yeah, you've got to give them a little tummy massages
and bicycle eggs and then when oh my god, you know,
when you do basket legs and you pull the legs
down then up, and they do a big and they go.
That was my favorite thing to do with through the
newborn has not shit for six fucking days, and they're
screaming at you because they now need assistance with not
only the passing of the gas, but passing off the poop.
(19:21):
And the next thing you know, you're tickling the entrance
of their noose with a coconut oil and a little
Q tip and you're wondering how the hell you ended
up here in.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Life coaxing some shit out of the tiny little human
that you made, who is incapable of doing anything.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Can you take me back to the Q tip fumbing
and noss with the I never did that.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Well, did you ever have a constipated human?
Speaker 1 (19:41):
No, not enough for it for me to be trying
things with cue tips. I guess because coconut oil. Yeah,
because you can get those like bullet coffees right with
the coconut oil, and and it makes you do poose.
So I'm guessing that's the same time.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
I can't remember where it came from. Well, I can
actually let me take you back about five years.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Ye are you getting this? Am I passing my bereat you're.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Passing a break. This is a do not try this
at home, kids, I mean, do whatever you want. Yeah,
the things that I did to try to get my
kid to poop. So about five years ago, peak COVID
me two of my friends, one of them had a newborn.
We were in like you know when you could hang
out with just a few people.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, your bubble or whatever.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
So we all lived close together and we would just
have these absolutely cooked nights where we would we would
smash like two bottles of wine each a drunkness, and
there was a newborn there as part of the party.
But it was a very easy newborn, except at one
point she was so constipated. I'm not going to name
names because it would be throwing a couple of my
friends under the bus with what we did. One night.
(20:44):
So one night, the start of the evening, we really
wanted the baby to poop so she'd be more comfortable,
so we could really sink into the bottles. Yeah, and
my friend is like my mum knew were midwife and
said to like tickle the entrance of the anus with
a bit of oil on the queue tip. So then
we're all crowded around this poor baby with a Q
tip covered. We just thought coconut ale would be the
(21:06):
best because, like you know, I can see health. You know.
We didn't want to hurt the baby, obviously, obviously, So
we're tickling the entrance of the anus with the coconut
oil to try to get things moving.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
And did it work.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
I'm not going to say if it did not, because
I don't want anyone to try this at home, because
you're not supposed to put c tips in any baby,
in any orifice of well, you were't putting it in, No,
we were tickling the entrance. Did I then do the
same thing to my child?
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Yes, In fact, did I then buy things that probably
aren't TGA approved from Amazon called the d Windy by
the same brand that does the nose freed up?
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Oh and you literally stick If they're selling it must
be legit.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Well, listen, it hasn't been recalled. I have to tell
you guys what it is because the fact that I
would be crowding around my child. Paul Lenny, Lenny, if
you're listening, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
That I thought it was all the good.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
The peak couldn't pooh as someone.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Who historically has had issues pulling. It is a more
serious thing than you can ever.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
And honestly, I just need to show you a photo
of the I'm not going to say the name because
I don't want to be like on the record recommending them.
I just you need to describe.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
What not a recommendation.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
It's definitely not a recommendation.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Oh my word, would you like to describe what you're
looking at? I'm looking at a cartoon of a baby
sitting on its bum and looking back at its butt,
and then there's like a cloud, which I'm imagining is
the wind coming out. And then this it's a kind
(22:45):
of silic thing. It looks like something that I would
use to maybe pump up a tire, maybe.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Like a little okay, yeah great, but a tiny little
silicon thing.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
So the teat of the silicon thing, it goes.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
In to the aos I'm imagining.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
So yeah, and then you squeeze the rest of the
silicony thing and it kind of like, I guess helps
pull air out.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
But also there's nothing in the silicon thing. It's no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
No, it's completely empty. Listen. Obviously they're approved. Did I
also do the q tippy thing and these little silicon
edms eds.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Well, no, it's not an animal because it's not doing anything.
It's literally just an air pump, so it's like a
reverse pump kind.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Of thing, kind of Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Wow, I don't think that would feel good.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
You don't think that would feel good if it had
instant relief for you, if you could buy an adult version.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Yeah, but yours wind? Oh this was for poo.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Well they market it for wind, but with wind comes pooh.
Oh okay, because generally, because babies is so gassy, what's
actually constipating them is potentially be gas bubbles.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
You're so right, you're so right. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Anyway, moving on newborn complaint number six. Yeah, hit me,
why are they possessed?
Speaker 1 (24:04):
I don't I'm so scattered this one. I'm so scattered
as one. I just don't think that I can have
two good sleepers. I don't think it's fair.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Did I say anything about sleeping?
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Oh? Possesseds? And what do you mean?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
You know they do like those weird jolt things in
their sleep. Oh, like you look over, No, that's another point.
And then you look over and they've randomly just got
their legs in the air straight up.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
I forgot about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, then it's a
weird shit.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Who is possessing your body right now? Why you sound
asleep with your legs completely piped in a pipe position
in the air. It's like, okay a but like, yeah, possessed. Also,
I guess the screaming for hours on end rude didn't
do that though, did she? No?
Speaker 1 (24:49):
But I feel like you can't have two.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
If you can, my girlfriend down the road has three,
you can. She got three angels. They still to this day,
all of them seven till seven and then the oldest
one gets out of bed and just plays with herself
in her room because mummy's not ready to get up
till seven thirty.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
That is so good. So yes, you might, yeah, but
the thing is you can't bank on that, right, So
I'm preparing for the worst, hoping for the best.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
So you're preparing for a Lenny, Yeah, hoping for even
better than Rue.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Because Rue wasn't well. She wasn't a walk in the park,
But it was because she was hungry.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
She was a bit malnourished.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
She was a little bit because she wasn't well fed. No,
the boobies weren't providing. But once I got done that formulas,
it was great.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Newborn complaint number seven, But where is your immune system? Please?
Speaker 1 (25:42):
I know, and with the fricking toddler in the house,
I'm like not.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
The other day when I went to visit my friends
with a newbornho todd that this cough sounded so creepy
and it was all over the newborn, and I was like, oh,
not only is the wrinkled alien born without an intact skull,
the ability to wind themselves or kneecaps. You always forget
that part.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Oh my god, the knee caps.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they also have absolutely no immune system.
We got landed with a dud. They are the dud species. Yeah,
because in any other species they would simply sniff the
useless young in horror and then race off like the
world would quickly become extinct because imagine a goat. A
goat would not have any of that. Oh you can't
(26:25):
like fight off a cold, Oh you can't gas yourself? Well,
see you later, see you later. I'm going you can't
walk get out of here.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Yeah, so true.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
It's so annoying. They catch everything, and because they're so
young and useless, everything makes them so bloody sick and
you end up visiting Dr Matt at PWO on the rig.
Shout out to.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Dr Matt, Shout out to doctor Matt. Hopefully he's still around.
We love him.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
You might have to visit him. Yeah, I hope you don't.
I've got two newborns in my life at the moment.
One has not had to go to hospital. One has think.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
About how much I had to take route to hospital,
and a first year Well.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Okay, maybe you got that all out of the system.
You don't have to take the new baby.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Oh god, I hope not. I mean, I have been
quite sick this pregnancy with all the daycare jones that
have come home, So I'm hoping that's like somewhat of
like the ambody. Yeah, going to the baby. Yeah, it's right.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
I never to take Lynn to the hospital.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
I honestly don't know how.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
The one time I've ever taken him, they then sent
us home after like half an hour because they were like,
he's fine and he's going to get way sicker.
Speaker 4 (27:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
The waiting, well that.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Was the thing. You'd be like, I really need to
take them, but we're going to walk out with COVID probably.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
I think that you'll be actually way better this time
because you'll be so much more relaxed and know what
to do.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
But the times that I took her, it was like, yeah,
she's got pneumonia, we have to put her on oxygen.
It wasn't ever chill, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
It was not like, hey, yeah, well monitor, but she's
gonna be fine.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
She had a seizure and I had to go on
an ambulans like they were like.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Five killers underweat. Yeah, it's fine, you'll be fine with it.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
All the things were really serious.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
I said it, and then I remembered that they were
all really and they were not like ever just an
hour that you had to spend there.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Yeah, it wasn't. It wasn't really bleak.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
But actually, to be fair, that wasn't really. Most of
the things were not stuff she caught. Then that's true.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
That is true.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Okay, so newborn complained number eight. Yeah, why do you
need to eat every three hours? You are not a
body build up and it suits absolutely no one. So
just load up and go to sleep.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Yeah, I mean, I fucking agree. I'm not looking forward
to this three hour increments of sleeping.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
I used to think that it's not three hours of
sleeping though. Key. This is where people fuck up when
they're fresh. Remember how long they take to eat.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Yeah, because they're like suckle is so like they haven't
developed it doesn't have any strength, and.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
So you want them to be slow because the faster
they drink, the gassya they get. And remember they can't
gas themselves, degas themselves. Yeah, so they sometimes take like
an hour to eat something. Yeah, then it takes you
like half an hour to birth them. Then you've got
to change them, then you've got to settle them. Then
you've got to fall asleep yourself, so you maybe get done,
(29:06):
and you've got to start that three hour period from
the start of that feed, so then you maybe get
to sleep for an hour.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Freaking me out, thobe freaking me out right now.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
I'm sorry, I'm just venting, but yeah, I realize you've
got to do it in.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
My reality right now.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Gee, it's better to be prepared. It is like riding
a bike, though I feel I know.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
I think Also the other thing is is like because
I don't think I ever properly established my supply because
I wore just like, oh my god, her life is
amazing you're doing great, blah blah blah, shut the door
and left us alone.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
And I was like, but she's hungry.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
But she's hungry I think because it never like actually
happened that what I was doing for breastfeeding was not accurate,
like so she would just like drain the boobs and
then I don't even think I really needed to burpa
that much. It was like a little burp and then
change the nappy back, so it was really quick. But
my girlfriends would be like, I'm watching TV shows while
(29:59):
I'm rest feeding. Oh yeah, yeah, I remember how you
were like you never watched any TV, and I was like,
I never had time too, because I was like sleeping.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
I would watch TV in the middle of the night,
which everyone was always like, that's so bad for the
baby and for you because then it wakes you up.
But I'm like, I don't want to be sit alone
in the dark.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Yeah, and also you don't want to fall asleep when
you're feeding because it's a little bit Oh that's never
going to happen, but like that's the thing is like
I don't think I ever did it properly, so then
when you're telling me that, I'm.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Like, fuck, some people are fast feeders, but even then
it's still like a really really tedious process, and like,
why why must you eat every three hours?
Speaker 1 (30:33):
Load up too much? It's honestly it's too much.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
And new born complaint number nine teeny tiny clothes and
teeny tiny silly little limbs.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah, I'm actually breaking the little twigs. I'm looking forward
to a summer baby for that reason because it's like
much less clothes.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Peas messaging me like, but what do you dress them with?
And I was like, honestly, do not buy anything in
a quadriple, a four zero, whatever thing you newborn sizes are,
because it's so unnecessary with the summer baby, Like, dressing
them is horrifyingly scary. Sometimes people still make clothes with buttons.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Why Yeah, cute but wildly silly. Yeah, it doesn't work.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
We need to collectively agree, I think, because newborn baby
clothes shouldn't exist. They will simply be wrapped like a
fish and chip package for the first few months, and
then we can start bothering with cute clothes. Yeah a
hundred pe they're already ugly. Your little hat and your
silly outfit does not make it that much cuter. Just
swaddle it the booties, just swaddle it up. Yeah, I
(31:30):
get it if it's a winter baby. I don't know
why we still are trying to dress our children in
cute clothes like they are not cute.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Stop trying to make cute apps, Stop.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Trying to make cute happen. It is a small wrinkled
daily in potato, dressed in silly, little overpriced clothes that
will end up in landfill. Let's just wrap our children
up like fish and chips.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Yeah. I've literally got one kind of like summer shorts
and top just to like have.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Yeah, that's yeah. And like one bag like sleepsack that
I bought Lenny's Spenders.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
I was gonna be like, I bring up I know
you're like, I've got his outfit to meet rue. And
I was like, this is so funny. Why one day
we're gonna giggle about this.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
One day we will giggle about this. And he screamed
at me the entire time I was gettinghim dressed, and
he shat over everything, like it's just you think, oh,
it's like cheap. No it's not when they're gonna wear
it once.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Yeah, so true.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
And people do not buy people. Baby, clothes, like buy
them something really handy, like a really simple cotton short
like yeah yeah, or like a Bonds onesI or something,
or just buy them. You know what we recently bought
my sister in law who had a baby. We bought
her like four packets and newborn nappies.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
Oh yeah, that's so helpful, right, yeah. Actually, Maddie who
was our producer, we used to work together when we
worked in media together, and she for ru'se birth gave
me this full on like hamper with everything you could
need from the pharmacy. That's how I got that recommendation.
I've given that recommendation that was from Maddie and it
had like everything. And then she's like, and a doll
(33:02):
because all baby girls need a doll.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
And I was like, you could do like a little
baby bath with everything in there. That's so handy.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Yeah, the little snuggle you know.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
Helicopter Luke insist on getting one with like the temperature,
like a proper temperature age.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Actually, one of Charlie's friends was like, his wife is pregnant,
and he was talking about the lists that have been
shared with them of things that you need to get,
and he was just like, go it's this list like
seems a bit excessive, and they're like yeah, yeah, mate,
like you buy a lot of stuff and you don't
end up using And he's like, yeah, like do you
really need a thermometer? And the boys are like, it's
(33:37):
kind of the one thing that you do really need.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
I didn't use mine what until Lenny was like, but
like for the.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Bath for the room them, for them.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
There was one and inbuilt one in the bar.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
Yeah, so different but yeah, still say and.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Then we had just like on the kubo Ai it
says the temperature, so he used the moment if for
him though for so long.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
Oh we had one that was like room bath and baby.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Oh yeah, so good handy. Yeah, it's like, body, let's
think of that any tro notes because that's actually genius.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
It's a little gun. Oh.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
I don't think they're very effective.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
They are really, yeah, because I always take a temp
with the gun and then the one that's under the
arm to make sure, and I take multiple the one
in the ear. Yeah, and I've got one of those two.
Actually why I got given like all these different versions
of it, So I'm like, cool, I'm gonna use all
of them to get an accurate freak.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
One of my gorfriends was like, why do I have
ten nose freeders? And I was like, because it's a
very handy gift. It is, it is, and they're ten
dollars from Amazon. If it's great. If you don't know
what to get someone with the babys freer, they'll get used.
When he pulled the it out of the drawer the
other day, that one was like, Mummy, do snot and
I was like, ill, no, you're not that snutty, but
I only do it like if it really needs to
(34:51):
be done. Still, like, hey, you can sneeze and get
it out.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
I never used because you have to do it with
your mouth, right.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
I'm just so much better than the snotsucker. Oh, I
like the snow doesn't get in there well enough my
lung capacity. I'm just like, I just kind of stuff.
I get out of it.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
I can't do it. It's not sucking.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Sucks okay, sorry, it's ninety bucks. Silly, ninety dollars to spend,
I would.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Say, SnO, No, just the ones that you get from
the like, oh.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Those I never tried one of those.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
They're really good. It's like a little balloon with a
little plastic. Yeah, and you put the saline solution in. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
No, I've heard that those are really good. They're really
about that. It was like a ninety dollars one, like
an automatic auto one. Why just use your mouth?
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Newborn complaints number ten. Why are you so noisy when
you sleep? You are so small? It sounds like there's
an elderly plug in the room.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Yeah, it's not good, and that's why I think people
want to get them out of the room so quickly,
Like it's because it's impossible to sleep, and also you're
on highlot, especially at first. I don't know if it's
the same for a second, it's like any little noise, You're.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Like, that's why people sleep with you're plugs in, because
you're still going to hear the baby when it's hungry,
but not going to hear that crying. You're going to
hear the legs in the air. It's so noisy. Final complaint,
Why is your scalp coming off? And why can't I
(36:24):
pick it the cradle cap? I loved the cradle cut.
I'm so annoyed that Lenny didn't get it worse because
I loved picking it.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
In rude didn't get it too badly.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
But why is your scalp coming off?
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Yeah, I don't understand it.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Well you should because you get sosiriasis, but you didn't
even understand it.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Bru's got a little bit of this, poor girl. And
when the knitt thing happened at daycare, I was just like,
because it was starting to get hot, and so she
was scratching her head because she had a little crisis
flair and I was just like, if I have to
shave her heir, Yeah, it's gonna be a lot. Wait.
I want to look up cradle cap and I'm like,
why they have it?
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Why do you have to have so many things about gross?
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Oh it comes because they've got excessive oil by skin glands,
so it causes scales.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
So satisfying to pick though, even though you're not supposed
to do.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
Yeah, you're not supposed to pick it, right, But some
kids have it really old, like three four. We'll still
have it quite badly. It's making me feel grossed.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
All right, let me tell you some good things so
you're not completely off the wrinkly, useless alien that you've
made and that you're about to birth.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
All right.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Firstly, the noises when they eat.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Oh yeah, they're really sweet.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
And then they do the little gulps and Lenny would
always put his little hand on.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
My arm like yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Yes, and the way they look at you while they're
eating and they're just like, it's really sweet and their
little gulping noises.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Yeah, I'm actually really looking forward to feeding this time around. Well,
not that I wasn't before, but it's just like to
be like nice like that kind of like bonding and
just them being really sweet.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
The fish when they're hungry and they start doing it
to like everyone like your elbow, your shoulder, yeah, your neck,
anyone that's holding them.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
Yeah. Yeah. I was holding them every the other end
and they did it, and I was like, oh, I think.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
You might want to feed up you get but they
do it?
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Do you do?
Speaker 2 (38:27):
And then but then you're like, whoa, well, there's nothing
in there for you. You're like a little bit of colastum.
Don't send me into labor please.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
It's so true. Anyone need a wet nose.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
The little scrunch that they do when you pick them
up out of a.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Oh yes, I forgot about the scrunch.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Oh my god, their whole little face scrunches as well.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
That is really cute. Wait are these going to freaking
make me cry? Right now? They better not put it together?
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Can put together their silly little face in cheeks. Don't
like the little cheeks and you just want to put
their whole cheek well, and it's not covered in acne
in your mouth? And you did you ever do that?
Or is that a weird me thing?
Speaker 1 (39:10):
Nothing, it's a you thing. But I can see how
you did it.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Just nibbling on every single little part of them. And
then finally it's so cliche, but the.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
Smell, oh yeah, the smell.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Give me that smell. And whenever I'm like, I'm aware
that I'm sniffing your breast milk, I don't care. It's
so good. Yeah, it's a drug, it's so good.
Speaker 1 (39:32):
Sometimes I feel like when I meet my new friend's babies,
it's just like that I've sniffed them a little bit
too long.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
I don't. I think that that's just very normal. I
still like to find little sweaty parts on Lenny and
sniff them like I don't know, they've just they've got
such little kids as well, Like I don't know, he's
not at a stinky stage sweat kind of like.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
Yes, I like, I really like the smell of rue.
Like they don't sweat yet.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
Well they do, but like it's like cute smelly sweat.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Can't relate.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Oh my same, So I like find a little and
then I just bury my nose in that one little
spot and I'm.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Like, oh my gosh, I love it.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
I would never do it to anyone else.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Yuck.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Even anyone else is kid after it's not a baby.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Look, I do like the smell of Charlie when he's
like a little bit muscle. You're fucked.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
Sorry, you're actually there's something rotten. Nah, nah, I'm off
it all right. Recommendations. I've mentioned this many a time.
How are your noise canceling headphones going?
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (40:34):
Yeah, you look at you glad that you've.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
Got them for the newborn? Yeah, I am actually glad.
It'll be good just to have them, and I think
I'm gonna need it this son.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Just like noise canceling headphones so you can gaze at
your baby while they're feeding and listen to a book. Yeah,
because like it's cute, but you don't it's a lot
of time of the day that you're feeding, so you
want to listen to something. Yeah, the noise canceling part,
even just to turn that on when the baby's screaming,
just to like lessen it a little bit.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Yeah, that's gonna be good, because I think I'm gonna
be really highly strung, probably.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
With the toddler as well.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
That's pushing you by Yeah, and at first, like just
that like screaming that you're not quite used to.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
Yeah, the newborn. Yeahs insides hurt a little bit, you're
just like WHOA. Thank you so much for joining us today.
Make sure you share the pod on your socials. Let
us know what you think and what you want to
hear from us, and you can find us on Instagram
at Kyries, at Kelly Underscore mccaren, and at ISR dot pod.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
This episode was produced by us Key and Kel, with
audio production by our wonderful producer Madeline Joanno.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Bye bye
We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
on today.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I don't know why we still are trying to dress
our children in cute clothes like they are not cute.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Stop trying to make cute apps, Stop.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Trying to make cute happen. It is a small, wrinkled
Dailien potato dressed in silly, little overpriced clothes that will
end up in landfill. Let's just wrap our children up
like fish and chips.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Yeah, Hello, and welcome back to Eat, Sleep, Shit, repeat
your unhinged podcast about the madness that is motherhood and
everything in between.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I am Kelly McCarran and I'm Kiri Cels.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
In case you missed last week's episode, Kells having some
big feelings around land turning three.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I was basically using this pod as my therapy since
I quit actual therapy like a you ago. And it
turns out as always, I am not unique, nor is
my experience feeling out of sorts around your child's birthday
particularly common, especially for those who have just the one
or trauma around to their birth. So I really appreciate
(01:07):
the messages of solidarity and she is sharing their own
experiences because like with everything. It's so nice to know
when your feelings are more common than you thought. But
today are something a little bit lighter.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Yeah for whom, Well for Kelly.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
McCaw she's dreading listening to me prattle off this list.
If the title didn't give you the world's biggest hint,
today's episode is dedicated to having a good old complain
about newborns in celebration of key being full term.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Baby. Well, yeah, yeah, well, the baby.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Anytime after thirty six, thirty seven, your full term.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Exactly, exactly, Well, everything's ready to go.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Yeah, baby is ready.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
So, if you're new here, because we have had a
few new listeners come in, welcome, Welcome. Every now and
then we like to have a little complaint sessh about things.
So last year had a good old fashioned complain about
our unhinched toddlers, and then later in the year the
joys loll of pregnancy. I assure you that, at nine
months pregnant, I could add a few things to that list.
I just welcomed heartburn into the beautiful, which has been
(02:11):
just so lovely. Anyway, we'll link those in the show notes.
If you fancy listening to them, you can, but hell,
I don't even want to ask you this question because
I'm scared. What have you got for me? Remind me
about how great newborns are? Can we start with a peak?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Absolutely not? Newborn complaint number one?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Oh God, here we go.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Why do you exit the womb? So gross?
Speaker 1 (02:41):
So gross?
Speaker 2 (02:42):
There are so many fluids, They are like covered with stuff. Yeah,
they are wrinkled, they are red. They look like aliens.
Like why why do they come out like that?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Yeah? I guess because they're in that big like sack
of soup, aren't they.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Oh, it's just disgusting. And can we also acknowledge just
how funny it is the midwife cleaning a baby, like universally,
why are they so aggressive with the cleaning?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, I know they are. I guess, so that's like
I've been there, done that, But I still find it.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Really like they rub they are rubbing, Like, yeah, if
you have never watched a birth video and you birth
a human, what a shock to see the midwife just
grab the baby and then just go to town on
it with a towel.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's very confronting to watch.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
It's quite funny, I would say, like as once you've
done it, yeah, well, clearly they know what they're doing.
The baby is absolutely fine, but it's funny.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
But then I'm like, why am I like walking around
on tiptoes like shielding my baby when the midwives are just.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Like, she'll be right. One of my friends gets really
upset when people share fresh from the womb photos, you know,
covered in blood from the sea section or covered without
white because yeah, yeah, the discharging stuff the vadge. She
will screenshot photos and send it to the group to
be like, this is discussing why is this person shared this.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Yeah, some people just have like a different tolerance level
to that kind of it.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I would rather see you it not with fluids on
it and cutere looking like they just.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Look so look cute in that stage. Yeah, because they've
just been squeezed out of a berth canal, You've woken
up from a deep sleep out the bloody sun.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
They're shocked little faces. It doesn't offend me the way
it seems to offend her, But I do sometimes think, really,
is that the photo that you want to post to
like introduce your new little human to the world, covered
in gunk and looking so bad.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
I feel like either you're like a gunky mum or
you're just like a clean mum, as in like what
you want to share. It's definitely anesthetic.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Yeah, like it leans tocau. I wouldn't say you're very aesthetic,
but it's not like you would share a gunk photo.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
No, but I had a caesar so they cleaned her up,
didn't that? Like? Yeah, if I had a done vaginally,
probably would have shared a gunky.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Pick Listen, we've got a VBAC coming through Lucy. Lucy
is the photographer there.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Just had to buy extra battery pack. We're also going
the polaroids. We're getting digital legs.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
I'm so excited to see your vagina in HD.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Glory good right now, that child it feels like it's
living in HD. It's that large and in charge.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Newborn complaints Number two, Why is there scalp literally exposed
for like a year. You know, the fondinent thing or.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
The hole in their head, Well you know why that is.
It's so that they can come out of the birth canal.
It's so great that the head can actually squish to
come out, because if it didn't have that hole, it'd
be a lot more painful for birth.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yeah, but like so it's totally fine that your brains
are totally exposed except for a tiny little skin flap
for a year.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Yeah, it is really scary. I remember being very petrified
of this, Like don't.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Touch the head. Yeah no, and like sometimes if they're dehydrated,
which that I will say that that part is handy. Yeah,
you can tell they're dehydrated by their sunken Fonda.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Yes, that's so true. I was listening to your story
yesterday when this chick but when realized see the heartbeat
through the brain and then it's literally just going bulbuluck.
I had did not have that with Rue. Why is
your brain exposed? It is gross and it is really scary.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Yes, that's why you got dropped them on their head.
As soon as they grow their flap over, they can.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
And I'm not actually worried about it with this baby
because I always see little toddlers go for the soft
part of.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
The hand because it looks inviting, especially if they can
see the bulb.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah, is definitely going to push down on that. I
don't know. Is that why they're like, make sure the
baby has a hat.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
No, because I don't think the hat's going to protect
the football bubble.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
But I think it like covers it, so it's like lesson.
I don't know, but every listen, I don't have it
baby hat and my heads get cold summer baby. I'm like,
I need this on my but it's.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
So small that they get so cold. I didn't have
a hat for any in a summer baby or so.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I didn't have one for That's what I was thinking.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Because they're so ugly that the hat is to make
them look like if you have a silly little hat on,
you look arguably cute.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
You do you really do?
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Well? That's saddled.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Yeah, it's definitely.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
It is one hundred an aesthetic thing.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
That hat has no other purpose other than cover the baby.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Actually, if you've seen that, TikTok, oh my god, I'll
have to try and find it. We can repost it.
But mom literally pushes the baby out. She's obviously been
in labor for ages, so the head is like a
very strange shape, and she goes, oh, put a hat
on that, Like.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Is it real? Is that her actual first reaction?
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Yes, yes, sisters, And you see the baby's head and
you're like, I get it, I get it, I get it,
I get it. Hot is need I.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Love though, that she's Oh, I don't even want to
hold it. Can you just just we need a honestly
moms that can acknowledge that their child is so ugly
when they come out. You don't realize at the time, though.
I actually thought Lenny was so cute. Yeah, he was cute.
He was not insert photo.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
U was always really cute. I can't was she?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
I want to fresh from the womb photo?
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Yeah, I can show you one. She was freaking cute.
Like they like smiled on day two. That was pretty cute.
She was all and it was like, yeah smiling.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
They're so gross, like they're so it'd be weird if
a newborn came out with teeth, but some.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Of them do. Yeah, they come out Hello, mother, Please
may I suckle on your teeth?
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Except it won't be a suckle. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Oh my god, Oh my god. Do you know that
I am like the colossrum's.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Leaguan because I'm talking about oh no, as like it's
just there and are milking yourself?
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Well, I'm a little bit fascinated.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
I don't know, because I milk yourself.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Yeah. Well, I can't do it until a certain stage
because it can induced labor. So my midwife was like,
don't do it until you need to. But anyway, I
was like, babe, do you want to see that's so gross?
I don't know if I should share this, please share it.
(09:27):
I was like, babe, do you want to see me
milk it myself and my teeth? And he was like,
go go on it. It's like wow, yeah, but this
happened with rude, didn't it. And I was like yeah,
but that was I could just God, this is right now. Look.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
And also I felt like, you don't know what's I
started leaking milking so early on in my pregnancy and
it was just like it and my best friend would
be like, oh my god, you need to say that stuff.
It's liquid gold. So did you show him?
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Was it thick?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yeah? It was like that golden He like proper costrum? Yeah, yeah,
you born.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Complaint number three yeap, excuse me, but why can you
not burp? In fact, why do you come out requiring
so much assistance with all wind related activity. They come
out and they need help with what is like arguably
just a basic human function.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
It should just be something yet that you do involuntary, really.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Don't need someone to wind you. That seems very strange
and very unnecessary, and I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
I was like feeding Beck's new baby JUNI like with
a bottle, and then I felt like she was a
bit uncomfortable, and I was like looking at her, going,
there's something I need to do right now.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Oh you forgot.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
I didn't forget. It was just wasn't top of mind
to say. And then I said to Beck, do I
need to burp her?
Speaker 2 (10:48):
And She's like yes, And sometimes it takes longer than
it took to do the feed. It just baffles my
mind that they are so capable of doing so many
annoying things like screeching it the top of their lungs,
but they just simply cannot pass gas.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Yeah, I guess it's like that, like, oh, it's so
many throat that they can't like.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Oh, it just like they we are such a useless mammal.
I would never ever forget that babies need to burp
or wind, because it was the bane of my existence.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Yes see, I wonder because I don't think I ever
had Like I think rue was pretty easily.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
But it's pretty coloquy though, like and they're all the
colony and.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
That bloody things shut down yeah, they've gone, and I'm like,
what do you mean? I don't know, but I like
put it up as a recommendation and someone messaged me
like hey DL they actually shut down, and I was like,
well there you go. I know nothing.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
That's quite sad for them.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
It is sad and sad for the parents. Well, thanksfully,
you know.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
What Victorian government? Would you like to come and look
after my gassy child?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Yeah, exactly, thanks.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
You Born Complaint number four this I feel like you
definitely have forgot They pool all day every day.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Yeah, I have forgotten about the nappy situation. Like I
was like, do I need a nappy bin? I?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Yeah, And I mean I've just never had one, but
I've never lived in a big enough house. But like
you go through an astronomical amount of nappies and you
assume it's an exaggeration. Like I remember people would be like, oh, yeah,
they poop like pretty much every time. They just go
to the toilet, like every feed, sometimes an extra one. Yeah,
and it's watery right, yeah, so it doesn't really smell
(12:29):
that bad, Like it's fine until they start solids. You
just forget and you always think it's an exaggeration. No,
It's never an exaggeration. The amount of nappies that people
go through in that first year of having a baby
is ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
I know, I do feel bad about the wastage, but
I could not do the washing.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
My sister bought the good for the environment. Yeah, the
washabule ones. Yeah yeah, and no, these weren't even washington
they were they weren't cloth. They will wipe like you
just wipe them down with a disinfectant what like they're
plasticky on the inside. Anyway, she never used them, obviously.
I was like, that is being so ambitious. I think
it's fantastic if people do have so's.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Cloth nappy services, which I wasn't aware of. Whereas like
there's actually an organization that comes and all pick up
your cloth nappies to wash them. I feel like that's
a little bit more realistic than me washing shitty nappies
in my washing machine. I don't know, like just feel
that it's already lost the shit.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
It's like a period panty. You don't wash the blood
in the washing machine. You rinse all the shit off.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
I know, but do you reckon I'm going to rinse
it off.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Yes, you're not going to chuck it in your washing machine.
Then your washing machine is literally full of poo.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I would just chuck it them, yuck.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
My mum used cloth nappies with all three of us.
Well they had to, That's why we were really trained.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Like so that's what my mom said, because I were like,
I'm over this, learned to pool in a potty.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Only really rich people had access to, like the proper
nappies so much better. We are really fucking with the environment.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
I know. And I also just wonder, like I'm on
this re all like microplastics train of you.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
It's freaking you get one of my goals for this year,
which you think is just so funny because I love
to shop.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, sorry, but I do wonder like the nappy situation,
like they're plastic that is hugging their genitalia.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
I feel like that's too much of a world tinfoil
hat claim. I know, I.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
This Instagram account with you.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
It's freaking me if you turn into a tinfoiler.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
I'm not going full tinfoil, but like I've got a
little I've got a little beret that I'm putting on, a.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Tinfoil beret that you just here in there that you're like.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
But it was like saying, like tin food, I hate
so much like tin chickpeas. I eat so much tuna
all in tins, and it's like, fucking me.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
I have had this argument.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Ten is plastic.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I have had this argument for years about peep that
eat tinned fish. I actually think the whole chick beea
thing doesn't bother me. Same with like baked beans or
tinned other things.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
You're eating my tune or alone. Leave it alone. No,
don't talk about it.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
That was an animal that was alive, Okay, and it
is now in a tin.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
No, that is weird. I understand, I understand, but let
me have it.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Go for it. But I'm not still talking about any
tin foiling. I'm just talking about it's just disgusting.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Yeah, well, apparently there's plastic inside of tinned goods, like
the tin, and that is you know what.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
That's going to give you cancer. That's what they're saying.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
That's what they're saying. Okay, I have to share this
Instagram account you No, my friend shared it and then
I was like, why did I click on this? Because
my head's.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Justin Ashley's a little bit of a tin foiler about
like she's done all of this research and apparently when
pesticides first were invented, yeah, that's when like the rates
of cancer went.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Of course they did. Of course, I don't want to know.
I'm literally just bought like this thing from kmart that
you is it made a blessing.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
It's made plastic.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
My god, it's so contradictory. I bought this plastic and
clean the pesticides off my fruit and veg because it's
like you put it in and it's like two pieces
and then you lift it up like you soak it
in this like vegetable soaka to get all of the pastias.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
I don't want to get because sometimes when I see
those videos on TikTok of even just like soaking your
fruit and veg for a couple of hours in the sink. Yes,
the stuff that comes off, give things.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Little rinse, Well that's yeah, that's what I do too.
Some people don't even wash this. Oh I find if
I get a salad and it's got some grit in it,
I'm like, yeah, I just paid twenty dollars for the
salad and you can give it a little rinse from
a little shit.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
That is discussing my girlfriend Anna, also a friend of
the pod, She'll be like, oh a little bit, it
won't kill you. It's good for you, builds up your immune.
You know what, Anna, You're always sick, so don't think
it's doing a very good job.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Also, I had to remind myself that like ow thing
of like, oh, they did it back in the day,
and it's like yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Yeah, but it wasn't chemicals, it wasn't covered with pesticides
to kick anyway.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
So yeah, I'm gonna use my.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Mormans to pump stuff up and make it so big.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
I'm going to use my plastic thing to clean the
pesticide off my fruit and veg you know the other.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Thing, Yeah, go on beret.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Coffee cups. Like apparently, having one plastic coffee cup a day,
you ingest like two thy five hundred particles of like microplastics. Yuck.
I know, it's fucking disgusting. It's disgusting to think about.
They found it in sperm, they found it in our
like ovaries. Yeah, okay, maybe maybe I'm graduating from a beret.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Graduating from the beret to the fedora. No, that's when
you turn into like anti vaccine. I believe the top
pat is for the anti vaxes.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Fuck, but it's freaking me out. It's got little by
hat maybe yeah, yeah, look, it is freaking me out. Yuck.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
I don't want to know any of that, I know.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I'm sorry I had to share it with you. I
did this still Lucy the other day. I was like,
how to tell you all this line? She's like, what
do you mean?
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Oh what?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
I couldn't just keep this to myself. It's really stressing
me out. You need to be stressed too, and so
do you.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Gosh, I'm still stressed about the Buy Now documentary that
made me want to stop purchasing from Amazon Prime. Except
it's really handy that it turns up the next day.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I know. And also that you can send gifts. That's
my favorite thing about it all. Right, back to our
newborn after this, like that was a massive detail.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Conspiracy theory, the muta triangle, little segue, newborn complaint number five.
We just finished on the poothing. Yeah, except when they
are randomly constipated.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
Yeah, you've got to give them a little tummy massages
and bicycle eggs and then when oh my god, you know,
when you do basket legs and you pull the legs
down then up, and they do a big and they go.
That was my favorite thing to do with through the
newborn has not shit for six fucking days, and they're
screaming at you because they now need assistance with not
only the passing of the gas, but passing off the poop.
(19:21):
And the next thing you know, you're tickling the entrance
of their noose with a coconut oil and a little
Q tip and you're wondering how the hell you ended
up here in.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Life coaxing some shit out of the tiny little human
that you made, who is incapable of doing anything.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Can you take me back to the Q tip fumbing
and noss with the I never did that.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Well, did you ever have a constipated human?
Speaker 1 (19:41):
No, not enough for it for me to be trying
things with cue tips. I guess because coconut oil. Yeah,
because you can get those like bullet coffees right with
the coconut oil, and and it makes you do poose.
So I'm guessing that's the same time.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
I can't remember where it came from. Well, I can
actually let me take you back about five years.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Ye are you getting this? Am I passing my bereat you're.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Passing a break. This is a do not try this
at home, kids, I mean, do whatever you want. Yeah,
the things that I did to try to get my
kid to poop. So about five years ago, peak COVID
me two of my friends, one of them had a newborn.
We were in like you know when you could hang
out with just a few people.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, your bubble or whatever.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
So we all lived close together and we would just
have these absolutely cooked nights where we would we would
smash like two bottles of wine each a drunkness, and
there was a newborn there as part of the party.
But it was a very easy newborn, except at one
point she was so constipated. I'm not going to name
names because it would be throwing a couple of my
friends under the bus with what we did. One night.
(20:44):
So one night, the start of the evening, we really
wanted the baby to poop so she'd be more comfortable,
so we could really sink into the bottles. Yeah, and
my friend is like my mum knew were midwife and
said to like tickle the entrance of the anus with
a bit of oil on the queue tip. So then
we're all crowded around this poor baby with a Q
tip covered. We just thought coconut ale would be the
(21:06):
best because, like you know, I can see health. You know.
We didn't want to hurt the baby, obviously, obviously, So
we're tickling the entrance of the anus with the coconut
oil to try to get things moving.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
And did it work.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
I'm not going to say if it did not, because
I don't want anyone to try this at home, because
you're not supposed to put c tips in any baby,
in any orifice of well, you were't putting it in, No,
we were tickling the entrance. Did I then do the
same thing to my child?
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Yes, In fact, did I then buy things that probably
aren't TGA approved from Amazon called the d Windy by
the same brand that does the nose freed up?
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Oh and you literally stick If they're selling it must
be legit.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Well, listen, it hasn't been recalled. I have to tell
you guys what it is because the fact that I
would be crowding around my child. Paul Lenny, Lenny, if
you're listening, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
That I thought it was all the good.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
The peak couldn't pooh as someone.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Who historically has had issues pulling. It is a more
serious thing than you can ever.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
And honestly, I just need to show you a photo
of the I'm not going to say the name because
I don't want to be like on the record recommending them.
I just you need to describe.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
What not a recommendation.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
It's definitely not a recommendation.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Oh my word, would you like to describe what you're
looking at? I'm looking at a cartoon of a baby
sitting on its bum and looking back at its butt,
and then there's like a cloud, which I'm imagining is
the wind coming out. And then this it's a kind
(22:45):
of silic thing. It looks like something that I would
use to maybe pump up a tire, maybe.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Like a little okay, yeah great, but a tiny little
silicon thing.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
So the teat of the silicon thing, it goes.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
In to the aos I'm imagining.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
So yeah, and then you squeeze the rest of the
silicony thing and it kind of like, I guess helps
pull air out.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
But also there's nothing in the silicon thing. It's no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
No, it's completely empty. Listen. Obviously they're approved. Did I
also do the q tippy thing and these little silicon
edms eds.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Well, no, it's not an animal because it's not doing anything.
It's literally just an air pump, so it's like a
reverse pump kind.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Of thing, kind of Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Wow, I don't think that would feel good.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
You don't think that would feel good if it had
instant relief for you, if you could buy an adult version.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Yeah, but yours wind? Oh this was for poo.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Well they market it for wind, but with wind comes pooh.
Oh okay, because generally, because babies is so gassy, what's
actually constipating them is potentially be gas bubbles.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
You're so right, you're so right. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Anyway, moving on newborn complaint number six. Yeah, hit me,
why are they possessed?
Speaker 1 (24:04):
I don't I'm so scattered this one. I'm so scattered
as one. I just don't think that I can have
two good sleepers. I don't think it's fair.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Did I say anything about sleeping?
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Oh? Possesseds? And what do you mean?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
You know they do like those weird jolt things in
their sleep. Oh, like you look over, No, that's another point.
And then you look over and they've randomly just got
their legs in the air straight up.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
I forgot about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, then it's a
weird shit.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Who is possessing your body right now? Why you sound
asleep with your legs completely piped in a pipe position
in the air. It's like, okay a but like, yeah, possessed. Also,
I guess the screaming for hours on end rude didn't
do that though, did she? No?
Speaker 1 (24:49):
But I feel like you can't have two.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
If you can, my girlfriend down the road has three,
you can. She got three angels. They still to this day,
all of them seven till seven and then the oldest
one gets out of bed and just plays with herself
in her room because mummy's not ready to get up
till seven thirty.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
That is so good. So yes, you might, yeah, but
the thing is you can't bank on that, right, So
I'm preparing for the worst, hoping for the best.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
So you're preparing for a Lenny, Yeah, hoping for even
better than Rue.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Because Rue wasn't well. She wasn't a walk in the park,
But it was because she was hungry.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
She was a bit malnourished.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
She was a little bit because she wasn't well fed. No,
the boobies weren't providing. But once I got done that formulas,
it was great.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Newborn complaint number seven, But where is your immune system? Please?
Speaker 1 (25:42):
I know, and with the fricking toddler in the house,
I'm like not.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
The other day when I went to visit my friends
with a newbornho todd that this cough sounded so creepy
and it was all over the newborn, and I was like, oh,
not only is the wrinkled alien born without an intact skull,
the ability to wind themselves or kneecaps. You always forget
that part.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Oh my god, the knee caps.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they also have absolutely no immune system.
We got landed with a dud. They are the dud species. Yeah,
because in any other species they would simply sniff the
useless young in horror and then race off like the
world would quickly become extinct because imagine a goat. A
goat would not have any of that. Oh you can't
(26:25):
like fight off a cold, Oh you can't gas yourself? Well,
see you later, see you later. I'm going you can't
walk get out of here.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Yeah, so true.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
It's so annoying. They catch everything, and because they're so
young and useless, everything makes them so bloody sick and
you end up visiting Dr Matt at PWO on the rig.
Shout out to.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Dr Matt, Shout out to doctor Matt. Hopefully he's still around.
We love him.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
You might have to visit him. Yeah, I hope you don't.
I've got two newborns in my life at the moment.
One has not had to go to hospital. One has think.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
About how much I had to take route to hospital,
and a first year Well.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Okay, maybe you got that all out of the system.
You don't have to take the new baby.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Oh god, I hope not. I mean, I have been
quite sick this pregnancy with all the daycare jones that
have come home, So I'm hoping that's like somewhat of
like the ambody. Yeah, going to the baby. Yeah, it's right.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
I never to take Lynn to the hospital.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
I honestly don't know how.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
The one time I've ever taken him, they then sent
us home after like half an hour because they were like,
he's fine and he's going to get way sicker.
Speaker 4 (27:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
The waiting, well that.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Was the thing. You'd be like, I really need to
take them, but we're going to walk out with COVID probably.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
I think that you'll be actually way better this time
because you'll be so much more relaxed and know what
to do.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
But the times that I took her, it was like, yeah,
she's got pneumonia, we have to put her on oxygen.
It wasn't ever chill, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
It was not like, hey, yeah, well monitor, but she's
gonna be fine.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
She had a seizure and I had to go on
an ambulans like they were like.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Five killers underweat. Yeah, it's fine, you'll be fine with it.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
All the things were really serious.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
I said it, and then I remembered that they were
all really and they were not like ever just an
hour that you had to spend there.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Yeah, it wasn't. It wasn't really bleak.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
But actually, to be fair, that wasn't really. Most of
the things were not stuff she caught. Then that's true.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
That is true.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Okay, so newborn complained number eight. Yeah, why do you
need to eat every three hours? You are not a
body build up and it suits absolutely no one. So
just load up and go to sleep.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Yeah, I mean, I fucking agree. I'm not looking forward
to this three hour increments of sleeping.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
I used to think that it's not three hours of
sleeping though. Key. This is where people fuck up when
they're fresh. Remember how long they take to eat.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Yeah, because they're like suckle is so like they haven't
developed it doesn't have any strength, and.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
So you want them to be slow because the faster
they drink, the gassya they get. And remember they can't
gas themselves, degas themselves. Yeah, so they sometimes take like
an hour to eat something. Yeah, then it takes you
like half an hour to birth them. Then you've got
to change them, then you've got to settle them. Then
you've got to fall asleep yourself, so you maybe get done,
(29:06):
and you've got to start that three hour period from
the start of that feed, so then you maybe get
to sleep for an hour.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Freaking me out, thobe freaking me out right now.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
I'm sorry, I'm just venting, but yeah, I realize you've
got to do it in.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
My reality right now.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Gee, it's better to be prepared. It is like riding
a bike, though I feel I know.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
I think Also the other thing is is like because
I don't think I ever properly established my supply because
I wore just like, oh my god, her life is
amazing you're doing great, blah blah blah, shut the door
and left us alone.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
And I was like, but she's hungry.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
But she's hungry I think because it never like actually
happened that what I was doing for breastfeeding was not accurate,
like so she would just like drain the boobs and
then I don't even think I really needed to burpa
that much. It was like a little burp and then
change the nappy back, so it was really quick. But
my girlfriends would be like, I'm watching TV shows while
(29:59):
I'm rest feeding. Oh yeah, yeah, I remember how you
were like you never watched any TV, and I was like,
I never had time too, because I was like sleeping.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
I would watch TV in the middle of the night,
which everyone was always like, that's so bad for the
baby and for you because then it wakes you up.
But I'm like, I don't want to be sit alone
in the dark.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Yeah, and also you don't want to fall asleep when
you're feeding because it's a little bit Oh that's never
going to happen, but like that's the thing is like
I don't think I ever did it properly, so then
when you're telling me that, I'm.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Like, fuck, some people are fast feeders, but even then
it's still like a really really tedious process, and like,
why why must you eat every three hours?
Speaker 1 (30:33):
Load up too much? It's honestly it's too much.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
And new born complaint number nine teeny tiny clothes and
teeny tiny silly little limbs.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah, I'm actually breaking the little twigs. I'm looking forward
to a summer baby for that reason because it's like
much less clothes.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Peas messaging me like, but what do you dress them with?
And I was like, honestly, do not buy anything in
a quadriple, a four zero, whatever thing you newborn sizes are,
because it's so unnecessary with the summer baby, Like, dressing
them is horrifyingly scary. Sometimes people still make clothes with buttons.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Why Yeah, cute but wildly silly. Yeah, it doesn't work.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
We need to collectively agree, I think, because newborn baby
clothes shouldn't exist. They will simply be wrapped like a
fish and chip package for the first few months, and
then we can start bothering with cute clothes. Yeah a
hundred pe they're already ugly. Your little hat and your
silly outfit does not make it that much cuter. Just
swaddle it the booties, just swaddle it up. Yeah, I
(31:30):
get it if it's a winter baby. I don't know
why we still are trying to dress our children in
cute clothes like they are not cute.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Stop trying to make cute apps, Stop.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Trying to make cute happen. It is a small wrinkled
daily in potato, dressed in silly, little overpriced clothes that
will end up in landfill. Let's just wrap our children
up like fish and chips.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Yeah. I've literally got one kind of like summer shorts
and top just to like have.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Yeah, that's yeah. And like one bag like sleepsack that
I bought Lenny's Spenders.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
I was gonna be like, I bring up I know
you're like, I've got his outfit to meet rue. And
I was like, this is so funny. Why one day
we're gonna giggle about this.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
One day we will giggle about this. And he screamed
at me the entire time I was gettinghim dressed, and
he shat over everything, like it's just you think, oh,
it's like cheap. No it's not when they're gonna wear
it once.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Yeah, so true.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
And people do not buy people. Baby, clothes, like buy
them something really handy, like a really simple cotton short
like yeah yeah, or like a Bonds onesI or something,
or just buy them. You know what we recently bought
my sister in law who had a baby. We bought
her like four packets and newborn nappies.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
Oh yeah, that's so helpful, right, yeah. Actually, Maddie who
was our producer, we used to work together when we
worked in media together, and she for ru'se birth gave
me this full on like hamper with everything you could
need from the pharmacy. That's how I got that recommendation.
I've given that recommendation that was from Maddie and it
had like everything. And then she's like, and a doll
(33:02):
because all baby girls need a doll.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
And I was like, you could do like a little
baby bath with everything in there. That's so handy.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Yeah, the little snuggle you know.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
Helicopter Luke insist on getting one with like the temperature,
like a proper temperature age.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Actually, one of Charlie's friends was like, his wife is pregnant,
and he was talking about the lists that have been
shared with them of things that you need to get,
and he was just like, go it's this list like
seems a bit excessive, and they're like yeah, yeah, mate,
like you buy a lot of stuff and you don't
end up using And he's like, yeah, like do you
really need a thermometer? And the boys are like, it's
(33:37):
kind of the one thing that you do really need.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
I didn't use mine what until Lenny was like, but
like for the.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Bath for the room them, for them.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
There was one and inbuilt one in the bar.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
Yeah, so different but yeah, still say and.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Then we had just like on the kubo Ai it
says the temperature, so he used the moment if for
him though for so long.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
Oh we had one that was like room bath and baby.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Oh yeah, so good handy. Yeah, it's like, body, let's
think of that any tro notes because that's actually genius.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
It's a little gun. Oh.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
I don't think they're very effective.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
They are really, yeah, because I always take a temp
with the gun and then the one that's under the
arm to make sure, and I take multiple the one
in the ear. Yeah, and I've got one of those two.
Actually why I got given like all these different versions
of it, So I'm like, cool, I'm gonna use all
of them to get an accurate freak.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
One of my gorfriends was like, why do I have
ten nose freeders? And I was like, because it's a
very handy gift. It is, it is, and they're ten
dollars from Amazon. If it's great. If you don't know
what to get someone with the babys freer, they'll get used.
When he pulled the it out of the drawer the
other day, that one was like, Mummy, do snot and
I was like, ill, no, you're not that snutty, but
I only do it like if it really needs to
(34:51):
be done. Still, like, hey, you can sneeze and get
it out.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
I never used because you have to do it with
your mouth, right.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
I'm just so much better than the snotsucker. Oh, I
like the snow doesn't get in there well enough my
lung capacity. I'm just like, I just kind of stuff.
I get out of it.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
I can't do it. It's not sucking.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Sucks okay, sorry, it's ninety bucks. Silly, ninety dollars to spend,
I would.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Say, SnO, No, just the ones that you get from
the like, oh.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Those I never tried one of those.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
They're really good. It's like a little balloon with a
little plastic. Yeah, and you put the saline solution in. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
No, I've heard that those are really good. They're really
about that. It was like a ninety dollars one, like
an automatic auto one. Why just use your mouth?
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Newborn complaints number ten. Why are you so noisy when
you sleep? You are so small? It sounds like there's
an elderly plug in the room.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Yeah, it's not good, and that's why I think people
want to get them out of the room so quickly,
Like it's because it's impossible to sleep, and also you're
on highlot, especially at first. I don't know if it's
the same for a second, it's like any little noise, You're.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Like, that's why people sleep with you're plugs in, because
you're still going to hear the baby when it's hungry,
but not going to hear that crying. You're going to
hear the legs in the air. It's so noisy. Final complaint,
Why is your scalp coming off? And why can't I
(36:24):
pick it the cradle cap? I loved the cradle cut.
I'm so annoyed that Lenny didn't get it worse because
I loved picking it.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
In rude didn't get it too badly.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
But why is your scalp coming off?
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Yeah, I don't understand it.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Well you should because you get sosiriasis, but you didn't
even understand it.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Bru's got a little bit of this, poor girl. And
when the knitt thing happened at daycare, I was just like,
because it was starting to get hot, and so she
was scratching her head because she had a little crisis
flair and I was just like, if I have to
shave her heir, Yeah, it's gonna be a lot. Wait.
I want to look up cradle cap and I'm like,
why they have it?
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Why do you have to have so many things about gross?
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Oh it comes because they've got excessive oil by skin glands,
so it causes scales.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
So satisfying to pick though, even though you're not supposed
to do.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
Yeah, you're not supposed to pick it, right, But some
kids have it really old, like three four. We'll still
have it quite badly. It's making me feel grossed.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
All right, let me tell you some good things so
you're not completely off the wrinkly, useless alien that you've
made and that you're about to birth.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
All right.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Firstly, the noises when they eat.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Oh yeah, they're really sweet.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
And then they do the little gulps and Lenny would
always put his little hand on.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
My arm like yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Yes, and the way they look at you while they're
eating and they're just like, it's really sweet and their
little gulping noises.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Yeah, I'm actually really looking forward to feeding this time around. Well,
not that I wasn't before, but it's just like to
be like nice like that kind of like bonding and
just them being really sweet.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
The fish when they're hungry and they start doing it
to like everyone like your elbow, your shoulder, yeah, your neck,
anyone that's holding them.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
Yeah. Yeah. I was holding them every the other end
and they did it, and I was like, oh, I think.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
You might want to feed up you get but they
do it?
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Do you do?
Speaker 2 (38:27):
And then but then you're like, whoa, well, there's nothing
in there for you. You're like a little bit of colastum.
Don't send me into labor please.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
It's so true. Anyone need a wet nose.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
The little scrunch that they do when you pick them
up out of a.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Oh yes, I forgot about the scrunch.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Oh my god, their whole little face scrunches as well.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
That is really cute. Wait are these going to freaking
make me cry? Right now? They better not put it together?
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Can put together their silly little face in cheeks. Don't
like the little cheeks and you just want to put
their whole cheek well, and it's not covered in acne
in your mouth? And you did you ever do that?
Or is that a weird me thing?
Speaker 1 (39:10):
Nothing, it's a you thing. But I can see how
you did it.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Just nibbling on every single little part of them. And
then finally it's so cliche, but the.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
Smell, oh yeah, the smell.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Give me that smell. And whenever I'm like, I'm aware
that I'm sniffing your breast milk, I don't care. It's
so good. Yeah, it's a drug, it's so good.
Speaker 1 (39:32):
Sometimes I feel like when I meet my new friend's babies,
it's just like that I've sniffed them a little bit
too long.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
I don't. I think that that's just very normal. I
still like to find little sweaty parts on Lenny and
sniff them like I don't know, they've just they've got
such little kids as well, Like I don't know, he's
not at a stinky stage sweat kind of like.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
Yes, I like, I really like the smell of rue.
Like they don't sweat yet.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
Well they do, but like it's like cute smelly sweat.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Can't relate.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Oh my same, So I like find a little and
then I just bury my nose in that one little
spot and I'm.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Like, oh my gosh, I love it.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
I would never do it to anyone else.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Yuck.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Even anyone else is kid after it's not a baby.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Look, I do like the smell of Charlie when he's
like a little bit muscle. You're fucked.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
Sorry, you're actually there's something rotten. Nah, nah, I'm off
it all right. Recommendations. I've mentioned this many a time.
How are your noise canceling headphones going?
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (40:34):
Yeah, you look at you glad that you've.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
Got them for the newborn? Yeah, I am actually glad.
It'll be good just to have them, and I think
I'm gonna need it this son.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Just like noise canceling headphones so you can gaze at
your baby while they're feeding and listen to a book. Yeah,
because like it's cute, but you don't it's a lot
of time of the day that you're feeding, so you
want to listen to something. Yeah, the noise canceling part,
even just to turn that on when the baby's screaming,
just to like lessen it a little bit.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Yeah, that's gonna be good, because I think I'm gonna
be really highly strung, probably.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
With the toddler as well.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
That's pushing you by Yeah, and at first, like just
that like screaming that you're not quite used to.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
Yeah, the newborn. Yeahs insides hurt a little bit, you're
just like WHOA. Thank you so much for joining us today.
Make sure you share the pod on your socials. Let
us know what you think and what you want to
hear from us, and you can find us on Instagram
at Kyries, at Kelly Underscore mccaren, and at ISR dot pod.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
This episode was produced by us Key and Kel, with
audio production by our wonderful producer Madeline Joanno.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Bye bye
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